Chapter Text
“Blue,” Raph says while sitting on his bed, back carefully perched on a mountain of pillows with his shell in a Donnie-made brace to keep its still loose pieces from shifting too much. Leo sits opposite of him on a new chair he got for the med-bay. There’s a pile of Uno cards between them, their amount suggesting they’ve been playing for quite some time already.
It seemed like their go-to passing time when either of them knew what to say to one another.
Leo looks down at his hand and sighs. “Ugh, normally I love blue but I’m getting tired of seeing it. How could you make me sick of my favorite color!” He says as he reaches out to add a new card to his deck. It’s clear he wants to sound irritated by Raph’s change of the active color but… it seems like he isn’t up to his usual theatrics, his forced play falling flat. Raph snorts all the same, desperately trying to salvage an ounce of normalcy after… well…
- Raph looks down at Leo’s heavily scarred hand despite himself. -
…this whole situation.
“Raph knows, how cruel of him,” he says teasingly and Leo frowns.
“Hm. At least you admit it,” he grumbles as he analyses his new pool of cards and very visibly grows more and more unhappy the longer he looks at it. After a minute or so he seemingly has enough as he throws his cards in the air yelling: “Augh, what-EVER! You win! I don’t caaaaaare!” and then he crosses his arms with a huff. Raph blinks a couple of times as Uno cards rain around them, trying to comprehend what just happened.
Leo? Throwing a competitive match…? Oh no… This is much worse than Raph thought.
“Uh… You… don’t care about winning?” Raph asks with clear confusion and uncertainty. Then, to lift a little tension from the room he says, teasingly: “Who are you and what did you do with my brother?” And Leo just… shrugs and slumps in his seat without saying another word his tired eyes are turned down, stuck on the tiled floor and that just shots Raph’s anxiety through the roof.
Raph just hopes his nervous stink isn’t too potent in here… Though, judging by the small scrunch of Leo’s beak Raph figures he’s not that lucky.
There’s an awkward pause in conversation, both of them unsure how to continue. Raph’s trying very, very hard to come up with something, anything to stop this weird distance between Leo and him. He can’t be messing up their relationship even more than before Leo got cursed, he just can’t! So Raph blurts out the first thing that finally popped into his head.
“Do…” Raph starts but stops almost immediately, his voice a too rough and cracked in the middle so he coughs to try and mask his nervousness.
Calm down, everything’s fine, Leo’s here, he’s not going anywhere! You for sure aren’t gonna completely destroy this already very delicate relationship you have and FOR SURE you’re not gonna cause Leo to run off and get himself hurt or worse! You’ve got this! was Mind Raph’s “advice” and usually Raph appreciates his guidance, but this time it really, really, REALLY, doesn’t help.
Thanks Mind Raph, appreciate pointing out every possible worry Raph has, he thinks bitterly.
No prob bud, gotta keep you sharp! And Mind Raph pops out of existence without another word, leaving Raph at the verge of collapse.
Great.
Raph shakes his head slightly, trying to re-focus, then he takes a deep breath and finally, finally ushers: “Do you wanna play something else or…?” Wow, so much build up to just ask this simple question? It almost feels as if Leo is a complete stranger or even a wild animal that Raph doesn’t want to scare off…
Great Pizza Supreme, what happened to their bond? They used to be so close…
Leo just shrugs. “I dunno… I don’t really feel… like playing for once,” he says and… yeah that’s definitely unlike him. Leo became like a wild card to Raph, he just feels like he doesn’t know his little brother anymore and it’s… scary. Not to mention, Leo looks as if he’d love to be anywhere else than here, yet he stubbornly keeps sitting in the chair, like he’s forcing himself to stay, and once Raph notices this his nervousness only rises. Every second Leo keeps sitting there, clearly unhappy and irritated Raph feels worse and worse, fearing he’s gonna fuck up any moment.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’s felt such deep need to be this careful and delicate with Leo, normally slider was the sibling Raph felt the most comfortable playfully making fun of or just simply loosening up around. Mikey is just a baby and Donnie can be… sensitive at times. Leo on the other hand could take a good-natured jokes. Yeah, he holds grudges when you take things too far, but he’s also the most resilient out of them all, it’s just fun to bicker with him. Raph’s always thought Leo knew he hadn’t meant all the things he’s been saying! But things have changed, haven’t they? All because of this stupid, STUPID curse! Because of it things got so… weird between them! Raph’s just… so mad at whoever made that disgusting charm!
