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Evan Buckley is no stranger to trauma and near death experiences. Being raised by parents that lied to him his whole life about being a savior sibling to his late older brother, getting crushed by a firetruck, having a pulmonary embolism, surviving a tsunami, watching his best friend get shot right in front of him and tasting his blood, and literally dying after being struck by lightning and going into some weird alternate reality coma dream.
So when he says working under Captain Gerrard is one of the worst experiences of his life it speaks volumes. Most days he’d rather hack up another bloody lung.
Hen, Chim, and Eddie got the worst of it at first with Gerrard trying to recruit Buck over to his side. But soon he came to realize that would never be happening. Later on he overheard Buck talking to Hen about his breakup with Tommy—which, in hindsight, at work probably wasn’t the best place to be discussing that with a bigoted boss lurking around the corners—and he quickly got the same treatment as the others.
Though, he didn’t regret it; he honestly welcomed any distraction from hateful comments towards his friends even if they were redirected towards him. And if he purposefully did things to put the negative attention on him instead of his team, well, that was between him and the universe. Well, and Gerrard, who definitely suspected as much.
Currently, Buck sits next to Eddie on the couch in the loft of the firehouse with Hen and Chim restocking the ambulance—at least he thought that’s what they said they were doing. Meanwhile their Captain sits at the dining table across the room reading a newspaper like the old man he is and definitely eavesdropping on their conversation.
It’s an unusually qui-silent shift that would normally be much appreciated. However, under their new ‘captain’ it feels just as oppressive as the man himself.
“I know we’re overall making progress and it’s gonna take time. I just wish I could do more. I wish—“ Eddie sighs heavily from where he’s seated pressed up against Buck.
“Hey, you made an honest mistake but you’re taking all the steps you can to correct it. Chris’ll come around eventually. You know how teenagers are.” Buck reassures him. He misses Chris almost as much as Eddie does which he can’t help but feel guilty for. “Besides you guys have already made great strides. Didn’t he say he wanted to come home before school started?”
Eddie huffs a laugh. “You sound like Frank.”
Buck nudges his shoulder gently with a smile. “See?”
Eddie had been seeing Frank regularly ever since Chris left a couple months ago. At first he could barely get out of bed in his days off and came to work looking like a hollow shell of the Eddie he used to be. Both Buck and Bobby encouraged him to see Frank again to which he begrudgingly agreed to. He even did some joint sessions with Christopher. Slowly but surely some of the spark returned into his eyes and Chris went from no contact to reacting to the regular messages his father sent him and giving short answers every so often.
“He did say he wanted to come home before school started even if he was still mad at me because he “can’t stand the idea of going to a Catholic school in Texas, Dad”.” Eddie wrinkles his nose and makes his voice a bit whinier at the end to mimick Chris.
Buck snorts. “Can you blame him?”
Eddie simply hums in acknowledgment. He opens his mouth to say something when a low grating voice interrupts their bubble of peace. “Are you sure you should be the one giving him advice on his kid, Buckley?”
Both of their faces fall as they turn to their captain that has stood out of his seat and made his way over toward the pair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seems like he has enough problems without having to worry about your behaviors influencing him.”
Eddie goes stiff as a board beside him. Buck can feel the quiet anger eminating off of him in waves, seeping out of every pore in his body. Eddie’s anger is a low simmering thing that builds up over time until it explodes like a dormant volcano after thousands of years. Buck’s anger, however, is a loud raging forest fire burning quick and bright and taking out everything in its path. And Gerrard somehow knows exactly how to get underneath their skin. Using Buck’s sexuality against him and making him feel like a bad influence on Chris is a low blow even if both he and Eddie know it isn’t true.
He has to bite his tongue until he can taste blood to prevent him from doing something that would land him without a job. “He doesn’t have any ‘problems’,” he instead replies low and dangerous.
Gerrard smirks and Buck wants to punch it right off of him. “You don’t think seeing your dad with a carbon copy of your dead mother and then fleeing to another state is a problem?”
