Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eddie has seen a lot of crazy. He's from Texas, he's a single dad, and he's survived two tours in Afghanistan. He's seen a lot of shit, he's been through a lot of shit, and he's made it out the other side. Then, someone in LA decides to start shooting first responders and suddenly Eddie's a little worried that he's about to see a lot more crazy.

The mood in the loft is dismal when Eddie finally drags his way up the stairs. He spent the first half of his morning trying to figure out how he would explain this to Christopher, not wanting to send the boy to school unawares in case he found out from his classmates. The next part of his morning was spent prying his son from his side as he begged him not to go to work. Suffice to say, Eddie isn't entirely surprised when he finds his mood reflected on Hen's face. 

"Rough morning?" Eddie asks, trying for levity. He must miss the mark, because Hen scoffs, slumping a little further into the barstool she's sitting on. 

"Apparently, my son doesn't love the idea of his mom being shot by some wacko. My wife isn't a huge fan of it either." Eddie nods, commiserating with her. He collapses into the barstool next to her, checking his phone to see Carla got Chris to school with minimal suffering. Coffee mugs slide towards Eddie and Hen, Chimney taking a sip from his own as he leans against the island across from them.

"Blessing and a curse of having a baby." He shrugs, but Eddie sees the bags under his eyes that mirror the ones under his own. 

"How's Maddie holding up? And Karen?" Eddie finds himself guiltily grateful in these situations. He doesn't have a partner at home that's worried sick over him. He misses Shannon every day, the ache burrowing deeper and deeper every time he wakes up to another day of his son's mother being gone again, but he can't help but thank God for not making her live through this. 

"Maddie understands that I have to keep coming in, but she's not happy about it. I owe her so many date nights once this is over," Chim chuckles slightly. Hen nods and Eddie can't help but crack a smile.

"I am under strict instructions to not end up in the hospital," Hen adds.

"I'll watch the kids one night, let both of you attempt to get out of the doghouse," Eddie offers. Hen pats his hand and Chim claps him on the shoulder. Hen goes to say something, but they're interrupted by Bobby's office door opening. At least half of the A-shift is already upstairs and the ones who aren't begin a sad shuffle towards the loft. Eddie straightens a bit when he sees the fire chief behind Bobby, shooting looks at Hen and Chim to see if they know anything. Hen gives him a shrug while Chim pulls an ugly face that Eddie assumes means he has no idea. 

"Gather around, everyone. The chief would like to talk to you all," Bobby announces. Eddie, Hen, and Chim move to stand behind the couches, Eddie patting Ravi on the shoulder as the man sits down in front of them. 

"I wish I came bearing better news, but I'm sure you're all aware of why I'm here. Someone has decided to target first responders. It's my duty to inform you of the plan going forward to keep you all safe while you do your jobs. Bullet proof vests will be delivered today which you are expected to wear at all times when in the uniform and not in the fire house. You will have an armed guard at all calls going forward."

"An armed guard? They're bringing in the military?" Hen questions, other members of the 118 muttering and nodding at her question. Eddie himself is a little shocked at the announcement. He isn't entirely sure how adding more guns to the equation is going to make things better. He hasn't been in a bulletproof vest since Afghanistan. Eddie's pulse jumps a little at the thought and he takes a sip of coffee to try to distract himself.

"Most houses will have SWAT teams, but where SWAT can't cover, the National Guard has been called in. One very lucky firehouse will work with a SEAL team that offered their services. SWAT has taken point on the assignments, but the 118's armed escort should arrive today. They will be here with you, they will be out on calls with you, you listen to them before tackling any job. Do you all understand?" The firefighters of the 118 nod and the chief nods back at them. He sighs and claps a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "Thank you for your service. And I'm sorry that I can't do more." He takes his leave, footsteps echoing down the staircase in the almost silent firehouse. The 118 turns back to Bobby, who tries to hide his frown before they all see. 

"Alright, team, you heard him. The chore list is on the fridge and I will get started on breakfast. Until our escort arrives, let's operate like this is any other day, okay? If any of you need to talk to your families, please let me know, and I'll try to arrange things. I'm here if any of you need to talk." He looks around the loft, but when no one jumps at his offer, he heads towards the kitchen. He pats Chimney on the shoulder as he passes. Eddie watches most of the A-shift scatter around the house. Ravi stays on the couch, fiddling with his phone. Eddie pulls out his own phone, sees a text from Pepa and an Instagram message from Maddie, but locks his phone without answering any of them. His phone's been suspiciously quiet this past year and a half, and sometimes he can't help but pull it out to stare at the lockscreen and wonder just how it all went wrong.

 Hen glances after Bobby before turning back to them. "A SEAL team?"

 "I didn't run in to many SEAL teams in the sandbox. I think I actually only saw one commander in passing. Heard some pretty nasty rumors about them though," Eddie says. The mention of the SEAL team and the National Guard make anxiety thrum in his chest. He came to LA to escape what he experienced overseas, not to have some random sniper drag him right back to his past.

Chimney pales a little bit at Eddie's tone and Eddie attempts a calming smile. "I mean, it sounds like just a precaution. I'm sure SWAT is just stretched thin. I mean, there's no way we get the SEAL team as our escort. Station 9 covers the area with the most people, they'll probably get the most highly skilled squad." Chim nods a little jerkily, fishing his phone out of his pocket as Eddie and Hen walk back to the kitchen. Eddie pauses. "Maybe don't mention the SEAL team to Maddie."

 Chim pauses, considering. "Good call."

 The universe hates Eddie Diaz.

They're halfway through Bobby's normal breakfast spread of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and pancakes when they hear a car pull up to the station. Ravi comes running up the stairs, panting slightly. "Guys, they're here. Our SWAT escort is here!"

Bobby wipes his hands, pulling the apron over his head easily and handing it to Rodriguez. "Here, keep the pancakes coming. I will go welcome our new guests." Eddie, Hen, and Chim, who had been occupying three of the chairs at the table, get up to follow him, Eddie snagging some bacon to take with. Bobby pauses at the top of the stairs, raising an eyebrow at them all, shaking his head slightly. Eddie's fairly certain he's the only one who manages to look a little sheepish at the dismissal. Chimney wordlessly gestures to the railing on the edge of the loft, Bobby nodding, exasperated. 

Bobby takes two steps down the stairs before stopping again. "Panikarr!" Ravi freezes where he's attempting to sneak down the stairs. He gives a thumbs up, walking back to join Eddie, Hen, and Chimney at the railing. 

"What do you think they're like?" Ravi asks, leaning in conspiratorially. Hen shakes her head at him a little, fondly exasperated.

"They aren't celebrities, Ravi, they're just normal guys doing their jobs," Eddie sighs. "This is a high stress situation. They aren't here to make friends."

Raucous laughter spills in from the parking lot as feet crunch on the gravel. It sounds a little bit like a group of school children on a field trip, which automatically detracts from the serious of Eddie's prediction. Ravi, Hen, and Chim look at him a little, and Eddie shrugs. "I was in the military, not SWAT. Don't look at me."

From their angle in the loft, they can't see anything yet, but the group that's just arrived is talking loudly enough for them to hear. "Alright, alright. Remember, we're here to protect the 118. If we have a shot at this guy, we take it, but not at the expense of the first responders. Copy? Is everyone sure they want to spend their one month stateside getting shot at?" The man's voice is deep, authoritative, and a little familiar. Eddie glances at the others to see if anyone else noticed it. Ravi meets his eye from the other side of Hen, a furrow in his brow.

"Phoenix, they get it. We all know the risks. We follow your lead." There's a chorus of agreements after the other man speaks. As Bobby reaches the last few steps, the new group begins to walk into the firehouse.

The first trio to pass the ladder truck are all wearing SWAT vests and dark cargo pants, long range rifles slung over their shoulders easily as they mutter to each other. The woman's red hair is twisted into a complicated braid while the two men on either side of her look similar enough to be brothers. They're followed by three more people, all wearing the same gear as the first three. Eddie's attention quickly drifts to the last two and he feels the exact moment the rest of the 118 sees them too.

Hen and Ravi gasp while Chimney's jaw drops. Bobby reels back like he's been slapped. Eddie's vision tunnels, his heart pounding. He's white knuckling the railing hard enough to hurt. He's pretty sure if he let's go his knees will buckle on him. Because walking into the fire station in SWAT gear, the same long range rifle strapped across his shoulders the rest of the squad has, sporting a new scar through his right eyebrow, is his best friend. The same best friend that left the 118 a year and a half ago with no warning.

The SWAT team comes to a stop in front of a shell-shocked Bobby, lining up to a total of 8 people. Buck stands confidently in the center of the line. He's bigger than he was when he left, shoulders broad and filling out the bulletproof vest easily. He's got a gun on one hip, another holstered on his thigh. He settles with both of his hands hanging from the neck of the vest, showing off inches and inches of newly tattooed skin. There's stubble on his jaw, his curls are free, and if Eddie could muster a coherent thought, he's sure the only one would be about how Buck has never looked more beautiful. 

"Buck?" Bobby gasps. 

Buck pulls his shoulders back, holding himself at his full height. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Evan Buckley of SEAL Team 10. We're here to protect the 118."

The universe hates Eddie Diaz. But it seems to hate Evan Buckley the same amount. 

Chapter Text

A year and a half ago...

Buck drops the lawsuit. He drops the lawsuit, ignores the millions of dollars of settlement money, and is so thrilled to go back to work. He misses playing games between calls with Hen, reading books while teasing Chimney, and making Eddie's coffee right alongside his own every morning. Behind the betrayal he feels at Bobby being the reason he was stopped from coming back to work, he even misses the older man, longing for his advice and easy smiles. He misses making an impact, turning someones worst day into a not so terrible one. He isn't expecting everyone to feel the same way and isn't even expecting anyone to celebrate his return. Whatever he was expecting, it isn't chill that covers the station when he walks in on his first morning back.

Bobby makes him man behind all day. Buck cleans each rig, does inventory three times over, and makes dinner for everyone. He talks a little with Hen, barely catching up, but Chimney, Eddie, and Bobby avoid him like the plague.

"What did I do to Chim?" He whispers to Hen. Hen smiles sadly at him, shaking her head slightly. He understands why Eddie is mad, Eddie always reacts to everything with anger first. And he knows why Bobby is mad. But the last time he talked with Maddie, she and Chim seemed fine. 

"Maddie didn't tell you? She's put a stop to their moving in together plans. Apparently, she wasn't a fan with how he - well we - all treated you during the lawsuit." Hen explains, putting a hand up when Buck immediately jumps up to go talk to Chimney. "I know, I know, you didn't ask her to do that."

"Hen, I would never get between those two. You have to know that," Buck gasps. He knows it's a touch desperate, but he hates the idea that he ruined Maddie and Chimney's relationship. He would never burden his sister with all of this, especially to the detriment of her first healthy relationship after Doug. 

"I do know that, Buck. And deep down, Chim knows it too. Just give him a bit, okay?" Buck nods, assuaged, and Hen heads off to the bunkroom.

Buck goes in the next day. He's man behind again, cleans each rig, does inventory. Bobby, Eddie, and Chimney don't speak to him. Ravi's on shift though, and spends the day asking Buck question after question about the most efficient ways to pack everything into the trucks. Buck's pretty sure the man does it out of pity, but he appreciates the company nonetheless. 

It's the same the next shift. And the shift after that. And the shift after that. 

Buck goes in everyday, tries to talk to Eddie or cook with Bobby or joke with Chimney to receive the same glares and sullen silences. He sticks to Ravi mostly, conversations with Hen leaving him feeling pitied and more alone than ever. He gave up entirely after she mentioned a 118 cookout Buck hadn't received an invite to, not able to take the way her face had fallen when she realized he hadn't 'been busy' like Bobby had claimed. Ravi rarely attends A-shift parties, so they bond over a shared love of traveling and rock climbing and a general interest in history. 

It's been a month of cold shoulders, an empty loft, and not a single invite to 118 barbecues or family get togethers or outside of work hangouts when there's a knock on Buck's door. He freezes a bit where he stands by the oven, unsure of what to do. He hadn't made any plans with Maddie, Athena, or Karen, the only 118 adjacent people who have attempted to have a relationship with him. When he pokes his head towards the peep-hole, he lets his jaw drop.

He swings open the door, Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett standing on the other side.

"You can't be here," is what leaves his mouth first. It's rude, he hasn't even invited his old commander inside yet, hasn't seen the man in person since he entered the reserves in 2018 to join the LAFD. But, he's caught off guard, he's exhausted, and he hasn't talked to another human being in two days since his last shift. So he doesn't try to save it, but he does begrudingly open the door wider when Steve bullies his way past him. 

"That's no way to treat an old friend, kid," Steve says, going immediately to his fridge to poke around for a beer. "You got any long boards?"

Buck shuts the front door, bangs his head against it once, and sighs. "No, Steve, I don't have any of your gross Hawaiian beer. There's juice on the bottom shelf."

Steve seems to find that satisfactory enough, pulling it and two glasses from the cupboard above the sink. Buck isn't sure how Steve knows his way around his apartment, isn't entirely sure that the other man didn't find the schematics to the loft before dropping by unannounced. "What are you doing here, McGarrett?"

Steve leans against the counter, sipping his juice contentedly. "You didn't answer my last email check in. Did some digging, asked around, heard about a LA firefighter who sued his department. Decided it was high time I check in on my old team."

Buck moves to the island, slumping into one of the barstools. He taps the juice glass Steve slides his way dejectedly. "Sorry, I've been busy. I'm fine."

Steve does a pointed job of eyeing Buck's loft, spotting the take out containers and piled trashbags and scattered clothes. He raises an eyebrow at Buck's pajamas. "Okay, fine, I haven't exactly but I'm fine. You can go back to Hawaii now."

Steve continues to wait. It takes approximately one more minute before Buck's spilling every trauma he's faced in the past few months. He talks about the ladder truck, feeling pinned and helpless and in so much goddam pain. He talks about coding in the ambulance, about how they almost lost him again on the table. He talks about the grueling months of physical therapy, how hard he worked to get full mobility back. Buck talks and talks, getting to the pulmonary embolism and how he can barely stomach hot drinks or rare cooked meat anymore because the taste of iron takes him right back to that day. He talks about how many doctors signed off on his re-certification: surgeons, cardiologists, psychologists. How apparently, a second and third opinion was still not enough to not be considered a liability by the man he used to see as a father. He talks about the disasterous dinner, how Athena came by his apartment the next day to apologize, having been unaware of it being Bobby keeping Buck from his family. He details the grocery store argument, his best friend calling him exhausting, his basically brother-in-law letting it happen, aiding and abetting it. He talks about the cold shoulders, being man behind, and how hopeless he's felt for the entire month of being back at the 118. Steve listens and Buck talks until he cries and Steve lets him.

When he falls quiet for the first time in over an hour, Steve bullies him to the couch while he grabs a cold glass of water and tissues and wraps him in a blanket. Buck laughs wetly at the mother hen treatment while his old commander simply pulls him into his side and turns on some trash tv.

"I should've been here, kid. I'm sorry for that, but I'm here now, okay?" Buck nods. Steve spends the rest of the time updating Buck on Hawaii and Five-O, the specialized task force the governor of Hawaii has him running. He tells him about Chin and Kono, the pair of badass cousins he found. He tells him about Danny and Buck laughs at how much the man reminds him of their old sergeant, Freddie. Freddie and Steve had been incredibly close before a mission went wrong, Freddie staying behind to provide cover to get Buck and Steve and the rest of the team out. Freddie's body lay rotting on the forest floor of a foreign country while Buck and Steve sit in his empty, cold, loft. Buck isn't sure how fair it is, is more sure that he left a part of him rotting with Freddie.

Danny has kids and a cool car and is a crack shot and Buck teases Steve for being a little obssessed with his partner. Steve brings up an ex-Army medic with a Silver Star. Buck shuts up. He has no ground to stand on. 

They order in dinner, talk about crazy calls Buck has been on or insane criminals Steve has arrested, and for a minute Buck is back in the desert with an MRE in hand and a warm feeling in his chest. The 118 had been an amazing family for a while there, but Buck's been craving the closeness of his SEAL team something fierce recently. He falls asleep to the sound of Steve ranting on the phone to Danny, feeling better than he has in almost a year.

Two days later, he's leaving a note at the station, handing over the keys to his apartment, and following Steve onto a helicopter. Maddie, Carla, Athena, Karen and Ravi all receive letters of their own, detailing his new phone number and a need for no contact from the 118. A week later, he's on a plane to some foreign desert with a gun on his hip and a smile on his face.

Present

The firehouse is quieter than Buck has ever heard it. Eddie, Chimney, Hen, and Ravi are standing shell-shocked by the railing, Bobby looking pale right in front of the stairs to the loft. Other members of the A-shift begin to gather towards the railing of the loft, drawn by the shocked atmosphere. He can feel Sparrow start to shift next to him, Steve a solid line of contact on his other side. The moment breaks, the tense silence shattered by Ravi's excited shout.

"Buck! You're back!" he yells, running down the stairs like a kid in a candy store. He slams Buck into a hug, which Buck excitedly returns. They had kept in contact, as much as one can when ones infilitrating foreign governments and getting shot at everyday. He had told the truth to Ravi in a phone call, to which the younger man had simply said he would buy him a drink once he was stateside before moving on to complaining about his latest tenant in one of the many apartment buildings he owns. The rest of the 118 begins to filter down from the loft, members Buck trained right before leaving coming up to clap him on the back and welcome him stateside. He endures this for a few minutes before Steve clears his throat meaningfully next to him. 

"Right, right. Thanks everyone," Buck says bashfully. He hadn't been expecting to be greeted so warmly by so many people. He straightens, getting back to business. They were there for a reason. "Captain Nash, is there somewhere we can speak privately?" 

Bobby makes an attempt at recovery, nodding slightly frantically. "Yes, yes, we can use my office. There's breakfast upstairs, if your team is hungry."

Buck smirks a bit at that. "You heard him, team. Smooth Dog with me. The rest of you, unload the van. Your bags can go in that locker room there, bunk room is up the stairs and to the right. Sparrow, Match, Finn, you're on first shift with me. Blaze, Fitz, and Thrin, you're on second shift with Smooth Dog. Fuel and rest up, the station will go online at 09:00." His team heads back to the van, but not before Buck catches the dirty look Sparrow shoots at Bobby. "Sparrow, best behavior please."

Andrea "Sparrow" Smith was in Top Gun before transferring out to join SEAL Team 10 as one of their best close quarter combatants. She speaks 5 languages and is a master at espionage, earning the call sign 'Sparrow' by how fast she is in the cockpit. She's the little sister Buck never got to have, which makes him fiercely protective of her, and vice versa. He should tell her to tone it down, but it's entertaining to watch Bobby flinch away from the redheads gaze.

She gives him a winning grin. "Of course, Phoenix."

He laughs a bit, nudging Steve to follow him upstairs. He ignores Eddie, Hen, and Chimney for now, pointing things out to Steve. Bobby waves them into his office, gesturing at the two seats in front of his desk. Buck and Steve stay standing, prompting Bobby to do the same awkwardly.

"It's nice to see you again, Buck," Bobby starts. Buck nods. He takes a quick glance around Bobby's office. Not much has changed, a few newer pictures replacing the ones Buck remembers. He isn't in any of them anymore. He thinks of Steve's humvee, with pictures of their team stuck on the rearview mirror. He thinks of his bunk on base, pictures of him and Sparrow in a cockpit, a selfie Finn took of Match sitting on Bucks back as he's doing push ups. The thoughts soften the blow a bit. 

"It's nice to be stateside. Thank you for the offer of breakfast, we came straight here once we landed so my team hasn't had the chance to eat. Has the chief briefed you?" 

Bobby shakes his head. "He said our armed escort would come in with more specific information. Can I ask...?"

"The Navy has declared it not a conflict of interest," Steve pipes up. Buck is grateful that he took the question. He didn't want to have to explain that his SWAT contacts had told himwhat was happening and that he'd immediately panicked, putting in a stateside request for his team. It was granted, in addition to a shoot first, ask questions later rule from the Navy regarding the gunman. He's sure the conversation would lead to more questions, like why Buck had SWAT contacts in the first place. Oh, and probably how long he'd been a Navy SEAL. "We are under orders to protect the 118 while on calls and attempt to disengage the shooter if the opportunity is given."

Buck takes back over. "There are eight of us, meaning we will split into shifts of four and four. Each shift will have either myself or Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett in charge, with three Petty Officers rounding it out. I will take A-shift, McGarrett B-shift, and then I will be back on for C-shift. We'll rotate out depending on calls and lengths of shifts. You are not to leave the firehouse in uniform without one of our shifts with you. Do you understand?"

Bobby nods. "The chief also mentioned bulletproof vests?"

"Yes, my team is unloading those from our van now. They'll show everyone how to wear them and how to take care of them. Though, we won't have to show everyone on A-shift how to work with them," Buck muses. Bobby nods.

"I'm sure Eddie can help with them if you need," Bobby offers and Buck shrugs. 

"He isn't who I was referring to. You know you have three other ex-military firefighters on A-shift alone, right?" Bobby looks shocked.

Buck isn't surprised that he knows Bobby's team better than the older man does, Bobby's quite good at playing favorites. But Buck will never ignore how the forgotten members of the A-shift took his side during the lawsuit and kept him company on long calls when the rest of the 118 wouldn't talk to him. Now that he's back in some capacity, it's his mission to make sure that what happened to him never happens to another firefighter again. "Either way, we'll get everyone trained on them before the station goes online. My team and I are practically going to be living here until this is taken care of. I'm assuming that won't be a problem?"

Bobby shakes his head. "Buck, listen -"

"Actually, we'd prefer if you mainly used our call signs when out on calls," Steve interrupts. "We'll introduce our team using them. It keeps everyone focused, reminds them that they're on a job. Makes it easier to keep the switch flipped." 

Buck owes Steve a fruit basket. Or four. Buck hadn't been able to predict how being back at the 118 would make him feel, even though he was the one who suggested his team get assigned to the house. He couldn't trust any other team to protect the 118. It had to be him. But, that didn't make it any easier to hear his old family call him by the nickname they gave him. Going by Phoenix would be easier, simpler. Bobby looks between the two men, but nods slowly. 

"If it's alright with you, Captain Nash, we'll go see how the teams are getting on." Technically, they're in Bobby's office, but the dismissal is clear in Steve's tone. He's already ushering Buck out the door before Bobby waves a distracted hand, staring at Buck like he's seen a ghost. Buck knows the feeling. 

Steve places a hand on his shoulder while they're shadowed in the hallway. He can hear Team 10 laughing amongst themselves in the loft, the clatter of plates and forks, but he doesn't hear anyone from the 118. It takes a bit of a weight off his chest, knowing that they aren't fighting. At least, that they aren't fighting yet. In a perfect world, he would have loved for his SEAL family and his 118 family to get along. But the 118 burned him, and he isn't sure how ready he is to forgive them. Steve's presence is steadying and Buck leans into him a bit. "How are you holdin up, pup?"

The nickname brings a smile to his lips. Buck was one of the youngest SEALs to make Lt Commander in the Navy's history. He joined up at 17, passed BUD/s with flying colors at 18, and was assigned to SEAL Team 10 the same year. Freddie used to joke that Buck was young enough to be the puppy of the team and the nickname stuck. God, he would do anything for advice from Freddie right now. "This is harder than I thought. I never told them I'm a SEAL."

Steve makes a noise at that. "I thought you told them you went through BUD/s."

Buck shrugs. "I did. Apparently, none of them knew you had to be enlisted in the Navy to do that. That, and someone started the rumor that I was a bellringer and washed out."

Steve tightens his grip around Buck's shoulder which makes the other man laugh at his protectiveness. "They didn't deserve you. Do you understand?"

"I think I'm starting to." Buck grips Steve's shoulder in thanks, before taking a deep breath. "Let's go make sure Sparrow didn't kill Eddie."

