Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shadow survives the fall.

He survives, because of course he does. Because the universe couldn’t even let him have that much.

He wakes, slowly, in a crater in the middle of God knows where, every bone in his body aching, some of them probably broken. He can’t really feel his arms and legs much. He’s not sure if that’s because of some kind of nerve damage, or if it has anything to do with everything else being kind of fuzzy, too. 

Fluffy clouds are floating above him. Dimly, Shadow can hear birds chittering, blissfully unaware of the Earth’s near-destruction, of the dangerous alien among them who can’t seem to die.

Shadow manages to stand without much difficulty. His inhibitor rings are gone, but there are a few craters around him, so he knows where to look.

After that, he’s not sure where to go. Shadow considers lying down on the grass and staying there forever. It would be pretty easy, but it would be pretty boring, and Shadow thinks that distracting himself is probably a better idea than wallowing in misery for the rest of his stupidly prolonged lifespan.

Everything he’s ever known is gone.

Well, everything except -

-

Shadow manages to track Agent Stone down to a coffee shop in a small town in Montana. It’s not nearly as far as he’d thought it might be.

He recalls Stone mentioning it while making guacamole. There’s a librarian who stares at Shadow for a while before showing him how to use a search engine on a computer. A quick search gives him the address and everything.

Shadow thinks maybe that might be a safety hazard for Stone, given all his past supervillain-ry, but far be it from him to judge.

-

Shadow knocks on the door of the cafe. Is that what you’re supposed to do? Gerald didn’t really let him leave the G.U.N. base. He’s never been to an actual restaurant before, as far as he can remember.

He can’t see anyone inside, but then a head pops up from behind the counter, and the figure scrambles over to the door and opens it.

“Shadow? ” Stone exclaims. “You’re… alive.”

Shadow shifts uncomfortably. “Sorry.”

Stone fixes him with a confused expression. “What?”

Shadow freezes, aware that he’s made some kind of mistake. 

“Don’t apologize for being alive,” Stone commands. “Jesus - here, come inside.”

Shadow steps inside the threshold and looks around. The cafe is quaint, with wooden booths and tables and brick-tiled walls that are a pleasant shade of green. 

Stone asks him something he doesn’t hear, and he nods automatically, follows Stone to the counter and sits down. A moment later, a cup is put down in front of him, containing some sort of dark liquid he’s clearly meant to drink.

The drink is terrible. Shadow frowns at it. The bitter taste refuses to leave his mouth even after he’s swallowed it. “This is disgusting,” he says bluntly.

Immediately, he realizes that was extremely rude, but Stone just laughs. “Yeah, it’s not for everyone. Although,” he adds, “I always kinda figured you’d be the kind of guy to like coffee as dark as your soul. ”

Shadow scowls down at the offending cup, absently wondering if anyone who drank it would even notice if they’d been poisoned, if the bitterness would cover up anything out of place. Stone swipes it off the counter, and starts adding something to it from several bottles he has sitting around, moving with a practiced hand and not bothering to check how much he’s poured.

He wonders, faintly, if he could be that good at something, as good as Stone is at … whatever this is called. Shadow’s pretty good at fighting, but he’s not sure if he thinks that counts. Maria was good at playing the guitar. And dancing.

Shadow blinks, and there’s another drink in front of him. This one has a softer, creamy-brown color. He tries it. It’s sweet, now, and the faint bitterness makes it interesting rather than terrible.

“Better?” Stone asks him. It is.

Stone turns away and starts humming something, maybe improvised, or maybe a pop tune. Shadow’s been out of commission since the seventies, so he’s… not very familiar with modern pop culture. 

Stone’s smiling slightly as he cleans up whatever stuff he’s been using, ostensibly carefree despite the absence of the person he clearly cared for deeply, despite the rather terrible November weather, despite the fact that his cafe is completely and utterly devoid of customers. Shadow doesn’t get it.

“How are you so…” Shadow sighs. “Happy?”

Stone pauses and turns back to him. The silence is charged, and if Shadow wasn’t being rude before he definitely is now. “Do you mean…”

Shadow nods.

After a moment of consideration, Stone says, “I’m not sure. Just… pleased to be alive, I suppose.” Must be nice, Shadow thinks ruefully. He doesn’t really know what that feels like.

The washcloth in Stone’s hands is set down on the counter, and he leans over it before continuing. “Robotnik was… an important part of my life. But he - he wasn’t the only part.”

Shadow tries to think of other parts of his life, besides Maria. Being attached to various testing apparatuses. Being used as a living particle accelerator. Being used to power the Eclipse Cannon. Being used.

He remembers Sonic, and the sunrise on the moon. Maria told him once that in space, astronauts could see dozens of sunrises and sunsets a day as their spaceships orbited the Earth. He remembers gold, glowing bright as the sun. A hand in his.

It might be the only memory from after Maria that doesn’t make him want to die.

But Sonic’s dead, he has to be, there’s no way he could survive the fall. Shadow only got lucky. Or unlucky, he supposes.

He thinks of the moon again, of Sonic’s glowing fist hovering above his chest, ready to punch a hole clean through it, of the nauseating combination of relief and panic when he thought Sonic would kill him, of the anger and confusion when he… didn’t.

Shadow would be better off if he was dead. What about Sonic? Could Sonic live knowing he’d killed him? Even if Shadow asked him to?

La Ultima Pasión is playing on the TVs, the same episode that was on when they were making guacamole. Shadow’s a little less blinded by rage now, but he still thinks Gabriela should kill Juan and his brother. They suck pretty bad. Shadow wonders if it was Eggman who got Stone into shitty telenovelas, or if it was the other way around.

“Shadow?”

“Hm?”

“I asked if there’s anything you like to do. For fun, I mean.”

Shadow shakes his head.

Stone raises an eyebrow. “Nothing. At all.”

“Not really.”

“Anything you want to do?”

Shadow thinks, and nothing stands out.

Maria had always wanted to visit a big city someday, like London, or Paris, or New York City. Shadow doesn’t think it’d be much fun if he went by himself, with no one to point out landmarks or random trivia or how pretty the sky is or decide where to go next. Shadow’s been to London. He didn’t like it very much.

