Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey Dazai, you can shapeshift, correct?” A nervous voice belonging to Tanizaki asked Dazai as he lay down on the couch.The kitsune absentmindedly nodded, barely registering the question before returning to creating illusions for the watching children plus Atsushi. 

“Yes, I know how to, why?” Once the words registered, the kitsune ceased playing, making the spectators of his illusion show pout, making them leave the office once they realized the show wouldn’t continue.

“There is a mission..of..umm.. protecting a client, and we need someone..um.. skilled in combat, who is also a woman, to go with him. And the president doesn’t want to send Yosano, so since your..origin got revealed, Ranpo suggested that you can go.” Tanizaki stuttered, nervously scratching behind his neck.

A small chuckle left the brunet’s mouth before he answered in an amused yes that had Tanizaki letting out a small breath.

“Thank you! I’ll notify the president to give you the details.” The ginger, clearly relieved that he doesn't have to live through a repeat of an undercover mission where he needed to wear a dress and make an illusion that was believable enough for the guests at a formal party that got hosted by the client. Naomi still teases him about playing as the host’s lover, before the then tipsy host asked him for a real date, forgetting that everything was just for a mission. At least he apologized a day later, leaving them some mochi as a compensation.  

Tanizaki bowed a little before stepping out of the main office to grab the papers for Dazai, including a kimono tailored for women that complemented Tanizaki’s ginger hair quite nicely, but would definitely suit a brunet better.

“These are the details for the mission, as well as this… I was supposed to wear this kimono but it should fit you.” The redhead handed the items into the brunet's waiting arms, then fled to the cafe located under the agency as fast as possible.

Dazai leafed through the documents while sitting in the reception area. It included the client’s personal information, including a background check completed by Katai upon Kunikida’s request. Dazai couldn’t even blame the blond, this client had way too many false accusations on his profile. Though they turned out to be false, as the black haired man had a twin that looked exactly the same as him, down to the birthmark on his neck. This twin is now in jail, so all of the charges got dropped.

The mission will take place on a Friday evening at 18:00 in a rented high class restaurant. The address was written under the name, as well as the contact information needed for the client. The assignment was also simple, act as a bodyguard for the host that became a quite successful businessman in a considerably short time, painting a target on his back that the man was smart enough to realize. The ADA and the client decided that a role for one of the agents is to act as his lover in order to be able to stay close to him without appearing suspicious. 

Dazai placed the folder on the table in front of him, finished with it before turning to look at the folded kimono parts resting next to him. He grabbed the see-through plastic bag and took out its contents. The kimono was navy blue, with a baby blue and white flower pattern. The nagajuban was also baby blue, with a black obi keeping the whole thing together. For footwear, there were wooden sandals with a slightly elevated base, making anyone who wore them at most two centimeters taller.

Dazai folded the kimono back into the bag, already feeling tired from what Friday will bring. The client already survived a few assassination attempts, so the man’s fear is valid, though that doesn't mean that Dazai has to look forward to the event. And even though the urge to die never went away, he cannot just throw himself into a bullet's path and killing the assassins was out of the question, even though the last time he did choke someone, the ADA pardoned him. It wasn't even a subtle method as the only reason he was able to choke his victims was because he showed them their worst nightmares, while the magic lifted them in the air as their lungs are unable to breathe out, causing the body to explode if they get held up for a second foo long. It happened to Dazai once, he and Chuuya were on one of their travels that happened before the war, and since this was a long time ago, they were ambushed by a group of bandits which doesn't really happen in the modern era. The duo quickly took care of them, forgetting a few humans that were floating in the air behind them in favor of bickering with each other. The action had consequences though, as they were unexpectedly painted red as four thuds were heard. The interruption caused by their own mistake was also one of the first soft moments shared between them before they became mates, which created an awkward situation that lasted for about a week. It was caused by their faces being a bit too close to each other, making both of them question the other’s feelings towards themselves. In the end they just ignored it and went back to their usual bickering.

In any case, Dazai was once again getting sidetracked. He shook his head before checking if his perception of time didn’t affect him again and if it was really Thursday. He rubbed at his right eye, or where he used to have one before a battle with the demon that went by the name Fyodor didn't take it from him. Now, it works as the perfect temporary hiding spot for his hoshi-no-tama while Chuuya was away on a mission for the Port Mafia and didn't want to accidentally lose it. Dazai usually keeps an illusion over his glass eye, making it follow the other one and change its color according to the lighting around him. That is the one illusion he’ll never drop, not even in front of Chuuya even though the tengu knows more about Dazai then even the Kitsune knew about himself.

