Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He was being utterly ridiculous.

No, scratch that. He had passed the line between ridiculous and pathetic several weeks ago. By now he was in desperate territory.

Desperately and laughably turned on.

Turned on by a glimpse of the man's collarbone, for gods' sake. Just a glimpse, beneath the open buttons of a dark purple shirt. A patterned dark purple shirt that had no business looking so attractive on anyone.

Anyone except Ignis.

Why couldn't the man dress in something more proper, less informal? But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, the spectre of Ignis in a three-piece suit or Ignis in uniform hovered before him, and that was doing even worse things to his imagination.

He could tell himself he just needed a cold shower. But water was rationed at the moment, and besides, no matter how low he turned the temperature, he usually ended up with his cock in his hand anyway, wretchedly chasing release.

Masturbating in the shower was always uncomfortable, and yet he did it every time.

He laughed soundlessly, mirthlessly to himself, remembering how a few weeks ago, he thought that sharing an apartment with Ignis would be the height of his discomfort. But now they were sharing a room, sharing a bed, because for some reason the sofa had been taken up by that blond boy who talked too much, and the second bedroom had been claimed by Aranea and the Amicitia girl, and Ignis had been so reasonable about sharing with him, so polite.

It made him want to scream.

But he was a Nox Fleuret, and a Nox Fleuret didn't scream. His sister never did, even though she had ample reason to. He had to lift her spirits sometimes, convince her to hold true to her convictions, but she never raged or seethed against the unfairness of it all. She left the raging to him.

The last time he raged was when he'd discovered her body.

Ignis had borne the brunt of that rage.

The memory always made him flinch. Even though they had been fighting on opposite sides, even though he had threatened to kill the one person who meant more to Ignis than life itself, Ignis had still tried to reason with him. Had still tried to make him calm down and channel his feelings of loss and grief and hopelessness into something more productive.

He carefully undressed in the dark, trying to slow down his breathing so Ignis wouldn't notice. He needed to get his emotions under control. Transforming his rage and grief into yearning for someone he could never have was anything but productive. Ignis would be horrified to learn of it. Would be horrified to know that the first night they shared a bed, he had lain awake for hours, trying not to stare at the other man's sleeping face, the shape of his body underneath the sheets.

He thought it had been bad the first week or so, but it was only getting worse.

He should have realised that Ignis had an uncanny ability to notice everything, remember every little detail. So of course Ignis would notice the little grunt of discomfort that he tried so hard to suppress when he took off his prosthetic arm. Even in the dark, he could hear Ignis turning towards him.

"Ravus? Are you alright?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Go to sleep."

"You don't sound fine at all, Ravus." A hint of steel in that otherwise calm voice.

If he'd already chosen to torture himself with memories of Altissia, perhaps he should have remembered how useless it was to argue with Ignis when he'd made up his mind about something.

Even in the dark, Ignis' movements were confident, assured, purposeful. Within seconds, he was out of the bed and standing at his side.

"What's wrong with your arm?"

He wanted to say that nothing was wrong, Ignis shouldn't bother, he could take care of it himself. But the many sleepless nights were apparently catching up to him, and he found himself saying, "It's heavier than the old one."

He silently cursed himself for showing that much weakness in front of Ignis. He wanted to grit his teeth, pretend nothing bothered him, and maybe in time it would in fact stop bothering him. Not that this approach had ever worked in the past. But at least in the past, he'd had enough to distract himself with. All he had now was life in this small apartment, an obnoxious crush on someone he was in daily proximity with, and his pain.

"You should have listened to me when I told you to engage in physical therapy. It takes time and effort to get used to a new prosthesis. But you chose to ignore my advice."

For a brief moment, he was taken aback at how unsympathetic Ignis sounded, but he quickly recovered. This was Ignis, after all. Never one to mince words. Something he actually appreciated a lot more than feigned pity and surface-level concern.

But then Ignis sat down beside him and reached out a hand. "Can I examine you?"

And his body was suddenly a lot closer than it had ever been before, except in life or death situations. Which made his own body apparently decide this was a life or death situation as well, heightening all his senses, bringing everything into sharp, painful focus. The scent of Ignis' soap and shampoo, the same soap and shampoo he also used, but somehow far more enticing. The warmth radiating off of Ignis' body. The press of Ignis' knee against his thigh. The faint glint of light from outside reflecting in Ignis' eyes.

He felt his mouth go dry at the exact same time his erection returned in full force.

His breath hitched as Ignis' fingers pushed up the sleeve of his shirt and gently drifted over the stump of his arm.

"My apologies. Am I hurting you?"

"No... No. I'm fine."

He desperately hoped that the room was dark enough that Ignis would not see the prominent outline in his sleepwear. Under normal circumstances, his mortification should be able to solve the problem in no time whatsoever, but the touch of Ignis' hand and the nearness of him were subsuming everything else.

Damn his body. Damn his feelings.

Ignis cleared his throat. "Ravus, I think this might be inflamed, not just irritated. Your skin is extremely hot to the touch. How long has your arm been hurting you?"

He shook his head, tried to keep his voice from betraying him. "Not long. Perhaps... perhaps two weeks? The person who fitted it said I would need some time to get used to it."

Ignis snarled. "Not like this! Some discomfort maybe, but not pain. You should know better than to ignore the signals your body sends you!"

He almost laughed. Ignoring his body was second nature to him. Ignis must have picked up on this, because his voice softened. "Ravus, you're no longer in the military. Please don't act like you're expendable. There's so few of us left, and..."

Ignis stopped whatever he was going to say, and stood up. "I'm going to get you some ice. I wish we had cold compresses, but ice will have to do for now. I want to inspect your arm again tomorrow morning, to see if there's any swelling or oedema, or other signs of inflammation."

He again wanted to say that Ignis really didn't have to bother, that he could take care of it himself, but something in the other man's voice told him that his objections would not be listened to. And if he was being honest with himself, he wanted this. Wanted Ignis to care for him, even if it was all a lie, a mirage built solely on a temporary physical weakness.

He waited as Ignis went into the kitchen and came back with a bag of ice cubes wrapped in a tea towel. He accepted the bundle and pressed it to his stump, nearly sighing in bliss as the cold seeped through the fabric and into his skin.

Ignis had been right.

But before he could say so, the man had slipped back beneath the covers and turned away from him.

He debated for a while whether he should wish Ignis good night, but in the end, he'd fallen asleep, still unable to make up his mind if wishing him good night was taking things too far.

Taking things too far was not something Ignis was worried about, apparently, since he woke up to Ignis leaning over him in the grey light of dawn, gentle fingers probing the skin on his shoulder. He looked dishevelled from sleep, obviously not having been awake long either, the soft fabric of his sleeping shirt wrinkled and rumpled around his upper body in all sorts of alluring ways.

"My apologies, I didn't mean to wake you. How does it feel?"

He blinked a couple of times to get the sleep from his eyes. Obviously Ignis didn't mean to ask how it felt to wake up with his hands on his body, but his brain couldn't come up with an answer that was anything other than, It feels so good, please don't stop.

Ignis' eyes were a soft green in the morning light, surprisingly unfocused and gentle without his glasses on. His hair hung over his forehead in tousled strands, framing his face in a manner that took Ravus' breath away. He looked so young like this. So young and unburdened, as if all the horrifying events of the past few months hadn't happened. Almost like the boy he'd assumed Ignis was, until he'd seen him fight and realised how absolutely lethal Ignis was, burning with a fierce and passionate desire to protect his prince and country.

He was desperately infatuated with both versions of Ignis.

As if on cue, his morning erection seemed to decide that now was a good time to take things to the next level and leave no doubts as to what was happening.

He quickly pulled up his knees to hide the evidence, fervently praying to any god who would listen that Ignis was too short-sighted to have noticed.

"I'm... I'm fine." He hoped that his breathlessness could be attributed to having just woken up.

Ignis frowned slightly. "With the amount of times you've been saying that lately, I don't trust you to tell me the truth. But I have to admit, your arm doesn't look as bad as I'd feared. No significant swelling, at least, even though it still feels slightly warm to the touch."

He scoffed. "Just call it a stump. That's what it is. It's not my arm anymore."

Ignis gave him a long, searching look. At last he nodded, and moved to get up. "I will go out after breakfast and see if any of the civilian or military supply posts have anything like cold compresses or gel packs. I know it's a long shot, but it would be better for you than just a bag of ice. We should still have painkillers in the medicine cabinet. And perhaps it would be a good idea for you to take breaks from wearing your prosthesis all day."

He tried not to watch as Ignis moved around the bedroom, choosing clothes to wear for the day. Usually Ignis was already in the bathroom by the time he woke up, and this was the first time he was seeing him in just his shirt and boxers.

And with his hair falling around his face like that... It was so much worse than seeing him in even the most informal of regular clothing.

As Ignis disappeared into the hallway and closed the bedroom door, he wondered if he'd have enough time to masturbate before Ignis would start wondering why he wasn't already up and waiting to use the bathroom himself. His cock was so hard it was aching. He'd never masturbated in their shared bed before, it felt like violating Ignis' privacy somehow. Not to mention having to be careful about the mess, or the sounds he might make.

His fingers wrapped around his erection regardless, his need for release so urgent that he couldn't make himself care. The sight of Ignis in his underwear, those long muscular legs and the curve of his ass, the look in his eyes when he'd just woken up, the gentle touch of his fingers, caressing his skin... He gave a small gasp as he tugged his foreskin down, then up again to rub across the head. Desire was pooling in his gut. Would Ignis touch him just as gently if he was here right now, or would he be more insistent, more demanding?

He sped up his strokes. His breathing was becoming more laboured now, remembering their closeness the night before, Ignis' body heat, his scent, all those touches, the way he wanted to touch him back, to kiss him, to... Oh, he was so close, so close, maybe Ignis would touch him just like this, faster, faster, he knew he wasn't quiet enough but he couldn't stop it, his balls were so tight and his cock was so hard and all of a sudden he was spilling over his hand, his stomach, wave after wave of pleasure crashing over him, his entire body convulsing and trembling as he came, Ignis' name on his lips.

As he came down from his high, he wanted to curl up and die from embarrassment, from what he'd just done, the noises that he was sure he hadn't been able to suppress. Thank the gods he could hear the shower cut out just then, and he quickly got out of bed, no time to clean up, grabbing his clothes and his prosthetic arm, trying to hold them strategically against his body so that the stains on his sleepwear wouldn't be visible, but without transferring the mess to anything he was holding. He was fairly proud of himself for managing to do so one-handed. He could do this.

He nodded at Ignis as he left the bathroom, sending up a desperate prayer that his face wasn't showing any signs of his activities moments earlier. There was nothing he could do to hide that part of him.

He went through his morning rituals in a daze, showering, attaching his arm, shaving, putting on his clothes. He was still feeling lightheaded from his intense orgasm. Despite his embarrassment afterwards, it had felt so much better than the uncomfortable sessions he was used to. Thinking of Ignis in that way, in the bed they shared, the sheets still holding a ghost of his warmth, a trace of his scent... No, he needed to stop thinking like that, shouldn't dwell on it, crush the temptation to do it again. He was stronger than his urges.

When he left the bathroom, he was relieved to see that Ignis' coat was missing from the hallway, which meant he had already left the apartment. It would take an hour or so before the others woke up, which would give him plenty of time to make himself breakfast and get started on the morning's chores.

His heart nearly skipped a beat when he entered the kitchen and noticed the steaming mug of tea sitting on the countertop, next to a used and empty coffee mug and a note.

"Enjoy your tea. Don't do too much today. I hope to be back before lunch. Ignis."

Ignis had never made him tea before. He'd offered, of course, but Ravus knew it was just out of politeness. Maybe the tea wasn't meant for him. Maybe it was for one of the girls. One of the girls who, Ignis knew as well as he did, would never get up before 9am, by which time the tea would be cold. And if it was for Prompto, Ignis would have left it in the living room, not the kitchen.

It had to be for him. But why?

Perhaps Ignis thought him much weaker than he actually was. He was perfectly capable of making his own tea. He wasn't an invalid. A surge of anger made him clench his fists at his sides, the prosthetic arm responding a few seconds later.

Don't do too much today. He immediately headed back to the bedroom, stripping the sheets from the bed and gathering up all the clothing he could find. For a moment he lingered over Ignis' sleepwear, trying not to lift his shirt up to his face and breathe in Ignis' scent. That would just be perverted and desperate. He emptied the hampers, sorting everything into darks and lights, thanking the gods that neither Aranea or Iris had a penchant for delicate fabrics. He ducked back into the bathroom to collect all the used towels, then started the machine on the first load, including his own semen-stained clothing. Nobody would ever know.

While the machine was doing its work, he decided to give the bathroom a thorough cleaning as well. With five people using it, keeping up had become an almost daily chore. He missed the days when it had just been Ignis and him, not just for the privacy of having separate bedrooms, but because Ignis had been such a tidy and considerate housemate. The others, although he was sure they tried, simply weren't as fastidious.

It was one of the many, many things he loved about Ignis.

He froze while scrubbing the sink clean of soap and shaving cream residue. Loved? It was only a crush. Just a silly obsession, fuelled by hormones and proximity. He wasn't in love.

There was a knock on the door, and Prompto stuck his head inside the bathroom. "Morning, Ravus! You done here soon? There's a mug of tea in the kitchen with your name on it and I wanna have my shower."

He started rinsing the sink. "It's not my tea. Give me a few moments to wipe this down."

"Huh. Weird. You're the only one who drinks the stuff, you know. Shame to let it go cold. Everything Iggy makes is delicious, pretty sure that's the case for tea too."

He grunted. "Ignis did not make me tea. All done, you can go and shower now."

Prompto gave him a dubious look. "Sure. Whatever you say, big guy."

He knew it was pointless to argue, Prompto would never give things a rest. Whatever ideas he had in his head would come out at the most inopportune moments. The only person seemingly capable of making him shut up once in a while was Ignis, with one of those disapproving stares. Ravus knew he was no slouch in the stare department, but the people he'd used his frowns on had all had military training and knew what he was capable of. Prompto seemed to have no such reservations.

He went into the kitchen, tidying up Prompto's breakfast mess and cleaning Ignis' coffee mug. Then he gave the countertop a quick wipe down, hoping that Prompto would be finished with his shower soon, so he could put in another load of laundry before the girls woke up and hogged the bathroom.

He might as well drink that tea before it went cold. Prompto had a point there.

It was, in fact, delicious. Steeped just long enough, with the right amount of honey to bring out the subtle flavour of the tea leaves without being too overwhelming and sweet.

He stopped himself from savouring it for too long. He needed to get Prompto's sheets changed, and probably sweep the floors afterwards. The blond had a disgusting habit of eating in bed, claiming a sofa wasn't a real bed anyway.

By the time everyone had left for the day, he'd been cleaning for four hours, done three full loads of laundry, before he suddenly realised that he hadn't had breakfast yet, and that he was exhausted, dizzy, and in significant pain.

Maybe Ignis was right about taking a break from wearing his prosthesis all day. He went into the bedroom, carefully undid the straps and fastenings, pulled down the liner, and unhooked the arm. He noticed the relief immediately.

He let himself sag against the pillows, before realising he hadn't finished making the bed after stripping it this morning. For a brief moment, he allowed himself to curse out loud. Could he manage it one-handed? Probably not. So his options were either to put the arm back on, or to leave the bed unmade until he felt slightly better.

Oh, and he still hadn't had breakfast.

Too many things to do, and not enough hands. He chuckled bleakly at himself.

Of course, Ignis would pick this exact moment to return from his shopping expedition. He heard the front door open, but he was simply too exhausted to reply to Ignis calling out his name. He hoped the other man wouldn't follow up and simply let him be for a while.

No such luck. Ignis appeared in the doorway and took one look at the bare bed and him sitting on top of it, probably looking like the most pathetic creature on the planet, before striding over and sitting down next to him.

"I'm not going to ask if you've been overdoing things, because that's clearly the case. I'm glad you took your arm off, at least. How do you feel?"

He closed his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm not as weak as you think."

There was too much care and concern in Ignis' voice. "Ravus... I've seen you throw a 6'6", 240 pound man against a car without breaking a sweat. I barely managed to keep you from splitting me in half with your sword when you were overcome with grief for your sister. You are literally one of the strongest men I know and I have never, ever thought of you as weak. What makes you say such a thing?"

He gestured. "The tea. This."

Ignis sighed. "I apologise. I know how much you hate anyone doing anything for you. Even a small gesture such as a cup of tea is clearly enough to set you off." There was a hint of exasperation in his tone.

He had to laugh. "Yes, as odd as it may sound, I do prefer you angry and frustrated, instead of solicitous and overbearing."

Ignis gave him a small smile. "Not odd at all. You're not the first person to complain about that."

Ravus got up from the bed. "I will allow you to make us both lunch, but only because you are a better cook than I am, and on the condition that you promise to gripe at me for every little thing I do wrong. Do we have a truce?"

Ignis smiled a little wider at that. He looked so handsome when he smiled.

"There are some gel packs in the shopping bags. Go put them in the freezer, you infuriating fool."

They prepared lunch in near silence, mostly communicating with small gestures and movements. It was comfortable, familiar. He was glad he'd said something about the tea. He did, in fact, appreciate the gesture, but it had been too much of a deviation from their established routine, on top of the emotionally confusing morning he'd already had. He wouldn't say anything to Ignis about that last part, though. It was a relief that he could make the other man understand how he felt, without spelling everything out for him.

