Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bucky was used to being accused of many things, but it was always either murder or any other violent act that could’ve only been enacted by a super soldier of his calibre . Being a hypocrite wasn’t something that got brought up in conversations about him, but that’s all he’s been called lately. The Congressman who had to step down in order to be a hero for the wrong side. At least, that’s what Sam called it. (Even after the entirety of the Void situation was explained to him.) 

“Look, Bucky I get it. You want to do right by these people but no offense, none of you are actually Avengers. You can’t be who the people look up to, but that’s not the real reason I’m upset here. I do think all of you deserve a chance at redemption in the eyes of the American people, but I hardly think you’ll get anything close to that here. I haven’t even had the chance to fully establish my team before Valentina took that from me and you’re just standing by her? I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised. Standing by in silence is kind of your thing. I- that was uncalled for. I’m sorry. But I’m going to keep going with this lawsuit. Finish what you chose not to go through with. That impeachment trial should’ve never ended and you had no right to step down purely because she told you to. You had the power to change so much yet- you didn’t. Help me understand this Bucky. Please, just call me back.” 

At least Sam left a voicemail, how considerate. It gave Bucky something to keep replaying and overthink to high hell, stare out his apartment window and miss yet another therapy session. It wasn’t court mandated this time, so it’s not like he’s going to get arrested for not going. Luckily, he's since gotten a new therapist and has felt much better in someone else’s hands. There have been so many times that Bucky has considered calling back, hell he’s even thought about just showing up at that Avengers compound and smoothing things over in person. But he just can’t bring himself to get up and go, let alone pick up the phone. Sam was right on all fronts, having Valentina be the face of anything Avengers related would not only be a disaster for future crises, but every other potential upcoming hero. But what the fuck was he supposed to do? Present to the court that they had little actual remaining evidence that Bob was experimented on when he volunteered himself in a country that couldn’t be tied to Valentina in any way? Especially since her public statement described that all she wanted to do was turn an “unfortunate circumstance” of his experimentation in another country as a chance for a new hero to emerge. Of course she had to have an airtight excuse to get out of manipulating Bob so he can be her lackey. Unfortunately manipulating other people isn’t exactly grounds to impeach someone in her position of power. 

Bucky’s one chance at cutting her strings over people was lost, and now most of his sole close relationships are severed. His boyfriend near fiance hasn’t spoken to him besides the odd text and phone call, at least privately. Professionally? That’s where things get ugly. Sure, Sam mainly dealt with Valentina because she’s the face of everything but he’s there to represent the team’s leader and on occasion that meant standing by her side. Like she’s his handler. Bucky thought he was done with shit like this, yet here he is, having to stand stoically and silently next to another powerful person holding his tongue. Except this time he had none of the grace of being just a ghost story, of there being to witnesses to be spoken of. Being an unknown, only handed from person to person in secret. He’s in the public eye and for all the wrong reasons, he’s recognized for so many things. The line in-between what he’s actually done and what he’s been framed for doing has blended a long time ago. That’s probably why Steve went to the past, he probably realized Bucky was a lifelong commitment and wanted to clock out when he could. (It wasn’t till the end of the line after all.) Which wasn’t too shocking, it’s not like Steve was the one who started it. 

Bucky’s quiet pondering is interrupted by Mel lightly tapping him on the shoulder as he’s brought back to reality, they’re both at yet another gala that Valentina put together just to brag that she’s still not in jail. Yet. Another chance to con people into funding things for her that’ll definitely be shady and incredibly under the table. She didn’t learn her lesson after the impeachment trial, she just got a lot better at hiding everything after the fact.

“Before you ask, no, Valentina isn’t asking for you. I actually wanted to talk to you alone and just my luck here you are, brooding by yourself.” Bucky wasn’t sure what to make of Mel, a young person aiding a terrible politician yet still had the bravery to at least pick up the phone more than once to warn him about upcoming events. People are a lot more complicated now, and he was just going to have to navigate and deal with it. So, he just politely nods at her and waits for her to elaborate. 

“Okay so, the lawsuit is going badly but you probably already knew that. What you might not have known is that Valentina is considering just handing the name over if Sam let her manage their team too.” Bucky groans, and once again ruins his styled hair by running his hand through it. 

“Of course she is. I’m guessing Sam shot that idea down quicker than she can even pitch it.” 

Mel’s slight laughter told him everything.

“Not only that, but he pointed out that it wasn’t even legal for her to be overseeing two hero teams. SHIELD enacted that law, and it’s hard to ignore something like that when you’re in the city the law was made. So, they’re back to the rough deliberating but you probably won’t be brought into court again. The judge ruled your presence as distracting and unnerving, like Valentina wanted you as her personal guard dog. Am I even allowed to call my own boss corny for doing that?” The last bit was mainly to herself. The guard dog comment was something Bucky saw from a mile away, but he doesn’t think Valentina will ever get to Hydra’s level of making him their actual guard dog. She’s bad but not quite at that level. 

“This is all going up shit creek and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it. You know, I wouldn’t blame you for jumping ship. Going to work for Sam’s people. It’d be a smart career move.” Bucky feels his voice getting quieter when he’s making the offer, like he wants to make sure she doesn’t get in trouble for something he simply suggested. Mel just shrugs, something she did back when he offered her help. Back when he actually had leverage and a respectable standing with his boyfriend. 

“I’m shocked you haven’t jumped ship yet. Gone with that boyfriend of yours.”

Bucky finds himself shrugging this time, slightly tugging at his suit sleeves. Everything was suddenly so uncomfortable, hell even his metal arm felt more other than it usually does. 

“I’d have to be on talking terms with him for that.” Bucky wasn’t sure why he was admitting fault in front of Mel like this, but it’s not like he was going to lose anything he hasn’t already let himself lose. Thankfully, Mel doesn’t have much of an outward reaction to the information. The conversation is allowed to continue like nothing happened. 

“Valentina’s going to take advantage. Spread misinformation between the both of you.” Mel may be pointing out the obvious, but it certainly was something Bucky needed to hear in the moment. Despite being very aware of the oncoming threat, Bucky still has no idea how he’s going to handle it. He’s not exactly the best man to ask for a plan, that’s why Sam’s holding the shield and he’s never even wanted to touch the damn thing for too long. To be the man with the plan you have to at least start with a damn plan, and Bucky’s not exactly known for getting that far. 

“I always assume that’s her game, because despite being the worst she’s at least honest about it. Unlike you. So why don’t you tell me what in the hell do you want from me? You wanted to talk to me privately, well here we are. You haven’t said a single thing to warrant this privacy but drop some information I’m probably going to learn in the morning. The only cards Valentina holds close to her chest are violations to the Geneva Convention. Not little anecdotes on how she’s got even more ways to ruin my life. So what are you really here for?” Bucky doesn’t mean to be cross with her, but it was necessary. If Mel is going to incorporate herself in a world like this, then this is what she’ll need to get used to. Luckily, she doesn’t back down at the sudden shift in tone, but she does turn her gaze to the crowd of people, presumably looking for Valentina in the sea of people. 

“I wanted to check in on a team member, and I don’t exactly know any of the others. If I approached them here, our conversation would’ve eventually made a scene because they’d assume I was purely there to gain intel for Val. You on the other hand are a bleeding heart, and for some reason want to keep extending aid to me. So, you’re less likely to think I’m some double agent before actually having a civil conversation.” Valentina must be teaching her things, because Mel said everything and nothing at the same time. It wasn’t quite an answer to Bucky’s question, but she didn’t dodge him either. He hated how well she was adjusting to everything. So, he decided to pull the same shit back, considering he’s been around long enough to have played the game for long he’s forgotten to stop.

“I don’t have civil conversations, you and I both know that. But go ahead, keep your secrets. After all, we’re both just people in nice clothing being shown off by Valentina as trophies of her extensive power over others. Keep making her coffee and pretending like your role in this is so miniscule that you can eventually walk away with clean hands. Nothing ever works that way, especially in a field like this. So if I were you, I’d stop mingling and pretending like I’ve got both an out and cards to play.” Once again, Bucky knew he wasn’t being civil or nice in the slightest. But the man who was polite and charming died many times, strapped to a chair with only a mouthpiece as a buffer to the pain. This ends up being the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Mel is soon walking away to either report to Valentina what conversation they had, or get another drink from the open bar. Bucky guessed it’d be both. He goes outside for a smoke when of course, he runs into someone else before he could even get his pack of cigarettes out. The world just can’t let Bucky reset his social filter in peace, can it?

Joaquín gives a little wave, grinning like there’s not an obvious conflict of interest in them even casually talking to each other. But, since they are in public and this kid hasn’t really been a bother, Bucky decides to actually be civil for once. Bordering on politeness.

“Torres. I’m assuming you’re here to report back to the real good guys what’s happening on the other side of the pond?” Bucky can see the younger man grow nervous, which is a tell in itself that he’s right. 

“Listen, I think this can all end well if handled right. I mean, we can all be the good guys. I just think someone like Valentina should be a little further away from the stuff we do. Y’know?” It's quite obvious that Joaquín was nervous, but it wasn’t from the usual vibe Bucky gives off that can make just anyone a little skittish. It’s this innate need to make Sam proud that he’ll go through any lengths, certified or not to get that approval. Apparently that means talking to former assassins at a gala hosted by a corrupt politician in a suit that clearly makes him even more uncomfortable. He clearly was used to more straightforward field work, something Bucky was very familiar with. 

His suit’s also uncomfortable.

“I admire the optimism, and your efforts to try and get the family together will get recognized one day, I’m sure of it. It just won’t be today. There’s so much at play here that I refuse to get into wearing a goddamn bowtie, but just know that if I could end this right here and now I would. But there’s something stopping me, obviously. I am not exactly a man known for holding back so trust me when I say if I don’t make a shot on someone, you better believe there’s a damn good reason.” Bucky hates just how high strung this has made him, how depleted his social battery is despite having only spoken to two people at this party. As expected, Torres gains the kicked puppy look for two seconds before slipping back into a more confident mask. A mark of a good soldier.

“I work alongside Captain America, I’m afforded a little optimism every now and again. Just because you got your solo contract and found a new group does it mean you get to- I don’t know, give up? I’m sorry, there’s so much about this argument between you and Sam that I just don’t understand. Sure, neither of you know how to communicate. Fine. Whatever. But why are we dragging the Avengers into this-”

Joaquín is suddenly interrupted by the woman of the hour, but Mel wasn’t by her side this time. Odd. 

“I brought the Avengers into this kid, purely because your boss took too long. You have to be cutthroat in this business, and it helped that my guys actually saved the day. Proof of their usefulness right out the gate, I didn’t even need to spend a single dollar on marketing until after the announcement. Isn’t that fun? Y’know, our team can use a new flier. Ours isn’t too used to his wings yet, you’d be able to show him the ropes. Hell, I’ll even introduce you two on the house-” Before Joaquín could be roped into anything he was going to regret or be seen as a turncoat to the actual Avengers, Bucky steps in.

“Torres. I’d cut your little report back home short and just get out of here early. Before traffic gets too congested. The Avengers compound is pretty far from here, even with your wings. Take care of yourself out there, kid.” Valentina’s grin disappears as fast as it came as Bucky less than politely pats Joaquín on the shoulder and points him to the exit. Torres was a little confused, but figured the super soldier was being dead serious so he listened to the advice given and left. This left Bucky with the backlash, having to turn and see the very annoyed look on Valentina’s face that her sly manipulation tactic was so rudely interrupted. 

“Stop trying to get others involved with Bob to try and get Sentry back early. You’re already on Sam’s shit list, so if I were you I’d stop digging this hole you’ve dug even deeper for yourself. And before you throw it in my face, yes, I am also on Sam’s shit list. How else do you think I know so much about it? I am aware of my faults, I’ve lived long enough to do so. Therapy’s gotten me here, it’s given me tools to actually care about the people around me. I’d book an appointment if I were you.” Bucky knew he was going to regret snapping at her like this, but he was just fed up having to talk to all these people. He certainly was going to hole himself up in his apartment with his phone on airplane mode for about three days before making another public appearance, the case against Valentina be damned. 

To Bucky’s credit, Valentina herself looked at least a little scolded by the speech for about a split second before her usual front is back with a vengeance. “There’s that fire I was missing in the courtroom. Speaking of, I’ll miss you in there. Having you so close and at my disposal really showed me just why anyone ever kept you around. Scary enough to get people off your back, and strong enough to keep them down. They really did their absolute best with you, no wonder why there aren’t more of you. Why would you ever mess with perfection?” Bucky couldn’t even be grossed out by Val’s backhanded compliments, mostly because he’s heard a lot worse from his own subconscious calling him a disgusting lap dog on a good day.

“Makes sense you’d like the people who made me the way I am now. You seem like the type. Hell, if you played your cards right they might’ve even funded your promotion.” Bucky gives her a model smile before leaving her behind, aiming to just take an incredibly hot shower and only wake up when he feels the need to. The next thing he knows, Bucky’s in his apartment post shower, furiously drying his hair. He drags himself to his room and simply puts on a t-shirt and boxers. The moment he lets himself just fall on his bed, all the emotions from the day come back at once. He was exhausted beyond belief, but too wired to let everything go until the morning. 

Valentina openly mocking him, poor Joaquín thinking things were going to get better before they got worse. That didn’t even touch the naive bitterness that Mel manages to balance all at once. Too involved to truly be at Torres’ level of hope, but not so jaded that she would just approve of every decision her boss makes. It makes Bucky feel cold despite the warmth of his home knowing someone was letting themselves try and play both sides. As much as he wanted to be optimistic, he had to be realistic with himself and face the fact that Mel is not going to walk away from this unscathed. The worst part about it all, is that she wouldn’t even ask for help when things got down to the nitty gritty of it all. Bucky groans into his hands, hoping he can just grumble himself into a somewhat comfortable sleep, have no dreams whatsoever and pray to anything above that he wouldn’t be too uncomfortable or tired in the morning. It doesn’t work, so he goes to at least wash his face, get a snack with some water and watch a nature documentary before he either falls asleep or stays aware for so long his body does the sleeping for him. 

Bucky looks into his own reflection and sighs, before vigorously washing his face, trying to ignore how little he’s been gentle with himself tonight. When he looks back up at himself, he remembers all the times he’s had to wash all that black eyeliner off his eyes to look presentable enough for “handler’s company.” There was some sick part of him that almost misses that look, just disheveled enough that he doesn’t have to be maintained but pretty enough to be a tool worth keeping around without the mask constantly. He supposes this part of his trauma would come soon, missing things he damn well shouldn’t because of trauma blinders. He wonders if he can make a new hero personality for himself that’s not just the nickname everyone knows him by. It worked for Walker, so why can’t it for him?

Sure, it’ll feel weird not being “Bucky,” so weird that he quickly abandons the idea of a rebrand altogether. That’d be throwing Steve away, despite it being his choice to not be around anymore. God, he’s yet to really let himself think too deeply about Steve since he left. It was a choice, a decision split them up this time. There was no evil corporation or entity involved, Steve just wanted to leave. Bucky’s yet to actually process this, let alone accept it. There’s some inner part of him that’s pissed off. Especially since Steve would never have second doubts just dragging him out of hiding for whatever cause he wanted to fight for. He didn’t even really know what the Sokovia Accords were but there he was in that fight with essentially strangers. They all knew who he was though, which wasn’t fair. (A lot about that situation wasn’t unfair.) 

Bucky splashes another round of water on his face before he lets himself keep dwelling on the past and looks at the time. It’s not late. He could technically be a good boyfriend for once and call Sam back. Which is exactly what he did before he could talk himself out of it.

“Calling me from that expensive gala Valentina’s running? The one you told Joaquín to buzz off from?” Sam sounded mad but- not really. It was more so worried, which was a constant state from the man whenever Joaquín is involved and frankly Bucky can’t blame him. Young, scrappy and hungry usually means more scars in the long run, they both know that well. 

“I told Valentina to stop trying to bug him. That’s all. She was trying to get him in another one of her little schemes. She was trying to act friendly by introducing him to a team member of mine, but it was just to see if Joaquín can get her former test subject to go back to doing what she wants him to do.” Bucky stops himself from saying you’re welcome, they’re too unsteady to be joking like that with each other right now. 

“... I’ve read about that in the files you sent. The Sentry Project. Seems like real nasty stuff. It’s a good thing you’re doing, staying with him. I may not be a fan of you guys representing the Avengers name but at least you stick together more than the original team ever did.” It was such a genuine compliment from Sam that Bucky had to sit with it for a while to even believe it happened. 

“... Thanks. Means a lot to hear that from you. I just really want to do the right thing here, which is getting more and more confusing by the day. I’m being thrown in every direction and I just wish I was back in Wakanda, one arm and only herding sheep. Maybe fading into obscurity would’ve been good for me. All of this limelight is giving me hives, you’ve always been much better at this than me.”

Bucky sighs, and finds himself rambling before he can stop himself. Hell, he’s even pacing in his room. It’s been quite a while since he’s let himself just pace while he’s on the phone. 

“I don’t know why the fuck that impeachment trial failed so badly, or why I stopped Walker from just straight up shooting Valentina. Everything’s going to shit Sam, and I am nowhere near able to fix it. We’re a band of misfits with such bloody legers we can practically drown each other in blood spilled. But I can’t think of anywhere else for me to be right now, not when these people need me. We’re all trying to be better people, not for reputation’s sake but each other. Alexei’s Yelena and Natasha’s dad, fun fact. He’s a jolly guy, a little weird but no one with the serum running through their veins isn’t-”

“Bucky. James. You’re rambling and I don’t even need to be there to know you’re pacing. Sit down, take a breather. These people mean a lot more to you than I realized. I might’ve let myself get blinded by how each of you have a lengthy leger that I didn’t realize there’s plenty of reasons why it’s that long. But I can’t stop this lawsuit, y’know? Captain America has to lead the Avengers, those are just the rules. But it’s never been personal, I never meant to push you away like any of this was worth putting a strain on our relationship. It just kind of happened, I slipped too deep into work. I mean, we both did. Clearly. We’re workaholics in the worst way. So, I’m gonna extend an olive branch and visit you and that new team of yours. That sound good?”

Bucky finds himself smiling, being a little more than happy that despite their distance Sam still knows how to center him. This was good, but he still felt that weird hollowness inside. He chooses to ignore it at least until the call ends. 

“I’d love that. You get to meet Bob in person, and get to see just how chaotic a towerful of former assassins and misfits is like. I’ve missed you, hun.” Bucky’s never been the sap for pet names despite coming from an era where they were spoken more than people’s actual names but with Sam they were so personal. Something only spoken between them when they were in private, to further cement their connection is theirs alone. There’s silence on the other end until-

“Save the sweet talking until we’re face to face Barnes. But yes, I’ve missed you too. Love you, and goodnight.” Before Sam hangs up, Bucky forces himself to say it back, a simple, “love you too,” but it was enough that he can sleep peacefully tonight. Or, at least try. Bucky feels good after the phone call until he doesn’t, and suddenly he’s nauseous and much more anxious than he was before. 

Why in the world does Sam still want to be his boyfriend after everything? 

Bucky finds himself in front of his bathroom mirror before he can stop himself. He looks a lot more disheveled and stressed out than before, and in a weird, sick way it makes him smile. When he’s at his worst, he’s had to think of his imperfections the least. He’s laughing despite there not being a good reason to, then he’s crying. Soon, he’s doing both. He breaks his bathroom sink, but hardly acknowledges it. Why focus on anything? Sure, things are going good and he had a surprisingly civil conversation with Sam but he knows his rot will set in again, they’ll go back to not talking and once again it’ll be his fault. It always is, Sam doesn’t have his innate rot. He’s actually good, something he never really learned how to be. His former handlers didn’t think it was imperative to program goodness into him, even if the trigger words don’t work, he still feels that same terrible feeling inside whenever anything good happens to him. There was no possible way he could keep something so good, especially someone so kind like Sam. 

Sure, they’ve been going for this long but would it really last? It was a toss up and made Bucky nauseous. He didn’t care that his therapist calls it “self-destructive behavior” after being so used to being granted nothing that he’s started to expect he deserves nothing. This all feels way too real to not be right, and it’s starting to hurt laughing so much, especially while crying the way he is. Luckily, he lives alone so it’s not like anyone is seeing him break down like this-

“Good god, I knew you were bad but I did not expect this Barnes.” Living alone does not make him immune to Yelena breaking into his apartment, so it seems. He can only try and clean his face with a towel and shyly look over at her. She’s gently crouched next to him, staring with her usual kindness.

“... What brings you to my neck of the woods? Also, people normally call ahead before sudden visits like this.” Bucky hates how weak his voice is.

“Valentina kept bringing you up, I needed to make sure she didn’t secretly do something to you. Jury is still out on that one. So here I am, graciously using my time to be your babysitter. You’re welcome.” Bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair. Yelena’s concern is nice, but he wasn’t sure if he was in the greatest mindset to accept it, let alone be talking to anyone at all. He was in such a rot-like mood he was probably going to say a lot of things he would soon regret.

“... Yelena, do you think I can just go back to killing people? But, for a good reason this time. I’m good at nothing else, god knows I’ve tried to deviate career paths. But it’s not working and people like Valentina are getting away with shit Hydra would be jealous of. It’s driving me up a wall. I need direct orders to fix things, make sure everything she broke gets mended. Please, I need this-”

Bucky was shocked when Yelena slapped his forehead. She looked determined yet alarmed, like she was trying to determine what to do and who to tell on the fly. Bucky knew the moment she went off by herself she was going to be making quite a few calls, but it would be coming from a good place. She is the glue holding the team together, after all. Even if she’d deny it if you said it in front of her. That doesn’t stop Alexei from trying. 

“Yeah, no. We’re not going down that road. I’m glad I came, you were not fit to be alone like this. Alright, I’m sleeping on the couch Sam forced you to buy. I don’t trust you alone right now. And Sam is going to hear about that weird idea of yours to deal with Valentina, and you will tell or I’m taking it upon myself to do it. Your choice. Also, you’re staying in the tower until that sink gets fixed. You, Walker and Bob can go back to those Mario Party nights, it’ll be great for everyone.” Yelena is ever so stern, but it’s from a place of concern as it usually is. All Bucky can do is just nod in shame and allow himself to be taken care of in a way. Or at least, acknowledges that he’s not in the best mindset to be alone. 

Chapter Text

Bucky knew he should probably feel more guilty for abandoning his little “house arrest” in the tower arranged by a concerned Yelena but- he couldn’t just stay there. Surrounded by concern he only wanted to believe was scrutiny, so he did what he did best. Disappear. Found a quaint little farmer’s market with some spare cash and mingled a little before finding a nice corner to sit in and enjoy the fresh fruit and food he got. The weather might be overcast, but there was something just pretty about it that made being outside to be more bearable than normal. Now, this didn’t mean he was going to skip Sam going to the tower, he’s got an alarm ready for that so he can show up at the tower right when Sam scheduled that he’d get there. So, this may be a temporary venture but it was freedom enough to breathe by himself, and not face the reality that his mental health has declined so much that other people were starting to notice. Sure, it was an asshole move to Yelena but at the end of the day, it gave him a little more freedom than he had before. At least, that’s what Bucky’s telling himself this is doing. His pondering is interrupted by his phone buzzing, but it wasn’t the alarm. It was a text message from, you guessed it, Yelena.

Running away from your problems. Real original.

Bucky was shocked to find out she texted so formally, but then again he’s not much different. Ever since he ditched the flip phone, he’s gotten much more articulate in the way he texts people. 

I’m a grown man. I am getting air and fresh fruit. Let me be. But I appreciate you for checking in on me.

Bucky sighs, because frankly he knew Yelena was being much more patient than he deserved, especially with the mess he made of himself in front of her. Yet, he still wanted to act like what happened wasn’t that big of a deal, and that him doing this wasn’t the dick move that it was. He also knew the fruit comment wasn’t going to translate that he went out of his way to reside in some obscure farmer’s market in the early morning just so he wouldn’t be found or followed. Unsurprisingly, Yelena was quick to text back.

Fine. Just get here when Sam does and I will at least pretend you are okay in front of him. 

Bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair like Yelena’s text personally offended him. It didn’t, purely because she was doing him a favor. Still, a selfish part of him was offended; she even brought up his less than ideal release of emotions that will end in a hefty sink repair. Although, knowing him, he’s probably going to do everything himself despite him not exactly being tight on money. He just didn’t want the awkward explanation to the repair people on just how it broke the way it did. With his phone fully put away, Bucky decided to just immerse himself in the environment around him, just settling into the peace the early morning brings. The farmer’s market was a beautiful mix of crowded and empty, enough people that he can be lost in the crowd but not so many that he gets overwhelmed by the amount. A sweet spot he could definitely appreciate, and it made him glad he left the tower in the first place. Hell, he can even bring some fresh fruit and make something with it when Sam gets there. Maybe sweeten the mood before things inevitably go downhill when Yelena brings up his momentary lapse that ended in an unfortunate broken sink. Or, the real reason he was staying at the tower and not his own apartment. But for the moment, Bucky was just going to nurse the coffee he got from one of the many food trucks posted around the market, a peppermint mix that was just enough to make him only focus on the flavor, and not the various amounts of his own problems he’s ignoring. Conversations can always be had later, coffee is only warm for so long. A terrible mentality to have but judging by the broken sink, Bucky wasn’t exactly going to be making the best choices with his own mental health. He then devotes some of his time just journaling when he sees someone sitting in the chair in front of him, looking almost frantic but doing his best to hide it. 

“Alright so, let me introduce myself first. I’m the honorary Sorcerer Supreme, the name’s Wong. I want to know for the safety of everyone here if you are here on Winter Soldier business-” Quite the introduction, but Bucky wasn’t exactly offended by the assumption. He was just by himself at a table away from the crowd at a farmer’s market in the early morning, with no real good reason to be here. 

“Not here to kill anyone, I’m not that guy anymore. Just Bucky, but uh, nice to meet you Wong. Good to know you’ve got this farmer’s market locked down and protected with a-” Bucky pauses to read the other man’s coffee label.

“Pumpkin spice latte.” Bucky finds himself smiling at Wong’s reaction, how the other man is suddenly using his hand to cover the label without actually burning himself from how hot the drink is.

“... I obviously wasn’t the only one who took advantage of the year round seasonal drinks Barnes. But you don’t need to be the soldier to still be around to kill someone. You’ve been associated with Valentina, and she’s bad news. But clearly you’re not here to do her dirty work, which is good. I’d hate for things to get ugly this early in the morning, I haven’t even stretched yet to do any strenuous spells.” Bucky finds himself laughing softly at what Wong’s saying despite having just met the man. He wondered how it felt being so pleasant that even the first meeting can be this smooth. He didn’t think he’d actually be getting along with a sorcerer, especially with Doctor Strange’s reputation, but luckily Wong seems much easier to talk to. 

Bucky didn’t even mind that Wong thought he was there to complete a hit out for Valentina. He’s been accused of worse on a much larger scale.”Yeah, no, I’m just here as Bucky. I might be off the beaten path here but hey, it’s nice. Quiet. Somewhere I won’t be questioned as a congressman while trying to have a moment to myself. I still have no idea why anyone would write my name on any official ballot but hey- they did.” Bucky actually hears himself laughing, but stops when he sees how shocked Wong is, then he looks vindicated.

“I fucking knew it, you were a write in. Stephen wanted so badly to convince me you at least campaigned once, but I swore up and down you didn’t. He told me that you had people funding your career and I had no idea why anyone would fund someone who probably has killed a president before. No offense, just a conspiracy theory I have.” Wong was animated as he talked, and Bucky found himself just taking it in, almost relieved to have someone so just sure of who they were around him. It also helped that the other man was genuinely pleasant to be around, and was pretty funny in an effortless way. 

“Something tells me the mythical Sanctum has trouble in paradise, about my political career of all things. But yes, you were right. I did take out at least one president.” Bucky laughs as Wong visibly celebrates with a fist bump, but calms down when he attracts a small amount of attention to himself he probably wasn’t expecting. 

“God, I probably look like an asshole. Celebrating the death of a president like that. But uh, I was right that’s all that matters.” Bucky decided he really likes this Wong guy, with how effortlessly himself he can be despite having just met him, not only that but after being suspected of foul play. Wong thought he was there to assassinate one person and get rid of the witnesses but here they were, chatting like they’ve spoken many times before.

“At least you get to tell that Doctor Strange guy what for. What is that guy really like? I only knew him briefly from Thanos stuff, and even then we didn’t interact one on one.” Bucky almost hates bringing the other sorcerer up, but he was curious. 

Wong huffs, but doesn’t actually look too mad Bucky brought him up, it was a frustration that felt like even thinking of the other man annoyed him. Like even the mental picture of him was infuriating. “He certainly acts like a man with his college experience, that’s for sure. Word of advice Bucky, never hang around really good doctors. They are so annoying about knowing much more than you do. God, do they remind you of it all the time. He might as well have stapled his PhD to his head for- I’m not going to spend this entire time complaining about him. That’s exactly what he’d want me to do.”

Bucky can’t help but laugh slightly under his breath, not at Wong of course, but at the earnest way he described the other man. It gave him a clear enough picture to at least guess the man was a smart alek. Which, considering the dramatic name of Stephen Strange, he was almost certain the man was born to be insufferable. 

So, he and Wong spoke for a lot longer after that until the sorcerer had to go, apparently the Sanctum needs much more maintenance so it doesn’t fall back into a winter wonderland. They do exchange numbers, which Bucky saw as a small win. This was physical evidence Bucky needed to leave the tower this morning, because he’s got one more contact in his phone. This shows he’s not the same loner he was when he was forced to bear that court mandated therapist. (He was convinced she was just some officer sent to make sure he didn’t relapse back into evil, HYDRA work for the sake of the US government or some other bullshit like that, she wasn’t exactly interested in being a real therapist during that time.) That left Bucky to be alone again, which he didn’t exactly mind. He had gone out of his way to be alone after all, despite the very pleasant reprieve he got from solitude. At least this time, it's voluntary. He can have some pretty scenery as he describes in somewhat okay detail to his journal that he made a friend today like some teenage girl. 

Which wasn’t exactly a bad thing, considering his very small circle of friends of people who know him only became friends with him because he attacked them first and he had to win them over afterwards. (Bucky couldn’t even say that, considering how cold and detached he even is with people he’s trying to convince that no, he is not going to attack them like that again.) Hell, this was even the case with his new teammates. He needed to convince the group there wasn’t going to be a round two, that he wasn’t going to destroy another one of Alexei’s taxis or tie them up like that. Ava was the most pissed off about that, weirdly enough. It was probably the specific cuffs she couldn’t phase out of, which in hindsight Bucky did feel bad about getting to know her. But finally, Bucky got to acquaint himself with someone he didn’t aim a gun at first, it felt nice. But here he is, showing his age like the elder he is sipping a coffee and journaling about adding a new name and number to his phone’s contacts, which was pretty big for him. His casual, quiet morning was interrupted again but not in the way he thought it would. An unknown number texted him. Normally, he would’ve ignored something so ambiguous but considering he was doing nothing else, he’d give it some attention. 

After all, who doesn’t love a fun wrong number story?

It’s been a while. 

Vague, but certainly something Bucky can work with. Maybe playing along will get him information.

Has it? Time’s fickle, at least to me.

