Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

it was a normal, almost LOVELY day in the neighbourhood, and eridan ampora was standing out on the balconey of the VERY. expensive mansion he had NOT stolen and was very much his that he owned THANK UYOU VERT MUCH.

anyway,.

today was the day.. the day his roommate would be moving in.

well i say roommate, but its more like feferi decided for you that you and... eugh.. sollux.. should "make amends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as she so wonderfully put it. shes a delight you could never hate fef, she was great and wonderful and does nothing wrong ever ASIDE FROM LEAVE YOU WITH FISH PU- look okay it doesnt matter youre still salty whatever.

heh

salty

like fish do you get it

do you get the joke

the joke is-

"shut the fuck up!" eridan snapped, he was getting annoyed by this voice from seemingly his own mind, no way hes THAT annoying.. he huffed and shook his head and turned around, he should clean up, he will have guests soon. or.. a permanent guest? wwhatevver..

so, im going to skip this! cause its boring and no one wants to see this JACKASS RUDE ASSHOLE FISHY FUCKFACE clean his damn appartment and honestly hes so annoying and ugly that i dont think anyone wants to see that ugh hes so-

"did i not just tell you to shut up?" eridan said again, then paused because.. he was talking to himself again, fef would be so disappointed.. ugh. whatever. he went about his day, picking up and cleaning up after himself.

he was halfway through making a pot of coffee, when he heard the door open. okay. he didnt knock or anything.. cool. he thought to himself as he sighed LOUDLY. and pushed off the counter and made his way to the front door.

where he was standuinbg..

in all his hot sexysexy hot very hot attractive glory..

sollux captor. *swoon!*

"oh. youre here already, wwhatevver." eridan said with a loud eye roll.

sollux snorted RUDELY "wwhatevver." mocked like an asshole.

"oh, nice lisp." eridan said with a squint.

"shut up." sollux muttered as it was now his turn to roll his eyes. ..maybe, its sort of hard to tell from behind his sexy sexy glasses.

fine. be like that, so rude, rude rude rudey rude.. oh god now youre talking like vriska.. no ...no no NO NONONONONONNO
anyways

eridan glanced at sollux's bags, he wasnt gonna offer to help, but he was nosy anyways. "ugh. whatever your room is upstairs, find it yourself." he said like an asshole, he then turned around and made his way back to the coffee pot. it wouldve been so badass, if his cape hadnt gotten caught on the door handle.

"AUAGAHGHSG." eridan said in a dignified way. very elegantly. luckily, sollux had walked off, so no one saw. ..probably.. //side eyes that suspiciously woman-shaped lamp in the corner.

after some time had passed, all seemed.. fine. eridan was minding his own business, trying to ignore the sounds of genshin impact AND overwatch coming from his new roommates room- *dual monitors? really??* whatever.

he was being dignified and normal, by reading a book, and drinking some tea, nevermind the fact that the tea was bitter and now cold, and the book was subpar at best.

he decided to let his mind wander a little, to.. maybe sollux.. and how.. attractively.. LAME he was. honestly you dont see the appeal. or really.. he doesnt see much, of sollux in general, hes kinda elusive.. you hear him just fine, thanking 'chat'.. whoever that was, and what you assume to be terezi, since you often hear him gamer raging how shit the blind girl is at aiming.

but its none of your business. so he ignores it, kinda. its a bit hard to, but he makes do,

anyways, eridan was HUNGRY. so he decided to make dinner YAAYYAAY!!!

he whipped up something devious in the kitchen, then went to go grab sollux, creeping up the stairs he quietly-

wait.

what?

why is he afraid? this is HIS house, isnt it?

he straightened up and shook his head, and loudly knocked on sollux's door.

then again.

then.. again..

THEN LOUDER.

"dude what." was the first thing sollux had said as he opened the door, squinting at the pompous ugly fishy fag in his face.

"answer your door when i knock." eridan said with a huff.

"i just di-"

"I MADE DINNER." he said, cutting off sollux, his lisp was ugly and made him cry. so he decided to shut him up!

"..oh." sollux looked to the side.

"yeah, oh. come on." eridan said as he kicked the door open and dragged sollux out of his stinky gamer cave.

once they had sat!!!! it was awkward. eridan was enjoying his wicked mad crazy pasta, but sollux looked like he had an eating disorder or something..

