Chapter Text
neil perry > mr keating
neil: do you ever wonder why fathers are such dicks
Mr. Keating: All the time, kid. All the time.
neil: was your father a dick?
Mr. Keating: Yes.
neil: can i ask why he was a dick
Mr. Keating: He hit my mother and I for years. When I was 12, my mother finally divorced him and we never saw him again, but we were always afraid he'd come back.
neil: did he?
Mr. Keating: No, he died about a year later—drunk driving. He crashed right into a telephone pole and died on impact.
neil: damn
neil: i wouldve never guessed that you have daddy issues too because youre such a good dad
neil: i mean father figure
neil: no i mean dad, youre a really good dad
Mr. Keating: Thank you, that's because I made sure that no matter what happened to me, I would never treat anyone the way he treated my mother and I.
Mr. Keating: Now, may I ask why you've decided to start this conversation? Did something happen with your father?
neil: yeah, i woke up to a long text from him telling me to quit the play at henley because he doesnt want me playing a homicidal maniac (his words) and he thinks its still a waste of my time. he said that him paying for my education at welton did not include me leaving welton every night to go to henley and act.
Mr. Keating: Gosh, kid. I'm so sorry your father doesn't listen to you. You would think after what happened in December, he'd take your feelings into consideration more. Has he mentioned it at all?
neil: NO HE HASNT WHICH IS INSANE. HE LITERALLY WALKED IN ON ME IN HIS OFFICE HOLDING A GUN UP TO MY HEAD AND HE HASNT MENTIONED IT SINCE
neil: LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM
neil: im gonna cry
neil: im gonna cry so loud that i wake todd up which i dont want to do
neil: fuck its too late todds neil senses went off
Mr. Keating: Would you like to come to my office? I think a chat would do you some good.
neil: please
neil: would it be okay if toddy came too
neil: now that hes awake i kind of dont want to be away from him rn
Mr. Keating: Of course, son. Come on down; I'll put some tea up and we can have a long talk before breakfast since its still early.
neil: god i didnt even realize it was only 5:30 IM SO SORRY
neil: MY TEXT DIDNT WAKE YOU UP DID IT
neil: IM SOR SORRY
neil: hi mr keating, its todd now :)
neil: i took neils phone cause hes crying a lot which is sad :(
neil: we're on our way down now
Mr. Keating: Please come right away! And Todd, do tell Neil that he did not wake me! I've been up for a while.
neil: will do! on our way now. -todd
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poets (but dead)
meeksie: so charlie did you get back last night
charlEEZ NUTS: yeah, but i ended up sitting in the woods with some random woods cat i found for like an hour
cam: HUH?
charlEEZ NUTS: yeah omw back i ran into a cat so i sat with it and we played fetch
pittsie: YOU TAUGHT A RANDOM CAT HOW TO PLAY FETCH?!?!?!
charlEEZ NUTS: yes
pittsie: whered the cat go??
charlEEZ NUTS: off on his merry way!
obKNOXious: i would do anything to see you playing fetch with a random cat
charlEEZ NUTS: *sent a photo: Taken with the flash on. A dark cat sits on top of a log in the woods. The cat is looking up, most likely at Charlie, who cannot be seen, as he took the photo. The cat's eyes glow due to the flash.*
obKNOXious: AWWWWW
pittsie: SO CUTE
meeksie: omfg i just know todd is gonna flip when he sees that pic
charlEEZ NUTS: oh yeah todd this is right up your alley ik you love cats
charlEEZ NUTS: maybe if i see it again ill call you and you could come see it too
cam: ...where is todd?
pittsie: and neils not here either
meeksie: @todd @neil wya????
obKNOXious: THEYRE NOT IN THEIR ROOM
obKNOXious: I THINK THEY WERE KIDNAPPED
toad: calm the fuck down
toad: holy shit
meeksie: TODD!
charlEEZ NUTS: where have you been young man! your mother (knox) and i have been worried sick!
obKNOXious: why am i the mother
charlEEZ NUTS: you have better maternal instincts than i do
obKNOXious: ok mr i trained a cat to play fetch
cam: boys focus
cam: where are you and neil @todd
toad: we've been with keating since 5:30
pittsie: dude youve been with keating for 2 hours? whats happening?