But… Raph also knows he couldn’t put all the blame on magic. After all, if he hadn’t had these terrible thoughts about Leo in the first place then they wouldn’t have been here, would they?
…How he haven’t noticed sooner how violent and out of control his thoughts have become? Was it because Leo was Raph’s go-to brother to make fun of and play rougher with through the years and it just became natural to think things like that? Is this why he thought so much terrible things about the slider specifically? Why his dreams were full of blood, bruises and anger at Leo? Was it because of how stressed Raph’s been lately and Leo was just a convenient and default target?
Stupid, stupid Raph, why couldn’t he just control his stupid brain, why couldn’t he have stopped thinking! Donnie always says it should be easy for Raph, and yet, here he was! Unintentionally hurting his own brother with an uncontrollable stream of stupid thoughts and he didn’t even know-
Suddenly there are snapping fingers right in front of Raph’s face, catching his attention and bringing him back to reality with a small flinch.
“Hey, you good? You kinda spaced out here.” Raph hears familiar voice and looks in its’ direction, meeting concerned hazel eyes of his baby brother.
“Y-yeah, Raph’s- I’m… fi…ne…?” Raph’s unable to finish his weak lie, too out of it to control his tone to make it even slightly convincing. Instead he just holds Leo’s gaze for a second longer trying to find something, anything that would put Raph’s mind at ease but there was nothing in Leo’s eyes outside of slight concern and unchangeable irritation. Raph nervously swallows hard, gathering all his courage to actually talk about his worries. He meekly starts again: “Listen… if you don’t want to keep Raph company he won’t keep it against you-” Leo startles and he almost looks… hurt by Raph’s assumption, which in turn makes Raph’s insides twist with guilt.
“What? No, I want to be here! Why would you think I don’t?”
“Well… first and most obvious: you just don’t look happy right now.” Leo quickly shakes his head.
“I’m just in a little crabby mood in general it’s not because I’m here-”
“And…” Raph cuts in before they go away from the main point too much. He swallows a nervous gulp. He’s been psyching himself up to finally talk about this and he still doesn’t feel ready. Nevertheless, he continues: “And- Raph really would get it if you didn’t want to… be in his company anymore, considering… well. You know. What you heard from his brain and all that…” Raph looks away from Leo in shame and almost misses a couple of confused blinks from him.
Then, Leo groans with irritation, a sound so unexpected Raph flinches. “Ugh, how many times I’m gonna have this talk…” Leo mumbles then sighs and takes a deep breath. “Listen, Raphie. Raph-a-doodle.” He puts his hand on Raph’s shoulder, catching his gaze once more. “My favorite older brother-”
“I’m your only older brother-”
“Mi hermano. I don’t care what you thought about me back then. I told this to Mikey, I told this Donnie, and I’m telling this to you, your thoughts don’t mean anything, they say nothing about your real opinions and feelings. I literally don’t hold any of the thoughts you had in privacy of your own head against you. Besides… It must’ve suck, knowing your mind was read like that.”
Raph looks away, trying to hide his troubled expression, because… yeah, when Mikey and Donnie told him what happened Raph felt… exposed, completely naked. Ashamed. And he can’t say the feeling disappeared with time. Still, he says: “Well, Raph can’t deny he was… a little troubled at the time, but it’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no choice!”
“Doesn’t change the fact it that was an unpleasant feeling.” Leo smirks and nudges him with his elbow. “I know I’d be bitching about it if I were in your big, smelly shoes.”
“Hey, that last comment was so uncalled for!” Raph says with exaggerated offence and Leo, for the first time in… a long time actually, authentically laughs! No pretending or this weird subdued quality his voice gets while he’s acting happy instead of being happy.
There is a natural lull in conversation, something like a calm after the storm and something in Raph’s chest lets loose, he finally feels like he can breathe, relax, look at the calm sea and truly take in the amazing view.
But Raph has one more question he’s been dying to ask Leo and, even though he knows it’s probably gonna bring the oppressive atmosphere back, gray clouds on the horizon of the vast sea, but he has to know.
“So…” Raph starts, still uncertain but pressing on nonetheless. “Uh… how… how was it? Hearing others’ thoughts?” Leo’s one eyebrow rises up, like he’s surprised Raph has it in him to bring up this whole situation but otherwise he doesn’t look upset.