He considers saying “die,” but he thinks that might kill the mood a bit.

“No.”

Stone sighs and pushes himself off of the counter. “We gotta get you some hobbies, man.”

-

The Mean Bean does not appear to be a particularly popular spot.

There are no customers, most of the time. They get an average of a few per day. Stone doesn’t seem too worried about the lack of business, oddly; Shadow wonders if he’s inherited whatever wealth Eggman had. He bets that the crab would sell for a lot of money.

The place seems to be slowly gaining traction, though, and they do have a few returning customers, including -

“Sonic? ”

Sonic blinks, standing in the doorway, miraculously uninjured, blue quills spiking slightly in surprise. “Shadow?”

Sonic darts over to him. Shadow readies a fighting stance on instinct - but Sonic stops just short of actually running into him. Sonic hesitates, looking Shadow up and down, before throwing himself onto him and squeezing.

“Get off of me, what the hell are you doing,” Shadow hisses, making a feeble attempt to push him off. Sonic’s surprisingly strong for someone who doesn’t seem to take anything seriously. Shadow sees Stone watching in the corner of his vision, amused.

“Dude, I thought you were dead!” Sonic says, way too loudly and directly in his ear. Shadow growls and teleports a few feet away, out of Sonic’s grasp.

“I thought you were dead,” Shadow counters, now that he can breathe. 

Sonic tilts his head, confused. “What? Why would I be dead?”

“I don’t know, maybe because you fell from space? ” Shadow remembers Maria telling him about terminal velocity, remembers her mention that there are some animals that have a terminal velocity small enough a fall won’t kill them. He wonders if that includes alien hedgehogs.

“Oh yeah,” Sonic mumbles, like it’s only just occurred to him that falling from a great height can hurt you. “It’s okay, Knuckles caught me.”

“Knuckles caught you.”

“Uh-huh.”

Shadow tries to consider the physics of that for a moment before deciding he doesn’t want to. “Is he… okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine!” Sonic says brightly. “How have you been?”

Shadow considers how to answer that. Good would be a lie, for sure, but one thing he’s learned from human customs is that people rarely actually want honest answers to these sorts of questions. “Fine,” he settles on. Sonic frowns a little, but doesn’t press him on it.

Sonic orders something called an “iced latte,” plus some more drinks that Shadow assumes are for the rest of his family. Seeing the way he balances the cardboard drink tray on his hand nearly gives Shadow a heart attack when he knows how fast Sonic will be running to bring them back.

“Gotta bounce,” Sonic says. Shadow thinks he sees a flicker of something actually apologetic on his face. “See ya around, Shads!”

“Don’t -” Before Shadow can say don’t call me that, Sonic is gone.

Stone makes a thoughtful noise.

“What?”

Stone shrugs. “Nothing.”

-

Shadow doesn’t sleep, so it’s not hard for Stone to let him stay with him. Stone kicks him out eventually, though.

Not permanently, of course, but he insists Shadow should go spend some time outside, and that his moping is scaring away customers. Shadow doesn’t think it’s the moping so much as it is just his presence. He knows Stone doesn’t mean to guilt him about it, just wants to give him a reason to get fresh air, but it still makes him feel terrible.

So Shadow leaves and runs off into the pine-covered hills, where he runs into Sonic, quite literally, swerving around the trees and not seeing the spot of blue in the distance until he’s already going too fast. He hits Sonic at eighty miles an hour and sends the both of them tumbling across the ground and whacking into a tree.

“Owww,” Sonic groans from above him. “What the - Shadow?”

Shadow blinks up at him. “Uh. Sorry.”

Sonic laughs, and stands up. “It’s okay, I’m fine,” he assures him, and offers Shadow a hand to help him up. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What does the ultimate lifeform get up to these days?”

Shadow shrugs. “Not much.” Sonic’s eyes scan him up and down. “What?”

“Sorry,” Sonic says, dropping Shadow’s hand. “Are you okay? We hit that tree pretty hard.”

“Fine, physically.”

Sonic hesitates, raises an eyebrow. “... What about not physically?”

Whoops. “None of your business.”

Sonic rolls his eyes. “What are you doing out here, anyway?”

“Stone made me go outside,” Shadow tells him, which is true. Sonic barks out a laugh. “What about you?”

Sonic shrugs. “Just wanted to run around. Maddie said I’m not allowed to race Knuckles around the house anymore since we cracked her kitchen tiles.” Shadow snorts, and Sonic grins at him.

“Hey, do you wanna race?” Sonic asks, perking up.

“Huh?”

“You’re super fast,” Sonic observes. “Race me.”

“Why?”

“Please?” Sonic hedges. “Knuckles won’t race me outside anymore, ‘cause I always beat him when I have room to get up to speed.”

“... Fine,” Shadow says, and Sonic whoops. He looks so excited it’s worth it. “Where to?”

“To the lake,” Sonic decides after a moment. “You can go any way you like. Whoever gets to that dock first wins.” Shadow follows Sonic’s pointing, to a small wooden dock on the western edge.

“If we go any way we like, you’re going to win,” Shadow notes. “You know all the shortcuts.”

“Come on, Shadow. It’s just trees, there’s no shortcuts.”

“Alright,” Shadow concedes, mentally trying to form a route. He’s tired enough that he debates just letting Sonic win, but there’s only so much his pride can take. Shadow gets an idea, and braces himself on the forest floor.

“Ready-set-go,” he says in one breath, and takes off.

“Wh - HEY! Shadow! Get back here!”

-

Shadow beats Sonic to the dock, just barely.

“I win,” he declares, the Chaos energy fading out of his limbs. He brushes at his quills, trying to get the pine needles out.

“No… fair,” Sonic gasps, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You got… a head start…”

Sonic pants, half doubled over. Shadow thinks for a moment.

“Race you back,” Shadow challenges, impulsively. 

Sonic looks up at him, his eyes glinting, before taking a small step forward and fixing Shadow with a… suspiciously neutral expression.

“You’re on,” Sonic says. He looks at Shadow a second longer, before stepping forward again and shoving Shadow into the water.

