Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

All was quiet in Dr. Light's lab. Well, that is if you ignore the faint, faint sound of one of those fancy fountain pens you'd find on eBay for like, fifty bucks when they could go for way lower. The source of that sound would be Ice Man's room. He had one goal in mind: write a letter straight from the heart to his pen pal that's also probably his lover. It was proving difficult, though, and that was another letter he'd be throwing aside. He crumpled up the piece of paper, tossing it into the bin that's practically overflowing with unfinished letters. Might as well designate it for that purpose.

"Damn it! God damn it! I can't write a proper letter to save myself anymore!" Ice Man stood up from his desk and pushed his chair away with a huff, crossing his arms and tapping his foot. "Well, whatever! If I can't think of anything, I'll just wait until something comes to me!" Ice Man stood there waiting for a full five minutes before a sudden knock at his door drew his attention away from thinking of how to write to his special someone. "Now who could be interrupting my waiting session?" Ice thought, grabbing a hold of the door handle and opening it. Oh. It's Cut Man.

"Heyo! Whatcha doing, Ice Man? Writing in that little diary of yours again? Heehee!" Cut Man teased, playfully poking Ice's chest with his finger. Cut Man's attempt at annoying Ice Man worked like a charm, not like it was hard to annoy him, anyways. "Wha—First off, it's a journal, not a diary! Second, I wasn't even writing in said journal! And third, whatever I was doing is none of your business!" Ice Man retorted, crossing his arms yet again and shooting Cut a nasty glare, who only responded with more laughter.

"Jeez, calm down, Ice! I'm just messing with you." Even with that knowledge in mind, Ice simply looked the other way. "Hey, c'mon! I didn't even go too far or anything!" That's when Cut Man noticed the stack of crumpled up letters in Ice Man's trash bin. "Oh? What's thiiis? A whole bunch of unfinished letters in the trash, I see?" Ice Man immediately tried to shove Cut Man away from the bin... "Cut Man—! Hey! Stop that!" ...to no avail.

"...Love letters? For... Freeze Man?"

Ice Man was blushing like crazy. He was trying to pull his parka down as far as he could to hide it, but it was still obvious. He was red in the face, after all.

"Say, isn't this one of the robots Wily stole that one time?"

"...yeah..."

"The hell are you sending him love letters for?"

"W-Well, after Rock freed him from Wily's grasp and all that, he sort of told me that he admired me. N-Not verbally, of course! He gave me this little letter that I still have in my drawer here..." Ice Man went to rummage through his drawer...

"Whoa! Whole lotta fun stuff in th—"

"WRONG DRAWER!"

Ice Man opened his... fun drawer. That's the nicest way I can put it. Opening the one above it, he dug through the whole mess of letters he received from Freeze Man until he found the catalyst. "You see, now? He really liked me, and, if I'm going to be honest, he was pretty cute." Cut Man just stared at him. He was both bewildered at the fact that Ice Man actually had somebody who loved and cared about him in such a way and that Ice Man had gotten someone like this before he did. "Well then... You were the last person I'd expect to get anybody on your dick, but good job, I guess?"

"Hey!"

"I literally congratulated you, jackass!"

"You're the one being a jackass, jackass!"

Those two continued their petty squabble. Don't worry, though. Ice Man did eventually send that letter to Freeze Man. They went out for a nice dinner date afterwards.

Chapter Text

"Air Man, can you shut your trap for five seconds at the very least?!" Crash Man barked, giving Air the stink eye as he leaned back in to his private conversation with Heat Man.

The first ever Wily lineup and second ever Robot Master lineup had all gathered in the break room. This was a surprisingly rare occurrence, as Air always felt like he was too good for these get-togethers, Wood Man was usually off with Plant Man (who many were starting to believe is his lover), and Metal Man usually leaves after five minutes so he can do his work in peace. Having to put up with both Air and Flash's antics as well as Quick trying to hit on either Crash or Flash really pisses him off.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is your conversation really that special, Crash? What, are you discussing your date night plans with him or something?" Before Crash could bite back, Heat Man snapped at Air Man. "No! Obviously not! We definitely wouldn't be!" Heat's brash response only stroked Air's ego, who was now chuckling at how red Heat's face was getting. "You know, Heat, I get your whole schtick is burning up, but I didn't know you could allocate all of that fire to your face!" Heat Man, embarrassed, simply huffed and turned away. Crash Man's stink eye had turned into a full on death stare, with him slowly standing up and looking down at Air Man. A low growl could be heard from the unstable robot, and it looked like literally any comment would set him off, taking out everybody in the room in the process.