"are you on your period or somethin??" eridan said rudely, cause hes rude and i harte him.... ♥

"what? no dude, im not even- like no never i cant even get those cause ive never even been a woman once in my life that would be so lame and crazy ahahahhaahhaahhahahahahha." sollux said in quick succession

"oh okay, that makes sense yeah" eridan said as he went back to making goddamn love with that pasta. "you should eat though, dont waste my cookin, cretin."

sollux SIGHED LOUDLY. *phew my transgenfer secret is safe he'll never suspect a thing.....* sollux thought to himself as he went back to playing.. LoL ON HIS PHINE?

eridan because he is stupid and i hate him. did not suspect a thing. and finished eating in record tiem becasue is he a fatty big big biggie.... FATSO.
"..wwell-" he started

"WWELL.." sollux mocked like a nonchalant gamer

"i swwear to vod."

"SWWEAR."

"SHUT UP." eridan growled like a nonchalant alpha but it failed because he was going to cry and he ran away to his room

"dude, loser alert ⚠" sollux said before he went back to his gamer gaming room....

Chapter Text

ugh.. that was so LAME.. is what sollux thincs as he watches eridan run off and cry like a bitch because he is a bitch.

"..i hate living here." said the guy whos only lived here for like three days idk leave me alone

anywahsys

sollux LEAVES upstaees back to his epic gamerpad, caus ehe is AWSROME and so sos s os os os os sossosoooo so sexy and amazinf

//insert disgustinglt buff sollucx here pleasethanjkyou//

sollux looks around sneakily as he sneakily locked the door and sneaked around.. his room.. yes.

so you see.

HE WAS LYYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

about being trnsgendfer last chapter

chaptor heh

omg chapter title idea just dropped hold on

AANNAWAYSYAS.... ANYways..

sollux had a secret............ he was GAY!!!

whichmeans nothing

cause torlls

are not gay

beacsaue they arent

..................
uhm i hate this inmso sorry oh my fgod im going to endint all holy fucking shit what is the point in living i mean fuck man everything i do is SOTOTTALY USELESS AND SHITTY ANDUYATYDYHU8D7GFYU\QEXFUDGEIBTFNWEFTGASYIOFYS FSA

"OH MY FUCKING GOD SHUT UP!!" sollux thinks to himself becase he is nonchalant and awesome and this schizo voice is so UGLY!!

"jeez Louise.. thank god im alone in my room...hmm.." was that woman-lamp always there..? sure, prolly idk yeah!!!!!!

"hhh.. maybe i should message feferi.. i just feel so.. so .. so.. so BLUE.. ufgh!!"

sollux began trollung FEF YAY!!!!!!!!

oh my god i forgot fefs username hly fuck wait okay hold on shit fuck fuck fuck FUCVKDK

heh nevreminf i got it gnag dont freakout herhehhahhahaeaewufhyr

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling typing cuttlefishCuller [CC]

[TA] feferi
[TA] hey
[TA] ! fef

[CC] HEY SOLLUXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[CC]its so good to message you bluhb glub glbugb lgbubg lugb lgbt
[CC] a=ha hahhaha r slur r slur im great idk IDK HOW TO WRITE HER SHE GETS LIKE NO SCREEN TIME AND ALSO I HATE HER EREHGH

[TA] um
[TA] CC are you okay
[TA] ?
[TA] oh god hold on..

SOLLUX leaves his computer for a moment because of a knock on his door.. i wonderw hwo that caould be!!!??!??!!!!?!?!?!

Chapter Text

KNCOK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!!!! said the mister knocking on doors man.. who could thi sbe idk guess

Chapter Text

holy yap anyways..

eridan RAN OFF TO HIS ROOM CRYING!!!!!! Poorr guy omg :(

he slammed his door and collapsed into bed sobbing LOUDLY

okay gang ill be foreal i forgot why he was crying

he was so SAD!!!!!!!!! but it was so sos os os so much worse because his lights were on and he was TWEAKING!! ANF HE HAD JEANS ON WHICH AUGH!! AAAUGHG!!!!!!!!!!!! AUAAAGHGHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh he was so mad

and SAD!!

oh my god wait hes autistic

ERIDAN WAS HAVING AN AUTISTIC MOMENT EVERYONE BOO!!

oh golly gumdrops he cried more

but now for diferant reasonsn cause the LIGHTS WERE SO BRIGHT AND ALSO HIS CLOTHES WERE CLOTHING AND AND AND AD AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

okay,.,.,.. he had to cower and cry in bed a little mor e until he could like
stand up a little
and
TURN LIGHTS OFF!!!!!