They always worked well together.

Lunch was done, the dishes cleaned and put away, when he straightened his back, rolled his shoulders, and let out a small groan. "Time to put my arm back on, I think. I still need to make the bed and finish folding the laundry."

Ignis gave him a look. "Shouldn't you wait a while longer? You don't seem particularly comfortable with the idea of putting it back on. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I'm still worried about how hot to the touch your skin was last night."

After all Ignis had done to show him he understood, perhaps he deserved a bit more of the truth.

"It's not just the skin, to be honest. My shoulder and back... I think it's the unfamiliar weight, getting used to different ways of moving my arm. It'll pass. Don't worry about it. I've got the ice packs now, don't I?"

"Ravus." Ignis' voice sounded stern. "You're doing it again. You're minimising your discomfort to the point where you're actively endangering your body. Since you're being so headstrong and, frankly, ridiculous about all of this, I'm no longer going to ask you what you need. Come with me."

Ignis walked out of the kitchen, and curiously, he followed. He had to admit that Ignis taking charge wasn't as bothersome as Ignis trying to show concern. They headed towards the bedroom, and Ignis took out fresh sheets and pillowcases before gesturing at the bed.

"We'll do this three-handed. Catch." Ignis shook out the fitted sheet and threw one corner at him. He immediately understood what Ignis wanted him to do. He held the sheet in place while Ignis tucked it around the edges, then came over to his side and finished the final corner.

Ignis winked at him. "See, much faster this way. Now, let's do the pillows."

They quickly determined that the fastest way was for Ravus to hold the pillow up, while Ignis slid the pillowcase on from below. Similar for the duvet cover, especially since he was tall enough to actually keep the duvet off the ground while Ignis fiddled with getting the corners just right. He straightened the top sheet while Ignis shook out the duvet and folded it at the foot of the bed.

"Ravus, I want you to get me a large towel."

He raised an eyebrow, but realised quickly enough that he wouldn't get an explanation when Ignis raised his eyebrow in return, folded his arms, and tapped his foot. He quickly returned with the requested item.

"Now spread that over the pillows and the top half of the bed, take off your shirt, and lie down on your stomach. I'm going to massage your shoulders, and after that you're going to take an hour's nap, and maybe then I'll let you put your arm back on and fold the laundry."

Ignis followed up his words with another wink, and he had to laugh again, despite feeling slightly uncertain about letting Ignis touch him. There was something lighthearted and teasing about Ignis' behaviour, instead of heavy with worry and concern. It made him feel less like a burden, and more like they were engaged in some sort of duel where he was allowing Ignis to score points against him, both of them knowing that he was strong enough to take the damage.

He lay down and Ignis sat down next to him, rolling up his shirtsleeves and placing a bottle on the nightstand. "Massage oil," he explained when Ravus looked at him. "Bergamot and lemongrass. It's close enough to the scent of the shampoo we buy that I think you'll enjoy it."

He gave Ignis a small smirk. "You mean, the shampoo that you buy. It's not like I or anyone else get to have a say in it."

Ignis poured a substantial amount of oil into his hands and rubbed them together. "It's not like I've heard you complain, either." Then he placed his hands against his spine and started kneading.

It was absolute torture.

The left side of his body was tense, predictably, but the right side seemed painful beyond belief. Before long, he was practically biting down on his arm to keep from yelling out, even though he could tell that Ignis wasn't using all of his strength. Either Ignis was extremely bad at giving massages, or he'd abused his muscles much more than he realised. It felt like his back was one big knot of pain.

Ignis kept talking to him, not commenting at all on his grunts and moans, and not letting him catch his breath. "See, Ravus, you are clearly trying to compensate for the weight of your left arm by tensing your back too much. Especially here in your latissimi," his fingers pressed into a particularly painful spot on the lower right hand side, making him almost arch off the bed, "and here, your rhomboids are absolutely terrible," another digging movement near his spine that nearly made him scream into the pillow. "If you'd just listened to me, you wouldn't be in so much pain. This is far beyond the scope of a single massage session. I will have to do this again, and again, and again, until you either beg me to help you with some of the work you do, or you learn how to listen to your body and stop abusing it. I hope you like being tortured for the foreseeable future. Now, try to relax."

His laugh came out as more of a particularly afflicted hiccup.

Surprisingly, though, the acuteness of the pain seemed to fade away after a while. Maybe his body was simply getting flooded with endorphins, but while Ignis' hands were still prodding and pushing every painful spot, it didn't feel as torturous anymore. He found himself indeed relaxing, ever so slightly.

Ignis clearly picked up on this, and started using smoother, larger motions, less kneading and more like firm pressure, using the heels of his palms instead of his fingers. It was beginning to feel incredibly good. So good, in fact, that he was becoming more and more aware that he was lying there without his shirt on, and that the man he had such a desperate crush on was touching him with more fervour and intensity than he'd ever been touched by another person before. It was wonderful. Intoxicating, even.

Regretfully, after a while Ignis announced that he was done for now, and tugged the towel out from underneath him to wipe the excess massage oil off his back. As he sat up and shrugged his shirt back on, he kept thinking about how Ignis had touched him, and how he didn't want this moment to end. It had felt so intimate.

Maybe he could convince Ignis to stay and talk for a while. He leaned back against the pillows and stretched out his legs.

"Ignis, how do you know how to give massages? And come to think of it, how did you know what was wrong with my arm? In general, people don't have that much knowledge about taking care of amputees or prosthetic limbs."

Ignis was silent for a moment, before looking him in the eye.

"I was Noctis' primary caretaker during his recovery from the attack that caused his spinal injury. He was in a wheelchair for nearly two months, and full leg braces for over a year. I know all about muscle strain, pressure sores, abrasions, inflammation of the skin and tendons, blood pooling and oedema. Not to mention a surplus of experience with people who will not follow instructions and insist on making the problem worse through their own damn stubbornness."

Ignis gave him a slight smile to make it clear that he was included in that category.

He remembered the injury Ignis was talking about. Noctis had spent some time in Tenebrae to recuperate.

All of a sudden, he gasped and sat up straight. "You... you couldn't have been older than... what? Thirteen? Fourteen, at the time? And they made you take care of him?"

"Eleven," Ignis said softly. "And they didn't make me do anything. I wanted to. Noctis lost his childhood nanny in that attack. She protected him and it cost her her life."

Just like Ignis had been willing to give up his life to protect Noctis. Ignis didn't say it, but he didn't have to.

A profound sadness washed over him. He might no longer be royalty, but he knew from painful experience how much sacrifice was involved in serving people like him, like his mother and sister.

He grabbed the other man by the hand. "Ignis, I need to say something. You're taking care of me, helping me so much, despite me being an obnoxious ass about it and forcing your hand. I'm so incredibly grateful for everything you've done for me so far. Allowing me to live here can't have been easy for you. And part of me wants to tell you that I owe you a thousand, no, a million favours for that. That anything I have is yours for the asking. But... I also know that I have nothing left to give, nothing to offer that you could possibly need. I wish I could do more to repay you, and I'm... I'm sorry."

A strange look crossed Ignis' face.

"Oh, Ravus... how can you be so clever, and yet so incredibly stupid all the damn time?"

Usually he and Ignis had an easy way of communicating with each other, but this time he had no idea what Ignis was talking about. His confusion must have been clear to see.

"You, having nothing to offer. I swear, you've been doing everything around here from the moment you moved in. Cleaning everything, doing laundry, sweeping the floors, making the beds, doing the dishes. And all that with a newly fitted prosthetic arm that is causing you a lot of pain, and with what frankly looks to me like a severe case of depression after the loss of your sister. I'm no expert but I've seen how you avoid interacting with others, avoid talking about how you feel, try to fade into the background. I've attempted to take some of the load off your shoulders, but you've been two steps ahead of me the entire time. Please allow me to do this much for you."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh is an appropriate response. Gods, Ravus, there is such a thing as being too self-sufficient, you know. You're allowed to need help on occasion. It's something I have trouble with myself, I know that all too well, but seeing you exhaust yourself and not asking for anything in return..."

Ignis' voice became quieter. "I suppose I need to tell you something as well. I've been rather selfish about all of this. Being needed by you, even with something as small as helping you with your arm, feels... good. I haven't been needed like that since... since Noctis..."

He didn't know what made him do it. He wasn't a tactile person. He knew being close to Ignis in this way was doing a number on his emotions. But there was something in the way Ignis spoke Noctis' name that suddenly made him realise he was not the only one who'd suffered a heartbreaking loss. Impulsively, he pulled Ignis close and wrapped his arm around his back.

It was just a hug. Just a hug. But as Ignis leaned into him and rested his head against his, his body responded as if it were the most intimate of embraces. His heart started hammering in his chest. For the first time in days, he wished he was wearing his prosthetic arm, so he could pull the other man closer. A one-armed hug was not nearly enough.

But Ignis was the one who wrapped both arms around him and held him back.

The voice in his ear was softer than a whisper. "You're far too good to me, Ravus. I don't deserve you comforting me."

He turned his face into Ignis' hair, closing his eyes and trying desperately not to plant a kiss there. "No, Ignis. You deserve everything. Thank you. Thank you so much."

An exhale of breath against his skin.

"I need to get started on my reports for the refugee council, and you need to take that nap, Ravus. Do you want me to wake you up in an hour?"

No, he wanted to say, I want you to stay here with me. He wanted. Wanted Ignis with an intensity that threatened to overwhelm him.

But Ignis was letting go of him and getting up from the bed and walking towards the door.

Ignis, he wanted to say, Ignis, I'm so afraid. I don't want to fall in love with you. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

He watched Ignis leave and said nothing.

Chapter Text

He is standing on the edge of the water, rain falling into his face. He knows Lunafreya should be here, should be visible from where he's standing, but he can't see her. He can't move his body. He stares out over the waves and tries to blink the water out of his eyes. Everything is grey. The stone underneath his feet, the rain-laden sky, the sea, the smoke of burning buildings. He tries calling out her name, but there is no sound other than the rain.

Sister. Sister, don't leave me.

There's a noise and suddenly he can turn his head. He doesn't recognise the dark figure behind him for a moment. But then the figure lifts his head and he can see that it's Ignis. Ignis, he wants to say, where's my sister? What did they do to her? Please tell me none of this is my fault. I know it's a lie, but I still want you to say it. The words stay frozen on his lips.

Ignis raises his hand. It is covered in flames. The flames creep up his arm, over his torso, engulfing him, devouring him. No, it's not supposed to happen this way. Ignis shouldn't be consumed by the fire. Ignis should be controlling it.

He feels like he's screaming but the sound of the rain drowns out everything. Ignis, Ignis, don't do this, I need you, I can't do this alone.

He stumbles forward. His feet seem to be working wrong. It feels like they're trying to make him walk into the sea, even though he knows that's not where he's going. He's going to get to Ignis, help him put out the flames. But Ignis tells him the fire is a part of him, and that's just wrong, he can see it's hurting him. Everything feels wrong.

He reaches out a hand and suddenly his arm is on fire too. He tries to use his other hand to smother the flames but there's a sword in his hand and he can't make himself drop the sword. He needs to keep on fighting. He needs to keep his sister safe. But the fire hurts like hell and it's taking over his entire arm and he can see his flesh blistering and blackening.

There is nothing left but ash. He can finally scream, but it's too late.

He gasped for breath and opened his eyes at the same time. His own scream had woken him up. His heart was hammering in his chest and for a few moments he could not do anything other than lie there, fighting for air, trying to get his breathing under control. The images from his dream kept playing out before his eyes. He could still feel the burning pain in his arm.

"Ravus. Ravus, are you with me?"

There was a hand on his stump. He turned his head. He knew Ignis probably couldn't see him in the dark, but he still nodded. Taking deep breaths, he lifted his right hand and placed it on top of Ignis' hand, squeezing lightly. He knew Ignis would understand that he wasn't able to reply just yet.

His heart rate was finally slowing down. He was trying to think of what else he usually did when he'd had one of his nightmares. Walk around, drink some water.

Ah. Turn on the lights.

He turned away from Ignis and flicked on the small lamp next to the bed. Then he lay back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry for waking you up. I'm going to need to keep the light on for a little while, so if you can't fall asleep like that, I can go to the kitchen and come back to bed later."

Ignis placed his hand on his shoulder again. "It's alright. I have them too. Not often, but... Do you just want to talk for a while? Not about your dream, of course. Simply talking to get your mind to settle."

He couldn't turn towards Ignis the way he wanted to, because his stump hurt too much to lie on that side. But he still shifted his body so he could see him better.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to. I'm not used to this, it's always been just me after waking up from a nightmare like that. Even on campaign I always had accommodations to myself. This feels so strange."

Ignis smiled. "You sound strange, too. Where is the arrogant, self-assured Ravus I thought I knew?"

His breath caught in his throat. "I think he died in Altissia."

Ignis' arms wrapped around him before he'd even had time to realise what he'd said. His mind was still awhirl with the emotions from his dream, the haunting sense of not being in control, of losing everything he cared for, and he knew deep down that these were the main cause for the way he was responding to Ignis, but he couldn't stop any of it.

His own arm came up to wrap around Ignis' back, and he buried his face against his shoulder. He would regret this in the morning, he was sure of it. But for now, he drank in everything about this moment, the warmth between them, the feeling of Ignis' arms around him, the way his shirt brushed against his cheek, the steady thump of Ignis' heartbeat, the soft words spoken into his ear.

"You're alive, Ravus, you're alive, everything's alright, you're here, you're here with me, you're safe."

He realised he was crying when Ignis shifted slightly and quietly asked, "Is this too much, Ravus? Should I leave you alone?"

He could hear the unspoken question, am I being too overbearing?, and in response he could only dig his fingers deeper into Ignis' back and pull him closer. He wanted to have this much, even if he couldn't have anything else. Ignis was offering, and he was taking, even though he knew he was being selfish and inconsiderate. At this moment, it didn't matter. He could deal with the consequences later.

One of those consequences was that a few scant minutes later, he realised that he could no longer lie on his side like this. A sharp stab of pain ran from his stump up to his neck, and he winced and rolled onto his back.

Ignis let him go.

No, he wanted to say, no, it's not you, it's the arm, please, keep holding me. But he couldn't say that, not when he'd already taken so much.

Instead, the words out of his mouth were, "Maybe we should try and get some more sleep."

And Ignis replied with, "As long as you're sure you're okay," and there was nothing he could say to that, so he stretched out his hand and turned off the light. At least in the dark, he didn't have to watch Ignis turn away from him.

He woke up the next morning feeling exhausted and unsettled, like the nightmare still lingered in his mind, even though he could barely remember the details now. Ignis was already up, as usual, probably in the shower, or in the kitchen making coffee.

Part of him wanted to dress in his military overcoat today, his armour, his protection against feeling whatever it was that he was feeling. But the overcoat no longer fit right around the new prosthesis, anyway. It was useless. He should throw it away, and couldn't say why he hadn't done so already. It no longer fit. It was useless. It had no place here. It no longer fit. He should stop repeating himself.

Ignis looked up from his breakfast and the report he was reading when he entered the kitchen. He didn't ask how he was doing, though. That was a relief.

He busied himself making a cup of tea and two slices of toast. He joined Ignis at the kitchen island. The silence was only broken by the scrape of his knife on the toast and the rustle of Ignis turning another page.

"Ignis?" Gods, he didn't want to ask this, but he knew he had to. "Could you take another look at my stump later today? It was quite painful last night and... well, I don't exactly seem to have everything under control in that respect. Whenever is convenient for you."

He wasn't just asking because he wanted Ignis to touch him again. He wasn't that desperate. No, he was lying to himself. He was that desperate. Why was he like this?

But Ignis smiled at him. "It would be my pleasure, Ravus. I'm not going to ask you to take off your prosthesis when you've just put it on, so perhaps in a few hours? After lunch, as we did yesterday?"

He nodded. "That sounds acceptable."

All too soon, the apartment was filled with the sounds of Prompto singing one of his nonsensical songs, and the laughter of the girls arguing over whose combat boots were more badass, and waxing indignant over how they needed fewer hair products than either Ignis or Prompto and it wasn't fair how little shelf space they got in the bathroom. It was a cacophony but it was a routine cacophony, and he needed that right now.

He quietly tidied away the detritus of breakfast from the kitchen island so that Ignis would have more room to work. Today, at least, he wouldn't have to do another deep cleaning of the bathroom.

"Aranea? Iris? Before you go, can you let me know if you need fresh bedding?"

Aranea shrugged on her coat. "If you go into our room, I can think of at least seven ways to kill you using only Iris' curling iron. So don't even think about it, you neat freak. We'll do it ourselves this evening."

Perhaps he could clean the inside of the kitchen drawers and cabinets. It had been a while since he'd done that, and he needed to keep busy. At the same time, he was all too aware of Ignis watching him as he moved around the kitchen. He shouldn't overdo things. Something small and easy. Something that would make Ignis happy.

Decalcify the coffee maker.

Perfect.

As he got to work, he could hear Ignis' stool scrape across the tile floor. Maybe mopping the tiles was another thing he could do today, it wouldn't be that much work, provided he didn't disturb Ignis.

Ignis placed a hand on his shoulder blade.

"Have I ever told you how distracting it is to watch you work, Ravus? I feel like I'm constantly learning something new, just from seeing how you do things."

He shook his head. "Nonsense. You flatter me too much, Ignis. I only do what needs to be done."

Ignis' hand was still on his back, tracing slow circles.

