Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Based on the screening and what you’ve said, it appears Choromatsu is experiencing symptoms that are common with schizophrenia.”

That sentence made no sense. Choromatsu? The most responsible of his brothers? Best grades? He let the words replay over and over again, as he stared at the ground, nails picking at the hanging skin on his fingers. Lost in thought, was he crazy?

He didn’t know much about schizophrenia, except for how it was depicted on tv. Was he gonna end up like that?!

The thought plagued his mind, those people were taken away and sent to mental asylums. Were they gonna do the same to him?!

Choromatsu’s thoughts spiraled, continuing to mindlessly fidgeting and picking at his skin.

How could this have happened to him of all his brothers? He was supposed to be the responsible one— the voice of reason! It made no sense. Absolutely none.

“Oh god,” The silence was broken, Choromatsu knew who it was, he didn’t bother to look up. “Is.. Is he going to be okay? Is there anything we could do?” Matsuyo sounded scared, of course she would be, her son was psychotic after all.

“Yes, there are treatments and medication, he doesn’t appear to show any violent thoughts regarding putting himself or others in danger, which is a good thing. So as far as that goes, he should be okay.” The doctor reassured Matsuyo. “We could get him prescribed medication as soon as possible, but I must warn you that this medication does in fact have some side effects.” The doctor finished.

“Such as?”
“Weight gain, depression, fatigue, emotional numbness, or some patients have had reports of not feeling like themselves.” The doctor replied.

Matsuyo bit her lip in thought, she did want to get help for her son but at the same time, she didn’t want to put him in a bad situation with a new problem.

“I can give you both a few minutes to talk about this if you’d like.” The doctor suggested.
“Please,” Matsuyo accepted.

Choromatsu continued to sit with his head bowed, this shouldn’t be happening. Not to him.

“Honey, what do you wanna do?”
Choromatsu was broken out of his downward spiral by the question, “…Uh…” was all he could muster.

In all honesty he hadn’t really listened, he was too shocked by the news from moments earlier.

“Uhm…” he really had absolutely zero idea what to say, how would he?

Matsuyo just sighed and put her hand over Choromatsu’s, rubbing her thumb over the back of his palm. Choromatsu’s tense demeanor relaxed and his shoulders drooped down from the physical affection.

“I.. I guess whatever’s best for me..? Whatever the doctor suggested?” Choromatsu finally spoke. Matsuyo hummed in response, continuing to rub her thumb over her son’s hand.

Around ten more minutes passed of silence between the two before a knock on the door broke the two out of their thoughts.

“Come in!” Matsuyo signaled.

The door opened and the doctor came back in with a clipboard in hand.

“Have you two decided what you want to do?”
“Yes, we’d like to get the medication.”

Chapter Text

Choromatsu sat in math, watching blankly at the board as his teacher wrote down more and more of things he just didn’t quite understand.

This made frustration bubble up in his chest. He clenched his jaw and gripped his pencil, trying to contain himself.

He continued to write down the numbers and symbols his teacher wrote, not retaining a thing and just copying, copying, and copying.

Choromatsu wanted to just rip apart the damn notebook and stomp out of the class, but of course he just couldn’t fucking do that! He had to keep up his honor student role! Even if it wasn’t really true, and in retrospect, he wasn’t kind of dumb.

The thought made him grimace, he was deemed as ‘mentally ill’ now. There was no point in trying to keep up that whole facade.

Well, it’s not like everyone knew, he guessed.

The only people who did know were his brothers, father, and mother. And even then his brothers were kinda iffy on it.

His parents understood well, sympathetic and caring towards him, trying to get him the help he needed.

His brothers on the other hand, they hardly knew anything.

They knew Choromatsu had something wrong with him and he needed to take medicine for it, but he really didn’t feel like elaborating past that.
He told his parents the same and they agreed to keep it secret unless it absolutely needed to be said.

He didn’t, not trust them to not tell people or something… He just didn’t want them to see him differently, take pity on him.. See him as lesser or even worse; see him as crazy.

Wait..

A sudden thought popped into Choromatsu’s mind, he had a friend he might be able to tell at least!

Choromatsu jolted his head upwards, looking to the seat infront of him-

Only to be met with nobody there, the realization felt like a punch to the gut, Choromatsu felt empty and hollow.

Right, Tacchan was just a hallucination.

Choromatsu wanted to die.

———

The day dragged on, the concept of time felt foreign as all the classes had blurred together. Feeling as though he was just a walking flesh suit, a doll even.

The medication he was given was in fact working, but the side effects the doctor had mentioned were very much showing, not just to himself either.

“Choro-chan!! Are you gonna eat your sausage?” “Ugh.. just take it!” Choromatsu snapped at the eldest brother.

It had been the sextuplets lunch period, obviously all sharing the same one due to last names. Todomatsu, Karamatsu, Osomatsu, and Choromatsu had all gathered on the roof sitting together near the edge where the usually had, opening up the bento boxes their mom had packed them.

Ichimatsu was eating with a few friends of his meanwhile Jyushimatsu was off doing god knows what. It was pretty common for them.

“Ah.. Osomatsu-Niisan you could have mine if you wanted it too… I’m not really hungry…” mumbled Karamatsu, pushing his bento box towards the eldests direction.

“Aww really Karamachu?!” Osomatsu shouted, immediately going for the food.

Todomatsu looked in Choromatsu’s direction with a concerned glance, not really trying to be discreet about it. Had he noticed something? Was Choromatsu acting weird? He thought he was acting fine.

“What?” Of course Choromatsu took notice to it. “You’re not hungry Nii-chan?” Todomatsu questioned. Osomatsu and Karamatsu looked over to the two.

“No, not really.” Was all he said, looking down to his knees.

“Hmg.” Osomatsu grunted, “You sure? You been all weird lately…” Osomatsu pointed his chopsticks towards Choromatsu.

Had he? Well he did feel kinda.. empty lately? But nothing he thought his brothers would’ve noticed.

“You seemed to have no problem taking my food, since when do you care! And don’t point it’s rude!” Choromatsu lectured the eldest, earning a chuckle in response.

“Geez! You don’t gotta bite my head off for just asking!”

The rest of the lunch continued as normal, the boys talking about their classes and other events to go on throughout the day.

They didn’t pry at Choromatsu anymore after that.

But he couldn’t help feel that they still felt something was wrong, that they kept looking at him— Oh he was probably just being paranoid as a side effect to the medication. Was that even a side effect?

———-

The walk home was as bleak as ever. He walked all by himself

Usually he’d be accompanied by his best friend, Tacchan.

But of course it appears he can’t have anything good.

Suddenly a familiar thought crept back in, unbidden and unwelcome.

‘I wish I could just disappear.’