Not some of Bucky’s best work, but he had no clue who this mystery person thought they were talking to or how they normally text. So vague would have to be the norm before he gets a good grasp on who’s on the other end. There’s a period of silence where Bucky is patiently waiting, just staring at the three bubbles before the next text is sent through. 

You’ve never sounded like this, but I guess I’ve changed a lot too. Time has gotten to the both of us, but it hasn’t. Everything is so weird.

Bucky was kicking himself, because the mystery person was fighting fire with fire and was just being vague back. He was down to play ball, but things were beginning to sound emotional and he didn’t want to interfere in anything serious just to have a funny story to tell the team. But regardless, Bucky was invested and couldn’t exactly end the conversation now. 

We live in the era of superheroes. Things get weird, you just have to live around it. Now, why are you reaching out? Really. And from an unknown number, no less?

Being this direct wasn’t exactly what Bucky had planned, but he needed to know purely so he wasn’t accidentally fucking up some deep emotional reunion just because he wanted to get some drama from other people’s lives. The response takes a while, which makes Bucky feel more like an asshole for stringing this poor person on for so long when in reality it was just a wrong number. The response made Bucky suddenly feel much more on edge than he did before, leading him to believe this was probably much more than a wrong number.

Secrecy is probably the best front for me right now, you just wouldn’t get it. There’s so many things on my mind but, I’ll keep them to myself. These screens separating us feel so weird but- I just needed to speak with you, at least in any capacity I was allowed. I can’t exactly share why I’m texting like this, but I can assure you, I didn’t get the wrong number. You are exactly who I wanted to speak with. 

Bucky hates how he suddenly starts looking around, as if he’s going to suddenly find whoever’s been texting him. He hasn’t felt dread like this since his last run in with Hydra, and he’s really not a fan. This better not be some Hydra agent who thinks just because he’s become a politician himself that he can be so easily brought back to his old ways. The trigger words don’t work anymore, but it’s not like he’s willing to walk right into whatever traps they lay. He may be free from the Winter Soldier, but he’s not stupid. He needed to stick with the same vagueness and hope that the other person gets frustrated enough that they accidentally reveal information about themselves just to get Bucky to take the conversation more seriously. Well, here’s to hoping. 

A lot of poetic wording just to tell me you’re using a burner phone. Also, I’m flattered you’d go through such lengths just to speak with me. It’s nice to meet a fan. I’d sign something for you, but we’re not in person. It wouldn’t be sincere.

It feels almost like a dick move, playing the celebrity card when Bucky knows damn well he’s not exactly the type to have fans. At least, for the right reasons at least. The New Avengers and his little hero work besides that didn’t grant him that much levity from the general public that he could be considered that much of a positive celebrity, despite what PR Valentina is currently trying to push for each team member. But, he had to play his cards right with this possible Hydra agent, or else he might be in some serious trouble. At that moment, Bucky was grateful that it was getting a little later in the morning, so the farmer’s market had a little more people than it did when he got there. Which means, he’s probably much safer in public than by himself. Then again, Hydra was never too shy to make a scene in a crowded area like this when it came to getting what they really want. 

There was one thing Bucky was sure of, he’s never been this glued to his phone in public. Especially over a text conversation of all things.

You’re still so damn witty. I don’t know if I should be pissed off or amused. Oh, how I missed this. God, why did I ever give it up? We aren’t even face to face yet things are going so smoothly, like they usually do with us.

Bucky feels like a teenage girl again with how he’s intently staring at a text message, trying to discern what it could mean, what this person really meant by that. Whoever’s on the other end clearly either thinks they have a much deeper emotional connection than they really do, or even worse, they do and it’s someone from Bucky’s past. Considering he’s well above a hundred years old, there’s not exactly a long list of good, solid people from Bucky’s past that are still around that would vaguely text like this. So, despite having a plan on how to get more information, Bucky wasn’t exactly feeling the most confident in how this exchange was going for him. God, if only this was just a silly wrong number situation instead of this dumpster fire. He was almost tempted to not text back, to see if the other person got desperate and snapped with any information he might not know, but he was too curious not to send a response.

I’m a catch, not sure why you’d let me go. But forgive me, I can’t look through the phone and you aren’t in my contacts. So tell me secrecy, who am I to you? Why should I even keep this conversation going? From where I stand, I don’t know you. I have no reason to keep replying, hell, I can even block this number and think nothing of it. 

Bucky felt confident about this message all until he got a response, which made his stomach drop purely because it was so quick. 

Yet here we are, still speaking.

The pompous energy seeping from the message made Bucky cringe and slightly sweat, because most of his former handlers in Hydra were pretty pompous people, superiority complexes galore, and various other things he didn’t care to get into. This person was sounding more and more dangerous by the second, and it made Bucky wish that he could get at least one normal day to himself. That he could’ve just gone back to the tower on the note that he made a new friend, not be knee deep in this drama that might tie him to Hydra again despite all the shit he’s been through already because of those people. Luckily, the other person texts again so Bucky doesn't have to muster up a response while he’s already so heated and frustrated things have turned this bad already. 

Tell me Bucky, why must you always need to know everything right when things are happening? What happened to enjoying a good mystery? A puzzle doesn’t put itself together, y’know. But, if you must get answers from me then I can give them. The only thing you need to do is meet me at these coordinates. That farmer’s market is looking too crowded for my tastes. 

Bucky was in full panic mode now, and he suddenly forgets about his entire schedule, the fruit, but he does chug the rest of his coffee before he slams said coordinates in his phone. Of course, it was a much more secluded spot by some docks. Everything shady happens over there, apparently. He just hoped he wasn’t right about to walk into a Hydra trap, despite having told himself that was the very thing he’s trained himself to avoid. Nevertheless, Bucky finds himself actually following the trail of breadcrumbs this mystery person left just so he knows firsthand who suddenly got his phone number and who was emotionally stringing him along with some of the most concerning vague dialogue he’s seen in a while. Bucky can feel his shoulders were much too tense for his vibranium arm to not hurt at least a little, but that so far was the least of his worries. The moment he reaches the dock, he can’t even appreciate the beauty of the ocean next to him because he sees an open storage crate and he ever so gently peeks into it to see several lights and a note in the middle. After much inspection, nothing was rigged to set off an alarm or explode so he gently unwraps the note, wondering who in the world in his past was so obsessed with mysteries and leaving a trail of breadcrumbs opposed to being direct. 

“God, where do I begin? I’ve missed you a lot more than I thought I would. You might not believe it but, I do. I thought that letting you go would give me a chance at something resembling normal but I guess I lost my love for that years ago. I pulled some strings, burned some bridges but here I am. Well, we aren’t back together just yet. It’s my fault we were ever separated in the first place, and I’m sorry for ever putting you through that at all. I don’t know why I ever thought distance would fix anything, I guess I let others get in my head and guide my choices before I ever truly thought about fixing my own problems my way.”

A lot of the letter was scratched out rather aggressively in pen, so he couldn’t read it until the end. 

“We’ll see each other again, old friend.”

Those were the only legible parts of the letter Bucky could actually read, and it didn’t inspire any confidence this could be anything good. On the back of the letter was a second set of coordinates that weren’t far from where he was standing. Bucky was two seconds away from inputting it into his phone when more lights were being activated in the storage container and someone was shutting the door. Turning around Bucky was met by someone who most definitely wasn’t supposed to be there, or anywhere for that matter smiling like nothing happened after Thanos. 

Steven Grant Rogers standing so casually leaning on the wall of a storage container like the only thing he did after Thanos was go into hiding, not go back in time. Like there isn’t an entirely new Captain America, or even worse he had no idea about Walker and what he did with his former shield.  

“Don’t ask who that old man was, I don’t even really know, but he told Sam to carry the shield. That’s what matters. That Walker mess was a bit rough to watch but hey- it all worked out in the end without me even needing to lift a finger, so that’s good!” Steve’s casualness honestly scared the living hell out of Bucky, which is what wipes the smile off of Steve’s face. 

“You’re scared of me. Why? I’m finally back-”

Bucky snaps before he could stop himself. “You were supposed to be gone. I coped like you left, like you died. So much has happened to me since then Steve. I’m practically a different person, I- I’ve got things to do today Steve. A life! You can’t just do this to me. I’ve established my life without you, this isn’t even remotely fair to me that you’ve decided to suddenly insert yourself back in my life.” Bucky hates how much he sounds like he’s begging for this ghost to stop haunting him.

Steve looks almost upset now, which did not help Bucky’s nerves in the slightest. “Buck-”

Bucky can’t help but flinch at the nickname usage, but Steve keeps going. “I’ve been so proud of the way you’ve become your own hero aside from all the labels Hydra gave you, but I couldn’t stay away despite all my attempts to divert my attention from you. Look, when I left I thought being in the past would set me straight, get you off my mind. It’s terrible but I was obsessing over you, it wasn’t good for either of us. I- I didn’t even make it to the past. My cover quickly fell apart when people realized that the old man you and Sam spoke to wasn’t me, so I figured instead of facing the consequences of my lies I’d just go into hiding which wasn’t my classiest moment, not going to lie. I’ve been making myself scarce ever since, and setting this up. You’re the only one who knows I’m still around, other than those SHIELD people who knew I lied. They’ve been keeping things under wraps, luckily for me. Things would get really awkward if any of them decided to talk.”

Steve looked so sure of himself but Bucky’s never felt more lost in his life. He didn’t think the person he watched grow up essentially would end up like this, never in a million years. He missed the person he was before he even indulged in that text message, hell he even wished it was just some wrong number he got to fuck with. Anything would be better than this. Steve’s story was supposed to have ended after Thanos, that he ran off into the sunset with Peggy, a few kids and that picket fence life he supposedly yearned for. This put a wrench in a lot of things, and certainly didn’t do any favors for Bucky’s mental state. 

“... Be honest with me Steve. Did you spend all this time, since Thanos, essentially stalking me?” Bucky feels sick when the only answer he gets is a nod and an expression that showed Steve he was pretty proud of himself; he hasn't gotten noticed even slightly during that entire time. 

“I can’t believe you spent all that time stalking me, feeding your little obsession with me thinking that was the best way to keep your distance from me. You probably know so much about my life now and I don’t even recognize you anymore. Steve, who did you let yourself become? Oh god, what if you were like this the whole time, but I never let myself believe it?” Bucky hates how the dynamic cemented in near stone between them has suddenly shattered and become unrecognizable, and how Steve is looking at him in a way that didn’t make him feel good anymore. At least he had the know-how to look a little ashamed of his actions. 

“... The stalking was low, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to get that dark. I mean- I did. I shouldn’t lie to you, not when we’ve finally reunited properly. I just- I wanted to keep you a constant in my life. I would’ve done anything to do that, and at the end of the day that’s a problem. I knew I couldn’t just-”

Steve pauses, like any of this could possibly get any worse. It made Bucky afraid of just how far off the deep end his old friend has gone. Thankfully, his phone suddenly starts going off, indicating Sam’s calling him. The overachiever must’ve gotten to the tower a lot earlier than intended and was wondering where he was. Steve almost looked offended that Bucky’s phone was going off, that anyone could possibly want to interrupt this moment. Regardless, Bucky answers. This was the one person he really wanted to see, to just be in the presence of. For a moment, he can just pretend Steve is back in Sam’s arms. Sure, he’ll have to face the music eventually, but he’s never missed his boyfriend’s touch more than he has in that moment. 

“Y’know, I gave an olive branch by coming by the tower, so where are you-”

“I love you. I really do, love you so much Sam. You have no idea how much I appreciate you, and how much you’ve tolerated my bullshit and continue to tolerate the nonsense I’ve allowed to start. I don’t want to be what stresses you out anymore, I love you too much.” Bucky didn’t know why he was crying, but he was. This must be so scary to hear without any context, but it's not like he could stop himself. Not with everything being so damn overwhelming. As expected, not knowing where one’s boyfriend is and the first contact is porfuse sobbing with declarations of love isn’t exactly the most pleasant thing to hear. 

“I- I love you too Buck, but, I need to know if you’re safe. Where are you? Need me to come and get you? I’ll get in full Cap gear to get you, Just tell me where. Hell, I’ll even bring your team if that’ll help. I didn’t think everything got to you this bad I- I’m sorry. We both strayed too far from each other, and I want to fix that as soon as possible. Just tell me where you are baby,”

The moment Bucky looked over at Steve, he was gone and the door was open again. It was both comforting and concerning, but it wasn’t something Bucky would dwell on. He knew Steve wouldn’t stay away forever, but this small moment without him would do wonders. He exists the container, and flinches at the natural sunlight shining directly in his eyesight. He takes a deep breath, collecting himself before answering his boyfriend. 

“Something happened Sammy. I- I’ll meet you back at the tower. I will be okay, but I don’t want to distance myself from you again. I’ve missed you, a lot. I don’t know why it took today for me to realize that fully but here we are. I’m bringing some fresh fruit from a farmer’s market. We can make some of that peach cobbler Walker keeps talking to me about.” Bucky tries steadying himself in a much calmer mindset and not focus on what just happened, or who he just spoke to. Sam thankfully is understanding enough that the conversation topic switches from why he wasn’t there to more mundane topics. 

Bucky really didn’t want to think too deeply about the extent of Steve’s stalking, not wanting to even ponder once why he didn’t notice it even once. Those were all things he was going to worry about later, much later. For now, he was going to shop at a farmer’s market, get peaches, and take a cab back to the tower and hopefully he would have collected himself enough that he’s not a complete mess when he sees the others. Maybe moving into the tower is a much smarter move than he expected, cause Steve can’t exactly stalk him there without being noticed, can he?

Chapter Text

Bucky only came back to himself when he felt Sam guide him to sit on the couch in the tower’s common room, as he heard John thank him for the peaches. At least he didn’t forget those. The rest of the team joined Walker in the kitchen, giving him and Sam space in an act that was uncharacteristic of them, especially considering how everyone likes to be “informed” of each other’s struggles. It was a kind way of saying that each Thunderbolt was way too nosey not to eavesdrop on each other’s drama. But apparently today was serious enough that they’ll skip out on it to give the couple some space. Which was good, considering what just happened and Bucky didn’t want the list of people knowing Steve’s back to be very long. He wasn’t sure what his former friend would do if a lot of people found out. 

“... So, something happened at the farmer’s market. I’ll give you all the time you need, but I don’t know about those team members of yours so I’d speak your truth now.” Sam slightly jokes, but he was mostly serious. He knows more than anyone that Bucky shuts down in group settings revealing the nitty gritty feelings. So, getting something out of him now rather than later was better. Because of this, Bucky decided to rip the bandaid off now before he psyched himself out so much that he just keeps this bottled up until the truth reveals itself later. 

“... Steve didn’t really go to the past. He’s been essentially stalking me this entire time. We met face to face, hell he admitted to the shit. Can you believe it? I asked if he’s been doing it and he said yes. To my face. Sam, I didn’t recognize him anymore. That wasn’t the same kid I nursed back to health after the scarlet fever, oh my god, what did that damn serum do to him,” Bucky didn’t realize he was sobbing until he was gathered in Sam’s arms, his anchor to stop him from fully sinking into these feelings. This was a lot to dump on a person, but Sam’s tough. He can carry the shield, which means he can hold a super soldier up on the verge for a little while. Time passes, until Bucky can breathe on his own again as he wipes his face with the tissues Sam graciously gives him. 

“So he lied to all of us, for what? I- nevermind. You don’t have to explain any of his actions, they were inexcusable. None of it was on you either Buck, I don’t want to see you blame yourself for his downfall. He probably was on his way to becoming this long before you could’ve seen it coming. Hell, you were dealing with your own shit. It wasn’t your responsibility to patch your own wounds and take inventory of his. Also, I doubt the serum did that to him. Something in Steve was probably already like that, and he just got more confident over time to actually be the way he’s always been inside. Giving up the shield probably let him realize he didn’t need to act a certain way all the time, hold himself back. Unfortunately you were a victim of his newfound freedom, but that doesn’t give him an excuse to stalk you. There’s no excuse for doing that shit, it's gross and weird no matter how long you’ve known each other. I need you to know that.”

Bucky sometimes forgets Sam is an educated man when it comes to emotions and how people work, especially veterans. It's moments like this that are a pleasant reminder that he’s with someone who really knows their shit. Bucky didn’t know how much he needed to hear that none of this was on him, that Steve probably would’ve fallen from grace all on his own, even if he wasn’t in the picture. He would’ve been tailing someone else with the same amount of enthusiasm. And who knows, maybe giving up the shield did give him the confidence to outwardly be not so good of a guy. It still wasn’t a nice thought considering most of Bucky’s fond memories of Steve were gently cradling him through an asthma attack and praying to a higher being he didn’t really believe in to save his boy from his own body and circumstances. That after he got drafted, guardian angels would save his boy from his ailments when he wasn’t there to do so. (What has his boy become?) 

Thankfully, Sam is ever so patient with him, as he always is. When Bucky collects himself, he can think straight enough to talk and not just reminisce and wish he could understand what happened to his Steve, what the world did to him when he wasn’t there to protect him from just saying yes to everything purely because he desperately wanted to be included. To be seen as important and not some sickly burden he always saw himself as back then.

“I want to say I blame myself but I don’t even know how. I want to blame someone for how he turned out, I know that for a fact. I want to point fingers at that damn serum, but I know deep down it saved his life. Doctors said he didn’t have long, but I’d spit in their faces, sometimes literally. I didn’t want to ever look at Steve like he had a limited amount of time, especially since he was so full of life, despite every diagnosis. I wanted to make sure he was okay, even if he didn’t care if he was or not himself. I wanted to be his anchor, then suddenly he got the serum and I went missing, both times. Everything just went to shit after that, and I was the one needing that anchor. I must’ve forgotten Steve still needed an anchor throughout everything, and he must’ve drifted so far I stopped being able to reach him-” Bucky jolts when Sam suddenly, but ever so gently, covers his mouth with his hand, gently silencing him. 

“You just talked yourself into blaming yourself. Congratulations. But I’m not about to listen to that shit. None of this was your fault, because no offense, Steve Rogers is a grown ass man. He was a grown man even back then, just because he was frail doesn’t mean he wasn’t capable. You taking care of him never was a bad thing, but it certainly wasn’t good that you thought everything about him hindered on if you were able to pull him out of the darkness. Both of you are both so damn self deprecating for no reason, sometimes bad things happen to good people. No amount of cradling that man through the flu could’ve saved him from his own inner demons, trust me. I know it hurts to hear, but you were never really responsible for Steve Rogers. He was responsible for his own damn self, and knew exactly what he got into when he wanted to become your anchor after the Winter Soldier mess. Which, I’ll be honest, even I didn’t believe in your rehabilitation. I was a skeptic, sue me. But he was so sure we could get you back, which in hindsight was probably the start of his obsession with you. So don’t kick yourself thinking you did something to set that man off. It wasn’t on you, like I said before. I mean, shit from what I’ve heard he left Tony behind in that old HYDRA base for you after that big fight. That’s devotion if I’ve ever seen it. Things have just gotten sour, he’s lost sight of what it means to be devoted in a way that’s healthy for both parties.” 

Bucky feels himself nodding, but he actually means it. Everything does hurt, sure, but it was also freeing in a sick way. To know Steve was probably spiraling long before he could’ve done anything about it, that he doesn’t have to carry the burden of being the reason Steve Rogers fell from grace. He could see from the edge of his eyes that John was standing there with a finished peach cobbler awkward as the rest of the team stood beside him, a lot less shameful about only being there to hear about the drama. Gods bless Walker, he really could put the cobbler down instead of awkwardly standing with it but he’s committed to just standing there with it and Bucky’s much too distracted by feelings to even consider making fun of him for it. 

Thankfully, they at least had the decency to listen in silence, none of them overly emoting or looking at each other for reactions, just respectfully listening. At least, as respectful as you can get with eavesdropping. 

Even though it wasn’t even eavesdropping considering they were sitting in the common room but still. Bucky just hoped this was a group he could trust with the knowledge of Steve being back without being worried they’d do something rash about it. (He didn’t even want to think about what their real thoughts are when it got to the stalking aspect of everything.) Bucky turns back to Sam, and even lets himself lean on the other man’s shoulder. 

“... I don’t deserve you Sam, but I’m happy you choose to be with someone like me even after everything we’ve been through. I mean, I don’t even blame you for not believing I could be rehabilitated after the shit the Winter Soldier put you through. You weren’t even originally involved yet I still nearly killed you all the same. God, I put your ass through the ringer, didn’t I? I did a number on those original Falcon wings.” Bucky let the conversation get a little more lighthearted, purely because the others were confirmed to be listening and he’s been vulnerable enough today. He might open up a little tomorrow in therapy if he feels like going. 

Thankfully, Sam accepts the mood change as he laughs, slapping Bucky’s shoulder playfully before kissing their cheek, embodying their very dynamic perfectly. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything else, but you’re right about one thing. You are damn lucky to have me, now I need to know how you make peach cobbler Walker, cause I’ve had my fair share throughout the years. I want to see how a Georgia white boy does it-” Bucky lets himself be pulled into the normalcy of the situation, but before he fully zones out he gives Yelena a nod, basically thanking her for checking in on him in the first place. 

Bucky actually feels himself enjoying the impromptu movie night purely because Bob was offended Ava hasn’t seen a single Pixar movie, seeing them as a waste of time. So, that is what they did. Despite the common room being full of grown adults, some of them being super soldiers, they were all silent and sat respectfully throughout Toy Story, and then Cars. Throughout the sequel, Walker surprisingly stands and guides him and Bucky outside. What in the world would he want to talk about privately? Despite being confused, Bucky allows the other super soldier to guide him to the balcony that was much bigger than he’d even like to think about. It really put into perspective just how much money the Stark family eventually got for themselves. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice.” The last thing Bucky expected was an apology, but it didn’t take a detective to know what John was referring to. 

“It wasn’t exactly your job to know I had a stalker when I was such an asshole when we met. I should’ve thrown you a bone, or probably just looked over my shoulder better. Hell, this looks bad for me considering I’m supposed to be really good at this kind of stuff. But to get serious, John, I’m sorry I just saw you as a guy who took the shield. It was handed to you fair and square by people who wanted to use you, I was mad at the wrong people back then.” Bucky tries joking for once, but Walker doesn’t take the bait. He does however take the apology in the form of a hearty nod before he looks down at the city below before turning back to Bucky.

“That did hurt, I won’t sugar coat it. You both were my heroes and you just shrugged me off, so I let myself be an asshole back which didn’t help things. Rest his soul, Lemar was stuck in the crossfire of everything we squabble about for no reason, probably extending the search for the Flag Smashers more than it needed to be. But that’s long in the past, and I’m very divorced. Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk about, even if I do appreciate the apology. I wanted to talk about Steve. I- I wanted to run this by you before I did it. Mind you, no matter what you say is going to stop me.” Bucky was getting worried, but let John continue.

“I’m going to find Steve to talk to him. This conversation has been overdue-”

Bucky finds himself cutting Walker off before he can stop himself. All of this was too absurd for him not to intervene. “Absolutely not. It was risky even telling Sam he’s out there, let alone any of you. Fuck, he could even be listening now. Shit can hit the fan in a way I can’t even predict, purely because Steve’s not the man I remember. You were eavesdropping, so you already heard me break this down but let me explain myself again just so you understand. I don’t know what Steve is capable of anymore, which means I am not letting you, someone who is a complete stranger to him outside of your less than savory history, go out and try to find him. Even if you were to find him, what the fuck would you even talk about? What, did you used to stalk someone and you want to compare notes or something?”

It was a low blow accusing Walker of stalking, especially with their rough history, but thankfully John didn’t look too bothered. Actually, he just looks more nervous than he did before. 

“So, I’ve got something to confess. Me and Steve have spoken before, plenty of times actually-” This was the last thing Bucky expected to hear today. He does give the other super soldier a chance to explain himself, since he hasn’t exactly had the best track record being patient with Walker. 

“I was telling Steve about you, on the low. It started after I learned that I knew who your therapist was back then and- it kept going. I kept him secret purely because of some weird hero worship thinking I was doing him and you a favor at the same time. After I fucked up on live TV, he fucked off, which was probably for the best looking back on things. I thought it was over after that until I heard he took to actual stalking, which made me feel like shit because I was aiding an asshole thinking I was doing my hero a favor. Now I’m finally seeing how dumb I was for even telling him a damn thing about your life. I should’ve realized how weird it was he went to a stranger instead of you, or god forbid Sam! I- I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long. Hell, I was scared it’d be in one of my shame rooms and you’d see how much of a backstabber I’ve been-”

Bucky stops John from talking, just for a moment. He needed time to think about all of this, process just what the fuck he was told. So, Walker knew Steve was back a lot sooner than he did, but it wasn’t all malicious. Nothing with Walker ever really is, there’s always something deeper hiding beneath layers of fear that someone will actually see he’s hurting. All John did was help, which is what he’s been wanting to do this entire time. He picked up the shield thinking he’d do a whole lot of good, not realizing he was put there by people with agendas who’d drop him the moment he stopped being advertiser friendly. So, as much as Bucky wanted to be upset and maybe even a little angry that John was hiding something so big, he couldn’t. Steve was the underhanded one here, going behind everyone’s back to get information from John because he knows the soldier looked up to him enough to keep that damning secret  from everyone who’d need to know it. 

“... This doesn’t make Steve look any better. But before you ask, no, I’m not mad at you. I want to be, trust me. But I can’t bring myself to do it, not when I’m very aware that Steve held a lot of power. All you wanted to do during that time was be a good predecessor, meanwhile Steve was doing anything but be a good secret mentor. He was sneaking behind everyone’s backs and used you to get even a fraction of me, which is gross and you definitely didn’t deserve that. God, just when I thought he couldn’t get worse, he does.” Bucky mutters the last part to himself, mostly because he’s still not sure he wants to accept that things have gotten so bad that soon he’ll have to accept that maybe Steve was never that stable of a man, and injecting him with the serum might’ve even been a mistake. 

No, it couldn’t have been, without him Bucky would still be trapped with HYDRA the first time. No one would’ve come for the Howling Commandos like he did, so he can’t be altogether a terrible person. 

Walker has this kicked puppy expression that makes Bucky feel some sort of way, so he turns away from the man to look at the city below them, giving him the space to actually focus on what John says back. 

“... I still want to speak to Steve again. I feel like I need to, especially after everything. There’s a new person with the shield, I don’t feel the constant need to impress him all the time. He’s not utterly obsessed with me, so our conversation would be different. I don’t see him as some perfect being anymore, purely because of how out of sorts he’s made you. For how deep of a history you two have, he was all too excited to throw it away just because he couldn’t be normal about how he feels about you. I just can’t grasp the idea of only watching someone from afar in such a nonconsensual way. It’s sick, weird, and I feel gross for even aiding him in the slightest. I mean shit Bucky, you should be a lot more mad at me than you are right now. I aided your goddamn stalker and you’re just talking to me like all I did was spill wine on your rug. This shit is serious!”

Despite being worked up, John still kept his voice down so no one inside heard the commotion that’s going down on the balcony. To be fair, it was wide enough that even if they were to yell, the only people who’d hear would’ve already been eavesdropping because of their serum advantages. At least only Bob would be listening in on accident, meanwhile Alexei would’ve shamelessly done it on purpose. Despite how tense things are getting, Bucky can’t help but laugh a little. Not at John, never at him, but at the oddity of the situation. 

“God, what the fuck is wrong with us super soldiers and blaming ourselves for everything that goes terribly? Look, it sucks that you aided Steve and gave him progress reports on my life like you were my math teacher or something. But it clearly wasn’t personal, and it’s not like you’re gloating about it. So I can’t exactly hate someone expressing clear remorse for what you did, but I need to know one thing before I even consider signing off on you contacting Steve again. Would you have done it again, had you known what he was doing behind your back?”

Bucky feels a sense of relief when John immediately shakes his head no, and he feels even more remorse for how their original meeting went sour so fast, mainly because he was the asshole first. John F. Walker, a name on his last that he’d wronged as Bucky and not the Winter Soldier, something that never really sat well in his spirit until now, when apologies can properly be dealt. 

“Well, I’m not going to stop you. I have a feeling you would’ve done it even without my say so, but I just wanna give you the go ahead anyway. Just- don’t do anything rash. Also, don’t let him convince you to do anything rash for him. He’s a slippery asshole, convincing when he wants to be. I wouldn’t go as far as calling him a snake, because he’s still got that heart of gold, but he has something similar, that’s for sure.”

Bucky was kicking himself for defending Steve’s character even after all this information was revealed, he’s still clutching onto the memory of the other man still being good. Either that or he’s clutching to the few memories he still has from before HYDRA, and Steve has always just been that constant that he can’t fathom that the one tether he has to his normal life even fell apart. How is he supposed to move on as a healed man if he can’t even look back at where he came from with any good nostalgia without it having been tainted by one thing or another? Also, why was he so okay with letting John talk to Steve? The conversation is surely to end in a disaster especially with how emotionally charged Walker is now yet, Bucky just felt compelled to give his blessing. He hoped it wasn’t because he actually caved to that dumb, kicked puppy look John has going for him. (He also didn’t want to be the guy putting John down anymore, he’s long matured from putting the other man through shit just because he’s having a rough time.)

Oh god, what if Bucky only believed those memories were so cherishable because what else would he have fought so hard to hold onto during all those memory wipes Hydra forced him through? This was a thought process Bucky wasn’t going to allow himself to dwell too deep into, especially with someone he had a very complicated relationship with. It didn’t help that when Bucky turned away from the city, it was time for Walker’s expression to be equally as complicated looking at Bucky. 

“... You’re too damn dedicated to that man Barnes. God, I even hate that damn Smithosian exhibit now. Those big wigs only gave you that exhibit because you were quote on quote, Steve’s best friend. Oh, how sad it was when Steve lost his war buddy, not when your mother lost her son. I’m sorry for being so forward but both of you have lives without each other. Only one of you chose to do something with it, and it wasn’t the star spangled disaster.” Bucky was stunned to silence to hear Walker off all people insult Steve in any capacity, but it was refreshing in a weird way. 

Bucky would’ve never said it himself, but hearing it from someone else felt cathartic in a weird way he didn’t want to look too deep into. So, because of the influx of emotions that surely will only be addressed in therapy, Bucky decided to cut the tension especially since they’ve probably been talking alone for a lot longer than was comfortable for everyone inside. 

“... A star spangled disaster, huh? You gonna call Steve that to his face?”

The joke somehow landed on deaf ears, because all John does in response is look Bucky in the eyes and nod. “I’ll say a lot more too, just write some stuff down and I’ll do my best to convey the message. For you.”

That was all the former Winter Soldier needed to hear, all the emotionally driven exchanges he had the energy for has long since passed. His social battery ran out a long time ago, but he was willing to hear John out not to be rude but this was just on another level he wasn’t nearly ready for. So, despite them both literally being outside, Bucky rushes inside to get some air and thankfully John doesn’t make any effort to stop him or follow. 

