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Chapter Text

The blearly drag of morning greeted Edward as he stirred in bed. When he rolled over his body met a mattress that was much comfier than he’d remembered ever sleeping in. He peeked a testing eye open and blinked away the bright light. Slowly, he sat up, cracking his jaw with a long yawn as he stretched out.

Edward felt strange.

Was it too bright outside? Or, no. Hold on. Something was wrong. Ed blinked once, twice. This wasn’t his room.

That got him to fully wake up. He jutted out of bed, standing up to scan his surroundings. The bed he’d just been in was larger than anything he’d ever had the privilege to sleep in, and pretentious, too. In fact, a lot of the furniture in the room could be described as that: polished wood, cushioned chairs, decorative frills, and even flowers. The room on the whole was massive, complete with large dressers, intricate lamps, a chandelier, and for some reason a vanity?

The hell…?

This was a girl's room. He was in a girl's room right now. What the fuck.

He needed to be discreet. Slowly, Ed tiptoed over to a long, vertical mirror hanging up next to the vanity, looked at himself, and nearly choked on his own spit in shock. Ed looked nothing like himself. His face was thinner, somehow, and his arms less defined. Less scars, too.

This was fucking weird.

Speaking of weird, when had his hair become so long? And what the hell was he wearing? Was this… some sort of dress, or frilly-ass nightgown? Ed suddenly found himself blushing profusely.

Okay. What the hell was going on?

He took a couple tentative steps back, and slowly settled back down onto the edge of the bed. No click when he tested his left leg. Huh. He pulled it up on his knee to get a better look.

His leg… it was normal. Flesh and bone and all. Holy shit.

His leg wasn’t automail anymore! It had blood instead of gears. Warm. He could actually feel his left leg when he moved it around. Ed wiggled his toes testingly. He felt every sensation. So strange.

Okay, think. What the hell happened? He couldn’t remember. Actually, he didn’t remember much of anything from the last twenty-four hours. God, his head hurt.

A quiet knock sounded just outside the door, before a voice asked, “May I come in?”

Ed tried to blink himself out of his daze before responding, “Uh, yeah, sure.”

When the door opened, probably one of the last people Ed was expecting to see walked in.

Ed shot to his feet. “L–lieutenant Maria Ross?!” he sputtered. She wasn’t wearing her military uniform, but instead some kind of dress? The fancy kind.

Ross raised an eyebrow. “Lieutenant? It’s Lady-in-waiting. Are you feeling alright, Princess Edward?”

Edward could barely breathe. “ PRINCESS ?”

He felt his world spinning, crumbling , even. Because what the fuck.

Ross gave him a small, pitying smile. “Yes? Is something wrong, Your Highness?”

“Yes! I’d like to know what in the hell is going on!”

Ross barely blinked. “Well, it’s time for you to get up. I’ll be helping you get dressed, as always.”

“ What ?”

Haha. No. No, no, no . This wasn’t happening. Ha, right! This was all just some fucked up dream, and soon he’d be waking up. Yeah, that was it.

A strained laugh escaped from Ed, before he promptly sat back down on his bed and hid himself under the covers. “Okay. Goodnight!”

About five seconds later, the blankets were thrown off of him. Ed yelped at the terse motion.

“Princess Edward, please. You can’t sleep in today.”

Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream.

If he kept repeating it, it’d eventually be true, right? Right ?

“Shut up! I’m going back to bed.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible. You are getting up now .”

Ed couldn’t help flinching at the sternness in her tone. It reminded him of when she’d slapped him after the fifth laboratory. Even if he had deserved it, that shit still hurt .

“Fine,” he grumbled, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed.

Ross nodded happily, before walking to a corner of the room and grabbing something bright and sparkly off of a mannequin. A gown? Big, poofy, and obnoxious.

She held it out in front of Ed. “Alright, ready to get dressed?”

Ed’s face couldn’t have gone any redder. “A d–dress? I’m not a girl!”

Another confused look. “No, you’re not. Is there something wrong with this dress? Would you like me to select another one?”

“No, goddamnit! I’m not wearing that!”

She nodded and turned to step through another door in his room. A closet, he assumed, filled with… more dresses? Oh no.

Ed shook his head. Focus.

With Ross busy with that for now, that actually gave him some time to collect his thoughts. Ed’s head was whirling. Okay, so, he was in a strange place, and Lieutenant Ross had lost it. Where was he?

Ed stepped up to a large window in his room and looked outside. The terrain was hilly with a few mountain ranges in the distance. There was a town further down the hillside, resting beside a large river. He definitely wasn’t in Central anymore.

“Alright, Your Highness, will this suffice?”

Ed turned to see Ross holding another dress, complete with all the poofiness and frills to make anyone barf. This was not what he’d meant.

“No! Can’t I just wear normal clothes?”

“This is your everyday attire.”

“It’s a damn dress!”

“My, what a keen eye you have, Your Highness,” she leveled back.

“I’m not wearing it,” Ed said, crossing his arms.

Ed could tell he was starting to test Ross’ limits judging by the way her eye started twitching.

“Yes, you are. This isn’t up for debate.”

Ross gave him a dark smile that told him he was in for some serious trouble.

“Alright, you're done!” Ross said cheerily as she finished clipping a red brooch onto Ed. She’d even managed to get earrings on him. Since when had he ever pierced his ears? Although there was that one time with Winry where she tried… but that wasn’t important right now.

Ed could barely suppress his rage. Somehow, in some god-forsaken way, he was fitted with a dress. By god, he’d put up a fight, but Ross was strong . And damn, that woman was scary.

If Edward never had to squeeze himself into another corset for the rest of his life, it would still be too soon. Were those things built as some sort of torture device? How the fuck did women wear these things? And why? The dress was so itchy. Every single stitch and frill grated against his skin. He swore he could even feel it through his automail. Well, at least the dress was red. Red was a good color.

Ross was humming to herself happily, clasping her hands together. “Oh, don’t you just look gorgeous today?”

More like miserable. She’d managed to put makeup on him. Makeup . This entire thing was humiliating.

“Yeah, whatever,” he murmured, avoiding eye contact.

Ross spun him around, positioning him in front of a long mirror. Ed saw himself in the mirror for the first time since Ross had managed to get that dumb dress on him. He looked ridiculous. He’d never really cared about his long hair making him look ‘girly’ before, but now he was acutely aware of how it made him appear to others. He looked like a girl. Ed’s insides rolled. His pride: Gone.

Ross then promptly guided Ed to sit down in a cushioned chair in front of a large vanity and mirror. He didn’t resist this time. He was still a little scared of the woman’s wrath. From behind him, she started brushing his hair. He stiffened, pulling away.

“I can braid my own damn hair!”

Ross drew her hands back. “You want to do it yourself today?”

“Yes! Please!”

She nodded, handing him the brush, and stepped back to give him some space. Finally.

As Ed began brushing through the knots in his hair, Ross spoke up, “Forgive me for being blunt, but you’re acting rather strange today, Your Highness.”

Yeah, thanks for the reminder. How else was he supposed to act when he was thrown into an insane situation like this?

Ed huffed and continued stubbornly braiding his hair in front of the mirror. He’d admit, he did fumble a little at the beginning. To be fair, his hair was almost twice as long as it used to be. There was a reason he never let it get this long. It was a major pain in the ass.

When he was done, he stood up and stomped over to the door, nearly tripping over himself in the process. Damn this dress. Damn these fucking heels! Whose idea was it to even invent heels, huh? He was going to find that person and give them a piece of his mind!

“Your Highness, aren’t you forgetting something?” Ross asked before he had the chance to escape.

Ed turned. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Your tiara.”

Oh, you’ve got to be fucking with me.

Ross held out a plush pillow with a red jeweled tiara resting on top of it.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.” Ross gave him a devilish smile that told him he’d get his ass kicked otherwise.

This was inevitable, wasn’t it? Goddamnit.

Sighing, Ed took the tiara and put it on his head. Now that is not something he ever thought he’d do in his lifetime.

“There, happy?”

Ross gave him a genuine smile, the gesture accentuating her mole. “Very.”

With that settled, Ed finally stepped out the door. There was only one thing he needed to do now. He needed to find Al. He started down the hallway as fast as he could manage in heels.

Steps echoed behind him. Ed turned. “Why are you following me?”

“In case you may need assistance with anything, Your Highness.”

Ed flushed. “Can you just drop the name already? Just call me Ed.”

“If that’s what you wish, Edward.” He tried to ignore how she pointedly used his full name instead, but whatever.

It took a few minutes of Ed wandering through the hallways aimlessly, bumping into a few innocent maids in the process, for him to realize what was wrong. Right, he had no idea where he was going.

A knot of anxiety wound inside his stomach. Where the hell even was he? Why? And what if Al wasn’t even here? Fuck.

He took a shot in the dark anyways. “Hey, uh. Do you know where Al is?”

Surprisingly, Ross nodded. “Of course. This time of day he’d be in the garden. Would you like to go see him?”

“Yeah.”

They both stood there awkwardly.

After the silence lingered on a bit too long, Ross took pity on him and asked, “Would you like me to show you to way?” Ed nodded sheepishly. “Alright, follow me.”

There was still so much Ed didn’t know. Why he was here, or what exactly this place was. It was obvious it was a castle from the way the long hallways arched and the extensive size of the entire place. But why was he here, how did he get here, and why was Ross acting all looney, thinking she was some kind of Lady-in-whatever-the-fuck? Ed bit his lip stubbornly. Nothing made any goddamn sense and it was pissing him off!

He could already tell this was going to be a long day.

The moment Ed saw Al, it was like his world was constructing, deconstructing, and then finally reconstructing all over again. Ed could hardly believe what he was seeing. Al wasn’t a soul trapped in a suit of armor. He was him.

Ed began running towards his brother. “Alphonse!”

Before Al could even register anything, Ed barreled into Al, capturing him in a hug so tight he was afraid he might’ve wrecked his new body. He could feel Al’s warmth. His actual, genuine body. It’d been so long.

“Brother…?” Al murmured. Al’s arms hovered around Ed, unsure of what to do, and Ed slowly released him and hastily stepped back.

“Uh, sorry. I’m just… happy to see you.”

Al’s expression softened. “I’m glad to see you too, Brother.”

Ed blinked, still staring at Al’s face as if he were an anomaly. He hated to admit it, but he'd nearly forgotten what Al had looked like. But the memories came flooding back, and the soft smile of his younger brother became as vivid as ever. Same dirty blonde hair, soft hazel eyes rimmed with gold, same smile. He looked so much older, so much more mature. And so much like Mom.

…And Al was still taller than him. Fantastic.

Ed took a moment to take in his appearance and suddenly felt ridiculous. This is not how he imagined his reunion with Al back in his original body would go. But, if anyone else thought his weird ass clothing was strange, no one mentioned it, so whatever.

Al cleared his throat. “So, um, Brother. What brings you here?”

Ed blinked. Did he need a reason? “Just wanted to see how you were.”

“Oh. Good. …Thank you.”

The conversation trailed off into silence. Al’s eyes darted from side to side as if searching for an escape route. Ed pursed his lips. Had it always been this awkward between him and Al?

Before he could think on that further, a tall figure took its place beside Al. “Good morning, Your Highness. Good to see you.”

Ed rubbed at his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Sergeant Denny Brosh was here too?

“Brosh, what’re you doing here?”

He raised a brow. “Well, me and Prince Alphonse were just taking a nice stroll in the garden.”

Ed opened his mouth, then closed it. What the fuck! “Hey! What gives? Why do I gotta be called a princess meanwhile he gets to be a prince?”

“Am I to presume that’s meant to be a joke?” Ross interjected, ever the smartass.

“It’s not— I—” Why was he stumbling over his words now of all times?

Al, eyes sympathetic, said, “Well, we should probably get back to it. I wouldn’t want to keep you any longer.”

Al and Brosh were already turning around to walk away. Fuck, fuck, fuck! No! He needed to see if Al knew anything!

“H–hold on! I need to talk to you, Al. Alone.”

Al turned around, perplexed. “Me? What for?”

“Absolutely not,” Ross intervened. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere without an escort.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Just gimmie some space, geez! It’ll only take, like, five minutes tops.”

Ross’ face was schooled, but he knew by now when she was annoyed. Finally, she said, “If you insist, Your Highness .”

Before anyone else could interject, Ed grabbed Al’s hand and hightailed it out of there. Al’s hand. Al’s real hand.

“W–wait a second, Brother! What are you doing?”

Ed ignored him as they ran, searching for a good place to talk without any prying ears. When he spotted a good corner to talk in, he led the two of them there.

Al looked around wearily, clearly off-put. “Umm, so… what did you want to talk about?”

Ed took in a deep breath before saying, “Okay, listen. I woke up, and I have no idea how I got here. Do you know what’s going on?”

“Uhh…” Al cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but what are you talking about?”

Ed must’ve been losing his damn mind. He nearly face-palmed. “The– the everything ! Why is your body back to normal, why are Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Brosh acting like that , why am I wearing a dress ?”

“Are you feeling well, Brother?”

“I feel perfectly fine!” Ed nearly shouted.

Ed took in a couple deep breaths, nearly on the verge of panting from all the yelling. Something wasn’t right. Ed took a moment to really look at Al. He looked confused and… Al looked scared. Of him.

Ed took a step backward. This— this wasn’t his Al. This was someone else.

“I think we should go back to the others,” Al said quietly, and Ed realized he had no other choice but to comply.

Ed let Al lead the way as they walked back, considering Ed had no idea how to traverse this maze of a castle. Ed was quiet. For once, he had nothing to say.

So that was it. He was really alone. No one remembered him.

That was just… that was insane .

“Brother?”

Ed looked up and realized they were already back in the garden. Everyone was staring at him.

“Yeah, what?”

“I was just saying goodbye.”

Ed deflated. “Oh. Bye.”

Al and Brosh walked off after that. They might as well have been a million miles away for all Ed cared. Al wasn’t any help after all.

Fuck. So much for that.

“You seem disappointed,” Ross noted.

“How can I not be after that shitshow?”

“ Language .” There was a pause, then a soft pat on his back. “It’ll be alright, Edward.”

Ed hated the way Ross was talking to him, like a kid. He swallowed hard. Whatever.

So, Al was a bust. But there was something else that had been on Ed's mind.

He clapped his hands together, pleasantly surprised as lighting crackled around his forearm and a sharp blade grew from his automail.

So his alchemy still worked, and even no transmutation circle. Huh.

And suddenly, there was a hand grabbing his metal wrist, jerking him forward harshly.

“Edward! What are you doing?” Ross whisper-shouted. “Stop using alchemy immediately! Your father would be furious if he found out!”

Father? Van Hohenheim ? That bastard? What the hell did he have to do with this?

Ed was about to argue back, but then he saw the look on Ross’ face. Her eyes were worried, strained. He bit back his anger.

He tersely yanked his wrist out of her grasp. “Okay. Sorry.” With a couple electric sparks, the dagger shrunk back into his automail.

“Are you trying to make me angry today?”

“No! Goddamn. Sorry.”

Ross pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s alright, Edward. Just please be more careful. Not everyone is quite as forgiving as me.”

So now Ed couldn’t even use his alchemy anymore without getting yelled at? What kind of fucked up, twisted world had he landed in? What a nightmare.

Okay, so: Al was a bust, alchemy was a bust, and that left…

“So, do you know, uh, Winry? Is she around?”

Ross nodded. “Winry’s usually in her workshop by now. Perhaps we can look for her there.”

Ed grinned. Bingo.

When they got to Winry’s workshop, she didn’t even notice their existence. Only the back of Winry’s head was visible as she sat at her desk, hunched over and tinkering on some piece of automail.

Ed softened. Still an automail freak.

“Hello?” Ross asked. “Didn’t you hear the knock at the door?”

Winry turned from her seat and her face lit up.

Ed got one look at Winry and nearly gasped.

Winry’s hair was cut short, tied back into a low ponytail instead of her usual high one. She wore a dark blue button-up and trousers, along with a trench coat. On top of that, she adorned a deep blue broach on top of her ruff. Ed had to admit, the outfit suited her.

She smiled warmly at him. “Hey, Ed.”

He was a blushing mess. He hid his face behind his hand. “Uh, hey.”

Holy shit. How was she acting so normal when he looked like this ? He felt like he was going to die from embarrassment any minute now.

Winry stood up and Ed bit back a swear. She was still taller than him. Even in heels. Chin level. Why was the world so cruel?

Ross subtly-not-so-subtly let herself out of the room. “I’ll leave you two to it,” she said before leaving. Traitor.

Oh, fuck. Now they were alone. Why was he acting so weird? It was just Winry. Be normal, damnit!

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Uh–uhm, so. W–what're you working on?”

She glanced back at the automail leg on her desk, nuts and bolts strewn across the messy workstation. “Oh, this? Nothing, really. Just an assignment for one of my classes.”

“Classes?” he echoed. Winry went to school?

“Mechanical Designs II. We have to come up with an original automail design. Honestly, it’s one of my more exciting classes.”

“Right, yeah.”

He took another glance around the workshop. It was eerily similar to how it’d normally look back in Resembool. Screwdrivers, wrenches, and other knick knacks hung on the wall above her work desk. Hundreds of different parts and screws were sprawled across the desk, in a way that Winry always insisted was her 'organized chaos.’ Unfinished automail and stray schematics laying every which way were spread across the floor. There was even that old cot in the corner of her room in case she had to work overtime. The room even smelled like her, of oil and iron. It was almost nostalgic, in a way. Like home.

A hand trailed over Ed's hair and he nearly flinched from the sudden contact. Winry took his hair into her hands and examined the braid.

“You braided your hair today.”

“Yeah? So?”

She let out a small giggle. “Oh, nothing. You usually leave it down, is all. It looks nice.”

Ed’s face felt hot. He looked away before Winry had the chance to catch it. She moved back to her desk, already back to work.

“Whatever.”

Winry tilted her head. “You’re acting weird today.”

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

She snorted. “Okay, weirdo.”

This was… nice. Out of everyone, it seemed Winry had changed the least. Same as ever.

Ed went to lean back against her desk. “So, what’s up with Al?”

Winry looked up from her work. “You talked to Alphonse?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad. It’s good to see you trying to reconnect.”

Just what was she implying? Weird.

“Yeah, yeah. So, can someone tell me why I’m not allowed to use alchemy around here?”

Winry’s light expression turned dark. “Ed, don’t joke about things like that.”

“W–what? I’m asking genuinely!”

“What else is there to say?”

“I dunno, maybe let’s start with why ?”

She made a frustrated noise, turning back to her automail. “Can we just drop it?”

“Fine.”

“Geez, what's up with you today? Did you hit your head or something?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ed asked incredulously.

“It means you’re being an idiot!”

“What?! If anyone's the idiot here, it’s you, you gearhead!”

“Ha! Big talk for someone who only has a right arm right now because of me! Like it or not, you’re stuck with me!”

That got Ed to falter. She’d given him his arm in this world, too.

“Fine. Sorry.”

Winry softened, lightly bonking him on the head with her wrench. “You moron.”

Ed and Winry stayed like that for a while. Ed off to the side, watching her work. She normally would’ve kicked him out by now, but this time she didn’t. They didn’t talk much, besides the occasional comments, but they didn’t need to. The silence was comfortable.

He thought about asking Winry more questions like he did with Al, but he decided better of it. He was already suspicious enough as is. Plus, he didn’t really want to ruin this thing they had going on, at least not yet.

But, it didn’t take long for Ross to come back. She walked up and grabbed Ed by the shoulders and began dragging him towards the door.

Ed dug his heels into the ground, halting Ross. “Woah, woah! What the hell!”

“It’s time for tutoring. You’ve had your fun.”

“Like, school?”

“Indeed. Did you forget what day it is?” Winry snickered and Ed shot her a glare.

“Okay! Do you really have to manhandle me?”

Ross thought to herself for a moment. “Well, yes. You’re usually even more rambunctious.”

Gee, well that was comforting.

“I’m going. Chill.”

Winry shot Ed a consoling smile as they left, and he returned it with a thumbs up.

He hadn’t been to school in… Well, since he joined the military.

Ed had pretty much given up on school after Mom died. For a while he still went, but only to keep up appearances. He’d stay up late staring at his father’s alchemy books, eyes going over the words hundreds of times, trying to wrap his head around nearly impossibly complex topics. He’d go to school exhausted the next day and would end up being lectured by Winry or Al whenever he nodded off in class. He’d get mad at them, push them away. As the clock ticked on, the incessant nagging that he was running out of time never left the back of Ed’s mind. It was exhausting.

But he still just barely held on, if only because every day was a new opportunity toward the hope of seeing Mom’s smile again.

He was so cocky back then. Thought he could even bring the dead back to life. And, well, everyone knew how spectacularly that had ended up.

Some part of him must've known it was fleeting. But he couldn’t give up, because that would mean admitting the truth.

School, Ed decided, still sucked ass.

A finger snapped in front of Ed’s face. “Please pay attention, this is important.”

Ed had the urge to pound his head into the desk. “I know, I know!”

Ross looked over her notes again, shaking her head. “Honestly, what is going on with you today? You usually ace History.”

Ed bit back multiple swears. “I guess I’m just not feeling myself today.”

Ross glanced up from her papers. “Clearly.”

There were two things Ed hated most in the world. Milk, and not understanding something he knew he should've. In this case, the ladder was true.

Math and Science were easy. Those didn’t change, no matter what plane of existence you were on. But English, History? Total bullshit. How was he supposed to know what happened in some damn war when he barely even knew what day it was? The entire lesson had been frustrating, confusing, and just plain annoying. It reminded him of when the Colonel wouldn’t get off his ass about his messy case reports.

Ross organized her papers, neatly beginning to pack things up. “We have a lot of work to catch up on tomorrow since you’re so insistent on being difficult today.”

“Thank you so much for the commentary,” Ed grumbled, face-planting down on the desk.

“I didn’t mean—” Ross sighed. “I’m sorry for being harsh. Is there anything you would like to do?”

Ed lifted his head. “Anywhere around here I can, y’know, read a book?”

“You mean the library?”

“Yeah, that.

“Well, I’m sure you’d much prefer working at your study, if that’s what you mean.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Ross’ face was expectant. She let the silence drag on a little longer before she sighed and asked, “Would you like me to take you there?”

Ed nodded rapidly, putting on his flashiest smile.

When they got to the proclaimed ‘study’ Ed couldn’t help but feel unsettled. It reminded him of the bastard’s study. Same desk, same bookshelves stuffed to the brim full of books. It was so similar it was unnerving. Thinking about that put a bad taste in his mouth.

He and Al would spend hours in that study, sifting through research notes, and reading books about alchemy. Then, after Mom died, they poured nearly everything into that research. Now it wasn’t just making neat little trinkets to get Mom to smile, it was their mom’s life on the line. They found notes their father had left behind, tucked away in the very back of his bookshelves, coded to be nearly impossible to decipher. Ed never gave up, though, staying up to the late hours of the night, when Al had already fallen asleep on a stack of books and the sky outside was turning light.

Ed would go to the back of the library specifically searching for those old, dusty cryptic notes that alchemists would sometimes leave behind. Sometimes they lead to a dead end, sometimes they didn't. But that didn’t matter. He didn’t need the entire answer, he just needed enough pieces of the truth to stitch together an answer. He was so proud of himself when he finally found that answer. It wasn’t the right one.

He was so stupid bad then. Those childhood memories were bitter now, ruined. He’d never get them back.

A hand was on his shoulder. Ed snapped out of his thoughts.

“Are you alright?” Ross asked.

Ed shook his head. “Yeah, fine. Sorry, just thinking.”

“I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be just around the corner outside if you need me.” Without another word, Ross left the room, gently shutting the door behind her.

Ed finally approached the desk, a journal on it still left half open. He swept a hand over the pages, skimming over its contents. He stiffened when he fully processed what he was reading.

This was research about… fashion ?! The fuck ? No, this couldn’t be right. He flipped another page, then another, and another. It was all just… sketches of dresses, shoes, necklaces. He grabbed a book left on the table and read the title: Fashion Illustration and Design .

What the hell!

Ed ran over to the bookshelves, going through book after book. Shape language, color theory, design, illustration, fashion, fashion, fashion ! He tossed the remaining books to the floor, huffing in frustration. Where was all the alchemical research? He sighed. Should he even be surprised at this point?

There was a knock at the door before Ross popped her head in through the doorway. “Hey, I’m here to let you know dinner’s ready…” Her words trailed off. “What happened in here?”

Ed faltered, scratching his head. “I, uh…”

Ross shook her head, already beginning to pick the books on the floor up. “Aren’t you a little old to be throwing temper tantrums?”

“Well, you see, it’s—” Ed had nothing. “Sorry about the mess.”

“It’s nothing, dear. I’ll handle it. Why don’t you go join the others for dinner, if you’re willing.”

“Sure…”

Should he just leave her? It felt wrong, but the way she was glaring at him meant she was going to be even angrier if he didn’t high tail his ass out of here right now. So, Ed sprinted out the door, before quickly coming to a stop when he realized, oh yeah , he had no idea where the dining room even was. Damnit.

After a lot of loitering and eventually a baffled look from Ross, Ed managed to find the dining room with her help. Brosh and Al were already there, waiting for them.

To call it just a dining room would be an understatement. The place was huge . A large table stretched all the way across the room, long enough to be able to feed what must’ve been around twenty people. It had a bright red tablecloth and fancy tableware. The napkins were even folded into neat little flowers. Hanging from the ceilings were three massive chandeliers, with so many intricate glass details that Ed’s eyes got lost.

Al, who was already seated, acknowledged him with a mildly bewildered stare. Okay, weird . Maybe he was still freaked out from their earlier talk?

Ed scanned the area. Where should he even sit? Would it be too strange if he sat down right next to Al? Wait, why would that be weird? Ed didn’t know anymore. Why was picking a goddamn seat to sit in somehow stressful?

Ross, as always, saved him the trouble of having to decide by guiding him to a chair placed all the way at the end of the table. Awesome, so now he’d have to shout if he wanted to talk to anyone. Ross took a seat beside him.

Ed looked down at his empty plate. Why were there like a million spoons and forks? Did rich people really need that many different options for one meal? It was ridiculous.

When Winry finally stepped into the dining room, she wore that same look of shock that Al had. She did a double take before finally seeming to realize that, yes, Ed was in fact a real person sitting here.

Ed was getting sick of this act. He stood up, walked over to her, and started waving a hand in front of her face. “Hello? Winry?”

She blinked, pulling on that same unassuming smile. “Oh! Hi, Ed!”

Ed rolled his eyes. “You gonna take a seat or what?”

She nodded, distracted. “Sure, sure.”

When the food was finally brought out, it did not disappoint. Roasted chicken, spiced vegetables, loaves of bread and cheeses. Safe to say, he dug in immediately, shoveling whatever he could manage into his mouth. The only thing that got him to pause was Al, who’d barely touched his plate.

Al looked up from his plate. “Where’s father?”

Ross’ smile strained. “Your father could not attend today, unfortunately.”

Ed couldn’t care less about that bastard, but he didn’t miss the way Al’s lips curved downward.

“Oh. I see.”

Ed nearly laughed. It was just like him to not show up. What a joke.

He continued eating, only to stop again when he noticed two pairs of eyes directly on him. Winry and Al were staring at him like he’d grown another head.

“What?” Ed asked. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Al began quietly. “It’s just…”

“You usually eat in your room these days,” Winry finished.

He did? That was weird.

“Yeah, well, I thought I’d change things up today.”

They both still held that perplexed look on their faces, but they seemed to get the hint and went back to eating their food. 

The clinking of utensils on plates was getting on his nerves.

It was eerily quiet. By now someone would’ve said something. Al would start making light conversation about what they did today, or Winry would get mad at Ed for whatever reason and start lecturing him. But no one said anything. Everyone continued eating in silence, taking bites of their food as if this were normal .

Ed’s hand tightened around his fork, stuffing some roasted potatoes more aggressively than what was technically necessary into his mouth. But, damnit, he couldn’t help it! Nothing about this was normal.

By the time the meal was nearly finished, Winry was eyeing Ed’s glass of milk which was still full. It was in a fancier glass, sure, but milk was still milk, and as gross as ever.

“Ed…” Winry started. “Drink your milk!”

Oh, not this again!

He crossed his arms and looked away indignantly. “I don’t wanna.”

Winry stood up suddenly, slamming her hands down on the table. “If you don’t you’ll be short forever!”

Ed responded by doing the same. “I’m not drinking the damned stuff!”

Winry shot him a glare so electric it could’ve killed.

Ross laughed, leaning over and murmuring to Brosh, “I’ve missed this, haven’t you?”

When dinner was finally over, Ed took the opportunity to finally talk to Ross about something that’d been on his mind all day.

“So, why is everyone being so secretive about alchemy?”

Ross hummed. “It’s nothing, dear.”

Ed drew to a stop behind Ross. He needed to ask this now or he never would.

“I’m serious. Why does it feel like— like alchemy isn’t allowed or something?”

Ross’ shoulders stiffened mechanically before she whirled around. “Edward, you’re forbidden from using alchemy, ever ! Can’t you understand that?”

Ed’s eyes widened. “I’m… sorry.”

Ross shook her head sadly. “Please, just go to bed. You need your rest.”

Ed was forced to put on another dress, in the form of a nightgown. But, okay, he had to admit, maybe the nightgown was a little comfortable.

The makeup came off easily enough, with just a little soap and water. Ed wiped the towel over his face again, and suddenly he looked like him again. This body was a lot paler than his, leaner and scrawnier. Still had those dark eye bags, though. Some things never changed.

When Ross wished him goodnight, he couldn’t help but feel guilty as she turned off the lights.

Ed stared up at the dark ceiling. There was something he was forgetting, something important… What was it? He rolled over onto his side. Maybe he’d remember tomorrow.

If there was any justice in the world, tomorrow he’d wake up and be back in his own universe.

Chapter Text

There was no justice in this world, and Ed did not wake up in his own universe.

So. He was still here. Damnit.

Ed rolled over in bed, flopping his face into a pillow and screaming. This was hell. After a while of this, he kicked the covers off.

He was going to find out what the fuck was going on around here one way or another.

Okay, first things first. He needed to get into something he could actually fight in.

He headed for the closet and stepped through the entryway. His mood quickly dampened. Every single thing in here was some form of a dress. Big, frilly, glittery dresses. What did a guy have to do to get a pair of pants around here?

The click of the door signaled that Ross was already here. Oh fuck.

“Up early today, I see?” she mused.

Ed quickly turned around, trying his best not to look suspicious. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, uh. Trying to figure out what to wear, I guess.”

Ross stepped into the massive walk-in closet to stand next to him. “Oh, certainly. There are plenty of options to choose from. What were you thinking?”

“Maybe something more casual today?” He shrugged.

Ross nodded, then smiled in that practiced way that unsettled him. Sure, when Lieutenant Maria Ross had first been assigned to essentially babysit him and Al she’d looked out for them, but she never forced any smiles or pleasantries after the beginning. It was… odd.

She scooted Ed out of the room while she searched—said she wanted it to be a surprise or something dumb like that.

Ed began to rummage through the room immediately. Something, anything he could use to his advantage. He promptly opened drawers at random, searching through whatever he could to try to find something useful. Unfortunately, most of what he found wasn’t much help. Hairbrushes and makeup and fancy necklaces, nothing he cared about. There had to be something in this massive room that could help him!

When he got to one of the last drawers, right under one of the main desks, it didn’t budge. Huh. He tried again.

Locked. Hmm.

Sneaky. That was interesting. Now what would someone need to hide inside here? One way or another, Ed was going to find out.

He could try to open it with alchemy, but… Damnit, Ross was right over there . The light from the transmutation alone would attract too much attention. Think, Ed, think !

Just as Ed was mulling over trying to pry it open with a pair of scissors, Ross came marching out of the closet. Why wasn’t anything in his life ever easy?

When Ross brought out the dress, he was a little annoyed to find it still frivolous and obnoxiously poofy. Although he couldn’t complain too much, it was a lot more toned down from yesterday’s— yellow and cropped shorter so it didn’t touch the ground, with straps instead of poofy sleeves. It had an interesting flower pattern across the fabric and— wait, why did he care! This was stupid girly stuff.

He put up less of a fight this time when Ross went to dress him. No point, really. He couldn’t afford to waste any more time.

When it came to his hair, Ross insisted on doing it herself. He agreed, but only if it included some sort of braid. When she was done, Ed was surprised to find that she had done an intricate hairstyle, a french braid starting from the top left of his scalp and swirling into a bun in the back of his head. He had to commend the craftsmanship, it was neat.

“All done! How pretty!”

Ed struggled not to blush. “Actually, uh, I was wondering if you could get me some more uh… jewelry to wear? Like, maybe a bracelet?”

Ross brightened. “What a wonderful idea! I’ll be right back!”

With her busy with that, Ed went for the locked drawer. Ed tried at the drawer again, struggling to yank it open. This should’ve been easy ! One little lock was nothing for him! But his muscles felt weak, already beginning to grow sore from the harsh motions of pulling. That was weird. His arms didn’t look as toned as they usually did, maybe this body just wasn’t as strong as his real one.

What a pain in the ass.

Ross returned with the jewelry too soon, and Ed was resigned to his fate. He put on the sparkly jeweled bracelet she’d brought back in shame.

He really wanted to snoop more, but that was kind of impossible with Ross hovering around him at all times of the day. Urgh. He had to find a way to shake her.

When they walked out of his room, he was surprised to find someone already waiting for him.

It was Winry. Today she was wearing a simpler outfit, a blue jacket lined with gold patterns on the edges of the sleeves and breasts. Her hair was pulled back again. Winry with shorter hair really was quite cute.

“Winry? What’re you doing here?” Ed asked.

She gave him an odd look. “It’s time for your automail checkup, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, right.” Fuck. He really needed to get better at this whole lying thing.

“Wonderful!” Ross said, clapping her hands together. “We can all go together.”

Great…

When they got to Winry’s workshop, Ed sat down in a chair next to Winry, with Ross standing off to the side.

Winry gave Ross a small smile. “Mind if you give us a little privacy? I work better with fewer people in the room.”

“Of course, Prince Winry. I’ll just be outside if you need anything.”

Prince? he nearly stammered as Ross left the room. He caught himself before he had the chance to voice this out loud, that was becoming a bad habit of his.

Despite this, Ed failed to conceal his expression. Winry gave him a curious glance.

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Sorry.”

Winry narrowed her eyes, but let it go. “Alright.”

Ed pulled his right sleeve down and removed his glove rather than just taking his shirt off. She inspected his arm first, then began to make some adjustments with her screwdriver.

For the first time, Ed took the time to really look at his automail. It looked more archaic, still well crafted and refined, but older somehow. The design was interesting.

Winry continued to tighten some screws in his arm. She didn't look up as she asked, “Do you remember when you, me, and Alphonse all snuck out of the castle that one time?”

He didn't, but of course, he had no memories of this place— he’d gotten here yesterday. But he wasn't about to tell Winry that.

“Y–yeah,” he said, nodding slowly.

“How old were we? Six?” She tightened another screw, a little harder this time. He winced.

“Uh, right. That was fun.”

“Oh yeah! And what did you say to me afterward again?”

Huh? How the hell was he supposed to know? Goddamnit.

“I don’t remember what I said, sorry.”

She slammed her screwdriver onto the desk, standing suddenly. She was staring at Ed with venom in her eyes.

Uh oh. “What? What did I do?” he asked.

“We were five.”

“Huh?”

“We were five !” she repeated.

She went on, “When we were five, me and you snuck out of the castle. Alphonse wasn’t there. That was one of the first rebellious things we ever did together— you roped me into your scheme. After we got caught you would blabber on about it for days, saying how it was one of the ‘coolest’ things you ever did.” Her eyes were fogged over, lost in the memory. She smiled to herself. “I had a hunch you caught your rebellious streak that day. We promised each other to never forget it, and we made an oath that we’d always be there for eachother no matter what.”

Ed didn't know what to say. “I— Well, I was—” He suddenly felt so vulnerable, so exposed .

Winry pointed a finger at him. “So, who are you?”

“Sorry, what?” This was bizarre.

“You heard me. Who are you? You’re not Ed.”

Edward blinked. Once. Twice. “W–what?”

“Yesterday you called Alphonse Al. You’ve never called him that before. Ever. I knew something was up then,” Winry said.

“I— Is that really so weird?”

“Yeah. It is.”

Ed’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly so defensive, but maybe the idea of being called out just hadn’t once occurred to him. I mean, how would someone just figure that he was from an entirely different universe?

Winry, apparently. Winry had always been too smart for her own good. Damnit.

Ed sighed in resignation. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Aha! So who are you? Are you Ed’s secret evil twin or something?” She picked up her wrench and held it out like a weapon (it basically was).

Ed chose his next words carefully. “It's uh, a little more complicated than that. Please hear me out, okay?”

Winry lowered her guard a little, sitting back down, but didn't put away her wrench. “Okay… But no funny business!”

And so, Ed told her. He started by describing how he'd suddenly woken up in this body, this world (Ed was still coping with that reality himself). He told her a little about himself, the real him. How he and Al had tried to transmute their mom, how he’d lost his leg, and then later his arm when he’d bound his brother’s soul to a suit of armor. How he later joined the military, and they started their journey to get their bodies back. And also, how he had his own Winry in his world.

It felt good to finally be able to tell the truth. To be seen for him . When all was said and done, Winry just stared at him, aghast, like she didn't quite know which one of the crazy topics she should bring up first. After a few minutes of this, Ed got impatient.

“Well? What do you have to say?!” he asked.

“So you’re really… You’re not my Ed, are you?” She smiled softly, but there was a sadness lingering beneath her eyes. Defeat. “Oh my God.”

Oh no. She was starting to cry. What was he supposed to do? He was such an idiot! He’d made Winry cry again. He reached out, before stopping himself and letting his hand go limp. Fuck.

She started wiping at her tears, sniffing. “Sorry, it's just— I promised I’d always be there to protect him.”

