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Chapter Text

During Severus’s school days, he had not cared about his own popularity, not one bit. After all, it was the “popular people” who bullied him, relentlessly - why would he want to join their ranks? Purebloods, they all were, as well as Gryffindors: James Potter, Sirius Black…not to mention the bullying that came from inside his own house, from those “popular” characters.…Malfoy, Rosier, again the Blacks... Even when he joined the Slug Club, he had been reluctant to do so, for many reasons…Even though Lily had encouraged him.

“It’s not just some dumb capitalist networking thing, you know. It’s…an opportunity! Think of it that way.” That’s what she had said, word for word. He remembered the way she elbowed him, the gesture full of friendliness. She had unknowingly elbowed the ribs his father had kicked in that summer, but he did not react.

Severus shook his head.

That’s how he had to think about his current situation. An opportunity.

Severus took a swig of the drink he had ordered - plain Firewhiskey with a singular cube of ice in it - before he turned away from the corner he had sequestered himself in. His eyes immediately honed in on the group he had spotted earlier (and hid from).

Lucius was gorgeous as always, his white-blond hair and alabaster skin making him glow in the dimly-lit bar, as he chattered away. His girlfriend - fiance - wife? In any case, she stood beside him, glowing just as bright, as she listened to him ramble. Bellatrix seemed distracted, eyeing Lestrange from across the room. Then, there was Regulus, staring straight at him. (What was it about those Black boys, with their silver eyes, that always made Severus shiver)?

Severus hesitated. He could leave still, dignity intact. Or he could try to…network. The word filled him with disgust, so much so that he turned on his heel, planning on heading straight for the door of the pub he had found himself in, hating himself for even having considered the possibility. Then, Regulus’s voice rang out:

“Sev! Girrrrrl, come here,” Regulus called out with fake flamboyancy, knowing that both his tone and his choice of words would not make Severus too happy.

Severus’s nose twitched slightly, but he did not say a word. He simply followed Regulus’s request, albeit reluctantly, shuffling over to their table and taking a seat. After all, he had learned…

He had learned it was better to go along with the flow of everything his fellow Slytherins asked of him. After all, they could get…violent (physically, mentally), at simple rejection. Or even a semblance of a rejection.

And Regulus was drunk - like brother, like brother. Severus hated drunk people. In spite of this, though, he allowed Regulus to wrap an arm around his neck, dragging him in close. “The Half Blood Prodigy,” he drawled, voice somehow both praising and mocking.

Maybe a little jealous.

Lucius made a face. Narcissa seemed to find anything but them interesting. Bellatrix simply made a face, before practically screeching, “Boo, you fags!”

Severus tried to pull away, but Regulus was too strong, his grip around Severus’s neck tight. And he was laughing, a laugh just like his brother’s…Severus couldn’t breathe.

Severus pushed Regulus away violently, abruptly, the playfulness immediately leaving the atmosphere. Severus’s chest heaved, as he gasped in air, watery black eyes glaring into indifferent silver eyes.

Regulus’s eyebrows furrowed, before he rolled his eyes. “Tch. So dramatic.”

“We should go,” Narcissa suddenly spoke up. She was eying Severus with disdain, like he was the dirt under her fingernails.

“Tell me about it. The vibes of this place are all off. I feel sick.” Lucius stated, before his voice turned accusatory. “Wonder why that is?” Icy blue eyes met black eyes briefly.

Severus felt sick himself, but merely raised an eyebrow. “Try chewing on some Thai basil. It may be able to fix your repugnant breath and personality.”

Before Lucius could respond, Narcissa dragged him out of the bar. Regulus cast one more glance back at Severus, before shrugging and walking out.

Severus himself sighed, finding himself slinking over to the bar, taking a seat. He stared into his glass, the burgeoning feeling of regret for how the conversation went ringing in his ears. After all, they were some of the most powerful people in the Wizarding World at that moment, and he…fucked things up.

Like he always did.

“Wankers, aren’t they?” a deep voice suddenly spoke up behind Severus, sounding amused.

Severus snorted in spite of his dark mood, taking a sip of his Firewhiskey, before responding to this new man. “You could say that. I suppose they have earned the right to be, though. They’re some of the most powerful wizards in the world right now, if you didn’t know.”

“Is that so?” the voice inquired.

Severus hummed, finally turning to face the man who had been speaking to him. Immediately, he felt his mouth go dry, the words he was going to speak dying on his lips.

The man’s face was a handsome one, looking as though it had been sculpted out of marble. Dark hair shot out of his head, a singular streak of grey adding a bit of character. There were faint lines around the man’s eyes, caused by his sharp-toothed smile. The eyes…that was what gave it away. They were a deep red color, almost burgundy, like the last embers of a dying fire.

“Tom Riddle,” The man held out a hand to Severus, who did not hesitate for a moment to shake it, his dark eyes wide. “Though you seem to know that already,” he continued, with a singular chuckle.

Severus swallowed hard. “S…Severus Snape.” He could have kicked himself, for stuttering like that. To distract the man from his embarrassment, he said, “I thought you went by a different name now…”

“Mmm. Indeed,” Tom said. “However, not just anyone gets to call me that name. The right to call me my true name, like many things in life, must be…earned.”

“Of course, I…wasn’t trying to insult,” Severus said quickly.

Tom smiled again, it reaching his eyes. “And I was not insulted.” He gestured to the seat beside Severus at the bar. “May I?”

Severus nodded, gesturing to the stool.

Tom sat down. Without a word or gesture from him, a Bloody Mary with all the fixings was placed before him, along with a shot. A shot was also placed before Severus. He couldn’t help but to raise an eyebrow. “You must be a regular here.”

“We have an agreement,” he said, short and to the point. Taking a sip of his drink, he added, “As well, this is the only place in the Magical World that can make a proper Bloody Mary. None of that pre-mixed shite.”

Severus glanced down at the shots in front of them. There were gold flakes swirling in them, almost like glitter. “I’m not too familiar with Muggle mixed drinks. My…experience mainly lies with cheap beer and whiskey.”

“Unfortunate.” Abruptly, he picked up the shot, Severus following suit. He lightly tapped their glasses together “To new experiences~”

Severus hummed in agreement, hesitating only a moment before taking the mysterious shot. It tasted like spicy honey, with a hint of cinnamon. Smooth.

Severus felt eyes staring at him, intensely. “You just took a shot of something you had no clue what it was. Fascinating.”

Severus found his face heating up, whether that was from the alcohol or embarrassment, he was unsure. Suddenly, he felt a soft, coolness against his cheek. He realized dazedly that it was Tom’s hand caressing his cheek, but after a moment the sensation was gone, and Tom was merely sitting beside him, gazing at him in curiosity. There was something else in his gaze, something almost like hunger, but that couldn’t be right.

“You shouldn’t take offense to my fascination,” Tom said, voice soft, almost gentle. “In fact you should be quite enthralled. It takes a lot for one to surprise me, Severus.”

A lovely chill trickled its way down Severus’s spine at those words, at Tom saying his name like that. “Thank you,” he found himself saying.

Tom picked an olive from his Bloody Mary. “So. Tell me about Snape.”

Severus blinked at the abrupt subject change, as well as the confusing question. “What?”

“Your surname. It’s Muggle, surely. It’s certainly not the name of any Pureblood family I am familiar with.” He paused, rubbing his chin contemplatively for a moment, looking almost confused. “Yet. Yet, yet, yet…I am familiar with the name Snape all the same.”

Severus felt his blood run cold. He looked away from Tom, looked anywhere but at Tom, as he fiddled with a hole in his robes. He, of course, knew why Tom might be familiar with his last name. He hoped not, but…

“Right…That’s right…” Tom said slowly, as the realization dawned on him. Severus closed his eyes tight. “Your father, a filthy Muggle, killed the heir to the Prince family, Eileen Prince. Your mother…”

Severus gave a single nod to affirm what Tom said was true.

“If I remember correctly, you were only sixteen. Oh, how those newspapers dissected every aspect of your life, plastering your private matters all across their front pages. A nightmare, truly, for any Slytherin.” Tom said this all matter-of-factly, no hint of pity in his voice, for which Severus was grateful. It was embarrassing enough reliving that horrible year of his life, he did not need the most powerful man in the Wizarding World’s pity right now.

“My achievements will always be overshadowed by that moment in time,” Severus said, bitterness seeping into his voice. “I’ll always be the son of a murderer, the son of a victim.”

“True,” Tom said. “The last part anyway. The first part…that is yet to be seen.”

Severus finally turned to look at Tom again. This time, however, there was suspicion in his eyes. “Do not take this the wrong way, but why are you talking to me?”

Tom gave another one of those singular laughs, actually throwing his head back momentarily. Then he grinned at Severus with those sharp, sharp teeth, “Fascinating Severus, you are just fascinating! I want to pry your skull open and climb inside!” Severus jolted slightly. Tom gave another laugh, patting Severus’s shoulder. “You need another shot.”

Not even a second passed before another shot was placed before Severus. He looked at Tom who was gazing at him almost tenderly. Something about that look made Severus immediately want to please the powerful man before him, by any means necessary. He took the shot.

Tom gazed at him for a moment, before turning back to his drink. “I see a lot of potential in you, Severus,” he said, sounding almost amused. When Severus gave him a confused look, unsure what he had done to impress the powerful wizard, Tom merely laughed. “I know more about you than you could possibly know - not just your tragic past. We’ll leave it at that for now, shall we?”

Tom reached into his robes, removing a bag of coins, a few of which he allowed to clatter to the bartop. He also removed a business card, sliding it in front of Severus. Severus picked up the card, turning it to and fro, but the only words on it were ‘Tom Marvolo Riddle’.

“It’s charmed. When, someday in the future, you might feel the urge to…demonstrate to me your talents, simply tap your wand to the card, and my location will be revealed,” Tom explained. He then got up from his seat, stretching.

Severus stared down at the business card, his hands fiddling with each other under the bar. His talents? Did Tom mean potion making? Or could he possibly somehow know about how Severus had been delving deeper and deeper into the Dark Arts, even creating his own spells? Or perhaps Tom was referring to the power of Occlumency Severus had been teaching himself these last few years? Regardless, it made Severus curious about one thing: “How do you know so much about me? I’m not exactly anyone important.”

Tom tilted his head, looking surprised at Severus’s words. He took a step forward, towering over Severus where he still sat at the bar, causing the smaller man to repress a flinch. However, rather than striking Severus for his insolence, Tom reached out a hand and once again caressed Severus’s cheek, only this time his hand lingered, cool against Severus’s alcohol-flushed skin. “Oh Severus, that is where you are very, very wrong. You are very important.” And then the moment passed, Tom was turning away from him, heading to the door. Before he left, though, he turned back once more to shoot a smile Severus’s way. “All in due time, my snake~”

And then he left, and was gone. Severus still felt his fingertips pressed against his cheek.

Chapter Text

Severus barely remembered stumbling out of the bar into Knockturn Alley, barely remembered the short walk around the corner to the run-down apartment he was currently living in. Perhaps it was due to the alcohol - after all, not only had he had a glass of Firewhiskey, but also two shots of another mysterious drink. When he drank, on the rare occasion that he did, he would usually only have one alcoholic beverage, so this was certainly more than he was used to.

Or…perhaps he was simply zoned out, distracted from his encounter with Tom Riddle.

He couldn’t believe his luck, truly, to have encountered the man. After all, Tom Riddle was not exactly…an easy person to locate at the moment, given the fact that he was a wanted man. Wanted for what exactly, Severus was unsure, something to do with dark arts, politics… It did not really matter to him. He was aware of at least one thing about Tom, however: He was one of the most powerful wizards in the world at the moment, and Severus was desperate for even just a taste of that power.

And now, that taste was within his grasp.

Severus sunk down into a lumpy patchwork chair in his apartment, flicking his wand to light the fireplace. Immediately, he pulled the business card from his pocket, staring at the holographic letters spelling out the other man’s name.

Fascinating. That’s what Tom had called him. Not just one time, either.

He was unused to compliments. In fact, he could probably count each individual compliment he had ever received in his life on one hand.

Lily had once complimented his greasy hair, saying she didn’t mind it because she liked how it “glittered like the night sky.”

Professor Slughorn had complimented his potion-making skills, at least twice. If Severus would have “played the game” by sucking up to the man like Lucius and others had done, maybe he would have been complimented more. Hindsight, he supposed.

Professor Dumbledore had once complimented his “storytelling abilities.” Of course, it had not truly been a compliment, moreso a statement on the fact that he believed the Slytherin to be lying at that moment about something…Out of pettiness, Severus still counted it though.

Then there was the most confusing compliment of all, coming straight from the mouth of one Sirius Black. The words were not spoken directly to Severus, of course not, never, but he heard them all the same. Feigning unconsciousness after having been hexed by the Marauders, he heard them walking away.

“You know, Snivellus’s eyes always make me feel kinda bad when we’re…playing with him,” Sirius said suddenly.

“His eyes?” James had asked, sounding genuinely confused.

“I dunno. They’re just…kinda…pretty eyes. I guess. In a pathetic kind of way,” Sirius responded. He almost sounded confused himself.

There was a beat of silence, before James spoke, “What the fuck are you talking about, Padfoot?”

An uneasy laugh from Sirius. “Uh, yeah…let’s pretend I never said anything.”

“Agreed,” said the voices of the other Marauders.

Severus had laid there on the ground until they were gone, then he rolled over onto his back, eyes wide, face flushed. ‘Pretty eyes.’ The words shouldn’t have meant as much to him as they did, and yet…

He shook the memory away, coming back to the present. He locked ‘pretty eyes’ away in a box in his mind, deep in his mind. ‘Fascinating’ though…

He rotated the word around in his brain, remembering exactly the way Tom had said it. He drank in the feelings it elicited deep from within him, closing his eyes and taking several deep breaths. The word was like a balm to his wounds - it eclipsed words like “waste of space” and “greasy git” and “worthless halfblood”, hiding them in darkness.

Severus was unsure when his hand had found its way between his legs, softly and steadily rubbing himself through his pants. He hesitated only briefly before undoing the buttons on his pants, allowing room for his hand to slip inside his underwear. He let out a shuddering sigh as his fingers slipped between his pussy lips, feeling the dampness there.

‘What am I doing?’ he found himself wondering dazedly to himself, toes curling as he touched himself in just the right way. Unbidden, a soft whine left his lips, surprising himself.

Distantly, he wondered if Tom would find this side of him fascinating as well.

The thought of Tom, his marble-esque features, the shock of grey in his dark hair, those red eyes…Severus’s legs trembled as he fucked himself with his fingers, speed increasing as he neared his climax. All of a sudden, he was arching his back, voice cracking as he let out an exclamation.

He rode his fingers until he had finished cumming, panting heavily as he collapsed back against the chair once more. He sat there, twitching slightly, for several minutes, his mind completely blank. Numb. Then, slowly, his eyes began to drift shut. Before he fell asleep, however, he thought to himself, ‘What the fuck was that?’

He slept well that night, relatively speaking. Severus was a chronic insomniac, always had been. That night, however, he managed to sleep from midnight to 6 a.m., when he was awoken by the worst hangover he had ever had in his life. Groaning pathetically, he dragged himself to his feet, shuffling over to the kitchenette, where he proceeded to stick his head directly under the tap, gulping down desperate mouthfuls of water. Once he was rehydrated, he began fumbling through the cabinets for a hangover cure, a pain relief potion, anything that would stop the pounding of his head.

He eventually found what he was looking for, gulping down the bitter purple potion. Almost instantly, he felt some of the tension leave his neck, and he began to think a little more clearly.

‘What happened last night?’ he thought to himself, truly baffled as to how he could have gotten so wasted. He only ever had one drink…

As if on queue, the memories of the previous night began trickling in. The disastrous meetup with his fellow Slytherins, meeting Tom Riddle, what he had done after…

Oh Merlin.

Severus covered his now-bright-red face with his hands, shaking his head. Feelings of shame, embarrassment, filled him to the brim. He felt like a potion bottle about to burst.

Had he truly touched himself, all because a perfect stranger had called him ‘fascinating’?

Severus had never been one for self pleasure. After all, he had a great deal of gender dysphoria, particularly around his genitals - touching himself had always served as a painful reminder as to the fact his body did not match his gender.

There was also the fact that Severus considered himself to be asexual, or at least somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Sexual desires came to him so fleetingly, so rarely, Severus could only think of a couple times it had happened.

And yet here he was, having sexual thoughts about a man he had just met. The Dark Lord, no less. Tom Marvolo Riddle.

Severus suddenly remembered the business card, finding it discarded on the floor beside his easy chair. He picked it up and held it in both hands, like it were a small helpless bird. Then he sighed, carefully setting it down once more, this time on top of the stack of books beside his chair.

He needed to prepare himself, before he saw Tom again. Prepare, both mentally, physically. After all, he was unsure what exactly Tom expected out of him, what ‘potential’ he saw in him. Potions, Dark Arts, Occlumency…Tom could be looking to test out any number of Severus’s special skills, to see what he had to offer.

As for preparing physically…Severus looked down at his clothing, the same clothing he had worn to the bar the previous night. If only he had known who he would be running into, he would not have worn such ragged pants and robes…not that he exactly owned anything that wasn’t ragged or worn threadbare or patchworked up. Even his graduation robes, while made of a fine velvet, were secondhand and fraying at the edges. He supposed those would have to do, though. As for the rest of his appearance…

Severus found himself standing before the bathroom mirror, sneering at his reflection. He supposed a good hair-washing and tooth-scrubbing would help somewhat, but there was no helping the grey tinge to his skin, the crookedness of his nose, the sharpness of his features.

‘But Sirius Black thinks my eyes are pretty, so there’s that,’ he thought to himself sarcastically.

Chapter Text

It took until around mid-morning for Severus to finish getting ready. He started off with the most arduous of tasks: Showering. Severus hated showers, avoiding them like the plague. It wasn’t that he necessarily enjoyed being dirty or his hair being greasy…but they were incredibly overstimulating to him. As a child, he had taken baths in a metal basin, and it was not until he reached Hogwarts that he had ever even had a shower. He could not explain why showers were so overstimulating to him, simply that they were.

‘Yet another thing that makes me a freak, I suppose,’ he thought to himself dully, as he finished up.

At least now his hair was a little less oily.

It took a lot of searching through drawers, but he managed to find a dress shirt and pants that lacked any holes or stains, as well as a pair of boots that was relatively unscuffed. His socks were quite worn and hole-filled, but he supposed that did not matter. Then, he was able to locate his graduation robes. They were made of a dark green velvet material with black lace trim, cut in a women’s style, but that fact did not bother him too greatly. He sighed, though.

They had been his mother’s graduation robes before his. After her…untimely death in his sixth year and the subsequent arrest of his father, he found a small hideaway under the stairs that had previously been hidden by furniture. There were no less than six locks on the tiny door - nothing a quick series of Alohomoras could not solve.

No sooner had he opened the door, had he discovered a treasure trove of his mother’s belongings, from her life before Tobias. Textbooks, journals, photographs, all with her writing on them. Half-empty jars of long-expired potions ingredients. A personalized cauldron. Her Divination cards. Her broken wand. And of course, the graduation robes.

Severus was unsure whether it was his mother that had locked away these belongings for safe-keeping, or whether it was his father that had locked away anything and everything magical to hurt his mother and Severus. Regardless, he could not help but to be grateful to have these small pieces of his mother’s life. Small pieces that showed she was more than just a victim.

Severus pulled on the robes, running his hands down the front of them contemplatively. The last time he had worn them had been on the day he graduated from Hogwarts, a few months back. He remembered feeling slightly self conscious, being in hand-me-downs rather than new fancy robes like everyone else. However, no one really said anything about them…

Until Sirius Black, that is. Always, Sirius Black.

After the ceremony, Severus had been lounging in his favorite spot by the lake, when a voice interrupted his peace. “Oi Snape.”

Severus had closed his eyes momentarily, muttering a soft curse under his breath. Then he opened his eyes once more, looking out across the lake. “Not in the mood, Black.”

A shadow fell over him as Sirius stood over him silently. Severus sighed, before giving in, looking up. “Yes?” he drawled.

“You’d think for a tranny, you’d try to dress less like a girl,” Sirius retorted immediately with a large grin, clearly hoping the slur would get a rise out of Severus.

Severus was quite used to such taunts, however, especially since the incident that outted him during their fifth year. The incident Sirius and his friends had caused.

Rather than a clever retort, one that would surely result in flying hexes, Severus merely turned back to the lake, softly stating, “My mother’s robes.”

Sirius blanched. Memories of what had happened their sixth year came back to him. All the newspaper headlines, discussing the murder of Eileen Snape…He fumbled several moments for a response, taking a couple steps back from Severus. “Yeah well…”

“One of the few things of hers my father did not destroy. So excuse me for wearing these ‘shabby robes’ on such an important occasion.” Severus took a deep, calming breath.

His words seemed to have deeply effected Sirius though, as he stood there shifting from foot to foot.

“...They suit you,” Sirius eventually spoke, his eyes refusing to meet Severus’s. Then came the sounds of crunching grass, as Sirius retreated.

Severus shook his head, clearing it of those memories. It had always been fascinating to him, though, what was on and off limits for the Marauder’s jokes. The death of his mother had always been a taboo subject, one the Marauders avoided at all costs. The obvious abuse Severus had suffered at the hands of his father, was also an untouchable subject. Things like his appearance, though, or his being transgender…fair game.

The business card was where he last left it, on a stack of books beside his easy chair. Would it be too soon for him to request to be in Tom’s presence? He truly was not sure.

Regardless of his mental hesitation, he found himself lifting his wand to the card, tapping it as he was told to do.

He jolted as the letters began glowing and lifted themselves off the card, swiftly rearranging themselves to spell out “Lord Voldemort”. Then, as quickly as the letters had begun to glow, they faded away completely, leaving a blank card.

Severus’s eyebrows furrowed. He turned the card to the other side, but it was just as blank.

He waited several minutes. Yet nothing appeared. The familiar feeling of disappointment began to fill Severus, and yet, he continued to stare at the little card. Hoping, hoping.

Suddenly, the card sparked, much like that of a match being struck. Then, there were words, seemingly being carved out of light itself. Severus watched the light as it traced words onto the card, eventually fading away into a dull glow once it was done.

‘Eager. I like that.’ were the words that remained, once the light faded away. Severus barely had time to acknowledge those words, before new glowing words took their place.

‘Malfoy Manor. Meet me there.’

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, a brief curse leaving his lips. Of course it was just his luck that this potentially life-altering meeting would be taking place in the home of Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius and himself had a rather…contentious relationship. Things between them were not as bad as between Severus and the Marauders, true enough - they were in the same house after all. However, Lucius was a few years older and a filthy rich Pureblood, and Severus was a poverty-stricken Halfblood. They were simply too different to mesh well at all. The only times they ever got along was when Lucius would pay Severus to do his homework for him.

And now he was going over to his house, in order to impress Tom Riddle. How strange life could be.

Severus pointed his wand at the business card once more, softly uttering, “Portus.” The newly created, unauthorized portkey now in his hand, he hesitated. Then, slowly, he pressed a thin finger to the words, ‘Malfoy Manor,” before being whisked away.

He landed rather unsteadily on the walkway up to the Manor, but managed to right himself before he fell in the dirt. He smoothed down the front of his robes, taking a deep, fortifying breath, before approaching the stately grey building. He had never been here before, but he had seen pictures of the building in the newspapers before.

Already, his nerves felt rather frayed, but he did not hesitate too long before lifting the door knocker and allowing it to slam home. A few moments passed agonizingly slowly, but then the door opened a crack, revealing a small, wide-eyed House Elf. They gazed up at Severus warily, expectantly, not saying a word.

“Um…hello,” Severus said, before fumbling for the right words. “I’m…Severus Snape. I am expected. Is um…Mr. Tom Riddle there?”

The House Elf nodded, large ears bouncing as they moved. They made a gesture, before opening the door wider for Severus. They gestured again, this time to follow after them as they moved further into the house. Severus took one last deep breath, before entering.

Somehow, the Manor looked exactly how he expected it might have looked: Floor to ceiling white marble, gold trim and accents, elegant emerald curtains covering oversized windows…there were not very many personal touches or knick knacks anywhere, giving the place a very cold quality, though it was beautiful all the same.