The water isn’t quite freezing, but it’s mid-November, so it’s pretty close. Some of it gets in Shadow’s mouth before he surfaces to see Sonic standing on the edge of the dock and cackling, not even bothering to take advantage of his head start, the asshole.

Shadow makes a break for the shore. Sonic yelps and darts off, still laughing.

-

Sonic takes a slightly different route back up the hill, darting through a field of tall grass and purple flowers. He slows for a moment, and Shadow manages to catch up to him and tackle him to the ground.

Sonic shrieks. “AGH, get off, now I’m all wet -”

Shadow rolls off of him and snickers.

“Shut up,” Sonic says, and that just makes Shadow laugh harder, for some reason. Sonic rips up a clump of the purple flowers and throws them at Shadow’s face. He sneezes.

“What the hell are you laughing at,” Shadow grumbles, spitting out a blade of grass.

“You sneeze like a cat.”

“I don’t sneeze like a cat,” Shadow says indignantly, unable to understand why he feels insulted by that. “I - cats sneeze like me.”

Sonic snorts, and flops back onto the grass. “Whatever, man.”

Shadow looks at him, lying there on the ground, completely relaxed right in front of someone who tried to kill him not very long ago. It makes Shadow wonder if Sonic even remembers, how he does it, how he can keep moving so easily.

“Man, I can’t believe you’ve been in Green Hills this whole time,” Sonic muses. “I would’ve invited you to movie night.”

Shadow pictures Sonic’s family all huddled under a blanket fort like the one he once shared with Maria. “I don’t think that would end well.”

“Why not?”

“I literally tried to kill you at least twice. And your - human, I forget his name.” Something with a T, he thinks. That sounds right.

“It’s Tom,” Sonic says, “and that’s in the past.”

“It was less than two months ago.”

“Two months ago, that’s still the past,” Sonic insists. “You were in a lot of pain. I’m not still mad at you, ya know.”

That doesn’t make any sense. Pain or not, he hurt people. He probably killed at least a few, with how careless he was being, how most of his enemies dropped like puppets with their strings cut after he got in one hit. “Why not?”

Sonic sighs, and sits up. “Are you mad at me for trying to kill you?” Even if Sonic had, if he’d delivered the finishing blow, he wouldn’t have been. Mostly because he’d wanted it to happen.

Although… Shadow’s heard stories of people who survived suicide attempts. Of the panic they felt in what would’ve been their final moments, after they jumped off the bridge. Would he have panicked, if Sonic went for the kill?

“You didn’t kill me,” Shadow points out. “You never finished it. I, on the other hand -”

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“I said, stop it. Are you gonna try to kill us now?”

What kind of question is that? “Well, no -”

“There you go, then.”

And it - it can’t be that easy. It can’t possibly be that easy, that Sonic will just take his word for it, after everything in. Shadow feels, somehow, like he’s lying to Sonic, deceiving him. 

Shadow doesn’t know what to say, so he changes the subject, picking up one of the purple flowers. They smell nice. “What’s this?”

Sonic blinks, maybe disoriented by the change in topic. “Uh, lavender, I think. I dunno, you should ask Maddie. She likes gardening.”

Is that an invitation, or just Sonic chatting about his family?

“Oh!” Sonic snaps his fingers. “We’re watching Speed tomorrow night. You could bring it and ask her. And then you’d get to see Speed!”

“What’s Speed?”

Sonic grins. “The best movie ever! Starring Keanu Reeves.” Sonic frowns, looking at Shadow thoughtfully. “You know, you kinda sound like him sometimes.”

“What?” Is that someone he’s supposed to know? 

“Never mind.” Sonic shakes his head and stands up. “You should come over, though. It’s pretty awesome.”

Despite Sonic’s enthusiasm, Shadow can’t imagine that Sonic’s family will feel similarly. Especially if, as he suspects, Sonic hasn’t told them that Shadow’s alive.

This is a bad idea. “This is a bad idea.”

Sonic pouts. “Please?”

Shadow sighs, considers it. It would be a nice change of pace from La Ultima Pasión. He doesn’t think that Stone’s going to put on anything else until they finish the season, at least. Shadow’s getting a little bit tired of Gabriela and her incredibly contrived problems.

On the other hand, he really doesn’t like the idea of showing up at Sonic’s house. He defeated Knuckles once, but he doesn’t doubt that a well-timed punch from him could shatter his jaw. 

“I’ll… I’ll come,” Shadow agrees, and Sonic’s face lights up. “But,” he adds, “you have to tell them I’m coming beforehand.”

Sonic nods dutifully, then bursts into a wide smile and hug-tackles him again. “Thanks, Shadow! You won’t regret it!”

The feeling of Sonic hugging him is kind of nice, but right now it feels a little bit too much like being suffocated, and panic rises up in his throat. “Get off -”

Blessedly, Sonic lets go immediately, and scrambles backwards. “Right, right, sorry.”

There’s silence for another few seconds, and then Sonic’s head snaps up. “Race you back to the lake?” He looks so hopeful, and Shadow can’t help but know he doesn’t deserve this, but god, he’s nothing if not selfish.

And Shadow’s exhausted, from all of this - he feels like he’s run a hundred laps in Gerald Robotnik’s particle accelerator - but -

“Okay.”

“Yes! Okay, but if I win this time, you can’t push me into the lake, I don’t know how to swim…”

-

Once, after the cafe closes for the night, Stone keeps the lights on to make guacamole, maybe because they didn’t actually get to eat it last time. Gabriela, the dumb bitch, still hasn’t decided between her two men.

Shadow opens his mouth to make a comment about it, and Stone cuts him off. “Don’t tell me she should kill them both again.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Shadow huffs.

Stone places a plate in front of Shadow, with some of the guacamole and tortilla chips piled on top. Experimentally, Shadow dips one of the chips in it.

“I… don’t think I’ve ever had this before.”

“That,” Stone says, “is very sad. Try one.”

And so he does; it tastes nice, actually, nothing at all like the bland mush it looks like it’d be.

“So, what’s the verdict?”

Shadow swallows. “Not bad.”