"No, it's more than that. You are so determined to get everything just right. The economy of your movements, the efficiency... Most people aren't like that. They are constantly in motion, but without a singular purpose. You, however..."

The warmth of Ignis' hand was seeping through his shirt, into his skin. And listening to the man's voice, not the things he was saying but the way he said them... He stared at the timer for the first descaling cycle, frantically wishing for his arousal to go away so he could let go of the countertop and get the second tablet into the machine.

"You seem very tense, Ravus. Maybe we shouldn't wait until after lunch, if you're in pain?"

He couldn't go into the bathroom to masturbate. A second shower would be far too suspicious. It had to be the bedroom. He just had to find a good enough excuse.

"I think I might take a short nap after I've finished with the coffee machine, if you don't mind. Last night was rather exhausting. And I think I owe it to you, to show you that I do take your advice seriously."

He cringed at how sincere he managed to make it sound. Ignis, how can you not tell I'm lying to you? How can you not tell that I'm only using you for my own perverted pleasure?

But Ignis was giving him a quiet smile, not a disapproving stare. "Very well. I'll get back to work and let you be. Call me if you need anything, though."

As soon as he closed the bedroom door behind him, he opened his trousers, trying to relieve the ache. Then he stopped himself, remembering the other time he masturbated in the bedroom. Hurried as it was, it had felt so good. Would it really be so wrong to do it the same way again?

Yes. Yes, it would be. You're falling in love with him, you idiot. But masturbating would be focusing on the physical side of his attraction, not the emotional one. The physical side was much easier to control. It certainly had been until recently, until his emotions started coming into play.

He was doing a great job of convincing himself.

He took off his clothes and slipped underneath the sheets. Should he take his prosthetic arm off as well? If Ignis walked into the bedroom, it would take some explaining why he hadn't. Then again, it would also take some effort to explain why he was entirely naked and hard as a rock. Ignis would not enter the bedroom, anyway, short of an emergency.

The sheets felt luxurious against his bare skin. They were nothing special, but he hadn't had a chance to sleep in the nude for weeks now. The cotton dragged against his erection, in a way that reminded him of Ignis' touch on his back and shoulder. It was incredibly arousing.

A thought suddenly occurred to him. If he was indulging himself anyway, perhaps he could use a few drops of that massage oil that Ignis had used on him. He moved across the bed and opened the drawer on Ignis' nightstand. Somewhere deep down, he knew that this probably wasn't a very ethical thing to do, but the thought at the pleasure it would bring won out. Besides, Ignis would never notice a few drops going missing. He wouldn't look inside the drawer. He'd just grab the bottle and use a little bit, then put it back.

He lay back down, closing his eyes and popping open the top. The scent of lemongrass filled his nose. He breathed in deeply, remembering all the ways in which Ignis had touched him during his massage, how blissful it had felt near the end. He could feel his cock twitch in anticipation.

He changed the bottle over to his left hand and moved to his own side of the bed to place some tissues within reach. Part of him wanted to stay underneath the sheets, but he knew that having to change them again was not a risk he was willing to take. He bared himself to the air and gently shook some drops of oil into his right hand, then closed his fingers around his cock.

Oh, it was magnificent. The slide was even smoother than he'd imagined. It was like stroking himself with silk.

A few drops more, maybe. He had to be careful not to get anything on the outside of the bottle, Ignis would surely notice that. It felt so good, though. A light squeeze of his fingers around the head, then a slow slide down. The scent of lemongrass was pervasive, responding to the heat of his body, no doubt. He coated his right hand with some more oil, before finally convincing himself to put the bottle on the nightstand next to the tissues, so he wouldn't be tempted any further.

Gods, he could feel his arousal increasing at an incredible rate, curling down into his abdomen. It was entirely different from how he usually masturbated, yet somehow he was already feeling close. He was trying to keep his touch gentle, trying to take it slow, but the oil heightened every sensation. It even seemed different on his skin than how it had felt during the massage. Lighter, yet so much smoother. Like he wasn't even touching himself at all, yet hurtling towards orgasm nevertheless.

He couldn't help but increase his pace. He was thrusting up into his own hand now, his movements almost involuntary as he chased his climax. He'd never felt anything like this before, his heart rate speeding up, his breathing coming in short gasps, overcome with the absolute bliss he was experiencing as his fingers danced over his length. Up, down, his entire body tensing, the tight coil of pleasure between his legs reaching up and up and up, his balls tightening against his groin, his cock jerking against his hand, so good, so good, don't stop now, almost there, almost...

The wave of his release crashed over him, his semen spilling out, burst after burst, more prolonged and more forceful than he'd ever experienced. For a moment, it felt like he couldn't stop coming, and he tried to stem the flow, only to arch off the bed when another wave of pleasure overtook him. He was trembling from head to toe, breathless and disoriented and not sure of what had just happened. He lay there in a cloud of bliss, unable to move, unable to think. His hand was still wrapped around his cock, twitching with the aftershocks of his orgasm. When he tried to let go, to wipe himself off, the sensitivity was overwhelming enough to make him gasp.

He finally managed to sit up and survey the damage. He could see spurts of come all over his stomach and chest, and he could feel one glide downwards between his collarbones. It seemed he'd even hit his chin. A good thing he'd taken his clothes off before this little experiment. Gods above, he felt incredible. The scent of lemongrass was still everywhere, not as intense as before, but soothing and invigorating at the same time.

He grabbed plenty of tissues to clean up. Dried up come would necessitate a shower, and he couldn't risk that. He took extra care with his chin and chest, knowing he couldn't see if any of it had landed in places other than the ones he'd felt.

Once he was reasonably sure his hand was as clean as it would get, he picked up Ignis' bottle of massage oil from the nightstand. He turned it all the way around, wanting to make absolutely sure that there was no spillage on the outside.

He froze.

It wasn't the bottle of massage oil.

He turned it again to read the front of the bottle, whispering to himself as if that would change the words he was reading.

"Ultra slick, extra smooth personal lubricant, silicone based, all natural lemongrass fragrance."

Fuck.

He'd used a bottle of Ignis' lube.

Ignis had lube in his drawer.

And he had no idea how much he'd used.

Ignis would know.

His post-orgasmic bliss was gone in an instant, replaced by the dread that he would never be able to explain this to Ignis in any way that made sense. He'd violated Ignis' privacy, abused Ignis' belongings, all because he'd been too turned on to pay attention to what he was doing. This was much worse than taking a peek at Ignis walking around in his boxers, or trying to sniff his shirt.

This was one of the biggest mistakes he could possibly have made.

He had to tell him and hope Ignis could forgive him.

Hope he couldn't feel.

Forgiveness he didn't deserve.

Chapter Text

In the end, it had been Ignis who had to bring up the subject, after he had an honest-to-the-gods panic attack. He should have said something. But the thought of Ignis throwing him out of the apartment for his transgressions had sent him into a emotional spiral, and Ignis had comforted him when he'd started hyperventilating, so he'd felt horribly guilty about that as well, and then there seemed to be no right time, until Ignis had softly asked him about it in the dark, when they were getting ready for bed, and he'd begun to weep, and Ignis had held him once again.

"I'm so weak, Ignis. So weak. How can I ask you to forgive me?"

Ignis didn't stop holding him. "I've told you once before, I have never thought of you as weak, and I never will. I'm sorry you felt as if you couldn't trust me with this."

He pulled in a shocked breath. "Trust?... No, it wasn't that, Ignis, you have to believe me. I trust you with my life. I'm just too... broken. Too damaged. I should have told you right away."

He felt Ignis sigh against him in the dark. "You're only human, Ravus, much as you like to pretend that you're not. This is... oh gods, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but it's comforting to know that you can make mistakes as well. I feel like I've made nothing but mistake after mistake with how I've been treating you."

The tears were rolling down his cheeks once again. "You have been perfect, Ignis, nothing but perfect. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness. Why aren't you angry with me?"

"Would you prefer that?"

He tried to get his breathing under control, but it was hopeless. He started sobbing. "No, no I don't, Ignis, the nightmare, you left me, I saw you die in front of me, you died and left me and I know it wasn't real but I couldn't bear it, I still can't bear it, I need you, I need you so much," and he would have died right then and there if he had anything left within himself to feel embarrassed about, but instead he only felt empty and exhausted.

He woke up to the cold grey light of early dawn, and Ignis rubbing gentle circles over his back.

"I'm sorry to wake you, Ravus, but I need to get up soon, and I didn't want you to wake up in an empty bed, not after what you told me last night."

He let his eyes fall closed. "I can't remember much. Please spare me the details. I've made enough of a fool of myself."

Ignis' voice was soft. "You sound more like yourself, at least. How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted. Drained."

"That's to be expected. Would you take offence if I suggested you go back to sleep for a while longer? Join me for breakfast after the others have left. I'll make up some plausible excuse for you."

He could only nod.

The amount of light in the bedroom when he woke up for the second time was unsettling. He wasn't used to this much brightness. It illuminated too much, put everything that he'd said in the dark in too stark a contrast. He hadn't lied to Ignis when he said he didn't remember much, but he remembered breaking down, he remembered the other man holding him like a child.

He shuffled into the bathroom, holding his clothes and his arm close to his body. It felt like something to hold on to, something concrete. His shower was as brief as he could make it, knowing that Ignis could hear him moving around, and was probably waiting for an explanation. He attached his arm and winced at the weight. He couldn't bring himself to shave. Best to get this over with.

When he got to the kitchen, though, Ignis' arms were around him before he could say a word. Standing like this, in the bright daylight streaming through the kitchen window, he was suddenly struck with the awareness of how different it was, compared to being held by Ignis in bed last night. They were both tall men, but he still had a good handful of inches over Ignis, and Ignis' head was tucked into the crook of his neck, like he was the one being held, not the other way around. He could feel the warm, soft exhales of Ignis' breath against his bare skin. His own arms tightened around Ignis in response, the prosthetic arm responding only a fraction of a second later than his right arm.

It felt like hours before Ignis slowly unwound his arms and looked up at him. A hand reached up and gently caressed his jaw. "You look terrible, Ravus."

"Sounds about right," he muttered, before adding, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but when did you become such a... hugger?"

Ignis smiled softly, not taking his hand from his face, still running it across the traces of stubble. "Since I discovered that some hugs are actually incredibly enjoyable. Under the right circumstances."

"Like when your housemate has a mental breakdown?"

Ignis hummed noncommittally. "Those, too. Although his embraces are a lot more pleasant like this. I could easily get addicted to being held by you, Ravus. You'll just have to forgive me for being selfish and taking what I want."

"Ignis..." He felt fragile, unbalanced. There were so many wants in his head that he'd been afraid to say out loud, but in this moment, he came closer to voicing them than ever before.

Take what you want. Tell me you want me.

Ignis laughed softly. "I suppose I should let go of you, but it feels so good. Imagine if Aranea or one of the others walked in. They might start demanding hugs as well. I don't think I could deal with that."

Tell me it's only me you want.

"Would you like some tea?"

He cleared his throat. "Coffee, if you don't mind. I feel like I need it."

Ignis trailed his fingers down from his cheek to his jaw, an unreadable look in his eyes, then turned away and moved to the coffee machine.

He couldn't say what prompted it. He followed Ignis and wrapped his arms around him from behind as he was measuring out the coffee, leaning his chin on his shoulder. "You're right. I could get addicted to this, too."

Ignis leaned into him. "Ravus. We're not going to get anything done if we keep hugging each other."

"I know. Perhaps we could call it physical therapy?" He buried his face into Ignis' hair, relishing the softness at the sides and back where it wasn't gelled down. "I can't remember the last time I had this much physical contact with anyone. It's pathetic. I think you triggered something with your massage skills."

Ignis suddenly straightened up and turned around in his arms. He was wearing a playful grin. "That's it! Oh, it's so obvious now that I think about it. We're both starved for touch, and that's why we're having such intense emotional responses to it. Clearly, we need to touch each other a whole lot more. You know, to get used to it and to stop behaving like fools." His eyes twinkled.

He had to will his traitorous body to behave, to not give into the temptation of having Ignis so close, or even worse, to step back and make Ignis believe that he was rejecting him. They were on the precipice of something. The wrong word, or the wrong move, could send it all tumbling down. But Ignis was so close, and looking at him with those gorgeous green eyes, and smiling. He felt his heart beating wildly in his chest.

Ignis reached up and ran his hand over his jaw again.

"Why do you keep touching me like that?" His voice was embarrassingly hoarse.

"I like the stubble. It looks absolutely terrible on you."

He smiled ruefully. "You want me to look terrible? That's something I can easily manage."

"Not as easily as you might think. You look magnificent, most of the time. Untouchable. This... it makes you look human. I will be able to recall this moment whenever I want to touch you, to remind myself that you're not as unapproachable, not as perfect as you appear to be."

He could do no more than whisper, "That's unfair of you, Ignis, when you are the perfect and unapproachable one."

Ignis gazed into his eyes. "Ravus... do I need to start breaking down in front of you as well, to convince you that I'm none of those things?"

He swallowed. "Perhaps. No. I'm a disaster at comforting people. You would just end up feeling worse."

Ignis' voice was soft. "I doubt it. You've comforted me before. You're much better at it than you think. Maybe I should let my self-control go more often when it's just you and me. It's become such an ingrained habit... but you've shown me that allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a strength, too. I want that, with you. I know I can trust you. I'm just having a hard time putting it into practice. Ravus... why are we both so terrible at this?"

Thinking the question over, he lifted his hand and ran his fingers through Ignis' hair. "Trauma. Loss. Fear. All very predictable and unimaginative. We're textbook examples of people who've been through a war, Ignis. We'll just have to be creative in overcoming our experiences. Maybe we can't, maybe we can. We won't know unless we try."

Ignis closed his eyes. "Hmm. Yes, I think I'd like to try. Can you please keep doing that?"

He drank in the look on Ignis' face, more content and relaxed than he'd ever seen him, before he registered the other man's question. "I'm sorry? Keep doing what?"

"Running your fingers through my hair like that. It feels wonderful. It lends even more credence to my theory of being touch starved. I'm starting to think we need to experiment with some more intimate, friendly gestures like that. As long as you're comfortable with it, of course."

He kept up his gentle caresses, Ignis' hair gliding between his fingertips, trying not to betray the way his heart was beating in his throat or the way his hand was trembling. "Massages, hugs, and hair stroking. Yes, I think I can manage."

I think I can manage that much without you breaking my heart.

The rest of the day passed in an indistinct haze. They had coffee, he cleaned the kitchen and the living room, Ignis made lunch and gave him another massage, he had a nap and decided to shave after all, and throughout the day, Ignis kept up a steady stream of touches, both small and large. This easy familiarity with each other, one that they both seemed to settle into so effortlessly, was a little surprising, considering how worked up he'd gotten about Ignis' touches before, but again, Ignis had taken the lead, and he was more than glad to follow.

Even though they hadn't truly talked about his lapse in judgement of the day before, other than the disjointed and overly emotional conversation during the night, he had the feeling they had actually reached some sort of resolution.

Even when the others returned home, Ignis kept touching him in small ways, nothing extremely overt, nothing that Prompto or the girls would notice, but most certainly more than he'd done before. Standing a little bit closer than necessary while they were doing the dishes. A slight brush of a hand on his arm. Almost bumping into each other in the hallway on his way to the bathroom, and Ignis giving him a small smile and the briefest of touches against his hip.

When he got to the bedroom, Ignis had already turned off the lights and was lying beneath the covers, as usual. He took off his clothes and prosthetic arm and quickly changed into his sleepwear, trying not to think of how their newfound casualness about touch would translate to the bed they shared at night.

Feeling slightly apprehensive, he slid between the sheets.

Ignis' arms immediately wrapped around him. "Come here. Oh gods, I've been looking forward to this all evening. I do adore the others, but knowing how good it feels to hold you, and not being able to..." Ignis went quiet. "Ravus? You are alright with this, aren't you?"

"Yes," he breathed. "Yes, Ignis, absolutely."

Ignis let out a relieved sigh. "I'm glad to hear it. I know we've talked about it, but I'm still afraid I'm imposing too much. I've spent so many years making my own wishes and needs subservient to the needs of others. I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to be more honest about what I want."

He had to suppress a twinge of guilt at those words. Even though Ignis had made himself very clear, he still couldn't find the courage to be honest in return. There were simply too many things he wanted, too many things that were still unspoken. This already far exceeded everything he'd ever thought to have. It would be presumptuous to say that he wanted more.

And yet, he also found himself satisfied by the closeness they had now. Perhaps, in time, his desires would diminish to the point where it no longer mattered. This, the embrace they shared in the dark, the comfort they took from each other... it was enough.

He held Ignis tighter and ignored the small throbs of pain from his stump. With Ignis' help over the past few days, and the extra care he now took of himself, it was much less painful than it had been. He was certainly able to suffer through it for a while longer, just so he could hold Ignis like this. The pleasure of it far outweighed any minor discomfort.

Ignis shifted in his arms and brought his hand up to gently touch his face. "I can tell, you know. Ravus, haven't we gone over this already? I'm not going to tell you to stop, I'm too selfish for that, but perhaps on your back, or on your other side..."

"You're right. I want you to hold me from behind. I want to fall asleep with you like that." He wasn't sure where the thought had come from, or where he'd found the nerve to ask.

But Ignis' voice was warm in the dark. "I think I'd like that a lot, as well. Turn around, Ravus. I can't promise that I won't move away in my sleep, but I think falling asleep like that won't be a problem. What do you think? Perhaps... my arm here?"