Severus was unable to observe the entrance hall for very long though, as the House Elf began tugging on the bottom of his robes insistently. “What?” he asked them. When they merely pointed to his feet, his eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

The House Elf then pointed to an ornate golden shoe rack placed in the entryway. There were several pairs of shoes on it already. Severus cringed. “Must I…?”

The House Elf huffed slightly, before pointing to the glistening white marble floors. Severus got the hint, bending over to undo his boots, stepping out of them. He cringed again, reminded of the poor state of his socks. He supposed there was nothing to be done about it now, though. Now that his shoes had been removed, the House Elf motioned for Severus to follow them.

Chapter Text

Severus followed the House Elf down a long, seemingly unending corridor, occasionally pausing to gaze upon the moving paintings that were strung up on the walls. Most of the paintings’ inhabitants had white-blond hair, piercing eyes - members of the Malfoy family, no doubt. He found himself pausing at one portrait in particular though, raising an eyebrow. The painting was of a rather chubby baby Lucius, wearing what looked similar to a Muggle Christening gown. If Severus did not feel so tense, so nervous about his upcoming meeting with Tom, he might have laughed. But he didn’t, merely moving on from the portrait when the House Elf cleared their throat.

They were soon coming to a stop in front of a set of elaborate doors. He could hear indistinct voices coming from the other side. The House Elf seemed to hesitate though, wringing their hands. Severus glanced down at them. “Is…something wrong?” he asked quietly.

Big, watery blue eyes met cautious black ones. After a moment though, the House Elf looked away, shaking their head. They stood up on their tiptoes, knocking on the door.

The conversation on the other side of the door stalled momentarily, before the noise picked up again. Severus shifted from foot to foot, before forcing himself to still, to be patient.

Heavy steps approached the door, before it opened to reveal a blond, bearded man who was a good head and a half taller than Severus. Icy blue eyes ignored Severus completely, instead staring down at the trembling House Elf. Then he spoke, voice coming out deep, yet level. “Mitsy. I thought I told you that there would be no interruptions.”

The House Elf shrunk in on themselves, before abruptly pointing an accusatory finger up at Severus. Cold eyes turned from the House Elf to the young man, as though just noticing him for the first time. “Right. And you are?”

“Severus Snape,” Severus said, holding out his hand politely.

The man did not take it, looking down at the offered appendage with apparent disgust. “Right. The reason you are in my home is…”

Severus slowly lowered his hand, the small bit of confidence he possessed slowly beginning to fade. “I…um…I am supposed to be having a meeting with Tom Riddle. Is he…here…?”

Had this all been some sort of elaborate set up? A set up for what, by who, Severus was unsure…but it made sense, didn’t it? After all, what in Merlin’s name could Tom Riddle possibly see in Severus, to even give him a chance? Severus, a dirt-poor, ugly halfblood, who had spent his entire life being abused and bullied. There was nothing ‘fascinating’ about him. Severus dug his nails into the palms of his hands to keep himself from spiraling further. As he did so, he realized the man was speaking again.

“-esn’t tell us anything. Not that he has to, but a little warning would be nice.” The man crossed his arms, gazing down at Severus appraisingly in silence for several moments.

“...I’m sorry?” Severus questioned.

The man tilted his head. “Right. Abraxas Malfoy. Lord of this Manor, Second in Command to the Dark Lord.”

Severus could have guessed. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

The man grunted irritably. “Lord Malfoy, halfblood.” And with that, he turned on his heel, heading back into the room. Severus hesitated a moment, before following after him.

The room did not look dissimilar to the rest of the Manor, a large marble fireplace adorning one wall, a set of gold-trimmed windows covering the opposite. What was unique, however, was the long table that stretched down the center of the room, two chandeliers dangling above it. Severus froze up slightly, realizing the table was nearly half-full of people, all of which had turned to look at him, very few of whom he recognized. It appeared as though most of the people present were around Abraxas’s age, with perhaps a handful of people around his own age.

“Abraxas,” a scratchy, deep female voice inquired, “Who is this young man?”

Severus forced himself to remain still, head held high, as Abraxas looked him over with a frown. After several moments passed, Abraxas spoke, seeming to choose his words very carefully. “A halfblood. Eileen Prince’s son.” It took everything in Severus not to look at Abraxas in utter shock at his words, not having realized the man knew who his mother was. Though he supposed it would make sense for the two to know each other - they had been around the same age, after all.

“Eileen Prince?!” someone from the group gasped. This exclamation was followed by a wave of whispers that threatened to knock Severus to the floor.

“I remember her from school! She had a real knack for Divination.”

“Potions as well.”

“She would have been an excellent asset to the Dark Lord.”

“Didn’t she marry a Muggle and move to Cokeworth?”

“Didn’t that Muggle murder her in cold blood?”

“I think you’re right.”

“Pushed her down a set of stairs, I heard.”

“Poor boy, to lose one’s mother so young…”

‘What a nightmare…’ Severus thought wearily, starting to feel the beginnings of regret for coming to this place.

Regulus suddenly stood from the table and stepped forward, a large ridiculous smile plastered on his face. “His name is Severus, he was a grade above me at Hogwarts! Brilliant at potions, even more brilliant with hexes!”

A dozen sets of eyes gazed upon him appraisingly at Regulus’s words. Though the whispers continued, their chatter seemed to change from the subject of his mother at least. For once, he felt grateful for the younger Black brother. That was, until he strode over and wrapped an arm around Severus’s neck in that way Regulus knew he hated, leaning in close to whisper, “Nice socks, Snivellus~”

Severus sneered at him. “Drinking at ten in the morning Black? How becoming of you.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “You only live once.” He paused, his facial expression shifting. He gazed at the crowd of people before them chattering away. When he was satisfied with the fact no one was paying them any attention, he leaned in close, his hot breath tickling Severus’s ear. “What are you doing here?” he whispered, the words barely a whisper.

Severus leaned away slightly, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at Regulus. The younger man had a strange expression on his face. “I’m here to meet Tom Riddle. He’s interested in my skills,” he said simply.

Regulus’s own eyebrows furrowed. “He’s interested…” He trailed off briefly, before speaking once more, slowly, voice measured, “You’re…thinking of joining his ranks…” When Severus gave a singular nod, Regulus looked away from him. “I never knew you were into this sort of thing…”

Severus shrugged slightly. “I don’t know if I am or not. Truthfully, I don’t know much about what your group does. I simply was offered an opportunity and decided to take it,” he said. He still could not read the expression on Regulus’s face. “Why? Do you not think I should join?”

Regulus’s eyes widened, his head whipping around to stare directly at Severus. He stuttered, fumbling for the right words. Eventually, he took in a deep breath before sighing heavily. Silver eyes stared deeply into black, like they were trying to communicate words unspoken. When he next spoke, his words sounded strangely kind and genuine for once. “I think you should do whatever is right for you.”

Severus was stunned into silence momentarily, not having expected such words to ever come out of Regulus’s mouth. While their relationship was better than the relationship between Severus and Sirius, it had never been good by any means. Yet here Regulus was, providing encouragement for Severus.

Encouragement to do what, he was not exactly sure though.

“Severus.” A voice spoke up from behind the two of them. Regulus finally released Severus, going to rejoin the crowd of people. Severus watched him go for a moment, before turning to face the man who had spoken.

Tom smiled as he approached him, reaching out a hand to grasp Severus’s shoulder warmly. “Severus,” he said again. “You made it.”

“I did,” Severus nodded, suddenly feeling rather shy under Tom’s intense gaze. He fought the urge to squirm.

Tom tilted his head. “Come with me.”

Severus jolted, as Tom placed a hand on the small of his back. Suddenly, his mind was blank, unable to focus on anything but Tom’s hand. He glanced back once as he was led from the room, noticing several sets of eyes watching them leave. Regulus’s expression was unreadable.

“I hope Abraxas and the others did not give you too much trouble.” Tom spoke after a minute of them walking in silence.

“They were fine,” he said quickly.

Tom hummed. After another brief pause, he spoke again, “You seemed to be rather…close with Regulus Black.”

Severus could not help but to snort at that. “Close because he grabbed my neck and wouldn’t let go,” Severus muttered.

Tom raised an eyebrow. “Ah. I see. So there’s…no relationship there?”

“Ha!” Severus exclaimed, before regaining his composure, speaking dully. “No. At Hogwarts, we merely coexisted without murdering each other, that’s about it. No relationship.”

Tom looked rather amused. “Hm. Well, that is good to know.” He stopped suddenly at a door, holding it open for Severus to enter.

Chapter Text

The room was rather small, dim, which was quite characteristic of most potion laboratories. Also unsurprising was the fact that the walls were lined with shelves, filled to the brim with bottles upon bottles of potion ingredients. There were a few narrow windows towards the ceiling, which likely acted more as ventilation than anything. In the center of the room stood a table, on top of which sat a rather fancy-looking cauldron, empty and waiting.

Tom eyed him as he entered the lab, watched the almost imperceptible way Severus’s eyes widened, watched the way he lifted a hand to reverently touch the cauldron as though it were the most precious thing in the world. A smirk found its way to Tom’s lips. “If you think this impressive, you should see my lab back home sometime.”

Severus merely hummed in response, rather distracted by a supply of rare potions ingredients he had spotted on a shelf. Tom chuckled lightly, leaning in the door frame.

“There’s a hunger in you,” he said suddenly, drawing Severus’s eyes back to him. “A hunger for knowledge. But also, a hunger to prove yourself. Am I correct?”

Severus paused, before nodding carefully, his cheeks tinged slightly with pink. Red eyes gazed upon him with intensity, but also curiosity. After several moments of staring, he spoke once more, “Something tells me you have been given very few opportunities in life to be able to prove yourself. Am I correct about this as well?”

“I suppose you could say that,” Severus admitted quietly.

Tom sent a small smile his way. Nodding to the cauldron, he spoke once more, voice practically a purr, “Show me your hunger.”

Severus’s eyes widened, nodding his head quickly. He hesitated though. “What…would you like me to brew for you?”

“Ha!” Tom exclaimed, as though Severus had just asked him the funniest question. Then, after a moment, he answered, “Surprise me.”

Severus nodded again, this time slowly, determinedly. This, he could do.

Ashwinder eggs were the first ingredient he recovered from the shelves, followed by a singular squill bulb, a jar of the Murtlap’s anemone-like growths, an Ocamy eggshell, and a bowl of powdered rue. Going to another shelf, he recovered the more-Muggle-like ingredients, like thyme and horseradish.

Any dunderhead with half a brain could see he was planning to make Felix Felicis, going off of the ingredients he had gathered. However, he continued on to gather a couple additional ingredients that gave Tom pause: A bag of sugar from a cabinet, an adder’s-tongue fern clipping, and a bottle of pygmy puff oil. He tilted his head to the side slightly, but didn’t say anything yet.

Severus felt the smallest bit of satisfaction at the fact that he was throwing Tom off, if even slightly. Severus secretly enjoyed surprising people, especially by showcasing his well-honed skills. He was never a show-off about things, not like James Potter or Sirius Black, he was far too quiet and withdrawn for all of that. However, a singular look or word of approval at his hard work could send him reeling for days, as was evident by his previous interaction with Tom.

‘Fascinating.’ The word was like a challenge now.

A quick spell filled the cauldron before him with water. Another quick spell opened the windows above him a crack. He glanced up at Tom, giving him a small, apologetic look. “You might want to cover your nose for this part.”

Tom raised an eyebrow, but did as told, almost dramatically raising his long, elegant fingers to pinch his nostrils shut.

Severus nodded, before covering his own nose and mouth with a cloth. Using his other hand, he cracked the Ashwinder egg into the water, wincing as the ingredient’s putrid smell filled the room. “Sorry,” he mumbled, before explaining, “Heat neutralizes the smell.” He then pointed his wand at the bunsen burner beneath the cauldron, lighting it ablaze.

“It’s always good to have knowledge about why things happen the way they do, especially when it comes to potion making,” Tom praised lightly, his eyes watching Severus very carefully.

Pink tinged Severus’s cheeks. Swallowing hard, he focused on stirring the cauldron. “Indeed. It’s how I learned to alter previously existing potions recipes.”

Tom’s eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly. “Alter…” he trailed off. “You were altering potions? During your school days?”

Severus gave a half shrug. “Well…yes.” He explained, “Many of the potions in my textbooks were centuries old, and they work fine - and it is for that reason no one has bothered to try to change them for the better.” He shook his head, muttering under his breath, “Tch. Laziness.”

Tom looked quite amused at his words. “Indeed. Well, I’m sure Slughorn was…quite appreciative of your contributions.”

Severus snorted. “Are you kidding me? If he caught me adding things to my potions, he would always scold me, like I was some ignorant child. Like I was trying to get myself blown up.”

Tom hummed. “I should not be surprised. Hogwarts is rather…behind the times, in many regards. As though they are afraid of progress. Hmph.” He shook his head, and briefly, something like exhaustion or exasperation was evident on his face. That expression was fleeting, though, soon replaced by his regular brilliant smile. “I’m just glad that place never dulled your spark, Severus.”

Severus paused, before grating a horseradish into the cauldron, not saying anything. After all, his Hogwarts days had been anything but pleasant. Between his own house bullying him, the Marauders terrorizing him, and members of the staff ignoring him, he was surprised he had any sort of spark left to him at all after Hogwarts.

So many nights, enclosed in the curtains of his four poster bed, when his thoughts got too loud, he would take out his pocket knife and hold it to his wrist, pressing cool metal against soft flesh. A single vertical swipe would do him in, ending his misery. He wondered how his roommates would react, upon finding him in the morning. He wondered how his professors - how Dumbledore - would feel. He wondered if the Marauders would attend his funeral, if they would prank his corpse. He wondered if Lily would cry for him.

He’d always sigh, letting out the breath he had been holding in for too long. Then he would press the blade to his shoulders instead, or maybe his upper thighs. Then came the pain, like a familiar friend.

“Your time at Hogwarts was not great…” Tom surmised at Severus’s prolonged silence. When Severus merely gave a half shrug, Tom began contemplating aloud. “Well. There’s the fact you were in Slytherin. Hogwarts Professors are notorious for mistreating our kind. Speaking of, you were a halfblood in a house full of purebloods. That can’t have been easy either. Then there’s what Regulus told me. Tsk tsk.”

Severus slipped slightly in his chopping of the Murtlap anemone, nearly slicing his finger. Cursing softly, he adjusted his hold, before looking up at Tom trepidatiously. “What…did Regulus tell you…?” he asked haltingly.

Tom hummed. “Many things. I’ve had him keeping a bit of an eye on you for a while now.” Before Severus could react to this information, to question the man as to ‘why’, Tom continued, “He spoke highly of your talents, noticed how underappreciated you were. He also spoke often of the harassment you endured every time you dared to show your face in front of Regulus’s brother and his friends.”

At the mention of Sirius and the others, Severus sneered, adding the ingredient he had chopped into the cauldron. As he adjusted the heat, he spoke softly, bitterly, “The Marauders.”

“Right, I remember him telling me they had some sort of silly name for themselves.” He shook his head. “From the sounds of it, their treatment of you was not exactly very silly, though. In fact, I would go so far as to say you were tortured by them. Would you agree with this statement?”

Severus’s head shot up, his dark eyes meeting Tom’s red ones. He looked away quickly, unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze. “I…don’t like to give them so much credit,” he admitted after a moment.

“It’s not giving them credit, it’s acknowledging that what was done to you was incredibly and undeniably fucked up,” Tom said evenly.

Severus added the thyme and sugar to the cauldron, before picking up a spoon, stirring it slowly. “...You speak as though you have a particular incident in mind…”

Tom shrugged slightly, nodding. “A few, actually. But I suppose if I were forced to choose one event to call ‘torture’...it would be that little episode that occurred, was it your fifth year, hmm? When those so-called Marauders hung you upside down in the air, before removing your underpants, exposing you as a transgender male to the entire school?”

Severus froze, before slowly looking up at Tom, his expression guarded. After all, he always had to be on guard when this subject came up.

After the incident in question, it had taken less than a day for everyone at Hogwarts to know his secret. It had also taken less than a day for him to be attacked by someone he didn’t even know, purely because he was transgender. The other student was reprimanded, but the attacks didn’t stop there. In fact, for the remainder of the school year, he was attacked or harassed every single day and night without fail.

Ironies of ironies, none of those attacks had come from the Marauders. Typical of the group of Gryffindors, they had swooped in to ruin his life, only to turn around and act as though Severus didn’t even exist.

Perhaps they felt guilty. Perhaps they felt disgusted. In the end, it didn’t matter - they were back to their usual antics by the beginning of their sixth year.

“I’m sure that was not easy,” Tom spoke softly, drawing Severus back to the present. The older man’s expression held a tenderness to it that was wholly unexpected, but not unappreciated. A small bit of tension released from Severus’s shoulders.

“It was not,” Severus admitted. He began grinding up an Occamy eggshell in a mortar and pestle, adding the occasional drop of Pygmy Puff oil, until it formed a thick paste.

“For what it’s worth,” Tom began after several minutes of silence, “I understand exactly where you are coming from. During my own school days, I was ousted as a homosexual.”

Severus’s head shot up, wide black eyes meeting amused red ones.

“Oh, please do not act so surprised,” Tom laughed. “I am all too aware of how…obvious I am.”

“I don’t like to assume,” Severus said quietly, shyly focusing his attention back on his potion.

Tom grinned. “Of course not.”

Severus stirred the paste he had made into his potion, before turning up the heat to its highest setting. Once the potion was boiling, he sprinkled in a dash of powdered common rue, followed by the adder’s-tongue fern clipping. Immediately the potion turned an oily black color, before slowly lightening, eventually developing a holographic quality to it. Eventually, satisfied with the potion’s viscosity, Severus raised his wand, tracing it through the air in a figure-eight pattern.

“Felixempra!”

Drops of what looked like pure, golden magic dripped from the tip of Severus’s wand into the cauldron below. The liquid swirled around before the magic and potion fully combined, leaving a small amount of watery golden potion in its wake.

Severus carefully bottled the Felix Felicis, making sure to not spill even a drop. Tom tilted his head. “I thought it took several months for that potion to complete its brewing process…”

Severus nodded. “It usually does. However, with my additions, the brewing time is shortened to around an hour.” He held out the bottle for Tom to inspect. “It isn’t as potent as it normally would be, and it does not last near as long, but it is still generally quite effective.”

Tom looked at the bottle for a few moments, before turning his gaze back to Severus. There was an emotion shining in his eyes that Severus could not quite place, something he was not quite familiar with. Then, he was smiling, little lines forming around his eyes.

“You impress me, Severus.”

Chapter Text

Severus’s heart skipped a beat at the praise, and he quickly lowered his head in what he hoped would be interpreted as a gracious gesture - he was merely trying to hide his blush. Before he could pull himself together enough to thank the man, Tom stepped forward suddenly, pressing two cool fingers to Severus’s chin. He tilted his head back, so Severus’s eyes were forced to meet Tom’s red ones. For a moment, they stood there, frozen in time.

Then Tom gave a singular, “Ha!” before dropping his hand back to his side. “You do not get a lot of compliments, do you?” Tom observed, his voice lacking any mocking.

Read him like a book. Severus’s blush deepened.

Tom hummed. “We’ll have to fix that. Talent such as yours deserves to be cherished, appreciated.” He paused, when Severus still did not speak. “Come now, I haven’t stunned you into silence, have I?”

“I…no sir,” Severus eventually managed. Then, “Thank you. I’m…flattered at your appreciation of my work.”

“So formal,” Tom grinned. “Please, Severus, call me Tom. You’ve certainly earned the right.” He once again held up the little potion vial, watching as golden flecks leapt off the surface of the liquid. “We’ll have to save this little beauty for a special occasion, yes?”

He tucked the potion away, before once again focusing on Severus. This time, the way he looked at Severus was different though. It was almost as though he was sizing him up, possibly to eat him - after all, there was a ferocious and powerful shine to his eyes that Severus immediately recognized as hunger. Intense, insatiable hunger. A sort of hunger he had only ever seen once before, in the eyes of a werewolf.

There came a sudden twinge of pain above his left eyebrow. Severus sucked in a sharp breath, taking an unsteady step back. He brought his hand up to press it against his forehead, but the pain was gone as soon as it had arrived.

And the look was gone, as though it had never been there, replaced instead by confusion, maybe even a bit of concern. Tom tilted his head. “Severus?”

Severus blinked, before shaking his head, feeling vague tendrils of frustration begin to swirl around his stomach. Or perhaps it was vomit. Regardless, he spoke both to explain himself and to distract himself from the memory of hungry eyes, sharp teeth, claws ripping through flesh. “S…sorry about that. I get migraines sometimes,” he says, knowing deep down that whatever that had been, it was not a migraine.

“Do you require a potion or something?” Tom asked.

Severus shook his head quickly. “No, no, it’s…gone now,” he said lamely.

Tom seemed amused suddenly. “I do not believe that is how migraines work,” he pointed out with a half-grin.

“It isn’t,” Severus agreed.

Tom gave him a contemplative look. “So. In spite of the fact you possess some of the most impenetrable Occlumency shields in existence…you have never gone toe to toe with a proper Legillimens?”

It was only through years of practice, that Severus managed to school his expression into something semi-neutral. His eyes widened in shock, though. He simply gave a singular shake of his head.

“You continue to fascinate me, Severus.” Tom suddenly turned from him towards the door, waving for Severus to follow him. “Come, let’s find someplace more comfortable to chat.”

Tom led Severus to a parlour. There were a couple bookcases lining one wall, filled primarily with books about both art and the Dark Arts. Sat before the bookcases were a set of high-backed armchairs, as well as a small table. Tom sat elegantly, with a small flourish of his robes. “Sit, sit.”

Severus did as instructed. Tom then clapped twice. “Mitsy!”

The house elf from before appeared with a pop. They bowed low, but not before Severus caught the look of pure terror in their eyes. “Tea,” Tom drawled, sounding bored. The house elf bobbed their head, before once again disappearing.

“They seem quiet, for a house elf,” Severus observed.

Burgundy eyes blinked. Then, a sharp-toothed grin spread across his face. “Well I should say it ought to be. It doesn’t have a tongue.”

Severus sputtered, not having expected that in the slightest. “Why not?” he asked before he could stop himself.

Tom raised an eyebrow. “You saw how big its ears are. Big ears hear big secrets,” he said simply. “For what it's worth, I was not the one to perform the spell - that duty fell to Lucius.”

“Go figure,” Severus muttered under his breath. He was not shocked that the sadistic older Slytherin would do something like that.

Just then, Mitsy reappeared with a tray of tea and snacks. They placed the tray upon the small table, before bowing low once again. Tom waved his hand. “Dismissed.” And they were gone.

“How do you take your tea?” Tom asked, then.

“Black.”

“Why am I wholly unsurprised by that information?” Tom chuckled. He prepared both of their cups of tea, before gesturing to the food on the tray. “Do eat something - you are as skinny as a Dementor.”

“Thanks,” Severus muttered sarcastically, but he grabbed a scone nonetheless, carefully spreading a thin layer of cream and jam onto it with a knife. He then took a small bite, barely more than a nibble.

Tom’s eyes followed his movements. He licked his lips before speaking. “I would like to propose something to you.” Severus looked at him, his head tilting slightly to the side in question. “I would like to invest in your future.”

“Invest…in my future…?” Severus spoke slowly, suspicion and confusion coloring his tone.

“Indeed,” Tom nodded. He pressed his fingers together in a steeple. “You see, Severus, I believe I may have found the most brilliant wizard of your generation, in you. Someone with your creativity, your talents…I would only be so lucky to have you at my side.”

Severus’s heart was racing. “Tom…I…don’t know what to say…” he managed to say, feeling suddenly very shy.

Tom leaned forward in his chair. “Say you’ll join me.”

Of course Severus had known this was likely where the meeting had been heading…and truthfully, just that morning, he had been unsure what he would say if he were given an offer such as this. He’d had no expectations whatsoever.

He certainly hadn’t expected to feel so eager.

A wide grin stretched across Tom’s face as Severus slowly nodded. “Brilliant. Perfectly brilliant,” Tom said, before holding out his right hand for Severus to take. He did so, shaking it.

“I do have questions,” Severus admitted.

Tom nodded. “Of course you do, I would expect nothing less. All in due time, all in due time. For now though, I must dismiss you to begin making preparations for tonight.”