Stone scoffs, shaking his head. “I should be offended by that.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“Because a ‘not bad’ coming from you is pretty high praise.” Stone smiles at him, briefly, before turning his attention back to the TV.

Shadow considers this, and eats another chip.

-

The Wachowskis, as he learns they are called, do not intend to kill him.

He’s not sure whether or not to be happy about that. On the one hand, he doesn’t particularly care what happens to him. On the other hand, he does seem to care what Sonic thinks of him. For some reason.

He rings the doorbell, which must be electric, since it plays a little jingle instead of just hitting a bell somewhere. The door is opened by Knuckles, who regards Shadow and then shouts: “Sonic! The superior hedgehog is here!”

Knuckles leads him into the house. The yellow one approaches him cautiously. 

“Oh, wow, you really are alive,” he gasps. “Can I ask you how your skates work? Are they, like, electric? Or do they -”

“Give him some space, Tails,” the woman says. Tails’s eyes widen; he breathes out a hushed “sorry” and takes a few steps back, but doesn’t move his gaze from Shadow’s face.

Dangerous. Shadow thinks of the conversation with Maria on the surface, how similar the way the scientists looked at him is to the way that Sonic’s brother looks at him now. He wonders if Sonic thinks of him that way. He invited Shadow here, though, so probably not.

The woman’s walking over to him. “Nice to meet you. Or, well, meet-meet you. I’m Maddie.” She holds out her right hand in front of him. A greeting, one that’s never been extended to Shadow before. Scientists don’t shake their test subjects’ hands.

Cautiously, he takes it. “Shadow.”

Maddie smiles at him, for some reason, and lets go of his hand. It’s odd.

“I almost killed your husband,” Shadow notes, stupidly. Maddie’s smile flickers, and her eyebrows do that confused thing that human faces do.

Before Maddie can reply to his strange remark, Sonic skids down the stairs and into the living room, stopping right in front of Shadow. “You made it!”

“I didn’t really have anything else to do,” Shadow mumbles, because it’s true. Sonic takes his hand and leads him to the adjacent room, which holds a TV, a couch, and a small bean bag chair. There’s also a strange amount of abandoned (?) yarn crafts strewn about the room.

Tails flops down on one end of the couch, and Knuckles and Maddie follow him.

“Where’s…?”

“Tom?” Sonic guesses. Shadow nods, not wanting to say it out loud. It feels wrong to say it, like he’s trying to be something he’s not, pretending to be a real part of whatever this is. “He’s making popcorn.” Sonic sits on the couch, in the middle of the empty space.

Another furry thing walks up to Shadow; a dog, he realizes. He’s never actually seen one before in real life, that he can recall, since animals weren’t really allowed at the base. Maria always wanted a puppy.

The dog sits up on its hind legs and paws at him. Shadow steps back reflexively, but the dog just follows, backing shadow up against the wall -

“That’s Ozzie,” Tails tells him. “I think he likes you.”

Ozzie barks, loud and sharp, and actually jumps on him now. “I don’t like him,” Shadow manages, his voice sounding horribly strained even to his own ears.

“He’s not gonna hurt you,” Tails adds helpfully.

“Ozzie, c’mere,” Maddie calls.

The dog whirls around and jumps on Maddie, instead. She laughs as Ozzie licks her face. Is she enjoying it? Truly baffling.

The final family member walks in holding a large bowl of popcorn, wearing an arm sling. Something in Shadow’s chest hurts, makes him want to bolt, but it’s too late for that now. Tom just gives him a smile and sits down with the others, and Sonic pats the empty space next to him. He’s arranged it so that Shadow doesn’t have to sit next to anyone else, Shadow realizes. It’s awfully considerate, but probably just to make sure nobody tries to punch him.

Shadow sits in the empty space, and Sonic snatches the remote and hits play on the movie. Shadow is offered popcorn; he envisions the taste, and it turns to ash in his mouth. He declines.

He’s told by Sonic that this is an old movie, a few decades old. Movie visual quality has improved significantly since he and Maria were watching them. Sonic periodically whispers something in his ear about the plot or the set design.

Shadow has never really liked action movies. Human villains are boring; big monsters are fun. He wonders if he could get Sonic to watch one of the old Godzilla movies with him, and then realizes he could probably just do that on his own, although it’d be boring to watch it alone. Even La Ultima Pasión isn’t that interesting without Stone around.

-

Shadow doesn’t sleep, at least, not much. He’s not really sure if he needs to sleep or not, to be honest. He never slept at the base except for when they put him into the stasis chamber.

Either way, when he sleeps, he usually wakes up more tired than when he went to sleep, and he usually wakes up because of some nightmare or another. This time’s no exception.

Shadow’s not sure what’s happening, only that there’s fire, and his limbs ache, and there’s some more fire, and now it’s dark and he’s not sure where he is. It’s not Maria’s room, she keeps a nightlight on ( kept , he reminds himself), and it’s not Stone’s place either, there’s not enough of that coffee smell. It smells like popcorn. And smoke, but there’s no fire, which is weird. Maybe there’s food burning.

He remembers the movie, and it clicks. This is Sonic’s house. He’s sitting on some kind of couch, and there’s a blanket on top of him. Knitted or crocheted, by the looks of it.

Shadow pushes the blanket off and pads into the kitchen. The popcorn smell’s stronger in here, but there’s nothing burning. Hm.

“You’re up,” someone says from no more than a few feet behind him, and he whirls, Chaos energy crackling at his hands -

It’s Maddie, standing rather unwisely close to him. She raises her hands in a “surrender” gesture. “Woah, hey, it’s alright.”

Shadow closes his eyes. Inhale. Exhale. The lightning dissipates.

“Sorry about that,” she offers. “Usually if someone else is down here, they turn the lights on.”

“...Oh.”

Maddie pulls something out of one of the cupboards and glances back at him. “Are you alright?”

Shadow’s acutely aware that he’s trembling, that his breaths are coming a little too fast, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. “Fine, why?”

“You just seem a little…” Maddie waves her hand in his general direction. “Jumpy. What are you doing up, anyway? Nightmare?”

