Archive of Our Own ^beta

If asked, Leo would claim that he'd borrowed one of Donnie's tablets so he could watch deep-dive video essays.

And he did. Sometimes. But mostly, he'd poked Donnie into info-dumping about the different tracking apps he'd developed so Leo could set it up and watch for anything... weird.

It was a totally normal reaction. Even though he'd had to listen to Donnie explain that blah blah blah mathematical model of a four dimensional continuum measuring relativistic effects -- whatever. What mattered was, Donnie had a map of New York corresponding to a graph of time-space-junk, and if it spiked, shit was happening. And it was so totally normal of Leo to sleep with that graph playing on the tablet next to his head. Just to make sure that nothing weird was going on. Right?

Yeah. Right. So totally normal. Which was why he told absolutely no one about his quiet little obsession, and why he more often than not laid awake staring at the screen instead of sleeping.

He'd grown used to the little anomalies, after sneaking out multiple times to check on blips. He'd yet to find any connection, whether it was latent mystic energies or some weird science thing due to gravity, he had no idea. Leo stopped having an irrational lurch of panic in his stomach at the small fluctuations on the screen. However it did not prepare him for the huge spike he saw at two thirty in the morning when he should've been sleeping after a long night of patrol. He'd almost convinced himself to fall asleep, too, when the screen suddenly lit in a red flare twenty times the size of any anomaly he'd seen so far, right in middle of Soho.

Leo's blood went cold. His brain ran through multiple possibilities, as his body moved, grabbing his swords and lighting up in an instant -- portalling directly to the coordinates.

The air was sparking when Leo emerged. Crackling pops of electricity fluttering to the ground. And despite what Leo's brain was anticipating, there was no pink fleshed aliens, there was no mechanical suits lit with red, there was only a groan from the rooftop, distinctly human and annoyed.

For a too-long moment, Leo's brain sprinted to catch up with his body, as he'd left his sense in the sewers. He was still wearing the hoodie he'd slept in and his swords were cooling down from his frantic portal. He was barely awake, despite the stop-start surge of panic, and it was damn lucky that there wasn't some alien waiting here for him, as he was woefully unprepared. And alone. What had he thought he was going to do?

"Well, shit." The person laying on the roof said. He was crackling with his own electricity, sparks fading slow, and appraising Leo with a watchful eye.

Which. Now that Leo was pivoting to the human beside him, was dressed quite… unique. A black body suit, with blue stripes arching finger to finger over his shoulders. And a mask on his face, hiding his eyes completely, with a head of dark hair. When Leo looked at him, he grinned. 

"Hi. Are you the welcoming committee?" The stranger asked. 

"I'm…" Leo shook his head, gathering his bearings, and extended his sword out to face the intruder. "Something like that. Who are you? Where did you come from?"

Bemusedly, the stranger raised his hands up, showing himself unarmed. "I'm not recognizable? Have I landed somewhere that doesn't have heroes?"

Heroes. Leo's hand shook for a moment, as his body struggled to keep the sword up. That was a concept Leo really didn't want to think about, especially not at two in the morning when he'd been scared half to death thinking for a split second that the Kraang had returned and he was a failure to everyone who ever had the misfortune of believing in him. 

"That's… we don't have anyone like you." Leo decided to answer, instead of claiming himself to be one. 

"Is everyone in this universe green?" The hero asked, cheerful about it. Even though Leo could tell he was still sizing him up, shifting into a better position. 

"Not many." Leo said, flat. "Mostly human. Like you are, I'm assuming."

"Human. Unless you ask my brother after I've subjected him to the fifth Disney movie in a row, at which point I'm apparently considered a monster. Any chance we could lower the sword now? I'm promise I'm one of the good guys. Here, let me introduce myself. I'm Nightwing." Heedless of the sword, Nightwing stuck out his hand to shake. 

Leo juggled conflicting desires, wanting to stay on guard versus wanting to play along and gain information, and compromised by lowering the sword but not taking the hand.

Nightwing didn't actually seem to expect him to, pulling away just to lean back on his palms and look at the skyline. "Woah, is this New York? It's been ages since I've been here, but you don't forget that view."

"Where are you from, then?" Leo prodded, keeping his sword at his side, ready. Tense. Feeling small and kind of stupid in the hoodie that was too big for him with the effortless sheen of the costume before him. 

"Gotham City."

"Never heard of it."

"Strike two for alternate dimension. That's fine. I won't be here long anyway." 

"No?" Leo wondered.

Nightwing seemed to be enjoying the view, unbothered by his armed welcoming party and no longer sparking with energy. "We were fighting a gentleman who installed a dimension hopper into his weaponry, so there's contingency plans in place. As soon as my family is done kicking his ass they'll swing by and pick me up. I give them… twenty minutes. Maybe half an hour, if Babybird and Little D get arguing without me to break it up."

Leo couldn't help but glance around at the scenery, trying to see what had enraptured the hero so much. All he could focus on was the construction cranes and the holes in the skyline where they'd lost infrastructure during the invasion. If Nightwing truly hadn't been to New York in a long time, maybe he didn't know the difference. Or maybe it was different in his universe altogether. 

"Your whole family are heroes?" Leo asked instead.

"Everyone of them." Nightwing's mouth twitched at the corner. "Even the ones who maybe should've waited a little longer before getting into the family business, but who am I to judge?"

Leo got the impression he'd been doing the gig a long time himself, just from the lazy grace that he carried in the suit. Reluctantly, he let the swords relax at his sides completely.

"Those are beautiful katannas." Nightwing complimented. 

"Thanks." Leo said reflexively. He held up the blades, marvelling for a moment how the ninpo markings disappeared and left no trace.

"You popped over here pretty quick. I wasn't expecting my appearance to make any waves. The last time this happened I ended up taking a nap on a beach for a couple hours. Welcoming committee, protector of the universe, whatever you wanna call it." 

Leo was already shaking his head. "That's not me. I just… I stole some of my brother's tech and I was just watching for any time-space bullshit and caught the wave you made. So I portalled over to make sure it wasn't something coming to take over the world, or whatever. It's stupid."

"Doesn't sound stupid." Nightwing smiled at him, and it kinda hurt for some reason. "Well, hey, you better stick around and make sure I don't take over the world in the probable-twenty-five minutes I spend in this universe. Have a seat, kid, pull up some roof." 