“What is tonight?” Severus questioned.

“Why, your first Death Eater meeting, of course,” Tom said. “I want you in my ranks as soon as possible. As such your ceremony will be performed tonight, to be followed by a party thrown in your honor.”

Severus paled slightly at that. He was not one for parties. “Th-that’s not necessary-”

“No no, there will be no arguing about this,” Tom waggled a finger at him playfully. Then he stood. “Let me see you out.”

Tom once again pressed a hand to the small of Severus’s back as he led him to the entrance of Malfoy Manor. Severus was honestly in a bit of a daze by how quickly everything had transpired.

“I will have Regulus retrieve you later, to take you to our meeting spot,” Tom said, opening the door for Severus to exit. “Oh, and one more thing…” Severus turned to face him. Tom smiled. “Try not to be too nervous about tonight. The others can sense fear, as you are well aware.”

Severus swallowed, before nodding. “Duly noted.”

And with that, Tom closed the door, leaving Severus alone.

Chapter Text

Severus was unsure what to do with himself for the rest of that day. After apparating back to his dingy studio apartment, he felt oddly restless. He wasn’t ready for another cup of tea, Tom’s strong black brew still sitting heavy on his tongue. At some point, he removed his robes, feeling as though they were choking him. His hands itched to do something, anything.

Eventually he settled into his patchworked easy chair, a stack of parchment and a quill in hand. He then sat there unnervingly still for several minutes, quill poised above paper. Letting out a sigh of frustration at himself, he forced himself to write the words, ‘Dear Lily,” at the top of the page.

A sudden wave of emotion overcame Severus, twisting his stomach into painful knots. He let out a soft groan, hunching over.

Lily. He had not spoken to Lily in over two years, not since that day-

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, as though doing so could stop the memory from surfacing. However, it was unfortunately towards the front of his mind at that moment.

Tom had called it ‘torture’...though he couldn’t possibly have known the true reason this memory was torturous to Severus. After all, Tom would likely see not-a-thing wrong with what Severus had said to Lily that day. But it had been wrong, very wrong.

Things played out as they always did.

“Leave him alone!” Always so protective…

“You’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-” Always mocking, arrogant…

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!” Always angry, an easy mask to hide behind.

“Fine. I won’t bother in the future.” Always, a promise… “And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.” Always, betrayal begets betrayal…

He hadn’t heard the continued argument between Lily and James, he’d only heard the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Then Lily was storming off, unknowingly leaving him to his fate.

He doesn’t hear James cast the spell, he just knows he’s dangling upside down in the air once more. Most of the fight had left him though, when Lily left. Still, he manages to glare at Potter and his friends, in spite of the chaotic emotions swirling around his mind. He opens his mouth to say something - likely an insult or some other sort of biting comment. He pauses though, noticing the intensity with which James was now glaring at him, the way his nostrils flared, the way his grip on his wand was white-knuckled.

Then he’s smiling, and Severus feels a chill run down his spine.

“Who wants to see me take off Snivelly’s pants?” James yells to the gathered crowd of students, to the response of cheers and laughter.

‘No.’ Severus’s heart began pounding in his chest. ‘This cannot be happening.’

“I bet he’s tiny!” Sirius laughs, throwing an arm around James’s shoulders.

“I bet he has an unwashed ass!” Peter Petigrew joins in the taunts. Remus Lupin is looking around with wide eyes, like he was wishing for an adult to suddenly appear. Like he was wishing someone, anyone, would stop this.

James raises his wand once more, taking a couple steps forward. When he speaks this time, it’s directly to Severus. “You humiliated Evans. Your ‘supposed’ best friend. Literally the only person in the world that tolerates your nasty self. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Severus feels his face grow hot, his eyes becoming damp as anger rushes through him, hot and uncontrollable. The anger is at himself, mostly, but still, he bares his crooked teeth, before abruptly spitting in Potter’s face.

Potter calmly tucks his wand away. Then he rears back a fist that slams directly into Severus’s ribs. He is unable to stop the pained gasp that escapes him, curling protectively in on himself.

James shook out his now-aching hand, muttering something about ‘skinny gits’ under his breath.

“Satisfied, Potter?” Severus managed to bite out, though it currently hurt to breathe. Deep down, he hoped against hope that James would, in fact, be satisfied with simply bruising Severus’s ribs and ego.

James looks at him, wild-haired, wild-eyed. “Did you not hear me? You humiliated Lily. I don’t give a fuck if I get detention, I’m going to make you feel the same humiliation she felt!”

Severus opens his mouth, planning to point out the fact that this whole debacle started because their little group had been ‘humiliating’ him, when Lily stepped in.

But then, James’s sweaty too-hot hands were suddenly on his hips, thumbs dipping into the elastic waistband of his underwear. All words died on Severus’s lips as he realized, ‘He’s really going to do it.’

Panic, pure and unadulterated, shot through Severus. He thrashed, squirmed, flailed, anything, anything, anything.

“Petrificas Totalus! Stop that!” came the voice of Black, moments before the spell hit Severus. His movements stilled instantly, his body going rigid.

Teary black eyes met cold hazel ones. ‘Potter, please…’ he begged internally, willing James to see the utter desperation in his eyes.

“Gonna cry?” James mocked him quietly. Then, in a fluid movement, he removed Severus’s underwear.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut tight, and for a moment there was nothing. No light, no sound, nothing. He was drifting in a boat on a sea of darkness.

Then, “Snape’s a girl?!”

Sirius Black, he was sure that’s whose voice it was. But in the end, he supposed it didn’t matter who the first person to break the silence was, because suddenly everyone in the area was talking at once. Shouting, in some cases. Their words and insults blended together, but certain words seemed to echo louder than others.

Pussy.

Cunt.

Vagina.

Severus felt the magic around his ankle suddenly snap, and he fell to the ground in a heap. The magic paralyzing him lifted as well, but for a moment, Severus didn’t move. He simply stared upwards at the bright blue sky, face burning, desperately wanting to turn into a bird so he could fly away from all of this. Then he was sitting up, scrambling to cover himself with his robes.

A hand suddenly settled on Severus’s shoulder unexpectedly, causing him to yelp and flinch, bringing up his hands protectively.

But it was just Lupin, standing there with a strange expression on his face. His wand was still out from having cast the counter curses to release Severus, but he tucked it away quickly upon seeing the look in his fellow teenager’s dark eyes. Then he bit his lip, shifting from foot to foot. “Are…are you okay…?” Severus wanted to say something sarcastic back, something biting. The words seemed to die on his lips though.

Pity, Severus realized in horror. That was the expression on Lupin’s face.

Lupin opened his mouth to speak again, but he didn’t get the chance to, as Severus had already begun sprinting away from the lake at breakneck speed. He heard a couple voices shout after him, but he didn’t stop.

He didn’t stop, not when he reached Hogwarts. He didn’t stop when he nearly ran into McGonagall, who called out after him. He didn’t stop when he slipped slightly on the stairs leading down to the dungeon, causing him to nearly fall down. He didn’t stop even when he couldn’t decide where to go, where to hide.

Nowhere felt safe. Not anymore.

He eventually found himself sitting on the floor of the potions supply closet, pressing himself into the far back corner of the small room. It was dark, dusty, and full of dead things. He curled up, wrapping his arms around his legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. He was reminded of home. The sound of a slamming door. Shouting. Steps coming up the stairs. Hiding under his bed. The anticipation. The knowing. The inevitable.

He knew he would be found, it was only a matter of time. Word would spread quickly of what happened down by the lake, as it always did at Hogwarts, and soon his secret would be a secret to no one. His roommates would know. His house mates would know. His professors would know.

Maybe in another world, he wouldn’t have minded people knowing. Maybe in a world that was less cruel, he wouldn’t have even felt the need to keep it a secret. But that was not a world he lived in. He lived in a world of harshness and pain, of biased professors, bigoted peers, and Marauders.

In the end, it took less than an hour for someone to find him.

Severus tensed, hearing the door to the Potions classroom open. A singular set of footsteps was heard then, making a beeline for the closet he had sequestered himself into, as though the person knew exactly where he was. As if to confirm his fears and suspicions, a familiar voice spoke, “Mischief Managed.”

Silence, except for the pounding of Severus’s heart. Then, a quiet thump against the door, rattling it in its frame, before the sound of something sliding down it. Another quiet thump, this time against the wooden floorboards.

The silence was almost unbearable, almost comfortable.

“I know you’re in there, Sniv.” Black.

Severus didn’t say anything, eyes simply trained unblinkingly on the door that separated them. He could clearly picture Black sitting on the floor, back pressed against the door, legs sprawled out in front of him.

“You should know the silent treatment doesn’t work on me. My mother has made me immune!”

“...Go away, Black.”

Sirius hummed. “Nope. Can’t.”

“Why not?” Severus’s voice sounds more raw and desperate than he would have liked - almost as though he were pleading with Sirius.

When the boy on the other side of the door speaks again, his voice had gained a slightly serious quality to it. “Cause everyone’s looking for you.” Severus forced a noise of irritation past his lips. “Okay, well not everyone. Most of the Professors though. The Prefects.” He paused. “Lily Evans.”

Severus felt his breath catch in his throat. “You’re lying.”

Sirius shifted. “Not this time.”

Severus hesitated, before slowly climbing to his feet. He approached the door cautiously, before opening it. Sirius fell back slightly, before he climbed to his feet as well. When he turned to face Severus, his expression was intensely serious. Silver eyes looked Severus over from head to toe, before he nodded his head. Some tension seemed to ease out of him.

Then, he was holding out his hand, holding out a familiar ebony wand, surprising Severus - he had not even realized he had left his wand back at the lake, he had been in such a hurry to get away.

Warily, he grabbed the wand from Sirius. He did not tuck it away, though.

In contrast with how he had been staring at him moments ago, Sirius now could not seem to even look in Severus’s direction. “Last I checked, Evans was looking for you in the library. Didn’t see anyone else there besides the librarian.”

Severus storms past him without a thank you.

He manages to make it to the library within minutes, without having been found by any of the people supposedly looking for him. As the library door closes behind him, though, anxiety fills him. ‘This was a bad idea…’

He turned to leave, only to be stopped by a soft voice. “Severus?”

His hand is on the doorknob - and he’s always been pretty quick. He could easily make a break for it.

Instead he turns to face Lily, just as she rounds the corner of a bookshelf. Upon seeing him, she froze, which gave Severus time to notice her flushed face, her red eyes, her pained expression.

Like Black had done, Lily appeared to look him over, before taking a deep, steadying breath. Her expression shifted, forcibly, to one of indifference.

Her voice still shook though, as she quietly said, “Dumbledore wants to see you in his office.”

Severus swallowed hard, the silence between them oppressive. He took a hesitant step forward. “Lily-”

“Don’t,” she interrupted him firmly. Instant regret overcame her and her resolute expression wavered, when Severus’s eyes began to fill with tears. When he wrapped his arms around his stomach protectively, hugging himself in an attempt to self-sooth, it took everything in her to not go to him. She sighed though, stepping slightly closer to him. She spoke softly, “I heard what happened…and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry…” Lily trailed off at the end, the careful hold she had on her own emotions wavering, especially when Severus breathed in a shuddering breath.

When she next speaks, it’s without thinking. “I…I-I should have been there. I should have been there to protect you.” She paused though, sighing again. “It’s not exactly my fault I left either, though, is it?”

Severus was tense, and his voice sounded it when he spoke, “Lily, I…I didn’t mean to say-”

“But you did. Didn’t you?” She shook her head sadly. “You said it so easily too…”

Severus doesn’t say anything at first. What could he say?

He has to confirm they are no longer friends, though; he cannot leave the question unasked, their conclusion open ended. “So that’s it then?” he asks. Lily gives him a look similar to the one Lupin had given him earlier: Pity. He looks away quickly. “I see.”

“Things are going to be a lot harder on you from now on,” Lily suddenly points out the obvious. Severus nods; he knows. “And I meant what I said. I won’t be there to save you.”

Severus jolts awake, sitting up ramrod straight in his chair, hands gripping the armrests tightly. He looks around, feeling the tension slowly ease from his shoulders, as the dream-library faded away to once again reveal his apartment. The parchment sitting in front of him still only contained two words: ‘Dear Lily.’

Another knock sounds at his door, making him realize that must have been what had awoken him. He checked the time, cursing softly. He got to his feet with a groan, quickly striding to the door.

He opened the door to Regulus’s goofy grin. His smile faded a bit and his eyebrows furrowed as soon as he laid eyes on the other man, though. After all, Severus was pale, paler than normal, and his eyes were bloodshot. “...Alright, Severus?” he questioned carefully.

“I’m fine,” Severus bit out, his voice sounding slightly hoarse.

Regulus gave him a doubtful look, before shrugging. He stepped around Severus, entering the apartment without invitation. “Whatever you say.”

Severus closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep, calming breath. He went to strengthen his Occlumency barriers, hoping to be able to keep a level head around the younger Black sibling.

It was only when he did this, that he realized there was the smallest, tiniest crack in his shields.

Chapter Text

Regulus looked around Severus’s studio apartment, his face a mixture of curious, amused, and disgusted. Curious, because he had been wondering where Severus had settled after Hogwarts; amused, because he had not expected such a small space; disgusted, because said small space appeared to be quite dirty and disorganized. There were dishes piled up in the sink, precarious stacks of books placed in various spots around the room, and there appeared to be a thin layer of dust everywhere. All the furniture looked secondhand: The patchwork easychair, the small table that was missing a leg, the iron bed frame with peeling paint.

“I never knew you lived like such a slob, Snape,” Regulus chuckled.

There was no response.

Regulus turned to look at Severus, but he had not moved from the door, still standing there holding it open. He couldn’t see his face as his back was to Regulus, but he could immediately tell something was wrong by the way Severus was holding himself.

“Hey now, I was just joking around. This place isn’t too bad! You’ve…certainly made it your own…?” Regulus tried, but Severus didn’t even react. He took a hesitant step towards the other, placing a hand on his shoulder. Severus reacted immediately, flinching away from the touch before he whirled around to face Regulus. His expression was one of confusion and fear, but only for a moment. He quickly schooled his facial features into his normal mask of cold indifference.

“Don’t touch me,” he said, sounding bored.

‘How strange,’ Regulus thought to himself.

Part of him wanted to ask what was wrong (because something most definitely was), but he knew he would not get a straight answer. So instead, he said, “Awww, come on! Pestering you is one of my favorite pastimes~”

Severus sneered at him, before going to retrieve the robes he had worn earlier. “Like brother, like brother,” he muttered.

Regulus made a face at that. “Whoa there, don’t compare me to that mutt.” He tried to keep his voice light, joking, but there was certainly a note of bitterness in his words. “I pester you because I like you, he torments you because he hates you. Big difference.”

“Sure,” Severus muttered with a slight eye roll, pulling on his robes. He appeared to examine Regulus’s words more closely though, because he asked, “Since when do you like me?”

Regulus placed a hand on his heart in mock offense. “Why Severus, I’ve always liked you!” At the look Severus gave him, Regulus had the grace to look sheepish. “Alright, well maybe not always. But I have always found you interesting.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Interesting.”

“You know. Interesting. Like a cool bug or a good book.” Regulus shrugged, blushing slightly, as he avoided meeting Severus’s eyes. “I guess at first, I was just curious what had my brother so enthralled with you. No offense, but you didn’t seem like anything special to me. And yet, Sirius talked about you constantly. Constantly. He was obsessed.”

Severus actually looked surprised at this, his eyes widening. He had been plenty aware that the older Black brother was obsessed with him - that much was evident by his constantly seeking Severus out, even if it was to harass him. It was surprising to him, though, that Sirius had spoken about him to his family. Without thinking, he asked, “What did he say?”

Regulus shrugged. “Probably nothing he didn’t say to your face. You know, the usual insults about your appearance, your nerdiness, your being a Slytherin, all that.” He paused, slyly looking at Severus out of the corner of his eye. “Now that I think about it though…after my fourth year, your fifth year, he…well, let’s just say there was a shift in the way he talked about you.”

Severus tensed up. After all, he had just had a dream about the incident that caused a change in the way most of the Marauders treated him.

After the incident, the one to change the most had been James. Where once there were curses and hexes, now there was…nothing. Not even a glance in his direction. Occasionally, in class, he would make a snide remark, but that was it. Severus always wondered if James refused to look at him out of guilt or out of disgust. Or because of Lily. He supposed it didn’t matter - in the end, the result was the same: James Potter had finally left him alone.

Then there was Remus Lupin. He had always been the most passive of the Marauders, and yet…he possessed a strong sense of justice in regards to queer and transgender issues, Severus noticed. If someone were to mock Severus for being transgender in Remus’s presence, the boy would become fiercely angry, and was quick to point out the person’s bigotry. Severus, observant as he was, could easily tell why Remus reacted in such a way to this particular form of bigotry…he just wondered if Remus knew himself.

Peter Petigrew had never been much of a problem for Severus, and this did not change by much. The smallest of the Marauders would still beg James and Sirius to pick on Severus, but would never make a move on his own, coward as he was. The way he looked at Severus did change though: Where Potter avoided looking at him, Petigrew had begun to stare, his expression one of repulsion. Of course, he would never say how he truly felt in front of Lupin, though.

The one that changed the least was one Sirius Black. Though he briefly paused his bullying after the incident their fifth year (considering Severus was busy getting harassed by everyone else in Hogwarts), his torment picked up once more beginning their sixth year, eventually escalating to the point that he put Severus’s very life in danger. Even then, he did not stop. Strangely though, he had made it a very important point to stress that he was not picking on Severus because he was transgender; he was picking on him because of everything else.

Severus found it hard to believe there had been any sort of change in the way Sirius talked about him. “What was the ‘shift’?” Severus asked, in spite of himself.

“Well… I think he was genuinely concerned about you, for one.” When Severus sneered at him doubtfully, Regulus held up a hand. “No no, hear me out. I’m of the opinion that Sirius felt intensely guilty about what happened to you that day by the lake. I…don’t think he nor his friends thought it was going to be a big deal, truly.”

“Even were I not transgender, it still would have been ‘a big deal’,” Severus muttered.

“Regardless,” Regulus continued, “I think he felt guilty, and that guilt manifested in him talking about you constantly for the entire following summer.” He shook his head, as though remembering Sirius’s rambles. “I never pegged my brother for being a very observant individual, but he was certainly observant when it came to you.”

“Meaning the usual insults, then?” Severus asked blandly.

“Meaning he noticed fresh scars on your thighs that day,” Regulus replied, just as blandly.

Severus tensed. For a moment, he was unsure what to say, worried that anything he said could be an admission. Eventually he replied, voice dripping in sarcasm, “And I thought Black was too busy looking at my genitals to notice anything else.”

Regulus’s expression became one of bemusement, as he tilted his head, simply staring at Severus for a moment, like he were a particularly confusing puzzle. Severus fought not to squirm under his intense silver gaze.

“After you ran off,” Regulus began slowly, “Dumbledore showed up. Remus Lupin told him everything. He immediately requested that the Professors and Prefects begin searching for you. A few other people volunteered to help, including Sirius, which surprised me. But…he told me later on, about the scars he saw.” Regulus’s voice lowered slightly, becoming barely above a whisper. “He thought you were going to kill yourself, you know.”

Severus was truly at a loss for words for a moment. He had not expected that. Not at all. Forcing a sneer, which felt more like a grimace, Severus said, “And what? He wanted to be the first person to find my corpse?”

Regulus frowned. “Listen. I hate my brother too. But you and I both know he’s not some unfeeling monster.”

“Do I know that?” Severus asked.

Regulus sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You are insufferable to talk to sometimes. I can’t believe you have me standing here, defending my mutt of a brother.”

“You don’t have to defend him, you know,” Severus pointed out. “Aren’t you estranged?”

“He fucked off as soon as he turned 16,” Regulus stated in a clipped tone.

“To Potter’s?”

“Where else?” There was definitely bitterness in Regulus’s voice. He shook his head to clear it. “Why are we even talking about Sirius? Today is about you~” Regulus abruptly grabbed Severus’s calloused hand, holding it between the two of his. His hands were soft, his eyes were warm, and his smile was brilliant. “I am so happy you are going to be joining our little family! This has been a long time coming, you know!”

Severus was nearly thrown off balance by this sudden change in Regulus, but he managed to regain his composure soon enough. He pried his hand away. “Right. Tom mentioned something about how he had you ‘keeping an eye on me’ or some such nonsense.”

“Not nonsense. The truth,” Regulus stated. “Lucius may have been the first one to mention your talent in potion making to the Dark Lord, but I provided him with additional, valuable insight that truly convinced him that you would be a worthy addition.” He paused. “I have to admit…I am curious about one thing, though.”

“And that would be?” Severus asked warily.

“What exactly made you want to join our side?” Regulus asked.

Severus looked at him. “As opposed to joining Dumbledore’s army, alongside your brother, his friends, and a bunch of other insufferable individuals?”

Regulus shrugged. “I mean…why join a side at all?”

Severus frowned. “You’re not truly that dense, are you?” Regulus gave him an offended look, but Severus continued, “There is a war coming. You can feel it in the air.”

“So?”

“You cannot be neutral in a war - not if you do not wish to become an unintended casualty.” Severus gave him a pointed look. “And believe it or not, I have a very strong will to survive, now.”

Regulus looked at him closely, eyes narrowing. Then, “You’re lying.”

Severus blanched slightly, before regaining his neutral expression. “I am not-”

“You’re lying about why you want to join the Dark Lord,” Regulus said. “I can tell.”

“Oh? And, pray tell, what are my true motivations, Black?” Severus practically purred, his voice sounding dangerous.

Regulus simply shrugged though. “How the hell would I know, Snape? I’m not exactly a Legillimens, not that you would let me in anyway. I can tell you’re lying though.” He suddenly picked up the parchment from Severus’s table, holding it up. “Because why the hell would you be writing a letter to Lily Evans right before your Death Eater initiation?”

Severus snatched the paper from his hand, crumpling it. “My writing a letter to an old friend-”

“-Ex friend-” Regulus helpfully interrupted.

“...Ex friend, speaks nothing to my motivations. I just…” Severus hesitated. “I was feeling…strange this morning, after my meeting with Tom. I…thought that if I were to put my thoughts down, I would feel better. Obviously, that did not end up happening.”

Regulus looked at Severus’s eyes, still slightly bloodshot from his nap. “I see.” Then, after a brief pause. “The Dark Lord does have a certain ineffable quality to him. Can make you feel all sorts of ways.”

Severus hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing verbally. “Speaking of, should we not get going to my initiation?”

Regulus raised his eyebrows. “You’re not ready to go yet.”

“I’m not?”

Regulus patted the small bag he was holding, before reaching deep within it, a charm having expanded the inside to be quite large. From within it, he pulled out a set of black velvet robes, a suit, and a pair of shiny black steel-toed boots. He placed the items in Severus’s arms. “Go change.”

Severus looked down at the clothing items, noticing they still had the tags on them, though the prices had been mysteriously removed. “Was there something wrong with my current attire?”

“Not particularly. I just…figured you might want a new set of robes, for once in your life. New robes, new start, something like that.” Regulus was blushing slightly again, avoiding making eye contact with Severus.

Severus would be lying to say he was not touched by this gesture. In fact, he felt his chest become rather tight, making it difficult for him to speak evenly. He managed, though. “I…see. Well. Thank you for thinking of me, but I do not need your pity.”

“It wasn’t pity. But whatever helps you sleep at night.” Regulus took a deep breath. “Now go change. I still have to do your hair.”

“You will not be touching my hair,” Severus muttered as he headed to the bathroom to change in privacy.

“We shall see,” Regulus responded.

Chapter Text

Severus eyed himself skeptically in the mirror, feeling quite out of place in the fine clothes he had been given. The button down shirt was a pearl white color, made of silk, with bishop sleeves. The pants were a straight cut, made of a black velvet to match the robes he would be wearing. The steel toed boots were short, black, shiny like an oil spill, with silver metal accents on the toes. The last piece of the outfit was a leather belt with a snake-like silver buckle to match his boots, which he held in his hands like it were going to jump up and attack him. Setting the belt aside carefully, he opted instead to pull on his rather worn black suspenders.

When he exited the bathroom, Regulus gave a low whistle. “Wooo, give us a twirl!”

