Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Waking up was unexpected. The avian jumped as the watchers soul returned to his sleeping body. Quickened breaths escaped him as he grasped to life. Sweat and tears carved down grians face in desperate rivers as his panic stared to calm. Awareness of his hermit base and his past settled on him like a blanket.

Grian turned and all but fell out of his bed. A shock reverberated through his body. He moved desperately and tore the door open, stumbling repeatedly to reach his goal. He didn't even stop to realise that his feet were getting covered in dirt. He had no time to appreciate the rising sun he just had to get to the wagon were his worst fears could come to rest.

He climbed the ladder up a sense of foreboding rising with him. Each rung left with a coating of mud. Pulling himself over the top of the last ladder and there he lay. Peacefully snoring in that loud but reliable way. It basked the avain in comfort. Scar is alive. He didn't die. Grian didn't kill him. He approached scars bed with apprehensive. His face was perfectly neutral. Grain let out the breath he had been holding and dropped to the floor. As his world went dark his tears of relief pooled on the swagons wooden floor.

‐—--------------------------------------------------

Scar awoke with a start. A jotl hitting him like a respawn would, which confused the man as he was 90 percent sure he hadn't died but slept. A hollowness entered the pit of his stomach and his guts twisted to try and fill it. Pushing himself up to try and curb the uneasy feeling he was drawn to the soft sleepy breathes of a winged lump on the floor. Wiggling to the mattresses edge he looked to discover the small ball of his best friend grian. He got his communicator from his night stand and let the harsh taps of the keyboard accompany the little inconsistent whistles coming from his floor.

GTWS - hello suma a fine morning

X - hello scar sure go ahead and ask your question

GTWS - actually not quite just wanted to tell you grian seems to have collapsed in my room

X - give me a minute

With X on his way, scar felt he could start getting on with his day. He grabbed his transfer board and scooted to his wheelchair. With all the drama he could sense coming he was going to need a wheelchair day. Using the board and the bed rail he got himself in and started to gather everything for the day. After he made the short roll to the pile of grain taking a closer look at him. Scar noticed how sad his face looked. Desolate and painted with tear tracks. Grian was also cleary in his pj's still, with the soft red that encapsulated his form and his pajama bottoms sticking out. They looked wrong though and scar had seen them to many times not to know. He went closer to his legs to take a look and saw both the fabric and his feet were covered in drying dirt.

Just as he leaned in to look he herd the distinct sound of rockets and the noise of xisuma landing somewhat softly before he made his way to scars room.

“Well hello again suma. I didn't think you'd get here that fast.” , xisuma returned the greeting before his eyes snapped to the form on the ground. “I found him like this when I woke up. He doesn't look great which is why I messaged.”

“Well scar you did the right thing. The question now is how do we progress. I would like to keep this on the down low if you wouldn't mind,” xisuma paused in thought. Scar gave him a nod and looked down at his friend who was sleeping like a log worry shooting through his bones. “Scar do you know if today is a bad day for grian. I know his past isn't great but this is out of character, if not I'll message pearl see if she knows, those two share some past.”

“Honestly suma just call her over I imagine she'll be needed at some point for this” scar replied focus solely grian. Xisuma gave him a nod that went unnoticed and went to call pearl. The anxiety welled in scar with each rise and fall of grians chest. An affirmation of life but a reminder or position. Asleep with the sun up in his room with muddy footprints and fallen tear showing the journey.

Pearl essentially tore her way into the swaggon in under a minute. She took a second to look over. As soon as she had located Grian, she dashed towards him. Xisuma sighed and exasperatedly started to explain. “ Pearl, don't worry too much.
We found them like this. Well, scar found him like this. We wanted to ask you if you had any idea about today having a significant meaning.”

“ No, sorry. I, eh don't know everything about his past, but from the moments I do know nothing comes to mind. There was a huge portion that we were apart for and then a smaller portion. I had a conversation about those parts of his but he didnt say anything nor does he have it marked.” pearl replied, gaze zeroed in on grain as she resituated him to lay on her lap and petted his hair.

“OK so we wait for him to wake up and go from there” scar posited, attention finally leaving grian and worry wobbling his words. Xisuma looked and responded, chagrin seeping into his voice, “that's really all we can do. Unless anyone knows more. He's not injured just dirty, tired and sad.”

‐—----------‐—--------------------------------

It took an hour for grian to wake up. Xisuma left after 10 minutes telling the two to call for anything and he'd be right back. Pearl hadn't moved from her spot soothing herself with stroking the fellow avains hair and preening the red wings on the side of his head. Scar at some point had moved making himself and pearl breakfast getting changed and making his guests as comfortable as possible. Grians second wake was groggy and looked like he was trying to resist coming too. His face scrunched at the soft beams of light that we're making their way past the closed windows. He curled in on himself like he needed his centre protected. As his eyes slowly opened the purple glow from beneath illuminated his temporary beds face. Confusion settled as his eyes dimmed.

The parrot hybrid took a look up at pearl as her long hair brushed his face. She landed back into a red pillow. With her face moved grian got a look at where he was. The swaggon? Why was he … scar. The sound of wheels on wood snapped his eyes into place. He slowly turned his body and pushed up as if to fast a movement would blow this scene away.