He wasn’t exactly proud of it, but Bucky did push past Sam, his loving boyfriend, just to get to his room to slump onto his bed and just scream into his pillow. None of this shit was supposed to happen, for once Steve has done nothing but ruin things. Before this, his dynamic with John was simple. They had their past, their demons, but they put it aside for the greater good. They never were meant to actually address the elephant in the room, because that means they actually have to look each other in the eye and truly get to know what their actual dynamic is. It was gearing to be something Bucky wouldn’t be able to handle, and it was gutting him inside more than anything Steve could say or do to him. Why in the fuck was John so gracious after everything he did? He broke the man’s arm, yet it's all, “I’ll do my best to convey the message, just for you?” What has Bucky done to deserve such forgiveness? The man was even willing to talk to Steve, FOR HIM, and Bucky wasn’t even willing to talk to him upon their first meeting. This certainly complicates a lot of things.

All Sam does, ever so patient and kind Sam, is sit next to him in bed.

“The others are worried, but you probably already guessed that. And I listened in on that confrontation you had with John, and I’m not mad you’ve gotten closer. Hell, I’ve been meaning to have that conversation with him. Though, I feel like ours would go a little different than yours. But babe, what happened there was good. Both of you really needed that, I could tell. How could I possibly be mad at my boyfriend being happy and mending something that’s been broken for a while?”

Sam’s voice carried a lot, his perceptiveness cutting through Bucky like a knife but of course there wasn’t an ounce of judgement. After a moment of sulking, Bucky decides to face the music as he lifts his face off the bed and faces his boyfriend to finally make eye contact. They’re so close, yet feel so far because of recent events. Sam is the first one to break the distance, not with a kiss, but with a gentle cradling of his face. To Bucky, this speaks much deeper volumes than a kiss ever could, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. 

“... You saw? You’re not mad? I- Sammy, I always want to do right by you. Tell me how to do things right for you. Steve has forced himself back in my life, and John looks at me like-”

Bucky sighs. Everything has been much more emotionally draining than he was willing to admit. 

“I just want to be the lover you deserve, not the one you’ll bear everything for. I don’t want to be the boyfriend you stay with despite the hardships I put you through. I want to be what gets you through the rough times.” Bucky has never felt more vulnerable and exhausted, but for Sam he’ll endure anything and everything.

Sam’s smile is gentle as he leans in for a brief, yet meaningful kiss that says more than what could be verbally said, yet he still elaborates. “You coming to me is enough, but if you’ll keep pestering me about it then let me set the record straight. We didn’t do things right for John in the beginning, and I’ll admit this Thunderbolts thing has given us a chance to make it right. I don’t mind this being one of the ways. I saw the way he looks at you. It doesn’t bother me, hell, I want him to look at me like that.”

Sam laughs, despite the heavy subject matter, also because of how shocked Bucky looked. “So no, I’m not bothered by anything that’s happening. I’m happy both of you clicked that fast, I mean it was almost beautiful to watch you just mend a broken bridge just like that. Sure, there are tender wounds from that warehouse. But they don’t have to stay that way, and Steve coming back is not going to stop us from living our lives. He can continue creeping from wherever he is, because he’s in the past. We’ll leave him there, and I’ll convince John not to even waste his time with talking to Steve. He isn’t going to continue putting us through emotional roller coasters because his whims change so quickly. So, how about we hold the people close to us dear, instead of people who’ve made their choice already. Steve left you behind, he can’t have his cake and eat it too, despite all his efforts stalking you.”

Bucky couldn’t help but admire the way Sam speaks with such conviction, as he’s shown he was always meant to carry the shield. There just had to be a pause in-between him and Steve just so the world got ready for Sam to be the one holding the shield and not making it the symbol. Sam became the symbol, which is why his speeches actually have some emotional punch to them. It also helps that Bucky is absolutely head over heels for the man, so anything close to prophetic he says will always be poetry in his eyes.

This was his Captain America. Someone who’s apparently okay with him also acquiring the US Agent.

Chapter Text

Steve wasn’t much of a man who loved to travel, even if he did get to see a lot of destinations for the army. But that doesn't mean he doesn’t enjoy modern travel, especially the many tourist spots in airports. As a matter of fact, he’s been doing it a lot lately even if he’d prefer if his schedule was more aligned with Bucky’s. He had to give the other super soldier some space, stalking a former assassin and not getting caught is a lot harder than one would think. It takes a lot of patience and not being as close as one would want to be, but it's just as rewarding when you get a glimpse of your obsession. But alas, knowing when to let go and delve deep into your other hobbies separates a rookie stalker from a good one. Only one of them is going to get caught rotting in their own disappointment while the other actually gets more time reveling in their obsession, clearly equipped with much better self control. Maybe this time, Steve might use his downtime to actually check out what Vegas is like from a tourist’s perspective instead of dwelling, a passtime never healthy for a stalker like himself. 

Joaquín was really enjoying time not being deployed, even if he was in a limbo before he got to really join Sam as his Falcon in New York. It felt selfish of him but he was happy he wasn’t there for the Void Incident, it looked really intense and he was nowhere near the action. It did ease his guilt that Sam wasn’t there either, even if it did result in that New Avengers announcement that’s been making everything a lot more stressful since then. Currently, he’s cooking dinner in his military dorm. (It’s top ramen, but top cuisine for someone who wants a small amount of dishes and is currently in the middle of moving from one state to another. Or, from one military base to another.) That’s why he wasn’t exactly expecting to see someone else in his living room, flipping around his pocket knife like owned it. 

“Steve Rogers, I’m sure you’ve already heard of me. Seen me on TV, maybe even read about me in a few history books. I’ve heard of you as well, you’re the new Falcon. How neat it must be to have been given such an honor, it’s good to see that the wings are still being represented out there as Sam’s moved onto bigger and better things.” Joaquín wasn’t sure how to feel, especially when the former Captain America was in his living room which heavily implied he broke in. What the fuck is one supposed to do when someone so famous just breaks into their apartment? He was sure it usually is the other way around with celebrities his caliber, but apparently not. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you were on the moon.” Despite internally freaking out, Joaquín was sure he at least had a small amount of confidence in his voice when he spoke. Something that will give the air that he’s got the authority here and Steve despite being a celebrity did break in. And despite how cool this meeting feels, he wasn’t sure he was so down with the breaking and entering part. Especially since he has to report it to make sure what was broken into gets fixed which is definitely a future headache Joaquín is not looking forward to. He also couldn’t help with the moon theory, even if Sam disproved it. Joaquín just wanted to hear it from the man himself if he was ever on the moon or not, so sue him. 

“There’s that damn moon theory again, who the fuck started that? Why would I ever want to retire on the moon? I have no idea where that rumor came from, but I can assure you I didn’t fuck off to the moon after the second battle with Thanos. But that’s aside from the point, I didn’t break into your dorm as some unorthodox way to make a new friend. You see, I need your help specifically. I really think you could really point me in the right direction here. You’re close to Sam, right? And last time I checked in, he and Bucky are an item now. Apparently. Don’t know when that one went down, but whatever. I just want to know where they’re at.” Joaquín was thoroughly confused why Steve was coming to him, and not just texting Bucky himself where he’s staying. It was sounding more suspicious than it did friendly, and Joaquín was cursing his lack of a poker face. It was way too weird sounding of Steve to ask where Bucky is when there’s a laundry list of people who are much closer to the man who’d point him in the right direction. So, he does everything in his power not to look too freaked out as he tries to wrap his mind around what’s going on.

What Steve said told Joaquín one thing, and that’s the usual people he’d normally ask wouldn’t give the information up. Which left Steve with no other option but to go to him, but there was just one aspect of it all that didn’t make sense. Steve could’ve just hunkered down and located Bucky on his own, so why go through the trouble of a five hour flight all the way to Vegas just for a location? There’s got to be more to this. But Joaquín had to be smart about how he asks about it, or else he might get an angry super soldier on his hands without his wings or suit in reach. Right when Joaquín thought he was going to have a chill night by himself, this happened.

“... Why did you go from New York to Vegas just to find me? You could’ve just looked up- no. I don’t think I should give you tips on how to find them. I- wait a second. I’m not against you in any way, it’s just that this is so sudden! I don’t really know why you’re here and it's weirding me out. I have to be honest, you’re the last person I’d expect would want anything to do with me. You’re much closer to Bucky and Sam. Just because I happen to be using the Falcon wings and am using the call sign does it mean we’re suddenly close. I just want to know the real reason why you picked me out of everyone. I haven’t even talked to Bucky outside of a few short interactions, so the only person I’m really close to is Sam and he isn’t even the person you’re really looking for. So please, be honest with why the fuck you broke into my military dorm in Vegas. I’ve never been more terrified in my life and I just need answers.” 

Joaquín was rambling and he knew it, especially because Steve’s polite smile has long since been replaced by this stone glare that told him exactly how he earned the rank of Captain aside from the military propaganda and serum running through his veins. God, what is it with super soldiers and their ability to glare?

“Perceptive little shit, aren’t you? Fine. I’ve got ulterior motives. But I don’t think you should worry about those right now. I just need to know where Bucky and Sam are right now, hell, you can even send a quick text from your phone. They’ll tell you, and I will be on my way. Bucky hasn’t exactly been at his apartment, and I have no idea where else he would be comfortable staying considering he’s quite the cagey guy about his living space. That was true even before all of the Winter Soldier bullshit happened to him, fun fact. He isn’t staying with Sam, I checked a couple times, so that leaves me with jack shit as to where he could’ve gone. It’s leaving me frustrated that I don’t know where my close friend is, and I really wanted to surprise him. Show up unannounced to let him know I’m back in his life. Fun, right?”

Joaquín wasn’t sure how he felt about how Steve’s emotions were just all over the place. The man went from glaring holes through his skull to just laughing and smiling again. He wondered if the serum did that, or if Steve was always just an odd guy but was able to get it together enough to be good military propaganda. Nevertheless, it was certainly making the conversation a lot more tense than it already was. 

“... I’m not telling you anything mainly because I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I mean-”

Joaquín pauses. He wasn’t sure how much Steve knew about the New Avengers using the old tower, or if he even wanted to be the one to break the news. Steve probably knows that place like the back of his hand, and it probably wouldn’t be polite to just reveal something that would get Bucky’s new team to hate him already. At the same time, he has to say something cause he’s got a hunch Steve isn’t exactly going to accept that he really does know nothing after a five hour flight here, and a thirty minute drive from the airport. 

“I’m not that close to Sam like that. He’s my superior, the original Falcon. He isn’t going to tell me where his boyfriend is living in casual conversations. So I have to ask, why in the world did you go out of your way to interrogate me? Is it because I’m the closest person to Sam that doesn’t have the serum running through their veins, that I’d be easier to get answers from? I honestly don’t even think you want to know where Bucky or Sam are, because you could’ve gotten that information in New York. This is targeted, why you’re beating around the bush is beyond me. But I’m going to get the truth from you, even if I don’t have an ounce of the serum in me. Mark my words.”

Joaquín wasn’t sure where this confidence was coming from, or why he was getting in the face of Steve Rogers of all people. But here he was, pissed off that someone interrupted his night with some weird intimidation tactic to get information he really could’ve gotten himself. To Steve’s credit, he didn’t immediately freak out or get pissed off. All he did was pace around the small living room Joaquín was given in the military dorm, then he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. 

“I thought it would take a lot longer for you to get this fed up, but apparently being the new Falcon is giving you some confidence. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I’ll throw you a bone. I mean, I’ve already admitted to my ulterior motives but clearly that wasn’t enough details for you. I guess I’ve got to come clean, which sucks because I was really aiming to build at least some suspense. Oh well. But fine, I guess you deserve the truth after getting yourself so worked up at my mere presence. Alright, I’ll be honest, retirement does not suit me. I thought it’d fit like a glove but it makes my skin itch with how antsy I get at only watching world ending threats from afar. I need a way back into the game, and I have just the way. I haven’t really gotten my hero costume made just yet, but I need someone on the inside to introduce me. Keep my cover, lie for me. That’s where you come in, you’re going to steadily introduce me as The Shadow or something. I’m workshopping names, don’t look at me like that. I’ll have my face covered and I’m definitely going to use a voice changer. But you’re going to be my vouch so I can just slide back into Bucky’s life like nothing ever happened after Thanos. That sound like a good plan, well, it better. Because you’re doing it regardless. I didn’t come all this way to get turned down. That sounded a lot more menacing than I meant it to but still.”

Steve’s awkward laughter didn’t cover up the obvious threat, so Joaquín found himself wishing he had a spare suit in his house. Sure, this was an unrealistic idea because it’s not like he’s got Stark money to have more than one Falcon suit but he didn’t think he would ever be threatened in a space he thought was safe. He didn’t even leak his own address on live TV like Stark did, yet here he is with a super soldier saying he’s got to comply with his little plan to get back into Bucky’s life or else. Joaquín really didn’t want to know what entailed the rage of Steve Rogers even if he doesn’t currently have the shield. It still wouldn’t be a fair fight regardless, especially since his first fight against a super soldier ended badly and they didn’t even have the original serum running through their veins like Steve does. 

At the same time, it’s not like he can just agree to this. It’s underhanded and he has a feeling there was a lot that Steve was conveniently leaving out. Like why he would have to wear a full mask and use a voice changer around Bucky at all times instead of just revealing that retirement didn’t fit and he wanted to go back to saving people again. Damn him, Steve knew Joaquín was probably a perfect target because he’s so separated from everything. He’s only got a mentor relationship with Sam, and he really can’t say he’s close enough to Bucky that he can just casually drop on him that Steve, of all people, broke into his dorm and is subtly threatening him. Hell, Joaquín was convinced that Sam wouldn’t even believe this was happening. That’s what made everything that more dangerous, and Steve is probably very aware of this. What power he has over everything, the fact that Bucky and Sam would believe him first. So that meant he was going to have to figure out something fast, because he’s essentially alone. All the heroes he knows that would be potential backup would probably either believe Sam first, or not make it in time considering they’re all states away. 

This was a lot more intense trial by fire than Joaquín would’ve ever wanted to experience outside of his Falcon suit. Well, he couldn’t keep the man waiting forever for a response. Joaquín had to face the music sometime. 

“Look, I don’t think you want to do this without a solid plan and hero costume. I’m moving as well, so, how about we come up with some compromise. You can stay with me for a while, help me move, and when we’re in New York I can get your suit made. I’ll say it’s for a beefy new sidekick of mine, but know that I don’t consider you a sidekick. Please don’t get mad at me for calling you one, I was just thinking out loud, I really didn’t mean it-”

“A sidekick, huh? That’d be a good cover. I knew you’d be quick on your feet, every good Falcon has to be. I’m impressed, you’ve somehow planned ahead a lot better than I have, and it was my idea! Man, I knew I was right by coming here.” Steve cut off Joaquín mid-sentence, making him flinch a little by how loudly he clapped. This was only going to end in disaster, and for the life of him Joaquín had no clue why he offered to let Steve be his roommate. Not only that, but he was going to have to report to Sam and lie his ass off just to let Steve off the hook. Why? Well, he wasn’t about to get his ass handed to him by another super soldier. In his own military dorm, no less. Recovering from the last super soldier attack told him avoiding a second one was definitely a smart move. 

“So, do you even have a new hero name picked out? I need at least an outline to tell the hero costume tailor in New York.” Joaquín already felt himself grow tired of how unnerved he constantly is at the way Steve looks at him from across the room. It certainly didn’t help that the military dorm isn’t very big, so it doesn’t give them the most personal space in between them.

This makes Steve pause, as he takes a moment to look out of the window. The man must be zoned out, because there’s nothing of real value to be gazing at outside of that dorm window considering he’s on the ground floor. Joaquín takes the moment to try and calm himself down silently, running a hand through his hair and silently wondering what he did to deserve this level of blackmail. When Steve looks back at him, Joaquín feels himself straighten up again, fixing his posture so the super soldier doesn’t see him falter. This was too stressful of a situation to be outwardly showing fear. 

“... I think I should be the Crow, something bird themed to mesh with your new Falcon branding. Is there a hero out there already named that? I don’t care. It’s my name now. Get me a hero costume fitting of the name, and I’ll make sure that the original super soldier always has your back in a fight as long as you keep my identity top secret. I’ll watch your six, seven, fuck it every angle. Just as long as you keep your end of the bargain. Hell, I’ll even throw in some home security considering that Steve Rogers is technically retired. I’ll be the best roommate you’ve ever had Torres, trust me.” The way Steve smiles just rubs Joaquín the wrong way, but he knew he couldn’t show it. This was a battle of the wits, one Joaquín can’t exactly afford to lose. But he’d be lying if he said this conversation wasn’t starting to make him nauseous the way everything was starting to stack against him. 

“I can’t believe I only got a sidekick because a famous war hero blackmailed me into it.” Joaquín couldn’t stop the bitterness seeping into his voice as he glared at the super soldier, suddenly not so scared to get his ass kicked by the other man for speaking out of turn. This was entirely unfair, and he needed Steve to know it. Of course, Steve wants to act like calling anything that’s happening blackmail. The asshole. 

“I am a very kind and considerate man, my mother raised me to be better than something like blackmail. Think of it this way, I’m strongly recommending that you help my plan come to be. We may have only met but I have a strong feeling we’re going to mesh very well in a fight especially considering we’re roommates now! That was such a smart recommendation by the way, giving me a place to hunker down in between my little day hobby. Well, I won’t have much of my retired time to myself considering I’m throwing myself back into hero work again, huh? Man, I’ve really shot myself in the foot here getting into such a time sucking hobby during my pseudo retirement.” Steve huffs the last part to himself, crossing his arms as he casually leans against the wall. He was far too casual for how tense things really are, but Joaquín guesses the serum gives him that kind of power. To simply have his presence be the blackmail that makes Joaquín stand in line, do what he says without it needing to be a direct command. It made him sick, but Joaquín appreciated that he at least wasn’t being threatened with direct violence outright. Small victories are what he’s going to cling to throughout this, he could tell. 

Unless- 

Joaquín feels himself blurt something out before he could stop himself. “You could change your name from Steve Rogers. Just so when I tell people your secret identity, even that’s a cover. They don’t ever have to see your face, I’ll lie and say your skin is radioactive and the suit stops it. So, what do you want your new name to be?” He had no idea why he was feeding into this idea, but getting on Steve’s good side would keep him safe until they were both in New York and he could actually get someone else in on this. Hopefully, they’d at least sort of believe him that this was happening.

Steve took a moment to think about it, but thankfully he didn’t look mad at the idea. As a matter of fact, he looked excited. Like that wasn’t something he thought about. “You little genius, I could use a new name. It’ll make me seem more authentic, instead of some random new hero working at your side with super soldier strength. A radioactive backstory will give me an excuse to not hold back during fights. So, as far as fake names go, I think I’ll go with Ethan Winters. You discovered me on a secret solo Falcon mission and sought to give me a new purpose after figuring out how strong I am. This is all coming together and it’s all because of you, I hope you know that. Ethan Winters, aka The Crow! Wow, it has a certain charm to it already-” 

Joaquín leaves Steve to gush about the idea to zone out, trying to calm himself down as the super soldier rants on and on about how this was just such a good idea. Nothing felt good about this, and he had a feeling things were going to get nasty the moment people get wise and rip the Crow’s mask off because his fighting style is way too similar to the first Captain America to ever just be some coincidence. Joaquín isn’t sure if people would be mad at him for keeping it secret or feel bad for having to handle it for so long, but he wasn’t looking forward to looking Sam or Bucky in the eye after the truth is inevitably brought into the light. Now, Joaquín would deny it, but he did jump the moment Steve suddenly appeared right in his line of sight, his expression a mix of annoyed and concerned. He must’ve noticed the other man stopped listening, and was missing the attention and feedback of another person. 

“Where did you go?” Steve’s question was framed like a man who only ever revisits old memories when he zones out, having lived too long to have any other material. Joaquín laughs at this, despite how idiotic it is to be laughing in this man’s face after showcasing just how fickle his moods are. He just couldn’t help it, he’s always laughing away nervousness. 

“You act like I’ve lived a life even close to yours to have enough memories to reminisce about. But no, I wasn’t relieving any wars if that’s what you’re wondering. Just wondering how the fuck I’m going to pull this off, and why you decided to make me your target with this.” Joaquín was still pissed off about the new roommate he frankly subjected himself to, but he knew communicating with the other man would probably prevent his mood from being too unstable.

“You’re the closest I have to a way in that wouldn’t immediately snitch on me. Anyone else that close to Bucky or Sam would’ve told me to fuck off and messaged either of them by now. You on the other hand are unattached enough that you second guess yourself enough that I can just slide right in undetected. No questions asked, mostly because you really don’t think people would believe you even if you did report this. Even if you did, I’ve yet to actually make a threat. You’re technically doing this for me from the goodness of your heart, which I am so thankful for by the way.” Steve’s smile made him want to throw up now, but Joaquín figured making even nicer with him would hopefully give him more leeway the moment they got established in New York.

Hopefully Joaquín could get away with rigging Steve’s suit so that it’ll broadcast his comms to Bucky and Sam, and through that he might get the man to confess his actions without them even being close by. All Joaquín has to do is get Steve to like him enough that he wouldn’t question why he’s reprogramming his new hero costume’s helmet. A good lie would be that he’s calibrating the voice changer, a great one is to show him what he’s doing and wait for the man out of time to get confused and frustrated enough that he just leaves him alone to do his coding. So, in an effort to make things easier on himself, Joaquín smiles back at Steve. 

“I live to please. I mean, sure you broke into my dorm, but it’s not like my door was unlocked. You had to get in somehow, right? I mean, in hindsight this is pretty cool. I get an inside secret with the first Captain America-” The last thing Joaquín expected was for Steve to suddenly grab his chin, lightly squishing his cheeks, effectively silencing him mid-sentence looking more frustrated than he’s looked ever since he broke in, but it doesn’t last long. He goes back to smiling, like it was his default expression. Either that, or Joaquín got to see a peek behind his ever cheery front he puts on. 

“Do me a favor Torres, don’t try and kiss up. It doesn’t suit you. I want you to be honest, not desperate. I’ve dealt with enough of that during my time, so how about you keep surprising me by showing me just how frustrated you really are? Then we can consider this whole kiss up act, see just how far you’d go just to- no. I’m getting ahead of myself. We’re not quite there yet. There’s plenty of time for that.” Steve lets Joaquín’s chin go and starts muttering to himself, pacing the small living room like nothing happened. 

Well, there goes that plan. Of course Steve had to see right through it. Things were getting worse by the second, and Joaquín wasn’t sure how much more he could take before he just snapped. The worst part is, he can’t even do much damage to Steve so it’d just end up in needing to crawl himself to the closest medical praying and crossing his fingers that anyone would believe him that THE Steve Rogers just kicked his ass. 

Joaquín was forced from his daydreaming by Steve suddenly laughing, his expression eerily unreadable as he looks at the current Falcon. 

“You zone out a lot. That’s interesting. Man, I wonder where Sam found you, you’re so dynamic yet confide yourself to meekness. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why such strong personalities like you hide behind a guise of shyness. It kind of pisses me off, actually but that’s besides the point. God, you’re making it really hard to keep a conversation going scheming like that over there. We won’t last long as good roommates at this rate.” Steve tries joking, but it doesn’t exactly land with Joaquín. It doesn’t stop the star spangled stalker from laughing anyway. The worst part is it wasn’t even an unpleasant laugh to the ears, the man’s pleasant to look at but currently a nightmare to talk to. 

“I’m tired and hungry. My ramen got so cold I had to get rid of it and I’m just fed up. Unless you’ve got dinner ready and are prepared to fuck off for the night so I can sleep in peace, I don’t want to hear it.” Joaquín feels himself growing more and more frustrated when all Steve does in response is fucking grin at him because of course he does. 

“All you ever had to do was ask, y’know. You wanted ramen, right? Right. I have been holding you up for a while, huh? I’ve got food coming. It’ll be here in about ten minutes. But while we wait-” 

Joaquín feels himself tense up as Steve suddenly gets close to him again to- drape his dog tags over his neck. At least, one set of them. One sits in a museum, another is with Bucky, and this last one is now around Joaquín’s neck apparently. 

“I wanted to make this official.” Steve’s explanation does nothing to actually explain why the fuck he just did that. Joaquín finds himself stuffing it under his shirt, not even considering taking it off right in front of the guy. 

“Why do we have to be official? You buy a guy food over some delivery app and suddenly you give me your dog tags? What the fuck were they doing back in the 40’s, huh? Is this what you did with Bucky-” Joaquín flinches at Steve’s growl, and mentally kicks himself for even mentioning the other super soldier at all, especially during such a tense moment. 

“Bucky only ever got my dog tags because- god I don’t even remember at this point. I think we exchanged dog tags just in case we were ever separated again. Sure enough, we were. I was shocked that he got to hold onto them even after the Winter Soldier nonsense but he did. God, why did I ever leave him behind, even for a moment? Well, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk. But hey, you’re finally talking back. Just like I wanted you to. Joaquín, don’t ever feel like you need to walk on eggshells around me. We’re going to be partners soon, remember? We need to be as honest with each other as we possibly can. At least, you need to be. I will tell you the truth only when I need to, or when I feel like it. That’s just how it has to be.” Steve gently pats Joaquín’s cheek, but his hand remains there for a moment too long as they just stare into each other’s eyes. 

“Your eyes are really brown.” Steve points out the obvious, but his voice is taking on a tone Joaquín didn’t want to look too deep into. But he does find himself almost reaching for the dog tags but stops. Steve, of course with all his super soldier senses notices but thankfully doesn’t comment. He lowers his hand, smirks and walks off to the other side of the living room to check if the food’s here or not. 

After they ate the ramen that admittedly was pretty good, Joaquín was suddenly faced with the reality that Steve had to sleep somewhere and the dorm didn’t exactly have a sturdy couch. At least, it wasn’t good enough for someone with Steve’s build to sleep on it. 

“I’m not exactly offering my bed, but it’s our only option. For now. So-”

“I’m not sleeping with you Torres, I’m taking the couch.” Joaquín jolts because that wasn’t what he was thinking at all, but feels confused when all Steve does after snapping at him is laugh. Just how this man can go from furious to amusement so fast makes him wonder if everyone who’s been around for as long as he has with the original serum just eventually loses it. He’s slowly growing more and more appreciative he was never given the serum, or any variant of it that’s out there. He doesn’t want to eventually act like this and drag someone into his nonsense like Steve is right now. 

“I- I was offering to take the couch myself and you’d have my bed. Weirdo.” Joaquín was too tired to have a filter, so yes he did call THE Steve Rogers a weirdo to his face. Very immature sure, but their vast age gap gave him some levity for not being the most mature of the two. Steve, in all his infinite maturity, just rolls his eyes at the explanation, crossing his arms like a child, huffing.

“What did I say about meek not fitting you-” Steve tries to scold, but Joaquín has had it up to here with this man being vague and just suddenly inserting himself in his life. 

“I am going to be so real, I don’t give a fuck what you think suits me. I am exhausted listening to your bullshit. The only reason I tolerate your nonsense is because you have the serum and I don’t. I hate how chipper you are, how untouchable that goddamn super fuckass serum made you! You’re parading around my goddamn apartment like you own the place. I’m shocked you didn’t offer my bed to yourself. This making me walk on eggshells is unbearable. You pretend like that’s not what you’re doing but I wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been around long enough to know better. So how about you drop this weird nice act and actually act the way you really are-” 

Joaquín was cut off mid-sentence by Steve gently lifting his chin and grinning in a way that really made him nervous. 

“You will never understand who or what I am, but that’s what makes this fun. But I guess we have to save the true fun for tomorrow, which is a bummer. I felt like we were really going somewhere Joaquín. Understanding each other, well, I was getting a feel on who you are. You’ll never get me, but I didn’t come here for you to know how my mind works. But I will grant you a little of myself just so we can mesh enough that the Crow and Falcon can at least play pretend enough to attract the attention of Bucky and Sam. I’m sure you know I used to be weak, and helpless. Needed someone else to give me medicine and even feed me when I was bedridden. It was a truly miserable existence being powerless. But now, I have so much power that even that gets debilitating. The serum is not exactly a nice gift to receive, despite popular belief. I only enjoy it because it's the only thing separating me from dying from something stupid like the flu.” Steve huffs, almost like he’s mad at himself for revealing this much about himself, or that he even let himself ramble in the first place. 

Of course, Joaquín couldn’t help himself but interrupt. “Does this little rant have a point? Is it related to you accusing me of saying I wanted to sleep with you, or not?”

Steve thankfully just laughs in response instead of bursting in a fit of rage that honestly, Joaquín was bracing for, seeing it as inevitable at this point with how fickle Steve’s moods are. 

“You’re a livewire. Good. I need someone like that to at least attempt to keep me in line. That’s why I really need you to cut that meek attitude out completely. Can you do that for me? I need you to stand up straight, not because I’m above you or anything, but I need more confidence from you. I want to make you into an even better Falcon than you already are, and let me use you to slide right back into Bucky’s life again undetected. Got that? I am going to make you a much better Falcon. You’re welcome. Also, I guess we can both take the bed. C’mon, it’s bedtime-”

Joaquín can’t take this anymore. “No, I am not sleeping with Steve Rogers just because he broke into my goddamn apartment! Fuck no. I am taking the couch. You take the bed, you brute. It’s in that room over there, you can’t miss it. I’m going to grab some spare blankets, and I’m going to bed. You do whatever the fuck you want.” He finds himself growling, something he’s never done before out of rage until now. 

“Say what you want but you’re still wearing my dog tags under that shirt of yours. You could’ve taken them off by now, and as a matter of fact, I’m giving you permission to. Hold on, let me rephrase so I don’t sound like your captor or something. I promise you I won’t freak out if you take off my dog tags and throw them across the room or something. I’m giving you the pass to do so-”

Joaquín doesn’t feel the most mature doing this, but he throws them at Steve, yet he feels himself almost twitch after he throws them. Like his body nearly asked for them back. Steve grins, like he had some sixth sense to notice as he gently tosses the dog tags back into Joaquín’s hands just for them to get chucked into the wall. 

“You’re going to be a lot of fun, I can already tell.” Steve laughs before disappearing into his room, and slowly closing the door, leaving poor Joaquín to sleep on the couch in his own damn military dorm. He really should’ve made Steve sleep on the couch, yet here he is, sleeping like a rock on his damn couch hoping he’ll dream he’s far away from here.

Chapter Text

“You know, this all would’ve taken six movers to get all this furniture in. You really lucked out having me as a roommate Torres. I had you set up a lot sooner than you would’ve without me.” Steve points out again, once again getting on Joaquín’s nerves. But he was going to tough through it, at least until he’s in a stable enough position to snitch on Steve and potentially get help coming his way. The military dorm in New York is actually much bigger than the one in Vegas, and coincidentally it has two beds. Apparently he was set to have a roommate, but they backed out to stay with their parents off base. Just his luck, so at least Joaquín and Steve don’t need to have any more awkward conversations over the bed anymore. 

“This is temporary, we’re not moving in together or taking each other’s last names. You do have an end goal beyond me, right? I am not sharing a living space with you for longer than I need to, I refuse. Just because I haven’t sold your ass out yet does it mean I tolerate you by any means.” Joaquín didn’t want to sound too hopeful, but he couldn’t stay with this man forever. He turns and looks over at Steve, who’s lounging on the couch and sketching what he can only assume is the Crow costume. His control over the pencil is actually pretty admirable, and it makes Joaquín wish he had that talent so his Falcon costume could be a little more personalized to him. Eventually, Steve does look up at the other man to answer his question. 