Shadow nods, slowly, a little ashamed that Maddie’s figured it out so easily. Her expression turns sympathetic, and it makes him want to die even more.

His gaze shifts to the box in her hand. “What’re those?”

“Cookies,” Maddie explains. “Whenever I can’t sleep, I come down here, have a snack and watch terrible reality shows. Want to join me?”

In spite of himself, he breathes out a “yes,” and watches as she scrolls through an unimaginable amount of TV shows and movies before deciding on something about people being stupid on boats. Maddie tells him all reality shows are people being stupid, that you can just choose the setting. Shadow doesn’t get the appeal. He’s aware that it might be cliche of him, but he really thinks these shows should have more murder, because if they don’t kill this stupid deckhand, they’re all going to end up drowning somehow.

Maddie falls asleep while watching the show. Shadow can’t figure out how to use the remote properly, so he just keeps it on and leaves before anyone else can wake up and startle the living daylights out of him.

-

He gets Stone to put on one of the old Godzilla movies in the Mean Bean later. It’s a terrible experience trying to find a way to watch it - despite the sheer amount of content that seems to be available on the electronic TV, certain movies seem impossible to find, and they have to click through five different apps before they find it. Shadow wishes people still used cassettes. It would be so much easier.

Shadow’s also surprised that it’s still in black and white; he figured that with how incredibly advanced technology seemed to be, they’d be able to put color into it somehow.

Shadow doesn’t like popcorn, but Stone lets him eat coffee beans out of the bag. They’re entertainingly crunchy, and the bitter taste doesn’t bother him that much when they’re not in liquid form.

He remembers Maria laughing at one of the parts where they try to shoot Godzilla with guns, at how ridiculously ineffective it is. Shadow remembers the G.U.N. soldiers in Tokyo, and wonders how many of them are dead now, because of him, because he was just too powerful for them to hurt.

-

Sonic runs into him on the street a few days later, thankfully not literally this time. The town has started to put up holiday decorations, and Shadow has even seen Tom, now out of the arm sling, helping out with it. He wonders how good crime has to be in this city that the police force has nothing better to do than decorate for Christmas.

“Shadow!” Sonic dashes up to him, but doesn’t try to hug him this time. Shadow’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed. “Hey, you never said goodbye, you know.”

“Sorry,” Shadow says lamely.

It’s not too cold out yet, but Sonic is wearing a coat anyway. His fur isn’t as thick as Shadow’s is, though; it’s thin and light, built for running.

Sonic takes Shadow’s hand, firm enough to hold on, but loose enough for Shadow to pull away if he wants to. “I wanna show you something. C’mon!”

“Wha -” Sonic grabs Shadow’s hand a little tighter, tugging them forward until they’re both jogging - “Sonic -” Shadow grabs Sonic’s hand with both of his, and has to activate his air shoes to avoid being dragged through the dirt.

He hears Sonic laugh from in front of him somewhere. Shadow feels himself smiling despite his best efforts.

Trees whir past them so fast Shadow barely sees them. Sonic clearly knows these hills better than Shadow does. He wonders if this is what water-skiing feels like, besides the feeling that he might dislocate something.

Sonic skids to a stop in a random spot atop one of the hills, breathing hard. “What d’you think?”

The ground is covered in moss and pine needles. Shadow thinks, deliriously, that it looks comfortable to lie down in. Maybe he should take a nap.

“It’s nice,” Shadow offers. Sonic groans and rolls his eyes. “What?”

Sonic steps in front of him and points down. Oh.

The lake is still, devoid of any boats or swimmers, and the sky is reflected perfectly in it. A pool of stars.

Maria told him that you can’t see the stars in big cities, because the light blocks them out. The stars aren’t as bright here as they were at the base, or on the moon. But Green Hills isn’t near any major cities, so Shadow takes what he can get.

“It’s…” Shadow’s mouth is dry. He’s not sure what to say, exactly, what’s appropriate to tell Sonic. Thank you?

“Beautiful?” Sonic suggests. Shadow nods, because it is. It’s another one of those words that feels wrong for him to say. The forest is beautiful, Maria was beautiful, flowers and stars are beautiful, Sonic is beautiful, and Shadow has no idea where he can fit into it.

Sonic, with his wonderful family, and his pure heart.

“Why?"

Sonic cocks his head to the side. “Why, what?”

“Why do you - why did you bring me out here? To show me this?” Shadow pulls his hand away from Sonic’s and runs it through his quills. Even more pine needles than the last time. “Why are you doing this?”

Sonic studies him, confused. “Doing what, being nice to you?”

A frustrated noise makes its way out of Shadow’s throat, his hands trembling. “Yes. I - I tried to kill you. I tried to kill everyone. Why won’t you just kill me?”

“Why would I kill you?” Sonic asks desperately. “Is that - is that what you want?”

Yes. No. I don’t know. Please. 

“I - I don’t -” Shadow stammers. A horrible crushing sensation is forming in his chest. “Why are you treating me like I’m - like I’m - something worth -”

Sonic’s expression turns sober. “Shadow. Dude.” Shadow can’t fight back the flinch, this time, when Sonic takes his hands, gently again, like they’re somehow worth being gentle with. “You need to calm down, okay? Breathe.”

Shadow squeezes his eyes shut; he can’t look Sonic in the eye, not now. Sonic’s thumbs rub circle patterns onto Shadow’s hands. It makes Shadow want to throw a boulder at Sonic. Or himself. He’s not sure which, and he’s not picky.

He rips his hands out of Sonic’s with a gasp and doesn’t open his eyes to watch Sonic’s face fall. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Dude, seriously. You need to slow down.”

“Why do you care so much?” Shadow snaps. “Why do - Don’t you get tired of it? When are you going to see that - that I’m not whatever you think I am? That I can’t do anything special for you?”

“You’re exactly what I think you are!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you’re - you’re you!” Sonic nearly cries. “You’re worth something because you’re a person, okay? You don’t have to do anything else for me to want to be your friend! Or for me to not want you to die!”

Shadow opens his mouth to respond, then shuts it again. That doesn’t make any sense.

Sonic deflates slightly. “Tell me - tell me something you like.”

“Huh?”