“Scar” grian croaked throat dry from sleep “scar” and all to fast grian had darted over to scar hugging at his leg and burying his face into it tears pouring into the fabric of his striped blanket. “Your here” was muffled by the soft material as grian sank further in as if he were trying to meld with it. Pearl and scar shared a weighted look before scar reached down. “Hey g do you think you could get up for me.”

As grian unplastered his face he answered with a quick yes before he was lead to standing and then sitting on scars unmade bed. His hands were viciously grasping scars and his eyes were focused on his face. Pearl could be heard in the background calling someone but all grian could care about was scar. The man he had killed yesterday. Taken his final life just as he had taken his first. Scar who was in front of him staring at who should also be dead after taking his own life as a penance. But no here he was living and breathing just a day gone past on hermitcraft but another lifetime lived.

“X is on his way” grian looked up at pearl who look back with nerves coating her gaze. “Grian can you speak”

“Yes” he replied moving scar in closer needing to feel the heat of life. Scar wrapped his arms around him on instinct. He spoke into his hair “don't worry I'll be right here” the soft reassuring continued for the ten minutes it took for xisuma to arrive back in the room. During that time pearl had moved to the bed and was rubbing grians arm whilst scar kept a hold of him. His tears had dried up and his face was firm in scars neck fitting like it was always meant to be there.

“Hello grian nice to see your awake feeling better I hope.” Xisuma asked as he dragged a he had found nearby up beside scar.

“Hi X I'm mostly just confused right now” grians reply came softly from him as he moved his head to take a look at xisuma.

“We are too, listen feel free to tell us to stop at any time but as of right now we have some questions so we can better help you.” A nod dragged across scars shoulder, “OK so do you remember how you got in this morning and why if possible?”

“I - uh ran, wasn't to worried about footwear or anything I just, I needed to see scar”

“That explains the muddy trail and pj's however scars still a question why scar no offence”

“Because he died” pearl and xisuma lifted there eyes to the shocked face of scar. “Or - uh how do I put this. Scar died in my dream? It felt do real though.”

Concern etched on to there faces scar broke the staring by looking to the very dirty blonde hair and asking “what was the dream about?”
“We were on a server, one created by … that doesn't matter, the world was host for a death battle. Three lives each and then permadeath. I saw so many die, killed my friends with my own hands. I teamed with scar and … we won but the dead called for a single Victor. I … I came out on top then took my own life. I woke up but it feels so real like months are embedded to my memories. I'm still adjusting. I raced over to check if scar was alive.”

By the time grian had finished looks of sympathy had dawned on there faces. Xisumas response came first leaving the others to soak it in. “OK I can see why that would be so distressing. If you wanted I can take a look at your code see if anything is amiss. This isn't like you.”

“That'd be great X hopefully put my brain at ease.”

“Of course in the meantime how's about you get changed. I'm sure scar wouldn't mind sharing with you.” And with that xisuma sauntered away leaving grian and scar with a soft blush on there cheeks. Pearl let out a snort as she got up from the bed. She went over to the chest in the corner of the room and after the go ahead from scar she riffle through to find a pair of dark grey joggers and the redest jumper - note it was dark red with little repeating cats at the bottom. She brought them over to grian who reluctantly pealed himself from scar and took them. His legs unconsciously drifted to scars as he went about removing his night wear.

Two gasps sounded out as grains torso was revealed. Scars adorned his skin the same as always but there were new ones. Burn scars from lava and small dots from arrows. A slash across his stomach. And most notably a shimmering lambent sun carved into his chest between his collar bone. The avain rolled his shoulders and shook off his wings before looking to his friends and there horror stricken faces.

“What's wrong” grian asked met by silence. He looked between them before following there sight line. “What in the nether.” He reached up and touched it the golden pool and it swirled around his fingers. It felt like the pain of death and betrayal shocked through him. He pulled away instinctively and looked at his friends a desperate mien crossing his face. His fingers dripped with gold.

“Well”, scar started trepidation weaving through his words, “that's not normal”

“No, no it's not. God's gri what have you got yourself into this time.” She chocked out going infront of her fellow hybrid, taking his hands in her own. Reassurance came in the form of a thumb gliding over a palm, glitter covering both.

“Right let's leave your top and wait for xisuma to finish see if your codes got anything to it. This is obviously concrete proof that something happened last night. Look your not currently in danger and neither are we so let's just breath.”

-‐—-------------------------------------------------------

Xisuma returned ten minutes later a a hardened face. “So there's definitely something wrong but not just with grian I took the liberty of looking at scars after. To put it bluntly grians code has changed there's an extra symbol in his delegations which…” xisuma pauses his explanation and looks up from the admin pad to the new sun that adorned him, “well that's fascinating it looked pretty identical to that sun. Wow its moving I've never seen anything like that before, there likely rel…”

“Suma as interesting as this all is I'm sure g and myself quite frankly would like to know what might be wrong.” Scar interrupted his hand was linked with grians and both were holding on tight.