Eddie would love to say that he immediately connected all the dots. That Buck's vague mentions of traveling in his 20's, the one time he mentioned BUD/s training, his freaky observational skills all suddenly clicked into place. He would love to say that he realized that Buck volunteered to help him get the grenade out of the man's leg not because of some weird pride thing, but because he really had done things like that overseas. He wishes he could say that he took the 15 minutes Buck and the other tall, older, tattooed, SEAL talked to Bobby, and understood that Buck must've served before the LAFD, gone into the reserves, and then went back when he left a year and a half ago. 

He can't say that that's what happened, though. Because instead, he sits there and he watches Buck, armed Buck, walk away wearing gear he never thought he'd see the man in. He sits there and watches Bucks' new team come in with gear bags full of bulletproof vests, laughing and knocking into each other. He watches them come into the loft like they own the place, grabbing foot and shifting their guns to be across their laps or near their feet as they sit and talk like the 118 has known about their existence the whole time. And he gets angry. 

He's pissed. How dare Buck drag these strangers into their house after a year and a half of not talking to them? How dare he show his face here after abandoning them, abandoning Christopher? He's glad Buck walked away, because if he were in the room, Eddie's pretty sure he'd be screaming.

"What is going on in that head of yours?" Hen asks him. The only one of the main members of A-shift interacting with the SEALs is Ravi, who apparently knows them all by name enough to carry conversations with them. He had approached the scary redhead, asked after her sister like he knew her personally, and was soon folded into the rest of the group. Eddie, Hen, and Chimney are standing in the kitchen, staring at the SEALs like they're afraid they're going to start shooting people. 

"I'm assuming none of you knew about this?" He tries to keep his voice calm, but judging by Hen's look, he misses the mark by a mile. 

"He mentioned BUD/s training once, but I don't think any of us paid it any mind. You didn't see Buck when he first got here. He didn't look or act like anyone who had been in the military a day in his life. He was reckless, he was undisciplined. Even if he came out and told us, I don't think any of us would've believed him."

Chimney shakes his head. One of the SEALs glances over at their group and says something, causing the whole group to keel over in laughter. Eddie frowns harder when he notices Ravi joining in too. "You know, I could've sworn I heard gunshots one time when I walked in on her on the phone with him. She told me not to worry about it."

Eddie stiffens, brows furrowing harder. His heart starts to pound, his blood beginning to rush through his head. "What do you mean, on the phone with him?" His voice must be doing something dangerous, because Chimney looks a little nervous. Hen is giving Eddie a look that says he's crazy, but Eddie only has eyes for Chimney. 

"He left Maddie a letter before he took off. In it was a new phone number with strict instructions to not give it to any of us. I'm not sure who else has it honestly," Chim confesses. Eddie turns his glare to Hen, who raises a scolding eyebrow.

"Don't be pissed off at me because you ruined your relationship with Buck so bad he didn't want to talk to you for over a year. I didn't get this number either. Karen got a letter from him though. Athena too."

Chim looks over at where Ravi is trying on one of the bulletproof vests with the help of the redhead. "Ravi must have gotten it too. He seems like he's talked to these guys before."

Eddie reels back like he's been hit. Not only did Buck leave with absolutely no warning, but he only gave his new number to certain people. Apparently, Eddie didn't make the cut, but Ravi, the probie did. 

Buck and the older SEAL walk back into the loft, talking quietly amongst themselves. Buck has one hand on the strap of his rifle where it's hanging from his shoulder, and the other waving around, gesturing. Eddie looks at him confiding in this stranger and sees red. That should be him by Buck's side. That should be him having Buck's back out in the field. There's guilt in the rage, guilt at the way they treated Buck before he left. Guilt at the way he never told Buck how sorry he was for what he said in the grocery store. The anger beats back the guilt and the sorrow swirling in his gut, filling his veins with fire. He's opening his mouth before he can stop himself. 

"How dare you?"

Chapter Text

Buck hears his parents admitting he's a savior baby on repeat in his nightmares. It's usually followed by Eddie calling him selfish and exhuasting. That then continues through his greatest hits of trauma, amounting to very little sleep and very low self esteem. It's gotten a little better in the past year, having one of his teammates almost always sleeping next to him helping immensely. But now, the disgusted way Eddie is looking at him is seared into his brain. He's fairly sure that his angry "How dare you?" will repeat in his head every time he walks into the fire station in the near future. He steps back a little with the weight of it, Steve immediately stepping in front of him. Sparrow's already standing, Match halfway to his feet as well. 

Bobby walks out from the hallway behind Buck and Steve, sees Eddie advancing across the loft, and steps between Eddie and the two SEALs. Eddie blinks, the rage slipping from his features slightly as he stares at Bobby, confused. "Stand down, Firefighter Diaz." He turns, addressing SEALs and the 118 alike. "In-fighting will not be tolerated in this station. This team has come back from God knows where to sacrifice their time stateside protecting us. We will treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve. If you have any problems with that, you come to me or you come to Lieutenant Commander Buckley. Is that understood?" Bobby looks at Hen and Chimney who nod immediately. He turns his glare to Eddie, who stares back coldly. "We need all hands on deck, but if you can't get your act together, you will be benched. Do you understand me, Firefighter Diaz?"

Eddie takes a step back, ducking his head. His fists stay tightly coiled, his shoulders near his ears. He still looks ready to swing at Buck when he looks up and nods. He turns on his heel and goes to the bunkroom. Buck's pretty sure he's shaking when Steve lays a hand on his shoulder. Bobby looks at the SEAL team again with a sigh. "I apologize for my team's behavior. Again, thank you for coming. Our station goes online in twenty minutes, will that be enough time to go through a demonstration of the vests?" 

He aims this question to Buck, but Steve answers easily. "Yes. If you all could come downstairs with us, my team and I will hand out your vests and introduce ourselves. Hopefully, we'll finish up before the first call." 

Sparrow comes over to where Buck's still standing listlessly, grabbing his attention by slipping his rifle from his shoulder and grabbing his hand. He startles a bit. "You okay, Evan?"

Only sisters get Evan privileges, and Andrea has used it to her advantage ever since he'd told her that. He nods, fakes a smile, and then rubs a hand down his face. "I thought I might have a little longer, but it seems like Eddie wants to do this now. I should get it over with. Is there a vest up here I can take with me?"

"For him to try on or for him to wear while you guys talk? You're not gonna shoot him, are you?" she asks, and Buck can tell she's only half kidding. "I think you have valid reasoning to shoot him." She's fully serious on that one.

He shakes his head, fond exasperation creeping it's way in. "I do not have valid reason to shoot him." He takes the vest she hands him, nodding at Hen and Chim as they follow Steve downstairs. They look concerned. He's shocked to not see annoyance tightening the edges of Chim's expression. He wonders how he and Maddie are doing now that Jee is around. It was incredibly hard to miss the birth of his niece. He motions for Andrea to go downstairs with everyone else and tugs her braid as she turns around to do so. "Please don't shoot anyone while I'm gone."

She grins, sharp and a little evil. "Tell Eddie to get his shit together and I won't have to." 

Buck laughs, rolling his shoulders back as he prepares for the hardest conversation. He hopes the universe will be kind and let them get through it before a call.

Eddie determines the universe hates him when he hears someone follow him into the bunkroom. Heavy footfalls that he would recognize blind track their way across the room to the bed he's thrown himself on. There's a movement that sounds a little like throwing and then - "Oof!"

Eddie sits up with all the grace of a toddler, watching the bulletproof vest Buck had thrown on him fall to the floor. He stares up at Buck petulantly. "Get up, Diaz. Let's do this thing. Preferably now, while we're alone and not on a call where I have to be worried about saving your life."

Eddie stands, the fight rushing back to him, the anger running back like an old friend. "I don't understand how anyone can be as incredibly selfish as you are. You sue the city for your job back and then after you've put us all through hell and back, you quit? You quit and you leave and all you give us is some mysterious letter? Oh, but that's not all! No, I have to find out from Chimney that some people actually have heard from you this entire time! I just didn't make the cut! Maddie, I get, she's your sister. Athena, I guess I can understand. I'm not sure when you got all chummey with Karen, but Ravi?? You gave your new number to the probie and not me? Did it ever occur to you that Christopher might've wanted to hear from you some time in the past year and a half? No, how could it with you running off to join the SEALs! Oh, well I guess not join, because there's no way you made Lieutenant Commander in a year and a half, which means you've actually been a SEAL this entire time! Another thing I never knew about you!" Eddie's panting, shivering from holding himself from backing Buck into a wall and hitting him senseless. He watches Buck, unsatisfied by the blank mask sitting in place. He wants Buck to hurt the way he's been hurting. He wants Buck to understand what he put him through. He takes a step closer. "And now, you come in here and act like it's a hardship to be here? We didn't ask you to come back! We didn't need you to come back and protect us! That decision's on you!" There it is, Eddie thinks deliriously. Hurt flashes in Buck's eyes before something behind them shutters again. He isn't prepared for Buck to take a step towards him, exuding confidence. 

"You're wrong." He says, like that answers everything. 

"What?"  Eddie snarls, practically hissing it at him. Buck takes another step towards him, crossing his hands in front of him loosely. He looks comfortable in this situation, a nasty smirk beginning to work its way onto his face. 

"You're wrong. I didn't sue the city, I sued Bobby. I received my re-certification, I broke records doing it. I got second and third opinions from surgeons, cardiologists, and psychologists declaring me fit for duty. It wasn't the doctors or the brass stopping me from coming back. It was Bobby. I turned down millions in settlement money, and then turned down the money from winning the case." Eddie gasps a little at that, and Buck steps closer, vindicated. "That's right, Eddie. The city thought I was right, that I had a case. Oh, and just so you know, everything brought up by that lawyer is public record. I didn't tell him any of it. You really think that it wasn't mentioned that you were on scene at your wife's death? You think it wasn't recorded that Chimney was back to work mere weeks after having rebar through his head? I wasn't suing the city for special treatment, I was suing Bobby for differential treatment." 

Eddie stumbles, going cold at the mention of Shannon. He's shivering for a different reason as he drops to the bed, stunned. "You won?" It's only a whisper, one Buck doesn't catch as he's on a roll now. 

"You wanna know why I left Maddie, Athena, Karen, and Ravi my number? Because they were the only ones who continued to talk to me throughout the lawsuit and what happened after. They are the only ones who stood by my side and supported me. I would go to shifts, not be spoken to for 12 or 24 hours at a time, and go home to an empty apartment and chronic pain in my leg from a goddam ladder truck falling on me and they were the only ones who thought to reach out. When I got recertified, my disability pay ended, but I didn't have my job back. If it wasn't for Maddie, I would've lost my apartment. If it wasn't for Athena stopping by with food, I may have gone days without eating. If Karen and Ravi hadn't started randomly dropping by, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed on my days off or cleaned my apartment or actually existed as a human being. You weren't there, Eddie. I couldn't lean on you back then, and I sure as hell can't lean on you now. Bobby told you I was a liability and you believed him! I don't know why you're so goddam angry at me leaving when you left me first. I don't know why you're so upset at me leaving when you didn't want me around in the first place." Buck's shaking now too, Eddie can see it when the man points a finger at him. His voice is trembling, no longer smooth and gravelly but high and upset. He's not pacing Eddie remembers him doing when he used to be upset. Now, he's a solid wall of anger. 

But all at once, the fight goes out of him. He looks at Eddie, makes eye contact with him for the first time since he had walked into the firehouse. "I don't know what the hell is going on with you, Eddie, but you need to figure it out." 

"Me?" Eddie asks incredulously. 

"I left Carla a letter too. She had my number in case Christopher ever wanted to call me. I've talked to him at least once a week this year. I didn't tell them to keep it a secret from you, but when Christopher kept calling, I figured that you must be allowing it. I had no idea that you didn't know." He rubs a hand over his face, all of a sudden looking tired and young and sad. Eddie is struck by the recognition that runs through him. The confident, angry, extroverted man that had walked into the firehouse was someone Eddie didn't know. But this Buck, weighed down and unhappy, this was a version he knew. It leaves him speechless for a few precious moments. 

The universe hates Eddie Diaz, so it doesn't surprise him when the bell rings. Buck straightens, well, he straightens like a soldier. He's halfway across the room, pulling on black fingerless leather shooting gloves, when he motions to the bulletproof vest on the floor. "For the record, Diaz, I know you all don't want me here. I learned that over a year ago when I left. Don't forget that."

Buck disappears, the sadness and heaviness slipping behind the mask of Phoenix, a confident SEAL commander and trained firefighter. He's out the door before Eddie can respond, Eddie a few more steps behind than he'd like to admit. 

Eddie's the last one in the truck to shrug on his turnout coat over the vest that's now over his uniform. It's uncomfortable and bulky and won't help when he has to wear all his equipment, but he's too buys replaying everything Buck said to him in the bunkroom to truly worry about it that much. There's a SWAT van between the truck their in and the ambulance, and Eddie can picture Buck sitting at the head of his team, adjusting his gloves and barking orders. 

"118 this is dispatch, I've linked your armed escort to this line as well," Maddie's voice floats over their headsets.

"Dispatch, this is Captain Nash, we copy."

"Dispatch, this is Lieutenant Commander Evan Buckley, SEAL Team 10 copies." 

Eddie flinches slightly at Buck's authoritative voice in his ears. It doesn't go unnoticed by Hen, but she stays quiet. 

"What are we working with, Maddie?" Buck asks.

"Car accident on Buena Vista, seems like a three car pile up. One driver is fine, made the call, but he hasn't seen anyone else leave their vehicles, so we may be looking at multiple injuries."

Bobby sighs. "Dispatch, is it possible to send multiple RA units?"

"Negative, 118. Unless absolutely necessary, we are under strict instruction to dispatch one house to each scene," Maddie sounds frustrated herself, but it's Buck's answer that has Eddie's blood chilling.

"We can't risk sending multiple units to one scene, gives our gunman too many targets. Buena Vista is too open of an area. Captain Nash, when we arrive pull the truck around to the front of the accident, that should shield us from the front. I'll send Match and Finn to buildings on the east and west to cover our 2 and 10. Sparrow and I will stay on the ground. Vests on everyone." Bobby turns in his seat slightly to make eye contact with Eddie. When the chief had stood in their house this morning and told them about the threat, none of them were that worried about it. Now, with Buck barking orders down the line, SEAL snipers plannig their every move, he's never regretted coming into work more. 

When they pull up to the scene, hands reach for doors before Bobby puts one of his up to stop them. "We have to wait for them." Eddie twists so he can see the SWAT van. They pull up to the back of the accident, parking long ways to provide the most cover. Buck is the first one out of the back of the van, creeping along the side of it. His rifle is secure in his hold, pointing it up to scan the line of buildings next to them. He motions to the two men who must be Match and Finn, two dark skinned men with bright eyes, one with hair braided tightly to his scalp and the other with tight curls exit the van and split ways immediately. Sparrow and the driver of the van stay by Buck, scanning the area. After a minute, the radio crackles to life.

"Match, SEAL Team 10, in position." Finn's call comes in a second later. Buck reaches for his radio.

"118, clear to hit the scene. Stay low. Stay fast." 

Eddie's out of the truck in seconds. He heads to the first car, wrapped around the light pole it ran into. The driver is unconscious with a weak pulse, so Bobby motions for the jaws. Hen heads to the second car, reporting a driver and two passengers. The two passengers are awake, just stuck in the crushed wreckage. The other driver that made the call is talking to Chimney frantically. They cover the scene, Buck, Sparrow, and the SWAT driver haunting the edges of it with their long rifles primed. Eddie had forgotten the feeling of working under the threat of gunfire. Some sick part of him has missed the way it sparks his adrenaline, the way it makes him focus. He's full of fear though, for Bobby and Hen and Chimney, Buck and his entire team. He's never felt safer surrounded by guns, but he doesn't know what he would do if one of Buck's team members got hurt because of the 118. 

Everytime he thinks of Buck, his hands tremble and something aches in his chest. It's distracting, but he can't stop thinking of the hurt in his eyes when Eddie said they didn't want him, the way he admitted that he had given Christopher his number but not Eddie. Eddie tries to lose himself in the call, but it's hard when there's so many things to focus on. He thinks they're in the clear, the last victim almost loaded up in the ambulance when there's a loud popping sound. Buck's voice sounds over the radio immediately. "Get down, now, now, now! Match, Finn, where did that shot come from?"

Eddie's ducked behind the car wreckage, Hen and Chim bolting into the ambulance. Bobby flattens himself against the truck alongside the rest of the A-shift. Buck is suddenly standing near Eddie, gun up and at the ready. Sparrow's near the truck, the SWAT driver near the ambulance. There's a tense minute before Finn comes over the radio. "Negative, Lieutenant, no gunfire. A car backfired, can see it in my scope."

Eddie's sigh of relief is mirrored by everyone in the road.

Their first call going without incident means the SEAL team is a little hyper. Sparrow takes Match and Finn to the gym, starting a complicated sparring routine Eddie can only dream of working on one day. Eddie assumes that Steve's shift is in the bunkroom, though the man in question is pacing the loft on the phone with someone. Eddie can't tell if it's going well or not because Steve seems tense, but Buck cracks a smile and shouts a 'Hey Danny!' in the direction of the phone that appears to be well received by both men. Steve takes his phone call downstairs after that. Buck heads off to the showers, but Hen, Chim, Eddie, and Bobby stay upstairs. Eddie can feel the adrenaline still rushing under his skin, so he throws his vest on the couch and does what he does best. He picks a fight.

"So, Bobby, when were you going to tell us that you were the one stopping Buck from coming back to the 118?" Eddie asks, tone more innocent than he feels. He had thought about it the entire way back from the call, how unfair it was that Bobby spun the narrative to be all Buck's fault. How unfair it was to Buck that they all went with it and didn't ask any questions. How unfair it is that Buck is here, sacrificing his life for them, again, after everything they put him through. He's still angry at Buck, isn't sure when the sting of betrayal about the SEALs will ease, isn't sure when he can forgive the man for talking to his son but not him, leaving him like his wife did. But for now, it's easier to push that anger at Bobby. 

Movement in the loft stops entirely, and Eddie is fairly certain that at least one of the SEALs sparring is eavesdropping because he hears a thud and a groan when a surprised hit lands. Bobby stands up from where he had been taking his vest off too. Hen and Chimney come back to stand by Eddie, Hen crossing her arms. "You told us that it was the brass."

"I'm pretty sure I was told that it was his doctors, so now I am very confused," Chimney adds. Bobby runs a hand down his face. 

"Is this really the time, guys? With everything going on -"

"What, you have no new excuse? You've had a year and a half to figure out your speech and you still can't tell us the truth?" Eddie interrupts. He turns to Hen and Chimney, crossing his arms too. "Buck told me that beyond re-certifying with new records set, he was cleared for duty by his surgeons, multiple doctors, and multiple psychologists. The only one stopping him was Bobby. I won't say the rest of what he told me, because it isn't my story to tell, but I think I'm finally starting to realize that we don't have the full story."

"We acted like it was insane that he was trying to come back to work, but the whole time, he could've started working whenever?" Hen gasps. She levels a glare on Bobby, who doesn't seem to have a comeback. 

"I wouldn't want to come to work when the whole team thinks I'm the problem. I wouldn't want to work with my father figure after he's told me that I'm a liability. You don't deserve to be upset with him, not after all the stunts you've pulled to keep him from coming back. He thinks we didn't want him here and the truth is, he was right! I was so angry with everything he was doing, and you fed right into that with your lies. I can't believe you had the nerve to stand up here earlier and lecture us about infighting. There wouldn't have been any infighting if it wasn't for you!" Eddie steps into Bobby's space easily. "If you ever do this again, if you ever make me lose him again, you'll lose me too. Do you understand?"

Silence rings out in the loft, broken by the soft closing of the fridge. They all whirl around to see Buck standing there, curls damp, no SWAT vest in sight. "Well, this is awkward, isn't it?"

Eddie wants to laugh. He wants so badly to fall back into his joking patterns with Buck, to knock shoulders and laugh at his fun facts, but he still feels his heartbreak everytime he looks at him. He stalks towards the bunkrooms, shoving a finger at Buck as he passes him. "I haven't forgiven you, either." 

The bell rings right as he lays down and Eddie figures he might deserve that one. 

Chapter Text

The next few shifts are the same way: calls where nothing happens, tense vibes in the station. Eddie learns more about Buck's SEAL team, since he missed the original introductions by throwing a fit.

Ezra "Match" Hawkins got his call sign because he started out as the teams demo expert. Eddie told them they got negative creativity points for that. Ezra said he agreed. He's been in the Navy since he graduated highschool and is about five years older than Eddie, though he still looks 27. Eddie isn't jealous. When they took Match to get his SEAL tattoo, he almost threw up and Buck had to hold his hand the whole time. 

Franklin "Finn" Hawkins looks like a mirror of his brother, if a bit more easy going. Where Match is a little uptight and incredibly protective of Buck, Finn is a bit more relaxed, not stepping in until Buck looks visibly uncomfortable with anything. He has more tattoos than his brother, joined the military after two years of college, and loves cooking. He is, however, the worst cook Eddie has ever seen. The 118 learns fairly quickly to fear Finn alone in the kitchen, because everything ends up burned or actively on fire. 

Andrea "Sparrow" Smith is terrifying. She's 5'4 inches of 'hate Eddie Diaz'. She offered to spar with him once and he almost took her up on it, till he watched her go after a bag so hard it split at the seams. He's avoided her ever since. The only thing he knows is that she went through Top Gun and speaks Spanish, which came out after he cursed her out in Spanish. Not his finest moment.

Steve "Smooth Dog" McGarrett is on leave from a specialized task force he runs in Hawaii. He had been pulled from the reserves for a mission a year ago, and is following SEAL Team 10 till his contract is up. Eddie's pretty sure his partner isn't happy about it, taking in to account the amount of times he's been yelled at over the phone since being here. Eddie has also learned to never cross a man named Danny Williams.

Alex "Blaze" Jones is tall, blond, and looks like a male model. He's funny though, easy to laugh with, and seems to not mind the 118 as much as the others. Eddie learns that he's one of SEAL Team 10's best long range snipers, which he appreciates a little more when he watches the man fire a warning shot at a civilian who gets a little too close. Eddie's pretty sure that's illegal. Eddie keeps his mouth shut about it.

Kevin "Fitz" Edwards is a wall of a man, broader than Buck (though not by much), and easily 6'0. Eddie's a little shocked to hear that he normally specializes in espionage. 

Thea "Thrin" Williams has brown hair cut sharply at her chin. She's the teams medic, which Eddie thought was cool until they started comparing war stories. Thea is halfway through detailing how she cut a man's leg off and cauterized the wound mid firefight when Eddie has to walk away. 

And then there's Buck. Buck, who joined the SEALs right out of high school, who probably has traveled to Peru, Montana, and all the other places he said, but for the military, not for fun. Buck, who's apparently a wizard with an MRE, able to make them actually edible, which Eddie knows is incredibly hard to do. Evan "Phoenix" Buckley, nicknamed Phoenix because ever since he's joined the SEALs, he's almost died every which way to Sunday. He gets up from the ashes everytime though. Still does. Eddie isn't surprised to hear it and SEAL Team 10 doesn't seem shocked when the 118 shares some of their Buck injury stories. 

Eddie can't always stand to stay for the Buck stories. He hears one in passing about Buck infilitrating a prison complex, saving Finn and Match who had been kidnapped, as well as four other hostages. He hears another about how Buck kept an old man alive for hours, until medical was able to come. They make him sick to his stomach in a way that he doesn't even try to understand. Buck has always been a hero, that's not what Eddie is struggling with. He's struggling with knowing that Buck didn't trust him with any of these stories. That he still doesn't, the man leaving the room every time Eddie walks in it. He's struggling with the knowledge that there were years where Buck was in danger where Eddie had no idea about it. 

