Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first birthday Jacob remembers was his 5th, and he remembers it well. The day was magical, lights all strung on trees, banners strung between them, and everyone focusing on him as the sunshine gleamed on his face, he sat contentedly on a swing with a wide smile. His old parents were there by technicality, but barely. They were blurry snapshots of life long lost, he knew were business workers, ones for some Landgraab factory that he couldn’t bother to find. He doesn’t remember their name, or hell, even their faces. He just knows that on the day of June 23rd, 2008, they were there, and then they weren't. He was left alone. His parents got called out for a meeting, leaving the other parents of his friends, even blurrier faces, in charge of him. One by one, they filed away, having more important things to do. More important things than him, of course. No one came for him. His tears streamed down, catching the attention of problems far greater than anything of his mind. Greater than anything then being left alone at a birthday party.

There were monsters, a gray wolf painted grimly with blood and gore, as well as a ghoulish man, a vampire. Its clothing was clean, but its face, oh it’s face was covered in viscera. It was truly a ghastly sight, but to a five year old boy…it was a nightmare. He remembers running, a limp kind of run, one out of panic and stress. He held his breath, trying his best not to be too loud. There were monsters out there, one's that wanted to get him. He remembers the claws, his fighting, a pair of fangs, and a bite, feral and painful. A poor little boy crying out for help, illuminated only by the cruel light of the moon. The infinite sky above uncaring, as blood poured from his shoulder. He still has the scar, faded yet mangled right up above his left bicep. It definitely healed wrong, just like his brain. He can't remember much for a reason? Right? Then why does the image of that little boy still haunt his dreams; the hungry wolf, ready to make a meal out of the sheep before him?

He doesn't remember a lot of his childhood. Not much more than June 23rd, 2008. How would he? He merely knows echoes, whispers of him being missing, and his hiding. He hid, everyone was a monster to him, and he couldn’t let the monsters find him again. He couldn’t let it happen, he was a 5 year old boy against the world. His mommy and daddy left him, and as far as he knows, he never saw them again. Did they mourn him? Think of him dead? He remembers sobbing near the trunk of a tree, hungry and tired. He as a child was on the run, stealing food for the next few weeks from picnics, hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, someone would come for him. Maybe some monsters were nice? The night crawled on forever

He remembers the full moon. July 7th, 2008. The day was long and warm, he had his shirt wrapped around his wound, and so the heat wasn’t a problem for him. Food, however, was. He saw the sky differently. In hindsight, he knows he was most likely in Moonwood Mill and not Evergreen Harbor at that point, but the five year old version of him didn’t know that. How would he be able to? The night creeped out like a wolf waiting for his prey. His transformation was difficult, children aren’t supposed to be turned into werewolves. Like many others, he has a difficulty remembering what happens during his transformations, but it was crystal clear for him that night. Every werewolf remembers their first transformation. Even if it was when you were 5 years old, scared and alone. He remembers seeing other wolves that night, all inhuman like him. All of them were monsters. He was a monster. Werebies be fucking damned. His breath hitched as fur inched across his skin, he shivered at the grotesque feeling. His mouth was full of coppery blood as his teeth sharpened in his mouth, painful and disgusting. His mouth dripped blood; it poured out of his mouth as his transformation completed. He was scared, of himself, of the world around him, everything. A small wolf pup lost in a world entirely unfamiliar to him. He ran aimlessly, trying to hide from everyone. He was a monster.

He didn’t know what to do, he was a beast, one scared of his new form. Confused and scared, he searched around, looking for anyone to help him figure out what was happening to him. He saw other wolves, more monsters, but they all ignored him, like the humans around him.