“Right sorry, sorry so essentially grian has a couple extra months on his life counter than he should which you know we check because of the watchers and I'm sorry grian but it seems to be there doing. I found watcher code in his memory file. It seems to be a strong memory suppressor. If both of us worked on it it could be alleviated somewhat but it would only bring some bits. My current theory is they brought you to a desolate planet and into a prior time but I don't know.”

“OK, ok so that's fine.” Grain started after a minute, “the watchers are just able to find me and pluck me and my friends out of our worlds and.. “

“Calm down grian. On that note they actually didn't seem to physically take you, more grabbed your consciousness. Although your body affects do alter this. Scar do you mind.”

“Absolutely not” scar said already stripping off his shirt, “hmm, no changes I can see the regular amount of scars and certainly nothing quite like g's new, thing”

“Right well grian you mentioned others anyone I know.” Xisuma ask eyes briefly rolling over scar’s scars not finding anything of note.

“Yes actually most of them bdubs, etho, tango, impulse, cleo, ren, scar and me from hermitcraft and then Scott s. Major, Jimmy solidarity, Martin little Woods, Skizzle man, joel smallish beans and big b statz. So 14 of us.”

“The hermits will be easy enough to check just to confirm. I can probably reach impulses full code and check from here. But I'll ask to be polite. Grian take it easy and ask for help I'm sure this will be difficult for you. And scar, pearl I'm sure you don't need me to remind you but take care of him he's a stubborn one.”

And with that xisuma left in the direction of impulses factory and the three left in room had let out a sigh of relief. Tension finally leaving there shoulders grian collapsed onto scars bed wings spread out to reach both ends. Scars slumped back in his wheelchair and pearl sat on the pile of pillows still on the floor. Grian look up not even lifting his body and said, “scar”

“Yes g”

“Put your clothes back on”

Chapter Text

It was a month since that very scary morning and for the most part not much had changed. None of the other members knew and pearl and xisuma were only tangentially involved. Scar was always quite resilient and its not like he even remembered. Grain on the other hand wasn't doing as well. He had been trying to distract himself with his build but couldn't get lost in the monotony with the fear that it would be blown up.

A week or so after the return grian had decided to join a cult. In hopes it would provide the outlet he needed. The moon cult worshipped the all to big moon. Its size engulfing the landscape. The cult was decidedly not what he needed. For starters they were not doing activities which meant half his reasons for joining were resoundingly pointless. Secondly scar was also a mooner. Lastly there whole ritual was to stay awake but it didn't matter he stuck by it, it wasn't like he could sleep anyways.

—------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks later and grian had decidedly not slept. After the first week of no sleep from the entire ended with hallucinations xisuma swiftly intervened putting a stop to the “nonsense”.They now had mandatory hours were everyone needed sleep. The problem was grian couldn't stay down for more than two hours and would always wake violently. A bone deep exhaustion had settled deep and he was trailing through each day with the only goal being to distract himself from the memories that plagued him.

By the third week he was fed up. Too tired to function and not enough passion to push past basics. His heart ached and with his tears were pools of sparkling gold. Hollow reminders of his mutilated chest, bearing the symbol of his sins. New tattoos marred on his skin appeared over time. Several more scars not to mention the three hearts crawling up his forearm staring at him. He basked in the macroscopic grains, comforting in there coarseness and painful as his heart.

The fourth week his eyes stung in deprivation. They had eyebags starkly contrasting his sickly pale skin. Tear tracks had torn through his skin ravaging his face. His heart was erratic picking up with every sound or a sudden movement caught in the peripheral of his eye or the leftover scent of gilun powder so distinct despite its alternate use. When he was grasped into the air he was close to a heart attack and had taken to staying indoors. He was passing out a lot too. Probably from the withdrawal of rest but it had led to his bereft body accumulating a littering of bruises.

It Was nearing the month mark that he was working on his base. Storefronts nice and easy. His eyes were jumpy but so was the rest of him thats just what happens when your in a death game. He continued placing blocks even as his vision started to blur. Even as his brain started to slow. Even as his hand couldnt quite manage and he began to fall, he tried.

—------------------------------------------------------

Grian wasn't flying. It took till week 3 for pearl to notice. He had skipped the twins regular flight day for the third week in a row. Missing the odd one was fine but three was when they had agreed to force the other out. Mostly so that they could give one another a proper preening. It wasn't like grian was avoiding her either which is why she knew he was avoiding flying. She could see the panic in his face every time the moon raised them up and the resolution in his face when he fell. It was like he was accepting some horrible fate. It made her intensely uncomfortable as she so her brother who valued the freedom of flying so much. He was his wings so why was he avoiding the sky.

It wasn't till week four that pearl got a good look at his wings. Below the obfuscation of his tailored glamor his macaw wings were filthy. He had fallen asleep due to the mooners deal and was sitting with his face on the paved ground long colourful wings stretching over hiding most of his black set. She rushed over to drag him into the magical menagerie not wanting his watcher secret out.

When she got into the shop, slumped against the register table she began to look properly at her idiot of a brother's wings. They were filthy covered in dirt and grits. It looked like he had taken a bath in sand. Grian was resting in a deep sleep constantly soothed back to the depths of unconsciousness by pearls preening.