"What's the matter? Am I too much for you?"

"You keep talking and I'll tear you to pieces."

"Like you could, anyways. You forget whose weapon you're weak to, or something?"

"..."

"Hah! That's what I thought. Sit back down, already."

From across the room, Wood Man called out to Air Man, cautioning him not to challenge Crash.

"Hey, Air Man. You might wanna cool it. I know your weapon can wipe the floor with him, but he's looking awful mad..."

"You think he's really gonna do anything?"

Flash Man then chimed in to offer his own two cents.

"Look, I'd be messin' with 'im too, but you really gotta check your head. Funny comin' from me, I know. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to gettin' to third base with Quick over here."

"Heehee! Such a tease you are, Flash!"

"I wouldn't be teasin' you if you weren't wigglin' those damn hips of yours the whole, babe."

"Oh, stop it! You're gonna say all that in front of them?"

"Like I give a fuck. Besides, you love makin' it obvious that you want attention."

"Maybe I do, what are you gonna do about it?"

"Hmm, if you'll let me get to third base, I'll show you."

"Hmhm! Maybe, heeheehee..."

"Can you two please stop it already. I'm trying to work."

Metal Man had suddenly interrupted Flash and Quick's FWB moment. Flash seemed surprised to see Metal still here, even with the events unfolding.

"Huh, you're still here?" Flash asked.

"I'm only here still because I'm almost done. Now can you learn to quiet down?"

"Nah. Sucks to be you."

"Ugh..."

Air Man, seeing Metal annoyed, decided to have some fun with Flash.

"Hey, tough guy. You and I both know there's no beating me, so how about you take it from me instead and shut it?"

"Oh, you wanna fight, Air?"

"Yeah, and I'll take your bitch with me once I kick your ass."

"This is gonna go horribly..." murmured Bubble Man, edging closer to the door.

To make a long story short, Air Man wound up on the floor. Flash Man never even moved, but that was because he used Time Stopper like a cheating bitch, walked up to Air Man, and clocked him. With everything settled, he sat back down and wrapped his arm around Quick's waist as time resumed.

"...oh. It's already...over?" Bubble took his hand off the doorknob, feeling only a tad bit safer.

"Yep, kicked his ass like it was nothin'. So much for bein' unbeatable, am I right? Wahahaha!"

Quick Man was the only other robot in the room to laugh along with him. Crash Man and Heat Man were too busy chatting to each other and discussing what movie they were gonna watch later, Wood Man was writing a letter to Plant Man, Metal Man was finishing up his work, Bubble Man didn't really find them fighting funny, and Air Man was still on the floor. Once the laughter died down, Flash stood up, taking Quick with him. "Welp, what's say you and I head back to my room and get a bit more personal?" Flash moved his hand from Quick's waist to his ass, giving it a light squeeze. Quick followed up by playfully smacking his hand away. "Watch it, Flash! Heehee!" Flash was quick (no pun intended) to respond with something snappy, saying "Don't you like to go quick?" (pun intended)

After their departure, Metal soon followed suit since he finally finished his work. Would you believe me if I told you that his work was actually just everybody else's work that they didn't want to do? Crash and Heat were next, then Bubble, and finally Wood.

Air Man was still on the floor. They left him there.

He got up way later and left.

Chapter Text

Wily's first ring of Robot Masters had been defeated. Tengu Man's cocky attitude got him blasted, Clown Man's arrogance got him all tied up, Grenade Man's impulsiveness got him tased, and Frost Man's stupidity got him blown up. It was up to Aqua Man, Sword Man, Search Man, and Astro Man. Well, minus Aqua Man and Sword Man. The Blue Bomber had managed to take them out already. Next up to defend Wily and defeat Mega Man was Search Man.