Dazai reached into his pockets, fishing out the keys to their temporary apartment they bought in order to live in Yokohama, and played with them for a while. He then stood up, his hand sliding to once again pocket the keys and made his way downstairs where the rest of the agency ate lunch. He sat down next to Kunikida, ordering a peach tea with a pastry before lifting his eyes to look at Atsushi. 

“Why is it so quiet here???” Dazai whined when no one said a thing. Kunikida coughed a little, trying not to choke at his miso soup, and slightly failing. Atsushi quickly stuffed more chazuke into his mouth in favor of not answering. Yosano, who was sitting opposite of Kunikida just sighed, deciding to spare him the confusion.

“Just worried about your assignment tomorrow. Since it’s quite high class, you will be required to speak and socialize with the guests for at least a while, which requires a voice suited for a woman, and we definitely don't want you to end up like the last time you had a job as a bodyguard. Taking a shot that barely missed grazing your heart for a client is a serious matter, you know that the president wants his employees safe and healthy before caring about completed missions. Atsushi overheard our worries and demanded to know the full story.” She explained, her eyes observing the brunet. When Dazai opened his mouth to respond, he got interrupted by his order being brought over and placed on the table with a little more force than necessary. He glanced away from Atsushi to look at the waitress that usually served them, a tight fake smile curling her lips upward. The brunet just nodded in thanks, his mood ruined and not feeling up to his usual theatricks, making the black haired woman regard him with suspicion. He ignored her in favor of sipping on his tea, the sweet taste of peaches soothing his mood a little. The table returned to their original silence which got interrupted only by the occasional hum of satisfaction about their ordered food. 

Chapter Text

The next day, or the day Dazai was set to head out on the mission, arrived way too quickly. At least from the brunet’s point of view. Since Chuuya liked to wear makeup to give the impression of aging to his colleagues, all Dazai had to do was rummage through his collection and steal a lipstick that the redhead said would fit him, grab a random eyeliner along with a smokey blue eyeshadow. Since Dazai knew he didn’t own any women's underwear, the panties were not really necessary but a bra would be useful, he shifted into a woman’s body, hair now reaching his lower back. He threw on one of Chuuya’s vests, completely abandoning his usual outfit in favor of a white blouse. The black vest reached his belly button, paired with some black leggings and Chuuya's leather shoes, which in his more petite stature found that fit him perfectly. That made him greatly amused and vowed to tease the chibi about later. He grabbed a hair tie, styling his wavy hair into a high ponytail before throwing the makeup and his wallet into a small backpack that he found after a while of searching his mate’s side of the closet. The blouse was long sleeved so he didn’t worry about bandages peaking out and since it was the beginning of fall, it wouldn’t be weird to wear a scarf. He wrapped a black cloth around his neck before heading out of the apartment and into some nearby shopping mall. He bought the underwear he needed before looking at his phone and realizing that he would be arriving an hour later than he usually did, since it was already 11:00. He hurried a bit before reaching the cafe an hour later, entering it in a bit of a hurry. He got confused for a while for not receiving any of the weird looks from the customers before realizing that he is covering his bandages so none of them are peaking out. He hastily made his way to the staircase that led to the agency, running up the stairs and opening the door. As expected, Kunikida was standing at the doorway, tapping his foot and looking quite pissed off.

“Good morning miss, a clerk will be with you in a minute, so please go sit down at the couches right there.” He said while pointing to the reception area before opening his mouth to continue his rant.”I need to wait for a colleague who still hasn’t arrived!” The blond got progressively angrier as he talked. Ranpo, who was sitting on top of his desk, and Dazai both burst out laughing, confusing all their other colleagues. 

“Kunikida-kun~ you don’t recognize your own work partner? My feelings are hurt, you know.” A teasing tone of a voice, usually heard in their brunet coworker, now coming out of the woman’s mouth cleared some of their colleagues' confusion, however it served to confuse Kunikida even more, not really helping that the voice was higher like a woman’s. Yosano, who was chatting with Ranpo, burst out laughing, the detective next to her following a moment later. Dazai chuckled before turning his gaze once again at the blond.