Severus merely gave him a dull glare in response.

“You didn’t want to wear the belt?” Regulus questioned, noticing Severus’s usual suspenders.

“I do not wear belts,” Severus said simply. “Are we ready to go yet?”

“Not yet, remember? Hair!” Regulus once again reached into his bag, pulling out a black silk ribbon. He began to approach Severus, who took a couple steps back in response.

“I will not have you humiliate me by tying my hair into some bow,” Severus said firmly, crossing his arms.

“Humiliate- Severus, I’m trying to help you out, not humiliate you,” Regulus said, baffled. “I want you to be successful under the Dark Lord.”

“And how does tying my hair back help me to be successful?” Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“The Dark Lord has a lot of expectations for his followers, many unspoken. Having a clean and orderly appearance - that is something very important to him,” Regulus explained. “Not that your hair isn’t clean, it’s just…tying it back might give you a bit of an edge.”

Severus sighed heavily, approaching Regulus before turning around, abruptly kneeling on the wooden floor. “You have the unfortunate ability to wear one down,” he muttered.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Regulus grinned. He hesitated though, before reaching out to run his fingers through Severus’s hair. He was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not greasy as it appeared to be. In fact, his hair was smooth, soft. Regulus continued to run his fingers through Severus’s hair, gently working out the few tangles that were there.

Severus found himself unintentionally leaning back into Regulus’s light touches, having to bite down hard on his lip to keep himself from making any strange sounds. He was reminded of a simpler time, years ago, when he had been sitting alone at the local park reading, no more than 5 years old. A little girl with bright red hair had then approached him, for the very first time.

“Do you wanna play?” she had asked.

“No.” Severus had said, not looking up from his book. He couldn’t play if he wanted to, not with his back being in the state it was in.

“I like your dress,” the little girl tried again.

“No you don’t,” Severus said in response. His dress was a faded dusty rose color that washed him out, it was two sizes too large for him, and it was full of stains and holes.

The little girl flushed. “Well…can I at least braid your hair?”

That got little Severus to look up in surprise. “What?”

She pointed at Severus. “Your hair. Can I braid it?”

Severus had many questions, the main one being ‘Why?’ And yet, he spoke none of those questions, instead hesitantly saying, “Fine.”

The little girl’s smile was brilliant, bright and beautiful like the sun. She sat down on the park bench beside Severus, very close to him. She immediately got to work, running her fingers through his long, black hair. She did not seem to mind the numerous tangles and matted areas, nor did she seem to mind how obviously greasy, unwashed, and overall neglected it seemed to be. “My name’s Lily. Lily Evans.”

Severus hesitated, distracted momentarily by the fact someone was touching him and they were not being violent. But then, he noticed her looking at him expectantly. A uniquely bold idea came to his mind suddenly: What if he tried out his secret boy name with this new little girl? Before he could doubt himself, he found himself softly saying, “Severus. Severus Snape.”

She paused briefly in her braiding, causing Severus to tense up. But then she just continued on. “That’s a cool name! Not boring at all, like mine.”

“Your name’s not boring, it’s…really pretty,” Severus said hesitantly. He felt his heart flutter when she made a noise of happiness, her smile brightening even further.

“You just made my day, Severus Snape!” she giggled. Pulling a colorful elastic from her wrist, she secured the braid. “And…done! Severus?”

“-verus? Severus? Are you alright?” Regulus’s voice, full of concern, broke Severus out of the memory he had fallen into. His hair was now tied back into a low ponytail, secured by the ribbon in a loose bow. A few loose strips of hair framed his angular face nicely. Regulus had done an admittedly good job.

“I’m fine,” Severus bit out after a pregnant pause, climbing to his feet. He made sure to school his expression to one of indifference, before turning to face Regulus once more. In spite of his efforts, the slight blush remained on his cheeks.

Regulus hummed. “Sure.”

Severus hesitated, suddenly feeling a wave of nervousness about his upcoming initiation. “You mentioned unspoken rules amongst the Death Eaters…”

Regulus waved his hand. “There’s too many to count. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. You’re smart, cunning, you’re a Slytherin - you’ll be able to figure things out with time. Besides, I will be at your side for your afterparty tonight, to act as a social buffer between you and everyone else. I…know you are not a huge fan of parties.”

“To put it mildly,” Severus muttered under his breath. “Is it absolutely necessary?”

“The Dark Lord likes parties,” Regulus said simply, with a shrug.

Severus sighed, pulling on his new robes with a slight dramatic flourish. “I suppose we should get going…”

“Seriously Severus, don’t be nervous. The Dark Lord likes you, and that’s all that really matters.” With that, Regulus produced a card from his pocket - the Seven of Swords, Severus noticed. He held it out for him to grasp. “Ready?”

“As I will ever be.” Severus took one more deep, steadying breath, before reaching out to grab the Portkey.

The two were instantly whisked away from Severus’s apartment, appearing moments later in a small clearing in the middle of a dark, unfamiliar forest. As soon as they appeared, a trail of floating candles began lighting themselves one by one along the dirt path in front of them. Severus went to walk down the path, but Regulus stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Wait. You’ll need this.” He suddenly drew forth two silver masks. One of the masks had distinct markings on it, including what looked like the map of a constellation. The other mask was completely unmarked. Regulus held out the unmarked one for Severus to put on, which he did a bit reluctantly. However, rather than feeling claustrophobic like he had expected to, he almost felt…safer, more secure, wearing it. Strange.

Regulus had started down the path, turning to wave at Severus to follow him. The two walked in silence, Severus listening closely to the quiet sounds of the dark woods. After a couple minutes, he noticed a new sound joining the sounds of nature: soft, classical music. As they neared their destination, the music steadily grew louder.

Severus soon found himself stepping into a vast clearing, at the center of which was the largest bonfire Severus had ever seen. Against the backdrop of the fire stood about thirty shadowy figures, unmoving, like statues. Before them stood a large individual, who appeared to be speaking - Severus was quick to recognize the speaker as Abraxas Malfoy.

Regulus went on ahead, taking his place amongst the ranks of the established Death Eaters. Severus hung back, though, unsure if he was supposed to approach the group yet or not. This was soon answered, when a soft voice whispered in his ear, “Severus. I’m so very glad you made it.”

It took everything in Severus not to react on instinct. Instead, he took a deep breath, before calmly turning to face Tom. The older man smiled at him, placing a hand on Severus’s shoulder. “I trust your day went alright?”

Severus forcibly pushed down the memories of the dream from earlier. “It was fine.”

“Good, good,” he said, voice amused. “Regulus did not give you too much trouble, did he?”

Severus shook his head.

Tom’s smile widened. “Excellent. Then, shall we proceed?”

Chapter Text

Severus manages to nod his head in response to Tom’s question. Tom then patted his shoulder lightly, before taking a step back, gesturing towards the bonfire and gathered Death Eaters. “After you, then, my snakelet,” he said.

Severus was quite thankful for his mask that moment, as he was sure his face had flushed at such a nickname.

Steeling himself, he strode across the grassy clearing until he reached the others, his robes billowing around him as he walked. Several Death Eaters turned to look at him for a moment, before turning back to Abraxas, who was finishing speaking.

“-and of course, none of these recent accomplishments would have been made possible, without our Dark Lord.” Cheers erupted from the Death Eaters. The older generation appeared to merely clap politely, whereas the younger ones let out a few hoots and hollers - Severus easily recognized Bellatrix’s voice out of the group.

Tom stepped out from the shadows, going to join Abraxas at the front. The two clasped left arms briefly in greeting, before Abraxas went to stand in line with the other Death Eaters.

“Thank you for that rousing speech, Abraxas. Eloquent as always,” Tom said with the slightest bit of sarcasm in his voice. He then clapped his hands, and the gramophone which had been playing opera music from the shadows, suddenly silenced. “I hope you all will not mind, if I give a little speech of my own.”

Once again, cheers erupted from the Death Eaters, louder this time. Severus was reminded of the time Lily told him about when she went to a Muggle rock concert. ‘I suppose he is essentially a rock star to these people…’

Tom waited for everyone to calm down, before he began speaking.

“For years now, I have been acquiring some of the most brilliant and talented witches and wizards from all over Britain. Those with special abilities, unique skills, brilliant minds. Those whose abilities will be instrumental in furthering our cause. I have found those that are Animagi with multiple forms. I have found Seers who can predict our enemies’ every move. I have found Duelists who have been practicing since birth.” Tom began to pace slowly, in front of the crowd of gathered Death Eaters. “And yet. There has been something missing - someone missing - from our little family.

“I realized, one day, I had been blind - blinded by my own cause. I had only ever looked at those with power, influence, status, to acquire. Those that were Pureblooded. I came to the conclusion that I must expand my field of view, that I must look beyond such things.

“I gifted the youngest amongst you with a job: Find me someone. Someone young. Ambitious. Creative. Talented. Someone with potential.” Here, Tom stopped walking, turning to face the Death Eaters. “I did not expect him to perform as exceptionally as he did, with his task.

“When Regulus first spoke of the individual in question, I will admit, I was skeptical. After all, this boy was everything I never looked for. And yet, Regulus was persistent. ‘I just know he belongs with us,’ he’d said to me. I soon learned that this boy was inventing not only spells, but potions. I learned that he would often win duels against multiple attackers. I learned he was studying Occlumency, a subject way more advanced than a child his age should be capable of educating himself in. I grew, admittedly, interested.

“Yesterday evening, after hearing about this young man for nearly a year, I was finally able to meet him. And do you know what?” Severus held his breath. “He was everything I had hoped for, and more.” Tom suddenly held out a hand in his direction. Severus swallowed hard, before nervously approaching the other man. Tom immediately placed his outstretched hand on Severus’s upper arm. “He was ambitious, but capable of following directions. Creative, without having his head in the clouds. Talented, but not arrogant. Certainly someone with potential.”

He turned to face Severus, now placing both hands on the sides of his mask, removing it. His eyes then appeared to almost glow, in the firelight. Lowering his voice, he spoke directly to him. “You have interested me, fascinated me, and impressed me, Severus Snape. I oh so look forward to how you will surprise me next!” He smiled, his eyes crinkling.

Severus managed to nod his head once, feeling unable to speak at that moment.

“Ha!” Tom laughed. His hands slid down Severus’s arms, until they found his hands, clasping them. “Severus. Are you ready to join the Death Eaters?”

This time, Severus managed to speak as he nodded. “I am.”

Tom released Severus’s right hand, both hands now grasping his left. Tom gently pushed the sleeve of his robes up to his elbow. Then with a tenderness Severus was not expecting, Tom undid the buttons on the sleeve of his dress shirt, rolling it up as well. He then drew forth his wand, pointing it at Severus’s bare arm.

“Do you promise to be loyal, truthful, and dependable?”

“I do,” Severus said. Dark strings of magic shot forth from Tom’s wand, loosely wrapping themselves around Severus’s arm.

“Do you agree to help in furthering our cause, for all witches and wizardkind?”

“I do,” Severus said again. More magic.

“Do you, Severus Snape, pledge yourself to me, body, mind, and soul?”

Severus took a deep, steadying breath. “I do.”

Tom nodded, watching as the last of the magic trickled out of his wand. “This will sting a bit.”

Severus let out a soft hiss, as his arm began to burn intensely. The magic burrowed into him - it was as though hundreds of needles were being forced to pierce his skin at the same time. Severus was sure this is what a concentrated cruciatus curse must feel like. Were it not for Tom’s firm grasp on his arm, Severus might have collapsed.

And yet, he was silent, aside from his heavy breathing. He’d had worse before, after all.

The intense pain only lasted for a minute, before it faded away. What did not fade away, was the newly created Dark Mark on Severus’s forearm, a snake winding its way around a skull. He touched it carefully, and was surprised to feel only smooth skin, no raised bumps at all. The mark was slightly warm, and it almost seemed to buzz with energy under his skin.

Tom placed a couple of fingers beneath Severus’s chin, gently urging him to look up. Severus did so, meeting Tom’s eyes in question. Grinning, he clasped his robed arm to Severus’s tattooed one.

“Welcome to the family, Severus,” he purred.

Chapter Text

Cheers erupted from the Death Eaters, as they suddenly rushed forward en masse, surrounding Tom and Severus. Some masks were removed, revealing both familiar and unfamiliar faces to Severus. Suddenly, everyone was talking to him, touching him.

“I knew you had it in you, halfblood,” Lucius said, while patting Severus’s back.

“Welcome to the family!” Evan Rosier beamed, cheerful as always. He shook Severus’s hand.

“You better not fuck things up,” Bellatrix warned, though there was a lightness to her tone Severus was unfamiliar with. She had her hand on his still-exposed forearm, her manicured nails digging into his flesh.

And those were just the individuals he recognized.

It was all too much for him.

Severus was on the verge of panicking and making a run for it, when Tom wrapped an arm around his shoulders, drawing him in close. Tom’s solid, grounding presence somehow calmed Severus enough to at least take a couple deep, calming breaths.

“You’re overwhelmed,” Tom observed, his voice soft in Severus’s ear.

He wanted to shake his head, wanted to say he was fine…but in the end he simply nodded.

Tom smirked. “I thought you might have this problem.” He then reached into the deep pockets of his robe. After a moment, he drew forth a potion vial, holding it up. Severus immediately recognized the potion as the Felix Felicis he had brewed earlier. “Go on. Take it. You’ve earned it, snakelet.”

Severus finds himself raising his hand, taking the potion from Tom. However, he hesitated to drink it. Though he had brewed this potion a handful of times to sell for money, he had never taken it himself. He knew the effects of this particular Felix Felicis would be fast-acting, though it would not be as strong or last as long as the normal version. Beyond that, he was unsure of the complete list of side effects, if they may differ from the regular potion’s ones.

Tom seemed to sense his hesitation. He turned to the Death Eaters, raising his voice above their chatter, “Should Severus take this potion?”

Several of the gathered Death Eaters made sounds of encouragement and affirmation, many of them looking at him expectantly. With the help of social pressure, Severus found himself uncorking the bottle, bringing it to his lips, and drinking up.

He couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips, once the entire potion had been consumed. It had been like taking a shot of firewhiskey - a warm, almost light-headed sensation winding its way through his entire body. His heart began to pound in his chest, and he felt almost dizzy for a moment as the world around him seemed to shift and change, becoming brighter, more alive. The din from the surrounding Death Eaters seemed to fade into the background, becoming subdued, as Severus took in the new world around him.

The first thing he noticed was the sky, how it no longer seemed like an endless expanse of darkness - now he could see the entire Milky Way stretching across the sky in all its multicolored glory. Then he noticed the bonfire, how it seemed to dance in slow motion, smoke curling in on itself to create beautiful patterns in the air.

Severus found himself kneeling down to touch the suddenly vivid electric green grass, the blades softly kissing the tips of his fingers. He looked up at Tom, dark eyes wide.

Tom had a soft smile on his lips. He held out a hand to help Severus to his feet once more, which he took.

“I take it you’ve never taken this sort of potion before?” Tom questioned, obviously amused by the completely awestruck look on Severus’s face.

Severus shook his head.

Regulus finally made his way through the crowd of Death Eaters to where Severus and Tom stood. He gave them both a grin, practically bouncing from foot to foot. “Shall we start the festivities?”

“Always so eager, Regulus,” Tom said, with a small chuckle. “However, I do believe it is time, yes, as Severus has already started without us!” Tom rubbed Severus’s shoulder. “Do keep a close eye on him this evening. Make sure he enjoys himself.”

Regulus nodded, giving a bit of a bow. “Yes, my lord~” He then focused his attention on Severus, winking.

Tom nodded, satisfied. Stepping away from the two young men, he addressed the Death Eaters. “Time to celebrate!”

Several things happened at once. Abraxas appeared to pull multiple champagne bottles out from seemingly nowhere, passing them off to the others to crack open. Rosier rushed off to the gramophone to start the music up again, this time choosing a song that was more upbeat. Bellatrix immediately latched onto the Lestrange boy, tugging him away to go dance, with Narcissa and Lucius not far behind. The rest of those gathered broke off into smaller groups, spreading out into the clearing to chat amongst themselves.

“Are you doing alright?” Regulus asked, once the crowd had dispersed. He was looking at Severus, slight concern in his eyes. “I don’t think you’ve spoken a word since your initiation!”

Severus swallowed hard, the Felix Felicis still coating his tongue. “It is just…a lot,” he admitted. He looked down at his pale hands, turning them to and fro. “I’ve never felt anything like this before…I feel so…good…”

Regulus gave him an odd look. “You deserve to feel good, Severus.”

Rosier changed the record from some song Severus did not know to ‘Children of the Grave’ by Black Sabbath, which began blasting through the clearing. Regulus’s head shot up, a wide smile spreading across his lips. “Ooh, this is my favorite Muggle band! Music’s the only thing Muggles got right, other than their alcohol, tch! Oh Severus, let’s dance!

Perhaps it was how endearing Regulus’s expression was, or perhaps it was due to the liquid luck flowing through his system, but Severus found himself nodding. Regulus let out an excited yip, grabbing ahold of Severus’s hand, before he began dragging him over to where the other young Death Eaters were dancing. Lucius automatically held out a fancy silver flask for Regulus to take, which he did, taking a long swig. He then handed the flask over to Severus.

Normally Severus would have scoffed and passed the drink on to someone else - or at the very least, he would have smelled the beverage before taking a sip, to make sure there were no poisons in it. But not tonight - he was feeling lucky, after all. So he brought the flask to his lips, taking a shot of what he quickly recognized as pure vodka.

Regulus stared at him in shock for a second, before he grinned once more. “It’s nice to see you loosening up for once!”

Severus gave him a look, but Regulus’s words reminded him of something Tom had said during his speech. “So you’ve been keeping a ‘close’ eye on me for this entire past year?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Regulus briefly resembled a deer in the headlights. But then he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Right, that. Well, it was on Tom’s orders you know…”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t have watched him anyway,” Lucius cut into their conversation. Regulus flushed, opening his mouth to send a retort his way, but Lucius continued, “You’re sooo obvious, Regi.”

Regulus crossed his arms, pouting. Severus looked between the two men, confused. “Obvious?”

Regulus let out an irritated puff of air. “Nevermind all that. We came here to dance, so let’s dance!”

Regulus danced in a way that mirrored his personality: He was a little goofy, a little flamboyant, and yet his movements were sharp and precise. He seemed to move with the music, dancing perfectly on the beat. To be completely truthful, he was a good dancer.

Lucius was a bit looser with his movements. He flowed to the rhythm of the music, often throwing in extravagant dance moves, such as spins and high kicks. He danced with the grace of a former ballerina - an image that almost made Severus laugh aloud. Instead, he merely smirked.

Narcissa was quite a bit more reserved than Lucius, though she too had a certain grace and elegance about her. Her usually pinched face appeared relaxed for once, as she clearly enjoyed the music and dancing.

Severus stood still for a moment, before he very hesitantly began to step from side to side, hands stuffed into the pockets of his robes. To his credit, he was stepping on the beat - Severus enjoyed music after all. However, he had never truly gotten the experience to dance before, so he truly was unsure what to do with his body.

As the song picked up, and the mixture of alcohol and liquid luck warmed his system, Severus began to gain a little bit of a bounce to his step. Then, soon after that, he was jumping up and down, his eyes sliding shut and his head lolling, as the lyrics flowed through him.

‘Revolution in their minds, the children start to march
Against the world in which they have to live, and all the hate that’s in their hearts
They’re tired of being pushed around, and told just what to do
They’ll fight the world until they’ve won, and love comes flowing through’

“Yeah Snape, get it!” Bellatrix suddenly cheered, causing Severus to open his eyes. All the other young Death Eaters had formed a circle around him and were watching him ‘dance’ as they danced themselves, none of them ever having expected such a thing from the very reserved Severus. He felt an immediate prick of panic, at the feeling of being surrounded…but somehow, none of those around him were giving off antagonistic energy. Amusement, interest, curiosity for sure, but nothing terrible.

He met Regulus’s eyes. He once again had that strange expression on his face, like he was confused about something… But there was something else in his glittering silver eyes, something that almost resembled fondness, that caused Severus to offer him a small, rare smile. Then he allowed his eyes to slide shut once more as he continued dancing.

Evan Rosier continued to act as disc jockey throughout the night, playing a wide variety of songs - some Severus knew from listening to the radio, some he was very unfamiliar with. Severus found himself spending most of his time dancing, though several Death Eaters took it upon themselves to pull him aside to converse ‘one on one’. Thankfully, Regulus was always not far away when these instances occurred - and he could always seem to tell when Severus needed out of a conversation.

He was surprised when Bellatrix pulled him aside though, a mischievous grin on her lipstick-covered lips. She then pulled out a small pouch, within which was a holographic blue powder. “Doxy dust,” she’d said.

“I’m familiar. It is a rather expensive and rare potions ingredient, used in potions such as-” Severus began.

Bellatrix stuck out her tongue at him - it was pierced. “Nerd!” she cried out. Then she quickly added, “I’m just joking! But seriously though, rub a little bit of this on your gums, and you’ll be able to dance all night!”

Severus had given her a bit of a sceptical look. After all, recreational drug use was not something he had ever dabbled in…mostly due to having witnessed what such things could do to people - in particular, his parents. However…his body was not used to dancing and jumping around as much as he had been, and in spite of the liquid luck, he was getting a little tired.

A small boost to his energy couldn’t hurt.

After he follows Bellatrix’s instructions, he immediately feels his heart begin to pump faster and his fingers and toes get tingly. His eyes are wide when he walks back to Regulus.

“Did she give you something?” Regulus asked, immediately noticing the change in his companion. At Severus’s noncommittal shrug, Regulus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know you’re feeling kinda ‘high on life’ right now, but you still gotta be kind of careful. Some people, including Bella, get real wild at these parties.”

“I believe I can control myself,” Severus drawled.

“In any case, you’ve now consumed an experimental potion, a fair amount of alcohol, and now Bella’s mystery drug. Maybe it’s time for some water?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “I feel fine. Better than fine, in fact.”

“Sure, I’m sure you do, but I seriously think you should slow down some-”

“Severus, is this young man bothering you?” Tom’s amused voice came suddenly from behind him, causing Severus to quickly turn. For most of the night, Tom had been sitting on a throne-like chair near the edge of the clearing, watching and observing the festivities before him. It was only after a few hours, that he quietly slipped from his chair, approaching his newest initiate.

“I-” Severus began, before pausing.

“Perhaps the two of you could do for some time apart. Regulus, do you mind if I steal Severus away for a moment or two?”

Regulus rolled his eyes slightly, before giving a slight bow in Tom’s direction. “He’s all yours, my lord.”

Tom smiled a sharp toothed grin. “Of course he is,” he said before chuckling softly. Focusing his attention entirely on Severus, he held out an arm for him to take. “Shall we?”

Severus hesitated only briefly before interlocking his arm with Tom’s. Then Tom was pulling him back towards the bonfire, where the music had halted briefly as Rosier tried to figure out what to play next. When he saw Tom approaching with Severus though, he hesitated. “My lord?” he questioned, gesturing to the box of records.

“La donna e mobile, from Act III of Rigoletto,” Tom said without missing a beat. Rosier raised an eyebrow, but did not question Tom’s choice in music. As Rosier began searching for the record in question, Tom turned to face Severus. “Are you familiar?”

He shook his head. “I…don’t know too much about classical music or operas,” he admitted.

“Mmm. Pity,” Tom hummed. Before Severus could apologize for his ignorance, the music began playing, slow, yet lively. “Severus, may I have this dance?” Tom asked unexpectedly.

Severus blinked. Without thinking, he says, “But we are both men…”

“And? Were you not dancing with Lucius and Regulus earlier, among many other young men?” Tom asked. “I fail to see how this would be different than that.”

Severus knew for a fact it was viewed in society as a very different thing to dance with a group of men, versus dancing one-on-one with one. Then again, this was not normal society, was it? This was Tom’s society, in which Tom ruled. Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s placing his hand in Tom’s cool, outstretched one.

Tom smiles. “That’s it,” he purrs. “Good boy.”

Severus’s knees momentarily go weak, and he knows he’s blushing. He cannot bring himself to care in that moment though, as he drinks up the brief praise like a dehydrated man in the desert. His heart is pounding even faster than before.

Tom pulls him close, so close their chests touch. One hand is placed on the small of Severus’s back, as the other continues to clasp his hand. Then, they begin to dance.