Eddie’s jaw is wound so tight his teeth grind together almost painfully. “We all know that’s not what you meant.”
“No? You thought I was referring to him being a ret-?”
Buck stands so abruptly, the sound of his knees cracking echoes through the room. He towers over his superior only a few feet away, fists clenched tightly by his sides, his voice deep and warning, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
Eddie gets up with arms crossed to stand close beside him so that their shoulders are brushing as a united front against their own captain. Of course, Gerrard seems to notice the proximity as well as the protectiveness radiating off of Eddie. His mouth turns up into an evil grin.
“Careful, Diaz. His lifestyle already seems to be rubbing off on you.”
Something flares in Eddie’s eyes. Buck decides to speak before his best friend says something he might regret. “That’s not even how that works. If you’re going to be bigoted at least be truthful. Would you say the same thing about a straight person hanging out with a gay person and their straightness ‘rubbing off on them’?” He knows he’s ranting and that the captain doesn’t care enough to probably even listen but he can’t stand and do nothing.
With a glint of boredom in his eyes, Gerrard takes a sip of his coffee. “Has anyone ever told you how exhausting you are, Buckley?”
Buck can’t help but visibly recoil.
The lawsuit was one of those unintentionally agreed upon unspoken things between them, not unlike their many close brushes with death. Even though it was almost 5 years ago at this point the hurt and trauma from that point of their lives was too raw to not be left untouched. Forgiveness was the only reasonable option in the situation when both had made mistakes and neither could live without the other. They had become so dependent and intertwined in less than a year of friendship.
The lawsuit itself was sometimes brought up in conversation, though it was rare and brief, and the tension in Buck was noticeable. But the words Eddie spewed at him were tossed in a lock box at the bottom of the ocean to be never spoken of again it seemed.
The two never forgot, no.
The words haunted Buck and followed him around any time he felt he was complaining too much or being annoying. Exhausting. Whining. Why can’t you suck it up? He wanted to believe Eddie never meant it just as much as Eddie liked to pretend he never said it.
Just like that, all the oxygen in Buck’s lungs is leached into the stagnant icy air. If you told him he was kicked in the gut he wouldn’t be surprised at all. The only sound audible is the distant hum of conversation from other firefighters but Buck can’t hear that over the intense ringing taking up space in his ears.
He also can’t see the mix of shock and nausea on Eddie’s face before it morphs into a kind of anger neither knew he was capable of feeling.
The world seems to move in slow motion. One moment Eddie’s whole body is tensing up like the Earth before a volcanic eruption. Then in the next moment all of the magma and ash and fire pent up over 5 years comes bursting out in the form of a swinging fist to the face of the captain in front of them.
The aftershock is a low rumbling in the form of shaking and trembling hands. Eddie’s eyes are wide like he can’t believe he just did that as he cradles his bloodied knuckles into his body. The shattering sound of the coffee mug falling to the floor and Gerrard’s cry of pain as he stumbles back to clutch his most likely broken nose quickly sobers Buck.
He turns to Eddie, gently reaching for his injured hand, when he flinches back like he was the one who was punched. “I’m fine.” He grits out and storms off before anyone can get a word in, leaving Buck to stand there dumbfounded at his fuming captain.
Heavy footsteps ascend up the stairs revealing a confused and concerned Hen and Chim. Their eyes take in Buck’s guarded demeanor and then Gerrard muttering curses as he clutches his face and then finally a retreating Eddie before finally returning back to Buck. “What the hell happened?”
<3
From there, things take an even more interesting turn somehow. The bad news is Eddie gets suspended while the department looks into the whole situation. The good news is that while they do that they end up finding the laundry list of complaints and reports of bigotry that their supposed “captain” had against him over the years and he gets fired.
It takes a hot minute but Bobby ends up being reinstated and all is right in the world. At least it should be.