"I'm not a kid." Leo protested, but slowly lowered himself to sit, folding his swords over his knees and tugging at the edge of his big hoodie. 

"You're what, seventeen?" Nightwing guessed, right on the money without even trying. "Same age as my second youngest brother, though he's probably a bad example on what does and does not constitute a kid since he was briefly the world's youngest CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The point is, I'm twenty-four, and I've been doing this hero biz for more than half my life, and I can give you some hot tips if you want."

"I'm not a hero." Leo immediately denied, tongue feeling big in his mouth and heart going too-fast. 

"You don't need a fancy suit to be a hero. You just need to show up when things need protecting." Nightwing gestured at him. "And look at that! Here you are."

"Not me." Leo's face burned and he didn't want this guy to get the wrong idea. "Maybe my brothers are heroes, but I'm the screw up. I'm just trying to… make up for my mistakes." 

"Ah." Nightwing's smile tinted a new colour. Shaded sad. "Listen, kid. What's your name?"

"I don't have a superhero name like yours." Leo said. 

"Hell, there's no secret identity to protect here. My real name is Dick. Well, Richard. But my friends call me Dick." 

Oh come on. Leo had to do it. He quirked a little smile and asked, "How do you get Dick from Richard?"

"You ask nicely!" Dick crowed, delighted. "Oh, thank you! No one ever sets me up for that one anymore."

Leo chuckled, shoulder loosening, and said, "It's Leonardo. Just Leo is fine though."

"Da Vinki?" Dick memed in a pretend gasp. 

He couldn't help but laugh again. "Yeah, that's me. All my brothers and I are named after renaissance artists. Or, alternatively, by our colour coding. So I'll answer just as fast to 'blue'."

"Hell yeah blue." Dick wiggled his blue finger stripes at him. "Got a red brother? Mine is a pain in the ass. I love him but if he 'borrows' my motorbike without asking one more time I'm gonna make origami out of his classic lit collection."

"Red brother, yeah. That's Raph. I'm probably more of a pain to him than he is to me. And he's not into books, that's Donnie. Books and tech." 

"Ah, tech is all Tim. The walking contradiction – genius level IQ who dropped out of high school. Picture a kid skateboarding in a suit to his board meetings. Though I'm not sure what colour we'd assign to him now, probably yellow since Jason's got a pretty firm hold on red." Dick tapped off his fingers, looking fond. 

Leo hummed and said, "Yeah, Don's purple, and my youngest isn't yellow but orange. Mikey's like that too – bright like the sun. Loves with everything he has. Joy and warmth and all that."

Dick burst out laughing so hard he had to hold his stomach, and dramatically wiped a tear away. "Oh, boy, yeah. No. The similarities very much end there. Our youngest is a baby assassin who we have to remind daily that he cannot maim people for minor inconveniences. But he's doing great, really. He's come so far from where he started. And despite the severe exterior, he really loves animals and art."

"Hey, there's something. Mike loves art. Actually, do you wanna see? I've got pictures on my phone." Leo tapped his foot at top speed, a little excited, because he never got to interact with normal people who didn't already know Mikey and get the opportunity to show off his talent like this. 

"Hell yeah I do." Dick shuffled closer, leaning in to see his phone and exclaiming over the bright pieces Leo had treasured in his camera roll. Then Dick showed off some remarkably lifelike pencil art pieces done by his youngest brother on his own phone, as well as the zoo of animals apparently he kept. Including a cow? 

"Are you the oldest?" Leo asked, when Dick made a comment about 'all his baby siblings'.

"I am. There's more of us, a couple sisters and another brother, but I'm the oldest of all of them." Dick didn't seem too concerned. "Let me guess, you're the second oldest?"

"Depends on what order my twin and I are deciding on for the day, but yeah. Raph's the oldest." Leo said with a shrug. 

"That makes sense." Dick said. 

Leo scowled and tried to elbow him. "What makes you say that?"

Dick dodged effortlessly and huffed. "You remind me of my second oldest brother. He feels like he has a lot to prove. And no idea that we don't need him to prove it, we'd just rather he was there."

Leo wrinkled his nose. "Dude. Come on. You don't have to put me on blast like that."

"Sorry." Dick laughed. "I'm a detective. And I'm really bad at turning it off, especially when I jump into a alternate dimension faced with a kid in a hoodie and a sword who's shaking way too hard to be doing okay."

Shit. That was a bad first impression. Leo groaned and covered his face with his hands. 

"Can I ask you one thing, though?" Dick wondered. 

"Might as well. Dig the knife in." Leo mumbled. 

"Why did you come alone? If your brothers are more like heroes than you, why is it just you in the middle of the night?"

"I wasn't thinking." Leo said, too quick, and it wasn't really the truth. He sighed. "I told you, I'm just trying to make up for my mistakes. They… they didn't need to be dragged into this if I could just fix it myself." 

"Hm. Well, get ready for the hot tip, because once I'm in big brother mode there's no stopping me. I told you that being a hero is showing up when people need protecting, but being a hero for a long time is not showing up alone. You shouldn't be wandering around New York by yourself to face an unknown threat, especially if you're not ready for it." Dick leaned in closer, rather serious. 

Leo shook his head, annoyed, turning away and tugging at the end of his sleeve. "Now you're really reminding me of Raph. Now all you need is a hot temper."

"Oh, believe me, I've got that too." Dick winked, but there was a severity that rang true. "But that's not necessary in this moment. If I'm your Raph and you said that you're more of a pain to him than he is to you, then yeah, you're my Jason. But listen. I don't care that Jason's made mistakes. Because that kid suffered more than anyone could believe, but he came back to us, and he is trying. And there's no amount of pain that he could cause me that would ever eclipse how much more I love him."

That was… seriously uncomfortably close to his own experiences. Just thinking about the idea of suffering sounded a lot like the snap of a portal closing him into hell. And coming back from it, and trying to be the hero he never could. 

"You don't have to prove anything to them." Dick said, quietly. "They'd just rather you were there. And if your tech brother is half as good as mine, he probably knew the moment the energy spiked and I bet they're wondering where you are."

It was that moment that Leo realized he'd left his phone in his bedroom, plugged in and charging, and if they had been trying to contact him he'd have no idea. He groaned and covered his face again. "Shit."