After a long silence, Ed said quietly, “I understand… wanting to protect someone. My brother, Al. We were always together before this, it's weird being without him.”

Winry nodded in understanding. She wiped away the last of her tears and took a deep breath. “I guess I should reintroduce myself. My name’s Prince Winry Rockbell, of Cantralia.”

Ed nearly forgot to reply to a second, still reeling from the whirl of emotions. “Okay… Edward Elric. I was born in a small rural town called Resembool.”

Winry nodded. “So, you were in the military?”

Ed nearly laughed. That wasn't the first thing he expected her to be questioning.

“Yeah. I was a state alchemist.” He wondered when he’d begun to refer to his life in the past tense.

“What's that?”

“It basically means I was a dog of the military. I’m an alchemist who has to obey whatever order they tell me. I only got certified so I had more access to government research.”

“Oh, that makes sense. And you joined when you were only twelve?”

“Yup.”

“Jesus. And then your mom—”

“Did that when I was ten.”

“But that’s when…” She shook her head. “Nothing, it's all just a lot to take in.”

Ed nodded, but couldn’t shake the feeling that she was still hiding something from him.

Ed stood up. “I need to know what the fuck is going on if I’m gonna be staying here.”

Indefinitely was what Ed didn’t say. It almost felt like if he admitted it out loud, that he was really trapped here, that it’d become true. The thought was terrifying.

“What do you wanna know?”

“First of all, tell me where the fuck I am!”

She smiled a little. “Okay. That's easy enough.”

Winry stood as well, swept the clutter aside, pulled out a map and spread it across the desk. She pointed to the center.

“This is Amestria, where we are.”

“Amestria?” he repeated dumbly. When she gave him a weird look, he said, “My country is called Amestris. And, it’s a lot more whole.”

He referred to the gaping hole in the country, the northwest area of Amestris— Amestria — taken up by an entirely new country.

“That’s called Cantralia. It’s the country I’m from.”

“It is? Wait, wait. Hold on, how are you a prince ?”

“The same way you’re a princess.”

Ed gave her a bemused look. “That's not— that's not how it works! Boys are princes and girls are princesses!”

Winry raised an eyebrow. “What? That’s weird. Here you get to choose your title.”

“So then the— the dresses ? I chose this?”

“Obviously. You’ve always liked dresses.”

Ed couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Are you kidding me?!”

She laughed a little. “What do you usually wear?”

“ Anything but this! Guys wearing dresses, wearing makeup, jewelry, it’s just not done!”

“Pfft, that's weird.”

“You're weird!”

“I can live with that.”

Ed shut his mouth. Okay, he had lost this argument big time. He at least had enough pride to admit that.

The rest of the map was surprisingly typical. Drachma, Creeta, Aerugo and Xing were all in their usual places, besides some of the border lines being drawn a little differently. The desert bordering Xing was even in the same place. He wondered if the ruins of Xerxes still existed in this world, or if it had never existed to begin with. The castle they were in was in the central area of Amestria, in a city called Capital City. Ed was getting deja vu big time.

Once he had seen enough, Ed looked up from the map. “So, I have an ask.”

Winry crossed her arms. “As long as it’s not illegal.”

“Oh, it’s perfectly legal.” He grinned. “Any idea where your Ed might have hidden a key?”

Ed and Winry had slipped out of the room as quietly as possible, going past Ross while her back was turned and running down the hallway. Ed had to temporarily take off his heels in order to make as little noise as possible.

When they got to his room, Winry immediately headed for the closet and began rummaging around. She picked up heels, looking into their soles, before sloppily throwing them to the ground.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ed asked frantically.

“Shh! I’m looking!”

Urghh. Ed couldn’t help but bounce his foot nervously, peering around the corner every so often to make sure Ross wasn’t about to sneak up on them. When Winry pulled out a pair of bright pink heels and yelled Aha! Ed raised a brow.

She put her hand into the shoe and pulled out a golden key. She smiled smugly. “He always uses the same old tricks.”

“He hid it in his shoes ?”

“You’d be surprised how effective of a hiding place it is. He doesn't let anyone except Ms. Ross touch anything in his closet.”

“Seriously?”

“Can you really blame him? These dresses are worth a fortune.”

Well damn. Okay.

Ed took in the mess that Winry had created, a massive pile of high-heels of nearly every color. “Then I’m sure he’d be thrilled to find out what you’ve done with the place.”

“Well, he’s not here.” He noticed the way her head dipped.

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

She shook her head, handing him the key. “What did you need this for anyways?”

Ed led Winry to the locked drawer, explaining his suspicions about it. Winry, apparently, didn’t know what was hidden inside either. She put the key up to the lock, but her hand hovered.

“What are you waiting for?” Ed asked, a little frustrated.

“It’s just— what if it’s something bad?”

Ed rolled his eyes, grabbing the key from her and shoving it into the lock. It turned with a satisfying click, and the drawer popped open.

Only a single journal lay in the center of the drawer. Ed pulled it out and examined the leather binding. The journal read: Edward’s Diary <3 in bright pink cursive letters. Ed nearly gagged. This was so incredibly girly .

Just as Ed was about to flip to the first page, Winry caught his wrist.

“Wait. This is an invasion of privacy, isn’t it?”

Ed threw her a scowl. He knew just how thoughtful Winry could be about privacy, considering his pocket watch.

“Yeah, well, privacy kinda went out the window the minute I landed here. Get used to it.”

She made a disapproving noise, but nothing more.

He opened to the first page, which only had the words written in bold, FOR MY EYES ONLY!!! Ed nearly laughed. Pfft, as if that was going to stop anyone from looking further.

He expected to find a bunch of cheesy diary entries when he began flipping through the pages, which they were, but something was off. Something about the way these were written felt familiar. He could’ve sworn there were references within the passages. What was he missing?

Ed paused for a beat, then slapped his forehead. How had he not seen this earlier?!

This wasn’t just some average diary, talking about mushy feelings and boring everyday life. All of these entries referred to alchemy in some way. It was coded .

Holy shit. So the Ed from this world was into alchemy, too. So why was he not allowed to use it?

Ed set the diary down. He needed to decipher this later.

“Looks like your Ed wasn't too keen on following the little alchemy ban, either. These are all alchemical notes.”

“Huh? No way.” Winry picked up the diary and began to skim it. “But this all just looks like your average diary logs to me.”

“Alchemists hide their research in code so it doesn't get into the wrong hands. They disguise it in some way— my alchemical research was written as travel logs.”

“Wait, that's actually really smart,” Winry said.

Ed smiled. “Thanks for the compliment.”

“Wait, but then… he really was doing alchemy. For how long?!” She flipped to the beginning of the diary and found a date. “Oh my God. Years…” she murmured. “He was lying to me for years.”

Ed shrugged. “What’s the big deal?”

“You don’t get it!” Winry snapped. “He would’ve told me! He wouldn’t have just— just gone behind my back like that! We told each other everything.”

“Everyone has secrets.”

“But we didn’t!”

A sliver of guilt struck Ed then, as he remembered all the times he’d kept his own secrets from Winry—even Al— and how hurt she’d been when she’d been left out of the loop. Why had he done that?

Ed sighed. “I’m sorry. Maybe you just didn’t know him as well as you thought you did.”

Winry didn’t meet his eyes. “...I guess not.”

Their conversation was cut off by the distinct sound of heels echoing down the hallways.

Ed flinched, starling. Fuck, fuck . He grabbed the diary and threw it back into the drawer, quickly locking it. He went to put the key into his pocket before realizing, oh yeah , he was wearing a fucking dress.

Winry stared at him urgently, as if asking him what was taking him so long. He looked around frantically before finally just handing the key to Winry.

“Huh? Are you sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, keep it with you for now. I trust you.”

She nodded. “Alright. But we need to leave now . Where should we go?”

Ed thought for a moment. If this diary was packed full of notes, it was likely the study was as well. The fashion talk was just a ruse, a disguise for the real research being conducted there. And hell, he had to admit it was fucking clever.

“Come on,” Ed said, motioning for Winry to follow. “I know just the place.”

They’d avoided Ross by just a hair, which was too close for Ed’s comfort. He could hear her yelling his name as he and Winry ran down to hallway, making a break for the study. When they finally made it, slamming the door shut behind them, only then did Ed feel relieved.

“Why’d you take us here?” Winry asked.

“Same reason. I’m willing to bet my left foot that all his fashion ‘research’ and ‘notes’ were also just a disguise for alchemy.”

Winry’s face crumpled. “Seriously?”

“Yep.”

Immediately Ed began sifting through some of the journals that were lying around on the desk, starting with the most recent ones and gradually working his way through them. He didn’t have much time, so he mostly skimmed them, logging tidbits he found more prominent in the back of his brain to analyze later.

It was surprising how thorough some of these notes were, complete with sketches in the corner of the pages, disguised as jewelry or dress designs. References to ancient prophecies often found in older research, like the books Ed had found in his father’s study as a child. Even the shape language of some of the dress sketches were codes, Ed began to realize. They weren’t just neat little patterns, they were transmutation circles. He was willing to bet if he folded the paper in a certain way, it’d reveal the circle’s true pattern.

“What’s it say?” Winry asked, leaning over his shoulder.

“Give me a minute, damn! I have to figure out what all this means first.”

Winry backed off a little but continued watching him work. No wonder Winry always kicked him out when she was working on automail— being perceived sucked.

This was way harder than deciphering Dr. Marco’s notes. Whatever the other Ed had been researching, he had wanted it hidden . Ed had always thought that his own alchemical notes were pretty cryptic, having Al check them frequently to make sure they were hidden well, but this might as well have been another damn language.

He didn’t even have Al to help him this time. Ed dropped his head against the table in defeat.

“Hey, don’t give up now! You can do this!” Winry cheered.

“Please spare me the enthusiasm.”

“I thought it would help.”

Ed sighed, long and exasperated. “Just— give me a day or so. It’s not gonna get done overnight. I’ll let you know when I’m finished deciphering this shit.”

“That’s such a long time,” she whined.

“How do you think I feel when you’re working on fixing my automail for three solid days straight?!”

Winry looked confused. “Huh? It’s never taken me three days to fix up your automail before.”

“Oh, right.” Ed faltered. “That was my Winry. When I, uh, accidentally got my automail destroyed.”

“ What?! ”

Ed rubbed at the back of his neck. “It's a long story, haha.”

“If you ever do much as lay a scratch on my beautiful automail I’ll kill you myself!”

“Okay! Damn!” Winry was as bossy as ever.

When Ed got to the point of reading and then re-reading sentences because his brain hadn’t actually processed it, he knew he needed a break. He sighed, leaning back in his chair and kicking his legs up onto the table. He let his mind drift a little.

“So, wait—” he thought suddenly, “If you’re a prince from another country, why are you staying here?”

He hadn’t even thought to question it earlier, all those years living with Winry in his own world made her presence a given.

Winry thought for a moment. “Huh? Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t know. Basically, our countries have had an alliance for a while now. Whenever my parents would come over for political reasons, they’d bring me, and vice versa. We always hung out as kids, so we basically grew up together. Right now I’m staying here for college since Amestria has one of the best schools for automail in the world, Amestria’s College for Engineering and Automail.”

Wow. Ed had never heard of an entire school being dedicated to automail engineering, but it sounded like a really cool idea. He was glad Winry was going. He wondered what it’d be like if Winry had gone to school for automail instead of learning from the old hag.

He was just about to voice his thoughts, when—

“PRINCESS EDWARD!”

Oh shit.

Winry gave him a pitying smile. “Uh oh. Looks like she found you.”

The door shot open. “ Edward ! You are in big trouble young man!”

He pointed at himself meekly. “Huh? Little ol’ me?”

Ross wasn't buying it for a second. “You know exactly what you’re doing!” This time when she went to drag him by his nape, he didn't struggle. He was just a little terrified. “Next time you try to hide to avoid your studies, at least leave Prince Winry out of it.”

Ross turned to Winry. “And Prince Winry?”

Winry’s eyes looked horrified. “Um, yes?”

“It was good seeing you, dear. Keep up the good work with your automail.”

“Yes, Ms. Ross! Thank you!”

Ed threw her a glare, and she stuck her tongue out at him in return. Lucky. She wasn’t the one who was getting yelled at.

Ross pulled him out into the hallway, shutting the door behind her.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Ross yelled.

Ed crossed his arms. “I was thinking that I never get any damn space!”

He was being a brat. He knew it. But he couldn’t help it, it was just so annoying never getting any freedom, any privacy around here!

Ross’ eyes hardened. “Look—  complain all you want, I don’t care, but do not go running off without telling me first! What if something had happened, what if you had gotten hurt ? I wouldn’t be there to protect you.”

“I can protect myself just fine,” he murmured.

She put a hand on her hip. “Oh, can you, Edward?”

“Yeah!” he leveled back.

“Okay. Hit me.”

“W–what? No!”

She narrowed her eyes. “Go ahead. You say you can protect yourself, so protect yourself from me.”

She was really starting to get on his nerves. “You know what, fine!”

He threw a punch at her right shoulder, but his fist was caught easily.

What the fuck? Why was he so slow? His aim was all off, too.

She threw him a presumptuous stare.

“L–let me try again!” he said suddenly.

“By all means.”

He tried again, with a little more vigor this time, and was surprised when Ross evaded him easily, slipping behind him and titling him off-axis. He fumbled and fell to the ground, landing on his ass.

What the fuck what that ! He was better than this! This body wasn’t listening to him at all.

“See?” Ross said. “If someone came at you with the intent to hurt you, you’d already be dead by now.”

Ed slowly stood, rubbing at his sore spot. “Okay… point taken.”

Ross sighed, and then said, “Alright. It’s time for your second lesson of the day.”

Headache. Ed officially had a headache.

He hated school. He hated every second of it. And he especially hated being bad at school.

It was hard enough trying to pay attention to topics he didn’t care about, but even more so when he had all these thoughts running through his head. In the back of his mind he was going over the alchemic notes the other Ed had left behind— wracking his brain at what certain phrases could mean, searching for references and consistencies in the writing.

“Are we done yet?” Ed asked.

“Yes, Princess Edward, your lesson today is finished.”

“Hell yeah!” he cheered.

“ Language .”

“That isn’t even a real swear! Hell should count as, like, a half swear at most.”

Ross rolled her eyes, continuing to collect papers and books as she packed them up into neat little folders and binders.

Ed rested his chin in his palm, yawning loudly. Who knew a day full of no fighting could wear you out so much?

He sat up straight when he noticed two figures approaching. Ross and him were currently in the library, and even the subtle creak of the doors opening was enough noise to alert him.

Oh, it was just Al and Brosh. What were they doing here?
“Hello, Prince Al, Denny. What a pleasant surprise,” Ross greeted.

“Are you, um, going to have a break soon?” Al asked quietly. He was nearly completely hidden behind Brosh, not making eye contact as he spoke.

“Just finishing up, dear,” Ross replied.

Al’s feet shuffled slightly, his hands fidgeting, as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. It was an odd quirk that Ed had never seen Al do before.

“Umm…” he began, then stopped and whispered something into Brosh’s ear.

Brosh stepped forward. “Prince Al wanted to know if you'd like to accompany him on a walk, Princess Edward.”

“Yeah, sure, why not.”

He needed some air anyway, sitting in this library for hours on end was making him antsy.

Al’s eyes lit up, and all at once Ed was stricken by how much they looked like Mom’s.

They walked through the same garden Ed had seen Al in yesterday. Ed walked beside Al as he took in the garden, treading along the windy, maze-like dirt path. Flowers of nearly every color surrounded them, sprouting from bushes or the ground in clusters, dotting the land like gemstones.

Ross and Brosh both trailed not too far behind them, likely so they didn’t slip out of their sights. The babysitting still irked Ed to no end, but at least he wasn’t completely trapped.

For a while, they walked in eerie silence, as Ed struggled to come up with something to say. There were no memories for him to call upon, no old inside jokes to bring up, not even alchemy, their one shared interest that they had always loved. Nothing.

A well of anxiety began to seep into Ed’s chest. There was a wall between them, a wall that Ed had never felt with Alphonse before. He hated it. He wanted to grab Al by the shoulders and scream at him, tell him he would be there for him no matter what, that they’d always be brothers.

But he couldn’t. He’d never understand, and a part of Ed feared he never would.

Ed felt sick to his stomach.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Ed hated every word that had just come out of his mouth. It sounded so unnatural, so stiff.

Al hadn’t seemed to notice. He nodded. “It is. I like coming out here to clear my head. Sometimes I even help tend to the garden.”

That was something. Ed latched onto that like a lifeline.

“Hey, that’s pretty cool. Is it hard?”

Al blinked once, as if he were shocked Ed was even asking. “Oh, no, no. It’s not too hard, it’s actually pretty fun coming and seeing the growth of the flowers. Ha.”

Ed smiled. “When did that start?”

Al glanced away, looking embarrassed for some reason. “It’s been a while, actually. Since I was twelve.”

“Oh. Wow.”

Shit. Ed had fucked up, hadn’t he? That was definitely something the other Ed would’ve known. Although… weirdly, looking at Al’s face now, he didn’t notice any discrepancies within it. That was strange.

“Anyways,” Ed said when the silence lingered too long, “you gotta show me what you’ve grown sometime.”

“Really?” Al asked.

“Yeah,” Ed said, and hated how grateful Al looked afterward.

They kept walking in silence after that, but some of the tension had noticeably loosened. The wall was still there, but maybe a little less thick, a little less sturdy. They walked around the trail of the garden until the sun began to set, the pale blues of the sky mixing into inky oranges and bright pinks, with deep purples creeping against the earth’s edge. It was nice.

When they came to a stop, Al turned to him. “I enjoyed our walk,” Al said, too gently, too reserved. “I um… was wondering if you’d like to do it again sometime?”

Ed held Al’s eyes then, searching and searching. What he found was fear, fear of rejection maybe, but also hope. Maybe there was still a chance.

“Sure, sounds good to me,” Ed said finally, trying to keep his voice nonchalant.

He didn’t miss the way Al’s face visibly brightened. It made Ed sad. “Thank you, Brother.”

You shouldn’t be thanking me , Ed thought somewhere in the back of his mind.

When dinner came that night, it was a lot less awkward than the day before. Winry sat closer to Ed, bringing up old memories from their childhood that they could laugh about. It was interesting hearing what the other Ed had been up to when he was young. Getting into antics with Winry and generally causing mayhem throughout the castle. Ed tried to imagine a tiny little Ed running around in a big princess dress, causing grief for all the staff, and felt a little proud. Other Ed had seemed happy. Ross would often interject into Winry’s stories, adding her own side of the story. Ross’ smile only grew the further into the tales she got, and would shoot Ed knowing glances. The only one who seemed to stay silent was Al.

Where was he during all this? What was he doing? Ed wanted to find out.

The day neared to an end, and Ed found himself yet again exhausted, despite not having gotten into any real fights or anything. It was more like a mental exhaustion, but way more distinguished than normal. Like a weight pushing down against the back of his skull, pushing and pushing until—

Ed shivered. He didn’t want to think about what would happen once that pressure reached its edge. …He was probably just tired.

He sat down on the edge of his bed, taking in slow, deep breaths. He startled when he heard a knock on the door.

“Yeah, what is it?” he called.

Winry poked her head in through the doorway. “Hi, Ed. Can I come in?”

He nodded, waving her in, and stood up to greet her. “Hey, what’s up?”

Winry glanced around, whispering to Ed, “Where’s Ms. Ross?”

He nodded toward the closet. “Cleaning up the mess you made.”

She smiled sheepishly. “Oops. Sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah. So what is it?” He kept his voice neutral, maybe even a little annoyed, but he was secrety thrilled to see Winry. Maybe because so far she was the closest thing he’d gotten to feeling like he was back home.

Winry took a deep breath, then said, “I just wanted to say… don’t do anything stupid. Got it?”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Winry pinched the bridge of her nose, then began shouting, “It means don’t go and get yourself killed while I’m gone, okay?! I won’t always be able to be around to protect you.”

“You, protect me ?” Ed began to laugh a little.

Her face flushed red. “Shut up! I mean it!”

He stopped for a moment, searching her eyes. They were sincere, laced with genuine worry. Oh. Maybe she really was worried about him. Or rather, worried about this body, Ed thought bitterly.

“I’ll be careful. Don’t worry.”

She sighed in relief. “I’ll see you tomorrow, kay?”

Suddenly, she pulled him into a hug. He awkwardly pat her on the back, not really knowing what to do with himself. When she released him, she planted a small kiss on his cheek.

Before he could get a word out, she made for the door, leaving Ed gaping and staring after her. “Seeya tomorrow, Edward!”

Ed’s face was fuming, so hot he was sure he was about to pass out. What was that ?! He gingerly touched his fingers to his cheek, the side that she’d kissed. Holy shit.

Okay. That was crazy.

Ross came in, giving him a strange look. “Why is your face all red?” she asked.

“Um! It’s hot in here, isn’t it? Someone should open a window.”

She raised a curious brow but went to open the windows anyway. Ed tried to get a grip on himself while she was busy, doing breathing exercises. That was embarrassing.

Ross gave Ed a smile as he climbed into bed. “Goodnight, Edward.”

“Goodnight,” he whispered back.

The lights shut off, and darkness surrounded him. His eyes drooped shut.

It came in bits and pieces.

They were in an abandoned house—one of Mustang’s hideouts, he was sure.

King Führer Bradley— the head of the military— was a homunculus.

They were talking. Arguing, arguing, then—

Oh, right. Gluttony had escaped his chorded prison, furious with Mustang for killing Lust. The bastard was putting them in danger, like always. Barbed teeth sprouted from the homunculus' belly, a singular piercing eye rising from the center of the stomach.

All he thought was, Alchemy created that?

He remembered the sinking pit in his stomach as Mustang’s car drove off, as he palmed the gun Hawkeye had given him.

Envy showed up, and the real fight started. It was mainly a blur, a mix punches and alchemy being shot off left and right. The monster, Gluttony, had been thrown into Ling’s fight with Envy. Envy transformed into Lan Fan, catching Ling off guard. That second was all Gluttony had needed, opening his mouth wide and preparing to devour.

Ling wasn’t moving. Ed called out to him, reaching for him. He needed to save Ling—

White light. Impossibly bright. Then— darkness.

Ed’s eyes shot open.

He clutched his forehead, trying, trying to remember what happened next. A piercing headache took its place. Fuck .

What was he missing ?

It was important. He knew it was important, so why wasn't his brain working with him here?

He needed to remember.

Ling, Al, where are you?

Chapter Text

Edward was awake before Ross came to wake him up. His eyes still felt heavy, but he couldn’t fall back asleep. When he dreamed he was floating in a dark void, a limbo between space and reality. He would try to reach out for something—anything— but it was useless. He couldn’t do anything.

Ed shivered, trying to blink the cold, lingering feeling away.

When Ross finally came to wake him, she was surprised to find him already up and out of bed. Then she saw his face and asked, “Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

Ed shrugged. “Nah, it’s nothing. Didn’t sleep well.”

She frowned, but didn’t say anything more.

Ed decided to go see Winry early that morning. Weirdly enough, though, she wasn’t at her workshop.

“Of course,” Ross said when they found the room empty. “She must be training.”

Training ? Since when?

“Let’s go, then!”

Ross looked unsure, and Ed could already feel himself becoming annoyed.

“What? What’s the big deal?” he asked, impatient.

“Ah, it’s just— The knights usually like to keep their training sessions private.”

It was a bold faced lie and Ed knew it. Why was she so insistent about this?

“So what? Can’t I have access or something? I’m a fucking princess! Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“While it does, I’m afraid—”

Ed was already growing tired of this game. “What is it? Come on, tell me the real reason.”

Ross frowned, then sighed. “Edward— you realize how important you are, don’t you?”

What? Where was this coming from?

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you getting hurt. There are any number of training accidents that could happen. What if you were to get caught in the crossfire?”

“How do you ever expect me to get stronger if you shelter me all my life?”

Ross’ eyes widened slightly. “Well, I—”

“ Please ,” Ed said, “trust me.”

She was quiet for a few seconds, eyes distant. Then, she turned back to Ed and said, “Perhaps you’re right. I suppose spectating couldn’t hurt anything.”

“Sweet!” Ed cheered.

Ross smiled lightly, and Ed smiled back.

Ed started running down the hall before stopping short when Ross said, “The training grounds are the other way.”

He turned around. “Oh. Haha. I definitely knew that.”

When they arrived at the training grounds, Ed couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. Knights and squires scurried in and out of barracks, some tending to horses, others in the middle of training. They fought with swords and shields, wearing heavy armor plating and chainmail. It was kind of awesome. Ed had only read about this kind of stuff in history books.

Past a larger group of knights was the stark blonde hair of Winry. She was wearing armor, sparring against some other knight. Wow . She was totally holding her own.

He wanted to watch more, but felt himself being moved past the crowd. It was Ross hurrying him along, he realized.

“Hey! What the hell!” he protested.

“Let’s watch from a safe distance.”

She sat him down on some bleachers in the outskirts of the training arena, then sat down next to him herself. He wanted to complain more, but was already getting caught up in watching Winry’s fight again.

Watching Winry spar felt a little bit like a dream. Surreal, almost. Their swords clashed together ferociously and for a moment Ed was worried for Winry. That was, until she parried and completely knocked the other guy off his feet.

She was good. She was really good.

The other guy quickly recovered, unfortunately, and managed to dodge a slash in the nick of time. He grabbed his sword and started going for Winry again. Ed kept watching the match eagerly. He felt himself smiling through it all, and by the time the match ended, Ed's cheeks hurt from use. Winry had won.

Ed hopped down from the bleachers before Ross could protest. “Edward, stop!” she called.

He pretended he hadn’t heard that. He ran up to Winry, who was still catching her breath. Winry looked up, finally noticing him.

“Huh? Ed, what’re you doing here?” she asked.

“Uhm, watching you ! Why didn’t you tell me you could fight?”

“I thought—” She seemed to catch herself, and amended, “Sorry, I forgot to bring it up. It didn’t seem that important.”

“You were awesome out there!”

Winry looked bashful. “Aww, thanks. But I wasn’t that great, I still have a lot to learn.”

“No way!” Ed said. “You totally kicked that guy’s ass!”

Winry laughed and Ed found himself smiling, too.

Winry’s attention drifted to another match further in the training arena, to a spar between two knights. As their swords clashed, spouts of fire burst between them in bright flashes.

“Who’s that?” Ed asked.

“Sir Mustang.”

Ed’s jaw dropped. Please tell him he’d heard wrong. “Sir who ?!”

She pointed over to the knight currently in battle, wielding an interesting looking sword. “The knight over there. He leads this squadron.”

Ed’s good mood plummeted. No. No! Why could Edward never seem to escape that bastard? Ed wanted to pound his skull against a wall. He sighed internally, dragged a hand across his face.

But, that sword Mustang was using was fascinating. There were sigils engraved into the blade, resembling a more rudimentary version of Mustang’s flame alchemy transmutation circle. With every strike a burst of flames would erupt from the sword, combusting into an explosion. It was really cool.

He wasn't saying Mustang was cool or anything, the sword and alchemy was, that was it! Okay?

Winry kept watching the match intently, eyes glancing over the two knights as if she were studying their moves. Ed watched too, but was mainly more interested in that sword and how it worked. He needed to get his hands on that.

Then the match ended, with Mustang winning, and he began to walk over towards them. Oh no.

“That was amazing!” Winry cried. Ed crossed his arms and glared at the bastard.

“I could say the same to you, Prince Winry,” Mustang said. “I had the chance to watch some of your training earlier. Good work.”

Winry smiled politely at him. “Thank you, Sir Mustang. It’s been an honor training with you and your squadron.”

What the hell was going on. Why was Winry sucking up to that bastard?! It was pissing him off.

Mustang took off his helmet, handing it off to some poor squire. His hair was much longer, tied back into a low ponytail. He looked more smug than ever.

Someone came up to stand next to Mustang. Hold on, was that Riza Hawkeye? Honestly, he shouldn’t have been surprised at this point. Those two were like a package deal.

Hawkeye’s hair was short, like how it had been when she and Colonel Mustang had arrived at Winry’s house to come recruit him and Al for the military. She held a bow in her hand, with quill and arrows strapped to her back.

Ed looked between the two of them. Should he say hi? Would that be weird? What was their relationship in this universe? But before Ed could even open his mouth to speak, his thoughts came to a screeching halt when—

“Why’s the short stack here?” the bastard asked.

Fury blazed through Ed. “Don’t call me short !!!”

Winry had to physically hold Ed back to keep him from attacking Mustang. “Haha, he’s just here to watch. That’s all.”

“No! I’m here to fight!” Ed yelled.

Mustang let out a hearty laugh. “ You want to fight? That’s the best joke I’ve heard all day.”

“Yeah, you bastard! No one calls me short and gets away with it!”

Winry’s grip on him tightened, despite all of Ed’s struggling. She whispered into his ear, “Okay, Ed. Maybe don’t start a fight with the Knight Commander.”

“I don’t care about his rank!!” he yelled. “He’s a coward!”

Mustang turned to Hawkeye. “So, what should we do with him?”

Hawkeye sighed. “It’d be best to ignore his threats, sir.”

Ed paused his struggling for a second. “Wait, don’t I rank higher than him?” Ed whispered to Winry.

“I mean, technically , but—”

So— he was a higher rank than Mustang? Ed grinned. Oh, this was going to be good .

Ed finally wriggled his way out of Winry’s firm grip. He stomped a foot down and pointed at Mustang. “As princess of Amestria, I hereby order you to fight me in a duel!”

For a moment, everyone looked dumbfounded. And then Mustang started laughing.

“How often do you use that little line, Princess ?” The bastard was so punchable right now.

Ed tried to wipe away the heat rising through his face profusely. “I— This is the first time, okay! Shut up!” The bastard was as stubborn as always.

Winry just looked disappointed, and then leaned over to whisper, “ Ed , you should know Sir Mustang of all people isn’t going to listen to you.”

“I— It was worth a shot, wasn’t it?”

But then there was Ross. Oops. Ed had completely forgotten she was here. She came up behind him, a terrifying, scathing glare burning through her eyes.

“Absolutely not, young man!” she said.

“Why not?”

“Didn’t we just have this conversation?”

“Yeah, but this is completely different!” Ross simply crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “He threatened my pride, okay?!”

“Uh huh. I think it’s time for you to leave, young man.” She started to drag him away, but Ed resisted with all his might, stomping his heels down into the ground.

He needed to test his fighting abilities in this body. Even if he was weaker on the physical side, surely his intelligence made up for the loss of muscle memory? Ed hoped, at least.

Ed shot Winry a pointed look. Help me out here! She rolled her eyes, but stepped forward nonetheless.

“Sorry, Ms. Ross, if I may? Ed’s recently gained an interest in swordsmanship. I’m sure once you let him get this out of his system, he’ll never try anything like this again!”

Ross turned to Ed. “Is this true?”

Ed nodded. “Uh huh! Yep!” He put his hands together. “ Please ,” he practically begged. God, when had he lost so much of his pride?

Ross sighed, clearly dejected. “Edward, I…”

“Please! I’ll be good after this, I promise!”

She narrowed her eyes. “You’ll get up on time?” Ed nodded. “You’ll come to dinner?” Ed nodded rapidly. “Won’t complain about your studies?”

“Okay, now that’s just—”

Winry’s hand slapped over Ed’s mouth. “Yep! Mhm!”

Ed shoved Winry off. “Get off me, gearhead!”

“Ew, did you just lick my hand?!”

Ed stuck his tongue out at her. She returned the gesture.

Ed turned back to Ross, who still looked contemplative. “Well?”

“I’m… considering it. But must it be Sir Mustang?”

“He insulted me!” Ed said.

She sighed deeply, her patience clearly at it’s end. “Okay. Fine.”

“YESSS!!!” Ed cheered.

“Oh no,” Winry murmured.

Mustang, however, looked completely baffled. He stepped forward. “Lady Ross, you can’t be serious. He’s a child , with zero training experience at that. Just look at what he’s wearing !”

Ross looked just as defeated as Mustang. “Please, Sir Mustang, let him have this. You have no idea what I have to deal with on a daily basis.” Her eyes hardened. “However, if you lay even a scratch on him I will personally send you to your grave, Sir Roy Mustang .”

For once, Mustang actually looked a bit scared. Ed was impressed.

Mustang crossed a fist over his heart. He bowed deeply. “I will not harm him, Lady Ross. You have my word.”

Ross smiled. “Good.”

Before the duel began, Ed was handed a wooden sword.

“What the hell is this?” he asked.

“Your weapon.”

“I don’t even get a real sword?”

“Can you even lift a sword?” Mustang asked, all cocky and shit.

He thought about it for a second, and then scowled when he realized he probably couldn’t. Smug bastard. Fine. He’d make do with this. No problem.

“Whatever!” Ed said. “Let’s just start already.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” Mustang said. Ed wanted to punch his lights out.

Ed turned and noticed Winry and Ross sitting in the stands, watching. Ha. No pressure.

Okay, so. He was grossly outmatched and he knew it. But there was one thing Ed had that Mustang never would— cleverness. Mustang always used the same old tricks, despite trying to act like he didn’t. He was smaller than Mustang and now handicapped both physically and alchemy wise, but Ed wasn't about to let that stop him. A minor inconvenience, really. He didn't need to win, he just needed to surprise him. But he was going to win anyways, just to rub it in the bastard’s stupid face.

First things first, he kicked off his heels. He’d much rather be barefoot than even attempt to fight in those things. Then he hitched up his dress and tied the end into a tight knot. Thank god Ross hadn’t put him in one of those wired death traps today. He thought he’d heard her call it a crinoline or something? Whatever.

Ed got into a fighting stance, bending his knees slightly as he gripped his wooden word. Mustang kept his casual demeanor, leaving his body slack and open to attacks. Idiot. The fool was so confident he wasn’t even bothering to try.

“Ready?” Mustang held a hand up, and then swiped it down through the air. “Begin!”

Immediately, Ed ran straight for Mustang. He needed to get him while he was still off-guard. Ed raised his sword, and Mustang easily side-stepped out of the way. Ed expected this, shifting his weight to compensate and slipping behind Mustang, before driving his sword downward with all his might. The landing stuck and Mustang let out a gasp from the impact. Ha!

Mustang’s eyes widened. He wasn’t expecting that. The moment quickly passed, though, and Mustang had already steadied himself. Ed took the opportunity to get a little distance between the two of them.

“I thought you were supposed to be a knight,” Ed taunted.

Mustang scoffed. What, no witty banter? This Mustang was no fun.

Ed circled Mustang, waiting for him to make the first move. But Mustang kept his sword raised parallel, standing his ground. So he was just going to stay on the defensive the whole time? How lame. Curse Ross and her over-protectiveness!

If Mustang was going to be a coward, so be it. Ed gripped his wooden sword tighter as he ran forth, preparing to strike. But before he could get a hit off, his footing got all messed up and he ended up tripping over his own feet. Ed crashed to the ground less than gracefully. Fuck.

Mustang was going after Ed before he had a chance to fully recover. Ed clutched his sword in both hands to block. Mustang knocked away Ed’s sword with frightening force. Ed was still reeling from his own lack of strength. When was the last time he’d been this weak? It infuriated him.

Ed rolled out of the way before Mustang got another chance to attack. He scrambled for his weapon, lying a couple feet away from him. He was too late. Mustang got there before him, kicking his weapon out of the way. Shiiitttt.

Before Ed could even process what was happening next, Mustang’s sword was pointed at him, hovering just inches before his neck.

“You lose.”

Mustang pulled away, and Ed stood up, furiously dusting the dirt from his gown. Urgh!

“ Rematch !”

“That wasn’t the agreement, Princess,” Mustang said.

Ed wanted to slug him in his stupid, smug face. “Fine. Whatever!”

Ed tried to scrub the redness growing on his cheeks. That was so embarrassing!

When it came down to it, he wasn’t even able to defend himself in this stupid body. How was he ever going to be able to protect anyone else? Goddamnit.

He turned to look back at his little audience. Winry looked ecstatic, meanwhile Ross just looked dumbfounded.

Winry came down to greet him. “Wow, that was amazing!”

“Please spare the sarcasm.”

She tilted her head curiously. “Huh? No, I mean it. You really were great out there.”

Ed scoffed. “Are you kidding? No I wasn’t! That was awful.”

“Ed, it’s alright—”

“No, it’s not alright!” he snapped. “He totally kicked my ass out there.”

“What’s the big deal? Why do you want to fight?”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but where I’m from, fighting’s just about the only thing I was good at.” Besides his alchemy, it was his only other defining trait.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“I was in the military!” He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Sorry. It’s just frustrating.”

“Well, maybe I can help. I can teach you some of the things I know.”

“Really?”

Winry nodded. “Mhm. In the afternoons.”

Ed smiled. “Thanks, Winry.”

He felt that brief comfort quickly fading. Training with Winry would be helpful, but would it be enough? What he needed was training, proper discipline every day if he was ever going to get back into shape.

Ed’s eyes noticed something in the corner of his vision. He turned and breifly caught a glimpse of Al. Their eyes locked for just a moment and Al’s gaze averted his. Before Ed could blink, Al was gone.

Had he been watching the whole time? Why hadn’t he said anything?

Ed nudged Winry. “Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“...Nevermind. I’m going to ask Mustang to train me,” Ed declared.

“Are you sure?” Winry asked. “He doesn't really take on apprentices.”

Ed nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

Ed marched up to Mustang, who was already off to the side talking to Hawkeye. Their chatter faded when they noticed him.

“Make me your apprentice,” Ed declared.

Mustang crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Ed. “Absolutely not.”

“ What ? Why not?”

Surely Mustang had recognized the potential Ed had, not just with his intelligence but his aptitude to battle, his ability to predict his opponent's next move. He knew he was good because he’d been excellent at it before, and he wasn't about to give up now.

Mustang’s eyes hardened. “The answer is no .”

