Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Why? Why must every little thing be so fine tuned to kill me specifically? To make my life impossible to live? Why do they treat us as sentient, but use us as weapons? Do they know? Does anybody know? Those stupid posters line the walls. Images of the damned, turned to rotting soldiers. It’s been two years. Why now?

There’s a saying. Heard it on the old man’s computer. “War never changes.” I’ve heard that echo through my mind. Whoever decided that was a smart phrase was dead wrong. War does change. War has changed. And yet, not a soul bats an eye. I line the walls alongside the rest of the freaks here. The only one who wasn’t terribly disfigured was Sunny. But even then, she always winds up damn near killing herself trying to help us out. “Sun producer,” my ass. They just want us to hurt. Want? No. They already have hurt us. They’re just doing it for the hell of it.

People make words for what they did to us. Genetic modification. Artificial selection. All those fancy words just to avoid what nobody wants to call it. Torture. They make us alive, give us emotion, and it’s still not enough. My mouth is big enough to yell. But it can never come close to speaking. I’m a monster. We all are. But we never do anything about it.

Posters for the younger plants line the walls of the abandoned Neighborville streets. They’re nothing short of lying. Pictures of Sunflowers and Peashooters on the front lines. Fighting the good fight. Dying for the very soil they were planted in. We were planted in. God dammit. Any better of a dice roll in life and I might have been something besides a wretched mutant. I could have been one of the evacuated humans. I could have been Crazy-motherfucking-Dave. But no. I had to have a stupid snout. A protrusion that shoots literal organs out of me at what I can only assume is mach 2. It hurts to shoot. Hurts worse to reload. But they don’t let us show that pain. In training, I met a nice kid. Peashooter, like myself. Unlike me, he hadn’t shot a pea before. Honestly, if it weren’t so commonplace, none of us would’ve. But yet, he made the worst mistake a plant could make. Wince. Poor kid got taken to the greenhouse. Not the Zen Garden. Dave came back. Couldn’t help but notice the insecticide in his hand was dripping a bit.

Chomps is here too. Right next to me, actually. Great guy. Shame he can’t do much without arms… or eyes. At least I can try, my leaves have some merit. Poor guy. Chomps was with me through camp. Him and Sunny were the only things that got me through all of that. His name’s not actually Chomps; it’s a name from Dave, but we haven’t heard him say much in opposition. Granted, it’s not like he can oppose at all. He’s always got that slack jawed, tongue out smile like a puppy. But he means well. We love him for that.

Cacti lined the back. I didn’t know many of them by name, and haven’t really seen them interact. Then again, it’s not like we’d be able to see eye to eye regardless. Tall bastards always look and act so high and mighty. But they don’t know half of it. It’s all of our first time at war. Fuckers always talk like they’ve done it all before. Nobody here has. I sure as hell haven’t. But yet they walk. Living monoliths. Oh, so stoic.

In front of me lies a sea of yellow with lines of green. Those dandelions. They come in packs, I swear. They were the lucky ones. Can’t feel remorse when they took away your brain, right? No pain, no gain. Unfortunately for the rest of us, pain is all we have left. Those stupid mindless buds on stems have no thoughts besides irrational violence. They were the frontline. The fodder. Sometimes I wonder what they came from. What they used to be like. But it’s not like we’re the only platoon out here.

Right behind me, the acorns. Happy-go-lucky pussies who only know how to shoot and run. Five of them in total. Probably believed every lie they were told. That’s why they’re so talkative. One of the only ones that could talk at all. All our major powerhouses were in other sectors. We got stuck as the weaklings. But those little guys. Five brother’s without much else to rely on. At least they’ve got each other. I can respect them for that.

Last week, back at the base greenhouse, we were told we’d be getting some new folks. Three. Kernel Corn, Snapdragon, and Citron. Citron got sent to division 2.  Kernel was vanquished shortly after the news arrived. And now all we have for a “powerhouse” is a stupid fire-breathing fuck. And I’d be fine with it, if it weren’t for the fact that it was only ONE! That idiot puts us all in harm's way.

Word spread about some newfangled plant. “Night Caps,” they’re called. We didn’t get them. They’re supposedly some of the best in the camps, even straight from the pots. Explains why we haven’t seen a single one. When Roses were being distributed, we didn’t even get an offer. Not a soul would bother.

Then there’s the Sunflowers. Three in total. But only one I care any amount about. Sunny. My best friend since the dirt. She helps me get back up when I fall down. She’s been there for all of it. I miss those days. Back when we were just kids. But now, as we look upon the broken Neighborville, I look back to her. We aren’t those sprouts anymore. I have a feeling she knows. If she didn’t, I don’t think she would’ve smiled at me.

Chapter Text

I’m finally here. About time, right? Spent all that time learning to shoot and run, I almost forgot that I’m supposed to be undead! ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ You may be asking? Well, put simply, I feel so alive! Doc said we need brainz, so brainz I will acquire! I mean, I used to be a stupid normal browncoat before, but now, I’m a fully fledged soldier! Slide told me so!

I’ll try to keep all of this short, I’m just kind of thinking out loud. But like, not out loud. Just thinking loudly. Doc has been doing so much to make sure we all have our proper nutrients, but he also said he needs some for himself, which is completely fair. I mean, a zombie like him has got to be at least somewhat busy, right? That’s kinda why you don’t exactly see many zombies just eating brainz all willy-nilly though. All the brainz come after victory! After we take down those wretched plants! Not to mention, we’ve got all of the power we can have! So many zombies, they’re BOUND to struggle! I’d say, we win no matter what.