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Heyaaaaaaaaa~
I'm baaackkkkkkkk~
Agaaaaiiinnnnnn~ *flying kisses* :3

So this story is being itching my brain since I completed 'Mine Forever'.

Actually, 'I've Got You' was planned to be uploaded after this one, but I thought, this after a heavy Angst story is going to be a little too much, so I held it up and first worked on 'I've Got You' to give you guys a little rest.

So now, I hope we got enough fluff and smiles with 'I've Got You', because we are back to the ✨Sadness✨

So anyways~

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This story is going to be a [Normal Life au] with a lots of Tears, Cries and the Purest Love one can experience 🤍

That soft yet pained feeling for that Love in your Soul who craves nothing but to be one with it's pair it was born for <3

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🤍 If anyone here gets triggered or even relate to things in this book... *tight tight hugs for all of you* 🤍 I know life can be very very hard and unfair to some of us in the worst ways possible sometimes, but I'm proud of all of you, the ones who have fought things through and the ones who are still fighting. And the ones who are not able to fight it yet, I believe in you all with all my heart. I know it's difficult but I believe in you, I promise, you will get through it, you will gather enough courage one day. I know. Just be strong 🤍 For no one, but yourself 🤍

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*BIG HUGS*

And do leave comments. I would love to see what you guys are thinking and how you feel about the story <3

Love you ~<3

Love you babies <3

(26.10.2024)

Chapter Text

Just a little more.

A little more pain. A little more endurance. And then it will end.

Everything will end.

This pain will end.

Every pain will end.

Then he can restart. Then he can...

Oh god, it hurts. It hurts so so fucking bad.

But it's ok.

It's ok. Just some more minutes.

Just a little more, and soon, soon this warm soothing water will turn his body cold. Cold and stiff.

And then everything will be ok.

Just a little more and this blue beautiful surrounding will turn black.

Then he can be finally happy.

He can restart. Everything.

Then maybe he will have someone to love him.

Anyone.

Just a single person will be enough.

When this pain ends, then maybe he will have someone to hold his hand and look at him with love and care.

Then maybe he will smile.

Maybe he will have someone to tell him how pretty his smile is.

He knows his smile was pretty. He have seen it a handful times.

The times when he stood in front of the mirror and forced it just to see if there was anything good about him at all.

And turned out, his smile was.

It was the only good thing about him. Only pretty thing.

And if he gets another chance, he promises himself that he will smile a lot.

He wishes he will smile a lot.

He just needs to endure a little more.

But it hurts. It hurts so so bad.

Feels like someone is continously punching his chest with strong fists, like his skin was dissolving in this warmth, feels like his eyes were burning.

But it was ok.

If the last thing will be him staring at that bright sun from inside of this beautiful blue warmth, he can endure his eyes burning too.

And it doesn't matter. It going to end soon.

Just... Just a little more and he will be fre-

"OH MY GOD! HELP!"

No...

"SOMEONE IS DROWNING! HELP! HELP!"

No. Please. No no no.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP!"

Please... Go away. Please please go away.

"IS SOMEONE HERE!? HELP! A BOY IS DROWNING IN THE RIVER!"

No. Please. Please let me be free. Leave me alone. I don't..... I don't have the power to do this again..... Please.

"Oh god!"

No...

And if he is not the most beautiful sweetie cutie patootie out there-

Chapter Text

"Hey! Hey are you ok!?"

"Can you hear me!?"

"Oh god, IS THERE SOMEONE! HELP!"

A light airy voice.

A continuous heavy pressure on his chest.

"Hey! Wake up!"

He remembers he coughed before his vision went blank. It was painful.

And...

"Oh thank god"

... were the last words he heard.

Last words before...

He slowly pealed his eyes open.

His eyes opened slightly. Just enough to get a blurry vision, not quiet seeing his surroundings properly.

"C-Chicken?"

He heard someone. The voice seemed so distanced and echoed.

Was he dreaming? Did he die?

"Yes" he heard another voice. This one was stricter and older "He needs a boost of energy. He is very week"

"Oh..."

He tried to blink his eyes open properly, tried to tilt his head to see where the voice was coming from.

Two people. There were two people standing at a little distance from where he was laying. He wasn't able to see their faces clearly. It was all blurry.

"I know you can't afford the medicines, so I'm giving you these free ones, but I can't promise if they will do any impact or not though" the older man said, and through his blurry vision he saw the man giving something to the person standing in front of him.

"Thank you. Thank you so much" he saw the other bow down to the older man and saw the older man turning aroud.

"And.." the older man suddenly stopped and seemed like he was looking at him on the bed before looking back at that person "Are you sure you know him?" he asked in a suspicious tone "His conditio-"

"N-No I... I know him..."

Who was this? Was he at his someone know's place?

"Hm. Alright"

His vision slowly started becoming cloudy again. He was about to pass out again. There was no energy in his body what so ever.

His eyes closed on their own and he forced them to open again.

He saw that person walking to a shelf on the wall beside the bed and fumble through something in a small old container place in that shelf.

Money. Some crumbled notes and coins.

He saw the person looking through them and suddenly his vision blacked out.

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His eyes opened again. Slowly and calmly.

A deep breath released form his chest as he finally felt his vision becoming focused.

He blinked and slowly opened his, trying to see his surroundings.

A poorly made wooden roof.

That was the first thing he saw as his vision went completely focused.

And then he heard some clattering noice.

He slowly tilted his head to his side, noticing he was laying on a bed, head pressed onto a not so soft pillow, a heavy warm blanket over him and... Oh?

There was a tube attached to... to a glucose bottle tied at a hight with the help of a wooden stick beside the bed.

Wait. That means...

He blinked and tried to move his hand, only to feel it being laying out of the blanket, placed on the end of the bed with an infusion cannula attached to the back of his hand.

He blinked weekly again when that clattering sound came again. He slowly tilted his head properly to his side and blinked numbly when he saw a boy sitting on a stone on the floor, back facing him, having something like an old mud stove in front of him and a pot on top of it as he stir in it with a spoon, cooking something.

He watched as the boy took a little bit of what was in the pot in his hand through the spoon and licks it, tasting the food.

"Hm" the boy let out and stir the food again.

He blinked at the boy for the last time and then looked around, seeing where he actually was.

It was a small, very very small house. It only had one space and a door which he assumed was the bathroom.

It was like a small wooden hut. The bed, the stove, the small space to keep cloths was all in this one space in different corners to make room.

"Oh?"

He suddenly blinked and his mind focused when he heard that boy speak.

He slowly turned his head to his side again and saw that boy looking at him with wide eyes and suddenly turning back to the stove. He saw him clumsily placing a plate on the pot still having the fire under and then get up.

The boy turned around and walked towards him "You are awake" he spoke smiling at the him softly and nervously "How are you feeling? Are you ok?"

The boy on the bed blinked at him for a second, before he suddenly started to get up, but-

"Hey hey!" the other boy immediately held him carefully. He tried to make him lay back down, but gently made him sit up on the bed when he didn't allow him to.

"Careful, there is a nail on the board" he informed in a soft and quiet voice as he made the boy sit back and lean onto the poorly made wooden board of the bed, making sure to keep him away from that one almost out nail that he always forgets to fix.

"How are you feeling?" he asked again, fixing the blanket over the boy's legs, being careful of his hand.

He blinked at the boy in concern when he didn't replied and just lowered his head, staring numbly at his lap instead.

"Uh, I-I'm Minho" so he decided to speak again "I'm from this village, uh, you fell in the river a little far away from here and I saw you. You were not waking up so I bought you to my home to res-"

"I didn't fell in" were the first words that left that boy's lips.

And Minho stopped. He kept looking at him with still calm eyes, but a nervous heartbeat. He didn't knew what he should speak next. This... He has never dealt with or talked to or even met anyone wanting to... end their life.

"Uh..."

Should he say sorry? Or..? Should he ask why he did that? No no. Maybe he should just...

"I-I made chicken soup for you"

And there was a little silence. A little silence in which that boy lifted his head up, looked up at him, blinked his eyes numbly and just stayed quiet.

So Minho spoke again.

"T-The doctor said you need energy to recover and-"

"You called a doctor?" the boy suddenly asked in a small voice, blinking at him with numb and empty eyes.

And Minho nodded nervously, thinking that he might have done something wrong. He didn't wanted to upset him.

The boy stared at him for some seconds before tilted his head to his front and blinking at the small shelf on the wall, seeing the same container he remembers from his blurry memories.

The container which had money in it.

The container which now laid sideway on the shelf, empty.

Did this boy spent all his saved money on calling him a doctor, getting this glucose bottle and buying chicken for him?

"D-Do you want the soup right no-?"

"Did you changed my cloths?"

And Minho immediately quited down when the boy looked back down on the old full sleeves t-shirt he was wearing.

"Uh, y-yes, um, y-your cloths were wet and you could've catch a cold so I just..." Minho spoke, fumbling his fingers nervously, blinking at the boy with sad eyes "I know they are a little d-dirty, but these were the only full sleeves shirt and full trousers I had..." he said, trying to be as careful as possible with his words to not trigger anything, specially after what he knew.

But he still got a little more nervous when that boy looked up again and... and it felt like... like he was waiting for him to mention it.

Mention the obvious.

But Minho didn't.

He didn't mentioned what he saw when he was changing his cloths. He didn't mentioned why the doctor was immediately concerned the moment he pulled his sleeve up for the injection.

"W-What's your name?" Minho said instead, voice as innocent and sweet, trying to stretch a soft smile on his lips, trying to send a sense of comfort to the boy.

"Jisung..." the boy quietly replied and looked back down, understanding that this boy will not mention it.

Minho smiled "You want the soup?" he asked in a sweet polite voice "I have never cooked chicken before but it tastes good" he laughed awkward "I mean, I think"

Jisung blinked up at the boy and looked back down.

"No" he suddenly said and immediately removed the blanket from above himself and shifted to his side, putting his legs down from the side of the bed.

"Thank you" he mumbled, and before Minho could reach for him to stop-

"Hey! Oh my god!" he suddenly yelped when Jisung suddenly grabbed at the infusion cannula on the back of his hand and immediately pulled it out harshly, making the blood come out and dribbled down his hand immediately.

"Hey!" Minho let out, rushing behind the boy as he proceeded to make his way towards the door to go out.

"P-Please just lay down for a bit" Minho tried to convince him with worry lacing his tongue and his heart, eyes fixed on the blood that slowly started socking the sleeve of the white t-shirt.

"Please just- CAREFUL!" he suddenly shouted and rushed, immediately holding the boy by his shoulder and arm before he could fall down when his legs suddenly gave up.

Jisung blinked with his eyes going half lidded, head feeling heavy and light at the same time.

But even before Minho could make him stand up again, he pushed him away and slowly got up on his own.

Minho immediately took his hands away, heart filling with concern as he still kept them near for safety.

"It's almost evening..." he mumbled "You can stay the night here..."

Jisung turned his head to his side and blinked at the man before turning towards the pot with chicken soup in it and his eyes immediately glossed up.

There was just a half bowl worth soup cooking in it.

He looked around and saw a small discarded plastic packet from the supermarket of a good quietly chicken laying behind the mud stove.

He looked around and his lower lip started quivering as he felt his chest getting heavy when he didn't saw any food placed anywhere. Vegetables, more chicken, fruits, nothing was there. There was only a half a bowl of soup being prepared only for him.

"N-No thank you" he mumbled, biting his lip and getting stable on his feet before turning back to the door of that small house and pushing it open, while Minho kept looking at him with sad and concerned eyes.

He felt so nervous letting go of this boy like this. He said he didn't fell in that river, what if he... again? Oh god.

On the other hand, Jisung was... drowning in guilt.

Lowering his head, eyes and heart numb, cheeks wet with quiet tears, he walked out of the house with stumbling steps, having nothing but complains in his heart to god.

Not the complains for giving him this life, but the complains for not letting him finish it, for forcing him to go on and live it.

He walked through that small peaceful village with blood dripping down from his fingers, having all these people around heading to their own houses after their long day as the sun slowly started setting, and all he could think about was guilt.

Guilt that that boy in that house jumped in that cold river for him, spent his barely enough money on him, made him food leaving nothing for himself to eat, gave him his cloths and...

And all this for who? For him?

Him who have a worthless, meaningless life. Him who was hollow inside. Him who just... who just wanted to die.

That boy should've.... he should've mentioned it. He should've asked him about it. He should been... He should've told him how disgusting his body must've looked when he changed his cloths.

Maybe then he would've felt less guilty.

Chapter Text

He closed his eyes softly, letting the warm breeze crease his face, making his hair wave in the air slowly.

It's just like that day.

Exactly this warm, exactly this peaceful and quiet, with him, exactly this much want to end it all, but now, his strength for that was gone. Maybe for a while. Maybe he can collect some courage back in sometime, close his eyes just like that day, climb up on this stone bridge wall again with an empty head and let his body, his soul, his everything go.

A loud splash of water will be unheard to the world, just like that day.

Just some more time, then maybe he will have enough strength to face and endure that pain again. And now when he knows how bad it hurts, it will be easy this time.

He slowly opened his eyes, blinking at a distance in the beautiful blue sky, before he slowly lowered his head, staring at the river he first saw 2 weeks ago and immediately thought of it as the best escape.

He blinked at the fresh running water shining under the sunlight.

"Soon" was all he mumbled before his eyes suddenly fell onto his own wrist which was laying on the stone bridge wall.

He blinked at his wrist for a few seconds, before he heartbeat started raising and he immediately pulled his sleeve till half of his palm with panic movements, hiding his wrist properly.

' "These were the only full sleeves shirt and full trousers I had..." '

He blinked as his mind repeated that voice again and again.

It has been 2 weeks since that day.

2 weeks since he came here, in this beautiful peaceful village with greenery all round. Long fresh grass, a fresh clean freely flowing river. At a little distance, people from the village working at their rice farms. Those small houses with some have animals outside. Some having cows, some a dog. Kids playing around while the adults sat under a tree to breath for a bit. It was all so peaceful.

It had so much life in it.

And from all these people, there was that one boy. That boy who... who... who was so kind.

He blinked at the village and then back at his hands, feeling his heart and mind as numb as always.

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The boy released a heavy breath as he lifted his basket full of water from the well and finally got up, pulling it over his shoulders like a bag pack.

He walked quietly, face down as always, blinking and glancing up at people from his own village working and roaming around as he made his way towards his own small land of his rice farm.

"Look! Appa got me this!"

He looked up towards the voice and saw 2 girls and 3 boys giggling excitedly, playing with a random toy that one of those girl's father bought for her from the town nearby.

He blinked at the toy as his eyes shined looking at a red toy car on the ground, moving on its own.

He blinked in curiosity and looked towards the girl and saw a remote control in her hands as she tried to learn how to use it properly, they all giggling at her silly mistakes as she bums the car every now and then onto something.

A happy smile slowly stretched onto Minho's lips when he kept looking at the remote, mesmerized by the thought of how a remote can control something which was not attached to it in any ways.

He looked back at the car and then again at the remote when his eyes suddenly caught 2 of those boys looking at him standing there.

He blinked at them as slowly all of them looked at him and then at each other awkwardly.

Minho kept looking at all of them and smiled sweetly. He knows all of them. They all of same age as him. So he smiled and lifted his hand up, waving sweetly at them with eyes shining nothing but pureness.

But sometimes that pureness is treated with harshness and rudeness in this world.

Just like the way those girls and boys didn't smiled back at him. Just like the way they didn't waved at him. Just like the way they all gave each other a look and turned around, picking up their toy and walking just a little away from the boy and back faced him, continuing to play.

And Minho? His smile slowly calmed down, his eyes slowly lost that shine, his hand slowly lowered and clutched at the strap of his basket back, and he looked down again.

It's ok. It was not the first time this has happened. It's fine.

He slowly started walking towards his farm, smiling lightly to himself as he kicks some random stones in his way, not looking up at anyone anymore.

Sometimes he thinks if he looks weird, or maybe acts weird? His cloths do look dirty and old. Well, not like his cloths were actually dirty, he wash them daily in the evening, but they are so old now that they just look dirty. Maybe that's why?

He used to play with all of them when he was a kid, and now he truly does not understand how things changed to this. Right after his parents deaths. He doesn't understand any of this.

But that's ok.

He kicked another little stone and smiled quietly at how far it went, when something suddenly caught his eyes.

A figure at a distance.

A small hill type land that connects to the road to go for the town near by, completely covered in grass and tiny flowers all over having stone stairs at one end.

He blinked and glanced up, seeing someone standing there and then looked down normally, when his face immediately swiped back at that person standing at the top stair.

That boy. It was that boy. Jisung. He remembers his name.

His eyes winded and a happy, very very happy and bubbly smile stretched on his lips when he was sure it was him.

He didn't knew why, but he felt so relived. It has been 2 weeks and he will never lie that he had this nervous feeling all the time since the day this boy left his house like that.

He immediately left one of the straps of his basket and raised his hand up fully, waving happily at the boy seeing him looking at him as well.

Oh he was so happy just to know that he was fine.

"Hey!" it was a small voice. Minho didn't shouted, didn't yelled for his voice to reach the boy, he just mumbled it to himself happily.

And Jisung? He didn't moved.

Minho's hand slowly came to a rest when that boy didn't raised his hand, wave back, or even smiled at him. Instead, Minho saw Jisung turning his head to a little left from him and stare at something.

Minho blinked as his hand slowly lowered and he turned around to see where Jisung was looking at and saw those girls and boys playing at a little distance, and his heart immediately dropped.

He turned back to look at the boy and saw him looking at those people and then again at him, still not smiling.

Now he will also think he was weird because no one talks to him.

That's... ok...

Minho blinked as his eyes lost their shine again and he slowly lowered his hand back, clutching at the strap of his basket again.

While on the other hand...

"Bitches" was that Jisung mumbled the moment he saw those people ignoring that boy.

It has been a while since he was standing there and looking at everything. The way that boy was the only person all alone around and the way these people gave him stupid judgmental looks and ignored him when he just smiled at them oh so sweetly.

He knows these kind of people, and he hates them.

He looked back at the boy and blinked when he saw him looking down, adjusting the basket on his shoulders properly, ready to walk ahead towards his farm.

Minho didn't wanted to move even one step, he just stood there numbly. He wanted to go to that boy and tell him that he was not weird. He can promise he was not. That he doesn't know why they don't talk to him. He was not weird. He was normal like everyone. That he also wants to play with them and laugh and run around and-

"Hey..."

His thoughts suddenly stopped and his mind shook at the sudden voice. He immediately turned around just to see that boy, Jisung, standing right in front of him, looking up at him with those quiet eyes.

Minho blinked for a second and a soft smile immediately appeared back on his lips, happiness suddenly filled his heart back, shine suddenly sparkled in his eyes again.

"H-Hi" he mumbled with happy nervousness and turned around smiling happily "How are you?" he asked with that sweet pure voice.

This boy, he came to talk to him. He doesn't think he is weird. Oh he felt so happy.

Jisung kept looking at the boy for some seconds, before his raised his one hand, showing the other a cloth bag, extending his hand towards him, giving him the bag.

Minho blinked as confusion appeared on his face.

"Thank you" Jisung mumbled "I washed them" he informed making Minho immediately understand what was in that bag.

"Oh" so he smiled again and held the bag "It's fine. You needed them" he said, smiling sweetly, and oh Jisung can see how pure and innocent those eyes were.

They stood there in silence for some seconds, not knowing what to say next. They didn't really had anything to had a conversation about, nor they met in any ideal situation to mention that as well.

And when Minho thought that the boy was about to say 'Bye' and turn around and leave...

Jisung suddenly turned his face around when there was a bell that rang loudly as the evening slowly started hitting.

He blinked when he saw a man with a stall at the distance, ringing an old bell attached to his stall and all the kids and some people around running and walking towards him.

"What's that?"

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They both sat on those stone stairs, a more than appropriate distance between them, both holding a hot grilled corn in their hands, quietly munching on them.

They sat there quietly, blinking at the people from the village roaming around, kids playing, some eating corns that the man was selling, some calling their kids back home as the sun slowly started setting.

"What's your name?"

Minho turned his face to his left and blinked as a smiled slowly formed on his lips realising that the boy forgot that he told him his name that day.

"Minho" he said, heart bubbling with happiness. This was the first time someone has asked him for his name. It... It has been a while since he has talked to anyone...

Besides the old lady who lives near his farm, who smiles at him, and her daughter who greets him 'Good mornings' and 'Good evenings', he doesn't have anyone to talk to.

"Lee Minho" he smiled and Jisung will not lie, he did got a little, just a little, lost for some seconds there.

This smile, it's so... so real. So pretty. So pure.

"Jisung" he finally said, not quiet returning that smile "Han Jisung"

"Hm" Minho nodded "I remember" he said and smiled before looking back to his front when Jisung looked away from him as well without any words.

Some minutes passed in silence. A comforting silence. Peaceful voice of birds crippling, orange sky, sun setting, everything so quiet and calm.

"How are you now...?"

Jisung blinked and paused for a second, knowing the depth of the question when Minho suddenly spoke, before continuing chewing on his grilled corn.

He didn't turned to face the boy, and he knew neither Minho did while asking that.

"Hm" he quietly let out "I'm fine..."

"Did you had dinner after reaching home that night?"

And Jisung's heartbeat slowed down. He kept blinking at the setting sun, slowly chewing, eyes going numb and lost.

"Hm..." he hummed numbly "I did..."

' "Jisung! Where were you from 2 days!?" '

"I went home that night and ate my dinner..."

' "We were about to call the police! Are you stupid!? Where were you!?" '

"I had chicken soup..." he mumbled mindlessly, muttering the first words that came to his mind, and Minho immediately knew he was lying.

Jisung didn't even knew Minho had turned his face to him that he was looking at him right now, he didn't knew Minho could see the tears forming in his eyes. He didn't knew... Oh hell, he didn't even knew there were tears in his eyes.

"Minho...?" and he suddenly turned to the boy with a... a smile.

First smile Minho has seen on this boy till now, and...

And that smile broke something in him.

Minho kept staring at the boy, seeing him blinking his tears with a pained and forced smile on his lips.

"Can we go to your house for a bit?" he asked, holding his sobs in his throat.

Minho... Minho wanted to wipe those tears. Je didn't knew why, he didn't knew what this boy was going through, but he knew that it was... too much. That it was killing him.

And Jisung smiled even more "I'm... tired" he tried to speak but it all came out in a heavy breath.

"I just want to rest for a bit..." he smiled "Please...?"

Maybe it was not killing him. Maybe... Maybe it has already killed him.

Maybe he was already completely broken.

Chapter Text

"For my birthday!?" he asked in pure excitement.

"Yes!" his mother announced happily as they all sat on their bed in the middle of the night just after having dinner in their small yet warm house.

"But you said we didn't have money for it...?" the boy asked, voice slowly getting small with a tiny miny guilt filling his little heart, but still picked up the packet of chocolate cream biscuits in his hands sneakily from the bed.

His father laughed "It's your birthday, Minho" he smiled "And it was not that expensive"

"Really!?" his eyes shined again "Thank you Appa! Thank you Eomma!" he giggled, hugging the packet of biscuits to his chest happily, when he suddenly looked up in confusion when his parents started getting up from the bed.

"Where are you going, Eomma?" he asked and looked at the small clock on the wall above their bed, seeing it at 11 in the night, knowing it was time to sleep.

"Some work" the man replied as they both smiled at him.

"Come on, lay down" the woman smiled at her son and patted his head making him smile happily.

"When will you return?" Minho asked holding his biscuits and looking up at them with big eyes.

"Soon" she replied and bent down, placing a sweet kiss on the boy's head "Try to sleep, hm"

"Before my birthday?" he asked, showing them a toothy happy smile, knowing they will obviously return before the clock ticks 12.

"Hm" they both smiled "Before your birthday"

They both left the house, and Minho laid down on the bed in his spot.

In the middle of the bed, waiting for his Eomma and Appa to come and hug him and sleep. Just like every night.

He held the packet of biscuits to his chest and giggled. He really wanted to eat them, but he decided to wait till his birthday comes. Just one hour. Oh he was so excited.

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"Eomma!?" the boy called as he slowly and nervously stepped out of the house, looking around with a scared heart.

It has been 15 mins above midnight and his parents have still not returned.

"Eomma!?" he called as he slowly walked out looking everywhere. He was scared going out in the middle of the night, in all this darkness, but he was getting way more scared laying quietly on the bed for the past hour with no voice, no sound at all.

He walked in tiny steps, looking to his right when-

"Ow!" he let out when he suddenly bumped into something.

He rubbed his head with his little hand and looked in his front and oh... Oh god... no.

"E-Eomma..."

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"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THOSE ASSHOLES HUNG THEMSELVES!?" a man shouted on top of his lungs "THEY OWE ME MONEY! THAT ASSHOLE TOOK MONEY FROM ME YESTERDAY SAYING HIS SON'S BIRTHDAY WAS COMING! MOTHERFUCKER!"

"WHAT ARE YOU SHOUTING ABOUT!? I LEND THEM MONEY TOO!"

"THEY TOOK MONEY FROM ME TOO-!"

"SHUT UP!" all the men suddenly quited down and turned towards the door of the small house only to see a lady walking in with angry expressions, shoving one of them away as she walked towards the bed.

"ARE YOU ALL FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MINDS!?" she shouted and immediately hugged the boy sitting on the bed tightly.

The boy they all forgot about.

The boy who woke the whole village up in the middle of the night with his screeching and crying of pure agony, hugging his mother's feet.

His mother who was... hanging to a tree with a rope around her neck with his father hanging right next to her.

"CAN YOU ALL STOP ABOUT YOUR MONEY AND THINK ABOUT HIM FOR A FUCKING SECOND!?" the lady shouted as she held the boy who was... not crying anymore. Who was so speaking anything anymore, just staring at the ground and holding that packet of biscuits in his hand loosely.

"YES! OK! BUT I WANT MY MONEY BAC-"

"SO WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" the lady immediately yelled "YOU WANT AN 11 YEAR OLD TO RETURN YOUR MONEY!?"

"What..." they all suddenly quited down when another woman spoke in a small voice, making them turn towards her.

"What is this...?" she asked in disbelief as he bent and picked up a packet hidden behind the mud stove.

"R-Rat poison....?" she mumble and the lady holding the boy immediately froze.

Her eyes winded as all the people in that house immediately understood.

She turned back to the boy in her arms and snatched the biscuit packet from his hands and her blood immediately dried out when she saw the packet opened and 2 biscuits less in it.

She snapped her head towards the boy with her eyes wide "Did you eat them!?" she asked, panic rasing in her chest.

"Minho! Did you you eat them!?" she yelled and shook the boy, but when he didn't replied, she immediately held the boy up in her arms and carried him up and outside the house and immediately shoved her two fingers in his mouth, reaching for the back of his throat.

"Spit it out!" she yelled, rubbing at his back to make him vomit out the biscuits.

"MINHO SPIT IT OUT!" she yelled startling the boy, tapping on his back harshly and Minho immediately vomited out, coughing painfully.

She rubbed his back and immediately hugged him tightly "Oh thank god" she whispered, wiping the boy's mouth with her hand and hugging him back, getting tensed that he was not crying and was actually in a state of shock.

"Those assholes tried to kill their own son?" a man spoke as all the people walked out from the boy's house with still an annoyed look on their faces.

"Disgusting" someone commented as more people from the village started waking up and gathering around them because of the noises.

The lady hugged the boy tightly and glared up at them "Can you all stop-"

"How the fuck will I get my money back now!?" one of the men spouted "They took money from all of us and when they were done, they killed themselves! What do you expect me to do!?"

"Do whatever you want, but you will not fucking get on the conclusion of making this kid pay for what his parents took!" she immediately yelled back leaving no room for any sort of argument "Not right now! Not when he grow up!"

The men looked at each other in annoyance as the lady turned to the boy in her hands and cupped his face in a careful loving hold.

"Minho, baby, you can live with us ok, it's ok, I'm here-"

"What!? No mom! He is not fucking coming and living with us!"

The lady snapped her face around and saw her elder son standing there with anger in his eyes "We are not some rich asses, mom. I have my kids, my wife and you to feed, he is not living with us! Don't even think about it!"

The lady looked at her son with worried eyes "Then how do you think he will live!? He is just 11-"

"Like we all do!" one of the men yelled "His father had a land, he must've taught him about planting and everything, and if not, he will learn!"

"Yes! We are not his parents!" someone else shouted from the crowd "And specially when his parents took money from us-"

"He is a child of our village..." the lady suddenly spoke in a defeated and disappointed voice "Why are you all-"

"Wait!" a man suddenly spoke, making everyone turn towards him "His father... that motherfucker had the land bigger than me!" he said, suddenly ringing the same idea in everyone else's mind.

"No!" the lady immediately restored, but that was of no use now.

"If he can't give the money back, I need a part of his land! That's it!"

"Yes! Exactly! Me as well!"

"What!?" the lady immediately stood up, holding the boy close to her tightly "You are going to take a child's land from him then how will earn and eat!? You just said he can survive on his own by farming like all of us and then you are taking his land-"

"Julie!"

And everybody immediately quited down.

They all turned towards their left and saw an older man with strict and scary expression on his face, eyes speaking power, with his hand behind his back.

"Nobody here is wrong" he spoke in calm yet powerful and commanding voice "Not you and not them-"

"How are they not wrong!?" Julie immediately resorted "They are talking about taking the poor kid's land!? It's not fai-"

"And so is them not getting the money in any way which was taken by his parents" the old man spoke and walked towards the lady and the boy she was hiding behind her.

"I understand that it was not his fault nor it is his responsibility to pay back, and yes, no one will ask him pay back anything. But you need to understand that the land we are talking about is also not his. It belongs to someone who took money from these people so he could feed his family" he said and looked down at the boy "The whole land will not be taken from him, but yes, portions which these people deserve will be"

"That land is already not that big, is not fair-"

"They all are not getting the equal proportions of land of what money they lent to his father " the man spoke raising his voice, looking at the lady with sharp eyes.

"Life is never fair, Julie. Get over it" was the last thing he spoke and immediately turned around, walking away.

Julie stood there with a broken heart and a numb child behind her as most of the people started walking away after the head of village and made their ways to their houses, mumbling things among themselves.

She looked at her son still standing there with her and then turned back to the boy and crouched down, softly cupping his face.

And Minho? He was just numb. He was not looking at her or anyone . He just stood their with his hands to his sides, head low and tears pooling in his eyes.

She looked at the boy and then at his house's opened door, all dark and empty and cold inside.

"Y-You..." she mumbled as her stomach upsets the more she kept looking at that house "You can't live in there... No" she mumbled and looked back at the boy "Come on. Let's go home-"

"Mom!" her son immediately spoke "I told you, I'm not taking him in-"

"Just some days" she asked, almost begging her son "Please. Look at him... Please..."

It was just 20 days that she was able to keep the boy in her house, and then it got difficult to feed him, so then, here he was, standing in the middle of his house in the middle of the night, darkness all around as he kept blinking at the empty bed, clutching at his sleeves, alone and scared.

He lowered his head shakily when his stomach suddenly made a noise and a pain hit immediately.

He clutched at his tummy as tears formed in his eyes.

He looked towards the mud stove his Eomma used to cook on and saw a pot laying on there.

He blinked at the pot as he made his way towards it, slowly kneeling down on the floor and removing the plate covering it and a tiny sob immediately left his lips when he saw a small portion of cooked rice laying in there with mold all over it.

It was laying there for 20 days. His Eomma made this for dinner the night they....

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"Coming!" the voice came from inside of the house as he waited patiently after knocking on one of his friends door.

"Who's there at this tim- Minho?" the woman, his friends mother, suddenly let out as she opened the door and saw a small 11 year old standing there with his fists tightly closed, looking so so scared and vulnerable.

"A-Aunty-"

"What are you doing here at this hour?"

The boy immediately startled with the sudden raise of voice and the sudden bitterness in the tone.

He lowered his head even more "S-Sorry, I... D-Do you h-have something to e-eat...?" he mumbled, his lower lip quivered as he kept looking down "I-I'm hungry and-"

"We just had dinner" the lady immediately said in a stern voice and stepped back from the door, making the little boy look up "Sorry, nothing is left. Go home" and the door closed.

And the last thing Minho saw before the door was shut close on his face was the husband of the lady eating dinner in the back on the table.

He stared at the door for some seconds as his tears dried off, and he slowly turned around.

He lowered his head and clutched at his tummy when his stomach ached again.

He sniffled and turned towards his house when-

"If I saw you playing with him again, you will not get food as well!"

He turned his head around when the loud voice came from inside of the house.

"Stay away from him! Do you understand!?"

He blinked, not understanding exactly what was and why it was happening, before he lowered his head again and quietly walked towards his house.

He blinked at the biscuits scattered on the bed where Julie threw them that day, now covered in ants and insects, almost all eaten.

He stared at them numbly, when his stomach growled again.

He clutched tightly onto his stomach and then looked back at the pot laying on the mud stove.

He looked back at the bed, seeing ants eating the biscuits and slowly turned towards the stove and picked up the pot, removing the plate from above.

He blinked at the molded rice and lifted his hand shakily, slowly reaching for the rice.

He carefully removed the rice on the top with mold and placed them on the palte on his side, cleaning the mold the best he could.

He looked at his fingers and blinked seeing them covered in grey and black mold with some dirty rice grains and slowly reached for his t-shirt, cleaning them roughly, before reaching in the pot again and picking up a small amount of rice and bringing up to his lips.

He shakily parted his lips, blinking rapidly when tears started forming in his eyes as he took the sticky and almost slimy rice in his mouth, slowly chewing on them as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

He gulped down the rice and suddenly blinked and turned around towards the bed when he remembered something.

He slowly kept the pot of rice down and wiped his tears with the back of his hand and got up, rushing towards the bed and immediately crouched down and pulled out of small old wooden table from under the bed and stood up picking the table with him.

He carefully turned the small table around and placed in the middle of the house and stood up walking towards the pot, picking it up and coming back, placing it on the table.

He stood up again and got up on the bed and stood on his toes and raised his hand fully up to reach a very old photo frame hanging on the wall beside the wall clock.

He carefully reached for the small photo frame and bought it down.

He got off the bed and finally looked at the picture in the frame and blinked with numb eyes.

It was an old, very very old picture. His Eomma, his Appa and him. He was a small small baby when this was taken. Just some months old.

His Appa had told him how they collected money for their first family picture back then when he was born and that they wanted one more now that he has all grown up.

Guess life doesn't wanted that for them.

There were no tears in his eyes as he quietly wiped the dust off the picture and sat down on the floor by the table, placing the picture frame on the table in front of him as he sat down with the pot in his hands.

Maybe he will never have his parents sitting like this in front of him, eating, just like they did every night but... But that's ok.

It's ok that he was now all- '

"Alone?"

"Hm?"

Jisung looked as Minho turned around with a hum, crouching down to the pot placed on the floor filled with water, while he himself sat on the bed.

"You?" Jisung asked again in a softer tone "You live here alone?"

Minho smiled "Hm" he replied and turned back to the pot and filled water in a steel glass with the help of another glass he keeps there and turned back around, getting up.

Jisung blinked and looked up as Minho came and stood in front of him, extending his hands, holding a plate with a glass of water on it, offering it to him with a sweet sweet smile.

Jisung smiled slightly and picked up the glass, muttering a small "Thank you"

Minho smiled and placed the plate on the side and quietly sat down on the small stool in front of the bed at the little distance.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked in the most caring voice Jisung has ever heard in his life.

Jisung slowly looked up at the boy and smiled before looking back down and drinking the water in his hands.

"Hm" he hummed, placing the glass down on his own lap "I'm better. Thank you"

Minho smiled lovingly and they both sat there in a small silence.

It was peaceful. None of them were awkward about the silence that stretched until...

"Uh..." Jisung suddenly let out, looking down "T-Thank you for that day..." he mumbled, making Minho blink at him dumbly "I... I'm sorry for causing you trouble"

Minho blinked at him and saw Jisung pulling his hand to his back pocket of his jeans and fish out something.

"Thank you so so much for calling a doctor and making food for me" Jisung said and took some cash from his pocket, extending his hand towards the boy "Thank you so so much" he smiled, or atleast he tried to.

Minho blinked at the money in the boy's hand and then up at him and then finally smiled.

"Do you still want to end your life?"

And oh, the question shook Jisung to his core.

"W-Wha-"

"If you still want to jump in that river one day, I will happily take this" Minho smiled softly "Maybe adding some more to it I can get good medicines for you this time"

And Jisung numbed.

He never thought this boy, or anyone will ever address this topic this directly to his face.

Minho smiled at the boy politely and tilted his head sweetly "You want me to take it?" he asked in a soft assuring voice.

A voice, a smile, an assurance that he was... that Jisung was safe somehow. That maybe it was ok?

Was it?

Was everything happens in this boy's life was just ok? Was everything he have seen, he just smiles and think that it's ok and moves on?

Jisung didn't knew that. But what he knew, was that he was feeling his throat tighten and heart lighten.

There was painful cries that were building up in his chest and a light relief that crossed through his heart.

There was something in this smile, in those eyes.

Love. Affection. Care. Gentleness... Purity.

There were no filters on this face, in that voice.

This boy... His smiles were actually happy, the shine in his eyes was actually adorable, the care in his voice was so so genuine. Oh this boy-

"Why did you do it?"

Jisung was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts as he immediately lowered his head when he realised he was staring right in Minho's face.

And Minho immediately pressed his lips together "Sorry!" he panicked, obviously knowing it was a wrong, very very wrong question.

"I-I'm so so sorry, I shouldn't-"

"Uh, I... m-my boyfriend dumped me... so I..."

There was a silence, and this was definitely a very very uncomfortable one.

Jisung just kept looking down, not knowing why he felt obligated to tell his reason to this boy, and Minho?

Well, he has his own mind running and thinking-

"Your 'girlfriend'?" he asked, clearly purely confused.

Jisung frowned and looked up finally to the boy's eyes and titled his head, "Boyfriend" he repeated "I clearly said 'Boyfriend'"

He wanted to feel offended, thinking this boy was going to homophobic and not as pure hearted as he thought, but... Oh god Minho looked actually genuinely confused.

"But..." Minho mumbled, tilting his head in pure confusion "You... You are a boy. You should be the 'boyfriend'" he said, pointing a finger at the boy with tiny movements.

"Wha-" and Jisung immediately chuckled.

Nah. He can't get offended by this face. Nuh-uh.

Minho was so so purely innocent. Oh lord.

"I can be the boyfriend too" Jisung smiled and laughed a little, completely missing to notice that he was... he was laughing. He was smiling. Genuinely.

"But... There is a girlfriend and a boyfriend... right?" Minho asked, getting confused and completely puzzled "And then they marry?"

And Jisung smiled "Hm. There are" he answered "And there can be 2 boyfriends or 2 girlfriends too" he smiled "And they marry too"

Minho blinked with a cute frown and a tiny tilt of his head "2 boyfriends?" he mumbled "So I can also have a boyfriend?"

And no. Jisung didn't knew why his cheeks turned pink. No. He didn't knew why his heart suddenly jumped. Nope. He didn't knew what happened in that one second, but it's ok. He was back to the earth.

"Hm" he smiled "If you like boys"

"Oh?" Minho let out, still as a question, trying to take in this new heavy information, when-

"Oh shit!" Jisung suddenly yelped and jumped up when he accidentally tilted the half filled glass of water onto his own lap.

"Oh!" Minho rushed and immediately held the galss from his hand "Wait! I'll bring a towel for you!" he said and immediately rushed out of the house to get the towel which was hanging on the wire outside with his other cloths.

Jisung blinked at the boy running out and then to his left at the small shelf by the bed.

He blinked at the small container laying there and slowly walked towards it.

He thought thousands of times before finally deciding on picking it up and looking in it, only to see two scrunched up notes and some coins in it.

He blinked at the money, and then at the money in his own hand.

He knew this boy has no intentions of accepting his money, so he did what came as the best idea in his mind.

He quickly placed the container back on the shelf, quickly took just 3 notes from the money he bought for returning to Minho, and scrunched each note separately, before shoving them roughly into the container.

"Here!"

He startled and turned around when Minho rushed in, and immediately moved away from the shelf.

"Here. Towel" Minho smiled, extending his hand and... Oh... Oh god.

Jisung blinked at the man in front of him and oh this smile.

"T-Thank you" he mumbled, looking away from Minho's eyes and taking the towel, rubbing it over his thigh just a little before putting the towel down on the bed and turning back to Minho again.

"I should go now" he mumbled with a small smile "It has gotten dark and-"

"You are not staying for dinner?"

Jisung slowly looked up and oh the shine that Minho's eyes had this whole time suddenly seemed so dull.

"Uh..." he looked back down and then at the mud stove with limited food placed on its side.

"No..." he mumbled, eyes getting a little sad "I should go..." he said and smiled lightly before bowing his head to the boy "Thank you so much for everything"

Minho blinked with his heart getting sadder with each step Jisung took towards the door of the house. He really thought Jisung would be staying for dinner when he asked him to come to his house.

Jisung sighed and placed his first foot out of the house-

"Please don't do it again..."

And his body numbed.

He didn't had the power to turn around after those words. So he just quietly walked out with an uneasy feeling covering his heart.

While inside the house...

Minho stood by the bed with a shrinking heart and a tiny, very very tiny pout on his face as he blinked at the uncooked rice and dried fish placed by the mud stove and then at the small wooden table under his bed.

"Will he come back again...?"

Chapter Text

"It's my turn first!"

Minho suddenly startled and stumbled back when he was suddenly pulled back by his t-shirt when he was about to get his chance to fill water from the well.

He stumbled a little and saw a girl pushing him away and taking up his chance in the line to fill water first.

He blinked and looked at the 3 women standing behind him in the line, almost glaring at him. So he quietly looked down, picked his basket up and walked to the end of the line and stood there, waiting for his chance again.

He doesn't feel bad about these things. Maybe that girl needed water urgently? It's ok. It's not like he was in any hurry anyways.

He quietly waited until it was finally his turn again.

He smiled, finally throwing the bucket into the well, now all alone there as everybody took water before him. He took a deep breath and pulled on the rope, pulling the filled bucket up from the well.

It has been two week and oh how bad he looks and waits for him everyday.

Everyday he looks up, stares at the road just to see if he has came back, but he never saw him again. Everyday for these past 15 days he would walk to the river atleast 5 times a day, just to see if he was standing at the bridge, but no, he was never there.

Jisung. This boy. He was... he was like a cold pillow, like a warm blanket. He gave the feeling of... Home to Minho. A home which he never felt in those four walls he lives in, still scared at nights, all alone. A home that he tired to find in this village but this... these people, this place, they never felt like his own ever.

But that boy did. He felt like home.

This village, Minho has been finding his home in this village since the night his parents died, but he never did. His own home he and his Eomma and Appa used to laugh and giggle in never felt like home after that night. It was just a roof over his head with a cold bed stuffed with nightmares.

He knew once he used to feel home there, but that feeling now has gotten so old that he barely remembers it.

It's like, he was just living and living and living, but for what? He didn't knew and he never thought of it.

Until this boy came.

Jisung. A pretty name. A pretty pretty smile. A soft voice. A warm heart.

He knew he doesn't know the boy by any means. They have met only 2 times and the first time was, well it can not be considered as a 'meeting' in any ways and they barely talked in the second time.

Guess Minho has just became empty.

Just a small interaction with someone, a stranger was feeling like home. Has he really became so empty?

Maybe because that boy talked to him? Maybe because he didn't gave him weird looks? Maybe because he didn't made him feel like a black sheep?

He didn't knew.

He finally pulled the bucket out for the last time, dumping the water in his own basket, filling it up fully before placing the steel bucket onto the wall of the well and crouched down to pick up his own basket on his back.

He took a deep breath and picked up the basket by the straps over his shoulders, making some water to splash out and wet him a little as he adjusted the basket properly.

He took some steps and stopped as he looked up towards the road with hope in his eyes, just for that hope to get crushed when he didn't saw him there again.

Minho sighed as he looked down and took another step when-

A sudden gasp left his lips as he suddenly stumbled a little when the weight of his basket suddenly reduced as the basket got lifted lightly up from his back, reducing the pressure and weight from his back.

He clutched at the straps and turned his head behind and-

"Looks pretty heavy"

Oh how his eyes shined and lips smiled brightly when he saw him. Jisung, holding his basket, lifting it up a little.

"Hi" Jisung said with a small smile, tilting his head sweetly, his heart melting at how bright Minho's face got the moment he saw him.

A surprised happy gasp left Minho's lips as he suddenly turned around, completely forgetting the weight of the basket, splashing more water around.

"Hey hey! Careful!" Jisung let out in concern when Minho suddenly stumbled in the process, almost falling back and getting more wet.

"Hi!" Minho said, competently ignoring everything, sounding so excited and happy "How are you!?"

Jisung blinked dumbly at the boy and... oh fuck.

He knew his cheeks were red.

It has been pretty long since he felt like this. These butterflies in his tummy, this heat on his cheeks, this tingle in his chest. Last time it happend was when he was 13? 14? When one of his classmates complimented his hair randomly.

The day he realised why he never found the prettiest girl of the class that pretty.

The day he cried to sleep, refused to go to school for the next week and drowned into guilt and depression in his bed.

The day when he gave himself a memorable scare for the first time in the middle of the night, scooted in the corner of his bathroom.

It was until he came in terms with himself. Until he forgave himself for the first time, for that only thing.

"I-I'm good" he mumbled with a soft smile, slowly looking down as his heart thumped when Minho blinked at him with those beautiful eyes and that pretty smile.

This was the second time he was feeling this way and free from those thoughts he killed himself with back then, this felt so ticklish.

"Me too!" Minho suddenly beamed and Jisung chuckled, not on how happy and bubbly this boy was, but on himself, because oh this feeling of having a crush was so cute. Specially on someone you can't find a single thing to not like about. Someone this sweet and innocent.

"I... I thought you will not come here again" Minho said with a small chuckle, looking down in a sweet embarrassment.

He doesn't know what this attachment towards this complete stranger was, but he feels good having someone to smile to, someone to talk to, even for just a bit. He feels so so good.

"I thought that too" Jisung mumbled under his breath and finally looked up with a soft smile.

"You are going to your farm?" he asked, blinking sweetly at the boy.

"Hm" Minho smiled "I was just going-"

"Can I come with you?" Jisung asked and smiled even more as a request.

God, he doesn't remember when he smiled so much last time.

Ok, yes, some of these ones are also fake and forced, but not because he was faking them, no, he wanted to smile, to him, for him, he didn't want Minho to worry and lose his smile because of him. He was forcing them because he really wanted to smile, he wanted to genuinely smile, but guess he have just forgotten how to.

"I will sit quietly I promise" he said when Minho didn't replied a 'Yes. Of course' immediately "I can even help you if you wan-"

"No!" Minho suddenly let out in a raised voice making Jisung blink at him dumbly in confusion.

"N-No, uh, I mean..." Minho laughed a little nervously and looked down "I mean, I-I don't have work today" he laughed "I was just going home"

Jisung frowned "But you just now said you were going to your fiel-"

"Oh, that.." Minho laughed awkwardly, trying to cover up "That just came out in a hurry" he lied.

"But-"

"We can go to the back hill instead!" Minho immediately suggested, trying to change the topic of going to his field.

"Back hill?" Jisung asked with a small frown and curiousness.

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Minho smiled seeing Jisung blinking and looking everywhere with big eyes, adoring the surroundings they were sitting in.

A small hill behind where the forest starts at the edge of the village.

There was the same river that flows quietly with fresh and soft grass all around with colorful tiny flowers allover. It was like a pretty garden you see in your dream.

Not many villagers come here. Adults do their work in the day time and it's not safe to come here after the sun sets because of the danger of wild animals. And as the river is there, the kids are not allowed to cross the boundaries of the village as well, so it's quiet and lonely most of the time.

And Minho likes it this way.

His whole life has been quiet, but this quiet somehow gives him his peace and calm.

"It's so pretty!" Jisung let out in an amused voice and finally looked at Minho with big eyes "You always come here!?"

Minho blinked at the boy and oh his heart felt so happy at how amused and amazed and thrilled Jisung looked but...

But can't ignore the dullness in his eyes.

He can't ignore how he looked so thrilled, yet so... so dull and numb. His eyes have no shine, no life to them. Although his eyes are all wide and amazed, they still were so grey, so lifeless.

"Hm" but he just smiled "Sometimes" he replied and chuckled when Jisung kept looking around with big eyes.

And soon, there was silence.

They sat quietly in their little space, saying nothing, just hearing those little noises of birds chirping and squirrels running around, the peaceful sound of the river flowing and fishes jumping occasionally.

Jisung sat there with his legs stretched and hands resting in the soft grass, blinking at the river, as Minho sat there with his keens raised up, hands folded over them and chin resting over his hands, smiling softly.

"You are from the nearby town?"

Jisung blinked and turned his head towards the boy "No" he answered softly "From the city"

And Minho's eyes immediately winded as he snapped his head towards him "You come here from that far!?" he asked with shocked eyes making the boy smile.

"Hm" Jisung smiled and looked back at the river "Wish I was never born there" he mumbled quietly.

And Minho didn't liked the smile he saw when those words came out of his mouth.

"You think we would've been friends if I was born here?" Jisung suddenly asked, turning his face back to Minho with a beautiful smile that only screamed ugly pain.

Minho blinked at the boy numbly "Are..." he let out in a quiet voice "Are we... friends?"

Jisung looked at the boy and oh he hates when that beautiful shine disappears from those eyes.

"Are we not?" he asked instead of answering and saw Minho blinking at him and then turn his face back to the river quietly.

He smiled and turned to the river as well as the silence took over between them again. But it lasted just some minutes before...

"How old are you?" Jisung suddenly asked, and this time none of them turned to face each other.

"22" Minho answered in a soft voice "You?" he asked.

"21" Jisung said, turning his face to the boy "Should I call you 'Hyung' then?" he chuckled.

Minho turned towards him and chuckled softly "That will feel weird now" he said as they both giggled lightly, looking at each other and...

And they quited down. Slowly their giggles stopped, slowly they fell quiet and they... they didn't looked away.

Jisung blinked at the older with a sweet smile, eyes filled with adoration and Minho sighed looking at him with a soft loving smile on his lips.

"You hide a lot behind that smile, right?"

And Minho's smile immediately dulled.

Jisung sighed with a soft smile before looking away again "Let those cries out before they start eating you alive" he mumbled with a constant empty smile.

Minho blinked, trying his best to stretch his lips up but god they suddenly felt so heavy.

"I-I... I d-don't-" Minho tried to chuckle and smile back when...

His whole body, his mind suddenly numbed when he felt a light pressure on his head.

He blinked with little wide eyes as Jisung smiled at him, slowly ruffling his hair with his fingers.

Jisung didn't say anything, nor did Minho needed any words. It was just a quiet comfort. A comfort Jisung knew the other needed.

And it was enough.

Oh hell it was more than enough for Minho's heart to feel something he has never felt before. He doesn't know nkr he understood what it was, but it was painful. A painful wave of a sudden emotion. He didn't knew which one, but god it felt like somthing sharp just opened a half healed wound that he didn't even knew was there in him.

Minho stayed like this, his knees folded up, his hands resting onto his knees and cheek rested onto his hands, blinking numbly at the younger as Jisung kept his hand there for some seconds before he took it away with a soft caress and looked back at the river.

They stayed like this, Minho blinking at the Jisung, lost somewhere, and Jisung staring at the river, lost somewhere else.

"Next time I come here, promise me to take me to your field" Jisung suddenly said and looked back at the older with a soft smile, and oh how Minho's heart immediately smiled.

Forgetting about the 'take me to your field', all his brain, his heart could focus on was the promise of meeting again, of him coming here again.

A happy smile suddenly appeared on his lips and he parted them to say something when...

He immediately froze.

Jisung gasped with his eyes going big and thrilled again.

"Stay still!" he almost whisper-yelled blinking at the butterfly that came and sat on Minho's nose, flapping it's beautiful wings calmly.

Minho stayed froze with his cheek pressed to his hands, eyes wide and lips parted a little.

"Wait wait!" Jisung whispered as he proceeded to reach out for his phone in his pocket with slow movements to not make the butterfly scare away.

Minho blinked as he slowly got crossed eyes, trying to look at the butterfly sitting on his nose, and oh Jisung's heart melted.

"Smile"

Minho blinked and moved his eyes up seeing Jisung holding a phone in front of him, ready to click his picture, smiling brightly.

"Minho smile, quick!" he whisper-yelled again and looked at Minho with scolding eyes, making the older blink at him nervously.

Minho looked back at the butterfly, eyes crossing lightly again when he suddenly heard a click sound making him move his eyes up again.

"Smile smile!" Jisung demanded again, clicking rapid pictures anyways, not wanting to miss any accidental good frame.

Minho blinked dumbly and slowly stretched an awkward forced smile, and Jisung immediately groaned.

"Not like this, Minho" he pouted "Smile happily, like... uh..." he thought as he still held the camera up "Ok! Think about something that made you the happiest in your life" he said with a big smile on his own face with the idea popping in.

"Something! Anything! Something that made you want to smile and laugh and just happy!" Jisung beamed "The happiest moment of your life!"

' "Hey..." '

Minho blinked as his heart thumped in his chest, eyes going fixed on the boy behind the phone.

The happiest moment of his life?

' "Thank you for that day... I washed them" '

Something that made him want to smile?

' "Hi"

"Looks pretty heavy" '

"Minho smile! Quick!" Jisung almost whined when Minho, instead of smiling, went more and more numb.

But... Those numb eyes... They were not blank or awkward anymore.

Jisung slowly blinked at the screen of the phone, seeing those eyes slowly getting filled with thousands of emotions... looking at him instead of the camera.

He clicked a picture and held the phone still in the same place, seeing Minho's body go relax as he kept staring at him with his eyes filled with... Oh he didn't knew what was there in those eyes that kept looking at him like he was the only thing that matters for them.

They both kept looking at each other, Minho through his numb yet soft eyes and Jisung through the screen, seeing those eyes going softer and softer with each blink, with their hearts beating rapidly in their chests.

Jisung suddenly blinked rapidly and immediately lowered his camera with shaky movements, not daring to look into Minho's eyes when the butterfly suddenly flew away.

"I-I told you to smile" he mumbled, trying to cover up and not create a thick air between them, while Minho?

Minho finally smiled.

He didn't said anything. He just let out a small quiet sigh and turned his head to his front and closed his eyes, slowly taking in a new found realization that hit his heart today.

A realization that... People can smile the widest, the purest, the happiest without actually forcing their lips up.

A realization that a person's heart, their eyes can actually smile. With a sweet sweet tug, the heart can smile the realest that one can experience.

Chapter Text

"Minho!" Jisung yelped and laughed breathlessly "Why are you running so fast!?" he shouted with a laugh as he ran behind the man, stumbling a little in the process.

The man who was holding his wrist, dragging him with him towards the village.

"It's evening!" Minho yelled back and ran quickly through the small lane of trees.

It felt like a faded dream you wake up with in the morning to.

Running through fresh grass with huge trees around, sky painted in beautiful shades of pink and orange as the sun slowly set behind those mountains afar, as a little soul which gave your heart a rest, a peace, holding your wrist, like he was forcing you to live, to just close your eyes and run out of the misery, run out to a flower field he will take you to and keep you happy with him, forever and ever.

Jisung laughed "Ok, but why are you running so fast!?" he asked again, trying to match the man's speed to not fall down.

"Because you will leave again!"

Oh the way Jisung's little laughter slowly quited down. He blinked at the man and a sweet smile formed on his lips.

But it was not a dream afterall. It was reality. There was no field of flowers behind these trees waiting for him, there was a village with people he doesn't know. Minho was not a soul who was dragging him out of his misery, Minho was himself a little soul trapped in his own misery. He does not have a happy forever and ever. It was the reality.

It was his reality.

"I will not leave early today, Minho!" he suddenly shouted back and-

"OW!" he immediately yelped the next second when the man running in front of him suddenly stopped dead in his tracks causing him to crash in him and fall down on his hips.

"Ow!" Jisung whined again and rubbed his butt, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

"Sorry!" Minho immediately kneeled down on the grass in front of the boy with concern filling his eyes "Sorry sorry" he repeated and moved his hands to hold the boy, but immediately pulling them back "Sorry"

Jisung finally looked up and huffed a laugh "You stupid!" he whined and hit a light punch on the man's chest.

And a sudden smile appeared on the older's lips

"Sorry" Minho apologiesed sweetly and smiled to the boy "But..." he mumbled, making Jisung look up and blink at him "You will not leave early today?"

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"Where are we going?"

"Hm?" Minho looked to his side and smiled seeing Jisung looking at him with curious eyes "To buy fish" he answered and smiled when Jisung nodded, quietly walking with him.

"You like fish and rice, right?"

Jisung blinked and looked to his side and a little up at the man "You mean fish and gravy and rice?" he asked curiously, mouth already watering at the mention of food.

"O-Oh uh..." Minho's smile suddenly got nervous as his heart slowly sunk a little "N-No, I mean... Boiled fish and rice...?" he asked, slowly looking down with a setting heart. He doesn't know how to make gravy. And even if he did, he can't afford to buy ingredients for it. He could only collect enough money to buy salt for himself in every 2 months, and his everyday food does not include buying fresh fish for dinner either.

"Boiled fish?" Jisung mumbled in a question "You mean, with salt? And white rice?"

Minho smiled awkwardly as he kept looking forward, walking towards where he purchase his dry fishes from.

"Hm" he hummed quietly, not wanting to look at the younger's most probably disappointed face.

Jisung was from the city, and by the cloths he wears, Minho knew he was not even near 'poor'.

On one hand where Minho have his old white plain t-shirt and mustard color knee length shorts on he has been wearing for years, with his shorts loosing its threats at its end from serval parts and his white t-shirt almost turned into a dirty yellow from being so old, having several permanent stains on it.

And on the other hand, Jisung always had fully washed and ironed and good smelling cloths on. A dark blue jacket with a plain white shirt underneath, and a pair of dark blue jeans. He looked... really good. These were the only words Minho's mind could come up with, so yeah, Jisung looked really good.

And this 'Really good' tells Minho that, he was not on any level as near this boy. Jisung was from the city, he probably eats fabulous dishes, tasty street food, beverages with his food, desserts after dinner, fruits and god know what. So he was nervous about asking him to stay for dinner.

He knew he doesn't have fancy or even a food with tasty flavors to offer to him but...

But he really wants to eat with someone.

Just... Just for one night, for one time, he wants to feel someone's presence. Anyone. Anyone who would sit in front of him and eat. Even if that person doesn't talk to him or even acknowledge him at all, he will be happy. Just for once.

"I-It's ok if you don't l-like-"

"No" Jisung suddenly said, smiling sweetly to himself "I have had boiled fish and white rice before" he laughed "I sprinkle salt on every bite on my fish"

And oh how Minho's face brightened back up.

It was not that late right now, so Jisung will not leave so quick. Oh he was so so happy. He can have his dinner early today and then he will sleep early so he won't feel hungry afterwards, it's ok.

"Ok, wait here! I'll bring the fishes" Minho suddenly said, stopping Jisung right in front of a house in the village.

Jisung blinked and looked towards the house and saw an old lady sitting outside on the chair.

"Aunty!" Minho chirpped and bowed to the lady from afar "Is noona inside?" he asked and bowed down to the lady when she nodded with a smile without any words.

Minho smiled back and turned back towards Jisung "Wait here, ok?"

"Why are you talking to her from so far?" Jisung suddenly asked with curiousness, not understanding why were they standing at such an unnecessary distance from the house and the lady.

And Minho immediately panicked "Uh.." he laughed nervously "I-It's nothing like that" he laughed "I-I'll bring the fishes" he said and before Jisung could say anything further, he immediately turned around and rushed towards the small shop beside the house.

Jisung blinked seeing Minho go away, not understanding why he was standing so awkwardly far away from everything, when...

"Hey kid!"

He immediately turned his head towards the voice and saw the old lady waving her hand at him, gesturing him to come closer to her.

"Me?" Jisung asked, pointing a finger at himself with little wide eyes.

"Hm" the lady smiled "You kid. Come here" she said and chuckled.

Jisung looked at the shop beside the house Minho went in and then at the lady before walking up to her with unsure steps.

"Yes?" he asked in a small voice, bowing down to her formally.

"Who are you?" she asked, giving the boy a suspicious yet smiley eyes.

Jisung looked at her nervously "Uh..."

He wanted to say 'Friend'. Minho's friend. But he didn't knew if he got that spot or not. He asked Minho 'Are we not?' and Minho didn't answered. So maybe he just sees him as a stranger he met 2 times and nothing else? And it was fair. How can they become friends or even known by meeting 3 times in the span of almost a month?

"I am... uh..."

He knew people in some villages can be very conservative and not that welcoming towards outsiders, and in many cases they don't even like outsiders. So he quietly lowered his head.

"We, uh, I was roaming around by the bridge over the river and met Minho some days ago so I just came here today to say hi to him" he said, being careful of his words.

But now if he thinks about it, did he really came so far here just to say hi to Minho? Maybe? But why though?

Maybe because Minho was the first descent human he have met in his life?

His little crush? Well, there was no crush, he knew it. It was just... Affection. A sweet innocent affection.

Minho was pretty with no doubts, he was soft spoken, he was kind, he was loving, he has empathy in his heart, he was caring, he was selfless, he was everything Jisung never saw in anyone around him in his life. Not even a single person.

Everyone was selfish. They can hurt others intentionally and then go on and sleep soundly. They would make someone cry and then go and laugh with their friends. They would feel happy about themselves seeing someone else insecure. They would look at the people in need from the corner of their eyes and then ignore them to rot away.

And Minho?

Minho jumped in a cold river for him, Minho spent all his money for buying chicken and calling a doctor for him, for a complete stranger. Minho offered for him to stay the night so he could rest, Minho went out of his way to take out his only full sleeves cloths while changing his cloths to keep his scars hidden, making sure he was not uncomfortable, Minho refused to take the money he came to return to him. Minho....

If he is allowed to be cheesy, he will say that Minho was an angel.

A pure soul.

And yes, maybe not a crush, but a loving affection, that is what he has grown towards the boy.

And also, crushes don't just happen like that... right?

"So you are his friend?" the old lady asked, narrowing her eyes.

Jisung looked down. He wanted to say he was. Or say, he wanted to be called as Minho's friend, but...

"Yes" he smiled.

Oh hell, Minho was not here to hear him calling himself his friend.

"We just became friends-"

"Let's go!"

He suddenly snapped his face to his left and sealed his lips when he heard Minho voice and saw Minho coming running out of the shop happily with a plastic bag filled with water in his hand with two freshly cut fishes in it.

Jisung smiled and turned completely towards Minho, slowly feeling the nervousness leaving his heart, feeling a relief that he was finally here.

Oh it was such a relief that... that Minho was there.

That.... That Minho exists.

Jisung smiled at the man and saw him stopping in front of them "Hey" he replied with a soft smile.

Minho smiled back at him and then at the lady, bowing down to her without any words and immediately turning around to walk away.

Jisung turned with him an looked down and started walking away, a little confused at the interaction between the two when-

"Minho!"

He suddenly heard the lady calling Minho's name and lifted his head just to see Minho stopped in his tracks and turned around towards the lady with a big happy smile.

Jisung blinked seeing the two as Minho didn't speak anything in a reply and just waited instead.

The old lady smiled "Who is this young boy?" she asked.

And Minho smiled wider "Jisung" he replied with a happy voice "He is my friend"

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"Who was she?"

"Hm?" Minho hummed in a question and looked to his side towards the boy as they both walked to his house.

"That lady?" Jisung asked, heart still a little nervous about the fact that not only him, but Minho actually considered them as friends already too.

"Oh she?" Minho smiled sweetly "She is my Aunt" he looked down with a content smile "Her name is Julie. She is like a mother to me, she is very swee-"

"Then why were you maintaining a distance from her?"

And oh the way Minho immediately quited down.

"O-Oh.." he laughed awkwardly and looked in his front and away from the boy "That's just because, uh, s-she doesn't like people coming close to her to talk and all" Minho laughed and immediately looked down, embarrassed at how stupid that actually sounded.

But for Jisung, instead of being stupid, it was clear lie. That old lady, she called Jisung to her to talk. He knew Minho was lying. He didn't knew why and what the truth actually was, but he knew, maybe they have found a small connection tugging between them since the first time they talked, but that doesn't mean he holds any position in Minho's life of ask anything personal to him. Specially the something he was clearly lying about with an intention of hiding. So he kept quiet with a little nod.

"Ok!" Jisung suddenly looked up when Minho spoke again, and immediately heard a sound of a door being unlocked, and saw that they reached to the older's house.

"You go and rest on the bed or you can go and roam around in the fields too" Minho smiled at the boy "I will go and make the dinner till then"

Jisung blinked up at the man and a small smile formed on his lips "You are having dinner so early today?" he asked normally, looking at the sun that was almost disappearing behind the mountains.

And Minho immediately frowned.

'You'? They both were having dinner... right? Jisung said 'Yes' about not leaving early, right? So... So he will have dinner with him today... right?

"You..." Minho let out in a confused voice "You are gonna stay here till night for dinner?"

And oh Jisung was so so fucking stupid.

How did he not understood that Minho was asking to have dinner when he asked if he likes boiled fish or not, and will he be leaving early or not? God he was so dumb.

"H-Huh?" he asked, heart already getting nervous about rejecting the other for dinner he seemed so happy about.

"You..." Minho blinked down at the boy, not understanding what confusion was there "You are staying late here?"

Jisung blinked up at the man and then looked down "Oh, uh..." he let out a nervous laugh "No, I-I'm not staying for dinner actuall-"

"Yes, that's why I bought you home early" Minho immediately spoke, voice again getting excited, a sweet smile appearing on his lips again, his little heart thinking that the confusion was over and-

"No, uh, I can't have dinner, um..." Jisung looked down, not wanting to see a sad look in those pretty eyes "I'm just gonna leave now" he glance up for a second and then looked back down, smiling awkwardly.

And Minho's eyes immediately dulled "But... You said you are not leaving early toda-"

"I have to, uh... M-Mom texted me-"

"But..." Minho spoke in a tiny voice "I bought 2 fishe-"

"S-Sorry, I gotta go" Jisung suddenly spoke in a clear voice, not giving the man the chance to speak any further "I'll, uh, meet you next time" he smiled, still not looking in his eyes "Bye!"

"But-"

Even before Minho could say anything further, Jisung suddenly turned around and walked away towards the stairs of the small hill towards the road, waving his hand at Minho, back facing him.

And Minho stood there, body slowly loosing its energy, eyes loosing their spark, heart loosing it's excitement as he saw the younger climb the stairs to the small hill and then disappeared as he walked to the other side of the road.

"B-But..." he mumbled in a small voice and slowly looked down at the plastic bag in his hand "I bought two fishes..."

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Jisung didn't wanted to leave him like this. Specially when he knew he was all sad in the end. The whole day was happy and relaxing, and in the end, because of him, Minho's eyes again lost their shine.

He sighed as he looked down and then at his left, seeing if any bus has came yet. He looked back down and kicked the ground lightly with his foot, his own heart slowly getting gray.

He didn't wanted to leave Minho like that, but dinner...

If he will say it clearly, he didn't wanted to be a burden on Minho in any kind. And he knew, food was big burden on him.

He have seen the quantity of chicken Minho was able to buy with all his left money, he have an idea how much Minho eats in his meals. And the thing he noticed today was not helping the case at all.

Thr thing that Minho does not eat lunch.

Jisung came here at 11 in the morning, and since then, it was almost 6 in the evening when they were returning, and Minho never even once mentioned 'lunch', or being hungry, or anything about food at all the whole day.

Jisung knew he doesn't eat lunch and knowing that, his heart can never allow him to stay there and let Minho but and food more than double the quantity because of him.

Yes, he was stupid when he didn't noticed that Minho bought 2 fishes, but that's ok, Minho can eat one tomorrow. It's ok.

"Oh finally!"

Jisung lifted his head up when he heard the woman sitting next to him at the bus stop say and get up. He looked to his left again and saw two bright headlights finally approaching in the now almost dark road.

"The bus is late toady"

"Yeah. It has been more than an hour"

Jisung blinked. It has been more than an hour since he has been sitting here?

He looked at the four boys talking as they all got up and stood there for the bus.

He looked at the bus and then down in his lap. Did Minho eat his dinner yet? He must've. Was he getting ready to sleep? Maybe?

Jisung looked up when the bus stopped in front of him and saw everyone getting in one by one, and then back down, his heartbeat racing for god knows what reason.

"Aye!"

He suddenly looked up and saw the driver of the bus looking at him.

"You coming, kid?"

Chapter Text

"Ow!" he whined as he stumbled for the nth time on a small rock he didn't, oh wait, couldn't see, because why the hell villages don't have any lights in the night!? No street lights no nothing? It was so dark all around except from the lights shining inside the houses.