He could feel Ignis curling around his body. Ignis moved his hand across his ribs, until it came to rest on his breastbone. He placed his own hand on top. Ignis pressed his face between his shoulder blades, pulling himself closer.

Ignis let out a quiet chuckle. He added, in a thoughtful tone, "Ah, this is nice. It's rather odd, actually, how much I enjoy being able to hold someone like this. It's so different from... well, from other forms of intimacy. Not that I've experienced that a lot either, in recent months, but when I was younger... Never mind, you probably don't want to hear about the promiscuous phase I went through. I apologise."

He laughed softly. "You, promiscuous? I find that hard to believe."

"Pfft. And here I thought, at least Ravus sees me for who I really am, and not the emotionless, stuck up prude that most people seem to think I am."

He rubbed his hand over Ignis', lying on his chest. "No, not that. You just seem like... more like the romantic type. Buying flowers, wining and dining, whispering sweet words of affection and love. Women love that sort of thing."

Ignis sighed. "Then I guess it's just my bad luck that I'm always attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I would like that, though. The flowers, the wining and dining. But I'll take what I can get."

He tried to keep his voice as even as possible, even though his mind was racing. Ignis was attracted to men. "Yes, I know what you mean. It's a pattern I have noticed in myself as well." Ignis was attracted to men. "Perhaps to avoid the possibility of ending up in an actual romantic relationship and being forced to open up. Much safer to admire from a distance." Ignis was attracted to men. He thought he was going to die on the spot. Ignis was attracted to men, and Ignis was lying against his back, holding him and cuddling him and apparently not caring at all about the bombshell he'd just dropped.

"Ah, Ravus... Did you think I was attracted to women? I noticed your body going tense and your heart rate speeding up."

Of course Ignis would sense those things. He tried to formulate an answer without giving away how much the revelation had turned his world upside down. "I... I don't know. It's not... I'm not bothered by it. Oh gods, I'm making a mess of this. I'm... I'm the same way. It was just surprising to hear you say it so casually. I'm sorry."

Ignis went quiet. His breath was soft against his shoulder. "Ravus. Was that... have you ever told anyone before?"

He shook his head, unable to reply.

"Oh gods. I should have been more sensitive. I hope I didn't make you feel like I was forcing you to come out to me. You didn't have to say anything."

He gripped Ignis' hand. "It's okay. I've kept it to myself for so long, it's about time I told someone. I'm glad it was you."

Ignis tightened his arms around him. "I can't remember a time when I wasn't out. I should have realised that my experience is not universal, or that there are still people in my life who don't know, because I simply forgot to tell them. I'm sorry, Ravus."

He turned around, even though that meant lying on his stump. He needed to see Ignis' face.

"Ignis, does this change anything between us?"

Even though it was too dark to really tell, he thought he could see Ignis' eyes giving him a long, thoughtful look. "Not as far as I'm concerned. Ravus, you have to understand, from my perspective you were either gay yourself, or completely fine with me being gay, and cuddling and holding you like this without any ulterior motives. If you feel that you didn't consent to this, or that I've led you on in some way... that would change things, yes. But not from my point of view."

He took Ignis' hand again. "I don't feel like that. I want to continue doing this."

It was easy to see Ignis' smile, even in the dark. "Good. So do I. Now turn back around, I don't want you to hurt yourself. We have some cuddling to get back to."

And the way Ignis slotted against his back, his chin pressed against his shoulder, his arm wrapped around his chest, like he belonged there, like it was the most natural thing in the world... He wanted to hold on to that feeling forever.

Chapter Text

He woke up, discovering that Ignis had lied to him, and had not in fact moved away in his sleep. Instead, the one who had changed position was him. He was lying on his back, and Ignis was tucked against his side, his head pillowed on his shoulder, one arm curled up beside him, the other stretched out across his waist.

For a brief moment he took in their positions, realising with a shock that not having a left arm anymore was actually making it easier and more comfortable to lie together like this.

He turned his head carefully, trying not to wake Ignis up. He looked heartbreakingly beautiful like this: features relaxed, his lips soft and slightly parted, long eyelashes outlined against his pale skin. His thin, carefully groomed eyebrows, usually hidden behind the frame of his glasses, were almost the same colour as his hair, a dark ash blond. He could feel his pulse speeding up as he took in the long line of Ignis' nose, the high planes of his cheekbones, the sharp, narrow curve of his jaw, all elements he'd observed before about the man he was falling in love with, but looking so much more stunning now that he could gaze at them uninterrupted.

His desire was stronger than him. He leaned his head closer and let his lips brush against Ignis' hair, just a brush.

Another brush of his lips just below the hairline, across Ignis' skin, making it as light as possible, barely a touch at all.

Ignis' skin was so soft.

His heart was pounding now, his body trembling. He shouldn't be doing this. His right hand was gripping the sheets, fighting the temptation to reach out and touch.

He let his lips wander over Ignis' forehead, his temple, no more than a breath, not kissing him, not quite, until they were kisses, the lightest of kisses, careful and soft, so soft. He couldn't wake Ignis up like this, his lips on his skin, breathing him in, expressing his desire with every shaky exhale of his lungs. It would be so wrong, so terribly wrong.

Ignis moved slightly, making a small noise. He froze.

But Ignis didn't open his eyes.

He lay still for an interminable amount of time, trying to control his breathing, his rapidly beating heart. However, when Ignis didn't make any other sounds, didn't move from his new position, he gradually overcame his terror. If Ignis had woken up, if Ignis had noticed anything, surely he would have moved away instead of moving closer. One hand was now wedged underneath his shoulder, a leg half-slung over his thigh. Ignis' left hand rested on the edge of his shirt, between his waist and his hip, its warmth seeming to travel across his skin until it touched every part of him.

He breathed in, breathed out, slowly, carefully, willing his heart to stop its feverish pace. Slowly, carefully, he moved his hand on top of Ignis', lightly running his fingertips across the knuckles, the back of his hand, his slender wrist. Touching his hand like that fit within the safe confines of the sort of touches they'd engaged in yesterday. Touches that were intended as comforting, not loving. He should not cross that boundary again.

And yet, Ignis' hair was so soft against his cheek. He was so close. Just the smallest movement of his head, so that his lips were buried between those strands. A minuscule press against his scalp. Breathing in the fragrance of his shampoo, and the underlying scent of warm skin, so close, so dizzying. Breathing out as quietly as possible and feeling Ignis' hair move against his lips. Another kiss, gentle as a whisper of air. He felt drunk on the sensation. He knew his body was shaking again, but he couldn't stop.

A single finger brushed against the sliver of skin just below the edge of his shirt. Carefully, quietly. It disappeared underneath the hem, joined by another finger, slowly moving upwards. He didn't dare move. He could barely breathe.

Ignis shifted his body, moving his torso higher, fluid and controlled, resting his cheek against Ravus' jaw, his voice no more than a whisper. "Tell me you want this."

A soft mouth brushing against his ear. "Please, Ravus. Tell me."

He tried to answer, but his voice wouldn't work.

Instead, he found Ignis' fingers, and moved them underneath his shirt, up to his stomach, and desperately hoped it was answer enough. Those careful fingers continued to explore, tracing the outlines of his muscles, the edge of his ribs, the line of his sternum, climbing higher and higher, until they circled one of his nipples and he could no longer withhold a shuddering, breathy moan.

Ignis moved again, raising himself on his elbow, pulling Ravus' shirt up, following the path his fingers had traced with his mouth, planting light kisses on every inch he uncovered, kisses that set his skin on fire.

He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be happening.

Ignis tugged on his shirt and he lifted himself up off the mattress almost automatically, responding to every movement and gesture Ignis made, the same way they had fought together in Altissia, naturally, instinctively, utterly in sync.

His shirt slipped over his head. Their eyes met.

Ignis lowered himself on top of him, his hands digging into his hair, pulling him up, until their mouths met in a searing kiss. Sensual, passionate, open-mouthed, desperate, needy, all thoughts forgotten except the feel of Ignis' lips upon his, his tongue licking into his mouth, the taste of him, the sensation of him, answering his kiss as if his life depended on it.

Right hand grappling with Ignis' shirt. Ignis pulling it off. The touch of skin on skin. Their mouths meeting once more, frantic and heated. Ignis bucking into him, the hard line of his cock pressing into his abdomen, arousal overtaking him, knowing he was gasping and breathing Ignis' name in between kisses, and Ignis responding in turn.

He was more turned on than he'd ever been in his life, the weight of Ignis on top of him pressing into his erection and making it throb and twitch like he was close to coming, even though he knew he was still a while off. It was an incredible feeling, though, heady and arousing and dizzying, especially combined with the way Ignis was kissing him, like he was a meal waiting to be devoured, stealing his breath away every time his tongue plunged into his mouth.

Ignis shifted and suddenly their cocks were pressed together, hard lengths lining up through their underwear, the scant pieces of fabric doing nothing to stop the electrifying feeling that rushed through him. He gasped and arched up into Ignis' touch, wanting more of him, more, so much more.

Ignis buried his face against his neck, kissing him everywhere he could reach. Then he lifted himself up on his arms and started moving his hips. "Ravus, oh gods, I need you, I need you so much," his voice strangled, bearing down on him, grinding their erections together, hair falling into his face, those green eyes closed in what might be pleasure or pain, his breathing fast and ragged, until Ignis arched off of him with a violent shudder and lifted himself up on his hands and knees, hovering over Ravus' body, his body trembling, his head hanging down and his eyes screwed shut, gasping for breath.

He tried to pull Ignis back, tried to angle himself upwards to keep their bodies touching, but Ignis was out of reach, no more kissing, no more skin on skin contact, no hand caressing his face, no sound except the agonising, rasping noise of Ignis fighting to get air into his lungs.

His hand flew to his mouth to prevent a sob from escaping. He'd ruined everything. He'd let his passions, his desires guide him, he'd taken advantage of the situation, and Ignis was clearly regretting the fact that he'd given in, that he'd let Ravus touch him like that, kiss him like that, using his body to tell him exactly how he felt, with no way to take any of it back.

He tried to draw breath, tried to stifle another sob, but it was useless.

Ignis' eyes flew open, a panicked look on his face. "Ravus! You're... you're crying? What happened? Oh gods, tell me what's wrong!"

"Everything," he managed to gasp. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Ignis, I shouldn't have... I'm so stupid, I keep making the same mistakes. Please, please forgive me."

Ignis was still hovering over him, still so far away from him. Ignis' hand came up to cup his face, but he turned his head away, knowing how pitiful he must look.

"Ravus, it wasn't... oh gods, please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I..."

And then Ignis was lowering himself gingerly at his side, gently touching his face, kissing his wet cheeks, the tears inelegantly rolling across his nose and dripping into his ear, kissing his closed eyelids, fingers stroking his hair and keeping it out of his face.

It was too overwhelming. "Why... why are you still kissing me, Ignis? I don't deserve it, I don't deserve any of it." He hated how his voice sounded, feeble and wretched. He didn't want Ignis' pity, now that he knew he couldn't have Ignis' love. They'd been so close, so close, he'd been given almost everything he wanted, and he ruined their closeness by asking for more.

But Ignis was still pressing soft kisses to his jaw, his cheeks, his temple, lips brushing against skin, so sweetly, so tenderly. Ignis' fingers wrapped around his chin, turning his face towards him. And then he felt Ignis' mouth upon his, once again, his lips so soft, and his mouth opened unthinkingly to let him in, a soft moan escaping as Ignis' tongue gently nudged his.

"Ravus..." Ignis whispered into his mouth, the sound of it making him shiver.

But before he could process any of it, before he could gather his thoughts and catch his breath, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Hey, you guys? Everything okay in there?"

Ignis sat up. "Ah, good morning, Prompto! Yes, everything is fine, I seem to have overslept. I'll be out in a minute, don't worry."

Prompto's voice sounded too cheerful, even with a door separating them. "No biggie! Just wanted to check, you two are always up before me. See you in a bit!"

Ignis turned back towards him. "I'm so sorry Ravus, that was very unfortunate timing. How are you feeling? Will you be alright if we postpone... well, I would say making out with each other, but that sounds terribly juvenile. And perhaps we also need to talk about this. After the others have left, if that's alright with you?"

He cleared his throat. "Yes, I'll be fine. I just... what the hell just happened, Ignis?"

Ignis smiled. "I'd love to tell you in detail how you made me feel, but it is rather embarrassing and I'm also in dire need of some cleaning up. So, later?"

He nodded and watched as Ignis got off the bed and walked towards the dresser. There was something uncomfortable in his movements, and when Ignis turned around, he could see why.

His eyes went wide. "You... you mean you..."

Ignis looked straight at him, still smiling. "I told you it was embarrassing. I'll try to be as quick as I can in the shower, so you can have a little bit more time in there. Do you have any particular wishes for breakfast?"

He swallowed. "I think my brain has stopped working. It's saying I only want you for breakfast. Please kill me now."

Ignis ducked his head and looked away. "Gods, Ravus. You are... you are something. I'm going to have to take that shower now, or Prompto will be banging on the door again before I can do anything else. Please stop tempting me."

As Ignis left the room, he had to suck in several deep breaths, trying to get his heart to stop racing. He lifted his hand and let his fingers linger on his mouth in disbelief. Ignis had kissed him. Ignis had been on top of him. They'd rutted into each other like desperate animals. And he hadn't been the only one to enjoy that. He'd made Ignis come.

He had almost ruined things, but not in the way he thought. He'd started crying like a child, for gods' sake. And Ignis still wanted him. Still desired him, emotional mess and all.

He looked down at his underwear. His erection was no longer visible, but there was a telltale spot where his precome had leaked through the fabric, and another, larger spot closer to his waistband where Ignis hadn't moved away fast enough. He gingerly touched the spot. It was still wet. Ignis had come on top of him. He felt a stirring of renewed desire.

No, he wasn't going to masturbate right here in bed. Not now. He could wait.

He gathered up his clothes and prosthesis as soon as he heard the shower cut out. But when he entered the bathroom, Ignis was still there, carefully moving a razor across his jaw.

"I thought you usually shaved in the shower?"

Ignis kept his eyes on the mirror. "Yes, usually. I wanted a closer shave today."

He could feel his hands trembling. "Ignis... I want to kiss you so badly."

Ignis gave the tiniest of smiles and winked at his reflection in the mirror. "Better not, I'm still shaving. But if you're still here when I'm done..."

He drew a deep breath. "That would probably be a bad idea as well. Someone could come in at any moment and wonder why we're in the bathroom together. I'll wait outside."

Ignis rinsed his razor off underneath the tap, then started on the other side of his face. "You're right, of course. Best to be cautious. But gods, it's hard to resist you."

He breathed out. "Ignis..."

Ignis turned towards him, wide eyed and looking almost desperate. "Ravus, go. Or I swear I'm going to drag you into the shower and not care for a single moment who finds us."

His cock immediately sprang to life. He quickly turned around and went back into the bedroom, closing the door and leaning against it. The thought of anyone seeing him in the hallway, with an erection this massive... He couldn't palm his cock or move it to a different position, not while he was still awkwardly holding his clothes and arm. He heard the bathroom door open and close, and footsteps moving towards the kitchen.

Ignis. His cock gave another twitch.

He stayed rock hard all through his shower, and he would have masturbated then if he didn't hate doing it one-handed, with no way to prop himself up against the tiles. He dried himself off quickly, attached his arm, got dressed, but decided at the last moment not to rush his shaving. The reminder of Ignis taking extra care with his own shave made his lips and skin tingle with anticipation at kissing him again. He wanted to kiss every millimetre of that smooth jaw. He wanted Ignis to do the same to him. At the very least he should try to make the experience as pleasant as possible for Ignis.

He walked into the kitchen and had to restrain himself from rushing over and taking Ignis into his arms as soon as their eyes met. Ignis looked devastatingly handsome. Tight jeans, neatly pressed shirt, his eyes pools of green fire behind his glasses. He felt his throat close up with desire, with all the things he wanted to say to him. But they weren't alone. Prompto and the girls were sitting at the kitchen island, having breakfast.

Ignis smiled and held out a mug. "Good morning, Ravus. Did you sleep well?"

He took a deep breath. "Thank you Ignis. I did. It was kind of you to let me sleep in. Good morning, Prompto, Aranea, Iris. Looks like you're all ready to face the day."

Aranea scowled at him. "Yeah, must be nice to be a lazy ass for once, huh?"

Ignis made a disapproving noise from over by the coffee machine. "Ravus works harder than any of us here. I will not allow you to make him feel guilty over taking it easy on occasion, Aranea."

"Yeah, yeah, Specs. We all know you have a soft spot for Ravus. No need to get all growly."

Prompto looked up from his breakfast. "Iggy has soft spots? Wow, first time I've heard of it. Although, that does kind of explain all the tea stuff. You're a lucky man, Ravus! Please let me in on your secret one of these days."

He ignored the banter, too preoccupied with not moving over to the coffee maker and kissing Ignis senseless in full view of everyone else. What were they going to do once the others left? He really needed to stop thinking about it, painfully aware of how his erection was throbbing against his inseam.

But even his wildest fantasies couldn't have prepared him for what happened as soon as the door closed and the apartment was empty except for Ignis and him.

He barely had time to put down his mug of tea before Ignis' hands were in his hair, gripping him and pulling him close, devouring his mouth with a passion that was almost frightening in its intensity.

Suddenly Ignis let go, dropping to his knees and looking up at him with a devious smirk.

