Chapter Text
“That was…” Gus whispered in a shaking voice, “... horrible.”
No one else said a word. Willow inhaled sharply and wiped her eyes, and Hunter placed his hand on her shoulder. Vee hugged herself and looked away from everyone. Luz stared silently into the crystal ball, and Amity went into damage-control mode.
“The, um,” She cleared her throat and opened a textbook sitting beside her. She ignored her trembling hand and flipped to a random page, pretending to read from it. “Now that the spirit is gone, we’re supposed to talk about what it said. I-If you want to.”
Again, silence. Amity’s anxiety was taking over and she desperately wanted someone to speak up.
She wanted this, to really strengthen the connections between her and the Hexsquad. Even after the Boiling Isles were saved, everything she had ever known was still being rebuilt. The neverending fear that her terrible past would drive her found family away from her was still ever-present.
She just wanted to take control again.
Biting her lip, she realized that more research would have been prudent before starting the ritual. Before she could apologize. Willow stood up. Hunter's hand slipped from Willow’s, and he waited for her. She didn’t look at anyone, her eyes closed tightly behind her round glasses.
Willow tried to find her voice, opening and closing her lips once or twice. Finally, she shook her head and turned from the circle. She found the door and almost ran out of the owl house.
Hunter stood, “Willow, wait!” But she didn’t turn back. He quickly followed her outside, and the door closed behind them.
Amity’s heart shattered. What have I done? She wondered in despair.
Gus took a deep breath, looking at his crossed legs as he spoke. “Amity, I appreciate what you tried to do here, but…” He trailed off and collected his thoughts. “I think we’ll need some time. Before talking about it.”
Amity cleared her throat again to stop herself from sobbing, “Y-Yeah, of course.” She looked to her left, Luz still hadn’t said a word. Her gaze was locked on the crystal ball.
Vee sniffled. In a hushed and frightened voice, she said, “I wanna go home.”
Amity shivered again.
“I’ll walk you back to Camila’s.” Gus offered Vee a hand, and the pair stepped outside without another word. The door closed, then it glowed as they stepped through the portal to the human realm.
The owl house was deathly quiet. Amity and Luz hadn’t moved from their seats. At the end of her rope, Amity looked away from her girlfriend and asked, “...why won’t you say something?”
Luz took a deep breath and apologized. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was hoarse. “I know you were looking forward to this. I should’ve tried to keep them all here.”
Amity shook her head and tears began to flow, “I screwed up, Luz. I wanted to bring everyone together and-” She sobbed once and brought her hand to her mouth. She bit her finger and breathed raspy breaths. Words refused to form as she choked on her fist, the shadows of her doubt spawning from her back and sending shivers through her skin.
Snapping out of her stupor, Luz nearly tackled Amity with a hug. In Luz’s warm embrace, Amity let her tears flow freely. It was very rare that she let her emotions take control. After such a terrible experience, one that she practically forced upon all her friends, sobbing into her batata’s arms seemed deserved.
“Amity, no. You didn’t force us.” Luz shushed and reassured her. Amity must have choked out sparse and broken thoughts in between her sobs and gasps. Luz hugged her tight and said, “We all chose to stay.”
“I should have…” Amity sniffed as she pressed her tear-streaked face into Luz’s chest, “I-I should have… studied more…”
Luz ran her hands through Amity’s delicate hair. “They’ll come around, okay? They will, I promise.”
Amity shook her head, her self-imposed guilt replaced with genuine concern. “What about you?” She looked up at Luz’s tired eyes, “We both heard what the spirit said about you.”
Luz’s comforting smile dimmed a little. “I could say the same to you. But hey,” She tried to laugh a little, “We’re supposed to talk about it, right?”
Amity looked down and leaned into her girlfriend again, thoughts aswirl with doubt and regret.
“It’s okay,” Luz rubbed Amity’s back in the hug, “It’s okay. We’ll both take some time. Like Gus said.”
Seconds passed into minutes. As time ticked on, Amity’s internal clock was completely out of sync. She had no idea how long she sat there in Luz’s arms crying, breathing, and everything in between. All the while, Luz held on tight and kept Amity very aware of their physical connection.
Amity would always be grateful for that.
After some time, impossible to tell how long, Amity’s breathing softened. Luz picked up on this and asked, “Want me to walk you home?”
Weakly, Amity nodded. She felt like a ghost in her own skin, clamoring to her girlfriend as though her life depended on it.
Parasitic, almost.
In an effort to focus on the warmth Luz offered, Amity focused on their hands clasped. She rubbed her thumb on the back of Luz's hand and counted the strokes,
One… two… back… forth…
Luz's smooth skin and a comforting count kept Amity grounded. When she looked up and saw a starry night sky, she barely realized they left the owl house. Time condensed in her quiet panic attack, and her heart beat only in time with Luz's.
The pair stayed quiet as Amity's heart slowed its incessant drumming. As the seconds in her head grew distant, she loosened her grip on Luz's hand. Her chest was drained but at least it was no longer tight.
Luz seemed to recognize the comedown. She smiled and softly said, “l love how these stars are so different from mine.” With her free hand, She pointed up as though Amity couldn’t see the night sky. “Constellations aren’t where they should be. Or, I don’t know, they’re not there at all. Makes counting darkness very hard.”
It took a moment for Amity to respond. Her breathing was light and her words lighter. Counting darkness? she thought. She raised an eyebrow and quietly asked, “What does that mean?”
Luz caught herself and rubbed the back of her neck. “Oh, nothing. Something my dad used to say.” She looked forward and focused on the path ahead of them, her face scrunching as she tried to resist a frown.
“Tell me about it?” Amity didn’t want to pry, but Luz was often very guarded when Manny Noceda came up in conversation. And, selfishly, Amity wanted to think about anything but the night she had forced upon her friends.
Sighing a little, a mournful smile crossed her face. “Just, his mantra, you know? He taught me to count the dark between the stars. His way of telling me that I can enjoy the lights, but I need to appreciate all the space between them.” She looked back up into the night sky and her smile brightened a little. “The stars balance with the dark. Good moments with the bad moments.”
Amity didn’t respond, instead taking time to ponder Manny’s philosophy. If today was such a terrible day, perhaps tomorrow would be better. It was something she could cling to.
In no time at all, their walk ended at the steps of Blight Manor. Amity and Luz faced each other, hand in hand. “I, um…” Amity stammered as she looked down, “C-Can we just stay here for a bit?”
Luz smiled, “Sure! Nothing I’d rather do than stargaze with my awesome girlfriend.”
The pair looked up into the starry sky as Amity leaned onto Luz’s shoulder. It was an odd sensation: Amity wanted the day to end, but not the moment she shared with Luz.