He carefully placed another step forward, looking around to see if he was going in the right direction.

Oh hell he was not leaving Minho like that.

He looked around trying to recall if he was in the right route towards the older's house and-

A happy smile suddenly appeared on his lips as his face brightened up when he recognized the house with a dim yellow light coming from inside through a small window.

He smiled and carefully walked towards the house and was about to head towards the door as he reached the back of the house when-

"Should I check if he's asleep?"

There was light coming through the small window, most probably of the lantern he saw placed beside Minho's bed previously, so maybe he was awake.

It was still 7 in the evening so Minho would definitely be awake. But Jisung still decided to peek through the window a little just to make sure and not disturb the older if he was sleeping by any chance. Then he will come back here tomorrow.

He carefully walked towards the window of the house and peeked his head a little up only until his eyes, just to see inside and blinked curiously, and oh the way he immediately regretted ever leaving like that.

There was Minho, sitting on the floor by his bed with a small old wooden table in front of him. A small bowl of freshly cooked rice in his one hand with chopsticks in his other as he slowly took a tiny bite of rice, eating all alone in complete silence.

Jisung frowned when he remembered about the fishes Minho bought but couldn't see them anywhere on the table or in his bowl.

He peeked a little more to look inside the house and tilted his head in confusion when he saw the two fishes still in the plastic bag, laying on a plate on the floor by the mud stove.

Minho didn't cooked any fish for himself?

Jisung looked back at the older as his heart slowly started sinking with sadness and guilt. He looked at Minho keeping his head a little low, there was no spark in him, no energy, no brightness at all as he slowly lifted the chopsticks to his lips, taking a tiny tiny bite of the rice like he didn't even wanted to eat it.

And the moment Jisung thought of just going inside to the older, his heart completely broke when Minho suddenly squeezed his eyes shut tightly and the moment he opened them Jisung saw those beautiful sweet eyes filled with thick tears.

"Minho..." a small breath left his lips as he saw Minho blinking rapidly to break those tears and stop them.

Minho was crying... because of him.

And if those tears alone didn't broke his heart completely, oh how his chest ached and his own eyes got filled with tiny tears when he saw Minho suddenly placing his bowl of rice down, lifting his hands us and rubbing his eyes. Jisung's heart ached so painfully when Minho wiped off his tears and suddenly... smiled.

Jisung blinked as tears filled his eyes as he saw Minho sniffling quietly with tears again filling his eyes as he kept trying to blink them away and kept smiling to himself. He saw as Minho quietly picked the bowl of barely eaten rice up and got up from the floor and walked towards the mud stove. His heart ached when he saw Minho putting all the rice back in the pot and close it with a plate before walking towards the small table again.

Oh he should've never left.

He kept looking inside and saw Minho walking back to the small table again and kneeling down and Jisung immediately frowned when Minho suddenly picked up a photo frame from the table which he failed to notice there before.

There was a photo frame placed on the table where Minho was eating. Jisung couldn't see the picture in it, but when he saw Minho wiping his tears again and forcing a smile on his lips before bringing the picture to his lips, kissing it while holding his tears back, it was enough for Jisung to know who's picture it must be.

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He tiptoed quietly through the living room towards the kitchen making sure to not wake anyone up and-

"Jisung!?"

And his tensed up body immediately relaxed and as he dropped his head and sighed in deafen when the light of kitchen was clicked on.

"Where were you!?" the woman immediately scolded in a raised voice, crossing her arms over her chest with a disapproving look in her eyes "It's 10 in the night! Where were you!?"

Jisung sighed and finally looked up "The bus got late" he mumbled and ignored his mother and continue walking towards the cabinets he came here for.

"Bus got late!?" the lady asked with an raised eyebrow, not taking the shitty excuse at all "Don't lie to me. And even if it's true, why do you have to take the bus so late that you get so late to reach hom-"

"I'm going out anyways, Mom" Jisung simply replied as he opened the cabinets, taking everything he needed.

"Going out!?" Mrs. Han immediately frowned in anger "Where are you going at this hour!?"

She shouted angrily, but Jisung didn't tured to look at her even once.

"I'm not just going out, I'm staying out tonight" he simply said and shoved all what he collected in his bag before closing it's zip and hanging it over his shoulders.

"Staying out!?" Mrs. Han immediately asked with a scolding tone "Staying where!?"

"At a friend's house" Jisung mumbled quietly as he turned around and started walking towards the door of the kitchen.

"What friend? You don't have any friend-"

"I do..."

It was quiet after that. Mrs. Han didn't say anything or tried to stop the boy as she saw him quietly making his way towards the door of the house.

She walked towards the door seeing Jisung wearing his shoes and then straighting up and holding the handle of the door-

"Your uncle his coming home next month" she quietly informed and Jisung immediately stopped in his movement.

He didn't turned around, instead he just lowered his head and twisted the knob, pushing the door slowly open.

"Tell me the day before when he is coming, I will be staying out-"

"Staying out where, Jisun-?"

"In a ditch..." Jisung mumbled in a small yet strict voice "Anywhere but this house..."

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Minho shuffled on his bed, trying to sleep, but all he can do was open his eyes in every 2 seconds whenever the sleep started hitting in and scary faded nightmares started appearing in his head.

It was around 11:30 in the night and he wanted to sleep and-

He blinked his eyes open again when his tummy growled loudly.

He was hungry. But he really didn't wanted to eat. He just... he...

He feels lonely.

After so long, he was again feeling like this. He thought he learned how to suppress this feeling in him. Guess he needed to work on himself a bit more.

A bit more to stop his tears. A bit more to make sure he eats even when he feels it difficult to swollen because of how his throat hurts from holding back his cries. A bit more to ignore the feeling of being lonely. A bit more to smile more. A bit more to-

His thoughts were suddenly cut off and eyes immediately shot opened when he heard a knock on his door.

What? Who was there at this time?

Wait... More importantly, who actually came to his house?

Minho frowned in confusion as he got up and sat on the bed looking at the door, tilting his head, thinking he might have heard the knock in his dream or-

"Are you asleep!?" and there was another louder knock.

And oh how Minho's eyes winded.

He immediately shot up from the bed, almost tripping on his blanket and falling down on the floor as he clumsily got off his bed and rushed to the door the moment he heard that voice.

"Minhooo~" the boy behind the door sang and knocked on the door again "Are you asleepppp~?" and the door suddenly slammed open.

Jisung startled a little as his eyes widened when the door opened with such a rush. He slowly looked up just to see Minho looking at him with wide eyes and almost uneven breath.

"J-Jisung...?"

And a smiled finally appeared on the boy's lips.

"Hey" he smiled and titled his head sweetly at the older "Sorry I disturbed you" he said and chuckled when Minho immediately shook his head almost aggressively.

"N-No, I was, um, I was just... What are you doing here at this time?" Minho asked in a small voice filled with concern, still a little spectacle if this was reality of he fell asleep and watching a dream.

On the other hand, Jisung's heart was beating like crazy at how adorable Minho looked with those sleepy yet shocked eyes, hair going in every direction, blinking at him with a sweet happiness hidden behind the shock and concern in those eyes.

Ok. Fine. He will admit it. He do have a crush on this man.

God, how can he not? Minho was so damn adorable and beautiful.

So he smiled with a sweet warm blush on his cheeks "I'm hungry" he said in a cutely.

"Huh?" was all Minho let out in a complete confusion, frowning and titling his head.

And Jisung chuckled. Oh damn this man is getting him all blushing and all. Fuck.

"I'm hungry" he repeated, looking up at the older with a sweet smile and big eyes.

And oh Minho didn't knew why his cheeks warmed up. Fever? Is he getting fever? Hm. Maybe because he hasn't eaten. Hm definitely.

Jisung chuckled and looked down when Minho kept blinking at him dumbly, not understanding the situation of Jisung coming at his door at 11:30 in the night and saying he's hungry?

So Jisung looked up again and smiled shyly "Can I come inside?"

"O-Oh!" and Minho immediately snapped out and moved aside "Yes yes. C-Come in" he said in a shaky voice, welcoming the boy, gesturing him to coming in.

"Thank you" Jisung mumbled sweetly and walked in, immediately thanking himself for choosing to book a taxi instead of waiting for the bus again. Seems like Minho just went to sleep. That's good.

"Um..." Minho mumbled as he closed the door and turned towards the boy nervously "I'll warm up the rice and, uh, y-you sit down comfortably, I'll cook fish for yo-"

"I don't wanna eat fish"

And Minho immediately quited down as nervousness flooded his heart. He doesn't have anything else to give to the younger to eat.

"U-Uh..." so he let out in a quiet voice, head lowering a little as his heart sunk in "I-I'm sorry I d-don't-"

"I want to eat noodles" Jisung suddenly chimed, making Minho look up at him, smiling brightly.

"Ramen!" Jisung announced "Let's eat ramen!"

Oh god, Jisung looked so happy and excited about eating noddles, how will Minho tell him that he don't even know how to cook ramen let alone having the-

"Choose! Which one you want to eat!" Jisung suddenly chirped excitedly and immediately took his bag off his shoulders "Spicy or normal?" he asked as he unzipped his bag and took variety of noodles out "Cheese or Carbonara?"

Minho's eyes turned curious as he saw Jisung taking 5 to 6 different packets out of the bag and placing them on the bed.

"So?" Jisung asked, looking at him still standing froze at the door with big eyes, and smiled widely "Which one you wanna taste first?"

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"SPICY! WATER! IT'S SPICY!"

Jisung laughed loudly as Minho whined and cried with his tongue out, fanning it with his hand.

"WATER! WATER!"

"It's the least spicy one, you dummy" Jisung laughed as he ran to the pot of water and filled a glass, immediately rushing to the man and handing it to him.

"Agh!" Minho cried as chucked down the whole glass in one go and immediately gestured for another one with argent actions.

Jisung laughed while running to get another glass of water "You are so weak"

He smiled as he passed yet another glass of water to the man.

Jisung kept looking at Minho with warmth in his eyes as the older sat on the edg of the bed with his whole body tensed because of the spice.

Considering that Minho hasn't tasted anything other than rice, fishes, corn and salt, and maybe some candies his whole life, obviously noodles with tens of spices was going to get this reaction out.

"Better?" he asked as Minho huffed a breath in relief as he lowered the glass and didn't asked for another.

Jisung chuckled and slowly crouched down to look up at the man when he didn't lifted his face up.

"You liked them?" he asked with a sweet sweet smile on his lips and oh how his heart stopped and immediately melted when Minho slowly lifted his face enough to meet his eyes and stretched a lazy smile of his lips.

"Hm~" Minho almost sang lazily, looking too happy and relaxed "They were yum" he giggled and Jisung died.

"Yeah?" he chuckled as his cheeks dusted pink "Which one did you liked more? Cheese or-"

"Both!" Minho suddenly chirped "Both were so so tasty!" he smiled happily "But spicy too" he complained cutely. Oh his heart feels so happy and so relaxed and so satisfied eating noddles and all these flavors for the first time.

"Is my tongue red?" he suddenly asked and lolled his tongue out a little, showing it to the younger, pointing a finger at it.

And well, Jisung will take the thought that came in his mind the moment he saw Minho's tongue to his grave.

Ok fuck, he wanted to kiss him.

God, it's so embarrassing.

And guess that's what ran through his mind as well as he immediately looked away, blinking rapidly and chuckling awkwardly.

"No" laughed and got up, looking everywhere but Minho "It's no"

"Oh" Minho smiled "Ok then"

"Uh Minho?"

Minho looked up and blinked as Jisung suddenly called him in a small voice.

"Can I..." Jisung mumbled, getting a little nervous "Can I stay here the night...? Please?"

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"Will you leave early morning tomorrow?"

"Hm?... No..."

It was around 1 in the night and Minho finally blew the lantern off, making the darkness cover his house until the moonlight slowly filled in through the small window.

They both laid, staring up at the roof with numb eyes, having thousands and thousands of thoughts going on in their heads that they wanted to voice, but in the end, chose not to.

Jisung laid on the bed, his head on a pillow, having a warm blanker over his legs, while Minho laid on the floor on a not so thick spare blanket that he used as a mattress, a roll of his cloths under his head as pillow, having a thin sheet over his legs.

Although Jisung almost picked a fight over how he should sleep on the floor because he is the guest, but the way Minho smiled and said a sweet 'Please' to him, god he didn't stood a chance.

"You know..."

Jisung smiled, blinking at the ceiling when Minho suddenly spoke again.

"When you came to return my cloths, I thought you were going to get angry at me" Minho said with a small chuckle.

"Why?" Jisung frowned with a sweet smile.

"I don't know" Minho mumbled as he kept blinking at the ceiling "I thought you were mad at me for saving your life"

And Jisung's smile immediately dulled, but he quickly pulling it up and sighed, trying to not think about how direct words Minho just used to describe the situation.

"Thank you for saving my life, Minho..." he mumbled, smiling to himself as his eyes slowly glossed up "Thank you for saving me"

Thank you for saving me until I again give up and go far far away where you will not find me, where you will not be there to save me. Thank you for letting me know that people do have love in them. Love that they crave to give and shower someone in. Thank you for pulling me out and making some of the last days of my life the most regretful that why... why didn't I met you before? Why couldn't you come earlier and save me when I was crying to be saved? But still... Thank you, Minho.

He will never say that out loud, but his heart says this all the time, each second when he is around him. This man who just randomly showed up in his life and... and became his whole life.

It was quiet. So so quiet that Jisung almost thought that Minho fell asleep, when-

"Jisung..." a small little voice broke that thin silence.

"Hm?" Jisung asked, a sweet smile audible in that little 'hm'.

Minho blinked at the ceiling numbly "You don't have to force your smiles..."

And Jisung's smile immediately fell.

"It's ok..." Minho mumbled quietly "I-It's ok if you never want to smile... It's... It's ok... You..." he slowly smiled a little "You look pretty anyways" he laughed sweetly.

He tried his best to make the things less heavy. Tried his best to not point out too much on the fact that he always knew Jisung was faking his smiles, his laughs, his... his happiness.

But oh only if he saw the tears that rolled down to the sides of the younger's face, soaking in the pillow quietly.

And it went quiet again. And this time Minho didn't dared to utter a single word. He was already regretting saying that when...

"Minho..."

It was quiet voice. And this voice didn't had any smiles in it.

Minho did replied. He knew Jisung knew he was awake.

"When did your parents died?"

Minho blinked his eyes as a string pulled painfully in his chest.

"11 years back..." he replied quietly.

"Do you miss them?" Jisung asked, slowly turning on his side in the direction where Minho was laying on the floor.

Minho didn't replied audibly, he just nodded his head lightly, and Jisung got his answer by the little sound of the fabric under Minho's head.

They stayed like this, Jisung blinking at a distance and Minho kept staring at the ceiling, they both having a storm in their heads and silence on their tongues.

Jisung knew his life was a nightmare he just wanted to wake up from, but he can never imagine how Minho, an 11 years old kid learned to live alone, grew up all alone, having no one to even talk to the whole days. He knew something was up between people in this village and Minho. He didn't knew exactly what, but he knew that Minho was... lonely.

"Good night" he mumbled quietly and lifted his hand on the upper side and slowly placed it down off the edge of the bed, letting his fingers softly touch the corner of Minho's mattress.

Minho didn't replied as he turned his head to his side, looking at the younger's hand, and oh how his heart raced and got filled with nervousness and an uncomfortable feeling when he saw deep, now healed, cut marks on that wrist peeking through the sleeve of his t-shirt.

He kept blinking at the boy's hand and his eyes slowly drifted towards his fingers and he subconsciously lifted his hand, slowly reaching for those fingers.

He was scared, and he didn't knew why, but... he really wanted to hold that hand. He really really wanted... He really needed that hold.

With shaky movements, his slowly reached for those fingers until their hands touched.

And none of them flinched.

Jisung blinked with numb eyes at nothing in particular as he felt Minho trying to, wanting to hold his finger.

So even before Minho could get the time to get nervous and just pull his hand away, Jisung slowly hooked his finger tightly around his.

Minho's breath got stuck in his throat for some seconds before he blinked at their hands and slowly closed his finger around the younger's lightly.

If they were facing each other, this might have never ever happened, but like this, it was easier.

It was easier to not look into each other's eyes and hold each other from drowning.

And as some minutes passed, it became more and more easier, and Minho became more and more desperate.

Desperate for a touch... A touch of love, a touch of comfort, a touch that will tell him that... that he might not be ok, but... that's ok.

And when that desperation reached its limit, Minho sighed shakily as he blinked at their hooked fingers and slowly scooted closer.

He nervously shifted closer and closer to their hands and... he immediately closed his eyes when the back Jisung's fingers touched at his forehead ever so lightly.

This was enough. This much touch was enough. This was...

It was not enough. And the boy laying on the bed knew that.

So the moment Minho thought he was about to drown in sleep, his eyes suddenly opened and immediately went numb when...

When he felt Jisung leaving his finger and... and that hand... those fingers suddenly laced in his hair ever so softly, oh so lovingly.

Jisung blinked as he finally closed his and let out a sigh as he applied a soft pressure onto the man's head, slowly massaging his head while caressing his hair with love and care.

"Good night Minho..." he breathed out, feeling Minho slowly trying to scoot closer and closer to his hand so he can sleep like that.

Minho blinked and pressed his head more into the boy's hand and slowly closed his eyes, before he let out a breathy and almost inaudible...

"G-Good night..."

Chapter Text

' "E-Eomma!"

The little boy hiccups as he tried his best to control his cries and walked towards his Eomma and Appa's room with his shaky legs in the darkness of the night.

"E-Eom-Eomma!" he cried as he took another shaky step further and pain immediately shoot up to his spin. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks and he tried to blink them and keep his vision clear.

"A-App-" a sudden whine and a painful cry left his lips as he immediately squeezed his legs together tightly and clutched both of his trembling hands behind his back, keeping them shakily onto his hips.

"Eomma!" and he cried, finally reaching to his parent's bedroom door and punching a weak hand onto it, immediately crying loudly, clutching at the fabric around his hip with one hand.

"E-Eomm-"

"Jisung!?" the door suddenly pushed open as the woman stepped out with a confused yet concern look on her face hearing her 10 year old son crying and calling for her at 2 in the night.

The little boy looked up and blinked before a loud cry tore from his chest.

"Eomma!" he cried, stumbling desperately towards his mother with trembling legs "E-Eomma! H-Hurts!" he cried, squeezing his eyes tightly .

The woman immediately crouched down and held his baby's shoulder with one hand to keep him stable and placed one on his cheek softly to calm him down.

"Sungie, baby what happened?" she asked, looking all over his face and hands and legs to see any injury with worry in her eyes.

The little boy didn't replied, he just cried and cough and cried, continuously stuttering "H-Hurts, hurts"

"Baby" the woman let out in a breath, worry completely covering her heart. Seeing her happy bubbly and jumpy baby like this was killing her.

"Tell Eomma, Sungie. What happened?" she asked, trying not to sound worried and scare the boy even more "Where does it hurts, baby?"

The little boy tightened his fist around the fabric of his hip and raised the other to hold his mother as he cried loudly.

The woman frowned, finally noticing his one hand behind his back and immediately turned him around, heart beating rapidly in her chest.

The boy went quiet for some seconds as he blinked at nothing with his vision blurry with thick tears as his mother lifted his t-shirt up, inspecting his back for any injuries.

" Tell Eomma, my baby . Where does it hur-?"

And her eyes suddenly noticed her baby's little hand clutched at his pajamas over his hips, and her heart dropped.

No... No way that... No.

Her face snapped up to the boy's back of the head as her eyes widened in horror.

She immediately looked back down and clutched at the hem of the boy's pajamas and immediately pulled them down and...

Oh there is no word to explained what her heart and mind went through when her eyes landed on her little baby's underwear.

The boy sniffled and reached his hand behind his back over his hips again with his trembling hand and suddenly froze when he felt a slight... wetness touch his fingertips.

He slowly pulled his hand back to his front and blinked to clear his vision to look at his fingers...

And no pain can compare itself to the cries, the tears that little innocent soul let out that night, desperately rubbing his hands together to wipe off that bright red colour and make it disappear.

No amount of fear and heartbreak can come even near to that of that mother's broken heart as she turned her son back and immediately bought him to her chest, clutching at him tightly as tears rolled down her terrified wide eyes carrying disbelief as the little boy cried and trembled in pain, fear,

For the first time in his little life, he couldn't fine comfort in his eomma's arms. For the first time he couldn't stop crying when his eomma hugged him. He just kept screaming and crying, his whole body trembling as he kept babbling the same word over and over and over again.

"H-Hurts! It hurts! Hurts! Hurts-" '

"Ow!"

His eyes slowly opened slightly when he heard someone yelp from a distance.

"Ow ow!"

The voice became more clear as he started waking up, blinking his eyes slowly, only to see an old wooden ceiling in front of him, and his brain slowly started reminding him where he was.

"Ah, ow!" he slowly registered the voice and slowly turned his head to his right to see where the voice was coming from and saw... him.

Minho.

Through the open door of the house, he saw Minho outside, jumping on his one leg and then slowly sitting down on the ground, inspecting his feet. Did he stepped on something spiky?

He kept blinking at the man with half lided eyes as his brain slowly started showing the imagines of last night.

' "Jisung... You don't have to force your smiles..." '

He blinked at the man outside the house who started to finally get up and go back to the putting his cloths on the rope that he just washed, and then slowly turned his head back to the ceiling, blinking with blank eyes.

It feels different. This morning feels different. This morning... it feels warm, it feels soft and comfortable.

He slowly moved his hands inside of the blanket, feeling how rough the blanket was, but... but how soft it feels.

The soft fluffy blankets back in his home, they feel so cold, so lifeless, so rough. And this. This old, rough and heavy blanket was giving him the warmth he craved every morning that he woke up.

A warmth of a loving hug, a warmth which makes you want to stay in your bed just 5 more minutes, a warmth that makes you smile sleepily and bury your face in your pillow, a warmth that feels like peace.

Not like fear.

' "You don't have to force your smiles..." '

And now, suddenly he doesn't want to smile.

He knew he was faking the smiles, forcing them, but he wanted to force them for Minho. But now...

He slowly closed his eyes as a deep sigh left his lips. He slowly grabbed the blanket and pulled it up over to half of his face, burring his nose in the fabric.

This feels like home.

Like his own home.

He shifted on the bed on his side, keeping his eyes closed and pulling his knees up to his chest as a tear slowly slipped through his eyes, rolling down to the pillow under his face.

It's ok.

It's ok if he didn't met this man earlier, didn't found this house earlier, didn't felt this home earlier. It's ok. Atleast he did now. And when he will gather enough courage again to close eyes and let his body go, fall forward into the depth of a river far far away from this village, he will have a smile of his face that atleast he found a home in this life. Maybe just for a very small time, but he did.

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"You woke up!?"

Jisung turned his head to his right as he walked out of the house, blinking rapidly at the sun light.

It was 12:00 pm, he slept a lot today.

"I was about to wake you up in 30 minutes or so"

Jisung blinked as Minho came running towards him with a sweet smile on his face as always, but for some reason, he couldn't. He was trying but he just couldn't stretch a smile at him like he did all this time.

"Hey"

He blinked rapidly, coming out of his thoughts and saw Minho now standing in front of him, looking down at him with a happy smile.

"Good morning" Minho said in an almost loving tone and oh Jisung's heart definitely did a thing.

But his face didn't, his lips didn't.

"G-Good morning" he mumbled in a quiet voice, blinking up with numb eyes, and Minho's eyes immediately softened. He has not heard such small, such quiet voice from the younger yet. He... He seems so small, so lovable, so adorable.

And Minho smiled "Are you hungry?" he asked softly, adoring the younger in front of him with care and the love he didn't knew his own eyes held.

Jisung blinked at Minho for a quiet second, as lost and numb as his eyes seemed, and slowly shook his head.

"Why?" Minho asked in a small whisper and they both failed to notice how close they where standing.

"You didn't went to your field?" Jisung asked, wanting to change the topic and saw Minho smiling lovingly at him.

"I was waiting for you to wake up" he said and god knows what happened, what went through Minho's head when he slowly lifted his hand up and whispered out a "Did you sleep well?", before reaching for the strang of hair sticking out from above the younger's ear and softly tucked it behind, patting a soft hand over it after.

And Minho missed everything.

He missed the way Jisung's eyes widened. He missed the way his cheeks turned red. He missed the way his breath got stuck in his throat. God, he missed it all.

"I-I gotta go now" Jisung suddenly said, fumbling onto his words as he immediately looked down and clutched at the straps of the bag on his back that Minho just noticed.

"Huh?" Minho let out a cute disapproving voice, and thank god Jisung missed the pout that formed on Minho's lips or his heart would've died on the spot.

"It's already late..." Jisung mumbled, suddenly feeling so small and weak in front of this man "I need to reach home and-"

"When will you come back again?"

Jisung slowly looked up, seeing Minho smiling at him, blinking with a sweet shine of hope in his eyes.

Jisung blinked, staring at the man, his heart slowly realising how Minho actually didn't mind if he is smiling or not.

"You will come back... right?"

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"Good afternoon. Welcome to the book stor- Oh. Jisung?"

Jisung smiled as he pushed the door to the small book store open, letting the bell over it ring with it, entering in.

"Hey..." he let out softly.

"Hey" the boy in the book store smiled back at the boy "How are you?" he asked, going back on staking the books on the shelf that the pervious customers left around.

"I'm good" Jisung mumbled with a small smile, approaching the younger boy.

"So? How's your graduation and things going?" the boy asked casually as Jisung went and sat on one of the chairs placed for people to sit down and read the books.

"It's done" he replied as normally, looking around with numb eyes "I graduated last week. Will start looking for a job now, but with the value of my degree I don't think I'm gonna get a high paying jo-"

"You can come to me anytime you know" the boy laughed making Jisung roll his eyes.

"I'm good. Thank you" Jisung said, looking at the empty courter with irritated eyes "I don't want to work at a store where the owner doesn't even come and put all the burden of work on his one single employee he has" he said complaining with rolling his eyes as the younger just laughed shaking his head.

It was silent for some time after that. As a part of his habit now, Jisung sat on the chair quietly, holding a random book in his hands, letting his mind wander everywhere as different customers came and sat beside him, purchases some things, went out as the boy thanked them with a smile, bowing respectful, asking them to come again next time.

It was around 3 in the afternoon, a time when not many people come to the store, where there is the peace Jisung always comes here for.

"I'm back!"

Jisung lifted his head as he saw the boy rushing in the store with a big happy smile, holding two burgers in his hands he went to buy 10 minutes ago.

"Here" he said as he reached the older, giving him his burger and sat down on the chair beside his to have his lunch.

Jisung smiled as he grabbed his burger and thanked the younger in a small voice, and it didn't took long for his smile to fall back down slowly as that man again filled his brain.

He blinked at the burger in his hand and all what he can think of was 'Minho will like this'

"Jeongin..." he suddenly spoke in an almost inaudible voice, making the younger hum with his mouth full of burger.

"Do you feel frustrated sometimes?" he asked, eyes staring at the burger blankly and mind showing the same face over and over again "Thinking that life will just go like this till the end? I know you don't earn much... You don't feel scared thinking of how can you live like this forever...?"

Jeongin. Jisung's... friend? No. Jisung never gave that name to them. He was just a boy Jisung knew from some months when he started working at this book store.

Jeongin was 19, and to say he had a hard life was no lie, but to say he was brave enough to show that life a middle finger, take control of his life and live a complete different one was also not a lie.

When Jisung first time met him, he was new in the city, he was nervous, and somewhere, the fake smiles Jisung carries with him gave him a sense of comfort that he was not alone. But just the difference was, Jeongin's smiles were not fake.

Jeongin was happy person. He smiles wholeheartedly. Even when Jisung said ' "I'm not your friend" ' he smiled and nodded, offering his half eaten burger to the older.

And for Jisung? Jeongin was not a sense of peace, not a relief, not an escape, not a happy place, but Jeongin was a spot where he can... stop. Just stop and stand still and for some hours feels nothing.

They don't know anything about each other's life, they never talked about it, and actually, they never talk about anything as such, they just stay there, around each other for their own selfish reasons. Jeongin to feel a little safe and Jisung to pause his thoughts.

But Jisung have seen some scars of abuse, probably from his parents, he have assumed, on Jeongin's arms and neck when he wears half sleeves shirts or loose t-shirts, and Jeongin have seen some glimpse of deep healed cuts peeking through Jisung's full sleeve t-shirts, and none of them ever said anything, like they never saw anything, like they don't know anything.

And they are ok like that. Everything was ok like this. Jeongin feels safe and Jisung's head keeps quiet for some hours. It's ok like this.

"Don't you feel-"

"No..."

Jisung quited down but didn't turned his face towards the younger.

Jeongin sighed with a smile "Because life never actually remains as the same forever" he said, blinking his eyes numbly "Life changes, but it doesn't mean it always changes in the best direction though" he chucked softly, knowing Jisung was listening carefully "Sometimes when you think that this is the worst, life can hit you with the worst version of the worst, but that's all life is about, that..." he paused and a small smile formed on his lips as he looked down and blinked at the ring in his finger.

"It changes..."

Jisung kept staring at his burger, mind going through a storm of thoughts when the younger spoke again.

"Sometimes it changes and gives you more tears than you have already cried, and sometimes..." he smiled as he creased the ring on his pointer finger with care "Sometimes it gives you the escape... The escape which holds all your happiness that has been kept away from you. An escape which waits for you to embrace it..."

And it went quiet. Jisung didn't replied, nor did Jeongin waited for one. He quietly ate his burger, finishing it and getting up to throw the papre away.

He looked down and smiled when he saw that Jisung haven't even opened his burger.

"Hyung.... "

Jisung slowly looked up and saw Jeongin walking to the dustbin placed at the small distance.

"I'm leaving this city in 3 days..."

Jisung blinked his eyes and stares at the back of the younger's head, mind suddenly going numb.

"I guess I found my escape..." Jeongin said as he turned around with a content smile "I'm so happy you came here today, hyung" he mumbled softly, his heart breaking at the panic Jisung's eyes were trying to hold in "I would've regretted whole my life to leave without meeting you for the last time..."

Jisung stayed quiet, waiting for it to be just his imagination and nothing else, but when Jeongin smiled at him with that hurt and empathy in his eyes, he slowly got up.

He quietly kept his wrapped burger down on the chair and made his way towards the door of the book store, not looking up at Jeongin again.

"Hyung..."

He stopped just the moment he grabbed the handle of the door when the younger called in a soft voice.

"Hyung..." Jeongin mumbled, not sure of what words to use, so he chuckled, dropping his head lightly.

"Maybe this is the worst advise you will get but..." he slowly looked up and smiled "Just run away, hyung"

He stayed at his place, didn't tried to moved any closer to the older at all.

"I know it sounds stupid, and maybe it is, but I'm not telling you to run away with empty hands and then live on roads..." he smiled "You've completed your studies. Get a job, even if it's a small one, even a very very small one, but do it and just... run away...I know you must be waiting for your escape too but..." he sighed shakily, not wanting to hurt the older even the slightest "You can be your own escape, hyung" he mumbled "Live atleast for once, hyung"

His heart ached when Jisung didn't responded, didn't even turned around to face him.

And it broke when Jisung pushed the door open to leave without any word. Not even a 'Bye'.

Maybe it will make it harder for him.

Harder to let go of that only one thing he held himself up with. Harder to not have anyone to wave his hand at while crossing this road. Harder to have to lose the 'Good morning hyung', 'Good afternoon hyung'.

"Hyung..." Jeongin called again, but Jisung didn't stopped this time, he stepped his foot outside, completely ignoring the boy.

"If life ever makes us meet again..." he smiled with tears pooling in his eyes "I hope I can be your friend"

Chapter Text

He doesn't know what a crush is, he doesn't know the feeling of falling in love, but there was something. Something ticklish, something weird, something happening in his chest, in his tummy making him smile unnecessarily, giggle stupidly. Something was there.

Something was there in that boy.

Jisung.

Minho didn't knew why he was laying on his bed and smiling like a stupid kid, burring his face in his blanket.

He didn't knew why he has his legs folded up, curling himself into a ball on, trying to hide his face away and stop fucking smiling, oh but he just can't.

He can't when his mind just kept repeating that same adorable face, that same sweet smile, those same beautiful eyes for the whole past hour he has been into his bed to sleep.

Well, not to lie, it was 11 in the night and he has been like this the whole day as well.

The moment Jisung left in the afternoon earlier, for half of the day Minho was pouting and missing him, and when he finally sat down to eat his dinner, oh he just can't stop smiling and blushing and oh god he didn't even knew he was blushing.

The whole time he just kept looking at the door, deep down in his heart expecting for the younger to magically show up tonight again just like yesterday and then they will eat together again and sleep....

Oh...

Sleep...

He slowly opened his eyes as his heart started racing in his chest. His smile slowly relaxed as he remembered the time when they slept the pervious night.

The time when Jisung had his fingers softly laced in his hair the whole night. The time when they both stayed awake for almost an hour without saying anything as Jisung kept massaging and caressing his hair. The time when they both pretended to be asleep, pretending like nothing was happening, and just... just stayed there, close to each other.

A small sigh left his lips as tears slowly started forming in his. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to break those tears away when the memories of the younger suddenly started getting blur and the memories of him taking care of him started getting heavier.

The way Jisung handled him with so much care, talked to him with such gentleness, looked at him with so much... love.

Was it love? Minho didn't knew, but he knew it was something special in that boy's eyes. Something which made Minho feel special about himself. Like Jisung will never look at anyone like that but him.

Maybe be he was just thinking too much, maybe for anyone else, doing what Jisung did for him was normal sweet gestures, but for him, it was his life's those moments which he will lock in his heart forever and throw the key where he could never find it again.

Jisung.

This boy.

Minho's heart do crave to know what caused all those scars he saw that day when he changed that boy's wet cloths. He knew those scars where not given by someone else, anyone could tell that. Those scars screamed pain and tears and cries of agony. And Minho craves to know how many scars quietly hid inside that chest, on that little heart, on that innocent soul.

He craves to hold him. He craves to heal him. To sooth and decorate each of that scar with beautiful flowers on them. But he can't. He is no one to him. He is just a boy Jisung met, now know, nothing else, but then, why this boy was becoming so much for him?

Why does he feel like his whole world now revolves around him? Why does he feel like now he can truly be happy only the day he will see that boy smile. Smile with his heart. A genuine happy loving smile on his lips.

A small smile form on his lips as he kept thinking, imagining how Jisung will look with his eyes filled with life, shining so prettily. How he will look with a beautiful smile on his lips. How he will sound laughing his heart out.

Minho didn't knew what all these feelings he was experiencing were, but all he knew, was he... he wants to meet him again, eat with him again, talk to him again, sleep close to him again, just... he just wants him again.

"Y-You will come back, right?" Minho mumbled to himself, tightening his fists on the blanket as he buried his face completely in, closing his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

"I will never let you hurt yourself again..." he breathed out, wanting nothing but to hold that boy close to him.

Maybe be it was the sleep that was taking over, but all he wanted right now was Jisung, close to him, in his hands, quiet and asleep. Peaceful, taking deep breaths, all he wanted was to see peace on Jisung's face, all he wanted to witness was those eyes to gain life, and destroy everything which took it away from them, everything that caused him to become so vulnerable to hurt himself, so miserable to try to take his own life.

"I-I will n-never... ever..." he mumbled, sleep slowly taking over him completely as a deep breath left his lips and his body slowly relaxed under that blanket as the last blurry thoughts whispered in his mind.

The thoughts that if Jisung will let him, he will hold him close and let him cry for how much long he wants. That if Jisung will let him, he will pull his face to his chest and let him sleep. That if his life will give him a chance, he will destroy everything that has hurt his Jisung. That-

Wait...

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That's wrong.

This... This is wrong.

Escape. He said escape. Find your escape. Be your own escape. But...

But then why only and only that boy kept coming to his mind, in front of his eyes whenever he thought of the word 'Escape'!?

A shaky, almost panicked breath left Jisung's lips as he squirmed back even more into the wall, pressed his knees more and more into his chest, trying to back away as tears kept rolling down his eyes.

He kept his face down, his head pressed onto his knees as he kept his hands wrapped around them tightly, digging his nails into his arms he tried to calm his breath down.

"I-I'm s-selfish!" he repeated for 100th time in his voice as small and almost inaudible.

"I-I'm so s-so s-selfish!"

He is so selfish.

Selfish to find a relief in a person who has been suffering himself his whole life.

He thought he went to him with noodles because he wanted Minho to eat them and have a good meal and sleep. No. It was just him who wanted to be around that boy because he saw an escape in him.

He thought he had a crush on him. No. He was just looking at him as his own escape from his own head.

He thought he cares for him when he thought that Minho would like that burger. No. He just needs a reason to go back.

And for what? For Minho? No. He never even once thought about Minho. He just ever thinking about himself. He is fucking selfish.

"I-It's m-my fault! M-My... my f-fault!" he mumbled, eyes wide open, face nestled between his arms, red and flooded with tears as he kept staring in his lap and kept telling himself how pathetic of a human he was.

Kept telling himself that it was his fault that Minho cried. It was his fault that Minho felt vulnerable and lonely. It was his fault. Everything was his fault.

How can he see a person as his escape? How can he expect a human to be there for him? For who? Him? Him who have nothing to give in return? Not even a real smile?

He couldn't even give anything to that boy at that book store in these whole 7 months he knew him. All he did was take take and take from him.

Jeongin bought them lunch everyday, yes Jisung paid for his own and sometimes both, but so what? He never remembered about lunch, it was always Jeongin to get up and go out and bring him lunch. All he did waa go there to sit so he can feel ok.

Jeongin kept giving him care, and he? He didn't even let him be his friend. God, he is so pathetic.

Minho kept giving him everything. He cooked for him, he spent on him, let him sleep on his bed, held him, took care of him, and he? He made him cry, left him alone.

Pathetic. Pathetic. He is fucking pathetic! He is...

Was he?

Did he really went to Minho with all his favorite noodles he kept to eat later just because of his selfishness? Just because he wanted to and not because his heart couldn't bare tears in that boy's eyes when he saw him eating alone?

Was he really selfish when he left Minho alone, refusing to have diner with him? Did he not left because he didn't wanted Minho to eat less because of having him?

Was he really a pathetic human?

No.

He was a sweetheart. A selfless boy carrying endless love in his heart. It's just, he was scared.

Scared of everything. Everyone. Himself. He was scared, suffocated, trapped into his head, into his own soul, crying and screaming on himself, blaming everything on himself because... because this was the only thing he had the control over.

If he will ever ask, Jeongin will tell him what he meant to him, what he became to him. If he will ever ask, Minho will tell him what actually he has done for him, how he has made him feel.

But the thing is...

He will never ask.

Because he will never belive them. He will never belive anyone.

He only and only believes himself. He only believes that...

"I-I should d-die... s-should d-die..."

He controlled his fingers to not tighten around his arms anymore, trying to bite back the urge of just scratch his whole body, already feeling his nails almost tearing his skin through his t-shirt.

Months. It has been months since he have felt like this.

It has been months since he sat in the corner of his bathroom in the middle of the night with darkness surrounding him.

7. He remembers. It has been 7 months since he have touched anything sharp to run it through his skin.

7 months. Since he met Jeongin.

Was this because that part of his life was again going to be empty? Or was it because he just realised that he actually wanted to run away? Or was it because he was selfish to fall for that boy living in that village?

He didn't knew what it was, but... but he just wanted to.

He really really just wanted to grab anything, anything sharp and just tear his skin apart, just to remind himself his place and that he can't get the happiness he thinks he can, he can't love anyone, he can't give anything to anyone who loves him. That he was not capable of it. That...

That he do not deserve it.

All he deserves was pain, tears, cries. All he deserves was emptiness, loneliness.

His whole body shook and tensed as his eyes kept letting tears go one after the other. He clutched his legs, his hands tightly, trying to scoot more and more into this scary corner.

"J-Just die..." he mumbled, eyes wide and red, chest paining like his heart was about burst out.

"GET AWAY FROM MY HEAD!" he suddenly screamed, immediately gripping onto his hair when Minho, Minho, Minho, it just won't leave his brain even for a second.

"G-Go a-away!" and he finally, finally cried.

"L-Let me b-be!" he cried loudly, fingers getting loose in his hair as he hiccuped.

"W-Why did y-you pulled me o-out!?" he cried, throat aching painfully "W-Why have you c-come n-now!? G-Go away! GO AWAY!" he suddenly shouted in frustration and let out a loud cry when with each passing second Minho's voice started getting louder and louder in his ears.

' "I thought you were mad at me for saving your life" '

"No!" he immediately panicked as the voice echoed in his head "I-I'm not mad at y-you! I'm sorry!" he mumbled, body shaking, chest heaving.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Minho I'm sorry!" he cried.

He need it. He need something. Something sharp, something... his blade.

His whole body reacted before his mind could as he suddenly got up, his legs trembling, hands shaking, face red, tears all over, eyes dry and swollen.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" he kept mumbling under his breath as his hand unwillingly reached for the blade he have hidden from his mom under the sink and took it out.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm not mad at you. I-I'm s-sorry. I'm s-sorry" he slowly sat back down, squirming back in the same dark corner with the blade in his hand as he kept looking at it with tears running down his eyes, heart pouncing in his chest.

"I-It's my f-fault. N-Not yours. I-I'm sorry" he mumbled as he immediately removed his trousers and within a second placed the blade onto his thigh, just near an already healed cut.

"I-It's my fault. I know. I-It's my... f-fault..." he wants to. He really wants to just swipe his hand and then he can slowly black out and then wake up in the morning with blood around. He will clean it up, he will wrap a bandaid around his thigh and then it's going to be ok.

And he pressed the blade on a little. He was just there, just about to peirce his skin with it just like he have done hundreds of times before. For years. Just a small swipe and...

But...

But it hurts!

It hurts so bad!

It always hurts!

He always cries from pain before he blacks out!

He always regrets it instantly!

It always hurts so so bad!

His hand trembled as a cry tore through his chest.

He knew he deserves pain. He knew he deserve this but...

He...

He doesn't want this...

He never wanted this!

Chapter Text

Never wanted this.

He never wanted this.

He never wanted to cry in the corner of his room, his bathroom, curled up into himself almost every night.

He never wanted to feel so suffocated into himself.

He never wanted to steal his Appa's razor from his bathroom.

He never wanted to take that blade out and cut his skin.

He never wanted to cry from pain and regret and panic seeing his blood gushing out of his skin.

He... He never wanted this life.

All he wanted was to smile and laugh like everyone around.

Grow up like the kids in his neighborhood or school or college. Smiling and cracking jokes. He wanted to burst his house's door open and shout 'Mom! I'm home!' with a big smile on his face, ready to tell his mother what he did at school that day. He...

He just wanted to live. Like everyone else.

He didn't choose this for himself. It was not his fault. It was not. It was...

Was it not?

Maybe it was.

Maybe it was all his fault.

Choosing to stay awake till his parents fell asleep to steal an extra piece of cake from the fridge was his fault.

Leaving his room was his fault.

Staying awake was his fault.

Everything was his fault.

But... he just wanted to eat his favorite cake. How was that his fault!?

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"Huh!?" Minho suddenly let out, body jerking up, head still almost fully sleepy, when he heard a knock on his door.

Thinking he might have misheard or the voice was in his dream-

"M-Minho...?"

And his eyes immediately snapped opened. There was another weak knock on the door and he immediately threw his blanket away and jumped out of the bed, stumbling as he rushed towards the door.

There was another knock which got cut off in the middle as Minho pulled his door open with hurried movements, only to see him standing there.

"J-Jisung...?"

2 in the night, and Jisung was standing in front of him in the dark, looking at him with big eyes filled with hope and something Minho couldn't figure out.

"Jisung?" he breathed out, heart immediately getting nervous when he took the younger's sight in clearly and realised that he has been crying before coming here.

"What happened, Jisung?" he asked softly, eyes turning soft and caring "Why are you her-?"

"Can I come in?"

It was a small faded voice, like his throat was heavy, and Minho just couldn't understand what was in those eyes which were looking at him with such hope in them.

"P-Please...?" Jisung mumbled, clutching at the strap on his bag over his shoulders nervously "C-Can I stay the n-night here?"

'I don't want to hurt myself again' was something that he hid behind those words quietly.

Minho's heart sank when he saw how Jisung's hands were clutching at the straps of the bag so they won't tremble. And maybe the 'something' he couldn't understand in those eyes, was fear.

"Come in" he whispered ever so quietly and smiled softly before taking a step to the side, gesturing the younger to get inside.

Jisung looked down as he immediately rushed in and a sigh of relief left his lips like he has reached to a place where no one can harm him, no one can touch him. Not even he himself.

"Uh, t-thank you.." he mumbled, back facing Minho as he closed the door and turned to him "I was just, uh..." he muttered and squeezed his eyes tightly, preparing himself before he turned around... with a smile on his face.

"I promise I will not come uninvited like this again, it's just.." he chuckled and smiled looking at Minho "And I will sleep on the floor tonight! I don't want any arguments on that! Ok?" he said, suddenly crossing his arms over his chest, still smiling cutely.

While Minho? He just started at him, blinking dumbly, not replying.

And Jisung slowly started feeling nervous. He kept his smile up and chuckled again when Minho blinked at him so lost, but his heart...

Oh his heart was beating so fast in his chest and it slowly started to pain.

He is aware he might be not welcome here. He might be not welcomed anywhere, he knew it. He was not rude when he refused Jeongin to be his friend. He promises, he was not. It's just...

He was a burden.

He was someone who was not normal. He was suicidal, he hurts himself, he was mentally not ok. He was not normal at all. He was nothing but a burden on the people around him. So for whole his life, he never came close to anyone, always maintained a distance, never made friends, never went out in the evenings with anyone. He didn't wanted anyone around him rushing here and there when they will find blood around him, or worried when they will find a knew cut on his body, or when he talks about how he see no hope in life at all.

He didn't wanted anyone to be like his mom when she first found him in his bathroom, pass out with a deep cut around his wrist, blood pooling on the floor. He never want anyone to be scared about him all the time, worry if he is going to kill himself the next moment or not.

Oh hell, he just wanted to live! For fucking once.

Just for once... He also wanted to feel free from himself. He can't cry more, it physically hurts now. It's... It's just too much.

"What?" he chuckled nervously, keeping his smile up when Minho didn't replied and instead just blinked at him dumbly.

Jisung let out a regretful chuckle and looked down "S-Sorry, um, I'll... I'll leave" he mumbled, not looking up at the older "I-I know it's so late and I... I disturbed your s-sleep. I-I'm sorry, I'll g-go-"

His mumbling suddenly paused as he startled a little and snapped his head up when he saw Minho now standing just in front of his face.

He blinked up at the older's eyes for some seconds with his big scared eyes, and finally stretched out a smile shakily not understanding what was going on in Minho's mind. Maybe he was going to throw him out. And with all honesty, he deserves that.

What was he thinking when he threw that blade that he held onto his thigh for 15 minutes and the decided to run to here? To... To him.

Minho was not his doctor or therapist or someone that he can just decide to come to him so he won't cut his skin open.

And honestly, this time he doesn't even know the reason of his relapse. It has been 7 months. He didn't knew what different happened today.

Maybe it was Jeongin's words saying 'I know your are waiting for your escape too' and the guilt when his mind could only think of this one man? He didn't knew.

"S-Sorry for disturbin-" he tried to speak and smiled up at the man again when, he suddenly quieted down.

His eyes turned soft as his whole body suddenly froze when Minho lifted his hand to his face, and placed two of his fingers onto the either corners of his lips lightly and smiled.

Jisung's eyes grew big and it took everything in him to not breakdown right there when Minho softly pulled the corner of his lips down, stopping him from smiling.

"Better" Minho breathed out with a soft smile and Jisung immediately felt his eyes gloss up, but he blinked them immediately and smiled again with hurt in his eyes.

"You don't like my smile?" he mumbled in a small, very small and quiet voice, clearly indicating the hurt that struck his heart.

Jisung loved his own smile. It was the only thing he appreciated and adored about himself. A clearly visible heart shape of his lips and his gums lightly showing when he smiled to the point his eyes almost closes. He loved his smile, and to know that Minho doesn't...

It did hurt his heart.

Even he didn't knew what Minho has become to him for his slightest gesture or disliking about him to hurt him like this. Like now all he wanted was Minho to adore him, Minho to tell him that he also loves his smile, and maybe his hair too? And maybe his eyes too? He just... He just wanted Minho to...

No. He will not say that. It was... It was a very big thing.

Minho's smiled and his eyes softened as he lightly creased his finger tips at the corner of his lips, making his smile go down again.

"I haven't seen one yet" he mumbled, smiling lovingly, taking his hand away.

And Jisung's just stayed there, staring up at him with big eyes, immediately understanding what that means. And something tucked so painfully in his chest.

"Have you had dinner?" Minho asked sweetly, taking a step away from him.

Jisung blinked at him for a second and then looked down, nodding in a lie. And Minho smiled knowing it.

"Go sit down on the bed, I'll heat up rice and cook the fish for you" he said, raised his hand and softly ruffled the boy's hair and turned around towards his stove, only for Jisung's eyes to get glossed up as he kept looking down.

"Y-You didn't eat d-dinner?" Jisung asked, suddenly feeling guilty that maybe Minho didn't ate was because of him. Because he didn't came today to eat with hi-

"It's your portion" Minho said softly, knowing about the tears in the boy's eyes through his breaking voice.

Jisung looked up slowly as he blinked in confusion "My portion?"

Minho smiled as he sat down on the stone on the floor and lit the mud stove up "I thought if you came back and wanted to eat something? So I cooked rice for you too and kept your fish aside"

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Minho smiled as he sat quietly on the ground in front of the younger with his wooden table between them as Jisung ate his rice and fish quietly.

It was not an amount of food that was enough for one person in anyway, oh but ask Jisung how full and relaxed he felt with each tiny bite he took of those warm rice and that salted fish.

For the first time in years, today he remembered what a home cooked meal tastes like. A meal prepared with love and care and want to feed someone. Someone you... love.

Minho smiled as his heart broke a little when Jisung lowered his head, trying to hide his tears and hold back a cry building up in his throat.

"T-Thank you..." Jisung mumbled in a quiet voice as he bought his chopsticks to his mouth again.

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When Jisung was trying to calm himself down in that corner of his bathroom with his eyes fixed on the blade he just threw away, hugging his knees tightly with tears down his cheeks, he didn't thought he will calm, stomach full, laying in a warm bed, carefully tucked in a blanket over him in next 3 hours.

He never thought he will so taken care of.

It was hard.

It was so hard to control his breathing, taking his eyes away from the blade that he just wanted to grab and relieve that intensely bubbling up urges in his mind and get up from that floor. It was hard to change his cloths with his shaky hands and heaving chest and book a taxi. It was hard to not tap his feet repeatedly while waiting to reach the village the whole ride. It was hard, but it was worth it.

Deep in his heart, he was proud of himself. This was the first time he has controlled his urges like this. Yes, he have been controlling himself, distracting his mind, his heart, with one way or the other, but he never backed his foot after coming so far so to press the blade to his skin and then snap out. Never. He will never admit it, but he was proud.

But yes, he will admit it and he knows it, it was because of Minho.

' "Please don't do it again" '

Minho's words kept ringing in his head the whole time he kept staring at the blade. And in the end, all he knew was, he didn't do it because of the fear of disappointment this man.

The pain, the blood, the sickness,, nothing. It was only and only because he didn't wanted Minho to look at him with broken eyes. He didn't wanted to see himself as a pathetic soul in Minho's mind.

"I-I'm sorry for barging in like thi-"

"I was wishing you'd come..."

Jisung kept staring up at the ceiling as tears kept forming in his eyes again and again.

No matter what he tried or forced himself to feel, Minho just would not let him feel that.

He wanted to feel like a burden, and then Minho told him that he kept food for him. He wanted to feel guilty for waking him up, and then Minho smiled at him so lovingly. He wanted to feel unwelcome, and then Minho was telling him that he was waiting for him.

And no matter how much he fought, Minho didn't let him sleep on the floor afterall.

"Jisung..?"

"Hm..?"

Minho blinked at the ceiling numbly as he laid on the floor, rethinking to let his next words out or not.

"Was..." he mumbled, nervousness filling his heart "Was it a lie?" he asked, sighing shakily.

Jisung waited patiently, his own heart getting nervous with each second Minho kept silent.

"Was... Was it a lie that you jumped in the river because your boyfriend left you...?"

And everything became silent for some minutes. Minho regretting to ever utter those words, and Jisung quietly letting his tears fall down.

"I'm s-sorr-"

"Yes..." Jisung breathed out, not being able to let out any voice from his throat.

They stayed there, at that unbearable distance as Minho smiled to himself with a broken heart and glossy eyes because now he knew the reason behind Jisung's wish of giving up his life was not as simple as a boy leaving him, and he was scared to know the actual reason now.

While on the other hand, Jisung was feeling suffocating. Even on this bed he slept alone with enough space, he felt suffocated.

Suffocated from the empty space on the bed. Suffocated with the distance between him and Minho. Suffocated with too much air.

So he sighed and wiped his tears away before slowly sitting up.

Minho looked at the boy with confused and concerned eyes and slowly sat up as he saw the boy suddenly sitting up on the bed and staying there for some seconds like he was thinking of something.

"Jisung? What happene-?" but even before he could complete his words, Jisung suddenly turned to his side and got up from the bed. Even before Minho could blink, Jisung slowly kneeled down on the thin mattress Minho was sleeping on and quietly laid down on his side.

Minho's eyes widened as he immediately scooted away to make space for the younger and to maintain an appropriate distance.

It was quiet and none of them decided to speak as Minho quietly got up and picked up the blanket from the bed and gently laid it on the boy before picking up the pillow and coming back to his place on the floor.

He didn't said anything, just sat down holding the pillow in his hands as Jisung quietly lifted his head up and let Minho slid the pillow under his head.

Minho blinked numbly, not understanding why Jisung decided to come down to sleep on this uncomfortable mattress, leaving the bed, and slowly laid back down.

They both stayed like this, staring and blinking at the ceiling numbly as both of their heart felt nervous.

"Minho..."

Nervous, but Jisung's heart also felt relaxed.

"Hm?"

He felt the suffocation going away. He could breath now, feel ok suddenly.

"Thank you..."

For anything and everything. From saving his life to giving him a home where he can feel ok, he just wanted to say thank you to Minho everyday, every minute, every second.

While he knew he has not done anything for the older.

"Jisung..."

He never gave him anything. Never made me feel anythin-

"Thank you..."

Only if he knew.

Only if he knew what he have given to Minho.

Only if he knew that the tears he saw Minho crying while eating alone were blessings to him.

From years, he has not felt anything. No emotions, no feelings at all. He did everything to feel happy, or cry but it just, it all felt so numb.

Until that day when he saw a boy walking away and his heart ached.

The day he felt a stronger tuck on his heart with each step that boy took getting far and far away from him.

The day he cried those confused tears, feeling lonely and sad after years.

When he was small and finally accepted the reality of his life and knew he was going to be al alone now, he blocked all his feels, not wanting to cry over and over again every night hugging his parents picture. But by blocking those feeling of loneliness or sadness, he didn't realised when the feeling of happiness and relief also got lost somewhere.

And it didn't took long when he stopped feeling everything.

But then one day, he came. That boy.

Jisung.

And suddenly, the butterflies he used to just adore because they were beautiful, gave him a sweet tickle of excitement all over again.

Suddenly that water flowing in that river which he used to smile at because of how clear and shiny it was, gave his heart a want to splash his feet in that cold water.

Suddenly the cold breeze he used to shiver and duck his face at, gave him a smile as he lifted his head up, feeling it crease his cheeks softly.

Only if Jisung knew what he has given to him.

There was silence as Minho slowly closed his eyes, thinking Jisung must have slept, not daring to turn his head and look at him, when his eyes suddenly shot open.

He blinked with wide eyes as he felt something being placed on his body, and immediately saw Jisung draping his warm blanket over him, and before he could complain, he turned his face to his side and saw Jisung scooting closer to him so they both were sharing the blanket comfortably.

Minho's heart raced as he kept looking in the younger's eyes, his cheeks turning red as Jisung blinked at him and then closed his eyes, so close to each other yet maintaining a distance.

Minho stared at the boy's face so close to him for some seconds before a loving smile appeared on his lips.

"Will you come to the school with me tomorrow?" he asked and saw Jisung opening his eyes and looking up at him, blinking slowly.

"School?" he asked in a confused yet little voice "You go to school?"

Minho smiled "Hm" he answered, and even before Jisung's mind could flood with questions, he spoke again.

"There is a teacher who comes to the village on every Saturday and Sunday and teaches us for free" Minho smiled, having a tiny pride in his eyes, and oh Jisung felt his heart dying in adoration.

"I can come to your school?" he asked in a little voice.

"Hm" he smiled "You can sit there and we can eat lunch together too"

Jisung blinked at the man with numb eyes. He wanted to smile, but he knew it would be fake and he knew Minho doesn't wanted to see it. So he just nodded ever so slightly, looking at Minho with big eyes.

Minho stared at him for some seconds and he just couldn't stop his words when they came out of his mouth...

"Do you think no one loves you?"

And Jisung's heart immediately stopped. He doesn't know how and why Minho says everything so directly yet so carefully, but oh this time he couldn't stop that tear that pooled in his eyes and rolled down through the bridge of his nose and to the pillow underneath.

And Minho smiled.

Before Jisung could process any movements from the older, his eyes widened when he felt a hand being placed on his head gently as the fingers slowly laced in his hair.

"I also thought that for myself..." Minho whispered with a smile as he placed a little pressure on the boy's head, softly massaging his head.

Jisung blinked with big eyes as his heart raced and relaxed in his chest. Tears kept pooling in his eyes as he did everything to stop himself from scooting closer and hiding himself in the older's chest, crying until his heart felt lighter.

"T-Thought?" the question came even before he could think and oh how his heart ached when he saw Minho smiling at him oh so lovingly, like he was telling him that... that now he feels loved... by him.

"Go to sleep" Minho breathed out, massaging the boy's head "It's late".

He wanted to place a kiss on Jisung's head, he so desperately wanted that, but he was learning his boundaries through Jisung. He was only allowing himself to do what Jisung does with him.

And that was ok. It was more than enough.

"You will not get nightmares" he smiled "I'm here"

Chapter Text

"Mmh~" a little whine left his lips as he squeezed his eyes tightly when the morning light finally hit his face through the small window.

He slowly started waking up and sleepily stretched his legs and hand-... Wait...

His eyes slowly opened when he felt a weight on his arm and couldn't stretch it, and oh the way he panicked. His eyes immediately shot open and mind woke up fully with an instant when he saw reason his arm was aching a little.

Jisung. Laying his head on his arm, almost nuzzled into his chest, Jisung was sleeping quietly, hands curled up in soft little fists up to his chest as he was curled up a little under the blanket by his side.

Minho blinked with his eyes wide and cheeks red as he kept staring at the peacefully sleeping boy, when suddenly his heartbeat raised realising the situation and he immediately flinched away slightly.

A nervous breath left his lips when he saw Jisung trying to curl up closer to him. He gulped and slowly pulled his hand away from under the boy's head and scooted away from him as his cheeks burned red.

He saw Jisung scrunching his nose at the movements and slowly turn around in the blanket, now back facing him.

And Minho?

Minho sat there froze, eyes wide, cheeks red and heart going crazy in his chest as he kept staring at the boy. God knows at what time and moment in the night they came so close and ended up Jisung sleeping on his arm while he had his other hand on his waist, but god he felt like he was going to have an attack at anytime now.

He blinked rapidly to snap himself out of his thoughts and immediately looked down, ears burning with blush. He doesn't know what the fuck was happening to him and what he should name this whatever he was feeling around this boy. He only knows that this feeling, this want he has growing in him, the want to lay back down and scoot closer to the boy, the want to hug him loosely from the back, the want to say sorry for troubling him in his sleep, the want to kiss on his head, the want to listen to his calm breathing as he slept peacefully and fall sleep again like that, for all this, this feeling, he only know one name. The blushing, the shyness, the nervousness, the wants, he only knows one name, and he didn't knew if it was actually that or not.

Was...

Oh goodness, was he really in Love?

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"So you don't go to your fields on saturdays and sundays?"

Minho laughed nervously at the sudden question and the 's' in 'fields' Jisung spoke.

"N-No" he replied in an unsure voice "I don't"

Jisung pouted as they both continued to walk towards the school Minho mentioned last night.

"So I can't see your field today too?" he asked in a complaining tone, kicking the small stone on the ground.

Minho just laughed awkwardly, and him not saying that he will take him to his field tomorrow did made Jisung curious, but he decided to brush it off.

While on the other hand, Minho quietly looked down, continuing walking with many kids and grown ups walked past them, chatting and laughing towards the same school.

Minho didn't wanted to take Jisung to his field. He didn't wanted the younger to show his field, but looks like he can't hold Jisung back for too long now.

While Jisung, he just wanted to stay here forever. This feels so good, so peaceful. Life feels so... so easy here.

He knew it was because of Minho that he likes this place, this village, but being honest, he actually likes this small place with fresh grass, fresh tall trees all around. Some dogs and cows roaming around freely, children laughing and running everywhere, adults walking to their fields, a soothing music of the water flowing in the river always in the background, birds chirping and leafs dancing in the air. It was like, he was for the first time seeing life.

"It's beautiful"

"Hm?" Minho let out at the sudden words, turning his face towards the boy.

"Your village" Jisung mumbled, looking around with calm eyes "Everything here is so beautiful" he said blinking at the two women laughing as they walked towards the well to get water.

"You like it here?" Minho asked with a soft smile appearing on his lips as he kept looking at the younger on his side, seeing him looking around with big curious eyes.

"Hm" Jisung replied simply and kept adoring the surroundings quietly.

They both kept walking, not talking much. It was just quiet and peaceful. And yes, Minho did wanted to hold that smaller hand that was swinging just inches away from him, but he knew he can't.

"You like going to school?"

"Hm?" Minho let out in a surprised voice, cheeks immediately turning red as his mind snapped out of the thoughts of holding the younger's hand and immediately looked at his face.

"Your school?" Jisung asked, looking at Minho with curious eyes "You like going to school?" he asked again and oh how his heart melted when he saw Minho's eyes immediately shining.

"Hm!" Minho hummed in the most excited tone and nodded happily "I love going to school! And Mr. James is such a good person!" he exclaimed happily "You will like him too!"

Jisung blinked at the man as his cheeks slowly turned pink and a soft chuckle of pure adoration left his lips as Minho's face lit up more and more as he kept talking about his school and this Mr. James he loves so much.

"He says I'm his best student!"

Jisung smiled as he kept listening to the older happily talking, thinking of what Minho must be learning at this school? He can see around and understand that Mr. James, this teacher who comes to this village to teach kids was like a pure person who just wanted the kids and people with no resources to have education and knowledge.

He can see that there are people of different ages heading to the same direction with them. Small kids, some one or two about Minho's age, and maximum kids aging maybe around 14-15. He understood that Mr. James teaches all of them different subjects and things what they need according to their ages all together.

And now he can't help but wonder what Minho learns there? Maybe some basics of English? General Knowledge? Or was he learning to read and write? Maybe simple mathematics? He wonders if Minho knows how to write his own name. Or maybe he studies about farming? Or maybe-

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"PHYSICS!?"

"Hey! Can you stay a little quiet! I'm trying to solve this problem!"

Mr. James laughed when the little 8 year old boy sitting on the front row complained with a cute frown on his forehead before going back to concentrating on 8×67 problem in his papre.

"Physics!?" Jisung immediately asked again with the equal amount of shock in his wide eyes, just voice a little lower this time, as he kept looking up at Mr. James.

The man took his eyes away from the 8 years old and looked back to his side, at Jisung, and smiled softly.

As Jisung expected, it was a single place with different age of people, all of them learning their own thing as Mr. James kept walking to all of them in every two minutes, seeing what each one of them are doing.

It was not a classroom or even a closed area. The 'School' was on a small portion of open land under the shed of big trees that the villagers and mainly the students coming to attend kept clean. Removed the grass and maintain it, wash the sheets each student sits on on the ground, cleans Mr. James' table and chair everyday and make sure to fill up the class's water pot before the 2 hour class every weekend, all of them taking turns.

As Minho and Jisung reached the class, Minho quietly told Jisung that he can sit on the side chairs placed in case any parent wanted to sit and stay around their kids, and immediately went to the back corner of the area and quietly sat down on the sheet placed for him.

Jisung saw Minho taking out a rough notebook from the cloth bag he bought with him and a half finished pencil, waiting for Mr. James to provide him with directions of what to do, looking ip at him with shine and hope in his eyes.

And the moment Mr. James smiled and walked upto him and took out a thick book from his own bag and gave it to Minho, Jisung definitely had some questions. A lot of them actually.

"Yeah" Mr. James spoke, with a deep sigh following right after, as he turned his face towards the oldest boy in the class, sitting at the back of the class, quietly solving his problems, looking oh so concentrated.

As the class stared and Mr. James came to sit on his chair, he immediately looked at Jisung sitting of the side chairs and smiled at him with a confusion on his face. There was little chit chat between the two, and Mr. James learned that his favorite student has made a city boy his friend, and Jisung learned that Mr. James was not a school teacher he thought he was, but a retired university professor.

A man with a heart wanting to help other who may need a little push, a strong hand to hold onto and stand up, an enlightenment that life didn't offered them. A man who felt happy while teaching for almost his whole life but got filled with sparks of life in his heart when he decided to retired 10 years prior to his actual retirement and decided to devote his life in teaching different village's students for 2 days a week each.

It was like... this was a missing piece of his heart, and now he finally felt complete.

Seeing these kids, these 13 years olds being thrilled and so proud upon learning to write their first words, learning to read their own names, he felt like hew was born again. Born in a life he actually craved for. A life of finding the people who need him and, people he can share his knowledge to, and...

And sometimes finding kids like that one.

The one sitting in the back corner with a thick university level physics book on his lap as he quietly solved one problem after the other in his note book.

"He..." Jisung let out, turning his head towards Minho, blinking with shocked eyes "He knows physics?" he mumbled, completely dumbfounded, and immediately heard Mr. James chuckle.

"Knows?" he let out in a proud sarcasm "He is a Genius" he informed and smiled proudly seeing Minho flip the page of the book and immediately going onto solving another problem.

"But... But that's..." Jisung didn't knew how to respond as he kept staring at Minho with disbelief in his eyes. He never saw any signs of being a fucking genius or something in Minho? What the fuck!?

"Hard to believe" Mr. James laughed "I know. I was like you too when I first met him 2 years ago" he said and smiled looking at the said boy "It's what we all like to call as 'God's Gift'. A blessing. A miracle"

Jisung turned his head to his side, tearing his eyes from Minho and looking at Mr. James with the curiosity of wanting to know more.

"He can easily solve any Mathematic and Physics problem from a book from the final year of university" Mr. James spoke "He struggles with the same level of Chemistry, but he catches up with a little bit of practice" he smiled "Maybe he can pass even more typical problems? Maybe he can do advance physics and mathematics? Who knows? But I can't provide him with the level of books and knowledge that I haven't reached to and can't help him with, so I bring him my old books and sometimes even purchase newer versions with new theories and god he gets so thrilled about them"

"B-But how?" Jisung's lips spoke before he actually could "How can he when he neve-"

"Never touched a single book in his life?" Mr. James completed his words, making the boy go quiet.

"The 'Miracle' we call are not always so easy as they show us in the movies" he smiled and looked at the boy "When I first met him, I knew the way he was not interested in learning anything but practicality of things. How they work, how do they do this, do that? He was so curious" he chuckled.

"One day he came to me all excited, saying that he saw a toy car that was moving on its own and a girl was holding a remote that was somehow controlling it and making it move without being connected to it. He had no damn intrest in the car or playing with it. All he wanted was to know 'How?' " Mr. James sighed with a half hearted smile "But things were not as easy as they sound" he mumbled looking back at Minho "The time I finally understood that Minho, his brain wanted and craved much higher knowledge than I was trying to give him, I picked up on his interest and slowly understood the direction of his mind" he smiled, and Jisung could clearly see the pride in those eyes as Mr. James kept looking at Minho.

"But as I said, everything is not rainbows and glitters. Miracles are there, people with God's gifts are there, but it's not magic. Their brain craves knowledge, but it's not like they just somehow know everything magically" he explained "For Minho, he understands all the logics, knows mathematics, but he struggled the moment he saw a book. He didn't knew the typically wordings in the books, the terminologies, the names, the definitions. He could practically tell you everything, the logic behind everything, the reason behind something working, but if you tell him to solve it on paper and prove it at that time, he will struggle to even understand what the questions were asking because he didn't knew half of those hard words"

Jisung listened carefully as Mr. James spoke again "It took him months of dedication. Remembering and understanding every term that came as a hurdle, and well" he chuckled "'Magically' he is a damn fast learner" he smiled "And look where he is now" he said, pride dripping from his tongue "I can bet my anything on him that he can easily beat a university professor in a test, let alone a last year student"

"But..." Jisung immediately spoke, voice as lost and in disbelief "But he... he doesn't seem even a slightest... he seemed so... so innocen-"

"Innocent in one word..." Mr. James smiled "And Naive is another" he sighed "I want to take him to my old university and make him sit down and give the entrance test and show everyone what a gem is hiding in a small village like this, but..."