"Go home." Dick said. "My ride'll be here any minute." 

"Yeah. Yeah." Leo shook his head, like he was trying to shake out the cobwebs. There was no way Donnie hadn't realized what he was doing with the tablet now, he was going to have some explaining to do, especially at the part where he ran off to deal with a threat entirely alone without telling anyone where he was going. He gave Dick a sideways glance and said, "Your Jason loves you too, you know. He's stealing your motorbike so you'll have to talk to him. We always listen more when you're yelling because that's when we think you're telling the truth."

"Maybe I'll yell at him more how much I love him, then." Dick shrugged, amused. "Get it through his thick skull."

"Thanks for being patient." Leo said, and realized in that moment he probably really needed to verbalize that one to Raph. 

"Thanks for coming home." Dick replied, sadder. 

Behind them, the rooftop shimmered with a different portal.

"Ah, great timing. They're early, someone must've gotten antsy." Dick grinned, hopping up to his feet with an acrobatic stretch. "Hey, Leonardo?"

"Yeah?" Leo said, getting up too.

"It was great to meet another hero." Dick saluted, approaching his portal.

Leo's mouth was dry. He nodded back, and said with a small croak, "Yeah. You too."

He watched until Dick disappeared. Then before he could summon his own portal, he heard three voices gasp, "Leo!" before he was tackled to the ground. 

His hands were shaking again as he held onto them. He didn't really have to go home, when home came to him.

Sometimes Leo wondered why he was given a blade. 

The rest of his brothers had rather blunt objects, not including the rather dangerous end to Mikey's kusari-fundo. But Leo carried with himself, every minute of the day, not one but two sharp katanas. He didn't think much of it when they were younger.

But he sure was thinking a lot about it now.

Not like. On purpose. His brain was just a god damn mess after… well. Everything. All his failures lined up in a neat little row. The invasion. All the things that seemed to quite cleanly show everyone he cared about exactly what Hamato Leonardo was made of. 

It wasn't a pretty show. No encore. 

The swords were always at his side. The glint of the blade in sunlight and the cold lick of metal at night. He'd begun to trace the sharp length with the pads of his fingers, feeling the crisp edge. Idly, without much thought, almost meditative. Not even with enough pressure to prick his fingers. 

The promise was enough, just to feel, like stroking the teeth of a beast. There was a bite underneath, if provoked. There was potential. Locked jaw, latched into place, never letting go. 

Leo wasn't going to do anything. That would be stupid. He was supposed to be trying to be better, not worse. His weapons were the manifestation of his love for his family. How fucked up would it be to hurt himself with that?

… how fitting ...

Not that Leo was going to do that. He was merely curious the amount of weight and pressure required to truly injure someone with his weapon. It was an important thing to know, since he was carrying the things around all the time. 

When it was six AM in the morning and he hadn't slept a wink, laying awake and pressing his fingertips on the blade over and over and over and over, just to listen to the promise, just to feel the sing of metal through the small bones of his hand – somewhere in the lack of sleep and the late-turned-early haze, it seemed like a good idea. He pressed that sharp edge braced between both hands against the usually hidden top of his thigh, and pushed. 

Not hard. It made a very thin line. A phantom sting, the appetizer of pain, not even enough to register beyond paper-cut levels. The perfect line looked… well. Like it had been there all along, and Leo was just revealing where it was supposed to be. 

The second attempt was no longer curiosity. He couldn't pretend, when the angle and the pressure spoke of only one thing. Leo wanted to make it hurt.

And it hurt. It bled. He swore, a headrush of sudden understanding, that pain existed right under his skin, he just had to dig it out. 

Leo dug it out. He dug it out. He dug it out.

Maybe there was penance, in the blood seeping from his skin, if he could bleed away sins and replenish into something new. Maybe there was a pledge, in each attempt, like this time it might fix something about him that everyone knew was broken. Maybe there was punishment, because it hurt. 

There was a rush, each time, a chasing feeling. But it did not negate the pain, or the momentary fear replaced by hope, terrible hope. Maybe this time it was too much. How awful and wonderful that would be?

Leo hated the swords, almost rusting with how often he had to run alcohol wipes along the surface to clean them. How impractical they were, when he ran out of surface area to reach without being caught on his legs and had to switch to his arms underneath his wrist guards. Trying to balance the long edge of a sword one-handed and give enough pressure to hurt like it was really meant to was such an incredibly hassle. But it was all part of the lie Leo was telling himself, that this sword, the proof of his connection to his family, had always been a blade because it was meant to hurt himself. To carve him into something better. If only he pushed hard enough. 

Which led to here. Hiding in the bathroom on the floor, trying to find a way to balance his sword for three minutes of release before he returned to the world where he was a fuck-up and a failure, where Raph's eye and Donnie's shell and Mikey's hands were far, far worse off than a few little cuts. Penance. Pledge. Punishment. He breathed shakily, anticipating and anxious for it. Hating that it had turned to carving, like he should be allowed to want. But unable to stop. Perfectly sharp blade humming, the manifestation of his family's love. How apt, how real, how true. Leo set his wrist against the braved edge and prepared to draw across the surface like the graceful bow of a violin. 

"What are you doing?" A soft voice said.

Leo stopped. No, delayed. He flicked his eyes up, body taunt, and saw…

Little legs swinging back and forth. A curious young face leaning over to see better, eyes round underneath red stripes too big for his face. Cheeks still with baby fat, fingers gripping the counter he was sitting on. Hamato Leonardo, or at least, a memory of what he used to be. A child. 

"Go away." Leo told the hallucination, and turned his back. He pulled the blade and the pain sung so loud. 

The child gasped. "Ow!" 

Blood. Leo flexed his fingers to activate the muscles in his arm. A dizzy feeling prickled hot waves from the top of his head downwards. Momentary perfection. Then reality soaked back in, and he readied the blade again. 

"No! Hey!" The young Leo hopped down from the counter and inserted himself in front of his senior, visage hazy but upset. "Stop that!"

Leo grit his teeth. His hand shook. He said, more pointed, "Leave."

"No!" Little Leo stomped his foot, bottom lip wobbling. "I won't! You have to stop! Why are you doing this?"

Leo laughed, cold. The answer to that question would hurt more than what he was about to do. So he sliced again, slow and purposeful.

And Little Leo … wailed. Put tiny hands over his face and sobbed. "That hurts! It hurts!"