“I have to act as a woman the whole evening, why not start the act in the morning?” This statement cleared out the rest of Kunikida’s confusion, making him embarrassed for not recognizing his partner.

“Why were you late then you sorry waste of bandages!” He shouted after getting over his shock and embarrassment.

“Ku-ni-ki-da, are you implying that I have women's underwear just laying around in my house?” Dazai teased, making his partner blush and stammer some excuses while letting him return to his desk. 

The brunet just laughed at his misery, walking up to Ranpo and handing him a paper bag of fresh pastries he picked up in the mall.  

The rest of the day passed smoothly, no big missions, no Yosano in need of a shopping trip… if someone asked an ADA member which of those is more dreaded, the second option wins every time, maybe except Naomi, but she is a shopping demon similar to the doctor. 

2 hours before the mission Dazai got help from Yosano and dressed up in the kimono, the doctor also twisting his hair into a bun and decorating it with a butterfly hair pin. She finished 30 minutes before the event was scheduled to start by applying some makeup. 

“Wow Dazai, you look unrecognizable!” Naomi, who was mostly watching Yosano work, exclaimed, circling the brunet and taking a picture.

“In any case, the client should be arriving soon, so you should wait in the reception area. Don’t you dare ruin my work!” Yosano informed, polishing a scalpel at the last sentence.

Dazai just nodded, heading towards the reception area and ignoring his gawking coworkers.

“My, my Atsushi, I know I’m gorgeous, but do you have to stare so much? You’re making me blush!” At Dazai’s words the white haired teen’s face went red, opening his mouth to explain, only releasing an embarrassing squeak and hiding his expression in his paperwork. 

The others also looked away, following Atsushi’s example of hiding in their papers. The only one who remained unaffected by the different appearance of their coworker was Kunikida, as he was too engrossed in his work to notice anything else.

That's when the client chose to arrive, pulling up in a black car. Kunikida got up to greet him, leading him to the reception area where Dazai was seated. The man, not really sure of how the chosen woman would look, blushed a fait pink color once his eyes met the whiskey gaze of the brown haired menace.

“Um, hello miss, my name is Akashi Ri. It's good to meet you.” The man bowed while introducing himself before walking up to Dazai and sitting across from him.

“Hello, my name is Dazai Osamu, for this mission though, I will go by Nakahara Osako.” He answered in a surprising show of maturity, before a smirk overtook his face and he let his mischief run free.

“Are you sure you should be blushing? I know I’m supposed to act as your lover, but I have to tell you that I’m a married woman. I have no such interest in other men.” The kitsune enjoyed the show as the man first panicked at recognizing the name Nakahara as the last name of a famous branch manager of the Mori Corp, which was, to the man’s knowledge a very successful business, having branches and partners in some parts of Europe and the whole Asia, nor knowing that was actually just a front for a mafia, as well panicking and stammering something about not being interested and only seeing Dazai as a beautiful woman, afraid of what would happen to him and his career if the detective’s husband found out. 

The brunet chuckled at the man, looking at the time on his phone before standing up and leaving the office with a wave at his colleagues, Kyoka handing him an extra dagger the girl always hid at her desk if her original one breaks. Dazai swiftly took the offered weapon, expertly hiding it in the kimono, not even a single wrinkle on the fabric indicating something hiding in there. Kyoka nodded in approval at that, before walking over to Kenji who was seated at his desk and staring at a plant, before grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the office. In her path she grabbed Atsushi, who barely managed to bid the brunet a farewell before a strong force coming from the former assassin tugged him out of the office, a muffled request of boiled tofu for dinner being the last thing the ADA heard.

Dazai fondly smiled at the girl’s antics, Akashi meanwhile caught up to him and took the kitsune’s offered elbow, linking their arms together. They stepped into the car, the client behind the driving wheel and the detective in the passenger's seat, letting the man drive them towards the mansion where the ball was being hosted.

Chapter Text

Once they arrived, Akashi stepped out of the vehicle, going around to the other side in order to open the doors for Dazai. The kitsune took his offered hand, letting him gently lead Dazai into the hall. Akashi then went to supervise the remaining preparations, leaving the brunet to do whatever he wanted. 