"I owe you some reciprocity, I believe."

His slender fingers undid his belt and trousers faster than he could comprehend. Ignis pulled down his underwear and his cock immediately sprang forward, as if tasting freedom.

Only to be captured by Ignis' lips wrapping around the head.

He gripped the counter behind him with both hands, letting out a moan that was almost animalistic. The wet heat of Ignis' mouth was indescribable. He found himself thrusting his hips forward and immediately tried to withdraw, embarrassed beyond words.

But Ignis wouldn't let him, only took him in deeper, hands on his hips and mouth moving up and down along his length.

He was going to die. He was going to come in Ignis' mouth and die. He could already feel the tight coil of orgasm building deep within his abdomen, throbbing in time with every swipe of Ignis' tongue, every time he swallowed him deeper, and he tried to grab hold of something, tried to pull Ignis off to warn him, but all he could do was twist his fingers into Ignis' hair, and Ignis seemed to take that as encouragement instead of warning, burying his face against his crotch until the head of his cock bumped into the back of Ignis' throat, and Ignis made a sound and sped up his movements, until he could do nothing but moan Ignis' name over and over, his hips moving of their own accord.

He tried to stop it, but his climax crashed into him like a tidal wave, a tsunami of eye-watering ecstasy, his come shooting out of him in burst after dizzying burst, straight into Ignis' mouth, who hummed and sucked until he felt like his soul was being sucked out of him, the pleasure more than he could bear. He sagged against the counter, boneless and breathless.

Ignis released him, tucked him back into his underwear, and got up from his knees in one smooth, sinuous movement.

Then his mouth was upon his and he tasted of coffee and come and a faint trace of mint and all Ignis. It was intoxicating.

He had to break away away from the kiss to gasp for breath.

"That was... Ignis, that was incredible. I've never... by the names of the gods and all that's holy, I had no idea it could feel like that. I'm still shaking."

Ignis wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him softly. Then he looked at him curiously. "Wait. Have you never... was this your first time receiving a blowjob?"

He nodded and looked away, too embarrassed to meet Ignis' eyes. "I've given them. But the person... the boy I was in love with said I was sick for wanting to pleasure him like that, that it was disgusting, and he wouldn't kiss me afterwards. He hardly ever kissed me anyway. But he still let me suck him off. It made me happy to think that I could at least make him feel something, even if he didn't love me."

"Oh, Ravus." There was a small hitch in Ignis' voice. "Ravus, you wonderful, beautiful, magnificent man. You deserved so much better than that, so much better. I'd like to kill that guy for saying those things to you, for not kissing you senseless every moment of the day, the way you should be kissed. How long ago was this?"

He gave a sigh. "He's probably already dead. I lost track of him during the invasion, and I never saw him again. So... Twelve, thirteen years ago, give or take."

Ignis gently ran his fingers through his hair and kissed him tenderly. When he stopped, he asked, "And none of your other partners have ever offered?"

He laughed mirthlessly. "What other partners? There was only Keres, and after him, nobody. Nobody wants to fuck the High Commander of the Imperial Army, the self-serving prince who betrayed his country, his royal bloodline, and his own family to further his ambition, except people who are only driven by ambition themselves. I would not be used like that. They already used me any other way they could."

"Ravus. Oh gods, Ravus."

He looked at Ignis. He sounded almost tearful.

"You've never... this morning, when we were intimate, that was your first time with another man? And I almost... oh gods, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Ravus."

He replied quietly, "My first time with anyone. Don't be sorry, Ignis. It felt amazing. I know I ruined the moment, but it was still more than I'd ever dreamed of."

Ignis laughed. "Wait. You ruined the moment? Ravus, I had an orgasm before we even managed to get our underwear off. I was so desperate for you, so... Oh gods, I want to make love to you, Ravus. I want to show you exactly how much you mean to me."

His heart stopped beating.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

He fumbled for words. Any words, anything.

"Ignis." Not good enough.

"Ignis. What..."

Ignis looked into his eyes, those bright green blazes of fire taking his breath away.

"Love, Ravus. I want to make you feel loved. I want to woo you and seduce you and make you come so many times you'll see stars. I want to make you fall head over heels in love with me, if I can. But above all, I want to show you how much you deserve being loved, how absolutely magnificent you are, how beautiful and captivating and irresistible. How deeply I've fallen for you. I can't even find the words to tell you how much I'm in love with you. I only hope you can accept how I feel, without it getting in the way of our intimacy."

He finally managed to make his voice work. "Get in the way? Ignis, you imbecile. You fool. I'm so infatuated with you I've been slowly going insane. I used your lube to masturbate. I've been dreaming of you, nightmares about you leaving me, too many wet dreams to keep track of. I've cried in your arms. I was the one who started kissing you this morning, because I thought you were asleep and wouldn't notice. Are you crazy? I love you Ignis, I love you so much, and if you don't take me to bed right now, I'm going to jump out of the window, I swear."

Ignis' laugh was the most delightful sound he'd ever heard in his life.

Then he was being dragged down the hallway, Ignis laughing and muttering something about, "So dramatic, Ravus," and he could do nothing but follow, his heart pounding in his throat and a smile on his lips.

Chapter Text

Despite the urgency of their initial physical contact in the early morning, and the rush of the unexpected blowjob in the kitchen, the first thing Ignis did as soon as they'd closed the bedroom door behind them was to pull him into a hug.

He turned his head to press a kiss to Ignis' temple. "I can't believe I get to do this now. I can't believe I get to kiss you."

Ignis lifted his head, a smile lighting up his face. "I could say the same thing. Gods, Ravus. I love you."

A thrill went through him at those words. "Please, please keep saying that."

Ignis kissed his jaw, his ear. "Oh believe me, I will. I love you, Ravus. I love you."

He couldn't help but moan as Ignis' lips brushed against his throat. "I'm dreaming. This has to be a dream. Ignis..."

A soft chuckle and clever fingers finding their way to the buttons on his shirt. "I love the way you say my name. I love the sounds you make." Wet, open-mouthed kisses against each inch of skin exposed, as another button was undone. "I love how you taste, how you feel."

One more tug and his shirt was hanging open over his chest, getting pushed off his shoulders, kisses peppering his skin.

He wasn't aware he'd closed his eyes until Ignis took a step back.

"Gods, you're so beautiful."

He opened his eyes as Ignis reached out, pulling his sleeves down his arms and letting his shirt drop to the floor. Ignis' fingers lingered over his prosthetic arm.

"Maybe... maybe before. But not now. Look at me, Ignis. Don't pretend this arm isn't a turn-off."

Ignis sucked in a breath.

"Ravus, I don't want to accidentally say the wrong thing. But you are beautiful, even if you don't believe me. Your arm..." Ignis reached out and touched it again, a look of wonder coming over his face.

"I know it hurts you. I know you're still getting used to it. But... it's beautiful too. It's part of you. It shows how strong you are, how capable, how determined. It looks... I don't know how to describe it. Intimidating. Arousing. Masculine in a way that makes me want to feel it wrapped around me. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm fetishising your disability. It's just..."

He couldn't stop the laugh that escaped him.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you like my prosthesis. After all, it was you who ruined the old one."

Ignis looked puzzled for a moment. Then a disbelieving smile crept over his face.

"Oh gods, I did, didn't I? With a dagger through your arm. Damn it, Ravus! I stabbed you and you're making jokes about it?"

He grinned. "I didn't take that dagger out until hours later. I wanted to remember you. I'm surprised you didn't notice that it had gone missing."

Ignis started laughing, his eyes crinkling up. "I'm trying to compliment you and get you in the mood to make love to me and you're reminding me of the time I tried to kill you."

He pulled Ignis close. "No, you didn't. You did your best not to kill me. You tried to incapacitate me, to make me stop and think, but you didn't try to kill me. It's one of the things... Even with all that happened, I think that was probably the moment I started falling in love with you, even though I tried so hard to deny it."

Ignis looked up at him. "Ravus..."

Their lips met as if in slow-motion. It was soft, gentle, unhurried. A kiss that felt like it had no beginning and no end, just a quiet connection, full of tenderness. Something bubbled up inside of him, something he hadn't felt since childhood, butterflies and anticipation and joy and safety and love all mixed into one. His eyes drifted shut as their kiss deepened, his hands coming up to cup Ignis' face, drinking him in, exploring every part of his mouth, delicately, slowly. Ignis' lips were so soft on his, his mouth so warm, his taste sweeter than anything he could imagine.

He roamed further, brushing his lips over the corner of Ignis' mouth, following the smooth line of his jaw, nudging the soft spot next to his ear, feather-light kisses that tried to say I love you in a dozen different places, a dozen different ways.

He gasped as Ignis reciprocated, taking the lobe of his ear between his lips, then the shell, leaving soft kisses, a breath of air that made him shiver in Ignis' arms. He let his hands drift downwards, over Ignis' shoulders, his arms, up again to his chest, wanting to feel all of him.

He turned his head and murmured against Ignis' skin, "Can you help me with getting your shirt unbuttoned? I don't think my prosthetic hand is dexterous enough, not with how you're making me feel."

The breath Ignis drew was sudden and shallow, not quite a gasp but close. "Ravus. I thought I'd feel proud or happy hearing you ask for help with something but... honestly, I'm so incredibly turned on by what you just said."

They quickly worked out how to open the buttons, him holding them between his thumb and index finger, Ignis drawing the buttonhole over top. Every time they undid a button, their fingers tangled together, brushing their fingertips together in soft caresses, each touch as electrifying as the next.

As they reached the last button on Ignis' shirt, Ignis whispered, "I think this is the most sensual and arousing thing I have ever experienced. It's almost better than sex. You need to undress me far more often."

He smiled and lifted his eyes to meet Ignis' gaze. "Well, I guess I should get started on the next button then, shouldn't I?" He let his hand drift lower, over the top button of Ignis' jeans.

Ignis took a quick step back. "If you go anywhere near those buttons, I'm going to embarrass myself again. I'm too aroused, and I want this to last. Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

He closed the distance between them and wrapped his hands around Ignis' waist, pulling him as close as he could. He buried his face in his neck and whispered, "Show me. Let me feel you."

Ignis let out a strangled sound.

"I'm going to get a towel to put on the bed. Things are probably going to get messy. Stay there and don't move."

For once, he didn't think Ignis would mind if he didn't listen to him. He quickly sat down on the bed and took his shoes and trousers off, followed by his underwear. He leaned back against the pillows, spreading his legs and palming his erection, waiting for Ignis to return.

Ignis came to a full stop right inside the doorway.

"Ravus... Oh gods, Ravus. You're going to kill me, looking like that."

He slowly drew his hand down around his cock. "Take your clothes off and get into bed with me. I don't want to wait any longer."

Ignis placed the towel at the foot of the bed, then shrugged off his shirt and divested himself of his belt, shoes, socks and trousers.

"Underwear too, Ignis."

Ignis gave him a wordless stare, before slowly pulling down his boxers. He took in the sight greedily, hungrily. Seeing Ignis naked for the first time was so much more arousing than anything he'd dreamed of. The smooth, firmly toned planes of his chest and abs. The quiet swell of his biceps, the wiry strength of his arms. His narrow waist and the dip of his hips, leading to muscular thighs. His cock, jutting out at a sharp angle, hard and erect, the head glistening with precome.

Ignis was still wearing his glasses and the delicate necklace he never took off.

He had to firmly squeeze the base of his own cock to mitigate the sudden wave of desire that coursed through him.

Ignis walked towards him and placed his hands on either side of his head, leaning over and kissing him passionately, the necklace trailing against his chest. "I'm going to take my time with you, Ravus, no matter how impatient you are or how difficult you make it for me to resist you."

Turning towards the nightstand, Ignis took out the bottle of lemongrass lube he was all too familiar with and got onto the bed, kneeling between his legs.

Ignis was too far away.

He sat up, putting his hands on Ignis' shoulders, and pulling him close for another kiss. "Whatever you do, don't stop kissing me, please. I love kissing you, I love seeing you like this, you're so beautiful and so naked and you wearing your glasses is doing things to me, Ignis, I can't even begin to tell you."

Ignis laughed softly against his mouth. "So you have a thing for assistive devices after all, Ravus? How unexpected."

"Don't make fun of me. Just... do whatever it is you need to do so I can feel you inside of me. And don't stop kissing me. Gods, I want you so much."

Ignis gently pushed him back down onto the sheets, leaning over him and trailing kisses all across his jaw and neck, then moving down towards his chest. He moaned as Ignis' mouth grazed his nipple, lingering there for a moment, briefly flicking it with his tongue and sending a thrill down his spine.

Ignis glanced up at him, smiling. "Is this type of kissing good enough for you? Because I do need to be able to see what I'm doing."

He nodded, breathlessly, as more kisses were placed down his abdomen. Then the scent of lemongrass reached him just as he felt a slick, cool pressure on the skin just below his testicles. He gasped and looked down. "That... that feels interesting."

Ignis pressed feather-light kisses against the inside of his thigh. "Do you want me to keep going?"

As soon as he managed a breathy "Yes," Ignis pushed his legs a little further apart and added some more lube to his fingers. The feeling was just as smooth and silky as the time he'd used it on himself, like Ignis was caressing him with a satin glove. It felt wonderful, even when Ignis let his fingers drift further down, towards his entrance. Even though he'd never touched himself there, the soft motions were relaxing, intimate and tender.

That changed when the tip of one of Ignis' fingers breached his opening, the intrusion sending a shiver all through his body. Ignis halted his movements and started to withdraw his finger again, which made him reach across his body to grab Ignis by the wrist. "No, don't stop. I want this. Please."

He pulled on Ignis' wrist to push his finger back in, the smooth glide of the lube making it slip in a little deeper than before. He shivered again, but it seemed his body was already starting to adapt. He wanted more.

He increased his grip and started moving Ignis' finger in and out of himself, going somewhat deeper each time, slowly adjusting to the feeling. Chills were erupting all over his body. Ignis was inside of him. Even if it was only one finger, it was a heady, intoxicating feeling.

"Let me..." Ignis sounded unsteady. "Ravus, let me add some more lube." The emotions crossing Ignis' features were a mixture of slight amusement, undisguised awe, and blatant desire, his mouth half-open and his eyes fixed on where his finger was slowly moving in and out of him.

"As long as... you don't stop," he managed to gasp out.

Ignis clicked open the bottle and drizzled more lube over his fingers, the scent of lemongrass once again wafting up to him. The memory of pleasuring himself with it while thinking of Ignis, when the real Ignis was now touching him with another finger rubbing against his entrance, brought a moan to his lips. He clutched Ignis' hand and moved him deeper, faster.

It was like nothing he had ever felt before. The slide was delicious, his rim tingling slightly with the way Ignis' fingers stretched him open, two fingers being somehow more than just one finger doubled, making him feel full and still wanting more at the same time.

Ignis did something with his fingers that stretched him out further, and he surprised even himself by arching into the touch, groaning at how sensitive it felt. He had no idea that something that didn't involve stroking his own cock or balls could feel so good. He tightened his grip on Ignis' fingers and pushed him in deeper, until he could feel the back of Ignis' hand graze his ass. He sped up the movements, relishing the stretch, the glide, the awareness of Ignis touching places that had never been touched before.

His eyes flew open as he heard another click of the bottle and Ignis suddenly withdrew his fingers. His eyes were half-lidded as he took off his glasses with one hand, tossing them onto the pillow, and gripping his cock tightly with the other, slick with lube.

"Ravus, I can't... watching you, watching you fuck yourself on my fingers... I need to be inside you, I need to..."

The only response he could give to that was to pull Ignis in for a passionate kiss. It was messy and uncoordinated and inelegant but he didn't care because at the same time, he could feel the head of Ignis' cock rub against his opening. He lifted his hips and placed his hands on Ignis' ass, trying to pull him in even further.

"Wait... wait, let me... There's condoms in the drawer, we need to..."

He nearly growled. "I want to feel you, Ignis, not some flimsy barrier. You're going to fuck me and you're going to do it now."

When Ignis seemed to hesitate, he wrapped his legs around Ignis' hips with all the force he could muster, making it absolutely clear what he wanted.

Ignis lifted one of his legs up, and guided his cock towards his entrance. They both gasped at the same time as the tip of Ignis' cock breached his rim. It was only a fraction of the way in, but already the feeling was indescribable. He wrapped his other leg higher around Ignis' back and moaned as Ignis slipped further inside.

"Ravus, please... I'm not... I'm not hurting you, am I? Oh gods, you feel so tight, I should have worn a condom, I can't..."

His own voice sounded rough, guttural. "Ignis, keep going, keep going, please, please."

Ignis shuddered and pushed in further. He could feel his own body responding, opening up, adjusting to Ignis' girth, pulling him in, the stretch and the sheer sensation of Ignis filling him up unparalleled by anything that came before. His muscles clenched around Ignis' cock, taking in how hard he was, a length of solid steel sliding into his body, more lethal and devastating than any weapon.

All of a sudden, he could feel Ignis pulling back slightly and tensing up. "Ravus..."

He looked up. Ignis was leaning over him, hands digging into the mattress next to his shoulders, his eyes screwed shut and his breathing heavy and ragged. "Ravus, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm too close, I'm..."

He did the only thing he could think of. He gripped Ignis' ass and pulled with all of his might. Ignis slid all the way inside at the same time as he let out a strangled moan, his body arching upwards, and he could suddenly feel Ignis' cock jerking and twitching inside of him, echoed by the stuttering movements of Ignis' hips before he collapsed on top of his chest, shaking and trembling.