Blinking rapidly, Leo watched the new blood appear. Almost dripped on the bathmat before he dabbed with paper towel. There was a burning behind his eyes. Faraway emotions, looking in through a foggy window, pointing out strangers in a crowd. 

His skin prickled. Lightheaded. Heart picking up the pace, tripping over itself, sta-sta-stammering. Almost dazed, desperate for another moment of clarity and release, to chase and chase and chase, dog after its own tail, the blade of love and torment against his skin, and –

"No!" Little Leo scrambled closer, face twisted with ugly tears, pleading, "Please stop hurting me. Please. Please stop."

Leo's hand shook. His breath caught. 

"It hurts." The child told him, hiccuping on uncontrollable sobs. "Please, it hurts. Stop. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please."

His grip trembled. The blood welled and the crisp edge promised its pretty lies. 

"Please stop hurting me." Little Leo whispered. Young and sweet and innocent and right here. Right here. Never went anywhere.

The katana was set down with care. Leo drew his bleeding arm to his chest and heaved for air. He grabbed his supplies but wrapped them with far more care than he ever had before. Shushing quietly between gasps for air, promising, "It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay."

The small space was quiet. The bathmat spotted with flecks of blood. Leo clutched his arm and rocked back and forth, soothing. Self-soothing. He hummed a lullaby, and shut his eyes, waiting for the after-image to fade.

“Master Donatello? Are you alright?”

It was hazy and distant, coming from far away, as the world was humming urgently in his ear. He was vaguely aware that he’d gasped when the sensation hit, but couldn’t recall for a moment what he was doing or where he was. 

All the air was stolen from his lungs. His body was trembling with the feeling, flash-pain that didn’t last longer than a moment but the memory of it was haunting him. All along his right side, but especially his arm. His fingertips were swimming in tv static — numb, in a moving way. And that momentary agony… 

“I’m fine.” Donnie said blindly, blinking the stars out of his eyes. As he remembered where he was and what he was doing – battlefield, Kraang, end of the world – he forcibly shook off the horrible feeling inside him. To survive was to push on. Even as dread needled him, persistent and sharp. 

He couldn't feel his right side fingertips, as he set up his sniper nest. Providing cover, breathing smoke, pulling all the tricks he knew to slow his heartbeat when it kept leaping out of his chest when he remembered that flashbang of pain. Something was wrong. Until he cleared this area, he couldn't leave anyway, so it was better to buckle down and work. The call-and-respond of the team he was supporting moving forwards. And his fingers were numb.  They were numb. Dread, hot, boiling dread. Finish the task. Go back to base.

His communicator chirped. Donnie pressed to receive and said, "Donatello."

"Don?" Raph's voice told him everything he didn't want to hear. 

"What happened?" Donnie snapped. Heart going double-time. 

"I don't know yet." Raph sounded weary. "Just a message from his away team that they have wounded and they're en route back to base. I haven't heard who, but. It wasn't Leo who called."

And Leo wouldn't do that to them, leave them wondering. If he didn't report back, then he couldn't. 

Fuck it. Donnie packed up his sniper and decided stealth was for the lucky. They weren't lucky. "Ten minutes."

"Don –"

"Ten minutes." Donnie snapped back, a little wild, panic clenching a tight fist around his throat. Eyes sparking dangerously. "See you then."

Raph paused for a thoughtful second, and spoke even softer, "Don't make it two, bud."

"I'll be fine." Donnie roughly stood, summoning flight tech that had the air smelling of ozone. "They, however, will not be."

Ten minutes later Donnie strode back to base to find chaos. He'd arrived just in time to meet the away team as they came in, and the roaring static in his mind grew louder and louder as he shouldered his way through the disorganized calamity. Blood and cries. Donnie's fingertips were numb, numb, numb. 

“Master Donatello!” A young soldier who’d been on Leo’s team gasped, eyes wide and pupils small. “I’m — I’m sorry, he’s —“

“Where is he?” Donnie didn’t acknowledge the apology. He didn’t know if he could. The fingertips on his right hand were numb. 

The kid pointed with a shaking hands, towards the nucleus of the chaos, where medics flourished and yelled, and there was a distinct lack of a familiar voice protesting the treatment. Claiming he could do it himself. Making some stupid joke. 

Donnie cut through the crowd as if it wasn’t even there. Vision narrow and grey, focused on a flash of blue through the wall of bodies, interspersed with red, red, red —

Someone caught his arm. Knocked with that tv static feeling, like the limb was asleep, and Donnie turned to blindly snarl at who dared to stop him — only to find the intense worry chasm of his biggest brother. 

“They’re doing what they can. Let them work.” Raph said. “You don’t wanna see him like that.”

Donnie angrily yanked his arm out of Raph’s grip, because how dare he tell Donnie he couldn’t see his own twin. There was no state of being where he wouldn’t want to be there for Leo, especially when the alternative was to leave him alone to suffer.

And. Donnie faltered at the reality. The blood soaked floor, Leo’s pale face, and the frayed edges of flesh where his right arm used to be. The sight of gore was already an issue for Donnie’s weak stomach, but on someone he loved so dearly it was a level of horror that pierced skin deep. Leo’s eyes were closed, and Donnie — he held Leo's head and got in the way of the people trying to save him.

 "You're okay.” Donnie whispered in his ear, desperate.  “You've got to be okay. You've got to be. You're okay. Please. Please be okay." 

Manic, almost wild. Raph appeared behind him and held his shoulders. “Donnie.”

“I’ll fix it.” Donnie tipped his head back to look at Raph with red rimmed eyes. “I’ll—I’ll fix it, I can, I’ll make him a new arm. He’s gonna be fine. He will. Please. Please — please.”

Raph sighed. He gently tugged Donnie back. 

The medics swarmed Leo, stabilizing him enough to move. Donnie fought Raph's hold, pleading, "He has to be okay, he has to, I can't –"

Raph ignored his struggle and cradled him close, softly kissing the top of his head and rumbling sadly, "They're gonna do everything they can."

Donnie heaved for air. His fingertips were numb. They never stopped being numb.

Leo’s throat hurt. 

Just add it to the list of bullshit that Raph was doing to him. Because there was absolutely no reason that Raph had to come and interrupt him while he was snoozing on the bean bag. Like, this lecture could’ve totally waited until later. Maybe after Leo had gotten some fucking sleep. 