he then quicly got changed anddd contomplated burning his oth clothes becarse AUHJ!!!! no no onno........

he cannot! so so expensice and costs SOMUCH

wwharvever... he needs a drink!! eridan goes and gers a glass of water becase crying hurts and do does the lights
blluh..

maybe he could go bother sollux.. he is really hot and sexy you know..

nah.. he shouldnt.. he just EMBARRESDED HIMSELF SO BAD IN FRONT OF SOL OH MHY FGOD //wants to die ugh!!

OH

BUT

in his thoghts.. of how hot hot sexy sexy sollux was!! he handndnt realisesed that

he

had

GOONE TO HIS ROOM NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the door opened because he had knocked BY MISTAKE OHMY GD NO ABORT ABOTRT AHHGH!!

sollux spoke with his hot sexy lisp: "erm... can i help you ohmygod you was cerying oh fuckshit"

eridan was ctryying oh fuckshit. "ehermm.. um... heey soll...uc.x.....!!"

he trried he sould nonchalant but !!

he was acturally so very incredibly chalant

"uhm." sollux looked around because this was awkward and stinky !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"c c c c c c c c can i come on I MEAN IN OH MY GOD" eriddan misspelled

"ya sure okay dude" sollux said nicely caus ei love him and he is not abelist

ERIDAN ENTERED THE GAMEERPAD!

Chapter Text

when sollux opened the door he had FORGOT that eridan was abitch and was crying like a bitch because he was a bitch...............

but but.. somethins was OFF!!

he looked SAAD!! REALLY SAD!! FOR REASONSA OTHER THAN YOUR HOT SEXY LISP AND FEFEREIIS BREAKING UP!!!! GAYAUJDUH!!!!1

"um so.." sollucx blinkced LOUDLY

"aaaaughgggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said eridan because that was louda nd he was os so so sad about that

"oh okay yerm.."

"like.."

"do you need a minute or.."

sollux spoke with so many spaces because it makes this fic look bigger

like a predator

kinda like doc diddy or whaever

IM GETTING SIDETRACKED GR

"uhfgh.." eridan said autisticly because he was not happy

"um. like. do you need something......." questioned sollux kindly because hes great

omg gang hold on my mom is yelling i need to have a panic attack real quick
IEM BACK!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!
anywho

"i i i think im fine i just um erm." said eridan stuttering like a little bitch because hes a im not doing this bit anymore BIT OVER

"lie down or 2omethiing jeez."

"oh um okayy." *SWOON!!* isnt he so kind and dreamy.. god.. it doesnt get sexier than the man the moth the legend SOLLUCCTV ACTOR

eridan laid down because his heead hurt from the aformentioned evil lights and glothes!! but it was so so so kinda nice and really dark in here like an epic cave

omigod he was so sleepy

really sleepy

verry sleepy

oh no........................

Chapter Text

sollux had been suprisingly suprised from the silence from the fuishie fish fish... so he looked over!!

AAAAUGHGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aparently eridan had fallen sleeping :0 he looked so sleepers

ohno!!

what do you do, i mean fuck hes in YOUR BED and you kinda need that to sleep yourself BUT ALSO HE LOOKED SO SO VERY SAND WHEN YOU OPENED RHE DOOR

ive only just realised that i do that (so sos os so so) thing really often oops anways what

sollux sIIIIGHHHHED because he was awsome.......... and didntw ant to wake up eridan (cause that would be a bad idea anways....... grr..

he decided to game at his laptop until eridan dan daaann woke up...

FEW HOURS LATER AND VRO WAS STILL SLEEPNIG LIKE HE OWNED THE PLACE AND THE CROWD SCREAMS IN HORROR🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

oh er i mean AND THE CROWD SCREAMS IN HORROR🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

OH GOD I PASTED BY ACIDENT FUCK

sollux sighed again and decided that FUCK IT!! HE WAS sleepers to.. so he got into bed VERY FAR OTHER END FROM ERIDAN MIND YOU!!!! and slept. awesomely

WHERN ERIDAN AWOKE!!

HE AWOKE TO A VERY FRIGHTENING AND SEXY SIGHT1!!

he awoke face to face with solluxs TITS!!!!!!!

"AUUAAAAAAUAUAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

he screamed in a manly way because he was scared

exept he didnt scream because what the fuck why would he hello??

turns out sollux is kinda a hugger when he sleeps
wow

who couldnve guessed this would happen

ANWAYS IT WAS REALLY WARM AND NICE YAY!!!

so eridan went back to sleep because he was sleepy and now very warms yay!

Chapter Text

sollu,x woke UP this time, he yawned, and like. idk. did normal waking up stuff. idk leave me alone. uhyghd

fuck that lap is so suspiciously normal
lamp??? hrllo?/ leaver me alone

FUCK ANYWAYAS
sollux.
he waokes up

"uffghfd. god, fuck. another day. ughht.." he said to no one

exept he said to someone
becoase
cause
because
FISCH!11

his bed stunk like FISHIE!!!!!

cause ampora was all up in there, face full of tit.

okay wow rude but also heh.. you come here often anyways

oh god this is awkward WTF DO YOU DO??

i mean damn, sollux didnt want to wake the guy, mainly cause that would involve talking and thats so fucking evil right now. so evil, like leagues of evil, league of legends LMAO anwyas

UGH!! sollux internally screams because FUCK! this sleeping fishy fuck, with a face full of tit was so CRUSHING! ow!!!! omg his arm was like DEAD ow..

there was a moment of silence, it was kinda.. nice, actually. i mean shit, ampora was like a fucking blanket, like seriously what the hell hes like, why. but damn. this silence was nice, sorta calming, weighted, ufgh fuck hes sleepy again and- WAHDHWEFHUSAJFJH

*suddenly* oh how do i italics

soudainement! sollux's alarm goes of. he freaks the fuck out for a second because holy mother of fuck, that was loud, and also he smacked eridan in the face hahah lmaoo

"ah shit. ED listen i-"
sollux starts

"shut dfuckup."
eridan mumbles humbly (heh) cause he is so pissed off about being woken up

"..what the hell? what the fuck-?" he mutters to himself, muffled due to TITS RAHH

"WWHAT THE FUCK??" he yelled this time, his GAY GAY fucking quirk slipping out due to pure, terrified horror.

sollux winced because ow fuck loud bitch, and also OMG HIS TOTALLY OBVIOUS SECRET!!! hehheah sekret.. wonk ;)

"uuh look its- im not- um." sollux despite his sexy rizz, is a big bitch, and cannot explain.

"wwoah mama.." eridan said like a fucking queer

"um.. so like." he started, i mean hey the man hadnt moved i guess, man? boy? girl?? does it matter at this point.
hahaha gill
#fish puns #gill #transgenderism???

sollux, to his LACK of credit, was being so fucking chalant right now. which was such a turn of and a fucking turn off at the same time sybaUUUUU 🙏😭

idk now its up to eridan to comfort this fuck UGH

Chapter Text

eridan stared at sollux's face forlike3 years, and then blinked really loudly
like spoingebob stylke loud
pianos all up and down thw bitch
anyways

"what. the fuck are you on ABOUT" eridan said because he had so much patience wow

"uhrhhm" said the misters crashing out man (LOSER sol)

ahyr "shut up." said eridan with his pawesome rizz

oh goid fuck my secret identdity

"oh god fuck my sectret idenentitu" sollux caprot screanmed scaredly

eridan sighed and cried loudlt in his mind cauase this captorr was NOT lsitningen to him talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was going to speak up and yap some shit but he was interupted
what he fucj was that nosise??/

BANGNBANBNBGNANFBNG said the noise from like down the street

"oh what the fuck." eridan said un unison with sollux and they started fighting like cats

no they didnt

anayways they both stood up and looked out the window 🔎

"what is that>??" sollux said, forgetting he was transgender for a moment

"WEEEEOOOOO WWWEEEEEOOOOOO" said dave strider

there was a horrorfying metal banging sound coming from down the road as a car sped by followed by..

"is that five nights at freddys?" SCREECHED sollucx captor

Chapter Text

"WWWOOOO WWOWOOOP THIS IS THE POLICE, PULL OVER" said dave strider, who was standing coolly on the shoulders of freddy fazbear, who was running down the street after a car

"FUCK THE POLICE!!" screamed gamzee makara, who had just robbed a bank.