Wrapping his arms around Ignis' back and his legs around his thighs, he held him close until his breathing started levelling out and his body became still, even though he could still sense a faint throbbing between his legs. Ignis carefully lifted himself on one elbow.

"Ravus, gods, I'm so sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry. I'll go and..."

He tightened his hold on him. "I love you, Ignis. I love you. Can you stay like this, if it's not too sensitive? Please?"

Then he lifted his hand and gently brushed Ignis' hair away from his forehead. Ignis must have seen something in his eyes, because a soft, small smile appeared on his lips and he leaned closer, until their lips met in a tender, loving kiss.

Ignis let out a soft sigh. "You're unbelievable. You must think I have the worst stamina in the world."

He kissed Ignis' cheek, his jaw, his neck, any place he could reach. "Would you believe me if I said that was one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced? The way you looked when you were coming..."

Ignis closed his eyes for a brief moment. "I need to stop making a habit of coming that quickly when I'm with you. It's utterly embarrassing. The only excuse I have is that it's... well, it's been a while. And... gods, Ravus, do you have any idea how good you feel?"

He slowly clenched his rim around Ignis' cock. "Better than this? Better than how I feel with your cock inside of me?"

Ignis stared at him, wide-eyed. "Ravus..."

Their mouths met again, a slow, languid kiss that soon deepened into something more, a passionate tangling of their tongues that made desire flare up inside of him. Ignis' weight on top of him was solid, pressing him into the mattress as his hands ran down his chest and up his arms. They broke apart, gasping for breath, then drew together once more, Ignis' need for him just as apparent as his own, written out in every kiss, every breath, every way their bodies moved against each other.

His cock started filling out again, recovering from the interruption, and he realised he was moaning softly, his hands ranging all over Ignis' back, arching up into every touch, wanting more. Ignis started answering every movement with minute thrusts of his hips.

They both realised at the same time.

"Ignis... you're still hard."

Ignis looked at him with fire in his eyes. "So it seems. Up for another round?" A smile played upon his lips.

He pulled him in for a heated kiss. "With you, always. Always."

Ignis lifted himself up on his arms, withdrawing slightly, then slowly sliding back inside, repeating the process until they found a comfortable, leisurely pace, moving together as one. It was different from when Ignis first entered him, less intense, less overwhelming, but just as electrifying, the pleasure radiating outwards from where they were joined, suffusing his entire body. Ignis peppered him with kisses every time they came together, leaning over him with a smile on his face and a tender look in his eyes.

"I can't believe I get to do this, after wanting you for so long," Ignis whispered.

He had to blink away a sudden dampness in his eyes. "Don't go all sappy and romantic on me."

"I mean it. All those nights when you were lying beside me, trying to keep my hands to myself, not even allowing myself to masturbate to the thought of you because I was afraid of what that would do to our friendship, and yet I wanted you, wanted you so badly, your body stretched out beneath me just like this..."

He leaned up, took Ignis' necklace between his teeth, and yanked on it. "Oh, shut up and fuck me."

The sudden flash of lust in Ignis' eyes was all he wanted to see. Ignis sat up slightly, lifted Ravus' knees to his chest, and picked up the tempo of his thrusts, sliding in deep, hard, fierce. An unexpected jolt shook him to his core, making him arch off the bed, and Ignis tightened his grip and did it again, and again, until he knew he was moaning incoherently, no idea what he was experiencing except that it felt astonishing, a rush of incredible pleasure every time Ignis hit some spot deep inside of him.

His entire body was thrumming with need, every snap of Ignis' hips accompanied by a flood of sensations starting at his groin and spiralling outwards, making him gasp for breath and cry out Ignis' name, over and over, until he was lost in a haze of ecstasy. It was nothing like touching himself, nothing like the fantasies he'd had, nothing but the exquisite reality of Ignis sliding in and out of him, his arousal building upon itself, obliterating all his thoughts until there was only this, this moment and nothing else.

He wrapped his hands around his own thighs to lift them up and spread them further apart, giving Ignis more room to move, and Ignis responded by slamming into him to the hilt, his previous pace forgotten, his thrusts hard and deep and fast. Ignis' breathing was starting to become heavier, sweat beading on his forehead and chest, his eyes burning with a fierceness and passion that made him feel dizzy and unmoored.

Suddenly Ignis reached down to take Ravus' cock in his hand, fingers still coated with lube, and he nearly cried out at the doubling of sensations, the overwhelming feeling of Ignis' hard cock and the force of his thrusts, his hand simultaneously stroking him in a disjointed rhythm. He could hear the sound of Ignis' laboured breaths, feel him speeding up, fingers tightening around his length, quick, messy up and down movements, arousal pooling in his gut, between his legs, around the base of his cock, his climax barrelling down on him at a relentless pace.

"Ravus, I'm not going to last much longer, please... please tell me you're close, I want to make you come, I want to make it feel good for you before I... oh gods, please come for me, I love you, I love you, please..."

He wanted to reply, wanted to tell Ignis he loved him too, but the sound of Ignis' voice, usually so in control, now faltering and breathless, was what pushed him over the edge, his orgasm making his entire body seize up, muscles tensing, air getting punched out of his lungs, his cock suddenly spasming and spilling his come all over his chest and abdomen in violent spurts, intense bursts of pleasure coursing through his body and making him gasp and shudder as the final wave washed over him.

Ignis' moans joined his own, his face contorting and his mouth falling open, giving one, two more thrusts before his body went rigid, his cock burying itself within him as far as it could go, his hips giving a few more feeble jerks until he could feel Ignis' cock suddenly twitching and throbbing with his release, deep inside of him. Ignis gave one last drawn out moan before almost collapsing on top of him, barely catching himself on his arms.

He wrapped his arms around Ignis' back and pulled him as close as he possibly could, kissing him everywhere.

They lay like that for a few minutes, breaths evening out and heart rates slowing down. Then Ignis lifted himself on his arms and winced.

"I hate to be all practical..."

"I wouldn't have you any other way, Ignis."

"However, I can feel myself going soft..."

"Finally."

"Oh for gods sake, Ravus. What I'm trying to say is that..."

"I love you."

"I need to grab that towel before... I love you too, so much, damn it, stop distracting me, Ravus. I need to get that towel underneath you before I slip out and make a mess. I'm not going to allow you to lie in a wet spot or worry about changing the sheets on our bed just because I'm a degenerate who came inside you. Twice."

"Worth it."

"You're incorrigible."

He pulled Ignis close again, running his hands over his back, kissing his eyelids, his cheekbones, his smooth jaw, his soft lips. "Stop worrying and hold me."

Ignis finally relaxed into him, allowing himself to be pulled down and onto his side, their arms wrapping around each other as their mouths kept finding each other in soft, gentle kisses.

"I had no idea it could be like this," he whispered into Ignis' skin.

Ignis ran his fingers through his hair. "Would you believe me if I said that I had no idea either? I've been with others, but... never like this. Gods, I'm so in love with you."

He smiled. "Are you sure that's not just your post-orgasmic high talking?"

Ignis kissed him. "And which orgasm would that be? You've already made me come three times since waking up. You are so beautiful, Ravus. So perfect. I've dreamed of this so many times, but it's nothing compared to the reality of being with you. I still can't believe it."

He let his hands wander over Ignis' shoulders and back. "I'm probably going to need some time to process it all, if I'm being honest. It feels like a dream. I know that sounds idiotic. You're in my arms. We're both naked. I can feel your come dripping down my thighs, for fuck's sake. Why does it still feel unreal?"

Ignis looked at him, full of love and tenderness. "Take all the time you need. Perhaps we rushed things a little bit, but I have no regrets about any of this. We can talk about it, if that's what you want."

He closed his eyes and pulled Ignis closer. "Perhaps. For now, I just want to hold you."

Chapter Text

Getting cleaned up and getting dressed was not as uncomfortable or awkward as he'd feared. In fact, it turned out to be quite... romantic, for lack of a better word.

Ignis had again grumbled a bit about the mess on the sheets, which had made him laugh and say he'd take care of it after lunch. Ignis had practically dragged him to the bathroom and wiped down his groin and thighs with such care and attention that it had nearly brought tears to his eyes, even though he had protested he could do it himself. When he'd tried to return the gesture by cleaning off the traces of his semen that had been smeared over both their torsos thanks to their cuddle session, Ignis kept distracting him by lifting his hand to his mouth and placing kisses all over his fingers and knuckles.

Putting their clothes back on was a similar process, interrupted by soft touches and kisses on each piece of skin about to be covered up. Ignis helped him do up the buttons on his shirt, and he showed off the fine motor control of his left hand by threading Ignis' belt through his belt loops, while his right hand was occupied with tracing leisurely circles across Ignis' bare pecs. He had to stop Ignis from closing the uppermost buttons on his own shirt, just so he could kiss those beautiful collarbones once more.

"Did you know how turned on I got every time I saw your collarbones peeking out from underneath your shirt? It was embarrassing. I felt like the world's most pathetic, lovesick fool."

Ignis laughed softly. "No, I hadn't noticed that. I was aware of some other moments, but I always dismissed them as... Well, I was pretty much convinced that I had nothing to do with it. It was still noticeable to me, though. Or maybe that was because I was looking too often."

He grinned, taking Ignis' ear between his teeth and biting gently. "Ignis, did you just admit to staring at my cock? How scandalous of you."

Ignis gave a slight gasp. "In my defence, you have a very attractive cock, long and thick and... Gods, Ravus, stop it or we'll never get around to making lunch."

He wound his arms around Ignis' neck and pressed a kiss against his temple. "Am I being ridiculous when I think I'd prefer making love to you again?"

Ignis laughed and gave him a small push, turning away to walk towards the kitchen. "We just got dressed. And I've made it my mission to see that you stay healthy and well-fed, so you are not getting out of lunch that easily, Ravus."

He trailed after Ignis, revelling in the fact that he could gaze at his ass all he wanted now, without fear of giving himself away. It was a magnificent ass, especially in those tight jeans. His fingers were itching to take hold of it and feel every dimple, every curve.

But he behaved himself, getting the eggs from the fridge when Ignis suggested making omelettes, cracking them in a bowl and beating them until they were foamy, while Ignis busied himself chopping mushrooms and onions. He set the bowl within Ignis' reach and moved behind him in order to get to the coffee machine, allowing himself to get temporarily distracted again by Ignis' ass, furtively trailing a couple of fingers just below the waistband of Ignis' trousers.

Ignis snorted. "You're lucky I'm only holding a kitchen knife and not twin daggers."

He gently brushed the back of Ignis' neck with his mouth. "As if you'd hurt me."

Ignis put the knife down and turned towards him, winding his arms around Ravus' waist. "I might. I'm terrified of it, actually."

"We probably need to talk about that, too. But I was on my way to make you some... coffee..." His voice trailed off as he looked into Ignis' eyes.

Ignis stared back, whispering, "And I need to finish my..."

They leaned into each other, their mouths finding each other as if magnetised, their lips brushing together in a soft, tentative kiss, pulling apart and meeting again, a slight tilt of their heads to fit together even more seamlessly. Ignis' mouth was so irresistible, so addictive, so soft. He leaned further into the kiss as he felt Ignis' lips gently part against his, with a quiet exhale of breath and a tightening of Ignis' arms around his waist. They were standing so close that he could feel Ignis' heartbeat echoing his own.

He let himself sink into the kiss, taking his time, all other thoughts disappearing like shadows chased away by the bright light of midday, nothing here but Ignis and the sweet, unhurried sensation of their lips touching, expressing their love in each tiny movement. He was drowning in it, overtaken by the wave of emotion welling up in him, an outpouring of love and bliss that seemed bottomless, endless, and he found himself breathing, "Ignis... Ignis..." against those gentle lips like a prayer, a prayer answered by Ignis brushing his tongue against his, not demanding or exploring, but almost as if he was reminding himself, reminding them both, that they could kiss like this, softly, slowly, soothingly.

They broke apart just as unhurriedly, just as gradually as they started, with lingering touches of their lips and tongues that lasted a little shorter each time, until they were resting against each other, foreheads touching, their shared breaths the only thing disturbing the silence.

He gazed into Ignis' eyes, unable to put into words what he was feeling. Ignis seemed to understand nonetheless, because his eyes softened and his hand came up to cup his face. "Ravus..."

He cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the unexpected lump forming there. "So... coffee?"

Ignis trailed his fingers across his cheek almost reverently, but then he seemed to startle out of his thoughts, his eyes suddenly twinkling with a genuine smile. "You know exactly how to capture my heart, don't you."

"I didn't think I was trying to?"

"Too late." Ignis smiled and turned back to the kitchen counter. "Would you like grated cheese on your omelette?"

They ate lunch sitting next to each other at the kitchen island, occasionally reaching out to brush their fingers together, but nothing more than that. Ignis sighed when he took a sip of his coffee, complimenting him on it being precisely to his preferences, as if he would make it any other way. He also received a smile when he declined Ignis' offer of extra pepper or salt, knowing how much Ignis prided himself on seasoning his food exactly how he intended it. He loved being able to please Ignis with small gestures like that.

He could barely believe that this was the same man who he'd exchanged heated, passionate kisses with just a few hours before. The same man who he'd had sex with, incredible sex. A small bloom of warmth stirred in his abdomen at the thought.

Would Ignis be interested in repeating the experience again so soon? It might be better to wait, he didn't want to appear as desperate as he felt. And they both still had work to do.

As he was double checking the gloves he used for washing up, making sure there were no holes or tears before putting his hands in the hot water, Ignis came up to him. "Ravus? Will you be okay if I leave you here for a short while to get some shopping done? I know we still need to change the sheets on the bed, and I feel somewhat guilty for letting you do that by yourself."

He smiled. "Ignis, you worry too much. What happened between us doesn't need to change anything else. I'll be fine, so go do your thing. Will you wake me up from my nap when you get back?"

Ignis moved slightly closer. "That depends on how you want to be woken up."

He closed his eyes, a shiver running through him at the tone in Ignis' voice. "I'm wearing bright pink rubber gloves, Ignis. How do you even go from that, to sounding like you want to seduce me?"

"You really have no idea, do you?" A soft kiss was pressed against his lips, and he opened his eyes. The way Ignis looked at him nearly took his breath away.

"If I don't leave now, I don't think I'll be able to leave at all. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Ignis turned on his heel and quickly made for the door, pulling on his jacket and casting one more glance over his shoulder before leaving.

Well. That was certainly... something. He still found it hard to believe that Ignis desired him. Strangely enough, it left him feeling far more vulnerable than at any time during his life. There was a certain confidence, a certain safety in knowing that nobody wanted him that way. He had made it part of his armour.

He was lost in thought as he finished up the dishes and started stripping the bed. Even though the death of his sister had left him an emotional wreck, he'd still clung to the vestiges of that armour, keeping distance between himself and his feelings, keeping himself numb and uncaring, not even admitting to himself that he'd fallen in love with Ignis.

Not until Ignis had reached into his heart with just a few words, just a few touches, and ripped the words right out of him.

He stared at the stains on the sheets. He wanted Ignis with a ferocity that was almost frightening. Ignis had left him an open, bleeding mess, and he needed him here to fill that wound. It couldn't be healthy to feel this way. He should be doing his own healing, not rely on someone else.

But truth be told, he hadn't been doing much healing at all until Ignis had stepped in and pushed him into confronting his emotions. An outsider observer, perhaps, would call Ignis a hypocrite for that, a man who seemed to have such a tight control over his own emotions. But he knew that it was just a veneer, that Ignis felt deeply and passionately, that his composed and self-possessed exterior was a choice he made, and not a way to suppress his feelings.

He started the laundry cycle and leaned his forehead against the machine for a few seconds, remembering the look on Ignis' face when he'd let go of that control. He could feel his breathing speed up at the memory. It had been an incredible experience to sleep with Ignis, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. The intimacy had been overwhelming. Maybe if they repeated the event a few more times, it might become less so, and he could learn from Ignis how to feel his emotions without it ruining him completely.

He smiled to himself. You don't need to come up with excuses, Ravus. Simply say you want Ignis to fuck you into the mattress.

He finished making the bed and took off his clothes and arm. He might get his wish when Ignis came back from his shopping trip, or perhaps at some other time. As difficult as it was to believe that Ignis wanted him as much as he wanted Ignis, there was no question that something had happened between them, and he had to trust in Ignis telling him the truth, that this desire wasn't a one time thing.

At the very least it gave him the opportunity to sleep in the nude again. He sank between the sheets with a blissful sigh.

He's standing in the flower fields outside the palace. Or is it somewhere else? He can't see any of the buildings and people that are supposed to be here. He's holding a bouquet. He starts walking to see if he can find the edge of the field.

He's in a corridor. It's not the palace, although it looks like it. The ceiling is too low, the walls too close. He keeps walking and the corridor becomes even narrower. He turns to look back. There is daylight behind him, blinding him to whatever's on that end of the corridor. And he knows he can't go that way. He has to keep going.

Keres is waiting for him.

I love you so much, he wants to say, but Keres looks angry. What is this, he says, gesturing at the flowers he's holding. You're so pathetic. You're a royal prince and you can't find me a better gift than that?

I've given you my heart, he wants to say.

He wants to fall to his knees and beg Keres not to leave him, he can fuck his mouth if he wants to, he won't ask for anything else, please stay. But he's gone.

He stands in the corridor, except the floor has turned to water and it's rising to his knees. It's cold, so cold. He can't move. The water continues to rise.