He shrugs. “Well… it felt weird, for one.” Raph shakes his head.
“No, I don’t mean how it… felt, more like- uh I mean… did you hear our voices inside your head or… I don’t know, something else? Like! Have you ever confused our thoughts with what we actually were saying?” Raph had no idea if he’s being clear but at least Leo seemed to get what Raph’s getting at.
“Nah, it was easy to distinguish between your thoughts and your voices, mainly because I usually didn’t see your lips move while I was hearing your ~brain waves~.” Leo makes a wiggling move with his fingers and he laughs at his choice of words. “But also, this curse made it impossible to react to your thoughts so it was even easier to recognize what was happening in real life and what not.” Raph’s brows knit together in confusion.
“Wait. It made it ‘impossible to react’? I’m almost scared to ask but… How… did it make it impossible?” Leo waves his hand dismissively.
“Oh you know, it’s been making me like… loopy and stuff. The more ‘harmful’ or ‘upsetting’ to me the thought was the more I was getting… I don’t know… sleepy, I guess? It was like a… I don’t know, safe measure to make sure I wouldn’t spill I’m cursed and alarm people around me.” Raph’s mind instantly comes back to that one time April and Leo returned from their walk and April rose hell because Leo almost fainted on her and Raph gasps.
“Wait. Is… that why you almost fainted when you were with April that one time?” Leo shrugs.
“I guess.” Leo stretches a little and sits more comfortable. “It’s not important now though,” he says with deceitful amount of casualness and Raph instantly shakes his head. No, he wasn’t about to let it go, no way.
“But Raph thinks it is important. We need to know your past symptoms to look out for, just in case the curse’s still around!” Leo looks back and Raph and smirks.
“What, you think so much bad stuff about me you think I’d be still in danger?”
Raph sputters. “What? No, of course not, I-!”
“Relax, I’m kidding!” Leo laughs but this fake edge in his voice is back and Raph has a feeling he might’ve taken this conversation a little too far for Leo’s comfort.
Raph feels like he’s sinking.
Leo quiets his artificial laughter and takes a small, calming breath before he continues: “But I really don’t think we need to worry about this… spell. I’m pretty sure I broke it.”
“But how? You still haven’t told us anything!”
Leo just rolls his eyes. “I did it apparently by realizing other people’s thoughts really don’t matter.” Raph waits for a moment for Leo to continue but when he doesn’t Raph makes a small, confused noise.
“That’s it?” Raph asks very, very confused and Leo just shortly nods.
“That’s it.” Leo bores his knowing eyes into Raph. “And you know… You could learn something from this moral too! Because by blaming yourself for your thoughts you basically oppose the lesson that broke the spell. You’re invalidating my experiences! Shame on you~” Leo said it in a melodic and flippant voice, a very clear sign to not take his words seriously, but Raph just couldn’t ignore what Leo said, it made his chest tight all over again.
“That’s not true! Raph just knows his thoughts weren’t very pleasant so- Raph’s aware he fucked up and he wants to help somehow-” Leo cuts in with a load groan.
“Raaaaph, you didn’t fuck up by having random thoughts! You didn’t even have the most brutal or- I don’t know, violent ones about me! You’re not the only person who’s been finding me annoying or, at moments, insufferable! Which you know, after some time and thinking it over I even kind of get why you’d think that way about me, spending time with me can be a chore sometimes-” Leo says while rolling his eyes, as if he’s annoyed just thinking about himself and- maybe two weeks ago Raph would’ve agreed with Leo in a heartbeat with something like ‘finally, you acknowledge the obvious, you’re insufferable!’ but after what they all went through Raph just felt a pit open in his stomach, a shame and guilt creeping from inside, threating to swallow him whole.
How much Raph had to fuck up for Leo, the most confident, prideful and carefree one of his brothers to feel like this about himself?!
Raph instantly rushes to cut into Leo’s self-deprecating comments: “Leo, no please don’t talk that way about yourself-” but Raph gets completely ignored, Leo just continues on, as if he didn’t even hear him.
“But! There is one thing I think you actually fucked up.” Raph’s breath catches in his throat as it tightens around his windpipe, sudden spike of anxiety making him dizzy. Leo, noticing the effect his words had on him flicks him gently in the forehead to gain his attention back. “Calm down, that has nothing to do with your thoughts, it’s actually about something you did, not about what you thought! And that is: you put your shell in mortal danger when we were fighting Shredder! Like what were you even thinking!” Raph blinks at the accusatory tone. Even with the injuries he sustained, the ones that constantly try to remind him about what happened, Raph still almost forgot about what he did. It was just so natural for him to put himself between his little brothers and any danger he basically doesn’t register it as a conscious action.