Jisung blinked at the man as his eyes turned a little disheartened as he kept looking at Minho.

"But he is... he is just too pure" he smiled pitifully at the boy "He doesn't even know, doesn't realised what he do is something special. The outside world... it will eat him alive" he blinked as his voice turned clearly sad "I want to take him out of here, I want to watch him grow to the heights, the potential god has made him for, but I know I can't. I can't when I can't devote my life to him like he needs. He doesn't know how things work. He can't survive alone in the kind of people out there. He is a little too..."

"Innocent..." Jisung completed the man's words, his own eyes fixed on the boy completely concentrated in his book "Innocent is the word in the end" he mumbled in a small voice "The naive in him can go away with each slap of betrayal from the world but..." a small sigh left his lips "The innocence he have in his heart will just crumble him into nothing..."

"You care about it a lot, hm?"

Jisung's mind suddenly snapped out of his thoughts as he turned his face back to the man and blinked.

"I'm gald" Mr. James smiled "It's ok if he can't be someone big in his life that he was born for, but at least he got someone to care for him now"

Jisung blinked at the man with pink tinted cheeks, but a confused mind. Why was this man talking like Minho doesn't have anyone other than him? Like he never had anyone in this village who cared about him? Minho lost his parents when he was a little kid, of course the adults around must have stepped up and took care of that kid... right?

But, now if he thinks about it, he never saw Minho talking to... anyone at all.

"I don't know where life will take him..." Mr. James spoke again, grabbing the younger's attention "I don't know if life will even take him out of here ever or not..." he smiled "But I'm happy that I did my part" he whispered, like he was talking to himself, assuring himself.

"Your part?" Jisung asked in a small voice, not knowing if he was allowed to ask it or not.

And Mr. James smiled "I did an arrangement with the school I passed from and then taught in and make him give an exam that brings him with a certification of passing the school so he is eligible to attend university if life ever gives him a chance" he smiled.

"Y-You mean, basically his school is completed? He is passed-?"

"He is. Although the circumstances and the procedures of his passing had been clearly mentioned in the certificate, but it only take a test for him to prove what he is capable, so it will never be a problem"

And Jisung went quiet for some seconds, trying to take in all this information, when Mr. James spoke again.

"I don't know how close you two are, kid" he smiled looking at Minho being happy at a problem he solved after many attempts "I don't know what place he holds in your life, or he even have one of not, but..." he sighed with a heavy heart "Please don't ever be rude at him. That's the last time he need in his life..."

Chapter Text

Jisung smiled shyly to himself for the nth time as he and Minho walked through the village towards Minho's house.

It was around 3 in the afternoon, 1 hour since the class ended, and Jisung was smiling proudly that whole one hour when Mr. James sat with only Minho personally and cleared his doubts that he got in some questions. He remembers that Mr. James told him that he teaches only for 2 hours. Well, guess he have a favorite student to bend his timings then.

Jisung looked up and to his side and his heart smiled with warmth when he saw how content Minho looked.

Minho seemed so happy, so fulfilled, so at peace. All Jisung could think of was of how he used to be at the end of his classes in school or college. So exhausted and stressed and so done with everything. And here was Minho, looking extra fresh, extra happy, extra peaceful. Like he was already waiting for his tomorrow's class. He can bet Minho can still sit for atleast 4 hours of more studying and will be happier than this after it.

"You really like studying?"

Minho turned his head to his side and blinked as a big smile appeared on his face "Yes!" he beamed happily "I love studying! Specially physics! Everything is so interesting and I always want to know more!" and then he suddenly pouted "But sometimes it gets a little too difficult though" and smiled again "But I try and then it work out everytime!"

Jisung smiled with adoration in his eyes as he kept looking up at the older looking oh so happy and bubbly.

"And you know what!?" Minho beamed and suddenly stopped in his tracks coming in front of the younger to block his way and stop him too.

Jisung stopped and chuckled at the bubbled up energy in the older and waited for him to continue, but instead he got a cute pout on those beautiful lips.

"What?" Jisung laughed in confusion and saw Minho pouting even more.

"Ask 'What?'" he demanded with a frown and oh how Jisung's heart immediately melted.

"What?" he asked with a small giggle as Minho told him to and smiled stepping a little closer to the man.

And Minho's face immediately lit up again. The smile was back as his energy bubbled up again "Mr. James say I'm his best student from all his career of teaching!" he proudly and excitedly said and Jisung could feel like Minho really wanted to jump from how happy he looked.

Jisung kept staring up at the older as his heart suddenly relaxed. A sigh left his lips as he stepped even closer to Minho and smiled with his cheeks red when he saw Minho's face suddenly getting covered in blush and eyes growing big.

"I'm so proud of you" he mumbled in a small voice and lifted his hand up to reach for Minho's cheek-

And froze when a loud tune started ringing.

Minho blinked with wide eyes, racing heartbeat and red cheeks as Jisung stood there with his face red and hand froze just inches away from his face as his phone kept ringing loudly in his pocket.

Jisung suddenly snapped out of wherever he got lost at when Minho suddenly blinked rapidly and looked away from him, clearly blushing.

Oh god, what was he even intending to do? Putting a hand on Minho's cheek, standing so close to him, what was he trying to do? Kiss him? Oh no, he definitely was not going to kiss Minho in the middle of his village in the broad sunlight-

Wait! When did the kissing even get into consideration at all?

He didn't knew. He didn't knew what he was tyring to do. He didn't knew why Minho didn't moved back from him. He didn't knew why but, there was tingle in his chest. A feeling that was constantly making him want to be closer to this man than he already was. Physically, emotionally, he doesn't know, but he just... he just wanted Minho closer and closer to him.

There was home he have found in Minho. A home in his touch, in his scent, in his eyes, in his smiles. A home in his talks, in his little laughs, in his loving gaze. A home in which he wanted to hide and never let anyone find him again.

It has been a very little time since they knew each other, he understands that. He can't call this 'love' so quick, he understands that. He can't kiss Minho only because he wants to, he understands that. But his heart doesn't.

He knew he is a lot to handle, that he was an mental and emotional burden. He knew he will make Minho's life difficult the more he tangles himself in, but... but still wants him. He wants him close. He wants to be able to hold him in his arms, hide in his chest, sleep in his lap, eat with his hands, talk with him at nights. He just wants him closer and closer to his heart, to his soul.

"S-Sorry" he mumbled and immediately stepped at little away from Minho and reached for his phone in his pocket.

On the other hand, Minho kept looking in a distance, cheeks red and heart beating so fast as he gulped dryly. He have accepted that he was feeling something so so so strong towards this boy in front of him. He was still very scared to name it as 'Love', but he knew something was there.

He turned to face to the boy when the ring didn't immediately stopped and saw Jisung starring at the screen of his phone with expressions that he couldn't read.

Jisung looked sad, irritated, he clearly didn't wanted to pick the call as he kept staring at the name on the screen.

"Excuse me" he mumbled and walked a little away from Minho and picked up the call, rasing it up to his ear.

"Yes mom?" he spoke in small and already done voice.

"Where are you Jisung!?" he closed his eyes and sighed as his mother immediately shouted from the other side. "When did you leave the house!? Did you leave at night again!? And why is your phone out of network!? I've been trying your number since the mornin-"

"I'm at a friend's, mom" Jisung quietly replied, not wanting to break a fight right now, specially in front of Minho. He was already trying to speak as quietly as possible so Minho couldn't hear him.

"What friend, Jisung? Who is this frien-?"

"Don't act like you care, mom" he immediately snapped, voice getting tired and low "I will be back when I-"

"I want you back home by tonight"

His face immediately fell and eye went hollow when the voice of a man came from the other line. Strict and stern.

"Dad-"

"Tonight" the man repeated "Before dinner" and the call ended.

Minho blinked at the boy standing a little far away from him and titled his head in confusion, seeing him slowly lower his hand and keep his phone back quietly in his pocket.

Jisung was back facing him this whole time, so neither Minho was able to see his face, nor hear his voice, but for some reason, he could see Jisung has became a little... off.

"Jisun-"

"So?" Jisung suddenly spoke, cutting Minho's words as he turned around with a normal face and a little smile like nothing has happened "Are we going to your field now?" he asked hopefully "It's just 3pm and there is lot of time for me before leavin-"

"You are leaving?"

Minho didn't knew what he was expecting. It was not like Jisung was going stay with him here, in his house with him forever and ever. Obviously he has to go back to his own house, he will not be eating dinners with him everyday, sleeping beside him every night. He knew that, but yet, there was a tiny pout on his lips as his voice came out soft and small, like he was complaining about him leaving.

Jisung blinked up at the man as his pupils diluted with affection and cheeks dusted in soft pink blush.

"I-I..." he mumbled and looked down, tearing his eyes from the older "M-My mom called-"

"So you are leaving right now?"

Ok. Now Minho was complaining straight up.

Jisung looked up and blinked at that tiny annoyed pout of those pretty lips and then up in those sweet eyes, and god, Minho was looking at him with such shine of hope in them.

So he smiled.

"Not right now" he said and smiled when Minho's face immediately changed. A big smiled slowly appeared on his lips as his eyes shined happily.

"Really!?"

"Hm. But I need to go for like, an hour. Ok?" Jisung said and Minho immediately frowned in confusion.

"Why?" he asked as that pouted returned on his lips.

And Jisung smiled "Choose" he said, suddenly stepping closer to the man again "Burger or Pizza?" he asked and Minho tilted his head in confusion.

"What is that?" he asked, and Jisung's another step closer to him going completely unnoticed by his eyes.

Jisung smiled with adoration as he took another step closer to the man "Food" he mumbled in a soft voice.

Minho blinked as he finally started registering Jisung's movements when he saw the younger lifting his hand up again, and oh how his ears immediately turned red.

Jisung smiled as he raised his hand up and slowly and softly placed it onto the older's cheek, immediately feeling his breath got stuck in his throat "Just choose any one of them"

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Jisung knew there will be no deliveries available to the village or areas around. So he got a bus and reached to the bus stand around 20 minutes away from there, where the application showed the avaliable delivery at.

He smiled happily as he got off the bus with a paper bag in his hand and bowed his head to the bus conductor before making his way towards Minho's house.

He didn't knew if he was actually happy or not. Minho doesn't consider his smiles as smiles because they are fake, but... If Jisung was being honest, he actually feels happy.

Minho makes him happy.

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"Minho!" he called with a big smile on his face as he knocked on the small old wooden door and giggled softly when he immediately heard a rushing noise from inside.

Within the next second the door flew open, reveling a happy, bubbly Minho carrying a big bright smile on his face.

"You are back!" he beamed and immediately took a step aside, gesturing the younger to come in.

Jisung blushed as he smiled and looked inside and oh how his heart melted.

Minho has cleaned his whole house. He has he table set in the middle, ready to eat, had a jug or water on it and the stove was lit up, something cooking in the pot.

Jisung smiled lovingly. He was feeling like they are on a date. God.

"You are cooking something?" he asked curiously, looking up at the man.

Minho smiled nervously, having blush all over his cheeks "Oh, uh" he chuckled nervously "I was cooking fish.." he mumbled in a small voice "I know you said you were bringing food but you said you liked the fish yesterday, so I just thought... m-maybe if you wanna eat it with what you were bringin-"

"Thank you" Jisung immediately said, trying his best to keep his tears in as he kept smiling up at Minho with nothing but love in his eyes "I loved the fish yesterday" he said and sniffled lightly "T-Thank you"

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"Mmmhh~!"

Jisung laughed lovingly, seeing Minho close his eyes and enjoy another bite of his burger, eating it like he was in heaven.

"You like it?" Jisung asked as he took another bite of his boiled fished Minho cooked for him, and smiled when Minho didn't opened his eyes and just nodded with his cheeks full and round.

"Iss' so yum!" Minho spoke with his mouth full and licked his lips greedily.

Jisung laughed and looked up.

Up at the stars.

It was 7 in the evening, and they both sat at on the cold grass as the night slowly took over, letting those tiny stars to shine in that dark blue sky with the moonlight slowly filling their surroundings.

Although Minho have cleaned his house for their date-

Oh fuck it. It was a date. Jisung is going to call it a date. That's it.

So, although Minho did cleaned the house and prepared everything, Jisung already had other plans in his mind. And the moment the fish was cooked, he grabbed everything and dragged Minho out of his house, towards the back hill Minho took him previously to.

Jisung blinked as a soft smile appeared on his lips. It has been a while since his watched stars like this. They looks so beautiful.

He smiled and slowly turned his head to his side, seeing Minho finishing the last bite of his second burger and licking his fingertips happily.

"Tasty?" he asked in a soft voice, making Minho turn his face towards him.

"Hm!" Minho hummed happily and smiled lazily "So so tasty!" he beamed "Is Pizza this tasty too!?" he asked all excited, having sparkles in his eyes.

"Hm" Jisung smiled. He looked down and picked up the plate from his lap with a half eaten fish in it and placed it on the ground on his side carefully "Next time we will eat that too"

"Why didn't you eat burger?" Minho asked curiously, blinking at the fish.

Jisung smiled as he turned towards Minho "Because it's nowhere as tasty as the fish you cooked" he mumbled and even before Minho could think, Jisung lifted his hand and placed it on his cheek so so lovingly.

"Minho..." he whispered softly and sighed with a smile when Minho's eyes grew big as he froze under the sudden touch.

God, he wants to kiss him so bad.

"You.." Jisung let out in a small breath "Thank you for coming in my life" he whispered quietly, listening to the music of the water flowing in the river and leafs dancing slowly with the wind around them.

He wanted to say so much to him. Everything that his heart holds in. He wanted to tell Minho everything. His every pain, his every tear, his every reason. He wanted to tell him hold him before he falls again. He wanted to say it all. But he couldn't.

"I don't know what you are becoming to me..." Jisung mumbled, softly creasing Minho's cheek with his thumb, seeing a shaky breath leave Minho's parted lips as he kept staring at him with shocked wide eyes "But just..." he sighed "Just... d-don't g-go away now..."

Minho blinked as his chest started feeling tighten at the sudden action, at those unexpected words. He kept staring at the younger as the moonlight slowly painted his skin in a beautiful silver glow.

"J-Jisung I..." he let out before he could think and lifted his hand up and shakily reached for Jisung's face, not being sure if he was allowed to do that too or not.

"I-I..." he mumbled as Jisung kept looking at him with glossy eyes which slowly got bigger when he felt that soft touch filled with care and warmth on his cheek.

"Y-You will n-not go away, r-right...?" Minho stuttered ever so quietly, wanting to move his thumb softly onto Jisung's skin, but he restricted himself from doing so.

Jisung kept staring into the older's eyes as thick tears slowly covered his vision.

To know that Minho was as scared of loosing whatever they have built unknowingly between them as him was nothing but overwhelming to his heart.

So he slowly closed his eyes, letting those tears roll down his cheeks, feeling nothing but the nervous hand on his cheek.

Minho's eyes immediately glossed as his lip started quivering when that tiny tear touched his hand.

"Y-You will not, r-right?" he asked again, more scared this time, his touch getting desperate onto Jisung's skin "Y-You will not l-leave me, righ-"

"No..." Jisung breathed out as his own lip quivered. He slowly tilted his face into Minho's hand and sighed shakily "I-I will not..." he almost cried, keeping his own hand softly on Minho's cheek.

"I will n-not go a-anywhere" he whispered letting more and more tears to roll down.

"I..." he let out and bite his lips to keep his cries in "I-I... I will not t-try to kill myself a-again" he finally sobbed, titling his face more into Minho's hand "I promise" he cried "I-I will n-not go away..."

Minho wanted to kiss him. He wanted to tell him that he thinks he has fallen in love with him. He wanted to tell him not hurt himself anymore. But he kept quiet.

He let Jisung shed his tears in silence, just being there, close to him.

Jisung didn't wanted this to happen. He didn't planned to cry like this when he asked Minho to come here so they can see stars. He just wanted to have a peaceful and quiet time with him but...

He never felt this wanted before.

Minho looks at him with such excitement and happiness in his eyes, like... like he needs him, wants him.

And now, he suddenly feels like his life also hold a small purpose now. He, somewhere in a quiet corner of his heart, also wants to wake up the next morning.

Just for him.

To see his face, listen his voice, inhale his fragrance. Just to feel him, he also wants to live now.

"C-Can I... Can I k-kiss your forehead?"

Jisung's heart immediately stopped. He slowly opened his eyes, tears rolling down as looked at Minho and oh how his brain immediately shut down.

Minho was so close to his face, he was looking at his so so softly, his eyes were so nervous. He... He looked so adorable.

He looked like love.

His love.

Jisung blinked for some seconds, but didn't answered. He just kept staring at him and suddenly the hand on his cheek tensed.

Minho blinked, waiting desperately. He really really wanted to kiss Jisung's forehead and he was waiting for the permission, but Jisung was just not doing it first and he was growing desperate, so he asked.

And he got a quiet answer in those eyes.

The eyes that kept looking at him with tears pooling in them.

Jisung blinked softly when he saw Minho leaning forward and closing his eyes slowly.

His heart raced as he closed his and within the next second he felt a soft warm touch on his forehead.

His... His lips were so soft. His touch was so loving. His...

He loves him. God, he has fallen so deep in love with him.

Minho softly rubbed his thumb over his cheekbone and tightened his hold on his cheek, almost getting possessive, as he kept his eyes close, kissing Jisung's forehead.

He doesn't know what pain Jisung holds in him, but he wanted to make it disappear, he wanted to make these tears stop, he wanted that little heart to relax, he wanted... he...

Love. He loves him. He loves this boy.

Chapter Text

It was quiet, and it felt safe.

10 in the night, walking through the village to Minho's house in the dark, under those thousands of stars, it felt safe. They both felt safe, they both felt secure, they both felt... taken care of.

Even though those hands swinging beside each other were not tangled up in one another, even though none of those lips were smiling, the hearts were still at peace. They were calm, both for the first time, knowing that someone... this boy... this boy walking beside him... he was there. That he... he will be there.

It took them a little while. A little while to resist their bodies from letting go and kiss each other. A little while to let go of each other. A little while to stop those tears. A little while to calm down and take their hands away from each other and accept the loss of that touch.

"It's late..."

Jisung blinked at the ground, not even looking up as Minho spoke in a small voice.

"You can... s-stay the night..."

Jisung sighed with a pain in his chest at the older's words. He too didn't wanted to go back, but the way Minho said it, it breaks his heart. He doesn't want to leave Minho alone at night. He doesn't want him to sleep alone. He... He doesn't want him to be alone anymore.

"I..." Jisung mumbled and knew Minho was already upset.

"I can't stay tonigh-"

"Fine" Minho immediately said in a small disapproving voice, pouting to himself.

Jisung on the other hand smiled. God, this man is so cute.

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It was a quiet walk after that.

A walk where Jisung was wishing for Minho to just hold his hand, and Minho glancing down sneakily again and again to see if Jisung will hold his hand or not, and then pouted the whole way angrily when he didn't.

Jisung looked up at the road at a little distance from Minho's house as they both stood outside the door. He really doesn't want to go.

"Is it too late?"

He snapped his head back when Minho spoke in a concerned voice.

"Is your mom gonna be mad at yo-?"

"No"

Minho blinked as Jisung smiled softly.

"She will not" he said looking up at the older with loving eyes "I'm not that late" he lied trying to reassure Minho, ignoring the constantly buzzing phone in his pocket.

Last time he checked his phone was 1 hour ago and it had 12 missed calls from his dad and around 6 messages asking him where he was. He definitely was very late.

"I..." Minho mumbled, worry and guilt still covering his heart "I'm sorry, I know you got late, I-"

"Minho..." Jisung smiled, cutting off his words in between "I'm not late. I promise" he sighed with a sweet smile "And I will come back tomorrow"

And Minho finally smiled.

Oh he smiled so happily, so brightly.

"Tomorrow!?" he chirped immediately "When!?"

Jisung chuckled as his cheeks dusted pink "Before noon?" he smiled looking up at him "We will have lunch together, ok?"

"And dinner!?" Minho asked with the shine of hope in his eyes "We will have dinner together too!?"

Jisung smiled and stepped closer to the man "Only if you will take me to your field?"

And Minho's smiled slowly lost its shine.

"Oh..." he chuckled awkwardly "O-Ok..."

"Promis-?"

Jisung's words were suddenly disturbed as they both snapped their heads in the direction of the road when they heard a loud horn.

Minho looked at the bus and pouted as his heart saddened when he saw the bus stopping and some people coming out for a little rest and fresh air.

Jisung sighed when he saw the driver coming out of the bus, maybe to drink something hot before continuing the journey.

"Minho..." so he called ever so softly, still staring at the bus.

Minho turned his face back to the boy and blinked. Jisung suddenly sounded so... lost.

And he was.

He was still lost in the moments when they both were so close to each other. When Minho held his face in his hand and kissed his head. When he let out tears, telling Minho what he was becoming to him.

He was still stuck, still lost in the moments when he was inches away from kissing those lips.

"What I said back then..." he mumbled in a soft voice, wanting to say sorry. Sorry for maybe making things awkward between them. Sorry for crying like that. Sorry for crossing a lin-

"You mean it, right?"

And his heart thumped in his chest.

He slowly turned his face to the older and blinked looking up at him, only to see Minho looking at him with eyes so desperate for assurance.

"Y-You..." Jisung blinked with big eyes as Minho stepped closer to him with unsure yet desperate movements.

"You... Y-You will not go away, right?"

Oh...

Jisung blinked up seeing Minho's eyes filled with fear, and all he could think of was... Why?

Why does Minho looked so scared? Why is he always asking him if he will come back or not? Why is he always reassuring himself if he will stay or not? Why was he so unsure? So scared?

"Minho I..."

"You promised me..."

Oh he was trying so hard to hold his tears in.

"You p-promised me that you will not-"

"I will not try to kill myself"

And Minho immediately quited down, heart still beating painfully in his chest.

"I will not.." Jisung breathed out "I promise I will not. I... I meant everything, every word I said, I-"

And he immediately got quiet when Minho suddenly stepped closer to him and before he could process...

There was a warm hand gently placed on his cheek and a pair of lips pressed on his forehead ever so lovingly.

He stood there with his body froze, heart stopped and eyes wide, tears slowly filling them until his vision went blurry.

Guess the permission Minho asked for to kiss his forehead was not only for that one time.

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It was 11:45 in the night. Definitely past dinner time.

It was quiet when he twisted the knob and pushed the door open. It was dark, but the light coming from the kitchen in front of him told him what was to come. So he quietly removed his shoes, placed them aside properly and sighed.

"Jisung!"

He lowered his head, preparing mentally as he walked towards the kitchen with heavy steps.

He looked up and blinked as he stood by the door of the kitchen, seeing both of his parents sitting on the chairs by the dinner table, looking at him.

"I think I told you to come before dinner?" the man spoke, standing up from the chair and walking towards his son "Where were you?" he asked as the lady behind him stood up, gesturing her son to come inside the kitchen.

Jisung looked down and walked in "At a friend's, dad-"

"Which friend?" the man asked in a strict yet soft tone "Who is this friend we don't know about?"

Jisung looked up in the man's eyes for just a second before he looked down again "He is my new friend. You don't know him"

"But-"

"It's fine" Mr. Han suddenly spoke, cutting off his wife in between when she tried to insist on knowing who this friend was, tyring to calm the situation down.

He gestured his wife and nodded to stay quiet politely as he turned back to the boy again.

"Jisung" he called "I know you've all grown up and you can decide who you want to make your friend and who not, but all we want from you is to come home on time and not stay out a nights like this-"

"I will be staying out the night tomorrow" Jisung quietly said, never looking up "We are planning to go fishing and then we will be staying at his house the night" he lied.

There was a silence in the room for some seconds before the man sighed "Fine" he let out "From now on, inform when, for how long and with whom you are staying before hand"

Jisung didn't answered and Mr. Han didn't wanted one.

"But this was not for what we wanted to talk to you" he said, making Jisung look up in confusion.

Mr. Han sighed and sat back on the chair "What are you thinking of your future?" he asked in a serious tone "Now that you are graduated, what are you planning to do?"

Jisung blinked at his shoes as the only thing running his mind was... he wants to go back to him. He doesn't like it here.

"Get a job-"

"How?" his dad's words cut him off as he kept looking down "Have you prepared a resume? Or applied anywhere?"

"No dad" he answered simply.

"So?"

"I... I will soon.."

"Soon when?"

When Jisung didn't replied, Mr. Han got up from his chair and sighed as he walked closer to his son.

"You are coming with me tomorrow" he said making the boy look up and frown "I have talked to the employer in my company. He will be taking a small interview for you tomorrow" he informed "He said he can make the interview easier because you are my son. Prepare for some basic questions tonigh-"

"But I just told you I'm going out tomorro-" Jisung tried to argue but-

"Go after the interview"

And he immediately went quiet and looked back down when his father stared at him strictly.

His father works in a good company, he earns a good package, there is no problem in applying and getting a job in his company at all, but... he promised Minho that they will have lunch together...

He was about to say something, anything, request his dad to postponed the interview for another day, but before he could speak... He suddenly felt a hand being placed on his shoulder.

And he immediately froze.

"I know you... you struggle a little, Sung" Mr. Han spoke in a soft voice, applying a little pressure as assurance on his son's shoulder "I know but... All we do is care for you"

And all Jisung did, was closed his fists tightly, kept his head low, tightened his jaw with nervousness filling his heart his mind completely.

"We love you, Jisung"

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His whole body was tensed when he entered his room. His head was low, his fists were tightly closed, his heartbeat was uneven.

He quietly entered his room as he heard the door of his parents room getting locked. He walked in his room and closed the door behind him as he kept staring at the floor.

' "We love you, Jisung" '

He blinked with numb eyes, walking towards his study table with lost steps in the darkness.

' "All we do is care for you" '

A shaky breath left his lips as he extended his hand reaching for the drawer of the table, sliding it open.

His eyes stayed empty and blurry as he took out a pair of scissors from inside and blinked numbly.

He didn't thought of anything as he quietly lifted his hand up, clutched at the scissors, opening them and bringing them upto his shoulder.

' "We love you, Jisung" '

A quiet numb tear rolled down his cheek as he pressed the scissors onto his t-shirt over his shoulder, tearing the fabric right away and scratching his skin in the process.

' "We love you, Jisung" '

Another tear rolled down as he sliced the fabric and took the scissors out, before pressing it in again and cutting his t-shirt again roughly.

He kept staring in a distance, mind buzzing that same one memory over and over and over again as he kept cutting the t-shirt over his shoulder, giving himself several cuts in the process.

Every second of his life he wishes to forget that moment. That something happens and he just wakes up with those seconds erased from his mind. Just those few seconds.

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He laid quietly in his bed, staring at the ceiling with numb eyes.

It has been what? 2 hours? 3 hours? He didn't knew for how long he has been laying here like this.

His shoulder covered in several bandages, his t-shirt laying on the floor beside his bed in shreds, his blanket over his naked body as he kept feeling cold in that soft warm blanket.

It's hard to take his mind off of that memory, but he was trying, and now, slowly his mind was getting filled with him again.

Has Minho slept yet? Or was he awake too? Was he missing him too? Did... Did he wanted to kiss him too?

Jisung didn't knew the answer to any of those questions, but he wanted to. He wanted to know what Minho was doing. He wanted to see him, he wanted to touch him, he... he missed him. So so much.

He wanted to sleep in Minho's arms again. He wanted to scoot closer to him, lay his head on his hand sneakily when he would be sleeping and sleep close to him, like he did last night.

Why can't he just...

Why can't he just run to him and just stay there? Just stop life, time, everything and just... just stay there, quietly in his arms, letting him clam his heart down.

Letting his wipe his tears, why can't he sleep in his arms every night? Why can't he... why can't he kiss him and cry in his chest? Why can't he...

Why can't he just die in his arms?

A loving peaceful death in his arms.

Just have the taste of those lips on his own and die right there with a peace that atleast... atleast he saw and felt the person for whom he was born for. Atleast his soul met its other half in this life. That would be enough. Just to kiss those lips would be enough.

He blinked rapidly as a small tear rolled down the side of his face.

"I miss you..." he breathed out and sniffled quietly.

He sighed and turned on his side on the bed as he reached for his phone laying on the side of his pillow and quietly wiped his tears.

He opened his phone and blinked as he clicked on the gallery icon and tears immediately formed back in his eyes the moment the recent pictures appeared. He doesn't think he has opened his camera after that day even once.

"I miss you so much..." he mumbled as he kept staring at the picture on the screen.

He still think how this picture would've came out if Minho would've smiled that day.

A beautiful butterfly sitting prettily on the tip of his love's nose as he stared in the camera with those wide innocent eyes looking oh so loveable.

"I miss you so so much"

Chapter Text

"Cake...?"

The little boy's eyes immediately snapped open as he sat up on his bed with a big, happy and amused smile on his face.

"CAKE!?" he shouted with his eyes shining as he threw his blanket away and jumped off his bed, immediately running out of his bedroom.

"EOMMA!?" he yelled with giggles bursting out of his chest as he ran towards the stairs and climbed down with stumbling and excited steps.

"EOMMA!"

"Sungie!" the woman yelled back from the kitchen with a laugh when she heard her little son running towards her at 8 in the morning. A beautiful peaceful lazy sunday morning.

"You are up, Sungie?" she asked in a sweet honey voice, smiling brightly when she felt a little weight on his legs suddenly. She looked down and saw her 10 year old hugging her legs and looking up at her with big shiny happy eyes.

Eyes which held so much life in them.

"Goody morning, Eomma~" the little boy sang sweetly and gave his mother a bright toothy smile.

"Oh?" the woman laughed "How did your morning happened so early today? It's sunday, right?" she asked in a sweet tauting tone, going back on working on the whipped cream she has almost completed.

The boy giggled and hugged his mother's legs tighter, blinking up at the counter with hungry eyes, trying to see the whipped cream he was smelling.

"You are making cake, Eomma?" he asked curiously, leaving his mother's legs and raising his hands up and holding at the edge of the counter. Tipping toeing, he tried to look at the bowl his eomma was working on, glancing at the cake baking in the oven.

"Come here" he heard his mother saying with a breathy chuckle and before he could turn around, he was being lifted up and placed on the counter carefully.

He giggled as he settled on the counter and looked at the whipped cream with shiny eyes, waiting to taste it.

"Guess which cake is Eomma bakin-"

"You are awake, Sungie?"

The woman was cut off as she turned her head around at the voice and smiled seeing her husband awake as well.

"Good morning, honey" she greeted sweetly.

"APPA!" the little boy chriped and immediately raised his hands up towards his father to come and pick him up.

The man smiled and walked towards his wife and son, picking his little son up and making him sit down at the dinner table's chair.

"How did you wake up so really today, hm?" Mr. Han asked, lovingly combing his son's messy sleepy hair with his fingers.

"I was sleeping! Then I smelled CAKE!" the little boy jumped and giggled when his father chuckled softly "Eomma is making cake!"

"And you know which one~" Mrs. Han suddenly said in a teasing singing tone, finishing up the whipped cream and bringing the bowl to her son.

"It's someone's favorite~" she laughed when little Jisung's eyes winded with excitement and happiness.

"Strawberr-!?" and even before he could jump, his mom took a tiny amount of whipped cream on her finger and put it in his mouth, immediately laughing after when his eyebrows raised at the sweet taste.

Mr. Han smiled when Jisung reached for the bowl in his mother's hand for more whipped cream and his mother slapped his hand away.

"Strawberry cake!" the boy shouted happily "Thank you Eomma!"

"Oh oh" the woman waved her finger at her son's face "But this whole is not for you" he said, tapping her finger on the tip of the boy's nose "You remember I told you, your uncle is coming today?"

Jisung blinked in confusion and tilted his head trying to remember "Uncle?"

"Hm" the woman smiled, going back to the kitchen counter "I told you last week, no? Eomma's brother, your uncle is coming home today for the first time"

"Eomma's brothe-?"

"Jisung" the boy was suddenly interrupt as his father spoke in between "Baby go make your bed first, hm?" Mr. Han said, patting on the boy's head softly.

"Ok!" Jisung chirped and immediately jumped off the chair, running out of the kitchen and upstairs to his room.

"Careful on the stairs, baby!" Mrs. Han shouted and chuckled when Jisung shouted back a "Sorry!" and kept running.

"I'm still against him entering my house"

Mrs. Han turned around to see her husband looking at her with clear disapproval and anger in his eyes.

So she sighed, not wanting to have this conversation for the nth time now.

"Honey-"

"That motherfucker is coming out of the fucking prison today and you want him meet to Jisun-"

"He is my brother, Jiho" Mrs. Han resorted "And he never did anythin-"

"Yeah! He never did anything because he was caught before he could!" Mr. Han almost yelled "He fucking tried to kidnap a 7 year old girl! Have you even thought what he might have done to that poor child if he was not caught on time!?" he spoke, voice getting higher "And now you want him to meet Jisung!? What level of stupidness are you on!?"

"Jiho!" the woman whisper-yelled "Keep your voice low! Jisung is-"

"Oh fuck it!" he let out in the low voice, getting frustrated as he immediately got up and left the kitchen, knowing there was going to be no different conclusion to this conversation.

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"When is uncle gonna come, Eomma?" little Jisung asked, swinging his legs impatiently, blinking at the cake on the table in front of him with big sad eyes and a cute pout.

"Anytime, baby-"

And the door bell rang.

"Uncle!" Jisung suddenly shouted and jumped off the chair and ran outside the kitchen, when he was suddenly stopped by a hand grabbing his arm.

He turned around, blinking dumbly, seeing his father holding him back.

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"Welcome Woo!"

Jisung blinked happily at his mother and the man entering the door as he stood behind, held in place by his father.

"Hey" the man replied to his sister casually and smiled waving a hand to her face as he entered.

"Jisung" Mrs. Han turned around to his son and smiled "This is your uncle, Siwoo" she informed smiling brightly.

"H-Hi" Jisung mumbled in a nervous and shy voice, clutching tightly at his Appa's hand and blinking at the new stranger.

"Oh~ Look who we have here" Siwoo sang in a sweet voice and crouched down in front of the boy and Mr. Han immediately pulled him a little away.

"What's your name, buddy?" he asked and saw Jisung looking up at his Appa .

"Oh don't worry about your Appa" Siwoo said laughing tauntingly "Your Appa and me are friends already" he laughed "So what's your name, hm?"

Little Jisung blinked at the man and then again at his Appa and when his Appa didn't responded...

"Jisung" he replied to his uncle, his voice slowly gaining confidence "Eomma and Appa calls me Sungie!" he explained happily.

"Oh?" Siwoo spoke in an amused voice with his eyebrows raised "So now uncle can also call you Sungie? Right?"

"Hm hm!" Jisung said, nodding his head aggressively.

Siwoo laughed and stood back up, placing a hand on the boy's head "Such a good boy you are, Sungie" he praised the little boy, making him giggle happily when his hand was suddenly pushed away from the little boy's head by the man standing holding him, looking at him in annoyance.

Siwoo looked at Mr. Han for a second and then let out a chuckle before crouching back down in front of Jisung.

"You know what uncle bought for you, Sungie?" he asked and saw the boy's eyes immediately getting filled with shiny stars.

"What uncle?" Jisung asked, trying his best to not sound too greedy and excited, but oh he was bouncing inside.

Siwoo smiled sensing the actual excitement and immediately pushed his hand inside of his overcoat, pulling out an-

"ICE-CREAM!" Jisung suddenly shouted happily and immediately snatched his hand away from his father's hold and grabbed the ice-cream.

"Jisung. Baby, say thank you to your uncle" Mrs. Han said, smiling at her son.

"You like chocolate ice-cream, Sungie?" Siwoo asked and placed his hand back on the boy's head, ruffling his hair lovingly.

"Yes yes! Thank you thank you thank you uncle!"

Siwoo laughed patting the boy's head "Ok then, uncle will always bring you chocolate ice-cream from now on, yeah?"

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"No! Jisung! You already have had two slices. No more"

Little Jisung pouted cutely, looking at his mother with big puppy eyes, seeing her keeping the rest of the cake in the fridge.

"Just one more?" he asked in a pleading voice but-

"No baby"

He turned to his right just to his Appa standing there and smiling at him softly "You can have more cake tomorrow after coming back from school. Ok? For now, go to sleep. Come on"

Jisung pouted but accepted his defeat and finally looked away from the cake as the door of the fridge was shut close. He looked up at his Appa and blinked with big eyes.

"Can I sleep with uncle, App-?"

"No!"

"Jiho!" Mrs. Han immediately spoke, reminding his husband when he unknowingly raised his voice on his son.

Mr. Han sighed when Jisung immediately looked down, thinking he did something wrong.

"Baby.." he let out softly and crouched in front of the boy "Your uncle is a big man, no? He needs his own big room" he smiled when his son blinked, looking up at him dumbly "You are a good boy, right? Go sleep in your own room?"

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"Shhh" the boy giggled through excitement, and immediately shushed himself when he sneaked his head out of the door of his room.

It has been 2 hours since everybody went to bed. Perfect.

Perfect time to sneak out and steel some cake.

He looked around the darkness in the house and tippy toed out of his room carefully.

"One. Two. One. Two" he counted, focusing completely on his footsteps to keep them as quiet as possible.

He peaked his face from the wall as he reached down the stairs, looking to his left then right and giggled to himself seeing no one in the dark surroundings.

He tippy toed and walked towards the kitchen, reaching the fridge and carefully opening it and smiling the happiest seeing the cake when-

"Give me a slice too"

And he immediately froze.

His eyes widened and fear filled his little heart, thinking he will get scolded when he heard his uncle's voice from behind his back.

His uncle was a cool person, he learned that in the whole dinner time. He cracked jokes, made him laugh, playing with food with him, even when his Appa scolded to not do that. His uncle was cool. But he was still an adult, what if he scolded him for steeling another slice of cake in the middle of the night like this ?

"U-Um... I-I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?" Siwoo laughed lightly and placed a loose hand on the boy's head, rubbing his hair lazily "Why are you sorry, Sungie~?"

Jisung blinked in confusion. His uncle sounded a little... different.

He turned around and looked up at the man and titled his head in confusion when he saw a small bottle in his hand.

"I will not scold you like your boring Appa, Sungie" Siwoo laughed lazily, messily, as he patted a hand again on the boy's head before turning towards the fridge "You wanna have the cake?"

Jisung blinked at his uncle and then at the cake innocently before nodding excitedly with a happy smile again appearing on his lips.

"Ok then~" Siwoo sang as he pulled the whole cake out of the fridge and placed it on the dinning table when-

Jisung's eyes widened as he snapped his face towards the door of the kitchen when the light of the hall suddenly turned on.

"Jisung?"

"U-Uncle!" he called in fear of getting caught, still looking towards the door when he heard his Appa's voice.

"Jisung are you in the kitchen!?" Mr. Han called as he walked towards the kitchen, seeing the yellow light of the fridge coming through.

"Jisung.." and the man sighed when he saw his little son standing by the fridge with its door open and cake on the dinner table and... and nothing... no one else.

"A-Appa, me and u-uncl-" Jisung started but immediately stopped when he turned around and didn't saw anyone there.

"Jisung..." Mr. Han sighed walking towards his son "I told you to not come out, no? And Eomma said no for the cake, baby. Right?" he scolded sweetly.

"A-Appa-" Jisung started, wanting to tell his father that he was here with uncle Siwoo, but immediately quited down when he was suddenly lifted up but his father in his arms.

"No. No cake" Mr. Han said and picked up the cake and placed it back in the fridge with his free hand and closed its door "Come on, go to sleep, you have your school tomorrow, yeah?" he said, smiling at the boy in his arms, carrying him out of the kitchen and to his room.

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"Sleep now, ok?"

The little boy blinked up at his father with big innocent eyes, tucked in his blanket till half of his face, quietly asking for something his Appa already knew.

So the man chuckled, shaking his head and bending down, placing a hand on the boy's head and pressing a loving kiss on his forehead softly.

"Go to sleep" he whispered quietly and caressed his fingers through his son's hair lovingly "I will lock your door, hm? Don't open it until it's Eomma or Appa, ok?"

Jisung nodded, blinking at his father with big eyes.

"My good baby" Mr. Han said with a sweet smile as he finally got up from the boy's bed and gave a last pat to his head before walking towards the door and walking outside when-

"Love you, Appa"

The man stopped and turned his head around as a soft smile appeared on his lips when he saw his son looking at him those sweet eyes.

"I love you too, my baby" he said and smiled when he saw his son's eyes turning into beautiful shinny moons, knowing how brightly his lips must be smiling under that blanket.

"Good night, Appa"

"Good night, baby" and the door closed.

Jisung blinked at the door for some seconds until he heard a click when his Appa locked the door and walked away.

And then he pouted.

Jisung pouted as he pulled his blanket over his head and snuggled in it, pouting to himself. He really wanted to eat the cake, and he really really wanted to spend time with his uncl-

"He's gone?"

His eyes suddenly widened in his blanket and he immediately snapped his head up and sat up on his bed, only to see...

"Uncle!?"

There was a big smile on that little boy's face when he saw his uncle, now his favorite favorite uncle, peaking through the door of the bathroom of his room, holding a slice of cake in his hands.

"I ran away on the right time, huh?" Siwoo laughed lazily as he came out of the bathroom and sat down on the floor in the middle of the room.

Jisung's eyes shined as a big smile appeared on his lips as he threw his blanket and jumped from his bed, rushing to his uncle on the floor.

"How did you come here!?" he asked with excitement filling his heart as he kept glancing at the big slice of cake placed on the floor in a small plate.

"Well" Siwoo shrugged and took another sip from the small bottle he was carrying "Your uncle his smart, you know" he laughed "I heard your Appa waking up so I ran away and hid away, and when he was talking to you, I quietly came in your room" he explained and took another sip.

Jisung giggled, feeling happy and thrilled with excitement as he finally looked down at the slice of cake and then up at his uncle again and saw him drinking from the small bottle again.

"What are you drinking, uncle?" he asked with curiosity, blinking at the glass bottle with big eyes.

"Oh this?" Siwoo asked pointing at the alcohol bottle in his hand "It's juice" he laughed drunkly.

"Orange juice!?" the boy suddenly jumped.

"No no" Siwoo laughed "It's, um, magic juice"

"Magic?"

"Hm~"

"What's a magic juic-" and suddenly, even before Jisung could say anything further, there were two strong hands grabbing him roughly by his waist and lifting him up lightly and pulling him forward.

He whined a little when the fingers dug in his waist with no care, causing pain, before leaving his waist. He blinked in confusion when he was made sit down on the man's lap suddenly.

He wiggled to get up and get out of the lap of his uncle, suddenly feeling weird about... everything.

About the way his uncle was talking, about him hiding in his bathroom. About his Appa not knowing. About everything.

"U-Uh, uncle-" a sudden hiss of pain and discomfort left his lips when an arm was suddenly wrapped around his waist and pinned him down on the man's lap.

"You wanna try it?" Siwoo asked, applying pressure on the boy's body, holding him down and waving the alcohol bottle in front of his face.

"The j-juice?" Jisung asked in confusion as and wiggled to get out again when he felt something... something hard pressing under his hips where he sat.

Fear and discomfort slowly started filling his whole body when his uncle laughed closer to his face and he could smell a bitter smell from his mouth.

"Hm~" Siwoo hummed lazily and slowly leaned his face into the little boy's nape, smiling disgustingly, sniffing at his skin.

"You wanna try uncle's juice~?"

"N-No I-" the boy mumbled as his voice started betraying him, wanting nothing but to call for his Appa.

"U-Uncle I-" he tried to push the hand around his waist away and get up again, when the hand pulled him back on the lap.

"Come on, Sungie~" Siwoo pouted, keeping his chin on the boy's shoulder "You want the cake, right?"

Jisung blinked nervously, his body slowly getting tensed, but he nodded out of fear, not wanting to feel uncomfortable anymore, he slowly wiggled to stay up from his uncle's lap as much as he could.

"Ok then. 10 sips of the juice and uncle will give you the cake!" Siwoo announced, already bringing the bottle to the kid's lips.

"I-Is is b-bitter, uncle? It smells weird.." Jisung mumbled, wanting to get away from the bottle and the touch around his body.

"No baby. It's sweet like candy" Siwoo giggled drunkly "Even your Appa likes it~"

Jisung blinked at the mention of his Appa and suddenly felt a small wave of comfort hitting his mind. If his Appa likes it too, then it must be a good thing, right?

"Come on. Just 10 sips and then Sungie will get the cake!"

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"Aww what happened~? It has been only 6 sips, Sungie~" Siwoo hiccuped and smiled lazily, trying to snuggle into the little boy's nape when he tried getting up again.

"E-Eomma.. I w-want to g-go to Eomma..." Jisung mumbled, feeling his head getting lighter with each passing minute and not understanding why.

"Aw~ No~" Siwoo let out in a drunk whiny voice and immediately pressed the boy down on his lap even more.

The little boy let out a tiny cry as he tried to get up again, feeling something weird in his stomach, like he was about to vomit.

"Awww~" Siwoo let out when the Jisung finally snatched his hand away and got up on his feet and immediately moved away from him.

"Sungie~ Baby come back here~ Uncle loves you~" he whined, and on the other hand...

Jisung felt his room spinning, his stomach aching, his head hurting as he tried to look around in his dark room.

"A-Appa..." he mumbled as he shakily lifted his leg and took a tiny step towards the bathroom weekly.

It felt like a war to get to that bathroom with his legs starting to shake, but he did, wanting to vomit out and feel a little better, but...

But when that man on the floor of his room got up and followed him in, when he was pulled by his arm and thrown to the floor of his bathroom, when the man standing in front of him laughed when he cried and tried to squirm away in the corner, and...

And when he was left on that cold floor with his pant down to his knees, aching, crying with his face pressed on the floor in his own vomit, his life... it... it...

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"Sungie~ Look! Uncle bought your favorite ice-cream!"

Things stayed the same.

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"Sungie! Chocolate ice-cream!"

Nothing changed.

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"Do you still like chocolate ice-cream, huh? You're all grown up after all~"

The only thing that changed was...

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"Sungie! Your favorite uncle is here"

That he learned to endure the pain and take care of the wounds afterwards.

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"Sungie~"

The only thing that changed was...

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"Oh~ You are getting taller, Sungie!"

That he learned to keep his voice low and even stay quiet entirely the whole time.

Other than that...

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"You missed uncle, Sungie~?"

Everything stayed same.

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"Sungie~"

Exactly like that night.

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"Chocolate Ice-cream!"

"When will we get free?"

The boy stood by the stairs, wearing a white shirt and dark blue formal pants with his required files in his hands, looking at his father going to the kitchen for his breakfast.

The man stopped and turned his head to his son and hummed in question.

"By when I will be free?" Jisung asked again, voice small and quiet.

"Maybe 4" his father replied normally, turning back to the kitchen and walking in "Come eat your breakfast or we will get late"

"4?" Jisung asked as he rushed behind his dad "I told you I already had plans and 4 is too late-"

"You can't go fishing in the evening?" his father asked in an unfazed voice, sitting down on the chair as his wife placed his plate in front of him with his coffee.

"But..." Jisung mumbled as he lowered his head, only with the thought that... Minho will be waiting for him. He promised him to be meet before lunch. He promised they will have lunch together.

"No buts, Jisung" Mr. Han said, voice suddenly getting a little strict "Fishing and your plans for hanging out are not more important than your career and your future" he said quietly eating his omelet.

And he was right. Right?

He can go to meet Minho afterwards too. And if gets a job, he can make Minho experience so many new things about life. Yes. His father was right.

So there was a silence as Jisung quietly walked towards the dinning table and sat down as his mother served his plate as well.

"You want coffee?" she asked softly and nodded with a small smile when Jisung shook his head, and went back to the counter to clean up.

"When is Siwoo coming?"

And his whole body immediately stiffened.

Right... His mom told him that... His uncle was coming next month.

"In 3 weeks" Mrs. Han replied in as quiet voice as Mr. Han asked in.

It was silent for some seconds before-

"I will be staying out..." Jisung quietly said with his head low.

And there were no answers, no hums, no questions, no nothing. Just silence. Ignorance.

His dad finished his breakfast and got up and told him to be quick, his mom started washing dishes, quietly wishing him luck for his interview, and he...

He just looked down, keeping his tears to himself, gulping down his food with a tightened aching throat as he held his cries in.

Chapter Text

12:30

He smiled, shy and happy, as he turned his head around and looked up at the small clock hanging beside his parents picture on the wall, before turning back to the pot placed on the lit up stove, steering the rice in it with the spoon.

It was 12:30 pm and Jisung said they will have lunch together, so that means he is going to be here in sometime. He promised.

Minho smiled as he blinked at the two uncooked corns sitting on a plate on the floor beside the stove that he purchased just now to serve with rice and fish he was cooking.

"Maybe an hour?" he mumbled to himself with a happy bubbly smile, getting impatient to meet the boy.

Jisung said they will have lunch together and he will even stay the night. Oh Minho was so happy.

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4:30

He tapped his feet rapidly, looking at the clock on that neat and clean white office wall with worried and impatient eyes before looking back towards his left at the closed door he was waiting outside of.

"Come on..." he mumbled as he sat on the chair outside the boss's office of his father's company in a formal light blue shirt and black pants with his black pointy shoes perfectly polished for the boss to call him in as the interviewer told him after his clearance of two rounds of the interview.

His dad said he will be free by 4 in the afternoon, which was already so so late from what he promised Minho, and now it was 4:30 already and he can't see himself getting free anytime soon.

He tapped his feet anxiously as he looked down and clutched at the files in his hands, biting his inner cheek.

He was not actually so anxious and worried because he was getting late and late from what he promised, but because he knew Minho will not eat lunch until he gets there. He knew it. And every passing minute was making him more and more worried for him.

"Come o-" he mumbled but immediately stopped when he spotted his father a little far away from him. "Dad!" he called and raised his hand to get the man's attention, keeping his voice as low as possible.

Mr. Han snapped his head towards the voice and blinked as he saw his son sitting there, gesturing him to come to him.

He quietly excused himself from the man he was going to with a file and walked towards his son.

"Dad" Jisung immediately panicked "Dad you said it will be over by 4? It's 4:30 alread-"

"I think it will take an hour more most probably" Mr. Han said normally while raising his hand and looking at his wrist watch, acting like nothing was out of place at all.

"But dad I told you, I need to g-"

"Oh!" Jisung was cut off as his father suddenly turned around and waved at another employee "Yes yes, I'm coming over there"

"Dad!?" Jisung panicked when he saw his father walking away from him, leaving him completely unheard.

"Da-..." and he was gone.

"But..." a small voice came out is his lips and he kept looking at his father walking away "H-He... He must be hungry..."

He blinked with worried eyes and dropped his head, frustration and anxiety filling his heart and mind completely. He raised his head up towards the clock and then at his left to the office door, before looking down in his hands.

"Fuck this"

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He blinked at the small green plants he set up in proper lines in the soil and then at his own dirty feet.

He scraped out the plants that unfortunately died and planted the new ones in their places today. It was not much work. It has never been much work in his field.

In a small tiny field, how much work can one do?

"Maybe..." he mumbled to himself as his heart ached a little, seeing the sun slowly doing down as the evening lights slowly started hitting.

"M-Maybe... he's b-busy?" he excused for Jisung as his tummy growled with hunger for the nth time.

It was around 5:30 in the evening. Jisung was definitely not coming today and that's-

"Ok..." there was no voice that left his throat. Just a disheartened puff of breath as he crouched down and picked up his empty basket and carried it onto his back before straightening up again.

"I-It's ok..."

Maybe he looked into things too much. Maybe Jisung was just attached to him and nothing els-

Or maybe he was looking into it too much right now?

It's ok. People can break promises. It's fine. That's why the promises exists, right? It's...

"It's ok..." he told himself and quietly turned around to head back home and maybe eat something before sleep when-

"Are you going home?"

He suddenly stopped and stepped back the moment he turned around and saw a girl standing in front of him, looking at him with an eyebrow raised and... and she looked so mean.

Minho blinked as he took another step away from the girl and bowed down to her "Good evening" he greeted quietly.

The girl in her teens just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, looking the older up and down.

"Your friend is not with you today?" she asked, clearly sounding mean and disrespectful.

Minho blinked "F-Friend?" he asked in confusion. They never talked to him. Ever. None of the kids, the teens, the adults, no one ever talked to him. So this sudden interaction... interrogation felt... weird.

"Jisung?"

"Oh?" the girl chuckled "His name is Jisung?" she asked "And who is he? Is he your friend or..." she said and suddenly made a disgusting face "Are you a sick weirdo, huh?"

Minho blinked, getting even more confused and a little worried by the attitude of the girl. "H-Huh?" he let out in a tiny voice.

The girl chuckled meanly and looked at the man up an down again, before looking up at his face.

"You know you are pretty disgusting already" she said with no care of the man's heart "We all know that already" she said addressing all the kids of the village she plays with.

"D-Dis... D-Disgusting...?" Minho mumbled out in a small voice only reaching his own ears as he shakily looked down and saw his own feet covered in mud. Dirty and... disgusting.

He hands started shaking a little as he clutched at the straps of the bucket over his shoulders tightly, feeling his heart sinking and chest paining at the words as he curled his toes, wanting to hide them away.

"Yeah" the girl laughed "You already are, and now you are roaming around with a boy like-? Ew" she said making a disgusted face "It's so weird and disgusting when two boys-"

"You know what's actully weird and disgusting?"

A new voice suddenly interrupted the girl's words making her turn around in annoyance, just to see-

"J-Jisung..." a little voice left Minho's lips as his heart suddenly felt relaxed, relived, like suddenly, everything was fine, suddenly every pain left his body and heart. Suddenly, he was ok.

"Hm?" Jisung smiled at the girl sweetly "You know what's actually weird and disgusting?" he chuckled as meanly as the girl "Kissing a man older than your father's age, hiding in the bushes"

And oh how the attitude immediately swiped away from the girl's face as her eyes widened.

"What?" Jisung chuckled "You think you are the only one who look around and keep an eye on people" he chuckled "I'm a bit nosey too"

"You-" the girl stumbled on her words, fear filling her heart as she blinked rapidly, trying to maintain her composer "Y-You-"

"Soohee!"

The girl and Jisung immediately snapped their heads to their left towards the voice and saw a lady standing a little far away from them with a frown on her face.

"Soohee! What are you doing with him!? Come here!"

"Is she your mom?" Jisung asked before turning back to face the girl again "Does she know?"

The girl blinked at her mother and then at the man in front of her "T-That didn't happened! And you think anyone or eomma will belive you! Y-You can't scare me-"

"You know what this is?" Jisung asked showing the girl his phone "I'm sure you know, your Appa goes out to the city, right? You know this is phone and you can take pictures in it, right?" he chuckled "Does she know? Was that man your uncle or something? How old are you, huh?" he laughed "16? 17? What will happened if I showed a picture of you kissing-"

And the girl immediately ran away.

Jisung blinked as he looked at the girl running away to her mother, before looking up and blinked at the woman.

Well, he didn't had any picture of the girl to prove, but only he knew how sick he felt when he saw this girl running in the bushes, hiding from everyone when every other kid was going the school and then an elder man going into the same bush, looking around to make sure no one saw him. God, he felt so sick and sorry for her, but he knew, he can't do anything. If he said anything even with or without proof, that will be the last day for him in this village, and god know what will they do with the girl.

If this was a scenario happening in his neighborhood, he would've called the police and beat that man with his own hands by now, because he knows, even if the girl was happily and willing doing it, she was still the victim of something she has no idea about. But this was a village. He doesn't belong here, he doesn't know how things carry out here. In many villages, small girls are even forcefully married to the much older man who raped her. So even when he wanted to say something, do something, he just looked down with guilt filling his mind, quietly apologiesing the girl in his heart.

Jisung saw the woman harshly pull her daughter by her arm and scold her loudly before looking at him and then at Minho with angry eyes which only contained suspicion in them.

Oh god, this is what he was worried about. He was an outsider after all and he is coming here almost everyday now. It's just a matter of sometime when someone will stop him and ask him who was he and why was he coming here. Villagers were very possessive and protective towards their own boundaries. He knows it. And they dislike outside people entering their space more than required. He knew that too. And he was worried about this from the day Minho asked him if he will come back for the first time.

"Jisung..."

His thoughts were suddenly cut off as he blinked, registering where he was and... Oh Minho.

Minho sounded so low.

He slowly turned his face to his front, just to see Minho looking at him with big eyes, standing there at a distance from him with his body nervous and conscious.

Jisung doesn't know what that girl said to Minho exactly. All he heard was 'It's so weird and disgusting when two boys-' and just by that and the attitude in her tone, Jisung knew it was not a conversation and what exactly she was pointing at to Minho.

And now, he was scared.

When he met Minho, Minho didn't knew two boys can have feelings towards each other, and he still doesn't knew how it was seen by many people in the world. What if she told him that it's not normal and it's disgusting and how low it is in the society? What if Minho has believed her? He likes him he knows that. Minho likes hi- Oh who is he kidding? Minho has fallen for him and he fucking knows it, he sees it, but... But what if...? What if he suddenly thinks that it's not normal? What if-?

"Minho..." so he called out in a soft voice, stepping closer to the man "What did she say to yo-"

"I-I'm hungry..."

And Jisung immediately quited down when Minho blinked at him with such pureness in his eyes.

"Y-You... didn't eat lunch..?" he asked with an evident guilt in his voice, making Minho smile.

Minho smiled. Ever so softly. Looking in the younger's eyes, he stepped closer to him as well and smiled down at him "You did?" he asked knowing the answer and smiled even more when Jisung's eyes grew big.

Jisung blinked as he immediately dropped his head "I'm... I'm sorr-"

He suddenly quited down as his eyes widened and body went stiff when he felt a hand being placed on his cheek ever so softly and a light pressure on the top of his head as he kept looking down.

"Lunch?" Minho asked in a soft whisper, lips soft brushing at the boy's hair as he backed away slowly and took his hand away from his cheek.

Maybe saying yes to Minho for the forehead kiss was a wrong decision, because at this rate, he will die by a heart attack before suicide.

Jisung looked up with shaky movements, his cheeks and ears red and eyes glossy. Oh he felt so guilty. Minho didn't even complain, nor even asked why he was late. He was not angry, not disappointed, not grumpy, but just happy. So happy just to see him.

Some moments Jisung do question himself that if Minho was acting or... do people like this really exist? So pure hearted, so innocent, so loving. Lips carrying nothing but a sweet loving genuine smile. No complains, no demands, no cries, no sadness. Just a smile. Like everything was ok. Like they are always, always ok.

"Hm" he let out with a small nod "Rice and fish?" he asked, sniffling and stretching a small smile, seeing Minho chuckle lovingly.

"Corn too!" Minho announce so proudly and god, Jisung can die peacefully at that very moment.

"You bought corn too!?" he asked, trying a match the same level of excitement and pride and saw Minho getting his spark back. His body gaining its energy, his eyes gaining their shine as he nodded even more proudly.

"I didn't cooked them yet! We can cook them together and then have dinne-"

"Wait!" Minho quited down when Jisung suddenly interrupted "I know I broke my promise about the lunch but..." he pouted "You can't break yours"

Minho frowned in confusion, blinking and tilting his head, trying to think of what he promised, and... oh. Oh no.

"Your field!" Jisung whined "You promised! I want to see your field!"

And Minho's heart immediately raced in his chest.

Right. He said 'ok' for showing Jisung his field that he wished the younger to forget about.

"Don't be like that!" Jisung pouted and started looking around when he remembered that they actually were standing around farms already.

"Which field his yours from these?" the younger asked with a curious smile on his lips, while Minho fumbled with his fingers as he looked down in nervousness.

"Which one is it?" Jisung asked and looked back up at the man, blinking prettily, when suddenly...

His eyes caught the small portion of land Minho was standing just in front of.

"Is this a part of your land?" he asked with curiosity as he blinked at the small land and then walked past Minho, closer to the land.

"Are all these 3 yours?" he asked, smiling and looking at the 2 lands on either sides of that small portion, seeing some people wrapping their work up in those two fields.

"Do you work with them?" he asked looking around "Like together on these fields-?"

"No..."

And he was suddenly bought out of his happy thoughts as his smile slowly fell when he heard Minho's voice.

"I..." Minho mumbled as he stepped closer to his own land, standing beside Jisung nervously, scared of the younger thinking how pathetic he was to own this small portion of land only.

"T-This is my land..." he informed in a disheartened voice, blinked quietly "O-Only... only this one..."

Jisung blinked at the portion divided roughly by lines of stone barriers making it even smaller. He looked to his sides, seeing the way larger lands where people were still working on, and then in front of him, at Minho's land.

"This is your land?" he asked in a soft voice.

It was a small, very small land. It was just about the size of Minho's house. It was... very very small. It was not enough for someone to grow something and sell to a seller and earn something and live a life with, and that actually explains why Minho looks and in fact was way way poorer than anyone around.

Jisung remembered the 2-3 scrunched up notes of cash in that small tin in Minho's house. It suddenly makes sense why Minho never bought any vegetables, fruits, anything but just rice. Something he could just somehow... survive on.

Maybe he just sells his vegetables that he grows around the village, or maybe to the closer villages, by personally approaching people or sitting by roadside?

And Jisung smiled softly.

Why this always happens? The people with a most loving heart are always left in the most hurting pain. Why can't life be just fair?

"This is your field?" he repeated his words, this time with a soft smile of his face.

"Hm..." Minho nodded, heart getting nervous with each second, scared that Jisung will laugh at him or-

It's ok. It's ok if he does. It's... ok.

"You did all of this by yourself?" Jisung asked, blinking at the plants "You planted and took care of all of them alone?"

Minho blinked numbly as he turned his head to his side, looking at the younger and oh how his heart raced when he saw a loving smile on Jisung's lips as he kept looking at his field.

Minho nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on any expression change on Jisung's face, but all he could see was adoration and... love. A comfort, a relief and just... love.

Minho saw Jisung inhaling a deep breath and sighing as his smile stretched wider, before he turned his face towards him.

"Your Eomma and Appa must be so proud of you" Jisung said in a soft whisper and turned his face back to the field, not knowing the impact that his words just left on the man "You learned everything by yourself" he smiled softly "They must so proud up there looking at you"

And oh if Jisung saw that little broken heart in those beautiful eyes right now, he would've cried.

If he saw how Minho was froze in his place, not breathing for some seconds, blinking at him with wide eyes, his heart would've broken immediately.

Minho pressed his lips together tightly as he shakily turned his face to his front when his lower lip quivered.

"Y-You think...?" he mumbled, trying his best to keep his voice from breaking as he kept blinking his eyes to break the tears forming in them.

"T-They... P-Proud of m-me?"

' "Appa! Teach me how to-"

"Next year. I promise" the man smiled lovingly, keeping a hand on the little boy's head.

"But Appa-" the boy pouted.

"I will teach you everything about farming and how Appa do everything next year. You are a tiny baby right now" the man chuckled, ruffling his son's hair "Next year you are going to be 12. From next year, you will help Appa in all this work, ok?"

And the boy's eyes immediately lit up "Hm hm!" he nodded enthusiastically.

T he man laughed "Don't worry you dummy, I need your help too, I can't keep working on this whole big land all by myself, no?" he laughed, going back to work "When I will grow old, we will work together here, yeah?" '

"I-I..." and Minho finally failed to hold that tiny cry in him as it tore through his chest "I-I learned s-something..? A-Appa w-would be p-proud?"

And Jisung's heart immediately stopped.

His eyes winded when he heard that suppressed cry in that shaky voice and immediately turned his face to his side, only to get his heart broken into pieces.

There was Minho, staring at his own land, bitting his lower lip harshly, trying to keep his cries in.

"Min... Minho...?" Jisung let out, getting scared that if his voice will be even a slightest louder, he will startle Minho. And Minho? He... He seemed like he was not even there. Like...

"Y-You t-think?" Minho mumbled out in a breaking voice, hands starting to shake lightly "Y-You think Appa w-would have been h-happy? He w-would have been p-proud? Y-You think?"

"I... I know" Jisung spoke, wanting nothing but to embrace and hide Minho away in himself, but oh his body just won't move "I-I know, he must be so... he must be so proud of you right now..." he spoke, slowly stepping closer to the man.

"You learned everything he taught yo- Minho!"

And everything went numb.

Every voice, every sound, every vision went blank for Jisung when Minho suddenly dropped his head and a cry left his lips.

Minho's whole body shook as he tried to keep himself calm.

What happened just now? He has always kept himself composed, always kept himself from crying. What changed?

' "You learned everything he taught you" '

' "I will teach you everything from next year. Promise" '

"Minho..." a small breath left Jisung's lips as he immediately stepped closer and closer to the man and cupped his face in his hands, lifting it up, making him look at him.

"Minho..." he breathed out with a broken heart when Minho looked up at him with his eyes full of tears and lips quivering as his body shook.

It was some seconds that Jisung kept looking into the man's eyes, before he left his face and...

Minho's eyes, his mind, his body immediately numbed when he felt an arm being wrapped around him and hand being laced in his hair, pushing his face into the boy's nape softly, carefully.

And then, at that very moment, everything by which Minho kept himself strong, broke completely.

Jisung clutched at his body tightly when Minho suddenly dropped his head in his nape and let out a quiet sob.

"Minho... h-hey..." he mumbled out, rubbing the man's back, feeling him getting quitter and calmer when suddenly-

"Minho!" he yelped when Minho suddenly let out a loud cry and immediately fell onto his knees on the ground in his hold, leaving his whole body completely limp.

"Minho!" Jisung panicked as he immediately kneeled down and held him tightly in his arms.

Jisung couldn't understand what happened out of nowhere. First he started thinking that he might have said something wrong, than he thought that i was because he bought his partners, but seeing this man like this, the man he has always seen a beautiful soft smile on, slowly and slowly breaking down in his arms was... it was not something that simple.

How can he understand?

How can he understand that it was not ok. That it was never ok. Nothing was ever ok.

Childers ignoring him was never ok. Him sitting alone in the back of the class because no one talks to him was never ok. Someone pulling him away by his cloths from the well, insulting him was never ok. Him not being able to talk to aunt Julie because her son won't allow that was never ok. His parents leaving him alone was never ok. Nothing was ever ok.

How can Jisung understand that he never wanted to smile. He wanted to cry. Everyday. But he didn't knew how. He didn't knew to whom. How can Jisung understand how hollow he was from inside. How can he understand that it pains so much. It's pain so much sometimes that the only thing he can do is smile and not feel anything inside. It pains so so much.

But he understood one thing, that no, people like that doesn't exist.

Yes, there are people with innocent heart and pure soul filled with love to give. He was holding one right now. But they also have pain in them, they also have complains, they also cry, they also ache, they... they are ones hiding the most pain behind their loving smiles.

So Jisung carefully removed his both hands from around Minho's body and held his face, lifting it up from his nape to look at him and oh he never thought that seeing someone cry can break him to this extend.

Minho cried and hicupped, mumbling incomprehensible words, in which Jisung could only understand 'Eomma' and 'Appa' again and again. It was like, Minho couldn't even register that he was in front of him right now. Like he didn't even knew what was happening right now.

"Minho..." Jisung breathed out, heart panicking, not understanding anything as he wiped his tears with shaky hands and immediately looked around for help.

He didn't knew what happened to Minho maybe because he doesn't know him so well. It has been just some weeks that they know each other. So he looked around, thinking there will be people, elders noticing and coming to them seeing a child of their village cry like this but...

His heart dropped when he saw multiple people looking at them, specifically Minho, with... disgust in their eyes.

He looked towards the older people and saw them murmuring among themselves while giving Minho weird looks. He saw some kids looking at Minho with worried eyes before their mother scolded them and dragged them away.

And at that very moment when Minho let out a pained cry in his hands, he understood Minho was alone. He was completely alone. He was completely empty. These people... these people were not his.

There was a possessiveness, a weird protectiveness that filled his heart and mind as he immediately left Minho's face and pulled him into his nape and hugged his head protectively, hiding him away from everyone, as he kept looking around at the people around them with anger in his eyes.

Minho hiccuped and coughed in his nape, trembling lightly, leaving himself completely limp as he cried even more when he felt Jisung hugging him tighter, whispering a quiet "I'm here, baby. It's ok"

That was the moment when a thought came and stayed in Minho's mind that... for the first time, he didn't felt completely empty.

That... he was not alone. Not anymore.