Two arms wrap around him from behind, holding him tight, and he wants to say, don't hold me, I will drown here, but the arms pull him closer, and he's stumbling, he falls into the water but the water is suddenly warm, and he can still breathe, he can see the light growing brighter. The arms pull him up and hold him close and he wishes he could see who they belong to, but all he can see is light, and all he can hear is the beating of his heart and a voice in his ear that he thinks he should recognise, but it's just beyond his grasp.

Chapter Text

At first, he wasn't really aware of anything, except that the haze of sleep was no longer quite there. Although these naps that Ignis made him take were helpful, it always took him longer to resurface, to fully wake up compared to sleeping at night.

There was a weight on his chest. Something was holding him down.

Ignis, who was lying next to him, pressed against his back, even though he was curled up into a ball with his shoulders hunched and his knees drawn up. Ignis, who was keeping him close, his arms wrapped tight around him, kissing the top of his spine and the nape of his neck, between his shoulder blades, warm, gentle kisses. Ignis, whose voice was soft and quiet against his back, too low to make out the words.

He relaxed and stretched out his body, keeping in close contact with Ignis. He managed to free his arm from underneath his body and wrap it around his chest, lying on top of Ignis' arm, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"Hey, you."

He still sounded half-asleep, but he didn't really care. Waking up like this was the most wonderful feeling.

Ignis hummed against his shoulder. "I thought you were having another nightmare."

He pulled on Ignis' arm to get him to lie even closer. "I can't remember. No, I don't think it was a nightmare. But I can pretend it was, if it gets you to cuddle me some more?"

Ignis snickered softly. "There's no need for that. It's not like I could resist you. Especially not like this."

One arm remained wrapped around him, but the other left its spot on his chest to slowly stroke a hand down his side and over his hip. He suddenly remembered that he'd gone to sleep without any clothes on.

He turned his head to look at Ignis, a smile on his lips. "You were comforting me because I was having a nightmare, you said? I'm starting to suspect you had ulterior motives, Ignis."

Ignis pressed a kiss against his neck. "I think the more pertinent question is, what were your motives for sleeping in the buff?"

He stretched languorously, lazily. "I always sleep like this. I only stopped when we started sharing a bedroom. Didn't want to shock you or offend you by parading around our shared space au naturel."

Ignis gave another hum. "I suppose that makes sense, given the circumstances we were in, but I'm very much not averse to the idea of you walking around naked from now on."

He laughed. "If I had known you were so easy to seduce, I would have tried it long before today."

He received a soft bite on his ear in return. "Ravus Nox Fleuret, are you saying I'm easy? How dare you. I'll have you know that I'm only easy because you make it so hard to say no to you."

He turned around in Ignis' arms, moving his hand to the front of Ignis' jeans and squeezing lightly. "Liar. I don't think that's more than half-hard, to be honest."

Ignis let out a strangled moan. "Ravus, gods. I don't think I'm able to... oh gods, that feels good... I need a bit more recovery time after this morning, I'm not..."

He kissed Ignis full on the mouth. "Don't give me any bullshit about not being young anymore, you're younger than I am. And I think I know a perfect way to get you hard again."

He gave Ignis a small push to get him on his back. He lifted himself up on his knees and straddled Ignis for a moment, then scooted down to kneel between his legs. He undid Ignis' belt and the buttons on his jeans, palming his underwear, then pulling it down only as far as he needed to get Ignis' cock out.

"You see, there's this thing that I love more than anything. And that's the feeling of a soft cock slowly filling out and getting hard inside my mouth."

He grinned as he watched Ignis' eyes go wide. Then he leaned over and swallowed Ignis down.

He wished for a moment that he'd acted sooner. Ignis was no longer at the stage where he could fit his entire length into his mouth. It would be better if he could put his fingers around the base, but he was resting nearly his entire weight on the hand bracing against the mattress, and changing position right now would rob him of the pleasure of feeling Ignis' erection grow. So he hollowed his cheeks to create a little bit more suction, making sure Ignis' cock stayed put between his lips, and being rewarded by a shuddering gasp and a twitch of Ignis' hips below him.

Ignis tasted so good. He closed his eyes to focus on every sensation as he swirled his tongue around. No precome yet, but a slight, tangy taste of skin and sweat, salty and faint. A hint of soap, more the fragrance than the actual taste. Lemongrass, of course. It paired so well with Ignis' natural scent, sharp and sweet and herbal and citrus-like, with that underlying masculine musk.

He moved his mouth back up, and down again, taking in as much as he could. The skin around Ignis' cock was so soft, so silky against his lips. Even though he couldn't use his hand, he rotated his wrist so it was nudging against Ignis' balls through his jeans, putting a bit of pressure there. Ignis' cock gave a small twitch in his mouth. He was definitely getting harder now, and the soft breaths spilling from Ignis' lips sounded just a fraction louder than before.

Squeezing his lips around the base, he could still feel a slight give, but it was a promise of what Ignis would feel like in his mouth once he was fully hard and erect, the way his cock had felt inside him earlier today when they'd had sex. He shivered slightly at the memory and nearly lost his balance, catching himself on his elbow just in time.

Ignis seemed startled by the movement and lifted himself up, looking at him and bringing his hand to his face. "Are you alright?"

In response, he buried his face against Ignis' groin, feeling the head of his cock bump against the back of his throat. Ignis fell back against the pillows with a moan, his hand twisting into his hair. "Oh gods, that feels so good, so good. Ravus, fuck. Keep going."

He couldn't keep going for long, though, because he'd never been good at controlling his gag reflex and he had to come up for air. Instead, he started moving his mouth up and down in a more fluid motion, running his tongue along the underside of Ignis' cock, feeling the firm ridge swelling there, the thick vein throbbing against his lip.

Ignis kept running his hands through his hair, soft moans escaping his mouth every time he took his cock deeper. He wanted to keep those sounds coming, wanted to make Ignis lose his composure, but it was getting more difficult to keep his movements going and not let Ignis' cock slip out of his mouth. He wanted to get his hand around it, pick up the pace, really make things feel good for Ignis, but his balance was already precarious, and Ignis' cock was now so incredibly hard that he could no longer control the angle.

There was no way he could make Ignis come like this. He realised it at the same moment Ignis' gasps tapered off again.

He moved his mouth up and down faster, leaning on his elbow, trying to take Ignis' cock as deep as he could, then moving back up and running his tongue over the head, trying to give as much stimulation as possible.

It should have been funny, the way Ignis' cock suddenly popped out from between his lips and slapped hard against his stomach.

It should have been funny, the way he tried to chase after it, trying to get it back into his mouth.

It should have been funny, the way his arm could no longer hold his weight, and he collapsed face down into Ignis' crotch.

Instead, the anger and frustration that had been building up inside him spilled over, and he screamed a wordless cry, a cry that turned into a sob as his hand scrabbled against Ignis' upper thigh, failing to raise himself up.

Ignis quickly moved to a sitting position and pulled him up with him, running his hands over his shoulders, his back, trying to kiss him, but he could only bury his face against Ignis' chest and try to suppress the sobs of failure and disappointment that were struggling to escape him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, gods Ignis, you must hate me for turning you on and then not being able to follow through, who would have thought I needed both arms to give you a blowjob, I'm not used to doing this in bed, I'm so useless like this, so useless, I'm sorry..."

Ignis held him close. "Shhh, shhh. Ravus, it felt wonderful. We could try this in a different position, if you want. Or we could do something else, I really don't care what we're doing as long as it's with you. Having one arm doesn't make you useless, you know that's not true, you know I don't think of you like that. You just need to discover other ways of doing things, just like with household chores."

He giggled helplessly through his tears. "Did you just compare having sex with you to folding laundry?"

Ignis stared at him for a moment, before laughing and hugging him even tighter than before. "I love you so much, Ravus. And that blowjob was perfect."

He gave an apologetic grin. "I killed the mood though, didn't I?"

Ignis placed both hands on his face and kissed him gently. "A little bit. But to be frank, I don't think I can orgasm again so soon anyway. Maybe we can continue this later? I haven't put away all the groceries yet, and there's something else in the kitchen that I want to show to you, if you're feeling up to it."

He nodded. "Sure. I'll be right there, after I've put my arm back on. Oh, and I hope you don't mind if I'm getting dressed, despite your comment earlier. I think I'll keep the nudity to the bedroom."

Ignis smiled and got up. "My favourite place for that, if I'm being honest."

He was still feeling a little bit shaky and emotionally unsettled as he put his clothes on, mulling over Ignis' words. Perhaps he should stop trying to rely on his very limited experience with acts of physical intimacy. He'd wanted so badly to make Ignis feel good, without taking into consideration how his body was different, how the entire situation was different. He'd had time to adjust to most aspects of life with a prosthetic arm, and he'd almost forgotten how much effort it had taken in the beginning. But he'd never had time to explore giving and taking pleasure. It had always been him on his knees, begging.

Perhaps that element of desperation was still there, tripping him up. An effort to keep Ignis interested in him as a sexual partner, the only way he knew how. This thing between them was still so new, and he was not entirely sure if he was measuring up to expectations. He didn't even know what Ignis' expectations were, in that regard. Were they lovers? Housemates with benefits? Were they dating? It all sounded so strange. Ignis seemed very comfortable telling him he loved him, but what did that mean, exactly?

All those thoughts and doubts fled his mind the moment he walked into the kitchen and saw Ignis standing at the kitchen island, his back turned towards him.

He was hopelessly in love with Ignis. Nothing else was as important as that.

He wrapped his arms around Ignis from behind and pressed his face against Ignis' hair, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. Ignis' hands came up to rest on his arms, leaning back and turning his head, rubbing his cheek against his face.

After a moment, Ignis turned a little further, smiling up at him. "I have something for you."

He gazed into Ignis' eyes, so warm and loving. He didn't want to look away, but his curiosity won out when Ignis gestured at the kitchen island behind them.

There was a vase. It was full of flowers.

"I hope it's okay. I've noticed that you love the colour purple."

He reached out to touch the leaves and petals. His hand was trembling.

"Alliums, lavender, spiderwort, and some kind of native thistle that's apparently edible. I know it's not the most romantic of bouquets but..."

"Ignis," he whispered.

His legs no longer felt strong enough to hold him up. He took a step back.

"Ignis," he whispered, sliding down the kitchen cabinets.

He tried to suck air into his lungs but it all came out again in strangled, mutilated gasps.

Ignis was kneeling beside him but he couldn't look up.

"Flowers." He couldn't stop shaking.

"Ravus..." Ignis sounded hesitant, unsure. "Why do you sound so upset?"

He was no longer in control of his voice, unable to articulate his feelings.

"I'm sorry, Ravus. Please, if I did something wrong... I just had a thought about that comment you made a while back about... how you thought I was the kind of person to buy flowers for someone I love, and I wanted to do that, but I didn't think... Gods, I'm so sorry, it was a selfish idea, and of course I couldn't find proper flowers, so I went to the people who are doing those greenhouse trials, you know, I've been working with them for a couple of months now, and they helped me pick some edible plants that still looked kind of pretty, but I should have..."

He reached out and wrapped his arms around Ignis so violently that Ignis nearly fell into his lap.

He buried his face against Ignis' shoulder and sobbed. Heaving, gasping sobs, uncontrolled, harsh, in a way that left his eyes burning and his throat raw, crying like he hadn't done since he was a child, not even when he'd lost his mother or when he'd cradled Lunafreya's body in his arms. It was as if a dam had burst, everything that he'd ever felt pouring out of him, hope, grief, sadness, joy, anger, betrayal, loneliness, love, an overwhelming barrage of feelings that had no direction, no purpose, and through it all Ignis held him and stroked his hair and whispered soft words to him that made no sense whatsoever.

After an eternity, he finally managed to get himself under control.

"You brought me flowers. Purple flowers. From a field. Because you thought I'd like that."

He cleared his throat, trying to make himself sound less choked up. "Gods, and they're edible as well, that's just so you, Ignis. Could you be any more perfect? It's just too much! I don't understand any of it! Why are you so nice to me? I'm a mess, I'm a horrible stupid mess, you know I am. We were about to have sex this morning and I broke down crying. We were about to have sex this afternoon and I broke down crying, again. And here I am, crying! Again! Over flowers! Why do you put up with it? Why do you put up with me?"

Ignis kept on stroking his hair. "Ravus, I'm not putting up with anything. You're skipping over the fact that in addition to those moments, we kissed a lot, you told me you were in love with me, and we kissed a lot more, and we had sex, the most incredible, amazing sex I've ever had, and you didn't break down crying at any of those points. You made jokes about my erection, if I recall correctly. You're not just a mess, Ravus. You're a complicated, intense, wonderful, abrasive, traumatised, caring, authentic, sometimes deeply funny man who I'm so in love with that I'm still fumbling for the right words. Cry as often and as much as you need. I'm not leaving you."

He leaned his head against Ignis' cheek.

"He never liked flowers. Keres. I told you about him. He called them useless. Said that putting them in a vase was glorifying death, that they were just dead things, ugly and worthless. And I thought they were so beautiful, and he made me feel ugly and worthless for liking them. I stopped looking at flowers after that."

Ignis lifted up his face, kissing his swollen eyelids, his raw cheekbones, his sore lips. Everything felt painful and sensitive, but Ignis' kisses were like a balm, soothing all his hurts.

"He was an idiot, Ravus. A fool who had all the beauty and treasure in the world right in the palms of his hands, and didn't appreciate it. You gave your love to him and he made you feel worthless. An unforgivable crime. You should be loved and appreciated and treasured for the unique beauty you bring into the world, just like the flowers you used to love."

"I still love them," he whispered. He looked up into Ignis' eyes. "Especially because it was you who gave them back to me."

They sat like that for what felt like hours, just holding each other.

Eventually, Ignis stirred and looked at his watch.

"Sorry Ravus, I know that was rude of me, but I probably need to get started on dinner soon. The others will be home in an hour. I don't want you to feel like I don't have time to comfort you, though. Do you want to sit at the island while I cook?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure. I'd like to stay here and help you, but part of me also just wants to go back to bed. Maybe I just need some time alone. But I still want to be close to you. It's confusing."

Ignis closed his eyes for a moment, looking conflicted. Then he took hold of Ravus' hand. "This might be horrible timing, but I had a thought. I don't really have enough examples yet to do a proper analysis, but it seems to me that you tend to spiral when something happens that you weren't expecting and weren't mentally prepared for, even if you're the one taking the initiative. So... I have a proposal for you. Promise you'll tell me if you're not interested, alright? It might be a bit... kinky, considering we've only been intimate for a very short time, and you might still be feeling somewhat fragile."

He nodded, curious as to what Ignis would say.

"I'd like you to go into the bedroom and take the next hour to pleasure yourself in whatever way relaxes you the most. Take things slow, edge yourself. Think of the ways you want me to make love to you tonight, after everyone else has gone to bed. You can use the lemongrass lube again, if you want to. If you're interested in a bit of experimentation, there's a black drawstring bag in the back of the drawer that contains a small stainless steel plug. You don't need to insert it, just play with it. See how it feels and tell me later if you liked it or not. Would you enjoy doing that for me?"

He let out the breath he'd been holding. "Fuck. Ignis."

"As for myself, I want to spend this entire evening thinking about you masturbating. I want to be so keyed up that when we finally get to the bedroom tonight, I'm going to come all over your hand as soon as you undress me. After that, I'm going to make you come in my mouth while I finger you and open you up. And then I'll fuck you for as long as you want me to. I prefer missionary. No surprises, no improvisation. What do you think? Does that sound like a good strategy?"

He took another shaky breath. "Yes. Yes. Oh gods, Ignis. You're going to be the death of me. I'll try to last as long as possible, but I can't promise it will be an entire hour. Fuck. I love you."

Ignis leaned in for a soft and gentle kiss. "The feeling is mutual, Ravus. Now go. I'll be thinking of you."

Chapter Text

He returned to the kitchen about fifteen minutes before the others were due to return. Ignis was stirring a large pot of something on the stove and tasting occasionally. He walked up behind him and rested his chin on Ignis' shoulder.

"That was a marvellous idea. Thank you, Ignis. Now, do I still have some time to kiss you silly, or do you need to focus on your cooking?"

Ignis turned his head slightly and smiled at him. "Putting the rice in the cooker can wait a while, kissing you sounds like a much better idea. Just give me a minute to finish stirring in the coconut cream so it doesn't burn."

He watched over Ignis' shoulder, trying not to be impatient.

Ignis cleared his throat. "So, did you try the plug?"

He hummed into Ignis' ear, feeling him shiver as he placed a kiss just above the lobe.

"Don't be a tease, Ravus. I'm not asking just to satisfy my curiosity, even though I am curious. But I'd like to know if I need to clean it."

He kissed Ignis' neck. "You can't, sorry."

He could feel Ignis' confusion, even though he couldn't see his face. It made him smile.

"What do you mean, I can't? You didn't throw it away, did you? Or did you clean it yourself? You didn't need to do that, but it's very kind of you if you did."

"No. I'm wearing it."

Ignis went rigid in his arms. "Oh. Oh gods. You mean... right now? Ravus. Oh gods."

He moved his right arm from Ignis' waist, cupping the front of his jeans. "And apparently, that's enough to get you this hard?"

Ignis let out a soft moan. "I've been hard for the past hour, thinking of you. It's made cooking this curry quite a challenge. You need to stop doing that, Ravus, we don't have enough time."