Two of the monsters, these two being two other wolves, approached him wearily, unsure and with a confused fascination. They’d never seen a werewolf this young before. Most born werewolves can’t turn until they become teenagers, but this was different. This boy was turned. Jacob cowered back, flinching hard when the two wolves crawled closer. The wolf on the left had eerily similar fur to the wolf that attacked him, but its eyes were different. They looked kinder. NO! He couldn’t let his guard down. That’s how he got hurt the last time. They turned their heads inquisitive, the wolf on the right stepping forward before the wolf to the left stopped it. This is where the clarity of his memories stops. He remembers following, nodding with the gray wolf and letting her close. He doesn’t know the time, but the moon is going down by the time he follows the wolves to their den. He doesn’t remember much after that. He didn’t know that he would be meeting his future caretakers.
-
“Lily.” Kristopher said simply, as he tended to the garden, careful not to be so loud as to wake the sleeping wolf pup below him. He had left his wolf form, now just a boy. He didn’t look older than 7. He looked malnourished, and scared. Lily glared at him.

“We aren’t able to house another pup, Kristopher,” she speaks slowly, and with a bit of an accent. After being in her wolf form for much of her adult life, aimlessly wandering the tunnels of Moonwood Mill, she’d found trouble forming sentences and thus spoke both quietly and slowly. It was more apparent when she had something on her mind, as she spoke faster and with more intent. This time was no exception.

“Lily, we can not leave him for dead. He is a growing child, who knows what could happen to him!?”

“We simply do not have the time or space to take him in. You have your hands full with Rory already, Kristopher. 你给我小心点。你流血的心将导致你的死亡。You have to let him go.”

Kristopher shook his head, letting the comment fall off his back so as to not ignite his fury, “Lily, what are we supposed to do!? You yourself have likened yourself to the boy. Why can’t you let me, as the leader of this pack, make this decision?”

Lily’s fury peaked a bit, her eyes glaring at him, “You really think this is a good idea? Fine then. 我警告过你。We simply can not make more rash decisions like this, it’s hurting the pack,” her nails, no, her claws wrapped around the flowers she was foraging for, angry and decided. “We’ll have to have one of the collective move out of the cabin, to make room.”

He smiled feebly at his usually quite cheerful companion as she stared with a scowl, “I’ll do a vote tomorrow, to keep things in order.”

She took a deep breath and sighed, significantly reducing the amount of anger welling up in her body, “And you know you’re sure about this?”

“Sure as I’ll ever be.”
–
Jacob woke up scared and alone, like usual. He found a blanket wrapped around his body, and that his skin was a normal brown once more. He was okay. Was it all a bad dream? Was it over? He hoped that much. He took a quick look around him to see his surroundings. The room looked wooden, and he knew that he was inside. He was used to the stark beige walls of his apartment building, so he definitely wasn’t at his mommy and daddy’s home. He was in a bunk bed, laid to rest by someone, the bed was comfortable, but he didn’t want to sleep. He also saw that his wounds were bandaged up. He took a step out of the bunk bed, before being scared by a girl sitting on the bunk above.

“WHO GOES THERE,” she snarled dramatically, her brown hair raining down like a shower upon the scared little boy beneath her. He shrieked.

“I DON’T KNOW, I’M SORRY!!!!!” a small voice cried out, he was utterly terrified. The girl above him cackled like a crow, smiling ear to ear. Her fangs were on full display. He shivered.
“HA! The look on your face–,” she wiped away a tear from her face and continued giggling, “Sorry sorry, Kristopher told me to stop doing that. No but really, who are you? Why are you in my room? Did Lily bring you here?”

Jacob gulped, he was bombarded with questions that he didn’t know the answer to. He was 5. He nervously croaked one, “I-i don’t know!! I’m Jacob…and I don’t um..know how I got here. That’s it…”

The brown haired girl slid down the rungs of the ladder of the bunk bed and bright herself to Jacob's level, “Huh, peculiar, well I’m sorry! Rory Volkov, nice to meetcha, he cowered back again. She frowned, “Hey, hey it’s okay, sorry for scaring you and stuff. I didn’t mean it, plus I do it to everyone. It annoys my dad so badly—heh.”

“Okay..” he finally got a look at her; she had short shaggy brown hair, a big smile, and bandages littering her skin. She punched his arm warmly, He took a deep breath, calming down in the presence of this stranger.