Tom leads, for which Severus is grateful. Not only did Severus not really know how to slow- dance with someone, but he also was feeling a bit lightheaded from the combination of alcohol and substances he had consumed that night.

About halfway through the song, the red eyed man chuckled. “I think you may have overdid it a bit, my boy.”

“Hmm?” Severus hums in question. He had laid his head against Tom’s shoulder, as it suddenly felt too heavy to hold up anymore.

Tom chuckled again, the hand on Severus’s back rubbing up and down. Strangely, Severus was reminded of his mother, when she would gently rub his injured back, trying to soothe him to sleep.

Severus blinked slowly, his eyelids growing heavy. A bit of anxiety gripped him, as he lost his footing - however, he did not fall.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you,” were the last words Severus heard from Tom, before darkness claimed him.

Chapter Text

Severus experiences the rest of the night in vague, colorful flashes.

He feels arms around him, holding him, and he hears Tom’s voice, quiet and calm. He then sees Regulus’s face and hears his voice, loud and panicked. There are tears swimming in his silver eyes, as he gestures wildly. Tom’s soft, deep voice rumbles, and Regulus seems to calm down at least.

He feels movement, the sensation of being carried for a fair distance. All he can focus his eyes on are the stars above, the colors of them all blurring together to the point that it was almost dizzying. Eventually all movement ceased, and there was a harsh tugging in Severus’s stomach accompanied by the pop of Apparation.

He feels himself sitting on something soft, swaying slightly. Tom’s kneeling on the floor in front of him, undoing the silver buckles on Severus’s boots. He says something, then looks up. His eyes seem to glow red.

He feels fingers combing through his soft hair, ribbon long gone. Also gone is his shirt, Severus realizes, as he feels the cool fingers drop lower, brushing over the spiderweb of raised scars on his back. He shivers, arching away, but the hands seem to follow.

He feels himself sitting somewhere new, somewhere cold and hard. A bathroom, he realizes, distantly. He also realizes he is completely naked now. The contents of his stomach soon expel themselves violently into the toilet bowl. A cool hand is once again placed on his back, rubbing it gently, but it does not remain there. Slowly, Severus feels the hand move lower, lower. He jolts as the hand dips between his legs, rubbing in insistent circles. He tries to turn around, tries to speak, but his stomach roils again, forcing him to be sick into the bowl once more.

He feels a sharp pain, and finally manages to cry out, “Stop!”

The next time Severus awakened, he knew several hours had passed, as he was now sporting a horrendous hangover migraine. He also recognized that he was lying in a completely unfamiliar room. The bed on which he laid was not lumpy in the slightest, and the sheets were silky and smooth, not rough and hole-filled. Additionally, the darkness that permeated this room was a complete one, not the neon-filled darkness of his Knockturn Alley apartment. Soft opera music echoed through the otherwise silent room.

He brought a hand up to press against the area above his left eyebrow, fighting desperately to remember what had happened the previous night. For the life of him, however, he could not remember anything beyond Tom asking him to dance.

The hairs on the back of Severus’s neck stood up as he heard a soft groan from somewhere in the darkness, followed by the feeling of someone shifting beside him. He nearly jumped out of his skin, when a hand reached out and touched his stomach, rubbing gentle circles.

“Severus?” Tom’s familiar voice echoed quietly in the darkness. “Are you awake?”

Severus opened his mouth to answer, but his throat was so dry he quickly fell into a coughing fit.

Tom spelled on some lights, which were - thankfully for Severus’s sake - rather dim. He then spelled some water into a glass, handing it to Severus to drink, which he did so gratefully.

“Slow down,” Tom ordered gently. “We don’t want you getting sick again.”

Severus paused in drinking his water, horror washing over him. He had gotten sick? He could not remember anything…

Perhaps Regulus had been right, perhaps he had overdone it…

“Sorry…” Severus said quietly, once the glass was empty.

Tom tilted his head. His hair was slightly messy from sleep. “What are you sorry for?”

Severus quickly ducked his head, hair covering his face. “It sounds like I got sick at some point last night. I’m sorry about that…” The more Severus thought about it, the more embarrassed he felt.

“You…don’t remember getting sick?” Tom questioned, raising his eyebrows.

Severus shook his head, wincing slightly in pain. “No…”

“Mmm,” Tom hummed in interest. He then waved his wand, and a couple of potion bottles came flying his way. Severus recognized them as a basic pain potion, as well as a hangover potion. “Here,” he said, holding them out to Severus.

Severus hesitated to take them though. “Oh, I’m alright-”

“There’s no point in suffering when there is relief to be had. Suffering pointlessly is such a Muggle ‘martyr’ thing to do.” He paused. “Besides, you are my official potion maker now. I’m sure you can brew me a whole new batch to replace these couple of potions, and yours will be ten times as strong.”

Severus swallowed hard at such high praise of his skills. However, he did reach out to take the potions. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘ten times’. Six times as strong, perhaps.”

Tom let out one of his singular, “Ha!” laughs. He then got up from the king sized bed, heading over to a tea-making station. “You take your tea black if I remember correctly, yes?”

Severus nodded, before taking the two potions. Immediately, his head soothed, his stomach calmed, and the aches left his body. However, he was left with the overwhelming urge to use the restroom.

“Do you have a bathroom?” he asked hesitantly.

Tom waved his hand flippantly towards a closed door. “It’s an en suite.”

Severus nodded, climbing to his feet. He wore a cotton nightshirt (much too short), and matching underwear. He moved quickly to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

The bathroom was large and elegant, and similar to the bedroom, it was decorated in shades of dark green, black, and silver. As Severus went to use the toilet, he was able to look out the window to see that they were more than likely in a penthouse in London - Tom’s penthouse in London. The height made Severus dizzy, so he quickly focused on the task at hand. However, he winced, having felt a stinging sensation when he pissed.

When he stood, he was surprised to see a couple drops of blood in the toilet.

‘I can’t be on my period, I have been on potions that block that sort of thing for years…’ was the first thought that came to Severus’s mind. He bit his lip, bunching up the nightshirt in his hands.

Right. The nightshirt and underwear. How had he gotten in these clothes? He could not have possibly changed into them himself, not in the state he had been in the previous night.

Severus forced himself to take a calming breath, before he brought down a hand between his legs, hesitantly feeling himself. He let out a soft hiss, feeling that he was slightly swollen and tender.

He stared at himself as he washed his hands, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach.

‘You need to calm down Snivellus,’ his internal voice scolded, sounding strangely like Sirius Black. ‘Not everything has to be some big drama fest. So what if your cunt’s swollen and bleeding, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.’

Severus hated lying to himself.

He exited the bathroom, and immediately Tom was there, giving him tea, gentle smile on his face. Seeing Severus’s expression though, Tom’s own face became concerned. “Severus? Is something wrong?”

Severus looked at the teacup in his hands, then up at Tom. He shook his head.

Tom nodded, but looked doubtful. “Well then…Why don’t we sit. There are some things I should like to discuss with you.”

Severus followed Tom over to a little table and chairs set up by the fireplace. Tom lit the fire with the wave of his wand, a pleasant heat washing over them both. Just as Severus went to take a drink of his tea, Tom spoke, “So tell me about the scars.”

Severus nearly choked on his drink. “Excuse me?”

Tom raised an eyebrow. “On your back. Your arms. Your thighs.”

Severus was silent for several beats, the record playing soft opera music being the only sound in the room. “I fail to see how this subject could possibly be of interest to you,” he said evasively.

Tom’s eyebrow arched up further. “You are part of my family now, if you haven’t forgotten. Believe it or not, I care deeply for those in my family.” He rubbed his chin. “The scars on your upper arms, as well as your upper thighs, let’s talk about those first.”

If anyone else would have asked him something like that, especially so flippantly, he would have sneered at them and said something biting. But this was Tom…so Severus merely took a deep breath, before saying, “They’re exactly what you think they are.”

Tom gave him a careful look. “They appear well-healed, at least.”

Severus gave a curt nod. “It has been around a year now since I have…dabbled.” He shifted uncomfortably.

“I see.” Tom’s gaze was intense. “Well, be sure to let me know if you ever get…cravings again. We will handle things accordingly.”

Severus was a little unsure what exactly that meant, but he found himself nodding nonetheless.

“Good boy,” Tom praised. “And your back?”

Severus sat tight-lipped for a moment. “I was often punished, as a child,” he said vaguely.

“By your Muggle father, I presume?” Severus gave a half shrug, before nodding. “The same Muggle that killed your mother.”

Severus released a shuddering sigh, nodding. “Yes… He had a hatred for all things magic. Myself and my mum included. When I was very young, my magic was often…uncontrollable. This usually led to punishments. Things got a little better once I went to Hogwarts and learned to control things a bit, but…” Severus trailed off.

Tom had a strange expression on his face. “But?”

Severus shook his head, a bitter smile curling his lips. “He still beat us. Often. When I was home, I took the brunt of it, but when I wasn’t…” He shook his head again, this time to clear it. “In the end, I wasn’t there to protect my mother when he went on a drunken, drug-induced rampage. Pushing her down the bloody stairs…”

“I’m so sorry, Severus,” Tom said, sounding genuine. Severus merely shrugged slightly, taking a long sip of his tea. “What was his tool of choice?”

“Hm?”

“To beat you with?”

“Ah…” Severus cringed slightly. “A belt.”

“How barbaric,” Tom said, sounding disgusted. “To beat any child is a damnable offense, but to do so to the extent that said child has the scars you have…” He shook his head. “And there are people out there that call me evil.”

The conversation trailed off after that, the two sitting in a comfortable silence except for the crackling fire and opera music. The sun slowly began to rise over the horizon, brightening the room. Severus finished his tea, before standing. “I suppose I should probably get going…”

Tom stood as well. “Ah, so soon?”

Severus nodded. “Unfortunately. I have a few commissions I need to finish up before I begin my work for you.” It was a small lie. To be frank, Severus was beginning to feel like he was suffocating in Tom’s bedroom.

Tom eyed him closely, and Severus fought not to squirm. Then, he simply said, “I see. I will give you a week or so to tie up loose ends. But then I expect you to report either here or Malfoy Manor, daily. We have a lot of work to do.”

Severus nodded. “Understood.” He paused though, once again looking down at himself. “Ah…my clothes…?”

“Oh, right,” Tom went to retrieve his clothing, robes, and shoes from a chair near the bed. As he passed off the items though, he placed his hand on Severus’s arm, it lingering there. “For the record, I think the nightshirt suits you better,” he purred. Severus swallowed hard, his cheeks heating up. Then Tom allowed him to pull back.

Severus suddenly realized he had not thanked Tom for taking care of him while he was inebriated. “Ah…um…thank you. For taking care of me last night.”

Tom smiled. “Of course, my snakelet. Anytime.”

Severus nodded, hesitating, before he Apparated back to his apartment.

As soon as he arrived back at his apartment, he could tell something was wrong. Then, he saw Regulus, curled up asleep in his easy chair.

“Ahem,” Severus cleared his throat blandly.

Silver eyes flickered open; there were bags under them. When said eyes focused on Severus, a wide range of emotions flashed through them: Shock, concern, relief…then anger.

Regulus was on his feet in seconds, stalking over to Severus. “Where the hell have you been?!”

Severus bristled at his tone. “I don’t think it is any of your business-”

“The hell it’s not!” Regulus exclaimed. “It was my job to keep an eye on you last night! And you…you got all messed up and passed out…” Regulus trailed off, before shaking himself. “Then you and Tom just fucked off to who-knows-where…”

“Well, you would think that would answer your previous question, wouldn’t it?” Severus asked sarcastically.

Regulus paused. “You…were with Tom?” Severus nodded curtly. “Oh…”

Severus felt a shift in the air. “Problem?” he asked Regulus, raising an eyebrow.

Regulus’s eyebrows furrowed. “I suppose not,” he said, after a lengthy pause. He ran a hand through his messy hair. Severus realized that Regulus was still dressed in his attire from the previous night.

Severus opened his mouth to say something, but Regulus interrupted him. “What the hell are you wearing?”

Severus flushed. Using his free hand, he tried to tug the rather short nightshirt lower. “Nevermind that.”

Regulus chuckled slightly, shaking his head. “I guess I should get going. I’m…” he hesitated. “I’m glad you’re alright, Severus.”

Strangely, Severus got a bit of a lump in his throat at those words. He simply nodded.

Regulus headed for the door, but paused once more, once his hand touched the knob. “...One more thing. He looked over his shoulder at Severus. “Be careful with Tom.”

Severus’s eyebrows furrowed. Swallowing, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. Be careful,” Regulus said. “He’s a brilliant man with a lot of great ideas, but…he can be volatile, especially if you get on his bad side. So…stay on his good side, alright?”

Severus frowned. “I don’t need your concern. I can take care of myself, I always have.”

Regulus let out a frustrated sigh, but said, “Just…keep it in mind, will you?” And with that, he left Severus alone.

Chapter Text

Over the next several weeks, Severus fell into a routine.

He spent the vast majority of his days at Malfoy Manor, locked away in the potions lab, brewing any number of potions Tom requested. Other times, he was encouraged to spend his time experimenting, creating new potions of all types. On the days he was not in the potions lab, he was in the library, studying Spellcraft - the art of creating spells - or Occlumency and Legillimency. Generally, Tom seemed content to allow Severus to do as he saw fit, so long as he was productive.

Speaking of, Severus spent most of his afternoons with Tom. The older man enjoyed a good afternoon tea, and enjoyed the younger man’s presence even more. The two would usually start out discussing Severus’s latest experiment, before moving onto a wide variety of other subjects. More often than not, Tom would ask rather prying, personal questions at varying points in the conversation. Severus would usually act evasive at first, trying to steer things in another direction, but would usually give in in the end with enough pushing. Tom had this special way about him that could always get Severus to open up, bare his soul.

His evenings were usually spent amongst his fellow Death Eaters. They enjoyed social gatherings and had made it very clear the night of his Initiation that he was expected at these functions. Whether the event was a simple dinner party, a networking event, a house show, or any other such nonsense, alcohol and drugs were always present - and the pressure to partake was quite prevalent. If another Death Eater offered you something, you took it, no questions asked. Severus often found himself taking potions or pills or drinks, without truly knowing what they were - something he never would have done, before getting the Mark on his arm. Now it was simply expected…and Severus found himself not minding terribly, though he would end most of his nights passed out.

About half the time, he would wake up in his own bed, with Regulus asleep in his easy chair after having kept watch over him all night. The younger man would spend the morning attempting to take care of Severus while scolding him for “overdoing it again”. Things would often devolve into a screaming match that would go nowhere, followed by Regulus leaving abruptly, promising he would never do anything nice for Severus again. He was always there the next time, though.

The other half of the time, Severus would wake up from passing out in Tom’s bed.

Tom’s bed was a king size four poster, covered in green silken sheets, with a mattress made of the softest material Severus had ever felt. There was always a glass of water waiting for Severus on the nightstand beside the bed, along with a couple of potions. Tom and him would usually sit and chat for a little while, before Severus had to go start his day all over again.

He rather enjoyed this routine…for the most part, anyway. After all, there were signs that something was not quite right in his life.

One day, as Severus was going to change out of the nightshirt Tom had put him in the previous night, he found a bite mark around his nipple.

Multiple times, as he went to relieve himself in Tom’s toilet the morning after a party, he noticed spit congealing around his genitals.

Another instance, he woke up feeling so sore between his legs, he could hardly walk.

Severus kept quiet about these things though. After all, he was still the newest Death Eater, and he did not want to make waves. He also wanted to stay on Tom’s good side, and he doubted accusing him of perverted actions would do him any favors. No, he could deal with a little discomfort; he had been dealing with uncomfortable things for his entire life.

He could deal with it.

He really could…

…

Severus found himself slowly swimming his way towards consciousness. The closer he got to waking up, the stranger and stranger he felt, though. Heat seemed to spread through him in waves, making him want to squirm. Distantly, he felt himself spreading his legs in his sleep. “Hnnn…” Severus jolted slightly as a sound was ripped from his own lips.

“That’s it,” he heard Tom’s voice, distant and at the same time, too close. He felt his breath, hot and heavy, against Severus’s ear. “That’s my snakelet…”

Severus suddenly realized Tom was touching him intimately. He felt his hand jammed down his underwear, resting on his pelvis…he felt his thumb rubbing over Severus’s clit insistently.

“Ah…hhh…” Severus felt himself let out desperate little whines. In response, Tom wrapped his free arm around Severus, pulling him close.

“Shhh, shhh, you’re doing so well…” Tom said, as though he was not talking to someone unconscious and unwilling.

Severus felt himself moving slightly in his unconsciousness, arching his pelvis up to meet Tom’s touches.

He felt Tom chuckle, before he whispered, “You needed this…” His movements became quick, sending vibrations shooting through Severus.

“Oh, hhh, hhh…!” Severus found himself crying out as he came abruptly into Tom’s hand.

Tom did not seem put off by this, though, simply continuing to rub Severus’s clit. His other fingers moved lower though, dipping into Severus’s dampness. “You’re so wet…” Tom spoke, his voice becoming rather low, husky. Severus felt a burning pressure, as Tom inserted a finger into him. Severus felt his body squirm at the intrusion, but Tom seemed pleased. “Oh, you like that, don’t you?” He inserted another finger.

Severus’s eyes flickered open, and immediately his body went rigid. Feeling this, Tom’s hands stopped and he pulled back. There was irritation in his crimson eyes, when they met Severus’s black ones. However, his voice was casual when he spoke. “Oh. You’re awake.”

Tom seemed to be waiting for Severus to say something, possibly to give him the go ahead to continue molesting him. Instead, Severus merely managed to choke out, “I am…” in a slightly quivering voice.

Tom’s eye twitched, before he let out a sigh. He reached over and patted Severus’s stomach, before climbing to his feet, going over to make the two of them tea like nothing had happened.

Severus wanted to get up, to Apparate somewhere far away from this stuffy, too-hot room…but instead he simply got up, walking over to his usual spot by the fireplace, waiting for Tom to bring him tea.

Tom did so, and they sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes. Eventually though, Tom sighed, shaking his head. “You’re embarrassed.”

Severus blinked. “Pardon?”

“You’re embarrassed, and understandably so. During the daytime, when you are conscious and awake, you are always so withdrawn, reserved. But here, in my chambers, at my mercy, you become undone - moaning like a slut, without even realizing it.” Tom licked his lips slowly. “You’re embarrassed, but you shouldn’t be. I, for one, find your whorish whimpers delectable.”

The teacup shook in Severus’s hand. When Tom gave him a pointed look, waiting, Severus managed to choke out, “Th…thank you, my lord…”

“While I would love to continue this conversation, I have a meeting with Abraxas this morning. Go home, get cleaned up, and I will see you this afternoon for our usual tea,” Tom said casually, patting Severus’s thigh.

Severus didn’t even say a proper goodbye upon being dismissed, and he nearly splinched himself Apparating away so quickly.

He violently stripped off the nightshirt and underwear, as soon as he landed in his apartment. He nearly became ill at how cum-soaked the underwear were, wondering for how long Tom had been touching him. He shook those thoughts away though, as he stepped into the shower. He did not stay under the stream for long, though, soon stepping out and going to change into some clean clothing. In spite of the mid August heat, Severus dressed himself in a thick black sweater, long pants, and boots.

He then began pacing around his apartment, trying to fight the growing churning sensation in his stomach. Eventually, he came to a sudden halt, a strong thought breaking through his carefully constructed Occlumency shields: ‘I need to talk to Regulus, now.’

Severus found himself grabbing a handful of Floo powder, tossing it into the fire. Before he could regret his decision, he spoke the location, “Black Manor,” before stepping through.

It was not polite to step into someone’s house without at least some warning, Severus learned, as Walburga Black ripped into him. Hearing the commotion, though, Regulus was not long to arrive.

“Severus, I wasn’t expecting you,” Regulus said, seeming genuinely surprised, but not displeased. “Come up to my room. I’ll show you my record collection!”

Severus did not say a word, simply following Regulus up a couple flights of stairs, until they reached his room.

“What’s wrong?” Regulus asked, half joking, as he shut the door behind the two of them. However, when Severus ducked his head, not responding right away, Regulus’s voice gained a different, more serious tone. “I’m serious. What’s wrong, Sev?”

Severus hesitated, chewing on his lip. Eventually though, he asked, “Is the Dark Lord…attracted to me?”

“Attracted to you? How?” Regulus asked, clearly baffled.

“You know…” Severus’s head spun. “Sexually…?”

Regulus stared at him. “Sexually…” he said, eventually.

Severus was sweating and he looked pale, ill. “Listen, Regulus…forget I said anything-”

“Has he said something?” Regulus interrupted Severus. When he shook his head, Regulus lowered his voice, asking, “Has he…done anything…?” Severus’s breathing quickened. Regulus sucked in a breath of his own. “I see.” Severus was surprised to see, of all things, jealousy swimming in Regulus’s eyes.

“Regulus-”

“I think you should go,” Regulus cut him off, turning away.

Severus swallowed hard, feeling tears of frustration spring to his eyes unbidden. “It…it’s not what you think-”

“I think,” Regulus repeated slowly, “you should go.”

Severus spun on the spot, Apparating back to his lonely apartment where his thoughts were far too loud.

Chapter Text

Things got way worse after that. He was unsure what it was, but it was as though some invisible string of tension had snapped when Severus had awoken that day. It was almost like Severus not immediately turning Tom down had been a sign to the older man: A sign to keep going.

Severus bit down on his hand to stop the whimper from escaping his lips, as Tom pressed a couple of fingers inside of him. He could not stop himself from squirming, however, his legs shaking.

He was slapped lightly across the vagina, causing him to let out a surprised yelp. “Now, now my snakelet, we’ve talked about this. I want to hear your pretty voice.”

Severus flushed with supreme embarrassment, wondering for the millionth time, ‘How did I get here?’

However, he did as Tom said, releasing his hand. Tom gently patted his tummy. “That’s my good boy,” he purred, before once again ramming his fingers deep inside Severus.

“Ah! Hhhh,” Severus cried out hoarsely, bunching up the sheets beneath him in his hands. He came like he usually did: Hard and fast, almost painfully so. Almost as though he was cumming out of a means of survival, nothing more. Tom did not seem to mind, though. In fact, he smirked, before dipping his head low, tongue darting out to lap up Severus’s cum.

“Mmm…M-my Lord…” Severus stuttered, breathlessly. “I…I c-can’t…hnn…it’s t-too much…” Tom did not appear to be close to stopping, though. Without thinking, Severus brought down a hand to try and cover himself. Tom grabbed his wrist in a tight fist, slamming it down on the bed. Severus nearly flinched under Tom’s glare.

“We stop, when I say we stop. Understood?” Tom bit out, absolute fury swimming in his gaze. Severus found himself nodding meekly. Tom once again smiled. “Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to continue eating your pussy.”

Severus did, in fact, mind. However, it was unlike he could say that to Tom, especially when he got into such an insatiable state. He jolted, gasping, as Tom’s long tongue entered him, filling him. Severus, to his horror, found himself rocking his hips to meet Tom’s mouth, which had now curled into a smirk. Shame filled him, when he whimpered at the tongue’s removal.

“Do you see, my little snake? All you have to do is be a good boy and give in to me, and you will enjoy yourself just as much as I do,” Tom purred, nuzzling Severus’s thigh. Then he drew his tongue over the entrance to Severus’s vagina, causing the younger man to shudder. Tom chuckled, before plunging his tongue inside once more.

“Ah! P-please!” Severus found himself begging as he arched his back off the bed. What exactly he was begging for, he was unsure. All he knew was that he felt a desperation burning in his heart.

Tom thrust his tongue in and out of Severus several times, before pulling back to lick his lips. A look of pure hunger had overtaken his expression. Tom summoned a potion bottle, before he messily splashed the potion over his fingers. Said fingers then entered Severus once more, gently thrusting in and out to spread the potion around.

Severus gasped, before he found himself rolling his hips to meet the thrusts of Tom’s fingers. The potion had a strange quality to it, almost like it was warming his very soul, making him more pliant to Tom’s desires. At the very least, it was definitely warming him physically, making him aroused against his wishes.

Severus squirmed when the fingers left him, panting heavily. However, he froze when Tom stood up, undoing his pants. He grabbed ahold of Severus’s hips and yanked him to the edge of the king sized bed.

