Chapter Text
Dick was the epitome of being a man. Tim, despite passing completely, still felt envious of him. Dick was muscular, had a deep voice, and had girls fawning after him everywhere he went. He was able to waltz his way through life without a care.
Tim did not have that blessing.
Dick could paint his nails. Dick could express feminine traits. And he would always be seen as a man.
Tim had to dress ultra masc or he felt like his chosen name privileges would be revoked. Tim had to make sure his hair stayed short and his wrists bare of jewelry. He had to think about his slang, or his mannerisms. He couldn’t ever relax.
Meanwhile Dick could say “Slay yass queen!” Without fearing his gender being questioned. Tim’s dysphoria would never allow him to be that free in his speech.
Tim never had meant to come out to Dick, if he’s honest.
But Tim was having A Day. His body was fighting against him all the usual ways. His chest felt too large, his hips too prominent. He could barely get a word out because he feared his voice would betray him by being too obvious.
He knew that Alfred was going to send someone up to his room eventually. Breakfast was non-negotiable in the Bat Fam. Alfred made sure everyone started their day off with a nutritious meal.
However, the idea of food made Tim’s stomach roll with nausea.
He was too anxious to eat. He had hardly slept at all the night prior. He simply spent it twisting and turning and screaming into a pillow.
At some point he put on his binder in the night. He would take a break soon, he was typically responsible. He knew he had to be healthy to be Red Robin. But for this one night, he would wear the constrictive fabric . As a treat.
He heard tapping on his door. He groaned in response. Dick cracked open the door and looked him over.
“Alfred made quiche.” Dick said quietly. It was like he could sense that Tim was on the verge of a breakdown. Tim shrugged and turned over. Dick walked over to Tim and sat on the edge of the bed. He put a hand on Tim’s forehead, “You don’t have a fever.”
“Might as well. I feel like shit.” Tim murmured. He curled up into the fetal position and was shivering. His entire body felt weighed down with a heaviness he couldn’t name.
“Do you want me to bring you some food?”
“Could you save it for later? I don’t think I could keep anything down right now.” Tim said quietly. Dick hummed and squeezed Tim’s shoulder. He left for a moment then returned with a glass of water.
“Alfred says if you’re coming down with something, you should stay hydrated,” Dick put the water on the nightstand and got on the bed, “But I feel like this isn’t physical.”
“World's greatest detective.” Tim said dryly. Dick laughed and laid down on the bed to hug Tim.
“Obviously. I’m amazing like that. You wanna tell me what’s going on, baby bird?” Dick asked softly. Tim shrugged and leaned into the cuddle. He was glad he was wearing a hoodie over his binder, because Dick probably would have figured it out in a heartbeat.
“It’s nothing.” Tim murmured.
“Well, if it’s making you feel too unwell for breakfast, you shouldn’t patrol.” Dick said. Tim stiffened, like he was about to argue, but then felt too tired to. Dick furrowed his eyebrows, “Now I’m even more concerned. Usually you would fight to go to patrol.”
“I’m not feeling like my usual self right now.” Tim said quietly. He rolled over and hid his face in his brother’s chest. Dick was the most cuddly of the family, and he was glad that he was the one to knock on the door. The others would have awkwardly left or chide him for being weak (cough, Damien, cough).
But Dick? Dick understood emotions. He understood that everyone needed a hug sometimes.
Tim, on the brink of exhaustion, closed his eyes. Just for a moment, honest! He hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, and Dick was so warm…
When he woke up. Something felt very wrong.
Dick was putting his blanket in the dirty clothes bin and looked at Tim with sympathy.
“Alfred is running a bath for you, and don’t worry about the laundry. I got it covered.” Dick said oh so kindly. Tim tilted his head in confusion and looked down.
Blood.
He hadn’t had a period in so long because of the testosterone. But he knew it wasn’t impossible. Hormones were tricky things, and he was a few days late on his last shot. He had a huge case that required him to stay out on the field for much longer than usual, so he hadn’t gotten the chance to take his medication on its normal schedule.
No wonder he was feeling so dysphoric and crampy.
He blinked, realizing Dick was there and thought of the best lie he could think of.
“Oh, my stitches must have come undone. I must have moved the wrong way.” Tim said quickly.
“Tim—“
“And really, it’s a shame. Because I hate getting stitches and I’ll have to get these redone.”
“Tim, please—“
“So sorry about the sheets. I’ll make sure to be more careful in the future—“
“Tim.” Dick said, louder. Tim froze and swallowed. Dick put the laundry basket down and stepped forward, putting a hand on Tim’s knee.
“I have a girlfriend, remember? Kori has this happen sometimes. I know what it looks like.” Dick said so gently. So understanding. Tim wanted to run away and curse the universe for putting him in this situation.
“But I’m not a girl.” Tim said defensively, “So I don’t have to worry about… that.”
“I never said you were a girl, baby bird,” Dick ran a hand through Tim’s hair, “Some people other than girls have periods too.”
“Please don’t say that word or I might punch something.”
“Did you get possessed by Jason?” Dick laughed softly and ruffled his little brother’s hair, “You know, this doesn’t make me think any differently of you.”
“Yes it does.” Tim got up and began grabbing a change of clothes from his drawers, “It changes everything. Now you know I’m not cisgender. Do you know how ashamed my parents would be of that? They were smart, they knew being trans ruined things. Now you’re gonna slip up and call me she one day—“
“Tim, breathe.” Dick put his hands on Tim’s shoulders. Tim hadn’t even realized how fast he had been breathing. His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t catch his breath.