“Well yeah, duh I put my shell on the line! I wasn’t about to let you get crushed! And I succeeded in protecting you, you’d have it so much worse if I hadn’t-”
“Aha, sure, sure, thank you SO much, oh my hero for almost dying for me, but maybe your first instinct shouldn’t have been to freeze around me and instead to run away!? You got yourself hurt, and for what!”
“Uh… For your safety, obviously?” Then, something clicks in Raph’s head, remembering all the times Leo’s eyes were stuck on Raph’s shell his whole visit and suddenly, Leo’s sour mood makes so much sense! “Wait, is that why you’ve been so upset? Because of what happened to my shell?” Leo’s shoulders slump and he looks away, as if ashamed he got read like an open book. Raph laughs flippantly. “C’mon you know Raph bounces back fast, this is basically nothing!” Leo slams his still very hurt hand on the nightstand with fire in his eyes, basically ripping Raph’s reassuring smile from his face with brutal force. He’s so shocked by Leo’s anger he forgets to scold him about treating his hurt hand so carelessly.
“Stop laughing! You’re NOT un-killable and it’d be great if you stopped behaving like you are!” Leo’s whole body shakes with anger and eyes shine with frustrated tears. “Why would you even put yourself between me and Shredder so… so instantly! That was obviously a terrible idea, like all of your plans!” Raph makes a hurt sound as Leo’s words stab him in the chest, the last comment REALLY unnecessary. But before the pain could even register it starts to morph into hot anger.
It’s always easier to deal with fights when he’s angry.
“You’re talking about thinking and being an idiot?!” Raph scoffs. “Raph wouldn’t have to put himself in danger if you didn’t run off in the first place, you asshole! It’s because of you I had to-!” he yells but then quickly stops with shocked gasp, realizing what he’s saying. The room is suddenly dense with stunned and heavy silence, they’re both so quiet they can hear the small buzzing sound the fridge in the room is making, normally it’s barely noticeable, now it’s almost grating.
It takes Raph a few seconds to truly process the weight of this statement.
Raph knows it isn’t fair, what happened wasn’t on Leo at all! He had been in so much pain at the time and he felt like he had had to run away, Leo had explained to them this much at least, Raph should know better than to throw it into Leo’s face! Like- Raph might’ve been still a little stressed, it’s felt as if his body haven’t completely registered Leo’s home and every time he’s out of Raph’s sight he wants to stand up and run after him. But that still doesn’t justify why would he lash out like that!
Is Raph really that used to just- putting blame on Leo he couldn’t help himself even now?!
Raph’s thoughts halt as he suddenly notices Leo’s shocked eyes starting to shine and it’s not long until tears spill and stream down his cheeks, emotions so intense Leo isn’t able to hold them back anymore.
How long it’s been since Raph saw Leo cry like that? Sure, Leo sometimes fake-cries to gain pity points, especially during rare apologies but- not like this. Not with this level of unwanted openness.
Leo’s breath hitches as he rises his trembling hand to his face and he jumps slightly as he feels how damp his cheeks are, completely caught off guard by his own unfiltered spill of his sorrows. He doesn’t say another word, just looks at Raph while his lips tremble with a silent whimper, the sound so fragile it makes Raph want to hug his little brother and just keep him safe so he wouldn’t make this hurt and guilt-driven noise ever again.
“Leo-” Raph starts as he rises his hand, trying to reach out but before Raph can apologize Leo takes a step back, away from Raph’s touch and it feels as if Raph got stabbed right into his heart, the knife hot and twisting as Leo looks Raph into his eyes and shakes his head.
Then, he turns back and runs off, the automatic door closes with a silent hiss.
The empty space Leo left after himself fills Raph’s veins with dread so intense it pushes a desperate scream out of his lungs. His fear fuels his body with adrenaline and it’s not long till he’s pushing himself from the bed, trying to ignore his wounds pulsating with mind-numbing ache, but the assault on his senses proves itself too intense, making his hands give out instantly. And then, as fast as he rose, he plummeted to the ground with a loud crash. Pain’s revibrates through his whole body culminating in his shell to explode in a dazzling display, freezing Raph’s mouth in silent scream, too shocked to fully process what just happened.