“I’ve got much bigger plans than just you, don’t worry. I’m not going to keep dragging you along, making you be my accomplice. So don’t miss me too much when I do end up moving somewhere else, okay? I don’t know how Falcons get when they’re empty nesters so- take care of yourself when I’m gone, okay?” Steve sounded too chipper for someone so comfortable on the couch he carried in by himself. Joaquín just rolls his eyes and idly scrolls through his contacts, wondering if he can send a quick text as some fucked up SOS to see if anyone bites. At the same time, there was a sick part of him that wanted to see just what Steve is like as Ethan Winters. What he’ll do as the Crow, or hell, what he’d even look like in the costume when it’s made. 

This wasn’t an ideal situation, but Joaquín isn’t some quitter. So he puts his phone away and goes to voluntarily sit next to Steve on the couch. The super soldier actually looks shocked, like he expected a much different outcome to him being aggravating on purpose. He was looking for a reaction, not this. They sit in a somewhat uncomfortable silence until Steve finds either the confidence or audacity to speak up again. 

“You could’ve snitched on me just then. Texted a photo of me on your couch to Sam, got me in trouble. Why didn’t you? Some weird, morbid curiosity? Wanting to stop me yourself without any outside help to truly prove yourself-”

Joaquín didn’t know what gave him the confidence to slap Steve outright, something that wouldn’t exactly do the damage he wanted it to but it was more symbolism than a means to hurt the man. It left a bruise at least, so a small amount of sick comfort could be enjoyed there.

It certainly shut him up to give Joaquín a chance to speak. 

“Stop trying to frame yourself as this big, bad wolf. The worst crime you’ve done against me is breaking and entering, it just happened to be on a military base. Stop acting like you’re stabbing grannies and taking candy from children purely from being my roommate. Maybe if you actually did something interesting, maybe even a little fucked up, I'll consider putting an effort against you. But until then- I think I'll keep handling you like a minor inconvenience.” It was an incredibly fucked up thing to say, and Joaquín knew he was eventually going to regret saying it to Steve of all people but in the moment he didn’t feel too bad. Steve was really making him into quite the bitter person, wasn't he? And they haven't even been around each other for that long. Was he secretly always this bitter, and it just took the right person to bring it out?

Of course, when Steve gathers his bearings he just laughs. “I’ve done fucked up things, trust me. You have no idea what I have been getting up to outside of you, it’s almost adorable. After Thanos, I went into hiding just to stalk Bucky from afar, y'know? I’m using you as a way to do it more effectively, if you really want to know what's really going on in my fucked up little head. Do you wanna put your hero cape on now, and stop me, for some greater good you made up in your head? Send a cute little selfie to the new Captain America, begging him to save you from the big bad wolf- stop hitting me!”

Steve actually sounds like he’s whining when Joaquín slaps him once again. He makes sure to hit the same bruise so it gets worse, and it made Joaquín a little concerned how excited he was for the bruise to get even darker later. Some small part of him wishes he had the serum running through his veins as well to truly mark Steve up with bruises, and hell, if he's frustrated enough he might even make him bleed. That darkness wasn't something he was going to just let himself indulge in, not when he doesn't even like thinking about it for too long.

“You don’t need to work so hard to impress me. You aren’t the big bad wolf, stalking is a lame crime compared to half the shit I’ve busted even before I became the Falcon. The Flag Smashers were much more dire of a threat than you. So forgive me for not shivering in my boots because I happen to be sitting next to a loser stalker who forces himself to live with someone who's essentially a complete stranger all because he’s trying a new method of stalking. Experimenting as an old man must be so difficult for you, stepping out of your comfort zone must feel so weird, grandpa.” Joaquín feels himself grinning at how uncomfortable he’s suddenly made the other man, even if it didn’t last for long in his expression. But it becomes a lot less funny the moment Steve’s expression grows much darker as he grabs his chin with a lot more force than he’s used before. But suddenly, Steve’s grinning too. 

It’s like seeing Joaquín frowning in fear made Steve smile. God, just how fucked up has their dynamic gotten? Why in the world does he still want to see this through to the end? What the fuck would the end of this even look like?

“You better keep this same fire when we’re side by side in the field. I’m going to be however the fuck I want to be in that hero costume and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, huh? I want you to say it-”

Joaquín surprises himself when all he does in response is spit on Steve’s face. He scrambles away when he’s let go from the tight grip as he runs into the bathroom and locks the door, trying to soothe himself so he doesn’t have a panic attack. This was all so incredibly fucked, and he wasn’t liking how he was acting anymore. Him and Steve really can’t live together if they’re going to be acting like this towards each other on a daily basis. It’s volatile, weird and certainly not healthy for either of them. What the fuck brought him to spit on him? Why were they at the point where he thinks spitting on someone is a perfectly acceptable way to get them to stop talking?

Shockingly, there’s not harsh knocking on the bathroom door, but a light tapping of a fist. The threat of violence is there, but it's lighter than Joaquín thinks he deserves. 

“I’m not mad at you, I can wipe away spit, it’s not like you stained my clothes with anything. At least you didn’t bite me, now that would’ve been gross!” Joaquín is weirded out when he hears Steve laugh from the other side of the door, but without thinking about it he unlocks the door, shuffling to sit on the other side of the bathroom so Steve can open the door. He takes a seat right in front of Joaquín, grinning like he’s won the lottery, carrying no trance that he was just spit on. He then leans in a lot closer, and spits on his face. Joaquín was ashamed to admit that he didn't even flinch.

“There. We’re even. Now, if you excuse me I’m off for a quick jog, I want to make sure I’m at the peak of my physicality-” Joaquín feels himself standing and punching Steve before he can stop himself, but only after he wipes Steve’s spit off his face. Once again, Steve just looks annoyed that he’s suddenly been interrupted more than he’s been attacked. Luckily, it does make the bruise on his cheek even darker. Good.

“If you wanted to spar you could’ve asked. This really wasn’t a big deal, but if you’ve got frustrations to let out on me, I’m more than happy to let you. I can be what you let your grievances out on, if you’re prepared to get some dished back at you. This has to be at least a somewhat functional partnership if we’re going to sell anything resembling functional in front of Sam and Bucky you do know that right?” Steve scolds like he’s got a damn foot to stand on here, like he didn’t look Joaquín dead in the eyes just to spit in his face like that’s a normal eye for an eye reaction. 

“New York made us much worse, and I’m starting to fear what we’ll be like during hero work. We’re not going to be saving a damn person, are we? I can’t have that shit. You are not going to ruin Falcon for me after I worked so damn hard to earn those wings so you better fucking behave. There’s no exchange between us, you fucking broke into MY DORM. You inserted yourself into my life and you better consider your ass lucky I don’t sell you out for spare parts. So I don’t want to hear you say we need to shape up, because that’s not what needs to happen. You just need to learn how to be fucking normal around me for once, and just maybe we can pretend to be normal enough that you can get your rocks off again looking at Bucky from afar. That might get you off my back for a while, you can go back to your sick little bird watching you goddamn geriatric. God, I should just drop your ass off at a nursing home in Jersey and just leave you there.” 

Joaquín snaps, all the frustration from the move to New York coming out in one, concise rant. It felt good to get it off his chest, but the satisfaction doesn’t last long when Steve’s ever so aggravating yet ever present smile returns. The things he would do to permanently wipe that smile off his face, to say or do something so out of turn that he can’t find a reason to grin at him ever again. 

“Aren’t you a bundle of sunshine and rainbows? But you’ve made a good point, New York really changed our dynamic. In a good or a bad way, I’ve yet to decide. Yes, I do miss my hobby of watching my dear Bucky from afar, but I can’t lie. You really have shown yourself to be a good time yourself, especially when you actually decide to have a backbone with me. I find myself actually having a good time, and since you’ve yet to sell me out to the people who would love to know I’m here with you, I can only assume you’re at least enjoying us a little bit. Feel free to correct me, even though I have a strong feeling you won’t. I’m starting to get a good read on you, and everything you’ve let yourself turn into just from being around me for so long.” 

Joaquín feels himself clench his hands into fists so tight his hands shake, because Steve was once again being condescending in a way he couldn’t argue against. He was turning into a different person from this prolonged coexistence, hell he was even starting to realize he could’ve sat by anyone else on the plane to New York. That probably would’ve given him a good five hours away from him, yet he made a point to sit next to Steve on the plane. They even held hands during takeoff, which he wasn’t sure why he did it but not thinking about it afterwards justified it in a weird way. Except he found himself mentally bringing it up as he stared at the other man, huddled close to him because of the spot they’re standing in the bathroom. 

“You’re going to ruin me.” Joaquín can hear the exhaustion in his own voice as he drags himself out of the bathroom before he does more things he’s going to regret later. Steve follows like some weird, sick lost puppy. He never does go on that run, so Joaquín wasn’t sure why he even brought it up in the first place. He eventually makes the hero costume request to his army connections, sending Steve’s body measurements and doing his best to lie his ass off about a mysterious Ethan Winters needing a hero costume and voice changer. 

Joaquín and Steve were lounging in a weird, toxic and stagnant silence sitting on the couch next to each other that the TV only cuts through with noise when there’s a knock at the door. 

“I’ll get it.” Steve randomly kisses Joaquín’s forehead before the other man can react or argue, as he makes his way to the door. When he opens it, he’s actually knocked on his ass by a punch this time. Before he can go into any sort of panic mode, John Walker suddenly appears looking more frustrated than Joaquín has ever seen the man look. (Which, in hindsight, wasn't a good comparison considering he doesn’t exactly know the other man well.) 

“You’re a fucking piece of actual human shit, you know that Rogers? I can’t believe I ever looked up to you. Take away all that fancy military propaganda, what are you?” Walker growls, and all Joaquín can do is make himself smaller and hope he isn’t included, yelled at or god forbid punched. He wasn't sure why John would be mad at him, but he was sure there was something he did along the way to warrant the same level of anger. 

Turns out, Steve isn’t perfect and untouchable as Joaquín previously thought because when he stands up, his nose is bleeding. The sight alone is enough to make him smile, and he hears himself silently laughing at how Steve isn’t able to laugh this one off. This is exactly what he’s been hoping for, something to wipe that damn smug smile off his face. This suits Steve a lot better anyway, a sick part of Joaquín enjoys the sight of Steve actually struggling for once. He definitely was only going to address this later using the therapy his military benefits pays for. 

“Y’know, this isn’t how I pictured our first meeting. I thought it’d be a lot more- civil. But I guess I haven’t been doing the best things have I? So it makes sense that eventually someone from Bucky’s inner circle comes to yell at me. I’m assuming he told you everything I’ve been getting up to? A shame, he used to be so good at keeping secrets.” Steve was back to his weird, giddy self and Joaquín felt all of enjoyment leaving his body. The blood still dripping from his nose at least gave him a little hope that Steve’s still a little debauched, not as perfect as he usually is.

A weird, sick part of Joaquín doesn’t want Steve to wipe it away. Let the wound bleed, let him have this. It makes him feel almost cold inside to know he's stooped so low that he's desperately hoping that someone stays slightly covered in their own blood just so he can get a sick satisfaction from seeing it. 

“I thought I’d only ever see you in a museum, where you belong.” Walker’s voice was stone cold, no nonsense to be found. It made Steve uncomfortable, because John clearly wasn’t as easy to fuck with or even mold like his dear old Joaquín is. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought, but he certainly wasn’t going to let his nervousness show. He didn’t get this far just to get fucked over by his failed successor. 

Soon, they were all idling in Joaquín’s dorm living room, the tension was palpable. John looked like he was about to tear Steve a new one, and Joaquín wasn't exactly going to stop him. Meanwhile, Steve was just thriving off of the drama of it all, not exactly accepting responsibility or acknowledge he's the fucked up one in this situation. Steve is lounging on one end of the couch, Joaquín is awkwardly huddled on the other end. John has opted to stand, his expression unreadable as he only glances over at Joaquín but keeps his attention on Steve, his expression more betrayed than mad which honestly would've felt worse if Steve still kept into his moral compass. 

“Torres.”

Joaquín honestly didn't expect to be scolded this early on, but he straightened up the moment John addresses him. He slowly realized just why the man was picked to be Captain America at all, his presence is quite demanding in itself.

“Sam was worried about you when you didn't call or give any indication you got into New York. He got worried, and so did Bucky. I did a little digging and people saw you with someone who looks like Steve avoiding cameras in the airport and on your way here. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on, but you really should've reached out sooner. But I can't exactly blame you for not doing so. This is going to be handled, trust me. He won't be bothering you after this.” Walker sounded so resolute, that Joaquín just found himself nodding and holding onto his word. It was surprisingly lenient, considering everything he could’ve been yelled at for. 

“God, acting meek again just because the big strong US Agent is here to save you from the big bad wolf? Please. I may not know you, but I've seen you have more of a spine.” Steve scoffs, but is startled when John just chucks a book from Joaquín’s bookshelf straight at Steve. 

“You don't get to talk to him like that. You only know the version of him that had to tolerate your bullshit mood swings. I couldn't imagine what he had to endure from you, it makes me sick just thinking about it.” John growls, furiously pointing at Steve like he was two seconds away from landing a second punch on the man. Steve actually looks annoyed for once, which was extremely confusing for Joaquín. 

Didn't Steve want to get seen for the bastard he is? So why is he mad that John is pointing it out? Or maybe he's annoyed that someone is interrupting their dynamic? Nevertheless, Steve wasn't exactly enjoying himself anymore now that there was another super soldier in the mix. Despite the new dynamic, Steve finds a reason to grin again as he moves across the couch with the speed only a super soldier can have. 

While making pretty direct eye contact with John, Steve yanks Joaquín onto his lap, who was pissed off at himself purely because he didn't exactly make any efforts to move away. He just slightly turned to really look at Steve, realizing his eyes are really blue before John clears his throat and knocks him out of that dangerous line of thinking. 

“I didn't think I'd have to do this. But you leave me no other choice, Rogers. I'm bringing Bucky in. As a matter of fact,” John snaps like he's giving an auditory cue and sure enough not two seconds later Bucky appears from the bathroom, making him the second super soldier who's broken into one of Joaquín’s military dorms. He looks a lot more disgusted and disappointed in Steve than Walker ever did. 

This knocks all the wind out of Steve’s sails, and suddenly he's not clutching onto Joaquín as tightly. John has to pull him off of Steve's lap, but it wouldn't be anytime soon that Joaquín ever addresses in himself why he didn't just leap off the first chance he got. 

“Just what the fuck have you been doing to Torres? Huh?” Bucky was in full interrogation mode, as John almost held Joaquín so he didn't go back to Steve. It felt weird, being stopped like this. He wasn't sure why he nearly went back, but he allowed himself to be held back regardless. Joaquín has to force himself to look away when Steve just gestures for him to get closer instead of actually responding to Bucky. This earns him a crisp punch to the nose, that certainly doesn't help his already bloody nose. Joaquín couldn’t stop himself from gasping at the sight of more blood coming from Steve. It was sick and twisted, but yet- he still felt himself reacting regardless. 

“Stop looking over at him, you sicko! Just what the fuck is wrong with you? I- nevermind. I don't even want to know anymore. I had all of these questions ready, I wanted to know what the fuck went wrong. But now that I've seen what you've let yourself become with Torres, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I don't want us to be associated with each other ever again. This is just unforgivable. I can't wrap my head around it. John, take Joaquín out of here-” 

Bucky was in full leader mode, barking orders. Walker nearly drags him out but Joaquín feels himself yelling a bit louder than he means to. 

“No! Don't make me leave.” He wasn't sure why he needed to stay, but Joaquín’s gaze drifted over to Steve, who looked quite pathetic with his bloody and probably broken nose, and the bruise that he left on his cheek was still there. It was a sight so sad, of course it evokes a smile from Joaquín. John's expression is steel when he observes the silent exchange.

“Stop letting him get in your head-” John is shocked when Joaquín shoves him off instead of actually taking the advice.

“I can handle myself, you know. Sam trusted me with the wings for a reason. I'm not some helpless damsel you need to save from the big bad wolf.” Joaquín felt himself grimace purely because he's actually quoting Steve, and the reference is not lost on the other two super soldiers who look quite disturbed by his sudden defensiveness, glancing at each other like they needed confirmation that's indeed what they heard. 

This distraction gave Steve the chance to get off the couch to suddenly stand behind Joaquín, as he not so politely yanks him so they face each other and the next thing he knows they're kissing. He tastes like blood and spit, but neither of those were something that Joaquín finds himself very bothered by anymore. The kiss doesn't last very long, but when it's violently ended by a very fed up Bucky, does Joaquín realize he ever closed his eyes. He doesn't exactly have an excuse for licking Steve's blood off his lips. It's something he's definitely caught doing because now he's very forcefully being dragged out of the dorm. 

It was only when he's dragged outside of the dorm building entirely does Joaquín fully process what he's done. John looks disturbed as he's clutching his arm, leading him to a cafe on base where Sam was nervously sipping a coffee until he sees Joaquín. At first he's worried at the sight of the leftover blood on his lips until he sees Walker's disturbed expression. Joaquín uses one of the napkins at the table to wipe his mouth, almost embarrassed to look like this in public. 

Joaquín is forced to sit down as John gives Sam the full rundown on what happened in the dorm, and suddenly Joaquín feels like a teenage girl who was caught kissing the local bad boy who's done some terrible shit to the town, someone he was told to stay away from or else. Not only did he kiss him, but he licked the other man's blood off his lips. (At least they didn't know about the spitting on each other thing. That would definitely be a disaster, making him look a lot more suspicious than he probably already does.) After the whispered debrief, Sam equips this very disappointed dad look before sitting at the chair across from Joaquín. Walker walks off, presumably to go back to aiding Bucky and scolding Steve. 

“So, clearly something happened between you and Steve. Now I'm not even going to try and understand what went down but I need it to end right here and now. I want to really apologize for not doing something about Steve sooner, but none of us could have known he'd go after you. I would've made sure you weren't in his sights if I had anything to do with it. But what's done is done, and all I can do is help with the fallout. So, how about we just talk about it? I want complete honesty from you, not just something you think I wanna hear. I want to know how it really is between the both of you.” 

Sam Wilson, the man he is, of course is so understanding yet stern. Allowing so much grace for Joaquín in this complicated situation. It was an open ended question because of course it was, something to lure Joaquín into a sense of security so he can really put his heart on his sleeve for this. The worst part about everything is that not even Joaquín really understands what the fuck is going on between him and Steve. It wasn't pretty or good, but he wanted to see it through just to see how ugly it gets before everything ends and reaches its most sour. But that's not exactly a very conversation friendly explanation, so Joaquín scours his brain for something that would be.

“... He's my Crow. I don't know what else to say. We were supposed to be partners, I wanted to try and force him to be even a little normal until he fucked off to his weird little hobby staring at Bucky from afar like a creep. But he apparently thinks I need to be more outwardly confident, saying meekness doesn't suit me. The freak. God, I almost want the serum just so I can ruin the man the way he wanted to- that got dark. I'm sorry Sam, I shouldn't openly want the serum especially after everything happened with Walker.”

Joaquín felt really nervous now, because he hadn't meant to go into that much detail. But Sam stays calm, despite his clear alarm at how just deep things really went when no one else was around. The name Crow read like a nickname now that Joaquín was really thinking about it, but before he can explain himself Sam is already answering him. 

“... Things must've gotten serious. Do you wanna stay with me for a bit? I don't think I feel good leaving you alone after all that-”

Joaquín suddenly cuts Sam off mid sentence with a confession like he's under the pressure of needing to reveal his sins for forgiveness. 

“We both spit on each other earlier today. Then I hit him a lot.” 

Sam was thoroughly disturbed now, and Joaquín was beginning to regret ever bearing his heart or blurting out what happened like it was something that needed to be shared. 

“... You two really need to be separated. Stat. C'mon, you're coming with me. I don't care if we need to buy you a whole new wardrobe until we can move your stuff over. We're making sure you and Steve don't mesh again. That's- I don't even know what to call that.” Sam looks like he's genuinely worried, and for the first time today Joaquín actually feels bad. Everything was moving so fast, and people were changing more for the worse than the better. But alas, Joaquín let himself be led away from everything. 

Meanwhile, Bucky and John sit in silence, sitting in front of a knocked unconscious Steve. They got fed up with the way he was talking about Joaquín, so they decided they'd put him out of commission so they'd have privacy to talk. (Putting him in another room while handcuffed wouldn't work, he's got too good of hearing for that. So yes, knocking him unconscious was necessary.) 

“... I'm starting to regret not really getting to know Joaquín before this, because this suddenly got a lot more complicated.” Bucky groans, running a hand through his hair. John just groans, which definitely could be translated as an agreement. 

“Did you see the way they kissed? God, just what did Steve do? What happened in Nevada we don't know about? I just hope Sam is getting information from him.” John sighs, putting his hands on his hips like a stressed out dad. 

“It seems that wherever Steve goes, toxicity is starting to follow. It's unfortunate that someone was dragged down with him, especially in such a fucked up way. God, I can't believe he was going to disguise himself as some new hero just to get around me again.” Bucky growls this time, looking more and more frustrated by the second. Suddenly he's no longer mourning that kid from that apartment they shared in Queens anymore, he's furious at the man Steve has allowed himself to turn into. 

“Anyone who's willing to be a stalker for as long as he has doesn't have a moral compass anymore, they just have wants and whims. It seems that Joaquín became one of them. We really need to keep them apart, for the greater good. I'd hate to see the new Falcon’s life get ruined just because of some guy. He’s got too bright of a future.” John looks determined, there's not a trace of doubt in his expression that this was something they needed to do. Bucky looks slightly delighted to see Walker so steadfast about making sure someone he doesn't know well is saved from a problematic relationship. 

Both super soldiers suddenly feel a lot better as they hold hands, slightly leaning on each other as they wonder where they're going to keep Steve while keeping everything need to know, and make sure that Joaquín and Steve stay so far away from each other.

Chapter Text

Joaquín wasn’t sure about moving in with Sam, even temporarily, especially after recent events but he figured it was a lot better than staying where he was. Things were pretty awkward, but it was expected after everything he decided to casually mention at the cafe. For the life of him, Joaquín had no idea why he called Steve his Crow, or his anything for that matter. They haven’t been through nearly enough together, and he was actively trying to get the man away from him when they were together. So why was he so conflicted about how everything ended? Why did he feel like things were rushed, and he didn’t have the time to actually handle the problem? What, did none of them think he could've done anything to stop Steve or even eventually turn him in himself for the stalking?

So after he got established, Sam was understandably concerned and prepared to interrogate Joaquín to at least try and understand what the deal was, and how things got so tense. They’re currently set up in Sam’s dining room, eating snacks and drinking tea Sam made earlier. This perfectly calm environment wouldn’t last long with what they’re about to talk about. Joaquín was slowly sipping his tea, letting Sam lead the conversation so he wouldn’t fuck up and say the wrong thing again, incriminating himself even more than he already has. 

“Look, I know you’re a grown ass man capable of making his own decisions. But it doesn’t stop me from worrying about you. So when I found out you were suddenly rooming with Steve, I was more than a little concerned. I thought he was blackmailing you, or even worse, physically threatening you. Hell, I wanted to come in full Captain America suit to stop it myself. But I knew how personal it was for Bucky, so I let him do it. Then John came up with the idea that he comes in first, and later on he’ll cue Bucky in. I heard that went really well, that they were able to take Steve down. That’s good-”

“Where’d they take him?” Joaquín wished his question was just morbid curiosity, but the way he enthusiastically cut Sam off mid-sentence implies otherwise. As expected, Sam does not look like he’s even slightly interested in answering the question honestly. To think he could've gotten the location had he not been so excited asking for it. That could've been the move- at least gotten a real answer on what Steve is going to do next. 

“A place where he can cool his head, get his priorities straight. Serve his time for stalking, which is still very illegal and Bucky is more than okay with pressing charges. I’m not telling you that anytime soon, and I really don’t want you trying to look for him either. Whatever you and he had, it’s over now.” Sam’s voice left no room for arguments, and Joaquín wasn’t about to push his luck just yet. He just hopes his disappointment isn’t too obvious, despite there being no actual reason to be upset he doesn’t know where they him. Thankfully, Sam keeps the conversation going so Joaquín doesn’t have to think of an excuse for why he even asked. 

Joaquín felt furious that Sam was the one deciding when everything was over, especially when nothing actually was given a chance to start in the first place. It was a dangerous line of thinking, but something he couldn’t lie away anymore. He’d desperately wanted to see just how far Steve was going to take it, no matter how anxious he was feeling constantly being around Steve in those close quarters. But no, other people had to interfere and now he was basically grounded like a child who was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. This was bullshit, but at least it was coming from someone he trusts.

“But I need you to be very honest with me, I’m talking no judgments honest. Just what were you to each other? Was everything his idea? Walker said you kissed, and you licked his blood off your lips. Joaquín, that’s far beyond normal behavior between two roommates. Hell, you even casually mentioned you spit on each other. Me and Bucky haven’t even done anything remotely similar to each other and we’re dating. So please, enlighten me on what’s really going on before I keep spiraling and making my own conclusions. I want to hear it from you, before I hear some backwards retelling from Steve.” Of course, Sam looks like he genuinely wants to get to the bottom of this because he’s just a good guy like that. Realistic, but with enough idealism to back his actions and hope for the future. Kind enough to see a situation like this and not just assume that Joaquín has gone off the deep end. 

Joaquín takes a hefty sip of tea before finding the courage to answer, not even sure himself if he was lying or not. “Steve was very weird around me, and I guess I felt this weird need to match his energy. I know, that sounds really immature but how else was I supposed to handle things? Try and act morally superior to him the entire time? He would’ve gotten so pissed off at me, and who knows what could’ve happened then. Me adapting to the way he treats people was the only way I could have gotten what I got from him and I had a good chance to really get him where it hurt but no, everyone had to interrupt us. Sure, I made him a hero costume so he could get closer to Bucky in a disguise but- that was a lapse in judgement. I wanted to win his favor so badly, I accidentally fed into his behavior. But can you really blame me?” He started to stand, forgetting the tea altogether as his voice even slightly raised. He was so caught up in his rant that he couldn’t notice Sam slowly growing pensive, like his worst fears were being confirmed right before his very eyes. 

“It’s not like he was actually doing something to warrant two goddamn super soldiers when they showed up. That was a little overkill, wasn’t it? Bucky and Walker really had to come together and break into my apartment like some dynamic duo to save little old me?”

Joaquín had to bite his tongue from making the big bad wolf reference again, not wanting to keep making that comparison in his head just because Steve put it there. Or, did he? Things were melting together. But that didn’t mean his rant was done, no, he was just getting started. 

“I can’t believe you guys just took the initiative to invade into our lives-” when the fuck did it become our, “just because you happened to see us at the airport together. I wasn’t bruised in any way on the camera footage, was I? So why’d you immediately swoop in, huh? Steve didn’t even get a chance to try on the damn hero costume before you all got scared of nothing and jumped in despite me not asking for any help.” Joaquín was feeling pretty good about his argument until Sam responded, sounding more furious than before but still was so calm. Too calm, like he knows exactly how to dismantle that rant like it had no leg to stand on in the first place. 

“... Steve Rogers confessed to the crime of stalking, which we took the time to prove he did before we made anything resembling an arrest because once again, Bucky was more than okay with pressing charges. Steve suddenly crossing state lines and hiding in someone else’s residence was actions taken by someone not wanting to take responsibility for what they’ve done. You were just someone he happened to latch onto, nothing more. I don’t know what you’ve convinced yourself is going on between you two, but it’s not real. Just because you kiss this man once and do other various gross things with him does it suddenly mean you’re partners. Besides, it’s not like he’s the best person to keep around you with what lengths he’s willing to go to. Do you really want to associate yourself with a known stalker just because he treats you a little differently than everyone else? Also, how far would you have let him go? Would you have told anyone who the Crow really is, or would we have had to find that one out ourselves?” 

Sam’s rant had Joaquín feeling a lot more embarrassed and called out than he’d ever admit. There wasn’t much he could argue against because his connection to Steve wasn’t exactly defendable or good in the slightest. His reasons for wanting it back weren’t even close to airtight, or something he’d feel comfortable admitting out loud. So, all he could do was sit back down and return to the tea and snacks that Sam was enjoying calmly, already knowing he won the argument. In hindsight, there didn’t even need to be an argument. Joaquín shouldn’t have been defending Steve in any capacity, or be upset that they didn’t spend more time together. At the same time, he couldn’t ignore that itch. This deep, inner need to have seen where Steve would’ve taken it as the Crow. If he would’ve really done his best to save people, or put all of that aside just to stalk Bucky again.

It didn’t feel good knowing that was his ultimate end goal, especially considering he basically goaded him to go and stalk Bucky just so he could be left alone. There were a lot of things Joaquín did with Steve he knew he shouldn’t be proud of. But hey, at least he never actually aided Steve in actual crimes so he wouldn’t also be ending up in handcuffs. All Joaquín has to worry about is the disappointed, concerned and pensive expressions from the people around him. 

“Look. If I were you, I’d try my best to move on from this and not dwell on the what ifs of it all. A lot could have happened, sure. But it didn’t, and you have to make peace with that before you find yourself trying to find him again. I can’t physically stop you, and if you feel the need to leave and stay elsewhere I can’t stop you. All I can do is hope you don’t let whatever he said to you guide your actions. Steve doesn’t actually care about you, nor would he stick his neck out for you like I’m sure you’re considering for him. So please, do yourself a favor and just let Steve face the consequences of his actions alone. That is a grown ass man, a war veteran who knows damn well what the law is and he broke it gleefully for too long. He even had the nerve to brag about it after the fact. You don’t want to associate with someone like that, especially if you want to stay on the right side of the law. I'd hate for this to be the reason your hero career is short lived. So, let’s scrap the Crow idea entirely so it doesn’t snowball into something not even you can explain away, got it?” Sam sounded stern, but not unkind. But just because this is what he needs to hear does it mean he's going to be happy listening. So instead of taking the well intentioned advice, Joaquín just stood and moved to the guest room to brood in peace. 

Sam wasn't sure how long he sat there just looking at the guest door until he felt two arms wrap around his neck and shoulders. The cool of familiar metal is a comfort Sam didn't think he needed, especially after a conversation that really should've gone a lot smoother than it did. 

“Please don't tell me Torres is actually being stubborn about this.” Bucky sounds exhausted, probably from having to deal with Steve. In hindsight, Joaquín was probably a lot easier of an interrogation than Steve so he had to consider himself lucky he didn't have to be there for that. 

“He asked me where you guys are keeping Steve, and said we interrupted their lives. He said they had plans to disguise Steve as this new hero named Crow just so he could get close to you without you even knowing it and hell, Joaquín even got his hero costume made. He kept talking about how we had no right to go in guns blazing, treating him like a damsel in distress. I really don’t know what’s going on in his head, what he thinks is going on. God, is Steve that charismatic or is there something about Joaquín I should be worried about?” Sam groans, rubbing his hands over his face. He turns to his boyfriend, and sees an expression that reads that the interrogation with Steve probably didn’t go any better. 