Search Man had been deployed in the jungles deep within the Congo, waiting for Mega Man's arrival. He had requested some form of backup, to which Wily adamantly refused. That was until Wood Man approached Search Man and offered to tag along with him. After all, Wood Man was willing to do anything to get back at Mega Man after being defeated by him during the events of Mega Man 2. This meant a lot to the two-headed soldier, who couldn't help but thank him profusely. Maybe it was his thoughts bouncing between his two heads at such a rapid pace that was confusing him this bad, but Wood Man didn't mind. He found it adorable in a way. The duo parted ways, with Wood Man setting up camp in the halfway point of the jungle outpost and Search Man setting up at the tail end of the grueling jungle path. Search Man set up booby traps along the way, but most of them were just standard nets and spike pits. To make sure Mega Man had no chance of escape this time, he had gathered enough of the foliage in his surrounding area to camouflage himself in the bushes and give him a perfect line of sight with the boss gate. Once the Blue Bomber walked through, Search Man was gonna blow him to bits with his Homing Sniper. Mega Man had no chance of survival! Search Man eventually received a transmission from Wood Man, alerting him of Mega Man's march towards the halfway point. "He's on his way, Search. I'll ping you once I've thrashed him. Got it?" Search Man immediately responded, but due to his wonky programming (Thanks, Wily.), he gave two answers: a "Yes, sir!" and an "OK!" With that, Search Man continued to wait.

He waited, and waited, and waited. No response. What could have possibly happened to Wood Man? Maybe he was still in battle. There's no way he could lose a second time to that blue dweeb! Besides, he had everything he needed to take out Mega Man. Wood Man should be doing just fine. Out of nowhere, Search Man received another transmission from Wood Man. However, any hope he had left for his comrade came crashing down once he heard Wood Man's voice. He sounded godawful. "Search... You there...?" Wood Man spoke. His voice was hoarse and he couldn't stop coughing. Things had gone wrong Horribly wrong. "He got me... He got me good." All Search Man could hope for now was Wood Man being able to recover. "I don't think I'll make it long, but... thanks for letting me tag along, pal." Hearing those final words from Wood Man completely changed his mind. The transmission cut out shortly thereafter. "Wood Man? Wood Man?!" Panic ensued. "Oh God—Oh no! This is bad—Retreat!" Search Man jumped out from his camouflage and began running around in circles, tiring himself out.

All of this panicking eventually made the dim-witted robot queasy. The stress was too much, and all that frantic moving and shaking left his energy depleted. Search Man felt like he was going to pass out. He tried to keep his balance, but it was all in vain. Unable to stay conscious, he hit the floor with a loud thud, his vision blurring as his eyes shut on him.

...

...

...

Time passed, and it felt like hours. Days, even. But eventually, Search Man began to stir.

Search Man woke up in a strange town. It was still in Africa for sure, so maybe he was just dreaming. Something about the land was off, however. The architecture... the atmosphere... the denizens! This wasn't the Congo! This was Egypt! All Search Man could ask himself was, "How the hell did I end up in Egypt?!" He had no time to question how he somehow vanished from his post in the Congo and ended up in Egypt, though. He had to figure out how to get back. Search Man sat up, examining his surroundings just a bit more before standing up and dusting himself off.

"C'mon, where's that next page in yer book?! Ain't yer Stand s'posed to do somethin' now considerin' th'fact that we already fulfilled one of its prophecies?!"

Where the hell did that come from?

"W-W-Well, yes! That's correct... yes! H-Have faith in my Divine Tohth, because its predictions are 100% absolute, yes!"

That voice was different... It sounded like a child!

"I can't wait forever, Boingo! When's that stupid book gonna tell us what t'do?!"

Looking into the distance, he saw a strange duo. A cowboy, and... a child? He made the decision to continue listening in on their conversation, and...

"I don't know, Hol Horse, sir! I-I don't control fate!" The cowboy, furious with the kid, snatched the comic book out of his hands. "Gimme that! How do I get this thing t'spill the beans?" The child tried to explain, but he couldn't even find the words. "Hol Horse, sir, I don't—" Not like he would be able to find them, since the cowboy interrupted him, staring at the book in awe. "Wait, wait! Boingo... your Stand! There's a new page formin'! L-Lookit this!"

...what the hell were those two even talking about?

All Search Man could understand from the panicking cowboy and the startled child was something about a weird comic book and its ability to tell the future 100% accurately. Now what could be in store for those two? What would be in that book? Search Man decided to listen in some more, hoping he'd get some insight. He was already having a hard time process everything as is, so hopefully this would clear it up. "...Th'hell's this, Boingo?! Yer book's sayin' a robot is gonna show up 'n' fight us?! Lord DIO's gonna have us killed if he finds out we can't even beat a measly hunk o' junk!" Hol Horse immediately summoned Emperor into his hand, looking in every direction to find where that damned Search Man was. "H-Hol Horse, sir! My Divine Tohth... more pages have appeared! T-T-The robot's going to try and a-approach to use some sort of explosive from that arm c-cannon it has! But, if you shoot your Emperor down that pipe when the clock strikes noon..." Boingo showed Hol Horse his Stand, the picture in the book depicting Search Man's face riddled with holes. "Ta-da!! The robot will be eliminated, a-a-and we can return to our main goal!" Hol Horse shrugged off his statement at first, continuing his search for the robot in question. "We'll get there once I find that god damn robot! Once I do, I'll shoot 'em 'til he's got more holes than the fanciest slice of Swiss cheese!"