Severus was frozen in fear and general submission to Tom, but he managed to say, “I-I’m not ready, please-”

Tom abruptly leaned over him, grabbing Severus’s chin between his fingers. His face was furious as he growled, “You’re ready, if I say you’re ready, snakelet.” And with that, he thrust into Severus.

Whatever potion Tom had used on him, it appeared to also be effective in numbing any pain that came from sexual intercourse, as Severus was surprised to find. Aside from a slight stretching sensation, there was no soreness. He supposed he should be grateful, but shame outweighed all other feelings at that moment. Perhaps pain would have made it easier. Perhaps Tom knew that.

Severus found himself throwing his head back and moaning as Tom thrust into him over and over again. Tom was bent low over him, so their chests were practically touching. He soon latched onto Severus’s neck, nibbling and sucking until he had marked him.

“M-my Lord, I’m…ah…” Severus stuttered mindlessly, unable to form a coherent thought in his pleasure.

“Cum for me,” Tom said lowly. He dropped a hand down to rub Severus’s clit as he picked up speed with his thrusts.

“Hhh!” Severus jolted as he came again, this time even stronger. He was left a quivering mess after, unable to move much at all. Distantly, he felt Tom give a few last strong thrusts, before he came inside Severus.

“Fuck…” Tom muttered, rolling his hips into Severus, until he had emptied every last drop of himself into the younger man. He pulled back, before watching with utter fascination as a little bit of the milky liquid dripped out of Severus.

Tom went to retrieve Severus’s underwear from where he had tossed them earlier, pulling them on Severus in a fluid movement. Severus let out a little embarrassed whine, when Tom pressed a finger to his crotch, wiggling it around. Sure enough, a small stain appeared on the underwear, where Tom’s cum leaked out of Severus.

“You did so well, my little snake,” Tom praised, now moving his hand to rub comforting circles on Severus’s quivering tummy.

Severus didn’t respond, merely biting his lip. Tom gave a laugh, patting Severus’s stomach a couple more times, before he stood once more.

“I have a meeting to get to. You can, of course, stay here as long as you want, I do not mind.” He paused as he made his way to the door, though. “Just make sure you keep my cum inside of you until our afternoon tea. I love the idea of you walking around, my fluid dripping out of you~”

And with that, he left.

Severus brought down a hand hesitantly between his legs, wincing when he felt how damp his underwear were already. ‘How did I get here?’ Severus asked himself again.

It took several tries for him to climb to his feet, as the arousal potion was still working its unfortunate magic on him. His legs shook as he went to retrieve his nightshirt and wand, pulling the former on and holding the latter aloft. For a moment he hesitated, worried about splinching himself, but his desperation to get out of Tom’s room won out over that fear.

He arrived back at his apartment in one piece, if only barely. He immediately collapsed into his easy chair, his entire body shaking. Without a thought, he summoned a half empty bottle of Firewhiskey, not even bothering to pour it into its own glass before he took a swig.

Severus was unsure how long he sat there drinking, but at some point he had the sense to get up and put something on other than the short nightshirt. He pulled on a dark sweater and matching pants. He made sure the pants in particular would hide any stains. Severus winced slightly at the thought, but, every time he moved, he could still feel Tom filling him, slowly dripping out of him. He followed his directions though.

Severus made it back to his chair and was about to take another swig of his drink, when his Floo suddenly activated. Regulus Black’s face appeared, looking sheepish.

“Hey, can I come over and talk?” he asked.

Severus felt himself give a single nod, before saying, “Fine.”

Regulus disappeared for a moment, before reappearing as he stepped through the fireplace. After brushing the soot off of his fancy blue robes, he gave Severus a half smile. “Hey.”

Severus merely nodded.

Regulus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Listen I…hate how we left things last time.” Severus had to fight to remember how they had ‘left things’. It felt like a lifetime ago, that day Severus went to visit Regulus. “I was just shocked, that’s all! Your line of questioning seemed to come out of nowhere, and the idea of the Dark Lord fancying you just seemed…well, unexpected to say the least.”

Severus felt himself shivering.

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for basically throwing you out. I…let my emotions get the better of me, and…I…” Regulus trailed off, suddenly noticing the open bottle of Firewhiskey sitting at Severus’s feet. “Are you day-drinking?” he questioned suddenly.

Severus glanced down at the bottle, then back up at Regulus. He gave a half shrug. He couldn’t stop shivering.

Regulus gave an awkward little chuckle. “Huh. You always used to judge me for doing the exact same thing. What’s changed, Severus?” When he did not respond, Regulus focused his attention on Severus’s too pale face, his clenched jaw. His eyebrows furrowed. “Severus?”

Severus’s eyes focused on Regulus, distant and glassy. “Lots of things have changed,” he said quietly.

“You’re shaking…” Regulus mumbled. He bit his lip, before he knelt in front of Severus, hesitantly reaching out to take Severus’s hands into his own. Regulus frowned when Severus did not immediately pull away, knowing something must definitely be wrong. “Talk to me.”

Severus hesitated, looking down at Regulus’s hands, holding his own so gently. “There’s nothing to say-”

“Bullshit. Something’s wrong, I can feel it.” Regulus watched Severus’s face carefully. “Is one of the other Death Eaters giving you trouble? Or is it someone else?” He paused. “Is it Tom?”

Severus was unable to stop himself from tensing.

For the first time, Regulus noticed the hickey blooming on Severus’s neck. He also noticed how strongly he smelled of fresh sex. He could not keep the bitter sarcasticness out of his voice, when he asked, “Lover’s quarrel?”

Severus’s nails dug into Regulus’s hands, and his expression became tight. “We are not lovers,” he snapped, though his voice trembled.

“Okay, then why do you smell like a damned whore house?” Regulus raised his voice slightly in irritation. Severus jerked his hands away from Regulus’s, but Regulus continued, “Just admit it! You’ve spent the entire morning getting fucked by Tom Riddle!”

“It’s not like I wanted it!” Severus snapped as he lunged to his feet. His furious expression soon left him, though, to be replaced instead by a dazed one. His face became paler than it already was, and he swayed on his feet. Regulus was on his feet in an instant, steadying him, with a concerned expression on his face.

With Regulus’s help, Severus slowly sunk back into the chair, wincing painfully. After a beat of silence, Regulus spoke up rather timidly, “What do you mean? You didn’t want to have sex?”

Severus sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “What do you think?” he asked dully.

“I think…” Regulus said slowly, “That you are accusing the Dark Lord of rape…”

Severus flinched slightly at those words, dipping his head low so his hair covered his face. “I…th-that’s not…” he stuttered, shaking.

Severus jumped, as suddenly a blanket was thrown around his shoulders. He looked up to see Regulus staring at him, but he looked away quickly. “Have you taken any potions yet?”

“...No…” Severus admitted.

Regulus went over to where Severus’s potion stores were. His hands shook as he fumbled around, eventually grabbing three potions. Severus recognized them as a pain relief draught, a topical pain relief potion, and his daily contraceptive. Holding up the two pain potions, Regulus asked, “Do you think you need either of these?”

“Both, most likely…” Severus admitted, taking the potions from Regulus. He swallowed down the regular pain relief potion, leaving the topical one to put on in private.

Regulus was staring at him again. After taking a deep breath, he asked, “How long has this been going on for?”

“I…do not know for sure. Most of the time he has…violated me, I have been unconscious.” Severus said quietly.

Regulus abruptly made a choking noise, turning away. Severus cringed slightly.

“I just…I thought introducing you to Tom was going to be a good thing. A good thing for him, a good thing for the cause, a good thing for you. Turns out it was just a good thing for him…” Regulus trailed off, sniffling. “Fuck…”

Severus sighed. “It’s not your fault. It’s not like you knew something like this was going to happen.”

“But I should have known, shouldn’t I? You, you don’t go to the meetings of the Dark Lord’s inner circle, you don’t see what he is capable of. I do! I should have known, I should have known!” Regulus rubbed his face in distress. Turning back to Severus, his expression was the most serious it had ever been. His voice came out husky, when he next spoke, “You were never supposed to get hurt. That’s the absolute last thing I wanted…”

Severus swallowed hard. “Regulus…”

Regulus turned away again. “And now you’re trapped…”

Chapter Text

Severus was indeed trapped - the tattoo on his arm alone proved this.

Regulus begged him to stay away from Tom that day, to at least give his poor body a break, but Severus knew he couldn’t do that. That was how Severus found himself standing in front of Tom, hands held in front of himself submissively.

“Come here, my snakelet,” Tom purred, directing Severus to come stand directly in front of him. He reached a hand out, grabbing Severus’s crotch suddenly, causing him to gasp. Tom smirked, before reaching up to undo Severus’s pants, pushing them down around his ankles. He pressed the palm of his hand between Severus’s legs, chuckling when he felt Severus’s swollen cunt twitch through his underwear. “So needy. Let’s see how well you behaved.”

Tom pushed the underwear aside, before abruptly sticking a finger inside of Severus, swirling it around. “Oh! Ooh…mmm…” Severus made a couple soft sounds, biting his lip, closing his eyes. Tom’s expression was one of pleasure, as he slowly fucked Severus with his finger. When Tom removed the finger entirely, Severus’s pussy twitched, more of Tom’s cum from earlier dripping down his trembling thighs.

“What a good boy, you listen so well!” Tom praised. “You know, that very first night we met, I knew there was something special about you. I told you to take a shot of a mysterious drug, and you did so, no questions asked. It was truly then, that I knew, you would become my most favorite plaything.” Tom patted his thigh. “Come, sit.”

Severus hesitated, before doing what was asked of him, expression one of supreme embarrassment. Tom brought a hand up to the back of Severus’s head, forcing him to lay his head against the older man’s chest. He stroked his back gently.

Severus trembled under his ministrations. It was quiet and kind moments like this, that made the sexual abuse feel so much worse.

Then, Tom was pressing a glass to Severus’s lips. He opened his eyes to see a shot glass containing the swirling golden liquid from their first meeting. He pressed his lips together, remembering the reaction he had last time, but Tom was insistent. “Drink, Severus,” he commanded.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut as he opened his mouth, allowing the liquid flow in. His eyes shot open though upon tasting it, quickly trying to spit it out. However, Tom’s hand quickly covered his mouth, until he was forced to swallow.

“That was strong!” Severus said accusingly.

Tom merely gave him an impassive look, before forcing Severus’s head back down, against his chest. Severus squirmed, but eventually his movements died down. “Hhhh…Huh…Tom…” he breathed.

Tom chuckled, stroking Severus’s hair. “Yes, my pet?”

“I…I feel…hhh…” Severus gave a shudder. Subconsciously, he grinded his pelvis against Tom’s leg.

“Yeah?” Tom said breathily. “You feel nice and warm?” He pressed his leg up against Severus.

The younger man gasped, his own thighs trembling. “Y-yes…”

“Good, good…” Tom continued to move his leg, getting Severus off. It did not take long for him to cum hard thanks to the drugs swirling around in his system. He clutched onto Tom, letting out a desperate whine as he did so, before collapsing bonelessly against him. Severus then had to fight against his waning consciousness, fearful as to what Tom might do to him in such a vulnerable state.

He unfortunately lost the battle though, falling unconscious as he was wrapped up in Tom’s arms.

…

It was not very many days after this that Severus woke up with a fever.

It was thankfully one of the times he was allowed to sleep at home, as Severus woke up to his lumpy mattress in his apartment at Knockturn Alley rather than waking up to Tom’s bed. However, he felt absolutely dreadful, his body feeling both too hot and too cold at the same time, and just generally very weak.

A quick diagnostic spell later, and he realizes what’s wrong.

He sends a note to Tom, saying he will be absent for a few days, before he contacts Regulus.

Regulus is at his side in an instant. Ever since their last talk, Regulus had been very attentive and overprotective over Severus, even more so than normal.

“What’s wrong?” Regulus asked, concern evident in his expression.

“I…have a bladder infection,” Severus admitted, unable to meet the other man’s silver eyes.

Regulus made a hissing sound. “Bastard…” he muttered under his breath.

Severus bit his lip. “You really shouldn’t be saying-”

“Bastard. I didn’t stutter,” Regulus muttered under his breath. Focusing fully on Severus, he leaned forward. “What do you need me to do?”

Severus sighed, looking away. “I need you to brew an antibiotic. I am, unfortunately, out at the moment. And as for standing…” he trailed off. He had tried to brew the potion himself before Regulus arrived, but his legs had been too weak for such a task. “Do you think you can manage-?”

“Of course,” Regulus said, eager to assist.

Severus’s setup for brewing was nothing-too-fancy, merely a bunsen burner and his school cauldron set on a table. As Regulus worked to prepare the ingredients for Severus’s potion, he made conversation. “I decided I’m not returning back to Hogwarts for my Newts.”

“I kind of figured,” Severus mumbled.

“I just really don’t see the point,” Regulus continued, but as soon as he said those words, he made a face.

“You seem unsure,” Severus pointed out, wincing as another wave of pain rolled through him.

Regulus’s nose twitched. “Well of course I’m unsure. My best friend is being raped to the point of illness by the man I’m supposed to adore. Can you blame me for being a bit unsure of my future goals?”

Severus breathed in and out, slowly. Rather than address any of the more important details of Regulus’s words, he asked in a soft voice, “I’m your best friend?”

Regulus’s expression softened. “Of course…” When he next spoke, his voice cracked, “Who else is so willing to deal with my bullshit?”

Severus’s lips twitched into a rare smile.

Regulus finished the potion rather quickly, leaving it to cool. In the meantime, he dampened a cloth with cool water, placing it on the back of Severus’s neck after brushing his hair aside. “Are you experiencing any cramping?” he asked.

Severus found it hard to speak, as he often did when kindness was shown to him. “I…there is some mild cramping, yes…” he admitted.

Regulus laid a blanket over his lap, casting a heating spell on it. Severus found himself pressing the blanket to his stomach, letting out a sigh of relief.

Regulus gazed upon him impassively. “I fucking hate how much he hurts you…” he said, his voice low and full of bitterness.

Severus closed his eyes. “Regulus-”

“I fucking hate him,” he snarled, sounding so much like his brother in that moment.

Severus sighed. “You can’t mean that-”

“Oh, but I do,” Regulus said darkly. He took a deep steadying breath, before focusing on Severus. His tone changed drastically. “Severus…there’s this house in the countryside my family owns… The Dark Lord knows nothing about it, and I’m working on making sure it stays that way.”

“And…?”

“And I want you to escape there with me, when the time comes,” Regulus said, completely serious.

Severus sighed, lowering his head. “You know we can’t do that.”

“And why not?” Regulus asked, irritated.

“We’re marked by the Dark Lord, if you have forgotten. Even if we were able to escape without him noticing, to a place he had no knowledge of, he’d still be able to find us through our respective marks.”

“Then…then we’ll find some way to get rid of the marks!” Regulus said, eyes wild.

“Regulus, listen-”

“No, you listen, Severus! It’s my fault you are in this mess in the first place, so it’s my job to get you out of it!” Regulus said firmly.

Severus looked at Regulus, seeing how serious he was about this. Severus felt his heart squeeze. “You’re going to end up getting yourself killed…”

Determined silver eyes met black. “If that’s what it takes,” he said.

Chapter Text

In the end, Severus was sick for three days in total. Regulus, however, convinced him to remain away from Tom for an entire week - and he was at Severus’s side for that entire time. He made sure he was comfortable, that he was eating and sleeping. One day he had even brought him a new experimental potions book to look at, just so Severus would not get too bored.

At first, it felt very odd, to be taken care of like this; it was not something Severus was used to by any means. The two soon fell into an easy routine though, something that would almost resemble comfortable or domestic, in spite of the circumstances.

Severus found himself often thinking, during that week, ‘In another universe, things might have been different…’ He usually pressed that thought behind his Occlumency shields, before he could analyze it too closely, though. After all, what would be the point of imagining another universe? He had unfortunately made the decisions he had in this one, and he would simply have to live with them.

That was why, when his arm started to burn where the Dark Mark was located, Severus merely let out a long-suffering sigh, before climbing to his feet. “I have to go…” he told Regulus, voice remarkably even.

“Go?” Regulus questioned, looking up from the Daily Prophet he was reading. “Go where?”

“Where do you think?” Severus asked sarcastically, grabbing a set of robes to put on over his clothes.

Regulus’s eyes nearly bugged out. “He’s summoning you?”

Severus nodded. “I assume so. My Mark is burning.”

“He’s never summoned you before…” Regulus muttered under his breath.

“He’s never had to. I was going over there daily, before this week…” Severus cringed, as a sharper jolt of pain shot through his arm. “He’s getting impatient…”

“Please Severus, don’t go…” Regulus pleaded with him, grabbing at his sleeve. “I have a bad feeling about you going to the Dark Lord today…”

Severus shook his head, before shaking Regulus’s hand off him. “You know I have to.”

Regulus watched as Severus rolled up his sleeve to expose his arm and the tattoo swirling on his skin. Severus took a deep, fortifying breath, before pressing his wand to the mark. He was instantly whisked away to Tom’s current location.

Severus landed unsteadily on his feet in Tom’s bedroom. Tom himself stood in front of Severus, impassive look on his face, wand in his hand. Severus opened his mouth to speak, to apologize for his extended absence, but before he could even get a word out, a flash of red erupted from the tip of Tom’s wand.

Pain like he had never experienced before shot through Severus, immediately bringing him to his hands and knees. He clawed at the front of his robes, panting, as he desperately tried to escape the burning, searing heat shooting through his body. “Hhhhngh…” he bit out a groan.

The pain ended not long after it started. Severus cautiously looked up at Tom, who was still gazing upon him with an unreadable expression on his face. When Tom spoke, it was slowly, deliberately. “I am disappointed in you, Severus.” Severus’s stomach churned at those words. Tom leaned forward slightly. “Do you know why I’m disappointed in you?”

“B…because I was absent this past week?” Severus guessed. “I assure you, I was quite ill…”

Tom’s eye twitched. “And you did not consider that I would like to care for you when you were ill?” he questioned, sounding strangely hurt.

Severus’s head spun. “I…just figured you would not like to get sick yourself…” he said, though the excuse sounded weak even to him. He, frankly, had not even considered the fact that Tom might want to care for him when he was ill. He was also vaguely concerned what Tom’s version of caring for him might have looked like.

Tom frowned at him. “Do you not remember your vows, Severus? You belong to me, ‘mind, body, and soul’. You do not get to choose when I do and don’t have access to those things, understood?” He grabbed Severus’s chin, tilting his head back, so their eyes could meet.

Severus swallowed hard. “Understood, my lord…”

Tom’s face suddenly shifted, becoming tender. “Good. Now stand, my snakelet.”

Severus did as was told, climbing to shaky feet. Tom was suddenly in his personal space, an arm wrapping around Severus’s back, drawing him in close. Then, Tom was kissing him.

Severus had never been kissed before, so he had little experience in what would be considered a good kiss. This kiss, however, he immediately knew he did not like. Tom’s sharp teeth clacked against his, and he forced his long tongue past Severus’s lips. A hand came up to hold the back of his head, making it so he could not escape.

Severus panicked, feeling like he could not breathe. Without thinking, he clamped his teeth down on Tom’s tongue, causing him to yelp, before he pressed his hands against Tom’s chest, pushing him away.

Both Tom and Severus stared at each other in shock for a moment, neither having expected Severus to react in such a way. Tom frowned, then pointed to the bed. “Go lay down.” His voice held barely restrained fury, and his eyes practically glowed red.

“My lord, I-I’m sorry-” Severus stuttered out, but Tom merely pointed to the bed again.

Severus winced, before doing as was told, going to lay down on the bed. He heard some clinking, before Tom approached him, potion vial in hand. Severus immediately recognized the potion, and felt his heartbeat pick up.

“A Draught of Living Death…?” he questioned.

Tom merely hummed. He uncorked the bottle with his thumb, before leaning closer to Severus, pressing the bottle to his lips.

Severus’s eyes widened, and he refused to open his mouth. Tom sighed, reaching up to press his nose shut, so he could not breathe. Severus managed to hold out for nearly a full minute, before he gasped, the liquid entering his mouth. He choked slightly as Tom also covered his mouth, leaving him no choice but to swallow.

“I…I don’t understand…why…?” Severus asked, already starting to feel sleepy. Tension slowly left his body.

Tom shook his head. “You will learn that you belong to me, snakelet. One way or another.”

Severus felt Tom begin to remove his clothing, as he fell into a deep, deep sleep.

Chapter Text

Blurry black eyes opened and Severus let out a shaky gasp as he abruptly woke up. He stared up into the darkness of the room he was in, feelings of confusion and fear swirling around his mind as he fought to remember what had happened to him. He immediately moved to push himself up, but his arms shook violently, filled with weakness.

A soft sound came from somewhere in the darkness, causing Severus’s head to whip around. He could see the vague outline of human form, sitting in a chair to his right. He opened his mouth to question the person, who they were, but he only managed to choke out, “Who-” before he fell into a violent coughing fit. He fell back on the bed, hands grasping at his throat.

Suddenly, there was a body sitting beside him on the bed, an arm wrapping around his shoulders as he was pulled into a sitting position. Then, there was a glass of something being pressed to his cracked lips, a familiar voice speaking softly in his ear. “Drink.”

Utter panic gripped Severus, the memories of what had happened rushing back to him in an instant. His sickness. Tom’s disappointment. Tom’s violence. Tom’s kiss. The vial pressing to his lips. The nothing that followed.

As though reading his mind, the person beside him spoke up once more, voice sounding tired. “It’s just water, Severus…”

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, his entire body trembling. After nearly a minute of hesitation, Severus finally relented and opened his mouth, allowing the liquid to flow in. Sure enough, it was just water.

The person holding the glass did so carefully, positioning it in such a way that Severus had to slowly drink the water so as to not choke. Soon though, the glass was completely empty, and Severus was left feeling slightly better than he had felt when he had first awoken. His brain still felt quite sluggish, but he was at least a little bit more cognizant, a little less panicked.

The arm around Severus’s shoulders retreated, but not before helping to lower him back down to his pillow. The person did not return to their chair, however, instead sitting on the edge of the bed. Squinting in the darkness, he could see that their back was to him, and that they were hunched over slightly.

“Are you okay?” the person asked, and Severus was struck with the sudden realization of who they were.

“Regulus?” Severus whispered, voice terribly raspy.

Silence. Then, “The one and only,” said dully.

Severus swallowed hard, suddenly very aware of the fact that he was completely nude, only covered by the silk sheets blanketing Tom’s bed. Right. Tom’s bed. His hands balled themselves in the fabric, his knuckles turning white. “How long?”

Regulus’s hesitation was palpable. When he spoke, he sounded apologetic. “Two months.”

Severus squeezed his eyes shut.

The younger man shifted. “You probably already know this but the Draught of Living Death has a numbing effect. It will be wearing off pretty soon. And um. You’re going to need…something…” Regulus was trembling, Severus realized. His voice came out remarkably even as he spoke, though. “Come on, let’s get you to the bathroom.”

Regulus once again wrapped his arm around Severus’s shoulders, helping him to his feet. Severus was distantly reminded of all the times Regulus casually slung his arm around Severus’s shoulder, how dismayed he had been at such actions. Now, he leaned into the touch, grateful for the man’s support; his body was able to do little else.

He shook those memories away. It was taking everything in him to simply put one foot in front of the other at the moment.

The two slowly shuffled their way to the ensuite bathroom. In contrast with the darkened bedroom, the lights of the bathroom were spelled on almost too bright. Severus winced slightly, weakly bringing up a hand to shield his eyes. That was when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Severus nearly gagged.

His long hair was even more matted than it had been when he was a neglected child. While he had always been a thin man, he was practically skeletal now, ghostly pale flesh stretched thin over sharp bones. Said skin was covered in injuries, as well: Bites, scratches, bruises, welts, sores…Severus couldn’t even bring himself to look down at his genitalia, as the numbing effects of the Draught of Living Death wore off and he could feel how painful he was down there.

Regulus helped him to carefully sit on a towel on the toilet seat, draping another towel over his lap for modesty. “Right…Potions first.” He apparently had already gathered the potions Severus needed, as he started handing them to him, one at a time. First came a strong pain relief draught, followed by a couple healing potions (one for internal wounds, one for external), a nutrition replenishment potion, and then a powerful calming draught. Severus hesitated at taking the calming draught, but he decided he did, in fact, need it in that moment, considering how much he was shaking.