She spent eight hours giving his wings a proper run through of the multicoloured collage of wings barely making a dent on the grime. By the end she was sleeping slumped against the blue wood working up a mighty stiff neck. Her hands had found their way to resting in his feathers moving up and down with his soft breaths.

—------------------------------------------------------

The server was diving into chaos and xisuma could do very little but watch. As the moon came closer with every night cycle towering over the server like a giant eye gazing on frantic scared ants as it was about to squish down upon their Homes. On top of that his twin was paying another visit to hermitcraft and for as much as he sorta loves the mirror of himself the carnage of any single visit was enough for him to request his twin leave. His twin however was an adult and thus chose to stay. All that being said xisuma hadn't looked that much more at the incident in the swaggon a week ago besides a quick follow up check.

The mooners would not sleep. Xisuma was tired enough as it is and if he could ask for the benevolent moon god to give him a break he would. The server was devolving further and this was the last thing he needed. Bunkers and space travel and observatories and bdubs oversleeping and now. Now he had to deal with a small cult in boatem that had decided for some inexplicable reason to worship the ever nearing moon and for some aether forsaken reason that meant that they didn't want to sleep. And how did xisuma find out? well that's because they had started to hallucinate and some of the intelligent hermits had grown concerned. From that day forward there was mandatory sleep that would be enforced. Another week had passed by and not even a cursory glance had been spared to the incident.

A week had passed with mandatory bedtimes and xisuma felt some of the extra weight had lifted. It helped that all EX seemed to be doing was messing with the currency systems which he could fully bring himself to care about even if he probably should. But yet something was off. It was too quiet. Xisuma had taken to touring the world whenever he had the chance, trying to source wear his unease originated from. Checking on his friends was easy even for how large everything was , hearing about their plans, their builds, their progress and their lifes was something Xisuma rarely found himself indulging in. And yet he missed the lack of grain around boatem.

It was nearing a month since that day and xisuma mind had cleared enough from the never ending barrage of stress from running an smp that was actively anticipating an impending apocalypse. With the spare time xisuma mind kept wandering back to the memory block. How would he remove it, should he remove them, what were the ethics of keeping it from the others involved. More than that how had the watchers done it.

The watchers were powerful beings. They congregated in pantheons in the void space and were involved heavily with the creations of everything. There are Gods of the highest order and they were worshipped as such. Watchers by there very name watched and were considered practically all knowing. But what few knew was that they were vicious. They stole those born in the over especially those of godly origins and mangled them into distorted facade of gods those who survive belong the one of the three pantheons left the neather, the over or the end.

The server was protected from the watchers' unending gaze. A fact that wasn't known to most of the server. It was a necessity for grian to join though. The man in question being the most known of the ascended, a fact that he hated. Grian had helped him and given him knowledge that was forbidden as penance just to remain hidden so how in the neather did they find him.

Xisuma's first port of call was to contact noxite and check there wasn't a breach on their end. Grian was one of the players who participated in mcc and it was one of the few times he left the hermit lands. Noxite affirmed that there hadn't been even a wobble in the code barrier that helped obfuscate both servers. So that left X with more questions. He figured the best thing would probably be to ask the resident watcher.

So finally at the end of the fourth week xisuma noticed the avains absence. absence. He began to ponder about all of the noticeable actions that had transpired and couldn't recall grian being at any of them. The more he thought about his lack of presence barring the mooners cult and then the lack of sleep from that the worse the picture became. To assuage his worries and possibly procure answers he headed off to boatem.

When he arrived everything looked settled which was severely out of character for this group. The pit grew in his stomach. Swallowing more of his gut with each step. As he approached the mouth of the cave the ominous and encompassing feeling washed over in full effect. A small movement to his left drew his attention and he approached the magical menagerie. He opened the door to the mob shop softly and was met with even softer sounds in reply.

—------------------------------------------------------

Scar was feeling lonely. His best buddy, maybe more, was avoiding him. He hadn't been sure at first. After that strange day grian and pearl had stayed over at the swaggon. Grian had slept curled in his arms letting scar encapsulated him. But when scar had woken up grian had seemingly disappeared.

It took a week after till scar saw him again. He had decided to join mumbos moon cult and only partially just to finally catch g. The cult however didn't meet that often so he took his nights blanketed with moonlight alone and pondering. Thinking through things was interesting. It felt like his mind could grasp onto the sharp edges of clifftops. His mind understood there were gaps. Stolen memories in safes he lost the code to.

Another week had passed but still little more than glimpses of the small avain hybrid and scar was becoming increasingly worried. He kept thinking about how tightly grian had held him on waking, how distraught he'd looked when explaining everything and how fearful he looked when they'd discovered the scars and the memory block.

Third week and scar was actively searching for his friend. In doing this he'd figured out that grian was avoiding him but not just that he seemed to be circumventing nearly every person. He tried to keep the searching to a minimum, always with a legitimate excuse, as he didn't want to be a stalker.

Another week passed and scar was freaking out. He had ran out of justifications at this point and was not only certain of grians staying away but also that he was not coping well. Scar had stupidly wanted to believe he was triggering something from grians memories and yes it sucked to be shunned by his crush. Grian ghosting his messages and dodging when scar approached if it was for his health then maybe scar would be willing to understand if only a little. But when he was stumbling about like an ill apparition scar new it wasn't true.