“-aph! Raph!” a panicked voice cuts through Raph’s confusion and as he blinks away the blur from his eyes he sees Donnie’s worried face with slightly crazed glint to his gaze.
When softshell notices that he finally caught Raph’s attention he sighs with relief, his anxiety visibly leaving his body as he deflates with a whoosh of his breath. “Oh thank Pizza Supreme, you came back. I just knew something bad happened when Leo barged into the main area, it’s good I thought to check on you-”
Wait, that’s right, Leo! Leo’s gonna run away again!
As if something possessed Raph he steels his resolve and starts pushing himself up from the floor with all his might but he doesn’t go too far before Donnie’s metal hands pin him down, trying to immobilize him. “Woah, woah, woah! Please calm down! You’re gonna destroy your shell all over again!” But Donnie’s begging falls on deaf ears.
“…No, no, I can’t stop, we don’t have time for this- Leo! He’s about to run off-!” Donnie smacks Raph’s bicep with enough force to stop his panicked spiral and catch his scattered attention back for a second, but not enough to actually hurt.
“It’s fine, Mikey’s got him! Don’t worry about him, worry about yourself right now!” Raph shakes his head, still trying to get up, fighting with Donnie’s metal arms.
“B-but he’s going to run off again and- and it’s gonna be Raph’s fault! He’s gonna-” Panic makes Raph’s mind run a mile per second with hundred possibilities of slider doing something desperate or straight up dying and every single image of Leo’s corpse that pops into his head leaves Raph breathless and in pain in his chest. He has to get Leo before something terrible happens to him again-!
Donnie grabs Raph’s face and forces him to look into softshell’s intense eyes, yelling past the roar of the storm in Raph’s head.
“Listen! Mikey’s going to chain him to the couch before he lets Leo to run off again! Nardo’s in good hands, trust me!” Raph grits his teeth and starts shaking all over. He hears what Donnie’s saying, but- BUT-
Donnie quickly taps something on his tech-gauntlet and brings out the holo-screen and basically shoves it into Raph’s face in a desperate attempt to calm him down.
Raph has to blink a couple of times to stop the blurriness in his vision and focus on the image and when he finally sees the screen properly it feels like something in his chest loosens up. On the screen is a camera feed from the living room. Mikey’s playing on the console as Leo sits next to him, silent and watching him play absentmindedly. Donnie points at calm Leo for emphasis. “See? He’s fine! No need to worry, we all have it under control, you don’t have to do anything!” Then, the intensity of Donnie’s gaze subsides a little, something like resignation clouds his face. He sighs. “And besides, you wouldn’t be able to do much in this state anyway…” Donnie adds and Raph knows Donnie doesn’t mean anything by this, it was just a simple fact, and Donnie loves facts, they usually calm him down! And it’s the truth, with Raph’s wounds he wouldn’t be able to walk even a step, it’s obvious. It’s why he’s now on the floor right now after all. But, even though he gets it, Donnie’s words still make Raph whimper with hurt, unable to really stop himself or to muster more energy to say anything. Stress, tiredness and guilt of it all is really getting to him.
When Raph’s pathetic whimper reached Donnie’s ears he instantly looks apologetic. “Sorry. I-” He sighs again. “Just- just lean on us. On me. Just this once. I can keep our family safe in your stead for now, okay?” That’s… a lot to ask of Raph. He’s a natural worrier and he knows how talented his little brothers are at getting into trouble. But after a moment… Raph nods. He has to trust Donnie, there’s no other option here. For now.
At least Raph’s blessing seems to put Donnie’s mind at ease. “Good!” Then he snaps his fingers at Raph’s unfortunate situation, still down on the floor. “Now, let’s get you back to bed.”
The process of getting up was painful and long but after a struggle Raph sighs as he lays on the mattress he’s got so familiar with in the past week.
“Thanks Donnie, you’re a lifesaver.” Donnie scoffs at Raph’s gratitude as if it wasn’t a big deal, clearly trying to play it cool but the giddiness from a compliment was very palpable in his eyes and the way the corners of his mouth were involuntarily twitching up.
“Well, of course, that’s my job! It’d be nice if you weren’t trying to set my efforts in healing your shell back a week or so though.” Raph snorts but has some sense to look apologetic.
“Yeah, Raph’s sorry about that, it just- kind of happened. Raph’s gonna be more careful.”
