Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

-It has been a wonderful summer for Sprout.
He would spend 12 hours a day on the computer,often pull all-nighters, and have really bad stomach aches every day since July.
That last part is the only thing that makes him hate summer,it messes with his organism.

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One faithful morning,on the 24th august of 2024,at approximately 9:33 AM,Sprout got a notification on his phone.
Clicking on it,he was redirected to a page on a news site.
The page's title read that every school in their country was getting important and good changes this school year,and he wishes he didnt have to see that,since he is awaiting the day he starts 9th grade with an awful lot of dread.

Sprout hadn't even started reading the news,but his eyes caught the words "assistant" and "bullying",whch were in the same sentence.
He couldn't help but skip a good portion of the text,what he caught earlier left him worried.
He was hoping that whatever he was going to read in a few seconds wasn't anything too important,that it didn't really have much to do with bullying.

"Shit.."he exhaled,trying to calm down.
What he just read had him leaving his huawei on the bedside table for a good while.
He had to tell someone about this.

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Cosmo had been awake for 29 hours by now.
This is the first time in his entire life that he sucessfully pulled off an all-nighter,and he hated it.
Cosmo kept his windows locked and his blinds shut throughout the entire night.
He has been eyeing the door to his room for two whole hours now.
The lack of sleep was messing with his brain,convincing him that a skinwalker would come to maul him if he dared to even look away from his door.
He couldn't even stand up to lock it,the fear of a skinwalker being in his area had almost paralyzed him.

Cosmo knew that there was no such thing as a skinwalker,but he still couldn't bear simply the thought of ONE being in his house.
At this point,he resorted to quietly singing songs for little babies,to get his mind off of skinwalkers.
Calming down would surely make him see the truth,that skinwalkers don't exist.

Suddenly,Cosmo heard light footsteps approaching his door.
He knew that it was (probably) just Sprout coming over to ask him for money to go gambling (again) ,but he couldn't shake the feeling that somewalker broke into the house and is standing in front of his door with multiple rifles.
He heard the knob on his door twisting and the door opening,but in slow motion.

While he was struggling to catch up to reality,he heard somebody say:
"DU-
EUGHHHHHHGHHGGH,why does it smell like shit in here..?!!??!?"
He could recognize that stupid fucking voice anywhere.
"Sprout,what are you doing in my room at this time of day??It's 4 AM."
"Fuck you mean 4 AM?????You're so anti-social that you've lost track of time!!!Open that window!!"
Though,Sprout decides that he's going to open it himself,since Cosmo is too slow.
As soon as Sprout opened the window,he felt refreshed,as if though 200 puffs from a single vape have all evaporated from his lungs and back into the nature
That still didn't help him calm down,and surely even Cosmo could notice the sweat forming on his forehead and the shakiness in his voice whenever he spoke,since he was looking at Sprout suspiciously.

"Cosmo,come over here,you need to read these news.."
"What??What am i supposed to be focusing on here???" Cosmo exclaimed,because he definitely wasn't going to read all of that.
"The 6th sentence.."
"Every school will have an assistant to which you can come if you are being..--IF YOU ARE BEING BULLIED?!?!?!?"
"Yeahh...I c-can't believe they are doing that.." Sprout said.

Cosmo felt alarmed now,but not for the same reasons as Sprout.
He was afraid that one of those homosexuals that they bullied last year would snitch on them this year..
It made him have the urge to bite on all of his nails until they are micro-sized and scratch his scalp over and over again for hours.
On the other hand , Sprout was already scratching his face.
Noticing this,Cosmo tried to comfort his bff to the best of his abilities.

"Uhhh,Sprouttt..we don't have toooo talk about this nooooww,or even think about it!!We can just go GAMBLING!!!"
"N-no,you don't gettt it...YOu will Nnnever gET ITT!!I HaVE TOOoo KEEP BULLYING THEM!!UghhHHh!!!!.T-THOSE ARE THe..onLyy momeNtsss...whHeeere I feel like my LIFe has any mEanningg..!!!!!"
Cosmo stared blankly at Sprout
"AND I-IT'S SO UnfaIiiRRRR ThAT THooosEE HOMOSEXUALS ARE geTTING TREATED BETTER THAN USSSS NOWW!!AND BY THE SCHOOL SYSTEM TOO!!!!!I HaTttEe tHEmmm SO M-MwWuUUCHHH!!!I FUCKING HATE GLISTEN SO MUCHWHhhwHhh!!!"