toad: neils dad left him a rude wake up text about the play and neil got really upset which as he should because i read the text and almost cried myself
toad: but yeah neils dad is an asshole and he texted keating about it, then neil got upset and woke me up, and i walked him down to keatings where we've been talking it all through
charlEEZ NUTS: ugh neils daddy issues :/
toad: hes very sad rn but we'll be up at breakfast, he made me promise id get a muffin for him
obKNOXious: someone tell neil a muffin wont fix his daddy issues
toad: no duh knox
toad: the muffin is just to cheer him up a little. he likes muffins, so itll make his morning a little bit better
meeksie: aww neil noooooo
meeksie: how bad is it
toad: uujhhhhhhh
toad: its uh pretty bad
toad: yeah
toad: a lot of not good talk, but i dont want to tell you what he said because its personal
toad: if he wants to tell you later, its up to him
toad: but me and mr keating are taking care of him right now, we'll come up and have breakfast and the reevaluate the situation after he eats something
charlEEZ NUTS: is he going to be in class today?
toad: ummmmmm
toad: thats kind of what we need to reevaluate
toad: i just dont want to say anything because i dont know what hes okay with you guys knowing, and i dont want to break his trust
cam: its ok todd, we understand
cam: just let neil know we're here if he does decide he wants to talk to us
obKNOXious: yeah maybe at breakfast we could all talk?
toad: we were actually going to sit off to the side if you guys dont mind
toad: hes just a little all over the place rn and i dont want him to get overwhelmed
toad: plus he wants to stay with mr keating, he feels safer with him rn
charlEEZ NUTS: thats okay, just take care of him for us man
toad: of course, you know i will
toad: oh also that cat is adorable and i demand to meet it @charlie
charlEEZ NUTS: I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR YOU TODDERSON
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charlie dalton > neil perry
charlie: so youre not in class
charlie: and todd is giving us no details
charlie what's going on man? you know you can talk to me, we're brothers
charlie: i can see youve read these btw
neil: oh fuck
charlie: so whats going on buddy?
neil: my stupid brain :/
charlie: did you have a relapse?
neil: no, not this time
charlie: youre not lying are you?
neil: you can literally come to the nurse and look at my arms and thighs if you want, i promise there's no new cuts
charlie: okay, i believe you man
charlie: why are you in the nurse then?
neil: i spiraled this morning and both todd and keating didnt want me to be alone all day
charlie: spiraled how neil?
charlie: you know you can tell me anything
neil: some of the stuff my dad said in his text really took me back to the night of midsummer when i almost killed myself and i started falling down that hole and i honest to god dont even remember most of what i said, but i know that i said that i shouldve just pulled the trigger, and mr keating and todd were really worried so they figured it would be best if i stayed at the nurse all day because i clearly couldnt be in class or alone in my room all day
neil: todd obviously cant stay with me but weve been texting, and keating is down here rn because he only has 3 classes, so he'll be here now and after lunch
neil: i feel so stupid charlie
charlie: can i ask you something?
neil: sure
charlie: do you actually wish you were dead?
charlie: you said you shouldve just pulled the trigger. do you wish you were dead right now?
neil: no i dont, thats the thing
neil: i dont even know why i said that because i dont wish i was dead. i love todd and you and the other guys and mr keating, i dont want to leave you guys
neil: and i love that i still get to act even though my dad hates it. hes pissed off at me for it, but i still get to do it. i still get to do what i love
neil: and even though welton has its problems, i really like it here. sometimes when todd and i sit outside together we dont talk and i just sit there and think about how lucky i am to be alive
neil: so i dont know why i said that earlier because i dont want to be dead, i want to live so badly
neil: i guess its just hard sometimes
neil: but i dont want to die charlie, i really dont want to die
charlie: neil, thats huge
charlie: you wanna know what i think?
neil: what do you think charlie
charlie: i think youre heading towards the right path. i mean im no therapist or anything but it sounds like youve come a long way already since december if youre here saying that you have things in your life that you love and that you want to be around to keep loving them
neil: and i wanna do everything too like i want to graduate from college and marry todd and buy a house together and maybe one day start a family and have a job that i love and travel the world
neil: theres so much i want to get to experience and that keeps me going, its just hard to remember it sometimes when my dad is being such an asshole
charlie: you have so much to live for man, and i know that its hard to remember sometimes, but we're all here to remind you of that. we're all here to help you, just like right now.