It's been a week of SEAL Team 10 being with them. No other houses have been shot at, but the governor is hesitant to remove the forces so soon. Eddie isn't on shift for the next two days, so he takes Christopher with him to the grocery store to pick up some things for a 118 barbecue they're having tomorrow. Christopher is crutching through the aisle ahead of him, and Eddie is a little distracted, but he looks up immediately when his son gasps.

"Buck!" Christopher is running, well, his version of running down the aisle to a man with a very familiar mop of curls.

"My favorite Diaz!" Buck turns quickly, wrapping Chris up in a hug and spinning him around. Eddie wonders for a second how he turned so quickly, how he already knew it was Chris, but realizes that Buck probably knew they were in the aisle before they saw him. Freaky SEAL skills. Buck puts Christopher down, places his shopping basket on the ground and kneels down to be Chris's height.

"You're back! You're not going to leave again, are you Buck?" 

Buck doesn't even glance at Eddie to check what he says. He used to do that, always uncertain if Eddie would be okay with what he said. He doesn't check anymore. "I may have to leave again for work buddy, but as far as I know, I'm here for a bit longer!" Christopher's face falls, but Buck is quick to fix it. "But hey, you know that I'll always fight to come back to you. And maybe, if you're really good, we can go to the zoo before I leave! How does that sound?"

Christopher is twisting to see Eddie before Buck's even finished his sentence. "Can we dad? Can we go today?" 

It's the first time Buck has looked at him the entire conversation. Eddie hates it, the way his mask slips into place before they make eye contact like Buck can't trust Eddie enough to show him how he's really feeling. Eddie clears his throat. "Maybe not today, mijo. But definitely before Buck leaves, okay?" 

Chris is a little dejected, but pulls Buck into another hug anyway. Buck ruffles his hair and Eddie motions his son down the aisle. "How about you go pick out a snack while Buck and I talk?"

Chris nods, saying a happy goodbye to Buck as he stumbles further into the grocery store. Both Eddie and Buck watch him leave, an awkward silence falling over them.

"Hey, this is already going better than the last time we were in a grocery store together," Buck says, a sardonic chuckle following it. Eddie groans, shaking his head.

"Listen, Buck, I'm -"

"If you're going to apologize, save it, Eddie." Eddie's a little taken aback by Buck's fiery tone. "Don't tell me that you didn't mean it, because we both know that you did. Yeah, maybe it's because you were angry with me and stressed or whatever. But you meant it." Buck is watching him closely, eyebrows furrowed slightly. He's upset, but he isn't angry, and Eddie wishes the other man would yell at him again. He knows what to do with anger, but not what to do with silence.

"What do you want me to say then, Buck? I didn't know Bobby was the one stopping you from coming back. I didn't know you were struggling with your leg still, or going through what you were going through."

"You didn't ask."

They stand there, silence falling again. Buck is the first to break it. "Look, just give me time. Maybe, one day, I'll forget or forgive or whatever. But, right now, it's still too fresh. Too much." He goes to walk away, and Eddie makes a decision. A split second decision. An impulsive, selfish decision that he knows comes from a desire to never watch Buck walk away again. 

"Come to the cookout tomorrow." 

Buck stops, in the middle of the aisle. Eddie knows people are watching them. He notices that they're starting to make a habit of life changing conversations happening in a grocery store. But Eddie doesn't care anymore. He wants his best friend back and his best friend won't let him apologize for being awful so he offers an olive branch. "Come to the cookout tomorrow. It'll be everyone, at Bobby and Athena's. Bring anyone on your team. It could be nice."

Buck cocks his head to the side, eyes searching Eddie. "Text me the details."

He's walking away again when Eddie says, "I don't have your number."

He spins on his heel, walking backward, a sad smile on his face. "You always had my number, Eddie. You just didn't ask."

Buck's having a panic attack in the firehouse showers, Andrea and Steve in front of him, when his phone lights up with a text from an unknown number. Steve slides it away from him before he can notice it. Andrea keeps telling him to breathe, attempting to understand his mumblings about grocery stores.

The barbecue has been in full swing for over an hour with no sign of Buck or any of his team. Eddie is very much totally fine about it. 

"Why do you keep looking at the door?" Hen asks after its been an hour and fifteen minutes. Eddie sighs, caught.

"Christopher and I ran into Buck while at the grocery store. I invited him here." The whole group goes quiet, the only sounds coming from the grill. "What?"

"I thought you were still mad at him?" Hen asks, and Eddie sighs again, keeping his gaze fixed on where Denny and Chris are playing in the grass. 

"I don't know how I feel. I'm upset he didn't tell me about the SEALs. I'm upset that he left, but I understand why he did. I know we didn't handle it well. I know that he had every reason to leave. But, I'm still angry. He said at the grocery store that I had his new number the entire time, but how was I supposed to ask my son to give it to me? He wouldn't let me apologize, so I invited him here." 

Hen squeezes his shoulder briefly. "I'm sure you two will work it out. He never was able to stay mad at you."

Eddie smiles at her sadly. He appreciates it, but he isn't sure Buck will ever forgive him. And he would just have to be okay with that. He's about to respond when -

"Evan James Buckley!" Athena shouts across the lawn. Eddie whips his head back to the screen door, where Buck is half hanging out of it where Athena caught him attempting to sneak onto the patio. "Did you really think that you could come back stateside and not see me?"

Buck hangs his head, sheepish, while Andrea pops out from behind him laughing. He can hear a few more ooo's from behind Buck, probably from the rest of his team. Buck crosses the yard, mumbling a "Sorry, 'Thena" before she pulls him into a loving hug. She's standing near Bobby and the grill, and Bobby looks like he isn't quite sure what to do being so close to Buck. Andrea walks out arm in arm with Maddie, and Eddie wasn't aware that the woman could get scarier till seeing that duo. Match and Finn trample in, Thea behind them, Steve closing the group out. Eddie is a little shocked to see Steve. Till now, Buck and Steve had stayed incredibly strict with their shift scheduling, meaning if one wasn't on duty with the 118, the other was resting or getting some much needed time outside the firehouse. He hadn't seen them together outside of the station ever. 

"Don't think the rest of you SEALs can get away with it either, come over here!" Athena waves the rest of Buck's team over, Andrea leaving Maddie with Chim before making her way over. There's an ache in Eddie's chest, and he isn't entirely sure what it is. He wishes he had asked Chris for Buck's number sooner, or at least known about the calls between the two of them to be able to meet Buck's team. Steve kisses Maddie on the cheek, making small talk before being bullied into a hug from Athena. Buck exchanges a few words with Bobby that seem less tense than Eddie was expecting before Buck is surrounded by Karen, Hen, and Ravi. Ravi blushes when Match claps a hand on his shoulder, Eddie being able to pick up the pink on his cheeks from across the yard. 

He watches Buck laugh with them all, unsure of how to get back to that point with him, when Maddie appears in his field of vision. Chimney gives him a thumbs up from behind her before fleeing to Buck. "Hey, Maddie. How are you? How's Jee?" Maddie shakes her head slightly, Andrea appearing next to her. "Oh."

"Eddie, let's head inside for a minute, yeah? I think we've got some things to talk about." 

Eddie's terrified. You see, Eddie has sisters. He grew up with two older sisters. He knows how incredibly protective older sisters can be. Even worse, he knows how viscious older sisters can be when it's deserved. 

Athena gives them the use of one of their guestrooms. Eddie's a little surprised that she doesn't stay and join in on the bash Eddie party that's about to happen. She gives him a glare. Right. There will be multiple bash Eddie parties. 

Eddie sits. Maddie and Andrea stand above him, matching expressions of pissed off coloring their faces. He doesn't try to defend himself.

"I'm disappointed in you," is what Maddie starts with, which is frankly evil because damn, Eddie's disappointed in himself too. "When Buck finally told me everything that happened, how all of you blindly sided with Bobby and asked no questions about the lawsuit, it was you that I was the most upset with. Well, and Chimney, but that's a separate issue."

And wasn't it? Chimney had been in the doghouse for weeks. Their plans of moving in together had been put on pause, Maddie almost ending their relationship entirely. There had been a month where Eddie hadn't heard from Maddie at all, until one day where he got invited for wine night and she yelled at him until they all cried. 

"Buck is back now, and you're still acting like a douche!" Eddie's confusion must show on his face, because the fight goes out of Maddie a bit. "What?"

"I thought you were upset about how I acted before he left still."

Andrea chimes in. "I mean, we definitely still are."

Eddie throws his hands up. "Yes, I'm well aware of that. But I'm trying to figure out how to fix things."

Andrea looks unimpressed. Maddie looks a little confused. "By yelling at him an hour after he got back stateside, yelling at him again in the bunkroom, and then avoiding him every single shift?"

Eddie puts his head in his hands. "Guys, I tried apologizing. He didn't want me to. And in all honesty, I'm still a little upset myself. He lied about being in the SEALs, he didn't leave me his new number. He's talked to my kid every single week since he left but hasn't tried to reach out to me once. I didn't even know he was still in contact with Chris!"

Maddie puts a hand up when Andrea tries to interrupt. "Eddie, is it because you keep comparing Buck to Shannon leaving?"

Eddie chokes. "What?"

"Everytime you've mentioned Buck leaving, you mention Chris. Buck said you tried to say he abandoned Chris. He isn't Chris's parent. And Shannon died. She didn't want to leave you or Chris." Maddie sits next to him, wrapping an arm around him. "Listen, I already yelled at you after Buck left about how you acted. And I am not happy with how you're still acting. But I think this is so hard for you because you're comparing your ex-wife and my brother. He was your partner. Maybe you need to figure out what all that word meant between you two."

Eddie shakes his head. His heart is beating traitorously fast, his palms sweating at the idea of Buck being at the same place as Shannon. He leans a bit more into Maddie. "Shannon asked me for a divorce before she died."

Maddie gasps lightly, and even Andrea softens a bit. "I never told anyone. Not even Buck."

Maddie nods. "So, when you couldn't talk to Buck about the lawsuit..." She trails off.

"Listen, I know that doesn't justify how I acted, how I'm still acting. I just get so angry, it's so much easier to yell about everything then to actually talk about it. And I don't know how to fix it." Maddie pats him on the head as she gets up.

"I don't know how to fix it either. I know that he seems like he's getting there with Hen and Chimney. Maybe talk to them. You really should talk to Buck. I think you both are hiding too much from the other." Eddie nods.

Andrea squares herself up again. "I haven't gotten to yell at you yet. And for the record, I'm still mad at you for how you treated him. He was in pain, and you left him alone. What kind of partner does that? I'm keeping a close eye on you, Diaz. You better fix it. Buck deserves for you to get your act together." 

Eddie nods again, watching them both head towards the door. Andrea pauses, and Eddie braces for another round of yelling. Andrea just shakes her head. "He was so happy everytime Chris called. But he always looked like he was still missing something. I think he was hoping you would be there one day when he picked up the call."

She leaves, Buck's voice echoing through his head. 

You've had my number the whole time. You just didn't ask.

Eddie takes a deep breath. He's gonna ask this time.

Eddie's barely out of the guest room before Athena and Karen are on him. He holds up his hands. "I already got the fear of god put into me by Maddie and Sparrow."

Athena and Karen glance at each other, unamused. Athena cuffs him upside the head. "How about the fear of Athena's wrath, hmm? What do you think you're doing, Eddie? Not knowing the entire truth of the lawsuit is one thing, it was a mess, but not knowing Buck enough to know that he would never abandon your son? Getting into a screaming match with him in the bunkroom?"

"How many people know about the bunk room?" It's the wrong question. Athena hits him upside the head again. Karen shakes her head. 

"That boy survived a war zone and then hopped right into another one. To protect you. To protect people he thought were family," Karen adds. He nods, pleading with his eyes for mercy.

"How do I fix it? I want to fix it."

Karen shrugs. "Why are you asking us? Shouldn't you be asking Buck that? I wasn't there for him the way I should have been during the lawsuit. I'll be the first to admit it. But I fixed it by showing up when I realized." 

Athena places a hand on his cheek. "Go talk to him, Eddie. He wants his best friend back." She gives him a hug that he melts into. He can't remember the last time someone hugged him after Buck left. "I know that you've got your own stuff goin' on. I'm here if you want to talk."

They leave him in the hallway. Eddie can hear the noises of the party grow louder again as they slide the screen door open. He bangs his head against the wall once. Then again. Then, he heads back to his family.

Buck isn't sure what he's expecting when he gets to the barbecue, but it isn't for the 118 to welcome his SEAL family with minimal awkwardness. The station is becoming less tense with every passing day, but there are still times where Buck thinks a fight's about to break out. Eddie quickly disappears, which breaks Bucks heart a litle, but Maddie clears things up when he sees her, Chimney, and Andrea.

"I hope you didn't lay into him too hard. I already did that."

Maddie shrugs, kissing him on the cheek. "I was nice. Andrea was a little aggressive."

Andrea gives him an innocent look. "Don't believe anything she says. I was perfectly nice." 

"Is he still in there?"

Andrea smiles. Buck's heart sinks a little. "We left him for Athena and Karen," Maddie giggles.

Buck smacks a palm against his face. Chimney cackles, "Prayers for Diaz."

Steve's at the grill with Bobby with only some lingering awkwardness. They're debating the best way to prepare salmon, Steve staunchly defending the Hawaiian way. Match is in a rapt discussion with Ravi, both of them flinging their hands around excitedly. Ravi's cheeks are still tinged a little pink, which Buck understands. Ezra is an attractive man, but sadly, an attractive man with an equally attractive wife. Buck almost hadn't survived dinner with both of them the first time. 

Before Karen and Athena had disappeared, they had both been in a gossiping session with Thea. No one in the 118 is safe with those three together.

Hen comes over, done plating Denny and Chris's food, to grin at Buck. "I have to say, Buck. You're team is somethin else!"

Buck blushes, proud of his family. "That's one way of putting it."

"You guys have definitely gotten into trouble together, haven't you?" Hen asks, and that sets Andrea off easily. 

"Let me tell you about the time Buck and I stole a fighter jet!" she exclaims, to which Buck elbows her sharply. Hen cackles and Maddie shakes her head, well used to the SEAL antics she's heard about when calling Buck. 

"We did not steal a fighter jet, we borrowed one." When that only makes Hen laugh more and Chimney mmmhmmm's, Buck points drastically at Steve. "Steve knew about it and didn't stop it."

Steve swings his head around at the sound of his name. Bobby hides his laughter with a cough when Steve turns to him, betrayed. Finn cackles from where he's got Match in a headlock. "If that plane had three seats, you knwo Steve would've been in one of them!"

The garden dissolves into yelling as every Steve and Andrea go to defend each other. Chimney and Hen are leaned into each other in stitches, Maddie giggling easily. Athena and Karen have reappeared, and are shaking their heads at the chaos. 

"Okay, okay everyone, let's eat!" Bobby interrupts, steering everyone towards the table. 

Eddie reappears for dinner and chooses the seat in front of Buck, which shocks nobody but Buck himself. Everyone begins to serve themselves, SEALs mixed in with the 118 easily. When Eddie had checked on Chris earlier, he had said something about Buck flying a fighter jet, so Eddie knocks his foot against Buck's under the table to get his attention.

It's met with a blank stare and a slightly judgemental eyebrow raise, but it isn't the emotionless mask, so Eddie takes it. "I heard something about a fighter jet?"

It launches the whole table into chaos again, several different people fighting to talk over each other at once. Eddie isn't sure who to look at, or who to believe, but he likes how everyone's different claims make Buck smile exasperatedly. 

"Did he ever tell you about the time he stole a firetruck?" Bobby chimes in, causing Buck to slump his head onto the table. Andrea hoots, Thea wolf whistle's, and Steve almost chokes on his burger. 

"Pup, you did what?" 

"Can I just go on record and say you are the one who rehired me after that?" Buck adds. 

Steve's jaw drops farther open. "You got fired??"

Eddie's slumped in his chair, breathless from laughter. 

They spend the rest of the night like that, circled around the table, laughter coming freely. Buck leaves his foot pressing against Eddie's a few times, making eye contact everytime Eddie asks him about the past year and a half. Buck can't say much, responding classified to most of them, but he shares a few things. Nights around campfires, a Christmas cake MRE gone wrong, Buck playing the Hamilton soundtrack over the Humvee speakers. 

Eddie tries to share too, usually stories revolving Christopher, avoiding calls that Buck missed because it feels weird to tell him about the good times they had while he was gone. It's not like they used to talk, nowhere close, still stilted, a little awkward. Everytime one of the SEALs shares an anecdote from the past year and a half, Eddie's heart aches in betrayal. Everytime Bobby or Chim mention a call, Buck's eyes flash. 

But before Buck leaves, Bobby ladens him down with leftovers. Gives a tupperware container to every SEAL. Hen makes plans with Buck for a wine night, Chimney discussing a game they could watch together. Eddie corners him last, Chris asleep in his arms. 

"Could I maybe text you? About that zoo day?"

Buck looks a little wary, a little nervous at being alone with Eddie. His eyes drop to Chris and he softens. "Yeah. Please do."

It's not the same. Buck and the SEAL team half Irish goodbye, disappearing with their leftovers before the goodbyes are really said, but everyone feels a little less on edge. 

The universe hates Eddie Diaz though, so the peace doesn't last long. 

Chapter Text

7 months ago, somewhere in the Bayuda Desert

Buck slaps Finn's hands away from the stereo. "How many times do I have to tell you that the driver gets to pick the music?"

Finn groans, earning laughs from Andrea and Match in the backseat. Buck keeps his eyes on Steve's Humvee in front of him, but grins at the sounds. They're miles from any sort of settlement, so they can be a little looser, a little louder. "You're supposed to tell us where we're going, but you don't always do a great job at that." 

Andrea and Match cackle when Finn gasps dramatically. Buck feels Match lean forward, a hand gesturing towards the stereo. "Just be happy that he isn't playing showtunes, this time."

Buck smiles fondly at the memory. A mission had gone bad, most of them were more beat up than not, so when they got back into their transport vehicles, he had hooked up his phone. Thank god for spotify premium and the foresight to download the Hamilton album. Right now, country music was flowing from the speaker, Tim McGraw crooning about his kids. Or maybe it's his dog this time. All country songs sound the same to Buck, so he honestly isn't sure. 

"You gotta admit, Finn made an amazing Eliza," Andrea adds. Buck nods aggressively. 

"See, Finn! You missed your calling for the stage!"

Finn crosses his arms petulantly. "I know I was amazing. I thought my skills would earn me more say in the music that's played."

Buck shakes his head. He's about to respond when he hears a whistling. He's slamming on the brakes, but not fast enough. Finn grunts as the bullet tears into him, spraying Buck with his blood.

Present

It takes another week before a firehouse is shot at again. 

They're at another car wreck, because of course they are. They've followed the same precedure for the most part when it comes to car wrecks. The truck pulls to the front of the wreck to provide cover, the SWAT van covers the back. Whatever SEAL shift is on covers the sides from surrounding buildings while the others remain grounded. And until this moment, it had been working fine. 

It's Steve's shift with the A-team, meaning they have Thrin, Blaze, and Fitz, plus the van driver. Eddie and Thrin have actually gotten pretty close, her hopping in on a few calls when they've been a little shortstaffed and can't call another RA unit. She's nice to him, never mentioning the tension between him and Buck, or him and Steve for that matter, who does an incredible job of acting like Eddie Diaz doesn't exist. It made him boil with rage the first few times, but it's simmered out now, only creating a low-level annoyance.

 He tells Thrin about removing the grenade from the man's leg with Buck, she tells him about the time Buck had to stick his finger in a man's chest for two hours before she could get to them to do emergency surgery. He tells her how worried he is about Christopher growing up in a world so unkind to people with disabilities. She shares about her sister, who was diagnosed with two chronic illnesses before the age of 20. They have a 'venting about ableist people' text thread. He isn't as close with Fitz and Blaze, though the latter occasionally sends him working out memes on Instagram. Fitz has taken to calling him 'grunt'.

Eddie, Chris, and Buck are supposed to go to the zoo tomorrow. For the first time since being back stateside, Buck and Eddie will be hanging out outside of work. Eddie's a little nervous, a little on edge about it. Which means his head isn't as in the game as it's supposed to be. Buck's shift usually haunts the edges of the scenes, pacing around, only really tailing them side by side if Buck has a bad feeling. Steve, however, prefers each paramedic or firefighter to be glued to his side. He isn't used to the overbearing-ness, isn't used to having to double check each of his plans before moving. All he knows is that he needs to get more guaze from the ambulance or else his patient is gonna bleed out and that he and Buck will be hanging out tomorrow. He doesn't call for an escort or broadcast his movements. He's halfway to the ambulance when there's a whistling.

He chalks it up to old Army instinct that he ducks. 

The first shot misses. 

His vision tunnels, his ears start to ring. He panics. He freezes. The rest of his Army instincts flee, his thoughts full of Buck and Chris and how much he absolutely can not get shot right now. 

The whistling is back again, but this time it's accompanied by someone tackling Eddie to the ground. He bangs his head against the ground in a nasty way, his vision whiting out for a moment. He hears more gunfire, more shouting. Maybe that's what kicks his instincts back into gear, because he's immediately up and looking for the person who tackled him.

It was Thrin. Thrin who is currently bleeding from a GSW to the shoulder that was meant for Eddie.

He stays low, pulls her behind the car wreckage, applies pressure. There's shouting over the radio, so he doesn't even try to radio in. They're pinned down until someone either gets the gunman or scares him off with enough fire. He briefly hears Steve giving chase to someone. 

"Thrin, hey! Keep your eyes open!" He's yelling, packing her wound with the remaining guaze in his bag. 

She coughs, blood spilling from her mouth. It reminds him vaguely of Buck in Bobby and Athena's backyard. "I'm a medic, dumbass. I know."

He laughs, tears in his eyes as he does his best to keep her blood in her body. "Call me whatever you want, just stay with me."

"This feels abelist."

He laughs again. It was a joke they had started having, calling anything that inconvienced them abelist. "Yeah, it really does. Some would say, targeted."

She laughs, coughing more blood. "Ugh, terrible joke." Her eyes roll.

"Hey, hey, cmon you have to keep listening to my terrible jokes. Thrin! Thrin!"

You would think with being a SEAL and a firefighter, Buck would've gotten used to hospitals. He hasn't though. He still hates them just as much. 

He runs out of the elevator the minute it gets to the floor the receptionist told him Thea was on. He needs to send that receptionist some flowers. He doesn't remember what he said but he's sure he wasn't nice about it. 

Most of the 118 A-shift is in the waiting room, all still in their uniforms, turnouts piling up in a chair in the corner. The first thing Buck notices is that Eddie has blood all over him. The next thing he notices is Bobby trying to get his attention.

"What happened?" Steve had briefly filled Buck in, that he had almost had the suspect but had lost him. That Thea was on the way to the hospital for surgery for a GSW to the shoulder. That it was Eddie she had knocked out of the way. 

Bobby tells him much the same. Tells him that Eddie didn't tell anyone he was moving and the shooter took advantage of him being out in the open with no visible protection. Tells him that Eddie froze, out in the open, bullets flying, that Thrin tackled him out of the way, getting shot in the process. Tells him that Eddie triaged her, that she coded once in the ambulance but that the surgeons seemed hopeful. Buck looks over at Eddie, who's trembling, rust colored blood tracing it's way up his forearms, collecting under his nails.

"Why didn't you follow orders?" Buck asks Eddie. Buck thought they had explained it enough. That the 118 didn't move until the SEALs say so, that they shouted their every move so that they had back up when they did it. He doesn't understand why Eddie went against protocol.

"I just forgot," Eddie whispers. He won't meet his eye, keeping his gaze steadily on his hands. 

Buck goes cold. "You... forgot? My teams lives are at stake to protect you, your teams lives are at stake if you don't follow orders, and you forgot?" 

Eddie's standing now, fists clenched together. "Yes, Buck. God forbid I make a mistake. I forgot. I forgot that we had to tell your team our every move because some pyscho out there is shooting first responders!"