Ed wanted to be angry. To scream and shout about the unfairness of it all. Was it his status, his demeanor? That bastard was always being unfair!

But he didn't, because just as he was about to open his mouth to protest— a thought occurred to him.

Maybe this body had been kept untrained for a reason. Why— he didn't know yet, but it was intentional. He could just feel it, something in his gut told him.

And Mustang was giving him an out.

He needed to find another teacher, was what Mustang was telling him. Someone who could teach Ed the things that Mustang couldn't.

Ed clamped his mouth shut, took a deep breath, and then said, “Fine. But I still wanna watch practices.”

Mustang grinned, and Ed knew he’d been dead on. “Sure, shortie.” The bastard clapped a hand around Ed’s shoulder. “Come anytime you want.”

Ed seethed, shoving Mustang off. “Don’t. Call. Me. SHOOORRTTTT!!!! ”

Winry was the first to laugh, who’d come to take her place next to Ed, then Mustang and Hawkeye. Ed kept up the act of being mad, and to an extent he was, but the laughter was infectious. After a moment, Ed felt his mask slip off and he began to laugh himself.

Ed pointed a finger at Mustang. “This is a mercy to you, Bastard. One day, you’ll be the one sitting on your ass after I beat you. That’s a promise.”

Mustang leveled back with his own shit-eating grin. “Of course. I'll be waiting, Your Highness.”

Ed waved at Winry, who said she needed to stay behind to continue her training. She smiled brightly and waved back. Ed looked away before he had the chance to blush.

Ross came to collect Ed as they he was leaving. She was still wearing that confused look on her face.

“What?” Ed asked.

“Hm?” She snapped out of whatever daze she was in. “Nothing, Edward. It’s just— where did you learn to move like that?”

“It’s a secret.”

Ross looked offended. “Excuse me? We don’t keep secrets.”

“Sorry, I’m not telling.” Ed smiled impishly and ran up ahead before Ross could question him any further.

We don’t keep secrets? he thought.  Ha. What a load of bullshit.

Edward knew he’d promised not to complain about school anymore, but, damnit! If Ross didn’t want him to complain, maybe she shouldn’t have made it so infuriating!

“Something wrong, Edward?” Ross asked.

Witch. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“No,” Ed said through gritted teeth. “I’m totally fine.”

“Oh, good! Let’s go over History then. Your grades have been slipping in that subject, oddly enough.” She paused, before asking, “Has something been bothering you recently, Edward?”

She looked expectant, a hopeful look sparking in her eyes. Was she actually worried about him?

“No,” Ed said. “I’m fine.”

That hopeful look dissolved, wilting into disappointment. Ed buried the pang of guilt that burrowed into his chest.

She sighed. “Very well.”

The doors to the library opened and Ed’s spirits soared when it was Winry who came through. He mouthed ‘help me’ to her. She smiled sympathetically and came over to sit next to him. She was already out of her training gear, her hair still slightly damp from what Ed assumed was bathing. She looked even prettier with her hair down, her golden strands just barely reaching past her shoulders.

“Ed?”

“Huh?”

“You were looking at me weirdly.”

Ed blinked a couple times, then quickly looked away. Shit. “Haha, sorry. I got lost in thought.” He tried to ignore the burning quickly spreading through his face.

Ross narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the two of them, then cleared her throat. “Anyway, let’s get started with your History lesson, Edward.”

Ed suppressed a groan. “Can I have a break?” Ed asked. “ Pleeeasseee , I’ve been here for hours .”

Ross gave him an unimpressed look, and Ed pleaded to Winry with his eyes. She rolled her eyes in response.

Still, she said, “He’s right, Ms. Ross. Having breaks between lessons has been shown to improve focus and increase productivity.”

“Hmm… Perhaps you're right. Okay, I’ll give you a fifteen minute break, Edward.”

Ed shot up from his seat. “HELL YEAH!!”

“ Language !”

Ed scurried off, motioning for Winry to follow him, and led her to one of the bookshelves hidden deeper within the library, out of range from Ross’ listening ears.

“Okay,” Ed began, “so you know how Other Ed—”

“Hold on— Who ?”

“ Other Ed ,” he clarified. “That’s what I’m calling your Ed now.”

Winry looked incredulous. “But he’s the original Ed!”

“Ha! No way! If anyone’s original, it’s me.”

“I am not calling Ed something as stupid as that!”

“Okay, you know what? Call him whatever you want. Hell, call me whatever you want! I don't care anymore.”

A devious smirk crossed her face. “I think I’ll call you Little Ed, then.”

“DON’T CALL ME SHORT!!!”

Winry burst out laughing. “Sorry, sorry!” After she caught her breath, she said, “Okay. How about I call you Ed, and original Ed my Ed . Sound good?”

Ed sighed. “This was such a pointless conversation.”

“Hey, clarification is important in situations like these.”

Ha. Like there was anything normal about this situation at all.

After a moment of silence, Winry nodded towards him, implying ‘ go on .’

Ed said, “Listen, if I’m going to decipher those notes properly, I’m going to need to do a little more research.”

Despite Other Ed coding his research under the guise of fashion, it seemed like all the books in his study weren’t actually related to alchemy at all. They really were just about fashion. It was so annoying how paranoid the other Ed had seemed. What was he so afraid of?

“Okay… Though, I don't think there’d be any books on alchemy here…” Winry said.

Hm… That was tricky. Oh! An idea popped into Ed’s mind. “Where’s the cooking section?”

“Huh?”

“Where’s the cook books!” Winry continued to stare at him blankly. “ Alchemy !”

She held up a placating hand. “Okay, honey, I’m going to need you to slow down.”

“Don’t honey me!” Ed tried to get a grip on his impatience. “Okay. Remember what I told you about alchemists coding their research? Well, the most common code for alchemists is cooking. Because, you know, chemistry and all.”

It finally clicked in Winry’s head. “Oooohhhh. The cooking books should be near the front of the library.”

Finally .

He took a couple of books off the shelves and began skimming. After a couple lines, he was sure the one he’d picked up was just a normal cooking book. Ed moved onto the next one, then another, and another. Nothing! Damnit!

Ed slammed a book shut loudly after yet another failed attempt.

“Is something wrong?” Winry asked.

“Yes! This is all bullshit!”

“Soo, I’m assuming it’s not what you were looking for?”

“No!”

Winry shot him a sympathetic look. “If it makes you feel any better, I honestly doubt there’d be any books about alchemy here to begin with, coded or not. The king was a little controlling about all that after… you know.”

No, he didn’t know. But he’d leave it for now.

“That makes me feel worse, actually.”

“How about this? We can go out to town tomorrow and look for alchemy books there. Sound good?”

Ed shrugged. “I guess.”

“You’ll need permission from Ross first though, no doubt,” Winry murmured.

Ed rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on! It’s not fair. Why do I need a babysitter to do literally anything, meanwhile you get to do whatever you want?”

“Because I can actually defend myself. Plus, I’m sure Ross would come up with an excuse to baby you one way or another. She acts like a doting mother.”

That dark feeling crawled back into Edward’s gut.

He turned away. “Yeah, well, she’s not my real mom. So she can shove off.”

Winry shoved him teasingly. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”

Ed didn’t respond. She frowned, and then fished something out of her pocket. Winry slipped something into his hand. He opened his palm. It was the golden key.

“Thanks,” Ed said.

“Hide it in the shoes.” She winked.

The day quickly came to an end, and Ed was left questioning how the day had gone by so fast. He only was grateful he’d survived yet another day within this strange palace.

Ed stared at himself in the mirror as he brushed through his long hair. It was still so bizarre looking at himself. This body was so similar, but so different. Would he ever get used to living like this? A part of him hoped he never would. If he did, who would he be then?

Edward abruptly stopped brushing his hair and set the hairbrush aside. He took in a deep breath. Better to just bite the bullet and ask now.

“Hey, Ross?” he asked quietly.

“Hm?” Ross looked up from her book. She was resting on a cushioned armchair in the corner of his room. Ed wondered how she managed to keep in shape while she was babysitting him all day.

“I was wondering if I could go out tomorrow. To town?”

“For what?”

“I… I dunno! For fun? Is that so criminal?” He paused. “With Winry,” he added.

Ross quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve been keeping her company lately, haven’t you?”

Ed flushed a little. “S–so what?”

She smiled softly. “I’m glad. I was afraid you two had begun to grow apart.”

“What? Why?”

Ross sighed, her eyes taking on a distant look. “Oh, nothing.”

“So? Can I go?” Ed prodded.

Ross pinched the bridge of her nose, contemplating, contemplating, then— “Alright. We will go tomorrow.”

Ed nearly squealed in excitement, then caught himself because that was lame as hell. “Thank—”

“But!” Ross interjected. “I go with you, and we take a bodyguard. Understood?”

Ed nodded his head rapidly. “Got it! Thank you!”

Ross’ stern expression softened. She walked over and pat Ed on the head. “Good.”

Ed found himself reading through the contents of the diary after Ross had left. He read in his bed with a candlelight, taking note of anything interesting that he thought might lead to the truth. Without decoding or looking further, it really did read exactly like a typical diary. For a princess, though, most of the entries were pretty dull. Lifeless, even. It unsettled Ed.

I saw Alphonse today. He didn’t talk to me. I didn’t say anything, either.

I ate in my room again today. Ms. Maria said she’s worried about me. I told her everything was fine. I could tell she didn’t believe me.

Winry visited for automail maintenance today. There was nothing wrong with it, she just wanted an excuse to see me. I wish she would leave me alone.

Today I learned about old Xing tales. They have this one about a golden dragon. That one is particularly interesting, I should look into that.

Ed raised a brow. Okay, so that couldn’t have been more obvious. He mentioned the golden dragon… if it was the Xing version it referred to the dragon who only sought out gold. 

That could be a reference to an old alchemist’s tale, about the king who learned to create gold. He'd first turned lead into gold and began making his riches that way. Soon, he became the wealthiest king in all the lands, but still the king wanted more. He turned his furniture to gold, then his rivers to gold, and even began turning his servants into golden statues. Still, it wasn’t enough. His greed blinded him, until one day he turned himself into solid gold.

But that was just an old folks tale to warn alchemists not to create gold. Why were they in these notes? Ed groaned loudly, letting the diary slip from his fingers and land beside him on the bed. He couldn't make any sense of this right now.

He put the diary back in the drawer and locked it. He was too tired to think right now. Ed crawled back into bed and stared up at the ceiling. Deep shadows cast against the wall, with the orange glow of the candle light dancing across the darkness.

Greed, huh ?

He blew out the flickering flame, and the room went dark.

Ed was woken up by Ross’ fussing, urging him to wake up.

“Ugghhhhhhhh,” Ed groaned. He rolled over in bed and fell on the floor. “Owww.”

“I would feel bad for you, but you did that to yourself,” Ross said.

“So cruel,” Ed murmured, face still smushed into the ground.

Ross helped him up, giving him a wide smile. “Come on, you want to look your best for your big day out, don’t you?”

Ed rolled his eyes.

After several agonizing minutes, Ed was dressed in what Ross liked to describe as ‘discreet.’ He couldn't disagree more.

He was wearing a slender, long sleeved dress, with lacy white gloves. The square cut of the neckline was higher up than usual, going all the way up past his collarbone. It was a dark navy blue. Though it was plainer than his previous dresses, Ed would hardly call it anything less than lavish.

Though, there was a small detail bothering him.

He felt more… covered than usual. With his other outfits, there was always some part of his arms peeking out. But now they were completely covered. Ed’s eyes widened as realization struck him.

…Oh.

It was to hide his automail, he registered.

Were they… ashamed? Was Ross ashamed?

Ed felt a bitter feeling he rarely felt anymore rise in his chest, swirling around coldly and sinking like heavy stones.

It reminded him of the way some people would look at him when they realized his right arm and left leg weren't made of flesh, but metal. To them, he wasn't whole— would never be. The contempt bleeding through their eyes angered Ed, and he knew exactly which word was rising inside their heads.

Invalid.

Shut up , he told himself.

There was no use dwelling on that shit now. What was important was the fact that he was getting out of this stupid castle and going to town. He’d find his answers there. Hopefully.

After Ross did his makeup and Edward finished braiding his hair, Ross held out a black hooded cloak.

Ed nearly laughed. “Seriously? How cliche is that?”

“You’ll be recognized less this way. Unless you’re a fan of the attention?”

That he was not. He didn’t need any more prying eyes on him right now.

“Whatever.” He snatched the cloak and tugged it on.

They got to the main hall where they met up with Winry. She was dressed pristinely as always.

“You look nice,” Winry said.

Ed’s face went red. He quickly looked away. “Huh? Nah, it’s nothing.”

Winry laughed good naturedly. “No need to be embarrassed. Just take the compliment.”

“Uh, okay.”

Urgh, what was with him! He couldn’t be getting flustered every time Winry said something nice to him, or was cute— No, she wasn’t cute. Shut up brain!!!

“Why aren't we leaving?” Winry asked after a couple minutes of waiting around.

“Patience. Remember, we’re waiting on Ed’s bodyguard.”

Ughhhhhh.

A door creaked open and Ross curtsied. “Greetings, Lady Armstrong.”

Had she just said Lady Armstrong ? No, no. He must’ve heard wrong. Ed felt like he’d just been smacked upside the head. He turned mechanically.

Ed nearly passed out on the spot. His eyes couldn't quite comprehend what they were seeing.

Major Armstrong. Wearing a dress. A pink dress.

“Oh, Princess Edward and Prince Winry, it is such an honor to be accompanying you two!” he said.

Before either of them could respond, Armstrong swooped in and gave both of them a big hug. At the same time. Ed swore he felt one of his bones crack.

“Okay, enough!” Ed cried.

Thankfully, Armstrong took the hint and finally let the two of them down.

“Princess Edward, is something wrong?” he asked when he saw Edward’s expression.

“Huh? Oh, n–no, I—”

“Oh, please, you needn’t say anything. Allow me to inspire you into high spirits!”

Oh no. He knew what was coming.

“No, no, no, no—”

It was too late. Armstrong was already flexing his large muscles, ripping the fabric of his dress' sleeves. Why even wear a dress with sleeves if he knew he was going to do that ? Ed could’ve sworn real sparkles were radiating from Armstrong. The dazzling sight was blinding.

Both him and Winry stared in bewilderment.

Finally, it was Ross who spoke up, “Okay, Lady Armstrong! That’s quite alright!”

Thank you , Ed prayed silently.

Armstrong stopped immediately. “Of course. Did I inspire you, Princess Edward? How are you feeling?”

“G–great! Yeah, awesome!”

Armstrong wiped away a stray tear. “I’m so glad.” He pointed a finger towards the doors. “Now! Let us head forth! The town awaits us!”

Ed groaned. This was certainly going to be an interesting adventure.

Winry leaned over and whispered, “Hey, you okay?”

“I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes.”

The town was bustling with life. The streets were wide and full of people, all of them clamoring to get to their next location, some stopping at side shops to buy things. Vendors called out for people to buy their products, drawing in some customers from the crowd. Horses and carriages trotted along the stone roads off to the side. They’d actually a carriage to get into town. It was strange without any cars, despite only having horses back in his hometown. He’d become used to the loud engines and noisy racket of Central.

Ross and Armstrong trailed behind him and Winry. Armstrong looked left and right every few seconds, searching through the herds of people they passed by. It was honestly kind of funny.

Winry’s sword was sheathed in her scabbard, and her hands drummed the top of the hilt every so often. It was still strange to think about it, Winry fighting. A part of him wanted to be scared for her, but another larger, more devilish side of him was delighted at the prospect of being able to fight side by side with her. Her expression suddenly lit up.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“I forgot how exciting going out was! Look at all the automail!” She pointed out one guy walking by with an intense looking automail arm, complete with spikes and everything.

Ed tried not to let his annoyance show. “Yeah, sooo awesome .”

She didn’t catch his sarcasm. “I know, right?”

“Ugh. You’re such a nerd!”

“Says the nerd.”

Ed crossed his arms defiantly, then asked, “Where’s your college?”

“Oh! You can actually see it from here.” Winry pointed past a hill, towards a large mountain in the distance. A huge building layed by the mountain side, with a couple smaller buildings dotting the surrounding land.

“Wow. That’s amazing,” he said.

Winry nodded. “I’ll show you around sometime. It’s really incredible.”

They continued walking, Winry taking the lead and pointing out shops they should visit after their trip to the book store. Ed had to admit, it was refreshing finally being out of that castle. This is what he was used to, exploring the expanses of towns, going wherever their journey led them to next. Except, Al wasn’t here. It would never quite be the same without him.

“There it is!” Winry exclaimed, pointing towards a shop at the far end of the street.

As they drew closer, Ed was able to make out the large words pastered above the shop. BOOKS , was all it read. Hopefully it wouldn’t disappoint.

They filed into the shop and the shop keeper greeted them with a smile. Ross seemed pleased about their choice in destination. She immediately headed towards a tall bookshelf, inspecting the contents. Armstrong hovered around Ed and Winry, face surly and arms crossed, but gave them their space. That intimidating stature of Armstrong was completely thrown off by the dress he was wearing, and Ed almost laughed at the sight.

Ed turned to Winry. “Where’s the, y’know ?”

Winry frowned. “I’ve never actually looked for things like this before.”

Well, that was just great. He looked around a little more, thinking, until he spot the shop keeper. Why not just try the obvious, right?

Ed came up to the corner table where the shop keeper was located. “Hey, do you sell any books about,” he leaned in and whispered, “ alchemy ?”

The shop keeper looked appalled. “ Alchemy ? You children shouldn’t be messing around with that dark magic.”

Dark magic … What?

“No, no. You must be confused. Alchemy is a science —”

“I’ll have no part in that,” he snapped. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from that trechary.”

Ed looked back at Winry. She shrugged hopelessly. Jesus, well so much for that .

“Thanks so much for your help,” Ed bit back at the shop keeper, earning him a firm glare.

Whatever. So what if the old geezer wasn’t going to help him? He’d just find alchemical notes on his own. He’d done it plenty of times before.

He grabbed Winry’s wrist and dragged her along with him through the store. “Come on, we’re finding those notes one way or another.” She nodded determinedly. 

They started with the cooking section, sifting through the old, leather bounded books on the shelves. It seemed that all the books were handwritten, all of the illustrations carefully hand-inked. It was really incredible. No wonder books used to be so expensive.

Ed took stacks of four or five books at a time off the shelves, quickly skimming through them before finding nothing useful and moving onto the next. Although Winry wasn’t an alchemist herself, Ed gave her tips on how to spot notes that were potentially encrypted. They all generally followed the same pattern, and once you knew how to identify them, it was a piece of cake. She was slow going at first, but the help was greatly appreciated.

When Ed had gone through what must’ve been the umpteenth book, he’d finally had it. He closed the thing harshly, barely suppressing his frustration.

“That’s it,” he said, “this is pointless.”

Winry put her own book away. “What, no! I thought we were making progress.”

“We need a different approach.” Something different, something older. Maybe if he read through the memoirs, he’d have more luck.

He found the section rather easily. It was a messy, poorly kept section of the store that was located all the way in the back. It had hardly been touched, some books having sat there so long they were collecting dust and cobwebs.

Ed pulled out one of the grimier looking ones, coughing a little as he opened it. A plume of dust scattered throughout the air and he quickly waved his hand to disperse it. He flipped through a couple pages and, holy shit , this was it! This shit wasn’t even encrypted, it had transmutation guides and everything!

He handed the memoir to Winry proudly, letting her take a look herself. “And that, my friend, is some sweet, sweet alchemical research.” His grin only grew wider when Winry gasped.

“Wow! This is so cool!” she said, her own smile growing.

After they were done scouring through the books, they’d managed to find a total of four books relating to alchemy. Ed would’ve preferred more, but he wasn’t about to complain now. This had been a massive win.

Ross found them in the back, telling them it was time to leave. Ed handed Ross the stack of books, unable to mask the wide grin sprawling across his face.

“What’s got you in such high spirits?” she asked.

“Nothing. I just really like reading.”

“It’s true,” Winry chimed in. “He’s a huge nerd.”

Ed made a noise of protest and shoved her jokingly, which was a mistake. She shoved back twice as hard and he fell face forward, landing on his knees. He stood up quickly, brushing at his dress angrily.

“You are so annoying!” he spat.

“Oops. Sorry.”

Ugh. Whatever.

While Ed was waiting for Ross to pay, he’d quickly gotten bored. He stepped out of the shop for a moment and took in a deep breath of air, stretching deeply. He’d forgotten how bad hunching over books for hours on end fucked with his back.

Faintly, Ed heard murmuring not too far off and turned to find the source of the noise. It was two women gossiping close by. He could vaguely hear their conversation, reading their lips when he couldn’t quite make out the words.

One of them whispered, “ Did you hear? The Witch was seen yesterday. ”

“ So scary! ” the other said.

Well, that was an interesting title.

Ed stepped up to the two women. “Hey, who’s ‘The Witch?’” he asked.

The two women’s chatter broke off immediately, surprised faces being replaced by tentative smiles. 

“Who?” one of them asked meekly.

He tsked impatiently. “You know. You were just talking about it a few seconds ago.”

“You must be mistaken,” the other said.

“No I’m not.”

They glanced at each other nervously. “I’m sorry, my lady, but we shouldn’t say more. It’s bad luck.” The two of them bowed before scampering off.

Hold on. Did he just get mistaken for a girl ? He didn’t know whether to be offended or laugh.

Anyway, that wasn’t important right now! He needed to find out who this ‘Witch’ character was. Maybe someone else knew about it?

Ed spot a burly looking vendor selling meats and stepped up approach him.

“Excuse me sir, do you know anything about someone called ‘The Witch?’”

It took a moment for the man to register that Ed was talking to him. He turned and said, “Oi, that old crone? She runs an alchemy shop. Doesn't get many customers though, most folks ‘round here are terrified of her.”

“Why’s that?”

The vendor just shrugged. “Everyone has their own opinions about alchemy. Most folks don't trust what they can't understand. I think it’s all a load of crap, though. I only be seeing those knights using that magic. It must be some kind of trick.”

It was normal for people to not trust alchemy? The fuck was up with that? Alchemists were supposed to help people! He resisted the urge to correct the man, about how alchemy was actually a science . But that could wait.

“Do you happen to know where she is?” Ed asked.

“Ay, just over yonder on top of tha' hill.” He pointed east and Ed could just barely make out a small cottage resting on top of a wide hill.

“Thanks.”

The man nodded. Then he squinted his eyes and said, “Say, you look familiar. Have I seen ya somewhere before?”

Ed pulled the hood over his head tighter. “Haha, nope! I just have one of those faces!” He ran off before he could be questioned more.

He spotted Winry and Ross just coming out of the book store, with Armstrong trailing just behind. He ran to catch up with them.

“Where’d you run off to?” Winry asked when he got back.

Ed grinned. “I think I may have found a lead on something interesting. Do you think you can cover for me?”

“What? How do you expect me to keep two people off your back?”

“I know you’ll figure something out. Have fun.”

He pat Winry on the back and flashed her a grin before bolting off.

“W–what? Hey, Ed! Get back here!”

Ed pretended he hadn’t heard that last part and just kept on running. His heels barely hindered his movement. He was getting good at this.

By the time Ed had made it all the way up the hillside, he was out of breath. Damn he was out of shape. And, should he be proud or worried that he was getting so adept at running in heels? Ed decided to not think further on that thought process.

As Ed continued catching his breath, he read the sign on the little cottage in front of him. It just read: ALCHEMY and nothing else. Okay, straight to the point. He liked it.

He pushed the door open with a creak, and a dull bell rang. He looked around wearily. The store sold books about alchemy, transmutation circle templates, and even chalk. It was loaded with a bunch of other neat things too, like vials and raw materials, iron, sulfate, carbon, and more.

Bingo!

It was a bit small, if not cramped with all the extra tables and displays. The place seemed a little dirty and dusty, but overall it felt homely. Ed picked up an old book curiously, pleasantly surprised by the attention to detail that went into it. Finally, an alchemy book that was straightforward.

He’d gotten so caught up in reading that he’d almost missed a woman sitting at the front desk, her face buried in an easy hunting book. She seemed familiar.

The woman looked up from her book. “Hello? Do you need something?”

Ed nearly choked, dropping the book he was holding on the spot. It was Teacher!

Okay. Holy shit. This was awesome! Or was this horrible and awful? Ed didn't know anymore. Listen, they had a complicated relationship!

When Ed’s silence dragged on, Teacher raised an eyebrow and asked, “Are you going to pick that up?”

Ed floundered. “Huh? Oh, yeah! Sorry.” He quickly picked the book up and placed it back in its slot. What the fuck should he say? Or should he say nothing at all? Fuck, he didn’t know how to handle situations like these!

He decided to try to play it cool. “Hey. Are you… ‘The Witch’?”

She laughed. “Is that what they’re still calling me?” Ed shrugged. “So, what do you want, kid?”

Ed cleared his throat, taking this as his cue to step forward. “My name’s Edward Elric.”

“Never heard of you. If you’re not here to buy anything, I suggest you get out.”

“Hold on” he quickly said, “I need your help.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What could someone like me possibly help you with?”

“Please let me be your apprentice.”

That got a holler out of her. She laughed so hard he thought he heard a lung pop. When she calmed herself, she said bluntly, “I don’t take on students. Especially not royalty.”

“I thought you didn’t know who I was.”

“Everyone knows who you are, sweetheart. But your status doesn’t mean shit to me, so you can shove it up your ass and leave.”

Goddamn. She hadn’t changed at all, no matter what universe it was.

“Please, just hear me out—”

She held up a hand before he could finish. “Get out.”

“W–what? But you haven’t even—!”

“ Get. Out. ”

Okay. That failed miserably. Clearly this approach wasn’t working. Time to shake things up.

He slapped a hand down on the table and leaned in. “One is All and All is One!”

That got her to pause. She quirked a brow. “Is that supposed to mean anything to me?”

“Yes, because you're the one who taught it to me.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“But I know you. You’re Izumi Curtis, the strongest alchemist I know.”

She hesitated. “How do you know my name?”

…Oh, right. He’d kind of fucked himself over with that one. Should he tell her the truth? You know what, fuck it! “Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but… to tell you the truth, I knew you in an alternate universe. You were my teacher. I got sent here and now I’m trapped in this body.”

Her face was stone cold for a moment as her eyes bore into his. Then her face broke into a grin and she let out another hard spout of laughter, coughing up blood in the process. “Wow. You’re right, you are crazy, kid.” Her smile turned wicked. “I like you.” She paused. “But what do you need me for?”

“I want you to teach me how to fight.”

Her eyes sharpened. “Why?”

“There’s people I need to protect, and I can’t do that if I keep getting my ass kicked.”

She was contemplative for a few moments, then made a face like she’d bitten into something sour. Finally, she held her hand out. “Alright, fine. I can’t resist taking in a pathetic kitten like you.”

Ed’s face flushed as he struggled not to yell back, but he took her hand anyway. “It’s a deal, then.”

They shook on it.

“But,” she added quickly, “what're you going to give me in exchange?”

“Huh?”

“Equivalent exchange. You can't expect me to work for free.”

“Umm… How about the fulfillment of passing on your knowledge to a student??”

She gave him a deadpan stare. “Not good enough.”

He knew he had money around here somewhere. Ross had given him some spending money earlier. Aha! Since he didn't have any pockets, he’d hidden them in the underwire of his corset. He dug out the money and slapped the golden coins onto the counter.

“Will this work?”

She grinned. “Of course, kid.” She took the money and deposited it into some kind of drawer beneath her desk. “We can start training in the afternoons.”

Ed scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, the thing is… I’m sort of banned from using alchemy, and not usually allowed out of the castle, either. So I can only come to train at night if I don’t get caught.”

She sighed tiredly. “You just love making other people’s lives difficult, don’t you?”

Ed smiled sheepishly.

Teacher took out a piece of paper, then grabbed some ink and a quill, and scribbled something down. She handed it to Ed. “Come to this address at midnight tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

Ed nodded, hiding it beneath his corset. Maybe these things had some use after all. “Got it. And, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. You’ll be hating me by the end of the week.”

The door to the shop burst open, the bell ringing wildly. “Edward! I told you not to run off!” Ross grabbed at Ed, pulling him back harshly, before her eyes spotted Teacher. The hard look quickly dissolved. “Oh, hello! Was he bothering you? I’m so sorry about that.”

Teacher brightened as well, putting on that phony smile she always used. “Oh, it’s perfectly alright. He hasn’t caused too much trouble, I think he was just confused.”

Ed’s eye twitched. He wanted to punch both of them. What was he, a fucking pet?

“Well, we should be off. Sorry for the trouble,” Ross said, bowing.

Teacher waved. “It’s no problem at all. Come back anytime!”

Ross practically dragged Ed out of there. He snatched his wrist out of her grasp.

“Mind telling me why you were at a store called ‘Alchemy?’” she asked.

“I wanted to meet the person who runs it,” Ed said casually. He wasn’t technically lying.

“Whatever the case, I don’t want you going back.”

“What? That is so unfair!”

“No arguing, Edward. You know the rules. I’m putting my foot down.”

Ed’s fists shook from seething. Why did she think she could do this to him? He was hardly allowed to do anything! She was worse than Colonel Mustang was! What did he have to do to get her to leave her alone?

In the corner of his eye, he noticed Winry walking up the path of the hill. Her, and also… Oh no. Armstrong.

“Princess Edward!” he called.

Ed looked at Ross, pleading. She turned away, as if to say, You earned this . Traitor!

“I was so worried about you! When I found out you had disappeared I was struck with grief!” Armstrong cried.

He was going in for a hug. Ed tried to hide behind Ross, but she sidestepped before he could use her as a human shield. Armstrong captured in a hug so tight Ed heard a couple bones pop.

Maybe this was karma.

Edward fished out the tiny folded note from his corset while Ross was turned away. He was sitting on his bed, examining the little piece of paper while Ross picked out his ‘evening gown.’ Whatever that meant. Dinner was in an hour, and that meant Ross wanted to doll him up for the occasion.

He was honestly a little grateful that Teacher had accepted him as a student at all. He imagined him and Al had only convinced her the first time because they were pathetic, sniveling little kids. Maybe it was some secret intuition she had? He didn’t know, he’d never fully understand that woman.

When he heard the footsteps of Ross coming out of his closet, he quickly shoved the piece of paper underneath one of his pillows. He stood to greet Ross, who held out a voluptuous maroon dress. He’d gotten used to wearing these things at this point, he was just numb.

“So, did you have fun?” Ross asked as she fastened the crinoline around him.

Ed nodded. “Yeah.”

“Those books you bought, what were they about, by the way?”

“Huh?” Ed raised his arms automatically as a petticoat was guided overtop of him and onto his waist. “I dunno. Like, memoirs?”

“Why were you so interested in those?” she asked.

Fuck, he really should’ve come up with a better lie. “They just caught my eye, that’s all.”

“Hm.” Ross seemed to have let it go, putting the final layer over top of him and fitting him into the dark maroon dress. She pulled the strings in the back of the dress tightly and Ed nearly choked.

“Goddamn! Does it have to be—” He took in a deep breath. “ That tight?!”

Ross smiled. “Of course. You know, it’s so unusual for you to complain about things like this, Edward.”

“Well maybe I just want something to complain about!”

She laughed lightly, and mercilessly yanked harder.

Ross led the way to the dining hall. Ed was still trying to memorize the layout of the castle, and he thought he was getting better. But whenever he finally recognized one section of the castle, it seemed like there was a whole other portion that suddenly revealed itself, having him feeling hopelessly lost.

The hallway they were walking through now was one he hadn’t been down. It felt a lot fancier than some of the other sections of the castle, with grand chandeliers and a dark red carpet running the length of the hall. Tons of paintings hung along the walls, full of expertly made landscapes and portraits. Ed followed Ross silently, passively observing the paintings. Something caught his eye, and he stopped dead when he realized what it was.

Ross stopped, turning back to Edward. “Edward? Is something wrong?”

Ed didn’t reply. He couldn’t. Breath had seemed to escape him.

He stared at the large portrait hanging in front of him, his mother.

She was breathtaking, and as beautiful as he remembered. She wore a silky lilac dress, with her hands clasped neatly in her lap. Her chestnut brown hair was longer, worn in a long braid sloped over her shoulder. Propped on top of her head was a jeweled crown, the deep violet crystals sparkling. Her smile was kind and gentle, exactly how he’d remembered it. Her deep green eyes really were so much like Al’s, soft and warm.

Ed was on the verge of asking, Where is she? until Ross spoke up.

“Even after all these years, it never becomes less painful, does it?”

He flinched. A wave of grief crashed down onto Ed all over again. His heart tightened in his chest.

She was gone. Even here, she was gone.

A selfish part of him had just wanted to see her again, even if she wasn't the same, wasn't his . Was it greedy to just want to see his mom's smile again?

Ed took in a harrowing breath, his heart tight in his chest, and felt something wet drip down his face. Ed touched his face and pulled back dampened fingers.

He was crying. Why was he crying? He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t . And he hadn’t cried over his mom in years.

Ross’ face melted, eyes glinting with worry. “Oh, Edward.”

She stepped forward and Ed put a hand out, halting her.

“Stop. Just stop. I don't— I don't need your pity.”

Her face turned grim, before she stepped forward and trapped him in a hug. Ed tried to struggle out of it, but Ross’ grip held tight. Eventually, Ed let her. He melted into the embrace as tears flowed freely down his face. He just wanted them to stop.

“You don't have to do everything alone,” she whispered into his ear. “I will always be here.”

Ed breathed deeply, taking in Ross’ scent. It was so nostalgic, somehow. Like a fresh garden, mixed with the warmth of a campfire. Ross held him until his tears dried, and he pulled away slowly.

He was silent, unable to look her in the eyes for a few moments. Then, he looked up and asked, “Can you… tell me about her?”

It was a stupid question. But he wanted to know. He needed to.

Ross smiled. “Of course. She was kind, compassionate, and cared for her kingdom as if it were her own child. But she especially loved you boys with a furious tenacity. She would have done anything for you two, and she would be so, so proud of the kind of people you boys grew up to become.” Her eyes grew a little glassy, and for once Ed could see her hard demeanor slip. “And she was… my best friend.”

Ed didn’t know what to say. He wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but he didn’t know how.

“Ross, I…”

She blinked, and that sad gaze evaporated. She clapped her hands together. “We should be getting to dinner. I’m sure Winry and Al are wondering where we are by now.” She smiled, then, but Ed sensed the pain hidden behind her eyes. How many times had she hidden behind that smile? How many times had Ed failed to notice?

When they entered the dining room, dinner had already been served. Winry greeted Ed with a wave, and Ed waved back. His eyes trailed over to Al, and his eyes averted his as soon as they’d met. Just like back at the training grounds. That was weird.

Ed sat down, with Ross sitting next to him, and began to dig in as soon as a maid went to retrieve them plates. Brosh asked them about their day, and Winry started prattling on about their day out easily. Ross smiled, adding on details about what had happened. She, thankfully, left out the part where Ed had ditched them and then majorly got yelled at.

Ed nodded, too busy shoving food into his mouth to really get a chance to speak. He noticed that Al had gone quiet again, though. Just like yesterday, and the day before. In fact, Al was so quiet he’d almost forgotten he was there. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

“Hey Al,” Ed suddenly spoke up, “what did you do today?”

“Huh?” Al recoiled, eyes wide like a wild animal. He looked back and forth between Brosh and Ed, as if he were trying to gauge whether Ed was real or not. “Are you talking to me?”

Ed snorted. “Who else?”

Brosh began, “Oh, well it’s an interesting story, actually. Today Alphonse—”

“No,” Ed cut in. “I’m talking to Al .”

Al’s eyes looked anywhere but Ed’s. “O–oh. Um, I just, you know—” He shrugged.

Winry frowned, putting her fork down. “What’s wrong, Alphonse?”

“Nothing. It’s just, my day wasn’t all that interesting, is all,” he said quietly.

Brosh looked disappointed. So did Ross, but neither of them said anything.

“It’s alright, Alphonse,” Ross said gently.

Eventually, the uncomfortable silence faded, replaced by Winry's talking, professional yapper that she was. Ed hardly said much after that, though. He was watching Al intently, still wondering what all that had been about.

He’d felt it the first day they’d met. The long silences between them, the thick wall standing between him and Al. And then, when Al had almost seemed— seemed scared of him. There was something wrong. Very wrong. Ed couldn’t ignore it anymore.

The words from the diary suddenly came to mind: I saw Alphonse today. He didn’t talk to me. I didn’t say anything, either.

He hadn’t understood it then, but now it was crystal clear. The other Ed had just… just abandoned Alphonse, hadn’t he? Why else would he be so timid around him, or shocked when he talked to him? Their conversations were always so stilted, so awkward , and that was why.

He’d been an awful big brother, hadn’t he? Or rather, the other Edward had.

Ed was angry. Livid . How could he do that to him? Just leave him behind like that? It pissed him off to no end. Well, that was going to change today. Even if Other Ed sucked, he wasn’t going to.

“Edward!” a voice snapped.

Ed looked up from his food, pulled from his thoughts. “Huh?”

Ross sighed. “You bent your spoon. Please be more careful with the silverware.”

Ed stared at the spoon in his palm, the metal bent backward. Huh. “Sorry,” he murmured.

After dinner had ended, Ed caught up with Al, before he could escape and slip off somewhere.

“Hey,” Ed said, “I saw you at the training grounds yesterday. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Al looked away. “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Well, if I’m being honest, I didn’t think you’d want me there.” He didn’t sound angry or mad at all. Just… sad.

“W–what? Hell no! I totally would’ve wanted you there.”

“You do?” Ed hated how surprised Al sounded. No shit Ed wanted him there! This should be obvious!

“Yeah! Definitely!”

Ed felt the hot tinge of rage beginning to boil up inside him again. Because what the fuck . How could the other Ed have just— just left him like that? He was his older brother, for fuck’s sake! Didn’t he care?