“You’re not taking this seriously!” Raph said.

“You could not be more of a broken record if you tried, Rapha.” Leo hadn’t gotten up from the bean bag and suffocated a yawn into his fist. He was tired of the grating arguments and he was tired, just bone tired of the fighting for no reason. And tired in general. Because his head was so loud and when he laid down to sleep there was just… screaming there too. 

“That’s because you’re not listening to me.” Raph poked him right between the eyes. “I gotta drill it in that empty head somehow.”

Leo twitched. That was a bit harsh, especially since it wasn’t a gentle poke. He was feeling a little ganged up on and crawled out of the bean bag to stand his ground, crossing his arms. “Yeesh, tell me how you really feel.” 

“I think you’re lazy and unmotivated.” Raph scoffed. “We’ve got so much we could be doing and you’re sleeping in the middle of the day.”

Leo… paused. Stared at his brother with a bit of hurt shock. He was really coming at him, no holds barred. He held up his hands in surrender and said, “And wow, I think you’re a huge jerk. What the hell, dude? For your information, I barely slept last night, so get off me.”

Something flickered in Raph’s eyes. But it didn’t stay. He scoffed again, louder and more derogatory, raising up his lip to sneer with his snaggletooth. “You’re not even trying.”

“Wow.” Leo repeated. Hands still raised, skin goosebumping, a chill from the undisguised scorn. This was different from the usual annoyed arguing. This was … mean. “Okay. Please, let's hear it. What am I doing wrong, then?”

“What aren't you doing wrong?” Raph spat back, chest heaving. Genuine anger sung hot and heavy. 

Leo stared. This sounded a lot like the inside of his own head. Which didn't make sense, because that wasn't Raph. He pushed and he pushed but he was never like this. Not his Raph. Not his lovable big lug of a brother who truly only wanted the best for all of them. 

“Nothing to say?” Raph tilted his head to the side. His eyes were rather blank, now that Leo was making painful eye contact with him. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Leo prompted.

Raph blinked rapidly, surprised, then shook his head. “What are you talking about? You’re the one who's a problem here."

"Yeah, something is definitely wrong." Leo stepped forward, cataloguing other symptoms as he went. "You give me a hard time, you piss me off, and you nag me. But you're never, ever mean. So what gives?"

Raph was sweating. Not any of his usual sweat, not a scent Leo could pinpoint with scary accuracy. Something unheard of. When Leo got closer, he could see the pin-pricked pupil and too-quick breathing. He practically growled at Leo as he got close. 

"Relax." Leo smiled, charming, getting another step closer to the lion's den. Flickering his gaze over Raph to try and find some kind of clue. "I get you, I know you want me to try, etc etc. But you wouldn't just brush past me telling you I hadn't slept, because you know I hate being honest about that. You'd be beating my ass with a pillow to go to bed then and try again in the morning. So either you've been possessed by a demon or cursed. Which is it?"

"I'm not –" Raph lurched forward.

But Leo had already spotted it. He pinched the little bug between his thumb and forefinger and pulled – a parasitic scarab bit down into the skin of his neck. The moment it left Raph's body, the little pincers wiggled agitatedly in the air, and Leo surveyed the bug with a distasteful eye. 

Raph inhaled sharply, hand flying to his neck, and took two staggering steps backwards. He breathed, "What the fuck."

Leo waved the evil little beetle at him. "Did you piss off someone? Maybe walk through a magical rainforest?"

"I – I – " Raph's face morphs into one of pure horror. "I'm so sorry."

"Aw, buddy." Leo opened a portal and flicked the beetle through it, sending the fucker to the moon. Then he waved it away and opened his hands in offer. "It's okay. I know you better than that." 

Raph scooped him up in a hug so tight it took his breath away. He squeezed and squeezed and Leo bore it with the patience of someone who'd been a teddy bear for this man many a time. 

"It's okay." Leo mumbled to him. 

"Not really." Raph replied, miserable.

"You didn't mean it." Leo shrugged.

The arms around him tightened. Raph shuddered a breath.

"Okay, maybe you meant it a little bit." Leo amended, because it wasn't like this conversation was new. Just the vitriol at which he spat it. "But bud, I know you're not coming at me to hurt me. I'd never think that. You're literally doing this because you want me to be my best. I'm not stupid. I'm just really, really good at acting like it."

Raph pulled back enough to show his red eyes. "Then why won't you work with me here?"

Leo couldn't say, because I'm scared my best isn't good enough. Instead he pat his big brother's arm and said, "Let's get you checked out and make sure that beetle didn't cause any lasting effects, hey?"

"Leo–" Raph growled.

Too late. Leo eeled out of his grip and danced away, waving over his shoulder. "Come on, chop chop, I don't have all day you know."

Raph… sighed. And followed, shoulders hanging.

The scream cut off as soon as Mikey realized it was coming from his own throat, choking on the sound, hands pushing back against the touch that was shaking him awake. Immediately the touch disengaged, and it was Donnie's voice that said, "You are safe, Angelo. You are having a nightmare."

That made a lot more sense. Pulling ragged breaths through a sore throat, Mikey blinked the stars out of his eyes and hunched over. After a moment, Donnie shuffled and turned the lamp on. The light helped the pulsing terror that sat heavy on his chest. It brought the silhouette of his big brother into the light, the frayed long-sleeve sleep shirt that said 'I identify as a problem' and bare feet against the carpet. No goggles or even mask, looking like he'd just woken up moments ago. 

"I'm sorry." Mikey rasped, swallowing hard. The panic was living inside him, making it hard to think, but he knew that Donnie didn't like to be disturbed. "Did I wake you up?"

Donnie hesitated. Pulling at the end of his sleeve, thumbing the holes there. He said, "You were calling out, in your sleep." 

Mikey winced. "Sorry. Thanks for waking me up. You can go back to bed now."

Donnie didn't. He stood there, then said, "You said my name."

Oh. Mikey's stomach dropped hard and fast as he remembered his dream, and he bit his lip. All the denials fell short before forming, because… he was really glad that Donnie was here right now, actually. 

Donnie gestured awkwardly to the bed. "Do you want me to join you?"

"You don't have to." Mikey said immediately. 

"If I didn't want to, then I wouldn't offer." Donnie said, promptly. 