Buck's swinging before he even registers he's doing it. Bobby's pulling them apart and Buck sees the hospital security guard starting to come there way. Chimney's holding Eddie back, Hen checking out the bruise that is quickly forming on Eddie's jaw. Buck puts his hands up while Bobby assures the security guard that they're fine. 

"All of you get out," Buck spits. Hen goes to say something, but Buck shakes his head. "Your mistake might cause me to lose a member of my team. The least you could do is be a little sorry about it. But no, you're only focused on yourself. Like always. So all of you, get out." The 118 stand there, not moving. "Please," Buck's voice breaks on it and Hen nods. She throws Eddie his turnouts, bundles Chim's towards him. Bobby murmurs to Buck that he'll call Athena and to let him know how Thea's surgery goes. 

The minute the 118 is in the elevator, Buck collapses into the nearest chair. 

By the time Thea is out of surgery, the rest of SEAL Team 10 has gathered at the hospital. It's not the first time one of their members has been shot, but it is the first time its happened stateside. Andrea is passed out between Fitz and Blaze, while Finn and Match play cards in the seats across from them. Buck's got his head in his hands when Steve finally gets off the phone.

"I gave the police the description of the suspect. They're putting out an APB now. How are you holding up?" He asks, placing a water bottle at Buck's feet.

Buck isn't sure he could stomach a drink right now. "I hit Eddie. I yelled at my team."

Steve's shaking his head. "We are your team. You yelled at people who like to act like family but don't always pull through."

"It wasn't Eddie's fault. He's gonna blame himself. Now especially that I said what I said. Steve, what do I do? I've never been so angry with someone before."

Steve wraps an easy arm around him, nodding in understanding. "I think I make Danny angry like that all the time."

"What does he do to forgive you?"

"He yells at me. A lot. One time, he forced us into couples therapy. We do it from time to time if there's somethin big we disagree on."

Buck chuckles at the idea of that. "Eddie would rather I swing at him again then make him go to therapy."

Steve hums. "What is Eddie to you?"

Buck sighs. The first word that jumps to mind is partner. Eddie was the man who was always by his side, always had his back. Suddenly, Buck had turned, and Eddie hadn't been there anymore. He had been across a huge chasm that had split open between them. Buck still has no idea how to bridge the gap. "He was my best friend. He was my partner. I took his kid to school, I fixed his grandma's sink when it leaked. I cooked for him when he was too tired, took care of him when he was sick. We went hiking on days we had off, or we tried new food trucks or sparring gyms. He was everywhere in my life."

Steve nods, understanding. He takes a deep breath before he speaks, and Buck knows he isn't going to like what Steve has to say. "That sounds like Danny and I."

Buck snorts. "But you're in love with Danny."

Steve just nods again. Buck looks at him, really looks at him. His old commander is dead serious, as if he hasn't just taken Buck's world and tossed it upside down. 

The doctor calls Thea's name and is immediately faced with seven SEALs. Buck pushes down every thought of Eddie, listening intently to what the doctor tells them. 

"The surgery went well. She has a long road to full mobility as it tore right through her muscle, but she's out of the woods. We'll come back out when she's able to have visitors."

Steve goes to call Danny, again,  Andrea taking the time to call Thea's family. Buck barely registers Match sending a text to the 118 thread. He does see Eddie's lack of response, which makes him see red all over again. Realistically, Buck knows that it wasn't completely Eddie's fault. It was only a matter of time that the shooter struck again. It was only a matter of time before the 118's luck ran out. But god, it made Buck so angry that Eddie didn't offer his support or his condolences. Only his anger. Only his thoughts about himself. He doesn't want to admit that what he really wanted was Eddie to stay at the hospital, sit next to him, a solid line of contact. He wanted to lean on the other man the way he used to. 

Buck doesn't wish it was Eddie in Thea's place. He isn't sure how he would react to Eddie getting hurt. But, he does wish for the Eddie he once knew back. The Eddie who was quick to be there for him, to offer his shoulder. Buck hasn't known that Eddie for a long time. Buck doesn't add anything to the groupchat, simply stands when the doctor comes back and heads in to see Thea. 

She looks small on the bed, stuck with wires, the heart monitor beeping steadily. He thinks of how easily it could've been Eddie in her place and bursts into tears.

Eddie slams his locker closed, dropping his head in his hands. He hears the door to the locker room open, and he groans. "I told you I didn't need more ice, Hen."

Bobby chuckles. "Well, that bruise on your jaw disagrees. Buck really got ya."

Eddie collapses onto the bench, pushing his thumb into the purple coloring the right side of his jaw. Bobby bats his hand away, sitting next to him. "SEALs must've taught him that right hook." He knows it sounds bitter, can see it in the way Bobby raises a judgemental brow. "It's my fault."

Bobby shakes his head. "It is not your fault that some psycho is shooting first responders. It is not your fault that Thrin saved you. It's actually her job to be there to keep us from getting hurt. Was it unfortunate? Yes. But you saw the text. She's gonna pull through."

"What if she gets discharged from the Navy? What if she can't shoot again? Or go on missions?" Eddie questions. Bobby puts a hand on his shoulder.

"You can't worry about the what if's like that. All you should focus on is that she is going to be okay. And that she'll have a whole SEAL team at all of her physio appointments."

"Buck was right. I was being selfish. The first thing I thought of was thank god it wasn't me, because what about Christopher? Thea has an entire life too. I know about her sister, I know why she joined the SEALs, I know how she takes her coffee. How can I sit there and be glad that it was her and not me?" Bobby cocks his head.

"Don't listen to survivors guilt. It's okay to be relieved that you get to go home to your kid."

Silence falls between them, Eddie's hand going back to his jaw.

"Do you want to talk about Buck hitting you?"

Eddie shakes his head. "I deserved it."

Bobby sighs, standing up. "You two need to talk to each other. You're off for the next week at least. Get cleared by a psychologist before you try to come back. For the love of everything, please consider going to therapy. And talking to Buck." Bobby hands him a card with a department psychologist number on it and leaves the locker room.

Eddie covers his eyes and cries.

Chapter Text

5 months ago, Malaysia

"Hey, Chris! How is my favorite Diaz?" Buck asks, smile growing as Chris giggles easily at the tablet. 

"Hey Buck! I miss you! When are you coming back?" 

Buck can hear Carla puttering around in the background of the Diaz kitchen, sees the warm sunlight filtering in through the windows. Buck's heart aches in his chest, the tether that holds him to LA twinging with longing. He doesn't see Eddie anywhere. "I miss you too! The next time I'm back from work, you best bet that you're the first person I'm gonna come see. How's school?"

Buck tries to listen as he's updated on all the latest 9 year old drama. He knows that Ethan likes to try to cheat off of Chris during math, and that Matt got a new lego set, but he loses track after that. He soaks in the sight of LA, of at least one Diaz boy being happy to see him, of Carla occassionally chiming in with updates from Maddie or Karen. He'll call them next, but it's nice to know that there are still people in LA who are excited for him to come back. If he ever does. 

He's shaken out of his head by Steve appearing at his shoulder, waving happily at Chris.

"Uncle Steve!! Have you done anything cool recently?" Christopher asks seriously. Buck cracks up a little, Chris still at the stage of life where he understands that Buck and his friends are doing something dangerous, but can't fully grasp what they do. Steve nods seriously.

"Always, Diaz, always! Do you doubt my skills?" 

Chris shakes his head frantically and Buck laughs again. Carla reappears on the edge of the screen, instructing Chris to let Buck and Steve go back to work. They say their goodbyes, Buck feeling the twinging in his chest again.

It must be written across his face, because Steve ruffles his hair. "You okay, pup?"

Buck shrugs, rubbing his chest. "I'm not sure. What have we got?"

Steve starts his updates on the newest mission. Buck tries his best to screw his SEAL mask back into place.

It must not work because he's pulled into a group hug when he leaves the tent. He isn't gonna complain though.

Present

It takes Eddie three days to work up the courage to go see Thrin. He's gone to see a department psychologist, who agrees to do daily emergency sessions the rest of the time he's been given off work. He feels cracked open, raw, panicky in a way that makes him want to gnaw his own leg off like an animal in a trap. He knows some of the SEAL team will be here, Chimney reporting that SWAT members had been brought in to give some of the SEAL team a break. 

He wants to see Buck. He wants to apologize, beg for mercy, and maybe a hug. The bruise on his jaw is fading, but he can still feel the ghost of Buck's knuckles cracking across his face. He'd like to get a crack of his own in, but he won't. His street fighting days are done. 

He knocks on the door to Thea's room, relieved when it's her voice letting him in. She's propped up in the hospital bed, a game of cards sprawled over the tray in front of her. Finn is sitting on the bed too, cross-legged and grinning. He assumes that the man is winning. Eddie does a slight double take at seeing him in street clothes, a simple green sweater and jeans looking ridiculously good. There's a small couch on the left side of the room, housing Ezra and to Eddie's surprise, Ravi. Ezra is flipping through a newspaper, Ravi looking like Eddie interrupted him mid-gossip session. 

"Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to stop by. See how you're doing." Eddie's voice is small. None of them seem unhappy to see him, though Ezra looks a little confused. Thea motions him over to the chair on the right side of the bed, using the hand that's not in a sling. 

"Come in! What happened to your jaw?" She runs her good hand along the fading bruise, Eddie flinching slightly. He ducks his head, sheepish. 

"I heard that Buck has a hell of a right hook," Ravi says, leaning forward where he's sitting. "Which, of course you two go at each other again when I'm not on shift. I never get to see the drama for myself!" Ravi cuts himself off a little, blushing at the look Eddie gives him. "Sorry, man."

Eddie laughs a little, waving it away. Thea furrows her brows in concern. "Buck hit you?"

"I had it coming," is what Eddie says, at the exact same time that Ezra announces, "He had it coming."

Ezra doesn't offer an apology the way Ravi has, simply holds Eddie's gaze. Franklin looks up at the silence in the room, finally deeming them more interesting than his cards. "Eddie, it wasn't your fault that Thea got shot. However, you were a bit of a dick in the waiting room. Buck shouldn't have punched you, but honestly, it was a long time coming. Deal?"

Eddie laughs, more comfortable now. "Deal. How are you holding up?" He asks, turning his attention back to Thea. Thea looks like she'd rather delve deeper into Buck hitting Eddie and what was said in the waiting room, but she let's it be. 

"Good! I should be able to go home tomorrow! I start physical therapy next week. As much as I'd love to come back to help the 118, I think Steve will have this guy behind bars here soon." 

Eddie nods, relieved to hear that she's healing well. Thea and Franklin strike up their card game again, Eddie watching confused. It doesn't seem like any card game Eddie has ever seen, with rules that seem to combine Uno, poker, and blackjack. It's fun to watch though, especially with Ravi keeping up a steady stream of chatter about the tenants in one of his apartment buildings.

"Isn't it like, illegal, for you to be telling us these things?" Eddie asks between complaints about Mrs. Rodriguez and her devil dog that bites Ravi's ankles when he does inspections. 

Ravi shrugs, sipping his coffee. "It's entertaining, isn't it?"

Eddie can't argue with that, laughing with the others when Ezra tells Ravi he won't bail him out of jail. 

"That's fine. I'd probably call Lena like Eddie did."

Eddie groans when three pairs of SEAL eyes widen and turn to him. "You got arrested?" Thea questions.

"You can't tell Buck!" is the first thing that comes out of Eddie's mouth. 

"Can't tell Buck what?"

Eddie groans, slaps his face into his palm. He looks up, making eye contact with Thea. "He's right behind me, isn't he?"

She nods, giggling at the blush that colors Eddie's cheeks. He turns in his chair, facing the door. Buck looks rough, honestly. He's wearing a slightly oversized hoodie, and his hair looks a little greasy, like he's been living at the hospital. His stubble is nearing beard territory. Eddie still thinks he's never looked better. 

Ezra looks up from his newspaper again. "Your boy here got arrested."

Buck's stoic SEAL mask slips, glancing at Eddie with wide eyes. "What?"

"And Lena Bosko bailed him out," Franklin adds unhelpfully. 

The SEAL mask teeters again, Buck's eyebrows raising in shock. "You called my replacement to bail you out of jail?? What did you even get arrested for?"

Eddie shakes his head from where he's slumped in the hospital chair. Thea is full on laughing at him now, Ezra and Franklin making faces at him. Ravi slurps his coffee.

"Street fighting." Eddie's gonna hit Ravi with his car.

The SEAL mask shatters, disbelief covering every part of his face. "Street fighting??"

Thea is full on cackling, having to put her cards down to wipe tears from her eyes with her one good hand. "Look at his face, he looks like a scandalized housewife."

Eddie glares at Ravi, who smiles innocently back at him. "How did you even know that?"

"B-shift talks, man. It's not my fault I just listen."

"So, the whole firehouse knows?"

Ravi grimaces at that. "Do you want the truth or do you want me to make you feel better?"

Three out of four SEALs dissolve into laughter again. Eddie flips Ravi off. 

He chances a glance at Buck, who still hasn't come in from where he stands in the doorway. There's a light smile on his lips, faint concern still showing in his eyes. Eddie stands, taking pity on him. "Now that we've had our 'poke fun at Eddie time', I think I'm gonna head out."

Thea groans, swatting at him good naturedly. "Fine, run away, Diaz. Thanks for coming to check on me." Eddie kisses her cheek, grounding himself in the warmth in her skin. The last time he had touched her, she had been going cold.

He heads to the door, where Buck is still standing awkwardly. The other man coughs, voice quiet when he finally speaks. "You can stay, if you want. The guys, they like you. And Thea was worried about you."

Eddie turns to look back into the room. Ravi has now settled in Eddie's vacated chair, trying to learn the rules to the mysterious card game Franklin and Thea are playing. Ezra holds up the newspaper victoriously, finally finished with the crossword. The scene fills him with warmth, knowing that he can leave Buck in their hands and he'll be okay. He turns back to Buck, hesitantly placing a hand on the man's shoulder. His thumb finds Buck's pulse like it's always supposed to rest there.

"Chris will be home soon, and I've gotta come up with a good way of postponing our zoo trip. But thank you, for the offer. You've got a good team here. You deserve them."

Buck looks shocked, his eyes a little wet. Eddie removes his hand, takes a step back. Maybe therapy does actually work, because it feels easier now to bare his soul to Buck. "I'm sorry, for what I said in the waiting room. Let me know if you or the team needs anything. Text me when you might be free for the zoo again, okay?"

Buck nods, grabbing Eddie by the wrist before he can fully leave. "I'm sorry, too. For hitting you. I never wanted to hurt you."

It's a soft confession, deeper than a well-deserved punch between friends. It's serious, speaking to years of devotion. Eddie understands what Buck is trying to say. "I never wanted to hurt you either. Maybe we'll do better at that this time around." He frees himself from Buck's hold as the other man laughs quietly. "I do think we should step into the ring sometime. A little friendly sparring competition. To even the playing field, let out some anger."

Buck smirks a bit at that. "You really think you can take me?"

Eddie's heart pounds. This is the closest they've got to normal since Buck's come back. It doesn't feel like forgiveness, but it's a near thing. Something equally as fond, still a little sharp around the edges. "Yeah, I do."

"Pick the time and place, cowboy. Let's go for the title."

With Eddie being out for a week as the psychologist clears him, finding a time to spar with Buck is a little easier than he thought it would be. He names a sparring gym they hit up once a while back, Buck enthusiastically agreeing. It probably isn't the healthiest way to try to bridge the gap between them, but they both are wearing gloves and wraps, so no one will end up with bruised jaws and split knuckles. He decides to not tell his department therapist about it either way. 

Eddie watches as Buck paces the ring a bit, adjusting the tightness of his gloves. The last time they had sparred, Eddie had had the fleeting thought that Buck had been holding back. Now Eddie knew why. A Navy SEAL learns many different forms of combat. Eddie knows how to box, knows some intermediate Muy Thai, but he isn't sure how that will hold against Buck going full out. He's a little excited to find out. 

"Come on, cowboy. Take your best shot," Buck grins sharply as he settles, his stance loose and confident. Eddie prefers not to strike first, letting his opponent take the first swing to learn how the other thinks. But this is Buck. He knows how Buck thinks.

He settles for a quick jab cross combo, but he's caught off guard as Buck catches the cross, twists, and easily slams him to the mat. Eddie groans as the wind is knocked out of him. He does not in fact know how Buck thinks.

"You were holding back last time." Eddie comments as he grabs Buck's glove to help himself off the ground. 

Buck's grin turns a little sad. "You didn't know what I could do. What all I've done."

They hit gloves again, Eddie starting out with a kick to Buck's stomach. Buck dodges, comes in with a right hook that Eddie dances out of the way of. He tries swinging again, hoping to distract Buck enough to get his foot hooked around him, when he finds himself on the mat again, shoulder throbbing dully with the way Buck caught his throw. 

"I was in the Army, Buck. I have blood on my hands too."

Buck shakes his head, helping Eddie up again. "Not like I do. Let's go again."

Eddie only lasts a few moves everytime. He's starting to get frustrated. Buck isn't swinging on him, isn't trying to hit him. He's only dismantling him, knocking him to the mat again and again and again. 

"I wouldn't have judged you."

That makes Buck twist a little harder, brows furrowed into a mean line. "No, you only judged me when I tried to stand up for myself."

Finally, Eddie thinks. They're getting somewhere. 

"I didn't have the full story."

Buck throws his first punch. It's too quick for Eddie to dodge, so he tries his best to block it, catching it mainly on his forearm rather than with the side of his head. Eddie catches Buck's arm to try to take the man down, but Buck switches his hold and tosses Eddie to the floor. "You didn't even try to understand my side."

"Can you blame me? It didn't even seem like you knew what you were doing."

Buck doesn't try to help him off the floor after that, heading to the other side of the ring to put some distance between them. 

"Don't walk away from me, Phoenix," Eddie snarls around the name. "You sued the department and then ran away at the first sign of trouble. But here you are, back again. You can't make up your mind, can you?"

The look Buck gives him is lethal. He's panting, shirt damp from the exertion of the rounds they've already gone. But Eddie isn't done pushing. They need to yell, they need to get past the hurts they've caused each other in the past. The only way Eddie knows how to do that is to push on the bruises.

"Don't call me that," Buck spits.

“C’mon Phoenix, show me who you really are.”

Bucks on him in seconds. Eddie dodges the first swing, blocks the leg that comes at him, and even manages to yank Buck off balance. He backs off, but Buck isn’t even fully on both feet before he’s going down again, swiping out with his foot at Eddie’s ankles. Eddie barely manages to get out of the line of fire, but moves right into the warpath of Buck’s fist. He takes another right hook to the side of his jaw, the glove barely softening it. He follows it up with a jab that Eddie takes straight to the nose. 

Eddie’s eyes are watering, but he throws a punch anyway. Buck catches it, twists with his movement, tossing him over in a judo flip, and following him down. Eddie’s back hits the mat hard enough that his lungs hurt. Buck lands with a harsh thud, knees bracketing Eddie’s hips, a somehow gloveless hand coming up to clutch at Eddie’s jaw.

When Eddie’s vision finally clears, he sees Buck above him, trembling, eyes a stormy ocean blue. 

“Is this what you wanted? Me to get angry, like you do? To show you how violent I am? I’m not the person you thought you knew, Eddie!” Buck shouts. 

Eddie nods, tries to think past Buck’s weight on him and the way his stomach dips at Buck’s hand on his jaw. “Shannon asked me for a divorce before she died.”

Now, Eddie had a loose plan. It was mainly three steps: get Buck to fight him, somehow end up talking about the elephant in the room, maybe get tacos after. He’s succeeded with the first part, letting Buck let off some steam in a semi-healthy way. He thinks he’s close to succeeding with the second one. This is a side he’s never seen of Buck, all danger and violence. Buck’s opening up, letting him in again. Eddie needs to show him that he's listening this time. That he's here, no matter who Buck is or always has been. 

Buck cocks his head, confused. Rightfully so, because even Eddie can admit that it wasn’t the best segue. Buck though, amazing, mind-reading Buck, somehow tramples through the chasm between them and meets Eddie where he’s at. 

“I joined the Navy when I graduated highschool, got into BUD/s at 18. All the traveling I told you guys about, was with them.”

Eddie nods. “I got arrested for street fighting.”

Buck frowns. “I already knew that one.”

Eddie grimaces. “I almost killed a man doing it. I needed a way of letting off steam after everything with Shannon, and Lena took me to one, and I took it too far.”

Buck’s frown deepens and then he sighs. He gets off Eddie, who momentarily mourns the loss of his weight and hastily adjusts his shorts, and offers a hand. “I’m hungry. Let’s do this over food. I’m sick of  beating you.”

Eddie lets out an indignant sigh. “I almost had you that last time.”

Buck lets out a dark chuckle as he ducks under the ropes. “No you didn’t.”

Eddie shivers at the sound. No, he probably didn’t have him that last time. 

They end up at a Mexican food truck, Buck ordering half the menu for both of them while Eddie sits nervously at a picnic table.

Buck comes back with trays full of nachos, tacos, and chips and quac, handing Eddie his portion of everything. Buck had his order memorized. For a food truck they went to over a year and a half ago. Eddie tries really hard to be normal about it. 

“So, what made you join the Navy?” Eddie asks.

Buck nods like he expected the question. “Met a recruiter during my senior year. I wasn’t really considering college as an option. This seemed like a challenge.”

“Was it?”

Buck laughs, lightening a little. “Oh, it was awful. You have to enlist in the Navy to try for BUD/s, so first you’ve gotta get through basic. Once you’re in BUD/s, oh it’s hell. You lose half your class to the physical aspect of it alone. Don’t even get me started on all the mental stuff. I was the youngest in my class. Steve saw that, made it his mission to get me to ring the bell.”

Eddie must make a face, because Buck laughs again. “It’s not that he wanted me to fail. He thought I was too good of a person to join a group as harsh as the SEALs. His words, not mine. He saw a lot of himself in me, I think. He tried to convince that there was a life for me outside of the military. When I graduated BUD/s, I found out I was with his unit. Then I found out that he had asked for me specifically. We’ve been working together ever since.”

They sit in silence for a bit, stuffing their faces. The silence is less heavy than it’s been, but it’s still a little tense. Buck breaks it a few minutes later. “So, you’re turn.”

Eddie nods, tries not to look too much like he wants to run in the other direction. “Shannon or the street fighting?”

Buck shrugs. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Eddie nods again, playing with a tortilla chip. “We had been working towards being a family again. I invited her out to dinner, wanted to tell her that I officially wanted to try again. She asked for a divorce instead. Told me she wasn’t pregnant like she thought she was, but that it made her realize she never really knew how to be a mom.”

Buck’s looking at him, but Eddie keeps his gaze on the chip. “She was leaving again.”

Eddie nods and Buck lets out a breath. “And then she died.”

“God, Eddie, I’m so sorry.” Eddie looks up at that, meeting Buck’s sad gaze. There’s no pity, just understanding.

Silence falls again, a little more somber. Eddie finally eats the chip he was playing with, Buck slurping his soda. He puts it down a little harder than necessary, like he’s made a decision. “I was born to be a savior baby. I had an older brother who had leukemia. Nobody was a match.”

Eddie gasps. “So they made one.”

Buck raises a brow in acknowledgment. “Got it in one. Obviously it didn’t work, I failed, he died. My parents made Maddie not tell me, packed us up and moved us to Hershey, got rid of every trace of him.”

Eddie can’t imagine doing that to Christopher. Can’t imagine hiding something that big from him, uprooting him entirely because of it, and then holding it over his head for the rest of his life. Buck being a savior baby makes a lot of sense, explains a lot about the man sitting in front of him. His parents blamed him for not doing his job, taught him that love came with strings that he had no chance of pulling because he never knew they existed. They were absent, busy grieving the death of a son, showing Buck that he was easy to leave. 