Chapter Text

With his eyes closed, he slowly kept his hand, his fingers in motion, softly and slowly caressing the man's hair who was laying and sleeping on his lap.

Minho took deep calm breaths as he slept on the younger's lap on their bed, folding his knees up, a little curled up into himself.

It has been hours. The sun was down, the village was quiet, shining under the subtle moonlight.

Jisung took slow yet careful breaths to not fall asleep completely and kept his fingers softly moving in Minho's hair, keeping the older relaxed, calm and asleep.

It has been hours that Minho has been sleeping and Jisung's body aches now, sitting in the same position with his back pressed onto the wall beside the bed with no sleep or rest at all, but oh he completely refused to move even one bit, to make Minho uncomfortable, to wake him up.

But his mind slowly started giving up. And the moment he thought he was about to fall asleep-

He blinked rapidly as he opened his eyes and his hand stopped in Minho's hair when he felt some movements.

He blinked and looked down only to see Minho curling up into himself even more and shivering a little.

Jisung looked at Minho's legs and only then realised that the man was wearing shorts and a thin t-shirt, and god, it was getting cold slowly.

He looked up and saw a blanket folded and kept in the corner by the foot of the bed.

He looked back at Minho and... he still could see the dried tears marks on his face.

He kept looking at the man's face as he mindlessly lifted his other hand and gently placed it onto his cheek, softly caressing his thumb over his cheekbone and saw Minho getting relaxed, taking deep warm breaths.

Jisung still feels a pain in his chest.

A pain that started when Minho broke down in his arms.

And the pain that increased when Minho suddenly quieted down.

He still can the shatter of his own heart when back then, Minho cried and cried and cried and suddenly... suddenly he just stopped.

Jisung was there, still and worried, blinking at the older with numb and confused eyes filled with tears, watching Minho pulling away from him, wiping his own tears, sniffling and suddenly going quiet.

Jisung still can't understand how Minho managed to quiet down such chest tearing cries within a second and act normal.

And then it was all quiet.

When Minho got up, blinking at the ground, when Jisung got up, constantly looking at him with worried eyes. It was quiet when Minho picked up his water basket and turned to his house and started walking. It was quiet when Jisung hurriedly followed him. It was quiet when Minho washed his feet outside his house and walked in.

It was quiet even when Jisung grabbed his wrist, stopping his movements, but still failing to make him look up at him.

It was still quiet when Jisung whispered a soft "Come here" and dragged him to his bed.

It was quiet when Jisung sat on the bed and pulled Minho up, gesturing him to lay down on his lap.

It stayed quiet as Minho hesitantly crawled up on the bed and slowly kept his head onto the boy's lap.

It was evening when they came back home ignoring everyone around, and slowly the sunlight faded and darkness embraced the surroundings.

And Minho stayed there.

Numbly blinking at nothing, just feeling those fingers massaging his scalp softly, forcing him to fall asleep.

Jisung on the other hand tried everything. Everything to make Minho crack again. But it never happened.

He said sorry for anything and everything, then he mentioned his field and said sorry if he said something wrong when Minho didn't responded, then he took a deep breath and said sorry for mentioning his parents, but Minho still and till the end, never responded.

He just laid there in his lap, slowly drifting into sleep, never crying or uttering a single word again, and oh Jisung felt so worthless.

Minho broke down, but the realization that... that Minho didn't actually broke down in his arms. He didn't broke down because he felt loved and safe because of him. He broke down because guess it became too much suddenly.

The realization broke Jisung from the inside that he didn't actually held Minho when he hugged him. It was Minho who was trying to hold himself and immediately pulled away when he finally did.

Jisung's heart ached upon realising how lonely Minho had been his whole life, but his heart broke when he realised that he never filled any lonely space in Minho's heart.

He kept looking at the man sleeping on his lap, when his eyes caught onto his own wrist.

His full sleeves t-shirt lifted a little up from his wrists, making those healed scars visible.

He kept staring at his hand and then he moved his eyes to Minho's hands, his legs, seeing no scars at all. He slowly removed his other hand from Minho's hair and bought it up to his own wrist, pulling his sleeve higher, revealing deeper but healed scars he had given himself, and a pained, regretful smile slowly stretched on his lips.

How did he ever thought he can be someone to hold anyone. How did he ever thought he can take someone else's pain away when he couldn't handle his owns.

A deep yet shaky sigh left his lips as he slowly reached his hand under Minho's head and carefully lifted his face up, making sure to not wake him up.

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He leaned forward, closed his eyes and pressed his lips onto his forehead softly.

He smiled and caressed his fingers into Minho's hair when he scrunched his nose in his sleep and tried to lean closer into the touch.

"I'm sorry..." he breathed out, quiet and small as he kept caressing his hair and smiled when Minho sighed and tucked his face into his blanket, trying to get the warmth.

Jisung smiled and took his hand away before getting up from the floor. He took out his phone and looked at the screen, seeing 11:00 pm on the screen.

It was just 11 in the night and he doesn't feel anywhere near sleepy.

He sighed as he looked around, eyes going soft as he kept looking at Minho sleeping, tucked in his blanket properly
He looked so exhausted.

He smiled and looked away from the sleeping man and looked around, thinking of what to do until he gets a little sleepy, when his eyes suddenly caught the uncooked corns placed onto a plate on the floor beside the mud stove.

And then he started looking around, only to realise that Minho's house was a little messed. The food was not put away, the cloths he must have washed yesterday were not folded, some of his books he must be studying from were left open with a pencil in one were laying on the floor in a corner where all of his books laid, even the plastic bag he bought his fishes in were not thrown away.

So Jisung finally smiled, knowing what to do before sleeping.

He looked back at Minho for a second before sighing and keeping his phone back in his pocket and looking around to decide from where to start, when his eyes suddenly caught onto something.

A glass jar placed on the shelf on the wall Jisung previously placed the money in the can.

He frowned and tilted his head and chuckled deciding the point to start.

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"Mmh~!" Minho whined in his sleep and shifted with a frown, feeling too hot in the big blanket, trying to kick it away.

It was 3 in the night. Everything quiet and warm around and-... Wait.

His eyes suddenly snapped open when it hit him.

Quiet. It was too quiet.

His mind and body immediately woke up as he suddenly snapped up and sat on the bed.

Jisung! Where is Jisung!?

He immediately panicked when he realised he was sleeping alone and there was a pillow under his head and not the lap he fell asleep on.

"J-Jisu-" and even before he could panicked too much, his whole body, his mind, his breath suddenly stopped when he saw him.

Jisung. Sleeping on that thin mattress on the floor with nothing on top of him.

Minho blinked at the boy sleeping a little curled up into himself, not having anything warm covering him up, and frowned. Minho have an extra blanket. Why didn't Jisung... Oh...

Minho's eyes saddened when he realised why he felt so hot. He turned his head to his own blanket and saw both the blankets he have draped over him to keep him warm.

Minho turned his face back to the boy as his heart ached. He knew he maybe had made things weird between them. He cried out of nowhere like a stupid kid and then didn't talked to him.

He still didn't knew why he cried. What happened out of nowhere. Was it the shame about his field? Was it because Jisung mentioned his Eomma and Appa? He didn't knew. But all he knew was...

For the first time he felt... he felt so safe.

For the first time he felt like he was being held, loved, cared for.

He didn't knew this, but maybe... maybe it was Jisung's warmth which cracked something in him. Maybe it was this boy's presence, his assuring smiles, his comforting eyes which told him that... that he can cry. That this time, it was truly ok.

He has restricted himself from crying since the night he entered this house with an empty stomach and slept eating modeled rice. That was the first time he forced his cries to stop and then, he never wanted to.

Well, he did wanted to.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to break down completely, but...

But he was alone. All alone.

Sometimes in the past, he tried. He sat on his bed, squirmed in the corner, folding his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly, he tried to cry. There were some tears that formed in them, but when they were about to leave his eyes and flow down his face, he blinked them away.

He was scared.

Scared of how lonely it will feel when there will be no hand to wipe them away, when there will be no one uttering a single word, when it will be only his cries and sniffles that will be heard in that painful silence. How much more lonely it will get.

He didn't knew if he could feel anymore lonely than he already did, but then...

Then he came.

He came and smiled looking in his eyes. He came and placed a hand on his face, breaking him bit by bit.

' "You hide a lot behind that smile, right?" '

He came and reminded him about the loneliness that he got used to and started thinking that it's the normal for him.

' "Minho! Smile! Quick!" '

He suddenly walked in his life and forced him to feel that loneliness again.

' "I-I'm not staying for dinner..." '

He forced him to feel scared again, empty all over again.

Minho didn't wanted to cry like that, but when his heart realised that there was someone who can hold him now, it immediately gave up.

Gave up on all the pain it had been staking on one another and fell apart, knowing that it's every piece will be held together by those two arms now.

Jisung will never understand what deeper wounds he was healing in Minho.

"I... I-I'm sorry..." Minho mumbled, sniffling quietly, blinking at the boy sleeping on the floor.

Back then, he could see the hurt in Jisung's eyes when he suddenly stopped crying and pulled away from him.

He didn't wanted to but... But he was scared.

What if Jisung would find him wierd? What if he would've pulled away before him? What if he embarrassed him in front of everyone?

Minho blinked and looked back on his own lap, seeing two blankets covering him, before proceeding to get up.

He slowly, making sure to not make too much noice, got off the bed holding both the blankets as it is in his hands. He quietly walked closer to the boy sleeping on the floor and slowly laid down beside him. He carefully dropped the blankets onto the boy and himself, scooting closer to him to fit in the blanket and... and to stay closer to him.

He softly laid his head onto the mattress and kept looking at the boy, sleeping peacefully, face inches away from his.

Minho will never deny the urge of kissing those lips building in him since... he didn't knew when it started, but now, he really really cravedit. Even just a little press of those lips onto his.

Minho kept blinking at the boy as Jisung took slowly deep breaths, body slowly relaxing under the warmth of the blankets.

He smiled and prepared himself to fall back asleep. He sighed, taking pictures of the view in front of his eyes for the last time before slowly closing his eyes.

He stayed there for 2-3 minutes, when suddenly his eyes opened and confusion hit in when he remembered something catching his attention from the corner of his eye before he closed them.

He lifted his head up, turning his face in the direction of the wooden shelf on the wall and frowned in confusion, trying to figure out what exactly got his attention...

And then he saw it.

His eyes widened as his frown deepened as he kept blinking at the glass jar kept in the upper corner of the shelf, now... empty.

And his mind, his heart, his whole body immediately panicked.

He hurriedly got up from the floor, throwing off the blanket and rushed towards the shelf, panic filling his chest.

He reached the shelf and grabbed the jar, and immediately started looking everywhere with panicked eyes when he saw the jar really empty.

When he couldn't find it anywhere, he suddenly started picking and moving everything on the shelf with no care, making some things fall on the ground with loud noises and-

"Minho?"

His movements immediately stopped when he heard that sleepy yet concerned voice.

Jisung blinked his eyes open, trying to wake up fully when his body suddenly jolted because of the loud voice of something falling on the floor and saw Minho shuffling with things on the shelf not understanding what he was doing.

And oh his heart immediately stopped when Minho turned around, clutching at that glass jar with... tears running down his face.

"Minho!" he immediately got up, worry filling his heart completely as he rushed towards the older.

"M-My p-pack- m-my... I-I.." Minho mumbled out some words with difficulty as his own cries chocked his throat painfully.

"Hey!" Jisung panicked, trying to hold the man somehow "Minho! Calm down! What happened!?" but Minho was not staying stable at one place for him to be able to hold his face or shoulders or anything.

"Minho!" he tried to call, but all Minho kept doing was crying and crying, looking everywhere in panic.

"M-My b-biscui- E-Eomma! A-App- M-My b-birthda-!" he cried and clutched at the jar even tighter.

And then Jisung noticed it.

The jar.

The empty glass jar. He threw what was inside it when he cleaned Minho's house.

He threw that empty biscuit wrapper out.

"M-Minho..." he tried but Minho didn't listened.

"Minho, a-are you... Are you looking for that w-wrapper?"

And Minho's eyes immediately widened as he snapped his face towards the younger.

And oh Jisung's heart broke.

Minho looked so... so crushed, so scared, so lost.

And a cry tore through his chest as hope kicked in and he nodded rapidly with tears leaving his eyes one after the other.

"I..." Jisung mumbled as he eyes couldn't focus "I-I thought it was t-trash so I-I threw it outsid-"

"Where!?" Minho immediately cried "W-Where!? W-Where!?" he kept crying, all the hopes suddenly vanishing away.

Jisung blinked up at him with broken eyes, feeling guilt filling his whole body.

"T-The place by the rive- Minho!"

And Minho immediately ran out of the house, throwing that glass jar on the floor, causing it to break into pieces.

Jisung immediately rushed out behind the man, following him in the dark and, god...

When he first met this man, he never thought he will ever see him like... this.

Kneeling on the floor by the garbage, digging in a the trash, crying and so so panicked.

Let alone seeing, he didn't thought Minho even had this vulnerability laying inside of him.

He could see his own glimpse in Minho right now. Maybe he looks exactly like this when he covers his ears tightly with tears down his face, squirming back in the corner of his bathroom. Desperate and scared.

Jisung wanted to call him, wanted to stop him, but seeing Minho, he knew there was no use of it. He didn't knew what that wrapper was, what it meant to Minho. He thought it was something Minho forgot to throw away after finishing the biscuits. Even, he was happy knowing that Minho was eating something besides rice and fish. He didn't knew it was not trash. He didn't knew it was something so so important to Minho.

So he just stood there, all his energy draining out as he saw Minho breaking apart into himself, digging into the garbage.

Jisung bit his quivering lower lip and dropped his head, trying to hold his tears in as he quietly walked towards the area and looked for the bag he threw away some hours ago, packing all the trash in it.

He looked at Minho again and then quiet crouched down and picked up that white plastic bag, carefully opening it and emptying it onto the floor.

He blinked his tears, Minho's cries shattering his heart into pieces as he quietly reached for that biscuits wrapper.

Minho cried and cried when he was unable to find his-

And his breath immediately hitched and stopped when something was suddenly put in front of his eyes.

His cries immediately halted as his eyes went wide when he saw that old old biscuits wrapper in front of his eyes.

"Is this..." Jisung managed to let out and all he got in return was another shaky cry finally tearing through Minho's throat.

Minho blinked, eyes numb and gray, letting his tears fall down as he looked up at Jisung holding the wrapper in front of him and then back at the wrapper before immediately reaching his hands for it and suddenly stopped.

He looked at his hands, now dirty and stinking because of digging into the trash. So he immediately took his hands away, rubbed them harshly onto his t-shirt before reaching for the wrapper again and immediately snatching it away from Jisung's hands.

Jisung saw with a broken heart when Minho clutched at the biscuits wrapper and bought it to his chest, pressing it onto his heart, and sniffled, suddenly going completely quiet and numb.

Jisung slowly kneeled down in front of the man, tears finally leaving his eyes as he extended his hands shakily, reaching for the man's face.

"Minho..." Jisung let out in a small, very small voice as he softly, carefully cupped the older's face in his hands.

Minho blinked, panting lightly as he lifted his face up shakily.

"Minho..." Jisung breathed out, shifting closer to him, softly wiping those tears away by his thumbs gently.

Minho kept looking into Jisung's eyes for some seconds, before his heart decided to let go again and his lip immediately quivered.

Jisung's heart broke and felt relief at the same time when a small tiny cry left Minho's lips, and even before Jisung could realise, he felt Minho tilting his face into his hand, pressing his face in his palm desperately, like... like he was trying to find a safe place to hide away.

And that was the moment. The moment Jisung realised his place in Minho's life.

That was the moment he realised that even if Minho's body was clean, his soul was scarred and bleeding with so many unhealed wounds very very badly.

When Minho, with a shaky hand, clutched at his sleeve on his wrist like he was scared, like he was asking to be held, like he was saying sorry to him, Jisung's mind went numb with that overwhelming feeling.

"M-Minho..." Jisung cried quietly "L-Let's go home?" he mumbled, tightening his grip onto the man's face, making sure he feels safe "I-It's cold outside, you will get sick. Let's... Let's go h-home?"

And then only Minho realised, Jisung was not wearing anything warm. He will get sick. No no. That can't happen.

So he nodded, forcefully keeping his cries in, still clutching at that sleeve tightly.

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He felt so so guilty. He shouldn't have touched his things. Because of him Minho cried, broke down this bad. All because of him.

He quietly stood behind the man outside his house as Minho washed his feet and hands with the bucket of water and a jug placed at his door.

When they reached here, he extended his hand, asking to hold that biscuit wrapper while Minho can wash his hands but...

Maybe Minho didn't saw him reaching out because the moment he had to wash his hands and feet, without turning to Jisung for help, he quietly placed the wrapper between both of his knees, holding it there and started washing up.

And Jisung took there, quiet and numb.

Jisung thought he was a closed book, he never realised how closed, independent, and... lonely Minho was.

Behind that loving smile, showing nothing but happiness, he never saw a broken soul crying in the corner of that little heart. Behind those beautiful shiny eyes filled with hope, he never saw that dulled gray area with all his hopes lost and destroyed.

He saw as Minho finally washed his feet and hands properly before turning to him, holding a jug filled with water.

Jisung blinked up at him and then down at the jug, before quietly extending his hand in front and letting Minho pour water onto them, washing them quietly.

He hated how quiet it was. Now he was regretting to tell Minho to head back home when he was on the verge of letting his cries out in his arms.

Minho was this close to letting himself go to him, and he ruined it. What if Minho felt rejected? Towards his emotions, his tears? What if he closed even more into himself? No...

He was lost in his thoughts when he suddenly saw Minho entering the house and immediately heading towards his, now folded, clothes, before quietly changing his t-shirt and keeping the dirty one on the side to wash tomorrow.

Jisung blinked and looked down before quietly walking in the house and closing the door behind him.

He stood there awkwardly with his mind going crazy with thousands of thoughts in each second when-

"A-Are you going...?"

He looked up and saw Minho standing there, by the foot of the bed, body nervous, looking at him with scared eyes.

"A-Are you g-going home-?"

"Can I stay?"

And they both quited down as Minho looked down, not knowing what exactly to do now. How to spark a conversation, how to say sorry for crying, how to say sorry for panicking, how to tell him about that biscuit wrapper, how to say 'I love you' to hi-

Wait.

Jisung's lips curved in a small soft smile when he saw Minho nodding ever so lightly, still looking down.

"I will clean the glass up" he mumbled, making his way towards where the broken pieces of the glass jar laid on the floor.

"Go to bed, hm? Try to sleep" he said softly, and was about to crouch down to pick up the pieces, when he suddenly felt a tug on his t-shirt, making his movements stop.

He paused and turned around, just to see Minho still looking down and holding the corner of his t-shirt in his fist tightly, body still a little shaken up.

It felt like they stayed like this, quiet and lost in each other presence for hours, before Jisung suddenly turned around towards the bed, making Minho's hand to leave his t-shirt.

Minho looked up, scared that Jisung will leave, that he might have said something wrong, did something wrong, when...

Jisung suddenly climbed on the bed and sat down with his legs stretched straight, back pressed onto the wall, looking at Minho with same lost eyes.

And it didn't took Minho's body to react and follow the movements, climbing on the bed, and crawling upto him.

He didn't hesitated, didn't thought twice when he quietly laid down on the bed with his head on the younger's lap, immediately curling up into himself.

His eyes slowly closed as a deep sigh of relief left his lips when he felt fingers being tangled into his hair oh so lovingly.

They both stayed silent. Jisung softly, lovingly massaging Minho's scalp, combing his hair softly, and Minho, with his eyes closed, trying to even his breathing.

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm sorry-"

And they both let out together and went quiet immediately, until Jisung gathered back the courage.

"I'm sorry I touched your things" he mumbled, regret and guilt droppings in his voice "I-I'm so so sorry.. I... I-I didn't knew it was so important for you-"

"Thank you..." Minho suddenly whispered out, making Jisung quiet down "Thank you cleaning my house..." he mumbled, tightly closing his fists when he felt his eyes filling with tears and body shaking lightly "I was b-busy and tired s-so I didn't, I-..." and he quited down.

"I'm sorry..." Minho suddenly spoke again "I'm sorry for r-reacting like that-"

"Is that your Eomma and Appa's memory...?"

Jisung sighed when Minho nodded ever so lightly in his lap.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, tears slowly forming in his eyes.

"Can..." Minho mumbled, trying to nuzzle in his lap "C-Can I stay like this until I fall aslee-"

"You can stay like this the whole night" Jisung whispered, massaging the man's scalp with a little pressure, trying to make him fall asleep.

"Did they..." he spoke again, feeling Minho slowly go relax in his hold "They use to bring these biscuits for you?"

Chapter Text

"WHAT!?"

And Minho immediately took a back.

He turned his head in the boy's lap to look up at his face when he suddenly shouted, voice carrying nothing but anger.

"W-What happened?" he asked in a small voice, never hearing this tone in Jisung's voice till now.

"You said your parents loved you!?" Jisung asked, blood boiling inside "I asked you and you said they loved yo-!?"

"They loved me..." Minho said quietly, voice a little scared and confused now.

"Minho!" Jisung suddenly let out in a scolding tone, trying his best to not let out Minho's parents anger on him instead "They tried to kill you!"

Minho blinked as his heart raced at the reaction and he slowly sat up from the boy's lap.

"Why have you kept that biscuits wrapper like it's some precious thing-"

"It is precious..." Minho mumbled in a small voice, making Jisung's blood boil even more "Eomma and Appa gave that to me... It was my b-birthday gif-"

"THEY POISONED YOU, MINHO!" and Jisung finally shouted, startling the older a little.

"I understand reaching to a point where you want to end yourself because it's too much! I am standing at that point all the fucking time!" he said, trying to lower his voice as much a possible, but oh he didn't knew what he broke in Minho when he said those last words.

"I understand everything but poisoning their own child!?" he again shouted, making Minho immediately lower his face with tears forming in his eyes. "They tried to harm you! Kill you! That's not fucking love! They didn't loved yo-"

"THEY DID!" and Jisung's breath hitch and he immediately went quiet when Minho suddenly shouted back and slowly lifted his face up with tears running down his face.

"T-They loved me..." he mumbled, keeping his cries in, sniffling quietly.

"Minho..." Jisung breathed out, not understanding how to make Minho understand that it was not love at all.

"T-They loved me to the e-extend where they w-were ready to k-kill me instead of l-leaving me alone w-with t-these people and l-live b-by myself" Minho mumbled, sobbing quietly, hanging his head low.

"T-They didn't w-wanted me to sleep alone, e-eat alone" he cried "T-They didn't w-wanted me to live w-with shame. T-They didn't wanted me to g-go to sleep w-with barely e-eating anything" he said, wiping his tears from the back of his hands "E-Eomma and Appa l-loved me" he cried "T-They really d-did!"

And Jisung sat there, heart slowly breaking into pieces. He didn't thought about it in this way. It still doesn't make it any better, but still, now if he thinks about it, all Minho has gotten because he was saved on the last moment, was suffering.

His father's land was snatched away from him unfairly, he was looked down to for no reason at all, he was alone all the time, quiet and lonely, he couldn't even cry.

He was just an 11 year old kid.

A small kid who has grown up sleeping in this darkness all alone. A small kid who taught himself to cook and farm, taught himself to live, survive. A small kid who taught himself to not cry.

A small kid who grew up overnight, leaving everything about childhood behind.

"I... I-I'm sorry..." Jisung mumbled out, wanting to kill himself for shouting on Minho like that "I-I didn't thought about it like that... I... I-I'm so sorry..."

He shakily lifted his hand up, trying to scoot closer to the older, wanting to hold his face, but now, he was too scared.

Too scared to hurt him even more. It feels like if he even touched him, his fingers will bruise his skin.

"T-They loved me!" Minho sobbed, hanging his head low "They w-were not s-selfish to r-run away and leave me b-behind all alone!"

And Jisung just sat there, numb, wanting nothing but to harm himself for causing these painful tears in those precious eyes.

"T-They k-killed themselves! T-They ran away when they didn't s-saw hope in l-life! B-But they were not s-selfish to leave me into s-something t-they were running away f-from!" Minho cried, body shaking as he tried to keep himself put "E-Eomma and A-Appa l-loved me!" he almost chocked on his tears "They a-always loved me! T-Till their l-last breaths! T-They loved me!"

"Minho I-I'm sorry..." it was a quiet mumble that left Jisung's lips as his hand shook when he tried to reach for the older.

He wanted to touch his face and say countless sorries. He wanted to wipe those tears away. He wanted to pull him close and hug him tight but...

But he just hurt him. He made him cry. He talked about his parents disrespectfully. The parents Minho loves more than himself.

So he told himself that he doesn't have the right to.

He doesn't have the right to even say sorry now. He was a horrible perso-

And his mind suddenly shut down when... when Minho let out a cry and even before he could blink, Minho leaned forward and laid his face in his lap, crying quietly.

His eyes widened as he froze in his place when he felt Minho holding onto his one thigh tightly with both his hands to calm himself down and nuzzled closer.

Even when he hurt him, Minho was here, seeking comfort and safety in him, trying to hide in him, crying to him.

This was not fair. Life was so fucking unfair. Giving tears to this little soul was not fair. Giving so much pain to this fragile heart was not fucking fair.

Jisung blinked down at the man in his lap, curled up into himself, crying and shaking, taking broken breaths. His heart can't take this. This is too much.

And when Minho thought he will feel a hand being placed on his head, fingers tangling in his hair, massaging his scalp, suddenly, every touch disappeared.

His breath hitched and cries immediately stopped when Jisung suddenly scooted away from him and got up from the bed, leaving him there, numb and froze.

Minho sniffled as he blinked at the boy walking away from him, not being able to move even a single inch, froze where he placed his head on his lap, just seeing Jisung walking away from him.

And even before his heart had the time to break and turn into dust, he saw Jisung bending down, grabbing the blanket laying on the mattress and lifting them up. And within next second, his body was surrounded by that pleasing weight and warmth, and even before he registered...

"I'm sorry..." he heard a soft whisper and then his mind slowly realised his surroundings.

Jisung was there. Jisung was still here. He didn't left. He was here, close to him. So so close to him.

Jisung was there, laying on his side, close to him, his arms hugging his head, his face buried in his hair, his leg over his waist. Jisung was there, hugging him close, pulling his face in his chest, tucking him completely into the blanket, whispering quiet "I'm so sorry.. " in his hair.

Minho was froze for some seconds. Jisung was hugging him. So close, so tight, so loving.

Minho laid there with his eyes wide and heart racing, feeling his face being pressed onto that warmth of that chest, listening to that quiet heartbeat behind that chest.

And his eyes immediately got filled with thick tears.

' "Go to sleep, Minnie. We will catch fishes tomorrow, ok?"

"Fishes!?" the little boy chirped, looking up at his mother with a big happy excited smile and shining eyes.

The woman looked down, seeing her little son clutched at her tightly like a baby koala aa he kept patting his hair lovingly.

"Hm" she smiled, pulling her son in her embrace softly "So go to sleep now, come on" '

Tears left his eyes when he felt the hands around his head pulling him closer in that warmth.

' "Till when you are going to keep sleeping like this, hm?" the lady laughed when she felt her 10 year old son shook his head in her chest.

"Forever!" the little boy pouted.

"Yeah?" the woman smiled, patting the little boy's head lovingly "You are always gonna sleep hugging your Eomma like this?"

"Hm hm! Always!" '

"I'm sorry for whatever I said..." Jisung whispered quietly "Your Eomma and Appa loved you. I'm so so sorry..."

And all Minho could feel was the warmth. The warmth that had slowly started fading away even from his memories. The loving hand on his head that made him feel small and safe. The quiet breaths brushing his hair reminding him that he was alive.

And he didn't registered when a sharp cry left his lips, tearing through his throat and he immediately nuzzled his face into that chest. His hands shakily coming up to clutch at the boy's t-shirt as he tried to scoot closer to him, only for Jisung to scoot closer, pulling him impossibly closer and closer to him.

"I'm sorry..." Jisung kept whispering in the older's hair as he kept crying and shaking in his hold under the blanket like a scared little kid.

A scared little 11 years old kid who was suddenly given back the warm chest to sleep on that was snatched away from him with a snap.

Jisung was still angry at Minho's parents, but maybe, just maybe, he understands.

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His eyes slowly opened, ears perking up at the noises of people talking outside.

It was morning but... but it was still dark? Wait.

He blinked his eyes open properly, waking up almost fully, only to realise that... oh.

He was still under the blanket, his face was still in that chest, he was still clinging onto Jisung, Jisung was still hugging him loosely.

And suddenly, his cheeks turned pink.

He blinked rapidly as he looked down as his heart raced, the exhausting emotions of last night slowly draining away and tiny butterflies filling his tummy up.

He blinked as he face turned red when he found himself wanting to nuzzle more and more into him.

Jisung was hugging him so close. They both were so so close. Oh god.

A shaky sigh left his lips as he moved a little, proceeding to maybe scoot up and tuck his head out of the blanket and-

"Do you need to pee?"

And Minho froze.

Jisung was awake?

His cheeks burned when a deep sigh left Jisung's lips and he curled into him more, nuzzling his nose softly in his hair.

"Hm?" Jisung hummed, asking for the answer of his question.

Minho blinked and slowly shook his head in his chest and immediately felt Jisung's hold tightening around him.

"Then go back to sleep" Jisung whispered in his hair with a deep breath "You didn't slept the night properly. Go to sleep"

And all Minho did was blink dumbly, before closing his eyes and nuzzling in his chest, relaxing his body and dozing off to sleep, feeling loved, warm and safe.

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He blinked at his feet and then looked up to his left, seeing nothing up the road completely empty till he could see.

It was quiet. Very very quiet.

4 in the evening with sun shining brightly in the sky, fluffy yet light clouds float lazily with the wind as Minho stood as the side of the road, waiting.

It was around 2pm when they both finally woke up. Minho got up and immediately went to take a bath, stealing any eye contact with the younger at all and then reheated the rice he made yesterday, while Jisung washed his face, walked out of the house to glare at each and every person that shot him a single look.

Jisung always knew there was something up with these people and Minho, but after what Minho told him last night, Jisung completely resented each one of them now. Except Aunt Julie, of course.

After they ate lunch, Jisung suddenly got up, giving Minho a nervous feeling immediately, thinking he was going back home. But to his surprise, Jisung told him to wait for him.

' "I'm going to pick up something. I will come in 30 minutes approx, ok? Wait for me at that bridge, hm?" '

It was around 40 minutes since Jisung left and Minho was getting nervous that what if Jisung will not come back like yesterday and-

His thoughts were suddenly cut off when he heard a loud 'beep' sound from his left, just to see Jisung, coming towards him, riding a scooter.

Minho blinked with curiosity filling his eyes as Jisung stopped right in front of him and got off the scooter.

"You have a scooter?" he asked, making Jisung smile at the pure amaze in his voice.

"No" he smiled as he lifted the seat of the scooter to take out the other helmet "I rented it" he said and turned towards the older.

Minho blinked at him, still pretty shy about whatever happened. How they slept, how they woke up.

Without any words, Jisung quietly raised his hands and carefully placed the 2nd helmet onto Minho's head before clipping it's strip under his chin.

Minho stood there with pink dusted blush on his cheeks and looked down. Oh he has suddenly started feeling so small in Jisung's hands. He felt so taken care of. Like... Like he was a kid again. Like there was suddenly someone who will get worried for him if he stumbled and bruised his knee accidentally.

"Are we going somewhere..?" he asked in a small unsure voice, looking down shyly.

Jisung smiled and sighed happily at how unbearably lovable Minho was.

He raised his hand back to the older's face, slowly caressing at his cheekbone with his thumb.

"Hm" he hummed, smiling at the older blinking at him dumbly.

Chapter Text

In life, maybe we just can't understand everyone, doesn't matter how much we try.

This exactly was what Jisung made a peace with in his mind about Minho's parents.

For the whole night, his thought kept him up as Minho cried and then slowly drifted in sleep in his arms. He clutched to the man and with the sound of his calm breathing again his chest he tried to understand. Understand that how can Minho call it love?

The only hands a child feels safe and secure in, the only smiled a child finds his calm in, the only eyes a child sees his happiness in, the only people a child feels his life in, those only people left him without any warning. Left him, tried to give him pain and death, and... and he calls it love.

He couldn't understand. Maybe he gets it. Ok. But he just can't bring himself to agree with 'killing someone' so they won't be alone or suffer for their life as 'Love'. That too your own child.

The whole night passed with Minho sleeping in his arms, breathing in his chest, and he couldn't find the path to walk on in order to understand Minho's parents action as 'Love'.

But that's ok.

When his thoughts broke when Minho let out a tiny mumble in his sleep before nuzzling his face in his chest letting out a deep sigh and then again going limp, he smiled and let it go.

Whatever his parents did, for whatever reason they did it, the reality of it was, Minho was alive.

Minho was alive. Minho was sitting in front of him, looking so so pretty, so so beautiful and so so nervous.

A smile formed on Jisung's lips as he kept adoring the older sitting in front of him, looking around with nervous and uncomfortable eyes.

It's ok if Minho thinks it was love, at least his heart will live with a feeling of love from his parents and not hatred.

"It's ok"

Minho snapped his head towards the younger when he suddenly spoke and smiled at him lovingly.

"Don't be nervous" Jisung said in a soft voice, slowly reaching for the man's hand on the table and holding it in a comforting hold "I'm here with you"

Minho blinked and then smiled nervously, looking down as he slowly took his hand away from under the younger's.

Jisung smiled as he saw Minho tucking his hand under the table and turn pink. God, he is so adorable.

Jisung knew this very well and it filled his heart with a pride that he for sure was Minho's first ever crush, his first ever attraction. And oh he was so bad at hiding it.

"Hello. Good evening"

Both of their tiny bubbles of thoughts bursted when they heard a voice filled with enthusiasm slash through their soft silence.

They both looked up to their sides and saw a man standing there wearing an apron with a menu in his hands, smiling down at them widely.

"Hey" the man greeted "First time here?" he asked politely, voice carrying such excitement for some reason.

Jisung chuckled when he saw Minho's face getting more and more nervous as he looked at him and then back at the man, sweating in his palms.

"Yes" so he answered and turned his head back to the man, looking up at him with a polite smile "We've been wanting to come here from a while and recently got the chance" he said as the man nodded and placed the menu on the table with a happy smile.

"You are most welcome" he chirped happily "My name is Chris Bangchan. You can call me Chan" he smiled "Me and my friend own this place. You can directly come to the counter or even shout from there if you need anything or have any complain about anything. We will try to help you the best we can"

"Of course" Jisung smiled "I'm Jisung and..." he turned his face to Minho and saw him already looking at him with big shiny eyes, like a little kid was looking at someone they idolize.

And suddenly, there was a moment, a brief moment where their eyes paused and it felt like their surroundings were empty, like it was just them here and no one else.

And then Jisung blinked.

"And this is Minho" he mumbled, voice going softer like he was reminding himself of the presence, the importance of this person in his life as he failed to take his eyes away from the man, waiting for Minho to look away first but-

"Nice to meet you two" the man standing over them mumbled quietly, lowering his face, biting back a smile as he slowly backed away from the two, making both of them to blink and look away from each other.

"Y-You wanna eat something or should I order" Jisung asked blinking rapidly, looking everywhere but Minho as the shy embarrassed smile refused to leave his lips.

He finally looked at the man when he got no answer and his heart felt a weird calm when he saw Minho looking to his right, blinking with lost eyes.

Jisung blinked and turned his face to his left, trying to look at the view through Minho's eyes.

A beautiful never ending ocean.

Pretty blue waves shining golden under the sunlight filling their quiet with the soothing sound of them meeting the shore like a goodbye hug only to come back running to meet again.

It was a small open cafe bar by the beach. Jisung saw this place when he was roaming around to find a good place to leave forever.

This place... It changed his mind for a bit.

Seeing people running around in the sand, kids rolling in the water, laughing stupidly, people laughing drinking beer from those large glasses, seeing their loved ones playing around, couples eating and drinking, some shy, some chaotic, as two men ran around enthusiastically serving everyone with what they needed with a big happy smile, both of them looking so full of life like this was what their dream life was.

He didn't wanted to stop there. He knew he can't go and drown in a beach with so many people and die peacefully. It was out of the plan immediately, yet still. Still he stopped there.

He stood there at afar, looking at the people, the laughs, the life that erupted his ears, and for a second, just for a tiny second his mind buzzed.

'Should... Should I really?'

Something echoed in his mind. He doubted his thoughts. So he immediately turned around and walked away. That day, he didn't wanted to change his mind, he didn't wanted nothing to change his mind, he wanted to see no happiness in this world which will drag him out.

But then, he did. He dragged him out.

Damn this man.

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"Did you see thaaaattt!?"

"I swear to god, Chan" the man behind the counter sighed, rolling his eyes as he refilled the 5 beer glasses.

"No! You don't understand! Did you see that!? They both-"

"They love each other, yada yada" the man said, dangling his head from side to side "You said that for literally every duo that comes here and yesterday that girl slapped that man and-"

"For fuck's sake look at them once!" Chan whined and jumped across the counter to pull the man away from the beer barrel.

"Chan I swear-"

"Oh just look at them!" Chan suddenly interrupted and immediately grabbed the man's cheeks between his fingers and thumb and turned his face forcefully towards the two boys sitting on the corner table.

The man blinked at them, seeing one of the boys staring at the sea and the other... staring at him.

"Whoa..." he let out, sounding impressed and amazed "That's..."

"I told you!" Chan said proudly and left the man's face, before dusting of his own collar as an extra touch of pride.

"Is this one sided?" the man asked, blinking at the two boys.

"Changbin!" Chan whined and rolled his eyes for ruining his lala land "No. I was there and-"

"Let me see!" Changbin said and immediately slammed the glasses down, walking towards the boys "Table 5, 2 glasses, table 9, 3 glasses" he instructed before dashing away, making the other chuckle.

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"It's beautiful, right?"

Minho blinked his eyes, slowly coming out of his lost as he turned his face towards the boy in front of him, seeing him looking at him with nothing but affection in his eyes.

"The sea?" Jisung asked in a quiet voice "It's beautiful, right?"

Minho blinked at him and slowly turned his face back to the see, slowly nodding, letting out a quiet little "Hm".

"It's filled with so many colours..." Jisung mumbled, turning his face to the sea, seeing the sun slowly starting to touch the ocean "So beautiful..." he breathed out "Just like you..."

Minho heard it. His heart heard it too, and god, it stopped.

He wanted to turn to him, look at him, talk to him, but... but he didn't knew what was going on. He couldn't understand.

Since yesterday, everything was changing, everything seemed so different.

He knew his heart feels something for this boy, he still don't have the confidence to call it 'love', but there was something. Something so so strong.

Something which made him fall to his knees and breakdown. Something which... But why would he do it?

Why would Jisung hug him? Why would he hold him and wipe his tears? Why would he allow him to him hug him so close, so tight and fall asleep? Why did Jisung do it?

So now, he was scared. Scared to belive what his brain was constantly telling him.

He can gather up the courage and accept that he has fallen, but it was scary to think that... that Jisung too... No. It was too scary. What if it's not true? It was so so scary. He... He didn't wanted to lose him...

"Sir?"

And suddenly their little quiet broke when a new voice interrupted.

"Sir, have you decided your orde-?"

"I want to go there..."

And everything went quiet.

Changbin stood there still, looking at the older one as he mumbled in a small voice. And Jisung sat there, blinking at Minho with big eyes.

"The sea?" Jisung asked in a same quiet voice, and Minho nodded ever so lightly, still staring at the ocean.

Even before anyone could even breathe, Jisung suddenly got up, making Minho and the man beside them look at him with wide eyes.

"Come on" he mumbled quietly, extending his hand in his front, asking the older for his. And even before thinking for a second, Minho lifted his hand, placing it in his as he got up, only to be dragged away immediately.

"So?"

Changbin snapped his head to his other side, just to see Chan standing there with an evil smile.

"Are they-?"

"I don't know..." Changbin let out, a little lost by the interaction, turning back to the boys, seeing them running towards the sea with no care in the world "Maybe you are right this time?"

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Minho stumbled in his feet as he was dragged towards the beautiful ocean, and the only thing he could see was, him.

Jisung, holding his hand tightly, taking him towards the waves, taking him towards the peace that he didn't knew he was lacking.

Jisung's steps slowly came to an halt as they both reached the shore.

Minho looked down, blinking at their hands for the last time before looking up at the view in front of him and oh...

It was beautiful. So so damn beautiful.

Bright blue waves, colorful clouds, half set sun spreading beautiful colours around.

It was pretty.

Jisung kept blinking at the view when the hand in his hold suddenly disappeared.

He blinked his eyes and saw Minho walking past him towards the ocean.

"Minho..." he let out only for it to go completely unheard by the older.

He saw as distance between them grew, Minho walking far and far away from him until his feet touched the water.

"Minho" this time he called a little louder, heart starting to beat rapidly in his chest when Minho took one more step into the water.

"Minh-"

"It's cold"

And Jisung immediately quited down and oh how his heart thumped when Minho turned around with such a loving smile on his lips.

"It's so cold" Minho repeated, giggling a little as shiver went down his skin when a wave came and wet him till his knees.

And Jisung stood there still, watching Minho carefully crouching down and giggling with little whimpers of complains of how cold the water was, seeing him dip his hands in the water and wiggle the sand underneath.

Jisung didn't knew what Minho was searching in the ocean. Hope? Love? Peace? He didn't knew. But seeing Minho now, seems like he just wanted to reach to it, to touch it. Maybe it was this coldness that he needed to calm his soul.

And he understands.

Yesterday was a lot for him. He broke down and Jisung can see it was for the first time it happened. And thinking that that breaking down was held up for years and years can make anyone understand how painful it must be.

He can only imagine how hard it was for Minho to finally came face to face with the reality that he has been hurting all along. Everyday, every night for years.

The reality that he always felt lonely. The reality that he always wanted to cry. The reality that he feels empty inside.

"Minho?"

Minho blinked as he turned around at the call and his eyes went big when he saw Jisung standing there, smiling at him with his phone in front of his face.

"Smile" Jisung said in a soft voice, smiling lovingly, chuckling when he saw the older's cheeks go red.

For a second Minho felt nervous and then suddenly looked down in the water and immediately dipped his hands back in and picked up something before pulling them out.

Jisung looked above his phone as he saw Minho holding a beautiful tiny seashell close to his face, smiling at the camera sweetly.

Jisung tapped on the button, he clicked the picture but he didn't saw it once. His eyes just kept looking at the man from about the phone as his heart kept racing in his chest.

"Can I take yours too?"

Jisung blinked rapidly, breaking his eyes from the older with pink on his cheeks.

Minho stood up and walked towards the boy "Can I take a picture of you too?" he asked politely.

Jisung lowered his phone and smiled "You know how to use it?" he asked sweetly.

Minho shook his head nervously but kept his smile up "Mr. James once was taking pictures of the village so I saw him" he said, trying to convince the younger.

And Jisung smiled, slowly extending his phone to the older without any words.

"Tap on this icon, ok?" he explained as Minho placed the little seashell in the pocket of his shorts with hurried movements and then held onto the phone carefully.

Jisung smiled as he finally left the phone and walked past the man, going and standing where Minho was standing previously.

"Is it ok here?" he asked and oh Minho's heart did something in his chest.

The moment Jisung chuckled and stood there, holding onto the hair above his ear as a puff of wind flew them messy.

He looked at the boy through the screen and god... He is so... so ethereal.

Sun setting behind him, getting lost under that never ending ocean, orange and red lights dancing on their bodies as they kept looking at each other, smiling softly, adoring their own views.

"Tap on it"

Minho blinked when they younger spoke and immediately went nervous. He looked back down on the screen and tried to hold the phone still, figuring out the way to hold the phone and somehow click the icon Jisung told him to and-

"Oh no!" he immediately rushed and crouched down when the phone suddenly slipped out of his hands and fell down, immediately splashing into the water.

"No no no!" he panicked as he picked up the phone from inside the water and started tapping on the screen when it suddenly went black. He started clicking on the side buttons when it didn't lit up and snapped his face up at Jisung standing at a distance with panic filling his heart before looking back down to the phone.

On the other hand, Jisung stood there, blinking dumbly at the man when a soft smile appeared on his lips.

He quietly walked towards the older and crouched down, smiling, seeing the older panicking like it was the end of the world.

"I-It's not... It's n-not lighting u-up!" Minho mumbled, looking between the phone and the boy in front of him rapidly, still clicking at the screen, panicking.

"Sorry. I-I'm sorry" he apologised, guilt filling his whole body rapidly "I-I... S-Sorry"

"It's ok" it was a small breath that left Jisung lips as he kept looking at the man "I will fix it"

"No no!" Minho panicked "I-I... S-Sorry I-" and he immediately looked down "I-I will p-pay you back..." he mumbled in a small voice, knowing he can't afford to pay back for this to the younger.

But Jisung? He just smiled.

At this very moment, looking in his eyes, he just wanted to say-

'I love you Minho'

I love you. I don't know since when, I don't know how much, I don't anything but I love you, Minho.

But then what?

What is there that he can do for him? For his love? Can he shower Minho with love? He can try, but what can he give him when he was already there with his own hands empty. Can he take Minho away from everything and give him a life worth living? He can't even give that to himself. So what was the point?

What was the point of telling him what his heart feels for him? That how his heart has fell for him?

"You want to pay me back?" he asked, making the older look up at him nervously before nodding shakily.

"I-I can pay you back s-slowly?" Minho asked, shame clearly visible in his eyes as he looked down at the phone in his shaky hands.

"H-How much will it cost?"

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.
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"Mmh~"

Minho blinked, a little shrunken into himself as he looked to his side and saw the younger with his eyes closed and smiling like he was in heaven.

"It's yummm~!" Jisung exaggerated as he took another bite of his corn.

It was 7 in the evening as they both sat on those huge stone stair on the small hill by the road above the village, eating corns which Jisung asked Minho to buy for the two.

The sky was slowly starting to turn dark, the last bit of sunlight slowly started to disappear with each passing second as they both sat their quietly counting the seconds before Jisung will leave again.

"Y-You, uh.." Minho let out, voice still dripping guilt and shame "Y-You didn't tell me h-how much it will cos-"

"But you already repaid me" Jisung spoke with his cheeks full of corn as he smiled at the older, taking the last bite and keeping the left stick aside "Can I get water before I leave?" he asked like nothing has happened.

And Minho?

Minho sat there with big wide eyes, heart racing in his chest at the realization.

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"Thank you" Jisung smiled as he grabbed the glass of water from the older's hand, sitting down on the bed crossing his legs, sighing happily before drinking it.

Minho stood there in front of him, pouting disapprovingly.

Jisung chugged down the whole glass and then looked up at the man and chuckled "What?" he asked.

Minho pouted and sat down on the edge of the bed in front of the boy, scooting closer to him.

Jisung's smile never faded even the slightest as he kept following the older's movements and blinked at him lovingly when he sat in front of him.

"That's not it" Minho complained in a small voice "You are not telling me the cost-"

"You repaid-"

"I bought two corns!" Minho immediately complained even more "I know it must be too expensive and I broke it and-"

"You didn't break it" Jisung smiled, making the other go quiet "It was already broken" he lied "It goes black like this multiple times and then I have to fix it at home"

Minho's eyes suddenly grew big as he blinked curiously "Really?" he asked with a brightness in his voice "It was already broken?"

Jisung sighed as a big relived smiled appeared on his lips "Hm" he nodded and raised a hand, placing it on the man's cheek and squeezing it softly "You didn't do anything wrong" he smiled "I promise"

Minho sat there with his heart racing as he kept blinking at the boy with big eyes, his heart feeling warm under that hand caressing his cheek slowly.

Jisung smiled "You enjoyed the day?" he asked, finally taking his hand away and Minho wanted to pout.

But he nodded, eyes stuck on the younger's feeling something tickle in his chest. Something weird. Something that kept telling him to say something to the younger. Something that kept coming to his lips and then staying there until it disappears.

Something like-

'I love you'

His heart itched to let it out. To tell Jisung that... that he feels weird when he touches him, that he feels weird when he comes so close to him, that he feels weird when he goes so far away from him, that... that he loves him but...

But then what?

What is there that he can do for him? Can he erase the scars on his body? Can he collect the pieces of his broken soul and put them together? He can try, but how can he kept him intact when his own soul was broken inside? Can he hug him and make him forget all his pain? He didn't even knew what pain he was carrying. So what's the point?

"You?" Minho let out in a soft quiet voice "Did you enjoy?" he asked softly.

Jisung smiled sweetly as he nodded and let out a breathy "A lot"

"Hm" Minho hummed and they both went silent.

There was a quiet moment between the two when Minho suddenly let out a 'Oh!' and shoved his hand in the pocket of his shorts, taking something out.

Jisung blinked at his hand and his eyes grew big when he saw that beautiful pink seashell in his hand.

"It's for you" Minho said with a nervous smile and his heart skipped a beat when Jisung smiled oh so beautifully as he grabbed the seashell from his hand.

"It's so pretty" Jisung mumbled, smiling down at the seashell in his hand as he processed to look up "Thank yo-"

But he suddenly went quiet and paused in his movements when he felt a hand being placed onto his cheek and a pair of soft lips pressed on his forehead.

And his eyes slowly closed.

Something was different today. Something was different in this kiss today. It was not as soft and warm, it was... it was hot, it was burning his skin.

And when Minho slowly leaned away the slightest, then only Jisung noticed how... different Minho actually was from him.

This whole time when he held him and saw him smile so innocently, he forgot to notice how Minho was taller than him, bigger than him. He was stronger than him, muscular than him, how his touch was rougher than his.

Suddenly he felt so small in front of him. He felt so... shy.

He opened his eyes and kept looking down, blinking rapidly, heart racing when Minho leaned away from his forehead but didn't removed his hand from his cheek.

He slowly and shakily lifted his face up, only to see Minho's cheeks red and his pupils blown as he kept looking at him, letting out a shaky breath.

Jisung's whole body locked up as Minho slowly lowered his hand but stayed there. So close. So so close.

God, no. If this happens... What then? No no.

A shaky breath left his lips as Jisung lowered his eyes, not having the courage to keep the eye contact but his body still refused to back away.

And then his heart suddenly stopped.

There was a warm breath that... that brushed his lips.

His eyes remained low and calm like he was alright as his heart raced like crazy when he felt Minho sigh shakily and come closer to him, nervous and scared, like he was asking him for permission, waiting for him to say no, to push him away, to back away, to do anything but...

But come closer.

Jisung lifted his eyes only enough to see those lips. Those pretty lips parted slightly, letting out nervous breaths.

On the other hand, Minho closed his eyes the moment he saw Jisung looking at his lips and leaning closer the slightest. He couldn't handle this view. God, he was about to get a nose bleed any moment now.

There was silence and a weird suffocation around them as they both paused in their places, scared and unsure. They still had time. They can move away and act like nothing ever happened. It will be fine.

And then they had another option.

Move just an inch closer and let their hearts explode.

And guess Minho chose his.

Every nerve in Jisung's body short circuit as his squeezed his eyes tightly, fist tighten and heart stopped when suddenly...

He was pushed a little back with the sudden pressure when Minho suddenly leaned closer and... Oh god.

They both paused, froze. Their lips pressed onto each other's, not knowing what to do now or even how to think any further.

They were not breathing. They stayed there, eyes closed, body froze and not wanting to move away.

But then, Minho moved away.

More like, he panicked.

They both dropped their heads, a heavy shaky breath leaving their lips as they panted with their eyes closed.

It happened. They kissed. Great. But...

Now what?

Jisung opened his eyes, feeling his mind go mush as he saw Minho panting with his eyes closed. Eyebrows scrunched, looking tensed and scared like he have done a mistake. A mistake which he was too scared to even open his eyes and look at.

There was a turning point some seconds ago. There was a chance for both of them to keep their hearts to themselves and not show them to each other. They had a chance just now, but...

Jisung blinked, panting, his own heart panicking as he couldn't see what to do next. Should they confess now? Or they have just quietly confessed already? He didn't knew.

He knew there was not turning back from this but...

A heavy breath left his chest when his eyes caught onto those lips again.

But the thing is... He doesn't want to turn back now.

There was no thought in his brain when he suddenly closed his eyes, took a breath in, clutched his fists and immediately leaned in.

Minho's eyes shot open and widened the moment those lips touched his again. His whole body froze for some seconds before...

Before Jisung parted his lips.

Shivers ran down his spine when his own lips parted subconsciously and Jisung slowly took his lower lip in his.

He couldn't breathe for some seconds, brain slowly turning mush before...

Before he closed his eyes.

Breath got stuck in Jisung's throat when Minho took his upper lip in between his softly and a hand slowly was placed onto his cheek.

There was no turning back from here what so ever. And none of them wanted to turn back from this ever.

It started slow and soft, just like how they met.

Their kiss started with fear and panic, just like the day they met. Then it proceeded to get softer and calmer, just like their feeling for each other each time they met.

And then it got desperate. Just like they were now for each other.

The hand that was just placed softly onto his cheek was now holding his face in place as Minho tilted his face to get closer.

The lips that parted with unsure movements some moments ago, were now glossy with each other's sweet taste.

Shaky breaths and pants kept leaving their lips in between the kiss as they kissed each other like they were craving this.

Minho's hand slowly traveled down from Jisung's cheek to the side of his neck, making his face tilt to his side as he deepened the kiss even more, earning a tiny whimper leave the younger's lips.

Jisung kept panting as he squeezed his eyes tightly and leaned forward even more, closing his fist tighter, placing it onto Minho's lap to balance himself.

His mind was going numb. It felt good. For the first time his mind went quiet. There was nothing. Just peace. There was just peace.

The only thing he could feel was the careful yet possessive hold of that hand on him, the tender touch of those lips, the warmth of that breath, the-

' "Aww, my little Sungie finally learned how to kiss back?" '

And his eyes shot open.

No.

His lips froze, his mind froze as fear and terror filled his heart instantly.

' "Oh no no. Not like this, Sungie. Here let me teach you. Open your mouth and stick your tongue out for uncle, ok? Say aa!" '

No no no. Please no.

His body shook, and in the next breath-

A gasp left Minho's lips as his eyes shot open when he was suddenly pushed away with force.

Panting, trying to calm his breathing, he looked at Jisung have a shaky hand onto his chest, his own detached from his neck.

He try to register what happened, what he did wrong, and saw Jisung looking at him with terrified eyes, breathing unevenly.

And slowly Minho understood, Jisung was not panting because they were kissing and got out of breath. He was panicking.

"J-Jisung...?" he let out in a heavy breath, feeling his chest tighten at the thought of accidentally hurting him.

But Jisung? He sat there, tears building up in his eyes as his brain refused to shut up even the slightest.

"Jisung I-I... I'm s-sorry..." Minho mumbled, heart racing uncomfortably in his chest, tensing as he saw tears in those eyes "I-I'm sorry I-..."

He shouldn't have done that. Fuck, he ruined them. No.

"J-Jisun-"

And Jisung immediately got up.

Minho stood up and tensed at the sudden behavior and saw Jisung's whole body, his hands shaking, breath getting more and more uneven as he pulled onto his sleeve in an attempt to hide his scars which never even showed up.

"Jisung w-what happen-"

"I-I... h-home... I want to g-go home.." Jisung mumbled under his breath and even before Minho could gather the courage to touch him again to try to calm him down, he turned towards the door and walked away.

"Jisung!" Minho panicked and immediately followed the boy, tears filling his own eyes.

He was scared. He was so so scared.

Jisung will go out of this door and will never come back. He knew it. He has no way to find him after that. He can't lose him. He can't do this.

"Jisung!" Minho almost cried as Jisung reached the door and immediately grabbed the end of his shirt in his fist "I-I'm sorry! It was my fault, I'm sorry!" he cried, wanting nothing but the younger to stop.

Just stop there. Please. Please don't go away. Please don't leave me alone. Please.

"I-I'm sorry" he sniffled "I-I shouldn't have don-"

"LET ME GO!"

And he immediately flinched and left his shirt as his eyes widened when Jisung shouted loudly with a louder cry following.

"LET ME GO! PLEASE!" Jisung cried and immediately slammed the door open and rushed out like he couldn't even breathe in the same space as Minho.

"J-Jisung..." and Minho stood there with his own tears rolling down his cheek and falling on the ground with the loudest silence.

Chapter Text

And his world was falling apart.

The little world he created, they created for themselves slowly, was crumbling and he was the reason for it.

It was his fault. If he would have just sucked it up and not pushed Minho away, it would've been fine. Everything would've been fine. He was stupid. He crushed everything. He destroyed everything. He... He made him cry. Again.

He should just... die.

"We've reached, sir"

The voice went unheard to his ears as he tried his best to breathe properly, his legs and hands shaking as anxiety kept kicking in. He needs his medicines. Right now.

"Sir?"

And his face shot up with his eyes wide and sweat forming on his forehead "Yes?" he asked to the driver as the man turned around.

"We've reached, sir" the cab driver said again, looking at him with worry.

Jisung snapped his head to his side and saw his house outside the window. "Oh" he let out as he scrambled to collect himself and open the door with trembling hands, getting out of the car somehow.

"T-Thank you" he mumbled and bowed down a little to the driver, not making any eye contact as he turned around to walk away.

"Are you ok, kid?" the driver asked in concern, making the boy stop in his tracks and turn his head around.

"Y-Yeah" Jisung mumbled and immediately rushed towards his house, leaving the man confused and worried.

He fumbled with the door knob with his palms sweaty and hands trembling as he finally clicked the door open and got in, wanting nothing but to run to his room and take his medicines and-

"JISUNG!"

The boy immediately startled as he froze in his position, lifting his head up only to see his father standing in front of him, looking visibly angry.

"WHERE WERE YOU!?" the man shouted, giving no attempts to calm himself down "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE TO LISTEN BECAUSE YOU JUST DECIDE TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE OFFICE!?"

Jisung shook in his place, his head down, tears forming in his eyes as his breathing kept getting uneven and chest starting to ache.

"Honey. Calm down" he heard his mother's voice from behind the man and then heard his dad sigh.

There was a silence for some seconds before the man spoke again, this time a little calmer.

"Jisung, where were you?" he asked, trying his best to control his anger.

"A-At my f-friend's" Jisung answered, tightening his fists, feeling his body tremble.

The man sighed "My god, Jisung. You are not a fucking kid whom I have to explain that you can't just walk out of an interview because you were running late for fucking fishin- Jisung!?"

"S-Sorry, dad!"

"Jisung!? I'm talking to you!" Mr. Han shouted when Jisung suddenly pushed him aside lightly and ran to his room, keeping his head low.

"JISUNG!?"

He slammed his door close as his dad shouted downstairs before mumbling something and storming off to his own room. He stayed there, at the door for some seconds, panting and shaking when it suddenly hit again.

His chest started tightening, breath started getting heavier and thicker with each inhale, his whole body started trembling, sweating, aching. He needs his medicines.

He raised his hand and clutched at his shirt over his chest, trying to breath as much as he could as he rushed towards the bathroom door.

He stumbled in his way, reaching the door and fumbling with the knob with shaky hands.

The moment the door opened he rushed in towards the sink, panting and balancing himself onto it, immediately opening the small cabinet above it on the wall.

He fumbled through his medicine, looking for that one small white bottle as tears kept running down his eyes. His throat got tighter as he finally grabbed the bottle and opened it, tossing one pill out of it and immediately throwing it in his mouth and paused.

He looked around desperately, wanting to cry out loud when he remembered that he forgot to bring any water to his room, but crying will make it worst, he knew, so he looked down and without thinking even for a second twisted open the bathroom sink's tap and bent down chugging mouthful of water messily, finally taking his pill.

It took him some minutes to calm down, some minutes for his medicine to work before his breathing calmed down, the rush of blood in his body stabilized and the sweat became cold.

He hung his head low, not wanting to cry the way his heart wanted to. He... He doesn't deserve to cry, to let out any pain. He doesn't deserve it after hurting him, making him cry.

He gathered a little courage as he left the sink and stood straight, holding his tears in his eyes until they dry and then come back again.

He stood there, numb and disconnected, thousands upon thousands of voices buzzing in his head non stop. The voices that make him want to run to the river and let himself go.

He just wants to let go.

Let go of this pain, these memories, these voices this... this life. Just let go. Because, fuck, why does everything has to be like this!? What wrong did he ever do!? HE WAS JUST FUCKING 10!

He blinked his eyes when the dark corner on the bathroom floor beside the sink caught his attention.

This corner...

' "U-Uncle?" '

This... This corner...

' "HURTS! A-APPA-!" '

This corner. This was the small corner of his bathroom where this nightmare began.

The corner where he yelled and cried for thing to stop.

The corner where his mouth and nose were blocked by a hand.

The corner where he laid crying for god knows how long before getting up.

The corner where...

Where he still sits. Every night. In the dark. Curling his knees to his chest, thinking if he should reach out for that blade hidden under the sink or not.

But today? Today there were no thoughts.

He blinked at the small corner before kneeling down and crawling into the space and sitting down, letting those voices completely consume him.

' "Aa. Say a big big aa, Sungie" '

' "Did you tell anyone? No? Good boy" '

' "Come here. No no. On your knees, Sungie" '

He turned his face to his left, looking outside the bathroom, blinking at his bed as those voices started getting louder and louder.

' "Say 'More'" the man smiled hovering over the boy "Say that you want more"

"More.." a voice with nothing but just sound came from the 16 year old boy laying down on the bed, completely emotionless as his body kept jerking up and down "I want more" he repeated the words, staring into nothingness with his eyes completely blank and dead.

"Good boy" the man grinned. '

He blinked as a smile slowly formed on his lips. God, he is so pathetic, it's so petty and god, so funny, no?

' "What did I told you?" the man asked, voice calm, carrying a dangerous sense of threat in it.

"To stay on my knees when you enter the room" the boy said, his head hanging low as he kept his hand on his red cheek" '

A chuckle let his lips as he tore his eyes from his room and sighed when the tears finally felt impossible to keep in.

Dirty.

He is dirty. Disgusting.

His body is impure, and dirty.

And he let this dirt touch his pure lips.

He let Minho's lips touch his... his disgusting lips.

A tear slowly rolled down his cheek as he reached and removed his shirt, throwing it somewhere, before reaching for his pants and removing them with his boxers, throwing them aside when...

His eyes suddenly landed on something that fell out of his pant's pocket onto the floor.

He blinked his eyes, tears stinging his eyes as he kept looking at that tiny pink seashell laying on the floor.

' "It's for you" '

He reached to the seashell with his shaky hand, picking it up and immediately bringing it's pointy side to his wrist, pressing it in when-

When he suddenly stopped.

No no. Not this.

It will... It will ruin the seashell.

His blood was... his everything was dirty.

Every part of his body, his soul was touched, scratches and spitted upon.

Every inch of his body was... gross.

He can't let his blood touch this beautiful seashell. This beautiful seashell which was once in the hands of the man with the prettiest soul.

So he blinked at it for a second before immediately throwing it away, god knows where. He doesn't care if it breaks, all he cares was that it doesn't belongs near him, that doesn't deserve holding it, looking at it.

He sat there naked for some seconds before his mind went blank.

He looked to his side, without any thoughts in his head, he raised his hand, reached for the blade hidden under the sink, bought it to his wrist and pressed it down.

He saw his skin breaking by how hard he was pressing it in, so he swiped it immediately.

He blinked his eyes, his whole body shutting down as he kept looking at how deep the cut actually went before red started pouring out.

He tilted his head, mind and body numb as he raised his hand again, pressing it back onto his wrist just above the fresh cut, before digging the blade in and dragging it through his skin.

Slower.

He dragged it slower this time.

Wanting to feel something. The sting, the pain, the regret that he always feels.

But there was nothing.

Suddenly, everything was numb. So so numb.

Desperate to feel the sensations, he held the blade with the hand shaking and now completely covered in blood and bought the blade to his other hand.

He tilted his head with emotionless tears dropping down his cheeks, blood dropping down his elbows to the ground as he sliced his skin yet again and... and still felt nothing.

The only thing that kept happening, was blood. It kept coming out, it kept pooling on the floor, drop by drop and-

' "I want to go there..." '

The voice echoed.

He froze in his place.

' "Jisung, I-I'm sorry" '

He blinked in the distance, slowly registering Minho's last words to him and-

He immediately raised his hand without any thought and bought the blade to his lips.

' "I-I'm sorry. It was m-my fault. I-I'm s-sorry" '

He made him cry, made him feel guilty for something which was not his fault. All because of that kiss. All because he let it happen.

How could he let it happen!?

Tears rolled down his eyes as pressed the blade onto his lips when...

When suddenly his vision blurred.

His blinked his eyes to focus, when his body started giving up.

He started loosing the feeling of his hands, his legs and suddenly...

It went black.

His hands dropped, dropping the blade on the floor as he fainted in the small pools of his own blood, breathing slowing down with each second.

God knows if he will ever walk out of this bathroom again or not. Maybe it's actually best if it ends exactly where it all started, no?

Nonetheless, he doesn't care.

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He kept crying in his pillow, clutching to his knees, laying on the bed without anything warm over him, coughing.

"S-Sorry!" he cried to himself, wanting nothing but to sleep in his arms, just like the night before.

Wanting nothing but to rub his head in his feet and ask for forgiveness for crossing his lines.

Wanting nothing but for him to hug him, even if he hits him, slaps him, but in the end, just hugs him and tells him that he is not going anywhere.

"I-I'm sorry!" he coughed, trembling on his bed, curling up into himself and crying and crying and crying.

"C-Come b-back, I'm s-sorry!"

Chapter Text

His steps were shaky, unsure, scared, but he kept walking, blinking around nervously, eyes searching for him.

This place still looks exactly the same. People laughing, having fun. Those two men running around with those same smiles, serving everyone happily. Those waves still sounds the same, that sunset still looks the same but...

But everything was so dull.

Those laughters doesn't sound happy anymore, that enthusiasm doesn't shine anymore, these waves doesn't hold that peace anymore, this sunset doesn't look beautiful anymore.

Everything was dull and lifeless without him.

He was lifeless without him.

It has been a week. A whole week of... silence.

Jisung was not there. He was nowhere. He never came back. Not that night, not the next day, and not for next 7 days. He just... left.

And Minho? He was a mess.

Hardly eating anything, he kept waiting at the bus stop the whole days for next 3 days till the sun sets completely. His crops were dying, he has not even went to his field to water them in past 8 days. And he doesn't care. He just... He just wants him back. Back in his home, back in his chest, back in his smiles. He just wants him. He... He needs him.

And when he finally started loosing hope after 3 days of sitting quietly at the bus stop, staring looking at different places. The river he found him in, the beach they went. For the next 4 days, he walked to the river and then to the beach just in a hope to find him there. Just wishing for him to be there, sitting by the shore, waiting for him to find him.

The beach was far away. Jisung took them there by a scooter, and he neither had the money to rent it, nor does he know to ride it, so, he walked.

The whole 8 miles, he walked for the next 4 days daily, just to reach this beach only to look around and not find him there. Only to sit there at a distance, waiting, and then heading back home those 8 miles after the sun sets and then quietly going to bed, crying until sleep takes over.

And now, he was breaking.

With each step he took in these 2 hours of walking, his hopes broke one by one.

He looked around, stomach growling, head aching, chest paining and body lightly shaking with weakness.

World was spinning normally, everyone around was ok, was happy, they all were smiling, laughing, fighting, having fun, but he? He was still. Like he was froze in time. And god, he was scared.

He blinked, walking with tiny steps towards the same rock at the corner of the beach to sit down and wait when-

"Hey..."

He turned around just to see the man from that day. One of those two men who own that beach cafe.

The man smiled at him sweetly. The sweetness that contained sympathy and pity in it.

Minho blinked at him, waiting for him to say something as he stood there defeated.

"Y-Yes?" he asked, voice barely audible.

Chan smiled "Are you ok?" he asked in a soft voice "You've been coming here daily for past 4 days alone. Is there anything you need help with?"

Minho blinked, eyes immediately filling up with tears when he realised what that 'alone' meant.

'Where is that boy you came here with last time?'

"We can help you in anything" Minho's face snapped to the man's side only to the other one coming forward with the same sympathetic look in his eyes.

Minho blinked, trying his best to keep his tears in and not breakdown right there and then.

"N-No, uh, i-it's-"

"Hey..."

Minho snapped his head up when Chan suddenly stepped closer to him with worry written all over his face. And then only he realised that his cheeks were wet.

He looked at the two men with wide eyes carrying nervous, hurt and fear in them before-

"S-Sorry" a small suppressed sob left his lips as he immediately turned around and rushed away from the two towards the main road.

Chan and Changbin turned to the man and looked at each other before looking back at him with worry.

"Did they broke up or something?" Changbin asked, eyes fixed at the man walking away from them with weak steps.

"He seemed very distressed..." Chan spoke in a small voice, making Changbin turn towards him.