There was a click of the door, and a man who looked like the wolf from his dreams(?) walked through. His coat had fun patterns that mesmerized him, lessening his fear a decent amount. He smiled kindly and knelled before the two, “Why hello there, little guy–, what’s your name?”
“His name is Jacob and he’s a scaredy cat!”
Jacob nodded feebly, but the man frowned, “Rory, he can speak for himself, also did you scare him? I told you to stop doing that!”
“Sorry!!”
He groaned, before softening his face when he looked at Jacob, “Well, Jacob, we wound you hurt and alone in the woods and we want to ask you if you’d like to stay with us. You’re quite a special case, so if you choose, we can become your new caretaker.”
“他不会理解你, Kristopher,” said a woman in the doorway, barefoot and with gray hair, speckled with gray strands. She looked older than the man, probably named Kristopher.
He huffs, and rephrases his statement, “Would you like to live with us? We can help take care of you.”

Jacob's eyes widen, and he’s a bit scared, he stutters out, “Really?”

The woman walks through the door and crouches to his level alongside the man, being shorter and softer than he was, “Of course, Jacob.”
He smiles, and hugs their arms, little hands grasping them. He mouths out a quiet thank you.
“Let’s go!! New sibling,” Rory grins out eagerly.
Jacob lingers on the word sibling, and hugs her back.
-
Jacob is alone now. He can’t even remember his own childhood and his sister is gone. She’s found a new family, a better one and he sighs. He can’t even bring himself to cry about it, he has no tears left to shed. All he can do is grieve. Grieve his childhood, grieve his sister, and grieve his own existence.

Grief seemed to define his life. The day is June 22rd, 2022. He will be at his birthday party, physically at least. But not mentally. He doesn’t want the clock to turn to 12, bringing him into the world of adulthood. Bringing him to leadership of the collective.

Grief really does define him, doesn’t it.

Chapter Text

Maybe being a monster wasn’t so bad, he thinks. He was 7 years old, his sister Rory 14. His father, Kristopher, a teacher to him. His nightmares were real, originally a terrifying prospect, became one that he grew into. His father and Rory taught him how to howl, while Lily and Wolfgang taught him how to forage, and made him realize his passion for plants. He wasn’t allowed to touch any of the scary sharp gardening tools, but Lily shared her knowledge about soil PH, growth stages, and all the plants that tasted yummy and all the icky ones that would hurt him. Kristopher called him his little beetroot, because of him favoring the vegetable heavily. Wolfgang, a young adult man he’d met who was a part of the collective, would help him with his homework and read to him.

His life felt nice. Well, a lot of it at least. His sister Rory and Kristopher were both common stressors. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his father and sister. They were the light of his life, Rory protecting him at school when the mean kids would tease him, and his father playing him lullabies to help him fall asleep. But they wouldn’t stop fighting, no matter how hard Lily and Wolfgang would try to get the two to stop. Kristopher smiles feebly all throughout, as Rory tears him down. He loves them both, but he can hardly take it when Rory kicks the door to their shared room open and climbs up the ladder of their bunk bed to sulk. He’s tried to help her by showing things that calm him down (music, talking to Lily, his toys), but it never really worked, not how he wanted it to. He remembers fights he wasn’t supposed to hear. He sits quietly in his bed, waiting for his sister to come home. No one but Lily was home. He kicked his feet boredly as he waited for Rory and Kristopher to come home from hunting. He slowly walked out of his room and looked around.

“Oh Jacob, 嗨! Is there something you need?” Lily called out to the small boy with a smile, she always seemed to have a smile painted on her face. It felt earnest and earned.

He shook his head, and sat next to her. He kicked his feet while speaking, “No, I'm just bored. ‘m Waiting for Rory and Papa to return.”

“Ah, I hope I can be good company then,” she said simply, focusing back on her previous task of crocheting. She was like a grandmama, Jacob thinks. She liked old people's activities, like gardening and crochet. He's fascinated by them. He wants to do that when he is older. She even made him a sweater for his birthday!! It's his favorite one. It's green with cool lightning bolts and flowers on it.