“You freaked out about not being able to come back to work because you thought we wouldn’t love you if you weren’t a firefighter,” Eddie says quietly, barely above a whisper. Buck ducks his head, nodding. “I’m sorry we made you feel that way. I know now though. I won’t let you feel like that again.”

Buck gives him a small smile. “You freaked out about not being able to talk to me with the lawsuit because you thought I was leaving you and Chris. Like Shannon.”

Eddie freezes, remembering Maddie’s gentle words in Athena’s guest bedroom. He nods though. He’s terrified, worried sick that Buck will look past it just being abandonment issues and see the depth of the feelings behind it. He doesn’t. He just looks at Eddie with understanding, a look so soft that Eddie can’t stand it.

“You didn’t, though. You talked to Chris every week, had Carla, Athena, Maddie and Karen keep you updated. If I had been more focused on my son, pulled my head out of my own ass, I would’ve seen that you gave me a way to contact you the whole time. You didn’t leave. Not really.” Buck looks pleased that Eddie put it together. 

“I just needed space.”

“Were you gonna come back? Are you going to stay now that you’re here?” Eddie can’t help but push again, worried that Bucks close to slipping through his fingers again. Buck’s face runs through a few different emotions, but settles on neutral. 

“I’m not sure yet. I still have a few years on my contract.”

Eddie’s jaw drops. “Years?”

Buck nods, lip pulled between his teeth nervously. “I was medically discharged in late 2017 after a mission went really bad. I had just reupped for another eight years. I was given the option to serve out the rest of it in the reserves.”

“But you went back.”

Buck nods. “I’m active duty again. There's still three years on my contract.”

Eddie’s head is starting to throb. He feels the familiar rage begin to build. He can’t believe Buck hadn’t told him yet. He takes a few breaths, tries to regulate his heart rate. “You could get deployed at any time.”

Buck stays quiet, tears in his eyes. “I didn’t think I’d ever leave the reserves, figured that I’d finish the contract nice and quiet. But after the lawsuit, I just wanted to be with my family. The 118 didn’t feel like home anymore.”

“So you went back to the one place that did.” Eddie feels like there’s an executioners noose tightening around his neck, a trap door swinging into place overhead. He just got his best friend back, but he could lose him at any point.

“I had to do it,” Buck says, voice cracking in desperation. “Being a firefighter was my life. Helping people, saving them. That was my life. Bobby wasn’t letting me do it anymore, so I went back to the one place that I knew would still take me. I had to do it,” he repeats, and Eddie knows he has matching tears in his eyes.

“I know you did.” It’s too soft, too fond. Buck, the savior baby, putting himself in harms way again and again and again to fix things for other people. Eddie clears his throat, wipes his eyes. Buck looks terrified, like he’s worried Eddie’s about to get up and walk away.

“We’ll worry about your deployment later, okay? I think we’ve got enough on our plate right now. But we’ll get through it. You and Chris seemed to have a good schedule figured out.” Eddie knocks his foot against Buck’s under the table. “We’ll be okay.”

Chapter Text

7 months ago, somewhere in the Bayuda Desert

Finn's blood is all over him, Andrea's climbing over the seats of the Humvee to put pressure on the wound, and the radio is still playing fucking country music. He isn't sure how it all is going so spectacularly wrong. This area is supposed to be deserted for the next 50 miles or so. Match is trying his best to lay down cover for them, but there's too many bullets flying to risk hitting any of them or anyone in Steve's humvee.

Buck is half ducked behind the wheel, still attempting to drive them through it, when a stray bullet hits one of the tires on the humvee in front of then. Instantly, he sees multiple enemy combatants head towards the spun out vehicle. Everyone in Steve's van is returning fire, but they can't leave them.

"Phoenix, you gotta get us over there," Andrea yells, Match letting out an affirmative grunt. Buck grits his teeth and turns up the music.

"Everyone, hold on!" 

Present

Buck wakes up in the bunkroom, gasping for air. Steve's by his side instantly.

"Hey Evan, deep breaths for me. You're not over there, you're stateside. You're in the firehouse."

Buck's gaze searches Steve's face and then his surroundings. "No, no, I have to get to Finn. He's - he's hurt. Where is he? Finn?"

Steve frames his face gently. "Hey, Evan, you gotta stop shouting okay. Do you want me to take you to Finn? Do you wanna see him?" 

Buck nods frantically, chest heaving. His hearts racing and he swears he can still taste Finn's blood on his lips.  Steve nods with him, but keeps him in place when Buck tries to leave the bed. "We gotta get your breathing under control before you try to walk, okay? You're gonna make yourself sick. Name five things you can see."

Buck glances around again. "I can see you, the bunks, the light coming under the door." He makes eye contact with a firefighter he must've woken up and he whimpers slightly. "Oh god, I woke people up, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to I, I'm sorry -"

"Okay, Evan, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Everyone's okay, you didn't wake everyone up. Let's go out to the loft, okay? Finn's out there," Steve keeps muttering to him as he helps him stand. He places one of Buck's hands on his chest, trying to get Buck to mirror his slow breathing. Buck tries, but his breath keeps catching, like there's something lodged in his throat. He stumbles, almost falling, Steve taking more of his weight. 

His ears are ringing slightly, his eyes watering with tears. People are saying his name, but he can't get his mouth to respond, the taste of iron filling his mouth again.

Ten minutes prior

Eddie hadn't been able to sleep. His mind kept whirling, thoughts of what Maddie said to him about Buck making it impossible to get his brain to calm down. He had given up about an hour ago, coming out to the loft to read a book Buck had suggested to him. 

"Can't sleep?" Match asks, flopping down onto the couch next to the chair Eddie's in. Eddie hums the affirmative, glancing over to take in the SEALs appearance. He's wearing black sweats, a black LAFD shirt that Eddie isn't entirely sure where he got, and bright green fuzzy socks. 

"Nice socks."

Ezra does a little flourish with his feet where they hang off the end of the couch. "Buck says they bring out my eyes."

Eddie laughs softly. "They look comfy. You can't sleep either?"

Ezra nods. "Nightmares. The gunman brings up stuff for a lot of us, ya know?"

"I get that. Took three GSW's pulling my team out of a downed chopper in Afghanistan. They still hurt sometimes," Eddie confesses. It's easy to talk to Match. He's quieter than his brother Finn, more serious, listens more intently. Ezra nods, letting a comfortable silence fill the air for a bit. 

"Finn got shot seven months ago. Straight through the shoulder. I still have nightmares about it," he admits. Eddie closes his book, let's himself look up at the ceiling too. It's nice to be around people who understand what it's like to be shot at. Maybe it's trauma bonding, but Eddie is pretty sure that he's missed the brotherhood that comes from war. 

They're sitting there, each sprawled in their respective couches, when Finn walks in. "Wow, real party vibe you guys have going on out here." He grabs some water from the fridge, coming over to sprawl on the floor next to the couch Ezra is on. 

"Nightmares," is all Ezra says.

Finn looks at Eddie expectantly. Eddie covers his eyes with his book, blushing. "Sexuality crisis."

Ezra sits up a little at that, Finn letting out a surprised whistle. "Damn, Diaz. That'll do it."

"Just know that we're here if you ever want to talk, Eddie," Ezra says. It's nice until Finn interrupts with - 

"Says the heterosexual man with a wife. If you need advice Eddie, my door is always open." Finn spreads his hands as he says it, wincing when Ezra cuffs him upside the head.

"You don't even have an office here. There's no door."

"I meant like the metaphysical door! My sexuality door is always open to you, Eddie." Ezra lets out a loud laugh, Eddie himself dissolving into chuckles as Finn realizes what he said. "Wait, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, you're a beautiful man, don't get me wrong, oh god this is just getting worse." Finn eventually stops the rambling, waving an invisible white flag while he buries his face in his other hand. Ezra is in stitches on the couch behind him, Eddie not far behind. 

The laughter is just tapering off when Eddie sense movement out of the corner of his eye. It's Steve, hauling a hyperventilating and crying Buck out of the bunk room. Eddie's on his feet first, his heart dropping to his stomach. "Oh my god, Buck!"

That gets Ezra and Franklin's attention, both of them getting up off the couch instantly. Ezra slides a little with his fuzzy socks against the wood, but they all end up crashing together anyway when Buck collapses, barely breathing. 

"What happened?" Eddie demands, barely sparing a glance at Steve as he cups Buck's face in his hands. "Hey, Buck, try to breathe for me okay? You're hyperventilating, you're gonna choke if you don't take a breath." Eddie moves one of Buck's hands to his chest, mirroring it with one of his own. He takes exaggerated breathes, trying to calm the other man.

"Finn," Buck gasps, voice hoarse. "Finn's hurt. Gotta - gotta get to him." 

Finn's pushing Eddie to the side in an instant and Eddie can't find it in him to be mad. Finn does the same thing Eddie had done, placing one of Buck's hands on his chest, right over his heart. "Evan, I'm right here. I'm right here, I'm safe. You got me out. Do you understand? Phoenix!" Finn's shouting now, shaking Buck's shoulder a bit. "You got me out. You saved me. I'm right here Phoenix. I'm right here."

Buck breaks, falling into Finn's arms sobbing. His breathing evens out a little, though his sobs are deep enough that his whole body tremors with them. Ezra falls onto both of them, carding a hand through Buck's hair while he presses a kiss to his brother's forehead. Eddie looks at Steve over the two of them. 

The older man is heartbroken. It's easy to see the pain in his eyes, the heartbreak etching it's way into the lines of his face. His hair is messy, tears lining his waterline. He wraps an arm around Buck, reaching around to squeez Finn's neck. "You're okay, kids. You're okay. I've got you." When his voice breaks the second time he repeats himself, Eddie looks away and says nothing. He goes to the kitchen, placing a pan on the stove and filling it with milk.

One of the first things Eddie had learned when starting at the 118 was Bobby's hot chocolate recipe. The older man often makes it on 24 or 48 hour shifts in the middle of the night if enough of them can't sleep. He teaches it to anyone who asks, keeps a laminated instruction sheet in the kitchen in case someone wants some and he isn't around. Eddie pulls out all the ingredients now, a pro at making it since Shannon died. That's when his nightmares started back up again with a vengance and he became one of the lurkers of the 118. 

Buck must cry himself to sleep, because eventually Steve is herding Ezra and Finn back to the couches as he picks Buck up effortlessly. He places Buck between the two older SEALs who cuddle up to their brother immediately. Steve plops down next to Ezra, leaning into the others. Eddie comes around with mugs, hands one to everyone, and keeps the stove on a low simmer so Buck's will be warm when he wakes up. He goes to sit back in his chair, but Ezra pulls him down onto the couch. Eddie falls into a spot between Ezra and Buck, immediately placing a hand on Buck's leg where it ends up curled over his lap. Steve's humming something lowly, but Eddie can't make out what it is. 

Buck comes to with a nasty headache and humming in his ears. When he groans, the hand in his hair tugs slightly. "Welcome back, sleeping beauty."

Buck blinks his eyes open to find his head in Finn's lap, Finn carding his hands through Buck's hair. "Finn!" Buck doesn't try to hide the relief in his voice, pushing up to pull Finn into a hug no matter how awkward the angle is. Finn comes down easily.

"I'm okay, Buck. You had a pretty nasty nightmare. Scared us all half to death."

Buck pulls back from the hug to look down the rest of the couch. His top half is sprawled across Finn, Eddie sitting close by with Buck's knees in his lap and a mug. Ezra sits on Eddie's other side with a mug of his own. Buck's about to ask about Steve when a mug floats into his vision held by a hand that's attached to a vibrantly tattooed arm. "What's this?" 

Eddie grins sheepishly. "Bobby's hot chocolate. I made some a bit ago. Hopefully yours is still warm. We didn't want to wake you."

Steve sits on the coffee table in front of the couch, patting Buck on the head. Buck grimaces into his cup. "I didn't wake you guys up, did I?"

Eddie shakes his head, Ezra laughing next to him. "No, Buck, we were already awake out here when Steve dragged you out here. We couldn't sleep," Ezra explains.

Finn nods. Buck has some flashing memories of coming into the loft last night, being held up by Steve as he cried. He remembered warmth and laughter that he quickly interrupted.

"Yeah, we were bonding over nightmares and crises," Finn adds. Buck looks at Eddie a little concerned, but Eddie just gives him a small smile. Buck thinks it's supposed to be reassuring, but it isn't. He misses Eddie making a frantic cut it out motion from to Finn. 

"How long was I out?" Early morning light is just starting to creep into the loft, but the hot chocolate is still warm in Buck's mug, so he's sure it wasn't long. 

"About thirty minutes. You feelin better? Want to talk about it?" Steve asks. Everyone on the couch looks at him gently and he's struck for a moment by just how loved he feels. He looks at Eddie, sitting in a cuddle pile next to his SEAL brothers because Buck had a nightmare. He thinks of the laughter he barely remembers, how Eddie, Ezra and Finn must've been out in the loft together, alone, for a while before he had his nightmare. Eddie's loyalty fits in so well next to the SEAL team's that Buck almost forgets the past year and a half of anger and hurt. 

Buck takes a few more sips of hot chocolate. "It was about the night Finn got shot."

Eddie cocks his head, looking between Buck and Finn. "Can I ask?"

Finn shrugs in a way that's supposed to be lighthearted. It misses by a mile. "We were traveling through a desert in Sudan. It was supposed to be a deserted stretch of it, no one around for at least 50 miles. But we got ambushed. I was sitting in the passenger seat of Buck's humvee and then the next thing I remember is being sprawled in the sand while Thea cauterized my bullet wound with a road flare." He pulls the collar of his hoodie to the side, revealing a scar that stands out brightly against Finn's dark skin. It looks almost like a sunburst where the skin was burnt to stop the bleeding. Buck flinches away from it. "Apparently, Steve's humvee's tires were shot out, so they went spinning off the road. Buck pulled us alongside, Thea took cover with me between the two of them to try to work on me while the rest fought our way out."

They had told Finn a much more sanitized version of what had actually happened. Buck had had blood stained under his fingernails for days with the amount of people he killed with his knives alone. He still had nightmares about what he had done to get information from the enemy combatants about who had sent them. "It was a targeted attack," he adds. For some reason, it feels important that Eddie knows what Buck did that night. "We took a few hostage to see who had ordered the hit on us. Turns out the sex trafficking ring we were headed to track down found out we were on our way. They tried to take us out first." Buck had torn the trafficking ring down with his bare hands, relishing the blood he spilt. "We ended up saving twenty girls and ten boys from being sent all over the world to be sex slaves."

Eddie's eyes are wet, and Buck knows he's picturing Christopher. Buck knows this because he was picturing Christopher the entire time too. He was picturing Christopher in chains and his SEAL brother bleeding out in the sand and he went a little feral. They stopped the bad guys, though. Buck can lose a few nights of sleep if it means that those men aren't able to hurt anyone anymore. "Thank you guys, for doing that. Finn, I'm sorry to hear about that. I got hit in pretty much the same place, I can recommend some physio exercises or muscle relaxers if it ends up hurting. I know mine starts to act up whenever it gets cold."

Eddie says it quietly, like he's confessing to doing something wrong. Finn looks excited at the prospect of bonding with Eddie over this. When Eddie glances back over to Buck, Buck's two seconds away from crying. He reaches over to squeeze Eddie's hand where it rests on his knee. 

They all stay there for twenty more minutes until the bell rings. They bask in each other's presence and watch the early morning light hit the firehouse.

The call they're sent on is a doozy for so early in the morning. Steve took point on this call, letting Buck stay back a bit to rest. Finn and Match came too since they were already up and awake. A mom had fallen through her apartment balcony, the SEALs determining that it was covered enough that they could hang back a little bit more. Eddie and Ravi harness up, drilling and sawing till they free her. She's grateful, especially when Eddie stays back to watch her son. 

He reminds him of Christopher, which reminds him of what Buck told him that morning, which again reminds him of Christopher. He's got 24 more hours of a shift though, won't be able to hug his son until the next day. So, he makes the kid some food, tries to make the kid laugh. He thinks he's pretty successful.

Something about the call sticks with him, especially once they're back at the station. He does some research into Charlie, finds multiple go fund me pages. He talks to Carla about it, mentions it to Buck. Buck isn't sure what to make of it, but tells Eddie to go with his gut. That he trusts him. That if he thinks something is wrong with this kid, then something may actually be wrong.

When Charlie calls Eddie later in the day, Buck's back on shift and is back by Eddie's side where he belongs. 

"Let's go. The SWAT van will get there quicker than the fire truck." 

Eddie can barely focus, isn't really hearing Buck where he's barking out orders to Finn, Match, and Blaze. He notices how Buck's hands look in his fingerless leather shooting gloves, notices how his arms flex as he checks over his rifle, and then has to stop for his own sanity. When they pull up to Charlie's apartment, Eddie's out the door of the SWAT van before he realizes what he's doing. 

He isn't sure why he's surprised that Buck is right there with him, keeping pace. He was half expecting a reprimand about protocol, or to be dragged back into the shadows of the van. Buck just has his gun ready, scanning their surroundings vigilantly. 

Eddie keeps Charlie calm as the B-shift paramedics work on his mom. Buck keeps a steady eye out the balcony doors. When they determine she's gonna be okay, Buck radios to Blaze.

"Be ready to receive a patient on a stretcher. I'll be with to provide cover."

Buck and Blaze escort the paramedics till the stretcher is in the ambulance. They come back for Charlie, who asks Eddie if he can go with them to the hospital. Eddie agrees, worried sick over this kid who reminds him so much of his own. He waits for Buck and Blaze to be ready, waits for them to check in with Finn and Match.

He swears, he does everything right this time. He stays with Charlie between Buck and Blaze, doesn't dart to the ambulance the way he really wants to. He has an arm around Charlie, one eye on Buck, when he sees it. A bright flash, behind Buck, from one of the skyscrapers surrounding Charlie's apartment building. 

"Get down!" He shoves Charlie to Blaze, and this time, doesn't hesitate when he hears the whistling. He tackles Buck, knocking him across the asphalt. He sees the effects of the shot before he feels it, sees his blood land all over Buck's face, coloring his vest darker. 

Buck flips them over the second he's realized what's happened, hovering over Eddie, pressing down on his wound with one giant hand as he shouts into his radio with the other. Gunfire is echoing through the streets, police sirens flashing, and Eddie groans as Buck presses harder. 

"Hey, hey Eddie, stay with me, okay? I've gotta get us somewhere safe, alright? Just stay with me. Keep your eyes open," Buck's got a steady stream of rambling going, patting Eddie's cheek whenever his eyes start to roll back. Eddie forgot how much getting shot hurts. His shoulder is throbbing, the pain sharp like someone's stabbing him in the same spot repeatedly. Buck keeps adding more pressure whenever he thinks Eddie is drifing, causing spikes of pain that shoot down to his fingertips. 

"Okay, Eddie, this is gonna hurt, but we've gotta do it, okay? Just hang on." Buck crouches, throwing Eddie into a firemans carry like it's the easiest thing in the world. Eddie's pretty sure he screams, his vision whiting out as his wound is jostled against Buck's shoulder. Buck goes into a dead sprint, dodging one way and then another to make it harder on the gunman. He throws Eddie into a firetruck, screaming at the driver. 

Once Eddie's vision is back, Buck is still talking to him. There's blood on his face, and Eddie feels like he's drifting, unmoored. He doesn't remember how Buck got the blood on his face. He places a hand on Buck's face, gently thumbing his birthmark. "Are you hurt?"

Buck glances down at himself quickly, shaking his head. "No, no Eddie, I'm alright."

"Good. You can't get hurt. You can't leave again," Eddie whispers, the pain getting to him. His vision is tunneling, turning black and fuzzy around the edges. 

Buck turns frantic, desperate. "Eddie Diaz, do not close your eyes. You can't say that to me and then die on me. I just got you back. I just started to get you, all of you. Don't do this! Don't leave me again!"

Eddie feels something wet hit his face and his heart stutters when he realizes Buck is crying. Or maybe his heart stutters because he's bleeding out. He can't tell. He manages to pull his eyes open a little bit longer. "Don't cry, sweetheart. I don't want to make you sad anymore."

Buck chokes on a sob. "You don't, Eddie. You don't make me sad, I promise."

Eddie sighs, a weight lifted off of his chest. "Good."

"No, no, no! Eddie! EDDIE!"

Chapter Text

Steve has been by Buck's side through a lot of shit. He's seen him at his worst, covered in blood and grinning with it, swiping through enemy combatants like it's easy. He's seen him sobbing on the floor, wasted out of his mind, mourning his own existence.

The completely stoic and numb Buck sitting in front of him giving his incident report is one he doesn't recognize. They're in a conference room in the hospital, Buck refusing to leave until Diaz is out of surgery. The camera's red recording light blinks steadily as Buck stares unflinchingly at the camera.  "Special Warfare Operator Jones and I had escorted the patient safely to the ambulance. We had successfully gotten most of the first responders back into their corresponding vehicles. The boy had requested that Firefighter Diaz go with him and his mother to the hospital in the ambulance, so we were in the middle of escorting them back when the first shot went off. I don't know what tipped Firefighter Diaz off, but he pushed Charlie out of the way and then pushed me out of the way."

"He saved you," Steve remarks. Buck furrows his brow briefly, before smoothing it out. 

"He did. I triaged him, ordered Special Warefare Operators Hawkins and Hawkins to go after the sniper while Special Warfare Operator Jones laid down cover. I got Firefighter Diaz back into a firetruck and to a hopsital. Special Warefare Operator Ezra Hawkins found and shot the gunman at long range after being fired upon."

Steve nods. "Thank you for your report, Lieutenant Buckley. You're dismissed."

Steve turns off the camera, turns off the voice recorder. Buck stays where he is, playing with his hands where they rest on the table. "Why did he do it? I was there to protect him. That was literally my job. Did he not trust me to do it?"

Steve scoffs in spite of himself. Buck looks up, shocked at his attitude. "Only you, Evan Buckley, could have someone get shot to save you and still somehow find a way to blame it on yourself. He didn't want you to get hurt. Kid, can you seriously not see it?"

Buck only shakes his head. Steve keeps going, leaning forward. "I didn't believe it until I saw how he reacted to your nightmare. I didn't understand why he was so upset with you, why he wasn't there for him when you needed him. He was the first one to get to us, first one to try to help you. Then, you asked for Finn, and he immediately deffered to him. I could see how bad he wanted to stay by you, be the one to comfort you. But he knew what you needed. You can't see how he looks at you, kid. He knocked you out of the way because he loves you. Not because he didn't trust you to be there for him when he needed you. He did it to be there for you when you needed him."

Buck gasps, a shattered, weak thing. The tears that Steve had been waiting for since Eddie went into surgery 2 hours ago begin to fall, slowly at first. "I was just starting to get him back. We were talking it out, everything. The SEALs, the lawsuit, Shannon. What if I lose him before we have a chance to try again?"

"You can't think like that, pup. You've gotta try to remember that he's gonna fight like hell to get back to you, to get back to his son." They sit there for a bit, Buck wiping his eyes. "Do you love him?"

Buck nods. "I've always thought that I was different. My first highschool crush was on the quarterback, not the head cheerleader. I think I've always loved Eddie. I think the lawsuit just put into perspective of what type of love it is. I was so hurt when he wouldn't talk to me. I couldn't understand why it was so much worse than Hen or Chimney treating me the same way. It's just, everytime I think we're getting closer to being better, I see him standing in the grocery store, calling me exhausting."

Steve ruffles Buck's hair. "I think you and him have a lot to talk about. I think you've both said things you regret and I think that it'll be hard. I know that I have a hard time treating Diaz as one of our own after the way he treated you. But if you talk it out, and you're both on the same page, I think you should try it. You'll always regret never telling him."

Buck sniffles. "Same goes to you. Danny's gonna kill you if you don't go back to Five-O soon."