Dazai took this opportunity to make his way to the security personnel. He retrieved all the personal files the staff was supposed to turn in, studying them thoroughly. When he didn't find too many inconsistencies, he turned to the guest list. He also connected his phone to the cameras and uploaded all of the faces of the guest into the system to track anyone who didn't belong there.

Once satisfied, Dazai went back to the client's side, who was just sitting at the table in the center. The brunet was tempted to take out the dagger Kyoka lended him to see the others’ reactions to the threat, but restrained, seeing that the first guests had already arrived. Dazai observed them for a while before crossing them out of his mental list designated for names. 

Since Akashi was busy making small talk, Dazai checked out of the conversation, even though he should be listening as the plus one of the host but he couldn't bother, and looked around the hall once more. 

Once all of the guests arrived, Akashi greeted all of them personally then, Dazai and his client walked onto a stage that would later serve for music. The black haired man addressed everyone present, thanking them for coming along and wishing them a pleasant evening. 

When the duo stepped down from the stage, drinks and appetizers started to be distributed. Since Dazai needed to check for poison in the food, he had Akashi feed it to him, almost recoiling in disgust each time something touched his mouth with chopsticks that weren't being held by his chibi. The only saving grace was that Akashi didn't insist on sharing the utensils.

Whenever someone came up to Dazai to ask his name, he responded with a curt Nakahara Osako that left most in apologetic messes, or at least the ones that came to look down on him. The few brave ones questioned his connection with Chuuya, mostly getting an annoyed glare and a cold reply clarifying of them being cousins. The redhead was made aware ahead of time, so when questioned, he would know to answer affirmatively to this statement.

This is how the night continued, polite smiles that were a bit too tight to be real, cold words disguised as warm greetings and a whole lot of drinking. Though most of the guests had hearts made of stone, some of them had their own stones a bit warmed by the sun. They were the ones that made legit business deals between each other, genuinely laughing as they exchanged light jokes and pleasant greetings. 

However, all good things always come to an end. This saying didn't disappoint, as several bullets pierced through the window, barely missing the guests and hitting mostly the food and tables. Since it was Dazai’s mission, he made sure that the windows held illusions that masked the targets’ true location. A grin spread on his lips as he checked the clock on the wall. He, with great satisfaction, observed that everything was going according to plan

Okay, maybe not everything. The expected servants pulled out guns and grabbed their nearest targets as hostages, pressing their weapons to their heads. 

This is when the guards, responding to the gunshots, and the rest of the assassins decided to enter. Through the windows. It made Dazai sigh with disappointment. The assassins of today didn't compare to the past, though now that abilities are in play, the times shouldn't be compared much. 

Though the part that wasn't planned, was the number of the assassins. Dazai had expected around five, maybe six, but right now, he could count ten. This oversight made Dazai let out a long sigh, but that's when everyone decided to act.

Some “servants” were shot by the guards before they could do anything, leaving their hostages covered in their blood. It made Dazai a bit jealous, that permission to kill those incompetent people, since he was only allowed to knock them out, especially after the last incident. Few of the assassins managed to kill their respective targets, though Dazai didn't care that much. 

What few bullets were sent his way were quickly dodged before he pulled Akashi into a seemingly empty corner, which in reality had a metal box able to fit maybe two humans.

Instructing him to stay there, Dazai grabbed the hidden dagger in his kimono and joined the chaos below. With surprising strength, at least for someone that seemed as lean as him, he knocked a man down with his elbow hitting the man’s stomach. He was then knocked out by one of the guards.

Next, he dodged a blade aiming for his ankle by stepping back, before recovering and quickly knocking the man down by kicking his knee. When he was down, Dazai kicked his head.

There was one more assassin, but he was taken care of by the back of the dagger hitting the back of his head when Dazai ran up to him.

The rest of the attackers were already down, so all Dazai had to do was call the police and Kunikida, who told the brunet to contact him if anything happened. 

The kitsune then walked over some secured bodies, and dispelled the illusion over the hiding spot of his client. He helped Akashi out of the box, letting him survey the surroundings while stretching his back.

Though he immediately stopped his actions when he spotted some of his guests, sitting there with wide eyes while covered in blood of the assassins, the bodies have already been removed. He froze further when he noticed the reduced amount of said guests.

“What…what the hell happened here!?” He shouted, turning to look at the brunet standing next to him.