But Buck’s world was flipped upside down and was barely hanging on. Eddie wasn’t talking to him; in fact, he was actively avoiding him. He was perfectly civil during their shifts, never letting his emotions affect their work. But any time Buck tried to talk directly to him or was left alone in a room with him, the man was like a corner animal with every muscle in his body going tense, his eyes hard and full of fear and something else he couldn’t place. Something deep in himself found it looked suspiciously like regret and shame but he chose to ignore that.
He hadn’t been over to Eddie’s house in weeks and it reminded him just how empty the loft felt. If it wasn’t for Hen, Chim, and Bobby, it would’ve felt exactly like the lawsuit. Though maybe it still did. They never fought, never went longer than a few hours without talking. Petty arguments were their thing at the most and that itself was rare.
Buck stands in the firehouse after a long shift where it rained almost all day long, making for even more difficult rescues. “He just left! Did you see how fast he ran out of here? Like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”
Hen and Chim approach him from the locker rooms, ready to go home and get some rest. Hen gives him a sympathetic smile. “He’s going through a lot right now, Buck. I know it seems like it’s all directed towards you but we both know Eddie and this is…just how he processes things.”
“I know. I mean, he—he’s my best friend; I know him better than anyone. But we always talk to each other. We decided that we weren’t gonna shut each other out anymore. So it’s—it’s weird.”
She raises an eyebrow at him. “Cause you two have always been normal with each other?”
Chim snorts. “Yeah, Buck. Do you ever see Hen and I act like you two morons?”
Buck blinks rapidly, his gaze flicking between his two friends, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Well—I—we—What? What do you mean?”
Chim and Hen share a knowing glance before Hen steps forward, “I think you know what we mean. You and Eddie…your lives are so intertwined and it’s become so natural that you don’t even notice that most best friends don’t exist the way you do. It’s like some parts of you guys have become one and you can literally feel the other’s emotions like they’re your own. You’re so in tune with one another you don’t even have to look to know something is wrong. Do you think Chim and I do any of that?”
The feeling from before gnawing at the back of his mind comes slamming to the surface at full speed it makes him lose his breath for a moment. But he refuses to allow his mind to go there. He swallows roughly. “Okay, so—so what?”
Hen can definitely sense his internal panic by the expression on her face. “Just talk to him.”
“How? He won’t talk to me!”
“Well since you two are totally normal best bros that have keys to each other’s houses why don’t you just show up unannounced and make him talk to you?”
Buck is positive his blush is visible from outer space and he makes sure to send Chim a death glare on his way out to definitely not take his advice.
<3
LA traffic is always hell on Earth. LA traffic during torrential downpours is the deepest pits of hell. The visibility is shit at best, the drivers are erratic and most likely drunk, and Buck knows how unsafe it is to be out right now. But what other choice does he have?
It’s almost funny in that moment, Buck realizes, how much stupid water has impacted his life. He swam through a tsunami, almost lost his best friend to drowning in a well, getting struck by lightning in the pouring rain, his pseudo-father almost dying in a sunken cruise ship. The irony is not lost on him considering he’s a firefighter.
There are two things he’s certain of as he makes his way through the flooding waters to park outside Eddie’s house.
The lawsuit may have been the worst impulsive decision made out of unresolved trauma that he’s ever made and bite him in the ass again 5 years later.
This could very well cost him the 2 most important people in his life.
Buck takes a deep breath, feeling all sorts of unfamiliar nerves as he steps out of the car and walks up to Eddie’s house. The pouring rain soaks through his clothes instantly leaving a chill to settle into his aching bones. He shivers as he runs to duck under the porch. Even the usually hot LA air has turned into feeling like a fall back in Pennsylvania.
Under normal circumstances, the sight of his best friend’s house fills him with a sense of peace and…belonging. Something he has never felt in the entire 6 years living at his loft and maybe even his entire life.
Also, any normal day he would use his key and walk right in like he owned the place. Which, he sort of did. Even less than a year after knowing Eddie Buck told Maddie he wasn’t a guest in his house. And that has always remained true. Sometimes it feels like he knows the place better than his own. He certainly spends just as much, if not more time at it.