"But... But Hol Horse, s-sir! Check the time! If you don't do this, we... The Joestar group might find us!" Hol Horse stopped, recalling Emperor and staring at Boingo for a moment. "Y'think m'bullets 'r' gonna pierce metal?!" Right after he finished speaking, however, something told him to look at the time. Maybe this was fate, but whatever it was, it wasn't something he could ignore! Hol Horse glanced at his wristwatch, and then at Boingo again... and that's when the realization hit.

"Shit! I gotta get to th'pipe! It's gonna hit noon!"

Search Man realized the danger he was in. "Hey—Wait! Listen to me—OK?" He tried to call out to the cowboy, but he flat out ignored him. "God, I hope this works!" Hol Horse kicked the pipe open, fanning Emperor's bullets into the maze. Coming to the conclusion that settling this peacefully was off the table, Search Man decided the best option was to face the bizarre fellow head-on. Hol Horse looked behind him in fear, watching as the tall, two-headed soldier suddenly barreled towards him, readying his Homing Sniper so he could blow him to bits. The cowboy shivered, sweat pouring down the man like a cold drink on a hot summer day as his eyes flicked between the pipe, Boingo, and Search Man. He was getting closer and closer, and all Hol Horse could do was shut his eyes in terror as Search Man aimed his arm cannon. Right as the robot fired, though, something shut down in his system, locking down his weapon and preventing him from firing his Homing Sniper. Confused, he decided to try his other attack, Deadly Storm. When that also locked down, he finally remembered something very important about himself. He's a robot. Thus, he's unable to harm humans in any way, shape, or form. Search Man, disappointed, sighed and sat down. Little did he know that that single movement saved his life.

The bullets suddenly appeared from a nearby pipe opening, soaring through the air and completely missed Search Man. Hol Horse and Boingo stared in shock as Emperor's bullets went flying right past the robot's two heads. There's no way Hol Horse had missed. The prediction was 100% absolute! How could this have happened? Boingo shrieked, throwing Tohth into the air and right in front of Hol Horse. Search Man's eyes shot wide open as he heard the terrified child's scream. Looking up, he watched as the comic book suddenly got torn into, with three bullet holes forming in it. The bullets from Emperor had hit the exact spots where Search Man would've been shot in the book, tearing through the paper and shooting Hol Horse square in the face. Luckily for the cowboy, however, he had recalled his Stand right before the bullets did any major damage... Boingo looked on in shock, slowly turning to the clock tower. Hol's watch was off by exactly two minutes...

Hol Horse was unconscious, Boingo was scared, and Search Man was utterly confused. He approached the terrified child, crouching down to talk to him. "Are you OK—Kid?" Boingo shook violently, crawling away and hiding in the box he had been cowering under during this whole mission. "It's OK. Don't be afraid—OK?" Boingo got out of his box and kicked it at Search Man before running off.

Search Man couldn't even believe any of this was happening.

Search Man now needed to figure out how to get out of Egypt. His outpost was in the Congo after all, and he needed to see if Wood Man had actually lived. If Wily figured out Wood Man tagged along and got scrapped by Mega Man yet again, he would flip his lid and trash both him and Wood Man. Search Man couldn't let that happen to his comrade! Search Man ran off, passing by a strange group of four individuals that had just gotten hit by a truck as well as a random dog that nearly tripped him as he ran past. Once again, he grew nauseous, unable to stand straight. He hit the floor once more with a loud thud, and when he woke up...

...Mega Man had his buster pointed right at his two heads. Did he imagine all of that Egypt stuff? Why would Mega Man already be here? Search Man tried to think, but all that did was overwhelm him and render him unable to fight. "OK!—I surrender!" Search Man pleaded, hoping Mega Man would show him mercy. Mega Man, being Mega Man, did just that. He didn't blast his two heads into pieces upon pieces of scrap metal. Instead, he simply took Search Man's weapon and teleported out of the outpost. His next stop would be Astro Man's stage.

Search Man sat there in utter bewilderment.

Wily was indeed pissed off at both him and Wood Man.

Wily also lost to Mega Man at the end of the day.