“My priority was protecting you.” I emphasized the last word, pining him down with a cold look. “Your guests were the job of your security personel.” Dazai finished.

Akashi looked down in regret. “I…I apologize for my outburst. Thank you for your help.” He bowed a perfect ninety-degree angle before getting up when the brunet instructed him to do so.

“We will discuss everything tomorrow at the agency. I probably won't be there in the morning, but you can give your statement to Kunikida.” Dazai answered, pointing to the blond who just entered along with some police officers.

“Hey~ Kunikida-kun!” His hand was waving wildly in the air, and the detective who it was directed to just felt a chill pass along his spine.

“Yes, bandage-waste?” Kunikida asked while surveying the scene in front of him. 

“Can you wrap this up here? I really need to return home. Do take their statements, will you?” Dazai responded with a sweet smile, before running off and ignoring his colleague's protests.

The next day, Dazai arrived at work as usual, late. Though, now that he thought about it, it was quite late even for him. He was in his usual male form, though his eyes remained a golden color since the kids at the agency seemed to enjoy it the most.

Kunikida was already waiting for him by the door and when Dazai slammed it open, the blond was already in front of his face.

“Dazai! You lazy fox! Stop ruining my schedule by coming late!” Kunikida shouted while grabbing a hold of the man’s neck and shaking him.

“Kunikida-kun~ I’m not really into choking you know~” Dazai teased his colleague, making him release the brunet’s neck and start coughing violently.

Dazai just skipped past him, a wide grin on his face. He headed straight to the reception area, intending to lay down. He suddenly stopped when he noticed familiar black hair belonging to his client from yesterday.

He pranced up to him, sitting across from the man. 

“Hello Akashi-san! How are you on this fine morning?” Dazai asked, making the addressed man look at him.

“Shitty bandage waste, it’s afternoon!” Kunikida shouted from behind his computer, seeming to give up trying to force him to work today.

Dazai often wondered why he didn't already give up on this mission of his 

“Um, if I may ask, who are you? All the other agents introduced themselves.” Akashi asked, and from somewhere behind the kitsune’s back, Ranpo started cackling while opening a popcorn bag.

Dazai gasped, clutching at his chest, hand right above his heart. 

“You,” he said with a dramatic pause. “Don't recognize me?” The brunet’s acting was quite impressive, though those who knew him longer knew that Dazai was prone to exaggerate almost anything.

Akashi was stumped. He kept looking between the brunet in front of him, and the other detectives. He opened his mouth a few times, imitating a fish before Kunikida came to his rescue. And he was right in time, as a devious smirk started spreading on Dazai’s face.

“This is Dazai Osamu, the agent you worked with yesterday. I apologize for his behavior, he always acts like this.” The blond explained, shocking Akashi even further.

“But- how?” He managed to stutter out, and Dazai's smirk returned.

“I knoww, I was such a charming lady wasn't I?” He clasped his hands in front of himself and his voice gained a higher pitch.

“Didn't you say you were married to Nakahara?” Akashi asked after he managed to calm down a bit.

“I didn't say anything, but yes, I am married to Chuuya.” Dazai's face remained amused, but his eyes gained a softer look and his hand unconsciously gripped at the ring fastened around his neck with a chain.

“I didn't know he was gay.” Akashi commented under his breath, though it wasn't quiet enough as Ranpo started cackling once again.

“H-he’s just, ha ha, Dazai-sexual, ha..” The detective answered while cackling, while Yosano, who was standing next to him and occasionally managed to steal some popcorn, joined in. 

Kunikida, who was until that point still sitting behind his desk, stood up and marched towards the duo in order to reprimand them for office appropriate language.

Even Dazai, though he was a bit stunned by that declaration, snorted.

Akashi just sat there, a bit embarrassed by the fact that someone heard his remark.

Eventually, Ranpo stopped laughing and called Atsushi over to go with him to the candy store. The weretiger, wanting to escape the office but not having a good enough reason, agreed immediately. 

Yosano then returned to the infirmary, not really interested without Ranpo there. The daily chaos calmed down a bit, letting Kunikida peacefully take the still shaken Akashi’s statement and letting him leave after the additional payments.

Once he left, Dazai lay down on the couches, lett

ing exhaustion take over, his last thoughts being about a certain Chibi, who was set to return tomorrow.