He wanted to punch someone, to yell and scream at Other Ed for fucking up this monumentally. Making his little brother think he didn’t care , that he didn't want him around?! What kind of big brother did that!

Well. There was no use dwelling on it now. Ed was here now, and that was all that mattered.

Al smiled a little, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Ed’s stomach twisted further into knots.

“So, uh—” Ed continued, “I meant it the other day, about you showing me what you’ve grown in the gardens.”

Alphonse looked at Ed shyly. “Really?”

“Yeah!”

Al smiled slightly. “Okay. …Would you like to see them now?”

Ed nodded, smiling encouragingly, and Al smiled bashfully. Ed felt his heart glow warmly. Okay, he’d decided. He was going to protect this Alphonse, no matter what.

By the time they reached the garden, the sun was already sinking a little past the horizon. The last stray beams of sunrays were peeking through the clouds, cloaking the earth in a warm orange hue.

Al had led Ed through the path they’d walked through the day before yesterday. They walked silently, but Ed didn’t feel nearly as much of the heaviness that had come with it before. For once, Al was leading the way, and seemed eager to show Ed wherever they were heading.

Finally, they stopped at a small grove off to the side. Ed heard the gentle murmuring of running water hidden behind the bushes and trees. Al carefully stepped through the shrubbery, Ed following close behind. He noticed how Ross and Brosh had stayed behind a little further down the trail. He wondered why. Al parted a particularly tall bush, and that was when Ed saw it.

Just beside the stream were clusters of violet flowers. Hundreds of tiny star shaped flowers dotted the land, growing in bunches next to each other. Tiny specs of sunbeams streamed through the canopy, reflecting onto the flowers like a sea of amethysts.

“Wow…” Ed murmured in awe.

Ed crouched down, examining one between his fingers. Five periwinkle colored petals, with white sprouting from the flower’s center.

“They’re campanula bluebells. They actually prefer sunlight more than shade, but the light that streams in through the canopy is enough to keep them happy. I thought it was a special place, so I decided to plant them here,” Al explained quietly.

“This is amazing, Al. How often do you come here?”

“I try to come every day. It’s exciting to watch them grow more with each passing day.” He looked away. “They were actually… Mom’s favorite. I like picking them for her.”

They were…? Did Other Ed even know that? He probably didn’t even know about this , since it seemed like it was Al’s first time showing him. Ed gazed at the flower within his fingers, trying to imagine why Al's mom liked these in particular.

A fuzzy vision formed in Ed’s mind. The hazy image of him and Al, running through a field of flowers, appeared. Ed was younger, barely even five. Sun radiated from the sky, enveloping Ed like a warm blanket. Al tripped over something and fell to the ground before Ed had the chance to catch him. Ed laid down next to Al, who’d flopped onto his back, picking some flowers and sprinkling them over him. They both laughed together.

A silhouette approached them, nearly blinding from the sunlight beaming behind it. It got closer and the image of a woman with chestnut brown hair became clear. She smiled softly at them, and Ed felt his chest fill with warmth. She helped him and Al off the ground, who were now covered in dirt and flower petals. She pulled them into a hug, and warmth and safety consumed Ed’s being.

He was here. He was okay.

“—dward? Edward? Are you okay?”

Ed shot back to reality. He blinked rapidly as he stared at Al. What the hell was that? Where had he gone?

“I…” Streaks of Ed’s face felt cold. Had he been crying? “Sorry, I… I think I just remembered something.” He wiped at his eyes and gave Al a smile. “I’m fine.”

Some of the worry on Al’s expression seemed to loosen. “Oh, that’s good. Sorry if seeing this brought up sad memories.”

Ed shook his head. “No. It was a good memory.” He took in a silent breath. “Could… could we visit Mom sometime? Together?” Ed asked quietly.

Should he even be doing this? It wasn’t even really his mom. But still, it’d feel wrong not to pay his respects.

Al smiled, so much like her. “Of course. I’d like that.”

When Ed got back to his bedroom, he still felt a little raw from what Al had shown him. He still didn’t know why he’d gotten like that. That memory… it wasn’t his. But it had felt so real, so vivid he could almost swear he was actually there. Ed opened his flesh hand, closed it, then opened it again. He couldn’t quite tell what was real anymore.

He looked up from where he sat on his bedside and turned to Ross. She was cleaning up his vanity, fixing the assortment of makeup that had been sloppily left there. She was always doing that, he realized, silently picking up after Edward, looking out for him even when he hadn’t asked. Even when he gave her no appreciation whatsoever.

A knot of guilt wound itself up inside Ed’s chest. He swallowed hard.

“Hey, Ross? There’s something I need to tell you.”

She turned to look at him. “What is it, Edward?”

“I just…” His throat went dry.

Should he tell her? He wanted to, he really wanted to, but what would she do afterward? Sure, it might’ve been fine with Winry, but that’s because that was Winry . Ross clearly cared about Ed, but that was only because it was her Ed. What would she do once she found out he was an imposter? Scream at him, kick him out? Ed shivered. What if she hated him?

Why do I care? he suddenly thought to himself.

He’d never particularly cared when people had disliked him in the past. It’d sting, yeah, but he’d get over it. What was so different about this?

…It was because she loved him. Me. …Him.

He didn't want to lose that. Was that selfish?

“Edward?” Ross was staring at him, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

Ed blinked, snapping himself out of it. God, he had to stop doing that. “What? Nothing, I just… wanted to thank you for today. I really appreciate it.”

It took a second too long for Ross’ frown to fade. She smiled. “Of course, Edward. It was a great idea. Perhaps we can do it again some time.”

He nodded, but felt himself crumbling on the inside. “Ha. Yeah.”

Ed sat there for a while, waiting for Ross to finish up with whatever chores she needed to before bed. He didn’t know what to say. All he knew was that every day he stayed here, the ache in his chest grew worse.

“Ready for bed?” Ross asked, walking over to sit beside him.

“Yeah,” he said numbly.

Ross took his hand into hers, rubbing soothing circles around his palm. “You know you can always talk to me about anything, don’t you?”

Ed blinked. “...Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I care about you, very much.” She planted a kiss on his forehead, then stood and rustled his hair. “Goodnight, Edward.”

She waited for Ed to climb under the covers to blow out all the candles, gently closed the door behind her, and suddenly she was gone.

Just like every night, Ed found himself staring up at the dark ceiling above him. What had just happened? He didn’t quite know how to process that. Why did he feel so… wrong ? Was that normal?

No. No, none of this was normal.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to think about this anymore.

So he didn’t. He kept his eyes closed until the sweet whisper of sleep took him.

He woke up and tasted blood. Thick, overwhelming iron.

Ed was on laying on the ground, floating in some kind of dark liquid. Slowly, he dragged himself off the ground. He reeked of death. He gagged a couple times, but nothing came up. He took a couple deep breaths to compose himself.

What he saw was wrong . An entire sea of blood and bones. Ruins and skeletons littered the river of red, sprawled across the ground carelessly, long forgotten.

Where the hell was he?

A piercing headache struck Ed suddenly, and he remembered. Ed and Ling were swallowed by Gluttony. Fuck. He needed to get out of here, wherever here was.

“Al! Gluttony!” Ed called. “ Idiot prince !”

When the reply of, “Who are you calling idiot prince?” came, Ed couldn’t help but feel relieved. Ling was here. He was okay.

The two traveled together through the blood, shoes sopping wet and squelching with every step. Ed hated every second of it, but it was slightly more tolerable with Ling by his side.

Eventually, Ed found a part of Al’s hand lying in the ruins. If his body hadn’t ended up here, that meant Al hadn’t been sucked in like Ed and Ling. He was safe for now. Thank god.

After his attempts at sibling telepathy failed, Ed decided to hold into it. He’d give it back to Al when they got out of this place.

They must’ve tried everything to get out of that place. Running, making a well into the ground, Ed even tried shooting the gun that Hawkeye had given him to sense an echo. Nothing.

For a terrifying moment, it really seemed like there was no exit. How were they going to get out?

Then Ling collapsed, and Ed was really beginning to become pissed. He couldn’t just leave him there, the pathetic guy, so he bit the bullet and tried carrying the heap of body that was Ling. He got a couple feet before tripping and falling.

They managed to find reprieve on the platform of some ruined platform. Ed savored the breaths he took, breathing in and out heavily. Ling wasn’t doing any better. If they stayed like this, tired and hungry, they weren’t going to last.

Ed was the one who suggested they eat his shoe. Leather goods were edible, after all. The bewildered look on Ling’s face was priceless.

Then Ling asked if he had athletes foot and Ed pointedly reminded him that his foot was made of fucking metal! Honestly, how had someone as big of an idiot as Ling survived this long? He was lucky Ed had found his scrawny ass on the streets and fed him.

“When I become emperor…” Ling said, voice still tired and worn, “I’ll slander you in the pages of Xing history as ‘the man who fed a shoe to the emperor…’”

Ed laughed. “Really? That’s great! Edward Elric just carved his name into the history of Xing!”

After they’d eaten, Ling said he was sorry. Ed gave him a bemused look and asked him why.

“The only reason you’re trapped here is because you tried to protect me.”

Ed shrugged. “No big deal.”

There Ling was again, acting all stoic and prideful, like he was responsible for Ed’s actions. That really pissed him off. Why couldn’t that moron just accept help?! It’s not like Ed was just going to let Ling be swallowed by Gluttony! The idiot prince wasn’t dying on his watch.

They ended up talking a little more after that. About stupid things, really. He’d never been alone with Ling like this before. A part of him thought it was kind of nice, being able to talk with just the two of them.

Ed felt his chest start to lighten, despite their hopeless situation. He wasn’t going to give up, Ed decided, or else he’d have to deal with Al’s iron fist.

Then Envy showed up, and all that warmth in his chest quickly dissolved.

They were in Gluttony’s stomach, and there was no exit. According to Envy, anyway. They continued explaining that Gluttony was a failed experiment, created to become an artificial portal of truth. Created by someone Envy called ‘Father.’

A place between reality and truth.

And now that they were trapped, there was no way out. All that was left for them to do was sit there and die, in the words of Envy.

What bullshit! Ed couldn’t let that happen! If he died, what would happen to Al? They made a promise !

Well, fuck that. Ed wanted answers. If this ‘Father’ of Envy wanted a portal so bad that they tried to create their own… what did it mean? Lab No. 5, the philosopher stone's main ingredient, homunculi… And then there was the little fact of the Führer being a homunculus. He was sure to have been involved.

“The Ishvalan war must have something to do with it too, right?” Ed murmured.

Envy’s face lit up as if they’d been waiting for this, their expression twisting into a cruel, gruesome smile. They began laughing, and a shiver ran up Ed’s spine.

“There’s never been a more brilliant war!” they exclaimed. A heavy stone weighed in the pit of Ed’s stomach. “Do you remember what triggered the outbreak of the war?” Envy asked with glee.

Ed was hesitant to reply, but did so anyway. “...A military officer accidentally shot an Ishvalan child.”

“ Yes !” Envy cried out. Their grin grew wider. “ I , Envy … am the one who shot and killed that child!” Their laughter echoed into the dark abyss surrounding them, savage and callous.

Ed couldn’t breathe, like the wind had just gotten knocked out of him. He saw Ling’s face, a look of pure disgust and contempt. Ed looked away.

Envy didn’t stop their mad rambling, though. They went on and on about their cruelties, how they’d single handedly been responsible for all the bloodshed and carnage that the civil war had brought. Ed wanted to throw up.

When Envy finally shut up, Ed stood up suddenly. A small fire was lighting within him, growing into an inferno the more he thought about it. He was so angry . How could he not be?

It was them .

They were the one responsible for killing that innocent child. They had left the east in ruins, his hometown… Turned the Ishvalans into refugees, caused a killer like Scar to be created. Caused the war that took the lives of Winry’s parents !

“ You’re to blame !” Ed screamed, raising his right fist and smashing it into Envy’s face.

His automail made impact, but nothing happened. Envy didn’t even flinch.

Envy stared back at Ed with a scathing glare. “You wanna fight, little brats?” Uh oh. “We’re all going to die anyway, why not?”

Ling yelled at Ed to back up, and he did. Something was happening, changing in Envy. The sparks of alchemy spewed from Envy’s body as they began transforming into something… something that was growing larger and larger by the second.

Ed didn’t know how to describe the monster before him. Green with scales like a lizard, but easily larger than a house. Envy still wore that dreadful grin, writhing with glee and cruelty. Mutated bodies and faces sprouted from their body, deformed and misshapen and screaming and just… wrong . It was horrifying. This was all wrong.

So this was Envy’s true form. Their real body…

Before Ed could even fully process anything else, Envy’s tail went straight for Ling. Ling dodged in the last second, but Envy’s claws reached out for him quicker, pinning him to the ground.

No, no, no!

“ Ling !” Ed screamed.

Ed reached out, but was stopped short. Envy’s tail slammed into his stomach. He was thrown to the ground, his head hitting the floor so hard he saw stars. His vision blacked out.

A deep, monstrous voice roared from the depths.

Don’t look at me!

Ed woke up to pitch black darkness.

A severe pain struck Ed in the back of his head. No, no, no! Not this shit again! He needed to know what happened next, goddamnit! What happened to Ling?

Ed squeezed his eyes shut tight, forcing the images out of his mind. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think that Ling might—

He sucked in a harsh breath. No. He was okay. He had to be.

Ling… please be okay.

Chapter Text

It failed. The transmutation failed.

No, no, no. How could it have failed?!

That thing. What is that thing ? That’s not Mom. That’s not Mom. I didn’t— I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this.

No. This is wrong. This is all wrong. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

I can’t feel my arm. Where’s my arm? It hurts. It hurts .

I grab at my arm—the stump that used to be my arm—and squeeze. The bleeding isn’t stopping. The red falls and falls and falls and I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do?

Someone. Someone help, please.

It vaguely occurs to me that I’m screaming. Why am I screaming?

There’s quick footsteps echoing, racing through the hall. The door bursts open.

“Edward? Edward!” The voice sounds desperate, distressed. It’s distant. Everything feels so far away.

Suddenly there are hands wrapped around me, squeezing tightly. It feels warm. I lean into the warmth, quieting the dizziness growing inside my head.

It’s Ms. Maria.

Tears begin rolling down my cheeks in big wet glops and suddenly I can’t stop crying. I latch onto her, clinging to her tightly, as if she’d disappear if I let go.

She pulls apart from me and holds my face with shaking hands. Her eyes look pained.

“Edward, what did you do? What did you do ?”

I try to get some coherent words out, but they all come out in ragged breaths instead. I can barely breathe.

“What is that ?”

I don’t know , I think. I don’t know.  

I turn my head to stare at the thing that is supposed to be my mother. A mess of broken bones and tar. Its glowing red eyes stare at me and a shiver runs up my spine. Its hand reaches out for me.

It’s mouth opens, as if it’s trying to say something. And for a moment, I swear I hear it trying to rasp my name.

Then it makes a pained gurgling noise and its hand goes limp.

It’s dead.

I created life and it's already dead.

. . .

Ed woke up to darkness. Sweat drenched him, hot and sticky against his skin. A pounding heartbeat roared in his ears, a stark contrast to the silence of the room. He took one shaky breath in, then another.

“Al,” he croaked out. Silence was the only response.

He sat up, scanning the dark room. Al wasn’t here. A spout of anxiety wormed its way into his stomach. That’s right, he was still here, in this place. Without Al.

…Ed missed his little brother. Who was going to protect Al now?

He flopped backwards, kicked off the covers— they were too hot anyways. He definitely couldn’t fall back asleep now. He didn’t really want to, anyways. Every time he closed his eyes the fresh memory of that flashed through his mind.

Ha. Even after all these years, he was still so weak. How pathetic.

The stale silence of night blazed through Ed’s ears. The world was so quiet he was sure if he continued laying there, stagnant, he’d disappear. Ed flinched, breaking the silence as he suddenly sat up. He got up and stumbled through the room in the dark, with only the pale light of the moon shining through the window to guide him.

He opened the door to his room and left.

Soon, Ed was sitting at the desk in his study, using a candle to light up the room. Reading had always taken Ed’s mind off things, especially when it came to alchemy. The concepts were familiar to him, comforting. His eyes glided across the pages, tiredly reading over words.

His eyes blinked closed. Ed stiffened, shaking himself out of the sleepy haze. No. He needed to stay awake, he needed to solve this. He was so close to solving this puzzle, he just needed a little more time. That fuzzy feeling tugged at the back of his mind again. This time, when his eyes dragged closed, Ed couldn’t resist.

I’ll just rest my eyes for a little, he told himself.

. . .

He dreamed of his mother, her soft eyes reflecting off the sun, turning the light green in her irises into a shining golden glow. Her chestnut hair fluttered in the quiet breeze. She smiled warmly.

They stood outside, just in front of the rickety old tire swing that’d been put up all those years ago. It’d been one of the only things that bastard had done for them. When it was first built, he and Al would play and swing until the sun dipped below the horizon and Mom had to call them in for dinner.

Ed remembered the way their house lit up the sky that inky black night, bright orange flames bursting from the charred wood that used to be their house. He didn't feel relief, or even sadness as he watched the remains of his childhood home turn to char and ash. He only felt a deep ache growing in the center of his chest, hollow and dull. Al stood beside him shaking. If he’d had a body, Ed was sure he’d be crying.

But his home was here now, untouched by the blood and bones that would soon stain its wooden floors.

So why did he feel so off?

He was wearing his old outfit, he realized, with the long red coat and everything. He didn't feel like himself, though. Something was wrong.

“Ed,” his mom said, the gentle intonation he hadn't heard in years nearly making him flinch, “what are you doing out here by yourself? Where’s your brother?”

Her question replayed in his mind. She was right, what was he doing here? Where was Al?

“I… I don't know,” he managed to get out.

The world spun, and he tilted off-kilter and nearly fell. He caught himself against the rough bark of the tree.

What had he just been doing? It was something important, wasn't it?

Something brushed past him. Light reflected off the dark surface of metal. It was Al. Ed caught his leather hand before he could slip away. Al wrenched his hand out of Ed's, not sparing him a glance, and continued walking.

Ed stared after him. “Al, wait up! Where are you going?”

He didn't respond. His hard metal back faced Ed, armored figure growing smaller the farther away he got.

No, no, no. Where was he going? Where are you going?

Don't leave.

Mom’s eyes looked sad. “I told you boys to always protect each other, but you failed me.”

“I didn’t mean to— It wasn’t my choice!”

“Then why did you leave me ?” Her eyes snapped to his, and her voice became frantic. “Why did you leave, Edward?”

Shit. That awful sinking feeling welled up inside his chest again, swirling into a cold mass.

“I didn’t want to! I tried ,” Ed said, voice nearly breaking. “I tried to bring you back!”

Mom smiled, in that sad way she always did when she was hiding her pain.

And suddenly she was morphing, morphing into that thing again. The creature he’d created with his two bare hands. No, no, no, no.

She lurched forward, cold, bony fingers curling around him, creaking against his shoulders. Dark liquid dripped from her skin, sliding down his shoulder. A shiver ran up his spine. He wanted to look away from those petrifying red eyes, but something in him wouldn't let him.

Don’t look away. Look at what you created .

This was wrong. This was all wrong.

“Why did you leave? Why , Edward?” She began shouting, screaming . “Edward, Edward, Edward! Wake up!”

. . .

“ Edward !”

Ed shot upright, sucking in quivering breaths. His hands found purchase on a desk’s lip as he tried to touch something, anything that was real.

He was turned forcefully, suddenly face to face with Maria Ross, and for a moment Ed wondered if he was still dreaming. Her hands tightened around his shoulders, squeezing tightly. Ed winced. This felt real enough, at least.

And then, before Ed could even begin to fully process what was happening, he was pulled into a tight hug. Only when he was on the verge of suffocation did Ross release him from her grasp.

“Where were you?!” she yelled.

Ed blinked slowly. “Uh, what..?”

“You weren’t in your room! Why didn’t you tell me where you were? You had me worried sick!”

The harsh words snapped Ed back to reality, and his daze was broken. Ed steeled his expression.

“Yeesh, sorry—”

“This isn’t a joke, Edward!” Ross snapped. “What if you’d been kidnapped, or had gotten hurt? What would I have done then?”

Ed finally looked her directly in the eyes and noticed the glossy glint in them, tears threatening to break the dam.

Oh shit. He was an asshole, wasn’t he?

A couple seconds of silence passed. Ed drew in a tight breath. “I’m really sorry, Ross. I didn’t realize.”

“Don’t ever do that again, understand?”

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. “Sorry.”

Ross sighed heavily. “It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re safe.” She pulled him into another hug, which Ed couldn’t really complain about without feeling even shittier. It didn’t last nearly as long as the first, though. When she pulled back, she asked, “Why were you in here?”

“Just reading, haha…”

Ross shook her head slowly. “What am I going to do with you?”

It was too late to go back to bed, not that Ed would have otherwise. He needed a break from bad dreams.

The majority of the morning routine occurred in silence. Ed hated the stilted looks Ross was throwing him. He really fucked up. Why did he always have to do this? Throw a wrench into something good and ruin it. He was so sick of it.

Ross helped him into his dress like usual, which she'd picked out. It was a simple dress, a deep burgundy that draped downward in big cascading ruffles. Ed didn’t complain like he usually would with this process, if only because of the guilt curling in his gut. He even let Ross braid his hair. He figured she deserved that much, at least.

She gently brushed through strands of his hair as she weaved the blonde pieces together. Ed stared at Ross’ expression in the mirror as she worked, humming to herself lowly with a hint of a smile peeking through.

He wondered if this is what it would've been like if his mother had stayed around. She never got the chance to see Ed's hair grown out, there was never enough time. She probably would have enjoyed it, getting the opportunity to braid his hair every morning, just before she saw him and Al off to school. In a different life, it might've been possible.

The gentle tugs stopped, and Ed could tell the braid was complete. He took the long braid in his hands and draped it over his shoulder, stroking the bumpy texture over his fingers. An aching suddenly overcame him, washing over him in heavy waves. Hot tears prickled at his eyes, and that aching only grew, tightening in his chest. He bit down on his lip to halt the tears threatening to fall, taking a deep breath in.

When he was sure his eyes were dry, he turned in his chair to face her. “Ross, I really am sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”

She sighed, but her eyes quickly softened. “Of course you didn't. Come here.”

She goaded him forward and brought him into a hug. It was much gentler this time, and slowly Ed hugged back. He wasn't used to so much regular physical affection. A part of Ed wanted to recoil from the soft touches, but another part of him, a smaller part, wanted nothing more than to lean into the warmth and soak it up.

His cheeks were flushed by the time Ross pulled back, and Ed could hardly meet her eyes. She only seemed more amused by this and smiled warmly, putting her mole on full display. Ed smiled back, before the piercing image of a dark, red-eyed creature replaced it.

He flinched as the painful memories came flooding back, branding his mind like hot iron. He’d avoided thinking about it for nearly the entire morning. But he couldn't run away from it forever, especially with what that dream, that memory , indicated. He needed to find Winry, get the chance to talk with her in private.

He tried to shake the images away. “I think something’s wrong with my automail.”

Ross threw him a puzzled look. “Didn’t you have a checkup only a few days ago?”

“Yeah, well, that gearhead must’ve messed something up.”

That got a small smile out of Ross. “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to be a little kinder to her.”

“I’m plenty nice!”

Ross laughed, and Ed took that as a silent victory.

They found Winry in her workshop, already busy as a bee. It shouldn’t have surprised him that she was up this early working, she’d always been like that. Hardworking, determined, strong. Ed had always admired that about Winry.

After Winry ushered Ross out of the room, they sat there in silence for a couple minutes. For some reason, Ed couldn’t work up the courage to say anything. Maybe his head was still hazy from the nightmares, but he didn’t quite feel fully awake.

Then, it was Winry who spoke.

“Are you okay?”

Ed nearly flinched at the sudden break in silence. “Yeah,” he said automatically. “Why?”

She flashed him a sympathetic smile. “No offense, but those eye bags aren't doing you any favors.”

What? He was sure he’d covered those up this morning. (Yes, he’d given makeup a shot. He just couldn't stand Ross doing it for him all the time. No, he didn’t want to talk about it.)

“Ha. Yeah, sorry. Didn't sleep well last night.”

She frowned, but didn’t say anything else.

Ed watched his automail fingers slowly curl in and out in a rhythmic motion. “...So, I had this dream.”

Nightmare , something in the back of his mind pressed.

Winry perked up. Ed continued, “It was more like a memory. But, it wasn’t mine. I think… I think it was his .”

Winry’s eyes widened, and she leaned in like a kid does when their interest is piqued. “Woah, what? What happened? How do you know?”

Ed swallowed. “It was that night. The night where Other Ed tried to bring his mom back. Right?”

Winry dimmed. “Oh. I— Um…”

“I saw it. What he created.”

Reaching out for him, begging, Save me, save me, save me. He bit back the uneasy feeling growing in his stomach.

Winry’s eyes glossed over for a second, deep in thought. Then she said, “Y–yeah. He did. I’m sorry I didn't mention anything earlier, it was just… when you told me what you and your brother did, I wasn’t sure whether I should bring it up or not.”

Ed sucked in a tight breath. But he couldn’t even be mad. He hated the parallels between them. Sure, a lot of things were different, but it was the big things that stayed the same, the stuff that mattered .  It was like a big fat sign reminding him of how much he’d already fucked up.

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s not like I enjoy talking about it either,” Ed said after a long silence. When Winry didn't respond, he added, “Do you know what happened after that night? Is it connected to Other Ed’s ban on alchemy?”

Winry looked away. “I don't know…”

“Don’t bullshit me! It has something to do with all this, doesn’t it?” Ed snapped, and regret it instantly. He softened, saying more slowly, “Why am I not allowed to use alchemy?” Winry went silent. “ Please ,” Ed tried, “I need to know.”

Winry avoided his gaze, then sighed. “It’s not a story I like remembering. My Ed barely talked about it himself.” She sighed and looked far-off, as if contemplating her words carefully. “The queen died eleven years ago, when me and Ed were five. Then, when Edward was ten, he tried to bring his mom back to life. It didn’t work, and Ed lost his arm in the process.”

She took in a long deep breath, as if collecting her bearings. Ed knew the feeling. He could feel his stump beginning to grow sore.

“Ed’s father was furious. They’d never really had a good relationship to begin with, but after that…” She shook her head. “Anyways, for his ‘sin,’ he forbade Ed from ever practicing alchemy again.”

Silence lapsed between them as Ed took in Winry’s words, but she wasn’t finished.

“Honestly, I don’t think Ed was the same after that day. He… changed. I didn’t notice it at first, but it was the little things that told me. He stopped coming to dinners, isolated himself in his room, stopped talking to Al altogether. And then—these past few years— I thought he was getting better. We finally started really talking again, he was actually relying on me for once.” She scoffed bitterly. “Or maybe it was just another one of his lies.”

He could feel the sadness pouring off of her in waves. Silent, invisible cries. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, comfort her, take all the pain away. But he couldn’t do that, so instead he said, “Winry, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s too late now.”

Because I’m here.

“And what about Al? Was he involved at all?”

Winry shook her head. “No. Ed never told anyone about what he was planning. Alphonse only found out afterward, just like everyone else.”

That was a relief. That had always been one of his biggest regrets. Dragging Alphonse into his shit with him. Losing his body.

Al used to make all these excuses, about how they did it together, how he didn’t regret sticking alongside Ed. That it was as much his choice as it was Ed’s. But Ed knew it was all lies. What older brother did that? Stole his little brother's chance at having a normal life, trapping him inside a suit of armor? It was cruel. Ed had always hated that selfish, irrational part of himself. At the very least, the other Ed hadn’t made that lapse in judgement.

“So then what?” Ed asked.

“What do you mean? That’s it.”

“No way. I mean, with the amount of research he was doing, he was working on something big, something bigger.”

Winry’s eyebrows knit together. “I… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“He didn’t tell you anything?” Ed pressed.

“No, Edward! I didn’t even know he was still doing alchemy until a few days ago!” Her hands ran down her face. She took in a deep breath. “Sorry for snapping.”

“It’s fine,” Ed said.

Winry’s face crumpled a little, eyes turning to gaze downward.

They lapsed into that uneasy silence again. Weren’t they finally getting comfortable with each other? What was with this sudden distance? It pissed him off to no end.

Maybe he shouldn’t have told her about his dream. Maybe he shouldn’t have been seeking answers for things he probably didn’t have the stomach to hear right now.

And he had no idea how to fix any of this.

It was so rare he saw this Winry look so defeated. It left an ache in his heart he didn’t know had grown there to begin with. Are you okay? Ed wanted to ask. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. And he almost did, automail fingers inching forward, but was interrupted before he had the chance.

“Let’s do something fun!” Winry declared, clapping her hands together, that light expression already back on her face.

“Huh? But what about your work?”

Winry waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Already done. I was working on extra assignments anyways, it can wait. Plus, I need a break.”

Ed couldn’t exactly argue with that. “Sure, okay. What do you wanna do?”

Winry was already standing, grabbing Ed’s automail hand and dragging him along. “I’ll show you!”

Somehow, they found themselves in the kitchen. Chefs were already preparing for lunch, bodies zipping around the room in an impressively organized fashion. They must’ve been really dedicated to their job, because they were making quick work of preparing food. Ed had let Winry drag him through the castle until they landed here, partly because he felt bad, but mostly because he was curious about what she was so excited about. Turns out, it was food. Yeah, food was great.

“Did you know we can order anything we want?” Winry said from beside him, leaning against a counter. “Try it!” Winry caught the attention of one of the chefs and asked, “Excuse me, can I please have a cheese sammich?”

‘Cheese sammich?’

They nodded. “Of course, Prince Winry.”

“Okay, now you try! What do you want?”

“Uhh…” Fuck, fuck, fuck, what did he like? He was panicking, so on impulse he just spit out, “How about… apple pie?”

“That’s a great idea! Chef, one apple pie, please!” The chef nodded, already scurrying off and hard at work.

Winry turned and smiled brightly at him, and Ed couldn’t help but duck his head. It was a little embarrassing, craving something like Elicia’s apple pie right now. Maybe he just wanted a slice of home.

While they were waiting, they lapsed into light conversation, mostly about stupid things. Still, Ed was already finding himself laughing at all of Winry’s silly jokes. Ed expected the chef to kick them out with all the noise they were making, but surprisingly they simply just nodded and continued working. Huh.

Soon enough, two slices of apple pie (and Winry’s ‘cheese sammich’) were being dished out, complete with a little whipped cream on the top. It was still steaming, and the aroma it emitted was heavenly. Winry devoured her sandwich, inhaling it like it was her last meal on earth. Ed took a scoop of his pie and slowly put it into his mouth. He chewed. It tasted nothing like Elicia’s.

“Don’t like it?” Winry asked, already halfway through her own.

“No,” Ed said. He took another bite and swallowed bitterly. “It’s great. It tastes amazing.” It really did taste amazing. It made him want to cry.

Water was already welling up in his eyes, threatening to fall, and Ed steeled himself, taking in a deep breath. He wouldn't cry over something so stupid. He was a man.

But, fuck, why did everything good feel so sad now?

Winry’s gaze avoided his and she was already frowning again. Great going, Ed.

She looked contemplative for a moment, then spoke up, “That’s right! You don’t know your way around, do you?”

Ed chuckled lightly. “I’ve gotten lost more times than I can count.”

“Then I’ll give you a tour! Oh, this’ll be so fun, there’s so much to see!”

Winry led Edward all throughout the castle, with Ross always trailing close behind. He wondered if Ross thought it was weird that Winry was all of a sudden giving him a tour of the castle. What did she think of them? Had she noticed something was wrong with Edward yet? He didn’t know and it was killing him.

There were some repeats, like the training grounds and dining hall (which was apparently called the ‘Great Hall,’ but Winry gave him some useful information, like how some of the systems worked within the castle. Staff like maids, butlers, and cooks, slept in shared chambers above the cellars of the castle. Then people like knights, guards, and squires slept in dormitories near ‘the Keep,’ which was some sort of safe house inside the walls of the castle. Since when had Winry suddenly become an encyclopedia?

She took him around the garden, where they briefly met Al. They waved, and Al tentatively waved back. It would’ve been cute how shy this Al was, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

Ed asked, “Why the fuck is this room part of the tour?”

“Language!” Ross snapped, and Winry laughed.

“Hey, this place has the best hidden secrets! You’ll see,” Winry said.

Winry had led them to this dimly lit room that by all means was just a glorified warehouse. There must’ve been hundreds of paintings in that room, many of them with tapestries hung over them. Nearly everything had a thick layer of dust on them, making the air stuffy and humid.

Ed sneezed. He sounded like a kitten.

Winry turned to Ed and squealed. “That was so cute!!”

Ed’s face went red. “Shut up!”

She had that stupid self-satisfied smirk stuck to her face. Ed rolled his eyes.

“So what’s so special about this place, anyways?” Ed asked.

Winry smiled. “This place is where paintings are dumped when they’re cycled out of the ones on display. This place is brim full of old memories. It’s fun to look back.”

Ed wasn’t so sure, but he agreed to go along with her little game nonetheless.

They split up, traversing through the maze of canvases and cloth-covered paintings. Ed trailed his hand over most of them, some being so old his fingers would come back with a thick layer of dust on them. A lot of them were landscapes, biblical portrayals, or family portraits.

Ed flinched when he saw the bastard in one of them. He was sitting next to Mom, with little versions of Ed and Al standing in front. That bastard’s hair was left down, with a thick golden crown resting on the top of his head. His face was hard and unfeeling, unsmiling unlike the rest of his family.

So that was him, Von Hohenheim in this world. Ed didn’t know what he expected to feel, but the dejected, bitter taste left in his mouth wasn’t all that surprising.

He thought back to what Winry had revealed.

For his sin, he forbade Ed from ever practicing alchemy again.

Some sort of silent anger grew inside of Ed, then, a sudden unbridled rage burning through him. His fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white, his automail creaking against the pressure, and for a moment he swore he tasted ash.

Ed shook his head, turning away. He was sick of looking at that painting, anyway.

Winry shrieked, then laughed loudly from the other side of the room. “I can’t believe this is still here!”

“Huh?” Ed said as he wandered over to where Winry was making such a ruckus. He followed her eyes to a painting.

It was a painting of a little Ed and tiny Al, who couldn't have been older than four and three. Al’s hair was tied into two tiny pigtails, with two big bows tied around the base them. Al was looking shy, like he was embarrassed with this new look. Okay, he looked adorable. Ed’s heart nearly melted. Next to Al was him, or— the other Ed. He was in a bright pink dress, wearing a miniature tiara and smiling ecstatically.

If Alphonse saw this now, he’d probably laugh.

Ed looked away, unable to contain himself anymore. A smile burst across his lips. “That’s so fucking cute.”

“Isn't it? I just wanna pinch their cheeks!”

“Now you sound like a doting grandma.”

“Only because I am!” She swooped in and grabbed Ed by the cheek before he could protest.

He put up with it, if only because he didn’t want to incur her wrath, but still glared daggers at her. She smiled mischievously, and some of that initial anger in him dissolved.

“I can't believe Ed actually convinced someone to paint this!” Winry continued, “That poor artist didn’t know what they were getting into. He was always obnoxiously stubborn like that.”

Ed’s smiled faded. “Winry, can I ask you something?” Winry glanced up. “...What happened between the other Edward and Alphonse? Why are they so distant now?”

Winry pursed her lips slowly before answering. “Well, if I were to guess… I'd say it has something to do with Ed trying to bring their mom back.” Yeah, Ed could only imagine what that would do to their relationship. “It’s sad. They used to be so close when they were kids. Then their mom died and, I dunno. It felt like Ed just… broke away. It was slow at first, but I noticed them talking less and less each summer. I always thought something like that would make them closer, but I guess not.” Her eyes turned downcast. “He never even cried, at least not in front of me. Stupid boy,” she said, mostly to herself.

Ed frowned, feeling that aching tugging at his chest again. He looked back at the painting, of a simpler time when the other Ed and Al were actually happy. “Can I have this?” he found himself unconsciously asking.

“Why are you asking me? It’s yours.”

“Oh yeah, right.”

This would look nice in his room. Sweet, loot!

After Ed and Winry had their fill of wandering around, they began to search for Ross. She was off somewhere else, staring longingly into a painting. She hadn’t even seemed to notice their earlier loud conversation.

When they approached her, she glanced up and startled. “Oh, hello! Are you two done looking around?”

Ed nodded. “What are you looking at?” he asked, shimmying over some stray paintings to get a better look.

It was a painting of a landscape, and massive, too. It was life-sized, easily bigger than him. There within the painting was Mom.

Only the back of her was visible, and her pretty, light-purple dress coiled out in big drapes. She was standing on top of a hill, the flower field that Ed had seen him and Al play in as kids just down below. A large tree with purple flowers bloomed to the right of her. Her long brown braid was flowing in the wind, fluttering in soft waves. Hundreds of purple petals were fluttering through the air, and Mom’s hand was outstretched, reaching like she was trying to catch one.

The colors were beautiful, thousands of little brushstrokes coming together to become a vivid explosion of color. The expressionistic nature of the painting made it so striking, but the messy strokes and fluid rivers of color made it feel like a dream. Ed couldn’t quite place the emotion it was making him feel, but he felt something old and deep-rooted stirring up inside his chest.

“This was always one of my favorites,” Ross murmured. She sighed deeply, and for some reason, that pang of guilt growing in his chest flared up again.

“It’s really beautiful,” Winry said, coming up to stand beside Ed.

Ross turned her face away from the painting and smiled in that fake way she often did. “Well, I suppose it’s time to continue with the tour, shall we?”

Ross stepped forward, walking past Ed, with Winry trailing after her. Ed stood back for a couple moments longer, staring at the painting Ross was so interested in.

In the corner, hidden within the grassy fields, was a cursive signature written in pretty swoops: Maria Ross.