“You’re good, don’t worry about it, I was simply engaging in a friendly banter.” He says as he brings his tech-bo from his battle shell. “Now, please don’t move for a second, I have to make a detailed scan of your shell to make sure everything’s in order.”
“Sure thing,” Raph agrees and lets the purple light engulf his whole body as he tries to be as still as possible.
After a second of small beep and boop sounds of Donnie’s typing on his tech-gauntlet he finally speaks: “…Okay, everything seems to be… well, not ‘in order’ but you didn’t damage your shell further, so there’s at least that. Good thing your custom-made brace worked wonders. But of course, I wasn’t worried about that at all, it was made by your truly, so of course it did its job. Yup.” Donnie nods, self-satisfied and then his eyes wander around the med-bay a little, probably checking if everything’s alright, and after a second he notices a still unused clean bandages prepared on the side table.
Donnie looks questionably at Raph and he just shakes his head. It was Leo who was supposed to do change dressings on his shell but… Raph doesn’t blame him he forgot in his haste.
“Well, since I’m already here I can as well change your bandages too,” Donnie announces as he walks up to the nightstand and gathers all the supplies. Raph just nods and lets Donnie work in silence. A silence that… takes Raph by surprise. He expected Donnie to assault Raph with multiple questions or be at least a little panicked or curious or… something about what happened between Raph and Leo. Instead, Donnie’s hands are steady and confident as he changes the gauzes and bandages without a sight of distraction. He doesn’t even flinch or gag when he sees Raph’s gross shell. It’s so puzzling Raph can’t look away from Donnie’s focused face.
What’s going on in his head?
When Donnie’s near finishing his job he notices Raph’s staring. “Something on your mind?” he asks with one eyebrow risen slightly up.
Raph starts to fiddle with his hands, a little ashamed he got caught staring. “Well… To be honest, Raph’s a little shocked you haven’t asked why Raph fell down from his bed or what went down with Leo or… why you don’t look upset at all? What’s the deal?”
“Eh… seems pretty obvious why you were on the floor to be honest, I don’t need to be a genius to figure it out or ask much-”
“That still doesn’t explain why you’re so quiet and calm right now. Or why you’re not curious about Leo. Isn’t usually data collection your coping mechanism-” Then something click in Raph’s mind. “Oh wait. That’s right, Raph forgot you have cameras here too, so you must’ve just saw the whole scene, that’s why you’re not asking Raph anything.” Donnie coughs into his hand, clearly troubled he was read so easily.
“Uh. I- well, I mean. Yeah. Okay, I did see what happened from the feed.” Donnie admits and he at least has some sense to look a little ashamed. Raph sighs.
“Figures.” He shakes his head. “We still haven’t talked about your stalking problem, man…” Donnie’s quick to wave this conversation aside.
“Sure, sure, but just before you go any further into this ‘talk’ I just wanted to bring it to your attention it was thanks to my ‘stalking problem’ I got so fast hare to help out.” This argument doesn’t sway Raph too much.
“Donnie, just how much do you look at the footage to notice so fast something was wrong? You clearly have a problem-”
“I don’t look at it THAT much! I programmed a useful AI that automatically alerts me when something out of ordinary happens so I don’t have to waste much of my attention on it. This time was an exception! I just thought I heard some noise from here and decided to check! It was just a small peek! And it turned out to be a great move!”
“…There’s so much to unpack here Raph just wants to throw the whole case away…”
“Yes, let’s do that, let’s focus on something that actually matters!”
Raph sighs, so, so very tired. “Sure… Raph’s gonna drop it.” Donnie automatically loses up, relaxing a little at Raph’s words. “But it’s only for now! We’re still gonna talk about it! Just not now.” And Donnie stiffens back up but mutters a grumpy agreement.
Good, Raph’s gotta keep Donnie in check, that’s Raph’s duty as big brother!
“And… there’s something else that makes Raph wonder… Since you said you don’t want to ‘waste your attention’ on looking at the cameras… does that mean you have other projects you’re working on right now?” Donnie perks up at the question, clearly happy Raph took some interest in his inventions. To be honest Raph doesn’t really care that much but he didn’t want to finish their talk on such sour note.
If that means he’ll be tortured by Donnie’s speech mode, so be it. That’s also his duty as big brother.
“Forsooth I do!” He says with stars in his eyes. “I’m working on a little something that’s gonna help keep Leo safe!” Aaaaand that automatically catches Raph’s attention back.