“Something you like,” Sonic repeats, more insistent. “Anything. One thing that - that’s worth being alive tomorrow for.”

Shadow thinks, glances down.

“Stars,” he supplies. Sonic nods like he’s proud.

“Anything else?”

“You said one thing.”

“It was one thing, but that’s not -” Sonic sighs. “Gimme another. I know there’s gotta be something.”

“...Stone’s stupid telenovelas,” Shadow decides. “Juan still hasn’t - hasn’t told Gabriela about his affair,” he adds weakly. Sonic laughs.

“Yeah, okay, good,” Sonic tells him. It just makes Shadow hate himself more, that Sonic’s wasting - whatever this is, on him. “Few more.”

Shadow thinks. You, he almost says, because at the same time he wants to run far away from Sonic, he still wants Sonic to like him, to race him through the hills, to show him the stars, but he thinks that’d be too much to admit. Shadow doesn’t want to guilt him.

Sonic seems to realize he’s not going to say anything else. “Well, it’s a start,” Sonic concedes, flashing him a tired smile.

Something flickers in the corner of Shadow’s vision. He whirls his head around, but there’s nothing there.

“Oh!” Sonic exclaims. “I forgot to tell you the real reason I brought you out here. There’s s’posed to be a meteor shower tonight. Come on, sit down.”

Shadow follows him down to the pine needles. They poke his legs a little bit as he sits down. He doesn’t know why that stands out to him.

The meteor shower isn’t quite like he imagined it’d be. They wait for a while before anything happens, and it’s a quick flicker, some streaks of silver in the sky, and then it’s gone. Funny. Shadow thought it’d be more… epic. Significant. Maria would’ve liked it. She would have talked his ear off about asteroids, or meteors, or whatever the hell they’re called when they fall to the earth.

Shadow wonders, idiotically, if he could get Knuckles to let them borrow the Master Emerald to watch it from the Moon. He’s guessing probably not. 

He hears Sonic laugh next to him.

“What?”

Sonic pokes his arm. “Dude. Look at the Moon.”

Shadow glances up. “Oh.”

The Eclipse Cannon did a number on it. It’s been cut cleanly in two, and the bottom third has been reduced to rubble. It’s fully lit by the sun now, but Earth will never see a full moon again.

Sonic lets out a low whistle. “Can you believe we did that?”

“We didn’t do that, it was the Eclipse Cannon.”

“Semantics,” Sonic huffs. He turns to Shadow, green eyes glinting in the moonlight. Shadow’s never had much of an appreciation for beauty, or art, but he finds himself enchanted by the sight, all of it, the stars glittering off of Sonic’s eyes and Shadow’s inhibitor rings and the lake, the moon bathing everything in a soft silver glow. 

Shadow opens his mouth to speak, inhales, then closes it. He doesn’t want to ruin whatever this is.

Sonic just grins at him. Sonic seems happy, so Shadow’s clearly doing… something right. Stone smiled at him like that, too, when he had some quip about - he forgets, now. The coffee, maybe. Telenovelas. And Maddie, when he agreed to watch TV with her. 

Maybe it’s a better idea just to get used to it instead of avoiding it.

-

Stone decorates the Mean Bean for Christmas, and enlists Shadow’s help.

They’ve had more customers recently, because of the cold weather, probably. Most of the town’s residents don’t seem to be too fazed by Shadow’s presence. One of them mistakes him for Sonic with dyed fur and compliments his highlights. Stone doesn’t shut up about it for the next two days.

Stone hands him a string of lights he’s just finished untangling and a box of what look like hooks. “Here, you can put these up.”

Shadow looks at him, puzzled. “I’m shorter than you.”

“Yeah, but you can get up on the roof.”

Shadow glances outside. They’ve had a cold snap recently, and rather unwisely didn’t put the lights up before then; the ground is covered now with a thin layer of snow, growing thicker by the hour. Shadow shivers with the thought of it.

Well. Shadow has a layer of fur, and Stone doesn’t. And Stone trying to climb a ladder in this weather is basically asking for broken bones.

“Shadow - what, you’re not going to -” Stone cuts himself off. Shadow watches him as he walks past him - to the coat rack by the door - grabs something off of it, a coat, and drapes it over Shadow’s shoulders. 

“You can’t go out there without anything on, it’s way below freezing,” Stone tells him like it makes - like it makes this make sense. The coat’s too big on Shadow by a mile. It barely stays on his shoulders and Shadow can’t even find the sleeves in the sea of black fabric.

Shadow stands there, frozen, unsure, and Stone sighs and kneels down, finding the sleeves and pulling them over Shadow’s hands, connecting the zipper. Shadow tries his best not to flinch when Stone’s hand comes too close to his face. 

(Maria used to dress him up in her clothes, sometimes. Her favorite was a cute lacy sundress.)

(“Grandpa won’t get me a doll, so you’re all I’ve got,” Maria said. Shadow rolled his eyes, but didn’t stop Maria as she giggled and clipped a bow into his quills.)

Abruptly, Stone pulls back, and Shadow’s body doesn’t want to move. The sleeves are way too long, dropping nearly a foot past his hands. He makes a small noise.

“Oh, here.” Stone reaches for the ends of the sleeves and rolls them up. “Can’t really put up the lights if you can’t use your hands, heh.”

Shadow looks down at himself. It’s so long, it almost looks like a trench coat on him. He wants to say something to Stone, something that sounds normal, but his chest aches and his vocal cords make an odd squeak and fall silent.

Stone lets out a little huff of laughter. “You alright?”

“I … I don’t -” Shadow hiccups. Odd pressure rises in his chest that he doesn’t really know what to do with. His vision goes blurry, and he wipes at his eyes. He wraps his arms around himself protectively, on instinct, even though Stone’s not going to hurt him, he just spent two full minutes putting a coat on him.

Stone frowns. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” A hand lands on Shadow’s arm, tentatively.

“I don’t - I don’t know,” Shadow gasps, his head spinning like he can’t get enough air. He realizes what’s going on, that he’s crying , as he rubs his eyes again, pressing the heels of his hands into his face. “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Stone tells him. Shadow knows that already. Which is why it’s so much worse that this is happening, since… nothing’s even wrong. “It’s alright. Come here?”