Buck reaches up and knocks firm but hesitant. It feels like an hour as the seconds tick by waiting for Eddie to come to the door. Buck’s heart lurches in his throat when Eddie opens the door halfway looking exhausted. His eyes are dark underneath and a little bloodshot. His hair island t-shirt are both rumpled like he just rolled out of bed and Buck isn’t quite positive he didn’t. He’s also pretty certain he was crying at some point recently which sends alarm bells ringing in his head.
“Hey,” he breathes.
Eddie is all rigid and closed off—things he rarely is around Buck—but there’s a hint of something resembling a concern that is reserved for Buck and Christopher only. “Hey.”
“Can I, uh, come in?” He notions inside and cringes at his words.
Eddie swallows and opens the door wide, stepping to the side and stretching his arm out in a silent invite. Buck ducks his head and steps inside just enough so Eddie can close the door but not enough so he’s dripping water all along his floor.
Eddie’s hand slowly releases from the doorknob and they both turn to face each other. “What do you want, Buck?”
Buck can’t help but feel a surge of anger, his brows furrowing. “I didn’t know I needed a formal invite or to need something from you in order to come over to my best friend’s house.”
With a sigh, Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. “Thats not what I meant. I—just—I know you, Buck, you didn’t come over here just to chill. There’s something on your mind.”
“Hell yeah there’s something on my mind. My best friend won’t fucking talk to me! And—Eddie—I don’t understand what I could’ve possibly done.”
Eddie groans. “It’s not always about you!”
Buck flinches involuntarily even as Eddie’s eyes turn glassy with guilt. “Yeah, well, when it affects our relationship like this I’d say it’s a little about me,” he speaks through clenched teeth with a slightly manic head tilt.
“What do you want me to say?! That for 5 goddamn years I’ve carried this guilt with me all because of a few sentences I said out of misplaced anger and hurt? Because I know, okay? I fucking know. I hate myself for it every day because I know how much it still hurts you to this day. Because I know you and I know exactly what those words do to you. And worst of all I know you forgive me when I don’t deserve it.”
At the end of his rant, Eddie’s chest is heaving like he can’t get a full breath in. His face is tinted pink and his eyes are shiny with unspilled tears.
Buck isn’t sure the last time he took a full breath in. When he finally manages one it’s shaky. His eyes dart around, unable to stay on Eddie’s intense gaze for too long. “Yes. Yes I’d rather you say anything as long as it’s the truth. I’m a grown man; I can handle whatever you have to say. Just communicate with me.”
“I’m trying!”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t feel like it!”
Eddie exasperatedly slides a hand down his face, “It’s me, Buck. I’m not—“ he sighs and for a horrifying moment Buck thinks he might cry “I’m not good at this.” He gestures to the space between them. “Feelings.”
“It’s just me Eddie. You can talk to me about anything. I’d never judge you, you know that.”
“Just you,” he mumbles, turning away slightly before turning back. “You aren’t just anything. You’re my best friend and if I screw this up with you, if I run you out of my life—of Chris’s life—I don’t—“ He swallows roughly. “I don’t know what I’d do.”
Their eyes meet and Buck’s impulsive personality has his mouth moving before his brain can catch himself. “Can I kiss you?”
Eddie’s eyes go as wide as Buck’s feel. They both freeze in place, a complete mirror of panic of one another. Buck brings his hand up to his lips like he can rewind and force the words back into his mouth. He has no idea where they came from. “I’m sorry.”
“Buck—what—?” Eddie’s expression morphs into part panic part confusion as he hesitantly reaches out for Buck.
Buck stumbles back towards the door, vision a blurry haze and he’s not totally confident he isn’t in some sort of weird coma dream again. “Eddie—I can’t—I’m so sorry.”
He chokes on his words in small hiccups as he blindly reaches behind him for the doorknob. Not even taking a last look at Eddie, he wrenches the door open and stumbles out, not even thinking to close it. Eddie’s voice calls out distantly but he can’t make out any of the words.