"Hey" Changbin smiled, keeping a hand on the man's back, patting softly "It's ok, don't stress like that. We don't know what's going on, whose fault it was, or anything at all, hm?" he spoke, smiling softly, knowing his bestfriend perfectly.

"I just..." Chan sighed disheartened "I hope they will come back here together, smiling like that day..."

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The darkness slowly took over as Minho finally reached his village.

With his feet aching and swollen, he walked towards his house, head hanging low, eyes tired and blank.

If Jisung saw his eyes right now, he would cry so badly. The shine, the spark in those eyes which gave him life, made him feel alive, made him feel ok, was gone. Those eyes were just, gray and numb. Broken.

Minho quietly walked towards his house, moonlight starting to shine over him as he blinked at the ground, not understanding anything around.

He quietly opened the door to his house and walked in, closing it behind him. He stood there, at the door, froze and numb.

It was his mistake. This was all his mistake. He initiated that kiss. He held his face like he had the right to do that, like he had the right to even touch him. And now, he left, he was gone.

He stood there, surroundings dark and quiet, tears forming in his eyes. His whole body shut down and limp as he mindlessly sat down on the floor by the door, curling his knees up, hugging them, hanging his head low, before letting out a quiet sob, hiding his face in.

He lost him. The only person who held him, hugged him, smiled at him. He lost him. He destroyed everything.

Life gave him a beautiful gift. A sweet little human who cherished him, and he tore that gift apart.

He want to say sorry. He want to ask for his trust for the last time. He want to go to him, he want to run to him but... but he doesn't know how.

He doesn't know where Jisung lives. He doesn't even know which city he comes here from. He have no direction to find him. He just...

He lost the most precious thing of his life just like that. In a snap of two fingers, everything again became cold and quiet. Just like that.

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He blinked his eyes open as cold breeze brushed his nose softly.

It was the 10th day today, and he was slowly losing himself now.

Sitting in the bench of this bus stop the whole day yesterday and today, just watching some people come and sit next to him and take a bus was draining him with each second.

He wants to go to that beach and look for him, wait for him but now he was scared to go there. Those two men will stop him again. What if they will ask him to leave now? Or what if they will charge him money for something bad he unknowingly did? So he just sat here. Quiet and alone.

He looked to his side when he heard a loud horn go off and saw a bus coming towards him.

He kept his eyes open, hope flickering into his heart.

This was the 7th bus today. It was 6 in the evening, the sun was going to go down soon, and with every bus that passed through without that boy stepping out, the flicker of that hope kept dulling slowly.

He kept blinking at the bus as it stopped in front of him and saw 5 people stepping out, all 5 were from his village. People who go to the city to work and earn.

He kept waiting and waiting and waiting and... the doors of the bus closed.

He didn't came. Today too. He didn't came.

He hates him.

Minho bit his lower lip when he started to quiver as his eyes got filled with thick tears when the bus drove away yet again.

He saw the bus disappear in the distance before sighing shakily and leaning his head onto the metal pillar of the bus stop, closing his eyes quietly.

His tears rolled down his cheeks, all the hopes in him dying with each difficulty breath he took in, not being able to come with the terms of the reality that Jisung-

And his eyes slowly opened when...

When he felt a hand being placed on his head softly.

He blinked at the road beneath him, seeing someone standing just in front of him.

He could see that person's shoes and... oh god. Those are... those are his shoes.

His eyes widened, not being able to gather enough courage to lift his head up and look at the person who slowly laced his fingers in his hair lovingly.

"Were you waiting for me...?"

And his brain immediately shut down.

He snapped his face up, only to see Jisung looking down at him with tears running down his cheeks.

"I... I-I missed you too..."

Minho blinked at the boy with wide eyes carrying disbelief in them as more and more tears blurred his vision.

Jisung... Jisung was here? Was he really standing here? Was he dreaming? Hallucinating?

He wanted to jump from the bench and hug the boy and cry his heart out loudly but his body felt like it was not even there. He felt completely disconnected from his own body. Everything feeling like a fever dream.

And even before any of them could even breathe, it hit him.

"I-I'm sorry.." he didn't knew he spoke it, it just came out subconsciously. Like it was the only thing he could process the moment he saw the younger's face.

Sorry. Sorry was the only word that kept roaming in his mind. Sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm sorry.

And then a cry finally left his lips. The hand in his hair trembled lightly, making his chest ache painfully.

Jisung.

Jisung was really here. He was... He was here.

"I-I'm sorry!" Minho cried, immediately getting up and rasing his hands, holding the hand above his head, bringing to his chest and holding it between both hands tightly and immediately hung his head low, bumping his forehead on his hands.

"Jisung, I'm s-sorr-"

"Can we go to your house...?"

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It was hard. It was hard for him to keep himself together the whole way.

Jisung walked quietly beside him, looking down like he was feeling guilty for something too.

The rising darkness helped in not getting noticed by people around as they quietly walked, not uttering a single word to each other.

Minho kept himself from trembling and rushing too much in his steps to reach his house fast, clenching his fists to stay put.

When the relief of seeing Jisung finally settled in his heart, it immediately converted into anxiety.

He felt relieved thinking Jisung came back to him, but then the reality hit. That he didn't knew 'Why?'. Jisung came back. Why? What if he came back to shout at him for doing that? For confronting him?

He tried to take in normal breaths as they both stopped, finally reaching at the outside of the door of Minho's his house.

Jisung looked up weakly at the door and how Minho's hands trembled while opening it and his heart ached.

It has been just 10 days, and it felt like he has been away from here for years. Away from his peace, his calm, his quiet, his... His home.

This was his home.

The house he lives in, the bed he sleeps in, the bathroom he cries in, the kitchen he eats in, it all is just a building. Just walls to roam around in. But this? This little house, this warm bed, this small table, this mud stove, this was home. A home where his heart aches to stay forever.

He looked down as tears kept forming in his eyes when Minho finally opened the door and stepped aside, welcoming him in.

He blinked his tears as he stepped in and was about to turn around when he heard Minho get in and close the door behind him when suddenly, he felt a tug on the corner of his shirt over his waist.

He turned his face around, only for Minho to hold his shirt tighter and drag him towards the bed gently.

And it broke Jisung's heart at the realization that Minho didn't even held his hand.

Jisung stumbled a little as he looked up at the man dragging him and even before he could process, Minho pulled him down lightly and immediately made him sit on the edge of the bed.

Jisung sat down with a small thug and even before he could sit properly in his place and look up at Minho, his eyes widened and heart stopped when...

Minho got on his knees on the floor in front of him, his eyes red with thick tears in them, cheeks wet, lips quivering as he somehow held his trembling body together, looking up at him.

"M-Minho..." a small breath left his lips as his heart raced and tears rolled down his cheeks when Minho joined his shaky hands in front of his chest and let out a cry.

A cry that left a permanent scar on Jisung's heart.

"I-I'm sorry" Minho cried, looking up at the younger "I'm so s-sorry! It w-was my mistake! I-I'm so sorry, J-Jisung!" he apologised, keeping his joined hands down to his chest, scared of raising them to his face, that what if that angers Jisung? And what if he will leave again?

"I-I'm so s-sorr-"

"Minho no!" Jisung spoke in a sharp whisper as he immediately slid down the edge of the bed onto the floor and held Minho's hands in his, lowering them to his lap.

"I-I'm s-sorr-"

"Don't... D-Don't ever do that again" Jisung spoke in a voice carrying a strict warning, frowning in disapproval.

Minho blinked a little, heart getting nervous as he immediately looked down, misunderstanding the words and nodded.

"N-Never" he cried "I-I will never do i-it again! I p-promise! I will n-neve-"

"Minho" so Jisung spoke and raised his hand up, keeping it on the man's cheek, trying to calm him down.

He felt so guilty seeing Minho like this. Even if he ignore how distressed and hyper Minho was right now, the fact that he looked way unhealthy and drained was right in front of his face.

Minho has became so pale, his cheeks were not full anymore, his eyes didn't shine anymore, his skin has became so dull and gray.

And this all was his doing. He felt so guilty. So so guilty for ruining the man he claims to love like this.

"Minho..." he repeated his name, trying to make him come back to him, pressing his hand on his cheek and finally making him go silent.

Minho paused in his movements, blinking at the younger as small sobs kept leaving his lips and heart raced feeling the warmth of that hand spread to his heart.

"You will never, ever kneel in front of anyone" Jisung said, holding the man's face close to his "Not me, not anyone. Understood?"

And Minho immediately nodded shakily, his lips quivering and body trembling as he felt Jisung tighten his hold onto his hands on his lap.

"I-I'm sorry" he cried quietly "I-I shouldn't have d-done that. I-I'm sorry!" he mumbled in a strutting voice, addressing that kiss again.

"It was not your fault" Jisung whispered, scooting impossibly close to the man "I k-kissed you too-"

"No it w-was!" Minho cried, shaking his head.

"Minho, no" Jisung mumbled, letting his tears fall down his eyes, looking into the older's broken ones "I w-wanted it too. It was n-not you-"

"It was!" Minho cried again and suddenly snatched his one hand from the younger's hold and held his hand that was holding his cheek, and tilted his face in it, crying "I-I kissed you and y-you didn-"

"Minho!" Jisung cried and raised his other hand up, holding Minho other cheek too, cupping his face in his hands softly yet possessively "Shut up!" he cried "You-"

"No!" Minho let out and reached his other hand to hold the boy's arm and say sorry again when-

"Aah!" Jisung hissed in pain.

And Minho froze.

His cries stopped and eyes numbed when he saw the expressions on the boy's face, before looking at his own hand holding his arm.

He blinked as his heart started pouncing in his chest, scared of what he was thinking being the truth.

He left the boy's hand slowly as silence consumed both of them.

Jisung's heart raced when he saw that look of shock and fear on Minho's face and immediately understood what was to come. So he tired to pull his hand away.

But before he could get his hand out of Minho's reach, Minho immediately grabbed his wrist, looking up at him with the eyes that quietly asked thousands of questions, quietly praying that he was not right.

Jisung's heart pounced in his chest when he Minho looked down at his arm and reached his other hand to pull the sleeve up.

Minho's grip around his wrist tightened when he tried to pull his hand away forcefully and within the next second, Minho pulled the sleeve of his t-shirt up.

Minho paused. His mind froze the moment he blinked at the boy's arm, looking at that white bandage wrapped around it with some yellow-orange stains, most probably of the ointment.

"M-Minho..." a small mumbled let out of Jisung's lips as he tried to pull his hand away from the older's tight hold and tried to pull his sleeve back down.

A desperate cry left his lips as he started to feel uneasy, seeing how Minho was looking at his hand, his old scars fully visible with new ones hidden under those bandages.

And then, he started feeling worthless. He... He was worthless. Minho must be thinking so low of him right now, he must be so disgusted so disappointed in him right no-

"You..."

His thoughts, his heart, his mind froze when Minho's body stopped trembling, his eyes not leaving the bandages, his hold tightening, like he was trying to fight the heights his emotions were reaching.

And then, there was a silence that followed.

A silence that made Jisung anxious, that made him scared.

"M-Minh-"

"WHY DID YOU DO IT!?"

It was a loud, blood chilling cry that tore through Minho's throat, slashing through the piercing silence, making Jisung flinch in his place.

And then it happened.

He cried.

Loudly.

Almost like, like he was screaming and shouting for anything to undo this.

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?" he cried loudly, hanging his head down onto to the bandage and squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

"IT WAS M-MY FAULT! SO WHY DID YOU DO IT!?" he shouted, crying and crying and crying, while Jisung...

Jisung was froze in his place. Eyes wide, heart stopped, mind fuzzy, seeing Minho breaking apart just because he... Just because he harmed himself. Just for that, Minho was crying like it was the most painful thing he was experiencing.

Minho's cries has overflowing guilt, regret, pain, desperation, and everything hurtful.

"I-I'M SORRY! I'M FUCKING SORRY! IT WAS M-MY FAULT! HURT ME FOR IT! W-WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!?" Minho cried and cried and cried, tears stinging his eyes painfully "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M FUCKING SORRY!"

"Min... M-Minho..." a lost voice stuttered out of Jisung's lips as his heart sank as he kept looking at Minho with broken eyes, seeing him crying and breaking down.

Soon enough Jisung understood that the way Minho was reacting, the way he was not being able to breathe properly, he can get a panic attack any moment now.

Minho has only learned to suppress his emotions in himself, pile them up on one another. That's the only way he knew to deal with his emotions. And right now, he was trying to do exactly that, but was not being able to. He needed to calm down quick.

"I-I'M SORRY! HURT ME! CUT MY HAND! I'M SORRY! I-I'M SORRY! I-I'M SORR-"

"Minho!" so Jisung immediately snatched his hand away, not caring that it hurt like hell, forcefully snatching his wounded hand from Minho's tight grip.

"Minho!" he raised his voice, a desperate cry leaving his lips as he sat on his knees, coming closer to the man. He raised his hand and immediately cupped Minho cheeks making Minho look up at him forcefully "It w-was not you f-fault" he urged but Minho was not being able to calm down even a bit. Instead, he shook his head violently, raising his hands shakily, wanting to hold that hand back in his.

"IT WAS! YOU PUSHED ME!" he cried when Jisung took his hand away yet again not allowing him to hold it "YOU DIDN'T WANTED IT! I FORCED YOU! I'M S-SORRY!"

"Minho!" Jisung cried, moving closer and closer to the man with desperate movements "Y-You didn't f-forced me! I-"

"I-I DID! YOU-"

"You didn't!" and Jisung suddenly shouted, cries suddenly turning into frustration.

Minho shook his head in his hands "YOU PUSHED M-ME-"

And suddenly, everything went... quiet.

Suddenly, all the cries silenced, all the uneven breaths paused. Everything went... quiet.

And... Oh...

And then they both registered.

Jisung....

Jisung cupping Minho's cheeks tightly.

Minho's eyes wide and body froze.

Jisung almost sitting in his lap...

Oh god...

Minho mind numbed as he slowly registered the feeling of something pressed on his lips.

Something so... soft.

Jisung was there. Sitting in his lap, hovering over him, holding his face in place. His eyes closed, his breathing paused, his body shaking as he let tears roll down his eyes and fall on Minho's neck as he pressed their lips together.

Minho sat there. Numb and froze. His mind becoming cloudy, his vision blurry as he stayed there, his hands slowly going limp to his sides.

It felt like hours as they stayed there, and then Jisung pulled away.

He pulled away less than an inch from Minho's lips, keeping his eyes closed.

Minho felt the hands around his face getting lose, just a little, until it felt like the touch was soothing his skin.

Jisung let out a shaky breath against his lips, slowly wiping his tears by his thumbs and tilting his head before-

"I love you, Minho"

He breathed out, almost inaudible. But the way Minho's body stiffened, he knew he heard it.

"I love you" he breathed out again, before leaning in and pressing their lips back together.

He didn't knew about 'What now?', but he kissed him as a promise.

A promise of staying.

Whatever happens, he will stay. Forever.

Chapter Text

They didn't knew what exactly happened.

How it happened, when it happened, who moved first.

None of them knew how they got in this position.

They didn't knew how they ended up with Jisung sitting completely on Minho's lap, strangling him. His one hand fisted in the fabric of the older's t-shirt over his shoulder and the other on his cheek, holding there desperately.

None of them knew when and how, Minho ended up sitting on the floor, his face tilted up, his one hand strongly wrapped around the waist of the boy in his lap and other on the side of the neck, pulling him closer.

With their eyes closed, breathing increased, bodies burning, they kissed.

Messily.

Desperately.

They both kissed each other, trying to come closer and closer, like all their emotions getting messed up in their brains, they were letting them out in this kiss.

Jisung gasped as he pulled himself away a little when it got harder to breathe, but even before a second could pass, Minho's hand tightened around his waist, restricting him to move away even an inch, as he panted heavily on his lips and pulled him back placing his hand behind his neck, kissing him hungrily.

There were some tears which kept rolling down both of their cheeks, but they doesn't care. All they care now was, they got each other. Maybe in a scary, yet the most beautiful way, now they have each other.

Maybe it's going to be painful, but they are not going to be alone in that pain. They are not going to cry and bleed alone. Now, they have a chest to curl up in and sob their pains out, knowing there will be a hand in their hair making them fall asleep.

"I love you" Minho breathed out, panting heavily as they parted their lips for less than a second, keeping their eyes closed, tilting their head to the other side before closing the space between their lips again.

Jisung breathed heavily in the older's mouth, panted and whined, but Minho was not ready to let go even for a second.

He tightened his fist in the man's t-shirt and kissed him back as passionately when-

' "Good boy" '

And his whole body stiffened.

' "My Sungie is such a good obedient boy, isn't he?" '

And that very moment, his eyes shot open.

Not this again. Why this again?

He immediately closed his eyes back, squeezed them tightly, trying to kiss Minho back, restricting all the cries his body was letting out to get away from this touch, from any touch.

He clenched his fist in Minho's shirt when his hands started shaking as that voice kept buzzing louder and louder in his ears.

Away. He wanted to move away. Someone was touching him. He doesn't want it. He doesn't-

And the next thing he heard was a breathless gasp echoing in the room, before everything went quiet.

Tears immediately ran down his face when he saw Minho staring at him with those same wide eyes.

Minho had a hand pressed on his chest, pushing him away as he blinked at him with confusion in his eyes.

He didn't even registered when his hands moved. When he pushed Minho away.

These eyes were looking at him exactly like that day, filled with confusion and fear. But today, there was something else mixed up in them.

Worry. Love.

"Jisung...?"

He immediately snapped out of his mind as his brain slowly started noticing his own body, every touch pressed on his skin a little too much. He was sitting on Minho's lap, wrapped around him, Minho holding him so close.

What the fuck was he doing!?

He immediately scrambled, eyes looking down as he tried to not pant because of the air suddenly not entering his lungs.

He left Minho's shirt, his cheek and tried to scoot away and get up when-

"Jisung..."

His mind immediately froze when that small whisper was heard between them and before he could process, there was a hand firmly pressed onto his cheek, making him look back up.

He could feel his whole body getting cold and lock up as shakily lifted his head up, only to see Minho looking at him with worried scared eyes.

"Jisung?"

Minho breathed out, not understanding the reason behind the sudden behavior change.

But the moment he raised his thumb, caressing the boy's cheekbone lightly and Jisung immediately flinched away, his heart dropped.

The space between his palm and Jisung's face told him the horror story he doesn't want to hear.

"I-I..." Jisung mumbled and immediately looked back down and scrambled, trying to get up from the older's lap when-

A small gasp left his lips when Minho's arm suddenly tightened around his waist, tucking him back down in place.

He snapped his face up, fear and anxiety filling his soul completely.

"Jisung..." Minho let out, keeping his hand back on the boy's cheek, his heart breaking at the sudden flinch, but this time he kept it there. "What happened?" he asked, voice as soft and quiet.

"Nothing!" Jisung immediately let out in a squeaky voice, keeping both his hands on Minho's chest, trying to push himself away "N-Nothing-"

"Don't lie to me..." Minho spoke, hurt clearly audible in his voice "What happened? Did I do something wron-"

"No!" Jisung immediately snapped, tears filling his eyes "Y-You didn't do a-anything wrong!" he spoke, wanting anything but for Minho to blame himself again.

"Jisung-"

"I said, it's nothin-"

"Why did you jump in that river that day?"

And his whole body immediately shut down.

His eyes widened as he looked up in the older's eyes, heart pouncing so painfully in his chest. He could feel his skin go cold, muscles stiff and brain numb.

"Why...?" Minho spoke, pressing his palm onto his cheek, trying to give him some warmth, softly pulling him closer to his chest, but keeping his face at a distance.

"You lied that time" he mumbled, feeling Jisung's body trembling in his hold "Why did you-?"

"N-Nothing!" and suddenly, Jisung sobbed "It's nothing!" he cried, trying to push Minho away, but Minho kept his grip tight, holding him in place.

"Jisung..." he spoke, his heart crying at the sight of this little soul trying to scatter his own pieces and stay put.

"I-It's nothing!" Jisung suddenly let out a cry and immediately, his body gave up.

He dropped his head down, bumping it onto the older's chest like every last drop of energy just drained out of him.

Minho sat there, feeling Jisung's body getting lose in his hold as he quietly sobbed in his chest.

"Jisung..." he breathed, keeping a hand behind the boy's hair, his own vision getting blur with the thick tears forming in them.

"Jisung please tell m-"

"H-He... H-He-" he tried to speak, but all came out of his mouth were hiccups and coughs.

His brain was screaming to not say a word, making him see images of Minho throwing him out, making a disgusted face at him, pushing him off of him. And his heart? His heart wanted to cry for help.

His heart wanted to break down, right here in these arms, knowing he can never be this safe anywhere else.

His heart wanted to tell him everything. He touches him, he hurts him, it pains, and he cries, but he still hurts him. He wanted to scream everything out and leave himself limp in these arms to be held and sooth.

"Jisung!"

He suddenly heard Minho's voice carrying panic, and then he snapped out of it. He saw Minho looking at him with wide worried eyes, his face was in his hold as he shook him lightly.

Oh.

He was not breathing for some good seconds. He didn't even noticed that he went so numb.

He blinked at the man in front of him, looking at him with fear in his eyes. A fear of loosing him. And suddenly, a cry tore through his chest.

He cried. Loudly. Like he was trying to pour all his pain out at once, trying to make it numb.

And Minho?

He sat there, heart racing, panicking, not knowing what to do, how to calm him dow-

"HE!" and Jisung suddenly cried "H-HE!" he coughed.

"He...?" Minho repeated, not wanting for the things to be true that kept running in his head.

"H-He!" Jisung cried, his mind slowly shutting down "M-My mom's b-brother! M-My u-uncle!" he hiccuped "He-"

"Did he touch you?"

And suddenly, his cries halted.

He blinked his eyes as he slowly lifted his face up, and god, his body immediately felt limp.

Minho was there, looking at him with sharp eyes.

Suddenly, that soft worried look in his eyes was gone. And Jisung's breath hitched when he felt Minho's finger tightening on the side of his waist Minho held him from. He could feel Minho trying to not dig his fingers in his body shook lightly.

Minho didn't repeated his words. He sat there, kept looking in Jisung's eyes, waiting.

He doesn't remember the last time he felt angry, but what he was feeling right now was... different. This was not anger. It was something... worst.

Jisung sat there, heart filling up with fear and subconsciously, he nodded.

Ever so lightly, he nodded looking in Minho's eyes, searching for god knows what as tears kept rolling down his eyes one after the other.

He didn't knew if Minho was angry, or was in disbelief, or was trying to take in the informatio-

"Is he still alive?"

And that very moment he knew what he was looking at.

A man who was ready to grab a knife and see red.

The eyes which always, at every moment of the day seemed so innocent, so pure, so nervous, suddenly seemed so... scary. Like he was looking at a completely different person.

And, it scared him.

Minho kept looking at him with sharp eyes showing no emotions but... rage.

So he shook his head.

Quietly shaking his head, he lied and looked down, heart racing in his chest, and suddenly-

His whole body went stiff when a hand was suddenly pressed on the back of his head and he was pulled in, his cheek landing on a soft warm chest, having his heart going crazing underneath it.

Minho held him there, speaking nothing. No sounds other than their breathings surrounded them as they tried to calm their own storms going in their heads down.

Minho knew the scars he saw the day he changed this boy's wet cloths held screams and cries in them, but he never thought to the extend of them being this painful and soul shattering.

He held himself back from tightening his hold on the boy and bruise his skin as he felt him slowly going limp in his arms and quietly dozing off into sleep in his chest.

He will not say this to Jisung. He will not scare him with this but, he was not happy that that man was not alive. He really, really wished him to be alive.

Chapter Text

He is so pretty.

So pretty and so cute.

He smiled as the boy took deep warm breaths through his lips parted ever so lightly.

His chubby cheek squished onto the pillow, his eyes closed and relaxed, he looks so so pretty. So so beautiful.

It was somewhere in the middle of the night, Minho didn't knew exactly what hour, and no, he was not being a creep staring at a sleeping Jisung for hours. He just woke up mid sleep. Woke up to the most adorable face he can ever see.

He doesn't remember how long it was when he sat there on the floor rubbing Jisung's back and patting his head softly, listening to his calm breathing as he slept on his chest.

He doesn't remember at what time he got up with the younger in his arms and carefully laid him down on his bed, tucked him in the blanket, before laying down beside him.

He doesn't remember when he fell asleep while looking at the boy.

He doesn't remember anything. Everything was a blur. Except that truth.

The truth of these marks, the pain of those tears, the fear in those eyes. That was the painful truth Minho was still hoping for somehow become a lie, a joke.

He blinked his eyes, sleep slowly started vanishing away as he kept looking at the boy lovingly.

They kissed. They told 'I love you' to each other. God, it's a lot to intake.

He blinked as his eyes flinched down at the younger's hands he was sleeping folding by his chest.

He stared at the fabric covering the skin up till the wrist, hiding the pain behind them quietly.

When the first time he saw this boy in the river, he yelled for help, panicked that he has fell in the river by accident, but deep down he knew it can never be an accident. The bridge Jisung fell from has the barriers of concrete reaching the hight of his chest. There was no way he tripped and fell in.

And the moment he removed his shirt to change his wet cloths, he can never explain how his heart dropped.

There were cuts allover his hands. From his wrists till the half of his arms, there were deep healed wounds of sharp cuts.

He will not lie that it scared him.

Specially the scar on the left side of his chest.

Minho laid there, blinking, feeling his heartbeat increasing slowly and gradually as scary thoughts filled his brain.

He doesn't want to think about it. About what Jisung told him. About the truth of these scars. He doesn't want to think about them but...

But he didn't registered when his hands raised up, reaching for the boy's sleeves.

He blinked with unsure emotions as he softly held the fabric in between his fingers and pulled it down.

His heart raced as he kept staring at the healed marks, thinking of the pain they must have caused, how long they must have took to heal.

He shakily touched the scar nearest to his wrist by his finger ever so gently, feeling a painful sting in his heart.

This is not fair. Why do life do this to him? To anyone?

"I know they are ugly..."

Minho's heart stopped as his eyes widened and snapped up the moment he heard that quiet sleepy voice, only to see Jisung blinking at his own wrist with soft numb eyes.

It was just a second when Minho stared at the boy before he panicked remembering what he was doing.

"S-Sorry" he let out as he immediately removed his hand from the younger's and pulled the sleeve back up hiding the scars.

Jisung looked up at the man's eyes with his soft ones before looking back down at his own wrist. He lifted his other hand before softly holding onto the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulling it down.

Minho's heart raced as he looked at the scars and then back at the boy's eyes "S-Sorry I-" he mumbled, scared that he crossed a line. Jisung hide them and he just-.

"Don't say sorry..." Jisung mumbled, making Minho blink at him.

"It's ok..." he breathed out, softly touching his own scars "This one pained the most..." he mumbled, caressing the first ever cut he gave himself. "Maybe because I was just 12 and-"

"12!?"

Jisung blinked, words halting on his tongue as he lifted his eyes up when he heard that shock in that voice, only to see Minho looking at him with his eyes filled with so many emotions. And disbelief was the most powerful one in them.

So he smiled.

Smiled with tears filling his eyes.

"Hm" he hummed and sighed softly "12" he repeated.

There was a silence that surrounded them. Minho just kept looking in the younger's eyes, seeing those tears slowly rolling down from the bridge of his nose and soaking in the pillow underneath his head, all while those lips carried that sweet soft smile on them.

"I-I'm... s-sorry..." he didn't knew what to say, what not to say. Everything just felt so wrong, like it shouldn't have ever happened.

"It's ok..." Jisung breathed "It was a long time ago" he mumbled, hiding the whole truth in his heart "It just..." he sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"It just gets a little... tough sometimes" he chuckled, quietly addressing to the reason of him punishing himself, jumping in the river "I don't even remember anything clearly now..." he lied.

Lied hiding the truth of the clear memories of those several nights and the night around 4 months back from the day he decided to end it all.

For those 4 months, he tried to suck it up and get over it, forget about it like he has always done, but this time he just... he just couldn't.

It was slowly becoming unbearable.

He kept blinking at the man in front of him and a small smile formed on his lips when he saw tears forming in those eyes before Minho looked down, trying to hide them.

Minho tried to blink those tears when...

Those tears suddenly rolled down as he snapped his eyes up and blinked when something suddenly pressed in his chest.

More tears formed in his eyes as he felt warm breaths brushing his skin from over his t-shirt.

A shaky breath left his lips as he felt Jisung nuzzling his face in his chest and slowly hugging his torso in a soft yet unsure grip.

And suddenly, he closed his eyes, raised his one hand, keeping it behind the back of the boy's head, lacing his fingers in his hair, and another around his waist, pulling him closer to him, before lowering his head and burring his nose in his hair, sighing softly.

Quiet tears left Jisung's eyes, wetting Minho's t-shirt as he let out a shaky breath, feeling Minho softly massaging is hair.

"Jisung..."

He opened his eyes, slowly blinking in the man's chest, letting out a quiet "Hm?"

"Does your parents know...?" Minho asked, tipping over his each word very carefully, blinking numbly into nothing.

And Jisung?

He laid there. Quiet.

' "E-Eomma.." the little boy sobbed, holding his stinging red cheek in his hand as tears one after the other kept flowing down his face.

"I told you not to tell your Appa!" the woman yelled in anger, making the boy flinch and look down.

"B-But E-Eomm- SORRY! E-EOMMA SOORY!" he immediately shouted with a desperate cry and hung his head lower, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and bracing himself when he saw his mother raising her hand up again.

"I told you NOT TO TELL APPA!" '

And he slowly shook his head. He lied again and closed his eyes, wishing for the sleep to just take over.

But Minho? Minho stayed up.

He stayed up, kept massaging his head, kept kissing his head wherever he jolted in his sleep, kept pulling him closer when he felt him trying to nuzzle in his chest.

He stayed up, listening to his calm breaths filling his heart with a weird warmth.

He can never even come close to understanding the pain of this little soul, but he can atleast hold him. He will hold him. Till the end, he will keep him safe. Even from himself.

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"Mmh~" he whined, scrunching his nose and stretching his hands in his front as the morning light hit his eyes.

He took a deep breath and nuzzled back in his pillow when-

His eyes suddenly shot open the moment he remembered how he fell asleep.

Jisung was in his arms. He was here but... Wait. Where was he!?

He blinked his sleepy eyes, slowly trying to wake up, mind panicking when he couldn't feel the boy's presence around him and-

And oh his heart thumped so loudly in his chest.

There he was. Laying in front of him at a little distance. Looking at him. Smiling at him with love in his eyes.

"Good morning" Jisung spoke in a sweet sleepy voice, smiling ever so lovingly at the man "Did you sleep well?" he asked with a sleepy sigh.

Minho kept blinking at the boy as his body and mind relaxed slowly, and heart kept racing. This is new view to his eyes. The most beautiful view to start a day with.

But...

But why is Jisung so far away from him?

Not good.

So he slowly scooted closer to him.

Carrying a sweet pout on his lips, Minho scooted closer to he boy, coming near his face until their noses brushed lightly.

"Good morning" he breathed out and smiled innocently, but immediately went quiet and blinked in confusion when he saw Jisung looking at him with wide eyes and red cheeks, before his eyes stumbled onto his lips and immediately looked away.

A sweet silence covered them as they both laid there quietly, waiting for the other to move and-

And Jisung's heart stopped when Minho let out a shaky breath and leaned closer the slightest with his movements unsure, eyes nervous and heart thumping in his chest.

They both kept looking at each other's lips as he slowly and nervously came closer, scared and desperate to feel the touch of those lips onto theirs.

They have kissed each other. They know the touch, they know the warmth, they know the feeling but... both of those kisses happened in the dark. Those kisses happened with none of them prepared, none of them fully present, none of them knowing what exactly happened.

But this?

This was like a quiet conversation. A silent confession of love. A permission, an ask of authority.

And god, it was making their little heart so damn nervous.

Jisung blinked at those lips, leaning his face closer when...

His whole body got goosebumps and eyes immediately closed when a warm hand gently touched his cheek.

Minho sighed as he closed his eyes and finally, finally he leaned in a little more and pressed their lips together.

They both stayed like this for some seconds, trying to calm their hearts, then nervously moved their lips.

Slowly, lovingly, they kissed each other. Minho caressing Jisung's cheeks as Jisung clutching at his t-shirt, both of them tried to stay calm.

And suddenly, this was their reality now.

Just like that, they had each other.

Just like that, two boys, completely unaware of each other's existence a month ago had themselves in the other's arms, safe and loved.

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"When will you come back?"

Jisung lifted his face up as he stopped his hands while tieing his shoe laces and saw Minho sitting on the floor in front of him, looking at him with a tiny pout on his lips and a disapproving frown on his face.

He smiled and looked back down, going back on tieing his shoes and chuckled with that tiny excitement bubbling in his chest.

"What?" Minho almost whined and pouted even more "When will you come bac-"

"I don't know" Jisung smiled and looked up as he finally finished tieing his laces and immediately got down on the floor, sitting in front of the man.

"You don't know?" Minho asked, his voice suddenly going tiny and sad as that sweet pout faded away from his lips and actual sadness covered his heart.

But Jisung on the other hand, smiled.

"Hm" he hummed and turned around to grab his bag laying in the corner "I don't know when I will come back" he said, grabbing the bag and turning back around.

"Then how will I..." and Minho looked down. He doesn't want to be demanding like this but... but how will he meet him then? How will he talk to him? How will he know when they will meet again? How will he wait when he have no idea how long he have to wait?

"I know..."

Minho looked up and blinked when he saw Jisung smiling and fishing for something in his bag.

"Actually..." Jisung chuckled with his cheeks dusting pink "I didn't came here with an intention of-..." and he immediately quited down, biting back a shy smile, making Minho's cheeks turn red as he immediately looked down.

Jisung cleared his throat and pulled out what he was looking for from the bag and smiled looking back up at the man.

"I came here for this" he said, making Minho lift his head up and look at his hands, and to say Minho was confused was an understatement.

Jisung was there, sitting in front of him, holding a brand new phone in his hands.

"It's for you" Jisung smiled and extended his hands towards Minho.

Minho blinked at the phone and then back up at the boy with wide eyes "Me!?" he asked in clear shock.

"Hm" Jisung smiled "I know how weird it can get for you when I go away and for you, there is no way of contacting me" he said, looking down as guilt filled his heart "I'm sorry" he mumbled as Minho blinked innocently at him.

"B-But..." he spoke, looking down at the phone "I don't know how to use-"

"I will teach you" Jisung smiled "Next time when I will come to you, I will teach you how to use it and how can you call me" he smiled seeing the amused look on the man's face.

"B-But..." Minho mumbled "I... I don't have the money for this..." he spoke, saddens filling his eyes but his heart immediately relaxed when he saw Jisung smiling at him with such gentleness in his eyes.

Minho looked down and quietly reached for the phone, muttering a small "Thank you" under his breath, making Jisung smile even more.

"I have charged this full and it's on, ok?" he informed, closing the zip to his bag and putting it over his shoulder "Don't take this outside, hm? Leave it here, under your pillow. I will call you after dinner" he smiled, seeing Minho looking at him with big eyes "Next time when he I will come to you, I will teach you everything. And I know you will learn it quick. You love me to study and learn about things, yeah?" he chuckled when Minho suddenly smiled and nodded his head happily.

"When I will call you, the screen will light up and you will see yourself in it like a mirror" Jisung explained as Minho listened with curiosity and excitement "There will be a circle icon in the middle. That willl pick up the call. Just tap on it-"

"Jisung..."

And Jisung immediately quited down.

He blinked up at the man when he saw Minho looking at him with a shy gaze.

"Uh..." Minho spoke and immediately looked down with his ears burning red "Um... Y-You said, um... t-that a boy can also have, uh, a b-boyfriend?" he asked, nervous and almost shiting his pants, while Jisung smiling with butterflies tickling his tummy.

"Hm" he bit back a shy smile "I did"

Minho gulped as he kept looking down, feeling his cheeks burning up "S-So, um, n-nothing..."

"Nothing?" Jisung asked with a fake frown, sweetly tilting his head to his side, chuckling shyly seeing Minho fumble with his fingers nervously.

"U-Uh. I-I mean-"

"So you are not my boyfriend yet?"

Chapter Text

He blinked at the screen of his laptop, energy slowly leaving his body as he kept staring at his bank balance in front of him. After repairing his phone and buying a new one for Minho, his saving surely were hit badly.

He bit his lip as his closed the tab and blinked at the screen again.

10s and 10s of job applications. If he wants Minho, he does need a job, a stable income to come in.

Yes, he can go down and ask his father to arrange another interview in his company for him and yes, it will give him much more salary than of any job he will get with his resume but...

But he will never do that. Never.

He blinked as his eyes flickered to his phone laying on the bed beside him, showing a picture of a boy with a small butterfly sitting on the tip of his nose.

' "Minho! Smile!" '

"It's gonna be ok" he mumbled to himself, looking back up at his laptop, giving himself hope, a motivation, keeping that sweet smiling face in his mind. Motivation to keep that smile up on those lips, to keep those eyes as bright and beautiful forever.

"I will do it" he mumbled as he filled the information down in the first job application in front of him.

"For you..."

He knew if he gets a job, it will be ones a week that he will be able to go and meet Minho but... but unless he sees those eyes happy and full of life, he will do anything.

"For you, I will do anything" he mumbled as he submitted his first form and got on filling the next.

"I will give you all I can. My everything"

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"Jisung! You are coming for dinner or not!?"

"JISUNG!?"

"Jisung!?"

"Huh!?" he suddenly jolted on his bed and woke up with a loud knock on his door, only to see darkness around.

He blinked his eyes open, looking around and immediately looking for his phone in his blanket.

"Jisung! Come down and eat something! How long will you sleep!?"

"W-What time...?" he trailed as he sat up, finally getting a hold of his phone and clicking it open to look at the time, only for his eyes to immediately go wide.

"Oh fuck!" he yelped and immediately jumped when he saw 10:00 pm lit up on the screen of his phone.

"Fuck fuck!" he scrambled on the bed, closing his laptop and turning on the side lamp of his bed stand. He told Minho thag he will call him after dinner, it was already late than that.

"Jisun-"

"Mom I don't, uh, I'm not hungry!" he shouted back, cleaning a little mess of his bed and his hair hurriedly.

"Huh? You don't wanna eat dinne-"

"No mom. I, um, I'm just, uh, going to just sleep in a bit"

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He pouted as he looked up at the clock on his wall for the nth time now and then back at the black screen of the phone that he carefully placed on his bed, standing by the pillow just like Jisung told him to.

Jisung said he will call after dinner. So he was waiting. From past 2 hours, he ate his dinner in a hurry and then came and sat here in front of the phone. For the first 20 minutes, he just sat there straight and ready, blinking at the screen continuously. Then he pouted and looked at the clock before getting up and grabbing his chemistry book, his notebook and pen and sat down, doing his problems while glancing at the screen every other second.

He pouted yet again and looked back at the clock when-

He suddenly startled as his eyes widened and head snapped at the phone in front of him.

' "When I will call you, the screen will light up and you will see yourself in it like a mirror" '

A big happy smile immediately stretched on his lips as he saw himself on the screen with a green circle bouncing up at the bottom of it.

He immediately scrambled and carefully reached for the icon to tap on it. His heart raced as his finger shook when he clicked on the icon, and immediately backed away and sat straight.

He blinked, seeing his own image getting smaller and then going to the upper corner of the screen before...

"I'm sorry!"

He blinked as his eyes grew big and shiny.

"I'm so so sorry I called so late!" Jisung apologised, sitting on his bed, joining his hands in front of his chest and bowing his head down again and again with a big apologetic smile on his lips "I'm so so sorry!"

"I..." Minho mumbled, not sure if Jisung can hear him or not if he spoke.

Jisung looked up and finally sat back on the bed, hugging a pillow in his lap and smiling seeing Minho's eyes shining with amusement.

"Hm" he smiled lovingly "I can hear you"

Minho blinked as his smile widened "I WAS WAITING FOR YOU!" and he shouted happily, earning a beautiful laugh from the other side of the call.

"REALLY!" Minho shouted again, excitement filling his heart "I WAS WAITING FOR YOU! AND THEN I WAS SOLVIN-"

"Minho!" Jisung immediately called out, smiling and chuckling "You don't have to shout, baby" he said, not noticing the word that slipped from his lips "I can hear you even if you speak normally" he smiled.

"Oh!" Minho giggled as his cheeks turned red, missing to hear the word as well.

"I.. I was doing chemistry problems while I was waiting for you and, and-" he mumbled as he looked around to tell something to the younger "And I ate dinner and, uh, and-"

"And I was missing you..."

And suddenly, there was a silence that followed.

Minho's body relaxed as he blinked his eyes, turning back towards the screen, only to see Jisung smiling at him lovingly.

"I was missing you so so much" Jisung mumbled, hugging his pillow tighter "I'm sorry I got so late in calling you"

Minho immediately looked down as his ears turned red while he tried to bite back the shy smile forming on his lips "I... I was missing you too"

"Minho..." Jisung called in a soft voice, making the older look up at him, blinking with big eyes.

He smiled, tilting his head, adoring those beautiful as a sigh left his lips.

"I love you"

And Minho? His eyes widened as he immediately looked down and turned red.

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Happy.

Oh he was so so so happy.

It has been a whole week since he met Jisung last time, but still, still he was all bubbly jumpy and so so happy.

Although Jisung was not being able to come to him, they still talk daily.

That video call that lasted 30 minutes the first night, now has became the call they both slept on while talking last night.

Jisung taught him on how to use the power bank he left with him to charge the phone and promised him to be back before that dies. It has been a week and he told Minho to not try to do anything with the phone to save the battery. And well, it worked. It has been a week and the power bank still have some power and the phone was fully charged.

And last night...

Well, let's say, Minho was in love.

Not just the 'Love' love.

But the love where... where suddenly everything smells good, like every butterfly was a little too beautiful now, like the blanket was a little more softer now, like the grass was a little more ticklish now, like... like suddenly, something was healing now.

When Jisung fell asleep last night on the call and Minho kept looking at him, the way his heart raced thinking of wanting to sleep beside him, thinking of wanting to take the place of the pillow Jisung slept hugging. The way he quietly laid down on his bed, blinking at the sleeping boy. The way his cheeks turned pink. The way he kept adoring him until his eyes felt heavy. Oh god he was so in love.

He smiled as he picked up the bucket onto his back, taking the straps over his shoulders carefully, before standing up, humming a tune softly. He doesn't remember when he hummed last time, but god, this new feeling, this everything made him want to skip around and smile more than he can.

He had a boyfriend. A someone who says he loves him. A someone who wants to be loved by him. A someone who... who was his.

His to call, his to hold, his to love, his to adore, his to cherish.

And finally, finally he feels the cracks filling up, finally he feels the wounds soothing up.

Finally, he felt loved.

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"Wait! That's the same boy, right?"

The man on the bicycle stopped as his friend called, and turned around just to see him pointing his hand in the direction of the village down the small hill they pass through everyday.

"Hm? Where?" he asked as he frowned and tried to look around.

"There! By the well! The one with the water bucket!" Chan said, pointing at the boy violently when his best friend couldn't see the said boy.

"Dude wher- oh!" Changbin suddenly pointed in the same direction to confirm as he spotted the same boy from that day.

"That's him, right!?"

"Hm. It's 100% him" Changbin replied as they both kept looking at the boy, seeing him carefully walking with a heavy bucket on his back filled with water.

"He is from this village?" Chan asked in curiosity, before turning his face back to his best friend who stood a little ahead of him on his bicycle.

"It seems so" Changbin mumbled "Is his boyfriend from here too?"

"Oh right" Chan said before turning back towards the boy "But..."

"That boy didn't looked like he was from a village" Changbin completed the words on Chan's tongue as they both kept looking at the when-

"Oh shit"

"Is he smiling at us?"

"Actually, he is waving at us"

They both straightened on their bikes awkwardly, looking at each other before turning their face back to the boy down the hill, only to see-

"Oh! Oh shit"

"Uh, should be run?"

"I... don't know...?" Changbin mumbled unsure as they both saw the boy now running towards them.

"Uh..."

"HEY!"

They both looked at each other awkwardly before looking back at the boy when they saw him reaching to them with a big smile on his face, yelling a-

"HEY HEY!" Minho huffed and yelled as he ran, finally climbing the stone stairs and reaching the two men standing on the roadside with their bicycles.

"Hey!" Minho panted as he finally stopped and immediately bent down a little, trying to catch his breath, a sweet smile still on his lips.

"Uh, hey" Chan spoke, laughing a little awkwardly, not understanding why would this boy come to them like this, especially after their last encounter.

"I'm-" Minho panted, slowly straightening up "I'm so sorry for that day" he finally spoke, smiling apologetically towards the two "The way I acted that day-"

"No no" Chan suddenly spoke with a sweet smile as the awkwardness slowly faded away as he understood "It's fine. We just wanted to help you" he smiled.

"And you look much better now" Changbin chimed in, smiling softly "Guess whatever was bothering you is fine now?" he asked as to confirm that the boy was alright.

The last time they saw this boy, he seemed so distressed. His eyes held thick tears in them. It broke their hearts. And now, seeing those same eyes smiling so brightly, gave them both a weird relief.

"Hm" Minho smiled as he nodded happily "It is. Everything is-"

"Hey!"

All of them immediately blinked and came out of their bubble when they heard a new voice and only then realised the bus that stopped at a little distance at them by the bus stop.

Chan and Changbin turned to their fronts, following the voice, only to see a boy making way towards them with narrowed eyes, looking in between them.

"What the fuck are you two saying to him!?" Jisung immediately asked with a bitter tone, coming and suddenly standing in between Minho and the two men, glaring at them.

"Huh?" Chan looked at his best friend before laughing nervously at the sudden confrontation.

"What!?" Jisung asked, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes even more.

Don't get Jisung wrong. He was not an overly possessive, overly sensitive, jealous and an insecure person who will not let his boyfriend talk to anyone. No no. But yes, not overly but he was protective for Minho. Maybe more than normal.

Even if he has to look at each and every person with suspicion his whole life, he will. But he will not let anyone hurt Minho in anyway possible. Not anymore.

"Actually" Changbin suddenly spoke, making the boy look at him "It was your boyfriend who came to talk to us" he explained and rolled his eyes when the boy made a face like he doesn't believe that.

Oh! And for anyone wondering where Minho was?

He was standing there, behind Jisung, with his eyes big and shiny with a big happy and excited smile on his lips, blinking at the back of the boy's head before-

"Jisung!" he suddenly chirped oh so happily, making the boy turn around but-

But even before Jisung could turn around fully, he felt two hands cupping his cheeks, turn him around and even before he could balance on his feet, there was a pair of soft loving lips pressed on his.

His eyes went wide as he saw Minho's closed eyes in front of him, feeling his lips stretch in a giggly smile against his.

His cheeks turned red as he blinked dumbly, feeling Minho pressing his lips tightly onto his for the last second before finally pulling away.

"Jisung!" he chirped happily "I missed you! I love you!" he giggled, getting shy at his own words, still holding the boy's face in his hands with his cheeks squeezed.

And Jisung just hung there, froze and red, blinking at him with wide eyes as his heart raced in his chest like crazy.

"Oh?"

And his whole body immediately stiffened. A sweet embarrassment filled his body when he heard the two men he just showed a whole scary and strict face to, coughing teasingly.

"Well~" Chan spoke, looking up in the sky, biting back his teasing smiles as Changbin chuckled looking away from the two boys.

"Yeah" Changbin spoke "Guess things are pretty fine afterall" he chuckled and looked everywhere except the two, before-

"Oh fuck!"

"You motherfuckers!" Jisung suddenly yelled with blush allover his face and stepped towards the two men with a goal of killing them, only for them to immediately sprint away.

"BYEEEE~" Chan increased the speed of his bicycle, waving his hand fully up, laughing as Jisung glared at them.

"GOOD DAY TO YOU TOO!" Changbin teased as they both laughed and slowly disappeared in the distance.

Jisung kept glaring at them with his whole face red with embarrassment when-

"Jisung..."

And suddenly, Jisung's mind was pulled out of everything when that beautiful voice suddenly sounded nervous.

He turned around just to see Minho blinking at him with eyes quietly asking if he did something wrong.

And Jisung finally smiled.

He stepped closer to the man, raising his hand and softly placing it onto his cheek lovingly "Did they said anything mean to you?" he asked, somewhere already knowing the answer by the small interaction with the two, and smiled in relief when Minho shook his head quietly.

"I missed you too" he replied to the older's previous words, caressing his cheek gently "I love you too" he smiled, whispering softly "So so much"

Minho blinked at him with big eyes, before looking down.

"Minho?" the younger called softly, making the older to lift his face up "What happened?" he asked.

"I..." Minho mumbled, feeling safe in that hold yet nervous about something "I can... I-I can kiss you, right?"

Chapter Text

There were two smiles. One was tiny and shy, and one was adoring and completely gone.

The smiles which never appeared, now refuse to fade away.

"I missed you" Jisung said with a soft voice as he tilted his head seeing Minho's little smile grew shyer as he looked down, breaking their eye contact.

He can see Minho was happy but was nervous as well. Well, he doesn't blame him. When he asked him if he can kiss him or not, instead of answering, he smiled at him, grabbed his hand and dragged him to his house.

And then here they were. On Minho's bed, both with their legs crossed, sitting facing each other, none of them speaking anything, just trying to contain the butterflies tickling their tummy as the sunlight twinkled on their faces through the window.

"I-I missed you too" Minho mumbled with a soft voice, finally looking up and smiling sweetly.

"You did?" Jisung asked, eyes adoring the boy his heart fell for.

"Hm" Minho smiled even more, suddenly excitement covering his heart "I did. When I was eating dinner and when I was in the field and-"

His words were suddenly cut off as he quited down when Jisung suddenly scooted closer to him.

His cheeks turned red as Jisung kept smiling up at him lovingly.

"I missed you when I was sleeping" he mumbled softly seeing Minho's eye grew big "I missed sleeping while hugging you" he whispered and his heart beat immediately stopped when he saw Minho's eyes suddenly flickering to his lips.

There was a small silence as they both let out a shaky breath when Minho leaned forward with unsure movements.

A sweet smile stretched on Jisung's lips when he saw Minho gulp, blinking rapidly like he was about to do something which he doesn't have the permission for.

So he leaned forward instead.

Even before Minho has the time to even breathe, Jisung closed his eyes and leaned forward, letting their lips touch.

Golden rays of sunshine trapped in between their lips as they both stayed their, feeling their hearts relaxing slowly.

Minho's heart kept racing as his body got stiff and ears turned red when he felt Jisung smiling against his lips, before the touch disappeared.

He slowly opened his eyes only to find Jisung still close to his face, smiling softly.

"I can kiss you, right?"

Minho's heart did a flip when Jisung repeated his question and smiling oh so lovingly at him.

"Y-Yeah..." his lips let out a breath before he could think and then he nodded "Why would you ask that?" he asked, looking down with his cheeks blushed red "You c-can kiss me wheneve-"

"Why?"

He blinked as he looked back up and saw Jisung tilting his head teasingly.

"B-Because-"

"Because?"

Minho looked back down as his ears burned "Because I-I... we, I-I'm your b-boyfriend.."

Oh Minho can never explain what storm went in his head and heart uttering those words.

Boyfriend. He... He was Jisung's boyfriend. He.. He have a boyfriend? Oh goodness.

Jisung's smile turned shy as he looked down for a brief second before looking back up, making Minho look up at him as well.

This sweet little human was his boyfriend now. He was the one who will hold him, kiss him, love him, cuddle with him. He was his sweet little human now.

"So I can kiss you whenever because you are my boyfriend?" he asked, adding a sweet sweet teasing in his words, answering Minho's question, and oh...

Oh how Minho's eyes lit up, how his lips smiled so so brightly and...

And how he immediately raised his one hand, kept it on the boy's cheek and leaned forward, kissing those lips yet again.

This time, with authority.

Jisung closed his eyes as his own hand raised and grabbed onto the older's wrist as he felt Minho parting his lips slowly.

Both their lips smiled as he tilted their heads, kissing each other softly, lovingly, scooting closer and closer to each other when suddenly....

A gasp let Jisung's lips as he opened his eyes when Minho suddenly pulled away from him, still holding his face in place. He blinked at him, panting lightly against his lips seeing him smiling at him.

"Are you.." Minho spoke, panting softly "You are gonna stay the night?" he asked, blinking at the younger with hopeful eyes, lips forming into a pleading pout, and oh the tickle Jisung felt in his heart.

He smiled and sighed before a chuckle left his lips as he nodded and even before he could let out a breathe 'Yeah', Minho gasped with happiness and immediately attached their lips back together, letting out a tiny giggle before kissing the boy sweetly.

Jisung smiled in the kiss, listening to those happy giggles, kissing back lovingly.

And it slowly started becoming hard to breathe when...

When Jisung suddenly felt Minho giggle breathlessly against his lips, and before he knew, the hand from his cheek was gone, the touch of those lips was gone, the sweet taste of that love was gone and before he could register, he felt his body jerk back a little and...

And oh his heart stopped there for a second the moment he looked down.

There was Minho. Still sitting on the bed with his legs crossed, but now, leaned down with both his arms wrapped around his waist tightly, burring his face in his lap, letting out a shy muffled giggle.

Jisung blinked with big eyes, his body shuting down as he kept blinking down at the older hugging his waist, before his heart exploded when Minho finally looked up.

His cheeks turned pink as Minho tilted his head up, looking at him with such happy eyes as he smiled widely at him.

"I love you!" he chirped, immediately burring his face back in his lap and snuggling in, giggling happily.

And soft loving smile slowly formed on Jisung's lips.

He sighed as he felt Minho breathing calmly in his lap, holding him closer. He chuckled and softly placed both his hands on his head, lacing his fingers in his hair lovingly.

Minho looked up again, feeling Jisung caressing his hair with love and smiled up at him.

"I love you so so much" Jisung said, sighing happily when Minho's eyes shined with pure happiness.

"Me too" Minho whispered, slowly closing his eyes, feeling Jisung massage his head.

"Minho?" Jisung called.

"Hm?" Minho hummed without opening his eyes, and pushing his head further up into his hands.

"What will you call me now?"

And Minho finally opened his eyes in confusion.

He looked up at the boy and tilted his head " 'Jisung'?" he answered, not understanding the question properly.

" 'Jisung'?" Jisung repeated and smiled "You will call me 'Jisung'?" he asked and pouted cutely.

And Minho just blinked. Confused.

So Jisung smiled.

"You will tell me you love me?" he asked in a soft whisper, making Minho blink dumbly and nod at him.

"I love you" Minho immediately spoke, like he was proving him that yes, he will tell him that he loves him "I will always tell you that I love you. All the time. I love you-"

"Who?"

Minho blinked dumbly up at the boy, making it hard for Jisung to hold his giggles in at how adorable Minho looked, looking up at him like a small duckling.

"Love who?" Jisung asked, moving his hands from inside of the man's hair to his cheeks, holding his face in a gentle loving hold, caressing his cheekbones with his thumbs.

"You" Minho pouted, not understanding the emphasis.

"I love you" Jisung whisper, leaning down a little, bringing their face closer.

"I love you" Minho pouted, heart relaxing in the boy's hold.

"I love you" Jisung repeated, his smile growing as Minho pouted more.

"I love you!"

"Who?" Jisung chuckled seeing a tiny hint of frustration in Minho's eyes.

"You!" Minho pouted as his hold tightened around the boy's waist "I love you, Jisun-"

"Baby"

Oh Jisung wishes he could pull out his phone a snap a picture right now.

The moment that word left Jisung's lips, Minho's heart stopped for a second before it started a marathon. His ears and cheeks turned red as he kept looking up with his eyes widening. His whole body suddenly felt numb and ticklish at the same time and, and... oh god this burst of feelings was making him weak. So weak in the hands of this boy.

Jisung smiled when he felt Minho's arms around his waist getting lose and his whole body relaxing.

He held the man's face in his hands tightly and sighed happily "I love you, baby" he breathed out, immediately feeling Minho's arms tightening back.

Minho kept looking up at him, blinking with big eyes, feeling like he can have a nose bleed any moment now.

So he gave up.

He immediately snatched his face away from the boy's hold and looked down, burring his face back in his lap, hiding away the smile that stretched on his lips, trying his best of hold in a happy giggles.

"I..." he mumbled, snuggling more into younger's lap, smiling like crazy.

Jisung chuckled and laced his fingers back into the man's hair, softly massaging his head, feeling his body slowly relaxing.

Minho blinked in his lap and smiled shyly, before mumbling a muffled...

"I love you, b-baby"

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It feels like a dream.

Not where he was flying on the clouds with butterflies and birds around, but an actual dream.

Like he has fallen into a coma and suddenly everything feels surreal. Everything was suddenly happy. Everything was beautiful to look at.

Just like the man in front of him who had his hands and feet covered in mud, crouched down on his field, working on his plants.

Jisung smiled, leaning his head back onto the tree he was sitting by and sighed happily.

What if this really was a dream?

What if that night, he never actually woke up? What if he laid there with blood gushing out of his cuts and actually never woke up? What if he was discovered by his parents and what if he was in a hospital right now, dreaming all this?

Dreaming of everything he has ever dreamt of?

What if he never came back to Minho? What if they never kissed? Never confessed? What if those last week late night talks has never happened? What if this man who was smiling at him from time to time, mouthing an 'I love you' with shy smiles was just an illusion?

What if he wakes up one day and everything will be gone? Minho, his smiles, his love for him, what if everything disappears?

Then... Then he will not think twice before tying a rock to his feet and jumping off that bridge.

He sighed feeling the soft fresh grass under his feet as he bought his knees closer to his chest and placed his chin on them, adoring the love he never imagined, never considered he will get.

And even if this actually is a dream, even if he never got the chance to confess, he never wants to wake up from this.

If he really is laying in a hospital bed, dreaming of this man holding him, telling him he loves him, he wishes to die in the bed with these smiles, these beautiful eyes as the reality for him.

"I love you" he whispered under his breath when he saw Minho looking at him with a happy smile and mouthing an 'I love you' for the nth time.

He sighed with a smile when Minho turned back around and went back on his work. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the tree, feeling the cool breeze caressing his cheeks as he sat in the shed of the leafs above his head.

If he was being honest, he still thinks about ending it all. Right now with his eyes closed, he still silently wishes for them to never open again. He was happy, he was in love, and... and he was scared.

He jumped in the water because life never gave him anything to smile to, to lean onto, and now, when life suddenly decided to give him everything, he was scared.

He was curious and excited and happy about spending every day of his life knowing that there was a boy far away in a village who loves his soul, and then he was scared of everything falling apart. He was scared that if this ever crumbled, he will die with a still beating heart in his chest.

Instead of seeing things falling apart, he would prefer to die right now, under this tree, with this soft cool breeze on his cheeks, with these smiles, these 'I love yous', these kisses as the last memories of the life he lived.

"Hey..."

But guess someone prefers something else.

Jisung blinked his eyes open and looked up when he saw Minho standing in front of him with a soft smile on his face.

Someone who reminds him of the promise he made to him. Someone who waits on him. Someone who leaves himself raw to him. Someone who quietly dreams of growing old with him.

Jisung blinked numbly when he noticed Minho's one hand clean and closed in a fist while other was still covered in mud.

Without any words Minho quietly sat down on his knees in front of the boy and smiled before raising his clean hand to the younger's face and quietly putting a tiny flower he plucked out of the ground, on his ear, patting his hair after lovingly.

And Jisung? He was lost.

With his eyes big and lips parted slightly, he kept staring at the man in front of him with his cheeks pink and a soft smile on his lips and in that second, just for that one second, he wanted to live till the end of time.

For that one second, for the first time, death scared him.

"Pretty" Minho mumbled, smiling lovingly as he placed his hand on the boy's cheek and saw him blinking at him with lost eyes.

And when Jisung didn't break the eye contact and just kept staring up, Minho smiled and leaned in towards his lips, when-

When there was a hand on his chest that stopped him in his place.

He blinked dumbly at the younger, only to notice how he blinked rapidly, coming out from wherever he was lost at, the moment he leaned in and raised his hand and moved a little back from him.

But what he didn't noticed, was the man at a little distance from them, walking towards his own field with a bucket on his back.

Minho blinked at him as the younger heart ached a little, thinking that he did something wrong or hurt Jisung in some way. And in a corner of his heart, he was worried.

Minho knows there is lot to unpack when it comes to Jisung. They didn't had a talk about anything other than that sudden reaction and that little detail slipping away. Where Jisung knows everything about his childhood, his past, his parents his life, he knows close to nothing about Jisung's life. He wants to talk, he wants to know, but he doesn't know how to.

After seeing his reactions both the time they kissed in the beginning, he doesn't know what will trigger Jisung at what moment. He was taking small unnoticeable steps. Pecking his lips suddenly, hugging him tighter than normal, snuggling in his lap. He was reading everything about how Jisung and his body subconsciously reacts to different touches. He was learning on his own, so he was more than scared to unintentionally cross a line and scare Jisung.

"Minho..."

His heart raced as the younger spoke and looked down, finally lowering his hand from his chest.

Jisung blinked and glanced up at that man keeping his bucket down and then glancing at them for a brief second before going to his work.

Jisung really wants to tell him the stigma around what they have, how it's not actually so normal for these people like he thinks, but he was scared. Scared of Minho suddenly looking at him differently.

So he looked back up and forced a smile, already sensing the tention in those eyes that kept staring at him with worry.

"I, uh..." he chuckled nervously as Minho titled his face to look at when he looked down again "I, uh, d-don't like these things in p-public" and he lied and immediately raised his hand to his own ear, taking the flower off.

But god this lie gave Minho's heart the biggest relief, before he smiled and mumbled a sweet "Ok".

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Oh Jisung could feel his heart jumping in his chest with nervousness.

He stood there with his head hanging low while Minho opened the door to his house.

He hurt him. He knew.

Minho placed a flower on his ear, called him pretty, and he didn't even acknowledged the gesture. He pushed him away and removed that sweet little gift.

He wanted to say sorry, but he didn't got the time to when Minho suddenly got up, rushed back to his field, washed his hands and feet, before coming back running to him and grabbed his hand without a single word, making him stand up and then dragging him to his house suddenly.

He stood there nervously as Minho pushed the door open and grabbed his wrist back, dragging him in.

Jisung blinked dumbly as Minho dragged him to his bed, pulled his hand down making him sit on the edge of his bed, before leaving his hand and rushing towards the door and closing it shut.

"Minho?" Jisung called in a small voice and saw Minho turning to him and smiling softly before rushing towards the window by the bed and closing it shut as well, making their surroundings slightly dim.

And then finally, Minho came to him and sat on the bed in front of him.

Jisung blinked with nervous eyes, ready to say sorry when-

His heart stopped when Minho raised his hand and placed a tiny flower on his ear and patted his hair lovingly.

He froze as he sat there, looking at the man in front of him smiling at him like he was the most beautiful view his eyes has ever looked at.

"So so pretty" Minho whispered, placing a hand on the boy's cheek, softly caressing his cheekbone with his thumb, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his cheek, closing his eyes and pressing his lips lovingly.

And Jisung sat there, froze and numb, feeling his heart clench and fall in love at the same time.

His blinked as Minho pulled away slightly and smiled looking down at him before bumping their foreheads together and letting out a giggle when a tiny "Ow" left his lips.

They both looked at each other and a small sigh left Minho's lips as he spoke a breathy "I love you" against the boy's lips, before...

Before Jisung closed his eyes and leaned in, attaching their lips together.

Minho was not startled, not shocked. Instead, he immediately closed his eyes, sucked in a breath and parted his lips, tilted his head and pulled Jisung's face closer, kissing him deeply.

This was their first kiss which was not soft and slow. It was desperate, filled with want and desire. And it slowly became evident to both of them.

They panted in each other's mouth as they both tilted their face and kissed each other hungrily, when Jisung suddenly felt Minho trying to scoot closer to him and subconsciously... he let his body react.

A shaky gasp left both of their lips as Jisung suddenly fell on the back on the bed with Minho leaning in with him, still holding his face possessively.

None of them realised what was happening as their minds shut down, letting their bodies react and take control.

And within the next second, Jisung was laying on Minho's bed with his eyes closed and unsteady breathing, having Minho in between his legs, hovering over him, holding his face by one hand and keeping himself up by his another.

They both kept panting, their chests heaving as their minds getting more and more lost in this addictive taste when suddenly-

"A-Aah-"

And they both immediately froze up.

Their eyes snapped open the moment that voice left Jisung's throat into Minho's mouth and oh how they both turned red.

The kept staring at each other with wide eyes and burning cheeks, not moving even an inch to acknowledge the fact that in their lost mind, Minho just, uh... yeah.

Minho gulped as shame killed him from inside, still feeling something hard pressing onto his dick as he put all his power into his mind to keep his hips from moving an inch again.

Jisung panted heavily and Minho stopped breathing, both burning from shame and embarrassment, but still being unable to look away from each other's eyes.

And before they both can get nose bleeds and die from a stroke, Minho immediately shot up.

A gasp left Jisung's lips as Minho got up from above him and jumped off the bed hurriedly, almost falling on his face in the process.

Jisung laid there with his eyes wide for some seconds before he snapped his face to his side and saw Minho panicking and hurriedly picking up a t-shirt and place it onto his crotch, hiding the stupid problem away, and immediately looked away with a red face when Jisung stared at him with big eyes.

They both stayed like this for some seconds before Jisung remembered that... he had his own problem to hide too and...

And he immediately bursted into a loud laughter.

He turned onto his side in Minho's direction, covering his own problem with his leg and laughed and laughed.

While Minho, he stood there and pouted as his ears and cheeks burned in embarrassment when...

When suddenly his heart stopped.

He blinked at the boy laughing on his bed and his whole body numbed at the realization.

He kept blinking as Jisung held onto his tummy and curled up as he laughed at the embarrassing situation. His eyes closed and smile that reached his ears.

"It's beautiful"

Jisung's laughs broke as he opened his eyes and looked up when he heard Minho speaking.

"Huh?" he asked, little broken laughs still leaving his chest as he panted with that smile of his lips.

Minho blinked at him when a loving smile formed on his lips.

"Your smile" he spoke softly and immediately saw the shift in Jisung's eyes.

' "You don't like my smile?"

"I haven't seen one yet" '

"It's beautiful" Minho whisper and smiled seeing Jisung's expressions soften immediately.

He tilted his head as he adored with pain in eyes when he saw Jisung struggling to keep his smile up as his eyes suddenly go filled with tiny tears.

"I-It is?" a broke voice left Jisung's lips, his lower lip quivered as he pressed his face more into the mattress and kept looking at Minho, quietly asking to be held.

And Minho finally sighed with his heart aching and lips smiling.

He tossed the t-shirt he was holding to the side and walked back towards the younger and crouched down on the floor by the bed, coming closer to the boy's face and smiling softly.

"Baby" he breathed out and raised his hand, placing it onto the younger's cheek, caressing his skin with care and love.

Jisung kept staring up at the older as a tear finally left his eye, rolling down the bridge of his nose as a tiny broken sob left his lips before he could stop it, and immediately closed his eyes, rasing his hands shakily and holding onto the older's wrist tightly, scared of him taking his hand, his touch away.

Minho smiled softly before leaning forward and placing a loving kiss on the top of his forehead.

"My baby" 

Chapter Text

"And I completed this one just last week!"

The man grinned proudly, extending his hands towards the younger holding a thick book with 'Volume : 2' written on it in big letters.

"This..." Jisung grabbed the book, looking at it dumbly, eyes scanning the cover, finally finding a small 'Mathematics' written on the side.

"You... completed this?" he asked, mind still trying to process that... How!?

"Hm hm" Minho nodded happily and reached out for another book kept under his bed to show to the younger.

It has been just 15 minutes since they both woke up. Jisung was still sleepy but Minho? Minho was suddenly wide awake.

Well, you can't blame him, it was Jisung who asked 'What are you studying at your school right now'. And Minho was more than happy to show him everything.

His books, his notes, his small pencils.

The previous day, the night, it was all quiet. Just quiet and soothing.

After they both went back to Minho's field, Jisung sat back under the tree and fell asleep, while Minho worked in his field and came to him and fell asleep beside him by the tree as well, waiting for him to wake up.

Evening sky raised, birds chirped, going home, when they finally both woke up. They stayed there for a little while, mumbling some random talks, before getting up and head back to Minho's home.

And let's say, plain boiled rice with salt is now Jisung's favorite food in the whole entire world.

And night? It was calm and sweet. With Minho hugging him, keeping a hand behind the back of his head and burring his face in his chest, with a blanket over them, it quiet and warm.

"Y-You..." Jisung mumbled, sitting on the floor by the older's bed, blinking at the 8 books scattered around, and the 9th Minho just pulled out from under the bed.

"How did you got all of these?" he asked, knowing how much these costs.