They arrived at the ballroom, peering down at large sets of staircases that curved down into an empty room, large enough to easily fit a small house. They walked down the staircase, which was a little dramatic for Ed’s taste, both ends connecting into one larger staircase as they descended down into a ballroom.

The room was circular, with white marble floors that had large intricate patterns of violet flowers twisting into the center of the room. The details sparkled against the floor like crystals, colored with rare metals and other luxuries that Ed couldn’t even wrap his mind around.

Grand arches lined the walls, with velvet curtains draping across the sides of each of them. Deep violet flags were hung against the walls, with an ensignia of a yellow octagon created from triangles. The alchemical symbol for creation. He hadn’t noticed it earlier, but that must’ve been this country's national flag. It was strange that their flag included something so obviously tied to alchemy.

Ed’s eyes trailed over the long pillars that were shooting up from the ground, extending from the floor all the way up to an arched ceiling. There were detailed flowers painted across the ceiling, extending out from the center towards the edges of the walls like a spiderweb. Crystal chandeliers glittered from the ceiling, each crystal piece placed in a way that reminded him a little bit of a layered flower.

It was a breathtaking sight, larger than life with the amount of complexity and detail that went into it. But somehow it still felt so… desolate.

If he closed his eyes, he swore for a moment he could imagine the ballroom all lit up, filled to the brim with people dancing underneath the sparkling chandeliers. Music filled the space like honey, a sweet orchestral tune exuding from the instruments in waves. The smell of alcohol and desserts wafted through the hall, and the chatter of people prattled on all around him, talking and laughing. For a moment, if he held on to this moment, he felt light, separated from all the responsibilities of the real world.

His eyes opened and the room was deserted. Some part of him was let down.

Ross’ eyes lit up as she walked through the wide, empty ballroom, stopping in the center of it. “Do you remember the balls that used to be held here? They were spectacular. The food, the music, the dancing.” She closed her eyes for a moment, like savouring a fond memory. “I miss it.”

“How long has it been?” Ed asked.

“There hasn’t been a ball hosted since—” Ross paused, then said a little quieter, “Well, since your mother died.”

Ed didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he didn’t. Ross’ crestfallen expression didn’t last long, though. She got a happy glint in her eyes, then extended a hand. “Care for a dance?”

“H–huh?!” Ed startled. He didn't know how to dance, much less in heels! “I… I don’t know…”

“Come on, where’d all that confidence go? I’ll lead, it’ll be easy. You know this one.”

Ed hesitated, but eventually conceded and took her hand into his own.

As they began dancing, he expected to trip and fall immediately, but somehow, he was actually holding his own. Without thinking, his feet took over, seeming to know the way before Ed’s brain even had time to catch up. As they swayed and turned, he found himself getting more into the rhythm. Ross did a side step and pulled Ed into a spin, which, surprisingly, he managed to pull off.

“Remember when you were just a kid, dancing on my feet? You were so small you could barely reach my hands,” Ross said, guiding him into another spin.

“Sounds embarrassing.”

“Oh, you loved it.” 

He… he did remember. A fuzzy image of them dancing played inside his mind like a music box. He was small, barely older than five, wearing an miniature sized tiara and a poofy, glittery gown. He clung to Ross’ hands with his own soft little hands, so small in comparison to her sturdy, callused ones. The lovely piano music filled Ed’s ears, and for once he felt safe. Just him and Ross together, doing a waltz, while he giggled and laughed.

It was nice.

But…

It wasn’t him. That was the other Ed’s life. What was he trying to do, pretend like he actually had any right to feel this way, to feel like she might actually care about him?

She didn't. She cared about the other Ed. He was just some impostor inhabiting his body like a parasite.

There used to be a time where things were easier for Edward, too. He was happy, even.

He was sitting munching on some cereal at the kitchen table while Mom was sweeping up. Mom’s favorite song would come on the radio and she’d take her broom and start dancing to the tune. Ed got up to take her hands, stepping on her feet as she took them round and round. And then Mom would smile, that real smile, and his whole world would get a little brighter.

He loved those little moments with his mom. Little pieces of happiness that belonged only to them. Ed cherished those moments, holding them deep in the recesses of his memories, so he didn't risk tainting them. He’d nearly forgotten that one.

Ed was spun into a dip and he snapped back to reality. All his weight was in Ross’ arms, and for a second he was nervous he was going to fall, but she held him steady. He was pulled back up and spun around again.

He laughed despite himself. Hey, this was kinda fun.

Their steps and moves were completely in sync now, and Ed found himself dancing to some imaginary music. Ross took him into a twirl and he glided into the move easily. She took him round and round. He kept spinning, catching a glimpse of Ross’ expression. The way Ross smiled, then, looked so much like the way she always did. Like Mo—

Ed broke away, wrenching his hands out of Ross’ grasp. He stumbled a little as his momentum caught up with him, his vision swimming.

“Are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Ed turned away. “No, uh, sorry. Just suddenly felt a little dizzy.” His heart was racing.

“Oh, I see.” Ross had that concerned expression painting her face again. Ed hated it. “Let’s take a break.”

He couldn't hold eye contact as he nodded. He made his way over to Winry, taking deep breaths to stay oriented.

“Hey, you really had some moves out there!” Winry chimed in.

“Thanks, but I can’t really take the credit. It was more like this body’s muscle memory helping me.”

“Woah, really?” Winry’s eyes lit up like stars. “That’s amazing ! What are all the possibilities of another soul residing in a different body? Wait—! We should do some tests!” Ed smiled lightly. There she was going again, already in engineering mode. “Oh, you also mentioned getting a dream with my Ed’s memories, right? Has that happened before? Is it just a one-off thing or recurring? If that's the case, maybe it’s possible for bodies to hold memories from the mind!”

Ed hesitated, before answering, “Nah, just the one.”

The instinct to lie was impulsive, and Ed didn’t know why he found himself doing it.

“Huh. That’s weird. Well, maybe something else will come up, you never know.”

But yeah… she was right, wasn't she?

He hadn't given it much thought before, but he had been getting memories that weren't his. More frequently, too. They belonged to this body, so why was he receiving them? 

Was the connection between the body and mind really that powerful? Ed had never thought about it that way before. They’d always been separated, but the truth was they were more intertwined than he wanted to admit.

But what did that really mean? To some extent, this mind was a shared one. How much of his mind was really his? How long could he really continue living in this body? Was this really okay?

How much of himself was really him? Would… would the memories start replacing his? His memories were all he had now to prove the existence of his old life.

Without them, what would be left?

Fucccckkkkkk.

The memories were like echoes of the past, ripples in a pond fanning out from a single droplet. Little rivers of memories leaking through the crevices of his mind. He couldn’t stop them no matter how hard he tried, it was like a dam being released from the depths of his mind, spilling out in crashing waves.

He could taste the cold water welling up inside his chest, and it burned his lungs like fire. He tried to breathe but the water clogged his throat. He was drowning.

It was too much, he was drowning— too much!

Something touched him and he flinched. He sucked in a tight breath, then finally focused his eyes. A hand on his shoulder. It was just Winry. Just Winry.

“Hey, lost you there for a second.” Her bright blue eyes pierced into him. “Where did you go?”

Ed shook his head. “Nowhere. It’s nothing.”

Winry frowned, then poked him in the cheek. “Weirdo.”

“What did I do?!”

Winry looked away and began walking ahead of him. “Oh, nothing~”

Ed waited until Ross left for the night to sneak out.

He’d managed to slip himself some fabric when they were on Winry’s ‘Grand Tour’. The sewing room had plenty of spare, they wouldn’t miss it. After that, he’d begun weaving a make-shift rope. He’d done a similar thing to sneak him and Al out for the Fifth Laboratory. He also remembered Ross being pissed when she found out. Guess he still hadn’t learned his lesson.

That was so long ago now, it felt like it’d been ages.

Ed opted for a short, long sleeved dress. Black, to blend into the night. He put on some lacy white gloves, too.

Yeah, it was lame that he was still hiding his automail. But he didn’t exactly feel like explaining his whole automail situation to Teacher right now. She was the kind to dig and keep digging once she found a secret, and he didn’t need her prying into his life.

There was a small ledge outside the window, and Ed crawled out onto it. There was a slight breeze tonight, and it rustled against his braid. The window frame was one of those fancy metal ones with thick swirly designs. He wound the rope around a gap between the metal details, knotting it twice.

Ed threw the rope out the window, watching the bunchy thing unwind as it fell to the ground. Long way down. Nearly four stories, if Ed had to guess. His head spun a little. Okay, not the time, he needed to focus.

He gave it a couple sturdy tugs and the rope held steady. Welp, that was good enough for him. And if it ended up snapping halfway through and he fell a couple stories? 

Well, that wouldn't be pretty.

Slowly, he descended, his high heels nearly falling off at least a million times. His arms weren’t as strong as they used to be, and Ed found himself already sweating by the time he was halfway down, the veins in his arm on fire. When his feet hit the ground, relief flooded him.

It was easy sneaking past the guards now that he was a little further from the inner walls. They moved in obvious patterns and it didn’t take long for Ed to slip by them. He’d worn a bright red coat all the time before and still managed; not exactly stealthy. This was a piece of cake. Soon enough, he was leaving the outer walls of the castle behind and making his way down the hilly slopes.

Ed looked back at the small piece of paper clutched between his fingers. He’d managed to get a map of the city earlier with a lot of rummaging, so finding the place was simple.

He had a lot of walking ahead of him.

When Ed finally arrived, he found himself stepping into fields of farmland. The wide fields and rolling hills reminded him of Reesembol. Cattle would often wander the fields, grazing on the lush meadows during the day.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine himself back in Reesembol, with the scent of fresh grass and furry animals being wafted through the lands by the gentle wind. Spring-time flowers and blooming trees dot the land in bright bursts of color.

Ed opened his eyes and was met with the dark, cloudy sky. The wind was chilly, leaving pinpricks of goosebumps across his skin. A familiar aching feeling tugged at Ed’s chest.                                                

He shook himself out of it. He needed to focus on what was ahead. Just over the fence in the distance was a shadowy figure. When the figure waved, Ed was sure he was in the right place. He hopped the fence and made his way over to her.

Teacher was standing in the middle of the field with her arms crossed, expression hard and stony. She only acknowledged him with a glance when he arrived, which was as much of a greeting as Ed was expecting. Then, she took a long inhale from her pipe, a cool stream of smoke releasing from her mouth as she exhaled. Wait, where the fuck had she pulled that out from?

He hadn’t noticed it earlier, but in the dim lighting, he could make out the deep shadows etched beneath her eyes. She looked older, worn down from time. He tried not to dwell on the thought any longer.

“Why are we training here?” he asked.

“An old friend of mine lets me use this space sometimes. Attracts less suspicion.”

Ed nodded. He supposed it made sense, though he still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of alchemy being viewed as some kind of dangerous thing that people feared.

A little voice slithered into the back of his mind. They should fear it. Just look at what you’ve created with alchemy.

Ed shook his head again, urging the voice to shut up.

Teacher’s eyes flickered toward Ed. “So, how’d you get that metal arm?” she asked.

Ed flinched. When had she—

She practically read his mind, raising an eyebrow like it was obvious. “I felt it when I shook your hand the other day. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

Ed mentally face-palmed. Goddamnit, why did she always have to be so perceptive?

What should he say? If he told her the truth, would she banish him as her student, like she had with him and Al before?

He was scared. So, like a coward, he said, “It was an accident a long time ago. Don’t worry about it.”

It wasn’t technically a lie.

She clearly didn't buy it, but didn't press any further. “Alright, let’s go with that for now.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why are you hiding it?”

He didn’t know. He wished he did.

“Hey, is this an interrogation or what?”

“I like to know the kinds of people my students are. Wouldn't you?”

She wasn’t wrong. Ed shrugged. “I dunno. I think it’s supposed to be a secret or something.”

“You think?” Ed shot her a pointed look, urging her to drop it. And, to his surprise, she actually did. “Okay, that’s enough talking. Let’s commence training.”

Finally! Just as Ed was beginning to take his shoes off, Teacher put a hand up to stop him.

“The heels stay on.”

Ed floundered. “B–but— why ?”

“If this is your daily wardrobe, you need to be prepared to fight in it. Get used to it. You think the enemy’s going to allow you the luxury of time in those situations?”

She was right, as always, Ed realized bitterly. So, he relented and kept the damn high heels on.

The fight began, and Ed’s dagger grew instantly from his automail, cutting through the knuckles of the thick linen glove. After going so long without alchemy, it felt good finally being able to use it again. He was already getting pumped up.

Teacher’s eyes widened slightly at the sight, but she didn’t say anything else. Ed was grateful, he really didn’t want to have to fumble his way around explaining why he didn’t need a transmutation circle.

Then, before Ed could react, he was caught in a right hook, Teacher’s foot connecting with his jaw. In the blink of an eye Ed was on the ground. Damn! She could've at least gone easy on his face!

Teacher scoffed, that pipe still held tightly between her teeth even as she fought. “And you call yourself an alchemist? Pathetic.”

Ed growled, clapping his hand together and causing the ground to rupture, the earth contouring to wrap around her ankles.

She smirked. “You’re full of surprises.”

He scrambled up and went for the knees. It was a dirty play, yeah, but he was desperate. Even in her immobile state, she still managed to dodge and block all his advances. She caught his fist and threw him over her shoulder. With a clap of her hands, she easily freed herself from his little trap.

“Although, you don’t seem to plan ahead, do you?”

He was already panting hard, heart hammering wildly in his chest. Fuck, he couldn't remember the last time he was this out of shape. This fucking sucked!

“Are you ready for more?” she asked.

Before Ed had the chance to reply, he was hit square in the gut with the quick strike of a hand. He keeled over and coughed. “What the fuck !”

“The enemy will not wait until you’re ready to fight! Now, stand up!”

Ed sucked in a terse breath, stood, and squared his shoulders. “Fine, let’s go!”

By the time training was over, every part of Ed’s body was on fire. He was sure his muscles would be screaming at him in the morning, too. His dress was a wreck, dusty and thick with mud.

Meanwhile, Teacher hadn’t even broken a sweat. She was smoking, eyebrows knit together as if deep in thought. What was she thinking about?

She turned to Ed, studying him quietly, before saying, “Goodnight, Student.”

Ed stood there a moment longer after Teacher had left, as the breeze slowly tussled his braid and tangled his hair. The chill air was cold and lonely, and Ed had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting much sleep that night.

Ed was back in the fight before he could blink. 

His head throbbed, like someone had taken a hammer and pounded it against his skull. But he didn’t have time to think, because before he knew it Envy’s tail was lashing out and slamming down again, going right for him.

Move. Move!

His body moved on its own, rolling out of the way instinctively before the loud boom made impact. Ed cringed. That was too close. He sucked in a heavy breath, slowly getting to his feet.

Ling was by his side before he knew it, and Ed couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. He made a sword for Ling out of the sea of blood; no shortage of iron there. As for himself, he transmuted his automail into his metal blade.

Ed stole a glance from Ling. They were both already injured badly and tired. This fight wasn’t going to be easy. Ling nodded at Ed, and he took that as their cue to go.

Envy was enormous, but somehow still just as slippery and quick. Envy darted around them, using their tail and thrashing at Ed before he could react. Ling wasn’t fairing much better. He managed to block Envy’s claws with his blade, but it wasn’t enough. A large fist smashed Ling to the ground.

“ Ling! ” Ed cried, already getting to his feet. That bastard! His legs were moving before he really had time to come up with a plan. Whatever, it didn’t matter! Envy was going to pay!

He swung his right arm back, preparing to strike, and then—

“ Kill me ,” a face whispered.

Ed stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide. A chill slithered up his spine. More bodies writhed from Envy’s body, begging and pleading for death. There were hundreds of them, all of the contorted bodies reaching out for him.

All those souls. Trapped.

Alchemy did that. Alchemy did that .

A head wailed, “ Please… ” Its mouth opened and another face sprouted from between its teeth. It began laughing hysterically. Ed was paralyzed. 

The head was split in two with the strike of a sword and the laughter went dead. It was Ling, Ed vaguely processed in the back of his mind. He grabbed Ed’s body and moved before Envy could land another hit on them.

“What are you doing ?!” Ling shouted as he set him down. “Why do you hesitate?”

Ed stared down at the pool of red liquid, breathing heavily. “P–people… There are people inside. Crying out for help!”

“You’re wrong!” Ling snapped. “That thing is a monster! Don’t let it fool you!”

But Ed could barely hear him over the cries. Thousands of voices overlapping, calling out for him.

Kill me… Kill me! Daddy… Anybody… Hahaha. Mother… Give me back my child. Don’t look… HAHAHAHAHA! …at me…

“How do you like my power?” Envy asked.

That snapped Ed out of it. He shot up, covering his ears as best he could while Ling sliced off some of the smaller body parts. 

“Stop it! Shut up !!” One of Envy’s fists hit Ling. Shit. “ Stop !” Ed’s automail fist raised, only to halt mid-air just before hitting its target.

Wanna play?

Ed’s breath lodged in his throat. He stared into the mass of bodies, so many pleading voices, only for one little girl’s voice to reach him. Suddenly he couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything.

Big brother… it whispered. Nina’s soft, sweet little voice replayed inside his mind. Wanna play?

No. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this!

An insidious voice encroached from behind Ed. “Play time’s over.”

And suddenly Ed was being thrown back into concrete, gasping for breath. He landed hard, his automail heavy on his shoulder. Everything was so heavy.

The stench of blood was intolerable now. It clogged his nostrils, clinging like soot. He thought he’d gotten used to it, but watching the red stuff slide down and drip off his body stirred something up inside his stomach.

His eyes landed on something, a broken stone mural, before his vision blurred over. It was becoming harder to focus.

Shit. He couldn’t move.

Ah. Damn.

Was this really it? His eyes felt heavy. It was so hard to move, his limbs sluggish. Maybe he should just… give up.

Something was grabbing at him, reaching out and pulling him up. It was soft, wrapping around his body, and tightened. Voices echoed through his head. Help me. You could never understand my pain. Let’s die together. Come to us. Come!

Vaguely, a voice called out for him, over and over again. Ed couldn’t make out the fading words.

Ed was floating, floating through darkness. Thousands of voices called out for him. So much agony, so much pain. He was useless to help any of them.

He felt a heart beat. Slowly, his eyes slid open. Something bright and warm emanated in front of him.

What is that? Glowing red. A red stone… that’s Envy’s core. The philosopher’s stone…

What I’ve been searching for… He reached out for it, but his hand couldn’t quite grasp it. So close, and yet just out of my reach.

Ba-bump.

That seemed like a good metaphor for Edward’s miserable existence. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. How had he gotten here, how had it come to this?

Ba-bump.

He remembered a time where he would’ve been captivated by that little red stone, done anything just to get his hands on it. But now he only felt numb. Ha. He truly thought it would solve all his problems. What an idiot he was back then. Still was.

Fuck.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

That mural that he’d seen back there, of a lion eating the sun… it reminded him of something. What was it again? Oh yeah, that transmutation circle he’d seen back in the ruins of Xerxes.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

Wait. Wait!

Ed kicked at Envy’s mouth, knocking a tooth out. “Let me out, Envy! It stinks in here!” The voices continued their moaning. Ed tried to ignore them as best he could. “I think I found a way out of this place! Envy, I need your help!”

—

Ling finished his work wrapping a make-shift splint around Ed’s arm with one final tug. Ed winced.

“Thanks,” Ed said. “That helps a lot.” Ling gave him a small smile in response, nodding.

Envy returned with a big pile of rubble, tossing it down. “This is all the fragments in the area.”

“Are these all from the Xerxes ruins?” Ling asked. Ed nodded.

It was the other half to that mural that Ed had found in Xerxes all that time ago. If this was the other half in Gluttony’s stomach, that meant someone had tried to hide it. Ed had a couple guesses as to why.

“So are you going to share your big secret?” Ling prompted.

Ed nodded, explaining it to the two in simple terms. The sun represented the soul, and the moon represented the spirit. The stone was the physical body, which could be interpreted as the entire mural itself. And then there was the mural where the missing shard had been in Xerxes. It was a summoning circle for human transmutation. The shard was the base of the circle, which was a human being.

Ling seemed lost, but Envy was oddly quiet.

“So that’s when I got an idea,” Ed continued. “What if I transmute a living being?” Ling furrowed his brows in confusion.

Ed began explaining his hypothesis. “It’s impossible to transmute someone who’s already dead. But what if I transmute a living being? What if I transmuted myself ? If Gluttony is the false portal of truth, then maybe we can use the real portal to get back to the right dimension.” He turned to Ling and Envy. “I’ll open the portal, then you guys jump through.”

“What happens if you fail,” Envy asked. “There’ll be a rebound.”

Ed nodded gravely. “A failed transmutation is reflected back towards the one who initiated it. In this case, that’d be… me.”

There was a thick silence coating the air, and for a couple seconds no one said anything.

Then, Ling shrugged. “I know nothing about alchemy. I’ll leave it to you.”

“But before we do that,” Ed said, turning Envy, “there’s one more thing I gotta ask you.” They tilted their head questioningly.

He drew up a transmutation circle using a rag and some blood. It was more or less the mural that he’d seen in the shrine in Xerxes. He pointed out the symbol for god that was written above the two dragons and how it was shown upside down. In other words, bringing god down to earth and making god one’s own. This created the intertwining male and female dragons. The hermaphrodite, the alchemical symbol for a complete lifeform.

Someone was trying to attain godhood.

“Bringing God down to earth? That’s awfully arrogant,” Ling muttered.

“Sure is. But it’s not a problem if all we’re doing is talking about it. The problem is this.” He pointed towards the mural. “The missing piece shows the sun being swallowed by the lion. It symbolizes the philosopher's stone.” He paused. “The philosopher’s stone is made of living beings, right Envy?”

“That’s right.”

“You know, when I went to the ruins of Xerxes, I couldn’t believe that such an advanced civilization could be destroyed in a single night.” He turned his stare to Envy, fire burning in his eyes as he grit down his teeth. “You guys… turned the entire population of Xerxes into a philosopher’s stone, didn’t you?!”

Envy’s face remained neutral, but Ed knew he’d hit the nail right on the head.

“Who transmuted your body? Who was it that wanted to surpass even god ? Was it your ‘father’?!” His teeth clenched so hard in his mouth he felt they might burst. “That person’s using you guys to re-create the destruction of Xerxes in this country, isn’t he!”

Envy was deathly silent for a moment. Then they grinned. That damn, stupid fucking grin of theirs. “You get us out of here and I’ll tell you. Now, you need this, don’t you, Fullmetal?” Their jaw unhinged and their tongue came spilling out. Vein-like bodies wriggled and squirmed on the surface of the tongue, and Ed couldn't hold back his shiver. Right in the center was that little red stone. “You need to pay the toll if you want to go through the portal.” The bodies around their tongue moaned and cried, reaching out in desperate pleas. “Use it. Come on, take us home.”

“But these are all… citizens of Xerxes, aren’t they?”

“ That’s why you’re hesitating?” They scoffed and Ed felt the urge to clock them. “Your little brother is just a soul, right? So you want to think these things are still human because you need to believe your brother still retains his humanity. HA! What a childish notion. It disgusts me to be pitied by a lower lifeform like you!”

Ed’s eyes slowly trailed over the bodies wriggling through Envy’s body, his heart sinking. “So they… these people don’t have their own bodies?”

“No. They lost their souls a long time ago in Xerxes. They can never return to their original bodies, they can’t even remember what they looked like. Now all that’s left for them is to be absorbed as energy.” They huffed. “Think about it scientifically, you can’t let emotions get in the way. These souls can never go back to being human.”

Ed’s gaze turned downward, his eyebrows knit together tightly. The words Envy was saying was a hard pill to swallow, but he couldn't deny that some part of them was right.

After a long moment, Ed said, “All right.” He turned to Ling. “In case this doesn't work… I need you to tell the others about what these guys are planning.”

Ling shook his head. “Go back and tell them yourself.”

Fuck. Why’d he have to go and say that? The bastard just refused to let him give up, huh?

But then there was his promise to Al. How could he have let himself forget? He couldn’t afford to give up. Ever. But he had, and so easily, too. Why was he so weak?

“Hey, Ling,” Ed said. He stared at him, trying to memorize the details of his face. The smile lines around his mouth, the crinkle of his eyes. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

Ling nodded and then smiled, so self-assured and confident that Ed was actually stupid enough to believe him. Like always, his charisma was infectious. Ed smiled wryly to himself. Goddamnit.

Slowly, he stepped into the circle. He stared at the souls trapped inside Envy’s body longingly.

I’m sorry… but I need to use you.

He turned back to the transmutation circle. Ha. His hands were shaking again. He wanted to say it was from his broken left arm, but it really wasn’t.

Ling reached over and gave his shoulder a squeeze. They locked eyes. Ling’s hand was warm, and Ed's heart stuttered. He could do this.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

Slowly, he raised his shaky hands.

It’d been a while since he’d done this, huh?

He clapped his hands together and saw white.

...

His eyes shot open and the world was dark again. Ed blinked a couple of times, mind still whirling and heart racing in his chest. For a terrifying moment, nothing seemed real, the world so still it was as if time had stopped. But a familiar blanket of dread draped itself over him and he knew he was alive again.

Slowly, he sat up, acutely aware of his own shaking raking through his body.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

With slow movements, he tested his automail, relieved to find that it wasn't actually broken. His eyes closed as he collected his thoughts.

He’d opened the portal. That must’ve been it, that was how he’d gotten here, in this reality. And then there was the truth about Amestris, about the homunculi and this ‘father.’ They were going to turn Amestris into a philosopher’s stone.

Something lodged in his throat, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe all over again. All those people…

His fists squeezed tightly into the bed sheets. Just when he’d figured it out, the truth, it slipped right through his fingers. Like it never mattered at all.

There was still Ling, but, that asshole hadn’t even promised anything!

Wait— Ling.

Oh fuck no.

What had happened to Ling? Was Ling alive? Had he survived the portal?  Ed didn't know. Ed didn't know and that terrified him.

Goddamnit! What if he—

No. No .

Ling was alive, he had to be. He was being irrational. Logically, if the portal rebounded, the only one it should affect was the transmuter, him. But still, the anxiety racing through his chest never slowed. Something must’ve gone wrong. He was sure he’d gotten the transmutation circle right. But what if—

Ed shook his head. No, no! He wasn't going down that rabbit hole right now!

Amestris… His home.

Even if Ling did manage to tell others, what the hell were they going to do? The motherfucking führer of the country was a homonculous for fuck’s sake!

He dragged a hand down his face, bracing himself against the bed. He hated feeling trapped like this. All he could do was run circles around himself inside his head. It was all so fucking pointless.

…So that was it? All that, just for him to end up here ?

What did it mean? What was the point of it all? How had he fucked up the transmutation this badly?

What was Al doing right now? Was he okay, was he safe?

How long had it been since Ed had left his original world? Did time pass differently here? Had it been weeks, months, years ? And who was in his body? Was his body just an empty husk, devoid of life? What if his body had already died? 

Was there even still a chance for him to get home?

He slammed his fist down against the bed, finding no relief against the squishy mattress. After a couple minutes of sitting in silence, he found himself pushing out of bed, sluggishly heading for the door.

If he had to sit there in his bed spiraling all night, he was going to lose it.

The door to his study creaked open, and Ed slipped inside quietly. And yeah, he’d promised Ross not to sneak back in here again, but damnit he couldn't help it! He needed answers! And he was never able to sleep after bad dreams anyways.

He’d been sorting through the notes and organizing them by chronological order. He laid the notes out in front of him, as if staring at it long enough would spark some sort of epiphany. It didn’t.

He sighed heavily. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out for this. It was so much easier when he had Al to help him with this kind of stuff. Ed’s heart pinched, and he shook his head, distracting himself by reading another set of notes.

Ed had found a lot of glyphs just through the dresses themselves. It was difficult to make out them out and decipher them, especially since they were purposely hidden. It was like untangling a massive web of knots. Part of Ed wondered how much this was just the other Ed was just combining his two interests.

The tattoo that he’d seen on those homunculi, the ouroboros symbol, was scattered throughout the notes pretty consistently. Though they were abstracted heavily, and Ed was only able to make them out because he knew what to look for. But why? He wondered if it had something to do with the homunculus, or if it was just a coincidence. If it wasn’t, Ed didn’t like what that was implying. What did the homunculus have to do with the other Ed?

This one was a sketch of a short, boxy green dress with silver accents. The ouroboros symbol was hidden within the design of the dress, a nearly unrecognizable mess of lines, but just distinct enough for Ed to discern. Strapped onto the wrist of the sketched body was a bracelet with a silver rat on it.

There were notes scribbled next to the orobourous symbol, but all it talked about was the dress. The inspiration behind them and what details meant what. There were a couple notes jotted down next to it, talking about the color and ‘mood’ of the dress, whatever that meant. 

One note that stuck out to him was, ‘Follow the tales.’ The note felt odd to him, but he couldn’t figure out what it might be referencing.

He flipped to another page with an ouroboros hidden within it. This dress was indigo, a bodice with a lot of ruffles flaring out from the sides of the skirt. A necklace with the symbol of a snake was circled, with a note next to it reading, “ Show them this. ”

What? Show who ?

The sketch next to it was the necklace drawn out larger, in greater detail. It emphasized the scaly snake, winding around itself in loops. Its eyes were drawn out, staring directly at Ed in disturbing detail. The note next to it read, ‘Until no end.’ Ed felt himself shiver and turned the page.

The next dress was yellow, a long, flowy dress layering over itself like flower petals near the end of the skirt. There were little dots on the dress, a small note next to it indicating they were, “ Sparkles! ” Ed nearly laughed at that one.

There were also earrings adorning two golden roosters. Like the snake necklace, this was also drawn out in greater detail. A note next to it read, 'The sun shall rise.' Again, another weird note.

The sun, huh? That could mean a lot of things. The most common meaning was gold, of course. The sun was male, so there was also the masculine principle, associated with sulfur. It could also be less literal, representing a spiritual transformation.

Ed shook his head in frustration. Agghh! But which one was it?!

He continued pursuing the notes, which was much of the same thing. In fact, he was pretty sure they’d gone through the entire rainbow of dresses by now. The following strange notes he’d discovered next to each of the ouroboros dresses were, ‘Imbued in earth,’ ‘Place the bodies,’ ‘Flows to the center,’ and finally ‘Clockwise it goes.’ They didn’t make any sense. Nothing else really quite jumped out to him, the dots weren’t connecting and he had no idea why. It shouldn’t have been this difficult!

One thing that was clear, though, were the dresses with the ouroboros symbols on them. They seemed so distinct from the other dresses, like it was trying to tell him something.

And then there were all those animal accessories. Each dress had a different animal paired with it in its accented color. Besides the ones Ed had already mentioned, there was an ox, a goat, a dragon, and a pig. It was a cute theme. Maybe the dresses were part of a series? But what did animals have to do with alchemy?

Ed’s personal favorite was the pig, though. It was drawn so cutely, and part of Ed wished he could just reach through the page and squish it. He stared at the piggy, hoping it would somehow give him the answers. The piggy stared back.

Okay, maybe the sleep deprivation was finally catching up to him.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, kicking his feet up onto the desk. He stared up at the ceiling, a void of nothingness. He really hoped all this trouble would be worth it.

The other Ed had really cared about fashion, hadn’t he? The sheer detail in the sketches alone were impressive. The drawings had an artistic quality to them that Ed had never attained. Though, if he was so talented, why hadn't he just stuck with it? There was no need to continue pursuing alchemy like him and Al had. This Ed had money, status, resources, a home .

Why risk all that? What was his goal? He just didn't get it.

After him and Al had tried to bring Mom back, Ed had been terrified to do alchemy again, even months after his automail had been completely installed. He’d draw up circles in the ground of easy, simple things, like flowers or toys. But even then he was too scared to put his hands together. He swore every time he closed his eyes, he saw Al’s hand reaching out for his, begging and screaming for Ed to save him, save him , until his body disintegrated to nothing.

Your fault. Your fault .

He never told Al. He’d burdened him enough as it was. He needed to be strong for him, needed to be a good big brother.

Even after the state alchemy exam, sometimes he'd catch himself hesitating. Those images would start up in his mind like sparks, little flickers catching fire and bursting up into treacherous flames.

Your fault.

He was terrified that one day he'd wake up covered in blood and suddenly not have a brother anymore. He worked hard to ignore those intrusive thoughts.

It took him a long time.

Ed woke and stiffly sat up, rolling his shoulders back and stretching out. It felt good to move after lying in bed for so long. He’d only managed to catch a few hours after staying up most of the night. But ouuucchhh. Every part of him was sore, even down to his arm stump.

He was sure to cover up his bruises with makeup before Ross came to check on him for the morning. Screw him for thinking Teacher would even consider going easy on him, huh? But hey, at least this makeup stuff was useful for more than just looking pretty. When Ross came into the room, Ed was just finishing covering up the last blotch.

“You’re up early again,” she noted.

“Haha, yup.”

“Prince Alphonse wanted to visit your mother’s grave with you today.” She paused. “Only if you feel up to it, of course.”

Oh yeah, they had planned on that, hadn't they? With everything going on, it had completely slipped Ed’s mind. For once he was grateful for Ross’ incessant nagging.

“Yeah, I’m down.”

Ross gave him a pleased smile in return.

Ed drifted over to the closet, stepping inside. What should he wear? He hadn’t really let himself stop to really look at the gowns. His hand trailed across all the dresses, feeling the texture of the fabrics as he walked down the aisle.

Deep maroons, magentas, and blues were just the start. He was pretty sure there wasn’t a color that wasn’t there. It was a little overwhelming, talk about stimulus overload. Some of the dresses were embroidered with intricate patterns, beautiful detailing lining the dress. Others were bedazzled with thousands of gemstones, the glittery sparkles making Ed’s eyes bleary. He avoided the dresses with excessive frills, it was just too itchy.

There were hundreds of them, all of them unique in their own way. A single one of them must’ve takens weeks, even months to make. Ed didn’t even want to imagine how much this room was worth.

Something sparkled in the corner of Ed’s eye and he turned towards the source. He stopped his search, finding himself drawn to this one dress. It was a light periwinkle, with sheer, see-through lace sleeves that fell to the sides. It wasn’t too long, or overly-poofy, so it’d be good to traverse in.

Carefully, Ed took it off the rack and brang it over to Ross. Her eyes lit up when she took it, examining it for herself. She nodded happily once she was done taking a look, and quickly helped Ed change into it.

After that, Ed sat at the vanity idly brushing through his hair. After the training last night it was more tangled than usual. He’d ended up having to wash up before he’d gone to bed too, which was a major pain. His eyes kept dragging closed, before he flinched and shook himself awake.

A pang of doubt wriggled into Ed’s chest. Was he really prepared for this training? How long could he keep this up?

Ross was looking at him weirdly. It occurred to him that she had definitely asked him a question, and like the idiot he was, he’d spaced out.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked which tiara you’d prefer today.” She held up two sparkly tiaras, the only real difference Ed could discern between them being the colors. One was yellow, while the other was a deep violet. Ed pointed to the latter, figuring it’d go better with his dress.

“Perfect.” Then she paused. “Are you feeling alright?”

He stiffened. “Yeah, ‘course. Just… didn’t sleep well.” He gave an awkward shrug.

Ross didn’t seem convinced, but let it go. “I see. Make sure you’re going to bed at the proper hour.”

Ed nodded, not meeting her eyes. It wasn’t really lying, more like… omitting the truth. He’d done it all the time with the Colonel.

As nerves continued wracking up inside Ed's gut, he pretended to concentrate on brushing through the tangles in his hair.

It was strange, being in Alphonse’s room. They’d made their way there soon after Ed was done with his morning routine. When they’d gotten there, Al was still in the middle of getting ready, leaving Ed to his own devices.

Ed stood awkwardly off to the side while Ross and Brosh fussed over Al’s outfit. He almost felt like he was invading his space. He hoped he wasn't making Al uncomfortable. How weird was that?

He found his eyes wandering the room, looking around at the extensive decorations. It was like every corner of the room was stuffed to the brim with some kind of plant. They coiled around the window frame and some spilled out of their pots. On the windowsill, a small purple flower bloomed from a ceramic pot.

The empty walls were decorated with landscapes of what Ed assumed was Amestria, one painting displaying a rendering of the castle behind a sunset. Other paintings were still lifes of fruits or flowers that looked so real Ed swore he could’ve reached out and plucked them off their stems.

Overall, it was pretty tame compared to Ed’s own room, but that's what he had been expecting. It was nice, and a hell of a lot better than his own room. Nearly every inch of his place had some form of sparkles or pink.

Why pink of all colors?!

He bumped against a wooden desk behind him and turned. Somehow, this area was even more plant-crazy than the rest of the room. There were flowers resting in vases, along with some longer leafy plants hanging down from the wall, spilling down onto the floor. There was a stash of herbs neatly organized into sealed off jars on shelves above the desk. Other containers held vials of ground up dusts and powders.

The area looked cluttered, but despite all the stuff, Ed could tell there was still some semblance of organization. This area had been used often. Sitting at the center of Al’s desk was an open journal with sketches of flowers. He took a look through it, curiosity getting the better of him.

Notes were written neatly next to the drawings, bullet points stating where the plants tended to grow, the seasons they bloomed, and their potential uses. As Ed flipped through, more drawings of plants revealed themselves. The drawings were rendered extensively, capturing the subtleties of the way the leaves folded. Some of the pages even had pressed flowers glued to the pages. The amount of care and detail that went into this was astounding. Ed was impressed.

A presence came up from behind Ed and he startled back, quickly closing the journal. He met Al’s eyes and smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry I looked through it without asking, but it was just so hard to resist!”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind,” Al said quietly.

Al was wearing a nicer outfit than what he’d seen of Al’s previous wardrobe; his jacket a black linen with bright golden swirls winding up the sleeves and sides of the jacket. Ed couldn’t help but smile to himself, a sense of pride glowing within him. His little brother looked so classy. For once, Ed didn't feel as embarrassed for dressing up.

