Chapter Text
“When I began writing this memoir, it was not for the purpose of publication. I began with the simple intent of uncovering the truth— about the justice system, about the so-called “Phantom Thieves of Hearts,” and about myself.“
- “The Crow Falls at Midnight,” Introduction
“My celebrity crush?” Ren paused to think. He didn’t talk about his personal life much on stream, but he didn’t mind throwing his chatters a bone once in a while.
“Akechi Goro,” he said. Chat had a lot to say about that.
m0thm4n: wait is this a joke
tiredtrumpeter: lmao
inugamer: lol really? the detective guy??
apsarass: isn’t he a cop?? :/
lamiaxe: wait is joker coming out rn
reply to @lamiaxe
THOTh: where have you been? he’s been out lmao
jackfrostiie: lololol
succcccubussy: REAL tbh akechi is so hot
belfegore: you’re gay? for real??
reply to @belfegore
lililim: he’s bi lol
sarasvatea: did you read his book? it was pretty good actually
"What happened to ACAB? ” Ren read out loud. He looked directly into the camera, smirking just slightly. “I could fix him.”
The consensus from chat was “lololol. ” Then his game finished updating and Ren got to work.
He honestly forgot about it after that.
It had been about six hours since Ren had last seen Akechi Goro— and five years since they’d last spoken.
Ren’s feelings for Akechi weren’t the all-consuming fire they had been when they were teenagers and constantly sneaking off to make out, high on the adrenaline of near-death experiences and not fully knowing what the other person wanted from you.
These days, it was more of an itchy mosquito bite— always there, but easier to ignore the more you left it alone. Ren tried not to scratch at it too much these days. Which was kind of hard when your ex-situationship’s face was plastered everywhere trying to sell you various limited-edition snacks.
A year after his disappearance, Futaba informed the (former) Phantom Thieves that Akechi had quietly enrolled in a small university under a new name. He’d been in a coma, then a rehab center, then prison, and then in witness protection while Sae continued to clean up Shido’s mess. He never reached out. Ren tried not to take it personally.
Then a few months ago, Akechi suddenly decided to stop hiding. He put out a book. The (heavily edited) memoir was a mostly-true account of Akechi’s childhood, his time as the Detective Prince, and the years he spent in hiding. Minus all the Metaverse and assassination stuff. It was a final revenge against Shido, a tell-all tale of a desperate teen being taken advantage of by rotten adults.
Ren didn’t get a mention. Which was fine.
But then the modeling contracts started pouring in. At first Akechi had just been on a few talk shows, promoting his book, which quickly became a bestseller. But nowadays, Akechi was everywhere. He was a bit of a polarizing figure, but a lot of people liked the new snarky and jaded Akechi Goro. Ren saw him on variety shows, posters in the windows of bookstores, and just today– an electronic billboard in Shibuya, advertising a new flavor of sparkling water.
It was heaven and agony, all at once. Ren had wondered for years what Akechi was up to, what it might be like to see him again, what he looked like now. And now Ren never had to wonder if Akechi had cut his hair or kept growing it out— he could look up on any train platform and see the answer staring him in the face, immortalized in the form of a brightly colored advertisement for limited-edition lychee ice cream.
(He’d cut it shorter. It looked good. Obviously. Whatever.)
And Ren was fine, really. He came back to Tokyo for university. Graduated. Saw his friends at any chance he could on a rotating, biweekly basis. He hadn’t found a full-time job ( yet , as Makoto kept reminding him) but he liked being a barista/bartender/florist. And when he didn’t have a shift at one of his many part-time jobs, he’d turned out to be moderately successful at something else.
Ren started streaming during his third year of high school because Futaba had asked him to. It was really just so she could make fun of him while he played video games, but for whatever reason, he’d started gaining viewers. Then he let Mishima start editing some of the VODs and putting them on MeTube. And his viewership just kept growing. Now he had a small but respectable following supplementing his income.
Things were good. Really. And if he sometimes had to look at ads on the subway and remember that the boy he’d stolen kisses from in the dark corners of Mementos didn’t want Ren in his life anymore, well— Ren could deal with it. He was happy knowing Akechi was doing alright now.
He didn’t need more than that.
The next morning (alright, it was noon, whatever), he woke up to his phone vibrating with dozens of messages. Ren tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes while he checked his notifications.
Ryuji: LMAO DUDE CHECK YOUR SOCIALS
Futaba: bruh the gorls are destroying you on flitter
Ann: LOL why did I just get asked on flitter why I’m friends with a fake akechi fan
Ren left all of them on read. Whatever was happening, it was clearly a problem for after coffee. There were also some messages from Mishima that he didn’t bother checking (Ren had a strict “no work before breakfast” rule).