"Mr. James gave me these" Minho beamed a smile "He said these are the books he used to study from in his college" he grinned.

Jisung blinked at the older and then back at the books, and only then he noticed how old the books actually were. They were torn a little from corners, the pages were turning yellow and there were a lot of things marked and written with different colored inks, while Minho just had several broken or almost used pencils.

So he finally smiled.

He looked up at the man sitting in front of him, smiling with his toothy smile, looking so proud of himself.

"You are such a miracle, god" he let out a breathy chuckled and looked back down at the books, smiling softly "I can't even imagine opening one of these and not getting a headache" he laughed.

"No!" Minho immediately chimed "These are not that hard" he announced, taking the book away from the younger's hand and opening to a certain page "See, I can teach you these in 15 minutes. Mr. James says that I'm very good at explaining things" he said and then went on on explaining a random chapter and the equations in it to the younger.

While Jisung...

He was not listening a single things.

He just kept blinking at the man, at his eyes, seeing that beautiful shine in them whenever he lifted his eyes up from the book from time to time while explaining god knows what theorem.

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Minho smiled as he blinked at the beautifully flowing river under him. He sighed deeply as a cold blow of wind caressed his hair as he stood there leaning by the wall of the bridge.

He chuckled when he saw a fish jump out of the water for a second and go back in.

"He is happy too" he mumbled to himself a he saw the fish jump out and in again.

He feels so... fulfilled.

He doesn't know if that was the right word for what he was feeling, but there was feeling of content, a feeling that says that... this is enough. That he doesn't wish for anything further.

Not like he has ever wished for anything ever. But this... this was enough.

"Hey!"

He turned around at the call and a big smiled pasted on his lips when he saw the younger coming towards him.

"Sorry" Jisung laughed apologetically and bowed his head, before coming closer to the man "I got late. I know. I'm sorry" he apologised sweetly.

On the other hand, Minho stood there confused.

"This..." he mumbled, pointing his finger at the-

"Oh" Jisung chuckled and immediately grinned "This is why I got late" he said with a toothy smile. An evil toothy smile.

Minho blinked at the boy and then at what he was holding.

Two bicycles.

Instead of a scooter like last time, Jisung was there, standing with a green bicycle between his legs and a pink one held by his hand.

"How..." Minho mumbled, blinking at the two bicycles dumbly "How did you managed to bring them both at the same time?" he asked in pure curiosity.

Jisung just giggled and got off his bicycle carefully while still holding the other so it won't fall down. "I have practice" he smiled "I used to ride bicycle a lot when I was a kid. I still do sometimes when I feel like it. I have a very good balance of handling it with one hand" he explained as he opened the stands of both the cycles and finally turned to the older.

"It's far away, I know" he smiled "But I want to spend more and more time with you in each and everything" he said, sighing and stepping closer to the man "We are gonna reach there and sit down together even if we reach late or early" he smiled with pink blush covering his cheeks "But I don't want this road to finish so soon"

Minho blinked at the younger and then at the bicycles and then back at the younger.

"But" he spoke and immediately pouted, making Jisung frown in confusion and tilt his head with a smile on his lips.

"But I don't know how to ride a bicycle" he complained and immediately pouted again when Jisung let out a chuckle.

"I know" Jisung dropped his head and laughed "I will teach you, don't worry" he smiled, finally looking back up at the older and rasing both his hands, cupping the older's cheeks and squeezing them, forming a cute pout of his lips.

Minho blinked dumbly as Jisung squeezed his cheeks and then looked to his left then right before he suddenly raised up on his toes and kissed his lips, pressing his lips onto his pout tightly before immediately leaving his face and stepping away.

His eyes widened, blinking at the younger grinning in front of him, as he slowly registered what happened and immediately looked down, fighting a shy smile as his cheeks and ears turned red.

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"TABLE NUMBER 16, CHAN! 16!" the man shouted, filling up yet another glass of beer.

"AYE!" a man with thick beard and buff built shouted from somewhere inside the cafe "WHERE IS MY CHICKEN AND BEER!?" he yelled with a big smile on his face as hid friends cheered a "YEAH!" around him, making everyone in the cafe laugh and shake their heads.

"IN THAT FUCKER'S HAND!" Changbin pointed at the man having two a full tray of beer glasses in it and chicken in the other, running towards table 16 "CHAN!" Changbin shouted "TABLE 19 AFTER THAT!"

"YEAHHH!" the men cheered again.

"I HAVE TWO FUCKING HANDS AND 2 FUCKING LEGS! CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Chan yelled back, finally reaching table 16 and placing two glasses of beer down.

"THEN USE THEM AND GO TO TABLE 19, BITCH!"

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

A sweet laugh erupted as they both kept bickering as usual.

This cafe was their life. Every person who come here was regular, and hell, a family to them.

They have and still can give anything and everything for this cafe. It was their whole damn world.

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Changbin hummed a song as he cleaned the counter, finally a quiet calmness surrounding their cafe.

It was 4 in the evening. The time before everyone come to the beach, so it's quite peaceful for some hours after noon.

He hummed as Chan played games on his phone, sitting on one of the stools placed on the other side of the counter, when suddenly-

"Hey!" he mumbled to himself and frowned when at a distance, he saw two boys with two bicycles, with one walking with his own, grabbing onto the handles and other shakily pedaling his own slowly, wiggling it's handle in all the directions.

"Aye!" he called his best friend, hitting his head with the cloth he was cleaning the counter with "They are those two, right?" he asked, squinting his eyes at the two.

"Hm?" Chan asked, getting up and looking in the direction of his best friend and blinking before-

"Ohhh!" he let out loudly, excitement suddenly filling his whole body "It's them!" he chimed "Awww~" he suddenly cooed "Is he teaching him to ride a bike?" he cooed even more, pouting at the cuteness when he saw Jisung laughing when Minho stumbled a little and immediately got of the seat and stood on his feet so he won't fall down like previous two times.

"Seems like it" Changbin smiled "Your wish came true though" he said, smiling at Chan, making the older tilt his head in confusion.

"You wished for them to come back here together" he reminded, immediately seeing the bulb lighting up in the man's brain "Happy now?" he asked with a sweet smile when Chan smiled even wider, nodding happily before looking back at the two on the road towards the beach.

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"I'm sorry!" Jisung apologised for the nth time, reaching for the man's hand, only for him to pull away yet again.

Minho pouted angrily, with his hands crossed, laying on the table in front of him and his hand in his hands, looking at the ocean, huffing.

"Sorry!" Jisung whined, trying to bite back his laugh when Minho pouted even more and refused to look at him.

"You were laughing at me" he grumbled "I don't want to ride that bike"

"I was not laughing at you!" Jisung resorted back as a tiny laugh slipped his lips and Minho immediately huffed again.

While looking at those books Minho scattered all around him, seeing those subject names, Jisung suddenly realised that... Why? How?

Minho was intelligent. A god gifted one. Then how do he not implicate anything that he study and knows the depth of in his real life?

He learned chemistry and physics, he can apply if in his farming. And with the brain he have, how did he never thought of earning money in different ways. How he is stuck in the same small field for years, doing the same thing every day? He just couldn't understand, how.

And then, suddenly, he got his answers.

He got an answer which pierced his soul painfully.

When Minho peddled the bicycle for the first time in front of him, his eyes didn't seemed scared or worried of falling, or anything at all. All those eyes contained was... curiousness.

And slowly with each minute passing, Jisung slowly understood that the shine he adores so much in those innocent eyes was not happiness. It was not hope. It was just curiosity.

Minho was living. He was getting up, making his food, doing his work with nothing in his heart and mind. Like someone has made a routine for him and he quietly agreed to follow it.

He was not getting up everyday to live, he was getting up, to just get up. He was not make food to taste it, he was just making it, to make it, because that's what happens.

There was no purpose, no dreams, no wishes in those eyes. It was just the curiosity for every new thing that he thought was not made for him to see.

The remote control car. The ocean. The ramen. The burger. The bicycles. The...

Jisung.

Everything for Minho was a new experience. Including Jisung.

Those problems in those books were not Maths or Physics for him, they were like the puzzles in those newspapers that an old man sits with on his table by the window, solving every morning with a happy proud smile on his face.

Everything Minho looks at with those smiles eyes are the things he belive are outside of the bubble of his life. Things that he can't touch, can't feel. Like he was not allowed to.

Not allowed to experience anything out of that tiny bubble of his tiny life.

It hurts Jisung's soul to think that Minho never wished to be dead, but neither did he had a reason to wake up.

"I'm sorry~" he whined and pouted when Minho won't budge a bit and was about to get up and go around the table and sit beside him when-

"So! You guys wanna drink?"

Minho lifted his face a little and turned towards the voice as Jisung snapped his face up only to see one of those men he met previously standing in front of them, smiling widely.

And Jisung immediately rolled his eyes.

And got the same exact reaction from the other.

Chan looked at Minho instead and smiled "You wanna drink?"

"Drink?" Minho asked "As in, water?"

And Chan paused a little there, blinking at the man dumbly, as Minho finally lifted his face completely up and straighted in his place and then looking at Jisung for help as he immediately started getting nervous.

"We don't drink" Jisung exclaimed with a strictness in his tone "We will call you when we are ready to order" he said and shot a look at the man standing in front of him.

"Geez!"

Chan turned around at the voice as the two sitting also looking behind the man, only to see Changbin carrying a tray in his hand, passing by Chan's back.

"How do you tolerate his salty ass" he said to Minho, walking away and rolling his eyes at Jisung.

Minho blinked at the man and then back at Jisung "Salty ass?" he asked quietly, not understanding the meaning of that insult.

"He is saying your boyfriend is a bit bitchy" Chan explained a little simplified, chuckling seeing Jisung's irritated reaction, when suddenly-

"He is not bitchy" Minho suddenly resorted, frowning in disapproval "And I don't tolerate him" he said "I love him!" he said angrily, and well, let's say Jisung just sat there with red cheek, blinking at the man in front of him with big wide eyes.

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"Can we go to the sea?"

"Hm?" Jisung looked up when he saw Minho looking to his side, towards the sea with hopeful eyes and then back at him, pleading with a sweet smile.

Jisung blinked at the man as he continued on chewing the last bite of his noodles, seeing the sun slowly starting to touch the sea as the sky started turning orange, and then back at the older, gulping his food in, before smiling lovingly.

"Hm" he smiled, nodding, earning a big happy smile from the older.

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"They are cute" Chan smiled at the two boys sitting at the shore, as he finished up cleaning the last table before closing up.

"Hm" Changbin smiled, glancing at the two "Hope they stay like this" he mumbled, earning a small "Hm" from the older.

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"It's pretty"

Jisung smiled, letting out a quiet "Hm", as they both kept looking at the sunset in silence.

Minho sat there with his legs folded up, his knees to his chest as he kept his chin on his knee, smiling at the ocean, and Jisung sat there with legs stretched straight and his hands on the sand, fingers buried in, enjoying the cold sand.

It was so quiet and so peaceful. Everything was just... ok.

Minho blinked and smiled when his eyes suddenly flickered down on the sand and he saw a tiny pink seashell laying by his feet.

He smiled as he reached for the seashell and picked it up. He opened his fingers, looking at the beautiful seashell with shine in his eyes.

"It's pretty too" Jisung spoke, looking at the seashell in the older's hand, smiling softly.

Minho blinked and then extended his hand towards him. Jisung looked up at his eyes and then back at the seashell, raising his hand and picking the seashell up from Minho's hand quietly.

He looked at the beautiful tiny shell and smiled, muttering a small "Thank you".

And slowly, sky started turning blue, then dark blue and, Jisung sighed seeing the sun completely disappeared behind the ocean when-

"Jisung..."

He blinked when that voice came.

The voice that carried a sweet softness and a scared nervousness at the same time.

He turned his head to his side and let out a small "Hm?", looking at the older.

Minho kept looking at the sea with soft eyes "I love you" he muttered quietly.

And Jisung's mind numbed. He kept blinking at the man a his heart raced in his chest.

"I really, really love you" Minho mumbled and Jisung immediately saw tiny tears forming in sweet those eyes.

But he didn't ask.

Those tears were not of sadness. He knew it. Those were of a soundless storm going on in his head, in his heart. So he quietly turned his face back towards the ocean and let out a shaky breath.

"I love you, Minho" he breathed out, rasing his hand and quietly keeping it on the older's head, lacing his fingers in his hair, feeling Minho letting out a shaky breath immediately.

"I love you so so much"

Chapter Text

And suddenly, he was quiet.

Jisung walked in silence as Minho held his hand tighter and walked quietly.

He was suddenly so so quiet. And it worried Jisung.

After sitting for what felt like days on that shore, Jisung finally asked if they should go home, looking at the man sitting beside him blinking at the ocean with numb eyes.

"Hm" was all Minho replied with as the sky slowly started turning dark blue as the night raised.

He got up, making the younger get up after him, and immediately held onto his hand. Without even looking in his eyes, Minho quietly clutched at the younger's hand and started walking.

Jisung could feel that Minho didn't wanted to let go of his hand when they had to ride their bicycles to go back home. He could feel the weird desperation when he immediately grabbed his hand when they reached the rental shop and got off the bicycles and refused to let go since.

It has been 20 minutes since they are walking and finally reached the village. And Minho has not let his hand go even for a second.

But he was quiet.

He haven't said a single word after that tiny 'Hm'. He just kept looking straight ahead and walking with quiet steps.

Jisung was scared if something has happened. What if Minho suddenly had a change of heart? What if he was just a small crush for Minho and now he has snapped out of it? What if he will tell him to go away and never come back to him now? But then... then why was he scared to let go of his hand? What if he got uncomfortable watching the water because he of the circumstances he found him in for the first time? Oh Jisung's mind was a mess.

He blinked his eyes, looking up from the ground when Minho suddenly left his hand. He looked up only to see Minho back facing him and opening the door of his house.

He blinked and looked around only to register that they have reached Minho's.... Their Home.

He looked at Minho quietly as the older pushed the door open and then walked in before turning around and holding the door fully open and stepped aside, still not looking at him in his eyes.

He looked down and quietly walked in with tiny steps, thinking of a million things he must've done wrong and should apologise for.

He stood there with his head low as Minho closed the door and walked around him.

He finally looked up, and saw Minho looking at him for the first time in last 3 hours.

"M-Minho..?" He mumbled out, trying to figure out the feeling those eyes carried but god, it felt like there was a war going on in those eyes, a chaos of feelings and he was not being able to pick any.

He kept blinking at the man when he subconsciously stepped back when Minho came closer to him.

His back softly touched the door as Minho stood in front of him, eyes going soft as he raised his one hand up, keeping it on his cheek gently.

He blinked as Minho kept staring at his eyes before his gaze fell down onto his lips. It was a matter of less than a second when Minho slowly leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

They both closed their eyes as Minho let out a heavy sigh and Jisung could feel his breath stuck in his chest.

Minho's other hand raised and he kept it onto the younger's other cheek, holding his face lovingly in his hands.

Jisung sighed shakily when he felt Minho's lips parting away ever so slowly and softly. He felt his face being held in place as Minho tilted his own and took his lower lip between his own.

Jisung's hands rose up, clutching at the older's shirt tightly as he kissed him.

For the first time, a kiss felt like care. It was slow and careful. Minho's lips moved softly against him, like he was taking care of him, like he was trying to heal him.

Sound of heavy yet calm breathing filled the darkness as they both stood there in the corner pouring their love to each other, when suddenly, the touch disappeared.

Jisung's eyes blinked open the moment a gasp left his lips when Minho suddenly pulled away. And even before he could take another breath in, there was a weight hung around him.

"Please stay tonight too"

His eyes softened and body numbed when Minho tightened his arms around him, snuggled his face in his nape desperately and let out a shaky breath like he was trying his best to control his cries.

"P-Please" Minho let out in a muffled voice on the younger's skin, hugging him tightly.

Jisung blinked, his hands lifting up on their own as he held the older softly.

"I-I will... come back soon" he mumbled, feeling his own heart breaking when he felt those arms around him clutching tightly.

"Minho-"

"I love you so so much" Minho mumbled, sniffling lightly "I love you more than anything. I love you so so so much"

A small sad smile formed on Jisung's lips as he softly caressed his finger tips onto the older's back.

"I love too, my baby" he breathed out, smiling softly, raising his other hand up and keeping it onto the back of the man's head, lacing his fingers in his hair softly and caressing lovingly "I love you more than anything and anyon-"

"Then don't do it again!"

And Jisung's smile immediately dropped.

His hands halted as he kept blinking, letting the words and their meaning sink in his heart.

"D-Don't to it again" Minho repeated his words with his voice breaking and tears finally filling his eyes up.

"P-Please" he sniffled "Don't..." and he finally let out a tiny cry "D-Don't hurt my Jisung!"

And Jisung numbed.

Tears immediately rolled down his eyes, landing onto the older's t-shirt, as he kept staring into nothingness with big eyes.

"T-Throw i-it away" Minho clutched at the boy in his arms "That b-blade or cutter or w-whatever" his lips quivered as scared visuals filled his mind "D-Don't do i-it. P-Please"

"But..." a small voice escaped Jisung's lips without his concent, feeling his brain getting lost as tears kept flowing down his cheeks one after the other "But it gets so... so lonely and... and I get s-scared and-"

"Then stay here!" and Minho immediately cried out loudly "Stay here with me! Forever!" he hiccuped in the younger's nape "I-I will take care of you! I will do anything. I will feed you and make sure you are c-comfortable and warm. I will do everything!" he cried, clutching at the boy tightly "P-Please..."

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It took him all the power in his body to move his feet, taking each step towards forward as he finally reached outside his house.

The sound of the cab driving away got blur in his mind as Minho's tears, his cries, his pleads refused to go away.

His hand reached up for the door konb twisting it open and pushing the door open before entering. He body still felt so numb, his brain was mute and lost, god he was a mess inside.

He raised his foot and walked inside, quietly closing the door behind him, wanting nothing but going to his room and laying in his bed, hugging himself, trying to feel a lingering feeling of Minho on his clothes.

They have him.

His clothes have his smell, his touch, his feel.

If clothes have an option of never getting dirty, he would never wash a single of his clothes that Minho touched.

He kept his head low and kept walking towards the stairs to his room quietly, not noticing the kitchen light being on at this hour.

He turned to the stairs, rasing his one leg up when-

"Jisung!"

A strict voice broke the echoing sounds in his head, bringing him back to his reality.

"Jisung!" the voice repeated itself "Come here! Right now!"

Jisung blinked as he lowered his head back when he heard his dad's voice, sounding strict and pissed over something.

He blinked numbly before turning towards the kitchen and walking in.

"Where were you!?" the man sitting on the chair by the table spoke, looking up at his son with cold eyes.

Jisung didn't lifted his head up as he stood there numb.

"It's 11 in the night!" the man suddenly spoke in a raised voice filled with frustration "You have been gone since yesterday morning. Your phone is off. Where were you!?"

"At my friend's" Jisung answered in a small voice, having no energy physically or mentally to do anything but lay down and maybe cry until sleep takes over.

"At your friend's?" the man asked, tone changing into a slight sarcastic one "At your friend's or your boyfriend's!?"

And Jisung finally looked up, blinking with numb eyes, only to be met with his father's cold ones.

"At my boyfriend's" he spoke with a subtle numb voice.

There was a small silence that filled their space, before the man sighed.

Jisung saw his father getting up from his chair and walking up towards him with slow careful steps.

"Who is this boy, Jisung?" Mr. Han asked in a calmer and softer voice, as his eyes showed a slight worry in them "Why don't you just tell us who is he. Where do you go. You are safe or not. Why don't you understand that we are just worried for yo-"

"You are not worried for me" Jisung immediately spoke, voice as lost but his words came out sharp.

"You don't. You are just irritated with me" he mumbled quietly.

"Jisung..." Mr. Han sighed "What has gotten into you?" he closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, before opening his eyes back up.

"We do worry for you. We don't know who you are meeting and where you are going" he spoke, worry lacing his lips "What if he turned out to be dangerous and-"

"And what? Kills me? Hurts me? Rapes me?"

And Mr. Han immediately went quiet.

"You will care?" Jisung asked, voice small and tired "You will care if he raped me? Or will you be relived if he killed m-"

And his words halted as his breath immediately got stuck in his throat when...

When there was a hand on the back of his head and an arm around his torso. And even before he could register, he was pulled in a chest.

"Shut up, Jisung" Mr. Han breathed out, hugging his son tightly "Never say that again" he mumbled "I know you hate everything. Me, your mom... yourself" he spoke, stroking the boy's back when he felt no movement from his side at all. Not even the hot breaths in on his chest.

"I know everything is hard and everything is ruined for you. I know you don't see any hope in anything but..." a shaky breath left his lips as he lowered his head "But don't say these things"

And Jisung? He stood there, numb and stiff with his eyes wide and panicked as his lungs refused to take the air in.

"I'm trying, baby" the man mumbled "I'm trying everything I can for you. I got you on medication, antidepressants and everything and you don't take them. I pleaded you to come down and sit with us, spend some time with us. I dragged you to a job interview but you ran away" he spoke, defeating with each word leaving his lips "Just for once, talk Jisung" he sighed "It has been years... Just... Talk to me for once?"

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The loud sound of the door being slammed shut echoed through the house.

And then he inhaled.

A shark, stinging, heavy inhale making his chest pain as he clutched at his chest and immediately sild down the door and sat on the floor, trying to breathe properly.

His whole body shook as he stood up with wobbly legs and and immediately rushed towards the bathroom.

He stumbled as he reached for the shelf above his washbasin and took out a small bottle containing white pills in it. Taking one out hurriedly, he immediately tossed it into his mouth and without thinking, bent down and twisted the tap open and gulping down the water, as tears kept flowing down his face.

He heaved and he slumped onto the floor feeling his legs giving up, waiting for the medicine to work as his hands shook.

He raised his hands up, immediately taking off his t-shirt and...

And tearing it apart in the next breath.

He breathed heavily as he threw the torn up t-shirt away as out of his sight as he could and immediately squirmed away in the corner near the washbasin.

He immediately curled his knees up to his chest, covered his ears with his hands tightly, and buried his face in his knees, closing his eyes tightly, shaking violently.

"P-Please!" he cried in between is heavy breaths "D-Don't touch me!" he heaved "P-Please!"

He tried to squirm back more and more, fear filling his mind, his heart, every nerve of his body as he shook, pressing his palms tightly onto his ears, trying to make those noises to stop.

His cries and pleads got lost in those uneven and horrified gasps of air as he sat there, completely numb to the wetness slowly spreading under him, soaking his pants and feet in it.

Chapter Text

It has been hours since Jisung left and hours since he has been trying to sleep but all he was doing was tossing around with a weird loneliness and worry in his chest.

"He must be sleeping" he mumbled to himself, letting out a shaky sigh and closing his eyes tightly, trying to fall asleep again, but god, there was no sleep in his eyes, there was just this strange emptiness covering his heart. The heart which was crying quietly to somehow go to the one it started living for and hold him tightly in his embrace and never let him go away ever again.

A frustrated noice left his lips as he curled up into himself when the scenes of Jisung holding a blade again started floating in his mind when-

His eyes suddenly snapped opened when there was a knock on his door.

A knock which almost sounded... panicked.

He immediately shot up from his bed and frowned, snapping his face up towards the clock, seeing the time ticking at 1:40 in the night.

He blinked, confused, almost telling himself that maybe he was falling asleep and heard it in his drea-

"Minho!"

His eyes widened as his heart fell to his stomach when he heard that voice and then another loud knock.

His body reacted before he could think as he jumped off his bed and rushed towards the door, immediately opening it, only for his heart to stop in that very instant.

There was Jisung, standing there with tears running down his face, panting heavily.

"J-Jisung!?" Minho immediately hurried towards the boy to hold him when he let out a broken cry the moment the door opened.

"Jisung! What happened!?" Minho rushed as his hands immediately went to reach the boy's face when...

When he remembered what Jisung told him. So he stopped himself from pulling his love in his arms and sooth him and looked around. He quietly reached for the younger's wrist, quickly pulled him inside his house and closed the door shut and...

And even before Jisung knew, he was squeezed between the door and a chest having a heart beating like crazy in it.

Arms wrapped tightly around him, sweet whispers of "I'm here, it's ok. Calm down, baby, you are ok" in his ears, he stood there, limp.

Tears kept rolling down his eyes and wetting Minho's t-shirt as Minho kept rubbing his back with a strong hand and applied a little more pressure on the back of his head, pulling him more into his chest.

"M-Minho..." a numb voice left his lips without him knowing. He was not crying now, he was just there, hanging in the older's hold, tears flowing down continuously, heart aching and lungs almost giving up on breathing.

"M-Minho..."

"I'm here" Minho clung to the boy tightly, whispering softly as his heart raced and whole body got filled with worry. He could feel Jisung's whole body shaking, and god he was scared to ask what has happened.

"Jisung..." he mumbled quietly, massaging the boy's scalp "Say baby. What happened? I'm here"

"I-I...." Jisung mumbled out and immediately sucked a sharp painful breath as more tears rolled down "I-I c-can't... b-brea- I-I can't br-breath-"

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He blinked his eyes up at the stars twinkling above his head, trying to find some kind of relief. Something, anything to give his heart a little piece of 'It's ok. It's gonna be ok'.

He blinked and looked back down and a soft painful smile stretched on his lips.

His fingers moved in those soft hair as he kept looking at the boy quietly sleeping on his lap, finally taking deep calm breaths.

Curled up into himself, burring his face in the man's tummy, Jisung slept there, on the fresh cold grass quietly. Dried tears staining his cheeks and his hand curled up into fists, relaxing closer to his chest.

Minho smiled as he kept caressing the boy's hair lovingly, blinking at him with tears pooling in his eyes.

When Jisung barely let out the words that he couldn't breathe, for some seconds Minho didn't knew what to do. Oh he panicked so bad. But when he held Jisung's face in his hands and analyzed him carefully, he understood what was happening.

So within the next second, he grabbed his hand and hurried out of his house, and dragged him here.

The Back Forest of their village.

He hugged the boy, and slowly, Jisung started drifting in sleep. Maybe out of exhaustion from crying.

Standing in his hold, Minho felt Jisung's body going limp slowly and slowly, and he was holding a completely asleep Jisung in his arms the next second.

That river shining under the moonlight so beautifully, the soothing sound of the water flowing, the cold grass under them, the stars twinkling above them, all of those things together too somehow did not managed to calm Minho down.

Minho was scared. Scared of what must have happened. What caused Jisung to leave his house and knock on his door at almost 2 in the night. What was the reason of the tears, the red eyes, the sweat on his forehead. What happened for his body to shake and panic like that.

He kept looking at the boy in his lap when he felt an ache in his chest. He let out a sharp shaky sigh like he has not been breathing for some seconds. And even before he could notice the tears that rolled down his eyes, those tears fell down his chin landing onto the cheekbone of the sleeping boy.

Minho panicked when he saw Jisung scrunching his face in discomfort and immediately raised his hands to his face, wiping his tears off.

He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, making sure there were no tears left in them, before finally looking back down to check if Jisung was fast asleep again...

Only to see the boy blinking up at him with sleepy eyes.

"I-I'm sorry" Minho mumbled, pulling his hand down and lacing it back into the boy's hair, immediately applying pressure to make him fall back asleep.

"I'm sorry" he whispered ever so softly, hoping Jisung was still half asleep "Go back to sleep, baby. I'm sorry"

On the other hand, Jisung blinked up at the man's eyes, his face covering the moon behind him, with the stars beautifully twinkling around him. And god, he will not lie if he said he fell in love yet again.

"I'm sorry..." It was a quiet small voice that left Jisung's lips oh so softly.

"Jisung" Minho mumbled, continuing to massage his head "Why are you saying sorr-?"

"I held it" Jisung spoke, words coming out as small and laced with guilt.

He kept blinking up at the man and his eyes immediately got filled with tears when he felt Minho's hand stopping in his hair.

He bit down his lip harshly as his lower lip quivered and he slowly sat up.

Minho blinked, a storm going on in his head and pain in his chest as he saw Jisung hanging his head low with eyes filled with tears.

"I-I'm sorry" Jisung mumbled in a broken voice, trying his best to not cry loudly "I-I tried. I promise I d-did" he mumbled.

And yes. He did tried. He tried his best to not reach his hand under his sink and pull out that blade.

After sitting there on the floor in his own pee for 20 minutes, he tried his best to calm down and keep his hands to himself. He kept waiting and waiting for that itch to go away, or at least reduce, but it just never happened.

So he reached for that blade.

He pulled it out, he kept it on his wrist, just above the half healed wound he previously gave himself. He pressed it on his skin... and then his hands trembled.

' "D-Don't do it again" '

His whole body started shutting down when the words, that voice echoed in his mind.

' "D-Don't hurt my Jisung" '

It was difficult.

It was so difficult to throw that blade away. It was so difficult to be able to breathe. It was so difficult to get up, to wash himself, to change, to book a cab, to wait. It was so difficult, hard to breathe not having Minho around him.

"I-I'm so sorry!" and a cry finally tore through his throat, feeling so miserable, like he has let Minho down.

"I-I tried! I took my medicine! I-I-"

"Did you do it...?"

And a silence fell between them.

Jisung's cries stopped as he shakily looked up at the man with tears running down his face, only to see Minho looking at him with his own glossed up ones.

"D-Did you-"

And he immediately shook his head.

He hung his head low, lips quivering as he kept shaking his head in a no, trying to make Minho believe that no, he didn't do it. For him. Only and only for him, he didn't.

"I'm so proud of you..."

And Jisung's heart stopped for a moment.

He slowly looked up, seeing Minho smiling at him oh so softly, with his tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm s-so so proud of you" Minho mumbled in a breaking voice, feeling a painful knot in his chest at the thought that Jisung almost did it. He almost broke apart, and he was alone. Alone in all of it. Alone till he got here just to be held and protected. Alone when he was not being able to breathe. He was all alone. Minho was not with him. He couldn't do anything. He was not there to snatch that blade from his hand and throw it away. He was not there to hold him. He was not there to pull him in his chest and let him scream and cry. He couldn't do any fucking thing.

"I know it's hard" Minho mumbled with a soft smile and raised his hand towards the younger's face, touching his cheek with the back of his fingers ever so softly, wiping his tears away "And I know I can never truly know how hard it is..." he smiled "But even if you would've broke down completely, even if you were not being able to hold back, even if you came here with another bandage around your wrist, I would've loved you the same" he mumbled as more tears rolled down his eyes while he wiped the younger's tears oh so gently.

"Even if you told me that you did it, I will never be disappointed in you" he smiled when Jisung's lips quivered and more tears rolled down "I will always love you more than anything, no matter what"

"I-I'm s-sorry!" Jisung suddenly cried, leaning in the hand on his cheek, trying to get more of that touch, more of the warmth.

"I'm so proud of you, my baby" Minho smiled lovingly, blinking his tears "You are so strong" he breathed out.

Jisung sniffled and looked up, his heart aching painfully, mind running thousands of thoughts when Minho just kept caressing his cheeks with is knuckles ever so softly, not holding his face, not coming close, not even-

"Y-You are n-not gonna kiss m-me?" so he asked. Asked with a tiny piece of his heart broken, thinking that Minho was not willing to touch him properly now. That maybe he has weirded out by him. That maybe he is uncomfortable around hi-

"We are outside, baby" Minho whispered ever so softly, and oh only if Jisung could feel the desperation bubbling in his chest to just hold his wrist, pull him closer to him, hug him, kiss him, adore him.

Jisung blinked his eyes, remembering his own words.

' "Minho, I don't like these thinks in public..." '

Just for his words, Minho was not even touching him properly.

"You are so beautiful..." Minho breathed out, smiling oh so lovingly at the boy, seeing the moonlight dancing on his skin, the tears in his eyes shining so prettily.

"So so beautiful" he whispered and smiled, seeing Jisung close his eyes and lean into the touch when he caressed his knuckles on his cheekbone ever so softly.

Jisung blinked his eyes open, looking a the man in front of him, and oh his heart immediately missed a beat.

And without any words, without a single thought in his mind he leaned forward.

Placing his hands on the grass between them, he leaned forward, closed his eyes, and even before Minho could protest-

Minho's eyes immediately closed the moment their lips touched.

They both stayed there, numb and still for some seconds, before...

Before Minho pulled away ever so lightly, sucked in a sharp yet shaky breath, raised his hand, held the boy's face in his palm and tilted his face, parting his lips away, before bringing their lips back together.

Jisung's whole body got goosebumps as he let out a shaky sigh in the man's mouth and kissed him back with love. All the remaining love he had left in his chest, in his mind, in every nerve of his body.

He tried to scoot closer and closer to Minho, only for him to pull away ever so softly, panting against his lips.

"J-Jisung-" Minho panted, his eyes still closed as their forehead rested onto each other. He kept his hold on the boy's face, breathing heavily, wanting nothing but to touch those lips back.

"Jisung I-"

"Home..."

Oh how Minho's body got goosebumps when Jisung panted against his lips, feeling how bad he was resisting the urge to lean in again.

"I want to go home..."

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They both were quiet, feeling those weird tingles in their tummies.

Jisung sat on the bed, blinking down at the

It has been hours since Jisung left and hours since he has been trying to sleep but all he was doing was tossing around with a weird loneliness and worry in his chest.

"He must be sleeping" he mumbled to himself, letting out a shaky sigh and closing his eyes tightly, trying to fall asleep again, but god, there was no sleep in his eyes, there was just this strange emptiness covering his heart. The heart which was crying quietly to somehow go to the one it started living for and hold him tightly in his embrace and never let him go away ever again.

A frustrated noice left his lips as he curled up into himself when the scenes of Jisung holding a blade again started floating in his mind when-

His eyes suddenly snapped opened when there was a knock on his door.

A knock which almost sounded... panicked.

He immediately shot up from his bed and frowned, snapping his face up towards the clock, seeing the time ticking at 1:40 in the night.

He blinked, confused, almost telling himself that maybe he was falling asleep and heard it in his drea-

"Minho!"

His eyes widened as his heart fell to his stomach when he heard that voice and then another loud knock.

His body reacted before he could think as he jumped off his bed and rushed towards the door, immediately opening it, only for his heart to stop in that very instant.

There was Jisung, standing there with tears running down his face, panting heavily.

"J-Jisung!?" Minho immediately hurried towards the boy to hold him when he let out a broken cry the moment the door opened.

"Jisung! What happened!?" Minho rushed as his hands immediately went to reach the boy's face when...

When he remembered what Jisung told him. So he stopped himself from pulling his love in his arms and sooth him and looked around. He quietly reached for the younger's wrist, quickly pulled him inside his house and closed the door shut and...

And even before Jisung knew, he was squeezed between the door and a chest having a heart beating like crazy in it.

Arms wrapped tightly around him, sweet whispers of "I'm here, it's ok. Calm down, baby, you are ok" in his ears, he stood there, limp.

Tears kept rolling down his eyes and wetting Minho's t-shirt as Minho kept rubbing his back with a strong hand and applied a little more pressure on the back of his head, pulling him more into his chest.

"M-Minho..." a numb voice left his lips without him knowing. He was not crying now, he was just there, hanging in the older's hold, tears flowing down continuously, heart aching and lungs almost giving up on breathing.

"M-Minho..."

"I'm here" Minho clung to the boy tightly, whispering softly as his heart raced and whole body got filled with worry. He could feel Jisung's whole body shaking, and god he was scared to ask what has happened.

"Jisung..." he mumbled quietly, massaging the boy's scalp "Say baby. What happened? I'm here"

"I-I...." Jisung mumbled out and immediately sucked a sharp painful breath as more tears rolled down "I-I c-can't... b-brea- I-I can't br-breath-"

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He blinked his eyes up at the stars twinkling above his head, trying to find some kind of relief. Something, anything to give his heart a little piece of 'It's ok. It's gonna be ok'.

He blinked and looked back down and a soft painful smile stretched on his lips.

His fingers moved in those soft hair as he kept looking at the boy quietly sleeping on his lap, finally taking deep calm breaths.

Curled up into himself, burring his face in the man's tummy, Jisung slept there, on the fresh cold grass quietly. Dried tears staining his cheeks and his hand curled up into fists, relaxing closer to his chest.

Minho smiled as he kept caressing the boy's hair lovingly, blinking at him with tears pooling in his eyes.

When Jisung barely let out the words that he couldn't breathe, for some seconds Minho didn't knew what to do. Oh he panicked so bad. But when he held Jisung's face in his hands and analyzed him carefully, he understood what was happening.

So within the next second, he grabbed his hand and hurried out of his house, and dragged him here.

The Back Forest of their village.

He hugged the boy, and slowly, Jisung started drifting in sleep. Maybe out of exhaustion from crying.

Standing in his hold, Minho felt Jisung's body going limp slowly and slowly, and he was holding a completely asleep Jisung in his arms the next second.

That river shining under the moonlight so beautifully, the soothing sound of the water flowing, the cold grass under them, the stars twinkling above them, all of those things together too somehow did not managed to calm Minho down.

Minho was scared. Scared of what must have happened. What caused Jisung to leave his house and knock on his door at almost 2 in the night. What was the reason of the tears, the red eyes, the sweat on his forehead. What happened for his body to shake and panic like that.

He kept looking at the boy in his lap when he felt an ache in his chest. He let out a sharp shaky sigh like he has not been breathing for some seconds. And even before he could notice the tears that rolled down his eyes, those tears fell down his chin landing onto the cheekbone of the sleeping boy.

Minho panicked when he saw Jisung scrunching his face in discomfort and immediately raised his hands to his face, wiping his tears off.

He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, making sure there were no tears left in them, before finally looking back down to check if Jisung was fast asleep again...

Only to see the boy blinking up at him with sleepy eyes.

"I-I'm sorry" Minho mumbled, pulling his hand down and lacing it back into the boy's hair, immediately applying pressure to make him fall back asleep.

"I'm sorry" he whispered ever so softly, hoping Jisung was still half asleep "Go back to sleep, baby. I'm sorry"

On the other hand, Jisung blinked up at the man's eyes, his face covering the moon behind him, with the stars beautifully twinkling around him. And god, he will not lie if he said he fell in love yet again.

"I'm sorry..." It was a quiet small voice that left Jisung's lips oh so softly.

"Jisung" Minho mumbled, continuing to massage his head "Why are you saying sorr-?"

"I held it" Jisung spoke, words coming out as small and laced with guilt.

He kept blinking up at the man and his eyes immediately got filled with tears when he felt Minho's hand stopping in his hair.

He bit down his lip harshly as his lower lip quivered and he slowly sat up.

Minho blinked, a storm going on in his head and pain in his chest as he saw Jisung hanging his head low with eyes filled with tears.

"I-I'm sorry" Jisung mumbled in a broken voice, trying his best to not cry loudly "I-I tried. I promise I d-did" he mumbled.

And yes. He did tried. He tried his best to not reach his hand under his sink and pull out that blade.

After sitting there on the floor in his own pee for 20 minutes, he tried his best to calm down and keep his hands to himself. He kept waiting and waiting for that itch to go away, or at least reduce, but it just never happened.

So he reached for that blade.

He pulled it out, he kept it on his wrist, just above the half healed wound he previously gave himself. He pressed it on his skin... and then his hands trembled.

' "D-Don't do it again" '

His whole body started shutting down when the words, that voice echoed in his mind.

' "D-Don't hurt my Jisung" '

It was difficult.

It was so difficult to throw that blade away. It was so difficult to be able to breathe. It was so difficult to get up, to wash himself, to change, to book a cab, to wait. It was so difficult, hard to breathe not having Minho around him.

"I-I'm so sorry!" and a cry finally tore through his throat, feeling so miserable, like he has let Minho down.

"I-I tried! I took my medicine! I-I-"

"Did you do it...?"

And a silence fell between them.

Jisung's cries stopped as he shakily looked up at the man with tears running down his face, only to see Minho looking at him with his own glossed up ones.

"D-Did you-"

And he immediately shook his head.

He hung his head low, lips quivering as he kept shaking his head in a no, trying to make Minho believe that no, he didn't do it. For him. Only and only for him, he didn't.

"I'm so proud of you..."

And Jisung's heart stopped for a moment.

He slowly looked up, seeing Minho smiling at him oh so softly, with his tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm s-so so proud of you" Minho mumbled in a breaking voice, feeling a painful knot in his chest at the thought that Jisung almost did it. He almost broke apart, and he was alone. Alone in all of it. Alone till he got here just to be held and protected. Alone when he was not being able to breathe. He was all alone. Minho was not with him. He couldn't do anything. He was not there to snatch that blade from his hand and throw it away. He was not there to hold him. He was not there to pull him in his chest and let him scream and cry. He couldn't do any fucking thing.

"I know it's hard" Minho mumbled with a soft smile and raised his hand towards the younger's face, touching his cheek with the back of his fingers ever so softly, wiping his tears away "And I know I can never truly know how hard it is..." he smiled "But even if you would've broke down completely, even if you were not being able to hold back, even if you came here with another bandage around your wrist, I would've loved you the same" he mumbled as more tears rolled down his eyes while he wiped the younger's tears oh so gently.

"Even if you told me that you did it, I will never be disappointed in you" he smiled when Jisung's lips quivered and more tears rolled down "I will always love you more than anything, no matter what"

"I-I'm s-sorry!" Jisung suddenly cried, leaning in the hand on his cheek, trying to get more of that touch, more of the warmth.

"I'm so proud of you, my baby" Minho smiled lovingly, blinking his tears "You are so strong" he breathed out.

Jisung sniffled and looked up, his heart aching painfully, mind running thousands of thoughts when Minho just kept caressing his cheeks with is knuckles ever so softly, not holding his face, not coming close, not even-

"Y-You are n-not gonna kiss m-me?" so he asked. Asked with a tiny piece of his heart broken, thinking that Minho was not willing to touch him properly now. That maybe he has weirded out by him. That maybe he is uncomfortable around hi-

"We are outside, baby" Minho whispered ever so softly, and oh only if Jisung could feel the desperation bubbling in his chest to just hold his wrist, pull him closer to him, hug him, kiss him, adore him.

Jisung blinked his eyes, remembering his own words.

' "Minho, I don't like these thinks in public..." '

Just for his words, Minho was not even touching him properly.

"You are so beautiful..." Minho breathed out, smiling oh so lovingly at the boy, seeing the moonlight dancing on his skin, the tears in his eyes shining so prettily.

"So so beautiful" he whispered and smiled, seeing Jisung close his eyes and lean into the touch when he caressed his knuckles on his cheekbone ever so softly.

Jisung blinked his eyes open, looking a the man in front of him, and oh his heart immediately missed a beat.

And without any words, without a single thought in his mind he leaned forward.

Placing his hands on the grass between them, he leaned forward, closed his eyes, and even before Minho could protest-

Minho's eyes immediately closed the moment their lips touched.

They both stayed there, numb and still for some seconds, before...

Before Minho pulled away ever so lightly, sucked in a sharp yet shaky breath, raised his hand, held the boy's face in his palm and tilted his face, parting his lips away, before bringing their lips back together.

Jisung's whole body got goosebumps as he let out a shaky sigh in the man's mouth and kissed him back with love. All the remaining love he had left in his chest, in his mind, in every nerve of his body.

He tried to scoot closer and closer to Minho, only for him to pull away ever so softly, panting against his lips.

"J-Jisung-" Minho panted, his eyes still closed as their forehead rested onto each other. He kept his hold on the boy's face, breathing heavily, wanting nothing but to touch those lips back.

"Jisung I-"

"Home..."

Oh how Minho's body got goosebumps when Jisung panted against his lips, feeling how bad he was resisting the urge to lean in again.

"I want to go home..."

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They both were quiet, feeling those weird tingles in their tummies.

Jisung sat on the bed, blinking down at the bedsheets, letting out a shaky breath before turning his head to his right, looking outside the small window by the older's bed. The only source of some light coming in his house, making it shine beautifully with a twinkling moonlight.

He turned his face back towards the door of the house when he saw Minho finally enter after washing his feet and closing the door behind him.

He blinked with lost eyes, trying to look in the man's eyes, but Minho didn't looked up.

Minho kept his eyes low and kept walking towards the bed quietly. But oh only if Jisung knew what storm was going inside him. How many tears he was holding back in.

Jisung kept blinking, his heart dropping with each second when Minho didn't looked up at him.

"Minho..." so he called ever so softly, his voice so small, laced with guilt and shame, thinking that even if Minho said it in his words, but in his heart, he actually was disappointed in him, maybe even angry at him.

And Minho didn't replied.

Jisung followed Minho's movements with eyes filling with tears, seeing him placing his knees on the bed, getting up. His heart broke when Minho didn't reach for him as the first thing, but moved towards the window and closed it, making the room go dark with moonlight still peeping through small cracks and holes all over.

He was about to cry, say sorry, do anything it takes for Minho to-

And even before he could even blink after Minho closed the window, even before he could register his movements, his face was held tightly in between two warm possessive hands.

He blinked, his eyes going hollow when his face was tilted up and in the next second, his lips were pressed onto another pair of trembling lips.

His eyes didn't widened, his heart didn't stopped, it was like... like he was still processing it.

Still processing that Minho was standing in front of him on the bed on his knees, holding his face, pressing his lips onto him, with tears running down his face.

He didn't even saw when those tears even formed in those eyes.

And now when he saw them, his heart broke. Broke into pieces for being the reason behind those tears.

Minho pulled away just a little, letting out a shaky breath and a heavy breathy cry, before pressing their lips together again.

Jisung stayed there, froze and still, numb and lost.

It was like, he was unable to feel anything and at the same time Minho was feeling thousands and thousands of emotions at once.

Minho pulled away again and sucked in a sharp breath, letting out a tiny cry as he pressed his lips on the boy's forehead, then to his left cheek, then to his right, then to his chin, then again to his lips, before pulling away again ever so lightly and panted.

"W-What w-will I do if something h-happened to you!?" and he cried, holding the boy's face close, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, trying to calm down.

"W-Where will I-I go if you d-disappeared!?" he cried "I-I don't know where to c-come and find you! W-What will I d-do if you never r-returned to me!?"

Minho cried and cried, and Jisung? He sat there numb and limp, seeing Minho letting his fears out. The fears he never worded, never expressed. But seems like Jisung broke something in him today.

"P-Please" Minho's voice trembled "I-I will try my b-best" he mumbled, his cries slowly coming to stop "I-I will do everything, but please... I know you are s-strong" he sniffled "Please stay for a l-little longer. I-I will hold you, I will try to heal e-everything. I-I will make you s-smile. P-Please for a little l-longer. D-Don't just..."

'One day, just don't kill yourself'

Minho couldn't bring himself to form those words.

'One day, when it gets too heavy, please remember me like you did today. One day when you will see no hope in anything, please remember my eyes when I look at you. I will sooth every pain, every wound. I will heal everything in you. Just please, don't leave me behind. Please'

"You think I will kill myself?"

And Minho froze.

His cries halted as his breath got stuck in his throat as he slowly opened his eyes, allowing more tears to roll down. And oh how his heart ached and jumped at the sight.

There was Jisung, with tears rolling down his cheeks, smiling oh so softly.

This was not the smile he stretched all the time. It was the smile Minho considered as the real one, the purest, the most beautiful one.

"Y-You think I will..." his voice broke as his throat ached "You t-think I love you t-this l-less?"

And his smile faltered. His lips quivered and eyebrows frowned, suddenly looking like he was angry at Minho.

"Y-You think I love you s-so less to j-just kill myself?" he asked, this time, angrily.

And Minho?

He blinked, confusingly.

His heart, his stomach, everything felt ticklish as Jisung's lips pouted in an angry pout.

"Yes. I-I c-can't promise you t-to keep the promise of not h-hurting myself ever again" he admitted with a pain in his chest "B-But I will not, I will never kill myself t-till you are alive!" he exclaimed.

But oh how that line stung Minho's heart.

Jisung was hanging in there with just one thread.

Minho.

And god, at that very second, Minho promised himself to make that tiny thread into a strong beautiful swing for his love to sleep peacefully on.

"I-I was scared..." Minho mumbled, his hands softening around the boy's cheeks.

"I am too" Jisung mumbled ever so softly and smiled wider, feeling his heart getting lighter, the pain slowly going away.

"S-Sorry..." Minho spoke, blinking dumbly at the boy, not knowing exactly what he was saying sorry for, but oh how every pain vanished away, how his heart relaxed, how everything suddenly became ok when Jisung let out a sweet teasing chuckle and mutter a "Ok. You are forgiven" playfully.

They both stayed there blinking at each other, saying thousands of things with their sealed lips.

"I will stay. Promise" Jisung smiled softly "I'm sorry"

"I..." Minho mumbled, blinking with that shine returning in his eyes "I will be there"

And Jisung finally leaned in.

They both closed their eyes as Minho slowly lowered himself, holding the boy's face lovingly in his hands as they kissed each other with gentle movements.

"I love you" they both mumbled at the same time the moment their lips parted for a tiny second before they tilted their faces and leaned in with a heavy sigh.

And slowly, everything started feeling... too heavy.

They didn't knew what it was. All these emotions? Maybe. But god their heads felt so lighter so suddenly.

They kept kissing each other, softly nibbling onto each other's lips ever so softly, like they were craving something which was already in their hands. Like it was there, but they can't reach it.

So they got desperate.

They panted, parted every now and then for less then a second to catch their breaths before leaning back in.

Jisung's hands raised up shakily, holding onto Minho's wrists as Minho held his face in his hands possessively.

And then, it got impossible to breathe.

Minho pulled away, just an inch from his lips, still holding his cheeks, as they both panted like crazy with their eyes squeezed closed.

And the moment they both opened their eyes, lifting them up to look into each other's, oh god how their hearts, their breaths, their brains stopped.

They froze in there place, as Jisung's heart shivered and Minho's body got goosebumps when their eyes landed on that thin string of saliva attaching their lips so carefully.

Jisung's whole face turned red as he lowered his eyes and tried to back away just a little to break that string when-

When his eyes widened and heart stopped when Minho's hand suddenly traveled from his cheek to the back of his head, bringing him closer and closing the distance between their lips yet again.

Oh there was definitely something different today.

These kisses. These kisses doesn't feel like just kisses. Oh god.

Minho kept their lips pressed for some seconds before he pulled away completely and placed his glossy and wet lips onto Jisung's cheek, panting against his skin.

"I love you" Minho breathed out as he lowered his lips, pressing a wet kiss onto the younger's chin and panting there heavily.

Jisung shivered at every touch, kept his eyes closed, tightened his hold onto Minho's hands holding him and breathing heavily.

They both didn't knew what was happening, where this was going, but it... it felt so peaceful.

Those pants, those sounds of wet kisses on his skin, those sounds of their skin rubbing together, everything felt so peaceful.

Jisung clutched at Minho's wrists when Minho suddenly leaned up and attached their lips together, pressing there softly yet desperately.

Then he pulled away and left yet another kiss their. Then another. Then another. And then another, panting against his lips heavily.

Before he lowered his face.

Jisung didn't knew what happened, neither did Minho, but they both felt their hearts stop when Minho's lips caressed at his jawline.

Lost in his head, Jisung shakily lifted his face up.

And Minho parted his lips.

Minho's one hand lowered down, resting softly at the dip of the boy's waist as his teeth tingled his skin.

Minho sucked on his skin at the same place softly, before panting, not understanding what he was doing, what Jisung was allowing to happen, why was he craving to kiss and bite every inch of his skin.

They both, lost in a haze, breathed heavily as Minho tried to pull onto Jisung's waist, wanting him closer as he himself leaned in more and his lips, shakily, with desperate yet unsure movements, lowered down.

A whimper came out in shaky breaths from Jisung's lips when he lifted and tilted his head to his side when Minho's lips pressed onto the side of his neck, before those lips parted and took his skin in, softly nibbling on it with his teeth.

"I love you s-so fucking much" Minho panted out, kissing and suckling at every inch of the younger's neck, clutching his fingers at his waist tightly.

And oh the goosebumps Jisung got.

He tried to focus, tried to clear the fog filling his head when-

"H-Hah-" a gasp left his lips as he flinched when Minho bit down on his skin a little harshly.

He kept his eyes closed, kept is hands clutched at Minho's, panting heavily, and oh how his mind shut down when he felt Minho's body, his touch getting hot around him.

Before he could process, Minho let out a heavy breath onto is skin like he was trying so hard to resist himself from tearing his clothes off.

And then his hand traveled up.

Minho let go of his waist, raising his hand up towards the neck of his t-shirt and digged his nails in the fabric around his shoulder. And even before Jisung could take in the next breath...

Minho pulled his t-shirt off from his shoulder, immediately pressing his lips onto his skin.

Minho couldn't understand what was happening, it was like his body was not in his control anymore. His mind was foggy, lost, his hands, his lips kept moving on their own, wanting nothing but to feel more and more of Jisung.

Jisung's mind spun and with each second it got hard to maintain his posture. His whole body shook and shivered when Minho parted his lips and softly bit down on his shoulder before softly licking his skin, soothing it gently.

It was too early. This all is happening way too early. It has been just some weeks since they met and just one week since they cried and confessed to each other. All this, this needs to take it's time, this should be slow and gradual, but...

But then why do they feel like they have longed for this.

Not to touch this skin, not to kiss it, not to have sex, but... but to come close. More and more close.

With every kiss where they held back and moved away, there was something aching in them from the distance, and hell, they don't want that.

They don't want the distance of a thread between them anymore.

And guess it suddenly became too much to handle for Jisung.

With a sharp gasp leaving his lips when he felt another bite on his nape, his body gave up as he fell on the bed on his back, and oh how his body heated when Minho immediately hovered over him, breathing heavily in his neck, kissing and licking desperately.

"M-Minho..." a shaky breath left Jisung's lips when Minho settled in his parted legs trying to come closer and closer and closer to him.

And suddenly, he stopped.

Jisung panted, his chest heaving when he felt Minho breathing in his neck heavily, but suddenly, he couldn't feel the touch.

The touch of those soft warm lips disappeared and before he could question it, Minho lifted himself a little and immediately pressed their lips together.

This kiss... It was messy. And god, it was messing with their hearts.

And suddenly, Minho pulled away.

A shaky gasp left Jisung's lips when Minho's lips suddenly pulled away from his own, and finally his eyes opened.

He blinked his eyes open slightly, panting and looking up at Minho with hooded drunk eyes.

"I'm sorry" Minho panted out, not daring to meet the younger's eyes.

"I-I'm so so sorry" he breathed out, feeling a weight and pain in his chest, knowing that he crossed many, many boundaries at once.

He wanted to heal what's hurting inside of Jisung's heart, not give him new wounds and fears. So he immediately backed away, muttering a soft "I'm sorry" under his breath, not wanting for Jisung to feel uncomfortable or threatened from him.

"It's ok..."

And he froze in his place when Jisung breathed out ever so softly.

Then he finally blinked his eyes and looked at him, and oh he was sure he got a nose bleed that very moment.

There was Jisung, laying on the bed with his hair messy, some strangs sticking on his forehead as he kept looking up at him with half-lidded eyes, red cheeks and parted lips, red, shining and glossy with his hands laying on the either sides of his head loosely.

"I-It's ok" he panted, his hands slowly raising up towards Minho's face when Minho stayed there froze, blinking at him with lost eyes.

"It's ok" he whispered, holding onto the older's face in a soft hold and letting out a shaky sigh as his eyes got filled with tears.

"Just..." he let out, getting up from the bed, leaning up towards Minho's lips "Just... J-Just be a l-little careful with m-me"

And oh how Minho lost it when Jisung attached their lips back, letting those tears fall down.

"I don't..." Minho mumbled, his lips moving against the younger's "I don't w-want to hurt y-you" he confessed, keeping his eyes closed.

New tears formed in Jisung's eyes as a soft smile stretched on his lips "You can never" he whispered quietly "You can never hurt me"

His smile widened when he felt Minho's lower lip trembling against his "I love you" so he whispered as Minho finally closed that tiny distance between them, kissing him soothingly.

Slowly getting relaxed, kissing each other with love and patience this time, Jisung slowly laid back down, holding Minho's face in his hands, heart almost stopping at the anticipation.

Jisung will not lie, he was scared. He could see those bad images trying to appear in his mind, he could hear his brain telling that he was dirty, that he can't let Minho have something used.

And he was trying. He was trying his best to push every blink of thought away. More than Minho, he was scared to hurt him instead, to push him away in panic, to say sorry and run away again. He was so so scared.

So he closed his eyes and focused.

Minho's every touch, his every breath. He started focusing on every minor movements of Minho's body. How his breath lingered on his skin, how his touch burned and soothed his soul, how his hands were so careful yet so strong around him.

He could feel Minho lowering his hand, from his neck to his chest to his waist, he could feel Minho's fingers fumbling there, unsure and nervous, he could feel-

Oh fuck.

His eyes snapped open as his lips halted against the older's when Minho softly lifted the corner of his t-shirt and digged his fingers in ever so slightly, touching his tummy ever so softly.

And his whole body panicked.

Not from the fear or visuals and voices in his head, but something he forgot about.

His scars. The scars on his thighs, his hands, his... his chest.

And his hand immediately reached for Minho as he pushed his hand away, immediately holding his t-shirt down.

Minho took his hand away, blinking at the boy with worried eyes. And when he was about to say that it's ok, that they can stop, that they don't have to and maybe should not so soon...

"C-Can I k-keep this on?" Jisung asked, voice as small and scared "J-Just this. P-Please?" he asked, almost pleaded, not caring if Minho have seen him the first day life pushed them towards each other.

Minho blinked at the younger, and for the first time since they entered their house, he smiled.

A soft sigh left his lips, realising how fragile is the boy laying under him, how scared he actually was, how difficult everything was for him.

Minho could see it in his eyes. The horror, the worry. Minho was not stupid, he knew what was going on in Jisung's head. He backed away that time when he got carried away because be remembered what Jisung has endured and they were leading towards.

Minho knew, just because he loves him, just because his touches made him feel secured, doesn't mean that Jisung can wipe those harsh touches from his mind. Just because he feel safe in his embrace doesn't mean that he will not get visuals of that awful time. And whatever it brings to him, rejection, distance, pushes, cries, Minho was ready to endure it. Everything.

Jisung blinked at the older when his eyes suddenly got filled with tears when he felt Minho backing away completely.

He lifted his head up, seeing Minho turning around a little, still staying on his knees in between his legs. And before he could say sorry and panic and remove his own t-shirt, Minho turned around with a pillow in his hands.

And then only Jisung realised. He was laying down backwards on the bed. His legs were facing the headboard of the bed. So Minho grabbed the pillow from there and quietly bent down, slid a hand under his head and slipped the pillow in between before leaving his head down carefully.

Without any words Minho leaned back down and softly placed their lips on each other and smiled when Jisung let out a shaky yet nervous breath.

He slowly leaned away and smiled down at the boy "It's your clothes" he whispered, sending a shooting comfort to his soul "It's you who decide what comes off and what stays on" he says, placing his palm onto the boy's cheek, watching him looking up at him with big eyes "You don't ask for my permission, baby"

And before Jisung could know, his lips were sealed against another's, such soft and loving pressure which slowly lifted away ever so lightly.

"I love you, Jisung" Minho whispered against his lips, and Jisung immediately closed his eyes when he felt Minho's hand traveling onto his waist, softly caressing the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling it down even more, securing it from tossing up accidentally.

A soft gasp left Jisung's lips when Minho's hand traveled down just a little, softly resting onto the hem of his jeans, almost touching the bulge forming there.

Minho slowly and softly traced his lips onto the skin of the younger's ear as he fumbled at the button of his jeans.

Minho was not clueless about sex, he knows the basic things of course, but... but the thing is, for his whole life, he had known it between a girl and a boy, so yeah, he had an idea, but now, he can admit that he was a little clueless for sure, but... but Jisung was here. Jisung has always held his hand when he was unsure and lost about anything and lead him on, so he was not scared, he was... curious.

"Can I, baby?" he asked in a quiet whisper in his ear, only to get a tiny whimper in return and a small nod.

He smiled as he traced his lips down towards his nape and slowly opened the button of the boy's jeans and immediately pulled his zip down.

Jisung clutched at the bedsheets in his fingers, tightly closing his eyes when he felt Minho placing his palm onto his dick softly.

"Ok?" Minho breathed out, checking if his little love was ok, leaving open mouth kisses on his shoulder, slowly moving his hand, rubbing onto his dick from above the fabric of his underwear.

Jisung let out a soft moan, his hips bucking up at the sensation, and oh how Minho's mind spun.

He panted in Jisung's nape, moving his fingers up, softly fumbling with the hem of his underwear, waiting for Jisung's mind and his body to react, and then with a comforting, a loving touch, he slid his hand inside and-

"H-Hah-!" Jisung gasp the moment Minho's hand touched his dick, his knuckles turning white as he clutched at the bedsheets tightly, bucking his hips in Minho's hand, and well, Minho's composer immediately faded away.

His hand rested onto the boy's dick, as he panted in his nape, his body getting hot and, fuck he was so gone.

The voices Jisung was letting out, the way Jisung's body was tingling, the way Jisung was shivering, the wetness he could feel on his palm, oh hell he was going to die on this bed right now.

It was just some weeks ago when they saw each other's face for the first time, and never in the deepest corner of his brain he ever thought of his this image of them doing... this.

He kept frozen, panting in Jisung's nape, when Jisung finally opened his eyes.

Shivers went down his spine when he understood Minho's behavior, the effect of all of this on him. And even before he could think, his hands left the bedsheet and raised up to rest onto Minho's back.

He felt Minho's body getting shivers as he slowly traveled his hand down to his waist, stopping at the hem of his shorts.

Jisung knew Minho needed a lead. Before they met, Minho didn't even knew that there is something called 'Gay', something as a homosexual relationship, so it was natural that he was clueless when it came to sex with a boy, how was he supposed to know what to do, how to do. And oh how it made Jisung smile so shyly.

"M-Minho..." so he breathed out, almost inaudible and heard a small whimper in his neck when he slowly slid his fingers in.

He held onto his shorts and underwear together and tucked on them, only for Minho to shiver and adjust forward so he could slide them down.

And he did.

Sliding Minho's shorts off of his hips he panted when Minho's hands suddenly clutched at the hem of his jeans and underwear, and even before he could think, he pulled both of them down in one go.

Jisung sucked a sharp breath and Minho buried his face in his nape, they both freezing up in their places.

It was just a matter of some seconds that they both would jump up, not look at each other, get dressed and sleep without uttering a single word when-

When Minho suddenly sat up.

Jisung gasped softly as Minho suddenly leaned away and sat up on his knees in between his legs.

Oh how his whole body got goosebumps when he saw Minho looking at him with hooded drunken eyes and red face, panting softly when suddenly...

He lowered his hands, tucked at his own t-shirt and removed it in one go, maintaining his eye contact with the boy laying down.

Jisung's breath hitched, seeing Minho's whole body reddened and hot, like it was burning up.

It was some quiet seconds when they kept looking at each other, going crazy in their own minds, when Jisung's mind completely shut down.

Before Minho could blink again, Jisung suddenly pressed his hands onto the bed, sat up, leaned closer and immediately placed his lips onto Minho's.

And Minho immediately kissed back as desperately.

And in that moment, something clicked.

Jisung's hands reached Minho's shorts resting onto his thighs and he immediately slid them off completely, throwing them onto the ground, and moaned in the man's mouth when Minho grabbed his jeans resting onto his knees and tossed them away as well.

Jisung whimpered when Minho shoved his tongue in his mouth, pulling his face closer and closer to himself.

And when it got hard to breathe, he placed his hands onto the man's chest and pushed him away ever so softly.

Minho opened his eyes, looking so so lost as he panted and sat there, watching Jisung catching his breath, his hands placed on the bed in between his knees, his t-shirt hiding his dick, his thighs red, covered in sweat. Oh he looked so cute.

Minho blinked at the deep marks onto the boy's thighs. Healed and closed. It was dark, he couldn't see them properly, but the tiny glimpse of them and oh how his heart ached.

But before his heart could fill up with sadness, worry, pain, Jisung held his hand.

Minho blinked when he felt Jisung holding his right hand with both his hands and raised it up to his lips.

Minho kept blinking at the younger as Jisung kept looking at him with nervous yet desperate eyes.

"P-Please..." Jisung breathed out, touching Minho's fingers to his own lips, closing his eyes and kissing on his finger tips softly "Please take care o-of me..." he whispered and even before Minho got the time to let those words sink in...

Jisung parted his lips and took two of his fingers in his mouth.

Shivers ran down Minho's spine as he saw Jisung closing his eyes and taking his fingers in till they touched the back of his throat, and a broken cough left his lips.

Minho immediately tried to pull his fingers back, but Jisung held his hands still with force, softly coating his fingers with his saliva..

A pant left Minho's lips when Jisung finally pulled his fingers out, completely covered in his saliva and then looked up with half lidded eyes and burning cheeks.

"P-Please..." he whispered, and even before Minho could suck another breath in, Jisung clutched at his hand and pulled it down, in between his parted thighs.

Minho kept looking into the boy's eyes, trying to understand as Jisung shifted on the bed, pulled his hand under his hips and Minho can swear to the gods he was about to pass out the moment his finger touched onto his skin.

Jisung panted and immediately hung his head low in embarrassment as he positioned Minho's finger onto his hole and-

"A-Ah!" he let out in a tiny whimper, squeezing his eyes shut when he pushed Minho's finger in himself slightest.

It was quiet for some seconds which felt like hours, when Jisung finally lifted his face up.

He blinked drunkenly and lifted his eyes to look into the man's eyes and...

And oh how bad of a mistake that was.

A loud gasp immediately left his lips as the moan broke down in his throat when Minho suddenly leaned in, attached their lips together and suddenly pushed his finger completely in.

Minho placed his other hand onto the back of the boy's head and leaned forward, making Jisung lean back down onto the bed, sitting back in between his parted legs, having his finger still inside of him, nervous to do anything further...

So he decided to shut his mind completely. He closed his eyes, letting his body take over, letting this feeling take over, letting his skin feel each and every sensation of the younger's skin touching and burning his oh so softly.

And suddenly, Jisung let out a loud whine in Minho's mouth when Minho slowly pulled his finger out and then pushed it back in carefully.

"I love you!" Minho leaned away and panted harshly, before lowering his face and attaching his lips to Jisung's throat, placing a wet open mouth kiss there.

Oh he was getting more and more desperate and more and more nervous with each passing second.

Minho's mind was buzzing with Jisung's tiny sounds when he remembered the wetness on his other finger as well.

Jisung coated his two fingers in saliva, and now he understands why, so let out a shaky breathy, brassing himself to take a step on his own, trying to follow Jisung's lead and focusing on Jisung's reaction, his body's response to make sure to not do something wrong, and-

"A-Aah!" and Jisung cried, snapping his head to his side, clutching at the bedsheets when he felt Minho nudging his second finger onto his hole.

He panted and whimpered loudly when Minho bit down on his collarbone and shoved the second finger in in one go.

It hurts a little. And Jisung was prepare for it when he decided to stop Minho from moving away.

The saliva was not enough for a smooth friction, it burns a little. Minho didn't knew that Jisung needs lube, nor does he have that control over his body and mind to know that he have to be slow, very slow and very careful. But Jisung was prepared for this, but he was not prepared for-

"M-Minho!" Jisung cried when Minho let those finger stay still for some seconds, before pulling them apart.

He didn't knew how Minho understood it this fast, but guess when he felt how tight he was around his fingers, he figured out why his fingers have to be inside him before his dick in the first place.

So Jisung just squeezed his eyes, trying not to focus on how his skin burns with each drag as the saliva started to dry and just feel how Minho was trying to sooth him, kissing his neck, his shoulder, his cheek, panting tiny 'I love you's onto his skin.

And by the time Minho started feeling Jisung getting relaxed around his fingers, Jisung had thick tears running down his cheeks, and oh the moment he lifted his face up, leaving behind red and purple marks, bite marks around his skin, god, he will not lie, some blood vessels definitely bursted in his head the moment his eyes landed on those tears.

The prettiest tears he have seen shining on Jisung till now.

His heart twisted and stomach flipped when Jisung suddenly threw his head back when he subconsciously fucked his fingers deeper into him. And even before he could process, his hips bucked forward, his dick rubbing against Jisung's, making the boy let out a shaky cry.

"P-Please!"

This time, it was Minho who whimpered that desperate plea.

Jisung panted as he relaxed a little, finally looking up and seeing Minho looking at him with pleading eyes, his fingers sitting still in him as his dick twitched painfully.

"P-Please" he almost sobbed, when Jisung just blinked at him, his eyes going big and shiny.

And it was enough for Minho.

He slowly and carefully pulled his fingers out, making Jisung whimper, before lowering himself.

Jisung's heart raced when he saw Minho lowering his hand to grab his dick and a stuttering breath left his lips when that dick touched him.

Minho panted, lining himself onto the boy's hole and immediately dropped his head into his nape, panting crazily.