“I didn’t know you were into herbs,” Ed said.

“Oh, yes. I’ve been studying the effects of different herbs and their uses for medicinal practice for a while now.”

“That’s awesome!” Ed exclaimed.

Al blushed meekly. “It’s nothing, really.”

“No, seriously, not just anyone can do stuff like this. Do you want to be a doctor, an herbologist? Wait, you could totally make a book!”

“I don’t know. I haven’t given it too much thought.” He shrugged.

“Well, whatever you choose, I know you’ll do great.”

“Thank you.” Al smiled to himself, seeming flustered over all the praise. Ed thought it was cute, Al ‘ought to know how talented he really was.

Ed smiled wide, going to pat Al on the shoulder as he does, except— oh yeah. Al startled at the sudden contact, but didn’t move to push him away. Ed’s smile faded as he pulled his fingers away. Goddamnit.

“Are you boys ready?” Ross asked from the doorway.

Ed responded with a monotonous, “Yeah.”

They made their way through the dirt trail him and Al had taken previously. This time, though, they took a path diverging off to the side, the rolling hills sliding upwards. Ed’s heels clicked as the dirt turned to cobblestone.

Al walked quietly next to Ed, having already prepared flowers. He held the small, lavender-blue flowers between his fingers as they walked. Bluebells. Ed couldn't help but smile at the gesture.

A couple massive trees grew at the top of the hill, gentle shadows streaking across the path as the sun burst through the gaps of the canopy. Long twisting branches extended from the trees in winding swoops. Blooming off the ends of the branches were purple flower blossoms, thousands of them dancing in the wind as the trees lazily swayed back and forth. They looked like the same kind in that painting of Mom.

Soft purple petals fluttered down from the trees, twirling and dancing through the air before softly landing on the ground. Ed caught one in the air and examined the soft petals in the light. Al noticed with a little upwards tug of his lips and caught his own, holding it up to Ed’s.

“The trees are pretty this time of year, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed.

He wondered how long these trees had been here. Did she want to be buried near them? What had they meant to her?

Something heavy welled up in the bottom of Ed’s gut. His nerves were getting to him again. He never knew how to feel when visiting Mom. She’d been dead for eleven years. That was so long ago now, but he swore the memories of her still felt so fresh. It used to fill him with this dread, twisting into a horrible knot in his stomach every time he remembered that she was really gone, but now he just felt numb. Bittersweet.

How was Al feeling during all this? He stole a side glance but Al’s face remained completely unreadable. Ed hated how hard it was for him to read Al sometimes.

As they drew closer to the grave, Ross and Brosh decided to stay back. They were still close enough to keep an eye on them, but far away enough to give them some privacy.

The grave was more like a tomb. It was large and grand with four stone pillars holding the ceiling of the roof up. The actual grave residing in the center, protected by another layer of stone. Neat little swirly designs flowed down from the rim of the grave, the gold reflecting off the sun. Those purple trees sloped downward toward the tomb, draping the roof in clusters of flowers that cascaded down the sides of the pillars.

Engraved into the front of the grave’s stone was swirly cursive. It read: Queen Trisha Elric. Beloved wife and mother.

Al clutched the flowers in his hand a little tighter, and then carefully placed them down in front of the grave. Ed suddenly felt guilty for not bringing any of his own. Why hadn't he thought of that? There were, like, a million flowers in the garden. Ugh, stupid!

That familiar ache rose in his chest again. He tried to push the feeling down, shut it away, but it only came back more fervent. He’d never even met this woman, so why did he feel like this?

Ed glanced back at Al, trying to read his expression. There was a wistful look on his face, but he didn’t seem upset or sad. Maybe just resigned.

An uncomfortable silence washed over them, and Ed bit his lip nervously. Should he say something?

But what was there to say?

Ed shut his eyes and felt the sun on his skin recede, the warmth quickly draining from his body. When he opened his eyes back up, a chill raced up his spine.

The trees were suddenly empty, the branches devoid of flowers, which had long since withered away. They sat before their mother’s grave just like today. They were young, around five and four if he were to guess. A chill swept past, the cold wind biting against their skin, and Al shivered. It was late winter and the air was still bitter and icy, lingering with a chill. Opaque puffs of air escaped from their mouths as they breathed.

The pain of Mom’s death was still sharp and raw, a stinging wound that hadn’t even begun to heal over yet. Ed found his teeth instinctively clenching down inside his mouth.

“Big Brother, I’m hungry… and cold. Can we go back inside the castle now?” Alphonse asked in a small voice, hugging his knees closer to himself.

Edward didn’t respond for a long while, until he said in a low whisper, “I’m going to bring Mom back.”

Al flinched. “Huh?”

“In one of the alchemy books I read, it said you can bring humans back to life. Humans are just made up of the mind, the soul, and the physical body, right? It should be easy.”

“But, isn’t that forbidden? Dad said that you should never —”

“Who the hell cares what that old bastard thinks?” Ed snapped. “If he really cared, he’d try to bring her back too.” Ed stood up. “It’s just like you to wuss out on something like this. Fine then! I’ll do it myself!”

Al stood as well, his eyes glossing over in worry. “Brother, wait… You’re not really going to do this, are you?”

“I am, and you’re not going to tell anyone.” A wide grin spread across Ed’s face. “It’ll be our secret, okay?”

Ed blinked and suddenly he was back in reality, a sharp contrast to the fuzzy edges of the memory.

And suddenly, he was overwhelmed with anger. Blazing hot fury coursing through him at the unfairness of it all. He wanted to punch something, lash out, though he couldn’t get why. Next to him, his metal fist physically shook. He grabbed it with his other hand, halting the trembling.

Then he felt it, he understood what this feeling was.

It felt like… the weeks after Mom had died. That building resentment towards his father growing, a blazing fury pushing against the back of his skull, growing so strong until he finally gave in— finally stopped moping around and did something . The day he resolved to himself that he was going to see Mom again.

It was an old feeling he hadn’t felt in so long. It was kind of nostalgic, in some fucked up way.

He turned back to Al, who was still standing there silently. The thought of that memory brought a bad taste to his mouth. He wanted to fix this somehow. What was he supposed to say? In this body, it was him who’d hurt Al like that, pushed him away. But Ed still felt responsible. How do you even begin to reconcile for something like that?

He didn’t know.

“Hey, Al, I…” Ed began, but was cut off.

“Edward,” he murmured, suddenly serious. “You always used to call me Alphonse before, so why change that now?”

Ed was a little taken aback at first, feeling like he’d been accused. Because I’ve changed, Ed didn’t say.

“I like the nickname,” he said instead. “Is that okay?”

Al shrugged. “Y–yeah.”

“You can call me Ed, if you want. I’d prefer it, actually.”

Al made a face. “You only let Winry call you that.”

“Well, now I’m letting you.”

A light pink blush settled across Al’s cheeks. “Really? Thank you.” He seemed flattered, but there was still that confusion and indecision laced between his hazel eyes. Ed couldn’t stand it.

Then, Ed grabbed both of Alphonse’s hands, desperately. “Al, listen. Whatever happened in the past, whatever was going on between us— let’s just put it behind us.” The words were tumbling out of his mouth quicker than he had the forethought to stop them. “I— I want to get to know you better. I don’t want to be separated from you again.”

Al seemed shocked, his lips parting slightly as he let out a quiet breath. He didn’t seem convinced, that uncertain gleam still coloring his eyes. “I… I don’t know…”

“Trust me,” Ed said. “Please, just trust me.”

After a beat, he said, “...Okay. I trust you.”

Ed smiled. “Thanks.”

He held out his fist, and after a confused stare, Al reluctantly fist bumped him back. Ed grinned.

Brothers. That was always the silent oath him and Al had sworn to each other whenever they did things like this. It was their promise to each other. But his Al wasn’t here now, and that made the gaping hole left in Ed’s chest at that absence start to ache even more. He hadn’t even realized emptiness had begun to grow there to begin with.

When Al wasn’t looking, Ed’s demeanor slipped. Al’s eyes had told him otherwise. He didn’t trust him at all. And why should he?

“I think I’m going to head back now,” Al murmured.

That aching pain consumed Ed’s chest again, throbbing painfully with every new heartbeat. Something damp and wet threatened to sting at his eyes, but he quickly blinked the feeling away. He steeled himself, not meeting Al’s eyes as he began walking away.

Ed placed the small petal he’d caught earlier next to Al’s flowers. As he caught up with Al, he stole one last glimpse of his mother’s grave.

Bye, Mom.

Chapter Text

Edward sucked in a heavy breath, exhaustion rolling off his skin in thick beads of sweat as he struggled to block the next wave of attacks. Teacher didn't go easy on him. Not that he wanted her to, but it was grueling work nonetheless.

Sneaking out of the castle had been easier the next couple of times. Ed slipped into the routine quickly. He and Teacher sparred until Ed’s breath ran ragged, until his arms and legs were so tired he felt like they might fall off, automail included. It was tough training, with an even tougher teacher, but Ed could take it. In fact, he kind of lived for it. This is what he'd been missing. The rush. It was frustrating and thrilling, exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. It shouldn't have been much of a shock to him that sitting around all day cooped up in a castle made him feel pent up. But, well, yeah. You get the point.

Ed clapped his hands to the ground and shot off tendrils of earth, all of the rocky hands aiming for Teacher. She crushed the appendages easily, barely even batting an eye as she punched, and continued reading from her ‘easy hunting’ book.

“The three stages of the alchemical process are construction, deconstruction, and reconstruction. This is not the only way we can interpret the alchemical process, however.” Ed’s ears perked up. A different way of interpreting alchemy? “The first stage, nigredo, represents death. Next, albedo represents spiritual ascension. Finally, rubedo represents creation. By understanding this process, we alchemists can become the best version of ourselves.”

He’d never heard of those terms before. Maybe this was something new that was unique to this world. Ed found himself immensely interested in the lesson all of a sudden.

“Nigredo, albedo, and rubedo…” Ed muttered to himself, rolling the words over in his mind. “So how does it work?”

Teacher dodged a left jab he’d thrown, pivoting on her feet and leaving Ed reeling forward from the momentum. He scarcely caught himself, whipping around to try to land another blow.

“Think of it as alchemy’s spiritual connection to the world instead of the physical connection.

“Nigredo is the death and chaos that lives within us. In order to overcome this stage, you must first confront the shadow within yourself.

“Albedo is the purification process. It is to bring light and clarity to two warring inner principles.

“Finally, rubedo is creation, when the soul, mind, body, and spirit reunify to become one.”

Ed’s left arm pulled back and he threw a punch. She caught his fist in her hand, pulling him forward and twisting his arm back until he was face down in the dirt. After he cried mercy, she let up.

The soul, mind, body, and spirit becoming one… “Like the philosopher’s stone,” Ed put together.

She nodded. “Precisely. Except in this case, you are the philosopher’s stone.”

Ed tried to wrap his mind around that concept. Becoming a philosopher’s stone? It didn’t sound real.

“That’s insane.”

“A lot less insane depending on how you choose to interpret it.” She smirked. “Do you take everything so literally?

“No!” he snapped. “I actually… searched for the philosopher's stone for a long time. But it was a dead end.”

“What stopped you?”

“I discovered how to create one. And the main ingredient was…” he shivered. Admitting the truth never got any easier. “Human souls.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

Ed balked. “What?!”

“I once searched for the stone myself. Although it was in vain, merely a hopeless pursuit. The price to pay was too high.” She grimaced. “It’s funny how alchemists search for the stone as if it’s to key to every problem, yet once it's there, it becomes clear why it is unattainable. It’s only the beginning of the horrors we alchemists must endure. Such conceited creatures we are, trying to play as gods ourselves.”

Ed had to agree. He was a cocky brat once too. He thought he had learned his lesson after their failed attempt, but his plight for the philosopher’s stone only proved just how little he'd grown since then.

How had he thought that one little red stone would be the solution to all their problems?

“So about this rubedo thing, how do you achieve it?”

Teacher grinned. “That’s for you to figure out, Student.”

Another day passed.

“One is All and All is One. Tell me, where did you really learn that phrase?” Teacher asked Edward.

“I already told you, you taught it to me! Well, an alternate version of you did.”

“Yes, right, as I recall, the one where I trained you and taught you alchemy?” She shook her head, smiling to herself. “The stories children come up with these days is ludicrous.”

“I’m not lying!” he snapped. “I wouldn't even need to be here if this body wasn’t the wimpiest thing ever.”

She contemplated for a moment before saying, “You’re talking about your body as if it’s separate from yourself.”

“That’s ‘cause my soul got trapped in this body when I got to this universe! Trust me, before this I was a total badass.” Oh, how he missed the days when he could take on an alchemist like Scar and still come away… relatively unscathed.

She laughed harshly, then spat blood and quickly sobered up. “Have you ever considered seeking psychological help?”

“I’m not crazy.”

He wasn't. He wasn't.

“Maybe just a pathological liar, then.”

“Whatever, I don’t care if you believe me or not.”

She scrutinized him hard for a moment, pursing her lips, then smiled. “You’re a strange one. I like that about you.”

Heat flooded Ed’s cheeks. Was that her version of trying to be nice? He looked away.

Teacher clapped her hands together and declared, “Well, that’s enough talk. Show me what you can do with alchemy.”

Ed nodded as their training commenced, quickly clapping his hands down to the earth and pulling out a long spear, complete with all the spikes and style he needed.

Teacher stifled a laugh. “What’s with the skulls?”

Ed blinked, staring at the skulls dotted along the spear’s hilt. He flushed. “W–what?! I have great taste!”

“Keep telling yourself that, kid.” She continued lightly giggling for a while and then suddenly straightened up. “But that’s not what I meant. Try something else.”

Ed rolled his eyes and clapped his hands together. This time, the most basic sword sprouted out from the ground. Ed was disappointed it had lost its spiky coolness. “There, happy?”

Teacher shook her head. “Be a little more creative. Try to challenge yourself.”

“How?”

She made a humming noise. “You’re too close-minded.” Ha. She wanted to talk about him being close-minded? “The world is your oyster. Use your surroundings.”

He looked around at the large field of grass encircling them, encompassing the land. Basically, as barebones as it got, with only the wooden fence differentiating the sections of land.

“There's nothing here but the earth,” he said.

Teacher shook her head, grinning. “Not quite. There is the grass, flowers, weeds, acorns, seeds. There is the wind, the rivers, the mountains. Water can be taken from even the moisture in the air.” She clapped her hands together, and with a little electric spark, water was gathering at her fingertips. It hardened into sharp icicles. 

“Amazing,” Edward whispered.

Then, she drew her hand back and thrusted the ice forward. The sharp icicles zipped past him, just barely missing grazing him and landing in the fence a couple of feet behind him.

Then, she clapped her hands to the ground, and hundreds of wildflowers sprouted from the earth, rapidly blooming and expanding. Their petals flourished and reached outward as if it were a clear sunny day, and not the cloudy, cruddy weather it was currently. All the different kinds of flowers created multicolored patterns throughout the grass, each varying widely in shape and length. Even in the scarcely illuminated night, the rainbow of colors stood out against the darkness, bursting with pigmentation.

It was beautiful. Ed would never admit that out loud, though.

Ed asked, “How’s a buncha flowers gonna help me against someone in a fight? What am I gonna do, ask them on a date?”

“It’s an example!” she snapped.

Ed couldn’t help but snicker. “Okay, sorry, sorry. So, what do I do?”

Teacher instructed, “Take in a deep breath, close your eyes, and simply exist. Take note of what you notice.” Teacher had taught him the importance of mindfulness back on the island, and now she was teaching him the same lesson.

Ed bent down, touching the grass and concentrated on the feeling of the earth beneath his fingers. His fingers brushed over the lush foliage and flowers in the grass. The petal of the flowers were soft and supple, yet the stems were hard and tough.

He sat down and closed his eyes, trying to imagine a connection between himself and the world.

In the distance, leaves rustled as a small animal scurried past. Crickets chirped, creating a low humming song; meanwhile, an owl hooted from someplace not too far off. Over in the barn he imagined cows, sheep, and goats sleeping soundly on piles of hay.

He inhaled and exhaled the crisp, chilly wind. It bit against his face and tussled his braid, creating movement when he wasn’t even moving. The northern winds came down from the mountains, running through the land like rivers, and bringing a cold front to the lands. He remembered the large river running through the land to the west, flowing south.

If he focused and cleared his mind, the flow of the earth became clear, like a peaceful river slowly treading along the bank, its waters impressing itself onto the earth. That river eroded at the earth surrounding it, weathering the large rocks in between its waters. One day, that river might confluence with another, combining into a single larger waterway. Or it might diverge, forking into two separate rivers. Either way, change would eventually come.

He was changing, too. The cells in his body were constantly dying and being replaced by new ones. Even his mind was changing, in ways so small that he couldn’t detect it until it had already happened. Ed was a part of that flow. Simply a mass of material energy, taking the energy from the world, letting it pass through him, and eventually transferring it back out into the universe.

Then, he sensed it. A seed nestled in the root of the earth, just a couple feet down. His hands clapped together, and in one swift motion, he brought them down to the earth. He imagined his power extending farther, straining to reach the little seed hidden so deep down.

Then, the group ruptured. A thin tendril snaked from the earth, two small twigs twisting around themselves until it grew larger. The bark thickened, the trunk growing into a large sized tree. The branches spindled outward, reaching and reaching up. Delicate pink flowers blossomed from the ends of the branches, bunching together in clusters.

Ed’s jaw dropped. Well, that just happened.

“A tree,” Teacher murmured. “Very good.”

Ed scowled. “Pink.”

PINNNNKKKKKK!

It was always fucking pink. That color was becoming the bane of his existence at this point.

Before he could blink, Teacher was lunging. He let out an unintentional screech of fear before his brain stopped lagging and decided to move!

He barely managed to scrape past Teacher before he clapped his hands into the tree behind him. A large branch from the tree swooped down and curled around her ankle, catching her and dangling her body upside down.

Oops. Did he go too far?

Clearly not, as Teacher was already maneuvering her way out of the wooden noose, while simultaneously pressing her hands against the bark. The branch unwound from her ankle and three more branches shot forward, racing toward Ed. Thinner branches were rapidly growing from the base of the stems and extending, twisting and twining together to form a cage over him.

Ed used his automail blade to slash a wide ‘X’ over the bark until it weakened enough for him to kick in. The wood shattered in splinters, and he took a few steps outside the trap, his eyes darting around searching for her.

Something crept up behind him, and suddenly Teacher appeared, using a wooden vine she'd created to rapidly wrap his wrists behind him before he even processed what was happening. Damn! With his wrists bound he couldn't use his alchemy.

He rolled to the ground to get some distance between them. Briskly, he pulled his feet through the gap his arms made, righting his arms to be in front of him once more. Uh oh. Teacher was running after him already, and he used the little space between them to sprint around the tree. They circled each other, Ed beginning to feel like prey to a wolf, and he was grateful for the tree’s natural barrier.

Okay, enough dilly-dallying. He backed up a little before running forward and jumping, catching his bonds onto a thick branch. With the exertion of force, the vines snapped. They continued their tepid run around.

Teacher yawned. “I’m growing bored, Student. Perhaps you should try giving me a real challenge.”

Urgh, she was so annoying! He needed to find a creative way to beat her. But what could he do?

What was the chemical makeup of a tree? Let's see… carbon, oxygen, hydrogen… aha! He'd use the water inside the tree to create a smoke screen!

Ed pivoted on his feet, lunging for the tree and clapping his hands together before grabbing its trunk. He pulled the water from the tree using the steam as a smokescreen. Then, as the carbon of the tree condensed into graphite it was ground to dust, darkening the steam cloud around them. With a hiss, a large plume of dark smoke engulfed the area. But now he couldn't see either. Oops.

Stop and listen, he reminded himself. Connect with the earth. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the space surrounding him.

His ears perked. A slight rustle to the left, a footstep behind him. He turned, cementing his foot further into the ground. She was close. There was a slight woosh in the air. Now!

He pivoted and caught the arm that nearly struck him. Then, bending his knees, used the momentum and all his remaining strength to flip her over his body.

The impact dissipated the remainder of the smoky water vapor in the air. Teacher stared up at him in shock, before her expression changed to something akin to… impressed?

Ed's face broke out into a grin. “Ha! I won! I actually won!” He pumped his fist in the air, jumping for joy.

This was his first true victory against Teacher after countless hours of sparring.

When he wasn't paying attention, Teacher swiped his foot out from under him and he came tumbling to the ground.

“Hey! Cheater!”

She grinned. “I couldn't let the glory go to your already overbloated head.”

“You're just mad I actually caught you off guard.”

She laughed before standing up and dusting herself off. Then she took out her pipe and took a long drag from it. “Relax, kid. Besides, I was going easy on you.”

Ed fumed as fury filled him, his face going red. “What?!”

She held a hand out for him. Reluctantly, he took it. “Good work today, Student."

“Who are you and what have you done with my teacher?”

She rolled her eyes, scoffing. “Brat.”

She was smiling beneath that scowl, though, he could tell. He gave her a toothy grin back. They were both ashen from the smoke, and Ed used his arm to wipe away some of the debris from his face. They both looked ridiculous. Ed couldn't help but let out a laugh, and soon enough Teach joined in. That is, until she began spitting blood.

Ed turned back to the tree, withered and twisted now without water. Its once pink petals had dimmed into a pale brown. It was nearly dead.

“Too bad about the tree, though…” he murmured.

Teacher eyed him, then stepped toward the tree and placed her hand against it. Then she clapped her hands together and transmuted the tree.

The stray limbs that had been contorted in the fight slowly slithered back into their original places.

The trunk’s dreadful state slowly changed as the shriveled thing plumped up. The blossoms puckered up before spreading out again, the pretty pink color restored. As the tree was rejuvenated, the grass and flowers surrounding it wilted, turning to a dull brown.

In order for the tree to live, the flowers had to die.

But maybe one day the seeds of the flowers would regrow, bursting forth from the ground, and see a sky full of endless sunshine.

“I used the surrounding water from the ground to heal it,” Teacher stated. “It should be just fine now.

“T–thanks,” Ed said, a little stunned, but appreciative all the same. “Uhh, is… is your friend gonna be mad that I spontaneously grew a tree in his cattle’s backyard?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Oh please, this farm could stand for a little more decor. He’ll get over it.”

Ed smiled at that sentiment. He stared up at the soft pink petals fluttering in the wind, one petal taking off after another as the wind swept them across the sky. Each petal danced through the air in wide swooping arcs with the breeze’s rhythm.

Maybe pink wasn't such a bad color, after all.

Ed kicked his feet onto the desk as he leaned back in his chair, book in one hand while he idly flipped through the pages.

One of the memoirs Ed had gotten from the library detailed their time in Xing. They talked about the stories they’d learned, the culture, and the customs. They said they hoped to learn more about alchemy by studying the country’s mythology. But the most important thing they learned about was a concept named qi.

Everything began with the yin and the yang, yīn yáng, or yin-yang.

In Xingese philosophical beliefs, these were the two contrasting forces of the universe. The Taijitu (太極圖) was a symbol representing the yin and yang, illustrating the dichotomy between the two forces.

‘Yin’ represented the black half of the circle, which was feminine, passive, retractive, and cool in essence. ‘Yang’ represented the white half of the circle, which was masculine, expansive, active, and warm in essence. Yin and yang could be found in all forms throughout the universe, often found in nature itself. Water and fire, light and darkness, good and evil.

Although opposites, the two forces complemented each other, as neither one could exist without the other. They needed each other to balance themselves out. They pushed and pulled at one another like the tides, in a perpetual, everlasting cycle.

Everyone had this vital energy called ‘qì’ (氣).  In Xing, they believed qi was a life force flowing through every living being. Living, breathing, moving, all required qi to exist. An invisible force that bound all the matter of the universe together. It wasn’t too dissimilar to Western alchemy’s concept of a soul. Though it wasn’t the same, Edward was beginning to see the parallels within the two cultures' ideologies. 

There were three different types of qi:

Heaven qi, also known as tian qi, is the cosmic energy that resides within the universe. It was the sun, the stars, moons, planets, and galaxies themselves. Heaven qi connected people to the universe up above, allowing expression, intuition, and a high sense of purpose. It represented the yang in the Taijitu.

Earth qi, otherwise known as dì qì, is the energy that emanates from the earth. It was the ground underneath our feet, the grass and rivers flowing through the land. Earth qi was stabilizing and vitalizing, giving people a sense of groundedness and support. It represented the yin in the Taijitu.

Human qi, known as ren qi, is the energy that resides within people. It is both the yin and the yang of the Taijitu, creating a centered balance within both respective forces. Human qi was the vital energy within every living thing. It was responsible for cultivating a person’s physical and mental health, be it emotional, spiritual, or cognitive.

Qi must be cultivated properly from the person themself. This can be done by meditating, practicing breathing exercises, being within nature, or participating in activities that inspired creativity.

Without these practices, a person’s qi might become blocked, deficient, or stuck. Without the proper flow of qi, a person could not be healthy. They might become sick or experience mental disturbances.

Alkahestry drew its power from the earth and its magnetic field, much like alchemy, but where they differed was alkahestry’s ability to also draw power from the cosmic energy of the universe itself. Akahestry didn't just draw its power from the flow of the earth, but the planets and stars themselves. When utilizing qi, the user creates the matrix within the circle and directs the flow of energy to convert and manipulate mass.

Understanding qi and the impact the natural forces had on the universe was key to using alkahestry. But why did Amestris never incorporate anything like alkahestry into their alchemy? In a way, the two practices were one in the same, just built upon different building blocks. If Ed could learn alkahestry, maybe he’d be able to discover a way to travel back home.

Although, he still didn't totally understand it. He wished he had someone who could teach him alkahestry. Fat chance of that happening anytime soon, though. Not like someone knowledgeable on alkahestry and Xing’s internal teachings was just gonna magically show up.

And so, this led Ed into a rabbit hole of researching Xing. He pored over the books he’d grabbed from the massive library the castle had. Despite the lackluster, or rather, nonexistent alchemy collection, the library boasted quite the impressive collection when it came to history and otherworldly culture. Reading up on Xing was a breeze, and with each page he turned he found himself more drawn into the country’s intriguing culture.

What interested Ed the most were the Xingese zodiac, a set of twelve animals used to determine each year. In the beginning, the zodiac was used as a way to tell the time, a lunisolar calendar made to track the twelve months of the year. The Moon’s lunar cycles and the Sun’s solar positions were tracked, with leap years being added periodically to make up for the natural drift between each of the cycles. These orbital bodies’ cycles were used to determine the start of each month. This method of tracking time allowed for a more accurate and intuitive yearly calendar.

Later, as a timekeeping system, the twelve zodiac animals were used to represent the years. In a twelve year cycle, each year would represent its respective animal, as well as its attributes. It was a cyclical pattern, like the animals would be chasing each other around forever.

The rat was the beginning of this twelve year cycle. There was even an old Xing legend that told the origins of the twelve zodiac animals.

This is how it went:

            In the beginning, God hosted a banquet for the animals. All of the animals were invited to this grand celebration, so long as they weren’t late.

            After having heard this news from his friend the Horse, the Rat quickly scurried over to his neighbor the Cat to tell him about the banquet. The Cat thanked the Rat for telling him the news. But unbeknownst to the Cat, the sneaky Rat lied to the Cat and said that the banquet was held the day after the real date.

What the hell?! The Rat was a dick!

            When the day finally arrived, the Rat hopped onto the Ox’s back and was carried all the way to the banquet, greeted by grand golden doors. Then, the Rat hopped off of the Ox’s back just before they entered the palace, arriving first and just on time.

            And so then arrived the Tiger, and then the Rabbit, and the Dragon, the Snake, the Horse, the Goat, the Monkey, the Rooster, the Dog, and finally the Pig.

            After that, God and the animals all had a great feast. All except the Cat, who was left out of the celebration. That is why the Cat was left out of the zodiac.

What?! The poor cat. He didn't deserve that.

            While all the other animals feasted and drank from God's special sake cup, the Cat slept on at home, dreaming of a wonderful banquet that they would never be a part of.

            A sacred bond formed between God and the twelve animals that night. Forever they would be tethered, their souls intertwined in an everlasting friendship.

            The animals would be reborn again and again and again, until the end of time.

Forever was a long time. He wished the Cat got to be able to go to the banquet. It didn’t seem fair how the Rat tricked him. Stupid shifty rat!

Besides that, it was also believed that the twelve zodiac animals influenced people’s personality, compatibility, and luck. Fortunes and prophecies were often drawn from studying the planets and the stars. Orbital cycles and planet orientation determined luck and even the future itself.

Each of the zodiac animals was aligned with their respective celestial body. The Rat was represented by Saturn. The Ox, Jupiter; the Tiger, Venus; the Rabbit, Neptune; the Dragon, Mars; the Snake, the Moon; the Horse, Saturn; the Goat, Venus; the Monkey, Mercury; the Rooster, the Sun; the Dog, Pluto; and finally the Pig, Mercury.

There was a chart describing the personalities of each of the zodiac animals. Each animal represented a different attribute. The Rat was sneaky and smart. The Ox, diligent and dependable. The Tiger, daring and brave. The Rabbit, gentle and earnest. The Dragon, powerful and ambitious. The Snake, charming and intuitive. The Horse, independent and energetic. The Goat, kind and selfless. The Monkey, playful and clever. The Rooster, confident and assertive. The Dog, loyal and honest.

If he followed the pattern of the Xingese calendar, he could find his birth animal. Apparently, Ed was the year of the Pig. The Pig, otherwise known as the boar, was supposed to be strong-willed and loyal. Though it also read here that they could be reckless and impulsive… Okay, why was this shit so accurate?

After researching so much, Ed’s brain was a little fried as he took in all these new concepts. He knew Xing had something to do with the other Ed’s codes, considering how often it was referenced in the diary. But what was the true connection?

Edward had a lot to think about.

“I’m curious,” Teacher asked one night with a sly smile, after training finished up, “what is this ‘alternate version’ of myself like?”

Ed stared up at her from the grass, picking himself up off the ground after a major thrashing. Was she making fun of him again? He couldn’t tell, so he just decided to answer truthfully.

“Honestly, you two are pretty similar personality wise, except…” Teacher raised a brow curiously, exhaling some smoke.  “Nevermind. Point is, you are both incredibly strong, mentally and physically, I mean. You didn't take shit from anyone, especially men.”

She grinned. “Damn straight, kid.”

He continued on, “You took me and my little brother on as students when we were kids, but only after we begged you to be our teacher. We found you during this real bad storm. All these guys were stacking sandbags to stop the flooding, but nothing was working. Then you came waltzing out in sandals, clapped your hands together, and created this massive wall of earth in an instant. It was awesome, like you were some kind of superhero. That’s when I knew it had to be you who taught us alchemy.”

Teacher smiled at that. “A hero, huh?” She sighed. “Must be nice.”

Ed frowned. What did she mean, she was a hero. She always would be.

As the conversation went on, he started telling her about his and Al’s experience on that awful island. He hadn’t meant to tell her that much, but once he started talking, it was like the memories were pouring out of him in waves. He couldn’t stop. Some part of him had to keep going, just to prove his existence, that his old life wasn’t just doomed to become faded memories.

“And then I said, ‘One is me!’ And Al said, ‘And All is the world!’ And you just fucking laughed in our faces!” Ed started laughing despite himself. “We were petrified, but then you told us we’d passed. We were ecstatic.”

Teacher had been listening intently, giving Ed the time to fully complete his story. She hadn’t interjected once, even though he was sure she had a lot of questions. Ed went silent, gauging her for a reaction.

“You know,” she said, smoke escaping her lips, “that does sound like me.” Ed’s hopes soared, only to be stomped down the next second. “But I still don’t believe you.”

“W–what? Why?! What else can I say to convince you?”

“While I’d love to believe you really are a soul from another universe, it’s just too unbelievable. If you can give me solid proof and an explanation, then I’ll buy it.”

Ed wanted to argue more, but found himself stopping. It really was pointless, wasn't it? Honestly, he couldn't even blame her. You had to be a special kind of crazy to believe in this fucked-up kind of situation (which was Winry apparently).

“Whatever.”

She smiled lightly. “Cheer up, kid. You’ve improved tremendously in a short period of time. However, the extra strain put upon your body could become a hindrance if you let it. Be careful not to push yourself too hard.”

Ed almost wanted to scoff at that. Wasn’t she the one putting him through these arduous training exercises?

He put his hands up against the back of his head, stretching out. “Yeah, I get it.”

“Oh, and, this alternate version of myself? It seems like she taught you well. Next time you get the chance, thank her for me.”

Ed stared at her, dumbfounded. Didn't she just say he was making this all up?

He rubbed at the back of his neck. “..Ah, yeah, sure.

Edward's back ached from how long he'd been sitting in this damn study. He sighed, closing the book he was reading and pulling out the diary, flipping through it again. By now, he'd read it from back to front no less than twenty times. It hadn’t been as much of a help as Ed had hoped, though.

The diary entries were repetitive and without much detail. The voice the other Ed wrote in was strangely cold, distant. The words always came off as stilted and numb. He couldn’t help but feel like there were pieces missing in the entries. It was like there were gaps in the entries, entire parts of his life that weren’t being shown. They were too vague to be anything truly meaningful.

Coded or not, why even keep a diary if it barely recollected moments from your real life? Plus, it was boring as hell. Super dry.

Mostly, Other Ed wrote about his everyday life. Winry's name popped up a couple times, Al’s even less. It seemed like a monotonous cycle:  Wake up, go to class with Ross, eat dinner alone, go to bed, repeat.

It must’ve been lonely, living like that. 

Winry always got those sad, distant eyes when she got the chance to talk about Other Ed. He was starting to see why.

Besides that, there were a lot of allusions towards folk and fairytales, mainly coming in the form of mentioning old Xing legends in some way, but Ed still hadn’t figured out the full picture. He was sure he was narrowing it down, though.

There were some references to alchemy, but most of the hints just didn’t make any sense. The bits and pieces Ed could see potentially relating to alchemy weren’t enough of a foothold to figure out what the clues truly meant.

The one consistency was the fairytales. They were referenced heavily within the diary. He’d managed to figure out which stories were being mentioned in the codes after a lot of reading up on old fairytales.

The fairytales were stories you told to children, with pretty straightforward themes. Some of them he’d never heard of before. He found some of the stories the diary was referencing in more detail by looking through the castle library. They had what he was looking for; fairytales, folktales, and legends that hadn’t even existed in his old world. They had to be the key. Ed could feel it in his gut.

The first tale that Ed had discovered was about a king who turned everything he touched into gold.

The next fairytale alluded to in the diary was a story of a girl with extraordinarily long blonde hair. She was trapped inside a tall tower, locked away for years by a jealous witch.

After that, a tale about a mother who wished for a boy, white and red. When a boy was born from a juniper tree as white as snow and as red as blood, the mother died happily. The mother was soon replaced by a cruel step-mother. She hated her step-son, for she felt an overwhelming rage within her arteries when he was around. And so the twisted step-mother was driven to killing her own step-son, tricking him into retrieving an apple from a heavy wooden chest with a sharp iron lock, lopping his head off in one swift motion as she slammed the chest down onto his neck!

Then, one tale was about a young girl in a red hood who traveled to visit her grandmother's house, only to find a big bad wolf posing as her grandmother after he devoured the poor old lady. The wolf, having followed little Red Riding Hood through the forest on her way to her grandmother's, tricked the red hooded girl and gobbled her up.

The next tale was of a young woman forced into marrying a wealthy man named Bluebeard, for his beard was blue, which repelled all the women. When the man went on a trip and left his keys to his new wife, her curiosity overcame her, and she unlocked the room that she was forbidden to enter. She gazed upon the bodies of all of Bluebeard’s previous wives. In shock, she dropped the enchanted key and stained the key red with blood. Because of this, cruel Bluebeard found out about her incident and decided she, too, must die.

The fairytale after that was about a young princess who was prophesied by an old fairy to prick her finger on a spindle and fall asleep for a hundred years. The king, outraged after having heard this, demanded all the spindles in the kingdom be burned. However, in the end, the princess ended up pricking her finger on an old servingwoman’s spindle while she was spinning her thread. After the princess fainted, she was laid to rest on a fine silk bed, so long that great big vines of roses and thorns began to grow around her. That one was kind of a snore. (hahahaha ._.)

And finally, the last fairytale was a story about a queen who wished to be the fairest in all the land, and the little Snow White whom she abhorred so. The Queen ordered Snow White dead, but the hunter who was ordered to do so took pity on Snow White and told her to run out into the wilderness. There in the forest, she stumbled upon seven dwarves who kindly took her in. The Queen, having found out Snow White was still alive, disguised herself as an old crone, tricked poor Snow White and deceived her into taking a bite of a poison apple.

But the fairytale of the girl with long golden hair intrigued Ed the most, for reasons he couldn't quite place. He sensed something special about that one. The story was called Rapunzel.

            Once upon a time, there was a couple who longed for a child. When the wife saw the witch’s garden across the window, she became enamored with the beautiful rapunzel flower planted in the garden beds. She yearned for the rapunzel, and without any to satisfy her, soon became ill.

            One day, the husband promised to retrieve some of the flowers from the garden. He snuck into the garden, but just as he was plucking the flower from its stem, the witch caught him. The witch was enraged, but took pity on the man when he explained himself. She allowed the wife to continue to have the rapunzel, but only if they gave her the child that would be born. When the wife finally gave birth, they named the child Rapunzel.

            Years passed, and Rapunzel grew up to have beautiful, long golden hair, as fine as spun gold. The witch locked her away in a tall tower, far away from everyone. The only exit was a small window at the very top. The witch was jealous of the child’s extraordinary hair, for she had never had anything so gorgeous, as bright as the sun. Her own hair was thin and black, dark as tar. And so, all the girl could do all day was stare longingly out into the sky, and soon she became filled with loneliness and grief. In her despair, she would sing her sorrows into the sky.