charlie: here i have an idea
neil: what is it
neil: is it a bad idea, becasue most of your ideas are bad
charlie: no, this ones good i think
charlie: while youre hanging out with the nurse, i want you to write down 20 things that make life worth living. but it can't be anything youve already said. think outside of the box. they can be big things or small things, whatever you want. just write down 20 things and after classes later send me the list
neil: what, like stargazing?
charlie: that can definitely be one, you love stargazing
neil: but whats the list for? what am i supposed to do with it?
charlie: whenever you feel like you did this morning, you have to look at the list and remember the random things youll miss if you left
neil: oh
neil: i get it
neil: yeah i can try that
charlie: i hope it works for you, i saw someone online say that they kept a list of things and they keep adding all the time and they said it helped them, so maybe itll work for you too, even just a little
charlie: i still think you should be in therapy though
neil: actually me and keating were talking about that, ill tell you later though bc i know chem is about to end so you have to go
charlie: i do have to go :/
charlie: will you be alright?
neil: yeah, im gonna work on my list
neil: the nurse also said she would help too since mr keating has to leave, but keating also likes your idea
charlie: which nurse is it today
neil: BARBARA!!!
charlie: AYYY I LOVE BARB!
charlie: youll be okay while keatings gone though?
neil: yeah, ill be okay
neil: being in the nurse was really just a precaution
neil: im still upset obviously but i think im starting to feel a little better
neil: you helped a lot
charlie: i love you brother
neil: i love you too charlie
charlie: ill see you after classes end, write your list!
neil: i am!
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todd and his gingers
todd: gingers
todd: ASSEMBLE
meeks: wait i love that lowkey
cam: thats so goofy i love it
cam: whats up todderson
todd: we cant go out after class today cause i want to stay with neil
todd: is it okay if we go tomorrow instead
cam: todd
cam: of course its okay
cam: neil is so much more important than going out for ice cream
meeks: wait i just had an idea
todd: what?
meeks: what if me and cam went to the grocery store in town and brought back ice cream for you and neil
meeks: do you think that might cheer him up a little?
todd: it might i think
todd: he loves ice cream and he loves when you guys surprise him
cam: alright, then we'll head out after classes end while you stay with neil, and we'll surprise him :)
todd: you guys are very sweet, i really appreciate this
meeks: we would do literally anything for neil, todd
meeks: and you too
todd: i know that, i just really appreciate everything
cam: we know you do, you dont have to thank us man
cam: just let us know when you and neil are back in your room later and we'll come up when we get back
todd: todd love his gingers!!!
meeks: AND WE LOVE OUR TODD
cam: WE LOVE YOU TODD
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gerard pitts > knox overstreet
pitts: welton needs to change the curriculum i have learned about the assassination of lincoln every single year and i am so tired of it
knox: dude they cant change the curriculum, histroy doesnt change lmao
pitts: well then they should spice it up more
pitts: like instead of reading the chapter in the textbook on the beginning of the government in america, we should be watching hamilton
pitts: i will even let them use my disney plus account so we can watch it
knox: ok but there isnt a musical about abe lincoln dying is there
pitts: but there COULD BE
knox: no i will not help you write one
pitts: I DIDNT EVEN ASK???
knox: no but i could tell that was where the conversation was heading
pitts: YOU SUCK
knox: BRUH
pitts: ugh fine i guess i still like you
knox: your divaism is off the charts
pitts: sometimes i just channel my inner kurt hummel from glee and i turn into a diva
knox: love that for you!
knox: sometimes i channel my inner rachel berry when im walking around the lake by myself i just start singing broadway songs
pitts: dude
knox: what
pitts: rachel berry is EASILY the worst glee character shes so fucking annoying
pitts: channel your inner literally anyone else
knox: no way youre judging my glee opinions
pitts: did you even watch glee
knox: tbh i stopped after season 3
pitts: ok yeah thats extremely valid
knox: dude wait
knox: did prof jsut say theres a quiz tomorrow
pitts: uhhhhhh idk
pitts: i was texting not listening
knox: i hate you
pitts: love you too!!!