“... That’s about what Steve said. Kept calling himself the big, bad wolf that we were trying to tame. It was weird, but the gist of what he told us was around the same thing Joaquín told you. That we butt in too soon, and they didn’t even really do anything too severe. Steve kept trying to tell us about how he was taking a break from stalking me having his hands so full with Joaquín so I could’ve been a little grateful and to just leave them be. He’s acting like they both didn’t plan for him to get a surefire way that I wouldn’t know it’s him lurking around me. God, Joaquín’s hero costume tailor let me see the costume and it’s inconspicuous. Something I wouldn’t have connected to Steve, that’s for sure. I hate that it would’ve worked on me, and I’m a little scared that he’s going to try it again. Sam, he was willing to drag Joaquín into this and the worst part is he actually found a partner in Torres.”

Bucky was tense, looking a lot more stressed than he’s been in a while. Sam gently guides them both to the couch, where Sam takes his position curled up at his boyfriend’s side. This position gives Bucky a chance to not only ground himself but he can feel enough in control of their position that he can watch the door and any other possible entrances. Sam’s long gotten used to Bucky’s metal scan of the room when they’re sitting like this before they get back to their conversations. It was needed now more than ever, considering Bucky probably has to collect himself before he keeps talking about this entire Steve situation. 

“Do you think Joaquín is going to go behind your back to contact Steve? Do you think he’s trying as we speak?” Bucky just sounds tired as he asks, and grows even more tired as Sam runs his fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t know, but hopefully he’ll do the right thing and at least wait until tomorrow before he stabs me in the back.” Sam was only half joking, but there was some truth to it. He knew it was inevitable, the way their conversation went didn’t inspire any confidence that things would be going any other way. He just had a feeling that this wasn’t going to end here, Joaquín looked far too determined for this to just be the conclusion to this little saga. Something big had to happen before he was knocked out of this puppy love, and showed just how terrible of a person Steve has let himself become. Or, how reckless he’s letting himself become in the process. He just hoped Joaquín wouldn’t be hurt in the process, that it isn’t a painful lesson. He’s disappointed, but the last place he wants to be is by his hospital bedside again, his heart barely got through the first time.

“But all of that terrible talk aside, are we really taking the leap with John? I meant what I said earlier about it, you know. Have you even brought it up with him?” Sam gently asks, knowing that dwelling on what could happen isn’t going to get them anywhere. Luckily, the new topic seems to go well with Bucky, who didn’t look like he was about to break his phone anymore.

“We’ve been talking in-between sessions with Steve, and he’s on board. I think we should all go on an official date when this is all over. Wine and dine him, you know?” Bucky, bless him, is trying his best to be positive despite the obvious tension still being there. Sam throws him a bone, letting the excitement of a future date be a pleasant distraction from everything. 

“You and your official dates Barnes, you’re so old fashioned. What next, are we gonna pick out some flowers before we pick him up? Who would we need to ask for their blessing for his hand-” Bucky playfully nudges Sam, cutting him off mid-sentence with an amused huff. 

“I like to be traditional, sue me. Trust me, we’d have our fun in due time. I just want him to know we want the real thing, not just something fleeting. He deserves it, especially after everything we put him through.” Bucky sighs, once again feeling the weight of his own actions, but this time there was no excuse explaining it away. He was an asshole, end of story. Bucky wanted to make sure if he courts John, it’s done properly and at his pace. He wasn’t sure about Sam, but he wanted to both make things right and make the other man realize he’s valued and deserving of the traditional treatment. 

“I guess the dates are a really good idea, I can get to know him better. Neither of us can exactly go back in time to treat him better, so showing him we’re capable of kindness even if it feels too late will show him we’re serious. This isn’t some passing attraction, we want him for the long run. It’ll be a welcome reprieve after this all ends, wrapping up the loose ends of the past so we can make sure our future is bright.” Sam looks over at his boyfriend, and almost immediately looks away. He knows that look, the stricken yet amazed look. Whenever Sam feels himself going into anything resembling a motivational speech, Bucky always gets that look in his eye. A perfect mix of admiration and affection, something that really solidified their relationship. 

“I love it when you speak with such hope. Fuck talking dirty to me, just keep being that beacon of hope, baby.” Bucky grins, and gently grabs Sam and kisses his cheek over and over. Laughter and joy fill the living room, despite the dark cloud that still hangs over them. It was a nice break, even if they both know they’ll have to face the music soon. That they’ll need to think of a permanent place for Steve to reside, something that might end up being the Raft even if they’re both against it. 

A stalker or not, this was still Steve Rogers. They want to give him the benefit of the doubt, or at least a slightly lower level prison cell just out of remaining respect for the guy and all the good he’s done. Little did they know, a conversation was also taking place in the guest room of near to equal importance. 

Burner phone. They think I’m texting a lawyer, hell, they even left me alone with it. You know who it is.

Joaquín sighed at the bluntness, simply because he could almost hear how Steve said it through the phone. This would at least be less conspicuous than a phone call, but he hoped Sam and Bucky would be too busy doing couple things to even think about checking on him. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to lie about who he was really texting. 

Congratulations, you found a way to text me. What now? Joaquín nervously looks around like someone was about to look over his shoulder at his phone screen. God, why has he let himself get reduced to this? All because the guy he happened to be fancying breaks the law now more often than he upholds it? Staying the course with the military and becoming the next Falcon was supposed to keep him on the straight and narrow, and this wasn’t exactly either. The responsible thing to do here is get up and show Sam the conversation, and let the man guide it so they’ll know what he’s planning. Despite knowing this was the right thing to do, Joaquín made no attempts to get up and actually do that. He really does want to see this through, no matter how ugly it might get.

You’re a lot more impatient than me. Actually using proper grammar over text. Well, if you must know- I’m breaking myself out. Tonight. You’ll be the only one who knows. Keep it a secret, for me. Then meet me here.

Joaquín was almost impressed by the audacity to be so confident over text, but he grew mad quickly. Just why did Steve have to put him in a spot like this? Now he’s definitely going to look like he knows something. It’ll make him lose a lot of trust with Sam when he holds his tongue about something as serious as a breakout, hell he might even get a verbal lashing from Bucky. A well deserved one, at that. But something felt exciting about everything, despite the clear danger and various broken laws. Joaquín wasn’t sure why he still found a rebellious spark in himself when it came to Steve, or why he was still indulging the man so much. 

They no longer had a forced proximity, he didn’t have to worry about physical harm anymore. So why the hell was he still going along with everything? Did that kiss really get him so worked up that he doesn’t even want to help Sam go against Steve anymore? This was the exact location Steve plans on escaping captivity to, very important information yet Joaquín can’t bring himself to relay it to the people who really need to know it.

Is Joaquín really that desperate for a guy that he can see himself going through with this despite all the red flags? That can’t be it, right? Maybe if he actually puts his foot down for once, he’ll seem at least a little less pathetic in the long run. Hopefully. ‘

I don’t have to do anything, you know. I’m staying with Sam, and I can show him these text messages. I have every right to after the shit you pulled. They know about Crow as well, so you don’t have that option now.

Joaquín tried to erase the misplaced guilt he felt for exposing the Crow plot, purely because it objectively was the right thing to do. Even if his misplaced loyalty to Steve was really making him feel like the bad guy, from an objective standpoint he did nothing wrong spilling the beans about their plans. Turns out, there was a lot that Steve left out.

I had backup plans even before I pitched the plan to you. I didn’t put all my eggs in one basket, especially if it was held by you. No matter what we have, you’re still so damn loyal to Wilson. I don’t blame you, he seems like a good mentor to have. But I don’t want to follow Bucky around constantly, not anymore. I’ve got bigger and better plans. You’ll figure them out soon.

Joaquín wasn’t sure how to feel, or how long he was just staring at his phone screen with his hand over his mouth. Soon, he shuts his screen off and puts his phone on a spare charger Sam lent him. He figured putting the phone down and giving himself some time to process to make sure he didn’t reply with something purely emotional. He had to be smart about how he answered, seeing that Steve clearly was up to more than he might even be ready for. Now was the precise time that he should be standing and going to find Sam and Bucky, hoping they weren’t in some compromising position, and show them the text conversation. Basically ensuring he would be on the right side of this when it all ended, instead of in handcuffs right by Steve’s side. Yet, he made no attempts to do so. 

There was something about the short text exchange that made Joaquín really want to see what the stalking super soldier will do next, especially considering Bucky might not even be his target anymore. The man was probably scared straight from stalking if he had to lie about texting some lawyer to even reach him at all. The biggest question is, why would they even let him have a phone at all? Was this some big test, and was John on the other end of the call trying to tell where his loyalties lie? Joaquín really hoped that wasn’t the case, because he didn’t exactly pass with flying colors like Sam might’ve hoped he would. Suddenly, Sam’s guest room was feeling stuffy and cramped. Before he knew it, Joaquín was sneaking out of a window like he was still in high school trying to get to a party he had no business being at. He looked at the time, and sure enough he’d probably be getting there before Steve did. 

Hopefully Sam doesn’t get too mad at him for this.

After Sam and Bucky took a well needed nap together on the couch, Bucky was the first one to stir, hearing a window creak open. Years of being a light sleeper pay off, alongside the serum’s enhanced hearing obviously playing a part. Sam also being ex-military made both of them waking up much smoother, because the moment Bucky was up, so was he, equally as tense. Sam had a general rule, that if he sees his boyfriend alerted to something, there usually was something to be worried about. He hated how much it sounded like he’s treating his boyfriend like a well trained guard dog, but it wasn’t his fault he’s got enhanced senses. 

Bucky slowly gets up, and makes his way over to the guest room door. He uses their key, and sighs the moment he can smell and feel the window open. By that point, he feels confident enough to just slam the door open to show Sam just what his trusted partner has decided to do with their kind gesture of letting him stay there until things blew over. Sam’s expression was unreadable save for an obvious tinge of disappointment, not knowing why Joaquín would ever throw away his chances of not looking like an accomplice for such an obvious escape. His phone isn’t here either, so they can’t look through it to see if a location was sent in-between the two. At least he was smart enough to take it and not leave it charging. 

That was one of the reasons why Sam had given the charger to him in the first place, as terrible as that all sounds. He hoped Joaquín would forget it and he’d just check if one of Steve’s burners comes in contact, nothing more. He wanted to give the other man a little privacy despite the stressful situation. Of course, Bucky just had to make a comment.

“Guess the baby bird decided to fly the nest early. You must be so proud-” Sam both punches and playfully nudges Bucky’s right shoulder knowing he’d at least feel that. Of course, that didn’t stop Sam from at least cracking a smile at the comment, even if it was only for a moment. 

“This is serious. My successor is currently in cahoots with your stalker. I have no clue how you’re joking right now. Why aren’t you as upset as I am? I mean, this will directly circle back to you one way or another. At least pretend to be a little worried, for my sake. For Joaquín’s sake, even if he’s putting himself in some idiotic and most likely dangerous situations right now.” Sam sighs, turning to Bucky, trying his hardest to understand just what was going through his boyfriend’s mind. Sure, he was happy the other man wasn’t overtly panicking but he would’ve at least appreciated a small reaction. Something to go off of. 

“He’s a grown man Sam, someone who made his choice. We’re going to make sure he gets back to the right side of things together, sure, but whatever he gets into will be directly caused by his own actions. When Steve broke into his apartment, there were other variables. He could make the argument he was under intimidation bringing him here and getting that hero costume made. But now? This is all on him, he can’t exactly hide behind coercion here. Unless there’s a lot more to this than we know, but I highly doubt that. I just think that unfortunately, your successor wants Steve a little too badly and it’s clouding his judgement. There was a time I would’ve bent over backwards for him too, hell, I did. I could’ve stayed in hiding but no, I let him lead me to that damn airport. He convinced you to go as well. So we both know how convincing that man can be, so how about we give Joaquín some leeway.”

The last thing Sam expected was for Bucky to be defending Joaquín, but there they were. Well, it wasn’t exactly too much in his defense, it was more so a realistic view of everything. Something that Sam did really need, because looking at it from another way he realizes he’s bent the law a few times just to help Steve out. The circumstances are just a lot less noble now, and Joaquín wasn’t exactly helping any greater cause sticking his neck out for the former Captain. In that moment, Bucky gets a text from John that immediately sours his mood, causing his entire body to tense up. Sam is alert as well, having only seen Bucky only tense up that fast a small handful of times. 

Steve got out, he was with some of Valentina’s people. I’m sorry, I tried. Also, he’s got no ankle monitor. It was found at the scene. We can’t locate him.

Bucky really wants to just rid the world of Valentina for good, but he knows he doesn’t have that luxury. Of course, when they have to hand Steve over to her people he gets lost in the mix. Apparently they weren’t allowed to just keep him in the Avengers tower, because of “legal reasons.” A lot of bullshit spewed just because she doesn’t want to be tied to this controversy if anything even slightly hits the media. So, they were going to have him be at an offsite Stark warehouse but alas, Steve was able to not only escape but he had enough time to take the damn cheaply made ankle monitor that he was sure Valentina’s people didn’t even want to act like the same corporation behind the Sentry Project. If they made someone as strong as Bob, surely they must’ve had the hindsight to create handcuffs and other various items like a damn ankle monitor that could withstand a super soldier. 

You did all you could, you can’t be everywhere. Take care of yourself, don’t beat yourself up over it. We’re all being dealt a bad hand here, so I’d blame Valentina first before even considering getting mad at you. Torres has gone AWOL as well, so I can try to track his phone to see where Steve is. This will work out for us, trust me.

Bucky looked almost hesitant to send the text, but soon pressed send and put his phone away, running a hand through his hair.

“Steve escaped?” 

Sam’s question is met with only a nod. 

“We’re going to have to track Joaquín now, aren’t we?” 

This gives Bucky an idea, one that can be incredibly risky but a high reward if it works out. 

“Yes, and no. We will be meeting up with John and the others to monitor spots in the city. I know Steve has a certain fondness for some buildings that are still standing from the 40’s just in case he goes there. I will send Yelena out to where Joaquín’s phone can be tracked. She’s just going to silently tail them, with Ava as backup of course. I wouldn’t send her after Steve alone, I’m not like that. Hell, I can even have Alexei be the worst case scenario trump card. We’ll make them think they’re alone and can go back to plotting again. I need to see what Steve’s up to before we really crash their party.” 

Bucky knew this plan was risky, but he also knew that just arresting Steve again wouldn’t give them solid answers. It also wouldn’t give them ample reason to send him to the Raft, so he’d just be stored in more faulty cells that Valentina’s commissioned that Steve would surely break out of again. They needed to catch Steve in something that would be the dirt that truly buries him under the weight of his own actions. Because how things are now, he’s sitting comfortably with just stalking charges pinned up against his albeit very morally sound history. One that includes saving Bucky, twice.

“... A trap, huh? A little risky for everyone involved. It would certainly give us evidence to send him to the Raft. Wouldn’t that be something? I got sent there when he was Captain, and now that I’ve got the shield I’m going to eventually send him there. You couldn’t write this even if you tried.” Sam sighs, nursing a headache from the slightly heartbreaking coincidence. 

“... I didn’t see this coming for Steve either. It’s tearing me apart, even if I like to pretend like none of this is bothering me. How would this not get to me, Steve is my only tie to the life I had before losing my arm. Before I got experimented on, and- everything. So you can imagine my surprise when the very promising upstart you’re mentoring goes after my old friend who became my stalker. They’re off together doing gods know what, and we’re left wondering and worrying.” Bucky groans, finally showing just how much everything was weighing on him. 

Sam couldn’t agree more. He just wanted to plan their date with John, surprise both Bucky and Walker with somewhere nice yet quaint. Yet here he is, nearly pacing the room because Joaquín decided his allegiance was with someone who’s admitted to stalking for more than a few years straight. Who knows what he’s okay with doing now that he’s escaped holding, but they were going to get to the bottom of it. They’d debrief the team, and make sure no one’s uninformed and caught by surprise. They’ll all see the blueprints for the Crow costume just in case he tries wandering around Joaquín in the Falcon costume undetected. They would make sure this wouldn’t turn into something where people get hurt either in the crossfire or on both sides. 

They’re lucky all Steve has done is nonviolent crimes, but Bucky had a bad feeling that was about to change very quickly. All Sam wanted to do was smack some sense into Joaquín and get him out of there before he digs himself into a hole not even his new Captain America privileges can get him out of. If there’s anything good that can come out of this besides the new potential relationship between Sam, John and Bucky, it’s that this forced Sam to align himself with the New Avengers. Maybe now he’ll realize his real enemy is Valentina, not anyone on the team. 

(Which has always been the case, but Bucky gets bouts of paranoia and he got pretty worried his boyfriend hated his new team, which thankfully wasn’t ever true. Now, at least everyone else on the team can know Sam doesn’t hate them, and hasn’t ever really held the grudge they think he has. Which again, was fueled by Bucky’s lack of optimism the moment Sam started the lawsuit against Valentina, he let her get into his head that this was a lot more personal than it really was.)

Joaquín had been nursing an iced tea sitting on the roof of quite the vacant cafe, a location purely for photo opportunities and coffee too expensive to be justifiable outside of a tourist trap, the only person working there looking extremely nervous which said a lot, and nothing at all. This was the exact spot Steve told him to meet, but he’s been sitting there for a while and he was still a no-show. He was slightly disappointed but hoped for his sake that this ends up being a dud, so he can go back to Sam and say he got restless and wanted coffee. Maybe if this ends up not being the meetup he thought it was, he can save face to the guy who gave him the wings in the first place. The last thing he expects is to be gently tapped on the shoulder, and he turns to see someone that certainly isn’t Steve but is on Bucky’s team.

Oh shit. This might have actually been a loyalty test. But instead of sending John, they sent Yelena. Great, she’s much scarier.

“You got stood up too?” Yelena sounds far too calm for what was supposed to happen. Joaquín tries to hold out hope that she wasn’t really on the other end of the text messages, but that’s a hard thing to do with how nervous he suddenly is. 

“You could say that. Considering we’re the only ones here, why don’t we sit together? I’m sure we’ll find a lot to talk about.” Joaquín points to the only real table in the “patio” area of the cafe, something that gives them a perfect view of the various plants only placed there for photo ops. It also gave Joaquín an out for eye contact, he could just gaze off the roof of the building as he listened to her inevitably scold him. 

Yelena doesn’t skip a beat, even when the sole, nervous employee brings her drink. It was an iced strawberry drink with coffee. She takes a sip, looks at the scenery, and looks right back at Joaquín. 

“Where’s your little situationship? Is he here now? Or did you tell him to buzz off back to his little safehouse? Y’know, I was sent purely on surveillance but I figured this would go a lot easier if we actually spoke. Just the two of us. I want to pick your brain. See what the other hero team is like before we all are forced to work together because of some world ending threat.” Joaquín was really bothered by how in control of the situation Yelena is, especially when she’s drinking such a pink and flowery drink. 

“He was supposed to show up so- you weren’t too far off when you said I got stood up. I guess we’re both disappointed. But hey, we can still talk despite us being on opposing teams. I’m on the real Avengers and you’re in your little team using the branding in the news just because you happened to get to the scene of the crime first. With a whole press conference too, how convenient.” Joaquín knows it's a low blow, but he’s not exactly feeling the most confident so he wasn’t going to be at his best. Luckily, Yelena just finds it funny. 

“My life is a lot of coincidences Torres, you learn to get used to them.” Yelena answers, once again showing she has a lot more control over the situation than he does. She doesn’t even show any offense to his obvious jab, which does not help Joaquín’s confidence. He really should’ve just stayed in Sam’s guest room and let Steve get busted by Yelena without anyone knowing he could’ve been involved. But alas, here he was getting into some one-sided argument with a goddamn former Widow.

This was only going to end one way for him, and it wasn’t exactly looking good. So, his little attitude wasn’t exactly making him look any better for not being Steve’s main accomplice. Besides, Sam told him a while back that Bucky’s team is actually a group of decent people, he wasn’t even sure himself why he had to act out like this. At least they were together most of the time, meanwhile he hasn’t even met most of his teammates face to face yet. 

“I don’t know why I even showed up, but you should know that I feel bad. I should’ve never responded to the text-”

“What text?” Yelena’s confusion sends both hope and dread through Joaquín, which was a weird contrast that he didn’t want to think too deeply about.

“This wasn’t a setup? You didn’t send me this address?” Joaquín feels himself smiling before he could stop it, and now Yelena’s the one panicking. But that quickly turns into anger from most likely years of training and experience. 

“What the fuck are you talking about? Bucky tracked your phone here, I- did you think this was a trap? To test your loyalty? We are too busy trying to find Rogers to stop and give you a field test.” Yelena is now looking over her shoulder every other word, and trying a comm unit in her ear and getting nothing. 

That tells Joaquín one thing, her backup isn’t answering. So either she’s getting the meanest prank pulled on her, or he’s here. Joaquín wasn’t sure which one he wanted to be true. 

“Damn it all-” Yelena now looks fully pissed off at Joaquín, which honestly was well deserved considering everything that’s happening. 

“What the fuck is going on. Tell me now, or else. This shit is serious Torres, you better do the right thing now while you still have the chance. Rogers isn’t the picture perfect bad boy boyfriend you think he is. He will drop you the moment you stop being useful to him, you need to get your head out of your ass and actually listen to me. This isn’t going to end the way you think it will. Just- do the right thing and help me and hopefully the worst thing you get for this is a slap on the wrist.”

Yelena’s fury is a front for her desperation, she must be really worried about whatever happened to her backup. Joaquín wished he was more invested in helping her but- he didn’t come here for her, did he? She can see his apprehension, and now looks like she’s two seconds away from knocking him out and figuring out everything herself. 

“Don’t just stare at me! Talk. You’re clearly a lot closer to the bastard for some reason, call his burner. Do it! We need to know where he is.” Yelena is pleading at this point, having not expected to not have backup this early on, and not even knowing where Steve is.

The one employee isn’t there anymore, which tells Joaquín and Yelena everything they need to know. 

“I only followed a text from a burner phone, who’s to say he’s already gotten rid of it? That’s what I would’ve done-”

“Don’t bullshit me Torres, I’m very much not in the mood.” Yelena growls, clutching her gun like a lifeline as she scouts the cafe and roof area. This really wasn’t a good spot to survey considering there’s so many blindspots. That might’ve been one of the reasons Steve picked this spot in the first place, who knows. 

“I’m reaching the end of my patience with you, so either you give me answers or get on my shit list. I don’t care what team either of us are on, neither matter right now. You either do the right thing, or align yourself with a man who’s abandoned everything you’ve claimed to stand for wearing those wings you love so much.” Yelena snaps, looking stern despite her current panic, a great trait in a leader, Joaquín offhandedly thinks. 

Yelena’s entirely right, if Joaquín wants to possibly redeem himself in everyone else’s eyes here, he’s going to help her out. So, in a way, he does.

“I really don't know where he could be, but I can call his burner. Or at least, every number I have for him. He’s texted from multiple. You know what, give me your phone. I can do two numbers at once.” Yelena doesn’t skip a beat, and hands him her phone as he actually starts calling the phones. Coincidentally, the number Yelena’s phone calls got a hit. Right in the cafe they’re in, behind the bar where the employee used to be. 

Joaquín freezes, and Yelena’s rushing to check but pauses. Her expression falls as she looks slowly over at the only other known person there.

“If you keep helping Rogers, you’ll be helping a murderer. That shy employee we both spoke to, well, he’s dead. Your beloved Steve did him in, for no good reason other than he was here. Don’t you get it? He’s not a good man, not anymore. Come with me, this isn’t going to end well if we stay here.” 

Yelena was being a true leader, shutting her own reaction to the dead body as she tried to get Joaquín to another location. Create some distance between wherever the fuck Steve happens to be and Torres. 

At that moment, Joaquín almost wanted to go with her because how can he possibly justify with any mental gymnastics what Steve just did? In the shadows, no less. He probably did the poor guy in, while they were talking, and dragged him back just to show what he’s done. Maybe this is the true loyalty test, the body. To see if Joaquín is really about this, and not just a passing bundle of attraction and emotions. 

Before either of them could get anywhere, someone dropped from the ceiling of the cafe. Suddenly, Yelena is knocked unconscious from someone carrying who Joaquín believed to be Ghost, aka Ava Starr’s unconscious body. Joaquín immediately recognizes the “hero” costume, especially considering he was the one that designed it. The helmet is ripped off the moment everything is said and done, and Joaquín finds himself smiling and crying at the same time. He doesn’t know what to feel, his hands have never shook this hard before. Steve is right in front of him, cupping his face with one hand and throwing his phone right out the window with the other.

“I’m here baby, I did this for us. Don’t you get that? C’mon, we should go. I’ve got somewhere nice set up for us. Now, let’s wipe away those pretty tears.” Steve gently kisses Joaquín’s cheek, and uses his thumb to wipe away any tears. He really should have listened to Yelena when he had the chance, now he’s stuck in a situation he let himself get into. Hell, he never should’ve shown up at all. Sam knew this would only end in handcuffs, and he was right. Joaquín didn’t think things would be going so badly this quickly, if he did he probably would’ve kept his head on a swivel for that poor barista. Then again, after events like this hindsight was always 20/20, a should’ve will always arise. So many mental scenarios created of what could have been done there, versus what actually happened. Before they could leave, Joaquín sees Ava trying to get up, and in an act entirely unlike him, he walks over and makes sure she’ll stay unconscious before her real backup comes.

It was better that he did it than Steve, right? Joaquín turns, and Steve just has this big, proud grin on his face that holds no real happiness. There’s only a malicious lust that makes him feel strange, but despite everything he grins back. Like Steve, there’s no real joy in his smile either. Joaquín isn’t sure what he’s feeling, but it isn’t anything that can be remotely considered positive. That’s all he knows, he’s zoning out as he follows Steve inside a surely stolen car to a second location. 

Well, at least he knows now what Steve would do in the Crow costume. It isn’t worth the wait, not at all. It's official, Joaquín has officially become the accomplice that is definitely going to get a lot more than a slap on the wrist when this is all over, and it’s all his fault. Everyone around him did their best to warn him, hell even Yelena tried her darndest even if that was their first time talking. Yet here he is, laughing hysterically at nothing and looking at Steve like he was some holy grail, like he was his only hope. At this point, Joaquín was losing what little sense he had leaving the window of Sam’s guest room. But at least he finally got what he wanted, he got to see what everything was leading to. So, that has to count for something, right? It just has to. 

Joaquín is starting to not even recognize his own laughter. This all has to have been worth it. 

Chapter Text

Turns out, the safehouse Steve picked is an oddly beautiful penthouse by the water. Joaquín didn’t want to know what happened to the original owners of the place, and as he gets settled in he just hopes Steve didn’t leave the evidence around for him to find. Have that be a second loyalty test, to see if he’s really willing to turn a blind eye to brutality. Which, sadly Joaquín has been letting himself do by not reporting what he did in that cafe. He’s changed into some of the clothes Steve packed after a semi-long shower, trying to cleanse his memory of Yelena’s expression just seconds before she was unconscious. Hoping that the newest Falcon would do the right thing, that things wouldn’t end badly so fast. Yet, here he is, drying his hair seemingly without a care about what happened to her. 

Realistically, her other teammates found her and Ava and are on a city wide hunt for both Joaquín and Steve at this point. It wasn’t something that Joaquín could be mad at in the slightest, both of them deserve the man hunt at this point. He could’ve turned this around a long time ago, yet he’s done nothing to stop Steve. Not even now as he’s sitting on a bed wearing an oversized sweater, sweatpants and some socks, does Joaquín even consider trying to convince Steve to turn himself in. In the back of his mind, he does wonder if any of the clothes he’s wearing were stolen from the original owners of the penthouse. Another thing Joaquín isn’t going to allow himself to think too deeply about. 

“You look glum dear, don’t tell me you’re getting second thoughts. You were so happy on the way here, hell it gave me hope that we were finally on the same page.” Steve’s sickeningly gentle voice can be heard from the doorway of the room, and Joaquín doesn’t even have to turn to the man to know how he’s standing. Casually leaning against the doorway, a soft smile, his arms crossed like he hasn’t spilled an ounce of civilian blood in the last twenty-four hours. 

“People usually feel guilty about the things they’ve done, or what they’ve let other people do. Heroes, especially.” Joaquín wasn’t sure why he was risking his luck being this bold with Steve this early, but it felt like the right thing to do. He went into the business to do the right thing, even if he was just laughing with the other man on the way to the penthouse like nothing terrible just happened. It was a rush of endorphins, emotions he wasn’t quite ready for. Joaquín wasn’t about to let himself get swept up like that by Steve again, not when it can very well make him an accomplice to a murder.

After a moment of frightening silence, Joaquín brings himself to actually look at Steve only to see the super soldier actually looks contemplative, like he was taking what was said to heart. He then nods a few times to himself, like he’s finally come to the conclusion he’s most comfortable with before responding. 

“Yelena told you that I killed someone, yet you didn’t really react the way a hero would’ve. Why? We kissed? You know what my blood tastes like? We’ve claimed each other in a weird, gross way with spit? C’mon, give me something here. You want to be the ultimate authority on morals here, so educate me. Why would an upstarting hero like you openly give himself to me, if there wasn’t something deeply wrong with him as well?”

Steve gets closer as he’s talking, until he’s close enough to grip Joaquín’s chin hard enough that it’s a reminder this man has the original super soldier serum. If he felt like it, Joaquín’s family would be getting a call from a hospital with some very bad news.  But panicking is the last thing one should do in a situation like this, so despite all the obvious signs to freak out even a little, all Joaquín does in response is take a few deep breaths to try and center himself even slightly to just smile. 

This was enough to throw Steve off his game enough that the grip wasn’t as tight, but there most certainly will be a bruise left behind. 

“I’ve done nothing but stand by your side, let your plans play out by doing nothing to stop you. I could have sold you out so many times, yet I’m treated like I’ve betrayed you more times than you can count. So tell me, what am I doing wrong? You want to belittle me despite everything I’ve done for you, and yes I’m including having made that costume you flaunted around in the coffee shop. I mean, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything substantial against you in the coffee shop but still. I have stayed here and haven’t made a single attempt to contact anyone on the outside, yet I’m still being interrogated. What’s that all about?” 

Joaquín wasn’t sure what argument he was trying to make, but he wasn’t about to have Steve walk all over him. A productive conversation just has to come out of this, he has to make up for his silence when he very well could have stopped the murder of that poor barista. If he had just told Sam and even Bucky the location Steve texted him, he wouldn’t be burdened with such guilt standing in front of Steve trying to find some sick redemption in the way he attempts to talk this stalking murderer down. He wasn’t even doing a good job in talking him down, he was just whining about how Steve was being unfair. Luckily, it seems to have gotten to Steve at least a little as Joaquín’s chin is completely let go, the beginnings to a nasty bruise already forming in the shape of a hand. Of course, the bruise was placed somewhere that Joaquín would have a constant reminder of how close he let himself get to Steve despite the constant warnings he got from other people. What truly makes Joaquín freeze is when Steve just licks his cheek, it’s an act so depraved, sudden and odd that Joaquín finds himself unable to think clearly and he’s almost forced to latch onto whatever Steve says. He can’t even focus on where Steve walks to in the room, he’s trying to process what just happened.