He turned Ignis around and cupped his face in his hands, kissing him deeply. "I want you to think about the promise you made me, about how we're going to spend the night together. I want you to think about me with this plug inside me all evening long. Your plug, Ignis. It felt so good when I was pleasuring myself. Do you have any more toys like this?"

Ignis' reply was lost in another moan when he pressed him up against the kitchen counter. Ignis' hands came up to cup his ass, pulling him even closer, and he could feel the plug shift inside him. It wasn't enough to get him hard, not after the wonderful orgasm he'd had earlier, but the sensation was still thrilling. And the way Ignis was kissing him back, open-mouthed, needy, desperate, was making his heart race and his breathing speed up.

They were interrupted by the sound of a key unlocking the front door. They quickly moved apart, Ignis returning to the pot on the stove, and he falling into his customary pattern of getting out plates and cutlery for dinner. For a second he smiled, admiring how nothing in Ignis' body language gave away the fact that they'd just been kissing like horny teenagers. It was an exciting secret, knowing that he was the only one who'd seen Ignis lose his composure like that.

Prompto and the girls entered the kitchen.

"Ohhh, that smells good, Iggy! Whatcha making?"

Ignis didn't turn away from the stove as he replied. "Good evening, Prompto. I was in the mood for a yellow curry, I hope that's a good compromise between your love of spicy food and Iris' delicate palate."

Iris giggled. "Hey, I'm getting better! Not like the time when you had that green peppercorn sauce and I had to drink like two litres of water just to get the burning to stop."

Aranea moved over to the kitchen island and whistled in surprise. "Hey Specs, what's this? You got a secret admirer? No wait, there's thistles in there. Ravus! You sly dog. This has to be for you."

He tried to keep his face entirely blank. "What makes you think so, Aranea?"

She laughed. "Gotta be a good judge of character to give High Commander Grumpyface a bunch of thistles. Whoever it is, Ravus, they're a keeper."

Ignis spoke from where he was putting rice in the cooker. "The people at the greenhouse project were so kind as to gift me with some unusual ingredients for cooking. I'll have to do some research on how to use them properly, so for now I've put them in a vase."

He suppressed a quick smile at Ignis' ability to make the bouquet sound so innocuous, but part of him hated the subterfuge. He wished he could just tell the others that Ignis had bought him flowers. That he could tell them how happy it had made him.

"Now, who's in favour of a glass of wine with dinner? I found a very nice, crisp white that will probably pair well with the food. Ravus, could you get some glasses?"

As he reached up to get the wine glasses from the top cabinet, Ignis moved past him, placing a hand on his hip that was absolutely deliberate, judging by the way his fingers lingered there even as he turned towards the refrigerator. As was the way Ignis moved back to grab the corkscrew from one of the drawers, brushing up against his ass and leaning just a little bit too close.

Every touch sent sparks of fiery heat bouncing across his skin. He felt his cock stir in his trousers. Gods, it had been less than an hour since he'd cleaned up the evidence from his last orgasm. It would still be a couple of hours before the others would get ready for bed. And they still had dinner to get through. Perhaps wearing that plug to get Ignis all hot and bothered hadn't been such a good idea, after all.

Sitting down in their customary places at the dining end of the kitchen island only made matters worse. Ignis was sitting right next to him, as usual. What wasn't usual was the way he placed his left hand on Ravus' thigh, underneath the table top.

Ignis left it there even as Ravus grabbed the open wine bottle, trying to distract himself by pouring everyone half a glass, so they could have a small refill later on if they so desired. Ignis held out his glass with an appreciative murmur and a warm smile, while lightly brushing his fingers down the inside of his leg.

Only when Prompto, Aranea, and Iris had all finished helping themselves to the rice, did Ignis' hand leave his thigh to pull the bowl towards their side of the island. "Ravus? Can I serve you some rice?"

He wanted to say he could do it himself, not wishing to arouse suspicions, when Prompto cut in with, "Huh? You didn't serve us any. What did the big guy do?"

Ignis fixed him with an expressionless stare. "You could have served Aranea, she's sitting next to you. It's called being polite, Prompto. I'm not getting up from my seat when I've already been on my feet for the past hour, but with Ravus sitting right beside me, it's only customary to offer."

He reached out his hand and took the bowl of rice from Ignis. "Maybe you should give Prompto a break, Ignis. We may have had the privilege, or the misfortune, of having etiquette drilled into us from the day we were born, but there's nothing wrong with standing on a bit less formality among friends."

He made sure to brush the back of Ignis' hand with his fingers as he reached for the serving ladle that Ignis was still holding. "Let me serve you. You cooked, after all."

Ignis demurred with an, "I cook every day, but thank you, Ravus," just as Ignis' hand returned to his thigh underneath the table. He tried not to shift in his seat and focused on serving up the rice. The warmth of Ignis' hand was flowing into his skin right through his trousers. He hoped the same warmth didn't show on his face.

Just as he reached for the pot with curry, Prompto gently pushed him away. "I got it! Ravus, would you like some curry? Oh, and Aranea, how about you? Um. Iris, Iggy, can you... maybe hand me your plates? Oh my gosh, this is more complicated than I thought."

Under cover of the others laughing and joking, he leaned closer to Ignis and whispered below his breath, "Don't give Prompto an inferiority complex just because you're sexually frustrated, Ignis. You're better than that."

Ignis kept his face completely neutral, but his fingers dug into his thigh. "You have no idea. I want you so much." His whisper was barely audible.

He smiled and picked up his wine glass. It was intoxicating to have this effect on Ignis, to be wanted that badly. The touching and teasing affected him just as much, but knowing that it wasn't one-sided made it enjoyable, instead of frustrating.

Still, he could barely wait for the end of the evening, when they could finally be alone.

He scooped some food onto his spoon and took a bite. His eyes widened in surprise. The flavour of the curry was rich and complex, but the taste of lemongrass was unmistakable. Was Ignis sending him a message by including it in his cooking? He could barely suppress a gasp at the thought.

As if on cue, Ignis moved his hand until his fingers were nearly resting against his rapidly hardening erection.

"Do you like it, Ravus?" Ignis' voice gave nothing away.

He swallowed. "It's absolutely perfect, Ignis. Whatever magic you're using to achieve this result, keep doing so. You make me want to have even more, the temptation is almost overwhelming." There. He was sure nobody would be able to tell what he actually meant.

Ignis smiled and carefully brushed the back of his fingers against his cock.

He took a sip from his wine to hide his intake of breath. He had to concentrate not to accidentally crush the wine glass in his hand, knowing how easy it was to overdo the force that his prosthesis was capable of exerting.

"Yeah, it's pretty good, Specs. Not that you were asking any of us."

"Aranea, I've seen you eat microwaved cup noodles and say it was good. Pardon me if I put more stock in Ravus' opinion. His tastes align perfectly with my own."

He almost choked on a spoonful of rice as Ignis squeezed his cock through his trousers.

Prompto snorted. "Can't handle the heat, big guy?"

He shook his head and smiled. "Not at all, Prompto. Just something going down the wrong hole, or near enough. I love a bit of spice."

Iris giggled. "Oh my gods you guys, stop making it sound like you're talking about sex instead of food. Or am I the only one with a dirty mind around here? Aranea, back me up."

Aranea scoffed. "Same old, same old. Specs with the sarcasm and the thinly veiled insults as if he's serving up bitch queen realness, Prompto oh-so-innocently flirting with anything that has a pulse, Grumpyface pretending nothing he says has a double meaning and he's just a straight shooter. Just go and be gay for each other already. All three of you could benefit from a good dicking, if you ask me."

Prompto spluttered. "Hey! I'm not flirting! And also, not gay! That's bi-erasure!"

Ignis raised his eyebrow at Aranea and took a sip of wine. "I'm not inclined to take advice about dicks from a militant lesbian, Aranea. Not exactly your area of expertise."

"Can we please go back to eating dinner? You guys are perverting me. I'll tell Gladdy next time I see him that it's all your fault."

"Not fair, Iris!"

Throughout the entire conversation, Ignis' hand didn't let up. It was surreal, to be talking and bickering with the others while having his cock manipulated underneath the table. He was so incredibly hard that it was bordering on painful, but he didn't dare adjust himself or make up some excuse to leave the table. Besides, he didn't want Ignis to stop. He could bear being slightly uncomfortable when the pleasure of it was so much more intense.

But Ignis did stop eventually, when their plates were all nearly empty, and the wine bottle had been passed around a second time.

He moved to gather up the used plates and cutlery, but Ignis suddenly cleared his throat. He stopped what he was doing and sat back down, curious as to what Ignis wanted to say.

"Prompto, I wish to apologise for my remarks earlier, about being polite. It really was uncalled for, since you are unfailingly gentle and kind to others, etiquette be damned. I should be following your example, instead of criticising you. Will you please forgive me?"

His heart suddenly swelled almost to bursting, feeling so much love for Ignis, even though the words weren't directed at him. Here was someone who seemed to have no trouble admitting that he was wrong, that he made mistakes sometimes, and who could handle being told so. By him, of all people. He knew he wasn't as diplomatic as Ignis, was too brusque, too direct. But somehow, Ignis accepted that part of him, just as he seemed to accept all of his other less pleasant character traits.

It was incredible. Overwhelming. He had no idea what he'd done to deserve it.

His experiences with love had told him that it was conditional, dependent on how well he could fit the mould of what was expected of him, how well he could hide his own desires. Even his own mother had emphasised how important it was that he behaved as befitting his station, that he only lived to serve his country and his people, with no room for personal whims and fancies. The only person who'd loved him unconditionally had been Luna, and even she had expressed distaste at some of the choices he'd made, never mind that he'd always tried to do what was best for her.

He had so many flaws. He was such a broken man. And yet Ignis said he loved him.

He didn't truly listen to Prompto's response to Ignis, and focused instead on clearing the pots and plates off the table. There was plenty of curry left, so he grabbed a container for freezing and spent a few minutes carefully transferring the food. He kept thinking about all the assumptions he'd made about Lunafreya's well-being, and how she always told him she didn't want him to do that. Maybe it wasn't because she disliked being cared for, but because she wanted him to think about his own well-being first, instead of hers. To stop sacrificing himself. And like a fool, he hadn't listened to her until she was no longer here.

Ignis joined him at the kitchen counter, placing the dirty glasses next to the sink. "Thank you for taking care of that, Ravus. I love how thoughtful and attentive you always are."

He turned his head to look Ignis in the eye. "Perhaps too much. I don't want to talk about it right now, but... let's just say that I'm starting to see the value in doing things because I want to do them, not because I think they're necessary, or the only option available to me. I'll tell you later."

Something sparkled in Ignis' eyes, behind his glasses.

"Would you like me to help you with the dishes?"

He nodded, smiling. "I know you cooked, but the job gets done much quicker with your help. And I always appreciate your company."

The noise behind them of the others getting up from their chairs and moving towards the living room, arguing about what film they wanted to watch tonight, provided enough cover for Ignis to stand closer and whisper, "It's taking all my self-control not to kiss you right now."

He brushed his fingertips against Ignis' hand. "Same. Can they see us, you think?"

"You know Prompto could come running back into the kitchen for 'essential movie snacks' at any time, despite having only just finished eating dinner," Ignis warned.

"So, were you thinking about your apology to Prompto while you were fondling my cock?", he asked quietly. Thinking back to dinner, he smiled and started filling the sink with hot water.

Ignis laughed softly. "Not all the time, no. But your words did strike a chord with me. You are never afraid to call me out, Ravus. It makes me love you even more."

He turned to look at him. "Ignis? How soon can we disappear to the bedroom without looking suspicious?"

Ignis suddenly pulled him hard against him, one hand on his ass and the other grabbing his neck to pull him in for a rough kiss, grinding their hips together so he could feel the hard ridge of Ignis' cock, even through their trousers. "You drive me absolutely crazy, Ravus. I keep thinking about that plug inside of you. Tell me how it feels."

He moaned into Ignis' mouth, bringing his hand up to grip his hair. "I'm barely noticing it. I think I need something bigger, to be honest."

Ignis' kisses became even more desperate. They stumbled against the counter, grinding into each other, panting for breath. A small part of his brain was still holding on by a thread, still marginally aware of the situation they were in, and he reached out a hand to turn off the tap before sinking back into Ignis' kiss and forgetting everything but the feeling of Ignis' body pressed up against him.

"Fuck, Ravus. We can't..."

They were warned just in time by the sound of footsteps. They broke apart only seconds before Prompto came into the kitchen and headed for the refrigerator. "Are you guys joining us for movie night? We can wait until you've finished doing the dishes."

"That's alright, Prompto. You can start without us."

"Sure thing, Iggy! Just don't work too hard, you deserve a night off as well."

As soon as Prompto finished pouring drinks and walked back to the living room, Ignis turned towards him and spoke quietly. "It might be best if we join them, at least for a little while. If we stay in the kitchen, I don't think I'll be able to keep my hands off of you."

He let out a sigh. "You're probably right. Let's get these dishes over and done with."

When they got to the living room, Iris and Aranea were stretched out on the sofa bed, and Prompto was lying on a pillow on the floor. He motioned for Ignis to take the love seat, and placed another pillow in between the love seat and the sofa to sit on. It wasn't entirely comfortable, but he could lean back slightly against the love seat's arm rest, and he'd managed with far less during campaigns. He wasn't really interested in the film the others were watching, so he took the book he'd been reading and settled in. Ignis was busy flipping through some reports he'd taken with him, before crossing his legs and pushing up his glasses to focus on a single one.

He'd just started on the next chapter when he felt a finger surreptitiously brush against the back of his neck. He didn't have to look up to know that Ignis' arm was behind him on the arm rest. He leaned back a bit and concentrated on his reading. Everyone was watching the screen. Nobody would notice.

The finger was joined by a few more, curling into his hair, softly caressing the strands falling across his shoulders. He nearly closed his eyes in enjoyment, but realised how obvious that would seem. Still, the gentle brushes through his hair and against the nape of his neck felt amazing, relaxing and arousing in equal measure. He had no idea having his hair played with could feel so good. He thought of several ways to let Ignis know how much he enjoyed this, but discarded them all as drawing too much attention.

Despite the laughter and flashes of conversation from the others, the music and general din from the film they were watching, it was as if Ignis and he existed in their own little bubble. Tonight, in the bedroom, he would have Ignis all to himself, but for now, this was almost as perfect.

He finished another chapter, lost in the words and the feeling of Ignis' fingers delicately stroking his neck.

"Ravus?" Ignis' voice cut through his dreamlike mood. "Are you sure you're not in pain? I didn't get around to giving you a massage today, would you like one now?"

Prompto looked up. "What's wrong with Ravus?"

Ignis put away the report he'd been reading. "He's been having some trouble with his prosthetic arm. Like a fool, he's been keeping quiet about it, so as not to worry us."

He grumbled. "I'm right here, you know."

Aranea kept her eyes on the screen. "Sounds like you. Fucking hell, Ravus. Let Specs do his thing, you know he won't let it rest until he's sure you're okay."

Prompto turned back onto his stomach. "Yeah, big guy. Aranea's right. No stopping Ignis when he gets into one of those moods. Better go along with it."

Ignis let out a laugh. "I'm also right here. Gods, I don't know whether to be offended or pleased that you all think it's better to humour me when I want to do something that benefits you."

He unfolded his legs from the pillow he was sitting on and stood up. "Okay, enough. Where do you want me, Ignis?"

Ignis winked at him. "Well, I thought of having you sit in my lap, but that would be very awkward. This seat isn't nearly big enough for the both of us. Would the bedroom be acceptable to you?"

Iris put her hands over her ears. "Enough with the innuendo already! I'm still young and innocent!"

He looked at Ignis, marvelling at how well he'd set things up for them to get away from the others. "Bedroom is fine, but in that case I won't be coming back here, I think. Too much hassle to take my arm off for a massage and put it back on again."

Ignis nodded. "Very well. I might just read in bed for a while afterwards, if you don't have any problems with that. Shall we?"

To a chorus of good nights and sleep wells, they left the living room, smiling at each other as they heard Aranea ask Prompto to rewind the film a few minutes, "Because I missed half of what happened with those idiots talking so much."

Ignis leaned over to whisper to him as they walked down the hallway. "Do you want to get ready for bed first? It might look more convincing that way."

He stopped and turned towards Ignis fully, looking at him with all the desire that was flowing through his veins. He took a step closer, and another one, until Ignis was caught between him and the wall. He raised up his hand and carefully traced Ignis' jaw with a finger.

"You are unbelievable. How can you go from touching me like that all evening long, to strategising and planning like it's nothing? Do you have any idea how much I want you? I can barely form a single coherent thought, and you..."

Ignis closed his eyes for a brief moment, before staring at him with heat in his eyes. "Trust me, I'm very close to losing control. We're still in the hallway, though. All my scheming will be for nought if we get caught out here."

"Alright. Bring me my sleep clothes in the bathroom. Then tear them off me again in the bedroom. How very inefficient, Ignis."

He leaned into Ignis' body, making sure that Ignis could feel every part of him. It had the effect he had hoped for. Ignis threw his head back against the wall, eyes closed, his hips surging up to meet him and his hands wrapping around his ass to pull him in closer. He could feel the metal plug shift deep inside of him, sending a renewed wave of desire through him.

"We're renegotiating the plan. I think I've had enough foreplay for one evening, Ignis."

Ignis sucked in an audible breath. "I won't last."

He opened the bedroom door and pulled Ignis inside. "Neither will I. Now fuck me."