That was true. Mikey shuffled over to give him room, tugging the blankets along to keep them separate. Except that Donnie ignored that, reaching over to flap the rumpled blankets over both of their legs. Then he perfectly arranged the pillows to sit up, turning to look at Mikey in the lamp-light. He said, "I don't like the thought that something about me would upset you that much. Tell me what the issue is, and I will fix it."

Mikey gave him a laugh, a little wet, and swiped at his eyes. "You don't upset me, D. Don't worry about it."

Donnie fixed him with a look that would work a lot better with his painted-on brows, but luckily Mikey knew him well enough to fill in the arched incredulity even without them. "Michelangelo, you are my only little brother. I reserve exclusive right to worry about you every minute of the day if I so please. And especially if you are roused in the middle of night with screaming nightmares."

Mikey sniffed miserably, giving his eyes another futile swipe. He wasn't crying so much as all stuffed up and uncomfortable, like he was bloated with unwelcome emotions. "Just because someone's younger doesn't mean they can't worry about their older siblings."

Donnie leaned forward so he was in Mikey's line of sight, and gave a crooked smile. "Heavens, don't you dare be worried about me."

"I can if I want." Mikey insisted, jutting up his chin, but then hesitating. "That wasn't… that wasn't why, though."

"Oh?" Donnie stayed persistently in his line of sight, even ducking his head to keep his gaze when Mikey tipped it downwards. "Do tell."

Mikey struggled with keeping it inside, mouth wobbling, but he'd never been good at holding back. Not when there was always so many sets of hands were right there, waiting to give him whatever he wanted. Safety and security and –

"It was dark." Mikey began, because he hated the dark. Everyone knew that. "And – and I couldn't find my way home. There were monsters and – and they were chasing me – and I … I wanted you to come save me."

Donnie eyes went wide, jaw going slack, and he said, surprised, "Me?"

Mikey nodded, tears welling and irritably swiping at his cheeks again to stop them from falling. He sniffed and said, "I was scared. And I wanted you. And then I woke up and you're here, so I feel better."

"Me?" Donnie said again, weaker. "Not Raph? Not Leo? Not Dad? Me?"

"You're my big brother too." Mikey said, soft. "You just said that."

"Yeah, but there's no way I'm better than –" Donnie cut himself off and shook his head. "Of course I'm an amazing big brother, but for like – fixing your things and reading stories and hiding with you when everyone else is being stupid. Not the one you want when the monster is chasing you."

Mikey headbutted him, somewhere between playful and hard enough to hurt. "Except you are. Are you saying you wouldn't help me if a monster was chasing me?"

"Of course I would." Donnie rubbed his forehead, frowning. "I would absolutely anything I could to protect you. But I am not the most optimal choice for this situation."

Mikey shrugged. "I don't know. My subconscious wanted you."

Donnie bit his lip, looking a little emotional himself. He opened his arms, and Mikey crawled into them without any hesitation. All tight limbs around his big brother, who made him feel so safe, so secure, so loved. 

His grip was strong, and Donnie pressed their heads together. He mumbled in Mikey's ear, "I suppose subconscious knows that you are my precious baby brother and if you call for me, I will come. And I will do everything I can, even if I need to destroy everyone and everything to keep you safe."

"Leo said you're not allowed to do villain monologues past midnight anymore." Mikey said, muffled by Donnie's shirt. 

Donnie's laugh was just a little evil. "Oh, darling Michelangelo. Your faith in me will never be mislaid. I would burn cities and salt the earth for you. I would tear apart the laws of the universe and rewrite new ones at your bidding. I would – stop laughing!"

Mikey couldn't help it, giggling helplessly, clutching the fabric and pressing close for the comfort it provided. His heart swelled with care, that incredibly special kind of care that only Donnie could provide. He said, the tears nearly gone from his voice, all his fears wiped away like chalk off a blackboard, "I love you so so much."

"Mmmm." Donnie hummed against the top of his head, rocking them back and forth slightly, like he was cradling Mikey. It lit something young and safe inside him. "I love you for every single star in the universe."

"How many is that?" Mikey whispered.

"At least two hundred billion-trillion." Donnie replied, instant and smug. 

"Well I love you three hundred billion-trillion." Mikey said.

Donnie gasped, mock-affronted. "Gasp! How could I be so foolish!"

Mikey giggled again, boneless against his big brother, the gentle rock back and forth, the warm blankets, and he was so, so glad he called for Donnie.

"I've definitely got a unicorn horn." Leo said, holding up the puzzle piece. 

"Which one?" Donnie propped up the box lid. 

The two inspected, comparing the angle with the reference, covered in a multitude of unicorns.

"Hard to tell." Leo set the piece aside, with his other collection of possible key points. They'd only just finished the border, spread out the bedroom floor. They were twelve years old. They were both grounded. They were absolutely and intolerably bored. 

No TV. No phones. No lab time for Donnie, no skateboarding time for Leo. No amount of pleading with Raph or Mikey to smuggle them entertainment worked because they weren't happy either.

So it was the unicorn puzzle. And any other way they could pass the time. 

"It's your turn." Donnie said, flipping over a few middle pieces and sorting them into piles by colour. 

"Sure. Truth or dare." Leo plucked another horn-like piece with a pleased noise and tried to slot it with his first. It didn't fit. 

"Truth." Donnie said, after a moment.

"Wimp."

"I stand by my answer."

"Fine." Leo sighed, annoyed. "You're no fun. What is the last thing you looked up on the internet?"

"Pssh. Something absolutely genius, I'm sure." Donnie said. "But alas, we will never know, as I do not have my phone on me." 

"Hogwash." Leo said, mimicking his voice, "As if your eidetic memory doesn't know. I'm insulted on your own behalf that you would insinuate such a thing."

Donnie mentally ran back through his most recent searches and struggled not to cringe. A victorious smile spread over Leo's face, before he'd even said a word. 

"How'd you know it was going to be something stupid?" Donnie complained, ducking his head to pretend to sort his pieces more intently. 

Leo tapped his lip, milking his success. "Come on. You've got a thousand bookmarks on your computer for all your nerd stuff and overflowing shelves of paper books and manuals. If you need to Google something, then it's the bottom of the barrel questions." 

Donnie mumbled under his breath.

"What's that?" Leo leaned forward over the puzzle, grin growing to shit-eating.