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todd anderson > neil perry
todd: hey lovebug how are you doing?
neil: wait stop that was really cute
todd: what was
todd: all i did was ask how youre doing lmao
neil: LOVEBUG!!!
todd: oh
todd: i did not realize i said that
todd: do you hate it lol
neil: no its cute!!!
neil: i like how you always call me different versions of love
neil: love, lover, lovey, my love, LOVEBUG
neil: i think it's really cute
todd: well i love you, i guess i just want you to always remember that :)
neil: i love you so much its insane
todd: i love you too, so so much
todd: so how are you?
neil: feeling better for sure
neil: actually charlie and i talked earlier and i think its been helping me
neil: and obvi mr keating has been in and out all day so far, i know he's coming back after lunch is over
neil: ive been missing you though
neil: i know i can get a little clingy sometimes when my brain is being all annoying but i really really miss you and i wanna see you
todd: im glad youre starting to feel a little better, and i miss you too
todd: i like when we're together
todd: ill come down as soon as i eat something
todd: normally id skip lunch but my stomach was growling so loud during trig so i have ti eat
neil: no thats okay! eat your lunch! what are you having? salad?
todd: yessssss i love salad
neil: you pick out half of the stuff in your salad every day
neil: i literally eat your tomatoes for you
todd: tomatoes are yucky
neil: youre so cute
neil: please eat something more than a salad if youre hungry though!!
todd: i am i am
todd: pitts grabbed me some pretzels so ill be good
todd: and then ill come right down to see you :)
neil: yay!!! i cant wait to see you
todd: i cant wait to see you too
neil: ok eat so you can come down here
neil: love you <3
todd: love you too, see you soon <3
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poets (but dead)
charlEEZ NUTS: everyone drop your main in mariokart
charlEEZ NUTS: ill go first BOWSER JR FOR LIFE
toad: toad :D
meeksie: i am a daisy girlie through and through
neil :): koopa troopa is my boy
pittsie: WALUIGI!!! WAAAA!!!
obKNOXious: i alternate between yoshi and king boo
cam: i started playing as bowser when i was a kid cause he has red hair and it just stuck LMAO
meeksie: CAMERON THATS SO FUNNY HSLDHSLSHDLDJ
charlEEZ NUTS: no way you play as daisy meeks
meeksie: i know you did not just disrespect miss daisy like that
charlEEZ NUTS: daisy is lame
meeksie: EXCUSE YOU
charlEEZ NUTS: pittsie being a waluigi guy makes so much sense tbh
pittsie: im convinced that in another universe i AM waluigi
obKNOXious: that actually might be the realest thing ive heard you say all week
cam: i love that todd and neil play as toad and koopa troopa
cam: that feels so right
toad: thats why my name is toad in here cause i play mariokart as toad and i like captain toad treasure tracker :D
charlEEZ NUTS: I LOVE CAPTAIN TOAD
neil :): koopa troopa is so silly when it dances in super mario bros like when the music goes BAA BAA you know
pittsie: i love the little dancey dance
neil :): wait charlie why are you asking this during keatings class lmao
charlEEZ NUTS: because i felt like it
charlEEZ NUTS: and also i drew mario in my notebook and it reminded me that i couldnt remember who your mains were
obKNOXious: thats cute can i see the drawing
charlEEZ NUTS: literally turn around then lmao
obKNOXious: guys his drawing is terrible fhsldhdlshdld
charlEEZ NUTS: HEY
charlEEZ NUTS: I WAS DRAWING FROM MEMORY
obKNOXious: clearly your memory is shit
pittsie: CHARLIE LEMME SEE
charlEEZ NUTS: NOPE I JUST ERASED IT
meeksie: BOOOOOOOOOO
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neil perry > charlie dalton
neil: i have my list
charlie: alright give me 5 of them
neil: clouds
neil: puffy stickers
neil: todds pet names for me
neil: listening to music
neil: the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet when i walk in the fall
charlie: NEIL! THIS IS A GREAT START!
neil: really? you dont think they're stupid?
charlie: no way man!
charlie: all those little things that bring you joy! theyre far from stupid!
neil: you wanna hear some more then?