Shadow pulls his hands away from his eyes, sees Stone kneeling with open arms through horribly, embarrassingly blurred vision, and finds it’s really not hard to make a choice.

This time, he’s expecting to be touched, which makes it a little less overwhelming. Stone’s arms wrap around him and Shadow tries and fails not to get his shirt wet. “Sorry,” he tries.

“Don’t worry about it.” Stone shifts slightly, maybe to stop Shadow’s quills from stabbing him in the neck. Shadow squeezes his eyes shut, unable to tell if this is easing the pressure or making it worse. He chokes out a sob.

“Deep breaths, bud.” He tries, he does. Stone doesn’t pull away until Shadow’s no longer actively having some kind of breakdown in front of him.

Stone grabs the string of lights off of the ground. “Still feeling up to decorating?”

Shadow can’t figure out why he feels mildly insulted by that. “Of course I am,” he grumbles, and takes the lights.

“Be careful,” Stone calls after him, amused. “I don’t know how much traction your shoes are gonna have up there.”

“I’ll be fine,” Shadow huffs as he steps outside. He feels warm for reasons other than the coat.

-

Shadow returns from a run through the woods early on Christmas Eve. Running through a foot of snow isn’t very easy even without the near-whiteout they’re now experiencing.

“Sonic was here while you were out,” Stone tells him. “Told me to give you this.”

Stone hands him a small white envelope. Inside -

It’s a picture. A picture of him and Maria. Shadow doesn’t remember taking this; it’s a candid, probably, since neither of them are looking at the camera. Maria has paint on her hands and all over her clothes, and has abandoned her painting on the floor in favor of attempting to paint Shadow’s red stripes pink. They’re both laughing.

The pressure rises in Shadow’s chest again, and he turns the picture over. There’s writing on the back.

Hi Shadow! Tails found this in some old G.U.N. files. I got it printed out since I figured you might want to have it. :) He found more pictures too but this one’s my favorite. Come over for Christmas tomorrow? - Sonic :3

Shadow’s not sure why Sonic’s written it like a question when he’s not there to get an answer, or what the colon and the three mean. Aren’t people supposed to bring presents for Christmas? Shadow doesn’t have time to get a present now, especially since half the stores in the area are closed because of the snow. Sonic will forgive him if he comes without one, probably.

He can only remember one Christmas with Maria. She received a little night-light that projected stars onto the ceiling. Gerald didn’t get Shadow a present, but Maria gave him a flower crown she’d made out of fake display flowers, so it wouldn’t wilt.

-

The door opens before Shadow has a chance to knock.

“Shadow! You came!” Sonic’s face splits into a grin. 

“I, um. Didn’t bring a present. Sorry,” Shadow mumbles.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Sonic assures him. “I guess - I shoulda written that on the picture, huh.”

Shadow examines the house. There’s a Christmas tree in the living room, decorated with lights that are so colorful they almost hurt to look at, and instead of round glass baubles it’s covered in ornaments of various shapes and sizes. There’s a round one with stickers, one that looks like a skyscraper, and even a hot dog. A pile of wrapping paper has been shoved into a corner, and Tails is sitting on the couch with Maddie and Tom, assembling what appears to be a model plane.

There’s Christmas music blaring from a speaker somewhere. Bing Crosby. “Huh.”

“What?”

“I kind of thought Christmas music would’ve changed since the seventies,” Shadow tells him. “I think Maria had a record of this album.”

“Records,” Sonic muses. “Wow, you’re old .”

“Shut up,” Shadow snaps, and Sonic cackles.

Knuckles emerges from the kitchen with a mug in his hands. “Superior Hedgehog! You have arrived!”

“Stop calling him that,” Sonic growls, without much real aggression. Shadow feels his lips twitch upwards.

“I’ve beaten you every time we’ve raced,” Shadow points out. 

“That’s ‘cause we’ve only raced like, twice! And you had a head start!” 

“You had a head start the second time. And I still caught you.”

“That wasn’t fair. I tripped, you saw it!”

“Tripping is fair.”

Sonic rolls his eyes. “Keep this up and you’re not getting your present.”

What? “You already gave me a present.”

“You’re allowed to have more than one, you know.” Sonic huffs, and plucks something off of the TV stand and hands it to him.

It’s somewhat crudely wrapped, since it’s not really a box shape. “Open it,” Sonic says.

Shadow rips into it with some difficulty. It’s a small white cloth bag, with something embroidered on the front. A pleasant smell emanates from it.

“It’s lavender,” Sonic says, before Shadow can ask. “It’s like - they dry out the flowers and put them in there, so they last longer, I think.” Sonic glances over at Maddie, who nods her agreement. 

Shadow isn’t sure what to say. He thinks “thanks” would probably be appropriate, but it still feels kind of lame. Not enough.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it,” Sonic says. “I just thought, since you liked the lavender when we -”

“I like it,” Shadow interrupts. “I - thank you.”

Sonic smiles at him. Shadow smiles back.

Maddie reaches for the remote, and the music pauses. She motions for Sonic and Shadow to sit down, and hands the remote to Sonic. “I picked last night. Your turn.”

Sonic hums thoughtfully, and the TV scrolls through what look like holiday movies. Sonic goes “ooh” and clicks play on something before Shadow can see what it is.

The title screen appears. This looks… familiar. “Is this - White Christmas? ”

Tom glances at him, surprised. “You know it?”

“We had it at - at the base. On cassette.”

“Wow, cassettes,” Tom remarks. “I don’t even think I had cassettes when I was a kid.”

“I get it, I’m old,” Shadow grumbles. Knuckles laughs loudly somewhere to his left.

The Wachowskis have clearly watched this movie before. Sonic and Knuckles sing along to some of the songs, and they’re terrible at it. Shadow watches one of the blonde leading ladies twirl around, remembering how jealous Maria was of her fluffy pink dress.

-

Sonic gives him something else before he leaves, shoves it somewhat unceremoniously into his hand. It appears to be a small plastic rectangle of some sort. Shadow wonders if it’s some newfangled kind of Lego brick.