“I, I can’t.” Tim choked out, his vision was getting spotty, “I can’t breathe. This is going to ruin everything.”
“No Tim, it’s not. Nothing is ruined. Okay, breathe with me. In for five, hold, out for five. Come on, you got this.” Dick told him. Tim obeyed and Dick breathed with him. After a few moments, Tim grounded himself.
“Please don’t hate me.” Tim pleaded. He sounded like his younger self, scared of anyone figuring it out. His parents shame cloaked itself onto him. He wasn’t sure what to do.
“Hate you? Tim, I could never hate you. Especially not over something like this.” Dick hugged Tim and rubbed his back soothingly, “You’re my little brother. This changes nothing. I promise. Now, you go take a warm bath and I’ll make you some hot chocolate. We can watch a movie together. Does that sound nice?”
“…Yeah, that does sound nice.”
Tim went to take a bath and Dick cleaned up the sheets and blankets. He also had a few choice words for Tim’s parents. Even though they were dead as a doorknob… Dick hated the way they made Tim feel. He didn’t deserve to feel so ashamed for being himself.
When Tim returned, Dick gave him his baggiest hoodie and softest sweats to change into. He had Ibuprofen and hot chocolate on the nightstand ready for him. Tim looked confused.
“Why are you treating me nicely? I lied to you.”
“No. Don’t even feel guilty for a second. Your gender and your identity is your business. You don’t owe it to anyone to come out if you aren’t ready. I’m sorry I found out without you meaning to tell me.”
“It’s… it’s okay. I think I needed to tell someone. My parents taught me to be so ashamed, and now I have all this internalized transphobia shit to work through. I need to learn how to say the words I’m trans out loud.”
“You can always practice with me. Or talk to me about it. I might not always get it, but I will listen. I will support you. Because there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve all of the support in the world.”
Later that week, Dick went into Tim’s room to wake him up for breakfast. And he saw a tiny trans pride flag sitting on his desk. Dick’s heart swelled because his baby brother was finally learning to express some pride over his identity.
And Dick wasn’t lying. He would love Tim just the same. Just as a big brother should.
Coming out to Jason was… more chaotic. Since when is Jason not chaotic?
Tim was taking his t-shot in the cave one evening when Jason burst in. He took off his helmet and was grumbling to himself about some drug bust, when he made eye contact with Tim. His eyes darted from the needle approaching Tim’s stomach, back to his face, and back to the needle again.
“Fuck no. Nope. Nuh uh. Not happening.” Jason stormed over to Tim and kicked the injection out of his hand.
“Hey! I need that!” Tim shouted. Geez, he expected Jason to be a #ALLY. Not whatever… this… was.
“No you don’t. There are better ways to deal with your problems.”
“This is medically advised—“
“Bullshit. Do you know how many people’s lives are screwed up by this shit? Do you know how many people regret it?” Jason was getting angry now. His fists were clenched and his eyes gleaming with green. Tim was getting heated now too.
“What the hell?! You never showed a problem with this kind of thing before! I thought you had friends like me!”
“Yeah, I do! And you know what? I love ‘em, but I don’t support it!” Jason shouted. This was the breaking point. Tim had heard enough shit from his parents about this when they were alive.
Tim grabbed the injection on the ground and put it in the sharps container. It was contaminated now. He couldn’t use that dose.
“You owe me. This shit is pricey, but of course that’s nothing for Bruce.”
“You use Bruce’s money for this?!”
“Uh, yeah? Why wouldn’t I?”
Jason looked incredibly disappointed, angry, and sad all at once. He shook his head and ran a hand over his face.
“I’m gonna have to tell the old man about this.”
“Okay? He already knows. He’s known for a while now.” Tim scoffed and rolled his eyes. Jason’s jaw dropped slightly.
“He lets you patrol while on heroin?!”
“Yes— wait what?!”
“I know he’s stupid, but this? This? You need to be in rehab! Therapy! Not jumping around punching people when you’re in a vulnerable state!” Jason grabbed Tim’s shoulders and looked at him directly in the eyes, “This isn’t the answer.”
“Jason, dude, chill. I’m not doing drugs!”
“Don’t deny it. I saw you. Inches away from stabbing yourself.”
“With testosterone, you idiot.” Tim shoved Jason off of him.
“Why would you need steroids?” Jason asked, looking more confused than anything now. Tim glared at Jason and rolled his eyes.
“I thought you were smart. I need it because my body doesn’t make it.”
Wheels seemed to turn in Jason’s head. Realization flashed across his face.
“Oh my god. I need to retract everything I said because that was about drug abuse. Not trans shit. Obviously I support trans shit.”
“Oh, but what happened to loving ‘em but not supporting it.” Tim teased.
“You’re never gonna let me live this down.”
“Nope.” Tim grinned. Jason grabbed the vial and a new injection. Tim tilted his head. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you, obviously.” Jason said roughly. He looked ashamed to be seen helping Tim. And that’s when Tim realized. This was Jason showing his support.
So Tim talked Jason through the process of drawing the testosterone into the syringe, switching the needle, and injecting it into his stomach.
“Don’t tell anyone I’m going soft, Replacement.” Jason warned. Tim laughed.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”