“Sweetheart, I know how you work more than you do. You didn’t do anything but there’s a sick part of you that wants to see how far I’ll really go. It’s why you went alone to find me at some undisclosed location I sent you from a goddamn burner phone instead of actually being a team player and sharing the intel. You’ve practically been hoarding me away from other people and froze up when Yelena involved herself, it’s like you didn’t realize anyone else would want to get involved other than Sam, Bucky and John. But that’s just what heroes do, stick their noses in situations that don’t involve them. I would know, I used to be really good at that. Poor thing, she really stuck out her neck just to talk to you and you did nothing to repay her.” 

Steve laughs, and there’s a mix of nostalgia and giddiness that just sends a chill down Joaquín’s spine. But that wasn’t the main reason for the fear, he also hated just how accurate the assessment was. Joaquín’s entire rant to Sam was that other people interfered way too fast, that they “interrupted him and Steve’s flow,” of being very tense roommates who occasionally did gross shit to each other like that was a healthy dynamic, their power difference aside. Joaquín had been selfish, and this was his punishment. 

The biggest question here is, does he admit it or try to lie, only to get inevitably found out later? Of course, Joaquín now felt guilty for leaving her behind like that. Not even a single ping or report to Sam that something happened to her, he really was selfish with this. He couldn’t argue against anything Steve said, or even try to wipe the other man’s saliva from his face. But because there was a new distance between him and Steve, it did give him some confidence to try and get some actual answers from the super soldier. Or, maybe it was just some last ditch attempt to not seem so pathetic after he let the man just lick and mark him.

“I may have been selfish, and you may have killed that poor barista in cold blood. Hell, you might have a lot more blood on your hands than I’ll ever know. But there’s one thing that I do know about you. Or at least, from what I’ve heard through the stories Sam likes to tell when he’s feeling like looking back. He says you were dedicated despite what everyone else told you, even if it was the government. You told everyone to fuck off, for the sake of something good. I don’t know when something rotten grew in you, or who’s fault it was. But you’ve grown into someone that I don’t think anyone recognizes. Bucky was screaming at you, the very man you fought to save was screaming at you. That didn’t hurt at all?” 

Joaquín knew he was prying too much, and was practically asking to be added to the pile of bodies Steve is leaving behind. But he couldn’t help himself, these questions were practically burning holes in his mind. It was like his last ditch attempt to seem like he actually cares, that he didn’t fully go off the deep end leaving in the stolen car laughing with Steve the way he did. As predicted, Steve didn’t have the best reaction to such an emotional barrage of questions. 

Luckily, Joaquín has good enough reflexes to dodge a book being thrown at his head. The perks of being such a well trained flier of wings so advanced like the Falcon’s, something that he didn’t think would kick in during argument. In the back of Joaquín’s mind he realizes that the book on the nightstand Steve threw at his head used to belong to someone before Steve got here, and probably made sure that poor person would never know how that book ended. Joaquín instead focuses on what Steve’s saying instead of stewing in the guilt of ever defending a man who’d do such a terrible thing.

“You’re really weaponizing Bucky against me? How fucking dare you. Just when I thought you were above underhanded bullshit like that. You used to be so good to me, but then you went and got caught up in your stupid little feelings and morals and now I’m the bad guy.”

Steve’s happy-go-lucky front is definitely gone, which makes Joaquín wish that he really played nice for longer. Or at least didn’t mention the one man that was the stalking obsession in the first place. God, he really isn’t saying anything Steve actually wants to hear, is he?

“Right after you were so willing to give me the Crow costume just to get me off your back? What, so I can do my own sick version of birdwatching you called it? Damn, what happened to that moxy you used to have? You couldn’t have forgotten my advice already, but if you did let me remind you. I am not a man who’s easily swayed when asked to repeat myself. So, let’s get one thing clear. I better not see you acting meek, or, with this new rule, I don’t want to see that self righteous little bird Sam wants you to be. Questioning my actions or god forbid, turning away in shame because of the blood I didn’t mind spilling. So, I need you to be confident and willing to stoop to my level. Got it?”

Steve smiles, but once again it’s all malicious intent and nothing Joaquín had any right to be associating with. Yet, he finds himself in the man’s arms, his face being gently cradled like he’s not in extreme danger. Joaquín knows that just nodding won’t do the trick, not now. Not after everything he’s pulled, no. He needs to really sell that he’s not a risk and someone Steve needs to dispose of to keep his hands clean. Which means Joaquín might have to dip into a person he’d rather not be, just so he doesn’t find out how dangerous Steve Rogers can now be.

“I- All I’ve wanted to do was the right thing, but lately I’ve been confused. You’ve really put me out of sorts, but I guess I did forget your rules and I’m sorry. I was trying to follow some advice Sam gave me, you know how he is. Always trying to do the right thing by everyone, even when we all know not everyone can be saved. I just thought- if I acted the way he’d want me to around you, good things would happen. I should’ve never been so childish, and I’m so sorry. I really am. You’ve been right this entire time and I’ve been clinging onto the ideals of other people just to impress them despite them not being here. I should just shut up and listen to you more-” 

Joaquín doesn’t expect to be cut off mid-sentence by Steve just gently kissing his cheek and chin a few times, then his neck a few more only to start whispering in his ear. The act done by anyone else would’ve been sweet, but it was suffocating from Steve. But there was still that small, sick part of Joaquín that basked in the small amount of positive affection he was getting, knowing that with how Steve’s moods can change he wouldn’t be getting this a lot. Even if he’s licking him in between kisses like some deranged cat, making the act far from endearing or affectionate. Another harsh reminder that Joaquín very much isn’t safe with Steve, and he never was. 

“I know you’re sorry, and you should be.” Steve moves and then kisses Joaquín’s forehead. “But I’m not the type to hold a grudge against someone so damn cute and potentially useful. I just wish you weren’t so damn upstanding and moral all the time. I love you when you’re at your worst, when you smile just because you see my nose bleeding. I saw that, by the way.”

Steve growls, and it makes Joaquín flinch like he was expecting the other man to do more than just make a dark noise at him.

“Don’t you dare think I wasn’t watching, enjoying you reveling in something so gruesome as my suffering. I need that guy back, can you call him? I’m getting quite lonely. And do make it quick, I do hate to hear you ramble on about morality like you even have the slightest chance of reaching me. You need to accept that you’ll never make me a better man, that I will only make you worse. That’s just how we’re supposed to work, sweetheart. Don’t forget it.”

Steve kisses Joaquín full on the lips, biting his lower lip, before breaking it and leaving the room. The first thing that Joaquín does, regardless of if Steve is close or not, is drop to his knees. On one hand, he’s absolutely terrified. This man is dangerous, threw a book, and left a bruise on his chin. Yet, he found himself standing like he wanted to follow him. Show Steve that man he misses is still there, just so he can get kissed like that once more. It’s sick, gross, and isn’t anything resembling love but Joaquín wasn’t sure he deserved that after what he’s allowed to happen. So, he was holding himself back from just settling with Steve and fully sinking into the depravity like there’s no chance he can be saved.

Joaquín wasn’t sure what it said about him that he is nearly crawling towards a man who, if he’s in a wrong mood, could make his name join the next day’s obituary. But there he was, doing exactly that. Until he stops and sees a photo of a married couple hidden behind a dresser, and they just look so happy. Knowing these were the original owners of the penthouse before Steve did what he did makes him not as enthusiastic to be running back into his arms. 

Luckily, it wasn’t like Steve was expecting him to follow so he’s allowed to linger in the room he’s in. He does force himself to look away from the photo, the guilt eventually becoming overwhelming. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the little balcony outside his room, staring solemnly into the ocean like a burdened damsel in distress, clutching his pearls hoping the prince comes soon to save himself from the tower he’s been trapped in. Except he couldn’t exactly call himself an innocent maiden, now could he? Not after everything he’s allowed and kept to himself, all the things he could’ve admitted was wrong when talking to Sam. 

All Joaquín had to do was not snap at Sam, the one man willing to give him grace despite how close he came to becoming Icarus. To turn into some cautionary tale, another notch of intense guilt Sam had to carry. But no, he was given grace even when he looked like an accomplice and what did Joaquín do to said kindness? He threw it away, and became the very person Steve wants purely for his own entertainment. Now there he was, staring off into the water like it was his only escape. Knowing he had run into the arms of a man who only really wished to use him, and hurt him whenever he got too frustrated at the world with no real outlet for his anger. Joaquín didn’t want to allow his mind to indulge in such a dark escape, but the water did look very pretty, especially from such a high balcony. He didn’t even want to imagine what he looks like, just what Steve did to him.

Before Joaquín can let himself cry, he sees something at the edge of his vision. He almost couldn’t believe it, but he cuts off any verbal reaction just in case Steve hears him. Turns out staring off and wishing upon a star like a princess does work, because he’s staring right at Redwing. He crouches, and collects a small note that gets printed from it, that only had a few words printed but they held so much meaning. 

Jump. Now. Someone will catch you.

Joaquín knows this is his only chance, and he’s always trusted Sam. So, he treats this like one big trust fall and jumps, only to get immediately caught. This mystery person flies him to a far alley before actually putting him down, which is the moment Joaquín can actually get a glimpse at his face and it’s- Bob? It’s the mystery variable of the “New Avengers” Joaquín has heard so much about, so he’s got the ability to fly apparently. Good to know. He’s also not bad to look at, which is completely unrelated. It was then Joaquín also realized just how high up that balcony was, but that’s all the time he allowed himself to think about it.  

“Um, thanks for not letting me fall. That was really cool of you.” Joaquín cringed at his awkward voice, knowing he made it glaringly obvious he only spoke up just so he didn’t just keep staring at this new, tall mystery man with fluffy brown hair yet quite the form fitting gold costume. 

“Sam would’ve found a way to decapitate me if I didn't so- there’s that. Also, I would’ve felt so bad if you fell. So please don’t think I saved you because I had to, that would’ve been such a dick move of me. You seem like a really cool hero to be around, at least from what I’ve heard from Sam. I’m uh, Bob if you didn’t know. But my hero name when I actually make my debut is going to be Sentry.” 

Joaquín nods, finding Bob to be much more pleasant than he thought, something that definitely was a palette cleanser from someone like Steve. But he had to face the facts, he didn’t exactly feel like the cool hero to be around like Bob’s making him out to be. Not after everything he's enabled, or just stood around as other heroes were actually doing something. He was grateful Bob has yet to even grimace at what Joaquín must look like, not quite blinking an eye at the bruising. It didn’t seem like a big thing, but still, Joaquín appreciated it more than he thought he would.

“I kissed a murderer, Bob. I got into a getaway car with him to a second location. I didn’t expose where he was planning on running to after he escaped incarceration.” Not Joaquín’s finest moment, but he had to be honest. Break the bubble of disillusionment before this Sentry thinks anything good comes from him. 

“I put all of New York under shadow into their worst nightmares. Let’s not bask in the terrible shit we’ve done, okay? We’d be here all day if we did that. How about we just enter the safe house as Alexei, Walker and Bucky handle Steve. There’s someone inside that wants to talk to you.” Bob’s quick rebuttal wasn’t something Joaquín could’ve predicted even if he wanted to. Also, it wasn’t something he thought someone like Bob was capable of doing. Then again, Sam probably never expected Joaquín to be out with someone like Steve so, expectations aren’t something to cling to for long when people change as quickly as they do. All Joaquín can do is nod as he’s led inside, only to see Sam is waiting. 

The safe house looked like a furnished apartment that was clearly meant for something that wasn’t the real estate market the way it screamed safe house. But that’s not what Joaquín let himself focus on. What made him pause and not even notice when Bob left to either help the super soldiers against Steve or just to give them space. It was the way Sam looked so exhausted, like finding Joaquín became his only priority despite there not even being a kidnapping involved. He wasn’t taken against his will, yet Sam is crushed like Joaquín was snatched away from him. 

Joaquín’s feet move before his mind does, as he’s sobbing before he can say a word to apologize. Sam, of course, isn’t deterred in the slightest. All he does is wrap his arms around his protege, letting his shirt and shoulder get stained with tears. He’s so busy being upset that he doesn’t notice Sam standing and just opening his arms up for a hug, like Joaquín didn’t just stab him in the back. Like he didn’t take the man’s gracious offer of his guest room and throw it away just to be with a guy who couldn’t give a shit if he was there or not.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to run off with him. I really didn’t. I know I don’t deserve the wings anymore, you were right. I fucked up, and I- I don’t know why I ever snuck out of your guest room. You’ve only been nice to me and I’ve just fucked that up! I don’t know why you aren’t arresting me yet, but I know I deserve it. You were right, this was never going to end in anything but me in handcuffs right by his side.” Joaquín sobs, pissed off at himself for ever fucking up the trust of someone as understanding as Sam. Despite deserving a much louder scolding, or an immediate handcuffing, all Sam does is gently rub Joaquín’s back with this infinite amount of wisdom that maybe, just maybe, things will be okay even after this. 

“You were outmatched kid, Steve was much older than you. He- I don’t even want to think about what he did to you. All I want to focus on is that you’re here with me and not him. That there’s no chance I have to bury you- sorry. I don’t mean to get bleak but I was getting pretty worried, I can’t lie. You two went MIA, and something in me just died. I lost one partner twice, but at least then I knew what happened. It was really tearing at me not knowing where Steve took you at first, until I remembered the ring I gave you. It does have a tracking device, yes. I’m sorry but- hey, it was useful. But before you go and spiral again, I’m not putting you in handcuffs. Yes, you’ll be benched from the Falcon for a while but I’m not putting you behind bars for this.” 

Joaquín was shocked out of tears as he looked down at the ring, something he casually wears. It’s nothing special, just something a mentor would casually give as a gift. It’s his Falcon suit colors, and it might not have some fancy gemstone but it doesn’t need it. The sentiment behind the gift was enough. Now, knowing it was the reason he was saved so fast makes Joaquín appreciate the gift even more. He tried not to get too excited by the news that Sam’s being surprisingly lenient on the punishment, just a benching instead of serving any time for essentially hiding Steve’s location and enabling his escape to the safe house he stole. God, he didn’t even want to think about that sweet couple Steve ruthlessly got rid of just to be squatting in their house.

“... Huh. I guess that’s a really cool safeguard against anyone capturing me for information. No one would think to take a ring so they aren’t followed.” Joaquín tries wiping away his tears to play off that he even cried, but Sam doesn’t let him. He just gently guides him into another hug, and of course, Joaquín melts into it because it was something he needed in the moment. The hug in itself was forgiveness, something that Joaquín isn’t sure he deserves yet but he wasn’t strong enough to turn down a hug like this. So, he was willing to be selfish a little longer if it means Sam will keep being this gentle. 

“Why aren’t you more mad at me? I made this hunt for Steve infinitely harder, helping the man who stalked your boyfriend for years and killed innocent people simply because they were in his way. I let myself kiss a monster just because I was desperate and lonely. I was pathetic, you don’t have to sugar coat it just because I look like a victim-”

Joaquín stops talking purely out of shock when all Sam does is ruffle his hair, albeit a little roughly. 

“Look, kid, I wanted to be really mad, trust me. But then you walked in here looking so terrified that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I suddenly got so scared of what Steve might’ve done, on how that bruise on your chin and neck look like they really hurt. I’m not even going to touch on the bruised lip, cause if I do I’m just going to get pissed off at Steve all over again. It just gutted me knowing that someone I used to trust more than anything hurt you, used you, and made you think you were a bad person. 

I mean- sure. The mentor thing to do here would’ve been to scold you, but that’s not what you need right now. I’m sure you’re already more mad at yourself than I could possibly be. If I’m being completely honest, I’m just relieved we don’t have to be having this reunion in a hospital. I was so scared things would get tense between you and Steve, and you’d be at the wrong end of a super soldier’s anger without anyone else being around to stop him. But before I hear you call yourself a victim, I need you to know that you’re not. You just hit some hard times, you’ll overcome this. Trust me.”

Sam was just so earnestly honest that Joaquín couldn’t keep it together, despite the fact that he already got done crying. It seems like the wound was still fresh, because he finds himself in tears again, and of course Sam was as understanding as ever. Joaquín wasn’t sure why he was crying again, but it just felt right. It felt like he was mourning all the times he let himself indulge in those sick, perverse feelings just to keep Steve close. Deep down, Joaquín knew this would only end in a bad way. But of course, he had to see it for himself. He just had to know how bad Steve could get, and in a way he did. Steve showed just how terrible he could get, so he got what he wanted. It just wasn’t even close to resembling what he needed. 

After Joaquín calms down, an exhausted yet triumphant Bucky and Walker enter, both men looking like they’re fresh from a fight. But they both tense up the moment they see the fresh and darkening bruise on Joaquín’s chin. John looked conflicted, knowing he wasn’t close enough to make a comment but Bucky made no such reservations as he almost rushed forward, standing at Sam and Joaquín’s side. 

“... God. You weren’t even with him for that long and he had the time to do that? Kid, I’m sorry you ever got swept up by him. I really wanted to scold you. I did. But as someone who’s known Steve even before the serum, I just can’t.”

Joaquín notices that Sam has stepped back, almost as if he’s giving his boyfriend the green light to have his moment. Bucky gives Sam a nod of thanks, before he keeps going. John has crossed the room, and has opted to slightly lean on Sam, only slightly showing his exhaustion from the fight. Sam wraps his arm around John, allowing himself to be the anchor. 

“Now, I’m not happy about you hiding where he went after escaping his ankle monitor. That could’ve gone so badly for not only you, but Yelena and Ava. Thankfully, neither of them were harmed beyond a concussion so I can’t really be mad. I just wish you trusted us more, found it in yourself to turn him in before he could really get to you like this. I wish you wanted to turn to us instead of running into his arms. I can’t exactly blame you, because there was a time I would’ve ran into his arms the first chance I got. Steve used to be my lifeline, my only tie to be normal. But as I’ve matured I realized that one person couldn’t be my only hope, so I got close to other people. 

I found allies in Wakanda, and in turn my trigger words don’t work anymore. If I just sat around and waited for Steve to do everything for me, I would’ve still been in fear of those damn words. Just crossing my fingers that no one wanted to use me against my loved ones. That wasn’t any way to live, just hoping Steve could save me all the time. So, I really didn’t think I would rant for this long, but what I’m trying to say is I can’t blame you. Even if deep down, I really wanted to be mad, I just can’t bring myself to. Steve made you believe something and you were willing to damn everyone else to follow it, and I’ve done the exact same thing.” 

Bucky sighs, running a hand through his hair like not even he expected to be talking for that long. Before Joaquín could thank him for not only the forgiveness, but just the sheer understanding when Bucky very well could have yelled at him, there was of course commentary from the peanut gallery. 

“That was just beautiful Buck, you’re getting better at these speeches.” John, ever the bastard despite being lovable, couldn’t help but make a quip all while softly clapping. Sam, not expecting the random input, couldn’t stop himself from laughing. Joaquín was a little surprised when all Bucky did was roll his eyes, while sporting a small smile.

“I’m never opening up again, Joaquín, what you heard was a one time thing. I’m never doing it again. This is why I never wanted the shield, I’d rather die than make speeches like that routinely.” Despite sounding annoyed, Bucky found himself smiling as he tried to stifle laughter.

“I like your speeches, it means you’re not just saying them in your head as you stare at people.” Sam says through laughter, causing John to break into his own laughs and for Bucky to groan, nearly leaving the room completely. Joaquín found himself fully calming down, and even admiring how John, Sam and Bucky all seem to just mesh together. There’s no maliciousness in the way they smile at each other, no tense moments when they talk. It was something he desperately wanted for himself, but wasn’t sure if he deserved to be this happy with other people yet. Maybe one day Joaquín will deserve the soft, true love they have for each other. He was excited for it, but knows it won’t be happening anytime soon. Not when he’s still sporting the bruises from his last attempt at clinging onto someone. 

Joaquín was crossing his fingers he’ll find love that won’t bite his lip when they kiss.

Chapter Text

Bucky wasn’t sure what he expected when he went to interrogate Steve, but it certainly wasn’t this.

“Putting murder charges against me all because Joaquín fed you a little story about me being the monster under everyone’s bed? Really? He went with me entirely of his own free will, yet everyone wants to act like he’s some victim-”

Bucky feels a sick sense of satisfaction making Steve flinch to even temporarily wipe that smug smirk off his face, slamming his vibranium fist into the shatter proof in front of his containment cell. It was something specifically created to contain Hulk, something very similar to what contained Bucky himself back during the Sokovia Accords disaster. 

“I don’t want to hear this shit from you, because I just know for a fact it's bullshit so I’m not going to waste my time. I can’t believe you’re the same man I put my faith in. I’m just baffled by how you’ve fallen from grace. But there’s one thing I can enjoy, it’s the thought that Tony would be thriving in seeing your current downfall knowing he was right about you-”

Bringing up Tony at all seems to strike a cord with Steve, one that definitely isn’t positive.

“Yes, because you’re suddenly an expert on all things Tony just because you killed his parents. That makes sense.” 

How ironic, Steve’s weaponizing this when he once defended him on the same topic. A cruel realization, but Bucky wouldn’t take it too personally or else he’d show weakness in a place he really can’t. 

“I’m bringing him up because I knew it’d bother you. Seems like I was right. But I’m not really here just to be petty, I tend to not ruin my days with losers like you without a cause. Look, I just need to know where you put that couple from the penthouse you stole. Tell me that and I’ll leave you alone and we can contact their families. Give them closure.” 

Bucky tries his best to remain professional, which isn’t easy when his oldest friend is grinning in a way that just wasn’t right. It didn’t match his memory of the man, and it was getting to him. But alas, he assured everyone that he was indeed the perfect person to get this information from Steve. Sure, there are plenty of conflicts of interests but they couldn’t find another person in a time Bucky was comfortable with. 

“You know, I could do that. Or, I could make a demand that I need to speak only to Joaquín or else I’m not saying a word to you. I’m holding all the cards, and you’ve never really been the best gambler have you, Buck? Oh wait, you never got a chance to, considering they drafted you before poor old James got to be anyone fun beyond an alcoholic.” 

Steve’s cruel words would have made Bucky crumble at an earlier time in his life, but after seeing those shame rooms he’s developed a much thicker skin to comments meant to hurt him. In a way, Bucky wanted to give Bob a hug for unintentionally making him tougher for a rough interrogation like this. Who knew such a dark day would produce such good results?

All Bucky does in response is fiddle with the small Snapple bottle cap John gave him before he got inside, it was something that he can “look at to see something cornier than Steve and ground himself.” It works, because he can muster a smile as he looks back up at Steve, who’s pretty pissed off at how his jab wasn’t reacted to in the slightest.

It was moments like that Bucky was glad John was nothing like Steve. He was glad he also has a boyfriend like Sam, someone who’s no nonsense enough that he can hear the truth from someone who really loves him. Not this gross, warped sense of it that’s only coming from whatever fits Steve’s whims at the moment.

“Cute, commenting on a time before the serum. It’s weird, you calling me an alcoholic when all you did back then was go behind my back to get enlisted like a good American despite never listening to orders for shit. The only reason you probably were picked for that damn serum is that you were crazy enough to say yes. Nothing more, nothing less. But to answer your request, I’ve got to give you a flat no. Joaquín doesn’t deserve to be dragged into more of your bullshit, especially after you put him through hell in that penthouse. So, let’s go back to why I’m really here. Where did you put that couple? Tell me, and I’ll leave you be.”

Bucky grins at how huffy Steve gets that he can’t be the level headed one in this little back and forth, that his demands wouldn’t be met so easily just because he was rude about it. 

“Just find them yourself if you're so goddamn clever and smart. You don't really need me, do you? Just because I wasted them does it mean I have to point out where their bodies are. I'm not obligated to do shit in here but not escape or else. So, I don't exactly feel like being the most helpful to you. As a matter of fact, I don't even want this interrogation to keep going. I'm not going to be very cooperative, so this isn't going to go well for you. How about we just stop pretending this is going somewhere, shall we? You’re just jealous I stopped obsessing over you and found another toy to play with.” Steve says, leaning back like he's got all the cards. 

Of course, Bucky was more than fed up with Steve at this point but knows one thing. He can't let this get to the point where they actually consider giving into Steve's demands and have Joaquín do the interrogating. The guy isn't exactly the most stable about Steve and doesn't deserve to be in a position that he can be manipulated again. Sure, the circumstances here are different but Bucky wasn't willing to take that risk. Bucky wasn’t even going to address the jealousy accusation, not wanting to further indulge the freak that Steve has allowed himself to be. 

“Guess you'll be rotting in here, by yourself, not a single visitor to speak of. I tried, but if you don't want to give me even a crumb to follow, I guess I'll leave. Just know I really tried to throw you a bone, but I can only lead a horse to water. I can't make it drink.” Bucky sighs and goes to stand, but shockingly Steve speaks up. 

“How do you know Joaquín didn't help me take that couple out? He was quite enamored with me, why do you automatically assume his hands are clean? We could be working on something without any of you knowing, and it’d be too late for you to do anything when we got down to it.” Steve's tone was strange, and Bucky couldn't exactly put his finger on whether he was lying or not. The claim was so outrageous, normally Bucky would've immediately disregarded it and left without a second thought. But damn it, Steve just has to be somewhat of a good actor that it makes him second guess things. 

“I'm not buying into this bullshit. Just because you've had enough time to yourself to think of a good lie, does it mean I have to buy it. I may not know Joaquín well, but I'm not going to suddenly believe that he helped you kill people. Just because you fell from grace does it mean he followed you. Joaquín may not be impartial when you're involved, but he's no murderer. You are.” Bucky felt resolute shutting the accusation down, even if he wasn't even sure himself it wasn't true. 

“You don't really believe that do you-”

Steve's sneaky tone is aggravating enough on Bucky's ears that he can't even let the other super soldier finish his sentence. 

“I don't have to believe it. I just have to trust in Joaquín enough to know you're full of shit. Yes, there was a time that I'd take your word above everyone else's. That just isn't now, and it's all your fault that you don't have my trust like that anymore. Nobody forced you to do the horrible things you've done, to become someone I can't blindly trust anymore. That was all on you, but it still breaks my heart to see you like this.” Bucky bears his heart, but couldn't find any satisfaction to see Steve's expression pass by what looked like guilt for two seconds.

“... These actions were my own, yes. I don't blame anyone for them, no one was holding my strings. People used to hold yours and, despite who I've let myself become I'm glad they're not there anymore. But if you must know, I don't think that Joaquín is the saint that you think he is. It wasn't hard for me to convince him to join me, y'know. Just keep that in mind. I am so glad you’re free Buck, but that Joaquín isn’t who you’re making him out to be in your head.” Steve was underhanded with the way he was trying to really get into Bucky's head, planting a seed of distrust between him and Joaquín. 

It was so manipulative that Bucky found himself looking away for his own sake, not liking how it made him feel. Steve really doesn't have limits if he's willing to try and cushion his lies in-between genuine anecdotes. When Bucky is able to gather himself and look at Steve again, he hopes he didn't show enough weakness that the conversation would suddenly start tilting in Steve's favor. 

“It's gross how far you're willing to go to shame Joaquín considering what you risked just to get him by your side. You told him your location knowing very well he could have snitched immediately. You're so lucky he was in such a low spot he actually gave you a chance, because that could have gone so badly for you. I hope you know that you only got so far because of his graciousness. I don't see it, but clearly Joaquín is a much more sore spot than I expected. Did you really think you could hoard him away from the world forever? That he was ever yours in the slightest-”

Steve suddenly shouts and startles Bucky into silence. 

“HE IS STILL MINE, do not be mistaken. Just because I'm confined here does it mean Joaquín is going to get confused and go to someone else. Just because he suddenly grew a conscience does it mean he's not still ruthless, exactly like I told him to be. There's still some of him that I know and love, you just need to give him time. Hell, he might even break me out.” Steve sounded so sure of himself, Bucky was starting to get worried.

Not that Joaquín is ever going to defect, but that Steve genuinely believes his own bullshit. It's a dangerous level of delusion that he didn't want to truly get into, especially since Bucky isn't here for that. He kicked himself for allowing Steve to divert the conversation for so long, grabbing a hold of the narrative without even trying. He was trying to find a family closure, not give Steve a platform for all the nonsense he wants to spew. Bucky centers himself and looks at the lid John gave him, further making him remember why he was really there. 

“It's now or never, he either tells me where he put the couple or we find them on our own. Either way, I'm not letting Joaquín enter this shit hole to talk to him.” Bucky quietly thinks to himself before making the final decision to cut Steve off from bringing Joaquín up entirely. 

“You're an asshole, y'know that? Dragging us to an entirely different conversation topic just because you felt like it. But I'm not allowing you to keep distracting me. We're here about something serious, not whatever happens to be on your sick mind. So, you either tell me where the couple is or I'm actually going to leave this time. We'll probably never speak again, knowing how little my patience is with you.” It hurt Bucky more than he thought making the ultimatum, but it was necessary. Steve has to understand just how serious this is, even if he wants to front that none of this matters to him. 

“... We've got too much of a history for you to just fuck off from my life Buck. Face it, you're stuck with me. Also, jealousy has never suited you. Green may be your color, but envy isn't. I can see how much you wanted to be Joaquín-” 

Bucky hates how quickly he's willing to offer up information he shouldn't just because Steve riled him up to. 

“I'm in a happy relationship, so no, I'm not exactly crossing my fingers and wishing upon a star hoping I was Joaquín. Besides, I know why you picked him. He's vulnerable, doesn't have the serum and will do mostly, if not everything to impress. He's strong but just emotional enough that you can speak in and grab his attention to do whatever you please with it. Why you ever worked on him I'll never know, since personally I think he can do so much better than you. But I need you to understand one thing, it’s that whatever you had with Joaquín is very much over now. Nothing like that will happen again so I'll ask you one more goddamn time. Where are those people you've ruthlessly murdered? Huh? Or do you even remember? Is the serum finally allowing you to be senile?”

Bucky hoped that mocking Steve would get him results, because this conversation just has to turn productive some time. There's no way he went through all of this just to walk out of the room empty handed, Steve more smug than he was before. Sure, it's a prideful move prolonging this in hopes to get the information he needs but Bucky wasn't about to admit defeat just yet. Not when Steve is being worse than he is usually, and he's just so damn close to knowing where they are. He's not, but Bucky isn't willing to get into that yet. 

“Hmmm, it's funny you say that because suddenly I don't remember. Maybe if Joaquín was here I could jog my memory!” Steve laughs like he's been in control this entire time. Bucky groans, running a hand through his hair as he tries not to grind his teeth in annoyance. It was hard not to, especially looking at the disgusting pride sprawled all over Steve's expression like he was three steps ahead. 

“... Stop trying to push the narrative that Joaquín helped you kill those people. You don't need help doing a damn thing, and I know for a fact that you wanted to look like some price charming so he definitely wasn't involved. You did all the dirty shit behind his back because you know if you did it in front of him, he'd be completely turned off of you. The mere idea of it upset you so badly, you hid everything from him. But of course, Joaquín isn't an idiot so he knew you did something so fucked. He had to, it's not like you had the time to rent the house you took him. Joaquín got wise to your bullshit and let us take him out, and you got found out. I don't give a single fuck what version in your head of what happened you're replaying in your head is but that's not the truth. We won, and you lost. Joaquín might as well have a restraining order against you. Nothing will ever go your way again and that brings me immense joy.” 

Bucky grins, holding onto the bottle cap John gave him like a lifeline. A reminder that he's got not one, but two boyfriends who love him dearly and don't treat him like this in the slightest.