It was the end of that week when scar entered grians ally guilt gripping him as he was still unable to find his friend. He went over to the magical menagerie gaze zeroed in on the charged creeper he had helped with, his long for his friend growing. Suddenly it was ripped away by a sound from inside the blue walls.

—------------------------------------------------------

“We should probably stop meeting like this”, Xisuma stated as he entered the room taking a look at the pile of people congregated below the register.

Scar had left his cane against the wall and had his oxygen perched right outside of the limb tangle. His legs were under grians having been obviously stuffed as his hands lay on top gently petting him. Pearl was angled beside scar, her body shoved into the corner. The sleeping hybrid had her brothers head and torso curled into her lap and her hand encapsulated deep within the bundle of feathers. Her and grians sleeping whistles creating a harmonious cacophony of song.

“Indeed we do” scar replied eyes never leaving the tricoloured wings as the drew up with each breath, “you were also worried about g?”

“Yes. gods He looks rough.”

“Indeed it seems he hasn't been doing so hot.”, scar responded. As he did there was movement from the twins. Pearl unstuck herself from the meld between the wall and bench before popping the crick in her neck.

“Hey X, scar what time is it”, she inquired removing her hand from the mass of feathers so she could rub the sleep out of her eyes. Under her grians face began to compress in the early stage of wake.

“Around 8pm” xisuma replied, watching grian as he came back to consciousness. Bleary eyes blinked over the black abyss of an unglamoured watcher's eye.

“ah a good few hours then”, she said voice steady and strong as her hands carded through sandy blonde hair. “you here gri.”

“mmmh” grian grumbled hugging into pearl more “getting there”

“well I think we should have a little chat when you are.” scar said in retort. Grian popped up slightly gathering the scene he woke up to with a purple stare.

“Scar! You're here.”

“Of course I am g. I was worried. Still am worried.”

“Nothing like scar to pull gri from a trance.” Pearl joked, “however yes we met here by pure coincidence due to the fact that you don't seem well”

“Sorry” grian muttered quietly looking like he was between fleeing, sleeping and crying. Xisuma rebutted “don't apologize there's no need. We just want to know what's up. Does it have to do with the death game?”

A nod.

“Okay a good start, is there anything else outside of that.”

A pause then shake

“Right, so do you know anything that would help.”

Grian turned and sat up the best he could between two laps. He contemplated for a second. “I just want to rest.”

Chapter Text

After the confrontation they figured out the best method to check in on the bird hybrid was to have a rotating schedule. They fairly quickly figured out that sleep was where he was struggling the most. As such they had scar and pearl setting up their beds so he could spend half a week at theirs. The first three days would be at scars switching for Thursday, Friday and Saturday to be at his sisters, then the Sunday he would stay at xisumas. It was temporary just until grian got more of a handle on sleeping and actually reached out again.

Since it was a Thursday when they had piled on the rough floor and drifted, grian joined pearl when they all separated. As she corralled him into her boat home dragging him to her bedroom. A heat permeated the air being sapped from pearls furnaces and surrounded him like a blanket. She pulled her brother down onto her bed and began to fuss over him questioning the alarming amount of grits nestled within his feathery appendages. The sand that fell reflected his times surrounded by gun powder and sunsets and he fell with them.

He regained consciousness wrapped around his twin. Their plethora of limbs tangled and interlocked. A cascade of feathers from three sets of wings resembling a blanket, the actual blanket strewn over their calfs and bunched around their feet. Pearl was humming their families whistle tune as she picked through the granules stuck between the small feathers that enveloped the side of his face. His wing twitched, breaking the tender morning scene.

“Morning gri how'd you sleep?” Pearl softly questioned. Grian rolled so he was facing up at her.

“Good… really good I can't remember the last cycle I fully slept through.” He replied picking the sleep from the corners of his voided eyes. He let out a sigh before pushing to sit up. “Thank you for doing this pearl you really didn't have to.”

“Hey that's just what big sisters are for pulling your head out of wherever it got stuck at.” Pearl said with a smirk tugging at the edge of her lips.

“We are the same age pearl, we are twins.” Grian retorted a loving annoyance weaved through his words. Pearl batted at him “I was born first which technically makes me older, I'll have you know. Besides, I'm clearly more responsible. Have you seen the state of your wings? We will be properly taking care of those today no if ands or buts. We'll need to go flying to let those feathers work.”

“OK pearl that sounds nice” he hummed leaning forward to let his sister reach for the cleaning supplies in her bedside table. As soon as she returned upright, Grian felt the relief of his sister's cool hands weaving through his feathers as his brain went fuzzy and weary eyes grew heavy.

—------------------------------------------------------

Grians time with pearl was focused on recuperating his wings. By the time he was handed off to xisuma it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, but an empty pit remained. Pearl had got him flying again. It was only short distances and he wasn't handling it incredibly but he did manage to fly most of the way to xisuma's.