The two sat in silence, enjoying each other's presence, Lily occasionally sharing facts about the toys Jacob would play with. A few of them were rare Victorian era relics she’s slowly collected from when she was young. He smiled. It was nice when he was able to be peaceful, when he didn’t have to think about scary things like—

There was a crash outside, one that made the two flinch hard. Jacob ran to the window, seeing a brawl outside. His sister Rory and—Greg—. His small breath hitched, he ran swiftly behind the chair to Lily, cowering back. He didn’t like Greg. If he was Little Red Riding Hood, Greg was his Big Bad Wolf. Lily stood, a little Jacob wrapped around her like a parasite, and looked outside the window. She grimaced, “That fool is going to get herself killed, 滚蛋 Greg!” Neither Rory nor Greg noticed the two. She knelt down to Jacob’s level, “Do you want to go to another room, 宝贝?”

He nodded feebly. The two escaped to the upstairs, Jacob still weary and clinging to Lily like a sloth to a tree. They sat in his and Rory’s room and Jacob took a few deep breaths. He heard the slam of a door downstairs. Rory and Kristopher were home. There were murmurs of a fight downstairs, Jacob clung closer to Lily.

“Lily, can I ask you something?” he said nervously.

She smiled softly and held his small hand, calming him down; the pressure had distracted from the fight downstairs, ”Yes, 宝贝?”

“Why do Rory and Papa fight so much?” he said, wanting to hide away in embarrassment after saying it out loud. Lily’s smile faltered, struggling to word this in a way appropriate for a seven year old. She wasn’t as calm and calculated as his Papa, but she was sweeter than he was, and she knew this. She just had to figure out a way to be sweet about this.

She sighs, and starts, “Both your father and sister are very different people, much like you and I. We’re all quite different, that’s what makes us unique….But sometimes, 宝贝, their differences are hard to manage. Can I tell you a story, Jacob?”

He nodded.

“I had these cousins, two twin siblings.”

“Are they dead?” he blurted out, before putting his hand over his mouth and looking back up to her and mumbling out a small apology.

Lily laughed, “No, no they’re not. At least to my knowledge. Anyway, they were both extremely close, but they fought constantly. I don’t think they ever agreed on anything. They loved each other though. I think that’s kind of like how Rory and Kristopher are. They’re quite different but—”

“They still love each other…”

“对. I’m sure they love each other very much despite it all.”

The door slammed open, and an angry blue haired girl walked through, she climbed up the ladder harshly and sulked back into her bed. She mumbled out, “Get out, Lily.”

“Sorry, Jacob, but I should check on your father,” she smiled weakly, and walked out.

Jacob feels alone. But he’s not, right? He climbs up the ladder of the bunk bed and sits next to his sister. She grumbles.

“Are you okay, Rory?’

She growled, and almost threw the blanket away from her face, revealing her bruised and battered eyes, scowling as the light hit her. “Does it look like I’m okay, Jacob?” He frowned.

“Sorry…Why did you fight him??”

“Because he called you a runt! How dare he be so rude when he did this to you? How dare he make that judgment!? God, Ijust wanted to kill him at that moment! Ugh! You’re just a pup, he shouldn’t say that about you!!” she ranted, aimlessly with an angry frown on her face. She looked back to the upset Jacob and her face softened. “Sorry, Jay, I’m sorry. I know I probably worried you absolutely sick.”

He nodded shakily with an, “Mhmn…”

“And for that I’m sorry…Ugh! I hate Greg. Getting me all emotional..”

Jacob scooched closer to her and gave her a hug. She flinched, probably aggravating some of her wounds, but melted into it. She mouthed a quiet thank you, and Jacob gave an even quieter your welcome.

-

Kristopher walked in, having discussed her actions thoroughly with Lily. It was idiotic. He loved his daughter but she could be so impulsive and self assured! She was going to get herself killed someday. He dreads the thought, but she needs to know better. It's simply not the correct way, the collective's way. He frowns as he opens the door and doesn’t see her. His steps creak and he hears a groan, as his daughter pops up from her bed, hanging over the edge of the bunk bed. She stares daggers at him, and whispers harshly, “If you’re going to lecture me, do it quietly, Jacobs asleep up here and I’d rather not have him be there while you yell at me.”