“You’re planning on doing more outside of this whole camera system? Wouldn’t that be a little… I don’t know, excessive?” Donnie shakes his head with a weird, manic desperation.
“No, no, it’s not enough! Leo’s good at finding camera’s blind spots and slipping away, you remember how my program couldn’t find him on New York’s surveillance cameras after he escaped and went missing? When he figured how I was finding his position he was frustratingly good at avoiding them. I- we need more to keep better check on him and I came up with an idea to do just that!”
Raph’s almost afraid to ask, but he still mutters: “…And that is…?” Raph’s not reassured when Donnie looks away.
“Well. I’m still working on the details but I swear to you, it’s going to work! It may be a little… morally questionable, but-”
“’Morally questionable’… Like putting cameras around the Lair or worse?”
“The camera system is necessary! We need to be prepared for anything, especially with Leo’s whole situation AND Shredder in our house!” And Raph… was honestly too tired to really argue with Donnie on this… Raph’s own worry is also casting a shadow on what he considers “moral” and “just” anymore. The truth is, he would do anything to keep his family safe so he and Donnie could see each other on this one thing at least.
So Raph sighs. “I guess… I get it.” Donnie jumps slightly at Raph’s admission, completely not expecting this argument to go his way.
“You- you do?”
“Yeah. Raph probably would be losing his mind right now if you hadn’t shown him the feed with Leo. And Raph knows he would’ve been constantly checking on everyone in person, running himself ragged, if he hadn’t been chained to this bed. So putting camera system all over the Lair does seem like a… practical solution? I guess, what I’m trying to say is… I get where you’re coming from.” Raph looks at shocked Donnie with sympathy. “The last… well, honestly past months has been incredibly stressful. And this whole situation with Leo didn’t help for sure.” He stops for a second, wondering if what he’s about to say is a correct choice, but ultimately he decides: eh to hell with this, anything to keep his family safe. “So… Raph thinks… Do what you gotta do.” Donnie blinks a couple of times then looks around, like he’s expecting a hidden camera crew emerge from the shadows and announce he’s being pranked but when nothing of the sorts happens he looks back at Raph with an uncertain sparkle in his eyes.
“…Really? You’re not even going to ask for more information?”
Raph shrugs. “Raph probably wouldn’t understand much anyway. And, well, I might not be the biggest fan of your methods, but… when our safety is on the line you bring results. Raph knows he can usually trust you on that one, so I’m gonna trust you here too.” Raph pats Donnie reassuringly and Donnie beams at him with barely contained excitement, Raph’s endorsement clearly meaning the world to him. Seeing this turns Raph’s day from unbearable to tolerable. “But, Raph has just one request.”
“Anything for you, dear Raphaela!” Donnie looks the brightest he’s been in weeks, even Raph’s sudden request doesn’t stifle his flame.
“When you work out the details… maybe fill Raph in on your general idea, okay? Raph just wants to be in the know.” Raph extends a pinkie in Donnie’s direction, feeling somehow silly doing this gesture but it was the principle of the thing! They all knew pinkie promises were sacred, you just couldn’t break them!
Donnie doesn’t seem to mind though, too happy he’s being trusted with his plan to really care about maintaining his “cool and aloof bad boy” image to turn down his enthusiasm.
“Of course! I promise!” he says brightly and grabs Raph’s “pinkie” with his own, a wave of mutual understanding washing over them.
They will keep their family safe.
Once Donnie made sure everything was okay (and when he gave Raph new dose of painkillers because once the adrenaline wore off he really, truly felt the impact of his brief meeting with the floor, which is to say: it HURT) the tiredness seeped into Raph’s bones and eyelids grew heavy with fatigue, disempowering him completely and he fell into an uneasy sleep almost instantly the moment Donnie was out of the med bay.
After who knows how long Raph wakes up to a familiar tapping on the phone, the sound silent but persistent enough to tear through Raph’s rest. He blinks a couple of times, confused and still tired he looks around. It takes him a second to catch a small movement in the corner of his eye and his gaze lazily wander in its direction, that’s when he notices Leo sitting by his side, looking at his phone and tapping something away.
As if he could feel Raph’s gaze on himself he looks up and meets Raph’s eyes head on. He smiles. “Sup Big Bro?” And just then, when Raph hears Leo’s voice it really hits him.