As he walked the final leg to xisumas base he took in the peace. It was the first time in a while he felt close to settled. He still was compelled to look over his shoulder every few steps but his eyes weren't darting nearly as much. The care for his sister had let him sleep so the exhaustion wasn't bone deep, however, it was still evident from the way it sat on his under eye. The problem was that even with the extra care and patients, grian felt rubbish and in fact he felt worse in some ways. It was as if he was a puzzle with half its pieces missing and those around him were having to search for the lost parts. He looked up to the birds, wings shaking in relation, envy burning green at their freedom as they soared in the blue sky unburdened.

As he approached his admins base, towers of the dark and light clashed in the developing village came into view. He walked inside the paths surrounded by the houses unsure of which was correct. A creeping cold hand tapped him from behind and he spun jumping back with his sword raised ready for a new opponent. His foe faced him, smirking behind the recognisable but distinctly wrong helmet. The smile widened, lifting the scar placed incorrectly on his admins face. Grian raised his sword higher, fear shooting through his body at this doppelganger.

“EX”, the voice called but not from the imposter in front of him but rather behind. “I thought I told you to leave grian alone when he came over.” grian took the risk to look behind him and turned not even halfway before the real xisuma came into his vision. “Sorry, grian this isn't how I wanted you to meet, but I just didn't know what time you'd be here and got caught up with admin stuff. Anyway this is my twin brother E.X.”

With the context grian let out the breath he had held and with it relieved a part of his anxiety. “ah , um sorry about that. I'm a bit jumpy because of … reasons but I knew you were here just haven't met yet but, uh, nice to meet you.” he prattled out looking to meet the eyes underneath the red of the visor for reassurance. “Hello to you too, watcher, how sad it is we've only just met. You've picked a good one brother.” EX replied with a grimace.

Grian wanted to leave his body. He was brought back to his worst times, their messaging flooding his brain drowning the brothers discussion that was hissed under the barrage. He could feel their eyes on him creeping under his skin and dissecting him leaving his body to rot in tiny little pieces. His eyes started to open and he could see more than any mortal should.

He could see pearls cleaning a mixed pile of her feathers, his feathers and their feathers. He could see mumbo looking at the redstone to his latest project. He could see impulse restocking i-sore. He could see scar resting on his bed with a hot drink and jellie. And he could see the one who somehow knew and exposed leaving him raw, the one who should be killing him for the monster he is. Grian saw EX … leaving? Then he saw only black.

Grian opened the normal amount of eyes to xisuma flitting around a living space. He felt around the clearly fold out bed reaching for something as he waited for his brian to kick in and inform him of what he missed. He made a grumbling noise and rubbed his eyes, compressing the slight puff from crying.

“Hey good afternoon grian,” xisuma started as he walked over. He indicated at the sofa bed. Grian gave him a nod and the frame creaked under the added weight, “so I don't know how much you remember but you gave me quite the scare.”

Grian moved to a sitting position and looked at the crumpled duvet in his lap. “I remember meeting your brother but I think I clocked out after he … uh …” - “the watcher comment, right?” - “yes I think I probably freaked out after that right. I'm so, so sorry.” xisuma took grians hand in his own and softly stated “hey none of that no apologies. You've had a tough life, no one is expecting perfection and nothing happened beyond a few extra eyes on the server. I'll be honest with everything going on. I'm surprised you didn't flare up earlier.”

“Me too actually.” grian said looking up at the scarred mans face, open and exposed, and looking so lovingly at one of his players. “I think it shows how far you've come. And hey your secrets are still safe and I only had to knock you out a little.” they let out a quiet laugh, more of an escape of air than anything else. It did its job though and cut through some of the tension.

“Look about my brother, well my brother and me really. I know you told me about all of the watcher stuff when you were thinking about joining the server, so I didn't get the opportunity to talk with you much about it. I also don't know how much the watchers taught you or even that you've recognised yourself but us void folk are able to see each other. E.X is a voidwalker like me. I didn't tell him he just knew. I’m so sorry, if I knew you were going to meet I would have warned you." Grian squeezed his admins hand to corral the man's attention.

“Your fine x, I figured it would be something like that. They did teach me some things about being a watcher between the torture. Nether, we had to attend classes.” xisuma looked down at grian and replied with a small chuckle preceding.

“Okay good glad I don't have to go into all that. On a serious note don't worry about my brother. We didn't have the best upbringing, no one that touches the void seems to, mind you. But we dealt with it in very different ways. He seems bad but it's an act. He finds it fun and comforting; he just takes it too far sometimes. He's harmless really and he'll keep your secret, don't worry.”

“Ok x I won't.” grian asserts feeling at ease without having to add another thing to his pile.

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After their talk, Grian and xisuma spent the rest of the day doing their own things and just existing within each other's presence. Xisuma was mostly working on admin stuff whereas grian was going between drawing and cooking. They were both hobbies that had sort of fallen to the wayside after everything but they were calming and the clacking from xisumas keyboard allowed for him to fully turn his brain off. When it came time and the sun had dipped leaving a dim evening light grian was able to serve his masterpiece.

“Thank you grian this smells amazing.” Xisuma said, the edges of his lips raised in a smile. “It's no problem just glad to be having a good meal.” Grian replied despondents curling around the statement.