Everything seems to move in slow motion. Buck’s vision goes blurry from tears or shock or both. His breaths grow faster. He ends up simply standing in the pouring rain even though his car is right there. His body is frozen and numb and not just from the rain.
Water is falling down his face, droplets on his eyelashes—tears and rain mixing together. And he’s gasping to pull the air into his lungs. He's not sure how long he’s standing in the pouring rain, shivering, but his mind has gone as numb as the rest of him and he can’t bring himself to move.
He’s ruined everything. He’s ruined everything. He’s ruined—
When Buck was struck by lightning nearly two years ago he knew LA doesn’t get a lot of storms. He was so focused on the fact that he literally died that he didn’t get the chance to think about what it would be like the next time he experienced a storm. After a while he honestly forgot about the fact he would have to deal with yet another trauma one day.
So, as the lightning flashes across the sky burning bright in front of him and thunder cracks and echoes loudly around him, Buck stumbles back while staring up with wide eyes.
His heart falls to his feet. Pieces of memories come flooding back like the rain around him and knock the wind out of him. He only knows of what happened after he was struck because of what people told him but now it feels like he can actually see it all. Eddie rushing up the ladder. Bobby grabbing him. Chim doing compressions. Eddie restarting his fucking heart. He can hear Eddie and Chris begging him to wake up from his hell of a coma dream.
And he might as well have been struck by lightning all over again. Explosions, tsunamis, lawsuits, wells, bullets, kidnappings, lightning, maimings. They’ve been through it all and come out the other side stronger than ever. But one word and one question may be enough to shatter it all.
Who is he without Eddie and Chris? Would he still just be a man going from partner to partner begging for any ounce of love and affection, being utterly reckless with no care for his life? Would parts of him still even exist without them to complete him? Without zoo trips and ‘family’ dinners and Chris beating him at video games and movie nights cuddled up on the couch and beer soaked discussions and casual touches and a home filled with love.
He’s not dying but his life flashes before his eyes all the same. And his life is Eddie. Eddie Eddie Eddie. Christopher. Chris and Eddie. He feels sick and dizzy with the revelation. It’s an all consuming shock of how did he not see this?! but also a feeling of something warm in how much it makes sense.
He’s in love with his best friend. All consuming, life changing, earth shattering love. He’s so filled with it it makes him physically nauseous. Hen was right (when is she not?). Him and Eddie are so interwoven like a braid or intricate crochet project that it’s unclear where one ends and the other begins.
“Buck?”
Buck spins around so fast he’s surprised he doesn’t fall over. When he sees a clearly worried Eddie standing in the doorway several feet away he can’t control choking on a strangled sounding sob as it leaves his throat.
Lightning lights up the sky once again, thunder rumbling low and shaking the ground soon after. Buck flinches and in a split second Eddie is mere inches away. He reaches out to touch him but hesitates at the last second, hovering awkwardly around his shoulders. “Are you okay?”
He shakes his head in a daze. “I don’t know.”
“Hey,” Eddie’s eyes chase to capture his own. “I’m sorry. It’s not safe to be driving anywhere and it’s definitely not safe to be standing out here like this. Come on.”
“What? No, I r-ruined it. I ruined everything.” Between his panic and shivers his voice is a raw croaking stuttering mess. But he knows Eddie understands him anyway.
Some of the fear from before seeps back into Eddie’s eyes. He opens his mouth to speak when more lightning and thunder explode around them. Buck clenches his jaw and eyes shut. A hand on his jaw forces his eyes open.
Their eyes meet in a swirl of browns and blues crashing into one another like the high tide meeting the rocks. The love between them—platonic or not—was as sure of a thing as the Earth beneath their feet, visible in every lingering stare and delicate touch. “Buck. You didn’t ruin anything, baby. We can talk about this—just—please come inside.”
Buck feels Eddie’s hand drop from his jaw to his elbow, lightly nudging him back towards the house. He feels himself imperceptibly shake his head and to anyone else it wouldn’t even be noticeable but it’s Eddie so of course he notices.