Kristopher chokes back a scoff, his face softening at the sight of Jacob sleeping. He composes himself and says simply, “Aurora Oaklow Volkov, you need to be more responsible with your life. I’m being serious, your actions today were absolutely unacceptable.” Rory rolls her eyes.

“Do you have to use my full name? I did what had to be done, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you or the collective, but Greg insulted our family! How could I let that slide??”

“You could’ve died, Rory.”

She scoffs at his grave tone, “And I would’ve died protecting my brother’s name? Isn’t that the collective way?”

“The collective does not need to bury another child, Rory. The collective holds itself to a different standard, and fighting because of a schoolyard insult is simply not our way.”

“I don’t care about the collective! You’re supposed to be my father, and fathers protect their children. Why wouldn’t you protect your own son’s name? He’s fucking seven. He has no reasons to call him a fucking runt,” she’s climbed down to ladder to Kristopher’s level and she’s looking him in his eyes. She knows he’s hurt but she’s too angry to care.

“You will not speak to me that way, young lady, I am simply looking out for you. I don’t want to see you or Jacob get hurt. You’re both just kids, and I just want you to stay safe. Is that too much to ask from you??”

She scorns him, “I guess it is.”

He stands down, knowing well that he’s lost and that he doesn’t have an argument. He never liked arguments. He’s a very non confrontational person, never a good trait for a leader. He can’t help it, he despises fighting and he despises arguments, especially with his daughter. He wishes for this to be over with, and he sighs.

“Fine, Aurora. I’ll leave you be for now. Just please, I am begging you to consider my points. I am not your enemy here, alright?”

Rory rolls her eyes and walks back to her bed, taking the bottom bunk as not to disturb Jacob’s slumber. She mumbles a quiet, “Fine.”

He walks out, “There are bandages and ice downstairs when you need them, Rory,” he says simply.

She doesn’t say anything.

-

Jacob doesn’t want to think about the fight, it was one he wasn’t supposed to hear. But he did, and it still hasn’t left his brain. He lays down, on the used-to-be bunk bed of his and his sister’s. They got rid of the bottom bunk when he was seventeen, and placed a desk there to create a loft of sorts. He lays there dumbly, the thought of that fight unable to leave his mind. It had been nearly eleven years and he still could remember it like it was yesterday.

His birthday is fast approaching, a fact that makes him want to cry. He doesn’t want to celebrate, not without Rory. Not with all the baggage that will inevitably come with it. God he hates the word baggage. It’s a dirty word, one labeling the worst part of his mind. He doesn’t need a name for it, it doesn't deserve one. In his mind he wishes he could stop time, and never turn eighteen. Never have to inherit the collective. And never have to say goodbye to his sister. Maybe if he were a spellcaster or even a soul reaper he could stop time, that’s a fun thought right.

He often thinks about what ifs, bargaining with himself about what if he wasn’t a werewolf. Not that he doesn’t like being a werewolf. Most unsavory vampires stay away from him and he loves his pack with all his heart. Being a spellcaster would be nice though, he thinks. Magic has always fascinated him, it’d be a good fit for him. He doesn't think he'd be a good vampire though. He can't stand the thought of drinking the blood of another, especially as a vegetarian. He supposes that vegan vampires exist, like how he's heard Lily's cousin is. He's never met either sibling, but he thinks he'd like Caleb. They're very much alike, vegetarians who work to not hurt others despite their inhumanity, both younger siblings who have difficult relationships with their older siblings, and… he doesn't think he likes this game anymore.

He looks at the clock. It's 7:19 pm. 5 hours till his life is over. He takes a sigh, and ventures out of his room, with a frown. His fingers pass over the wooded walls of his room as he paces around. He wishes he could just leave this reality and go to another one. Growing older is an inevitability; he knows this. But he can’t help but hate himself for not wanting to be alive. He stirs, making his way out of his room. He peaks into Lily’s room and hopes she can lend a shoulder.