That last sentence reminded Cosmo of the first time he bullied someone with Sprout.
He was staring at Glisten like a deer in the headlights,as if he was the one getting pushed into the lockers and getting beaten up in front of one right now,and not Glisten. As Sprout slightly turned his head,signaling Cosmo it was his turn to beat the shit out of Glisten,the mirror took that chance to make a fool out of Sprout.
He yelled "SASHAY AWAY!!" ,and then kicked Sprout in the stomach,making the grip he had on Glisten loose enough for him to escape.

He had lost track of the shit Sprout has been spewing for 2 minutes straight now,but that didn't matter right now.What mattered was comforting his friend that seemed really fucking unstable in the moment.

Cosmo hugged his best friend,in an attempt to lend him some comfort.It was probably working because Sprout leaned into the hug and stopped talking so much and so fast,his voice also got gradually less shaky.
He knew he looked fucking stupid as shit and gay too,but at least he didn't have to listen to Sprout shitting about how gays and transgenders are a political issue for longer than 10 minutes again.

Chapter Text

"Comeee on!!" Sprout shouted at Cosmo,desperately wanting him to hurry up so they could get to their destination first,before anyone else gets there.
It was the 1st of September now,one day before their school year starts,and one day before the gay parade.

They were in a hurry to get to the protest that will force their country to cancel the pride march that should occur tommorrow.

"Sprout,I don't get it,why are we attending this kind of event??I know you hate gays,but this is just ridiculous.."
"No dude,it isn't ridiculous,it'll fix our entire problem regarding those bullying assistants!"
"How so??"
"With this protest,we might be able to take away the LGTV'S rights,which will make them more frowned upon and it will force some of them back into the closet.That way,a lesser amount of them will be indoctrinating kids to transition or pressuring them into pretending to be homosexual because being straight is just soooooooo boring and unnatural these days!"
"I didn't order a yapanesse,dude,and stop talking like an anime character."
While talking to each other,they hadn't realized that they have already arrived at their destination.They only acknowledged this when Sprout accidentaly bumped into someone ,then they finally decided to take their sorroundings in.

They got there late,the place where the protest was being held was full.There must've been thousands attending this stupid thing.

Cosmo wanted to see what kind of people he was going to be with for another 5 hours at least.
"Sooo,we've got..middle aged fathers,metal enjoyers,obese trad- wives,smelly teenage girls with shadowy makeup yelling about Adam and Eve,old grandmothers,popes older than Greece itself..-"
Cosmo's thoughts were interuppted after he heard the contents of an interesting interview ,happening near his current location.

Lo and behold,when he turned around he saw Misha Petrov interviewing some skinny person with 5 piercings in their mouth and dyed hair a super cool and unique question: "how many genders are there?"

Turning a bit to the left,he saw Brett-fucking-Cooper asking some clearly marijuana-influenced teenager the most important and confusing question in the entire universe:"what is a woman?"

And turning even more to the left,he saw Elon Musk's stand ,where he is apparently supposed to be selling "The New Norm" merch,but he is actually having a mental breakdown,venting to some pope about his transgender daughter.

Wherever he turned,Cosmo could spot at least one of these LGTV-obsessed freako celebrities,he had almost forgotten about them,they were stuffed back into his mind like ancient artifacts with no value.

Cosmo seemed mildly concerned at this point
"Sprout,I think we should get out of here.."
"Nawww dude,we still need to at least try to get their human rights revok-"
This time,Sprout was interuppted by a bunch of people bumping into him,they were all clearly running away from the protest.
Sprout caught a glimpse of some blonde lesbian woman with a bob cut hitting a pope with her purse,then a glimpse of a bunch of female teenagers that looked like they were danganronpa cosplayers in 2021 ganging up on middle aged men that couldn't run ,even if their life depended on it.

Cosmo saw some grandmas throwing food at a group of emo kids,which tried defending themselves with razor blades.

This and the fact that they were constantly getting bumped into worried them a bit,so they decided to make a run for it,while holding hands together,like real men.Thanks to the power of love and friendship,they safely got out of that awful protest.(Brett's and Misha's appearance ruined it the most.)

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The very next day,queers were marching on the streets blasting fucking Chapell Roan's music ,despite so many other options they had,and furries,along with Drag Queens, were freely roaming through every school's halls with colorful capes wrapped around their shoulders, while Sprout and Cosmo were sitting in their principal's office ,about to get suspended for weeks after some gaylord reported them on the first day of school to one of those bullying ASSistants for all the petty crimes they've commited on the school grounds last year.