The last potion, Regulus hesitated to hand to him. When he did so, he spoke softly, lowering his eyes. “You’ll need this one too, I assume…”

Severus took the potion from Regulus, immediately recognizing the highly illegal brew. He cringed, before closing his eyes. “I…assume you already conducted a diagnostic spell…”

Regulus sighed heavily. “I…I’m so sorry, Severus…”

Severus shook his head. “I…suppose it is better that things are handled now, rather than later…” He took the abortion potion, knowing it would likely be a rough next few days for him. Anything was better than the alternative, though.

Strangely, Regulus suddenly went over to the gramophone Tom had placed in the bathroom, turning it on. Loud music filled the bathroom, the famous opera music “Nissun dorma!” playing from the speaker.

A floor below them, Tom looked up.

Regulus rushed back to the confused Severus, kneeling down in front of him. “We don’t have much time…”

“Regulus?” Severus questioned.

Regulus was pressing his wand to his temple, wincing as he pulled a silvery spiderweb of magic from it. Then, he was pressing the wand, the memory, into Severus’s temple. Severus jolted as the image of a small cottage on a hill filled his mind.

“I’ve made all the necessary preparations, I think!” Regulus was vibrating, his eyes wide and wild. “If everything goes as planned, then you will be safe!”

“What are you talking about-”

Regulus was suddenly grabbing Severus’s face, bringing his own face close. “The only reason Tom had me wake you up is because he has some sort of ‘job’ for you or whatever. Otherwise who knows how long he would have kept you like that…You need to get out of this,” he said, voice low, serious. “You need to get out, get away from Tom, because he is KILLING YOU!” Tears suddenly swam in Regulus’s silver eyes. “He’s killing you and I love you too much to stand by idly and watch!”

Severus opened his mouth, but he couldn’t speak at that moment.

“You need to GET OUT-!” Regulus yelled.

As the music began to swell, the door burst open. Tom was suddenly there, robes billowing around him, as he filled the frame. Regulus immediately whirled around, placing himself in between Severus and the Dark Lord. Before he could say his word or even raise his wand, a burst of bright green filled the room, and Regulus fell into Severus’s lap, dead.

Chapter Text

Severus stared down at Regulus’s corpse in utter shock, complete disbelief. He couldn’t possibly be dead, could he? Severus reached out, brushing Regulus’s soft curls away from his face. Silver eyes remained open, staring up into nothingness. Severus gasped softly.

And then, Tom was levitating the corpse away from him, out of the room. Like nothing had happened. He gazed upon Severus’s quivering form impassively. “We need to get you cleaned up.”

Severus simply stared at Tom, wide-eyed. “Y…you killed him!”

Tom raised an eyebrow, before shrugging. “He was a traitor to the cause,” he said simply, by way of explanation. He pointed to the claw-foot bathtub. “Sit.”

Severus shakily climbed to his feet, before shuffling over to the tub. It took a great deal of effort for him to lift his legs enough to climb into the tub, but he managed, sitting down. Tom spelled the faucet on, allowing hot water to flow into the basin. Severus winced as it touched his genital area.

Tom approached him, causing Severus to cower slightly, but Tom paid this no mind. He simply grabbed a washcloth, beginning to scrub Severus’s skin of the two months of grime it had built up.

“I have heard there might be an opening at Hogwarts,” Tom said suddenly. “For potions professor. Slughorn is finally retiring.”

Severus merely hummed, unable to focus on anything at all but the rough feeling of washcloth on exposed skin. Regulus was dead.

“I want you to go for that position. Get close to Dumbledore, and his army-”

“You…you want me to spy for you…?” Severus asked, dazed.

Tom shrugged slightly, before nodding. “I suppose that is precisely what I’m asking of you.”

Severus felt dizzy, pressing his forehead against the cool side of the tub, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t suppose I have much of a choice in the matter.”

“You don’t,” Tom said simply.

“Why would you choose me for this task?” Severus asked softly, genuinely confused.

“It’s quite simple, really. Albus and his lackeys might suspect you have taken the Mark, but do not really know for sure whether or not you did. This, in addition to your Occlumency skills, should give you an edge, at least in terms of being a spy,” Tom explained. He paused in his scrubbing, to reach out and stroke Severus’s hair, ignoring his flinch. “You are very talented my snakelet, in many ways. It is about time we utilize these talents to their fullest potential, don’t you agree?”

Severus gave a singular nod, because that’s what Tom wanted and expected.

“Good.” Tom pulled back. “I presume you wish to finish cleaning yourself without my assistance?”

Severus, again, gave a small nod. Regulus was dead.

Tom stood up, going to wash his hands off, before leaving the room without another word.

Severus picked up the washcloth, finishing the task where Tom had left off. Severus winced as he cleaned his genital area, the water becoming a light pink color as he bled. He was terribly, terribly sore, even with the pain potions working their magic.

Once he had finished cleaning, he rinsed himself off, before stepping out of the tub. There was a big fluffy towel waiting for him, where Regulus had left it. Right, Regulus was dead.

Severus wrapped himself up tightly in the towel, simply standing in the middle of the bathroom for a moment with his eyes squeezed shut. All he could see was Regulus’s face, dead, dead, dead.

Severus quickly bent over the toilet, heaving, but nothing came up. He nearly collapsed to his knees, but then he felt arms wrap around him. He tried to jerk away from the embrace, but was too weak. Tom’s arms only tightened around him. Severus felt his feet leave the ground as Tom suddenly picked him up, carrying him bridal-style back into the bedroom. Tom settled him near the fire, at their usual tea drinking spot, shoving a teacup into his shaking hands.

“You need to get it together,” Tom scolded him. “I have a meeting to attend. Your own meeting will be this evening, at the Hog’s Head Inn. Do try to appear presentable, both physically and mentally.” And with that, Tom popped out of existence.

Severus slowly sipped on his tea, simply trying to steady his still racing heart, to no avail. Eventually he set the teacup aside, climbing shakily to his feet. He found his clothes waiting for him on the bed, pulling them on as quickly as he could manage.

There was no possible way he could Apparate in his current weakened condition, and Tom’s penthouse was not connected to the Floo network, so it was up to public transport to make his way back to his apartment in Knockturn Alley.

He exited Tom’s apartment, making his way to the elevator, before riding it down several floors. The door man gave him a strange look as he shuffled his way out of the fancy lobby, though he did hold the door open for him. Severus cringed as he was instantly met with a spray of cool rain. He did not have to walk too long in the downpour, though, as there was Tube station not far from Tom’s apartment.

It took everything in him, just to put one foot in front of the other. By the time he reached the station, he was hunched over, breathing heavily, his arms wrapped around his aching stomach. He persevered, however, managing to find the correct platform, the correct train.

Once he was sitting in an empty car, he allowed his thoughts to drift.

‘What had Regulus been thinking?’ he found himself thinking, over and over again.

Severus pressed his sweaty forehead to the window of the train, squeezing his damp eyes shut. It was clear to him that Regulus had not been thinking too clearly when he had decided to betray Tom at that moment - he had seen the state Severus was in after not having seen him for two months, and had completely lost it. That was why the younger Black brother had decided to act as he did. That was Severus’s theory, anyway.

His thoughts drifted to the supposed ‘safe house’, being able to picture it very clearly in his mind’s eye. Distantly, he thought he could even hear children’s laughter, as he visualized the cottage on the hill. He shook the image away quickly, though, burying it deep beneath his Occlumency Shields. He knew he could not go there, at least not yet, and there were many reasons as to why.

One of the main reasons was the Dark Mark - Tom could still track him through it. If he were to go to the cottage now, he would be immediately throwing away Regulus’s sacrifice. He refused to allow Regulus’s death to be in vain.

Another reason Severus did not want to go to the cottage at that moment, was that the idea of going there without Regulus twisted his gut into knots. Ever since Regulus had spoken of escaping the Dark Lord, Severus had pictured them doing it together. And now, Severus was alone.

The last reason for not going to the cottage was a shameful one to Severus. That’s because, deep down inside of himself, in spite of everything…he still felt the need to impress Tom. The thought caused him to clench his hand over his aching stomach. Severus truly didn’t understand it. Tom had sexually abused him for months, forced him into what was essentially a magical coma just to prove a point, and now he had killed Regulus - Severus should hate him. He DID hate him. And yet…he still felt this unexplainable pull towards Tom. He craved his attention, his praise. He found himself often thinking back to those early days, when Tom would call him “fascinating”.

It made him sick, what Tom had become. It made him sicker, what Severus had become.

The train finally came to a stop, and Severus exited, making his way to the magical side of London. Thankfully, nobody seemed to pay him any mind, in spite of the fact he was quite hunched over and barely shuffling his feet along.

That was, until he was making his way down the overly crowded Diagon Alley.

“Oi, is that Snivellus?” Severus heard a familiar voice that sent ice shooting through his veins. His head shot up, and immediately black eyes met grey eyes that were way too similar to silver eyes. A smirk curled at Sirius Black’s lips, as he grabbed ahold of Remus Lupin’s arm, dragging him reluctantly towards where Severus stood frozen.

“Well I’ll be damned, it IS Snivellus! We haven’t seen you since graduation, friend!” he drawled sarcastically. He threw a muscular arm around Severus’s shoulders, jostling him. Severus felt he might be sick at any moment, at how familiar the gesture was.

He yanked away from Sirius, forcing a glare. “I’d have preferred we’d kept it that way,” he said sharply. “Now if you’ll excuse me…” He tried to step around Sirius, but he moved to block his path, essentially cornering him.

“You look awful,” Sirius said suddenly, very bluntly.

“Padfoot…” Remus scolded lightly, giving Severus an apologetic look.

“No, I’m serious. Look at him, Moony. He looks like you after you’ve been, er, sick,” Sirius pointed out.

Severus bared his teeth in a snarl, removing his wand from its harness, poking it into Sirius’s cheek. “I’m no mutt,” he said, voice low, “and if you do not move right now, things are going to-” Severus gasped suddenly, as a ripple of pain shot through his midsection. He immediately hunched over, breathing heavily.

“Snape!” Remus exclaimed in shock.

As soon as the wave of pain came, though, it mostly faded away. Severus slowly righted himself, now even paler and sweatier than before. “Just…get out of my way…” he said through gritted teeth.

Sirius didn’t move though, and he had a very strange expression on his face. His head was tilted to the side, like a curious dog. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, sounding strangely genuine.

Seeing those oh-so-familiar grey eyes, looking almost concerned…but Regulus was dead.

Severus shook his head to clear it, squeezing his eyes shut. He needed to remember who he was talking to. He couldn’t fall for this trap.

“I am moments away from hexing you with one of my more…creative spells,” Severus said, trying to not sound as tired as he felt. “Move.”

“Sirius, come on. Leave him alone…” Remus urged quietly.

Finally, Sirius seemed to relent, taking a step back. Severus immediately slipped past the two men, walking as quickly as he could manage to his home in Knockturn Alley.

He made it only a couple steps inside the door, before he collapsed to his hands and knees. His breaths came quick as he nearly hyperventilated. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, unbidden.

Regulus was dead.

Chapter Text

It took everything in Severus to haul himself up to his feet, to shuffle over to his bed so that he could curl up on it. Weakly, he spelled his pillow to be heated, pressing it to his cramping stomach. He couldn’t help but to wonder how on Earth he was supposed to pull himself together enough for a job interview, let alone one with Albus Dumbledore.

He checked the time. He at least had several hours to prepare. It would be fine. He would be fine.

As another wave of pain rolled through him, Severus let out a soft groan.

‘I have to do well on this interview,’ he thought, distantly. After all, doing well on the interview would mean he would secure a position at Hogwarts, a position spying. He would have worth beyond simply being Tom’s plaything; therefore, Tom would not be tempted to drug him with that horrid Draught of Living Death again. He hoped, anyway. He also hoped that securing a position at Hogwarts would mean he’d get to live there again, within the relative safety of its walls. And this time, there would be no Marauders to disrupt his peace.

That is, unless he eventually chose to join Dumbledore’s army, the Order of the Phoenix. His lips curled in disgust at the thought, though he knew that was Tom’s eventual goal for him. The thought of having to interact closely with the Marauders, with Lily…it turned his stomach.

‘They might be your key to freedom though,’ his internal voice - that sounded like Sirius Black - snarkily reminded him. He sighed, though. He somehow doubted, even if he turned coat and began working for the Order in earnest, that they would be willing to stick their necks out for him in any way, shape, or form. He was, in the end, a Death Eater, regrets or not.

Besides, after Regulus, the idea of anyone risking their safety for Severus’s own safety sickened him. Even the thought of the Marauders perishing made Severus squeeze his eyes shut.

No. He would not allow himself to be helped, not ever again.

He was getting ahead of himself - he needn’t worry about the Order, the Marauders, or Lily…he just needed to focus on doing well during his interview.

It was so, so important that he did well…

…

Albus Dumbledore checked his specialized pocket watch for the time, before tucking it away with a sigh. Severus Snape was late.

He had admittedly been quite surprised to hear about Severus’s interest in the position of Potions Master at Hogwarts. Sure, Severus had always been good at creating potions, but…this job…it just did not seem like quite the right fit for him. He was quiet, distant, almost surly - certainly not well equipped for teaching children.

And yet…when Albus heard Severus was interested in the position, he scheduled an interview right away.

Part of him was simply curious - what would the young man say that could convince himself that Severus was worthy for such a prestigious position?

Another part of him was concerned.

Believe it or not, Albus Dumbledore had always been very concerned about Severus, ever since he met the young lad. There were multiple reasons he was concerned, though. There was, of course, the neglect and abuse the boy suffered at the hands of his parents - of course, Albus was unable to do anything about that situation until Tobias murdered Eileen, when everything truly came to light. He forever regretted his inability to act sooner in that situation, though… bureaucracy when it came to child abuse cases - and abuse cases in general - in the magical world was something that forever disgusted him.

Beyond that, there was concern for the boy’s physical and mental wellbeing during his school years, neither of which seemed to be doing too well. He had often heard stories of and even played witness himself, to some horrific bullying. Again, he was unable to do much, Euphemia Potter and Walburga Black both being on the Hogwarts School Board. Additionally, it did not help that Severus often fought back - that always complicated matters even further, especially when it came to doling out punishments.

Furthermore, there was the concern that the boy would become a dark wizard. After all, when Severus fought back against the Marauders, he often used dark, barely legal methods to attack his attackers with. The boy always seemed to exude darkness in a way much similar to the way a young Tom Riddle had, and that concerned Albus greatly.

Perhaps it was that darkness in him that kept Albus from allowing himself to get too close to him.

Albus looked up as the door to his private room opened, and the young man of his thoughts peaked in. He immediately smiled, gesturing for Severus to enter. “Come in, my boy, come in!”

Albus’s smile wavered as Severus entered, though. Peering over the tops of his half-moon glasses, Albus closely observed the young man.

He was thin, way thinner than he had been the last time Albus saw him. His face was gaunt, with sunken cheeks, and heavy, dark bags under eyes that looked like they had seen war. He strangely had an almost clinical smell about him, like bleach or some other muggle cleaning supply. The way he moved was stiff, as though he might be in pain. When he sat opposite Albus, he let out an almost imperceptible breath of relief.

“How have you been?” Albus asked lightly, in spite of noticing these things. “I have not seen you since you graduated!”

“Yes well…I’ve been…busy,” Severus said, his words always careful.

“I see! And what is it that you have been busy with?”

Severus hesitated. “Is this…part of the interview…?”

Albus raised an eyebrow slightly. “Well…not exactly. I simply was planning to catch up with an old student of mine before we commenced with the more formal song and dance. However, if you would like to begin the interview now, we can do that as well.”

Severus appeared to swallow hard. “If we could just do the interview…I am…not feeling well today.”

“Oh you aren’t?” Albus asked, feeling that bubble of concern inside him again.

Before he could question what was ailing the young man, though, Severus cut in sharply, “I’m not contagious or anything, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

Albus blinked. “My boy, I am more so worried about your health, than my own. Are you sure you would not like to reschedule this interview for a later date?”

Severus gave a single shake of the head. “No. Let’s just…get this over with.”

Albus nodded slowly. “Alright then…Then let’s get started.”

Albus began asking Severus questions, which he answered with relatively short, clipped responses. He noticed that the longer the meeting went on, the paler and paler Severus seemed to get, also gaining a sheen of sweat across his face.

“Would you mind if we paused this for a moment? I should like to order some tea and sweets,” Albus said lightheartedly. He didn’t wait for Severus’s response before leaving the room, heading to the bar.

“How’s the interview going?” Aberforth asked him gruffly, as usual, not meeting Albus’s eyes. However he went to prepare him a tea tray without Albus even saying a word.

“Not too promising. He lacks a Potions Mastery, as well as the…disposition, for being a professor,” Albus said with a sigh. After a moment, he added, “He does not appear to be doing too well either. He looks quite ill, and his eyes…they look haunted.”

Aberforth paused, before setting the tea tray on the counter. “You don’t think he might be…?”

Albus shook his head, but said, “I do not know.”

“Err on the side of caution, Albus,” Aberforth said lowly, seriously. “Do not risk the cause by taking in a charity case.”

Albus hummed, picking up the tea tray. He smoothed out his expression, once again plastering his usual smile on his face, before returning to the room Severus was waiting in.

“Sorry about the wait, the bar was quite backed up-” Albus began, before cutting himself off.

Severus was slumped over in his seat, head dipped low, hair hanging in front of his face. His eyes were shut.

Albus quickly sat the tray down, before going to Severus’s side. He gently touched his upper arm, before giving him a slight shake. “Severus?”

Severus gasped, his eyes flying open. He jerked suddenly and violently away from Albus, causing himself to nearly topple out of his chair. Albus took a step back, raising his hands in an innocent gesture.

“My boy, are you quite alright? I was afraid you’d fainted!” Albus exclaimed, genuinely concerned.

Severus took several deep breaths, before giving a strained nod. “I…I’m sorry, I must have…dozed off for a moment there,” he explained, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“Have you not been getting good enough sleep lately?” Albus asked, eyebrows furrowing.

A sneer briefly found its way to Severus’s lips. “Too much sleep, more like,” he muttered under his breath, before saying, “It’s just my…illness. It’s just making me tired, I suppose.”

Albus frowned, ever so slightly. “Have you been checked out by a Mediwitch or Mediwizard?” Severus hesitated, which answered Albus’s question. “You really should go get checked out. No normal illness should make you so tired that you fall asleep during a job interview!”

Severus frowned as well, his lips tightening in barely-restrained anger. He kept his voice even, though, as he responded, “Excuse me, Headmaster, but I do believe that my health is none of your business.”

Albus blinked. “Perhaps it is not,” he admitted, “Though it is currently my concern.” He once again took his seat opposite Severus, before gesturing to the tea tray. “Why don’t you have something to eat?”

Severus opened his mouth, likely to protest, when his stomach gave a loud growl. Severus flushed slightly, before reaching out and simply taking a soda bread scone. “Thank you, sir.”

“You do not look like you’ve had a good meal in a while,” Albus said carefully.

Not carefully enough, though, as Severus tensed. Something seemed to flash through his eyes, before he roughly bit into the scone. After swallowing the bite, he spoke, “Perhaps we should continue with the interview…?”

Albus smiled softly, before nodding. As the two continued Severus’s interview, Albus tried to sneak in some more personal questions, hoping to figure out what was going on with the young man - if he and Aberforth’s suspicions were correct… Severus was intelligent though, and always got quite cagey whenever such questions were broached.

Soon, the interview was coming to a close, the two men standing to shake hands. Albus clasped both hands warmly around Severus’s thin, slightly quivering hand, gazing at the boy over the tops of his glasses. “I will be in touch with you about the interview. But Severus…do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything. Though you are no longer a student, I still am invested in your future - I want you to do well, to succeed…”

A strange expression crossed Severus’s face, as he allowed his hand to be held for a moment. Then, he was sneering slightly, pulling his hand away. “I’m sure,” he said, barely keeping the sarcastic bite out of his words.

Albus gazed at him sadly. He knew he had failed the boy countless times during his school years, in spite of his best intentions - it would likely take more than a few kind words to convince Severus that he truly did care about what became of him.

“I’m sorry to shoo you along, but I do have another interview lined up right after this,” Albus informed Severus. He curiously noticed the way the younger man tensed at those words. “But please do remember what I said. If you need anything…”

Severus nodded stiffly, before leaving the room. Albus let out a soft sigh.

…

After his interview, Severus approached the bar at Hog’s Head Inn, leaning against it heavily. When the bartender finally noticed him, Severus quietly asked, “Do you have a bathroom?”

The man hummed, jutting his thumb towards a darkened hallway. “Second door on the left,” he muttered.

As soon as Severus made it into the bathroom, he hunched over, letting out a sound similar to a wounded animal. He shuffled over to the toilet, sitting upon it, wincing as moments later, the smell of blood filled the room.

He had hoped he’d be able to make it home before the effects of the Abortion potion he’d taken earlier that day truly went into effect, but he supposed this was just his luck. He wrapped his arms around himself, groaning as the cramps seemed to roll through him in waves.

Through the haze of pain, Severus distantly wondered what Albus Dumbledore would think if he saw him at that moment - if he knew what was really making Severus sick. Would he be disgusted? Surely he would, especially if he knew what, or rather who, caused his current condition. There would be no hiding Severus’s Death Eater status, then… He would never have a chance of getting hired at Hogwarts.

Not that he had much of a chance, as it was. Not only had his condition made him unable to focus during the entire interview, but he also fell asleep! On top of it being supremely embarrassing, Severus doubted such a thing would be easily forgotten. Then there was the fact that there was apparently another person getting interviewed after him, probably for the same position…

He had once again failed Tom…

Severus remained in a hunched over position for several minutes, until he heard an annoyed knock at the bathroom door. He quickly gathered himself, cleaning things up with his wand, before exiting. He still felt awful, but he was at least able to walk.

He went to leave. He paused though, glancing at the door he’d had an interview with Albus behind. For a moment, curiosity filled him, and he found himself quietly shuffling over, crouching down to see if he could catch a glimpse of who his possible competitor was, through the keyhole.

Severus noticed a woman, unfamiliar to him, with wild hair and wild eyes behind thick-framed glasses, speaking with Albus. She seemed strange, perhaps a bit quirky - not exactly the usual suspect for being a Potions Master. Severus was straining to hear what was being said, when the woman suddenly tensed up, her eyes going wide.

When she spoke next, her voice was deep, low, rattling, and her words froze Severus in place. “THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES…BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM….BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES-”

Severus made a soft sound, as he was suddenly grabbed and jerked backwards away from the door. He whirled around, only to meet the irritated eyes of the bartender, who pointed to the door. “There’ll be no sneaking around my bar, snooping on important patrons. Out.”

Severus glanced back at the door, his heart racing. “But-”

“Out, I said,” the man snapped.

Severus gritted his teeth, before he stomped his way to the exit. Once he was outside though, he leaned against the building, pressing a hand to his chest.

Perhaps tonight had not been a complete waste…

Chapter Text

Severus didn’t get the job.

There were many reasons for this, though; the main reason being that Professor Slughorn decided to postpone his retirement, thus postponing the filling of his position as Potions Master of Hogwarts.

Speaking of a Potions Mastery, he did not have one. That was yet another reason Dumbledore gave for not hiring him. “I’m sure you’re quite capable, my boy, but we need it on paper,” Albus had written in his letter.

The last reason for his job denial was hidden in the concerned questions of Albus’s letter. Severus’s unwell state, plus the fact he had fallen asleep during the meeting, were reason enough for his denial.

Tom had been disappointed, of course. So disappointed, that he decided to test out Severus’s own spell, Sectumsempra, on him. It was only when Severus was laying on the floor, bleeding out, that he admitted what he had heard.

Tom had come to him, healing him up, before demanding that Severus repeat what he had said.

“Th…the one to defeat you will be born at the end of July to those that thrice defy you…” he breathed out, desperate for Tom’s anger to be abated.

Tom had simply nodded, not really reacting to such news. Perhaps he did not believe in prophecies? He did hold out his hand for Severus to take though, helping him back to his feet.

