Chapter Text
Oh hell, my head hurts really bad. Where am I? It feels like I can't think.
“Good afternoon sleepyhead,”
They smell like cigarettes. Suguru? No. It sounds and looks like Shoko.
“How are you feeling? Sorry, we drugged you up a bit so you probably feel weird.”
Weird? That's a soft way of putting it.
“What…?” I ask groggily, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Don’t worry, I’ll ask you later. I just need to check your blood pressure then you can go back to sleep if you want.” Shoko says, walking into a closet that's covered by a curtain.
“Where am I? What happened? Where's Suguru?” I turn my head to look at her. She finished her cigarette and immediately lit another. I knew she smoked, but not that heavy of a smoker. Something's off.
“You're at the infirmary. If you're conscious enough to ask that many questions, then you can first answer mine.” Shoko says while wrapping the thing around my arm.
I immediately shut up. I haven’t needed to go to the infirmary since I was still in high school. What the hell happened? I don’t appear to be injured. Nothing’s hurting. What's the deal?
“You seem to be fine for right now. Do you feel anything major right now? Nausea? Delirious?
“Yeah… My brain won’t work, my technique feels fuzzy, and my head and eyes hurt.” I say, looking at her. She looks tired- more than she normally does.
“Yeah, that’s probably from a concussion. It should be better once your body wakes up a bit and it will heal on its own. In the meantime, you should probably take a nap. I don’t have a lot of things for you to do while you're like this.”
“What about my phone? I should probably check in on my students and Suguru.” I say, slightly annoyed.
“Sorry, I can’t let you right now. You can either sleep or stare at the wall. Your choice.” She says lazily as she walks out the door swiftly.
Well now I have nothing to do.
Great.
I look outside the window and see people walking about. The sun is setting, making the sky a vibrant orange and yellow, despite the chill clouds swarming over the sky. When was the last time I felt truly alone? I can feel it swirling down in my chest; like a cloudy gray hole. Why am I feeling this way? I have nothing to feel “lonely” for, yet, I still feel it.
I really want to hug Suguru right now. To hold me and kiss my forehead while I rant to him about my day. To let him lay on my chest as we sleep. To admire him and drink up all his beauty while he yells at other cars on the road. To listen to his heartbeat at night. To wash and brush his hair in the mornings or right after work. To text me when I’m working late. To sleep while on call with him when I go away for a business trip, vise versa. To snuggle my head into his shoulder during long meetings.
Anything. I crave for anything.
But I can’t have him. Nobody will let me see him, let me call him; or anybody for that matter. I can’t even doomscroll on my phone. Why?
My eyes begin to droop thinking about it, drowning in the rare feeling of being left in the dark.