Steve laughs. "Yeah, that's probably true. I'll talk to the brass." He checks his phone. "Speaking of, I've got a surprise for you." He stands up, offering a hand to Buck.

"Thanks Steve, but I need to get back to the waiting room. They may need me for something for Eddie. I'm his medical proxy and have power of attorney."

Steve blinks. "He made you his medical proxy and you didn't know he was in love with you?"

Buck swats at him good-naturedly. "Yeah, yeah. Raincheck on that surprise?"

"Nah, we'll just move it upstairs."

Buck looks at him, more than a little concerned, but goes with it. They head back upstairs, Buck quieter than usual. When they leave the elevator, they find the waiting room the same way they left it, with one added bonus. "Danny!"

Buck, for having never met the man in person, had become incredibly close with Steve's partner since Steve had been back with SEAL Team 10 temporarily. They called once a week while they were deployed, texted as much as they could whenever they ended up stateside. Buck said hi everytime Danny called Steve, often stealing the phone to ask the man about recipes or tattle on Steve. Danny had taken one look at Buck and his "Steve-ness" (Danny's words) and decided the boy needed an adult figure who would tell him not to do the reckless crazy things. The moment Buck had radioed in about Diaz being shot, Steve was ordering Danny to board a chopper and get to LA ASAP. 

Danny turns at Bucks voice, wrapping up his conversation with an LAPD officer. "Hey, kiddo!" 

Buck is almost a foot taller than Danny, but Danny gives the best hugs, so he yanks Buck down so the kid can collapse onto his shoulder. Steve sees Captain Nash and Hen smile at the sight. Buck hadn't been saying much before Steve took him to do the incident report. He knew they were all glad to hear his voice. 

Danny looks at him like he's crazy. "What are you doing, babe? Get over here."

Steve laughs. "I'm coming I'm coming." He slings an arm around Danny easily, ruffling Buck's hair with his other hand. It's nice, peaceful until Danny smacks him upside the head. "Ow!"

"That's for telling me to get in a chopper with no other context." Danny does it again, Steve trying to duck. "And that's for running off back to the SEALs in the first place."  He places a warm hand on Steve's shoulder, thumb rubbing distracting patterns into Steve's pulse point. "I'm glad you're okay."

Steve can't help but blush a little. "Me too."

Buck pulls back from the group hug, watching them for a second. "Steve got shot at last week and didn't tell you."

Steve whips his head around to Buck, jaw dropping. Danny looks livid, but gives Buck a proud smile. "Oh, really? Thank you for telling me Buck." When he looks back at Steve, his smile is tight. Steve swallows, scared.

A doctor comes out, calling Eddie's name. Buck runs over to him. Steve hangs back with Danny, who crosses his arms expectantly. "It was fine. I didn't get hit."

Danny laughs sardonically. "It was fine, he says. I didn't get hit, he says. Yeah, this time! Would you have even told me if you got shot? Or would I find out by seeing you bleeding on the street on the six o clock news??" 

Steve crosses his arms, too. "Of course, I woulda told you Danno. I wouldn't keep something like that from you." Danny side eyes him like he doesn't believe him. "What did that LAPD officer want?"

"I have some contacts in the LAPD and SWAT, so I reached out to ask about the shooter. Match got him good, straight shot between the eyes. The police found more ammo in his apartment. Looks like he was planning to do this for a long time. The officer was just updating me." Steve nods, watching Buck turn away from the doctor, relief clear on his face.

"What did he say, kiddo?" Danny asks as Buck makes it back to him. Captain Nash, Athena, and Hen come up to join the group as Buck scrubs a hand over his face, tears lining his eyes again.

"He pulled through surgery. Lost a lot of blood, coded once on the table. Doctor expects him to make a full recovery, but he's got a lot of physical therapy to go through. He'll let us know when we can go in to visit him." Danny pulls Buck into another hug, clapping him on the back. When it's Steve's turn, he feels Buck go a little limp in his hold. He takes the weight, let's Buck collapse against him a bit. Danny claps his hands.

"Alright. Kid, why don't you and I had back to Eddie's place, grab him some comfy clothes and get you some food. We can pick up that cute kid of yours, bring him by to see his dad." He motions towards Hen and the Grant-Nashes. "If you guys could hold down the fort so Diaz doesn't wake up alone, that would be great." 

They all nod, except for Buck. He looks nervous to leave, glancing at the doors like Eddie might walk out at any point. Bobby places a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be here when he wakes up. It'll be at least another hour before they even move him from the ICU, you'll probably be back before he can even have visitors." 

Buck nods and turns to Danny again. His eyes are red and swollen, his hands shakey when he claps them together, but he looks lighter than he did a few minutes ago. "Danny, please tell me your cool ass car made the trip with you."

Danny shakes his head regretfully. "No camaro, but the car the Navy gave me is not too bad."

Steve puts his hands out. "Keys."

Danny glares at him. "Call this revenge for you getting shot at and not telling me." He walks away, dangling the keys from his hand. Steve groans, following after him.

"Danny, I get shot at basically every day!"

"Don't remind me!"

Buck gives Hen, Athena and Bobby quick hugs before following his old commander.

Chris takes the news fairly well, maybe because they waited to tell him till they knew Eddie would be okay. It's also probably because he's finally meeting Steve in person after seeing him on Buck's video calls for so long. Buck comes out of the shower to find Danny cooking a delicious smelling pasta, Steve holding Chris who sits on the counter watching. Danny is waving around the spatula like his life depends on it, and Buck can see Steve whispering to Chris to make the boy giggle.

"Danny, that smells amazing," Buck says as he walks back into the kitchen. 

"It's Uncle Danno's nonna's recipe!" Chris reports, laughing when Buck ruffles his hair.

"Right you are, Mr. Diaz. Could you help Steve set the table?"

Chris nods enthusiastically, laughing as Steve lifts him off the counter easily. Buck watches them go fondly. 

"That kid is great," Danny says conversationally. Buck nods, always happy to talk about his favorite boys.

"Yeah, Eddie's done a really great job with him. He's been through so much at such a young age. "

Danny nods, stirring the pasta. "Not just Eddie, I think. He spent the first ten minutes I was cooking telling me about the different types of butterflies." Danny gives him a meaningful look and Buck blushes a bit.

"We watched a butterfly documentary last week. Before I left, we would always go to the zoo, and the butterfly garden was one of Eddie's favorite spots. I saw an ad for this new documentary, so we made a movie night out of it," Buck explains. "I also may have done a Wikipedia deep dive."

There are few people in Buck's life who can sit through a Buck Wikipedia deep dive and actually remember facts from what he said. Eddie and Chris are the main ones, but Danny has been a surprising third addition. Steve will listen to Buck talk all day long, engage with him on what he's interested in, but has trouble keeping up with most of it. Buck's pretty sure it's a dad thing, like having kids is training to be able to remember the random animal facts Buck is prone to learning. 

"Oh trust me, I know. I know more about the life cycle of a butterfly than I ever thought I would. Not that I'm complaining, of course," Danny teases, beginning to plate the pasta. "I'm just trying to say that you're a good dad, Buck." Danny continues plating pasta and bustling around the kitche, Buck rooted to the spot in surprise. 

He loves Chris like his own, always has since he drove Eddie to his school after an earthquake. The boy is the sun personafied, all positivity and giggles even with everything he's been through. Buck has learned so much about life through being around Christopher. He's on the school pick up list, has gone to his doctor appointments, has taken him to the dentist and PTA meetings and bake sales. He isn't sure why it's shocking to hear that people see him as one of the boys parental units. Maybe he's shocked because he's never heard it said out loud before.

They eat dinner, Buck begging Danny for the recipe after Chris declares it the best pasta he's ever had. They pack up a bag for Eddie, comfy clothes, a book he's been trying to finish. Steve and Danny start to clean up as Buck takes a deep breath, loading Chris in the car to go see Eddie.

Eddie wakes up with a groan. HIs shoulder throbs, his head is hazy, and he isn't entirely sure he remembers getting to the hospital. His heart monitor is beeping steadily, but his chest is tight, and he feels like he's missing something important. 

There are flashes. A bright light behind Buck, Charlie yelling. Gunfire, a firetruck. Buck, with blood on his face, eyes wide in pure fear. 

Eddie shoots up, or tries to, but is stopped by the pain in his shoulder and a heavy hand on his chest. "Woah, woah, slow there Eddie. You're gonna tear your stitches. Easy, here, let me help," Bobby adjusts the pillows behind Eddie so he can sit up without having to strain himself. He pushes the call button after pouring Eddie a glass of water, holding it out to Eddie easily. All the motions are practiced, the 118 having spent too much time in hospital rooms for Bobby to not know exactly what each member needs.

Eddie sips, but is quick to try and speak. "Is Buck okay? Where is he?"

Bobby laughs quietly again. "He's on his way back now. He went to get Chris some food and then bring him back here. He's fine. He's safe."

Eddie relaxes into his pillows, his stomach settling. The fear in his chest loosens, his heartrate calming. "Okay, okay. That's good."

Bobby settles back into the hospital chair, crossing his arms. "You're okay, too. If you were wondering."

Eddie reaches up to his shoulder, feeling the bandages underneath his gown. "How bad is it?"

"One GSW to the shoulder, straight through. Tore most of the muscle and you lost a lot of blood. The good news is, you only have to be here for another day for observation. You've got a lot of physical therapy ahead, but you're gonna heal just fine." 

Eddie nods. He's exhausted, tired down to his bones. He forgot how exhausting it is to get shot, how the pain saps his energy. Bobby notices. "Go back to sleep, kid. I can wake you up when Buck and Chris get back." 

Eddie should be embarrassed by how quickly he sinks back into the blackness.

"Careful, bud, you're dad's probably in a lot of pain right now."

"Sorry, Buck."

Eddie's drifting on the edge of consciousness, his body relaxing at the sound of his son's voice. The bed next to him dips, a small hand being placed on his chest. Another hand takes his, this one larger and calloused. Eddie gives it a squeeze before prying his eyes open.

"Hey, you two," Eddie says hoarsely. Chris manuvers to give him a gentle hug, which Eddie accepts gratefully. He buries his nose in his son's hair, squeezing his eyes shut as he basks in the fact that he survived. That he hadn't been ripped away from his family. When he looks up, Buck is watching them, eyes glossy, a sad smile playing over his lips. Eddie can't stand that smile. He motions to Buck with his one good arm. "Come here, Buck."

Buck stands, gently wrapping both of them in his long arms. Eddie sighs, the pain for the first time no longer being the forefront of his attention. "Welcome back to the land of the living," Buck says as he goes to sit back down. Chris stays wrapped around Eddie like a monkey, so Buck helps Eddie sit up against his pillows before sitting back in his chair.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Dad," Chris whispers into his neck.

Buck keeps giving Eddie that sad look. "Me too, mijo."

"How are you feeling?" Buck asks, playing with his fingers. Eddie can't help but think that Buck would look good with a ring on his finger and that it would give him something to fidget with. He shakes the thought away.

"Hurts, but I'm okay. Not my first time," Eddie shrugs, eyeing Buck carefully. There's something about his energy that seems off, like he isn't quite sure if Eddie wants him here. "Are you okay?" Eddie asks, rubbing a hand up and down Chris's back. The boy must be worried, because he's holding onto Eddie tightly, clinging in a way he hasn't in two years.

Buck blinks at him. "Why wouldn't I be? You're the one who got shot."

It's a little blunt, especially with Chris in the room. "You're the one acting like you've got something to hide, Buck. What's goin on?"

Buck shifts, crossing his arms. "Nothing is wrong, Eddie. Sue me if I'm a little worried about my friend who's just gone through something traumatic."

"You just went through the same thing."

"I'm a Navy SEAL."

Eddie scoffs. "I was in the army. This is my fourth GSW."

"And it shouldn't have happened, Eddie!" Buck exclaims, instantly shutting his mouth. He glances at Christopher just in time for the boy to let out a small snore. Eddie raises an eyebrow at Buck, waiting him out. He's tired, okay, just got shot a few hours ago. He can't do all the heavy emotional lifting. Buck stands, pacing back and forth. "It shouldn't have happened. I was there. I was right there. It was my job to protect you."

"You're saying that it should've been you?"

"Yes, Eddie, that's exactly what I'm saying! My team was supposed to be there to protect you! And instead, you're in the hospital. You almost bled out in the street. Right in front of me. I had your blood in your mouth and under my fingernails and in my hair. I'll see your face when you got hit every time I close my eyes. Eddie," Buck gasps out, his voice breaking on his name. "Why did you do it?"

Eddie plays with one of Christopher's errant curls. He hums. He could pass it off as instinct, his army days kicking in. And honestly, that's half of what it was. But there's something deep in Eddie that revolts at the idea of Buck getting hurt to protect him. He's hurt Buck enough. He won't do it again. He won't let anyone else do it either. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

Buck gapes at him. "That's it?"

Eddie nods. Buck goes back to pacing, up and down in front of Eddie's bed. "That's it. I've seen you hurt too many times. I wanted to protect you."

"Eddie, it should have been me. You have a family, you have a son, you -"

"And you don't? " Eddie intterupts. Buck just looks at him.

"You're a part of our family, Buck. Chris goes to you for help with his english and science homework. He asks you for advice on girls because it's too embarrasing for him to talk to me about it. He goes to you when he's upset with me. Hell, you're Tia Pepa's favorite and abuela gives you all her recipes." Eddie motions for Buck to come over and Buck follows, sitting heavily on the bed. He takes Eddie's good hand. Eddie takes a deep breath, surprised that he doesn't feel panicked at what he's about to say. "You are my partner, Buck. In everything. At work, in parenting, in life. Everything that we've been through, the ladder truck, the lawsuit, this, it's shown me how true that is. It's shown me how much I want you by my side. I haven't exactly figured out my feelings, but I want you by my side for the rest of my life. You not being shot is pretty conducive to that plan."

Buck laughs wetly, tears falling slowly. Eddie uses his good hand to wipe away some of them. "I think I might be in love with you, Eds. I think I've been in love with you for a long time."

Eddie feels tears of his own start to fall, his throat aching. "I think I'm in love with you too, Ev. Is that okay?"

Buck nods, a little frantic. "It is." His eyes flash a bit and Eddie catches it. "But..." Eddie's stomach drops a little. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe he's too much. "I still have nightmares, from the lawsuit. From the grocery store. I still think twice before calling you sometimes, or telling you things that I've learned about. I walk on eggshells around you sometimes and I shouldn't have to do that."

Eddie nods. He gets it. He had Buck on the same pedestal he had placed Shannon. When Buck left, he fell off it the same way Shannon did. It's not healthy, not sustainable. "I think we should go to therapy. Individual, of course. But couple's therapy too."

Silence falls in the hospital room for a few seconds. "You want to go to therapy? With me?" Buck asks. He's looking at Eddie like he doesn't recognize him, which makes Eddie chuckle.

"I go to therapy now, Buck. And I want this to work. We've hurt each other in the past and we need to work on it so it doesn't happen again. I can't lose you again and I won't hurt you again. I think it'll help. But if you don't want to, then -"

"No, no, I do. Trust me I do. I agree, I think it'll help." Buck leans over, places a kiss on Eddie's forehead. Eddie leans into it, soaks up the casual affection. He sits back, watching Chris and Eddie fondly. "Did I tell you that Steve and Danny went to a couples retreat and did a therapy session?"

Eddie's jaw drops a bit. "They're together?"

"No! Or, at least, not yet!"

Chapter Text

The SEALs move out of the firehouse a week after Eddie (and the gunman) gets shot. Eddie's still on medical leave, will be for 4 more weeks, so he comes in to help Buck find all his gear. He's also not sure how much longer SEAL Team 10 will be stateside, so he's been a little attached to Buck's side.

"There's our favorite SEAL! And his loyal shadow," Chimney jokes as they enter the firehouse. Buck's in plain clothes today, jeans and a t-shirt, tattooed arms on full display, with his dogtags resting over his shirt. Eddie's still in his sling, but he insisted in coming in to help. He sticks his tongue out at Chimney. "Hey, there's somebody upstairs who wanted to talk to you and Steve. We told him we weren't sure what time you'd be in."

Buck pales, stiffens noticeably enough that even Chimney picks up on it. Eddie settles a hand on Buck's shoulder, nodding at him. Not much had changed now that they had admitted their feelings for each other, besides enrollments in daily therapy and a bit more intimate touches. Sue him, he couldn't have Buck practically living in his house without cuddling him. They hadn't labelled, hadn't even begun to discuss what the future looked like, but Eddie, for the first time in his life, wasn't panicking about it. He already felt like they were on surer footing than they ever had been. 

They head upstairs to find an older man in full dress blues sitting with Steve. Buck snaps into a salute, Eddie resisting the urge to do the same. Steve stands, gesturing for them to come further into the loft. 

"Lieutenant Commander Buckley, it's nice to see you again. This time, outside of a hospital bed," the man says, pulling Buck into a hug. Buck goes easily, looking at Steve confusedly over the man's shoulder. 

"It's good to see you as well, Commander White. Can I ask what's the occassion?"

Eddie lingers awkwardly at the edges of the conversation, fidgeting with the strap of his sling. Buck catches the movement at the corner of his eye, swinging a hand towards Eddie. "Commander White, this is former Staff Sergeant Eddie Diaz, current Firefighter Diaz. He was injured by the gunman saving my life."

Commander White gives him a nod and offers his hand. "Commander Joe White. Thank you for your service. In both cases, that is. The last time I saw these two, they were both in the field hospital. It's good to see that someone else cares about keepin them out of it."

Eddie laughs, shaking the offered hand easily. "I try my best, but you know how SEALs can be." 

The older man laughs at that, Steve gesturing for all of them to move to the kitchen island. "Joe, why are you here?"

Joe pulls a white envelope out of his jacket pocket. It's Eddie's turn to pale. He's seen those types of envelopes. They're never a good sign. Buck must agree, because his face does something complicated. "We're being deployed again? Already?"

Joe looks down at the envelopes, shaking his head. "Oh, no, sorry! I forgot how that looks. No, I argued for you guys, you have another month stateside before they even think about deploying you again." He clears his throat. "On behalf of the United States Government, I am proud and honored to notify you that the members of SEAL Team 10 will be receiving the Medal of Honor for their efforts in taking down a lone gunman in LA during their stateside break."

Eddie's jaw drops. Steve doesn't have much of a reaction, meaning Joe probably told him before Buck got there. Buck's face does something complicated again, his eyebrows furrowing before smoothing out, his jaw ticking. "With all due respect, Commander, I'm not sure that our efforts were successful."

Joe's mouth clicks shut, shock evident across his face. "What do you mean, Lieutenant?"

"A member of my team was injured. A first responder was shot."

"Both have survived their injuries and are expected to regain full mobility," Joe responds. 

Buck shakes his head. "It doesn't change the fact that two people got hurt."

"And how many people died?" Eddie interrupts.

Steve and Joe look a little shocked at the interruption, but Buck doesn't seem phased. This had been an ongoing discussion during their therapy sessions. Buck grits his teeth. "None."

"And that's a whole hell of a lot less than it would've been without you all there," Joe finishes. He hands Steve the envelope and claps Buck on the shoulder. "This has all the information about the ceremony. You better be there." He points a threatening finger at Steve. Steve gives him a nod, watching as the man heads downstairs. He looks between Eddie and Buck.

"You wanna tell me what that was about, pup?" Steve asks. Buck heads to the fridge, sticking his head inside it to hide the way he's clenching his jaw. 

"What was what about?" 

Steve looks to Eddie, who just motions back at Buck and shrugs. Hey, he's tried. So has their therapist. So far, nothing has stuck.

"Why you snapped Joe's head off about the ceremony? You know it wasn't his choice. You also knew going into this that the brass had been lookin for a feel good story to use on the news. I'm not surprised they chose this. We did good work here. You know we did."

Buck slams the door of the fridge shut, spinning around angrily. "If we did such good work, why is Thrin at the hospital three times a week for physical therapy? Why is Eddie in a sling?"

A few weeks ago, Eddie would be in Buck's face, yelling right back at him about how he's wrong, about how he saved him. Now, though, he knows that he's already done what he can and that it'll take Buck time to get it through his head that he did well. He hangs back and lets Steve try.

"Buck, people get hurt all the time. There's a huge possibility that Eddie could have been hurt worse if we weren't here. They're both going to be okay, but you won't be if you keep carrying this guilt around." He pulls Buck into a hug. "You did good kid. Now put the fight down. There aren't any enemies here anymore."

Buck relaxes in his hold and Eddie takes that as his cue to head back downstairs. Some more of the SEAL team has gathered in the firehouse, gear bags beginning to pile up in front of them. Match, Thrin, and Blaze are standing around them when Eddie walks up.

"Hey, grunt. How's the shoulder?" Blaze asks. Eddie rolls his eyes at the nickname. 

"It's Staff Sergeant Diaz, actually. I'm doing good. How about you, Thea?"

She pulls him into a hug. She only has to use a sling for part of the day and her PT is going well, but she's also a SEAL, so that mean's she ditched the sling a few days ago and hasn't looked at it since. "I'm doin good. Would be better if I knew why Commader White was in here earlier," she trails off, raising a brow at Eddie. He looks around, noticing, all the SEALs are looking at him. 

"Why are you looking at me?"

"Because, you just came from upstairs. Joe left from upstairs," Match angles. Eddie tosses his head back and groans.

"You know that Steve and Buck will tell you guys in like two minutes. Why can't you just wait for them to come down?" 

"Awww the grunt doesn't want to disobey the chain of command," Blaze teases him. Eddie throws up his good hand.

"You guys are getting the Medal of Honor for your service with the gunman." 

Silence falls over the group, each SEAL looking at the other. It's awkward to receive awards for your military service. There's no such thing as a perfect mission. The surviving members of the missions get a medal, but what about the casulties? What about the civilians that don't make it? Or the service members who get injured? Eddie knows how much he hates his Silver Star, how much he hated getting it, and the awkward ceremony that came with it. 

"Evan is not going to like that," Andrea says, walking up to the shell shocked group. Eddie nods.

"Yeah, he about took Joe's head off when he told him," Eddie confirms.

Andrea throws the gear bag she has slung over her shoulder down onto the growing pile. "He gets like that everytime he gets an award. We had to take him to the ring twice a day for a week after he got his Navy Cross."

Eddie blanches. "He's got a Navy Cross?"

This time, Match nods. "He's one of the most highly decorated officers on our team. Falls in just under Steve. This'll be his second Medal of Honor."

Eddie blows a breath out. "That's gotta be tough."

"Yeah, you get it," Andrea confirms. "Mr. Silver Star."

Eddie raises a brow, but doesn't say anything. Blaze looks a little shocked, Thrin too, but Match's face doesn't change. "How'd you know?"

She gives him a sharp grin, reminding him that he should still be scared of her even though he's pulled his head out of his ass. "I looked into you, Staff Sergeant Diaz. Wanted to see just who I was gonna smack for hurting Evan so bad."

The SEALs laugh, quieting down when Buck and Steve make their way downstairs. Buck looks a little lighter, but still stays quiet as Steve makes the announcement.

"I hope everyone brought their dress blues, because it looks like we're gonna need them."

The ceremony is set for two weeks later at the Coronado Naval Base. Once Buck has all of his gear stowed at Eddie's house, he pulls out his dress blues. He isn't sure how well they fit anymore. It's been about two years since he last wore them. 

Buck stands before the full length mirror in Eddie's room. His jacket is a little tight across his shoulders, the pants a little short at the ankles. He writes down the notes in his phone. When he looks back up, Buck isn't really sure he recognizes the man staring back at him. He settles the hat across his brow, feeling his body tense naturally in response. 

"Hey, Buck, everything okay?" Eddie asks as he pokes his head in. Buck watches as his jaw drops a little. "Wow."

Eddie steps further into the room, closing the door behind him with his good hand. He moves to stand behind Buck in the mirror. "What do you think?" Buck asks.