To cry on? To talk to? He doesn’t know anymore.

Chapter Text

Her eyes lit up with fury, as she slammed the door open, scowling. She grabbed her things, her claws scratching through the objects she shoved into her bag. She knew she wasn’t in the right headspace. She knew running away wasn’t a good idea. But god fucking dammit, she’s was an adult! She shouldn’t have to listen to that coward’s ideology when she was 20 years old. He could have whatever fucking rules he wanted under his roof, but she was over it. She ran her fingers through her blue hair as the weight of what she was doing hit her.

A knock on the door. She flinches, yelling, “GO AWAY!” as she packed (er, more threw) her clothes away. Whoever it was didn’t listen, timidly opening the door and closing it behind them. A pang of guilt hit her heart as she looked back at the short 14 year old boy, looking at her with eyes that bore all the way into her soul

“Pops asked me to check on you..” he mumbled. “‘Said you and him got in a fight again.”

She scoffed, “It was hardly a fight. Dad doesn’t fight. He whimpers like a dog while I ask him any real questions. He’s a horrible leader to us and I just can't ... I can’t take it anymore.”

He eyed the open bag of hers and winced, “You’re not leaving, are you?” She doesn’t say anything. “Rory,” he frowns.

She sighs and looks at his puppy dog eyes, another pang of guilt hitting her heart, “Look, Jacob…I’m an adult. I can’t stay with my dad forever.”

“But what about me?? I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you.”

She hisses with pain as he says the words, “I don’t want to lose you.” She knows Jacob has horrible abandonment issues. Whenever a thunderstorm would come, Jacob would snuggle close to her, never leaving her side, hissing and biting, especially when he was younger, when she tried to move. He was abandoned by his parents as a small child. She was too. But instead of growing apart from any figure that told her what to do, he listened to their every word. She remembers listening to Jacob talk about old comic books he was obsessed with, comparing them to a young Dick Grayson and Jason Todd. It made her laugh at the time but he was right. She was the older responsible one who was a difficult child, and he was the rule-following child who thanked the world for taking him with a smile after his life was nothing but cruelty. She hoped he wouldn’t meet the same fate as the character he chose. Rory sat down and let her emotions crash down upon her. He sat next to her, letting the silence eat away at them.

“Please don’t go.”

“I have to.”

“I..I know.”

He leaned against her shoulder and clung to her arm. It was almost enough to guilt Rory into staying. But it didn’t stop her. Rory left a note on the kitchen counter before she fled into the night.

“To the Moonwood Collective
If you are reading this I am already gone, left to the tall mountains that grow up high in this town. I can not stand another day as a member of the Moonwood Collective, much less this family. I have chosen that the best course of action is to start my own Wolf Pack. It’ll be better this way, less chaos caused, less people hurt. And to my father, which I know you’re reading this, I will be a better leader than you ever were. I will lead with pride for my species and without fear of others. I will lead my pack like an Alpha should. It’s time you realize that there are other positions to lead from then cowardice. And to the others, I’m sorry things had to end this way. I wish I could have stayed with you all, but I can no longer bring myself too. I’m sorry.”

The handwriting was messy and smudged, like someone was writing it in a hurry.

Jacob feigned surprise, and held his father and Lily tight that night. ‘Takes one hurt person to know one.

-

Jacob held his breath as he opened the door to Lily’s room. It was quaint, and small. It was like her to choose the smallest room in the house. The furnishings were bare, yet the place had a homey vibe to it. It was neat, with books stacked alphabetically by author and sewing supplies in a corner next to her bed. She sat in a rocking chair, reading some book gifted to her by Wolfgang. It was peaceful. So with his nerve racked mind, he felt out of place.

She didn’t notice him at first, taking a second to process his existence. She often was a bit distant when she was alone, which is why she often stayed near someone where she could. It was a trait she and Jacob shared. Neither of them liked to be alone; they were pack animals, loyal and true. They didn’t leave each other behind, he thinks grimly as thoughts of rowdy blue hair pass his mind. She eventually looked up from her book, and smiled, saying, “Why, if it isn’t the birthday boy! How are you tonight, 宝贝?”