charlie: what do you got man!
neil: the feeling i get when i ride my bike, like when the wind blows through my hair and i hold my arms out and just glide
neil: sitting under a tree and reading
neil: flowers
neil: movies
neil: the thrill of performing
charlie: NEIL!!!!!!!!!
charlie: how many things did you write diwn all together?
neil: 54 so far
charlie: WOW
charlie: do you think its helped at all?
neil: its helped me remember some of the things i love that i never really paid much attention to before
neil: like the smell of new books
neil: i love that smell, but i totally forgot about it and now i wanna go to the bookstore
charlie: well then this weekend ill take you to the bookstore
neil: what
neil: you dont have to do that
charlie: sure i do! you like the smell of new books, lets go smell some new books
charlie: that sounded so weird but you know what i mean
charlie: if itll make you happy, lets do it
neil: charlie
charlie: what?
neil: thank you
charlie: no, thank you for taking my suggestion seriously. im glad it made you feel a little better and helped you find some joy
neil: i love you man, thank you
charlie: i love you too brother!
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todd and his gingers
todd: GUYS
todd: YOU ARE SO SWEET
todd: I DONT THINK HES SMILED THIS WIDE IN A FEW DAYS
todd: YOU GUYSSSSS
todd: thank you SO much
cam: neils always doing so much for us, it was the perfect opportunity to repay the favor
cam: and also we just love him and wanted to cheer him up
meeks: does he like everything we picked out?
todd: he literally started crying as soon as you guys left the room and he said "i cant believe they did this for me, we have the best friends in the world"
todd: hes going through everything now, he really loves the card though
meeks: UGH YES IM SO HAPPY!!!
meeks: we were so worried the other guys would write stupid stuff but it turned out so well and i was really hoping neil would like it
cam: we love our neil
meeks: yes we do
todd: he wants me to let you know that he says "thank you times infinity"
meeks: youre welcome times infinity neil!!!
todd: im gonna focus on him rn, so ttyl
todd: and thank you guys, really
cam: no problem todd
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neil perry > mr keating
neil: do you ever wonder how you got lucky enough to find the best friends in the world?
Mr. Keating: Ah, did something happen?
neil: meeks and cameron showed up at the door a couple of hours ago with a care basket for me but not like a care basket it was like full of stuff that i love
neil: so yeah i guess it could be called a care basket
neil: they got my favorite ice cream and candies, a really cute cat plushie, 2 new books, a new case for my glasses, some crossword puzzle books, and a hot wheels car
neil: and they got a card and had the other guys write in it and i just love them so much
Mr. Keating: That's very kind of them! I'm glad it cheered you up!
neil: and i know todd was definitely apart of their scheming but he wont tell me so ill let him keep acting like he had no idea it was happening
neil: but he also wrote me poem and at the bottom of the paper he drew a little sketch of us its so cute
neil: i really have the best friends and boyfriend in the world
neil: AND YOU!!!
neil: you literally spent your free periods today sitting in the nurses office with me and you literally didnt have to do that but you still did and i appreciate it so insanely much you have no idea
Mr. Keating: First off, you know I'd do anything for you, kid. Second, I'm glad you have such a strong friend group. They're the exact people you want to keep around.
neil: i do captain, i really do
neil: theyre my best friends, i cant imagine my life without them
neil: i love them a lot
Mr. Keating: I know you do, son. I'm so happy you have them. I want you to remember this feeling the next time your father upsets you. Remember how much your friends love you and how much you love them back. Reread the card they gave you.
Mr. Keating: Just remember that family isnt always blood. Your father might be related to you by blood and those boys might not be. But at the end of the day, those boys love and accept you for who you are, they support you, they laugh with you and cry with you. They would do anything for you, and you would do anything for them. Those boys are your family. Never forget that.
neil: thanks captain, ill remember that
neil: and youre my family too, you know. you forgot to include yourself
Mr. Keating: You're an extraordinary kid, Neil.
neil: thanks mr keating :,)
Mr. Keating: I'm sure you have a Todd with you, so I'll let you get back to him now.
Mr. Keating: Have a good night now, and if you need anything, I'm only one call away.
neil: goodnight captain, and thank you again for everything today
Mr. Keating: Goodnight, son.