"You heard me." Donnie's face flushed. 

"I'm not sure I did, because I'm pretty sure my genius prodigy Donatello knows exactly how many millimetres are in a centimetre." 

"I was just making sure!" Donnie complained loudly, snapping a hand out to push at Leo's face and shove him back to his side of the puzzle. "It's my turn now, shut up. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Leo answered, because he always said dare. 

"Shocker." Donnie deadpanned. "Fine. Eat a puzzle piece."

"Okay." Leo picked up the unicorn horn. Before Donnie could stop him, he placed the piece on his tongue, swallowed, and showed a decidedly empty mouth.

"Oh my stars, Leon, I didn't think you'd actually do it." Donnie said, stunned with the heights of his idiocy. 

"You dared me." Leo shrugged. "What did you expect?"

"We needed that!" 

"You cannot pretend this is my fault. You literally just told me to eat it." 

"I hate you. Alright, Curious George, it's your turn." 

Leo barked a laugh. He rearranged his collection of unicorn horn pieces, forever missing one now, and said, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Donnie wasn't a wimp. 

"Bet." Leo hopped up and immediately began digging in a drawer. "Close your eyes. Don't open them until I say so."

Instant regret. So much instant regret. Donnie didn't obey, tense all over, watching Leo with wariness. 

Leo found whatever he was looking for, keeping it behind his back when he turned around, and said, challenging, "Are you switching?"

If Donnie switched to truth, Leo would ask something really awful, and he'd have no choice but to answer as penalty. So Donnie scoffed, like that was a ridiculous question, and shut his eyes. 

Leo’s footsteps got closer and he sat in front of Donnie. He said, calm and mischievous, “I’m going to touch your face.”

With the warning, he didn’t flinch when Leo carefully removed his mask, placing it in Donnie’s hand. Then there was the sound of an uncapped pen, and a whiff of marker. 

“Hold still.” Leo said, fingers bracing Donnie’s head and setting the marker tip to his face, waiting a moment for him to adjust, then began to draw.

“Urgh.” Donnie said, holding still beyond his fingers fidgeting in his lap with the mask, eyes closed but recognizing the movement of the pen in two arcs over either eye. 

“There.” Leo said, removing the pen. “We match.”

Donnie opened his eyes to see Leo directly in front of him, something warm and fond before it eased back into gremlin mischief. “Feel beautiful?”

Donnie got up and looked at himself in the mirror. Dark red marker stripes were drawn carefully over his eyes, matching at the face grinning behind him. 

He rolled his eyes. He stomped over to the same drawer and said, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Leo said, already taking off his mask. 

Donnie found the black marker. “Close your eyes.”

Obediently, Leo shut his eyes, grinning too hard that it caused his forehead to wrinkle while Donnie moved his head around to get the perfect sharp and thick eyebrows. He put genuine effort into making them look good, because Leo had too. 

“Done.” Donnie said, releasing his hostage of Leo’s head.

Leo leapt up to the mirror and gave a wolf whistle. “Damn! That’s not bad.”

“I didn’t come here to fuck around.” Donnie replied. Looking at both of them in the mirror he wished he had his phone so he could get a picture. He flashed a peace sign anyway, like they were taking a selfie, and Leo automatically mimicked it. For a moment, he forgot the situation and grinned back at his twin through the mirror. 

Then he remembered why they were stuck in a room doing puzzles and dropped the peace sign, shuffling down to sort through the stacks. Leo watched him, the small frown made quite more serious by his impressive brows, then hopped over the half assembled puzzle to his side. “My turn?”

It was an invitation to stop, if Donnie wasn’t feeling it anymore. But it wasn’t like they had anything better to do. “Truth.”

"Do you regret it?" 

Donnie glared at him. 

Leo stared back at him, completely serious. 

"I'm switching. Dare." Donnie said. Whatever horrible thing Leo could concoct would be better than answering that. Even if it meant he had to do it, no matter what. 

"Fine." Leo shrugged. "I dare you to tell me the truth."

"That's cheating." Donnie lifted his lip in a sneer.

"Is it?" Leo challenged. There wasn't a specific rule against it. 

Donnie didn't answer him, turning to try and poke his various pieces together. Neither of them spoke for a while. The tense atmosphere reigned. 

"I regret that I got caught." Donnie said, eventually. "Which probably isn't what I'm supposed to feel." 

"So you'd do it again, if you felt you couldn't get caught?" Leo prompted, knuckles white in his lap. 

"Only one question. Your turn. Truth or dare." 

"Dare."

"I dare you to answer a truth." Donnie said, sharp. 

Leo's eyes narrowed. He couldn't claim it was cheating without being a hypocrite and he knew it. He rolled out a slow, "Fine. Ask."

"Why'd you take the fall with me?" Donnie was been dying to ask. Leo hadn't even known what Donnie was up to, and yet he stood in front of Dad and swore he'd been helping. 

Leo said, "Pssh, I thought you were gonna ask something hard. So you weren't grounded alone, obviously. And it'd be so boring if I couldn't hang out with you anyway. And so I could bug you about what the hell you were thinking. So. Truth or dare?"

Donnie would eat every piece of this puzzle if he didn't have to answer another truth. "Dare." 

"Wimp." Leo said, shark-grin. 

"Your standards for cowardice seem to change from moment to moment." Donnie said, mouth dry. 

Leo could easily pull the same move and insist he answer a truth, but with the tit-for-tat complete, to abuse the power would break the game. "It's fine. This one'll be real easy," his gaze hardened, "especially since it's what you should've been doing all along. I dare you to take me with you next time."

Donnie exhaled slowly through his nose, swallowing. He avoided Leo's eye, pretending he was super interested in placing his puzzle pieces. "Fine." 

"Promise?"

"Yeah, whatever."

He could feel Leo staring at the top of his head. He irritatedly poked a piece in place, the leg of a unicorn, and asked, "Truth or dare?"

"I'll do truth if you do." Leo bargained. 

A rare offer. Despite his annoyance, he couldn't help but take the bait. "Deal."

"Perfect. Hit me." 

Donnie could tell Leo was already formulating his next question. Unfortunately for him, Donnie got to ask first. "Tell me something you've never told anyone."

Leo grimaced. He didn’t answer for a long minute, eyes visibly ticking back and forth as he thought.  Then laughed, a little nervous, and said, "Alright. Okay." 