He grits his teeth at the mention of his birthday, “I don’t really know how to describe how I am, I guess I’m just conflicted, is all…How about you, though? Are you any better?”

“Hm..I haven’t been particularly either which way, I’m not concerned about you, though; are you okay, 我的天使?” She tilts her head with concern.

Jacob sat down across from her on her bed with a sigh. He really had nothing to lose by telling her what was wrong, so why couldn’t he?? He bit the inside of his cheek with anxious intent. He looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. After taking a deep breath, he started, “I don’t know,I’m just a bit jittery about my birthday.”

“Is it about getting older? ‘Cause I can tell you, you’re young, it doesn’t get much better than that!” she giggled.

He laughed, “Ha…No, it’s not that. I’m…I just…I don’t really know what’s wrong, I just know that something, well, is! It’s frustrating…to say the least. I just want things to go back to how they were.”

“ 宝贝, If I had it my way, everything would go back to how it was when I was 19. And that was over a century ago. I know it’s hard to miss times gone past, but we can’t live in the past dear. As much as I’d like to be with my cousins again, goofing off like we were still children, I wouldn’t trade a single second of being here with you and your father. You both matter more to me than all the moon and stars combined, and I mean it. Nothing will change that, okay dear?”

He nods, not even noticing the tears forming down his cheeks. Lily smiles and wipes them off of his face. “Thank you, Lily. Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

He feels a bit more at peace after that. A bit less alone, if that’s even possible. Even still, The sinking feeling in his chest hasn’t gone away though.

“Lily,” he asks like a puppy looking up to its owner, “are you sure everything will turn out okay in the end?”

“Why, I never said I think things will be okay. I don’t know, and I never will. That’s the thing about us wolves. We’re not as magical as vamps or spellcasters, so I can’t tell you your future. But I can tell you this. Me and your father, heck, even Wolfgang, we’re all going to stick by you. And we’re not going anywhere, you hear me?” she replies softly.

Lily had since moved closer to him, holding him closer, just like she had done when he was younger.

“Lily?”

“Yes, 宝贝?

“I miss her.”

“I know, dear, I do too.”

“I miss her a lot…”

“I think we all do. Grief is normal though. “

“Even if they’re still alive?”

“Yes.”

He snuggled closer to Lily, holding her close as the cold salt of his tears swirled in his mouth as if in a dance, melancholy and all encompassing. With this he lets himself fall to the cruel mistress of sleep.

—

Rory took a deep breath, letting the world slip by her as she laid on the couch of the Grimtooth bar’s bunker. She knew what day it was. June 22nd. The day before her brother’s birthday. She winced as she sat up like a puppy in pain, taking a deep breath in.

She remembers the last time she saw her brother. She and her father had a disagreement on the territory of the Collective and The Wildfangs. It was something she had rehearsed over and over; she was never good at diplomacy. Not like her father, it was one of the few things she commended him for. She came alone, not wanting Lou to compromise anything. Lily and Jacob were there, staring at her as they negotiated things. Her pack was very small at the time, consisting of her and Lou. Most werewolves in Moonwood Mill were either packless or a part of the collective, so she felt a bit embarrassed to meet up with everyone after defecating. She made eye contact with Jacob after everything was settled. Part of her wanted to talk to him, but her fear of saying something wrong got the better of her. She remembers the betrayal in his eyes. It hurt her heart.

She pulled a joint out of her pocket and lit it, taking a hit. She wasn’t a frequent smoker, concerned for the health side effects, but she used the drug recreationally even still. Mostly when she wanted a break from her own thoughts, wanting it all to be replaced with the bliss of a high.

“Everything alright, Boss?” Lou, the other member in her pack, chimed in. He was a sweet soul, one who wasn’t very booksmart, but one with a wealth of knowledge anyway. He simply used it for simpler things. Like stealing! And girls!