Eddie runs his good hand across the line of Buck's shoulders. He turns Buck to face him, adjusting the medals on his chest. "I think that I was lying to myself when I thought you looked your best in your SWAT gear."

Buck blushes, but shakes his head. "I don't know about that."

"What's with the face?"

"I'm not making a face."

Eddie turns Buck to face himself in the mirror again. "Yes you are. Look. There. That face. What's it for?"

"It doesn't fit right," Buck murmurs.

Eddie nods. "No matter how many times you get it altered, it never looks right, does it?" Buck meets Eddie's eyes in the mirror. "Don't look so surprised. I wore one too. Still have it."

Buck raises a brow, a smirk settling on his face. "How much would I have to beg for you to wear it at the ceremony?"

Eddie starts shaking his head, but Buck keeps going. "Please, it'll make me feel better. You know how upset I am about the ceremony. This'll help!"

Eddie wraps his good hand around Buck's waist, settling his head on his shoulder. "I'll think about it, okay? I'll probably have to send it in with yours to be altered. You look good, Ev. Really good."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"And I know you still feel guilty about everything. It wasn't your fault. You and your team saved so many lives, Buck."

Buck nods, eyes wet. Eddie squeezes and lets him go. "Now, get out of that suit before I'm forced to do somethin that involves both my hands."

Buck shakes his head, chuckling lightly.

Buck's been back in LA for a little over a month. The majority of it has been spent in or around the firehouse, but now that the gunman has been taken care of, he's temporarily moved into Eddie's house. Eddie and Chris both have been soaking it up, appreciating having Buck back after losing him for so long. Besides the fact that Buck is forcing them to eat vegetables, there's really no complaints. Except for the nightmares.

Now that Buck is back, the idea of losing him again has Christopher's overactive imagination truly in fits. The first night it happened, Buck was still on the couch. 

Buck's a light sleeper. Years in foreign countries, nights in deserts, and 48 hour shifts as a firefighter have taught him to wake up at the drop of a hat. So, when his subconscious picks up on someone entering the living room, he's already blinking awake.

The blurry demon near the hallway to the bedrooms has crutches and curly hair. He assumes it's Chris. "Hey, buddy, you okay?" 

The demon steps forward into the moonlight. It is Chris. He's crying, which makes Buck sit up quickly, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

"I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" Chris collapses onto the couch next to Buck, leaning on him tiredly. 

Buck wraps an arm around him. "What happened in the dream?"

"You left again. You didn't make it back."

Well, Buck can't really argue with that. Eddie finds them on the couch the next day. And the day after when it happens again. Finally, Eddie called it, moved Buck to the bedroom, deciding that they can share the bed. Now, they both wake up when the curly headed demon needs something.

Like tonight.

The bedroom door creaks open, but Buck is already half awake from the floorboard right outside the door that creaks like it's paying rent. Chris, or at least the dark silhouette with crutches and a glasses glare from the open cutains that Buck thinks is Chris, pushes open the door with one of his crutches. He stumbles to the bed, discarding his crutches to the side, and clambering over Buck. Buck turns with him, depositing him in the middle of the bed between him and Eddie.

Eddie, who's also lived through warzones and 48's, with the added benefit of close to ten years as a dad, is awake before Chris reaches the bed. "Mijo, what's wrong?" 

"I had another nightmare," he mumbles into Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie makes eye contact with Buck through the dark. Buck's eyes are glossy. "This is my fault."

"It isn't your fault, Buck," Eddie soothes. 

"I shouldn't have come back," Buck panics. He cards a hand through Chris's hair where it's buried into his dad's chest. 

The young boy turns, facing Buck. Buck wipes away the tears that are pouring down his cheeks. "I missed you so much, Buck. I wanted you to come back. I want you here."

"Buddie, you haven't been able to sleep for days. It can't be good that I'm causing this," Buck opens his arms and Chris falls into them.

"I heard you guys, in the kitchen the other day. Buck's leaving again."

Buck sucks in a breath, glancing at Eddie. He and Eddie had been discussing his deployment in the kitchen two days ago. He hadn't gotten his orders yet, but it would be happening soon, and they had wanted to have a game plan for telling Chris. They should've assumed that Chris would hear. 

"Oh, bud, I am so sorry. We were trying to think of a way to tell you." He holds Chris a little tighter, Eddie scooting closer to them to wrap them in a hug with his good arm. 

"What if you don't come back?" Chris whimpers. Buck's heart breaks, cracking open with each sniffle coming from the boy in front of him. 

"Oh, Chris, I will fight to come back to you. And your dad. Every day that I am out there, I will be fighting as hard as I can to come back to you."

"Like dad did?"

 Now Eddie's crying. He kisses Christopher on the head, and then Buck. They're a family full of tears and loss and grief. Buck makes a vow to himself, there and then, that he won't ever add to it. 

"Yeah, Chris. Just like your dad did." 

Chris cries himself to sleep. So do Buck and Eddie. When Buck wakes up early to make Chris's favorite breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and bacon, nobody calls him out on it.

The day of the ceremony, Eddie is antsy. He finally has the sling off and he dusted off the old dress uniform that has been gathering cobwebs since 2015. He thinks he's gathering his anxiety from Buck, who spent the majority of the drive up tapping the steering wheel anxiously. They had decided to roadtrip it, show Chris a little bit more of California, but now, changing into his uniform in a small base bathroom, he's regretting the decision a bit.

Well, he's regretting it until he steps out of the bathroom and sees Buck turn five different shades of red. He's gathered with the SEAL team, who of course show their appreciation in loud hoots and hollers. 

"Okay, Diaz, show us how those grunts work," Andrea yells, high fiving him when he gets close enough. Blaze lets out a wolf whistle, Fitz following it up with fake swoon. Match and Finn take turns kissing him on the cheek, which makes Eddie blush, even though he can see Match's stunning wife from here. She's standing with the rest of the 118, Chris, and Maddie. She seems to be talking the 118 through what to expect from the ceremony. Danny chimes in occassionally, his comments pulling laughs from the groups. He can see Ravi has joined the group, Albert standing with his arm around him. Thrin gives him a hug, fixing his Silver Star where it hangs over his heart. Steve claps him on the back. 

"Staff Sergeant Diaz, I don't think I've ever thanked you for your service." He snaps into a salute, which the rest of SEAL Team 10 follows easily. Even Buck. Eddie stands in the middle of a circle of veterans, each and every one of them understanding of what he went through in the sandbox. He's never felt so supported. He's the only veteran in the Diaz family and will continue to be if he has anything to say about it. He meets Bucks warm gaze and snaps into a salute of his own. He's sure he's a bit rusty.

"Thank you for yours."

The SEALs relax, pat him on the back, and disperse back towards the 118. Buck meanders over to Eddie. "Well, hello, Staff Sergeant Diaz. After seein you in this uniform, nobody can make fun of me for pickin a grunt."

Eddie laughs, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah. I hope you appreciate this."

"Oh trust me, I do." Buck pulls him close, dipping him into a deep kiss. There's more wolf whistles, a shout that sounds a lot like Ravi and the word 'finally'. Eddie finally gets what people mean when they say fireworks. He can feel Buck's muscles moving under his suit, can feel his stubble against his cheeks. His heart is racing, Buck tasting like cinnamon and coffee and home. He's warm and taller than him and so strong and Eddie has never wanted more. They finally pull apart, nudging their foreheads together.

"I'm so happy I came back," Buck whispers against Eddie's lips. 

"So am I."

Danny comes up to them, apologetic but smiling. "C'mon you two. We've got a ceremony to crash."

It's a gorgeous ceremony, held on the deck of a ship full to the brim with thankful LA citizens and family members. Eddie situates himself with Bobby and Athena on one side of him and Danny on the other side of Chris. Danny whispers answers to Chris's questions quietly as the ceremony goes on. Eddie's grateful for it, because he's too busy staring in awe and pride at Buck. He watches, tears in his eyes as Commander White gives a speech, honors each member with a salute and a new medal on their chest. 

"And now, I would like to welcome Lieutenant Commander Evan "Phoenix" Buckley to the podium to say a few words," Commander White introduces.

Eddie's only a little shocked. Buck hadn't told him he would be speaking, but he isn't surprised that they picked Buck instead of Steve. Buck may snap at a commanding officer in private, but Steve's the one who will cause a scene and do it in public.

"Thank you all for gathering here today," Buck starts. His voice is deep and even, strong and radiating confidence. He's so unfamiliar to the Buck who left LA more than a year and a half ago. Eddie couldn't be prouder. "As some of you here may know, I was a firefighter in between my time with the Navy SEALs. I spent two years with the LAFD, the 118 specifically. They became my family. When I heard that my family was under attack, I came as soon as I could. And I am so incredibly glad that I did. I hadn't spoken to the 118 for over a year and a half when I came back. They had no idea that I was a SEAL, or that I had gone back to the Navy upon leaving the 118. I've been told that I'm a fan of dramatic entrances."

The crowd laughs. Eddie grins tearfully. Buck continues. "If it were up to me, we would not be receiving these medals. At the end of the day, two people were injured and a man is still dead. That does not seem like something that needs awarded. However, it has given me the opportunity to brag about my family, which I am always happy to do. To my SEAL family, SEAL Team 10, thank you for following me across the country and giving up your month break stateside to continue getting shot at, just in a different place." Laughter rings out in the crowd, and Eddie is pretty sure that this is the only place where joking about being shot at will land. "Andrea, Steve, you two are my rocks. To the older brother I never had and the younger sister I never knew I needed, thank you. Finn and Match, I'm not sure what I would do without your listening ears and amazing advice. Blaze and Fitz, you two have gotten me out of more rocks and hard places than I care to admit. Thea, I am so sorry you got hurt. But thank you, for saving my partner's life."

Buck looks out at the audience, eyes glossy. Eddie's already lost the battle, tears falling slowly. "To my 118 family, thank you for letting us protect you. And thank you for protecting us in return. Hen, I'd missed your hugs like crazy. Bobby and Athena, you two are my parents in everything but blood. Chimney, I'm so glad you and Maddie found each other. Eddie, oh Eddie." His voice breaks, eyes finding Eddie in the crowd. "I'm so sorry you got hurt. I'll replay that moment over and over again in my head every day for the rest of my life. But thank you, for what you did. I'm so grateful for you and Chris letting me back in. Over the course of this month, I've had the privilege of watching my two families come together, lean one each other, and work together. This award only means what it does to me because it represents that. Thank you."

Buck falls back into line while the audience stands in applause. Eddie doesn't drop his gaze once. This Buck, strong shouldered and a confident lift to his chin, this is the Buck that Eddie will recognize now. 

There's one problem with SEAL Team 10 and the 118 being one huge family now. They don't all fit at one table. So, they push the two longest rectangle tables together at the reception and pretend not to notice the stink eyes from the event planners.

Steve sits at the head of one end, Bobby at the other. They might be one big family now, but things are still a little awkward. They keep the two separated in the name of peace. Danny is on one side of Steve, the beginnings of the SEAL Team on the other. 

Buck had picked a seat between Chris and Eddie, though Eddie sits alone for now. Chris is attached at the hip with Buck, going everywhere he goes. He mock salutes everybody Buck greets, but he's young enough that it's cute and not offensive. Well, Eddie hopes it's cute and not offensive. Everybody calls Chris Buck's son and Buck finally stops glancing at him worriedly at about the fifth person. Eddie's glad to see that uncertainty fall away. He's also pretty sure that Chris had never had any.

Eddie pulls the jewlery box out of his jacket pocket, tapping it before he sets it on the table. He sees every SEAL notice it, but they just smile at him. He'd let them in on the secret, needing reassurance that Buck would like it. They were all estatic. Even Steve had given him that small nod of respect when he had told him.

"I was given one when I went back for my second tour," Eddie had explained, showing him the St Christopher necklace. Steve had nodded, smiling slowly. "Do you think he'll understand what it means?"

Steve had grinned. "I understand it." 

Eddie's grin had turned a tad sharp. "Does that mean I should be expecting to see another grand gesture at this ceremony?"

Steve had glared at him until he left.

Now, Eddie sees Steve pull his own jelewery box out of his jacket pocket. He doesn't hide it either, just slides it over to Danny and waits. Danny's in the middle of complaining about something, hands flapping about at dangerous speeds. He picks up the box without really looking at it. Eddie hides a laugh when he does a double take at what's inside of it.

"Steve, do not tell me you are proposing right now??" Danny asks. Steve does jazz hands. "You absolute neanderthal, I cannot believe you. I cannot believe you! Do you not think I deserve a little finesse? A little fanfair?" 

Danny keeps complaining, but he's sliding the ring on and looking at it, so he can't be too upset. Eddie's watching them fondly as Buck plops down in the seat next to him, smiling broadly.

"Did you see it coming?" He asks. Buck nods excitedly.

"Oh, the minute we saw him on the phone with Danny the first time we all knew. He was smitten, head over heels, though you wouldn't know it with the way they yell at each other." Buck takes a bite of the cake he had brought with him when he sat down. 

Eddie nods, sliding the jewlery box over. Buck stops immediately unlike Danny did. "It's not a ring, but um, it's pretty close."

Buck opens it, gasping at the Saint Christopher medallion. It's gold, bright and shining like Buck himself, the opposite to the cool silver one that sits around Eddie's neck everyday. "Chris and I decided that you'll need a reminder of what you're fighting to get home to when you go back. Buck," he says, pulling the man's eyes to him. "I know that we have a long road ahead of us to get past everything that we've put each other through. I want this to be a reminder that I want to walk that road with you, for you. You're our family."

Buck's crying again, smiling as he nods. He clips the Saint Christopher medallion around his neck, situating it near his dog tags. He pulls Eddie into a bruising kiss. "I want to walk that road with you too. I'll fight my way back to you and Chris. I promise."

They sit hand in hand together for the rest of the reception. When it's over, Buck carries Chris back to the car, smiling as Eddie swaps his uniform for a familiar Navy hoodie.

"You look good, G.I," Buck teases.

"You too, squid."

Chapter Text

There's a month after the ceremony where Buck is pretty sure he's in heaven. 

He wakes up every morning in Eddie's arms, sun streaming in through the curtains they always forget to close all the way. There are mornings when Eddie is at the station, sleeping his way through the back half of a 24 hour shift. There are pros to those mornings too, of course. Buck wakes up in a bed that smells like Eddie, usually with Eddie's son clambering all over him whispering about breakfast, wrapped up in warmth and safety and love. He likes to focus on the mornings he wakes up with Eddie though.

The morning sun turns Eddie's tan skin to gold, the light highlighting the dips and valleys of his chest. Buck wakes up first, still not adjusted from his most recent deployment. He knows how it'll go. He'll finally start being able to sleep in and then he'll get another thick white envelope. So for now, he wakes up before the alarm, before Eddie, and spends the first ten minutes of his day basking in the warm light and watching his partner sleep. 

Eddie always wakes up the same way, halfway through a snore, that turns into a snuffle and then a groan. Sometimes, Chris interrupts the process, pushing through their bedroom door without knocking, crawling over Eddie to lay between him and Buck. Eddie still lets out a groan, but in this case, a groan of pain as his son's elbows and knees find purchase on the soft parts of his body. Buck escapes these attacks unscathed, until Eddie turns, using one of his big hands to tickle Buck while the other goes after his son. Buck is subjected to not only the terror of pre-tween elbows but also the horror that is being tickled until someone falls off the bed.

(He's the one who falls off the bed. Eddie and Chris lean over the side and laugh at him. He always promises retribution in the form of no breakfast, but then Eddie helps him back up and kisses him oh so gently and his threats drift away in the morning breeze.)

On the days that Chris doesn't wage war with his elbows, Eddie wakes up halfway through a snore, snuffles, and then groans as he stretches. He always turns to Buck, tangling their legs together even more than they already are, leaning in just as Buck pulls him closer. Eddie buries his face into Bucks neck, sighing and relaxing like he could sleep for four more hours. Buck takes deep breaths from where his face rests in Eddie's hair, fluffy and falling everywhere. Eddie always smells like vanilla and clean linens. Buck's already planning on taking a few bottles of Eddie's cologne with him on his next deployment, even though it won't get close to the real thing. 

If Chris continues to be merciful and sleep in, then Buck spends the next ten minutes with his love wrapped safely in his arms until he finally decides he's brave enough to face the world. 

After these types of mornings, Buck makes breakfast while Eddie gets Chris awake enough to face their school morning routine. When Chris is benevolent in his elbow attacks, he is tyrannical over the five extra minutes he demands from Eddie. Eddie usually just swoops him up out of bed and deposits him at the kitchen table. He plops down next to him, father and son matching as they fold their arms on the table and drop their heads onto them. Chris gets his five minutes in, Eddie only raising his head when Buck slides a mug of coffee in front of him. 

He loves mornings with his boys. 

He's two weeks into these types of mornings, had ones full of slow sleep and ones full of sharp elbows followed by Buck's back hitting the ground and ones full of both Diaz boys groaning about missing sleep. He's two weeks into school routines and slow Sunday breakfasts and rainy lonely Mondays.

Heaven is interrupted two weeks in when Buck gets a call in a grocery store. 

They had a slow morning full of Chris giggling and Eddie groaning and Buck almost but not quite falling on the floor. The sun had trickled in, burning Eddie's brown eyes to honey, and Buck had gotten cuddles from his boyfriend and his kid. They have couples therapy later and Chris has a date with Pepa and everything has been amazing for two weeks, except for the fact that Eddie got shot last month and Buck is being deployed next month and Chris is having nightmares about both. 

Buck gets a call in a grocery store that changes the trajectory of the next few weeks because apparently Buck and Eddie must now have every life changing conversation within the confines of metal shelving units and flourescent lighting. 

"Go for Buck," he answers playfully, hip checking Eddie as he strolls past the cart. Eddie takes a lazy swipe at him and misses by a mile, but grins when Buck winks at him playfully.

"Evan," Steve says, voice low. Buck comes to a stop, ignoring the way Eddie accidentally bumps him with the cart. 

"Steve, c'mon." It's all Buck can get out. He doesn't want to leave now. He'd missed out on a year and a half of everyone's lives. If he leaves now, what else is he going to miss? What if they don't want him to come back? Deployments can be hard, even harder when there's limited communication and bad service and infiltration missions that usually leave at least one SEAL in the field hospital. What if they remember how much they liked it when Buck was gone?

Steve's deep sigh echoes down the line. "SEAL Team 10 reports to Coronado three weeks to the day. You'll be gone for six months if all goes well."

Buck's heart falls, stomach sinking. All never goes well. He won't be stateside for another year at least. He's pretty sure Eddie has an arm around his shoulder but his ears are starting to ring, no longer able to focus on Steve's voice or the rest of his deployment information. 

He has to leave, again. 

Eddie hates to admit it, but it takes him a moment to realize that Buck has come to a stop in front of the cart. When Buck doesn't respond to his murmured apology, he comes to his side. Buck's pale, panting a little, hand shaking where it's clutched around his phone. His eyes are glazed, staring off into the distance. Eddie isn't entirely sure who's on the other end of the line, but he's pretty sure that Buck isn't taking in any of the information.

 He slips an arm around Buck, takes the phone from his hand. "Hello?"

Buck leans on him easily, still staring off into space. "Hey, Diaz, is pup okay? I figured he wouldn't take this well, but I wanted him to know ASAP." 

Eddie feels his grip on Buck tighten, heart sinking as Steve relays the deployment orders. It can't really be called a conversation because Eddie's fairly sure that he hangs up as soon as Steve stops talking. He'll call him later when Buck feels less like dead weight against his shoulder and his heart stops pounding like it's about to burst. He tosses his phone into the cart uncaringly, crowding Buck against it, his hands framing the other man's face.

"Hey, sweetheart, talk to me. What's goin on inside that pretty head of yours?" Eddie asks softly. He's sure people are watching them, eyeing Buck breaking down in the breakfast food aisles. But the tension leaks out of his frame as Eddie leans into his space. 

"What if you don't want me to come back?"

It's said quietly, a confession in between the metal shelves. Eddie's heart breaks, shatters into small pieces at the pain in the question. Eddie can't say he hasn't been loathing the idea of Buck leaving again. Deployments can go wrong, people get hurt. Buck could come back a completely different person. Eddie knows that it happened to him. He doesn't want them to lose the progress they've started to make. He doesn't want to lose the slow mornings and the chaotic afternoons and the cozy nights.

"I'll always want you to come back. Evan, no matter what you do or who you come back as, I just need you to come back. We want you here, Chris, the 118, they all want you here. When I told you that we didn't want you here, didn't need you, I was wrong. Okay?" 

Buck manages to bring his gaze back to Eddie's, eyes lined with tears. "Okay."

Eddie raises a brow. "Is that it? Do you want to talk about the rest of it in therapy later?" He's been working on it, the communication thing. He thinks he's doing an okay job. Buck lets out a slightly watery laugh. 

"A sentence I never thought I'd hear from Eddie Diaz." It's a weak joke, but it makes Eddie crack a smile, and Buck's shoulders fall a little. 

"Buck! Dad!" Chris calls, crutches clacking down the aisle towards them. Buck sniffles, squeezing Eddie's wrists where his hands still bracket his face. "What's wrong?" Chris asks, pausing near the cart.

Buck wipes his face and Eddie turns to his sun, forcing a small smile on his face. "We'll tell you all about it later at home, okay mijo? Did you need us?"

Chris starts pulling them in the direction of the toy aisle, Buck taking charge of the cart. Eddie looks back to see his partner fail at situating his face into the easy happiness it had been in earlier.

"How are you holding up?" Eddie asks into the phone. Buck had asked for some time alone with their therapist at the end of the session, which Eddie agreed to easily, stepping out to the waiting room to call the other members of SEAL Team 10. 

Eddie doesn't think Buck knows, but there's a group chat of the 118 and the SEAL Team sans Buck, and another of Eddie and the SEAL team, also without Buck. There are of course plenty of groupchats with him in there, but Eddie had wanted one with Buck's other team, other family, to check in on them. 

He's got Ezra and Franklin on the phone right now. He'd actually only called Ezra, figuring Franklin would be somewhere nearby, and he had been right.

Ezra lets out a heavy sigh while Eddie listens intently to Franklin's excited chatter. He isn't surprised that Franklin is excited to get back out there. Eddie had pegged the man as someone who falls on the Buck side of things after getting injured; someone who would rather jump back in as soon as possible then take the full time to heal. He also isn't shocked that Ezra seems more reserved about it. He's sure the man still thinks about seven months ago, worrying about his brother being worked on in the middle of a firefight. 

There's some shuffling on the other end of the line, before Franklin groans. "He called me, Frankie, the least you can do is let me answer his question," Ezra snarks. Eddie chuckles, imagining the scuffle that just ensued. 

"We're trying our best over here. If I'm being honest with you, Diaz, this might be it for me. Anne and I are starting to consider different things for our future," Ezra continues on. Eddie can't help the small gasp that escapes him. He had never considered that other members of SEAL Team 10 might be wanting to leave. That would crush Buck.

"Different things as in kids?" Eddie asks. He hears Franklin laugh in the background, tinny voice too quiet to hear what he says. Ezra groans about it.

"Yeah, we just found out. Doctor's appointment was this morning."

"Oh man, congratulations!" Eddie exclaims. "You should give me her number so that if she needs anything while you lot are gone I can help out. Trust me, those last few weeks of being pregnant are brutal. Shannon had the weirdest cravings." His chest hurts a little at mentioning her, but Ezra agrees lightly, thanking Eddie profusely, and it eases.

They talk for a little longer, detailing the announcement plans, Eddie reassuring Ezra that the 118 will rally around Anne and be her support system. "It's the least we can do to thank you guys for being there for Evan when we weren't. It's what family does." 

"I can't thank you enough. How is Evan taking this?"

Eddie sighs. Their session ended ten minutes ago technically, but there's no sign of Buck yet. "He's taking it really hard. The first thing he asked me when Steve called was 'what if you don't want me to come back'. We've made a lot of progress, but realistically, it's only been a few weeks, and there's a year and a half of hurt between us. I just wish there was a way to make him believe that I always want him around, will always need him."