“Leo!” he says brightly, partly surprised and partly delighted. “You’re here!” Leo laughs mechanically.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” and before Raph can even open his mouth Leo continues, completely disregarding his rhetorical question. “How’s your shell? Donnie mentioned you… fell.”
“Oh, Raph’s fine, Donnie took care of it, don’t even worry about it, Raph’s gonna be up in no time!”
Leo takes a small breath, as if to soothe himself before he says with a very careful and levelled tone: “Listen. I know it’s because of me you got hurt today. First your shell gets destroyed because you protected me from Shredder and now all your progress almost gets set to zero just because I ran off on you. Again. It must’ve spooked you so much. I… I’m sorry.” Raph blinks a couple of times in stunned silence. Then he shakes his head.
“No, no, you don’t need to apologize!”
“Pft, really? Usually you’d be doing victorious dance after squeezing an apology out of me. Well, not that you’d be able to do that right now anyway… But maybe at least rubbing it into my face?” He shrugs. “I wouldn’t be that mad about it by the way, I think it’d be fair.” Raph shakes his head.
“Not right now! It’s on Raph this time, he didn’t mean what he said back then and yet he just- snapped at you with the worst possible accusation! Raph honestly doesn’t know where it came from! He doesn’t think it had been your fault, Raph swears-”
Leo scoffs. “I know you didn’t meant it, you don’t have to repeat yourself, sheesh.” Something in Leo’s tone is off, it’s insistent, almost desperate, like he’s trying to convince himself what he’s saying is true. This realization makes Raph’s stomach sink in a pool of guilt and distress.
Raph did this. It’s his fault.
Leo seems to notice change in Raph’s demeanor because he sighs silently and puts his hand on Raph’s shoulder with sympathy. “It’s fine, really. You didn’t mean it. I get it.”
“But-”
“Raph,” his voice hardens, instantly stopping Raph in his tracks. “Can we just. Forget it. Please?”
“…No. No, we can’t just leave it at that! We already made this mistake once, we can’t do it again!”
Leo rolls his eyes. “And what else is there to say?” Leo spreads his arms and looks around with searching eyes. “You guys love me, I know that.” He starts to count on his fingers; one. “You regret your thoughts, I get that.” Two. “I don’t hold them against you.” Three. “You are sorry. I forgave you. Even though you have nothing to apologize for.” Four. “Mikey and Donnie told you what was happening and I explained my curse and my perspective as much as I could.” And five. “Like tell me. What else is there to say.” Raph grinds his teeth in a frustrated attempt to keep his cool. He’s so frustrated that he sees where Leo’s coming from. But-
“What about what just happened?! I almost said it’s your fault! It’s fucked up! I even-” Leo sighed with irritation.
“Dude, stop with this self-blame, it’s such a bullshit… I’m not even mad at you! Like I said, I guess it was fair!” Raph shakes his head furiously.
“But it wasn’t fair of me! I crossed the line-” Leo groans.
“Okay, alright! If you say so! It wasn’t fair, whatever! What does that change! Like! We’re talking in circles here, nothing’s getting accomplished and we’re just getting on each other’s nerves! Legit tell me, what should we say to not end up in a stupid fight again?”
Raph’s ashamed to say it but…: “Raph doesn’t know…” and Leo huffs a small, self-satisfied breath.
“Exactly. So we should just move on!” Leo stands up from the chair and, for a second, Raph’s scared he’s gonna escape again, but instead Leo plops down on Raph’s bed, careful not to jostle his big brother too much and pulls his phone out again and shoves it into Raph’s face, the move already familiar after spending time with Donnie. And of course, the screen is a little too close to snapper’s beak and a displayed image is blurry, making his eyes unfocused, but he could at least see a lot of purples and blues. “Look here! I even downloaded some movie so we could watch it together and forget about… all of that. Just a little distraction never killed anybody, right? And it’s a cool movie! You like k-pop, right?” Leo tries to sound nonchalant and carefree but Raph still very clearly can hear a small strain in his voice. Raph really wants to address Leo’s distress but… Raph also has a feeling if he doesn’t just agree to watch this movie Leo certainly will bolt this time.
…Raph has no idea if it’s a correct choice, but ultimately he agrees with a small and broken: “…Okay.” And while Leo’s face splits in wide and relieved grin Raph just hopes…
He’s doing the right thing here.
…
At least he trusts Donnie to have it all under control while Raph’s stuck here.