"I-I..." Minho let out, making Jisung suck in a sharp gasp when he bucked his hips just a little applying pressure, but not entering him yet.

"I-I love you" Minho whispered, finally pushing carefully, his own body shivering.

"Y-You..." he mumbled, hovering his lips onto the boy's skin softly.

"Y-You are so p-pretty, S-Sungie"

And in that second, just in a second, Jisung's mind switched off.

His eyes snapped opened, widened and got filled with terror.

He tried. He promises he tried his best.

' "Aww, you are getting prettier as you are growing, Sungie" '

He promises that he tried to block these noises, but suddenly, it's all he could hear.

"N-No..." a small, tiny voice left his throat, and it got lost in the pants and the sound of their hearts beating in their ears.

Minho kept kissing, biting his skin, and he wanted to slit open every part of his body that was being touched.

It was not Minho. It was him.

' "Sungie~" '

"I love y-you"

This...

This is not Minho.

"G-Get o-off m-me" a small little cry left his throat as his eyes became hollow completely.

And then Minho pushed in a little more, and everything in Jisung broke.

"G-GET OFF ME!"

Minho flinched when Jisung let out a trembling shout in his ear, and immediately stopped.

He leaned up just a little, only for his heart to stop when he noticed Jisung laying there with his body stiff, not even trembling, which was opposite of the horror his face showed.

"J-Jisung!" he panicked and immediately pulled out carefully and leaned forward, closer to the boy's face, holding his face in his hands.

"G-Get away..." Jisung mumbled, tears quietly flowing down as he kept staring into nothingness, laying there stiff.

"Jisung!" Minho panicked shaking the boy's face as tears formed in his own eyes.

And suddenly, Jisung reacted.

He blinked his eyes, looked at Minho, and cried.

"G-Get away f-from me!" his body suddenly started trembling, squirming away from Minho's hold, his hands raising in front of him, trying to protect himself and push Minho away.

"P-Please please please!" he cried, getting away from Minho and oh how Minho's heart broke into dust when Jisung's face slipped away from his hands.

"Go away! G-Go away! D-Don't touch me! P-Please! Please! I-It hurts! I'm s-sorry! P-Please! D-Don't touch me!" Jisung squirmed, trying to cover himself, lookin at Minho and his naked body in horror like he couldn't even recognize him anymore.

"Jisung..." and Minho immediately leaned forward, reaching for his face, trying to calm his love down, to tell him that it's him, to tell him that it's ok, that he is ok, he is safe, but-

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"AAGH-!" and Minho let out a loud scream of pain.

"AAH!" he cried loudly.

It took him some seconds to register what exactly happened.

He reached for Jisung, but the moment his fingers touched his cheek, Jisung raised his hands, and pushed him away with full force, before squirming in the corner of the bed, pulling his knees to his chest and hands to his ears, letting out loud cries.

"A-AAH!" Minho cried again, and then he registered the sharp chilling pain in his shoulder.

Jisung pushed him, making Minho stumble back and slam onto the headboard of the bed forcefully, and...

And he wished he fixed that lose nail when he saw it like thousand times before.

Blood trickled down his shoulder to his arm, dropping on the bedsheet, as Minho stayed there with that lose nail digged in his shoulder as his body trembled in pain.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his other hand raised up to press onto his shoulder tightly, trying to reduce the pain.

He tried to move away but "A-AAGH!" a scream tore through his chest when that nail shredded his skin even more while coming out.

Blood started pooling down under his elbow, falling down drop by drop, making his every bone pain in his body.

"A-Ah!" he cried in defeat before sucking in a sharp breath and-

"AAH!" he screamed as he pulled himself off, tearing his wound even more, immediately feeling his head getting lighter.

He panted, immediately pressing his fingers onto the wound to stop the blood and then...

And then he remembered.

"J-Jisung.." he let out a shaky whimper, head immediately snapping towards the boy and oh how his heart dropped when he saw Jisung gripping his own hair in his hands tightly, crying loudly in his knees.

"Jisung!" he cried and immediately rushed towards him when...

When he realised that he was still naked and a feeling of threat for Jisung. So he immediately looked around and hurried towards his shorts laying on the ground.

He hissed as his hand shook violently because of pain when he let go off his shoulder and reached for his shorts, carefully wearing them as tears of immense pain kept flowing down his cheeks.

With his trembling legs, he crouched down, reached his hand under the bed where he keeps his second bedsheet and pulled it out.

He shakily stood up and walked towards the side of the bed where Jisung sat in the corner and opened the bedsheet.

"J-Jisung" he called out, carefully draping the bed sheet onto the boy's body, covering him completely, trying to make him feel safe and hidden.

And that very moment, his heart got permanent scars when Jisung looked up.

His face red, eyes scared. His arms having fresh scratches of his own nails he digged in. He had strangs of hair in between his fingers, his legs trembling and...

And a wet spot under his hips.

Everything broke inside Minho when he stared at the wet mattress, just for that small second, his whole body filled with rage.

If that man has not died, Minho would've given him the worst death in front of Jisung's eyes no matter how scared it made him.

Minho would've made Jisung known what will happen to anyone who will dare to touch him.

But that rage immediately disappeared when Jisung blinked at him with those bloodshot eyes, and for a second, for that one second Minho saw a shift in Jisung's eyes.

His eyes flickered looking at him, and in that moment Minho felt like Jisung was recognising him again, he was coming back to him again.

"J-Jisung..." so he mumbled, stepping closer just a tiny bit, trying his best to send a sense of comfort and safety through his eyes, through his voice.

"Jisung... It's m-me" he mumbled, forcing a tiny smile, telling Jisung that it's ok, that everything is ok, he was safe.

Forgetting about his pain completely, he stepped forward with trembling legs and smiled with tears running down his cheeks at the thought of saying those next words in his mind.

"J-Jisung... I-I'm not him" he almost cried looking in the boy's eyes "I-I'm Minho" he smiled painfully "Your M-Minh-"

"SO!?"

And he immediately froze.

Jisung shot his face up, anger boiling over his skin as he squirmed back even more, clutching at the bedsheet over him desperately, hiding himself desperately.

"J-Jisun-?"

"YOU ARE MINHO, SO!?" Jisung yelled "JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MINHO. YOU CAN'T RAPE ME!?"

And something completely shattered in Minho.

He knew what was going on in Jisung's head. He knew what he was going through. He knew it was nothing compared to the hurt in Jisung's heart, but god it hurt so bad.

He stood there, quiet, seeing Jisung trying to back away from him.

"N-No..." he choked on his words and immediately looked down, feeling like even by looking in Jisung's eyes, he was scaring him.

"S-Sorry" so he mumbled, letting his tears and blood both drip down on the floor "I-I'm s-so sorry"

I promised to protect you. I promised to sooth you. I'm so sorry I failed.

And he quietly turned around.

He didn't wanted to leave Jisung alone like this, but he understood that being in front of his eyes will do nothing but worsen everything for his little love. He was already so scared. So even if calming him down meant to disappear himself, so be it.

So he kept his head low and walked towards the door of his house, clutching at his shoulder tightly, before suddenly stopping when his eyes flickered onto something laying in the corner of his shelf on the wall.

The small medicine kit he bought when he bought an unconscious boy in his house on his back.

He blinked at the small box and with his trembling hand reached for the box. He didn't knew what was left there in it, but even if there was a small bandage there, it would be enough.

He picked the box, walked towards the door, quietly opened it and walked out before closing it behind him, stepping under the starry sky that suddenly felt so dull.

He kept looking down, tears dropping on the ground when he suddenly flinched when he heard a loud scream and cry from inside of the house.

And all he could do, was drop on his knees and cry quietly in his hands, hearing those loud cries from inside.

Too heavy and too long. I know :'D

*apology bows*

.

"Hold on tight to me. Just for a while. I'm feeling weak, my love"

Chapter Text

He promised him. He assured him that he will stay, that he will not take his life. He promised himself to fight himself everyday just for him, but...

But looking at him now, he wants nothing more than to just kill himself. A painful. He want to give himself a painful for what he did.

Seeing Minho, sitting on the ground leaning by the wall beside the gate of his house, asleep in the darkness of the night and shine of the moonlight on him.

The night was a little cold, and he was not wearing anything other than his shorts.

There was a piece of bandage loosely wrapped around his shoulder and underarm, almost fully covered in blood.

Jisung eyes kept blinking at the dried blood that ran down his arm, and only god knows how hard he was trying to resist himself from tearing his own skin apart.

This all. Everything was because of him.

Minho was in pain. He bled, he cried, he heard heart piercing words and kept quiet, he slept on the dirty ground, just outside the door of his own house.

All of this was because of him. He needs to get hurt as much as he is hurting the only person who held him again and again and again.

He...

He really needs to just disappear.

"Minho..."

So he stood there, with his bag over his shoulders, head hanging low as he called the older, maintaining his distance from him.

"M-Minho..."

And he slowly woke up.

Minho squeezed his eyes softly, his lips letting out a shaky sleepy sigh when he heard a mumble of his name like it was a voice in his dreams.

"M-Minho..."

And he heard it again. And this time, finally he blinked his eyes ever so lightly.

It took him some seconds to wake up, and when he finally did and lifted his eyes ever so lightly to the figure standing inf front of him, his heart ached in his chest.

There stood Jisung with his hands clutched at the straps of his bag over his shoulders, his head low as he immediately snapped his eyes away when Minho looked in them. His whole body seemed so small and scared.

Minho blinked up sleepily at the boy, still trying to process if it's a dream or if Jisung was actually fully dressed standing in front of him in the middle of the night.

And even before his mind could process any further...

"Minho..." Jisung spoke ever so softly, keeping his head low, voice laced with guilt and soundless apologies.

Minho kept blinking up at the boy with lost eyes, watching his hands shaking around his straps.

"M-Minho I..." Jisung mumbled, looking further down in shame "I-I'm leaving..." he finally spoke, biting his lower lip harshly when it started quivering.

He doesn't even deserve to cry and let any pain out. He deserves to feel every sting, every single painful cry his heart was letting out.

"I-I..." he mumbled "I-I will c-come back in the morning to take t-the m-mattress..." he held back that broken cry of shame in his throat as he kept trying to blink and break his tears.

"I-I will wash it and I-I will r-return it before evening. I-I..." his voice sounding nothing but shameful of what he did "I-I'm s-sorry f-for t-that..." 

And Minho?

Minho sat there on the ground, blinking up at the younger with his heart breaking with each word leaving his lips.

"I-I..." Jisung blinked his tears, refusing to look in the man's eyes at all "I-I placed your other mattress out on the f-floor a-and put y-your pillow on it t-too. Y-You can g-go inside and slee-" and his words halted.

Oh his heart cried so loudly when Minho suddenly made a little movement, catching his eyes, only to see Minho shakily rasing his one hand up towards him.

Minho blinked, his hand shaking of weakness as he kept it up, asking for Jisung to hold onto it, to hold onto him.

And Jisung?

He immediately looked away the moment his tears finally broke through his eyes and fell on the ground.

Minho kept his hand up, shaking as the pain in his other arm started to sting again.

His lips parted shakily and a broken sigh left as he tried to call out for Jisung but nothing came out.

"I..." Jisung mumbled in a tiny voice, failing to hide the cries in it "I-I..."

He needs to do this. This is the only thing Minho needs. He needs to stay strong and just say it. Just say that-

"I-I will n-not be coming back, M-Minho"

Jisung didn't looked up when he said those words, he didn't breathe, his heart didn't beat. He felt dead inside.

"I-I... A-After returning y-your mattress, I will not be c-coming back here" he mumbled in numb voice, blinking at the ground, letting his tears fall down, clutching his fists tightly like he was trying to stay sane somehow.

And Minho on the other hand just kept blinking up at him with lost eyes, keeping his hand up, still asking for Jisung to hold him.

"I-I will..." Jisung spoke again, voice breaking with lumps of cries in his throat "D-Don't wait for me..." and as words kept coming out of his mouth, his soul started fading all the colours Minho has decorated him in.

"I-I'm sorry" he finally spoke, ready to turn around and walk away and never look back again.

It was the right thing to do. All he can give Minho was pain, hurt, tears and wounds. He was dull, and all he will do is drain all the colours Minho had. He can't be that selfish. Not for the person who was asking for him even when his hand didn't had the power to move.

"I-I l-love you. I-I promise, but-" he sniffled, clutching his fists tightly as his chest pained "I-I l-love you, b-but I-I can't do this" a cry finally tore through his chest when the reality of his own words hit in.

Walking away from here and never coming back. Never seeing this smile, these eyes again. Never hearing this voice, those laughs again. Never feeling that heartbeat, that touch, that embrace again.

He will be better off dead than live like that.

In just a period of some weeks, Minho became his everything. His smiles, his cries, his reliefs, his worry, his purpose. It was like he was now waking just for one person. Just to see him, just to touch him, just to hide in him.

And now if that person will be gone, then what's the point?

"I-I..." he kept looking down, his voice kept breaking, his chest kept paining "Y-You can k-keep the phone" he mumbled "I-I deleted m-my number from it a-and-"

And his words suddenly halted when...

When Minho raised his other hand up as well towards him.

His face snapped up as his heart stopped when he looked at Minho blinking at him with numb eyes like he was not even listening to anything he was saying. His hands up, shaking in pain.

"C-Come here..." a small breath left Minho's lips as he kept his hands up, asking for Jisung to just come and hide away from every pain.

But Jisung? He stepped away.

Jisung's lips quivered as his heart ached and cried to just collapse in those arms, but his mind kept repeating the same thing 'You are going to hurt him again' over and over.

A broken sob left his throat when he saw Minho's injured hand shaking, and he immediately backed away.

"I-I'm g-going h-hom-"

"Come here, J-Jisung.." Minho whispered weakly.

And Jisung can swear something died in him when he saw tiny tears shining in those loving yet lost eyes.

His whole body shook as more and more tears kept running down his cheeks "N-No I-" he stuttered, fumbling in his steps, wanting to back away from Minho and just-

"I-It's ok, baby..." Minho breathed and blinked, finally making a tear fall down his face "Come here"

And Jisung broke.

His legs felt weak, the air felt impossible to breathe, the heart in his chest felt too heavy.

He can't do this.

A loud cry left his lips as he immediately fell on his knees on the ground. His whole body shook as he cried and cried and immediately crawled towards the older weakly.

A heavy sigh left Minho's lips when Jisung crawled in between his parted legs and immediately curled up, trying to make his body as small as possible, snuggling in his chest.

"It's ok" Minho let out as he closed his legs loosely on the ground, collecting Jisung in his hold and wrapping his arms around his body as he cried and cried in his chest "You are not going anywhere" he breathed out, placing an assuring kiss on the top of his head. 

"Sorry! I-I'm sorry!" Jisung cried, wanting to paw and clutch at something but Minho was not wearing his t-shirt and suddenly, just that small inconvenience broke him even more.

"It's ok" Minho breathed out, keeping a hand on the boy's head, rubbing his back with another, hugging him tightly.

"IT'S NOT!" Jisung cried, shaking in the older's embrace "N-Nothing is ok! I-I'm not ok! A-And all I do is h-hurt you!" he coughed "Sorry! I'm s-so sorry!"

"Shh" Minho shushed him softly, patting on his head with a loving hand "We both hurt each other. It's o-"

"N-No!" Jisung cried immediately "Y-You never hurt me! A-All you do is t-take care o-of me!" he hiccuped, coughing loudly "B-Before I came y-you were f-fin-"

"Before you came, I couldn't even remember what feelings were..."

And slowly, everything went quite. Jisung's cries softened, his body relaxed a little, he could hear his heart beat again.

And Minho? He kept rubbing his hand over Jisung's back, letting his tears flow one after the other.

"Before you came, I didn't knew how it felt to cry or to laugh" he sighed shakily, making Jisung snuggle into him even more "I never knew someone's heart can ache for someone else so much.."

And a cry left Jisung's lips yet again.

"You didn't hurt me" a pained smile stretched onto Minho's lips as he felt Jisung trying to scoot closer to him.

"We both were careless" he mumbled, regret lacing his voice "Since the day we first kissed" he pressed his hand on the boy's head when he heard another cry "W-We both were too afraid to talk about the things we should've" he sighed, closing his eyes and lowering his head, burring his nose in the boy's hair.

"We both hurt each other, but it's ok" he sighed heavily "Everything's ok until I have you in my arms" he breathed out, feeling Jisung shaking in his hold.

"I-I'm sorry" Jisung cried, curling up more and more into the older "I-I'm so sorr-"

"I'm so sorry, my baby" Minho spoke and sighed deeply, before lifting his face up from the boy's hair "I-I'm so sorry I was so careless with you" he mumbled, blinking his tears, wanting to let out all these cries "I'm so sorry for letting it happen, for continuing even after I saw how scared you were" he mumble, regret filling his heart "I-I'm so so sorr-"

"I-It was n-not your fault!" Jisung suddenly cried loudly "It was my f-fault! I'm s-sorr-!"

"What was your fault, Jisung...?"

And Jisung quieted down .

Minho's voice suddenly sounded so... so firm.

"What was your fault?" Minho repeated his own words in a voice as empty as it was filled with something... scary.

"What was your fault? That that motherfucker touched you when you were 10? That was your fault?"

And Jisung's body stiffened immediately.

His eyes hollowed as his breath felt lighter, way lighter to be even feel like he was breathing.

And Minho? He doesn't regret a single word of that sentence.

He didn't knew if that was the way they should step on that topic or not, but all he knew was the rage he feels when he sees that fear, that terror in Jisung's eyes, and the fact that they have to, they need to talk. They really really need to talk.

"It's ok" Minho whispered again and tightened his arms around the boy possessively "Nothing is your fault. Never was. You didn't ruined anything. I love you and I always will, till the end of me. You didn't hurt me. You didn't hurt us. It's just a small wound. It's gonna heal. It's ok. Everything is ok" he sighed deeply "We are ok"

A silence surrounded them. And slowly, Jisung shifted a little.

Minho blinked his eyes and looked down when he felt Jisung moving and tilting his face up, looking in his eyes for the first time since he came and hid in him.

Jisung looked up, staring into Minho's eyes, blinking with lost and numb eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Minho blinked at the younger for some seconds before he bought his hand from the boy's head to his face, holding his cheek lovingly in his palm.

Jisung's lips quivered when Minho softly caressed his cheekbone with his thumb.

"You didn't do anything wrong" Minho whispered softly, knowing how close their lips were, knowing that Jisung wanted them touched.

And so does he.

His eyes flickered at the younger's lips as he saw them quivering and more tears rolling down beside them.

Jisung's lips parted as a shaky sigh left his lips when Minho kept looking at his lips and kept caressing his skin lovingly.

So he closed his eyes, letting more and more tears to roll down.

Minho sighed heavily as he leaned down, softly touching their trembling lips onto each other.

He closed his eyes, more tears rolled down as he pulled Jisung's face closer to his softly, letting their lips rest onto each other, feeling both of their bodies relaxing.

After what felt like hours and hours, Minho slowly pulled off, blinking his eyes opened, only to see Jisung looking at him with big eyes, quietly asking that why did he pulled away.

Minho looked in the boy's eyes, caressing his thumb possessively onto his cheekbone before sighing deeply.

"Want to go inside?" he asked in a small whisper, immediately tightening his hold around the boy, quietly telling him that it's ok even if he doesn't want to. Telling him that he was there, whatever he chooses, he will always be there.

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"Come here"

Jisung stood there, shoulders limp, as he kept blinking at the man sitting on the mattress on the floor with his legs folded and a pillow in his lap, tapping on the pillow softly and rasing his one hand up, asking for his.

He blinked his eyes, turning his face to his side, staring at the bed, at the stained corner of it, and his eyes immediately got filled with shameful tears.

He tried his best to rub it off with water and his handkerchief, but that mattress needs to be washed. Oh he felt so ashamed and-

"Jisung..."

He blinked his eyes when Minho called yet again, voice as soft, clearly hiding a assuring 'It's ok, baby. It's ok' in it.

He turned his face in front oh him, blinking at the man and stood there numbly.

"Come here" Minho asked, nodding softly, tapping at the pillow in his lap for him to come and lay down and sleep.

But Jisung? He stood there, blinking numbly at the pillow, before looking up at the man's eyes and shaking his head in a quiet 'No'.

Minho blinked his eyes, worry filling his heart when he saw Jisung clutching his fists tightly onto his sides and refused to come to him.

But suddenly, he understood.

So he picked the pillow from his lap and got up, keeping it down on the mattress, before slowly laying down, keeping his head on the pillow and sighing.

He blinked his eyes at the ceiling for a second, before moving his eyes towards Jisung's. He slowly raised both of his hands up yet again, this time not saying anything.

And Jisung immediately moved and within the next second, he was laying there on the mattress with two arms around him, hugging him lovingly.

He curled his hands up to his chest, finally holding onto and clutching at Minho's t-shirt over his chest, snuggling his face in, closing his eyes.

Minho closed his eyes, burring his nose in the boy's hair and sighed deeply, trying his best to hug him tighter.

Jisung wanted to treat Minho's wound. He knew how bad it must be hurting, specially when Minho was not giving any rest to that hand. But he knew it was stupidity to touch that wound right now when he didn't had anything to even stop the bleeding if it started again. So he needed to wait for that.

"Jisung..."

He blinked his eyes opened, his vision blur and lost as Minho breathed softly in his hair, trying to snuggle closer and closer to him.

"I will ask you the day I will have the strength to hear it" he spoke in a soft voice "And I will wait till the day you will have the strength to say it"

Jisung kept blinking in his chest numbly, clutching his fists into the fabric of his t-shirt, feeling Minho hugging him tightly.

"Let's..." he sighed nervously "Let's try this again? Everything? Slower this time?" he asked, and Jisung knew there were tears flowing from his eyes into the pillow under his head.

"I love you and..." he sniffled "L-Let me make you laugh and smile and happy before we head to that again. L-Let me show you how much I-I love you. L-Let..."  a small cry left his lips.

"Let me learn t-to take care of y-you"

Chapter Text

"Like this?"

A sweet loving smile appeared on the man's lips as his eyes adored the boy in front of him.

"Yeah" he spoke in a silent voice and smiled when those lips smiled proudly at him before going back to work.

'Let's try this again? Slower this time?'

Minho didn't know what those words meant. He said them, he knew what he meant, but he didn't know how to proceed. What to do, what to not, what was there they were doing wrong. He didn't know anything.

Hugging a sleeping Jisung close to him the whole night, he kept blinking at the darkness, thinking, and in the end, he didn't know what to do.

His hands clutched at the boy having his face buried in his chest like a hundred times, everytime his heart got scared with the thoughts of 'What if things got worse next time?'.

He was scared. He was so so scared of his arms getting empty. He was scared of sleeping alone now. He was scared of seeing tears in those beautiful eyes again. He was scared, he was worried, he was nervous.

But guess someone else was not.

The boy who slept in his arms, curled up in his body trying to hide himself. The boy who said 'I'm sorry' as the first words when he woke up, nuzzling in his nape. The boy who didn't listened to his 'I'm ok' and 'It's just a small wound', and dragged him to the small hospital near the village. The boy who held his hand tightly when he was getting the injection to prevent infections in his wound. The boy who hissed everytime the doctor touched his wound and cleaned it like it was happening to him. The boy who rushed back home and made him sit on the bed, kissed on his forehead and went to cook rice. The boy who fed him breakfast with his own hands. The boy who helped him change his clothes. The boy who dragged the mattress out by himself, scolding him when he offered to help. The boy who washed that mattress and his own clothes. The boy who...

The boy who was working in his field right now, figuring out how to plant those tiny plants.

With his feet dirty with mud, wearing Minho's shorts and t-shirt, Jisung was crouched down in that small field, holding 5 small plants in his one hand, planting them one by one, looking up at Minho with each one for confirmation if he did it the right way of not.

And Minho?

Minho sat there on a rock at the end of his field with a white bandage over his neck, tieing his right hand to rest up and another set of bandages stained with medicines, rolled around his shoulder, wrapping his wound properly to heal.

He sat there with his eyes shining as he kept looking at Jisung fumbling around to do everything for him.

He didn't knew what they needed to do. He was nervous of making mistakes again. But guess someone was not. Guess that someone knew exactly what to do step by step.

Minho could never understand how Jisung was so puzzled yet so sorted out about everything in life. But there was something he can perfectly understand, that Jisung... feels guilty.

Jisung feels guilty about everything.

He feels guilty about giving pain to Minho. He feels guilty about giving pain to himself. He feels guilty about thinking of ending his life, and he feels guilty for living on. He feels guilty that he couldn't protect his younger self. He feels guilty falling asleep before Minho. He feels guilty for breathing.

The more Minho look in those eyes, the more he can see that guilt, that worry of not doing anything right. And it breaks his heart seeing the fear, the guilt, the worry completely fogging those eyes after last night.

Jisung was smiling, he was laughing nervously at his own mistakes, he was working here and there with all the energy in the world and...

And he was just acting.

"Is this right!?"

Minho blinked as he saw Jisung pointing at the plant he put in the ground with so much effort and smiling at him nervously.

"Hm" Minho smiled, tilting his head, adoring that sweet smile appearing on those lips.

It will take time. Minho knew. It will take time for Jisung to forgive himself for what happened yesterday. And it's ok.

It's ok. It doesn't matter how long it takes for Jisung to understand that it was not his fault. It's ok if Jisung was acting to be ok. It's ok if he faked some of his smiles to Minho. All of it was ok. Ok until Minho have him sleeping in his arms breathing peacefully in his chest. Until Minho was allowed to kiss those fake smiles, wipe those painful tears.

If it takes his whole life, Minho will happily tell Jisung that it's ok, that nothing was his fault, that he doesn't hurt him, that it's ok if he feels guilty, that he doesn't have to punish himself, or forgive himself. That everything was ok just like it is.

All he wants was Jisung to know that he loves him. Till the end of him, he will love him. No matter how much it hurts him, he will love him more and more with each day.

"Awwwww~"

Minho blinked his eyes as his thoughts were disturbed when Jisung let out a loud whiny cooing sound, making him look at him.

Minho watched as Jisung's lips formed in a smiley pout, his eyes suddenly adoring something, and shoulders slumped like he was melting away.

Minho blinked, following the younger's gaze when he saw him looking behind him and turned around, only to see...

A man making his wife twirl playfully as they walked towards their field with the wife laughing while blushing and covering her face and slapping at her husband's arms shyly, only for him to laugh and try to grab her waist as she pushed him away.

"Awwwaahh!"

Minho blinked at the couple and turned around when Jisung let out a coo like he was dying when that woman tried to walk past his husband, blushing like crazy and her husband grabbed onto the corner of her blouse softly, apologizing sweetly.

"They are so cute!" Jisung almost whined and pouted as he kept looking at the two, while Minho kept looking at him with big eyes, seeing how he was looking at them with that cute jealous pout.

"I wanna do that too!" he finally whined, eyes immediately snapping towards the older.

Minho blinked as his cheeks softly dusted with pink when Jisung pouted with a tiny smile "When your hand recovers, we will dance together, ok?" he said immediately grinning to himself, probably already imagining teaching Minho to dance.

On the other hand, Minho sat there with his heart racing in his chest as he slowly looked down at his tied up hand in his lap and then back up at the boy who was now giggling to himself and has gone back on working on the plants.

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"You just sit down and rest, ok? I will cook dinner and-"

"I'm resting since I woke up" Minho chuckled and Jisung immediately pouted as they both continued to walk back home with a plastic bag having two fishes in hand.

"Yeah, cuz you have to rest" Jisung said in a small voice and looked ahead "The doctor said you need to rest atleast 3 whole days before removing the bandage over your hand and start with the exercises he told" he restored, voice getting smaller and smaller when Minho just kept smiling without looking at him even once.

"Yeah" Minho let out in a quiet voice and sighed when they finally reached their home.

And Jisung was nervous.

He was not showing it. He was trying his best but god he was so nervous.

He avoided any conversation about last night since the moment he woke up. He kept talking, kept doing one thing or the other, kept acting like nothing has happened at all. Kept acting like they never saw each other naked for the first time just some hours ago, like they didn't had the most intimate moments of their lives, like they didn't almost had sex, like they didn't got shook to their cores with what happened. Kept acting like he didn't just came here last night crying and gasping for air because he almost harmed himself again, like he didn't accused Minho of being capable of raping him.

Kept acting like it was not a big deal that none of them have said an 'I love you' even once to each other the whole day, like...

Like Minho was not noticing all of this.

He knew the way Minho was so quiet the whole day, the way he never bought anything about last night even once, the way he just kept smiling at him a little too softly. He knew Minho was noticing everything.

Minho was noticing the way he was trying to avoid his eyes, the way he didn't held his hand even once the whole day, the way he kept laughing and chuckling at any quiet moment, just making sure there was no space for bringing up what happened. Minho was noticing everything and...

And he was scared.

He was scared that Minho might be thinking of letting him go. That he will tell him that maybe he was right about going away and not coming back here again. That maybe Minho was understanding that it was not someone like him he can see his future with. That maybe-

"You are staying, right?"

His thoughts halted as his eyes blinked rapidly, coming back to the reality only to register that they have reached home and he was standing at the door while Minho was standing inside of the house, holding the door for him, waiting for him to get in.

He blinked with big eyes as Minho kept looking at him with a soft smile, and he immediately forced a happy smile back on his lips.

"Can I?" he asked, voice sweet and hopeful. And only god knows how much Minho was hating this sweetness.

Minho was happy with his love's beautiful voice being small and scared than being fake and forced.

A loving smile appeared on Minho's lips. A real loving smile, because...

Because he can never fake his love in his eyes, in his smiles for his little baby.

"It's your home" he let out, smiling softly, seeing Jisung's smile twitching for a split second, his eyes getting broken for a tiny moment, before he blinked and looked down, chuckling a breath, trying his best to look shy and not like something just broke in his chest.

"Come on" Minho whispered, his own eyes looking down, trying his best to not let those tears form in them and stepped aside, gesturing Jisung to come in the house.

It was quiet as he walked in and Minho closed the door behind them, their surroundings shining with a dulling sunlight of the setting sun.

Jisung gathered himself and finally turned around to face the older "Go sit down and-"

And oh how his world stopped.

How his eyes widened, how his heart raced when the moment he turned around, his hand was suddenly held in a firm grip and even before he could process, his hand was lifted up and he was twirled around.

It was a matter of a second when he was suddenly stumbling and bumping into a soft chest and looking up with wide eyes.

"I don't want to wait to love you" Minho breathed out, his hand leaving the boy's and immediately came and rested on his cheek ever so softly.

There were no words said as they both kept looking in each other's eyes, both of those pairs kept holding in their own painful tears in them. And Jisung almost broke when...

When Minho suddenly sighed and leaned forward, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to his forehead, pouring out all what his heart contained in that small kiss.

And it kept quiet.

It kept quiet when Jisung slowly stepped away when the silence started getting awkward. It kept quiet when Jisung didn't knew what to say. It kept quiet when Minho quietly went and sat down on the floor and pulled the small table from under the bed. It kept quiet when Jisung sat by that mud stove, cooking fishes and rice in silence. And it was still quiet.

It was still quiet as they both sat with that small round table in between them, having warm food, with Jisung feeding Minho with his hands.

The smiles were not there anymore.

Jisung's smiles were gone, his tears were constant in filling his eyes as he kept them down.

He raised the chopsticks with rice on them and extended them to the man's lips and blinked.

Minho quietly parted his lips as he swallowed his previous bite and took the rice in, chewing slowly.

And it started paining Jisung's heart, his mind, his body, his everything.

It felt like everything was crumbling. The more he avoided it, the more he kept a 'Everything's alright' face, the more he felt Minho going away and away from him.

And it...

It became unbearable.

Minho blinked as he took another bite of the fish and chewed when...

When his eyes snapped up and blinked in confusion when Jisung suddenly got up and...

And within the next breath, even before he could notice, the table was pushed away from him and there was a boy sitting in his lap with his arms tightly clutching at his neck.

"S-Sorry" Jisung mumbled, sniffling softly "I'm sorry" he almost cried.

And Minho?

He blinked numbly, before a deep breath left his chest and his eyes closed immediately. He raised his hand, immediately clutching at Jisung, pulling him closer and closer to himself, burring his face in his nape.

Only he knows what relief his heart felt. He was ready to wait for this for how long it takes, for how long it takes for Jisung to come with the terms that they needed to talk, that they needed to fix things. And Jisung decided to fight himself for him the first chance he got.

"I-I'm sorry!" and Jisung cried "I-I'm sorry! I love you!" he cried, his breathing slowly getting uneven with each second.

"I love you" Minho whispered, feeling a warm relief in saying those words for the first time since the whole day, clutching at Jisung with all the power he can put in his one hand and hugged his waist tightly "I love you so so much"

"I'm sorry! I-It will never happen again! Never eve-"

"Even if it does" Minho suddenly spoke, cutting off the younger and sighing in his nape "Even if something even worse happens..." he pulled Jisung closer in his lap, holding him tightly, making sure his body claims what his lips spoke "I will still be there. I will always be here. I will always love you"

And Jisung cried.

"Sorry!" he hiccuped "I'm sorry! I pushed you! I hurt you! I-I'm so s-sorry!" he cried and Minho let him.

Minho let him accept the reality of what happened. Even if he wanted to say that it's ok, it doesn't changes the fact that it happened, and Jisung... he, in order to walk on the path of understanding that it's ok, needs to first walk on the path of accepting that it happened, that everything happened, that just by acting it didn't, the reality of it doesn't change.

And the reality was... he hurt Minho. Even if Minho says uncountable 'No's to that, it doesn't change the fact that...

That yes it hurt his heart when Jisung squirmed away from him like he will hurt him. That yes it hurt when Jisung looked at him with those scared eyes. That yes, it hurt when those words came out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry" Minho breathed out, letting those tears fill his eyes and his own guilt slowly creeped in his chest "I-I should've stopped. You were scared, you were unsure. I should've stopped" he let out "I'm sorry" 

On one hand where he was holding Jisung as he fought to accept the reality, he himself was trying to face the reality of his own faults. The moment Jisung stopped his hand from lifting his shirt, it was a sign that they should stop, that maybe, just maybe they should talk first, that maybe be they should go slow. And in that fog of everything, Minho didn't saw those signs. 

"S-Sorry!" Jisung sobbed, brain numbing from any other word than just saying 'Sorry' over and over and over again until everything just goes back to normal, until that last night gets erased somehow.

And Minho? He wished he was able to move his other hand so he could hug his baby more tightly, more closer to him, so he could pat his head and shush him.

"I know it hurts" he quietly whispered "But it's gonna be ok. I'm here for you, and I know you are too" he breathed, listening Jisung's cries getting quieter "I know you will stay too"

"I-I will"

And they both quieted down.

Jisung slowly pulled away, loosening his arms around the man's neck and backing away, nervously blinking his eyes and seeing the older's with thick tears in them.

"I-I will s-stay. I-I promise"

"I know" Minho whispered as a smile stretched on his lips, letting those tears roll down his cheeks "I know you will"

They both kept looking at each other with a nervous heart and blur vision, trying their best to not let their eyes twitch at each other's lips when-

When both of their eyes suddenly closed and their lips pressed onto each other.

They clutched at each other desperately, pressed their lips together tightly, trying to make up for the whole day they didn't kissed each other.

And suddenly, Jisung pulled away and immediately threw himself back in Minho's nape, hugging his neck tightly, burring his face in his warmth, letting out a small sniffle with a little "S-Sorry"

Minho stayed there for some seconds, mentally pouting when those lips disappeared from his and then smiling softly and hugging the boy back tightly.

"Jisung..." he spoke in a small voice, closing his eyes and nuzzling his face in his nape, earning a tiny "Hm?" from the younger.

It took him some heartbeats and a lots of blushing to say it, to utter the words that-

"Y-You are pretty"

And oh how his heart stopped when he felt Jisung's breathing halting.

They both knew what he meant. They both knew Minho was not calling his face or his smiles or his eyes pretty. He was... He was calling his body pretty. So so pretty. Even though he has not seen him fully naked, even though it was dark, even though he was looking in his eyes the whole time, oh his heart knows how it skipped the beat everytime it caught the tiny glances of him.

A shaky breath left his lips as he hid his face in the boy's nape and gulped dryly.

"I... I-I don't know at what point in life you will believe my words but..." he clutched at the boy possessively "Y-You are so s-so pretty"

Tears rolled down Jisung's eyes and his lips quivered as he immediately understood the weight of Minho's words.

"I-I am?" he mumbled, not even registering the words that left his lips and felt Minho nodding in his neck with his cheeks burning red.

And suddenly, everything felt so light.

Everything went wrong, and it felt so heavy until they decided to face it. And now when they have, it was easy to talk about everything that didn't went wrong.

It was suddenly easy to pick the beautiful and the scary parts of that night apart. Because...

Because in the end, that night was the most beautiful night that they have had with an ending they both were not prepared for.

But yet, it was the most beautiful night. The night they came so close to touching and feeling each other's soul and intertwining them together.

Jisung wanted to reply with 'You are pretty too' but well, that was a white lie so he kept his lips shut.

Minho was not pretty. No.

And he didn't wanted to sound like a fucking pervert admitting what flipped in his mind and his body when Minho removed his shirt and stood in front of him, panting, looking in his eyes with those lost, drunk, half lidded ones, with nothing on.

He was not going to say what thoughts his minds went through when he caught glances of those little details carved on his body.

So he decided to keep his lips sealed and shakily hid is flushed face in Minho's nape, trying not to focus on how strong that arm around his waist felt. 

Minho was not even close to just... pretty.

Guess years of farming and physical labour pays off in plenty of different ways.

Chapter Text

"Now the other leg in front!"

"O-Other leg in front..."

The boy giggled seeing the older looking down at his own legs, deciding which one was the 'other leg' and moving it forward with such serious and focused movements.

"Now give me your hand!" he said, making Minho look up and blink dumbly, before extending his hand forward with unsure movements.

Jisung giggled, grabbing the older's hand and immediately intertwining their fingers together and pulling himself closer to him, looking up and smiling at him brightly.

"Now twirl me around" he spoke in a soft loving voice before pushing himself away and blinking at the man with his cheeks red sweetly.

' "I don't want to wait to love you" '

Well, then Jisung was not waiting at all.

After what felt like the whole night has passed away, Jisung finally pulled away from Minho's neck, dry tears staining his cheeks as he pouted cutely to the man.

He sat in Minho's lap for 20 minutes, tightly clutching at him, like he was soothing his own brain, making sure that Minho was still there, still his, mumbling little apologies in his nape, sniffling quietly, and Minho sat there, hugging him tightly, rubbing his back from time to time, whispering small 'It's ok' and 'I love you's, kissing his neck everytime.

Then Minho smiled up at him and leaned forward, pecking his pout, mumbling a tiny 'I love you' before Jisung suddenly got up from his lap and-

' "I want to dance!" ' he immediately pouted, making Minho blink up at him.

And then, there they were, Jisung instructing Minho to follow his steps, being careful of his tied up hand and shoulder, and Minho looking down at his feet then up at his hands and then at Jisung, trying to follow the instructions.

Minho blinked and immediately lifted his hand up, tightening his hold onto the younger's fingers and making him twirl carefully, smiling when he heard a shy giggle leaving Jisung's lips.

"Now hold my hand again" Jisung said and Minho immediately intertwined their fingers back together.

"Now step forward" he spoke, his voice going a little softer as Minho stepped forward, coming closer to him, looking down at him, blinking and waiting for his next instruction.

Jisung blinked at the man's chest shyly, before looking up and smiling with his cheeks dusting pink.

"Now kiss me?" he mumbled in a softer and quieter voice, seeing Minho's cheeks turning red immediately.

And it took 2 blinks of those lost eyes before Minho's fingers left his, his hand was holding his cheek possessively, and his lips were pressed on him.

Jisung stumbled a little step back when Minho stepped forward, trying to come closer and closer to him and immediately parting his lips.

Jisung closed his eyes as his hand went to hold onto Minho's wrist of the hand on his face when Minho took his lower lip in his and tilted his head, taking a shaky breath in.

A shiver ran down Jisung's spine when Minho's whole body screamed desperation for him as he kissed him softly yet so strongly.

Jisung panted in their kiss, mind going numb with the thoughts at why Minho is always so... so desperate.

It was new for him.

Jisung was his first kiss, his first fragrance, first touch, first taste of sensuality he has ever experienced. Minho's brain always goes completely shut, focusing on nothing but these sensations, this desperation his body craved.

Jisung can never forget the way Minho's hand grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it off his shoulder without a single thought in his mind completely covered in the fog of these desires. The way he kissed and bit his skin, panting like he was trying to control himself but he can't. Like he was trying so hard to pull away but he fucking can't.

And it makes Jisung smile.

Minho was innocent in every way and sense, even when he was kissing him so hungrily.

"Hah-" a gasp suddenly left Jisung's lips when Minho suddenly pulled away and immediately dropped his head onto his shoulder, trying to hide his face, panting against his skin shakily.

And Jisung smiled. Shyly, he smiled and placed a tiny kiss on side of Minho's neck, earning a shaky breath from him, before giggling and stepping backwards.

Minho stumbled but straightened up when Jisung stepped away from him and blinked with his face flushed red.

Jisung smiled teasingly before reaching for the man's hand again and intertwining his fingers with Minho's lose ones and lifted them up, making Minho twirl around and-

And immediately pouted when Minho didn't even moved a tiny bit and kept blinking at him in confusion.

"Turn around!" he immediately complained and frowned in a tiny anger, making Minho let out a "Oh!", before bending his knees a little and turning around holding Jisung's fingertips softly.

Minho did a twirl and straightened his legs and immediately flashed a toothy smile at the younger, like he was so proud of himself.

And Jisung? He pouted even more.

Minho's smiled softened when he saw a tiny mad expression on Jisung's face and blinked dumbly at him, trying to think what he did wrong when-

"That's not it!" Jisung suddenly complained and immediately turned around, tightly holding onto Minho's hand and dragged him behind himself towards the bed.

Minho blinked in confusion but followed the younger and-

And oh how his heart giggled when Jisung immediately stepped and stood up onto the bed and turned back around to him, immediately understanding the problem.

Jisung finally showed a big toothy smile, before lifting Minho's hand up, this time easily and immediately making him twirl around with ease and without Minho crouching down a little.

Minho smiled shyly, mind suddenly noticing this small thing he never noticed before.

The thing that how Jisung always have to look up when he looks at him. The thing that how Jisung have to lift himself a little on his toes when they kiss. The thing that Jisung was pretty, yes, but god he was so so cute.

And oh something as simple as a hight difference between them got his whole tummy filled with butterflies.

He looked down, smiling shyly to himself, cheeks and ears red, and immediately stepped forward and thumped his forehead on the younger's tummy who was still towering over him, standing on the bed, grinning so happily.

He nuzzled his face in the boy's tummy and raised his hand, tightly hugging the boy's waist, suddenly noticing the small curves of... oh god his waist was so tiny.

And yes, Minho did mentally cursed at his own hand for being tied and making him unable to hug Jisung's waist with both his arms tighter.

On the other hand, completely oblivious to the thoughts in Minho's mind, Jisung giggled happily and immediately hugged Minho's head lovingly, ruffling his hair softly.

"I love you" Jisung spoke, voice still giggly, fingers tangled in his love's hair, smiling shyly when Minho whispered a tiny muffled whiny "I love you", nuzzling in his tummy more when-

When Jisung's eyes caught something on the wall.

He blinked at the wall just beside the bed when his eyes caught something hanging on it just above the headboard of the bed.

A calender.

Jisung blinked and smiled when he saw fresh cross marks on that old looking calender, seeing how Minho cross every passing day, most probably to remember which day of the week it was, maybe to know when Saturdays and Sundays are so he won't accidentally miss his schoo-... Wait!

Jisung immediately frowned looking at the calendar and oh how his eyes widened.

"SATURDAY!?"

Minho jumped when Jisung suddenly shouted and immediately looked up, only to see Jisung looking to his right with wide eyes.

"Hm?" Minho asked in a tiny voice, blinking up at the boy in confusion.

Jisung finally looked down at the man still clinging onto him and panicked a little.

"It was saturday today" he finally informed the man in a calmer voice. The voice in which Minho could clearly hear the lingering guilt.

"Saturday?" Minho let out in a small voice and blinked up at the younger, trying to make his mind run and think that 'So?'. And before he could get to there...

"It was your school today" Jisung spoke in a smaller voice, eyes immediately getting sad "I'm sorry. Because of me you forgot and-"

"It's ok" Minho whispered softly and immediately looked back down and nuzzled back in his tummy, hugging him tightly again, not caring about missing his favorite thing at all "It was not because of you. And it's ok, I have missed school days before too-"

"But you love to-"

"I love you more"

And then it became quiet for some seconds.

Jisung kept blinking at the calender with sad eyes, before sighing and hugging Minho's head back lovingly "We will go tomorrow, ok?"

Minho finally smiled, feeling Jisung massaging his head softly and quietly nodded in his tummy, pushing his head more into his hands.

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: Dad :
*10 missed calls*

// Jisung ? //
// Jisung where are you? //
// When did you leave the house? //

The boy stared at the screen of his phone, ears numbing to every sound around him.

: Mom :
*12 missed calls*

// Jisung? //
// Why is your phone off? Are you ok? Please call me, baby //

: Dad :
*5 missed calls*

// Are you with that boy again? //
// Why did you leave like that at night, baby? //
// Please atleast tell me you are ok //
// I will contact the police by tonight if I don't hear from you by then //
// Come back home, Jisung. Please //

He blinked his eyes, breaking the tiny tears before typing a short message and tapping onto 'Sent'

"I don't know what kind of a person you are, kid" Mr. James said in a serious voice "But think before burring your feet in deeper"

Jisung blinked and kept quiet, steps slowing down at how his mind started going numb.

"Keep your emotions aside and think with practicality" Mr. James spoke, voice as serious and firm "Think about how far you can go with this. And if the answer is not 'till the end', just leave now"

Jisung's eyes immediately got filled with tears as he understood the meaning of those words, and it hurts.

He knew their situation was complicated. He knew he can't just come and live here for the rest of his life like that, he can't take Minho somewhere and then live happily ever after magically, but...

But he was going to stay till the very very end. And that's where he stood.

Whatever happens. He doesn't know how he will handle it in the future, not even the next day, but he will, anyhow.

"Don't give him everything, every happiness because it feels good right now and then one day when it becomes boring to you, just leave him standing" Mr. James said with a warning in his voice "Don't just fill his hands back with hopes and then snatch them empty again. He..." he quieted down and turned his face to his left, looking at Minho quietly solving his problems "He doesn't have it in him to stand back up now..."

And an angry tear rolled down Jisung's cheek "I will not!" he immediately resorted "I-I will not leave him-"

"I don't belive you" Mr. James spoke quietly, sighing a deep breath before finally looking down at the boy and smiling sweetly.

"I said I don't know you" he said, voice finally getting sweeter and softer, making Jisung wipe his tears angrily and look up with a frown on his forehead.

"I don't know if you are saying the truth, if you understand him, his heart, or he is just another time pass for a city boy-"

"He is not a time pass!" Jisung immediately shot back "And I will not leave hi-"

"So just prove me wrong"

And he quieted down immediately.

Mr. James chuckled a breath and smiled, rasing his hand up and placing it onto the boy's head "Prove me wrong and then you can come and rub it in my face, tell me that 'See. You were wrong', and I will be the happiest that day" he smiled, applying a little pressure on his head.

Jisung's face relaxed, eyes immediately going numb as his anger drained from his head, feeling a strong sense of care and love through that soft pressure of that hand, like...

Like he was a small kid again.

Like a father was challenging him so he could succeed.

"Yes. I don't know you" Mr. James smiled "But still, you don't look like a bad person, kid" he ruffled the boy's hair softly, before taking his hand away, making Jisung look back down.

There was a small silence between them as they walked quietly with slow steps, when Mr. James broke it.

"Also.." he spoke, making Jisung look up at him and blink with big eyes, seeing him putting his hand in his pant's pocket and take out a handkerchief.

"Cover them" Mr. James said, trying his best to hide his teasing smile and not look at them.

"People here are narrow minded, not stupid" he said, draping the handkerchief onto the younger's face playfully, and oh how Jisung's whole body immediately turned stiffened.

His heart raced, eyes widened and face turned fully red when he realised what Mr. James was referring at.

Mr. James almost chuckled when he saw Jisung's eye wide, looking everywhere but him, his lips pressed together tightly as he shakily reaching for the handkerchief over his face and scrambled to put it around his neck, tieing a knot over his throat, hiding those deep bite marks, red and purple marks behind it.

"Sometimes I forget he is 22" Mr. James sighed with a smile as he saw Minho from the distance, smiling happily at his notebook, scribbling with his pencil with a shaky hand.

He shook his head and chuckled before looking at Jisung and saw the boy's full face flushed red.

"N-Nothing like that h-happene-"

"Of course it didn't" Mr. James said with full confidence and a teasing smile, looking at the fields around to save the boy from even more embarrassment "One of you for sure dipped, no?" he asked and god he wanted to laugh out loud so hard when he heard Jisung choking on his own spit.

It kept quiet for some minutes, Mr. James trying his best to not laugh and how red Jisung was, and Jisung wishing for the ground to just open up and swallow him.

"So?" Mr. James suddenly spoke again, still not looking at the younger, trying his best to keep his laughs in his chests "Which one of you dipped?"

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO INSERT PICTURE HERE CORRECTLY HWJSJDJDJDJ I'M SO HAPPY! NOW I CAN GIVE YOU ALL THE FULL EXPERIENCE LIKE MY WATTPAD! FUCK YES. Wish I figured it out 2 years back, but I'm gonna add all the pictures in all of my books I couldn't back then anyways and already have for every chapter of this book ❤️

Also, I know you guys already have images of Minho and Jisung in your mind, but to set the vibe of the characters I post their pics reflecting their characters in the story in the beginning of the chapter after 'Introduction', so if anyone wants, you can go and see them *kisses* hehdjjdidid I'M SO SO HAPPY!! <33333 

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"Haaaiiiiiiieeee~!"

Chapter Text

"What were you and Mr. James talking about?" the man asked with curiosity, blinking at the boy who was parking the scooter on the parking spot of the beach.

"Hm?" Jisung asked, turning his face around towards the older.

"Mr. James and you?" Minho asked again in a little voice.

"Oh that" Jisung smiled and turned back around to park the scooter properly "He was warning me about breaking your heart" he said with a hint of playful annoyance, while on the other hand-

"Huh!?" Minho let out, completely caught off gaud, expecting anything but that.

Jisung turned around after placing the scooter in its place only to find Minho standing there with his eyes wide and cheeks red.

"H-He..." Minho tried to ask but couldn't come up with what to.

"Yeah" Jisung narrowed his eyes thinking of Mr. James "He thinks he cares for you more than me" he said in a complaining tone, pouting right after "I will show him that I care for you more and I love you way more!"

And Minho? He stood there with his face turning red with embarrassment.

"H-He... M-Mr. James knows about... us?" he asked, keeping his voice low like Mr. James could hear him right now.

"Well" Jisung mumbled, trying to bite back his smile as he pulled off the hankerchief around his neck "He saw these so..." he said in a teasing tone, seeing Minho's face immediately flushing red as he pressed his lips together tightly.

"I will prove it to him that I will never ever leave you!" he complained, pouting, as he walked past a red Minho, walking towards the beach "Who does he thinks he is" he humphed " 'i DoN't TrUsT yOu' Yeah, I don't trust you either old man" he mumbled to himself, mocking Mr. James and kept walking, when he suddenly stopped.

He turned around just to see Minho blinking at him, standing there with wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

"Also..." he spoke as he turned back around and walked towards the older and...

And before Minho could take in the next breath, his wrist was held in a strong hold and his body was pulled down with force. And even before he could blink...

His eyes widened when a pair of lips was placed onto his.

His face burned as he blinked with his mind going mushy as he kept looking around, seeing some people looking at them and smiling teasingly while walking towards the beach.

He blinked down and saw Jisung's eyes closed as he kissed him right at the entrance of the beach, in front of everyone.

His heart raced as he kept looking at Jisung's closed eyes, feeling his lips softly moving against his, before they were gone.

"I don't give a fuck about people" Jisung breathed out, looking in the older's eyes with determination in his own, before suddenly leaving Minho's hand and turning around, walking away.

While Minho...

He stood there with his ears burning red and heart racing like crazy when suddenly a small tiny shy smile stretched on his lips. He looked down, smiling shyly to himself, biting his lower lip to compose himself. Jisung just kissed him in front of everyone with such authority. Oh this boy is going to be his death one day.

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He kept smiling with a ticklish feeling in his tummy as he kept looking at the older sitting in front of him, his face still pretty flushed as he kept looking down at his hands on the table shyly.

Well, it was not a lie that Jisung was definitely very offended by Mr. James thinking that he was seeing Minho as a 'time pass'. Yes, he understands Mr. James point of view and concern and yes, he was glad that Minho had someone to look after him like this, but hell he was offended.

Yeah, Mr. James cares about Minho and doesn't know him that well and yada yada, but how can he judge him as that bad of a person huh? That's not it.

Jisung never, never wanted to hide Minho and what they have from anyone. He doesn't care who judge them and who adore them. He lied to Minho because of those damn people in his village. He know how big of an issue that can be if this comes out, but now that Mr. James was judging him like that, he really wants to yell and tell everyone how much he loves Minho and... and he can't.

He can't just go and walk holding Minho's hand in that beautiful village in those pretty evenings. He can't kiss him when he is tired from working in the field.

But that's ok.

Maybe he can't express his love to Minho in that village, but who is stopping him from doing that here or anywhere? Yeah, no fucking one. He will kiss Minho when he wants and people can look how much they want, meanwhile, he will look at him.

Him who was sitting there looking so small, cheeks red with his lips pressed in a tight smile as he kept looking down shyly.

Oh Minho looked so happy, so shy, so cute just because he kissed him in public.

Jisung knew he will have to tell Minho about why he can't hold his hand, kiss him in his village, about the stigma surrounding what they have one day or the other, so well, he will do it soon rather than later then.

"What do you wanna eat?"

Minho blinked as he finally looked up and his heart immediately calmed down when that question sinked in.

He blinked at the younger as his blush slowly faded away "Hm?" he let out in a small voice.

"Food?" Jisung asked again in a softer voice, smiling lovingly at his baby "What do you wanna eat?" he asked, already looking around to find that Chan and Changbin guy to take their order.

"Oh.." Minho let out in a smaller voice and looked down, suddenly looking a little... dull.

"Hm?" Jisung asked when he didn't got any answer from the older, still looking around, finally spotting Chan and waving to him.

"Uh... n-nothing.." Minho mumbled in a quiet voice, and Jisung immediately frowned.

He finally looked down and in front of him, blinking at the older with questioning eyes.

"Nothing?" he asked in confusion, tilting his head "You are not hungry?".

Minho hesitated before looking back up, trying not to meet the younger's eyes like he was embarrassed about something, and shook his head with an unsure movement.

Jisung's frown deepened "Huh?" he let out "It's 2 in the afternoo-"

"I-I..." Minho mumbled "I'm still, uh, a little full from the breakfast, so..." he trailed off, the excuse sounding a white lie to his own ears.

"Breakfast?" Jisung tilted his head "You ate like half a bowl of rice, Minho" he reminded, worry lacing his voice and his heart "How are you not hungry?" he asked, catching a glimpse of Chan from the corner of his eye who was approaching him but stopped midway, probably reading the situation.

"U-Uh, I don't know?" Minho tried to fake a chuckle, only giving more worry to Jisung's heart "I just don't feel like eating anythin-"

"Are you feeling sick, baby?" Jisung suddenly asked in a panicked and worried tone, immediately reaching for the older's hand on the table, holding it tightly "Does your shoulder hurt?" he tried to guess "We can go to the hospital right now"

"No" Minho mumbled, looking down as his colours kept draining down slowly "M-My shoulder is fine" he said, blinking at his tied up hand "It's just, I-I don't-"

"Minho..."

And Minho finally looked up.

Jisung watched the older's eyes carefully, searching for what was wrong, what was bothering him so much.

"What happened?" he asked in a softer voice, squeezing his hand tightly in his "Did something happen, baby?"

Minho blinked as he tried to keep his eyes from glossing up and immediately looked down "N-No" he let out and shook his head weakly.

"Minho..." Jisung called, leaning forward a little "Baby-"

"C-Can I e-eat at home?" Minho suddenly asked, sniffling softly, not looking up from his lap "I-I don't like the food here-"

"Is it about the money?"

And Minho immediately quieted down.

He shakily looked up, seeing Jisung looking at him with nothing but love and worry in his eyes, and oh how it amplified his growing embarrassment immediately.

Before Jisung could say anything further, his eyes snapped down to their hands when Minho slowly took his hand away, putting on his own lap quietly.

"Minho" Jisung breathed out, immediately getting up from his bench and walking around the table, sitting beside the older, closer to him, facing him.

"Minho, look here" he asked, reaching and holding the older's hand in both of his hands tightly, making sure he won't be able to snatch it away again.

"It's not fair" Minho quietly mumbled, not looking at Jisung, sniffling quietly "Y-You are spending your money on me, the hospital, the phone, food, scooter and c-cycles" he sniffled as his lower lip quivered "I-I can't return so m-much to you and-"

"Return!?" Jisung let out, immediately squeezing Minho's hand tightly "What return, Minho? I'm not waiting for you to return me anything" he assured "I never even thought about this-"

"I-I know" Minho spoke, voice shaking lightly "A-And that's n-not fair. It's y-your money and-"

"I swear, Minho" Jisung suddenly breathed out and immediately left the man's hand, and even before Minho could process the loss of touch, his face was cupped in between two warm palms and swiped to his side and a soft pair of lips were placed onto his.

He blinked with big eyes as Jisung pressed their lips together tightly, before suddenly backing away and looking at him with tiny angry eyes.

"How much did you spent when you called that doctor for me? Bought those medicines? The chicken and spices? Those fishes?" he asked in an angry yet adoring tone, still holding Minho's face in his hands, watching Minho's eyes blinking at him, trying to find the comfort he was craving.

"You refused to take that money back, even tell me how much it was!" he complained "First tell me that, take that money back, then we will talk about 'my' money. Ok?" he taunted, seeing Minho pout in disapproval and looked down, burring his face in his hands more.

"Minho.." Jisung finally sighed, a small smile appearing on his lips as he leaned forward, bumping their heads into each other, making Minho let out a tiny whiny "Ow" and making him look up, blinking with big eyes.

"Were you doing me a favor when you held me when I came crying to you?" he asked in a quiet voice, making Minho immediately shake his head and pout even more.

"Are you waiting for me to return the favor of you making me dinner at 2 in the night mid sleep?"

"T-That was not a favo-"

"Then what was it?" Jisung asked, his thumb softly caressing the corner of the older's lips "Why did you do it?"

"B-Because I love y-you" Minho sniffled, wanting a kiss on his pout.

Jisung smiled "And I will do anything and everything I can because I love you" he smiled, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on the older's pout making his cheeks turn pink as a small shy smile appeared on his lips.

"And if I heard anything about money and 'returns' next time, I'm gonna get mad at you. Understood!?"

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"You wanna eat ice-cream?" the boy asked with a soft smile, turning his face to his right, looking at the man sitting beside him blinking at the ocean with lost eyes.

"Hm?" Minho blinked, tearing his eyes away from the ocean and turning his face to his right, seeing the younger smiling at him with that sweet adoration in his eyes laying his face on his knees looking oh so soft.

"Ice-cream?" Jisung asked again, wiggling his feet in the cold sand, hugging his legs loosely.

Minho blinked his eyes and a soft smile formed on his lips, giving a sweet quiet answer in it.

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"Excuse me?"

The man turned around when he heard someone calling him, and "Oh? Hey!" let out in a surprise, smiling at the boy on the other side of the counter and immediately wiping his wet hands with the towel from washing the dishes and turned around completely.

"Hey" Jisung spoke in a quiet voice, not returning the smile to the man "Uh, can I get two ice-crea-"

"So?" the man chuckled "There is a reason you hate us? Or you just don't like our gut or something?" he asked with a playful grin on his lips.

Jisung blinked at the man for a second, before looking down "I don't..." he mumbled in a small voice "I don't hate you"

"You don't?" the man chuckled "Well it seems like you wanna slap us in the face when you see us though" he joked, ready to laugh and tease the boy more when he will get irritated, but...

But he got a small silence before..

"I'm sorry" Jisung spoke quietly, lifting his head back up "I don't hate you two" he smiled weakly "In fact thank you for trying to help him that day, it's just..." he trailed off, eyes lowering to his own hands on the counter "It's just-"

"It's just that you worry for him?"

Jisung blinked his eyes as he looked back up at the man behind the counter, seeing him smiling at him softly.

"I understand" the man smiled and looked past the boy, eyes focusing on the man sitting on the shore, watching the beautiful ocean, hugging his knees, waiting.

Jisung turned his head around, seeing Minho sitting there on the sand quietly, blinking at the ocean shining under the beautiful sun.

"When we saw him here without you that day, when he asked him if he needed some help..." the man sighed with a sweet smile "He seemed so lonely" he mumbled, making Jisung turn back towards him "He seemed so scared and helpless like he didn't knew what to do anymore" he spoke in a softer tone, looking back at the boy in front of him "I understand" he smiled "If I had someone so..." he sighed, looking back at the boy sitting on the shore "So delicate in my life, I would've been worried for them 24/7 too. And that too when I loved them"

Jisung blinked at the man with big eyes and pink dusted cheeks before looking back down.

The man smiled at him and his smile twitching in that playful grin yet again.

"But I have to admit" he grinned "He loves you more than you do" he said, joking, just to teased the younger, but...

"Yeah" Jisung let out in a small voice, blinking his eyes with a soft smile on his lips "He loves me way more and... and I don't know why" he chuckled "I don't know why he loves me" he mumbled "I don't know how he feels any happiness being with someone like me... If I was him, I would've never looked at me for the second time and he-"

"Hey.." the man let out, making Jisung suddenly snap out of whatever he got lost in and blink rapidly, only to realise the tears that formed in his eyes.

He looked up and then back down "Sorry" he chuckled, wiping his eyes, trying to play it off "I just-"

"I was kidding" the man smiled worryingly "I didn't mean-"

"I know" Jisung finally looked up and smiled. Genuinely smiled "I know" he chuckled "I'm just dumb, ignore it"

The smile on the man's face turned from worrying to a sweet one as he sighed and extended his hand in front.

"Never got to properly introduce myself" he smiled as the younger blinked up at him.

"Bangchan" the man tilted his head with a cute toothy smile "One of the two owners of this cafe"

"He is my bestest friend!" Chan said with a big happy smile, while Jisung's eyes kept stuck on Minho, his heart wondering what they must be talking about.

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"He is not rude, I promise"

The man chuckled and smiled, keeping his eyes on the sun that finally kissed the ocean ever so softly.

"I know he is not" Changbin said in as quiet voice at the other "I know he just worries for you a little" he said, and a sweet silence surrounded them.

"He really loves you a lot..."

Minho blinked at the sun slowly setting in and nodded quietly.

"He really does" he spoke in a little voice, a tiny smile forming on his lips "He loves me so so much"

Changbin blinked, turning his face to his side and smiled softly "More than you love him?"

Minho kept his eyes at the sun, arms clutching at his legs as he nodded his head shakily.

"I... I don't know why.." he mumbled, eyes getting lost in a sweet view "I don't know why he loves me. Why would he love me so much?" he asked, like he was asking it to himself "There is nothing... n-nothing to love about me"

Changbin wanted to say something, but he knew it was not his place. So he sat there in silence, letting Minho's words float around him as they kept looking at the sun slowly sinking in.

"🧍🏻‍♀️"

Love you babies <3

Chapter Text

"Now this?"

"Hm?" the younger asked, glancing at the screen of the phone laying on that small table, before "Hm" letting out in a small 'Yes' and going back to taking a spoon full of rice and rasing it to the older's lips.

Minho blinked at the phone screen, eyes focused as he learned to use it step by step when his eyes flickered at the spoon in front of his face and opened his mouth, immediately focusing back on the screen, tapping on different figures cautiously.

Jisung smiled as he shoved the spoon in the man's mouth and took it out, seeing Minho's cheeks puffing and lips forming in a cute pout as he struggled to chew so much at once.

He chuckled as Minho frowned disapprovingly and tapped on the 'Back' icon repeatedly when he accidentally opened the wrong app again.

He looked down and took the last spoon of rice and ate it before putting the bowl down on the small table and stood up.

"Come on, let me change your dressing" he mumbled with a mouthful of rice, earning a small "Mhm" as Minho continued to chew his dinner.

Jisung smiled as he walked towards the shelf by the older's bed to pick up the medical box he bought as Minho kept his head down and focused on the phone on the table, exploring different things, still fascinated about how these screens changes like that on one tap.

He felt happy, he felt calm, he felt content. It has been a while since he had a normal talk with someone, felt like... like being friends with someone. Maybe he was thinking too much, it was just one good conversation he had today with Chan, but it felt good, it felt relaxing, it...

It felt so normal.

"What happened?" he asked in a chuckle when he turned around carrying the medical box and saw Minho pouting at the screen before looking up and him and then back down.

"You said this one shows videos but..." he pouted more and kept blinking at the screen.

Jisung smiled as he walked towards the man and sat back down on the floor behind his back and placed his chin on his shoulder, seeing Minho has accidentally opened the browser instead of YouTube.

"Not this one, baby" he said softly, reaching his hand towards the phones screen and clicking back and then clicking on the red icon, opening YouTube, making sure to proceed with each step slowly to let Minho grasp them properly.

"This one" he spoke and smiled when Minho's eyes shine as he saw thumbnails of different videos popping up "The red one"

"Oh" Minho let out, nodding his head curiously and going back on tapping on the screen, determined to type and search for something on there like Jisung taught him.

Jisung smiled as he backed away and reached for the bottom of Minho's t-shirt "Raise your hand" he said, making Minho stop and raise his left hand up. He carefully lifted his t-shirt and then being extra careful around his tied up hand before tossing it on the bed beside them.

Minho kept trying to type properly as Jisung carefully and slowly unwrapped the bandage around his shoulder.

"It's healing nicely" he mumbled to himself looking at the healing wound, and smiled apologetically, before cleaning the wound and applying ointment and wrapping it back up in new bandages.

"Here" he sighed with a small smile as he made the older wear his t-shirt back ok  carefully "Now-"

"Wait! Wait, nooo~!" Minho suddenly whined and, almost threw a tantrum like a child when he-

"I clicked on back and then I don't know what and now it's black!" he whined, snapping his face to his side, trying to look at Jisung behind his shoulder and pointed at the phone, complaining.

Jisung chuckled and then placed his chin back on the man's shoulder before looking down at the phone and smiling when he saw what Minho accidentally opened.

"I almost completed typing and-"

His complains stopped when Jisung suddenly reached his hand for the phone on the table, pressing their bodies together.

He blinked as Jisung picked the phone up and tilted up to face the screen and immediately saw the screen turning from black to... to a video of his room?

"Oh!" he let out when he understood that he accidently opened camera and the screen was back because the camera was facing down.

"Oh" so he chuckled a little embarrassingly to himself at his own reaction and tried to reach for the phone when-

Jisung suddenly tapped on an icon and...

And the screen suddenly showed them instead.

Minho blinked his eyes as his eyes shined with curiosity when the screen turned into a mirror, showing him and Jisung behind him, with his chin on his shoulder, smiling softly.

"It's like a mirro-!" he suddenly let out in amazement and snapped his face to his side to face Jisung when-

When his words immediately quieted down when a pair of soft lips were placed on his.

Minho's eyes widened for a second as he saw Jisung's eyes closed as he pressed their lips together, before closing his eyes and tilting his head and pressing their lips more comfortably as his cheeks turned pink.

While Minho's blood was in rush to his ears with the sudden kiss, Jisung's fingers quietly and calmly moved on the screen of the phone, and before Minho could notice the movement-

His eye suddenly blinked opened when he heard a small shutter sound. Something like a 'click', coming from the direction of the phone Jisung was holding in front of them.

He blinked when he saw Jisung's eyes opened and felt a smile stretching against his lips. He turned his head towards the phone and... Oh...

There was a picture. A picture of them. Kissing.

Their eyes closed, lips pressed together, looking completely lost, away from the world. It was like, someone paused their love in a small frame. A frame which failed to capture all their love in it.

Failed to capture the desperation in Minho's tied up hand to hold Jisung's face, the fight of Jisung's mind against his lips when they fought to forget about the picture and part away to taste those lips against his.

Jisung's fingers left the phone as Minho's hand slowly reached for it in unsure movements, as he smiled seeing Minho's cheeks turning red.

Minho didn't say a word as he held the phone in his hand and a tiny smile stretched on his lips. He kept blinking at the picture like he was trying to frame it permanently in his brain, never wanting to forget it.