"uUHHHUHUHHH??/" whined and bitched the scared tavros

the loud fucking bangs of freddy fazbears shlawgs contuned as he ran after the car, and dave strider made siren noieses with a megaphone 📣

"FUCK theyre getting away.." dave hissed, he hated gamzee makara and his bitch lesbian boyfriend

"har har har har 🤖" freddy agreed as he lightly jogged

"speed up you useless fuck!!" dave said with hatred

"HAR HAR HAR?? 🤖" freddy cried

"I DONT CARE!!!!" dave screamed, worrying about the two hostages in the car.

"aAAHH, hELP ME!!" capslocked tavros

"man, what a fun day this has been!" said the eggbert with a DUMBASS grin

gamzee (crashout) was gripping that wheel like it was tavros' fat ass. he was hallucinating ICP "HONK honk HONK honk"

"hey uh, clown. i think you need to honk the horn to, uh, honk the horn." john said unhelpfully

"OH WOW REALLY! i hadnt.. motherfucking thought of that.. I GUESS." gamzee tweaked, honking along with the horn

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD NONONONONO" screamed karkat who was tied up like a cocoon of chains

freddy fazbear activated his boost jets that he had and sped up

"wow you have those." said dave, who was trying to act nonchalant but was failing because he was worried about his gay bouyfriend

"𝔂𝓮𝓼" freddy coolbear

dave jumped onto the back of the car, landing AWESOMELY. somewhere in the furthest ring, a space knight cheered loudly and a heart prince got jumped #lovestars

"oh hey dave!!" john said with a wonderful grin i want to smooch his face awww

"FUCKING HELP ME!!" karkat said like a baby

"swoon, my boyfriend, i found you" dave said with rizz, but he was looking at tavros when he said that by accident, cause john was in the passenger seat for some reason.

"uHM-"

"HONKNNKNONJKG" gamzee crashed the car into a minecraft tree at the sight of dave strider

Chapter Text

"OH.. honk. )o:<" gamzee groaned as he died in a car crash.

"OH MY GOD NO MY MOIRAIL" weeped bitchkat as he punched the grass

tavros got up and rolled away because he didnt want to deal with this rn

"jeez, what a day huh?" said john egbert as he dusted himself off and comforted karkat cause hes nice like that

"j-j-j-j-j-john.." dave stuttered lamely because hes bad at being nonchalant when john is here

"AAUHHAHUHUHH.." karkat screamed and then got up and stopped caring

"sigh. now that thats over with." john said sigh out loud, and H H H HELD KARKATS HANDs???

dave stared at their hands for 7 years, before looking at john.

"..john..?" he said softly, the wind picked up and swooshed through his hair. dave's glasses were hiding his expression, but his lips quirked downwards

john froze, looking back at dave. he was still holding karkat's hand, but that didnt matter right now, right now? it was only them. "dave." he whispered

dave took a step back, "i.." he didnt know what to say, his cool guy persona slipping through his fingers like sand.
at the same time, john had taken a step forwards, "dave-" he said again, reaching his hand out

dave couldnt get a word out before john had grabbed his hand and pulled him back, dave faltered, his eyes flicking between john and karkat. "but.. i thought.."

john laughed and smiled* "..dave.. you silly goose.. join our 𝓹𝓸𝓵𝔂𝓬𝓾𝓵𝓮.."

"i- its not like i agreed to this.. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓪..!" said karkat

Chapter Text

eridan watched with horror as davestrider joined the polycule... screaming and punching the floor

"what the fuck justhappened bro what"

sollux siiiighhhhhhhhhed because eridan was avoiding talking about his tits

"idk br ts pmo 🙏"

"fuckin wwhat."

"um ii dont know what that wa2 help"

eridan looked around everywhere before speaking loudly and bitchly

"l l l l look sol......... i thnk we we wew we we need tuah talk.."

sollux jumped out of his skin and screamed

"I I I I CAN EXPLAIN" he yelled loudly

eridan interupited because shUt UP
"SOL"
"shut uop"
"i know you are transgender i sensed your aura when we first met"

sollux locked in

"h yes oay htay makes sense my apoplijeues"

sollux mispelled horribly terrobly sorry its 5am rn

but eridan moved close and wwinked

"i WWOULDNT... mind wwaking up to that sight more often" he said like a loser and a lame loser

CAPTOR bluSHED and giggled like a freak "omg realltyy..? ehehehehhehehehhehehehehehhehehehhehehehheheheehehhehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehe..........................."

erifin smirked like a badboy sigma alpha "y es"

sollux locked in again "what the fuck dude, did you really think that would work on me? seriously?"

eridan stopped for a second and was about to answer, but there wa BANGBNAGBNAG BANAG BNAG BANG at the door
"AUUUHHHOHoh ohh" eridan wept and went to go look outside.