“I told you to not call me that, Lou,” she sighed, “It’s personal stuff. It doesn’t concern you.”

He groans.”Everything concerns me, Ror! I’m the second in command,” he pauses, “and your best friend! So you have to tell me,” he said with a toothy wolflike grin, leaning into her. She pushes him off.

“I’m being serious, Lou! This is something very important to me!!

“Well, Ror, I don’t know what’s going on with you! Because you won’t tell me!”

She groans and frowns, left in a state of conflict. He stares back with big eyes as she looks distantly at the wall. She hasn’t seen her brother in over 6 months, and before that, a year. Would he even want to see her on his 18th birthday?

She remembers the first birthday they shared together. It was nice, the kind of air that makes you forget your inhibitions and just be, y’know? He was 8 years old and she was 14. Normally, most kids wouldn’t want to hang around their little kid brother, but Rory wasn’t most kids. They were best friends, practically attached at the hip. She misses that so dearly. She misses cuddling with her brother and protecting him from bullies and all the little things about her family. She wouldn’t trade her wolf pack for the world, but the Collective is still her family. And she wishes she made the choice to keep them as such.

Lou frowns at his best friend as she takes another hit of her joint distantly. Lou was never too bright, so in a brilliant display of the particles in his brain colliding to form a singular thought, he got an idea. He yanked the pillow he was sitting on away and threw it at his pack leader.

Rory scowled bitterly as she shoved the pillow off of herself, “OW! The fuck was that for, Lou!?”

Lou laughed simply and sheepishly, “I don’t know! You’ve been in a funk recently, I can't help you when you’re brooding and as your best friend it is my responsibility to deal with you when you’re stuck like this. Also don’t lie, that didn’t hurt.”

“So you threw a pillow at me??” she asked incredulously.

“Maybe! You don’t tell me anything when you’re brooding– It’s annoying.”

She sighed, pinching her temples as the fury stewing in her body lessened, “Look, I’m just….thinking about my brother.” she mumbled.

Lou tilted his head, confused, “you have a brother?”

“Watcher help me…. Yes! I do, his name is Jacob. We haven’t seen each other in years, not since I left home to create my own wolf pack. His birthday is tomorrow and l…feel bad. He’s turning 18. And everything feels like I made the wrong decision. But I know in my heart it was the right one, I just wish it didn’t cost me my family. Sorry for being all moody about it, it’s nothing to do with you.”

“Why don’t you go visit him then??”

“It’s not quite that simple. I’m not on the best terms with my father and my aunt. I don’t want to make things worse after I left so abruptly.”

Lou was caught in thought once more, trying to find a solution to this kind of problem. He was much better at emotional problems than physical ones, “I think you should go for it, honestly? I don’t know, I think that you’re going to regret it infinitely if you don’t do it now. Plus, you’re family. Dude, I’d kill to be close with my family at all, at any point in time... You have a perfect chance, so I don’t understand why you’re not taking it.”

She sighs, “you’re right…thanks man, I needed that.”

“Anytime, Ror's” he smiled.

She smiled sourly and threw the pillow back at him with a , “Also, never throw anything at me ever again. I’m serious.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Aye-aye captain,” he moved over to her and elbowed her, “You wanna go upstairs and get a drink?”

“Fine, sure. Nothing alcoholic though, I have a big day tomorrow.”

“Gotcha, it’ll be my treat. Maybe I can even buy Celene a drink and—”

Rory let out a hearty laugh, “Don’t push it.”
—
Jacob awoke unceremoniously the next morning, at 5:39 am. Lily must’ve moved him to his own room. He slept like the dead so this wasn’t a very difficult task. He yawned, his arms in pain from the position he slept in. He wiped sleep from his face like a puppy as horror struck his mind.

Today was his birthday. June 23rd, 2019. His birthday. He swallowed thickly as he wrapped his blanket around himself to forget. He’d been dreading this day for the past 3 months. He felt the cold air on his skin as he got out of bed and got ready for the day ahead of him.

He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t he?