“These are the other pictures we found in the G.U.N. database,” Sonic says.

“What?” Shadow replies. He inspects it closer, but it doesn’t appear to have any pictures. “This is a piece of plastic.”

Sonic laughs. “Oh right. Forgot you’re an old man.” Sonic takes the brick back, tugs on the end, and something pops off, revealing a thin piece of metal. 

“Oh,” Shadow says. “It’s some sort of computer thing, isn’t it.”

“It’s a flash drive. You stick it in a computer and it shows you the files on it.” Sonic puts the cap back on it and hands it back. “You could probably ask Stone to help you with it.”

“... Thanks.” 

Shadow’s not really sure if he wants to see the other photos, if it’ll just make him feel even worse. He stashes the drive in his coat pocket.

Sonic calls out to him when he’s halfway across their front lawn. “Are you leaving?”

“... Yes?”

“Oh,” Sonic mumbles. “You should stay! Me n’ the others are gonna build a snowman. We haven’t had this much snow in ages. ”

Right on cue, Knuckles tumbles out of the house, trips over the front step and faceplants in the snow. Tails pokes his head through the doorframe. He and Sonic start laughing, and Knuckles tosses a handful of snow back in Sonic’s face.

“ Don’t get snow in the house! ” Maddie calls from somewhere inside. 

“Sorry!”

Shadow approaches as Sonic scoops up an armful of snow and drops it on Knuckles’s head. Knuckles shrieks, stands up, and tackles him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be building a snowman?” Shadow asks with a smirk, standing over the two of them. Sonic gives him a grin, then, and it’s not the sunshiney one. Before he can puzzle out what this one means, Sonic grabs Shadow’s ankle and yanks , and Shadow yelps as he lands in the snow on top of them, shivers when some of it gets into his fur.

Tails looks down at them all, disappointed. Sonic reaches for his ankle, too, and he jumps up in the air, using his tails for lift. “Oh, no, you don’t,” Tails grumbles. “You promised you’d help me build a snowman, and then you can do whatever you want after that.”

“Including throwing you into a snowbank?” Knuckles suggests gleefully. Tails sighs.

“Sure.”

Knuckles, apparently satisfied, pushes Shadow off of himself and stands up. “We will build the greatest man of snow that Montana has ever seen,” he declares solemnly.

Tails smiles, and turns to Shadow expectantly. “Are you helping?”

Shadow doesn’t really know how to build a snowman, but Sonic asked him to stay, and Tails is looking at him with puppy-dog eyes that could rival Maria’s. “Yeah, I’m helping.”

Tails makes a little “eee” sound and begins making a snowball.

-

Tails gently sticks a piece of celery (they’re out of carrots, apparently) into the snowman’s face and steps back to admire his work. 

Knuckles runs up to him, lifts him from under the armpits and tosses him a truly impressive distance into a mound of snow that’s piled up by the road.

Something hits Shadow in the back of the head. He whirls to see Sonic laughing, his gloves covered in snow. Sonic doesn’t get very long to gloat; a second later, a chunk of snow hits Sonic in the face hard enough to knock him over.

“Aw, come on, why are you on his side?” Sonic whines at Knuckles. Knuckles throws another snowball at him. 

“Pbbthphf. I hate you. I’m never playing Mario Kart with you again,” Sonic grumbles darkly.

Knuckles does that loud laugh again, the one that’s slightly terrifying and mostly funny. Sonic feints trying to throw a snowball at him but throws it at Shadow instead; Shadow teleports away before it can hit him.

“Hey! No fair!”

“Tails is flying,” Shadow points out.

“That’s not the same thing!”

Shadow reaches down to scoop up some of the snow, and glances up. Sonic looks at him nervously.

“... Aren’t you gonna… make a snowball…?” Sonic says.

Shadow grins, teleports behind and slightly above Sonic and smacks it down onto his head. Sonic yelps and then starts laughing, and then they’re both laughing when Sonic tackles him, the way Knuckles had earlier. He’s warm, a sharp contrast from the cold snow pressing in around him. 

“Thought you weren’t a hugger,” Sonic teases. Shadow rolls his eyes. 

“Shut up,” Shadow tells him, still grinning.

Sonic rolls off of him and stands up. “I think Tails went inside for hot chocolate,” he notes. “Maddie’s makin’ some. Want any?”

He doubts it’ll be as good as Stone makes it. “Okay.”

(It’s not as good as Stone makes it. Still pretty good, but it’s not quite there.)

-

Shadow comes back to the Mean Bean a little past sunset. Stone’s left the back entrance unlocked for him, like he usually does.

Stone gives him a present in a paper bag. Shadow tries to refuse it, but Stone insists.

It’s a coat, one that’s child-sized. It’s puffy and black, with a red zipper and lining.

“So you don’t have to wear that giant one,” Stone explains. 

“I didn’t get you anything,” Shadow protests.

“I don’t really need anything,” Stone tells him. “Try it on, I want to see if it fits you.”

It does. Almost perfectly; the arms are slightly too short, but that’s just because Shadow’s are long. Shadow tries not to cry.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. It doesn’t feel as wrong this time.

“Merry Christmas,” Stone tells him.

-

Shadow can’t sleep, so he puts on his new coat and goes up to the roof. 

The stars are a little bit less visible from in the town, but Shadow thinks he sees a shooting star. A long time ago, Maria told him people wish on shooting stars. People also apparently wish on cake candles, turkey bones, coins in water, and dandelions. It’s never made much sense to him.

He’s never really known what to wish for, anyway. He doesn’t really know how to want. 

Shadow stares at the spot where the star fizzled out. He thinks about what Maria would have wished for, but he can’t keep doing everything for her.

He’d wished for the Earth to be destroyed, but it wasn’t really much of a wish. More of a horrible desire.

He thinks of how Tom smiled at him despite everything. He thinks of Stone, of his inexplicable patience and generosity, dealing not only with Eggman but now with Shadow too. He thinks of Sonic and his family, the stars, the moon. He recalls shimmering gold, red shining with passion instead of rage. 

For once, Shadow makes a wish.