Xisuma looked up from his plate at the younger man sitting across from him who's iconic jumper lay baggy over his shoulders. “I noticed you've lost weight recently have you been struggling to eat.” Grians eyes widened up at his admin pausing putting more food on his fork.

“I don't think it's like that X, more just struggling to care to make something substantial. The last full meal I made was for scar in the memories but that wasn't negative, more a precursor.” The two men were quiet for a second just eating before xisuma questioned quietly “do you want to talk about it?” Grian took another bite of food, face scrunched in thought.

“Yeah actually that'd be nice,” he breathed putting his fork down on his half eaten plate. He took a deep inhale and started with some trepidation, “we entered the world like most and we started even though we somehow knew how everything would end.” he looked down, bringing his arm up. Grian pulled his sleeve down revealing some of the scars that had appeared since that day. Xisuma took in a heavy gasp of a breath, a small whistle sounding through his teeth as he looked at the three hearts carved into his forearm. “We had three lives, or more accurately three deaths”

Grian covered his arm back over “I killed the first person. It was an accident but I killed scar.” his eyes trailed up to seek reassurance, “I gave him my first life, with him till I died.” xisuma reaches across the table holding his hand out for the younger. Grian took it and felt a gentle squeeze after it was enveloped.

“It was peaceful at the beginning. We built a home together there was only small fights nothing deadly then scar lost his second life. He became more aggressive, gained a thirst for blood and I helped him. He was so caring to me but so different to others. We took so many lives. We could feel the tension rising outside of our little bubble. The server was fractionated and grief and anger underpinned it. There were several blood baths. We fought, we killed and felt ourselves slowly die.”

Grian grasps xisuma's hand tightly, tears forming in his eyes, “I killed so many of my friends. I can't look at them, or talk to them, without seeing their body fall to the ground and dissipate for the final time. I hear them and they sound like ghosts of people who are still alive. I look at them and can't see who they are, but who I knew them as in another world.” trails had started to form from grains quiet crying, “and the worst part X is that they can't remember. I hate that they don't even know they should hate me, they’re so kind and I can't give that back because how can I pay back a mistake that they have never experienced and will never know. I feel so alone X, so, so alone.”

Grian retracts his hand from xisuma’s to rub at his eyes, bringing forth the first sniffle. “But the thing I hate the most, isn't the guilt or the memories of hurt, it's that scar can’t remember. We cared so deeply, we were forced closer together and we couldn't really remember so we started day 1. I look at the man who knew me so much and I knew so much about, but he doesn't. He can't remember who we were and what we were. Only I'm burdened with that. Why do I have to see the light fade from his eyes every night? Why do I have to be scared that respawns will suddenly stop working? Why do I have to have one of my favourite things ruined because every time I fall, I feel acceptance as opposed to fear? I don't get it X. I thought it was over, that I was safe. Why can't it be over?”

Xisuma had made his way round the table and encapsulated the still sitting man in a hug. They stayed that way for who knows how long xisuma rocking them back and forth and grian crying out. His tears pooled in the casual wear that xisuma had dawned, uttering messy sentences in marred repetition. They both held tight as if trying to force the hug to fix the universe as opposed to the soft placation it offered.

When grains tears had all but dried and exhaustion had filled the man, taking over from the dejection, xisuma led the smaller to stand. He brought grian back to the room he'd woken up in earlier and let the despondent avain sit on the edge of the pull out. He handed grain his bag and whispered with care dripping from his words a reassurance he'd be back. Grian changed in silence on auto pilot. Going through the movements ignoring the soft glow form beneath the bandages wrapping around his chest.

By the time xisuma came back in grian had gotten changed and was just staring at the wall blankly. The top he had was hanging loosely, obviously put on without care, and xisuma could see the badges. A pang of hurt paired with confusion was shooting through him. He walked over and put his hand on grians shoulder. The younger looked up, eyes still empty. The gloved hand led grians body to lie on the bed and raised to petting through his hair. He drifted into darkness and the peace of unconsciousness.

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Grian woke up to the familler pull out and blankets surrounding him, the sweet smells of a cooked breakfast wafting in through the cracks in the door. He could hear the off tones of xisuma muffled. Grian twisted round pushing himself off of the bed. He looked down seeing the bandages peeking out from his bed shirt. He heaved his iconic red jumper over his bed head, patting it down after. He plodded over to the door.

“Morning G how did you sleep?” xisuma said, turning to greet him. The morning sun was lighting the side of him as he stood slightly dishevelled smiling softly. Grian went over to the table where he had poured his heart out not even twelve hours ago. The puffiness around his eyes that he was becoming all too comfortable with, were a sign of that.

“I slept well X, your pull out’s pretty comfy especially given these,” grian replied shaking his wings out. Small granules that were dislodged by Pearl but still stuck in his wings and clusters of fluff fell to xisumas not quite perfectly polished floor. “I'm sure you know but we avians can be pretty picky.”

“Oh I know,” xisuma countered with a smug fondness in his voice and a plate of food delivered to both spaces. “I remember when I heard our first avain was coming to the server, I went kinda stir crazy I guess. Did all the reading on it as I could. Reread for Pearl as well. I know you prefer hammocks or nests so I'm glad the bed was good. Maybe we should install a hammock at scars place though.”

