Chapter Text
Once again, I find myself in the middle of fucking nowhere, trying to keep way too optimistic humans from getting themselves killed. On a contract that I signed myself, willingly. Because apparently I'm a free person now who is supposed to have a choice about things.
"I don't feel like I have a choice about this." I had complained to Pin-Lee as we'd been fleshing out the last few details of said contract. I'd been huddled in the most comfortable chair in her office, glaring at a spot on the wall behind her head. It looked a bit like some dead insect but I wasn't sure. Eww.
"Of course you have a choice, quit whining. You can always not go." Pin-Lee had countered without looking up from the display surface on her desk.
I'd frowned, then realized I was frowning and made a conscious effort to stop doing it. My face was stupid like that. "Oh sure, that's worked out great in the past. Oh no, wait, it hasn't." I'd said in my most sarcastic voice.
"You always worry too much. And we love you for it." Pin-Lee had looked briefly at my face and smiled, then added before my insides could get all warm and mushy: "Now please fuck off, I have real clients to deal with." She'd dumped the file with the finalized contract into my feed and pointed a finger at the door. I was out of there before she could lower her hand.
That's why I like working with her.
So, fastforward twenty cycles, onboard ART, I was supposed to provide security for a herd (sorry, I meant to say team) of four humans and one augmented human on their way to getting themselves killed in exciting and new ways. ART's humans had contracted my humans for scientific expertise on yet another abandoned colony site. The corporation that had seeded the company had at some point declared it unviable and stopped sending supplies, leaving the colonists to fend for themselves. Our team was supposed to search for any surviving colonists and investigate the reasons for the sudden abandonment. Alien remnants were number one suspect.
Arada was taking the role of survey leader like last time. And, of course, Overse was coming with her, too. It kills me to admit this, but I still have no clue what her specialty is. The whole PresAux team were doctors and scientists or some shit that my cheap education module couldn't be bothered with.
Then we had Tarik as some "extra muscle" (whatever that's supposed to mean), because risk assessment was kind of high for this survey and ART and Seth had decided I could use the backup. Ratthi was here, too, to analyze some weird alien moss growing everywhere on that planet, but we were all pretty sure that he'd only wanted to go because Tarik would be going. (Nope, I was not offended about that. Rhatti and I spend plenty of time together on Preservation. Seriously, fuck off, ART.)
Fifth member was Gurathin. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but he was the least of my problems now.
With two couples onboard, things were bound to get awkward at some point. It's not like I needed to patrol ART's corridors all the time, ART was a monster on its own that didn't need much security, but I kind of wanted to do my job right. But I couldn't make a single turn without running into someone flirting or groping someone else's private parts. It was hell.
In the end, I decided to lock myself in my quarters and watch serials with ART until the time for the humans' rest period when it would hopefully be safe to come out again. I sent a few of my drones to patrol instead and backburnered their feeds, telling them to only alert me on certain triggers.
That worked out well for a while. Until I heard a loud, human-made noise from the cabin next to mine and had to pause our current episode of 'Timestream Defenders Orion' to focus my full attention.
That sounded like someone in pain. I said to ART over the feed.
Guess again. ART replied, tone saturated with amusement.
It took me a little over three seconds to figure out its meaning. As horror filled me, I felt a burning sensation in my organic parts, creeping up my spine and spreading over my face. "OH HELL NO!!!" I shouted out loud and stormed out of my quarters, slamming the door shut loud enough to wake the dead. I stormed down the corridor, as far away from the offending noises as a ship's enclosed space could allow, until I found myself inside the Argument Lounge.
There, however, was another problem, that the drones I had backburnered had failed to inform me about, since it wasn't considered a security issue.
"The fuck are you doing in here. You're supposed to be asleep." I snapped at Gurathin as if his whole existence was a personal insult.
The augmented human was lounging in one of the cosy chairs, in he middle of his fifth cup of hot energizing liquid for this cycle. He lifted one thick eyebrow at me. "Same as you, I suppose."
My face must have done something weird at that moment, because Gurathin suddenly looked very amused at my predicament. He had to bite his lower lip to keep from smirking. I checked one of my drone cameras to see what's that about and saw that my face had managed to flush red. I didn't even know constructs could do that. As if this cycle couldn't get any worse.
Resigned to my fate, I slumped on one of the couches and stared at the ceiling then covered my face with both hands. "Next time I'm having Pin-Lee add a 'no sex stuff' clause to my contract." I said out loud without meaning to.
"Do you mean yourself, or..."
I lifted one hand just long enough to glare at him. Gurathin made a quiet chuckle, completely unsympathetic. That asshole.
"Seriously. How do you put up with this? Being the third wheel. Or is it fifh wheel?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I suppose it bothers me far less than you." He replied mildly, then chuckled when I made a rude gesture his way. "Wow, this really is a weak spot for you."
I didn't want to talk about it anymore and decided to offer a truce. "ART and I were trying to watch 'Timestream Defenders Orion'. Wanna join?"
"Sure." Gurathin replied and closed the book that he'd been reading in his feed.
ART played an episode on the large display surface in the lounge. For a while, I could pretend that everything was fine in the world.