When Ren finally sat down with his coffee and breakfast, feeling slightly more human, he opened Flitter.
💗 fuji-ko-koro 💗 @goro_love
@jokeren2 How DARE you treat Akechi-san like a joke. You literally know NOTHING about all the things he’s been through.
AKECHI GORO #1 BESTSELLER @mimisakura
@jokeren2 maybe you should read his book before making such comments :)
~ y u n o ~ @xx_THRONE_xx
@jokeren2 there’s nothing to fix he already opposes the police dumbass
#1 morgana fan @naganaturals
[Video of Ren calling Akechi Goro his celebrity crush and saying “I could fix him.”]
this bit from @jokeren2’s stream had me dying
Ah. Someone clipped him saying Akechi was his celebrity crush. Okay. Slightly mortifying to have it out there forever, but whatever. Ren clicked the quote fleets.
Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro
I actually go into great detail about the corruption of Japanese law enforcement in my book, which this person would know if they’d read it.
Huh. So that’s why there was an army of angry Gorls in his mentions.
Ren really was not awake enough to process Akechi acknowledging his existence for the first time in five years with a passive aggressive social media post. Instead of dealing with whatever swarm of emotions was building up in his stomach, he hit quote fleet.
im da joker baby @jokeren2
we did it chat
Then he put his phone down and finished his breakfast.
“What was with all the messages? Your phone wouldn’t stop pinging this morning,” Morgana asked, finally wandering in.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ren said.
Yuuki @PhanMod
New @jokeren2 video will be out on MeTube tomorrow!
Akechi Goro HQ @GORLHQ
Pics from Akechi’s book signing in Kichijoji yesterday! 🧵🔽
SHUKO @POWER69
Who on God’s green earth doesn’t already know Akechi hates cops. HE WROTE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT IT
⭐ hoshiko ⭐ @akechica
no name streamers I guess….
akechi goro’s bitch era @lowkeyloki
the claws are OUT today and i’m 100% here for it
THOTh @monkeybusiness
pov ur fav streamer makes a silly joke that accidentally incurs the wrath of god (akechi goro fans)
kaya kaya! @detectiveprincess
it actually pisses me off so much that people who know nothing about what akechi has gone through think they can talk shit about him
~ y u n o ~ @xx_THRONE_xx
LITERALLY this guy just thinks akechi is some hot idol. like it’s not hard to google a summary of his book before you start making assumptions 🙄
#1 morgana fan @naganaturals
joker remains the world’s most iconic streamer lmfao
joker’s (ex)wife @pixiiie
I’m prepared to go to war against the gorls 🫡
michi 🇯🇵🇧🇷 @matadork
I’M NOT
STREAM HEARTFINDER OUT NOW!!! @lililim
bestie i don’t think this is a fight you can win….
mayumi 🫶🏳️🌈 @gorldick
I think @/jokeren2 was just joking yall calm down 💀
tsubaki @angeluriel
right?? i thought it was funny 😭😭
≽^•⩊•^≼ @dominyan
does this streamer guy look familiar to anyone else?? it’s driving me crazy……
☽ nastuki ☾ @archangellll
I’ve actually been following him for a while!! this was NOT a crossover I was ready for lol
a. @feather_karasu 🔒
what the actual fuck
Ren had an afternoon shift at Rafflesia that day.
If he was being honest, he didn’t really need to work part-time. Streaming was bringing in enough money to support his humble lifestyle and his cat’s admittedly less-humble lifestyle. But Ren was used to staying busy and he was pretty sure he’d go insane if he just stayed cooped up in his apartment only talking to people virtually (with the exception of Morgana, obviously.) And it felt good to help out Sojiro and Lala and Hanasaki, who had been kind to him when he had nothing.
So yeah, he was mostly working customer service for fun. One of many reasons his friends thought he was crazy.
Distantly, Ren was relieved that he was working at Rafflesia and not Leblanc that day. Leblanc would have given him too much downtime to think. Rafflesia was always a madhouse (at least on days that Ren got called in). Ren could just put his phone on silent and focus on flower arrangements for six hours.
He checked his phone on the train home. He ignored all the LMAOOOO’ s from his followers, because Akechi had responded again.
Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro
@jokeren2 I fail to see what it is that you did. If you’re referring to my anti-law-enforcement stance, I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve always resented the police to some degree. (1/2)
Akechi Goro @AkechiGoro
If you’d read my book, you would know that I was forced into a career in detective work by unfortunate circumstances. I have always believed the police to be a corrupt institution. (2/2)
It was passive-aggressive. It was petty. It was the first thing Akechi had said to him directly in half a decade, and he was pretending not to know who Ren was.
Ren felt the corners of his mouth tug up, in spite of himself. He pressed reply.
im da joker baby @jokeren2
@AkechiGoro