“I guess we'll see. Both how comfortable his bed for me is and how long this lasts.” Grian sighs out sadly. Partially because after last night he was hoping to curb the serious topics, partially because of scar and mostly because he wanted to continue scarfing down his meal that tasted like a home he never knew and settled like a warm blanket.

“Ah yes well I suppose those would be reasons though I suspect they won't be the only ones soon.” Xisuma retorted with a smirk tugging at his lips. Grian shot a lookup with full offence, and a look of having been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “And just what's that supposed to mean X”

“Oh nothing” xisuma all but sang out, his subtly lost to his beaming smile. “X what are you talking about.” faux confusion not so masterdly weaved into the words. Xisuma hummed through his mouth that was full of food. And grian glared back. X knew and deep down so did grian. But he couldn't. Not just facing his problem he couldn't solve it ethier.

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Grian was repacked and was being sent off on his way by xisuma. EX had walked past, giving him a nod and a mumbled apology. The man's twin had come out behind grian and taken a breath that was quickly relieved by his mirror walking away and grian barley having a reaction more than a near invisible smile. Xisuma looked down and said goodbye and goodluck with knowing plastered over his face.

Grian was up in the sky quickly already knowing he wanted to attempt the flight back to boatum. The soaring was not freeing but it was fast. It saddened the bird hybrid that what was once his greatest comfort was something he would never be able to fully enjoy again. The wind felt more like needles of pain than the harsh caressing of freedom. He hated it. Hated being back to not ok and hated that it was from some of the same demons of his past.

By the time he got to boatum the sun was high in the sky and he could see the dots of his friends flitting about. He decided to make a pit stop at his base. Do the washing so he had enough clothes, check on the egg and just exist on his own for a moment. He loved his friends and they were far from overbearing but he was also free to want peace for a second. It definitely wasn't an excuse to avoid sar for as long as possible at all.

By the time he had gone through as much as he could reason to independently do, he ended up just staring at the door. He could almost will himself to stay behind the threshold, not willing to have to face scar but he knew that this was for the best and scar would begin to get worried as it was late afternoon. He really didn't want scar to worry. He made his way to scars dressed, shoed and only slightly apprehensive.

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After pulling the string on the bell grian heard the ring reverberate throughout the swaggon and heard the distinct sound of scar coming down. The door flew open to reveal the scarred man radiant as he greeted his guest. His extended elf ears perked up pink dusting there tips as scar was essentially shocked back into his body and into action. He roll back his chair letting the other in.

“Hi grian welcome in.” scar greeted as grian walked into his space. Scar pivoted to be beside as they walked to the lift. Grian climbed the ladder now clear of mud as the creaking of the lift motors sounded out around them. When they were both on the upper level Scar opened the hatch and pushed himself into the largish floor space and asked Grian as he came through the ladder hole. “So did you get the chance to eat yet?”

“Yes I did.” Grian replied, standing slightly awkwardly. He reached up to his bag strap to fiddle with it. Scar moved further into his house towards the kitchen. “Ah well I expected that would you like a drink and snack? we still have a bit before dinner.”

“That sounds nice actually,” Grian answered, relaxing as the words came out. As his walls came down a bit, he breathed in, smelling the comforting smell of fresh baking. The avain walked over to the table putting his bag by a leg and taking the only seat out. Scars' casual humming as he traveled around his space with ease was overtaken by the screeching whistles of the kettle.

“Tea ok?” Scar asked as he approached two mugs and a plate of steaming cookies on a tray on his lap. Grian took the cookies and his mug off of scar as he answered “yes that's great actually.”

“So what have you been up to today? Since you know what I've been doing and I was expecting you earlier. Not that your timing was a problem.” Scar inquired before taking his mug up to his lips and blowing the steam away.

“Yeah sorry for not telling you before.” Scar shook his head in disagreement but grian continued, “ I decided to try and get some chores done. Spend some time alone.”

“Well I hope you know that it's not a problem.” Scar assured removing his drink from his mouth. He sighed and shook his head.

The two sat in silence for the most part. Small meaningless conversations muddying the quiet. It was comfortable to them. Enjoying one another's presence. Each other's peace and the other's life. They washed beside one another, grian drying the dirtied dishes. They cooked, working in tandem in the kitchen, dancing around with ease. They ate as the sun set and left the dishes out as the darkness blanketed the world and the silver gaze of their massive moon rested upon their skyline.

There was a question almost asked by the avian, but scar answered by grabbing his hand and dragging him through to his room. They changed facing opposite walls, eyes only meeting when they were on the bed. Grian looked up at scars face tracing his scars with his eyes. Scar smiled down at the shorter “hey grian what's up”

“I'm so glad you're alive” grian whisper out. His arms wrapped over the other as he tucked his head into the elfs neck. Scars arm snaked to grians hair raking through his soft waves. The two slowly drifted off only accompanied by subdued breathing. For that moment everything was okay. It wasn't fixed, but it was better and it would continue to improve. Grian went to sleep content and dreamed happy, waking calmly to scars face bathed in warm light and he felt like he could fly.