Actions

Work Header

Pissing Contest

Summary:

Daemon Targaryen challenges Aemond to a drinking contest that turns into a pissing contest. This is a stupid story taking place in a slight Au where Daemon and Aemond are staying at Harrenhal together. While this story is no way sexual it does deal with pee in gross humor sort of way if you don’t like this please don’t read. This has been re-edited since I posted it on Tumblr

Notes:

I’m sorry for writing this. I have bad dyslexia so there may be a few spelling and grammar errors I have missed.

Work Text:

Daemon had been growing tense since Aemond had arrived at Harrenhal. The creepy castle of Harrenhal had become a second home to him. The Targaryen prince did not like having to share it with his Nephew/Brother in Law. Daemon was especially upset that Alys had started giving all her attention to Aemond instead of him. He was pretty sure they were having sex, since Alys had moved into Aemond’s room.

Daemon found himself annoyed that he now had to eat dinner with Aemond, sleep in the room next to Aemond, share a privy with Aemond and worst of all share Alys with Aemond.

Daemon knew that Alys was her own person and she was allowed to spend time and have relationships with the people she chose. He had just grown very fond of her,and without Rhaenerya and his daughters around he had been feeling very lonely. He would not even consider trying to bond with Aemond. He was still mad at the one-eyed prince for killing his stepson in a moment of recklessness.

But the King Consort had an idea brewing in his twisted mind of how he could mess with his nephew. The idea of tormenting Aemond gave Daemon a sense of childish joy.

He would challenge the one-eyed prince a to drinking contest. Daemon knew that Aemond was not as experienced with drinking and being drunk as he was and as such would not be able to hold his liquor the way Daemon could. This would be fun.

While Aemond, Daemon, Alys and Simon Strong were sat at the table for dinner in the main hall, the King consort decided to start his plan.

“Aemond my dear nephew,” Daemon began.

Aemond prickled when he heard his uncle speak to him like that.

“.I hereby challenge you to a drinking contest,” the Prince Consort raised his wine glass.

Alys developed a bewildered expression on her face.

Aemond stood up, “I accept your challenge,”

Alys poured a glass of wine for bothTargaryen men. Daemon drank his first glass and Aemond matched him. Then they repeated again and again, matching drink for drink.

Aemond had never drunk more cups of wine at the same time in his life than he did during this contest and his bladder started to remind him of this fact. “This has been fun and all, but I have to take a piss,” the one-eyed Prince announced while rising from the table.

“I will go with you,” Daemon offered, “we can continue by having a pissing contest.”

A “what the hell” look of shock came over Aemond’s face.

“Alys can judge, and we will be able determine once and for all who gets to rule Harrenhal,” the King Consort explained.

“I only make my wee in private and have no interest in participating in such a childish game,” Aemond snapped.

“If you turn down this challenge you are a coward,” Daemon taunted.

Aemond’s face started to grow red, “I will prove to you who the coward is,”

The next thing the two men knew they were in the privy standing together in front of the toilet hole.

“The goal is to see who can stand the furthest from the bench and still aim their piss down the hole, Alys will be the judge,” Daemon explained.

Alys Rivers looked horrified at being pulled into this absurdity. The last thing she wanted in the world was to judge the peeing abilities of her two favorite men.

Daemon and Aemond dramatically undid the front of their breeches, and aimed their piss streams towards the privy whole.

To Aemond’s surprise Daemon seemed to have to pee just as much as he did.
Daemon walked backwards a few steps but kept his piss stream perfectly aimed into the hole.

Not one to be out done, Aemond stepped back the same number of paces. Unfortunately the one-eyed Targaryen started to realize he was drunker than he thought he was and was having trouble controlling his piss stream. Aemond’s pee stream accidentally hit the wall behind the bench. He stepped back closer to aim better and not make such a mess.

“This means I’m the rightful ruler of Harrenhal,” Daemon drunkenly cheered.

“You may think that,” Alys started, she was still annoyed that she had to witness the two men she cared for the most have a literal pissing contest, “but Aemond and I have a secret that might change that,” the witch said while mysteriously, rubbing her belly. “Aemond, come with me back to our room. We need to sober you up.”

Aemond nodded he was feeling the effects of the alcohol and the embarrassment and followed his paramour.