Bucky just wishes that Joaquín can find a partner that'll do the same, and not go chasing after Steve again because there are only so many excuses for why he's gone after him this many times. He also hoped nothing of what Steve said was true, and that Joaquín did still have some hang ups on whatever he had with Steve then they'd be in trouble. Maybe he can take a recess from this and truly see where Joaquín's headspace really is so he can truly and confidently tell Steve that nothing would be happening between them again. He needed to be sure, just so a seed of doubt can't sprout. Steve has known Bucky long enough that he'll sense weakness, insecurity. For this, he needs to be sure. So, that's exactly what he does.

Bucky leaves the interrogation room, knowing Steve doesn't deserve an explanation on why he suddenly up and left. He's the one in custody, and getting a visit at all from him was a gift even if it's an interrogation. It didn't take long for Bucky to find Joaquín, who was standing by a window, most likely zoned out. A light tap on the shoulder grabs his attention. 

“We need to talk.” Bucky’s voice may be gentle, but Joaquín knew better. He could guess what this conversation would be about. It wouldn't be easy to go through, but it's necessary. 

“... Let me guess. He wouldn't stop mentioning me.” Bucky didn't mean to flinch but- Joaquín being right on the money didn't help. This conversation was going to be rough, and having gone from one emotionally exhausting conversation to another is starting to take a toll on Bucky. There was also a certain snarkiness in Joaquín’s voice, a certainty that Steve was still caught up on him that just didn’t sit well with Bucky. 

“Here are the plain facts. Steve is claiming you helped him take those people out, but I'm not sure if he's trying to imply you know where they are buried or how he got rid of them. All he tried to claim was that you're not as innocent as we're trying to make you out to be. He also kept trying to get you into the interrogation room so he could tell you where they are- so I'm not sure what narrative he was trying to sell me. Either he wants me to believe you know where they are or not.” Bucky sighs, trying not to sound like he was complaining but it was very difficult. 

Joaquín nods, taking in everything Bucky's told him. “He really wants me in there, doesn't he?” To his credit, he doesn't sound too optimistic about this. Bucky still finds himself worried that Joaquín even asked, not sure what progress he's made easing himself off of his toxic partnership with Steve. It was still so fresh, so Bucky didn't expect immediate progress but he also didn't want to reintroduce them so soon. If they get to talking now, then Joaquín's more likely to backslide into things he'll definitely regret. 

“I'm not putting you in there-”

Bucky is immediately cut off mid sentence. 

“Are you going to make that choice for me? What, don't think I'm capable of handling Steve right now?” Joaquín knows deep down that he's being pretty unreasonable about this. That doesn't mean he's suddenly going to start being rational now. A realization doesn't always immediately lead to progress in the right direction, it just means you know what the problem is. Not that you're willing to fix it. 

“... This isn't about being capable and we both know it.” Bucky doesn't want to be annoyed by Joaquín but he was at the edge of his rope. Steve's worn him down in a way he wasn't quite willing to admit yet, and coincidentally his toxic partner in crime just might be what does him in.

Joaquín fiddles with his phone, twirling it in his hand like it was a pocket knife instead of actually looking at the screen before looking back at Bucky again. “I need to talk to him. We both know it has to happen sooner than later, Look, I can do this one good time and I’ll never come back here again. So, how about we just get it over with and get me in there.”

There it is, the dreaded demand. It wasn't even asked as a question, Joaquín made it imperative that he's going to demand an audience with Steve, even though everyone was on the same page that it was a bad idea. Yet here he was, putting his foot down like them having a conversation was something that wouldn't end badly. Bucky knew that straight up turning him down wouldn't do anything but lead to more arguing, but he couldn't just outright say yes either. So, he compromised. 

“You get five minutes alone with him. That's it, then everything else is supervised.” It was an incredibly risky move, but Bucky just needed that small amount of time to regroup before playing the mediator. Things couldn't go badly in just five minutes, right? Besides, he’d rather know if a visit happens instead of turning it down and have Joaquín do it behind his back and truly be without any real supervision. 

The way Joaquín looked excited didn't inspire the most confidence in Bucky, but he couldn't take the offer away now. “I’ll get the location of that couple, just you wait.” He nods, and scurries into the interrogation room with an excitement that didn't inspire any confidence in Bucky that something good would come from this. 

Steve goes from frustrated to stunned the moment Joaquín enters the room, not expecting for his crude demands to be met with results already. 

“Alright, so we’ve only got five minutes together. Time to make them count.” Joaquín makes himself comfortable in the chair, gently tapping the glass separating him and Steve as he laughs at how Steve jolts in the chair. It’s almost like he’s trying to meet the touch, or mad that anything is stopping him from just grabbing Joaquín and leaving. 

“I may be good, but I’m not five minutes good. We need more time. You didn’t negotiate more, for me?” Steve huffs, sounding so high maintenance that it makes Joaquín roll his eyes, almost regretting making such a fuss so this conversation would even happen at all. 

“Bucky is probably watching this entire conversation on some secret camera outside with a stopwatch, because there was no way we could ever be alone with you locked up like that. I don’t know why you let yourself get so delusional that you actually believed me when I said we were really alone. It’d be adorable if it was from anyone that isn’t you, but on you it’s just so pathetic that I can feel myself getting sick just by looking at you.” 

Joaquín snaps, crossing his arms and getting comfortable in the stiff chair he was given, observing the tight hold they’ve got on Steve with a satisfied smile. He may not be bloody, but seeing him unable to do a goddamn thing despite having the serum did make Joaquín feel a special kind of good. Unfortunately, seeing Joaquín smile like that gave Steve an idea.

“You know, I’ve noticed something new about you, dear falcon. It’s how you never interact with me when other people are around. Why is that? Afraid you’ll have to act like two people at once? You show me a side of yourself they usually never get to see. I guess that’s why you didn’t smile facing the camera, you don’t want Bucky to know you enjoy my misfortune. If you were actually the same little birdie I knew, I would’ve kept that between us. But no, you had to go and change for the others. A shame, I was really getting to like you-” 

Steve doesn’t expect to flinch so bad when in a fit of unexpected rage, Joaquín throws his chair at the glass. He didn’t even notice him stand up to even grab the chair, let alone wind up to throw it that intensely. He also didn’t expect to see just how feral Joaquín’s stance is, which is odd because to his knowledge, he doesn’t have the serum. It was so fueled by rage, that Steve could’ve sworn that kind of anger could only come from the serum. He wasn’t sure what it made him feel besides a frustration that he didn’t have more control over the situation to look deeper into this. 

Nothing happens of course, that glass was made to withstand super soldiers. It just bounces off, but it wasn’t intended to break the glass. Joaquín was just that desperate to get the other man to stop talking. The crazed look that took the place of strange satisfaction makes Steve pause and almost regret trying to turn someone like Joaquín into someone else the way he did. It did confirm to Steve that the serum isn’t running through Joaquín’s veins, even if a weird part of him suddenly wants it to be.

Joaquín didn’t even react when Bucky slams into the room, a minute early if anyone was really keeping track of time. 

“What the hell is going on in here-” Bucky snaps, but flinches at the unexpectedly loud way that Joaquín suddenly snaps his fingers. The act was so rude and frantic that he was really regretting letting Joaquín around Steve so soon after the penthouse incident. 

“That was only to get your attention Barnes, keep up. Now, Steve, you’re going to get it. I’m finally going to stop acting like two people. There’s a witness, not only that but someone that I’m pretty sure kick started this bullshit. So, here’s me no longer acting like two people and finally giving you the show you’ve been bothering me about. Now, I better not hear you complain if it doesn’t go the way you’ve been secretly hoping it does.” Joaquín mocks, hitting the glass one more time with his fist, ignoring how it bruises the side of his hand with the force. 

Bucky does notice this, but is trying to keep a calm demeanor, knowing that it was probably the one thing that could potentially talk Joaquín down from this ledge he’s accidentally stumbled on. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to think this conversation was a good idea in the first place, but he knew he had to fix it before Joaquín did something that would put him outside of his and Sam’s realm of protection of responsibility for everything he’s done up until this point for Steve. 

Of course, once he truly picks up what’s going on Steve is suddenly elated at how quickly Joaquín is unravelling purely because of their brief time together. Things were going to shit, and it could’ve been prevented had Bucky actually put his foot down and given Joaquín what he needed, not what he wanted. 

“I do love how this visit is going, I feel a little cramped but it’s not really bothering me anymore. Not when dear Joaquín has already bruised himself for me. I didn’t even need to bite or grab him this time!” Steve laughs, his tone was nothing short of diabolical as he makes Joaquín pause entirely to check out his hand. It already looks bad, which means he really put some force into hitting the glass with reckless abandon to what it did to him. 

Just why he did it wasn’t clear, but Joaquín was really starting to connect the dots as to why Bucky was so against this interrogation. But he couldn’t back out now, right? Not when Steve was still smiling. Joaquín wanted to leave only when Steve was either crying or screaming with rage. If he gets lucky, maybe he can muster both from the other man. Just to get even for the bruise, of course. 

“We’re leaving-” Joaquín pushes Bucky away and cuts him off mid sentence, not wanting to quit the interrogation room despite the former Winter Soldier having all the authority to just drag him out. 

Bucky looks insulted by the audacity, and fights every urge to just drag Joaquín out like a belligerent child, knowing he’s got to handle this delicately despite his instincts telling him that tough love is the only answer here. Only one of them has the serum, so technically it wouldn’t even be hard to do. This situation had nuance, something Bucky has never liked having to deal with in real time. 

“I didn’t mark myself for you, freak! I- I always let you do it because I’ve always wanted to mark you with everything you’ve inflicted on me. When John made your nose bleed, that was the best feeling in the world to see that you of all people can bleed. As a matter of fact, you should. I mean- let me take that back. That would be a waste. I just got so excited at the idea, you’ll have to forgive me for being so forward. What I meant to say is that I want to ruin you. I don’t have the serum, nor do I want it. But I want to be exactly who tears you apart, just so you can be even more embarrassed that it wasn’t a strong, experienced soldier like Bucky who tore you to bits. It was me.” 

Joaquín knows exactly what he sounds like, and it makes his own ears ring by how off kilter it sounded. Bucky looked outright disturbed, not at all down for his plans, let alone his wording. Luckily, Joaquín wasn’t exactly pitching it to get Bucky’s approval anytime soon. Even Steve, with all his sick fantasies, can't find a reason to smile at what was said to him. It was disconcerting to see Steve so disgusted and calm after he’s been grinning like a maniac the entire time. 

Bucky hangs back, nearly breaking the super soldier tested stress ball with his right hand, which was really saying something. Everything was going to shit like he predicted, but not the way he expected which was the worst part. Now, the only one smiling is Joaquín but there’s no joy, only pain and a sense of erratic energy that wasn’t going to lead anywhere healthy or good. 

“Aren’t you happy? Why aren’t you smiling? I’m acting exactly like you want me to, or at least, what I gathered from everything you’ve told me. You never could get your stories straight and give me something real to go off, so here I am left to go off script and improv. I know, embarrassing! But I’m trying my best, for you. Aren’t I so nice?” Joaquín laughs, giggling in an excited way like he was describing something much more healthy and conversational. 

Steve flinches, then smiles. It’s nervous, weird and doesn’t meet his eyes but it’s there because this is exactly what he wanted, but not where he wanted it. If they were back at the penthouse, he would’ve been singing with the birds outside with joy at seeing Joaquín so unhinged. But alas, he was confined and couldn’t bring his boy close, marking him for good. It frustrated him to no end; they managed to capture him, and that Joaquín wasn’t in arm’s reach anymore. Steve decides to settle for what he can do, talk a good enough talk that maybe he can con Joaquín into breaking him out.

“Darling, you’ve never looked better than you do right now. If only you had the serum running through you my dear, we’d really see eye to eye then!” Steve sighs, faking a wishful nature like he even had a shred of innocence left to him. Joaquín blushes initially at the sudden compliment, but forces himself to lock in once again when he turns and remembers Bucky is in the same room. 

This wasn’t another one of their private affairs, they have an audience this time. But it did spark an idea in Joaquín, it wasn’t good nor healthy, and if he’s smart he’ll drop it now before it gets him in serious trouble. As Joaquín actually allows himself to be dragged out of the room to get a scolding from Bucky and yet another benching from the case entirely, all he could think about was one thing. 

What would I be like with the serum? Why did Sam turn it down? And why did Steve make him want it, and not when he nearly died?

Chapter Text

Joaquín couldn’t help but feel like he was doing the exact opposite of helping his own case, convincing other people that Steve hasn’t gotten him to the point where he’s not trustworthy anymore. He’s been given so many chances by the people around him, yet there he was contemplating taking a serum that would turn his mentor against him forever. Bucky would have every right to be pissed, especially as someone who didn’t take the serum voluntarily. Joaquín didn’t want to think about how John would react, but he knows it wouldn’t exactly be anything positive. Currently, he’s sitting across the room from Bucky, getting glared at so hard he might as well be in handcuffs. Bucky stuck his neck out to even get him into that interrogation room, yet Joaquín made no effort to get a single ounce of useful information out of Steve. If anything, he gave the man more confidence to be even more belligerent to questioning in hopes that he can get what he wants again. 

“... We’re going to talk about what just happened. It’s not a suggestion, you’re not glazing over that. Sam has high hopes you’re not going to let Steve derail your life. I know it won’t be immediate that you’ll be able to let him go, and I’ll take partial ownership of letting you in there in the first place. But please don’t take that damned serum.” Bucky groans, actually sounding his age for once. Exhausted, but holding on long enough to impart some wisdom. Whether or not it actually reaches Joaquín is up in the air, but Bucky was going to at least try. 

“What do you want me to say?” Joaquín didn’t mean to sound so exhausted, but it just happened. He didn’t exactly feel like justifying himself, especially since he didn’t exactly have the most solid argument for himself. Not when he was so strongly considering trying to locate even an ounce of serum to take, going against everyone who’s stuck their necks out for him. Of course, this question doesn’t go down well with Bucky.

“I- just start by telling me the truth for one. Tell me why you just fed into his bullshit. You let him control the entire interrogation to the point where it was just a conversation, bounced off of him like it was meant to be. We want to protect you from him, but you have to work with us here. You’re not some child we can shelter from the shit the world has, you’re a grown man. We can only do so much, everything else has got to come from you. I unfortunately don’t have confidence that you can even be an ounce of impartial here.” Bucky sounds like a disappointed dad despite saying he had no intentions of treating Joaquín like a child. 

An answer didn’t come easy, especially when emotions were still fresh but Joaquín mustered something to respond fast enough that he won’t look worse than he probably already does. 

“I don’t know if I’m a good person, and that hurts more than anything. I yearn for terrible things when Steve is around me. I am not proud of that in the slightest, it’s just-” 

Joaquín pauses, trying to get himself composed enough not to just cry in front of Bucky. This was a lot more honest than he meant it to be, but at least he was doing exactly what was asked of him.

“I feel so many things around him, y’know? I just get so overwhelmed that I act out and it never ends well. He’s just so everything and I’m just me. He held me like I was so much more, and everything got hazy I guess. Steve just sets this standard for everyone around him without even saying a word and it’s not fucking fair!” Joaquín nearly punches something again, but with super soldier reflexes Bucky stops him, clutching his wrist with a gentle sternness that showed true experience under his belt. 

“... Go home. Not Sam’s house, but home. You need some time to process everything. This isn’t a place you need to be anymore. I know Sam will want to talk to you about this, but you clearly aren’t in the headspace for that so I’ll delay it. Give you some time to actually get your head on right. But know that we are here for you, even if you don’t want us to be. Even if everything in you just wants to be whoever Steve says you are just so things are easier. Don’t look at me like that, I know it's the truth. You want things to be easier so badly that you’ll ruin your own life. I know that because I’ve been there too many times.”

Bucky huffs, running a hand through his hair like everything was hitting too close to home. It gave Joaquín no choice but to actually listen, because this wasn’t just well intentioned yet frantic advice given with only hopes to guide Joaquín away from making a terrible choice. No, this all came from lived experience that felt so real that nothing could even sound close to condescending. 

Joaquín’s focus drops to his hand, and how bruised it was. Nothing healthy came from him and Steve, and this was quite literally a physical reminder of that. He glances up at Bucky, who’s texting away on his phone to who he can assume is either John, Sam or most likely both. As much as Joaquín wants to just take this advice and promise he’ll be a better person something was just not right for him. There was this nagging itch in him that said he can’t accept this to be the end of everything even though it damn well should be. 

Bucky can clearly see it too, which is why he looks so devastated. He knows deep down that Joaquín isn’t going to listen. He is going to bite the hand that feeds him, and try to hold the one that’s hurt him. It’s a vicious cycle that isn’t something that can be easily broken, despite how much Bucky wants it to be. Joaquín will have to want to walk away from everything, and that’s clearly not happening here. 

As heartbreaking as it is, only something truly life altering and equally damaging is going to get Joaquín off of this. As much as Bucky wants this saga to be said and done now, he knows deep down it isn’t anywhere close to being done. But there was one thing he could do without looking like he’s trying to control Joaquín’s life, that wasn’t just sending him home to dwell and think more and more about where he could get his hands on the serum.

“Bob’s at a nearby coffee shop, if you want to talk to him again. He’s Sentry, the hero who caught you after you jumped out of the penthouse. He could use the company, and you look like you need something with a little caffeine.” Bucky knew the excuse was weak, but it was something goddamnit. Luckily, Joaquín didn’t look too deep into it, and it even took his attention away from his bruised hand. That’s got to be some progress, right?

“I- I can do that. Bob seems nice, plus it’ll get me acquainted with other heroes before I’m not benched anymore. Thanks for the recommendation.” Joaquín actually looks hopeful as he leaves, giving Bucky at least some hope that Steve won’t be the only person that Joaquín fixates on. But when he leaves for said coffee shop, it leaves Bucky with the harsh reality of it all. 

It wasn't exactly something Bucky liked thinking about, but he knew it was the truth, deep down. He was going to have to deal with the inevitable that Joaquín is going to try and get his hands on the serum. A connection like this, the one Joaquín has inadvertently made between him and Steve doesn't just go away even if that'd be the most convenient and safe ending to all of this. Love is a weird, messy feeling that leaves one doing things that they definitely wouldn't be proud of later on. It can either lead to big romantic gestures, or taking a super soldier serum just because you want to truly control a situation. 

Bucky might not know exactly what Joaquín is feeling, but he's got a good grasp on the basics of it. Joaquín just wants to be the one with the power for once, hating that he's ever felt powerless or even let himself be weak in Steve's arms. He can tell there's still affection there, which of course makes everything much more complicated. He can't let him get the serum, let alone allow Joaquín to see Steve again. It'll be rough keeping them apart, especially when it feels like he'll have to arrest Joaquín to keep him from doing something that'll break Steve out, even if done accidentally. But he's got an obligation to keep the peace here, even if it's not always done in a nice way. 

Bucky feels like he zones out on his way home, but a kiss from his boyfriends quickly brings him back to reality. Showing him he’s moved on from Steve, and is surrounded by a love that is real, holds him accountable and can be a calm enough presence to be around when everything else in the world doesn’t make sense. 

“We watched the footage of the interrogation, I know, we weren't supposed to but we got so worried,” John actually sounds meek, actually sorry that he peeked at something he wasn't supposed to. Sam on the other hand looks less apologetic, and mostly looks worried. It checks out though, considering what happened during that damn interrogation that should've never even happened in the first place. 

“That just saves me the awkwardness of having to explain it in my own words. So, what did you guys get from it? Sam, baby, are you okay enough to talk about this?” Bucky was quick to check in on his boyfriend, gently trying to kiss away all the stress on his face. It slightly works, but there's still that deep worry there. Sam nods, but both John and Bucky know there's a lot more to it than that. 

Soon, they're all situated together on the couch, Sam sitting in the middle of the two super soldiers. John is leaning on Sam, playing with a stray string on his shirt as Bucky takes a more protective role, eyeing the door or any entrance occasionally as he is shoulder to shoulder with Sam. 

“I sent Joaquín to get coffee with Bob, I hope that ends up being a good change of pace.” Bucky mentions, and Sam actually looks hopeful about this, even if John has this clouded look in his eye. Luckily, they’ve all made enough progress together that John feels comfortable enough to actually talk through his emotions.

“Joaquín looked dead set on getting that serum, I would know what that looks like. If he’s anything like me, and I hope he’s not, he would be asking Bob a lot of questions on how it feels to have the serum. I can trust that Bob would derail the conversation from it, but I’m nervous all the same. We just don’t want Joaquín to make a lifelong mistake just because he wants validation now. Especially from someone who’s as shitty as Steve. I mean, Sam you’ve been setting a great example on what to do without the serum but man is it enticing.” 

Bucky and Sam both deeply appreciate the insight that John gives, giving them the well needed truth of how alluring the serum can be. How dangerous suddenly wanting it can make a person, even when they don’t mean to be. As they talk and try to get to the nitty gritty of how to make sure Joaquín doesn’t take the serum, two people walk away from a coffee shop to a local park carrying their drinks. 

“You asked a lot of questions about the serum.” It wasn’t a question anymore, it was a statement. Bob leans on a tree, taking a small sanctuary from the heat. Both opted for an iced coffee, Bob choosing caramel and Joaquín choosing hazelnut. Joaquín is also leaning on the tree, but he chose to stand with his back to the front, turning ever so slightly to make eye contact with Bob. Nervously, Joaquín was swirling his drink idly to hide how nervous he is openly asking about something as sensitive as the serum. 

“I just have a lot of questions. Everyone’s so different, and you all technically have a serum. It’s just different formulas, and I think looking into it would be pretty harmless.” Joaquín knows it's a weak defense, and he’s sipping his drink to give himself something to do that isn’t basically asking for a plug to get a vial of the serum.

“Nothing serum related is harmless, y’know.” Bob’s voice isn’t unkind, but Joaquín finds himself flinching anyway at the blunt truth. Bob is more than experienced enough to know the serum isn’t anything to joke about, and he hasn’t even had it for a while. Sam has seen first hand that one can make do with a high position like Captain America without it, so this line of questioning from his protege Joaquín wasn’t a good sign. 

Bob just looks so casual, sipping his iced coffee he had asked for whipped cream with. It was such a small detail, but something Joaquín found endearing enough to continue the conversation even if it wasn’t gearing up to be what he wanted to hear or comfortable. He can appreciate a guy who knows what he wants, and has gotten to the point where he’s not scared to ask for it. 

“I- I don’t know that from experience but from what I’ve seen from everyone else with it I can take a good guess it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world.”

Joaquín sighs, looking around the park now, people watching to try and get rid of his rampant nerves. Maybe if he didn’t look at Bob while he was talking, he could sound a lot more coherent during his argument. 

“But there’s something about it that I can’t wrap my head around. Why are people still fixated on that when I feel like there’s so many other options now. I don’t know what those options are, but I’m just curious in general. You know?” The more he spoke, the more he put his foot in his mouth. No one was more aware of this than Joaquín, who was trying his damn hardest to try and not look interested in the serum and it sure as hell was not working. 

“... What if I said I had a way to get you what you asked me for? I can take you to a place that I’ve got some, no strings attached. Unrelated to the serum talk, this is of course talking about what you asked me about earlier.” Bob says, his tone entirely unreadable and Joaquín has to stop himself from looking outwardly excited. 

“I’d obviously have a lot more follow up questions. In private, but we’d need to talk a lot more in depth about it. But you’re trusted by people that I trust, so I feel at least a little confident seeing this through.” Joaquín keeps his demeanor calm, despite how he’s shaking the ice around in his empty drink. It’s betraying him, the idle act. Joaquín is looking a lot more excited than he currently wants to. 

Bob nods, having also finished his coffee but was a lot more composed. He even paused a few times to eat the ice from the cup, and by the time they both throw away their cups as Joaquín follows Bob. He figures that if Bucky trusts him, he can follow the guy anywhere and be safe. Even if he didn’t make the greatest impression asking on and on about the serum in the least vague way.

They’re in the New Avengers tower before Joaquín can second guess about following Bob for so long without asking any real questions. They’re in one of the floors heavily under construction, dark despite it being in the middle of the day. Bob’s eyes are oddly gold now, but it’s hard to see in the low light of the floor. Before Joaquín could even think about retreating back to the elevator he was firmly grabbed and spun around to look at Bob again. 

Suddenly, a few electric lanterns on the ground are turned on giving the room minimal lighting but it was clear Bob has full control over the situation. He turned on the lanterns, and obviously has more visibility of the room. Joaquín didn’t think the serum would give someone the ability to see better in the dark, but here they are.

“Do you want to see what the serum does to someone? What it did to me? I’m not talking about the stuff Bucky, Alexei, or John got. You’re going to see what it really can do.” Bob sounded much more intense than Joaquín could ever predict, which almost makes him regret following the man without asking a single question, foolishly thinking he would get the serum. There’s a learning experience here somewhere, and when he’s not constantly on edge Joaquín can learn it. 

“Listen, I know it was pretentious and a total dick move to try and basically ask for the serum like that. I’m so sorry, but please, Bob-”

Joaquín jolts in shock when Bob interrupts him, his tone even stronger and deeper than before. 

“Sentry, call me Sentry.” It was such a refined hero name that it caught Joaquín entirely off guard. Bob, or Sentry has a much more confident stance, no longer slightly slouching. He still has Bob’s nervous mannerisms, but there’s much more confidence here. Hell, his hair even has a slight glow that makes him look blonde. It’s a nice contrast with the golden eyes that Joaquín can’t help but find him pretty even if he’s kind of scared. 

“... What do you want from me, Sentry? Other than for me to see what the serum is really like.” Joaquín asks, not knowing what angle to take. This was all so new, not quite dangerous enough to be fully worried and call for help but just the right amount of danger that he didn’t feel fully safe. It wasn’t the same fear he feels with Steve, but there’s certainly something there. 

Sentry thinks for a moment, running his hand through his hair. Joaquín feels tense waiting for the answer, but once again, not in the same way he did whenever Steve had long moments of silence. This feels a lot more unpredictable, yet less toxic which was weird. Joaquín didn’t feel like he was bracing for impact, but he still feels like he’s got to be on his best behavior which is a weird mix of emotions to be feeling. 

“I want you to get the idea that you’ll ever get the serum out of your mind. It’s a toxicity that ruins people, and you’ve got a perfectly good mentor without it. What drives you to it? It can’t be anything worth changing your entire body.” Sentry was stern, but there was a sort of understanding behind his eyes that told Joaquín he’s not really in danger here. He finds himself sitting in the room, the ambiance suddenly cozy and no longer scary. Sentry follows, sitting across from him comfortably. 

“It’s not a good reason, you’re right. I don’t want to get into specifics, but it’s related to Steve. Yes, you saved me from him and I should put him behind me. I really should, but there’s this deep itch in me. I want to take him down myself, with my bare hands. It would just be the vindication I’ve been needing. He’s gotten away with doing so much to me, but-”

Joaquín pauses, not sure if that was even the right way to describe their dynamic. To Sentry, patience feels like pulling teeth but he does give Joaquín the moment to collect himself. Until he feels the need to add his input.

“What do you really want, to take him down or to be his equal?” Sentry’s question was so direct and no nonsense, Joaquín couldn’t even come up with a lie. For someone who wasn’t even there during that interrogation, he seems to already have a feel of what’s going on. 

“I don’t want anything from him, not like that.” It sounded weak to Joaquín as he said it, but he had to stand by it. Sentry can practically smell weakness and lies, but he figured he could at least try and defend himself. Plead his case, even if it wasn’t entirely true. 

“This would be cute if you weren’t borderline teaming with an absolute piece of shit who’s killed innocent people.” Sentry’s valid anger makes Joaquín shrink, looking around at the environment around them. The lanterns, the unfinished floor, or how the only lighting on the entire floor was around them. It made things a lot more eerie, seeing only darkness and mostly emptiness. It left him the only option to either tell the truth, or risk looking like a complete liar in front of a very powerful super soldier. Despite how nervous everything is making him feel, deep down Joaquín knows this was the reality check he’s desperately needed. 

“I don’t want him like that.” Joaquín tries lying again, but it feels bitter this time. Wrong. If he was going to get any leeway here, he needed to be honest. 

“... I might want him. I know it’s terrible, but I do. I want Steve. He said I was at my best when I was whoever he wanted me to be. I don’t know why I ever bought into that bullshit, let alone internalized it. He said we’d finally see eye to eye if I took the serum. Ever since then, I feel like I’ve been on autopilot. I was asking you a ton of questions about the serum, thinking I was even slightly subtle. I’m sorry I almost dragged you into my bullshit. I almost made you complicit in my weird need to be at Steve’s side, even though I’m miserable whenever I’m actually there.” Joaquín was actually getting everything off his chest this time. No lying or dancing around the subject. 

“People sometimes want things and people that are quite literally proven to be the worst for them, it’s human nature. But that doesn’t mean you need to automatically feed into that and get yourself hurt. Admitting this was a big step for you, but it’s not enough. I need to make sure you won’t go on your own and ruin your life with the serum. I know for a fact you wouldn’t like the person you’d become on that shit, or what kind of danger you’d find trying to even get a vial. It’s a nasty world that you have no business getting involved in outside of trying to stop it. So please, actually listen to the people around you and drop all of this.” Sentry is firm, then he suddenly stands, offering Joaquín his hand to take.

There was a deeper meaning to the offer, something that said a lot. “Take my hand, and promise you won’t follow this. Promise me and everyone who cares about you that the serum isn’t in your sights anymore.”

Joaquín felt conflicted, in many ways, but knew the best thing to do was just accept the help, so he did. They went to one of the fully finished floors as Bob slowly allows himself to stop being so tense, not putting up a front to be Sentry. He no longer needed to intimidate, make sure that the fear of consequence was in Joaquín, but not enough that their entire dynamic is based off of him being scared. That was Steve’s job, forming a connection purely based on fear and not anything resembling love and respect. Right as they settle in on the couch to watch some cooking competition, Joaquín hears his phone ring. It’s from a number not saved in his phone, so he figured he’d quickly answer just to hear if it’s spam or not. Bob nods at him, as if allowing them to be separated for a bit so Joaquín can answer the call.

“Hello? Joaquín Torres speaking-”

“Hey, um, it’s me. I’m actually calling from a prison phone this time. No bullshitting, I didn’t get out. I am behind bars this time, and I’m not hiding behind some lawyer excuse. They know I’m using my one phone call promised to me if I don’t try breaking out again to call you. Aren’t I so kind?” 

At the sound of Steve’s voice, Joaquín’s knees immediately crumble. This couldn’t be happening, not right after he thought he was making actual progress not wanting to yearn for this man. Of course, the leech practically sensed his hold was slipping and wanted to make sure that it didn’t waver. Even behind bars, he’s finding a way to be an overbearing presence over Joaquín’s shoulder. Suddenly, the random side room he found to take the call in feels suffocating. 

“... You need to leave me alone, I’m not even going to ask nicely this time cause you feed on that shit. I’m not so dysfunctional that I need you to validate me, nor do I want to be your equal anymore. Hell, I don’t even want the serum like that. Just because you can lie and say it would make us see eye to eye would it be true. You have so much more life experience with the serum, and would walk all over me regardless. So, despite our complicated relationship in the past, I have no obligation to stick my neck out for you anymore. You’ve made your bed, now fucking lay in it.” 