Ezra hums in agreement. "Just keep being there for him, Eddie. That's all you can do. We'll remind him of it every day while we're gone too."

Buck finally appears from the office, lips lifting into a tired smile at the sight of Eddie waiting for him. Eddie hands him the phone with little fanfare, tangling their fingers together and tugging him to their car. He listens to the brothers tease each other as he mentally outlines the text he's going to send to Athena after this.

Athena let's out a sad sigh as she reaches for her phone.

"What's wrong, honey?" Bobby asks, sliding a cup of coffee across the table for her.

"Eddie just texted. Buck has his deployment orders."

Bobby grimaces. "Not good?"

Athena shakes her head. "He leaves in three weeks for a six month mission. Eddie's asking if we can have a get together soon."

"Of course. They're always welcome here."

It isn't until Chris is asleep and they're getting ready for bed that Buck brings it back up. 

"I'll call as much as I can."

It comes out of nowhere really. Eddie's in the bathroom attached to his bedroom, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth with toothpaste foam all around it. Buck is sitting on the edge of the bed, knees drawn up to his chin in a way that shrinks him immensely for his height. Eddie double takes a bit, spitting into the sink. "I know you will, love."

Buck nods. It's quiet again, Eddie reaching for the mouth wash next. "But, I won't be able to call on a schedule. It'll be a little random probably."

Eddie almost chokes on the mouth wash. He has no idea where Buck is going with this. He spits again. "I know, sweetheart. We'll figure it out."

"It'll be tough on Chris," Buck whispers. He doesn't make eye contact with Eddie, simply stares daggers into the wall like it personally offended him. Eddie sighs, wiping his hands before venturing back into the bedroom. He kneels, pulling Buck's legs down as he goes so that he rests between them and Buck is no longer a curled in version of himself. 

"Evan, you talked to my kid every week for a year and a half without my knowledge so that he knew you were coming back to him. And if anyone understands how hard it is to talk to your family while you're deployed, it's me." He squeezes Buck's legs where he has his hands clasped around his thighs. It gets him the desired eye contact, Buck's blue eyes dark and watery. "You are going to go out there with your team and save people. You are going to go out there and help people and change the world and then you are going to get on a ship or a plane or fucking crawl your way back to me and our son. Yes, you're leaving. But Chris and I know you, Buck. We know that you are going to fight your way back to us."

Buck blinks harshly, furrowing his brows like he wants to disagree. He taps Buck's chin to get him to look at him again. "I love you, Evan. There's no one I trust more than you. There's no one else I would rather wait for. So I will be here. Chris will be here. Your family will be here waiting for you. Always. No one said it would be easy."

Tears slip down Buck's cheeks. "I don't want to go. I want to be here. I missed so much in that year and a half. Eddie, I want to stay."

It breaks Eddie's heart, tears it to pieces like gut wrenching confetti, the way Buck's voice breaks. He can't help Buck out of this, though he would pack a bag and head for the border in an instant if it meant more slow mornings with Buck. "The world needs you, Evan. Your team needs you."

Buck lets out a wretched sob, lurching forward with the weight of it. "I don't care!"

Eddie shakes his head, using his hands to gently guide Buck's from where they're tearing through his hair roughly. He keeps them squeezed together between them, leaning their foreheads together and closing his eyes. Buck's lashes flutter against Eddie's cheeks when he mirrors him. "Now, we both know that isn't true. You love helping people and you love your SEAL Team. And that's amazing. You built such a strong family with SEAL Team 10. Nobody here is asking for you to abandon them. Nobody here is asking for that to change. We aren't asking you to change."

Buck keeps his eyes closed. "I'll come back different. I always do."

"So I'll get to know the new you. Maybe I'll take him to a sparring gym and play 20 questions across street tacos. Maybe we'll go to couple's therapy." Buck laughs wetly at that. "Baby, look at me," Eddie instructs.

Buck opens his eyes, leaning back to create a little space between them. Eddie gives their hands one last squeeze before letting them go to cup Buck's jaw. "You're so amazingly strong, so unfailingly gentle. Those are parts of you that never change. No matter how different you come back, I'll always recognize the building blocks of you. I'll always want every version of you, in every version of this life. We'll walk every road together."

Eddie's barely finished talking before Buck's kissing him breathless. It starts out deep and passionate before speeding into something desperate. They pull apart, chests heaving, noses brushing. "I love you, Eddie. You're it for me."

Eddie grins, wolfish and sharp in the moonlight. Buck flashes a matching one, tears drying up, before tackling him onto the bed.

The next few days are somber, less slow mornings and more slow mourning.

They tell Christopher, and the Diaz family spends a day with red rimmed eyes and tense silences. Christopher wages war with his elbows the next three consecutive mornings and neither Eddie nor Buck have the heart to stop him. 

Buck gathers his things and updates his will and makes sure his emergency contact information is updated. He had changed it from Eddie to Maddie when he left. He feels settled switching it back. 

There's a night where the 118 and SEAL Team 10 hit the bars and Eddie and Buck stumble through their front door drunk and horny. They crash into multiple walls on the way to their bedroom, Buck double checking the house's emptiness of Christopher, who's with abuela. They tangle together, Buck on top of Eddie until they flip and then flip again because they both love the weight of each other. The kisses vary, slow and passionate heating up into teeth and tongue and a fight for dominance. 

Later, when they're sleepy and sated, Eddie gets up, pulling himself from their warm nest of blankets much to Buck's displeasure. He fishes his own dog tags from somewhere deep in his bedside table, pulling them out before straddling Buck again. Buck pulls Eddie higher, flushing their hips together, allowing Eddie to take Buck's own tags off. After some manuevering, Buck gets his back. There are two tags and the Saint Christopher medallion on it, but still something is different. Buck runs a thumb over the new tag, feeling the grooves spelling out DIAZ.

Eddie, for the first time since his SIlver Star ceremony, put his tags around his neck, mirroring Buck's gesture, learning the dips and valleys of BUCKLEY. It's a common practice. Military couples swap out one of their tags so that they always have a piece of the other. In worst case scenarios, it makes it easy to identify who to contact. Eddie worries his lip from where he sits atop Buck, nervous about over stepping. 

Buck looks up at him in awe, eyes wide, jaw dropped, before surging up to kiss him deeply. Not overstepping, then.

One week turns to two turns to three, until there's only a few days until Buck's leaving. 

The slow mornings are back, Eddie finally being the first to wake up and stare at his partner. His camera roll becomes an easy montage of every time Christopher joins them for a few extra minutes of sleep in the sun, Buck and Chris tangling together with matching curls. 

There's a Grant-Nash-SEAL barbecue, because of course there is. They've had to add more tables to Athena and Bobby's patio set, but nobody complains about the hodgepodge seating arrangements.

The entire 118 is there, Ravi hiding from Chimney when he walks in hand and hand with Albert. SEAL Team 10 ends up being the last people to arrive, and Eddie is taken aback a bit at the way it mirrors the first barbecue they had attended two months ago. 

Buck steps into the yard first, immediately being waylaid by Athena with hugs. Andrea and Thea follow, Ezra and Franklin close behind. Alex and Kevin head straight to the food when they step outside. Eddie cocks his head, searching the yard. There should be one more SEAL, but he doesn't see Steve anywhere. Buck gravitates towards him, being pulled to Eddie's side, greeting him with a kiss.

"Where's Steve?" Eddie asks carefully. Buck hadn't mentioned the other Lieutenant Commander since the phone call, though he knew the two had been in contact. 

Buck's jaw tenses, looking off to the back of the yard where Denny and Chris chase each other. "He isn't being deployed this time. The governor needs him at Five-O."

Eddie's stomach drops at that. He doesn't like the idea of one less person watching Buck's back, but he understands that Steve's partner needed him too. He'll have to reach out while Buck's gone, make sure that the final SEAL is doing okay. 

Andrea and Thea fall beside them, Thea greeting Eddie with a warm hug while Andrea greets him with a mischievous grin. He holds his hands up in surrender wordlessly, causing Buck to cock his head to the side in confusion. Andrea simply laughs. They've come to an understanding now that he's putting the work in. 

Eddie thinks they've officially gotten through a get together without something happening when the screen door opens with a crash. Steve stands there grinning while an annoyed voice begins to get closer. Danny finally steps out into the yard, leading a young boy and girl with him, complaining to Anne while he does so. The SEALs cheer at the appearance, Buck abandoning Eddie in favor of sweeping the two kids up into a hug. 

"Gracie! Charlie! Ah, man, you two have gotten so big! I told you both to stop growing!" He places them back on their feet, coaxing giggles from both of them as they try to dodge his tickles. Eddie watches Danny watch them before he begins to greet everyone around the party. Steve follows him slowly, meandering behind him like a dog as Danny says his hellos.

Danny doesn't bother with a hello when he gets to Eddie, just pulls the man into a strong hug. Eddie makes eye contact with Steve who gives him a brisk nod. "How are you holding up, Diaz?"

He sighs, finding Buck across the garden with the kids climbing all over him. "It'll be hard, but I'll be okay. We're gonna be okay."

Danny nods, sympathetic. "Here, I'll give you my number. If you ever need anything at all, you call, okay? I'm only an ocean away and I have a lot of experience when it comes to missing a SEAL."

Steve grins behind him, Danny holding up a hand without even turning around. "Drop that smile right now babe. You need to stop randomly disappearing to different countries."

Steve stops smiling, but Eddie starts to cackle. 

They're gathered around the tables about to start eating when Ezra stands, clinking a glass to get everyone's attention. 

"First, I would like to say thank you so much to the 118 for welcoming us into this family. I'm glad we were able to sort out our differences and work together. I'll be forever thankful for the support you've given us. But, I'm here to ask for a little more." Anne stands, joining Ezra by slipping her hand into his. She's gorgeous in the sunset, dark skin glowing, curls falling in tight ringlets. Her smile is warm as she gazes steadily at her husband. Buck is tense next to Eddie, so Eddie places a comforting hand on his knee, immediately receiving a warm squeeze in return. 

"We found out a few weeks ago that Anne is pregnant with our first child," Ezra continues. There are gasps around the table, Eddie catching Buck covering his mouth in glee. "As you all know, I will be heading out with the rest of SEAL Team 10 in a few days for my last deployment with the US Navy. After that, I will be entering the reserves. I'm hoping that Anne can lean on you the way that I have been able to lean on you all while I am gone." 

He's barely finished his sentence before he's surrounded by his team. Steve stays sitting, but he claps happily, so Eddie figures he knew too. Buck tackles Ezra first, Andrea not far behind. Eddie can see in all of their eyes that their sad that Ezra will be leaving them, but the tears that fall show how excited they are. Athena and Maddie give Anne warm hugs, Karen and Hen joining in easily. Eddie slips his way around the table, offering his hand.

"I'm Eddie, Buck's partner. I told Ezra to give you my number. If you need anything at all, please reach out." 

Her hand is strong in his, but her grip is gentle. "Thank you, Eddie. You and Buck make a beautiful couple. I'm so glad you found your way back to each other." She pulls him into a warm hug, lavender filling his nose. Her hugs are better than Ezra's which Eddie didn't think was possible.

Buck barges between them for a hug of his own, which Eddie graciously steps back to allow, before being yanked into a group one. They settle back around the tables, toasting to the baby's health. 

"How long have you known?" Buck whispers into Eddie's ear while Andrea is dazzling the table with a very illegal story. Eddie can see Athena trying not to listen. 

"He told me when I called him a few weeks ago after Steve called you. Well, I kind of guessed."

Buck gasps, pointing a dramatic finger at Ezra from down the table. "Ezra! I can't believe you told Eddie before you told me!"

His yelling interrupts Andrea, who doesn't seem to mind as she's staring flabbergasted between Eddie and Ezra. "Diaz knew before me??"

Eddie does his best to sink in his chair, ignoring Alex and Kevin's joint glare from the right side of the table. The table devolves into chaos, everyone arguing with each other. Eddie meets Anne's smiling gaze, Bobby's patient eyes. Danny gives him a thumbs up while he shakes his head exasperatedly. Eddie makes a mental note to add the man to their groupchats. 

The end of the night comes around faster than everyone wants it to. The SEAL Team trickles out with big hugs and sad eyes, leaving Buck, Eddie, Bobby, Athena, and Steve and Danny. 

"Hey, kid, can I talk to you before you leave?" Bobby asks Buck, pulling him from a rousing conversation with Steve about longboards. They step inside, taking a few plates to the kitchen. They fall into synch with each other at the sink easily, Bobby washing while Buck dries. Athena and Danny debate something about policework as they work next to each other.

"What's up, Bobby?" Buck asks, bumping their shoulders together. 

Bobby marvels at the kid in the warm kitchen lighting. The other man is shipping off to shores unknown in a few days and seems cool as a cucumber about it, no stress or worry evident from the surface. It can't be easy, to leave everything you love behind.

"I just wanted to apologize again for my behavior a year and a half ago. I'm sorry that I pushed you to leave. I'm sorry that I acted like you were a liability. Truth be told kid, I was the liability. I see you as a kid, as my kid. I let me feelings about you get in the way of you doing your job."

Buck places the dish he was drying in the rack before turning to face Bobby head on. His gaze is searching, flicking over Bobby's face like he's looking for something. Bobby isn't sure what he's looking for, so he tries to make himself look open and inviting and proud. "I understand that now. I didn't then," Buck adds. "But I get that now. And I could have definitely reacted better. I accept your apology, Bobby. Thank you, for letting my team in."

Bobby places a hand on Buck's shoulder, clasping tightly. "Thank you for coming back for us. I don't know what would have happened without you and your team. You did good, kid. I never thought that I would have a second chance at a family after what happened. I could never be more proud to call you a part of it. Just try to promise me you'll be careful when you're out there saving the world."

Buck laughs wetly at that, tears gathering on his waterline. Bobby's eyes are stinging, but he tries to contain it. "Thank you for letting me come back, Bobby. I wasn't sure what would happen. I thought that maybe you guys wouldn't want me back." He trails off, Bobby's heart hurting at the confession.

"Son, you are always welcome here. Please believe that. The 118 will always have a spot for you, this family will always have a spot for you. We weren't a family until you came along, Buck. We need you."

Bobby isn't surprised when Buck pulls him into a tight hug. He simply places his chin on the kids head, breathing in the scent of vanilla and ocean salt, memorizing the feel of Buck warm and alive in his arms. 

There's a soft knock on the wall near the entrance to the kitchen, Eddie standing there with a gentle smile. "Steve and Danny are heading out and want to say goodbye."

Buck gives Bobby one last squeeze before heading out of the kitchen. Bobby watches him go, pride and fear warring in his chest. 

When they send Eddie and Buck off after several hugs from Athena, Bobby can't help but feel nervous for what the future brings.

Buck hates the way the Coronado base looks in the early morning light. Eddie's in the drivers seat, which had shocked even Chris this morning when they were bundling him into the car. Their fingers are tangled together near the gear shift of the Jeep, Buck's other hand tapping restlessly on his knee. He's in his fatigues, shoulders already tense from the familiar weight of the uniform. 

They pull into a parking space, waving to Ezra and Anne who are saying their goodbyes a few cars down. Buck gets out first, heading to Chris's side to say his goodbyes. There are tears, and Eddie leans against the hood of the Jeep blinking at the sky to try and hold back his own. Eventually, Chris quiets down, and Buck comes to sit next to Eddie on the hood. They had left early for this exact reason, to not rush Chris and to have the time to adjust to the weight of the next few months. 

Eddie bumps their shoulders together. Buck presses into him, tangling their hands back together. "I'll miss this," he murmurs.

Eddie hums and nods, looking over to memorize Buck's profile in the golden light as he watches the sun rise. He can't, because Buck isn't watching the sun rise, he's watching Eddie. They grin at each other, memorizing the way they both look lovesick into the other's eyes. 

They don't say much. They spent the night wrapped in each other, Eddie whimpering everytime Buck dared to let go. They whispered well into the night, preferring to talk about everything and nothing instead of sleep. They talked about how they'll continue therapy when Buck is back, what their wedding will look like because yes they want to put in the work but they already know they're a sure thing. They talked about childhood memories and Shannon's pregnancy cravings and Buck's dead older brother. They talked about how good of an older sibling Christopher will be and what more kids would mean and whether or not Buck will come back to the 118. They talked and laughed and whispered until the sun rose. 

So now, they sit until Buck has to go, Eddie waving as Ezra passes them, nodding to Andrea as she follows. 

Buck stands in front of Eddie who still leans against the hood. "I'll come back to you. I swear it."

"I'll be here. I swear it," Eddie vows in return. 

They lean in, sharing a sweet kiss. Tears start to drip down both their faces, bittersweet smiles gracing their lips.

"I love you, Evan Buckley."

"I love you, Eddie Diaz."

Eddie watches as the love of his life walks away in blue/grey fatigues, wondering if the universe hates him enough to take Buck away from him. 

There's a brief two months of no contact where Eddie is absolutely sure the universe does. Where Eddie is absolutely sure his partner is gone, wasted away in some foreign desert under some foreign sky.

Buck's next Zoom after that is a godsend. Eddie smiles for the first time in weeks.

The SEAL Team groupchats stay dormant, but the family ones are active. Eddie creates a groupchat with Danny, Anne, Clarissa (Thea's sister), Franklin's partner Ash, Kevin's younger brother Ethan, Alex's older sister Emily, and Andrea's cousin Nancy. Everyone who loves a SEAL on SEAL Team 10 gets a place in the groupchat where daily check ins are common place and weekly meet ups happen more often than not. 

Eddie has wine nights with Anne - 0% alcoholic wine of course. 

Clarissa comes and stays with Eddie and Chris for a week after the first month of no contact that has everyone worried. Clarissa and Chris get along like a house on fire, Chris adoring having a younger disabled person to look up to. Eddie can't even begin to express how much it helped having the house full.

Eddie teaches Ethan how to tie a tie over Zoom since Kevin isn't responding. He sends Emily memes during college finals weeks to remind her to take breaks from working towards her PHD since Alex isn't around.

Nancy and Ash are far away, but they make sure to hop on Zoom's when they can.

Danny adds himself to a few of the 118 chats and calls Eddie every two days to talk. He calls late at night in Hawaii, early in the morning in LA, when Eddie's haunting the loft of the firehouse on 24's and he's haunting his Five-O office after a case. Steve joins them every once and a while, keeping up a simple text chain with Eddie other times.

It's nice, to be surrounded by people who love his partner and understand what he's going through. Chris can talk to Gracie or Ethan or Clarissa when he's upset Buck is gone because they're young and have dealt with military parents or siblings for the majority of their lives. Eddie can call anyone at the drop of the hat and have ten different people available to talk him off the ledge.

As for Buck, they try and face time or zoom once a week, but it's hard, so they send letters and emails more often than not. Eddie had gifted Buck a set of photos of him, Eddie, and Chris before he left, but he knows how much the photos of Chris helped him, so he sends new ones every week and the Navy tries their best to get them to Buck.

Buck's first six month mission goes relatively smoothly, with only minor injuries. They have the time to celebrate Ezra's last mission before joining the reserves and Anne being six months pregnant before the rest of the team is deployed again.

The next three years go much the same way, Buck being gone for months at a time, coming back to LA every chance he gets. He misses Eddie's birthday but makes Chris's, or misses birthdays but makes a Christmas, or misses both but shows up mysteriously on Ground Hog's day. Eddie still blames him for the four more weeks of winter that year. 

The groupchats stay active, even as Alex and Kevin enter the reserves during the second year. Andrea, Thea, Buck, and Franklin make it through the second, but Franklin gets benched again with a nasty arm break.

They tell Eddie they absolutely had to steal the tank, it was essential to the mission. Franklin's wolfish grin and whispered "so worth it" makes Eddie think that he doesn't regret the broken arm in the slightest. Eddie and Danny have a two hour long face time after that. 

Anne has her baby and they face time in the crew as much as they can during the birthdays and milestones that happen after. Evie is a healthy babygirl who wants for nothing because all of her aunts and uncles spoil her. Eddie and Ezra start up a beer night during the second year, becoming fast friends through their mutual love of Buck and shared military experience. Ezra occasionally joins Eddie and Anne for wine nights as well. 

Eddie's a little worried that all this support will disappear once Buck's contract is up and he enters the reserve. He's worried that the friendships he's forged with Buck's teammates will fall through, the phone calls with Danny will stop once they don't have SEAL antics to complain about. 

He should've known better. 

Two Years Later

It's been two years since Buck made it back home to Eddie and Chris, landing at Coronado and immediately running to his boys. It's been two years since he entered the reserves, since he's rejoined the 118 and is a BUD/s trainer on occassion. It's been two years of slow mornings and teenage elbows and busy groupchats.

Buck laughs at the family groupchats when Eddie shows him, soaks up the stories of Eddie bonding with his team's families while they were all away. Tears up when Eddie tells him about Ethan and prom or Clarissa and Chris. Secretly, he makes a list of all the people Eddie supported and supported Eddie in turn while he was gone.

He uses that list as the guest list for their wedding. 

It's a gorgeous fall day in LA, meaning its a breezy 80 degrees and annoyingly sunny and Eddie is pretty sure Buck found the only venue that has a view of the ocean and actual trees. Blue stretches on for miles on one side of them, burnt orange and gold and red dipping and rolling for miles on the other side. 

Ethan, Nancy, Clarissa, Emily, and Ash are all invited, mingling easily with the 118.

Ezra stands proudly besides Eddie as his best man, followed by Chris, Danny, and Thea. Buck calls dibs on Andrea as his best woman, Franklin, Steve and Chimney rounding out his side. Abuela walks Eddie down the aisle, dropping him at the altar. Grace carries Evie down, scattering flowers as a dynamic duo of flower girls. Maddie and Athena walk Buck to Eddie and give him away. Bobby officiates the ceremony.

Buck stands proudly in a deep navy suit that brings out his eyes, matching the forest green of Eddie's beautifully. They clasp hands as Bobby reads out their vows, Buck's hands shaking slightly while Eddie's stay ever medic steady. The sun is setting behind them, turning Eddie's eyes honey brown and burnishing Buck's curls golden.

"Eddie, I'm so glad I found my way back to you. Thank you for letting me protect you. Thank you for protecting me in turn. You're the home I've always been looking for. I'll always fight my way back to you."

Eddie blinks his tears away, speechless at the steady way Buck says his vows. "Evan, thank you for coming back to me. I don't want to walk down anymore roads that don't lead back to you. You're my home, my family. Thank you, for loving my son and loving me and all that you do for both of us. I will always fight my way back to you."

The reception is a loud affair, the 118 and SEAL Team 10 sitting at one long rectangular table in the middle of the room, everyone yelling up and down it as they always do. There are more tables scattered near it, friends and family and supporters who don't necessarily want to sit between hungry SEALs and rambunctious firefighters. 

Eddie and Buck sneak off to make out in the bathroom like teenagers, Danny catching them in the act. He just laughs and takes a picture that's immediately sent to every single groupchat because he's a menace. He makes it his contact photo for both of them. 

Their first dance is to I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry, Eddie leading Buck in a gorgeously coreographed dance to the soaring orchestral backing. Buck's teasing Eddie about ballroom dance the entire way through, but it gets drowned out by the music, so only Eddie is left to smile and laugh about it. 

When the night is finally over, they tangle together in bed, Christopher at abuela's and Buck presses his mouth into Eddie's skin over and over again.

He rolls his hips into Eddie, pulling a whimper from behind Eddie's teeth as he leans above the other man. He laves a kiss over the bolt of Eddie's jaw. "I would fight through hell again and again to make my way to this," he pants into Eddie's neck.

Eddie flips them easily, baring his teeth at Buck's loud moans. "I'd be by your side every step of the battle, husband," Eddie growls, swallowing Buck's resounding groans with a fierce kiss.