            One day, while the witch was away, a prince heard beautiful singing coming from the tower. He was so entranced by this music that he came by every day to listen. He wondered how he could reach the beautiful girl, and observed how the witch entered the tower each time. Soon enough, he stood just below the tower, calling out:

             “Rapunzel, Rapunzel,

            "Won’t you let down your hair?”

            The golden hair was flung from the castle in cascades like a silky golden waterfall, and with the hair, the prince climbed up the tall tower. Rapunzel was frightened at first, but as the two got to know each other, they soon fell deeply in love. When the prince asked for Rapunzel’s hand in marriage, she eagerly said yes.

            However, with no way for the both of them to get down together, it was difficult. So each evening the prince came he brought a strand of silk, to which Rapunzel would weave a ladder. But the witch grew suspicious, and with her sharp wit and clever words, got the girl to admit the truth about her prince. The witch was furious, for Rapunzel was hers. In her rage, the witch cut Rapunzel’s beautiful golden hair from her scalp and cast her out into the wilderness to rot.

            When the prince came by the next day and called out, Rapunzel’s golden hair was let down. When he climbed to the top, the witch was waiting for him, clutching Rapunzel’s golden strands between her crooked fingers. And so, in her jealousy, the witch had stolen Rapunzel’s beautiful hair for herself!

            The witch taunted him, rifling scornfully that he would never again see his beautiful bird. In the prince’s grief, he flung himself from the tower, saved only by the thorn bushes that cushioned his fall beneath. But those same thorns blinded his eyes, leaving the bleeding prince to wander the woods aimlessly.

            One day, he stumbled upon a clearing in the woods and thought he heard a familiar voice singing. Following the lovely melody, soon he found Rapunzel, who was overcome with joy. Two of her tears fell into his eyes, and in a bright flash of light, his vision was restored. After that, the prince took her to his kingdom, and the two lived happily ever after.

Well, that was a weird fucking story.

Ed looked over the words again, as if that would randomly sprout some kind of epiphany. But nothing came.

When he first discovered the story, he’d been reading in the library, Ross standing off to the side. He looked up from his book when he noticed Al and Brosh come in. Ed waved at Al, and he reluctantly waved back. Brosh whispered something to Al, to which he shook his head. Brosh then proceeded to nudge Alphonse in Ed’s direction, like some kind of cattle. It was honestly pretty funny.

“Hi, Al,” Ed said as Al struggled out of Brosh’s grasp.

“Prince Alphonse would like to say something to you,” Brosh said.

“Um, hi Edward,” Al said quietly. “What are you, uh, reading?”

Ed displayed the cover, which just read, ‘Fairytales.’

“Wait, is that what I think it is?” Al brightened, going to lean over Ed’s shoulder to get a better look. “Rapunzel? Oh, remember when Mom used to read these old books to us?”

Ed blinked, having no recollection of this, obviously, but tried for his best fake smile, nodding. It was more than a little annoying how he couldn’t control when memories would pop up or not. If he could have just controlled when they resurfaced, maybe he wouldn’t have such a massive headache all the time.

“I remember!” Ross said, inviting herself over to the conversation. “It was Edward’s favorite. Your mother read Rapunzel for you so many times that the book started wearing!” She laughed.

Al chuckled. “Yeah, and then when it ended, Edward always cried and cried until she read it again.”

Ross nodded knowingly. She turned to Ed, a grin spreading across her face. “You were such a nightmare child.”

“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

Brosh shook his head slowly. “I hate to admit it, but I was truly grateful to be looking after Alphonse in those days.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Ed sputtered.

“You know,” Ross said.

“Remember the hair incident?” Brosh added slyly. Ross laughed, the other two quickly joining in.

Ed looked away bitterly, scarcely hiding his grimace.

He should’ve been happy in that moment, with everyone sharing stories and laughing around him, but instead, he just felt left out and frustrated.

They were literally all in on a joke he wasn’t a part of. Maybe he’d gotten too comfortable, tricking himself into believing for a moment that all of this was actually real, like his new normal. But it wasn’t. With the illusion broken, it was almost like he didn’t exist.

If no one knew who was actually inside, did that mean he was even there? If he cracked apart into broken pieces, who would pick up the remains? No one would be grieving him.

The thought unsettled Ed to no end. God, was this what Al felt like? Was still feeling? Constantly being trapped inside a container, with overflowing thoughts that could only spiral deeper downward without anyone below to catch you, no safety net in sight?

He wished he’d been better at consoling Al, but he’d always sucked at comforting people. Fuck.

. . .

Ed took in a deep breath, frowning at the memory.

Why these stories, though? What was the significance of all these fairytales referenced in the diary? Were they just special to Other Ed, or did they really have some kind of hidden meaning? But he couldn’t see how fairytales had anything to do with alchemy at all. At this point, it felt like he was grasping at loose threads.

He furiously shook his head. Urghhh! If only Al were here to help him! 

“Hi, Ed!”

Ed jolted back, his chair making an awkward scraping noise against the floor in his panic.

He turned and found Winry standing by the doorway, poking her head into the room. She stepped forward, giggling lightly. “Did I scare you?”

Ed relaxed a little. “Sorry, didn’t see you there.”

She made her way into the room. “I didn't catch you at dinner.”

Ed glanced over at the uneaten tray of food Ross had brought for him, sitting forgotten on his desk. “Yeah, sorry. I've been busy with these notes.”

Her eyes glanced over the state of his workroom, which was more than a little messy. Notes were scattered across the table in half-hazardous piles, and most of the books on the bookshelf were in stacks on the floor. Ed looked away, suddenly regretting how little he’d bothered to clean up.

“Have you been in here all day?”

“No,” Ed said too quickly. “I’ve been in here since…” He scratched at the back of his neck. “Uhhh…”

Winry rolled her eyes. “Oh my God.

“What? So what?”

“Maybe you should take a break,” Winry suggested softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged her off. “I’m fine. I just need to work at this a little more. I’m so close to cracking this thing.”

An impatient scoff. “This’ll still be here tomorrow, you know.”

“Will it?” he snapped.

“Yes!” she snapped back. “You’re becoming obsessed with this!”

Obsessed?  “No, I’m not! In case you haven't forgotten, this is my only lead to finding a way home!”

“I know, Ed,” she said, trying to keep her tone even. “It’s just— I dunno, this all feels a little familiar.”

Ed’s brows furrowed at that implication, his face twisting into a scowl.

“You don’t get it. How long until something else gives?” He tapped his quill against the paper impatiently until the tip nearly broke.

How long until he gives? Hell, he couldn't even rely on his own body anymore. Or his mind. He was running out of time, and he felt it every second, dripping into his consciousness as each day slipped past him. The impending doom ticking in the back of his mind only grew more urgent, tick-tok, tick-tock-ing until it reached zero. And when that happened, then, then—!

Winry rolled her eyes, arms crossing. “Are you really doing this right now? That doesn't even make sense! What are you so afraid of?”

“Nothing!” he snapped, and Winry flinched.

Quickly, her expression calmed, but her lips pressed together in annoyance. Then Winry sighed, long and hard.

Ed suppressed the urge to scoff. It was that sigh. The kind that only happened when she was particularly disappointed, like she was so exasperated she didn’t even know what to say.

“It’s always nothing,” she said before pacing over to the door and slamming it behind her. The door shuddered.

Edward tried to ignore the guilt that was squirming in his chest.

Goddamnit. He was such an idiot.

He wished she understood. 

Why did they always have to butt heads like this? It was so frustrating. But Winry had always been like that, bull-headed and strong. She was so stubborn sometimes. So annoying.

…But at the same time, she was compassionate and furiously caring. Always making sure Ed’s automail was working correctly, calling him and Al whenever she got the chance to, making sure he was eating enough, not pushing themselves too hard. It was always a respite to hear her voice on the other end of the line.

Whenever Ed fell asleep on the couch, he’d wake up in the middle of the night with a warm blanket around him. One time he caught Winry in the act when he was still half asleep. He’d peeked one eye open just as she was putting the blanket on him. She was smiling lightly, humming to herself; it was so adorable. He closed his eyes before she had the chance to notice that he was awake. His dreams were more peaceful that night.

But he could never give her the same courtesy. It always seemed like he was the one hurting her.

If he blinked, he swore he could still see the hurt in her eyes, the frustration teeming through her frail body before she eventually sighed and left the hospital room, long blonde ponytail fluttering behind her.

He’d wanted to be mad at her then, but mostly, he was just mad at himself. In bitter moments like those, he was always left speechless.

Because he never let her in, was always shutting her out.

He didn’t blame her for being fed up with him. He had promised her he’d stay out of trouble, stop getting into fights. And they both knew how that ended up.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair.

Why did she make him make all these promises if she knew he was going to break them? It was like some game they played with each other, always waiting for the other ball to drop.

In a way, they’d both been lying to each other. Did that make him a bad person?

Did it?

Ed shook his head suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut as he urged the thoughts to dissipate.

The sinking feeling in his stomach grew when he stared back at the notes. It was like they were taunting him. He couldn’t help but have a bad feeling about this. Maybe it really was pointless, maybe he’d never figure out what the other Ed had been hiding.

But what if he succeeded? What then?

He and Al had worked days on end to decipher Dr. Marco’s research. All that work, only to discover a truth worse than death.

He couldn't help but feel like he was treading those same dangerous territories now. Was digging deeper into this really the right thing?

...It didn't matter. This was the only way he’d find a way home. At least so he hoped.

Unfortunately, Teacher had more questions for him.

At the end of their training session, she asked him, “You mentioned needing to protect the people you love, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah. Some bad people were after me and my brother for reasons we couldn't control. It wasn't so much as scary as it was nerve-racking. And… there have been times in the past where I wasn’t able to protect people because I was too weak.” The image of a sobbing, broken Winry clutching a gun flashed through his mind. “So I need to be strong enough.”

“I see. And what is strength to you?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Throwing down and kicking ass!”

She took a long draw from her pipe before throwing her head back and laughing. The smoke came out in big plumes. “My my, you are still such a child.”

Ed floundered, a bright burst of annoyance teeming through him. What was her problem? But then she pat him on the head lightly, and that anger quickly simmered down. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away.

“But I’m going to need a more concrete answer than that. And so, again I'll ask, why do you need to fight?”

“I just gotta. I've always had to.”

“Do you plan to solve every problem that comes your way by fighting?” Teacher challenged. “What will you do when you come up against an enemy who can’t be beaten? What will you do when your problem can't be solved with a simple punch?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

She laughed harshly, blood dribbling down her chin. “Okay, sure. And what are your goals?”

“...I don't know. Get home?”

“So what is your plan to accomplish this? How does fighting fit into all this?”

“I don’t know yet! I just— need to prove myself. But I’m also– I’m try’na figure out these alchemical codes the other me left behind. I haven’t cracked it yet, though. It's so annoying!”

“So, to translate, you haven't thought this through at all,” she commented with a smug smile.

“I—” Ed thought about arguing for a split-second before finally giving up and letting his head flop forward. “Yeah…”

Teacher grinned in a way that almost seemed pitying. “So, tell me what you've discovered.”

Ed opened his mouth before pausing. Did she… actually care? “It's… it's weird. There's all these references to fairytales in his diary. But it doesn't seem like these stories have anything to do with alchemy. It’s all just bullshit.”

“Fairytales, huh?” Teacher made a contemplative noise. “That sure brings me back. My mother used to read them to me as a child.”

“Okay, that's what I mean, how could fairytales possibly relate to alchemy?”

Instead of answering, she smirked and then asked him, “And what is your alchemical code?

Damn her and always avoiding the question.

“Me and my brother traveled a lot, so I would write down my notes as travel logs. It was pretty convenient.”

“And do you think those notes would seem obvious to an outsider?”

“Obviously not, that's why I coded it!”

She gave him a knowing smile.“Then there's your answer. You're trying to dig into someone else’s private research, and if they're anywhere near as paranoid as you, they would keep it locked down tight, wouldn't you agree?”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“So perhaps you need to view this from his perspective, not just your own.”

Yeah. She was right. Maybe he'd been thinking of this all wrong. It didn't seem obvious to him because he was searching for messages that would link to alchemical formulas in some way. But maybe it wasn’t as simple as that.

How did Teacher always manage to give such simple yet good advice?

“Fairytales were the old myths passed down from word of mouth for generations,” Teacher said. “While the iterations were slightly altered from mouth to mouth, one constant remained the same. Do you know what that might be?”

Ed shrugged. “I dunno.”

She sighed. “The themes, child. The root of the stories remained. There is always a lesson to be learned from fairytales.”

Ed huffed. “That’s stupid, though! Who cares about some dusty ass stories?”

“Well, clearly someone cared enough to preserve these ancient tales.”

She made a humming noise as she slowly drew her pipe in to smoke. “Have you ever heard of the tale of The Little Match Girl? It's one of my favorites.”

Ed shook his head. So Teacher began to tell her tale.

“On the night of New Year’s Eve, a little girl carrying a box of matches wandered through the cold, snowy streets. She was trying to sell her matches, but it seemed as if she were a ghost, for not a single person had stopped to buy from her. On the side of the street, she stared at the families and couples passing her by, watching as they conversed and laughed together. She is without gloves or even shoes, deathly cold from the harsh weather. Despite this, she refused to go home without selling a single match. Her father beat her regularly and would be furious if she went home empty-handed.

“So, shivering greatly, she decides to take one of her matches and light it. In a bright burst of light, warmth is brought to her in the form of a large iron stove. She soaks up all the warmth of the fire she can, holding her small hands to the flame. Then the match goes out and her lovely vision fades.

“Still trembling from the cold, the little girl decides to light another match. This time, when the flame sputters to life, a vision of a beautiful table spread is set before her. Dishes made of fine china are served with prunes, apples, and a great assortment of food. Set in the center of the table is a large roasted goose, smelling heavenly and looking very delicious. Then the match flickers out and dies, and away the vision goes.

“When the little girl lights the next match, she sees a great big Christmas tree, adorned with many beautifully colored ornaments and candles. Many beautifully wrapped Christmas presents are tucked beneath the tree. She reaches her hands out to touch the warmth of the many candles, but this vision, too, fades when the match burns out.

“Still, the little girl is deathly cold. In a last desperate attempt to stave off the frost, the little girl lights all the rest of her matches. It’s a beautiful show of light, so bright it could be mistaken for the sun. But just as quickly as the flames came, they were gone.

“When the lights finally fade, they scatter and disperse into the stars up above. The little girl looks up and sees a shooting star fall from the sky. She remembers what her Grandmother always told her; when a shooting star falls from the sky, it means someone has died. She misses her Grandmother dearly, so when she looks up and sees her Grandmother’s spirit before her, she gladly accepts her hand as she’s pulled into a warm embrace. In reality, the little girl has already died. She froze to death before she even knew what was happening.” Teacher went silent, and Edward knew the story had come to an end.

He swallowed, unsure of what to make of such a grim story. “But that’s so sad… Why is that your favorite?”

She smiled wryly. “Have you ever noticed how fairytales always seem to have a ‘happily ever after?’ The good are always rewarded, meanwhile, the evil are always punished. But real life is never like that. Bad things still happen to good people, and the evil profit from the more unfortunate’s misery. They’re rarely brought to justice. Despite a poor, starving child freezing on the streets, not a single soul came to help her. I suppose the tale has always felt more realistic to me. In a strange way, it’s a comfort.”

“I guess I can understand that,” Ed said slowly. It was true. In the real world, the good almost never seemed to get their due retribution. The thought of a horrible, horrible man with rounded glasses suddenly flickered through his mind. “So… what are you saying?” he asked with bated breath.

“You focus too much on what is right in front of you. Take a step back and examine the bigger picture. You might gain insight into what truly matters.”

Ed asked, “But what’s the point of seeing the ‘bigger picture’ if I can’t even do anything about it?”

“Despite what you believe, we are never powerless. Yes, every action we take may not immediately lead to the result we’re looking for, but that’s not the point. It’s every single action you take that leads you down that journey that is important. That is how you create true change.”

Edward felt himself grow more frustrated. “That’s nice and all, but how do I know I’m making the right choice? How do I know I won’t just end up ruining everything in the end?”

Teacher shrugged, taking a long drag from her pipe and letting the smoke lazily rise out from her nose. “You don’t need to know. All you need to do is continue striving for good. That’s all.”

She made it all seem so… so simple. But it wasn’t! It was hard as hell! Ed didn’t know if he’d wake up tomorrow and have his whole world topple on his head again or not. He didn't know if he'd be faced with an impossible situation again, or if he'd even have the willpower to stop it. Life was so unpredictable, especially these days, and it scared him.

“But that’s not realistic!” Ed snapped. “What if– if I can’t do that? What if I fail, what if I can’t save everyone?”

“Then that’s life, kid.”

He hated how right she was.

I know I can’t save everyone, damnit!

A sweet little girl with brown braids and her white dog flashed through his mind. Her innocent smile splintered his heart to pieces.

…I know.

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

Silently, Edward turned to leave, but was halted by Teacher’s firm hand on his shoulder. He turned and was met with a hard expression.

“Listen to me, child. I don’t know what you're running from, and I’m not going to be presumptuous enough to assume I know what you’re dealing with. So let me get one thing clear.” Her tone turned serious, meeting his eyes with her dark, steely ones. “Whatever it is, at this rate, you're not prepared for it at all.”

“Okay, what is going on with you?”

Ed jerked awake, snapping out of his drowsy stupor. He blinked rapidly, trying to stave off the blinding light.

“Huh?”

Where was he again? Oh, right. He was in the library studying with Ross. Could he go back to bed now, please? He was having such a good nap.

“You’ve been half-asleep this entire lesson. I’m not even sure you know what unit we’re on right now.”

Ed stared at her blankly. Ross gave him a knowing deadpan in response.

He shifted in his seat. “What? Okay, so I’ve been sleeping a little during your boring lessons, so what?”

Something in Ross’ expression shifted, then. Her eyes narrowed, like she was holding something back.

He tensed. Oh no. Had she finally figured out he was a fraud? No, no, no. He was not prepared for this conversation today. He sucked in a quivering breath. Instead, Ross held up his last history exam, which had a big fat ‘F’ on it in pretty pink ink. He let out a subconscious sigh of relief.

Ed ran his hands down his face, groaning. His head thumped against the table in defeat. “Do we have to talk about this now?” he murmured.

Ross didn’t answer, and instead smiled politely, in that really devilish, underhanded way she only did before he was gonna get a lecture. Ughhh.

“Okay. Let’s compare your grades from three weeks ago to the present day.”

She slid over a spreadsheet, which listed off all of Edward’s grades in every subject. The decline in grades was immediate, like a black stain soaked into the paper. His grades in Science and Math were basically the same, but History and English had taken a sharp decline. It was so obvious that not even he could play dumb this time.

A heavy weight formed in the pit of his stomach. Shit.

“So what’s going on?” she repeated. 

Ed looked away. “Nothing’s ‘going on,’” he said slowly, with an edge of annoyance.

Her brows furrowed. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

“Yep.”

“Eating enough?”

“Uh-huh.”

She made a thoughtful expression before asking, “Is this about your brother Alphonse?”

He stiffened. “No, no! It’s not about anyone!”

“So there is something.”

“No.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Listen. I can’t— I just can’t.” He let out a frustrated noise before slamming his fist against the table.

After a beat of silence, Ross’ hand reached out for his flesh one over the table. “Edward,” she began slowly, “if you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”

Her fingers brushed over his skin and his hand jerked away. Fuck, why was he trembling?

He breathed with trepidation. “I already told you, it’s nothing. Can you stop worrying already? Just drop it.”

“I’ll always worry.”

Ed felt his ears redden a little as that statement flowed through him. God, what was with him?

“Sorry,” he murmured, not meeting her gaze, “I just can’t talk about it right now.”

Ross sighed sadly, then nodded, and a fresh wave of dread pooled up inside Edward’s gut. He took in a deep breath, and beneath the table, hid his trembling hand between the fabric of his dress.

A quick jab to the right, a kick to his left, another punch he scarcely dodged. Teacher wasn't letting up.

He quickly stepped back, pivoting on his feet while he blocked her onslaught of attacks with his metal blade.

Finally, he saw an opening in her stance. He side-stepped, reeling back and using his elbow to blow through her defenses. She took multiple steps back, catching herself with her feet as they dug hard into the ground.

Breathing deeply, he took the opportunity to try and catch his breath. Fresh droplets of sweat slid down his forehead, pooling into his dress and making the wet fabric stick to his skin. He soaked the endorphins up, urging the adrenaline to push past the exhaustion rooted in his bones. Because, damn, the sleep deprivation was definitely catching up with him.

It was nice to let loose. Ignore all the problems piling up in his life and just focus on something else for once. He wanted to feel alive. Ed was getting better, too, he could already tell. But Teacher brought it up a notch too, speeding up her attacks and striking faster than ever before.

She was always one step ahead, weaving around Ed’s attacks and sending them back tenfold as easily as breathing. She moved like the wind, constantly flowing, moving and changing. It was as if she commanded the very space around her, whispering to the air to move as she moved, curling and bending in an endless dance. She seemed so at one with the world, it made Ed jealous.

He needed to drown out all the noise, all the chaos and uproar trying to claw its way out of him. Maybe it was those embers of anger sparking within him, slowly billowing up into a raging fire.

These days, he was just so damn mad.

Teacher's nimble feet danced around him skillfully, so quickly it was hard for his eyes to keep up. Ed blocked when he could, but she was just so damn fast! Her stiff hands caught his side in a quick succession of jabs that left him rattled and paralyzed. Ed shook it off, growing increasingly more frustrated.

The next round, he threw his punches a little harder. Every fist hit like a firecracker, bursting with force as they traded strikes. He used his automail blade to block Teacher’s next set of attacks, but she was pushing him back, cornering him. Urgh! His eyes snapped back; he was about to hit the fence.

With all the strength he could muster, he pulled his right fist back, pouring every failure, every loss, every disappointment, every outrage into it. A trigger to a detonation, his fist surged forward like an explosion.

Then, Teacher caught his fist and twisted his arm back, slamming him forward into the hard earth. Ed choked out a gasp as his body made connection. He shut his eyes as his teeth rattled inside his skull.

Slowly, he sat up, shaking himself out of his daze. “Jeez… Wasn’t that a little harsh?”

“Hm. You were the one about to strike me with your metal blade.” 

Ed’s eyes widened. She was right. He hadn’t even processed that. Shamefully, Ed transmuted his blade back into his automail. What was wrong with him?

Teacher towered over him with a deep scowl shadowing her face. “You’re being sloppy and reckless! Anger does not equate to strength.”

“I know,” he bit out. “I wasn’t trying to.”

“Then don't do it!

“Okay! Jesus.” Ed stood slowly and began stretching out his sore muscles.

A hazy plume of smoke escaped Teacher’s lips, and Ed eyed it, finding himself wishing he had something to take the edge off, too. She caught him staring. “Is something on your mind?”

Ed averted his eyes, kicking at the dirt. “What, no. I’m fine.” Why did everyone keep asking him that today?

Her eyes hardened, snapping to his. “You’re a terrible liar.”

He scoffed. “So what? If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“And why not?” She must’ve read his face, because next she asked, “Are you talking about the alternate people? This other life?”

Ed pursed his lips before saying, “That’s the one.”

She looked at him pointedly, urging him to continue speaking. Was he really doing this? Well, now he was.

“My little brother, Al,” he began, “was always with me before this. I used to think I was protecting him, but now it’s starting to feel like I was the one who needed him. I guess when you get trapped in an alternate dimension, it really puts things into perspective.”

He stared up at Teacher’s face, searching her eyes for mockery or ridicule, but strangely found neither. He turned away. “But you think I’m lying, right, so what’s even the point?”

“I believe you.”

Ed’s breath caught. “What? No you don’t. Just the other day, you were calling me delusional.”

“You’re right, I do think you’re delusional.” She paused. “But I also think you’re telling me the truth, or at least you believe you are. So, I’ll trust your word.”

What? Just like that? What was with the sudden attitude change, why now?

“I don’t understand,” he murmured.

“Think about it this way. The world only appears in the ways in which we perceive it. Therefore, if your experiences and memories of it are real to you, then they exist.”

What kinda logic was that?!

“Stop messing with me!” His brows furrowed. “You only took me on because you pity me, didn’t you?”

“Don't insult me! If I made you my student because of pity, you wouldn't be here,” she said sternly.

“Okay!” Ed snapped back. Still, he couldn't argue with her logic. She wasn’t that type of person. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, rubbing them to stave off the harsh wind. “It’s just… I guess I don't get the chance to talk about my old life much anymore. It feels like it’s slipping from my reach.”

“Why?”

“Living inside this body… it’s hard. Sometimes, I just want someone to see me, really see me. But it’s like I’m invisible.” He shut his eyes momentarily, the darkness doing nothing to calm the quiet aching inside his chest. “I don’t want to disappear,” he whispered, so faint he wondered if he'd said anything to begin with.

Teacher's eyes grew serious. “You won’t.”

You don’t know that! he wanted to shout, to scream suddenly.

Because he was. He was already fading so fast he felt a little less himself every day he spent in this world. He was already slipping, falling, falling back into that dark void.

He couldn't let himself fall into that temptation. Instead, he took a deep breath, then nodded.

“Okay.”

Ed took the moment of silence to observe the stars. He threw his head back, staring up at the wide expanse of twinkling lights.

Thousands of them lit up the night, sparkling through the jet black darkness beyond. Tonight was a crystal clear, cloudless sky for a change. He found himself wishing he knew of any constellations so he could try to find them in the sky. Were the stars the same? If he looked for the North Star, would he find it? How many of this universe’s stars shined just like in his, and how many had disappeared? Did it matter either way?

Ed had always found stars fascinating. The truth was, most stars reached their supernova long before humans even walked the Earth. Due to the extreme distance between those stars and the humans observing them, it might take the light eons to reach the Earth.

Even thousands of years after a star’s death, humans could still see their light. Gone, but still existing. Like the remnants of an old ruin. The departed always told a story for the next generation to pass along.

Was Al out there, somewhere in the great expanse of the universe? Was he lost forever? What if Ed was never able to find a way home? He didn't want to believe that.

Suddenly, Teacher broke the silence. “Can I ask you a question?” Edward nodded. “What led you to pursue alchemy?”

Ed thought about it for a while before admitting, “Well, at first it was to impress our mom. We'd make her these toys and flowers and she'd light up with this big smile. After that, my brother and I poured all of our time into studying alchemy. We wanted her to see us improve; we wanted to make her happy.” Mom’s gleaming smile flashed through Ed’s mind, and for a moment, a small smile crept up his mouth. “We kept pursuing alchemy, maybe even a little obsessively. We studied during the school days, through the night, and into the morning. School seemed so much less important back then. Eventually, we realized we needed to find an alchemy teacher. That’s where you came in. But after that…” he faltered, grimacing. “Never mind.”

“So you did it for love,” Teacher commented at last.

Ed blushed. “What? You make it sound so corny!”

Completely ignoring his last comment, she asked, “So what did you do after that?”

“We… we got too greedy. It cost us something we could never get back.” Ed took in a quiet breath, processing. “Still, we needed to keep going, even if it was hard. Even if it seemed hopeless at times, we would never give up. I would never give up.”

“It must have been difficult for you.”

He smiled wryly, bitter. “Yeah. Life never goes the way I expect it to. It’s exhausting.”

“Now let me ask you one more question.” She paused. “Be honest with me. You’ve seen the Truth, haven’t you?” When Ed remained silent, she pressed, “You can perform alchemy without a transmutation circle.”

Edward stared back at this woman, bewildered. Getting called out on his sins a second time didn’t sting any less.

After a long second had passed, his shoulders slumped. “...Yeah. I saw it.”

She sighed heavily, and he hated the flash of disappointment in her eyes. “Just a child,” she murmured, shaking her head slowly.

He held his breath, waiting for more. The lecture, the yelling, the fury. He really didn’t want to be chewed out all over again. But after a few tense moments, nothing came. He hated the silence more than anything.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his small voice being carried away by the wind.

“Why are you apologizing to me?”

“Because you always told us never to bring to dead back to life, and we still tried anyway.”

“It wasn’t me who told you that. I’d be a hypocrite if I did.”

“But—”

“Why did you continue on after that?”

Ed blinked, a little shocked by how quickly Teacher had breezed over that. After a long moment, he replied, “Because me and my brother made a promise to each other. Somehow, some way, we'd get what we lost in that portal that day back, our original bodies. So even if I’m trapped in this reality now, I’ll find a way to get back to him. I have to.

Teacher grinned, her eyes sparkling fondly. “I’m sure your brother misses you greatly, too.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

She smiled at him, then, a genuine, radiant smile that could light up the night sky. He felt a warm pang reach his heart. He liked it when Teacher smiled. Then that rare smile slipped from her face as quickly as it’d come, and she sighed. It scared him.

She took him by the shoulders and purposely looked directly into his eyes. He was startled at first, then stared into the wide expanse of her deep, dark irises, almost like a black hole, and felt himself get drawn in.

“It’s okay to simply exist.”

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as the world passed around them. Only the earth surrounding them lay witness to the two of them that night. Somewhere in the distance, a bird crowed. A light breeze tickled Ed’s scalp, tussling his bangs and catching his braid in fluttering waves as he sucked in quiet gasps. The tufts of grass swept forward with the breeze, its strands curling against his ankles. The loose skirt of his black dress twinkled as it caught the soft moonlight, its embroidered silver thread lighting up like the stars in the sky. And then there were the deep, dark eyes of Teacher, staring at him, for the first time truly seeing him. As he took all of this in, for some reason, Edward felt an indescribable sadness fall over him.

Teacher released her hold from him, then tilted her head to the shadows so that her expression was unreadable. Moonlight reflected off the white of her eye, casting the rest of her body in a dark silhouette. If he looked at just the right angle, the wavering gleam in her eyes almost made it appear as if she were deeply, deeply sad.

“Class dismissed.”

Then, she sighed again and didn’t say anything more. Somehow, that was worse. She began walking away before he could think to say anything else.

Ed stared after her silently. Some part of him felt betrayed that she could leave so easily after that. He’d even take getting yelled at over this. He still had so much he wanted to say. 

He wanted to ask her how she’d seen the Truth in this universe. Why she always smoked between free breaths. Why Sif had been strangely absent that day he’d found her in the shop, and all the other days after that.

But he said nothing.

It wasn’t his place. Everyone had their secrets.

When Ed finally got back from training, all he wanted to do was collapse into his bed and forget about everything else. But as he traversed through the dark halls, he found his feet subconsciously slowing down and stopping at his study. He couldn’t help it, some part of him itched to figure it out, solve the mystery with the breadcrumbs Other Ed had left behind.

As he was re-reading the notes, he thought back to what Teacher had said.

So perhaps you need to view this from his perspective…

His perspective. Hmm.

By now, it was obvious the morals of the fairytales were important. The first story referenced in the diary was a story of the Golden King, who turned everything he touched to gold, only to be damned by this same curse later on, was obvious enough. It warned against greed and its consequences.

It was the themes, he was beginning to realize, of the fairytales that were pivotal. Because Teacher was right, he hadn't been looking at this from a wide enough perspective. All of these stories were trying to convey a message.

A little boy who was murdered in cold blood by his own step-mother. The wife who discovered her husband was a murderer. The lonely girl with blonde hair who was locke away by a jealous witch. A princess who fell asleep for a hundred years. A girl with a red cloak who got tricked by a big bad wolf. And a young princess who was hated by an evil queen.

With this new perspective in mind, Ed thought about how the dresses could possibly be linked to the fairytales.

He thumbed over the journal with all the sketches of dressed again and found himself staring at the ouroboros dresses. They were all so special and distinct. They were trying to tell him something; he just had to figure out what.

One of the sketches depicted a spiraling gown twined outward in large flounces. The yellow top shifted as the fabric cascaded downward, from yellow to orange and orange to blue. The model wore a large crown with a golden dragon intricately woven through each of the crown’s arches. The dragon’s mouth was split open, facing downward. It almost appeared as if it were spitting fire, and the dress was its flame. It reminded Edward of a deep, raging fire, so hot and ferocious that the flames turned from a bright yellow and orange to dark blue. The dragon looked ferocious and angry, as if it were filled with deep hatred and wrath.

Wait. Wrath?

It might have been far-fetched, but what if… what if the dress was depicting wrath, just like in the tale of The Juniper Tree. The story of a step-mother who killed her own step-son in a horrible, gruesome way, then fed the remains to her husband. Later on in the story, when the step-son is reborn from the juniper tree, he transforms into a bird. He gets his revenge on his step-mother by dropping a millstone onto her head.

An inkling of an idea began forming inside Ed’s mind, then, but he couldn’t be sure, so he continued flipping through the pages.

The dress after that was a lovely crimson red, reminding Ed of a rose. It had a strapless bodice, as well as a low cut back, that was a little too revealing for Ed’s taste. The skirt of the red dress had a large open slit that went down the side of the left thigh in big ruffles. In addition, it was adorned with long black gloves that ran up to the upper forearms of the model, as well as tall thigh-high black boots. The faceless model’s hair sprang out in black loose waves. Something about it gave Ed deja vu. Placed onto the gloved finger was a single silver ring of a goat, with red ruby eyes.

If Ed was being honest, it reminded him a lot of… lust.

Bloodlust. It was like in the tale of Bluebeard. A story of a blue-bearded man, a seemingly charming fellow who was secretly filled with bloodthirst, killed each of his previous wives. In the end, just as he was about to murder his current wife, both of her brothers charged in, stabbing Bluebeard directly through the heart.

The next dress’s model wore a bright orange ball gown. This dress was the biggest and most detailed out of all of them. The gown was large and voluptuous, the fabric of the giant skirt flowing outward in an oval shape. Tool and ruffles peeked out from underneath the large dress. Loose fabric draped over the skirt like rounded curtains, and ruffles lined the bodice’s waistline. Even the poofy sleeves of the dress had tons of ruffles springing out from the hem.

This dress was just a lot. It was obvious that this dress depicted gluttony. Just like in the tale of Red Riding Hood and the big bad wolf who ate her whole.

So that confirmed it! Each of the dresses represented a different sin, the sin depicted in each of the fairytales!

After that was a light purple dress, like a periwinkle. This was by far the simplest of all the dresses, though it was still elegant and beautiful in its own way. It was made with one piece of long silk fabric, all of the thin fabric gathering at a single point on the waistline. This created a bunching effect with the draping skirt as it slowly swathed around the model’s form and descended downward. The blank model had a long braid winding over its shoulder, with a small golden band keeping the hair tied together. A further detailed sketch of the hair band depicted a sleeping golden ox.

If the dresses were truly based on the sins, this could only have related to the sin of sloth. The tale of Sleeping Beauty, the princess who fell asleep for a hundred years, depicted this sin to a tee.

And the bright yellow dress with rooster earrings reminded Ed of a bright, glowing sun. Its flashy, glittery design demanded attention. This dress was depicting pride. Like in the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, about a prideful queen who sought to become the fairest in the land, bested only by Snow White, who was fairer.

His eyes traced over the drawing of the squared green dress with a silver rat bracelet. 

When he’d seen the green accented with silver, he hadn’t thought much of it. But now, thinking of the sins, the intricate, swirly silver designs lining the dress, as well as the emerald gemstones, indicated great wealth and prestige. This must have represented greed, like the story of the Golden King.

Then, finally, the indigo dress with a snake necklace. While it remained relatively simple compared to some of the other dresses, there were still many ruffles flaring out, from the top of the bodice to the waistline, then beneath the dress’ skirt. It was almost like a watered-down version of the gluttony dress, except much less glamorous, like it was copying it and saying, “Over here! Look at me!” Like in the fairytale of Rapunzel, a story of a witch who was jealous of her beautiful golden hair, was a cautionary tale of envy!

So it was true. There was no doubt in Ed’s mind now. The dresses with the ouroboros all represented a sin! The seven deadly sins.

And not just the seven deadly sins that were taught in the Christian church. No, no. These were all referring to the homunculi. There was no way it was simply a coincidence anymore. He was certain they existed within this universe as well now.

The homunculi Edward had met in his universe had been Envy, Lust, Gluttony, then Greed, and finally Führer King Bradley.

It was never explicitly stated, as Ed thought back on it, but King Bradley could only have been the sin of wrath. After all, he was a cold and ruthless bastard. Bitterly, he thought back on how heartbroken Al had been when he woke up and found his insides stained red with blood, the blood of a snake-like chimera girl who, in the words of Al, had only wanted to live freely. Alphonse had been shaken up about it for weeks.

But that also meant that there were two more sins that Ed had never met in his original universe. Pride and Sloth. That thought wasn’t unsettling at all.

Maybe it was some sick fascination, or maybe Other Ed was more closely connected to the homunculi directly. Either way, the fact was that the other Ed had known about them. He had been entangled with them in some way. That revelation made Edward shiver.

So he had figured out what each of the dresses meant, but what about the animal jewelry? He took a closer look at each of them.

A rat, a snake, a rooster, a dragon, a goat, a pig, and an ox.

Hold on, he recognized these animals.

…Of course! These weren't just drawings of any regular old animals; they were the zodiac animals!

He knew it hadn’t been an accident when all the diary entries referenced the fairytales in the form of Xing legends.

It was clear in Ed’s head now.

He shoved the rest of the notes aside and slammed down a notebook, quill in hand. His hand was furiously scribbling faster than he could catch up.

Greed was the sneaky Rat; Envy, the charming Snake; Pride, the confident Rooster; Wrath, the powerful Dragon; Lust, the loving Goat; Gluttony, the overindulgent Pig; and finally Sloth the patient Ox.

So the zodiac animals and the sins were intricately connected.

As he flipped back through the pages, he read back over the notes written next to the sins’ dresses on each of them.

They had seemed strange and random before, but now he knew they were related to the dresses’ sins. He hadn't understood their meaning before, but now, as he flipped through each page with each sin’s dress, it was obvious. It was a message.