DACETRIDER and officer fazbear busted the door down
"hello purpleguy, and glasses dude"

"HAR HAR HAR HAR 🤖" feddy saud in A panic

dave sighed "no freddy, calm down. wrong purpleguy"

the bobot had an aawful panic attack and jet boosted away

"aw fuck dude," davestrider sighed awsomely, before turning to the men(?) before him

"uhm./" eridan glubbed

"dude." sollux said coolly "i kinda fuck with your glasses,"

dave strider smiled nonchalantly and scoffed "thanks man, yours are okay, mine were a gift from my best-friend-turned-just-now-boyfriend"

"INTERESTING." sollux said without a fuck to give

"WHY ATE you in my house," eridan interupted

"find out next chapter" said awesome dave

Chapter Text

"INM HERE." said save strider cooly like a cool guy

"why..........." wept eridan like a loser........ he wasnted to go back to BED and

hrelp me smash mout just started playign

"um. you and your boyufriend are invited to me and johns and karkats weddubg that is happeneing tommorow."

"B B B B B B B BBOYFRIEND??" yelped eridan

"erm! ill pass, overwatch is doing a event rn and i need to griind levels." said catpor with aura

OHMTYG0D EW" dsaid dave strider, loosing his nonchalant cool boy aura "nevermind.. you both are UNWELCOME at my wedding, i qill noT HAve an overwaTCH player ruin the vibes and aura"

"heh.. fine by me.." smirked sollux captor, who was currently syphoning davestrivers aura the greedy bitch

"er..m,! i i i i i i guess i wont be going either.. sincw heh .. i dont wanna bring the mood down by going... ALONE..." ...'ed eridan

"ok" dave said with powerful social credit gain

dave then walked out the door awsomely and 😎 holding his bouyfriends and hus biyfriends hands in a line AHLLLL TOGETHER NOW

"um." said the terrific sollux

"d d d d d d did dave say.. heh.. boyfriend?" eridan cried loudly and everywhere

OHHH MT GOD WALKING ON THE SUN

"yes" sollux said helpfully becayse eridan is hard of hearing 👂 aparently.. and as we established a few cjaptors ago: sollyx captor is lovely and not abelist (truth)

"LETS GET ONE THING STRAIGH.T FAGGOT" said outraged ampora "I will not ever daite you you ugly uglky ugly overwatch player.." lied eridan expertly

"ok" hes zoning out bro oh my GOD

um anyways.

"oh, heh, and by the way..." erdan smirked nonchalontly "ur tits arent even that GOOD" he walked away like ahomo

sollux wept loudlt on the floor for an hour

Chapter Text

after crying on the floor like a manly alpha for an hour solluyx stood up xooly and went back to his GAMERPAD

he sniffled uglyly and texted aradia

TA: AA
TA: AA help

AA: hell0 ! 0u0

TA: AA iim freakiing out
TA: ii 2lept wiith ED

AA: 0_0
AA: y0u did what?
AA: that is g00d news! perhaps n0w that y0ure n0 l0nger pittiful virgin pe0ple will actually like you
AA: 0u0

TA: NO!!
TA: not liike THAT
TA: ii meant liiterally

AA: 0h

TA: um ye2
TA: anyway2 ii thiink ii have a hot 2exy gay cru2h on hiim.......

AA: what a crazy w0rld we livin in 0_0

TA: ?
TA: whatever that mean2
TA: anyway2.. he 2aiid my tit2 were niice

AA: s0llux be careful i think eridan is a lesbian

TA: 2hut up AA you 2uck nook

AA: type shi

TA: 2crew thii2 youre no help
TA: have fun at whatever fucked up orgy youre probably at

AA: its s0 fun they are d0ing a wh0le musical number right n0w 0u0

SOLLUX logged off off the internet and laided in bed thinking about KAWAII erifin

erm.. no! ts cant be!* he thinks to himself desprerantly becase he does not want a gay yaoi crush on eridan what the hell

TERE IS AKNOK ON THE DOOORR AGAIN

"BANG BANG BANG BANG" said the malicious door of no-good and evil-doing