The nerves were interesting. Donnie poked, almost fascinated, "Scared?"

"No, I just –" Leo bit his lip and glanced up, fidgeting with a bunch of sky pieces. He was definitely nervous, breath quickening. "I've wanted to say, actually. So this seems as good a moment as any."

Oh, this was actually serious. Weird. Made weirder by the drawn-on brows. Donnie waited for more information before assuming anything. Leo delayed longer, killing time, and only to falter at Donnie's expression. 

"It's uh, not a big deal, but. I figured I should … tell you. That. I'm gay." Leo held his breath at the end of the sentence.

"Right." Donnie nodded. 

Leo blinked at him like an owl. "... you knew?"

"I… figured." Donnie evaluated the situation and determined a different reaction was needed, judging by the clear anxiety of Leo's face. This hadn't been what Donnie was expecting, because why would Leo be nervous about his reaction. "I did not consider it worth a second thought. You are my twin. There is nothing about you that I wouldn't accept without question."

"Oh. Okay." Leo inhaled shakily then let it out slowly. "Cool. That's cool. Don't tell anyone else yet, okay?"

"Like you even have to ask." Donnie scoffed. There was a code about these sorts of things, after all, twelve years in the making. He wasn't about to break their sacred bond now. "Do you need a hug?"

Leo crawled directly over the puzzle to climb into Donnie's arms. He squeezed so hard it squashed the air out of his lungs. He mumbled in Donnie's ear, "Thanks."

"I love you. If anyone has a problem with it, send them directly to me." Donnie's grip tightened to the point of Leo letting out an 'oof' too. 

"Love you too." Leo gave another squish then pulled back, a puzzle piece stuck to his bare leg. "Your turn."

"Now?" Donnie complained. "After we just had a moment?"

"And we're about to have another moment, bucko." Leo was close enough to poke Donnie directly in the plastron, pretending to be stern even as he was still a little shaky. "Your turn."

"Truth." Donnie sighed, fulfilling his end of the bargain. 

"Why'd you do it?" Leo asked, immediate. All young indignation, eyes shining with left-behind hurt, and a more incandescent worry that was mirrored in all the annoyed glares outside their door. 

“Scoff.” Donnie avoided his eye. “Surely you do not need to hold me at metaphorical gunpoint to ask that question when you already know the answer. I wanted uranium.”

"That's not why you did it." Leo said, expression all the more severe by the painted brows. He insistently poked Donnie in the middle of his plastron again. "I know you didn't want uranium just to have. There's always a purpose, a plan. Why?" 

"Multiple uses." Donnie said, tightly, through clenched teeth. "It doesn't matter. No one wants me to have it because they think I'll give myself radiation poisoning. Because it'll put me on a watch list. Because when I tried to sneak out and meet up with a seller I got caught. So it doesn't matter, because obviously no one here is going to let me."

"You're right about that, because you will give yourself radiation poisoning and sneaking off when you're a twelve-year-old mutant to meet up with some sketchy seller was a terrible idea. That's still not what I'm asking. Why?" Leo said, because despite pretending for everyone else that he was in on it the whole time, he was actually just as opposed as the rest of them at his failed scheme.

Donnie physically pushed Leo away, since he was still so close. "It doesn't matter! Okay! I can't do it, so it doesn't matter!"

"It matters to me. Because I'm asking." Leo insisted, hands braced backwards onto the puzzle and separating out the few pieces they'd gotten together. "It's truth, you have to answer."

"I could switch to dare." Donnie said, annoyed.

"Then I'd dare you to tell me the truth."

"That's cheap and you know it."

Leo just stared at him, still leaning back and waiting. Completely dead set and expectant that Donnie would crack. 

"There's nothing more to say." Donnie said, swallowing and feeling how his throat was sore. "I have projects that only a radioactive isotope can satisfy."

"Okay?" Leo prompted. Waiting for the expected info-dump. 

"Why do you care?" Donnie snapped. "Weapons. Big, powerful weapons, that would obliterate anyone who dared mess with our family. And – a-and unlimited power. And heat. For our home. Okay? Are you happy? Because we don't get to have those things anyway, so it doesn't matter."

Grim triumph washed over Leo's expression, and he leaned forward to ask, "Do you think we'd want that at the expense of your life?"

"I wasn't going to die!" Donnie exclaimed. "And if I have the power to make our lives better, safer, more efficient, shouldn't I take it? Shouldn't I push the laws of the universe to give us everything we deserve when we're trapped underground like rats?"

"That stuff is pretty important, but it's not more important than you." Leo said, slowly. 

Donnie smacked his hand against the floor and blurted, "That's what I'm good for, so yeah, it is!"

Leo's expression flashed and he gave a low growl. He lunged forward and caught Donnie in a roll, sending the two of them tussling into the dresser. A loud thud made the wall shake. Donnie kicked Leo in the shins. Leo elbowed Donnie in the solar plexus. 

"Boys!" Splinter knocked loudly on the door. "No killing each other!"

"Yes Dad!" Donnie and Leo recited together, stalled mid-fight, waiting for the footsteps to disappear before struggling apart.

"What was that for?" Donnie rubbed his plastron, scowling.

"For basing your self worth on what you provide for this family." Leo straight up threw puzzle pieces at him, scattering unicorn bits all over the carpet. "Don't be ridiculous. You're so much smarter than that. If we only let people in because they're useful then I woulda been kicked out years ago."

"That's not true." Donnie protested. 

"That's not the point." Leo rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter who's useful or not. You're one of us forever. No take backs. You don't have to superfit the lair with big weapons and make us completely self-sustaining or whatever. Dad only let you start doing upgrades because you were having fun. If you're doing it to earn your place here then I'll burn your lab down."

"It's fun." Donnie said, quickly, because Leo had an affection for fire that should not be tempted. "Fine. I hear you. I will be satisfied with projects that bring me joy and not radiation poisoning. Can we finish this puzzle or did you actually swallow that piece?"

Leo's severe expression melted, and he reached behind Donnie's non-existent ear and revealed the unicorn horn piece flipping over his knuckles. "Looks like you had it rattling around in your big head this whole time."

"Hah. Caught you." Donnie grinned. "If you cheated on that dare now you gotta do one that's twice as bad." 

Leo swore.