…

Severus decided to throw himself into his potions - in particular, obtaining his Potions Mastery. It made him feel good, to be learning again, like he had some use, some purpose. He was thankful the classes were remote, otherwise he doubted he would have been able to attend, given how Tom often treated his body, though.

Tom often ran hot and cold with him, these days. Sometimes, he would act kind, gentle, tender with Severus - he’d be the Tom that called him fascinating. Other days, he was lucky he did not end up cursed to death or insanity.

The sexual abuse continued as it had before the Draught of Living Death incident, with Tom mainly using his body when he was unconscious. Now, however, he would occasionally be intimate with Severus when he was awake. He quickly learned not to deny Tom his desires, lest he be cursed.

Severus found himself falling into bad habits, both old and new. When it came to old habits, he had begun harming himself like he had during his days at Hogwarts. It had begun small, with him digging his nails into his hand whenever he was frustrated or uncomfortable or generally upset, but it soon evolved into him dragging a blade over old, long-healed scars, both on his shoulder blades and his thighs. The first time he cut himself again, he cried bitter, angry tears, frustrated at himself more than anything.

As for new bad habits, Severus had begun drinking in excess. Every day, before he was to go see Tom, he would take multiple shots of Firewhiskey, in a desperate attempt to numb out whatever he would do to him. This habit likewise embarrassed Severus, but for different reasons than his cutting. The main reason he was upset was that he promised himself he would never become his father - he would never become an alcoholic. Yet, here he was, unable to go a day without a drink, lest the withdrawal shakes get too unmanageable.

Tom noticed these changes in Severus, of course.

Tom dragged his tongue over the fresh scar on Severus’s thigh, causing him to shudder, pulling his leg away. Tom grabbed ahold of it though, keeping it still. “You know, I don’t like it when my little snake hurts himself,” he purred in warning.

Severus shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, my lord.”

Tom hummed. “Sorry is not good enough,” he said, causing Severus to freeze. “Turn over.”

“M-my lord-” Severus began, but Tom shook his head, holding up a hand.

“Shh, shh, worry not my snakelet. I have things under control”

Severus shakily turned his naked body over so he was laying on his stomach, squeezing his eyes shut in anticipation of the Cruciatus curse. However, his eyes shot open at the familiar sound of a belt being pulled through belt loops. He jerked his head around to see Tom brandishing his belt as though it were a whip.

“W-w-what are you doing?” Severus couldn’t keep the fearful stutter out of his voice.

“You harm yourself, something I have forbidden you to do, and you wonder at the fact that I feel the need to punish you?” Tom asked, flabbergasted.

Severus shrunk in on himself. “B…but with the belt…?”

Tom glanced down at the belt held in his hands. “Magical methods have henceforth proved ineffective in taming you. Perhaps it is time for a change in pace.”

“M-my lord-”

“Enough!” Tom growled, abruptly snapping the belt at Severus’s lower back. Severus’s immediate instinct was to let out a yelp, but he immediately silenced himself, instead sinking his teeth into the silky bed sheets, squeezing his eyes shut.

Tom continued to beat him like his father used to, until Severus’s mouth fell open, a desperate plea on his lips. “P-p-please stop, please! I’ll be good!”

Tom stopped, seemingly watching Severus’s bleeding form quiver weakly beneath him. His red eyes went half-lidded, and he licked his lips. “I love seeing you like this…”

Before the younger man knew what was happening, Tom had knelt down behind him, forcing his tongue inside him. Severus let out a soft noise, hands fisting themselves in the sheets as the sensations of everything combined, leaving his brain a confused, muddled mess.

Tom seemed to combine pain and pleasure quite often, perhaps because he knew it messed with Severus’s head - and Tom enjoyed messing with Severus’s head.

…

Severus allowed himself a small smile, as he looked over the Ministry-issued certificate he held in his hands, proclaiming him a Potions Master. A special letter had been tucked in with the certificate from the department head, stating that he was, in fact, the youngest Potions Master in the United Kingdom. He had also completed his Mastery in record time - just under a year - which was apparently quite impressive as well.

His smile faded slightly. Not that any of it mattered.

The whole reason Severus had wanted to obtain his Potions Mastery was that he wanted - needed - to have a purpose beyond being Tom’s plaything; he needed something to distract himself from the horror show his life had become. He also wanted to prove to both others (and himself) that he was worth something.

Severus sighed. It had been a temporary fix, but now…now what?

Severus found himself crumpling the basically-useless document in his hands. After all, between Tom’s abuse and requested brewing, Severus was too busy to obtain employment. Even if he desired one, a job would be nearly impossible to obtain with employers now doing forearm inspections, to prove the one interviewing was not a Death Eater.

After all, the war was now in full swing, with Death Eater attacks happening every few days at least. Severus never participated - Tom claimed he was too important to send out on dangerous missions such as Death Eater raids. Severus certainly did not complain.

Severus sadly looked down at the paper in his hands. He didn’t even really have anyone to tell about his achievement to. Regulus was…dead. Lily wasn’t talking to him. He considered telling Lucius, as the two had gotten slightly closer over the course of the year…but Lucius was busy with his baby at the moment. He even considered writing a letter to Albus Dumbledore, but he doubted it would be good to draw attention to himself at the moment. That left…

Severus sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. Then he Apparated to Tom’s bedroom.

It was strange, going to Tom’s unsummoned. Immediately, he wondered if this had been a good decision. He bit his lip, preparing to Apparate away again, when Tom entered the bedroom, having been alerted to Severus’s presence by his wards.

“Severus!” Tom exclaimed in surprise, raising his eyebrows. “I was not expecting you until later.”

“I apologize for the intrusion,” Severus said, shifting on his feet uncomfortably.

Tom waved a hand though. “Nonsense, I always enjoy your presence.” He smiled, clearly in a good mood. Severus felt slight relief at that.

“I actually came here to tell you some news…but if you are busy-” he began.

Tom shook his head. “I just got out of a meeting actually. And I have some news myself! So now is the perfect time to talk.” Tom went over to the bed, lounging on it, before patting beside himself for Severus to join him. He flushed, but did as requested. Tom wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer so that Severus was practically curled up at his side.

“Now, what was it you wanted to tell me, Severus?” Tom purred.

He swallowed hard. “I…obtained my Potions Mastery. According to their records, I’m the youngest Potions Master in Britain.”

Tom pulled back slightly, so his red eyes could meet Severus’s. “You…you’ve already obtained your Mastery? You barely started classes a year ago!”

Severus gave a sheepish shrug, unable to help the proud smile from curling at his lips. “I’m a fast learner.”

“I suppose so!” Tom abruptly pulled him close, wrapping both arms around Severus in a gentle hug, nuzzling his face into his hair. “I am so proud of you, my snakelet.”

Severus hated how those words filled him with warmth, how he leaned into Tom’s touches. Swallowing hard, he quickly changed the subject. “What was your news?”

Tom hummed, distracted, before he exclaimed, “Ah, right! You remember that possible prophecy you told me about months ago?”

Severus had to rack his brain, just barely remembering the prophecy - he had been in such a haze of pain, during that time. He nodded slowly. “Yes, I remember.”

“Well, I decided to set a couple Death Eaters to the task of discovering who this mysterious child is that is meant to defeat me - just to be on the safe side of things, of course. Given the clues they were presented with though, they have narrowed it down to two families that are involved in the Order,” Tom explained, as he stroked Severus’s hair.

Severus felt himself growing tense, his heartbeat racing. He had a bad feeling about this. “Which families?” he asked.

“The Longbottoms are one. I believe they were a couple years older than you at Hogwarts.” Tom paused. “The Potters are the other.”

Severus was unable to stop his reaction, immediately yanking out of Tom’s grasp to stare at him. “The Potters?!” he snapped.

Tom blinked, surprised by this reaction. “Indeed. ‘Those that have thrice defied me, who have a brat born at the end of July’,” Tom recited.

Severus’s head spun. He had not even known Lily was pregnant… He had vaguely heard that Lily had gotten married to Potter, but that had happened while he was under the Draught of Living Death. The fact that they had a child now…

Tom tilted his head. “I thought you would be pleased with this news. I remember you telling me of how James Potter treated you at Hogwarts - and now he is one of my number one targets!” Tom laughed giddily.

Severus found himself nodding dazedly. Right. He had never told Tom about his friendship with Lily… “You…plan to kill the entire family, then?”

Tom shrugged nonchalantly, before nodding. “Yes. And anyone who gets in my way.”

Chapter Text

Severus paced around his tiny apartment, hands formed into tight fists. He had tried all of his usual methods of calming down: Occlumency, alcohol, cutting…but nothing seemed to work - his brain continued to spiral. Eventually, he dropped down into his easy chair, squeezing the bridge of his nose between two thin fingers.

The Dark Lord was targeting Lily.

Just the thought nearly had Severus shaking, though not in fear, at least not completely. He was shaking in anger.

A voice, sounding very much like Regulus’s, filled his mind. ‘Well? What are you going to do about it?’

Severus practically lunged to his feet, before turning on the spot, Apparating away.

…

Severus approached the gates of Hogwarts trepidatiously, feeling very unsure. Regardless of his feelings, he placed his hand on the iron bars, feeling the school’s strong wards vibrating within them. “I need to speak with the Headmaster, urgently,” he spoke to no one, hoping against hope that it would work.

Miraculously, the gates swung open and the wards allowed for him to enter. As he did so, he looked up at Hogwarts. He could almost feel the Headmaster watching him from his tower.

School was thankfully not in session yet, as it was still late August, so there were no students to distract him from reaching his goal.

The entrance to the Headmaster’s office loomed in front of him, making him feel like a student in trouble all over again. The guardian seemed to eye him suspiciously, before jumping aside, allowing Severus to enter. As he climbed the stairs, he felt he was heading to his demise. He paused as he encountered the last door that separated him from Albus. After he passed through, there would be no going back.

Severus pressed the door open, stepping into the room. It was as warm and cozy as it had always been, every available surface covered in some sort of gadget or gizmo. Albus Dumbledore sat behind his desk, but stood when Severus entered, a warm smile on his face.

“Severus! It is wonderful to see you my boy, albeit how…unexpected it might be,” Albus exclaimed, though there was an undeniable question in his voice. He was most certainly wondering why Severus was there.

Severus shifted. “I suppose it would be best to cut right to the chase, yes?” he asked.

Albus hummed. “I’ve never been one for such things.”

Severus swallowed hard. “In this case, it is better that you know sooner rather than later.” When Albus merely steepled his fingers in waiting, Severus took a deep breath. “The Dark Lord is targeting the Longbottoms and the Potters. He plans to kill both families!”

Albus simply nodded, slowly. “And how, may I ask, did you come by this information?”

Severus hesitated. Then, he jerked his sleeve up, revealing the Dark Mark swirling on his forearm. Albus seemed unsurprised, merely raising an eyebrow. “I…I think you know, sir…”

Albus hummed, eying the Dark Mark. “Why are you telling me this?”

Severus hesitated, before answering what Albus wanted to hear. “It’s the right thing to do-”

“Ah, ah, ah…” Albus waggled a finger at Severus. “The truth, if you please.”

Severus shrunk in on himself. “It’s Lily…” his voice came out strangled. “She…I can’t…”

Albus waved off his next words, finding them unimportant at the moment. “I see.” He paused for a moment, before asking, “How did you find out about the prophecy?”

“After my interview, I…hung around. I was curious what my competitor might say,” he said honestly.

Albus nodded. “So you were the one to deliver the prophecy to Tom, then?”

Severus winced, remembering the horror of his own spell being used against him, the information that spilled forth from his lips freely. “I suppose you could say that.”

Albus sighed, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m…disappointed, Severus. I had hoped for better from you…”

Severus took a deep breath, squeezing his own eyes shut. He half expected, in that moment, to be killed on the spot.

He flinched, when Albus gently cupped his cheek, eyes flickering open in confusion. Albus was just looking at him, sadly. “What is it you ask of me, my boy?” he asked.

“Lily…keep her safe. I…” ‘I can’t have another person die because of me…’

“And in return, for keeping your childhood friend safe? What do you have to offer me?” Albus asked, simply curious what Severus would say.

Severus’s eyes widened, a churning feeling in his stomach. He briefly envisioned Dumbledore abusing him the way Tom did. And yet, he still found himself desperately whispering out, “Anything…”

Albus gazed down upon him, his expression unreadable. “You have put your own life, your very soul, everything on the line, simply for the hope that I may protect your ex-friend?”

Severus nodded. “That’s…the gist of it…”

Albus hummed. There was a pregnant pause, before he said, “Spy for me.”

Severus’s head jerked up, and he stared at Albus, stomach churning. “What?”

Albus took a seat behind his desk, gesturing for Severus to sit in the chair in front of him. “I want you to spy on Tom for me.” When Severus opened his mouth to protest, Albus raised a hand. “I’m sure you are aware that what I’m asking of you is extremely dangerous.” Regulus’s dead, silver eyes flashed before Severus’s vision, causing him to squeeze his own eyes shut. “However, I’m sure you are also aware that unless you spy for me, I will be forced to report your Death Eater status to the authorities.”

Severus’s eyes flickered open at that, staring at Albus dully. “I’m aware…”

Albus sighed softly, taking a lemon drop from the glass container on his desk and popping it in his mouth. “You would not be without some protection. Horace has finally decided to retire, for real this time, so his position is open - and if I remember correctly, I saw in the paper that you obtained your Potions Mastery, thus making you perfectly qualified for said position.” Albus steepled his fingers. “Spy for me, and you would be able to live at Hogwarts again.”

Albus was saying all the right things, but still, Severus hesitated. He was, admittedly, scared. “How do you know I won’t double-cross you?”

Albus tilted his head. “I don’t suppose I really know for sure, now do I?” he said, eyes twinkling.

Severus lowered his gaze. Swallowing hard. “F…for the record, I won’t betray you.”

“Does that mean you will do it?” Albus asked.

Severus hesitated, before giving a single nod. “I…I will…”

…

Albus went on to explain more details to Severus, after that. First, he spoke about Severus’s future job at Hogwarts, and what he expected of him. Severus was to live at Hogwarts, with the same duties as any other Professor. As the school’s Potions Master, though, he would also be required to do any of the brewing that the Infirmary required. He would also be placed as Head of Slytherin, as Slughorn had been. None of this really bothered Severus, though he was a bit nervous about being such a young professor, worried none of the students would listen to him. Albus waved off his concerns, though, assuring Severus he was plenty intimidating and that the students would learn to listen with time.

He then spoke on how Severus’s spying would work.

Severus would not be a member of Dumbledore’s army, the Order of the Phoenix - his identity as a spy would only be known to Albus and a select few other higher ups. Consequently, Severus would be kept in the dark on most of the Order’s plans. Albus explained that both of these measures were to ensure his safety as well as the safety of the Order. Severus accepted this explanation, for now.

Albus took the time to praise Severus for developing his Occlumency Shields, knowing they would be useful in his spying. Dumbledore had, of course, noticed them when Severus was still in school, but admitted that they were far stronger now than even that of the most experienced Occclumens. However, he had also said, “Strong as they may be, they appear…almost chipped. Like someone has been trying to break through them, over and over again, without your knowledge or consent.” Dumbledore had then eyed him closely, with those twinkling blue eyes of his.

Severus had then thought of all the times when he was in the throngs of pleasure or pain with Tom, and how he would feel a strange twinge above his left eyebrow. He quickly made a note to make the subtle, but necessary repairs on his Shields.

As their conversation came to a close, all the necessary information having been relayed, Albus abruptly and unexpectedly turned the conversation personal. He asked questions, mainly pertaining to Severus’s health. It was almost like he was concerned. Severus, though, remained rather cagey about such things, never answering Albus’s questions in a straightforward manner.

After all, Albus didn’t need to know about his and Tom’s particular relationship. He didn’t need to know.

Chapter Text

“These are your rooms,” Albus said with a smile, gesturing with a flamboyant wave of his arm. Severus could not help but to wince at the bright green and silver that decorated everything to be seen. It reminded him of his school days. Sensing his hesitation, Albus quickly said, “You may redecorate, if you so desire. I realize Professor Slughorn’s tastes were…particular.”

“You could say that,” Severus acknowledged. “I have a lot of books. Would I be able to obtain bookshelves…?” he asked.

“Of course! Anything you require, my boy!” Albus hesitated. “Speaking of requirements, there are a few more I neglected to mention in my office, in regards to your position as Potions Master.”

Severus looked at Albus hesitantly. “And those would be…?”

“Nothing too strenuous. The main thing is that you need to report to staff meetings. The first one for this year will be held a week before school begins, so in a couple of days.”

Severus nodded. He wondered how his former professors would react to his new position.

“Another thing - you will have to undergo a medical physical with Madam Pomfrey,” Albus said nonchalantly.

Severus’s head shot up and he stared at Albus. “What?”

Albus waved his hand. “It’s standard practice. Every staff member must undergo a physical at the beginning of each school year.”

Severus’s heart began beating faster. “I’m only nineteen, sir. I think I am plenty fit enough to handle some unruly first years.”

“Regardless, it’s a requirement,” Albus said, eyeing Severus carefully over the top of his glasses. “Your appointment with Poppy will be later today.”

Severus closed his eyes briefly. He had always managed to mostly avoid Madam Pomfrey throughout his school years, so he was not too familiar with the Healer witch and how she might react to…some of his recent medical history. The idea of it all churned his stomach. Yet, he found himself simply nodding. After all, he should simply be grateful Albus did not turn him into the authorities for being a Death Eater.

…

Severus arrived at the Infirmary of Hogwarts slightly early. He gazed around the room impassively, though he felt vague discomfort from the plain white walls, the general sterile environment. He tried to brace himself for what was to come.

“Oh, Severus! Nice to see you again,” Madam Pomfrey greeted, coming out of her office to shake his hand. She was a short, rather plump woman, who always held a stern, but kindly expression on her face. “Shall we get started?”

Severus took a deep breath. “I’ve never received a magical physical before…”

Madam Pomfrey nodded. “You’re nervous,” she acknowledged. “But there’s really nothing to fear. I will perform a general look-over of your body, make sure there is nothing to be concerned about, then I will cast a spell that gives me your recent medical history. Really, nothing too strenuous.”

Severus, rather than being reassured by her statements, paled. “Are you sure all of this is necessary?” he asked quietly.

Madam Pomfrey gazed upon him with an impassive expression. “Yes. It’s necessary,” she said simply.

Severus shifted from foot to foot, before the Madam directed him behind a privacy curtain. “Remove your clothes, except for your underwear, and I will return shortly.”

Severus watched her disappear behind the privacy curtain, taking a deep breath. Then, he followed her instructions, removing his robes and clothing, until he was just in his underwear. He wrapped his arms around himself protectively. When Madam Pomfrey returned, she paused, eyes immediately darting to the scabbed-over scars on his thighs and upper arms. She then looked at the hickeys on his neck. Then, her eyes focused on the Dark Mark on his forearm. Something cold overcame her expression. She sharply gestured, while saying, “Stand up.”

Severus followed her directions, though he continued to wrap his arms around his torso self consciously.

Madam Pomfrey circled him, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Pursing her lips, she mumbled, “When was the last time you’ve had a good meal?”

Severus hesitated, unsure whether the question was rhetorical or not. Regardless, he answered honestly, “I feel nauseous most of the time lately. Cannot keep much down.”

“Feeling nauseous to the point that you starve yourself is not normal,” Madam Pomfrey said, somewhat sharply. “Neither is having so many self harm marks, nor some of the other marks I’ve seen on your body.” She eyed him closely. “What is going on, Severus?”

Severus stiffened under her sharp gaze. “I…n-nothing…” he stuttered out, unconvincingly.

Madam Pomfrey simply hummed, before pulling out her wand. Severus opened his mouth to stop her, but it was too late - she was already casting the spell.

A parchment appeared midair, detailing his medical history from the past year. Madam Pomfrey’s narrowed eyes slowly widened as she scanned the paper. Severus looked away as she took the paper into her hands, a horrified expression dawning on her face. He rubbed his arms uncomfortably.

Abruptly, Pomfrey set the paper down and turned on her heel, striding out of the privacy curtain. Severus then heard the door to her office slam shut. A few minutes passed, before her footsteps were heard again, this time accompanied by another set. Severus tensed as the privacy curtain was opened once more, revealing Madam Pomfrey along with Dumbledore.

Albus had a questioning look on his face, but before he or Severus could say anything, Madam Pomfrey picked up the parchment again, thrusting it into Albus’s hands. “Read this,” she demanded. Immediately, Severus flushed, staring daggers down at the floor.

Albus seemed to hesitate for a moment, looking at Severus with concern, but then he did as was told.

Several minutes passed in silence. Then, Albus spoke, his voice slow and quiet, almost as though to not frighten off a wild animal, “Severus…my boy…I need you to be very honest with me right now…”

Severus made a noise, “Tch,” under his breath.

“...Is what is written on this parchment accurate…?” Albus asked.

Severus shrugged his shoulders. “...I don’t know. I haven’t read it.”

“Would you like to?” Albus asked.

“...I would prefer not to,” Severus said, sharply.

Albus swallowed hard. “I realize this might be a very difficult topic for you to discuss…but I need to know: Has Tom been abusing you?”

Severus heard the sound of blood rushing in his ears, his heartbeat picking up pace. He shrugged.

“Severus, my boy-” Albus began, but Pomfrey cut in.

“You can put your clothes back on, there’s no need for you to sit there in discomfort,” she said, her voice far more tender and gentle than it had been before. Severus simply nodded in response, before he moved stiffly to redress himself.

Albus once again stared down at the parchment, a sad expression on his face. “I am more acquainted with how evil Tom can be than most people,” he began solemnly. “But…I had no idea…” Albus trailed off.

Pomfrey swallowed hard. “What Albus means to say is: He would have helped you out, should you have come to him sooner.”

Severus actually snorted at that. “Right,” he said doubtfully. “He would have helped a Death Eater out?”

“I view you as more than ‘just a Death Eater’, my boy…” Albus said sadly. He reached out to gently cup Severus’s cheek but he flinched away.

“Don’t! Touch me like that,” Severus snapped, before looking at Albus carefully to see how he’d react.

Albus actually looked startled, before he meekly apologized, pulling his hand back, “Oh dear…I’m sorry my boy.” He rubbed his hands together uncomfortably. “The date of your…abortion…it was during your interview with me at the Hogs Head Inn…?”

Severus gave a brief nod.

Albus nodded, but looked visibly upset. “I should have known something more was wrong, than you let on. I should have…I should have done so many things differently…” he trailed off, swiping a hand under his eyes briefly.

Pomfrey swallowed. “What matters now, is how you act going forward.” Pomfrey pointed at Severus. “He cannot be a spy for you.”

Both Severus and Dumbledore stared at her in shock. “Poppy-” Albus began.

She shook her head sharply. “No. Look at him, Albus! Look at his eyes! He’s traumatized! And to put the pressure of spying on him, on top of everything else? I simply will not allow it.”

Albus turned his intense gaze to Severus, his normal sparkling eyes looking rather muted. “I’m afraid I must agree with Poppy, my boy. I know we just made an agreement, but…at the time I had no clue how Tom was treating you. Knowing what I know now, I can’t allow you to return to him any longer.”

Severus’s head spun. “You say that like I have a choice whether to return to him or not.” Severus jerked up his sleeve, once again revealing the Dark Mark. “I’m bound to him, if you have forgotten. He will be able to find me no matter what. Even if you were to ship me off to Azkaban, he’d still be able to find me…” Severus shivered. Albus reached out, taking Severus’s hand gently into his own, simply holding it. Severus was tempted to jerk away, but the gesture actually felt…nice, comforting. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “I…I don’t want to hide. I want to do whatever it takes to bring the Dark Lord down, even if that means being a spy.”

“While that is very noble of you,” Pomfrey began, brow knitted with concern, “I’m worried about how this all may affect you, both mentally and physically. Already, I can tell you are suffering deeply from the abuse, especially given your recent self harm marks…”

Severus hesitated. “This would give me a purpose,” he said honestly. He looked between the concerned eyes of Pomfrey and Dumbledore. “Please…let me do this. I’ve…made a lot of bad decisions in my life… Allow me to make a good decision for once.”

Poppy pursed her lips, but did not argue with him further. Dumbledore slowly patted the hand he held. “Are you really sure about this, my boy?”

Severus nodded. “I’m sure.”