Next to the dress of Greed was the note, Follow the tales. Pride’s read, The sun shall rise. The dress of Envy’s note read, Until no end. Next to Wrath’s read, Place the bodies. Lust’s read, Flows to the center. Gluttony’s read, Clockwise it goes. Sloth’s read, Imbued in earth.

If he rearranged them to the order the fairytales had appeared in the diary, the message read:

Follow the tales. Until no end. Place the bodies. Clockwise it goes. Flows to the center. Imbued in earth. The sun shall rise.

The notes’ true meaning became clearer. They were instructions. Though not all of their explanations were evident, the first message was obvious enough.

Follow the tales, must have meant he needed to follow the order of the fairytales in which the sins appeared. 

Until no end. was still stumping him. When it came to the ouroboros and the zodiac, there was no end. It ran around itself in circles forever. But maybe that was the point. As simple as it might’ve been, the message was telling him to draw a transmutation circle.

But that still didn’t tell him what the runes for the transmutation were supposed to be in the first place! There were no runes for animals in alchemy, only the elements like fire and water, and metals like gold and silver, or other chemicals. Of course, those elements were represented by runes that could also have two meanings. Like how gold represented the sun and silver represented the moon.

Wait, wait, wait. Maybe that was it!

Opening up a book he’d read on the Xingese zodiac animals, he flipped back to the page talking about the celestial bodies. Each of the zodiacs was linked to a specific planet, sun, or moon. In alchemy, each of the classical elements was characterized by their respective celestial body. Like a double meaning. Those were what represented the alchemic runes!

Saturn represented lead. The Moon represented silver. Mars represented iron. Mercury represented quicksilver. Venus represented copper. Jupiter represented tin. The Sun represented gold.

If he followed the chart he’d found in one of the books about Xing, it told him exactly which zodiac animal represented each celestial body. Each sin represented a zodiac animal, and in turn was represented by a celestial body. Now he got it. Place the bodies, was telling him to draw down the runes of each celestial body!

Ed began ripping out pages from the journal, every single one with the sins dresses, spreading them all out onto the floor.

With a piece of chalk, he drew up a large circle on the floor.

Clockwise it goes, told him the direction the runes needed to be drawn. He drew in the runes that correlated with each animal. The Rat was Saturn/lead ♄. The Snake was the moon/silver ☽. The Dragon was Mars/iron ♂. The Pig was Mercury/quicksilver ☿. The Goat was Venus/copper ♀. The Ox was Jupiter/tin ♃. The Rooster was the sun/gold ☉.

Then he drew the runes in chronological order, starting at the bottom and drawing the runes clockwise from the order the fairytails had been in the diary.

Flows to the center, told him that he needed to connect each of the runes together with lines. He began connecting the corners, starting in chronological order from the first sin to the last, until he was left with a heptagon.

Imbued in earth, could only have been referring to the earth rune. Next, he emphasized the rune for earth 🜃 within the heptagon.

And finally, the sun shall rise, referred to the symbol for the sun: ☉. If he drew a dotted circle in the center of the transmutation, it became the energy source for the matrix.

When it was all drawn out, he took a step back to fully examine his work.

He quickly copied the transmutation circle down onto a notepad, staring at it breathlessly.

Was this it? Would this lead to the answers he’d been looking for?

Okay, shut up, shut up!

Slowly, he clapped his hands together and lowered them to the circle. It flickered with electricity, and with a bright flash, something new was born. 

The electricity zipped forward, and suddenly the tiles beneath the bookshelves were moving, peeling off from the wall and being pushed aside. The stone wall behind was being split down the middle, brand new steel doors emerging before his very eyes. When the transmutation was complete, Ed stood there in stunned silence.

He slowly walked forward, tracing his hand over the doors. Ed’s heart was racing, hands nearly trembling in excitement. With a tug at the bar handle, the heavy door opened. Below, a set of spiraling stairs descended down into darkness. If he stared into it long enough, he was sure the shadows were going to reach out and consume him.

He took one step forward and a chill settled over him. The looming darkness below called out to him. Was he really prepared to face the truth alone?

No. No, he needed Winry. Now.

He all but sprinted to Winry’s room, his heels long since ditched. Ed remembered the route they’d taken before when she’d shown him her room briefly, but it still took longer to get there than he would've liked. When the guard was nodding off and the coast was clear, Ed slipped through the door into her room.

Winry sat up as Ed rousted her awake. She yawned, sitting up slowly, and rocking one of the worst bed-heads Ed had ever seen. It was kind of adorable. She looked around sleepily.

“Ed? W’as goin’ on?”

“No time to fully explain, but I did it! I cracked his stupid fucking code! It led me to this secret entrance hidden behind the bookshelves in the other Ed’s study.”

She lurched forward, eyes widening. That woke her up. “Sorry, WHAT?!”

She was up and out of bed before he could blink, frantically smoothing her hair down. Her pajamas were actually really silly, the full-length, button-up kind with a bunch of ducks embroidered onto them.

“Come on, let’s go!” Ed urged.

“What about the guards?” Winry asked.

“Please, they’re easy to sneak past.”

Ed grabbed Winry’s hand and led her through the castle halls in the darkness.

As they slowly descended down the spiraling staircase, Edward’s stomach became a pit, a gaping hole that was only dropping further into the depths they descended. The stairs led down into a long hallway. A great darkness loomed beyond. Deep shadows crept against the walls, framing their long silhouettes behind them as they walked. The candle he’d brought barely lit up the walls enough for them to see what was in front of him. He turned back to Winry and scarcely recgonized the deep outlines of her face. Her eyebrows were knit together as if she were deep in concentration. He wondered if she was as scared as he was.

The looming feeling of uneasiness had hit him immediately. Ed was struck with an intense feeling of deja vu.

He knew this feeling. He’d felt it intensely before, when Tucker had shown them his lab, just before gleefully introducing them to Nina. Or what used to be Nina.

As they walked, the sound of chimeras barking, scratching, and rattling against their cages had echoed through the lab. There was something wrong in the air, the overwhelming scent of death.

He’d known something was wrong even before they’d seen her. Maybe it was the uneasy glint in Tucker’s glasses, or the fact that the house was eerily quiet that day. Or maybe even just the bad weather, hard rain pelting down against the house. All the signs that day felt like a bad omen, pointing toward the inevitable, but Ed hadn’t wanted to assume anything, hadn’t wanted to admit the truth.

Al noticed it too. But neither of them had said anything. Maybe because if they admitted something was wrong, it’d make it real. So they remained silent. He should've noticed earlier. He should've done something, anything, before it was too late.

But he was too late, and now—

A hand touched his shoulder and Ed flinched.

“Hey, you okay?” a voice asked. Ed turned and relaxed a little. Ha. It was just Winry.

“Yeah, fine. You?”

Winry rubbed at her arm. “I mean, this place is totally giving me the creeps. But besides that, I’m okay.”

Ed held out the candle in front of him, watching the flame flicker back and forth. They were nearly there now. He swallowed, acutely aware of the resounding echoes of their footsteps.

Then, the light revealed a large doorway. Edward used his free hand to unlock the steel door, the thing creaking painfully as it opened. Slowly, they moved forward, trepidation heavy within their steps. The light illuminated a small patch of a room. He could only make out simple shapes; the rest of the space faded into the expanse of darkness.

He lit up the lantern to the right of the doorway, and the room instantly brightened. There was a sharp gasp from Winry, and Ed’s stomach twisted up as the scene revealed itself.

Dried blood lined the stone walls. It stuck to the room like thick tar, exuding from the center of the room like a deep black ink stain.

Ed’s stomach churned. Next to him, Winry shivered.

The center of the room was the worst of it, secreting pools of blood-soaked puddles. Even though the blood was long dried, it seemed as if it pulsated from the center. Deep reds oozed, small streams of it slowly dripping outward. As if it were reaching out for him.

Reaching and reaching.

Ed shook his head, blinking his eyes rapidly. Suddenly, the blood was still again, and no longer that crimson red. Thick layers of deep brown lapped over one another in a sickening display of brutality. The blood had taken on a dull brown color, the iron oxidized. He ran his fingers over the floor, bits of it flaking off in dry clumps. This had been here for a while. Edward swallowed thickly. His mouth felt like cotton, simultaneously too dry yet too wet.

The scene before him was dizzyingly familiar.

Beneath the dried blood layers were the remains of a transmutation circle. Ed crouched down to inspect the splotchy, withered chalk. The runes weren't coherent enough to make out; most of the stuff was already smeared away, either by time or… something else. What was left of the circle was covered in blood. It was like something had been bleeding out, struggling and writhing in pain. Something. Edward shuddered. He had a real bad feeling about this.

Ed stood, going and lighting the rest of the lanterns in the room. The space instantly brightened, the shadows shying away to give room for light.

There were many large bookshelves stacked against the walls, stuffed with old books and scrolls, alchemical schematics rolled up and shoved between the free spaces.

Ed took one of the books out and skimmed through it. It was worn and a little battered up, but not dusty. At this point, he wasn't surprised to find alchemical notes, runes, and transmutation circles within the pages. This is where he kept his real research collection.

Carefully, he put the book back in the slot he'd taken out. His eyes were drawn to the corner of the room, where the mess of books, papers, and scrolls was at its worst. Slowly, Ed walked forward, taking careful steps to avoid the blood stains on the floor.

A large desk rested against the wall in the far corner of the room. Books, papers, and journals were all lined against the wall or stacked on top of each other. What didn't fit on a flat surface was banished down to the floor, stacks of books and papers messily sprawled across the ground. Even more notes and sheets of alchemical transmutation circles were hung on the wall. There was a large chart of the human anatomy on the center wall, with multiple sketches of human bones surrounding it. Small notes and runes were scribbled around the anatomical chart.

It was like an explosion of junk all competing against each other. The shelves next to the desk were filled with books, vials, and jars. Multiple thin vials were sealed with a dark red liquid that suspiciously looked like blood. A large eyeball floated around in one jar, surrounded by a clear liquid. Other jars held ashes, salt, and other nondescript white powders.

Winry tilted her head as she inspected these assortments, her eyes drifting to a twine of golden blonde hair. Her face screwed up in disgust. She then decided to pick up a small vial full of a dull yellow liquid labeled with a 🝕 rune. She turned it over in her hand, inspecting it with narrowed eyes.

“Is this…?”

Ed snatched it away from her, putting it back on its shelf. “Dude! Stop touching random shit!”

“Sorry…” she moped. Ed rolled his eyes. “I don’t think anyone should be keeping even half of this weird stuff.”

“You’re probably right,” he muttered.

As Ed scanned the desk, he inspected one of the journals that was already open. It had a leather binding, tired and worn from old age. Written at the beginning of the journal was the title, PROJECT M. He thumbed the page and began searching through the contents.

Ed sucked in a quiet breath as he flipped through, the dread inside his gut sinking further.

Alchemical notes, plans. He skimmed through them, scanning the various theories, ideas, notes, and transmutation circles. From the looks of it, he’d been working on these plans for multiple years. With every page turned Ed’s anxiety spiked, waiting and waiting for the truth to reveal itself.

One thing was clear.

The portal needed to be opened.

“So he opened the portal again…” he whispered in thought. “So what did he pay for the toll?”

Winry gave him the blankest stare. “Hey! What's going on inside that head of yours?”

“Sorry, just let me think. So we both opened the portal at the same time,” he muttered to himself as the revelation finally dawned on him. “Some way, somehow, our souls must have switched and crossed into the wrong universe.” Winry looked confused again, but Ed wasn't paying attention. Because he was so close to the answer, he could tell.

If the portal needed to be open, a toll needed to be paid. Other Ed wouldn't have made the same mistake twice, he couldn't imagine he was keen on losing another limb.

So that only meant… it couldn’t have been, could it? But as he continued studying the pages, the rocks in his stomach sank heavier. The other Ed was planning on using the ‘perfect elixir,’ or rather, the Philosopher’s Stone. Ed’s expression soured as he tasted a bitterness spreading through his mouth. Who was he kidding, of course he had used the fucking stone! But the real question was, what had he wanted?

Ed went to turn another page, but halted. Wait. Did he really want this?

His hands were already shaking.

No. No, he needed this. He couldn't stop now!

He turned the page.

A drawing of a human skull. He turned the page. The next couple of pages were sketches of different bones in the human body. They were eerily detailed, one drawing even depicting a small hairline fracture in the left humerus bone.

When he turned the next page, he sucked in a sharp, terse breath. These were the measurements of a human skeleton.

BODY:

Medium frame size.

Height - 5’6, 167 cm

Weight - 130 lb, 59 kg

SKULL:

Length 18.5 cm; Height 15.6 cm; Breadth 12.5 cm

Cranium - 53 cm

Orbit - 5.7 cm

Maxilla - 8.9 cm

Mandible - 13.9 cm

TORSO:

Clavicle -  83 cm

Sternum - 13.5 cm

Manubrium - 4.5 cm

Rigcage - Height 32 cm; Length 40 cm; Circumference 78 cm

Vertebrae - 45.7 cm

Pelvis - 33 cm

ARMS:

Elbow breadth - 6.5 cm

Humerus - 30 cm

Radius - 23 cm

Ulna - 23.5 cm

HANDS:

Wrist circumference - 6.25 cm

Proximal Phalanges - 4 cm

Middle Phalanges - 3.5 cm

Distal Phalanges - 2.5 cm

LEGS:

Feumur - 45 cm

Fibula - 34.5

Tibia - 35.5 cm

FEET:

Tarsals - 11.5 cm

Metatarsals - 3 cm

Phalanges - 8.7 cm

Next, ingredients and formulas. The chemical makeup of a human. There were slight adjustments from what Ed knew to be the basic human chemical makeup.

CHEMICAL MEASUREMENTS:

Water, 28.32 kg; Hydrogen, 2.48 kg; Oxygen, 12.83 kg; Carbon, 10.9 kg; Phosphorus - .71 kg; Calcium, .885 kg; Nitrogen, 1.888 kg; Sulfur, .118 kg; Potassium, .236 kg; Sodium, .118 kg; Chlorine, .118 kg; Magnesium, .059 kg; and trace amounts of Iron, Cobalt, Copper, Zinc, and Iodine.

First, it needed some form of DNA. Hair, teeth, spit, or blood. Then there was the ortet. Bones from [subject]. Finally, the transmutation needed a core. The main ingredient, the philosopher's stone. He swallowed heavily, a bead of sweat forming at his temple and slowly sliding down to his neck. 

He turned another page.

It was plans. Schematics for a transmutation circle. This was likely a finalized version of the sketches he'd seen earlier in the book. The glyphs and runes of the transmutation circle were complex and detailed, so much so that Ed had trouble figuring out what some of the ideas were conveying. His eyes got lost in the details; he was sure it would take him months to even attempt to fully decipher the runes.

A shiver snaked up his spine. Ed recognized this transmutation circle intimately. This was a circle for human transmutation. 

The scriptures inside the circle read:

            Thee shall appear before you,

            Where the red man and white woman be made one,

            With the spirit of life to place the rift,

            Earth and water equally proportionate,

            By circulation that must be done according to our intent,

            Into perfect Sun and Moon, when thou shall make Protection.

            After the perfect white, gray, false citrine,

            And after there, shall appear the body red invariable,

            And multiply thy medicines more and more,

            How thou citrine bodies, perfit, dissolute, divide, and purified,

            With perfect knowledge of all the poles which our heaven prays,

            Shining with colors inexplicable, never were brighter.

            Now to God Almighty I thee command;

            If God fortune you by me to win this treasure,

            Praying his Godhood in life that you may endure,

            His gifts of grace, and fortune to vie to his pleading,

            But that you in glory may feel him hereafter,

            Amen.

The final page was a drawing of an ouroboros tattoo, and it all clicked. The rest of the pages were blank. After a beat, Ed closed the journal.

Winry frowned, brows furrowing as she leaned over Ed’s shoulder. For a couple tense moments, neither of them said anything. Ed was silent as he took in slow, methodical breaths. He tried to control his breathing, as not to spiral completely out of control.

“There was some really weird stuff in there…” Winry murmured. Quietly, she then asked, “So… What does it mean?”

Edward said nothing.

Because he didn’t want to admit it, didn’t even want to think about it.

But deep down, he knew. He knew because once upon a time six year old him was drawing up plans for this exact same kind of thing. When that one, stupid, stupid idea had squirmed into his head all those years ago.

Let's bring Mom back.

Except back then, he didn't know the Truth, wasn't smart enough to pull it off.

No.

His pulse picked up, heart beating wildly in his chest. Ed stared at the dried blood splattered against the walls, splotched and smeared across the floor. It stared back morbidly.

No.

He never stopped.

No.

He did it again.

No!

He only felt stupid for not having realized it sooner.

Ed swallowed hard. “Fuck…” His fingers clenched into a tight ball. He wanted to puke. Bile threatened to rise in the back of his mouth, and he barely managed to keep it down. A tremor rose throughout him, beginning in his fist and traveling through the rest of his body. 

This couldn't have been right. There was no way. What the fuck was he supposed to do with this?! Congrats, you solved it! Have fun with that soul-crushing revelation!

They should never have come here.

Something clattered loudly against the ground suddenly, Ed vaguely processing the candle that he'd been holding had fallen to the floor. He backed up, trying to find purchase as he steadied himself against the wall. His heart beat wildly, throbbing so badly it felt as if his heart were about to leap out from his chest.

Everything hit him at once, like a blow to the gut. He did it.

He brought Mom back.

…Mom… was a homunculus?!

Ed stared down at his two hands. One flesh, one metal. They began shaking with uncontrollable, silent tremors.

These hands… had done that. 

These hands had created life, a human, a homunculus, Mom, a monster.

Monster.

Fuck. This whole thing… was fucking hopeless, wasn’t it?

Ed let out a weak laugh.

That small laugh crescendoed into near hysterics. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He couldn't help it.

It was like the world was playing the cruelest joke on him. Because, god, why was he such a fucking idiot? Was he doomed to make the same stupid mistakes forever? Over and over again.

His knees gave out below him, and his body slowly slid to the ground. A shaky hand found its way to his face, another grasping at loose strands of hair. The world was spinning beneath him.

He did it.

Tucker flashed through his mind suddenly, cracked glasses paired with a cruel smile.

He did it!

You and I are just the same… You thought you could do it, so you did it!

Laughter.

You couldn't help but try it even if it was forbidden! In fact, because it was forbidden!

It wasn't true. It wasn't true!

Splattered blood trickling down his cheek, thick and heavy on his knuckles. Tucker’s blood. He could smell the pungent stench of iron in the air. He would've beaten him further, again and again, until he stopped moving, stopped breathing, if Al hadn't stopped him. That was the only time in Ed’s life when he had wanted to take someone’s life, to kill.

But now it was.

Now, he could never go back.

The sound of a slap rang through his ears. The laughter abruptly stopped. A stinging sensation bloomed within his left cheek. He looked up at Winry numbly. She was crouched down in front of him, eyes looking pained.

“Edward, get a hold of yourself!”

Oh. She’d slapped him, he processed.

“Sorry,” he said. Winry stared back at him with horrified eyes. Guilt crawled into his conscience, bloating that heavy feeling in his chest unbearably large. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

“Edward, what’s wrong?”

His voice came out dry, stilted. “He made a homunculus.”

“A what…?”

“An artificial human. He made an artificial human.” And he hated saying those words, because somehow that made it real.

Winry’s eyes went a little blank, too, like her mind couldn't quite grasp what it was hearing. “But, why?”

Ed laughed bitterly. “Don’t you get it, Winry?!

“Your Edward never stopped practicing alchemy, and he never stopped trying to bring Mom back. Sure, he failed the first time, but why stop, right?! Who cares about the consequences, to hell with who else gets hurt?!” He paused to catch his breath. “And this time, it worked.”

She sucked in a harsh breath. Her hand shot to her mouth as her eyes widened in horror. “No… That can't be right. He wouldn't…”

“Believe it. He did.”

The proof was all here. The evidence of his sin. Hell, this entire room was a fucking crime scene. Staring back at the blood now, he wanted to throw up more than ever.

Winry stood and started looking around again— back to the center of the room.

“The body… Where’s the body?” Winry asked, her voice cusping on horror. “Last time he said there were… remains, right?”

“Dunno,” Ed said dully.

His gaze traveled to the floor, where big blots of dried blood stained the stone. He stared at the center of the human transmutation circle, taking in the blood and the empty space left in its wake.

Something was here, and now it was gone. Gone.

It’s alive.

Edward’s stomach plummeted.

Where did it go?

It was out there, somewhere.

“So he really did it… he brought his mom back,” Winry put together.

“No,” Ed said darkly. “No, that thing isn't human.”

“But I thought—

“Not human,” he snapped. “They're a cruel imitation of humans, but it doesn't have a soul. It isn’t her.”

Silence permeated the room, and for a moment, the tension in the air was so thick it could be cut clean through with a knife.

Winry started pacing, hands wringing together nervously. “This is crazy. Like, waaay more than I bargained for.” She turned to Ed, her eyes pleading. “God… Ed, what does this mean for us?”

“I don’t know,” Ed said, and for the first time, the terror and hopelessness of his situation fully dawned on him.

He really didn’t know. What was he going to do? Fuck, what was he supposed to do?

It was like the world was spinning off its axis, plunging down into a dark abyss faster than he could process.

 It was too much. It was all too much.

“What do we do now?” a small voice asked.

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“That’s it. Mystery solved. It’s over.”

“No,” she said. “No, none of this is over.”

“It is for me.”

Winry shook her head in disbelief. “What? So you’re, what? Giving up just like that?”

Ed’s mouth went dry. “I guess I am.”

“Bullshit!” she spat. “Come on, you always have a solution!”

“Not this time!” Ed screamed back. Winry’s eyes widened as she flinched. “I’m not some fucking miracle worker, okay?! I can’t make something out of nothing! I’m not some god, or a devil. I’m just human!” He pounded his fist against the hard stone floor in frustration.

The pain relieved some of the tension building inside his head. It felt good.

And so he did it again.

His emotions were like a tidal wave, threatening to overtake him in one great big rush. He gasped and felt his breath catch as he was slammed beneath the water, each new wave pushing him back down against the sand again and again.

And again.

Over and over he tried to breathe, come up for air, but inhaled salty water instead. His lungs were burning so bad they wanted to split out of his chest, explode from the pressure building up inside him.

And again.

He was drowning again. 

He couldn't breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe!

And again!

“Edward, stop it!” Winry shouted.

Ed gasped as he withdrew his fist from the floor for the final time, blood quickly welling up in the battered flesh of his knuckles and slipping down his fingers. When he opened up his palm, his hand was shaking. It was wrecked.

He took in terse breaths, glad the unbearable aching in his fist overtook some of the other dark thoughts treading through his mind. 

“I’m just. Some kid. I never asked for this. And I can’t fucking deal with this anymore!” Ed sucked in deep breaths, trying to control his erratic breathing. “That’s it. I’m done.”

Winry continued to stare at him with betrayed eyes. She eyed the hand now coated with crimson blood. Edward felt sick to his stomach.

For a long while, no one said a word.

Then, slowly, Ed stood, bracing himself against the wall. His left hand ached, but he ignored it. Winry’s eyes trailed after him as he made his way to the doorway. She remained silent and made no move to follow him. He hated that he was glad she didn’t.

When Ed got back to his room, Ross was there waiting for him. Casually sitting on the sofa, reading a book. She closed it when she heard him come in. Their eyes met and he stiffened. Had she been waiting for him here all night?

Dread seized up in his stomach, and the sudden urge to vomit overtook him. He swallowed the acidic bile down, steeling his nerves as he shifted in place. Fuck.

“Weren’t expecting me?” Ross asked with sharp eyes.

Ed ran his fingers through his hair nervously, trying to bite down the anxiety quickly welling up inside his chest. “Ross, listen I—”

“I went to check on you. You weren't here,” she cut in. That hard expression of hers bore into him, and Ed couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Fuck, how was he going to explain this one? He almost wanted to laugh at how rotten his luck was. Of course, tonight, of all nights. 

He sighed tiredly, worn. “Look, I’m sorry. I…” He didn’t even try to come up with a lame excuse this time. He was so tired.

“Where have you been all night?” she snapped. There was a hard stare in her eyes that made him uneasy.

“Studying. In my study,” he said stupidly.

She scoffed, then sighed, long and dramatic. “And now you’re lying to me again.” She moved to grab something. “Can you answer a question for me? What is this?” She held up the make-shift rope he’d been using to sneak out, made from spare bedsheets and fabric.

…Shit. Why hadn’t he thought to hide that better?

Ed opened his mouth, but snapped it shut when Ross put up her hand to silence him. “I don’t want to hear any more lies.

“It’s a rope..?”

“For what? Sneaking out?!”

Ed went to speak, but clamped his mouth shut as Ross continued. “Did you think I wouldn't notice how tired you’ve been recently? How your grades have been slipping? Or your strange and suspicious behavior as of late? Not only have you been consistently lying to me, but you’ve been sneaking out at night doing God knows what!” He didn’t respond, and she snapped, “Do you have any idea how reckless that is?”

Something fierce and sharp seethed in the back of his mind. He was having a hard time containing his temper. Why was he so mad?

“So what?” he snapped back.

Ross tsked in that way she only did when she was particularly annoyed with him. He shouldn’t be picking a fight. But he couldn’t help it, he felt like the little foothold he’d managed to secure in this world was quickly crumbling, falling out beneath his feet. Suddenly, he was falling, falling all over again.

She stared at him incredulously, her eyes blazing. She stood up, and suddenly Ed felt much, much smaller.

“You lied to me! Constantly! You’re lucky I’m not going straight to the king with this!”

Something inside Ed shivered at the mention of him. The king. His supposed ‘father.’ Ha! Some parent he was!

Truly, Edward was tired. So, so very tired. Ed was tired of lying, tired of always having to put on a show for the shadowed faces in his audience. They laughed cruelly at his best efforts, mocking his pitiful attempts at dancing along to the music. Dance until his legs were so exhausted they barely felt attached to his body anymore, dance until he couldn’t no more. They snickered when he missed a beat, jeered when he tripped and fell to the ground. He was sick of it! Well. He would dance no more; he was cutting these strings now!

So why not tell the truth for once?

“I’ve been training with a teacher, practicing alchemy. She’s been teaching me how to fight.”

“Alchemy? Who would possibly—” She stopped herself as it dawned on her. “That alchemist from the shop,” she murmured as the pieces clicked together. “Where have you been going?” she demanded.

“Out on a farm just outside of town. We practice there.”

“And she teaches you how to– to fight?”

“More like martial arts kind of stuff, self defense, but yeah.”

“Why do you think you need to fight?” Ross asked, her eyes pained. “Do you not feel protected enough? Have I not already given you everything you could ever want?!” Her voice turned a more vulnerable, softer tone, “Do you feel neglected?”

“No! It's the opposite! I can't stand you acting like some… some caretaker all the time! Sometimes, it’s unbearable having you around, doting on me, acting like my… my…” He tsked.

“That is my job! I am your lady-in-waiting, Edward! Or have you somehow forgotten?"

“Well, I don't care! I never asked for your protection, I don't want it!” His hand began shaking, so he wrapped it into a tight fist. “I was doing just fine on my own without you before.”

Ross’ eyes widened, giving him the most horrified, baffled expression he’d seen from her yet. He’d really outdone himself this time, hadn’t he?

She pressed her hand to her forehead, processing. “So, to summarize, you’ve been sneaking out in the middle of the night to fight and practice alchemy with some— some stranger?!”

“She’s a good woman!” Ed snapped.

“You don’t know that! You’ve only just met!”

“No, it’s— It’s different! I know her.”

“How?”

Ed went silent.

“Honestly! What is going on with you? You’ve never been this rash before.” No, he’d just been sneakier about it before, was what Ed didn’t say.

She huffed, then her eyes slowly slid down to his side. She grabbed his left hand, inspecting the bruised, bloodied knuckles.

“And what about this? Is this from your ‘training,’ too?!”

“No! That's—” Ed looked away, his previous outburst flashing through his mind painfully. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.” He took his hand back, hiding the damage behind his metal hand.

Ross’ anger only seemed to tenfold after that.

“You're going to start taking this seriously. You have been completely out of line! Sneaking out behind my back? Practicing alchemy? Lying? I thought you were better than this!” She huffed. “What if your father found out? You know you’re forbidden from practicing alchemy, ever! He would be absolutely furious. I can’t always protect you, Edward!”

“What do I care what that bastard thinks?”

Her eyes sharpened. “Edward!” She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly through her nose. “You'd better start caring. Because starting now, you’re grounded!”

“What?!”

“Mm hmm. No more trips to town, no going out with Winry, no nothing! And especially no more sneaking out at night! You're going to start focusing on your studies and get your grades up. You will have a guard with you 24/7. When I’m not watching you, they will. We're finally going to put all this nonsense behind us, and you will behave.”

Ed felt himself gape.

It was like the walls were closing in on themselves. The small, tiny, tiny world he'd managed to build for himself here was crumbling before his very eyes, degrading into ruins. Everything he’d built up was collapsing, falling to pieces, and he couldn’t stop it fast enough. He didn’t have the strength to put it back together again.

No. No, no, no! This wasn't happening. Why was this happening to him?

“This isn't fair! Why are you doing this to me?!”

“I am doing this until I feel like I can trust you again! Because right now your behavior as of recently has been unacceptable!”

He couldn't do this. This was all he had. This was all he had left, goddamnit!

Ed wanted to laugh at the cruel irony of it all. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Haaa…

An out. He needed an out.

He sucked in quick gasps of air, but not fast enough. Oxygen was escaping him, and slowly, the world turned muffled, blurry, and hazy as he escaped into the recesses of his mind.

Most days, Edward felt like an imposter. He was a fraud, smiling even as he lied each and every day, to people he was supposed to love.

Who was he anymore? What was his identity? How much of him was genuine, and how much was just him putting on a show? It was hard to tell anymore.

And it hurt. Looking into someone else’s eyes and seeing someone so unlike him reflecting back through their irises. Knowing that it would never be him that they saw.

He wasn't the one they knew. And maybe he didn't really know them.

Even Winry, who was supposed to be the one who understood him, sometimes it felt like she was only seeing him. His other. Because he was never supposed to be here, he was a universal mistake!

And it was all his fault. The other Edward. That stupid, greedy fuck! He just couldn’t get the message, could he? He had to go and transmute their mother a second time!

It's your fault! Your fault, your fault, your fault!

Now everything was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Was he still the Fullmetal Alchemist? No. He couldn’t be.

No. He failed, he failed, he failed.

Who are you then? WHO ARE YOU?

I don’t know!

“Edward! Edward, are you even listening to me?!”

Ed let out a sudden, long, hollow laugh, covering his eyes with his hand. When the laughter stopped, he released it, letting the hand fall limply to his side. Ross stared at him with wide, bewildered blue-gray eyes.

What a cruel, pathetic joke. He didn't need to take this. This wasn't really his life, was it? Was it?

Fuck it. Fuck it all to hell!

“Am I supposed to care? Am I supposed to care about any of this?!” He gestured around them in dramatic arm waves. Ross’ anger was overtaken by shock. “You talk about these things like any of it matters. Like the words you say, the things you do, are a part of a real, tangible reality.” He giggled to himself. Because it was such a funny joke. One big fat joke!

He didn't know what he was saying anymore. He knew he was treading dangerous territory, but he couldn't find it in himself to particularly care. The words were spilling, spilling before he had the forethought to stop himself. The glass had broken, and now everything was flooding out in heaving surges.

To be honest, when had Ed ever cared about self-preservation?

“Edward, what are you saying…?”

“I’m saying I’m not supposed to be here. This is all one big mistake. So, can we just— just stop playing this fucking game already?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh come on! You can’t tell me you seriously haven’t noticed how none of this is right? How I’m not right?” 

Now she just looked plain concerned.

“...What?”

“Let’s face it. I’m wrong. I don't belong here. I’m tired of having to pretend, of acting like any of this is mine. It’s not!”

He took a pause to gather his bearings, taking in deep, harsh breaths. The panic from earlier rushed back in full throttle, shaking him to his core.

It was closing in. The walls were pushing in tighter, faster, quicker than he could process. He pushed back against them with visceral force, but it wasn't enough. They threatened to squeeze him, flatten him ‘til his red insides spilled out. Too much pressure. Too much!

“I can’t do this anymore…” he whispered.

Ross’ mouth opened, then closed again. Her eyes rapidly flickered back and forth, as if a thousand thoughts were racing through her mind at once. “Edward, listen—”

“No! You listen to me for once!” Ross snapped her mouth shut, stunned. “I’m not some fucking princess, okay?! It’s not me. Sorry! You’ve got the wrong guy! Do you get it yet? I hate living like this. I hate being here. I hate being this!” He gestured to himself, a body that wasn’t even his.

Too much. Too much. Too much.

He looked down at what he was wearing and saw red, fury bubbling up like hot coals. Stupid body, stupid dress! His fingers curled in on themselves, bunching up the dark fabric in wads.

“And I hate wearing this dumb fucking dress!”

He tore at the fabric, ripping and pulling at it until it was nothing but shreds and tatters. He teared, wrenched, yanked until the bottom half of the skirt was no more. ‘Til it was nothing. By the end of it he was panting, squeezing his fists together so densely they trembled. His teeth gnashed together in his mouth until they shook. Everything hurt.

Ross said nothing for a long, long moment, stunned to silence. She looked horrified. Mostly, she just looked betrayed.

Ed stared down at the remains of the dress, tattered and ruined. Suddenly, he came back to himself. What had he done? Shame curdled in his gut like hot coals. He’d lost it. He’d totally lost it. He couldn’t come back from this. Fuck.

He knew then, he had to tell her.

“Ross, look… there’s something I have to tell you.” He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself. “...I’m not your… Edward. I’m someone else.” It was weird to finally say out loud, and not just into the expanse of his mind. “It’s— It’s hard to explain, but I swear I’m telling the truth.” Ross looked like she wanted to say a million things, but she didn’t interrupt.

“I’m from an alternate universe. I got swapped with the other Edward—your Edward—and I ended up here, in this universe. I mean— I still am Edward, but different. I— It’s hard to explain. Our souls switched, and my soul— it got trapped inside this body.” He took a pause to breathe and was quickly losing a grip on his words, struggling to come up with a coherent explanation. Fuck, why did this have to be so complicated?

When he looked up, Ross looked completely, utterly disconcerted. His heart plummeted. She didn’t believe him at all, did she? Of course not.

Ross began slowly, “Alright… Edward, clearly you’ve been under a lot of stress recently—”

Ed wanted to scream. “I’m not crazy! Okay? I’m not!”

His shouts echoed off into the silent expanse of the room. Ross stared at him with wide, frantic eyes. Fuck. Even he didn’t believe himself with that performance.

Ed stumbled back onto his bed to reorient himself. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Ross silently made her way over, taking the chair from his vanity and scooting it near the bed. She sat down. For a couple of long moments, neither of them said anything.

“Okay. Clearly, there are some things we need to talk about.” Her hands settled over her lap. “Would you like to talk?”

Ed stared down at his hands, fingers bunching the dress’ tattered fabric. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Honey, it’s okay. I’m here to listen.” Her eyes pleaded with him.

Silently, he nodded. “So the thing is… I’m from a different universe. Or, more like alternate universe would be more accurate. Some things are similar to this world, but a lot of things are different. For one, I’m not some princess. I’m an alchemist.”

A small candle of hope lit within him, then was slowly snuffed out as he watched Ross’ face morph from sympathetic to concerned again. Despite this, he continued talking.

“Anyway, I arrived in this world around three weeks ago at this point? At first I thought I was dreaming, but I’m still here and clearly haven’t woken up yet, so… this place is real enough, at least.” Ross nodded her head like she was following along, but was still looking at him with those deeply disturbed eyes. “I wanted to tell you for so long, but I guess I…”

She shook her head and held up a hand. The words died on Ed’s tongue. “Edward. Tell me what’s really going on. Why are you making up fantastical stories about alternate universes? Enough with the lies.”

Lies? Lies?!

“I was just…” he stopped suddenly, feeling defeated, dejected. What was the point? “Forget it.”

“Look, I understand you’ve had… issues since the death of your mother,” Ross said. “But you can’t keep pushing everyone else away. You need to stay here in reality, with us. I just want to help you, so let me help! Please.”

Ed remained silent. He didn’t know how to respond. Did it even matter if he did?

She was waiting for an answer. He didn't have one.

“If you won’t believe me, you can’t help me,” he ground out.

“Edward, please—”

“Just leave me alone!” he roared, shooting up and swinging his arm out. “Go away!

I don't need you constantly hovering over me, treating me like some kid! You’re not my fucking mom! I don't need you!”

A pang of hurt flickered across her face. “Ed—”

“Shut up! I hate you!” He regretted it immediately. The damage was done, though. Ross looked betrayed. She was already standing from her place at the chair and stepping back towards the door.

She paused halfway through the doorway. She sighed, deep and worn. “We can discuss this more in the morning.” Before she could escape, Ed caught a glint of light reflecting off her eyes. The door shut, and a sharp silence permeated the room.

. . .

Shit. Well, that went great. Just peachy.

Fuck. Why was he such an idiot? Of course she wouldn't believe him! Why did he think that any of this would ever work out?

Now he was alone. He was alone.

His knees slowly gave out beneath him. His body crumpled on the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and finally let the tears flow freely, gritting his teeth so hard he swore they might shatter. A guttural, animalistic sob choked out from him as everything replayed in his mind like a mantra, and suddenly everything shattered. Fingers ran down his hair, pulling at his scalp with visceral force. He couldn’t be here anymore, he couldn’t do it anymore!

FUCK! What was he supposed to do now?

It was hitting him all over again.

His mind kept asking the same question, over and over again.

Why? Ed asked him. Why did you do this?

Because you could, Tucker’s voice replied.

Shut up.

Just shut up!

He wasn't like that. He wasn’t.

I’m not like that, he repeated to himself. Over and over and over again until it was all he heard, but even that wasn't enough to drown out Tucker's whispers.