Eddie mumbles, “Fuck it,” and then his lips are hesitantly but firmly brushing over Buck’s. His hands are cupping his face and he’s so tender so gentle it makes Buck want to cry. Buck freezes for a split second because Eddie is straight?! Is he just kissing him to comfort him? Does this mean to Eddie what it means to him?
But he can feel Eddie starting to pull away at his hesitance so he leans down and presses their lips together, Buck’s hands landing on his waist. This time when he shivers it’s not all because of the temperature.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
It feels like a forever promise etched into skin until the nothing that became everything is nothing once more.
Buck narrowly stops a whine from escaping his mouth when Eddie pulls back. But his eyes are so earnest and full of something he hope so much is love that he can’t avoid more tears from mixing with the rain water on his face.
“Will you please come inside? You’re gonna get sick.” His voice is impossibly softer.
This time, Buck nods. Eddie’s hands slide from his face to slip one into his own. The urge to interlace their fingers takes over and so Buck does. The touch quells the swirling storm that has seeped inside of him from above.
And, like always, when Eddie walks ahead of him back towards the house, Buck, of course, follows.
Going from the sound of water rushing past his ears to a distant pitter patter on windows when they pass the threshold is a startling change. Buck’s ears ring slightly. The house is easily 10 degrees warmer than outside which is an odd but welcome difference. He feels a swell of guilt when he sees him and Eddie dripping water all over Eddie’s hardwood floors as they both shiver.
And, of course, of course, of course, he notices. “D—don’t worry about it, Buck. We’ll clean it up. It’s just water, it's not a big deal.”
They share soft smiles.
“I’d say maybe we sh—should take a nice warm shower, but..” Eddie trails off with a chuckle.
Buck blushes a little at the thought of showering with Eddie even though they’ve seen each other naked countless times over the years. Instead, he chuckles as well and says, “Y—Yeah, one lightning strike seems like enough for a lifetime.”
Eddie’s expression darkens with something unreadable but it’s gone before Buck could begin to decipher it. It’s replaced with a small upturn of his lips and a nod of his head motioning for Buck to follow him once again.
And Buck soon realizes he’d follow this man anywhere. Really, he’s been doing it since they met. A bomb, a compliment, and a promise was all it took.
He steps inside Eddie’s bedroom and watches as he gets into a dresser drawer that has slowly become his own and takes out clothes that are definitely too big to be anyone else’s and it’s just so domestic it makes his stomach hurt.
Eddie wordlessly hands him a pile of clothes, taking one for himself and heading to the bathroom.
It's only a minute that Buck is left alone standing in his best friend’s bedroom. But it’s enough for him to start overthinking and panicking again.
Eddie said he didn’t ruin anything. Did he mean it? Is he just trying to let him down easy? Would he still be able to see Chris even if he lost him forever? What if—?
Eddie steps out of the bathroom in black sweatpants and a classic white long sleeved henley, his hair a wet tousled mess, and Buck thinks he’s never looked more attractive. He has to remember to close his mouth and stop staring, feeling an embarrassed flush rise to his cheeks.
He scoots past him and into the bathroom, changing into different boxers, grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. As he looks in the mirror and shivers he runs a hand through his hair even though he knows it just makes it look worse, which it does. His eyes are red and puffy, nose tinged pink.
Buck clears his throat and steps out of the bathroom to find Eddie lying in bed under the covers watching him.
He freezes awkwardly, flinching at the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. “Uh—I guess I’ll set up on the couch if you don’t mind.”
Eddie’s face screws up like Buck had suggested he light the couch on fire instead. “What—no. You’re not sleeping on the couch.”
“Why not? I thought it was okay for me to stay here?” Dread pools in Buck’s gut. He doesn’t actually want you here. He’s sick of you. It was a pity kiss.
The man in the bed shakes his head with a laugh that could only be described as fond. “Buck. We’ve kissed, I think we can share a bed.”