Joaquín felt both a mixture of vindication and fear, his hand shaking as he held his phone. It wasn’t a good look, but at least he stood up for himself. It was a step in the direction of not taking any form of the super soldier serum just to impress a toxic partner.

“Oh, baby, you’re finally spreading your wings and flying away from me. This would be a sweet moment if I gave a shit. But I don’t. I’m in jail because of you, and your inability to not listen to people who’ve already betrayed me. You could’ve stayed on the balcony, and who knows, I probably would’ve turned myself in just being around you. Experiencing your genuine goodness. But here we are, separate and I’m rotting without anyone left to love me. It’s all your fault.”

Steve’s deceivingly sad tone made Joaquín pause, but not long enough to actually feel bad. It was tempting to fall back into old habits and just listen to what was said. Feel bad despite nothing of what Steve said even being remotely true, which makes it even more toxic. He feels that confidence to just straight up lie on the mere chance Joaquín feels bad enough to make it up to him and break him out. All for what, Joaquín to get bruised up again just for saying things that Steve doesn’t like at the time? For actually having a moral compass when he doesn’t? 

Also, the bullshit that he would’ve eventually turned himself in had Joaquín just been “good enough” It would’ve put all the responsibility on the person who didn’t even kill all of those people, which is outright bullshit. Joaquín finds himself pacing the room, getting worked up at the sheer audacity.

“Is it all my fault? You kill how many people and I decide to get the fuck out of there for my own safety, but it just has to be my fault for not staying. The power of true love would’ve broken your curse and you’d be right at the police station’s door the moment they open in tears. Yeah, because that makes sense. And I would’ve been right at your side because we’re so in love apparently!” Joaquín yells, forgetting to control his volume as he gets more and more heated. 

There’s silence on the other end, and for a moment it seems like Steve ran out of time during his one call until he finally speaks up again. 

“No matter how much you scream at me, I still love you. I hope you know that my love goes further than your stubborn little bitch fits. I’m gracious enough to let you talk, not cutting you off even once. You’re so welcome for that by the way, I could’ve asserted by dominance and just told you to shut the fuck up. I had every fucking right to, the way you were talking to me. Yet, I let you get through your little rant because I love you that much. But don’t delude yourself into thinking you’ve got any power over me without the serum. You’ve got that and well- we can talk about you talking back to me-”

Joaquín wasn’t sure what gave him the idea to just hang up, especially in the middle of Steve talking, but after he does, he feels a lot lighter.  No longer tied down to the idea that he has to get the serum purely because someone else told him to. Back when it was this gentle suggestion, Joaquín was a lot more inclined to think he needed the serum just to please Steve in one way or another. He no longer feels the urge to constantly please just for the off chance that Steve is in a good enough mood to treat him right. But for now, he’s content just sobbing alone in a room by himself. Just grieving all the time he’s wasted on trying to be something more to Steve when it wasn’t even possible. 

“... You alright-”

Hearing someone’s voice at all made Joaquín too stunned to keep crying, turning to see he had stumbled into someone’s room and they must’ve been awkwardly listening to the phone call. The entire time. Turns out he should’ve just taken the call on the balcony instead of risking his luck on a random room.

“I’m Ava, and I honestly didn’t mean to eavesdrop. That’s quite rare for me to say, considering I’m practically spying on my teammates all the time. But this time, I only stayed because I was worried. I didn’t like the way he was speaking to you.” Ava was being so genuine that Joaquín nearly crumbles a second time. 

“... I didn’t either. That's why I hung up. It’s not like he can do anything to me, considering he’s behind bars.” Joaquín tries bringing light to everything, even if everything still feels so raw. Luckily, Ava seems understanding enough to take the bait and allow some of the tension to go away. She takes a blanket from her bed and drapes it over Joaquín the same moment he notices he’s crouched beside her bed. Suddenly the stress of the day is leaving him as Joaquín feels himself fully relaxing. He doesn’t even realize he’s falling asleep until he can faintly hear Ava asking Bob for help to carry him to a guest room to fully be in a bed.

Chapter Text

“You are not a good manipulator, Rogers. Neither are you right for ever recommending anyone take that wicked serum. It pained me to hear you bring it up so casually, as if it’s not poison.” 

The last thing Steve expects is to wake up anywhere that isn’t the Raft, let alone hear the voice of Baron Helmut Zemo. Before he responds, Steve briefly looks around to take in his surroundings. It was a lavish, yet still low enough profile hotel room that showed Zemo’s wealth and made it increasingly obvious they were fugitives on the run. Of course, someone as sophisticated as Zemo would find the exact hotel room that’s a perfect blend of both. 

“... How’d you know that I ever recommended the serum?” Steve knows that playing dumb in front of someone as well trained as Zemo wasn’t smart, but he’s not exactly awake enough to care.

“I’m ignoring that on the grounds that I don’t answer stupid questions, especially when they come from you. But you really should not have recommended the serum to that Torres. Just because you were willing to become the result of a science experiment for validation and strength does it mean that someone else has to as well. I mean, look what it has done for you. The lack of any positive or likable trait in you feels directly linked to that disgusting serum running through your veins.” 

Zemo, staying on brand, sits on the edge of the bed with perfect posture and sassily crossed legs as he absolutely tears into Steve and once again makes his stance on super soldiers extremely obvious. 

“You can make that connection all you want, don't suddenly make it true. Just because I’ve decided to let myself be an asshole every now and again does it mean the serum is at fault. That’s all me, so you better put at least a bit of respect on my name and don’t act like the serum can take the blame for my fucked up actions.”

Steve growls, like Zemo personally offended him by even trying to insinuate that just because he agreed to the serum program decades ago it suddenly explains his asshole behavior now. 

Zemo just smiles, laughing in a way that only a proper Baron of his stature would. “How adorable, you’re already lashing out at me and we’ve only just started talking. I must admit, I am offended that you think I would ever fix my lips to defend you in the slightest. I am just pointing out the obvious, the serum is a mixture of the nastiest testosterone known to man. I might not be an expert in those things but what I do know is that it's bound to cause some aggression and anger in a person. Hell, look at the way Walker acted right after injecting that putrid serum. He was all anger and aggression. And you my friend were dosed up with the original serum, the one everyone’s doing terrible things to replicate. So, naturally I’d imagine you’ve got some issues with anger that seem to just keep happening because you’re a super soldier. Everything is enhanced for you, good and bad.” 

Steve both expected and didn’t expect Zemo’s rant about super soldiers, but what frustrated him was the fact that he wasn’t wrong. Yes, a lot of his quickness to anger can somewhat be pointed to the serum being so testosterone based. Especially his strain, considering it turned him from constantly sick to the most muscular and healthy man. Despite knowing deep down that Zemo was kind of right, Steve decides to just be difficult to the person who broke him out of the Raft and can very well pull some strings to send him right back there while staying in hiding from getting caught again. Basically, Steve was gearing up to bite the hand that feeds him. 

“Yeah, yeah. I let scientists give me the most complicated steroids that’s out there. How about we just move on from that-” Steve tries to re-direct their conversation but it doesn’t last and Zemo knows much better than to fall for that shit. 

“No, we can’t just move on from that. Not after you practically told someone in a vulnerable head space to try and find the super soldier serum to take just because you pretty much told him to. I can’t believe the audacity you must have, to potentially subject him to the absolute shit show that is the serum, and for what? Your entertainment? You make me sick.”

Steve didn’t think Zemo would actually be upset by this, up to the point where he’s scowling and his voice has a slight growl to it. There was this bitterness that has been brewing over a long time, something that he’s been waiting to release on a super soldier that wasn’t through immediately killing them like he’s done in the past. 

Little does Steve know, Zemo also broke Steve out just so he can get a lab rat to poke and prod at the original serum. He wants to know everything about it and put Steve through hell, and find something new scientifically. He may hate the serum, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t interest him even slightly.

“You make me sound like such a bad guy, hell you’re yelling as if I injected the serum into Joaquín’s arm while he was sleeping. I only made a simple request, and Joaquín is a grown man. It’s up to him whether or not he listens to me, so I ask that you come up with better reasons to shame me. Ones that might actually stick, and aren’t boring.” Steve knew he was really laying it on thick, but it was bothering Zemo so he figured that going even further would make things even funnier. 

Unfortunately, Zemo’s much more equipped for this so it doesn’t take long for the Baron to gather his temper again. Losing his cool here wouldn’t get anything done, plus the last thing he wants to see is Steve smirking or having anything remotely close to a good time. Just because he broke him out of the Raft does it mean he’s going to be rolling out any red carpets for the super soldier anytime soon.

“You act like word of mouth isn’t powerful enough in itself, and might I add that playing dumb does not suit you Rogers. Just because you are blonde does it mean you get to act like it, especially in front of me. Look, here’s how it really is. You’ve spent so long trying to get into the mind of Joaquín Torres to the point where you were confident enough to just recommend he try and get the serum into him and know that he’d dwell on it. You know damn well you have enough influence on him that just you asking, or even demanding that he get his hands on the serum that it’ll compel some kind of emotion. Emotional manipulation is something I’ve got some experience in, so I ask you not to pretend like I am some amature.” 

Zemo scoffs, but still keeps a level of calm that bothers Steve to no end. Despite being annoyed and frankly outclassed, Steve wasn’t stupid. This could be an opportunity to get some answers from Zemo, even if they’re drenched in sarcasm and his obvious hatred for super soldiers in general. 

“Alright, let’s not dance around the subject. You hate super soldiers to the point where you’ll either kill them yourself or order someone else to do it. You have no reservations being extremely strict with people who voluntarily take the serum, now I’m not asking why you haven’t tried killing me yet. I know why you wouldn’t take that risk, but I’m hung up on one detail. You aren’t the type to give favors with no catch, and I have a feeling that breaking me out of the Raft was a lot riskier than just leaving by yourself. So, Zemo, why did you even bother taking me with you? It would’ve been so easy to just leave me without ever even speaking to me once. Yet here you are, all comfortable in the room you’ve set me in. So how about we get honest for a minute and reveal the real reason why I’m here?” 

Steve felt so confident in the way he grilled into Zemo, until the other man actually answered. 

“You know, it’s cute how you think I’m obligated to tell you anything. You can’t speak to me and expect immediate results, I’m not that little boy toy you’re dragging along. But because I am feeling more gracious than you’ll ever deserve in this lifetime, I guess I’ll explain myself. I took you out of the Raft just because I felt that it was too good for someone like you. I also was getting bored with the same menu, no matter how much it slightly changed. I wanted the same freedom I had before, and I wasn’t exactly getting the visitors to make staying worthwhile. So in short, I dragged you out to put you somewhere much worse.”

Zemo grins, looking a lot more gleeful than Steve felt was warranted, especially considering how vague he was.

“I could just attack you, and leave. You’re so against the serum that it leaves you so weak and defenseless, and that in itself makes me sick.”

Steve knows there’s a lot more to it, but he figured threatening physical violence would give him at least a little edge in the conversation. It’s not a very strong threat, but it was enough for him to feel like he’s got at least a little leeway. 

“You could, if you knew where we are and I am certain that you don’t. This could be a country that speaks a language that you’re vastly unfamiliar with. I could have chosen a place where I could only be your guide to getting around. Hell, I could even have people stationed outside to alert the Raft of your whereabouts the moment they see you, and trust me, they will see you if you even touch a single hair on my head. So, I’d be a lot more careful of who you choose to threaten. But that doesn’t mean you get to try and seduce me, because once again I am not your little boy toy. I am not throwing you a bone because I’m desperate for companionship and buy into your bullshit.” 

Steve was beginning to understand why the title of Baron was much more than birthright, because Zemo’s presence alone has a strength to it that makes him baffled why he would ever turn down the serum to amplify that. Then again, he knew Zemo wasn’t exactly a pushover combat wise, considering he’s been a soldier as well. But the repeated comments making Joaquín seem like a desperate pushover bothered Steve in a way he wasn’t willing to look too deep into, but it was enough that made him want to throw reason to the wolves and just attack the other man. Truly see if Zemo was bluffing or not, and even risk getting thrown back into the Raft. 

So, to bug the ever loving fuck out of Zemo despite his steel disposition, Steve decided he was indeed going to treat him like Joaquín anyway. After all, only one of them has the serum.

Steve stands, approaching Zemo like a frightened animal. He made himself move so slowly that when he grabs the other man’s wrist in an airtight grip to stop him from arming some alarm it’s truly unexpected. Steve yanks Zemo so they’re nose to nose, showcasing their slight yet obvious height difference. Steve grins, tilting his head at the way Zemo tries not to act panicked in the dire situation he had accidentally placed himself in by getting too cocky.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?” Steve grabs whatever alarm remote Zemo was trying to use and just shatters it completely in his hand, relishing in the harsh bruise that he left on Zemo’s wrist when he lets him go. 

“I have backups-” 

Steve yanks Zemo’s probably very expensive coat off, throwing it out of the coincidentally open window of the hotel room knowing for a fact that the “backups” were in the pockets.

“Don’t try that with me. I don’t have the patience to just watch you dig through all of those pockets so no, you don’t have a single backup that can save you from me sweet thing.” Steve laughs, thoroughly enjoying how unprepared Zemo has allowed himself to be. 

“... Do you really think I’d be in a room with you completely defenseless?” Zemo presses a button on his ring, but oddly enough nothing happens. It trips Zemo up for a split second before he remembers that without his airtight poker face, he doesn’t have much. 

“Shocks don’t work on me, so that little collar you’ve got on me won’t do jack shit. After I found out how they wiped Bucky a while back, I made myself somewhat immune. I guess I ought to thank Hydra and their fucked up methods to make me even want to get used to it. Alright, this is getting boring.” Zemo didn’t expect for Steve to suddenly throw him against the wall, especially when his tone was so casual. 

“Where the fuck are we? If you give me some bullshit long speech instead of a location, I swear to whatever the fuck is up there that I will hurt you. That is a promise. You know I’m good for it, so I’d start volunteering information if I were you.” Steve stands, looking way too smug as Zemo fights to collect himself after having the air knocked out of him. Still, he fights for at least a little control over the situation. 

Despite the obvious threats, Zemo doesn’t look like he’s in the sharing mood. Instead, he does his best to smooth out his clothes while being obviously annoyed at the loss of the jacket. 

“Somewhere in America I could smuggle you, but you’re not getting an exact location from me-” Zemo smoothly dodges Steve’s next attack, knowing where it’s coming from this time. 

“You don’t want to piss me off-” Steve is harshly cut off mid sentence when Zemo decides to just pepper spray him with something strong enough that it can bring a super soldier to their knees. It certainly incapacitated Steve long enough that it let Zemo fetch someone to gather his jacket and slap the hefty handcuffs back on Steve. Despite not having the serum, Zemo is more than prepared to fight dirty enough to get his way, even against the strongest super soldier. 

“I can’t believe the moment I give you any leeway, you act like a feral fucking animal. I gave you a gift and all you did was spit in my eye. You could be rotting away in some cell in that dreaded Raft. I took you out thinking I could force you to see reason. Get in your head, make you realize who you are right now is shit. But no, all I am met with for my kindness is nothing but rudeness and harassment. So, I guess I need to treat you like the felon you’ve let yourself become.” Zemo sounded a mix of both disappointed and this odd gleefulness that was making Steve nervous. 

Steve, in a desperate act to just get something on Zemo just lunges on the other man. They both fall on the bed, and with a firm headbutt the Baron is knocked unconscious. It was clear that Steve wasn’t supposed to recover from the pepper spray or be able to even move in the handcuffs, but unfortunately Zemo didn’t check Steve’s blood or vitals. Something he really should’ve done before deciding to be alone in a hotel room with the guy, especially with the window open. 

During his stay in the Raft, he managed to find people who make serum boosters. Scandalous, he knows his past self would be so ashamed. Poor Zemo here probably thought he was pure still, on the straight and narrow despite all the stalking and murder. Sure, it wasn’t fair that Steve is now a lot stronger than he should be because of illegal drugs that were probably made in a prison toilet. But when has the world gone out of its way to be fair, especially nowadays? Steve is just getting with the times, and finally realizing that cheating his way through life might be the only way to go. 

There’s got to still be a part of a disciplined soldier there, right? Steve appreciates the sentiment, even if he believes it to be moronic and borderline childish. He’s even gracious enough to tuck Zemo in before leaving the hotel room to roam the streets as a confused, lost tourist until he either gets answers or bored enough to steal a car, and eventually a plane to get where he really wants to be. He might even steal a phone and make a call, he has been feeling pretty lonely after his last phone call. In Steve’s mind, Joaquín has been feeling too comfortable and confident in himself and not their connection and that just has to change. Because why have the loving relationship they do, and it’s not the main source of Joaquín’s joy and sense of self? It’s just wrong. 

Meanwhile, Joaquín has done his best to try and move on from Steve. He’s well past his momentary benching from being Falcon and is back to the skies and saving people’s lives. Sure, it does feel a little weird doing so when there’s that little voice in the back of his head saying that he’s “incomplete,” that the serum would fix something inside. Nothing even felt broken, but there was just this weird itch that needed scratching. Not exactly the healthiest mindset, but it’s something he’s actively working on. That unhealthy need to still please Steve, or even worse, seek him out for guidance like he didn’t get hurt every single time they were together.

It has been a while since Steve’s one phone call and that was something Joaquín was actually grateful for. Sam has required he go to therapy at least once a month which has helped, especially since she’s anonymous enough that he doesn’t have to use a fake name for his toxic kind-of boyfriend who ended up killing people. 

How all of that positive change in his life led Joaquín to a seedy bar in Hell’s Kitchen he wasn’t sure, but he was there and feeling slightly buzzed from a few Old Fashioned he only ordered because the bartender was judging his choice of just beer. He just wanted to be alone in a place he wasn’t used to, dangerous but it at least made him feel something. 

“This isn’t a good neighborhood for Avengers.” A gruff voice broke Joaquín out of his dwelling as he started into a drink he knew was too strong for him, bound to get him too buzzed to be considered safe in a place he was so unfamiliar with. He turns and sees a tall man, obviously ex-military. He wears a casual outfit but Joaquín knows better, this man is armed to the fucking teeth in hidden guns. Suddenly, Joaquín felt himself sobering up slightly purely out of alarm for his own safety. 

“... Just blowing off steam.” Joaquín says, trying to avoid eye contact so this person gets bored and leaves him alone. The exact opposite happens as he takes a seat right in front of him, crossing his arms like a disappointed dad. The seedy bar Joaquín chose to rot by himself was oddly tourist trap-like, with a way too dark atmosphere and small, close to the ground chairs like it was a coffee shop. That’s where they both sit, the mystery man looking extremely awkward in the chair, especially considering how much heavy weaponry he has on him. 

That didn’t inspire any confidence in Joaquín that this conversation was going to lead anywhere safe for him. Yet, instead of notifying anyone who gives a shit about him that he might not be safe, he just keeps the conversation going. 

“So you know I’m the new Falcon, what do you want me to do, sign one of your guns?” Joaquín knows he shouldn’t be this short with someone who looks this dangerous, but he wasn’t exactly the most sober or coherent. The mystery man actually laughed at this, running his hand through his hair before once again crossing his arms. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” He sounded sure, exact. The man had the tone that he’s lived through a lot, and whatever he says must carry a lot of weight. Joaquín however, wasn’t about to listen to a vague threat by someone who’s way too obsessed with the idea of carrying a world record beating amount of guns all at once. Not when all he wanted to do was decompress away from the stress of Sam’s high expectations and way too understanding glances. Away from just- everything. This wasn’t helping. 

“I can be wherever I want to be.” Joaquín didn’t mean to snap, but it sure came out that way. As expected, mister ex-military didn’t like the snarky response in the slightest. 

“I’m practically doing you a favor here kid, and this is how you treat me-”

“I don’t even know who the fuck you are.” Joaquín knows he’s raising his voice above the level that’s expected in a dark bar like this, but he doesn’t care. This stranger was expecting a lot more of him than he was comfortable with. To Joaquín’s credit, it does shut the man up long enough that he can calm down so he doesn’t have to raise his voice like that again. It even gives him a name. 

“Frank Castle.” 

Suddenly, everything comes together in Joaquín’s mind. The overabundance of guns, and the confidence to just sit anywhere and say anything. This was the goddamn Punisher sitting in front of him saying he needs to get the fuck out of Hell’s Kitchen, probably a territory thing despite neither of them being in costume. 

“... So, Mister Castle,” Joaquín knows it’s a dick move to further aggravate the sober man with a lot of guns, but once again, the drink he’s sipping has become his liquid courage. “Are you going to drag me out of here by my wings? I’m not even here for hero work, I just wanted a drink.”

“This is the worst fucking bar in town, don’t lie. Even tourists know that. The bartender is a judgemental asshole and they only really make an Old Fashioned well. That’s not good. It’s also way too damn dark in here and the music is always ominous. People only frequent here if they’re pretentious or running away from something and I’ve got a feeling you’re not exactly prissy.” Frank’s spot on analysis was really ruining Joaquín’s buzz, which didn’t help his attitude. 

“Why the fuck are you still talking to me? I am a grown ass man, if I want to get blackout at a shitty bar in a place I’ve never been to then I am allowed to. Just because we both happen to have a costume we wear either at night or during the day does it mean you’ve got some authority over me. And for the record, I’m not running away from anything. You can get fucked, now leave me alone-” Joaquín goes to stand, sit anywhere else to try and forget this conversation ever happened, but he’s stopped by someone else. 

It was the same guy that Joaquín swore was staring at him the entire night, but he didn’t want to believe it was true. He wanted to just blame it on paranoia, especially considering he’s always around people who have spy training in one way or another. Always looking over your shoulder becomes a learned habit after seeing them do it constantly. But this man just looked like bad news and reeked of booze in a way that just screamed tonight wasn’t the only night he’s been drinking. 

“... So, you’re not from around here. That’s fine, I can take you to an actual good bar. I know 'em all, if it’s not obvious.”

The man’s breath was as bad as his receding hairline, it seems. Joaquín can’t hide his flinch. 

“Hey, Corey, we talked about this. You can’t keep talking to people like this, not with your track record. I'm calling the parole officer and telling her you’re harassing strangers again.” Joaquín suddenly hears Frank speak up from directly behind him, and this works almost immediately. This Corey makes himself scarce, and he even goes as far as to leave the bar entirely. 

“... I’m not thanking you for that.” Joaquín hated how ungrateful he sounded, but he was secretly embarrassed. With all his training and know-how, he just froze when suddenly approached. So much for being skilled enough to be worthy of the wings. Joaquín bitterly thinks to himself as he goes to chug the rest of his Old Fashioned. Of course, things couldn’t just work out in his favor. That was just too good for him. 

With a swiftness that Joaquín doesn’t even consider fair, Frank snatches the drink away. 

“What the fuck was that for, I paid for that-”

“It’s shit liquor, you’ll get over it. I am sobering you up, because I don’t exactly feel like seeing your face all over the tabloids because you decided to get absolutely shit-faced in a place like this.” Frank’s sternness normally would’ve set Joaquín straight but once again, he’s had too much of the shit liquid courage to be his normal self. 

“Why would you give a fuck about tabloids? You’re underground, indie. Shoot first, ask questions never-” 

Joaquín was definitely sobered up by the way Frank slams the rest of the drink against the floor, shattering the glass. He’s suddenly grabbed by the back of the shirt and promptly dragged outside in a way that makes Joaquín wish he didn’t come alone. It makes him wish he at least reached out to a friend to tell them where he went, because this wasn’t looking good. It didn’t help that he wasn’t sober, so it certainly made him dizzy to suddenly be outside so abruptly and aggressively. 

“Don’t fuck with me kid- I’m not the one you want to see pissed off.” Joaquín wasn’t sure what gave him the confidence or the strength, but he winds up and actually punches Frank right in the nose. Which was a feat, because Frank was holding him by the back of his shirt like a misbehaving kitten getting scruffed. Thankfully, it does some damage because he’s been actually sticking to the training that Sam, Bucky, and even John have been giving him about dealing a good punch despite not having the serum. 

“Leave me the fuck alone! I am a damn adult who’s got nothing to do with you, and I want to be drunk and by myself! So, how about you go and try parenting someone else, I’m sure you can find another lost soul who’s actually looking for a father figure.” Joaquín knew he was being belligerent, but he had every right to be pissed off. Frank suddenly interrupts his alone time talking like he owns Hell’s Kitchen and just has to go and save him from the creep.

That apparently gave Frank the right to just order Joaquín around just because he did him a favor, which is weird and bullshit. He wasn’t going to stand for it, especially after all the shit Steve put him through. 

“You have no designated driver kid and this ain’t exactly a part of town that’s tourist friendly. You’re in way over your head, trust me. I am going to let it slide that you punched me, purely because it actually had heft to it. I’ll give it to you, you’re trained pretty well. I can’t say you’ve got a completely good head on your shoulders if you’ve picked this shit hole as your escapism, but you don’t seem like a complete lost cause. So let me be very honest with you, this isn’t a safe place. Especially for someone so closely associated with the new Captain America. There are probably a dozen people parked in unmarked cars who want to hand you over to Fisk as a bargaining chip.”

Joaquín suddenly sobered up even more at the mention of the man as he realized that just maybe Frank wasn’t bullshitting him. Maybe Hell’s Kitchen isn’t a tourist destination, especially right now. 

“... You could’ve opened with that.” Joaquín wasn’t proud of the way he wobbles as he stands, but he figured being able to stay upright at all was an accomplishment in itself. 

Frank rolls his eyes, and holds out his hand. “Give me your phone. I’m calling someone for you. You need sense knocked into you by a friend, not me.” 

As much as Joaquín wanted to argue, he knew that that’d probably be the best for him. It was clear that Frank didn’t want to be his babysitter for much longer, and it was kind that he stayed for this long considering how dangerous Hell’s Kitchen can get. As much as Joaquín wanted to deny it, Frank was also right about the tabloids. He needs to be a lot more careful in public, or just get drunk at home. Being the new Falcon means he can’t just get drunk in unknown, shit bars without people taking it out of context and using it against him. So, maybe it was a good thing he got forced to face reality, even if it was done a little too aggressively. 

So, it was safe to say that Joaquín did end up giving his phone up, already on the contact of the one person who probably needs to hear of his whereabouts the most. Frank looked mildly impressed that they picked up after only one ring. 

“... Joaquín? Why are you calling me? It’s late-” 

Sam’s exhausted voice rang through the other side of the call, as Frank didn't waste time in cutting him off. 

“I’d say it’s an honor if I met you in any other circumstances, but we’re meeting like this so let me skip the formalities. My name’s Frank Castle and I’ve got your boy here in Hell’s Kitchen, and he’s drunk off his ass in the least safe part of town.” 

Joaquín wished Frank wasn’t so damn blunt, but he knew it was necessary. He knows he’s fucked up, and definitely deserves the inevitable scolding from Sam for choosing to do something like this. There’s mostly silence on the other end of the call, and normally Frank would be frustrated but he knows better. Sam’s getting ready, frantically putting clothes on and reaching for keys to a car he’ll drive so close to the speed limit there.

“I- damn it. Just send me the address and I’ll be there as soon as I can. Get him sitting down, I know he’s trying to stay standing. It’s a him thing, don’t ask. And Frank, thanks for keeping an eye on him. I know there’s a million other things you probably want to be doing right now, especially considering how late in the night it is. You didn’t have to do this, yet you did, so, thank you-” 

Joaquín was stunned to see Frank hang up right as he’s thanked, like he didn’t feel like he even deserved it. The rare moment of vulnerability from the other man made Joaquín truly realize that the other man really was looking out for him. (He just has a very funny way of showing concern.) So, they sat in silence until it became too much and Joaquín had the urge to break it, turning over to Frank Castle with new eyes, standing on wobbly knees but strong enough to somewhat make eye contact. 

“... You're a good man, Castle.” The compliment goes incredibly poorly, but Frank is professional enough to just growl in Joaquín's general direction for it but doesn't make eye contact. 

“I don't take compliments from people not sober enough to stand. If you sobered up and came here to tell me that another time, I might believe you. Heavy on the might.” Joaquín couldn't even consider what Frank said to be hurtful, especially considering he was almost so far gone that he wasn't even sure he'd remember this encounter the next morning. God, Frank was right about a lot of things. He had no business being in a seedy place like this so intoxicated and alone, not just for safety either. Joaquín's reputation is now tied to Sam's because he's carrying his past wings. 

Before the conversation could get any deeper, Sam pulls up with the franticness of a parent who was told their kid is in the hospital. Joaquín is ushered into the car, and he feels slightly embarrassed but mostly guilty at how genuinely worried Sam looks. Or course, it doesn't just stay pure worry. There's anger and confusion there, both equally justified.

“... What the fuck were you doing in a spot like that? By yourself no less? You're absolutely wasted and have no one at your side to actually watch your back. In Hell's Kitchen no less! Do you know how scared I got when someone that wasn't you called me using your phone late at night?”

Sam groans, as if he's trying to comprehend why someone would make this shit of a choice for their life. He knows how much Joaquín is struggling after Steve, probably more than most, but this was a lot more reckless than he was comfortable with. It was borderline looking for the serum territory, and it made Sam worry that they would actually have to get strict on where Joaquín comes and goes. That was the last thing Sam wanted to do considering his whole hero bit is being a bird that can fly wherever they please. 

The reality of the decision starts truly weighing down on Joaquín, as well as the true nature of his relationship with Steve. It just feels like everything hit him at once, and just like he did after Steve's one call, Joaquín finds himself sobbing like he's never done so before. But this time, Sam actually takes the time to park the car and hug him, getting back to the Avengers compound in a reasonable time be damned. Instead of only being in a stranger's room and getting light comfort, he's with someone who deeply cares and worries. This love wasn't tainted by ugliness or whatever Steve wanted to use as control. It was protective, and something Joaquín wasn't used to. 

“... He- he never loved me dad. He was lying. The entire time!” Joaquín was just sobbing nonsense into the void, not ready to face that this was the most honest he's been in a while. It really hurt to admit, to break down, but at least he had someone to catch him this time. 

Sam, ever present and caring, just gives his comfort despite his intensely aching heart that Joaquín ever found a love so tainted and full of hurt. All he can do is give soft reassurances, and hope this wound was something he could truly help Joaquín never want to run to Steve's side ever again. The only thing he could hope is that this saga was over, and no pain would make him cry like this. 

Love was supposed to be good, something that you can rely on and use to light the way in dark situations. What Joaquín got was quite the opposite, and now he's stuck with this mixture of guilt and yearning to fly right into the sun like Icarus for promises of even a sliver of love and affection from someone who isn't even capable of doing it for himself. When Joaquín is able to collect himself, Sam drives back to the Avengers compound with a new resolve. 

If Steve Rogers finds himself out of the Raft, and Joaquín is ever in the line of fire again, they just have to handle him in house. Clearly the Raft and Valentina weren't the solution, so they just have to fight dirty now. Use methods they'd only ever consider using on a feral Hulk, and cage him like they did with Abomination but even more sturdy. Hell, they could use a Hulk to truly put Steve in place. Sure, it felt like overkill but Steve's been a cruel man. They deserved to have a little overkill. No one was going to hurt Joaquín like this and get away with it, not when Sam still has breath in his lungs and the ability to go against people with the serum without it.