Jisung smiled and was about to tease the older when his eyes suddenly caught the time on the top corner of the screen of the phone and immediately remembered...

' //I will be back after mid night // '

It was almost 11:30 in the night.

He blinked at the time and let out a disheartened sigh. He doesn't want to go home or anywhere away from Minho.

But... he still got up.

Minho stayed there, sitting on the floor as Jisung got up quietly, picking up the plate and bowl they just ate from and walked towards where Minho keep them to wash them later outside the house.

"Ok now keep that away" he chuckled as Minho's kept smiling at the picture, and went to pick up his wallet and house keys he kept on the shelf by the bed.

"Hm" Minho let out dismissivally and kept his eyes on the phone when-

"I will teach you many more things next time when I will come back" Jisung laughed, and Minho's smile immediately faded away.

Minho's eyes flickered up in panic, taking a second to find Jisung in the room and saw him keeping his wallet in his pocket, and oh how his heart dropped.

"And I will mark the day you have to visit the hospital in your calender, ok?" Jisung kept talking, unaware of the wait of his words on the older "And I will call you to remind you too, ok? And-"

And his words immediately stopped when he suddenly felt a little tug on his t-shirt.

He blinked as he turned around and looked down only to see Minho holding the corner of his t-shirt in his fist tightly.

"You are leaving...?"

Jisung can swear his heart broke when that voice left Minho's lips. He sounded so... scared.

Jisung blinked at the hand that tightened around his t-shirt and finally lifted his eyes up to meet the older's and oh how his heart ached.

Minho was there, looking down at him with hope filled in his eyes. Hope that he will stay tonight.

Tonight, tomorrow night, every night.

Jisung kept blinking at the man, before a soft smile appeared on his lips.

He turned around to face the older properly and tucked his wallet in his pocket quickly, immediately raising both his hands and cupping the man's cheeks lovingly.

"I will come back in some days" he whispered "Promise, I will-"

"I don't want to s-sleep alone..."

And god, every bit of power that he gathered up to stretch that smile, just drained away the moment Minho's hand came up and clutched at his wrist so tightly.

"P-Please?" Minho asked in an unsure voice, not wanting to come off as demanding "Just one more night?"

One more night? How do he tell Minho that he wanted to sleep in this bed, in his chest every night. How do he tell him that he doesn't want to leave, that he never want to leave but... but he have to.

He have to go home, check his laptop and see if he got any interviews yet. He have to get a job, he needs money to stay with him forever.

So he smiled.

Without any words, he raised himself on his toes and pulled Minho's face down, cupping his cheeks softly, before placing his lips onto his.

Minho immediately closed his eyes, his hand reaching and clutching at the younger's waist, bringing him closer as they both stayed there for some seconds.

"Ok" Jisung breathed out, pulling a little away, keeping his eyes closed "I will come back in some hours, ok?" he whispered, before Minho suddenly leaned forward and parted his lips, immediately quieting his words.

His skin got goosebumps when Minho smiled in the kiss before kissing him deeply. His hands shakily left Minho's face and came down to rest onto his shoulders to hold himself up as he kissed back, when Minho suddenly pulled away.

"Thank you" he mumbled with an apologetic pout, not wanting to be like a difficult person for whom Jisung had to adjust and twist his schedules but, "Just tonight. Promise" he said, and Jisung smiled wider, slowly lowering himself and getting back on his feet properly.

"If I could, I would never go back home" he whispered with a loving smile, blinking at the man's eyes "If I could I would stay here, with you, forever"

And of how Minho immediately pouted when his eyes suddenly became glossy and his lower lip quivered.

He also wants that. He wants Jisung to stay here, forever. Maybe he had gotten a little selfish, but now, he doesn't want to eat alone, sleep alone, work alone in his field, go to school alone. He doesn't want to live alone, live without Jisung at any moment now. Jisung was...

Jisung was becoming his habit.

A habit of waking to a warmth pressed in his chest. A habit of the hand that feeds him. A habit of sitting behind that scooter while looking around and hugging that waist. A habit of those eyes, those smiles, those kisses.

So he suddenly dropped his head and immediately slumped forward, hiding his face in the younger's nape, making Jisung lean back on the shelf and hold him in place.

"I love you" Jisung whispered with a smile, softly caressing the older's back lovingly.

They stayed like this for some seconds before Jisung suddenly felt Minho's hand around his waist getting lose and before he could pull away and ask, he felt that same hand under his thigh, quietly asking him to lift himself up.

He blinked when he felt Minho stepping closer to him, making to press more in the shelf before...

Before he understood.

His cheeks turned red as he lifted himself up with the little help of Minho's one hand and slowly backed away, sitting on the shelf's bottom part.

Minho slowly removed his hand from under the boy's thigh and rested it loosely onto the dip of his waist, before pulling away slightly and looking up.

Jisung looked down with his cheeks pink and blinked with questioning eyes.

"You are small" Minho mumbled in a tiny voice, blinking innocently at the younger "You always look up when we kiss and your neck will hurt" he said in a most pure and normal tone, before leaning up and placing a sweet peck on the boy's lips, completely clueless of how Jisung's ears turned red in embarrassment.

So he immediately pushed him away and before Minho could complain, he earned a weak slap on his chest.

Minho flinched a little at the sudden hit and looked up at the younger and a teasing grin immediately appeared on his lips as he understood the reason of the slap he just got.

"You are tiny!"

"Hey!"

Minho giggled as Jisung tried to scold him and before he was pushed away completely, he immediately tightened his arm around the boy's waist and hid his face in his chest, hugging him tightly, giggling happily.

"Minho, I swear to god!" Jisung whined when he failed to push the older away and hit his arm lightly before giving up and hugging him softly.

They stayed like this for some seconds, breathing into each other's embrace, when Minho tried to come closer, adjusting his hand to hug him tighter when-

When he immediately stopped and froze the moment his hand accidentally lifted a tiny bit of the corner of Jisung's t-shirt and his fingers touched his waist.

"S-Sorry" he immediately let out, pulling his hand away, remembering how Jisung stopped him when he tried to lift his t-shirt up that night and-

"It's ok..."

Minho paused, blinking in the boy's chest numbly as Jisung breathed out.

"It's ok" Jisung whispered, slowly removing his one hand from around the older and reaching it to his own back, grabbing his own t-shirt softly and lifting it up just a little from his back, pulling it away from under Minho's hand, making his hand lay on his bare waist.

"It's ok" he breathed out like he was saying that to himself.

It's ok, it's Minho. His Minho.

He closed his eyes and immediately hid his face in Minho's hair, keeping himself composed.

Minho blinked nervously, his hand laying there on the younger's waist, feeling the heat of his skin burning his own, when he let out a shaky breath.

With cautious and nervous movements, he slowly rested his hand properly onto the boy's skin, feeling Jisung sigh shakily in his hair.

Minho's face burned as shivers ran down his spine, when...

When he suddenly got irritated.

This damn hand.

He blinked as desperation raised in his chest to move his tied up hand and just hug Jisung tightly, but...

Oh fuck that.

So he took a deep breath and moved his hand slowly.

A sharp pain shot up in his shoulder around his wound as he tried to pull his hand away from the loop of bandages holding it in place.

Jisung opened his eyes when he noticed the movements and he wanted to stop him, tell him that it will hurt, but...

But he wanted that embrace.

God he was so selfish, but he wanted that touch. He wanted Minho to hold him tight, wanted to feel his fingers caressing his skin. So he let it happen.

Minho bit back a whine when the pain shot up again as he finally pulled his hand free and breathed in the younger's chest to clam himself down, before he opened his arm and wrapped it around the boy's waist.

Jisung closed his eyes as Minho slowly with unsure movements slipped his hand under his t-shirt, scared to making his baby uncomfortable.

A shaky sigh left both of their lips as they both paused for a second, letting this feeling sink in when...

When they both suddenly closed their eyes as Minho wrapped his arms completely around his body, holding his back tightly yet softly, feeling every inch of the skin his hands touched.

So many feelings. There are so many feeling they were longing for, so many touches so many kisses.

But that's ok. They have each other now. All for themselves. Forever. They will take tiny steps. Little little steps to reach each other's soul slowly, calmly.

A deep breath left both of their lips as they tried to hide into each other, both feeling the goosebumps the other's body was getting.

"Jisung..." Minho suddenly called, voice as small and soft.

It stayed quiet for some seconds as Minho tried to find the right words.

Jisung felt the hold around him getting tighter as his own heart got nervous, feeling Minho's touch starting to burn his skin when-

"What happened back then?"

And they both stopped breathing for some seconds there.

' "I will ask you the day I will have the strength to hear it" '

Jisung felt his heart stop and body stiffen as he felt Minho's mind contemplated between pulling his hands away and tightening them more.

"Y-You..." Minho let out, clutching at the boy possessively "You don't have to tell me now" he whispered in his chest "Just... whenever you decide to say it, I'm ready to listen"

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And he didn't tell him.

He couldn't.

He...

He didn't wanted to. He didn't knew why. He was ready to tell Minho that he lied about his uncle being dead, about his parents not knowing, about that it was just one time, about everything, but...

But he didn't wanted to.

He knew Minho will never, but still, still he was scared that what if... what if Minho suddenly saw him differently?

Knowing that someone else touched him, did things to him when he was small and defenseless, and knowing that it continued to happen, over and over again, that he never tried to push, never fought even when he had the strength to. Both these things were so so different.

What if Minho found his 'Because I freeze when he is near me', as an excuse? What if Minho suddenly accused him of the most horrible thing he once accused himself about?

No.

He can't do that.

He didn't wanted to lie to Minho but...

But he can't, he don't want to tell him everything.

"Oh no no"

He blinked as he opened the door of his house when he heard sound of his mom talking from inside.

He twisted the knob and pushed the door open quietly, keeping his eyes down.

He was happy his mom and dad were awake. It was almost 1 in the night and he came back to grab his laptop and leave back and he didn't wanted to go to his parents room, give his dad an attendance that he was alive and back and then argue about that he was leaving again. It was easier if they just saw him coming in and just going back quietly.

"15 minutes, yeah?" he told his cab driver as the man waited inside his car outside his house, giving him a quiet nod.

He quietly stepped inside his house, closing the door behind him and was about to remove his shoes and go to the kitchen where the lights were on and his mother was saying something when-

"And when is my Sungie gonna come back~?"

And oh how his blood dried.

That voice...

Mom said... They said he was coming home a week later...

"Oh, uh..." he heard his mom letting out an awkward laugh, like she was trying to cover up something "Y-You came a week early, that too so sudde-"

"So now you don't like your little brother coming to meet you, noona?" the man spoke, sounding like he was pouting forcibly, almost like he was mocking it out.

"N-No no" the woman laughed hesitantly "It's just, you know, Jisung didn't knew you will be coming tonight, so uh, he is at a friend's house"

"Oh? Your husband allowed a night out to our little Sungie now?" the man laughed vicously and...

And Jisung's body shook.

He stood there, at the door of his house, his eyes wide with fear, screaming silently, his heart, his hearing stopped, his breath stuck in his throat as he heard that man just some feets away.

He...

He needs... He needs so get out of his house.

He needs to run, somewhere, anywhere. He needs to turn around and... and run.. He needs to get away from here, it's...

It's just a matter of some minutes, maybe seconds when that man will get up and come out and... No. He needs to-

"Jisung?"

His eyes snapped as his whole body stayed frozen when he heard his father's voice.

He stood there as he saw his father coming out of his room, looking tired and defeated.

His mind snapped as his feet immediately took a step back, scared, terrified and-

And...

Minho.

He wants... He wants Minh-

"Jisung..."

His feet immediately took another step away when he saw his father trying to approach him, before he stopped.

He kept looking at his father, not noticing the hot burning tears that ran down his cheeks as he completely forgot to suck in a breath.

And Mr. Han? He stood there, taking a step back, heart breaking as he saw his son's body shaking, getting tense with each second.

He blinked, turning his face towards the kitchen and then at the main door of their house.

"I will text you when he is gone..." he mumbled quietly before looking back at his son.

There were no words said after that.

No words when Jisung immediately turned around, opened the door and ran away.

Mr. Han stood there, staring at his son's back, blinking numbly as he saw the cab driving away within the next second.

He is a good father. Right? Yes. He is. He knows he is. Right? He is doing everything right.

He... He has to be a good father now.

"Hey. It's ok, you can be scared, my love. I will hold you till the morning, till the next night... Till my alive"

Love you babies <3

Chapter Text

His fingers tightened, turning his knuckles white as he gripped on the metal under him tightly, trying his best to calm himself down, but god, he was panicking.

He kept trying to hold his breath in as long as he could, trying to release it slowly, trying to even his breathing but he couldn't. He kept gasping for air as his chest ached.

He kept trying to loosen his grip on the metal but kept clutching harder each time when his fingers, his nails itched to scratch his own skin.

He kept trying to relax his shaking body but couldn't when the panic immediately kicked in.

He needs Minho. He needs to go there. Just get up and walk down these stairs, walk to his house and hug him, hide in him. He will protect him, but... but he couldn't.

He just sat there at the bus stop by the village in the dark quiet night, staring at the road under his shoes, trying to calm down and not think about what could've happened if didn't heard that man before he saw him.

A shaky breath left his lips as he raised his head, blinking at the village in front of him, a little far from where he was sitting. He can't see Minho's house from there, but he knew it was one of those whose windows were shining with the lanterns inside. The ones who were not asleep yet.

It was around 1:30 in the night and Minho was awake, waiting for him. He said he was coming back in some hours. Minho was waiting for him.

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Closing his fists tightly, he sucked a deep breath in, trying his best to relax his body and stretch a smile, blinking his eyes rapidly, making sure there are no trace of any tears as he finally raised his hand and knocked on the door.

He didn't wanted to cry. Not again.

Everytime. He cries everytime Minho opens this door with a happy face. He makes that smile drop off Minho's face everytime, all the time.

So he stiffened his body, composing himself, reminding himself to smile and not let up, not cry, not let Minho know that something was wrong, not-

"BABY!"

His mind snapped back from his thoughts when the door suddenly opened and a happy, very happy Minho smiled at him widely.

He got, like a single second of blinking, before his body was pressed tightly into a warm chest and a hand wrapped around him, immediately covering him completely.

He really is very tiny in front of Minho.

"Oh!" Minho suddenly let out and giggled right after, realising that they were out of his house and immediately walked backwards, still holding Jisung in his chest, practically dragging him with him and got inside of the house and closed the door with his hand before hugging Jisung back immediately.

On the other hand, Jisung stood there still. Body as stiff and mind shaken as Minho held him by the door, nuzzling his face in his nape, happy and bubbly that he was back. And...

And his body suddenly relaxed.

A breath came out of his lungs, breaking and aching his heart, and suddenly, his shoulders relaxed. His back limped, his fists opened, his legs felt softer as he suddenly just hung there.

He blinked slowly into nothingness, his eyes getting lost as his mind failed to respond to anything, think of anything other than the loving warmth caressing his skin.

"I missed you" Minho said, clearly trying to calm his chirpy voice a little and placing a tiny kiss on the boy's nape.

Jisung tried to blinked fast when he felt his eyes burning, screaming to let out all the held back tears, when suddenly, Minho pulled back.

"You know what I did!" he chirped excitedly, smiling so widely at the boy, not noticing how hollow Jisung's eyes were.

Jisung blinked, hardly understanding what was going on as Minho turned around and ran towards his bed, picked up his phone and ran back to him.

He saw Minho fumble through the buttons on the side of the phone, and then pressing the one that lights up the screen and-

"LOOK!" he suddenly chirped and turned the screen towards the younger's face and...

And oh how Jisung's heart thumped.

"Y-You..." he let out, voice barely breaking through his throat.

It was there. Their picture. Their picture, kissing, that Jisung took a few hours ago. Set as lock screen wallpaper of the phone.

"You did this by yourself?" he managed to ask, blinking at the picture and then up at the man in front of him who was waiting for this question, smiling oh so proudly.

"Hm hm!" he let out, nodding excitedly, desperately waiting for Jisung to ask how he did it.

"How-?"

"YOUTUBE!" he immediately announced, feeling excitement and pride bubbling in his chest "I typed 'Set picture on the phone screen' and then I watched 4 different videos and the 4th one was what I was trying to find and then I noted all the steps the girl in the video said and then I did it!" he informed happily and proudly, pointing at his notebook laying on the bed with all the steps to change a wallpaper written on it in detail.

And god knows what happened in that moment, god knows what went through Jisung's mind, his heart, his soul, that he... he just gave up.

His legs felt weak, almost like he got paralyzed, and he let it happen.

He let himself fall limp in the chest of the man standing in front of him.

He dropped his head, closed his eyes, let his hands fall loose, let his body being held and let out a deep shaky breath and finally let those tears fall. He is tired. He is so tired. He just... he just wants to rest. Just for a little while.

Minho immediately pressed his legs down, standing straight when Jisung suddenly fell of him, making sure he didn't stumble back the slightest.

He immediately wrapped his hand around the boy, leaving the phone with an instinct, making it drop on the ground, and blinked.

"Jisung...?" he asked, excitement suddenly replaced with worry and protectiveness "Bab-"

"Sleep" it was a quiet, very very small and quiet voice barely reaching Minho's ears as he held the boy tightly in his arm.

"I want to sleep" Jisung mumbled out, not knowing if his voice was even coming out of his throat or he was just hearing his thoughts.

But Minho was hearing him. His voice, his thoughts, his heart, he was hearing it all.

So quietly, without any other words, he turned around with the boy in his arm, slowly and carefully making him walk towards the bed, frustrated that he couldn't just pick him up in his arms and take him to the bed.

Jisung let himself being dragged and laid on the bed as Minho's body immediately covered him up.

His hand laid their as limp as his whole body, letting Minho hold him tightly, almost laying on top of him, making sure he felt safe and secured.

He didn't know when his eyes closed, if he cried or not, if Minho said anything or not. He didn't know anything. He just know that... that he was breathing. Calmly.

And then...

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He woke up.

The morning light hitting his eyes, he scrunched his nose and tossed around, slowly stretching his hand half asleep, let out a small inaudible complain about the light before slowly blinking his eyes open.

He took warm calm breaths, trying to focus his eyes, relaxing in the feeling of the warm blanket covering his body, slowly wiggling his toes, when his heart thumped the moment his brain woke up.

He blinked at the sight and a lazy smile stretched on his lips.

Minho was beautiful. Even with his legs and hands covered in dirty water, sweat on his forehead as he sat on a big stone of the ground, washing his and Jisung's clothes in his tub, he looked so beautiful.

Jisung smiled, pressing his cheek more into the warm pillow, suddenly feeling shy when he saw Minho wringing his t-shirt and realising the clothes he was wearing.

Wearing Minho's clothes was like he was carrying his touch all the time. Like Minho had him safe in his hold. In that warmth, he could feel his presence, his touch so clearly.

It has been a week.

A week since that night he came here with nothing but fear covering his heart, his mind, his every nerve.

A week of him clinging to Minho like a small lost baby, getting scared even if Minho went away from before his eyes for more than 5 minutes.

A week of Minho just loving him.

Not asking anything, Minho just held him, kissed him, made him fall asleep, pat his hair, massage his head, wipe his tears, kiss his lips and finally, without any words, slowly made him smile again.

Minho didn't ask when Jisung didn't left the next day, or the next, or the next. And he will never. In that one extra pair of clothes he owned, he will keep Jisung in washed clothes, full tummy and relaxed mind forever in his arms.

Jisung blinked his eyes, his smile slowly softening as he kept staring at Minho, finally working with both of hands, remembering the moment when they came back from the hospital 3 days ago, the doctor finally removing the bandage around his tied up hand, giving them a thumbs up that the wound will heal fully in some weeks, when Minho hugged him

Held him by the door the moment they entered their house, hugged him tightly, finally with both his hands after so many days.

It has been a whole week and... and Jisung just want to see his life like this. Small and happy.

A small life where he cooks, smiles and eats with his love. Where he learn things about farming and walk to the small village a little far from theirs to sell the vegetables and crops.

A small life where they go to that beach in every 2 days, just sitting by the shore, talking. Talking about everything, about anything. The sun, the sky, the clouds. The sand, the water, the fishes.

Everything except his scars.

He doesn't want to go back. He wants to stay here. But he knew if he didn't got back home, his father with find him and the last thing he want in his life is for anyone to know Minho.

He blinked, remembering that his phone was off. Has been since 3 days. Minho's phone was dead too. The power bank was discharged, leaving him with no option to charge and open his phone.

Well, he had the options. Just go to the stand he rents the scooter, or just ask Chan and Changbin for a charger and charge it in their cafe but...

He just doesn't want to.

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"Thank you" he said with a polite smile, seeing the screen of his phone light up for the first time in days.

"Hm" Mr. James smiled as Jisung plugged his phone to his power bank that he carries.

"So?" Mr. James asked, making the boy look up "You have shifted here or...?" he trailed off his question in a teasing tone, smiling when the younger shot him a look with his eyes narrowing.

"I would" Jisung replied, rolling his eyes and looking back at his phone when it finally switched on "But guess an old man doesn't like seeing my face here, you know" he taunted back, seeing notification after notification pop on his screen.

Mr. James laughed, rolling his eyes playfully "So bitter for what?" he asked, glancing at the younger when he didn't got a reply and saw him scrolling through the notifications, before catching a student raising her hand up, asking for help and immediately walking towards her.

While Jisung on the other hand sat down on Mr. James chair, scrolling through his father's and mother's texts, worried and demanding to tell them where he was, getting desperate with 'Come home baby' and 'Where are you?', when suddenly, his eyes caught a specific message.

// I forgot your pocket money this month. Tell me if you need more //

He blinked at the message and immediately pressed back before opening his bank's app, only to see...

Oh...

His balance which almost reached close to nothing with all the spending he has been doing, was now more than he ever saved.

His dad sent him some money. A lot of money. His dad's whole one month salary.

He open the messages again and read through them in the search of explanations for it.

// I know you must be short on money. You are booking cabs regularly for meeting... this boy, and I forgot for a second that you are not earning anything //

// Don't worry. You will have to pay this back to me when you get a job. Got it? //

// I'm sorry, baby. I was trying to reach you that night to tell you that he suddenly came home in the middle of the night. We were sleeping. And your phone just would not connect. I'm so sorry //

Jisung blinked his eyes numbly, before scrolling away, fingers hovering over the keyboard to reply back with a simple 'I'm ok. Phone died. Just charged and opened it' when...

When his eyes caught that one message. A message from 2 days ago.

// He is gone. Went back to his city last night. Come home, baby //

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"They are so cuteeee~!"

The man laughed, listening to his best friend cooing at the two boys for the nth time now.

"You like one of them by any chance?"

Chan looked at his best friend giving him a side eye before rolling his eyes.

"Shut up" he spoke, making the man laugh and shake his head, before looking back up and immediately smiling when he saw the two boys running on the beach, laughing loudly.

Minho clutching at a small seashell to his chest as Jisung chased behind him, throwing sand towards him, yelling and whining that he found it first.

"Both of these are charged?"

Chan looked down and saw Changbin picking up both Jisung's and Minho's phones, both suddenly smiling at their wallpapers.

One phone had Minho's picture with a cute little butterfly sitting on his nose, and the other had them kissing in a dim light.

"Hm" Chan replied, blinking at the wallpapers for last time before looking back up "Plug the power bank" he said and laughed when Minho tripped and fell down, immediately getting hit by a small wave, drenching him completely in salty water, as Jisung laughed and fell back on his hips on the sand, clutching at his tummy and gasping for air from running so much.

"I swear I can kill someone for them at this point" Chan mumbled with all seriousness as Changbin chuckled and muttered out a "Shoot me first then" before smacking on his head and scolding him to focus on work.

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He gasped, trying to push at the man's chest with a weak hand as the man kept trying to lean back in, panting heavily against his lips.

His fingers clutched at the man's t-shirt as their lips attached again, moving in a desperate kiss.

"H-Hah-" Jisung gasped out, pushing Minho away again, only for the arms around his waist tighten with the man desperately leaning in.

Tiny strings of saliva kept stretching breaking between between their lips as they kissed each other sloppily, with Minho wanting nothing to do with breathing.

Jisung sitting on that same shelf by the older's bed, they kissed each other, holding onto the other tightly, possessively, desperately.

How do he leave this and go home? These kisses, these touches. Minho's desperation. God, it was so adorable, so addictive.

Minho wants kisses all the time. The moment they enter their house and 10 minutes before everytime they have to go out, he holds Jisung at the door, cupping his face lovingly, sometimes leaving sweet kisses with smiles on their lips, and sometimes panting in mouth, getting more and more desperate and addicted to the feeling with each passing second.

"I love you" Minho breathed out heavily, opening his eyes and looking at the younger drunkly, seeing his half lidded eyes and red blush creeping from his cheeks to his neck.

"I-I love you, M-Minho" Jisung panted out, clutching at his t-shirt possessively, quietly telling him to not back away.

"Come here" Minho breathed out and before Jisung could take in his next breath, a gasp left his lips when...

When Minho suddenly left his waist and clutched his hands under both the of his thighs, before suddenly picking him up.

Jisung's eyes widened as he immediately clutched his legs onto the older's waist and arms around his neck.

Minho panted and turned around, carefully lowering them both, making Jisung lay down on the bed before laying on his side and immediately hugging him close tightly.

Jisung panted, his breaths started to even slowly as he closed his eyes and nuzzle in the man's nape with a soft smile on his lips.

"When will you come back?"

He opened his eyes when Minho spoke in a small voice, nuzzling his face in his hair.

Jisung blinked in the man's chest, feeling Minho caressing his fingers over his back lovingly.

"In some day" he replied quietly, before his mind started racing.

He was going to go home. He will come back after some days. Maybe 2 weeks? He... He needs to...

"Minho..."

He needs to tell him.

"Hm?"

He...

"I was 10 when it happened..."

He wants to... No.

He doesn't want to tell him yet.

But...

He doesn't want to feel like this.

He doesn't want to feel like he have to. He doesn't want to tell Minho because he feels guilty for not telling him. He doesn't want to feel like this, but...

"He was my mom's brother..."

Minho opened his eyes, his whole body immediately tensing as he clutched at Jisung tightly in his arms, his heart suddenly racing in his chest.

He didn't knew if he could listen to this without loosing his cool. Specially knowing that that man was dead. After everything, he was dead. Just like that.

Jisung let out a shaky sigh as he felt Minho's fingers tightening on his skin.

"It was Sunday..." he spoke, voice getting quieter and... embarrassed.

"When I woke up and came down from my room, I saw mom baking a cake. I... I-I was so happy about the c-cake" he mumbled, trying his best to blink back those stinging tears "It was not my birthday. She said it was for... f-for my uncle. Her b-brother..."

Minho pressed his lips together trying to calm himself, not wanting to hurt Jisung by clutching at him even more.

"I never knew I had an uncle before that... Siwon. Mom said uncle Siwon was coming home to meet me and then..." he took a sharp breath when he felt his voice breaking.

"T-Then suddenly dad sent me to my room and t-then they argued about something... I couldn't understand, but I heard 'Siwon', so I thought that dad just didn't liked him for some reason"

There was an uncomfortable silence for some seconds. Minho just stayed there. Quiet and calm. Holding Jisung, trying his best to hold himself put as well.

"He..." and Jisung spoke again, voice suddenly sounding... lost.

"He was good..." a quiet voice escaped "I thought. He bought me i-ice-cream..."

Minho tightened his hold on the boy when he felt his body suddenly tensing up.

"I-I just w-wanted some extra cake after dinner..." and tears formed in his eyes, mind filling up with the thoughts that 'Only if. Only if he listened to his dad and just slep-'

"It was not your fault..."

And his whole world immediately quieted down.

Minho let out a shaky breath, not knowing if he spoke up at the right time or not, but he heard it. He heard the regret, the justification in Jisung's voice. He could hear his thoughts and he can't let it happen. He will never ever allow Jisung to blame himself for this. Never in his life.

And the moment he thought he lost his chance, that Jisung has decided to not speak further-

"He was in my room..." he spoke again "I d-didn't knew... He was there, hiding. He said we will play and h-he will give me the slice of cake I wanted... H-He..."

And the tears rolled down.

His face, his body remained numb while his mind, his heart screamed painfully.

"I didn't knew i-it was alcohol..." he sniffled, suddenly loosing all his power "I felt dizzy. I-I didn't knew when he h-held me, but... b-but it hurt... M-My cheek h-hurt... He slapped... s-slapped me... I-I didn't do anything... I-"

And Jisung went quiet.

Worryingly quiet.

Minho clutched at the limp boy in his arms, panic creeping in his chest.

"J-Jisung..." he let out, making his mind that he doesn't want to hear any further. That he will not let Jisung speak anymor-

"It hurt so bad..."

And Minho's whole body shut down. His skin burner, his body got hotter as his blood boiled. Jisung, his baby sounded so scared, so... defeated.

"I-I told him... I said it hurt and I cried, but he said I like it. That I-I should like it... I v-vomited on m-my face b-because of the p-pain, and he l-laughed at m-"

"How did he die?"

And Jisung's mind snapped.

No.

He...

He can't do this.

He can't tell Minho that...

What... What was he doing...?

Minho will... he will be disgusted in him.

No no no.

"H-Heart attack..."

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He closed his lips tightly as a shaky sigh felt his lips the moment he closed the door of his room.

He blinked his eyes opened, looking around the quiet darkness, feeling his heart aching with guilt.

He lied to Minho. Again.

Earlier, he didn't knew Minho, they were nothing to each other but... But now? Now he actively lied to him. He told him that it happened just once. That it happened 11 years ago. That that man is dead. He lied about everything.

Minho will hate him.

He should've stopped. He should've told him that he can't. That he can't tell him. That he can't handle this. That he was not ready. But he chose to lie. Again.

He chose to lie to Minho's face when Minho chose to hold him close. He chose to lie. He...

He is a horrible person.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes tightly, dropping his head, crying quietly.

He wants to go back.

He wants Minho.

He wants to say sorry to him. He wants to promise to him that one day he will tell him. He wants him. Right now.

"S-Sorry" he cried, suddenly feeling his legs getting weak as he slowly sat down.

He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging his legs and dropping his head down, immediately let out a shaky cry, getting frustrated with himself.

"I-I'm s-sorr-"

"Why are you saying sorry, Sungie?"

And now if anyone said that this is not peak level boyfriending, I will choke you-

Chapter Text

He should have told Minho.

He should have told him everything. If he told Minho all of it, he would've not let him leave. Minho would've never allowed him to go to his house if he told him that that man was still alive.

He should've told him.

He would've been laying, maybe crying, but he would've been in his arms, in that bed, safe.

If he told Minho, he would've not been sitting here, froze, on the foor of his room, pressing himself back to the door more and more, trying to get away, feeling like his heart was going to explode by how fast it was beating.

He would've not been facing him right now.

Him.

Him who was walking out of the bathroom of his room with a cigarette in between his lips, now looking at him with a lazy smile and red drunk eyes.

"Sorry?" the man chuckled, heavily drunk "Sorry for what, my darling?"

And Jisung?

He wanted to crawl away, shout, cry, run... die.

But he sat there. Numb.

His eyes wide, breathing stopped as his body shook with fear.

His... His dad said he was gone. He said Siwoo went away. He lied? No. Why would he? That can't-

And then his eyes flickered up. Behind the man.

His window. He remember he locked the window of his room. He always keeps it locked. But then... then why was it wide open right now?

"You know..."

His eyes snapped back to the man and body shook when he saw him walking towards him.

"You upset me, Sungie" Siwoo pouted, biting the cigarette between his teeth, making his way towards the trembling boy.

Jisung sat there, trying his hardest to let out the cry that was choking him, but couldn't. His throat hurt, chest pained, trying to suck in a breath, trembling in fear, squirming back with shaky movements.

It has been 5 months since he saw this face. 5 months since that happened the last time. The same room, the same bed. That time too, he never screamed, never called anyone for help, numb to the thoughts that even if he shouted no one will listen, like his voice will never reach out of this door, this window, like he was trapped in a void where he can't move, can't talk, can't listen, can't feel anything. Just like always.

"Where were you?"

His eyes shook with fear as the man let out in a voice containing darkness, a quiet rage, and slowly reached where he sat frozen.

"Hm?" Siwoo asked, slowly crouching down in front of the boy, coming closer to his face, chewing on the cigarette softly.

"Where were you the whole week?" he asked, looking in the younger's eyes with a piercing stare "You went away on purpose? Because your uncle was coming? Hm?" he asked in a deep whisper, smiling sweetly, eyes getting darker with each second.

Jisung trembles as his head shook without his consent, trying to back away when he suddenly felt a breath stinking with alcohol brush his lips.

"Yeah?" Siwoo chuckled and without any words... leaned forward.

And Jisung's mind broke.

Even before he could think, his face swiped away.

And... oh god...

There was a still silence.

Still and thick, filled with fear and rage.

Siwoo paused where his lips slipped away from the younger's lips, barely missing them and brushing away from his cheek.

And Jisung's eyes widened. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his body trembled.

Never. He has never pushed him, never pulled away. Never thought his body belong to himself.

He still doesn't think that.

Still believes that his body doesn't belong to himself but it does to someone now, and that someone was not this man anymore.

He never shouted, never protested because when he did, the consequences where terrifying, painful, so slowly, with the continuous deep whispers of 'You were made for me, Sungie. Just for me' in his ear, he started believing that. Believing that his body was... his body was made for... him to use.

Until the hands for whom his body was actually made for touched his skin.

He can't let him dirty this body again.

Minho kiss these lips, they belong to him, how can anyone else touch them, he can't let anyone take what was Minho's.

And then his spine chilled.

The man chuckled. A cold dark breathy chuckle that brushed his neck.

"Oh?" Siwoo let out in a deep breath before backing his face just an inch away, eyes piercing through the boy's skin in front of him who was still looking to his side his face snapped to with wide shaky eyes.

A choked cry suddenly left lips when a hand grabbed his face, fingers and thumb digging in his cheeks.

Siwoo tightened his hold on the boy's face and forcefully turned his face back towards him, chuckling at the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"We are growing balls huh, darling?" the man slurred, coming closer to the boy's lips, holding his face in place tightly, digging his nails in his skin, almost breaking it.

"You tried to hide away from me, yeah?" and suddenly, his voice darkened, smile dropped and Jisung felt those nails starting to dig inside his skin.

"Your dear dada told you that I was gone, right?" he asked, almost touching his lips to the boy's "Is he still trying to play the 'best dad ever', hm?" he smirked.

"No kissing?" he suddenly asked in a fake sweet tone, titling his head cutely, his fingers never leaving the strength on the boy's face.

"Alright then" he smiled and suddenly left Jisung's face, but even before Jisung could move an inch, that hand immediately clapped on his mouth, tight.

The tip of those fingers turned white at the force that hand pressed onto the boy's mouth, slamming his head onto the door behind.

"My Sungie is not my little sweetheart anymore, huh?" Siwoo smiled "You wanna be in control? You will set the rules?" he smiled, tilting his head while Jisung's eyes popped up, veins bursting up on the sides of his head as he started having trouble in breathing.

"Ok" Siwoo smiled, raising his other hand and grabbing the cigarette from between his lips and slowly taking it out "My Sungie is growing up, yeah? You can set rules" he smiled, slowly lowering his hand holding the cigarette.

"No kissing, yeah?" Siwoo pouted cutely and-

"MMHH!"

A loud muffled cry tore through Jisung's throat, body trembled, eyes bulging out when...

When that cigarette bud was pressed onto the back of his hand that laid on the floor.

He shouted as the smoldering bud kept pressing in, burning his skin.

His whole body shook in pain but any voice barely broke through that hand pressing onto his mouth. He trying to take his hand away, but the hand pressing that bud held his hand in place with force.

Tears kept running down his face as the shouting slowly turned into sobbing when his skin slowly numbed with the pain, making it difficult to breathe even more.

The man in front of him smiled and finally took his hand away, raising the almost crushed cigarette bud back to his lips and sucked a sharp puff in.

"No kissing" he sang before blowing the puffed up smoke directly onto the boy's face and held him there, making it impossible for him to not inhale the smoke.

Jisung started coughing, failing to let those cough out because of the hand pressed on his mouth, choking painfully.

Siwoo smiled as he saw the boy struggling to breathe, trying to move his face away, desperately trying any little leak to suck in air. He chuckled drunkly as he saw his chest heaving, clear panic kicking in.

And when Jisung's eyes rolled back and body shook violently in panic and loss of oxygen, he took his hand away.

Jisung immediately fell on his side, grabbing his own throat with both of his hands, trying to somehow breathe, cough, anything, anything to get this pain away.

His hand with the burn trembled as a broken cry left his lips.

The man smiled for the last time, before finally getting up and throwing the still hot bud onto the boy, hitting his shoulder before falling down and cooling off.

"Oh!" he suddenly clapped his hands together with excitement, words coming out even more slurred.

"I got your ice-cream~!" he slurred out, suddenly tripping on nothing before getting stable on his feet and laughing drunkly.

Jisung kept crying, laying on the floor, his fingers hovering onto the back of his hand, barely touching the black circle on his skin.

"Chocolate ice-cream!" Siwoo exclaimed "Your favorite!" he giggled "I went down and hid it in your fridge when my baby sister and his dick husband went to sleep" he laughed childishly.

He looked down at the boy and smiled "You can make as much noice as you want, my Sungie, your Eomma and Appa as sleeping soundly" he smiled, showing his rotten teeth widely "Now wait here, hm? I'll bring your ice-cream first"

A broken cry left Jisung's lips as the man bent down and grabbed the fistful of his hair and dragged him away from the door before opening it and walking out with shaky wavy steps, giggling drunkly.

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He smiled softly, cheeks dusting pink as he kept blinking at the screen of his phone, laying his head on the pillow, blinking at the picture with all the love in his eyes.

"I miss you" he pouted to himself, swiping his thumb to the left on the screen, blinking at the picture.

The picture of Jisung holding a beautiful seashell, sliming widely, showing off his teeth with a calm sunset behind him.

The picture he took of him yesterday.

He swiped his thumb to his left again, pouting even more, blinking at the small video of Jisung running towards the sea and slipping up before falling in the water with Chan's and Changbin's distanced laughter in the background.

"That's not fair" he mumbled, swiping again, seeing a picture of Jisung frowning and pouting towards the camera, trying to reach for the phone from Minho's hand when he took a photo of him sleeping by the tree as he worked in his field.

This whole week Minho completely forgot Jisung was going to go back home one day.

He blinked at the screen when his eyes fell on the time on the left corner of the screen and an angry huff left his lips as saw 2:04 am written there.

His pouted and closed the phone with a huff and placed it aside, closing his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

"A week" he mumbled to himself, turning around from the phone like he was turning away from Jisung angrily and immediately curled up into himself.

"I miss you so much" he mumbled softly as the sleep slowly started taking over "My baby" he smiled softly, pressing his face in his pillow shyly.

"I love you, my baby" he breathed out "Good night" he smiled, imagining Jisung sleeping in his bed soundly at his home before drifting in sleep slowly.

"You love me?"

"Yes~"

"You love me?"

"Yes!"

"You love me!?"

"Yes, I love you <3"

Love you babies <3

Chapter Text

If that happens again, he will kill himself without a blink.

He doesn't care about Minho, he doesn't care about his parents, he doesn't care about the pain. He will lock his bedroom door, his bathroom door, put a knife to his throat and end everything.

He doesn't want anyone, any chance for him to be saved now. He doesn't want Minho to pull him back and force him to live through this.

Guess he hates his life way more than he can ever love Minho.

He stared into nothingness, sitting on the floor by the door of his dark room exactly where that man threw him to, hugging his knees loosely like every bit of energy have left his body. Eyes hollow, mind blank, hand having that black burned circle, shaking lightly with pain.

He just sat there, in that dark room, waiting.

Waiting for him to come back up, waiting for all of that to happen and end soon, waiting for this night to pass, and then he can rest. Breathe. Smile.

He kept blinking into the darkness, only one face buzzing in his mind, in his eyes, as his heart kept repeating 'Sorry, I'm sorry' over and over again.

Minho was scared of only one thing. Jisung not coming back. Scared of not knowing where to come and look for him.

And now, sitting here, he kept drowning himself in guilt, remembering the condition he saw Minho in when he didn't visit him for that whole week, imagining how Minho will be when he will just... disappear.

At one point, the battery of his phone will die, the power bank will be dead, then Minho will be left with a metal box with a black screen and silence.

He didn't knew how long it will take Minho to stop coming to the bus stop and wait for him. When will be the day Minho will decide to stop waiting for him. When will be the day his face will start fading away from Minho's memories. When will be the moment when Minho will take a moment to even remember his name.

Will there be a day in the future when Minho will grow old and someday suddenly remember about him? About a boy who he once saw in that river? About that boy who told him that two boys can fall in love? About the boy who became his first kiss? About the boy who made him cry so much but... but loved him so so much?

Will there be a day when Minho will forgive him?

He didn't knew. But he hopes Minho didn't. Maybe the love that kept him alive till now, maybe that love in Minho's heart will turn into hate with time, and that way, that way he will live in his memories a little longer.

He wants him to hate him forever. Cuss at him till his last breath. At least he will live in him till the end.

Tears were dried up, stains were there on his cheeks. His throat hurts, his eyes burn, but he can't let a single cry, a single tear out. He just kept staring at a distance, waiting and waiting and waiting.

It felt like hours have passed, but he didn't moved an inch. And he would've sat here, blinking with empty hollow eyes till the sky turned blue if-

If his body wouldn't have jolted at the sudden voice.

A loud thug, from downstairs.

He blinked, slowly coming out from the daze his mind fell into as his mind started registering his surroundings.

He turned his face towards the slightly cracked open door of his bedroom, blinking at the light coming from the kitchen downstairs.

He blinked, waiting for another sound. Footsteps? Drunken laughs? Anything.

But nothing came.

He kept looking at the crack, fingers clutching tightly at his arms, hugging his knees tighter to his chest.

And it was silent. Suddenly, it was way too silent.

His heart raced, fear filling his heart as he waited and waited and...

And nothing came.

No sound, not him, not anyone, anything.

He blinked, his mind running in all directions as he finally started feeling his body. His hands, his legs, his heartbeat, slowly realizing that... that he was alive. He was still alive.

So before he could think again, his body moved.

He didn't knew what he was doing, but he got up. Slowly shakily, he got up from the floor, never taking his eyes away from that crack of the door, scary scenarios filling his mind with horror.

What if he suddenly bursts in? What if he saw him standing up and punch him? What if...

Where was he?

His mind raced as his legs started taking week steps towards the door.

He blinked, a breath stuck in his throat, as his shaking hand reached to the door knob before slowly pushing it open.

Silence.

It was a complete silence. After that creek of that door, there was nothing. No sound of someone getting alert, a drunken voice calling his name, footsteps making their way towards him. Nothing.

So he walked out.

Slowly with unsure movements, his whole body shaking and trembling in fear, he walked out of his room, blinking rapidly, making his way to the foot of the stairs of his floor and-

And he immediately froze.

He subconsciously took a step backwards, trying to get away, eyes filling with disbelief, blinking at the scene in front of him.

That man. Sitting on the floor by the foot of the stairs, leaning his back by the wall.

His eyes closed, head hanging low, body slumped lose like... like he was sleeping.

Jisung blinked, taking another step back, eyes shaking and snapping towards the man's hand.

A melting chocolate ice-cream laying on his open palm, slowly dripping on the floor.

He was passed out. Drunk.

His eyes snapped up at the man's face shakily, scared that if he took his eyes away from him even for a second, he will come and grab him, slam him to the wall, yell at him for coming out of the room, hit him harder than he has ever before.

His eyes glued to the man's closed ones, barely visible from his hair covering them as his legs kept backing away and...

And his mind buzzed.

Run.

His steps were unsure, scared, shaky, but he kept backing away, never turning his back to the stairs, even when he backed away to the point that he can't see the man down there, and it terrified him even more.

He froze there for a bit, standing in the middle of the corridor, breathing heavily, rapidly, not understanding what his mind was telling him to do.

His breathing kept getting heavier as tears of pure horror filled his brain, images of him suddenly appearing from the stairs, lunging towards him with that poisonous drunk smile, suddenly grabbing his throat and dragging him in his room, to his bed.

He couldn't move. For some minutes, he couldn't move. He stood there, staring at the end of the stairs, tears running down his face, hands shaking, legs trembling, throat tightening up with the cries he was drinking down.

And then his body moved backwards.

He didn't knew if his legs moved or not, when and how it did, but he backed away. Slowly, with trembling steps, he backed away. One step at a time.

And oh how his soul jolted in pure fear when his back nudged at the half opened door of his room.

His eyes refused to leave that spot, his legs refused to move away from the sight but...

But his heart suddenly cried, yelled, begged, screamed to live.

It was a split second, just a split second when his head snapped back inside his room. Just a split second when his eyes stared at that opened window. Just a split second when he saw his phone's screen lit up with some random notification and saw Minho's face with that tiny butterfly sitting on his nose.

Just a split second when he decided to not kill himself.

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He leaned back, squirmed back desperately to the wall, raising his knees to his chest, hugging and clutching at the bag between his legs and his chest tightly.

Blinking at the darkness of the night with his vision blurring with those painful tears, he sat on that dirty ground, staring at the sky, waiting for it to turn blue.

He was scared. He was so so scared. But this time he will wait. Quietly.

Just a wall between them, he will wait till the morning raises, till he wakes up after a full peaceful sleep this time. He can wait. It's just a matter of some hours. It's ok. He was just there. Just behind this wall, sleeping peacefully.

This wall. It felt so thick yet so thin between them. He couldn't touch him, couldn't see him but still, still he felt like he could hear his calm breathing through this thickness of these warned down bricks.

He kept blinking, not noticing when his eyes started to feel heavy, when they closed, when his head slowly hung forward, when his hold around himself got lose.

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"EOMMA~!"

His body immediately jolted.

His head snapped up, breathing heaved, eyes blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the light.

"EOMMA PLEASE!"

His mind slowly started waking up, body immediately tensing up again when he slowly remembered and realized the situation.

He gulped down his saliva, feeling his throat dry and aching, letting out a shaky sigh, before finally looking up.

He blinked his eyes, feeling the flakes of dried up tears around his lashes, finally starting to feel his body slowly.

The bag his hands were wrapped around loosely, his neck that pains from hanging down the whole night, his legs that now lay flat on the ground, the burned wound on the back of his hand that still stings.

He blinked, slowly starting to move, trying to get up, only one thing buzzing in his head like a broken record.

Minho.

Minho.

Minho.

"Hmm~ hm hmm~"

And his mind shut down.

He stay there, froze for some seconds, listening that sweet soft humming.

"M-Minho..." a tiny broken, almost inaudible voice left his lips, and his body immediately rushed up.

He got up, legs trembling, feeling week to even walk a single step as he kept trying to breathe properly.

'Just some steps' he kept trying to tell himself as he kept hearing Minho's careless happy humming from inside the house with some shuffling sounds.

"Minho" his lips quivered as he his hugged his bag tighter to his chest, walking around the walls of the house with shaking steps, slowly reaching the door and-

And froze when the door opened even before he could knock.

His eyes snapped up and... and he broke down.

Tears immediately filled his eyes, blurred his vision. His lips quivered as his hands felt too weak to hold the bag, immediately dropping it on the floor as his body shook, heart raced and mind numbed.

"Jisung!?" Minho's heart stopped as his brows frowned in confusion, not understanding the situation, eyes immediately widening and heart filling with worry when he registered Jisung standing there, looking so broken, so lost, so scared in front of him, trembling, hands trying to reach for him but seemed too weak to even raise up.

"Jisung!" he let out, immediately reached for the boy and wrapping his arms around him, keeping a hand behind his head, pulling his face in his chest, trying to calm his own breathing.

Jisung didn't let out a cry, just stayed there, shaking and breathing heavily.

Minho blinked with his eyes, mind, heart, every nerve of his body panicking, mind running to the the worst things that could've happened, when he suddenly realised. 

They were outside his house.

He looked up, seeing people around and immediately tightened his hold around the boy and stepped backwards.

He walked inside his house, mind still trying to figure out if this was real or just an illusion. Was he still sleeping? Dreaming? What was Jisung doing here? Like this? He just left the last night. What was happening?

His hands loosened around the boy as he backed himself a little, pulling Jisung away, trying to look at the younger's face when he didn't hear a single sound from him, just heavy uncontrolled breathing and wetness on his t-shirt over his chest.

"J-Jisung..." he let out in a whisper, eyes frantically searching for anything, sign of anything on the boy's face, heart dropping when he saw his eyes completely blank and hollow.

"B-Baby..." he called, like he was trying to wake Jisung up, trying to tell him that he was here "What happened, b-bab-?"

"H-He..." a broken breath left his lips and...

And panic immediately kicked in.

Minho's heart dropped, eyes shook in panic as Jisung's whole body started trembling, face suddenly showing fear, complete horror and helplessness.

"I-I r-ran, I-I don't k-know, 'm s-scare-" Jisung kept babbling out broken words, chest suddenly heaving, tears continuously streaming down his cheeks.

Minho's hands left his body and immediately reached for his face, immediately holding his face in a possessive yet careful hold.

"Jisung..." he breathed out, coming closer to the boy, heart racing thinking of what might have happened for Jisung to be like... this.

"C-Calm down" he muttered out in panic "B-Baby, calm down"

But Jisung kept blabbering, suddenly saying "S-Sorry, sorry, s-sor-rry-" over and over again, and...

And finally a cry tore through his chest.

A loud broken cry, hanging there with just Minho holding his face in place with his own hands shaking.

"Jisung..." Minho breathed out, heart racing like crazy as he immediately leaned forward and placed a hard kiss on the boy's forehead and immediately pulled him in his chest, not understanding what to do.

"Shh" he let out, his own mind panicking like crazy "I'm here, it's ok"

He has never seen Jisung cry like this, never heard this heart shattering voice from him, and god, it broke him.

"H-He" Jisung cried, words coming out completely distorted "B-Burn! I-I l-left-! M-My- H-He-"

"Shh shh" Minho rubbed a hand on the back of the boy's head, trying for him to calm down.

But Jisung just kept blabbering things, kept crying between his broken words, so he pulled him away.

Minho held his face in his hands, wiped his tears with his thumbs and leaned forward.

He closed his eyes, placing his lips onto the younger, quieting him down, immediately feeling his body going stiff.

"Shh" he let out against his lips, letting Jisung let out another broken cry, another broken words, making Minho to press his lips again on his.

"Calm down" Minho breathed out, eyes closed, caressing Jisung's cheekbones with his thumbs softly, slowly pulling away the slightest from his lips.

"I'm here, you are here, you are safe" he breathed out, and Jisung suddenly...

He suddenly gave up.

His breathing stopped, eyes relaxed, and slowly... closed.

He hung there, feeling Minho tightening his hands around his face as their lips kept brushing together as Minho's eyes close.

"S-Scared... 'm s-scare-"

"I know" Minho breathed out, stepping closer and closer to the boy "It's ok" was the only thing he could let out "I'm here"

"No one will harm you" he whispered, placing a soft kiss on the boy's lips as a promise to his words "I will never let anyone touch yo-"

"I KNEW IT!"

And they both startled.

And oh how Jisung's blood dried up immediately.

A third voice.

Why was this voice so close? Directed towards them? They were inside Minho's house and-

And the door was open.

He stood there froze, eyes wide as Minho's face snapped towards the open door of his house with nothing but confusion in his eyes, his hold never shaking away from his face.

"I fucking knew this since the beginning!"

Jisung's blood slowly ran cold when he finally recognized the voice.

It took him all the power he had to turn his face to his side towards the door and face the horrifying reality.

And there stood that reality.

That girl.

Soohee.

The same girl who called Minho disgusting.

The same girl Jisung threatened.

The same 16 year old girl, standing there with a shocked yet smug smirk on her lips, looking straight into Jisung's terrified eyes, challenging him, daring him to show his previous attitude.

Minho blinked at the girl in confusion, tilting his head, trying to understand the situation, but...

But Jisung knew it was over when that girl smirked at him and turned around before running towards the field where her father was working.

"When I will fall apart, when I will be too scared, too weak to hold onto you-"

"I will hold you tighter... closer"

Chapter Text

He couldn't understand.

He couldn't understand what that 'I knew it' meant. He couldn't understand why Soohee had that dirty smirk on her lips when she looked at Jisung in his arms. He couldn't understand why and where she ran to. He couldn't understand why Jisung was suddenly froze against him with his eyes wide in terror as he kept staring at the open door.

Minho frowned, confusion growing in him as he blinked at the door and then at the boy whose face was still held securely in between his hands.

"Jisung?" so he called, making Jisung immediately flinch and snap up his face towards him.

Minho blinked, seeing Jisung's eyes immediately drying up as his body suddenly trembled.

And even before he could utter another word, he was suddenly pushed away.

Minho stumbled back a little, Jisung's face slipping away from his hands. He looked up in confusion, blinking at the boy standing two steps away from him with questioning and apologetic eyes, thinking that he did something wrong or touched him a wrong way or said something he shouldn't have.

"Y-You-" Jisung tried to speak, his throat closing up again as sobs formed in.

He trembled, not understanding what to do. He forgot. He never told, never explained Minho about the stigma around them, around this love. He never got a chance to make Minho sit down and tell him that how people, specially in his village, will see him as something bad, someone dirty and disgusting because his heart decided to fall for a boy.

How the love that makes them feel alive is so looked down to.

"M-Minho" Jisung spoke through trembling lips, hands raising forward shakily like he wanted to reach Minho but he never took a step towards him

Minho blinked as his heart raced, not understanding anything as new tears rolled down Jisung's cheeks.

"Minho, l-listen" Jisung spoke, gulping, trying to make his throat wet and force out some words as his heart raced in anticipation. He needs to tell Minho, at least warn him.

"Minho, w-we, t-this, don't tell, d-don't confess t-to a-anyone that we-"

"HEY!"

And his whole body immediately shut down.

Minho tried to step towards the boy with an unsure movement when his feet stopped in their track and face suddenly snapped towards the door when that deeper voice ringed in.

Minho blinked, only for his frown to grow deeper and confusion starting to convert in worry and anticipation when he saw two men standing at his door, almost stepping in his house, with Soohee standing behind them, grinning cheekily.

"What the fuck is going on here!?"

Jisung flinched as he turned his face shakily towards the door and a sob immediately left his lips, feeling his whole world crumbling away from his hands.

He ruined it again. He ruined everything like always. And this time, he ruined it even for Minho.

Minho blinked at the men, Soohee's father and uncle as they stepped inside his house with full authority, caring anger and a hint of disgust on their faces.

"Y-Yes-"

"I asked, what is going on here!?" the man spoke in a louder voice, not giving any chance to Minho to utter a single word.

Minho tilted his head in confusion as he turned his body properly towards the three and blinked, trying to understand why they were suddenly storming in his house like he is caught robbing someone.

"What were you doing with him!?" the other man yelled louder and pointed a finger at the younger boy, making Jisung flinch in fear and immediately look down.

Minho frowned "Huh?" he let out, but before he could even ask that what does that mean-

"Were you fucking kissing him!?"

And Jisung's blood dried, a quiet trembling sob leaving his lips as he shrunk more and more into himself and...

"Yes..." and Minho quietly answered.

Jisung's face snapped up with his eyes widening in fear, only to see Minho looking at the men with zero fear in his eyes, standing there firm.

"What...?" the man let out in disbelief and looked at his brother before glancing at Jisung standing a feet away from Minho and immediately turned around.

Minho saw in complete confusion as the two men walked out from his house, but even before he could react to what has happened-

"JIHYUN! HAJOON! COME HERE!"

Jisung's blood ran cold as he and Minho stood there still, listening to the men shouting in the middle of the village, calling everyone working from in their fields and before they could blink, there was half of the village standing in and around Minho house.

Minho backed away a little, frowning deeply, heart suddenly getting filled with a weird unknown fear.

"IS THIS TRUE!?"

Minho startled when he heard someone from the crowd yell, following with many yells of the same question.

His eyes kept snapping from face to face, not being able to process what exactly happened in the matter of some seconds.

"You!"

Minho looked at the man who spoke in a stern voice and stepped forward, pointing a finger at him, making everyone slowly get quiet.

"What Soohee said was true?" He asked, taking another step forward, trying to tower over Minho "Were you fucking kissing that boy?"

And Minho stood there firm.

With no flicker in his eyes, he said a firm "Yes", looking straight in the man's eyes, standing his ground.

Mumbles, whispers and gasps immediately errupt withing the people around as more villager started coming towards the scene.

"What's the issu-?"

"WHAT'S THE ISSUE!? YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING MUTT!"

Minho frowned as anger suddenly boiled in him when someone shouted from the crowd.

"What-!?"

"YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! GO AWAY FROM HERE!" someone yelled, and suddenly, there was a blast of insults and horrifying words thrown at them.

Minho didn't even knew what those words meant. He just stood there, heart pounding in his chest, seeing people's angry eyes peering holes in his skin, and-

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

And he couldn't hold himself.

Every voice around immediately quieted down, Jisung flinched and looked up in disbelief when Minho shouted loudly.

"WHAT IS ALL THIS!?" he yelled, looking around at all men and women "WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING IN MY HOUSE!? WHAT IS GOING ON-!?"

"YOU ARE A DISGUSTING MISTAKE OF A HUMAN! THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING!" the same man yelled back.

"You are a filthy piece of garbage, fucking fag!" the man lowered his voice "Kissing a boy-"

"So what!?" Minho immediately shot back, getting frustrated with the lack of understanding of the situation "So what I was kissing him!? He is my boyfriend! Why do you all have a problem with-!?"

"What did just you say...?"

And everything went quiet.

Jisung stood there, blinking at Minho with disbelief and terror in his eyes as those words left his lips.

"Who is he...?" the man asked, his own voice carrying amusement and disbelief "Your boyfriend...?" he asked, and a dark chuckle immediately left his lips when Minho kept looking at him with determination in his eyes.

The man kept looking at Minho with unreadable expressions, when suddenly his attention shifted towards the boy who was quietly standing beside him.

Jisung's eyes immediately snapped down on the floor when the man looked at him.

"And you" the man spoke, raising a hand and pointing a finger at the younger's face when-

When Minho immediately grabbed Jisung's wrist and pulled him behind himself, shielding him from everyone.

The man looked at Minho, his eyes darkening as Minho hid Jisung behind him completely, holding him in place, daring the older man to say anything to him.

"What else have we expected from you?" the man chuckled darkly "The boy who killed his own parents" he laughed, mumbles immediately starting off in the crowd.

Jisung flinched at the words as his eyes widened, staring at the ground, hid behind Minho. His hand immediately clutched at Minho's t-shirt over his back and Minho...

Minho's mind suddenly shut down.

Yes, he have never considered this place his home, these people as his. But he thought that at least he belonged here. Where else can he belong to? This was where his parents were born, grew up, lived, died. This is where he was born, where else can he belong to?

"I-I didn't..." a tiny shaky voice left his lips as his hold on Jisung's loosened, mind slowly numbing up "I d-didn't k-killed-"

"You think so?" the man suddenly laughed and immediately quited down as his eyes darkened "You were the problem, the reason they killed themselves" he said, pointing a finger at the boy's face "They couldn't save money and repay there loans because they had you to feed"

And oh how Minho heart shattered.

He knew this was not true. He understands that an 11 years old can never be blamed for what his parents did. He understands that but... but it still broke something unfixable in him.

What if...

What if it was true?

In their last moments too, all they did was collect their left money and bought a packet of biscuits... for him.

"I-I didn't-" a tiny voice left his lips, eyes suddenly glossing up, suddenly the murmurs of the people around started buzzing intensely in his ears.

"First you killed your parents, and now..." the man kept talking, and looked at Jisung looking up from behind of Minho's shoulder, and smirked "And now you are over here touching a boy?"

"H-He is my boyfrien-"

"SHUT UP!"

And for the first time, Minho flinched.

His hand immediately clutched at Jisung, tucking him more behind himself when he felt him flinch at the shout.

"Boys do not have boyfriends!" the man yelled, pointing a finger at Minho's face "That's disgusting and filthy!"

Minho backed away, holding Jisung tightly behind him, not understanding what the man actually meant. What os disgusting? What is filthy?

"W-What..." he let out, tears pooling in his eyes "I-It's not disgustin-"

"IT IS!" someone from the crowd yelled.

"SIN! IT'S A SIN!" someone else chimed in, following with several loud 'Yes' and dirty insults at the two.

Jisung squeezed his eyes tightly, trembling, crying quietly, clutching at Minho's t-shirt tightly with both hands, trying to hide more and more behind him, mind, heart, every nerve of his body filling with fear and panic.

He knew how big of deal this can become if anything about them came out to the villagers, but the way they have cornered him and Minho inside his own house scared him for Minho's physical safety now. He have heard horrifying stories about what villagers as a unit can do if anyone is just... different from them in anyway.

Minho on the other hand, frowned. He was not a religious person. His Eomma used to make him pray when he was little, but when he was left alone in that small room sized house, sitting down and praying never caught his mind in the middle of working and working and working so he could eat the next morning.

Yes, he does belive in god but... but he just couldn't understand why loving someone be a sin?

"IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THIS BOY!" someone yelled, pointing at Jisung, and everybody immediately started yelling.

"YES! I HAVE SEEN HIM ALWAYS LEACHING ON MINHO! THESE RICH PEOPLE FROM CITIES ARE ALWAYS DISGUSTING!"

Minho immediately clutched at Jisung, his blood immediately boiling with anger.

He backed away a little, stepping on the ground with a strict determination, holding Jisung tightly against him, eyes daring anyone to take another step towards them.

"MY DAUGHTER TOLD ME HE SITS IN THE SCHOOL WITH ALL THE KIDS!" a lady from the crowd shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Jisung "GOD KNOWS WHAT HE WAS PLANNING TO D-"

"SHUT UP!" and Minho immediately yelled back.

Jisung flinched and clutched at Minho even more as everyone immediately quieted down, looking at Minho with disgusted and shocked eyes.

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!" he shouted back, face turning red with anger "YOU WILL NOT UTTER A SINGLE BAD WORD TOWARDS HIM!" he yelled, hiding Jisung behind him "WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SAY, SAY THAT TO ME! DON'T YOU DARE-!"

"LOOK AT HIM!" a man yelled back "HE EATS HERE, LIVES HERE, EARNS HERE, AND STILL HOLDING THAT DISGUSTING MUTT-!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" a broken cry left Jisung's lips as panic completely covered his mind "I LOVE HIM! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH IT!?" Minho shouted, slowly loosing his patience "I WAS KISSING HIM INSIDE MY HOUSE! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT BOTHERS YOU!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM!?"

And suddenly everything went quiet.

As Minho felt Jisung trembling behind him, expecting someone to argue back, shout back and throw more insults, suddenly everyone just... quieted down.

Minho blinked, head still burning with anger, when suddenly, everyone in inside him house looked behind.

He looked towards the barely visible door where every head snapped too and frowned in confusion, when suddenly, people started to scatter away.

Minho stared at the door as people started to move away from it, making way for someone to enter and...

And oh how Minho's heart immediately wanted to sob.

An old lady. Her back a little bent down with age, gray hair and wrinkles telling the stories she lived. With her one hand behind her back, supporting herself, she slowly, shakily, walked through the villagers, making the murmurs go quiet.

Jisung blinked at the ground when everything suddenly went silent. He slowly raised his face up, peeking through Minho's shoulder to see what happened and oh how he immediately wanted to cry.

There stood the lady, the only person who smiles and talks to Minho.

Aunt Julie.

Minho blinked at the lady as his lower lip quivered, wanting to go to her, complain to her about all of them and tell her to make all these people go away.

Mrs. Julie was not the head of the village. No one will ever accept that.

Well, at least not on the paper.

Mrs. Julie always had a straight forward tongue, always stood up, spoke up when it was necessary, and being strong with the addition of being a woman became the ultimate reason that after the death of the head of the village no on even considered her as one, even when the previous head, in his last moments told to do so.

All they did was look at the woman with the corner of their eyes and pretended that they didn't see the rage in her eyes.

But when the oldest man of the village died, it was Julie. The oldest in the village and only one to be considered as the head. But still, many never acknowledge that. No one called her for important discussion, but in the end, it was her who took the decision while people just stood there with their lips pressed tight, wishing death upon her since years.

"A-Aunt-" a broken sob finally left Minho's trembling lips as he kept looking at the women with hope filling his eyes.

Jisung blinked at Mrs. Julie, tears flowing down his cheeks as the lady kept looking specifically at him before finally moving his eyes towards Minho and-

"Go away from here, Minho"

And everything went silent.

It felt like everyone just stopped breathing, stopped moving. Like everyone have just disappeared.

And Minho?

Minho stood there, froze.

He blinked his eyes, not understanding the meaning behind those words.

"A-Aunt..." a lost voice left his lips as tears finally rolled down his cheeks.

Mrs. Julie kept looking at the boy with calm eyes. This boy. The one who she have hugged when he just stood there in the dark, alone, not understanding that his Eomma and Appa will not come back
The little boy whom she give free fishes and the boy who always makes sure to work extra and pay her for them anyways.

He was her sweet little boy. More son to her than her real children.

So she smiled.

Her lips stretching up in a soft yet tiny smile as her own eyes glossed up a little.

"Go away from this place, Minho. There is no place for you here" she said as everyone around kept their lips sealed, some smirking, happy that the decision was exactly what they wanted.

Minho's lips quivered "B-But..." he mumbled, his heart breaking into millions of pieces "T-This is my h-home-"

"This is not your home, Minho" Mrs. Julie immediately said, quieting Minho down.

"This house, this village, it has never been your home" she said, her eyes falling onto the boy's eyes who was peeking from behind of Minho's back.

A small smile formed of her lips "You need to find your real home, my baby" she said, spoke every word looking straight into Jisung's eyes.

Tears kept rolling down Minho's cheeks, feeling the hurt, the betrayal piercing his heart. He thought... he thought of her as his mother. A mother who didn't leave. A mother who stayed, fought for him. And now a mother who was telling him that the only place he ever called home was never his home.

While Jisung...

Jisung kept blinking at the woman with wide yet scared eyes, understanding the weight of each word that left her mouth.

"N-No...." Minho let out, sniffling quietly, getting scared for the first time since all this has begun.

Leave? Go away? What does that mean? They...

They all want him to pack his things and leave the village forever?

No.

That can't be.

This...

This is his house. His home. He has no place, nowhere to go other than these closed walls, this old bed, these blankets. He has nowhere to leave to, nowhere to sleep, nothing to eat other than his...

His field...

He is supposed to leave his field and go away? How will he earn then? How will he eat then?

This...

No...

They can't be this cruel...

"B-But why...." a small tiny cry left his lips as he still refused to go off Jisung "W-What did I do?" he asked in a trembling voice, looking at Mrs. Julie with hurt and the last bit of hope left in him.

And Mrs. Julie smiled.

She smiled oh so softly, her own heart aching as she looked down, sighing with that loving smile in an attempt to hide the tears which glossed up her eyes.

Minho blinked as more tears left his eyes, when he finally saw Mrs. Julie looking back up.

Even before he could ask again that what crime has he done to thrown out from his own village like a garbage, Mrs. Julie took weak small steps towards them.

Minho stood there, seeing the woman walking towards and then past him, making him turn around, only to see her stopping in front of Jisung who hid behind him.

Mrs. Julie blinked her eyes and raised a shaky hand up, placing it onto the younger boy's cheek softly, making a broken cry left his lips.

This warm touch filled with love, care, fear. He didn't knew when he last felt this comfort, this grounding feeling in his life.

Maybe because sometimes he don't even remember that he actually have a mother.

Mrs. Julie smiled, letting Jisung's tears wet her hands, wiping them away softly from her thumb.

"Help him?" she asked in a small voice "Help him find his home, kid"

And a loud cry left Jisung's lips.

How? How was he supposed to be a home to Minho when... when he himself was trying to find a home in him?

"I know I'm asking a lot from you" she smiled, pressing her hand loving at the younger's face "I know it's a lot, but I promise..." he sighed, looking at Minho for a little longer, like she was trying to capture his face in her memories, like she was never going to see him again, before looking back at the younger.

"My son is not a burden" he smiled "I promise. Just... Just hold him a little. Eat with him. He hates eating alone" she smiled when a cry left Jisung lips as he dropped his face, sobbing quietly.

While Minho stood there, numb.

He kept blinking at the woman, his heart breaking into dust as suddenly everything started to feel too real.

Does he...

Does he really have to leave? His house? His village? Empty handed? These walls? This bed? This stove? Everything? The only things he have known his whole life? He...

He really needs to leave?

Aunt Julie? Mr. James? His school? His field? That river? That beach?

And his mind suddenly quieted down when...

When he felt his face being held in between two warm shaky hands, bringing him back to his reality.

He blinked as broken tears left his eyes when he saw his Aunt Julie standing in front of him, looking up at him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips.

She wanted to say so much.