Buck actually chokes on his spit like the charming man he is. When he gets ahold of his tongue he stammers, “You—You want to share a bed…with me?”
A flicker of uncertainty crosses Eddie’s casual expression. “If you’re comfortable with that, yes I want you to,” he whispers only loud enough to be heard over the sounds of the storm roaring outside.
All Buck could do was nod and manage a breathy, “I want to.”
He slowly makes his way over to the bed and slides under the covers on the right side. Lying on his back, his shoulder all the way down to his foot is pressed against Eddie, the man’s body heat slipping into his own. When their pinkies brush, his breath catches in his throat and he has to remember to keep breathing. Electricity thrums like mini bolts of lightning in a storm of their own where their fingers connect.
Staring at the ceiling gives Buck a bravery he would never have if he was looking in Eddie’s eyes. Hos voice is small and cracked when he says, “You said—you said you felt guilty and that you know I forgive you even though you don’t think you deserve it.”
“Buck,” he warns lowly.
“No, Eddie, you don’t get it. Yes, you said something stupid out of anger and yes, it did really hurt; I won't lie. It felt like I was a kid all over again with no one understanding me and just feeling like a…nuisance.” Eddie makes a sound in the back of his throat. “But, God, Eddie you’re the only one that has ever made me feel so seen and heard and...loved.”
He chokes out the last word on a sob, a tear rolling down his face as a bright flash lights up the room and causes him to flinch slightly. Eddie turns on his side to face Buck and interlaces their fingers to squeeze his hand tightly. And it feels like a reminder that he’s here. He’s listening.
“Even if you don’t mean it the way I do, it’s still enough for me. You know me better than anyone. Your words of affirmation and encouragement and how you always listen to me and indulge me and pay attention to the little things no one else cares about. You see me being reckless and you—you give me your son because you know it’ll give me something to fight for. You’ve fundamentally changed me as a person and no matter what I’ll never be the same again. But I don’t want to be. I want your love however you want to give it to me.”
He’s full on crying at the end of speaking, a sniffling and blubbering mess. When he dares to meet Eddie’s eyes through his glassy vision, tears are flowing down his face and he looks utterly wrecked. And Buck fears he’s said something wrong and he’s really ruined everything.
But then, “Evan,” Eddie’s voice is shaky and his hands are back to cupping Buck’s face oh so gently. “You’re never exhausting. You’re never too much. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done that I didn’t even realize I loved you more than platonically until recently. I love you so much.”
“I love you, Eddie.” Buck sniffs.
They both lean in and, instead of fireworks or some big loud movie moment, it’s all of the small quiet moments that have led them to this. Pancakes after a sleepover, a hug of comfort after a hard shift, saving the last slice of pizza for the other person. It feels like coming home.
Their lips slot and dance together like they’ve done this a thousand times before. Eddie’s mouth is hot on his and it tastes a little salty from their tears mixing in. And it’s so soft but so passionate, Buck could stay there forever wrapped in his partner’s arms and never feel any less full of love.
Buck breathes a shiver into his mouth and Eddie only pulls him closer, moving his hands from Buck’s face to around his waist so that they’re cuddling each other. They’re pressed so close together, not even air can slip between them and it somehow still doesn’t feel close enough. If Buck could crawl inside Eddie’s chest and burrow himself in his veins, his blood, his heart—he would.
If you asked Eddie he would say he already did years ago.
When they break apart, it’s by mere centimeters. Their lips are still nearly brushing even when they aren’t kissing and with their foreheads pressed together they breathe in each other’s warm air.
Thunder rumbles in the distance and Eddie tightens his hold on Buck but this time the man simply smiles against his mouth. In turn, Eddie is all but helpless to smile back at him.
Lightning trapped Eddie 40 feet underground after a cut rope and literally killed Buck, leaving him hanging by a rope several stories in the air. How strange and beautiful for them to begin a new chapter of their lives in yet another storm.
This time, though, they have each other.
They’re safe. They’re home.