Chapter 1: one call away
Chapter Text
From: [email protected]
Subject: Letters for Diogo
Dear all,
As we all try to survive these horrible times, I'm aware that some of us, for varying reasons, are unable to attend the funeral and say our goodbyes. The ideal would be for all of us to say our goodbyes together, and mourn and heal properly before even thinking about football. Unfortunately, that's not the case, with the league season starting in a little over a month and the football world, by and large, being ruthless. That being considered, I have an idea for how we can say our final goodbyes to our dear friend together.
Many of you are aware that my sisters and I lost our mother in 2021. Due to COVID, I wasn't able to attend the funeral, but my oldest sister had the idea for me to write a letter to my mother, just like she and my other sister were doing. We did so, kept our letters with us, and burnt them in a private ceremony when I was finally able to return to Germany. If everybody agrees, I think this would be a good way to say goodbye as a full team.
For all those who want to, write your letters so we can burn them when we all return to Kirkby. I will be there, too.
Love,
JK
Chapter 2: once upon a time i was falling in love, now i'm only falling apart
Notes:
title from bonnie tyler's "total eclipse of the heart"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
My hand is shaking as I write this, so please forgive me if you can't read the words.
I can't believe you won't be here when I come back to Anfield to play Liverpool, or when our ex-teammates come down to London. You were supposed to be here. Why aren't you here?
Of course, I already know the answers to that. You're gone. A car--a piece of metal and rubber and I-don't-know-what-flipping-else--took you and your brother away from us.
And now I'm left here, alone. We'll never go on a darts or horse-racing date again. We won't spend nights alone playing EAFC (correction: you kicking my butt at EAFC for the 386th time). We won't do Makeup Mondays, with you laughing at my attempts at '80s hair and me counting your freckles and drawing little hearts around them with the eyeliner pencil.
I will miss you so much, mo ghrá. Your smile, your love for accuracy, your passion for what you love, your sarcasm. The way you stirred butter into hot chocolate because you said it made it "smoother" or whatever. How you wrote so small that I needed a looking glass to see. The way you'd talk about anything and everything to distract me when my temper flared again.
I love you, and I will always love you. I will never love, or date, anybody else again. I still wear the spinner fidget ring you gave me, even though it's so smal l I have to wear it on my pin ky . May the road rise to meet you--no, forget it, the whole damn highway. They'd better have EAFC and football pitches up there, my sweet.
Yours forever,
Caoimhin
Chapter 3: miss you, thank you, and i love you
Notes:
title from or3o's "to you"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
Mama told Kairo and I to write letters for you because we'll never see you again. I still don't understand it. Every summer you say that you'll be back, and you always come back . So why aren't you back now? You were going to teach Kairo and me how to play with those cards you collect! You can't go now!
Will you visit?
Sorry, I've got to go. Mama's talking to me.
Okay, I'm back. Mama saw my note. She cried and said that you weren't gone like how the boss or Bobby left. She said you were gone like Ludger, and that we'd never see you again because you died.
Why'd you die, Diogo? You need to come back. I'm scared. Mama never cried in front of us before today. You have to meet all the new people coming next week, and teach Phoebe and Aya how to score headers even though they're short.
I have to go again. Mama's talking again.
Now I'm back. Mama says you aren't coming back. I don't want to believe it, even though Mama never lies to us. She says to write what we'd say to you now , so we can burn all our letters together and you can get them. I don't understand that. If we burn our letters and they blacken and fall apart, how would you read them?
I think I'll say what I need to say now. Thanks for letting us play with your cards and rings, and letting us ride on your shoulders sometimes , and showing us your medals and helping us win and making us all happy. I don't want you to go. Why did you go?
--Florrie
Chapter 4: moments that the words don't reach
Summary:
title from Hamilton's "it's quiet uptown"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
This doesn't feel right. I should be meeting up again with you to start the new season, not travelling for your funeral. I should be pulling pranks on you and calling you Diogo MacJota and playing darts with you and Kweev.
You were a such good friend. You settled in quickly, and the fans loved you. We all loved you.
Thank you for being honest enough to tell me that my potato salad tasted like "road mortar" (your words) before I served it to the whole team. Thank you for cheering us on every match. Thank you for starting the Anime Club. Harvey loves it. Thank you for making Kweev happy with your love, even if it was cut short.
I still can't believe it. You'd probably think I sound like a robot with a Scottish accent now, but it's true. You were taken so suddenly from us that it felt like a shock wave. Even hours after, my stomach still hurts, and I barely have an appetite. Even Lord McEnroe seems to be looking for you.
My flight number's up. I have to go now. We're going to burn these letters together when we get back to Kirkby. I miss you, mate. It hurts like hell.
Your friend,
Robbo
Chapter 5: no dejaré de quererte
Summary:
title from "la llorona"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'll never forget when Lucho's parents were kidnapped, and you lifted a shirt with his name and number after you scored the opener for a game while Lucho was on compassionate leave. Lucho himself only heard about it after the match, but he told me that he still felt a surge of warmth. You were always that kind of person whose actions spoke louder than his words. Even though you didn't always say everything you thought and believed in , you sure showed it.
Which is why I just feel numb now as I write this to you from my bed. You're gone, permanently. The truth is, I will never see you again, and it hurts.
Thank you for helping me understand and navigate English, especially when I first arrived. Thank you for being a loyal teammate and a good friend. Thank you for swapping dishes with me when I accidentally ordered something too sour on our Singapore tour. Thanks for sending me dumb memes while I was down every time I missed a huge chance. (Yeah, even the memes of other players missing shots.)
I remember you teaching yourself the bongos in ten minutes (ten minutes!!!) when we were in Dubai, so all of us Latino Reds could perform a live reggaeton remix of "My Shot". I still can't believe we got Taffa to do it with us!
To talk about you in the past feels like a nightmare. Please rest in peace, mi hermano.
I have to end this now. My pen ran out of ink, and Fede's crying over the phone.
Te amo,
Darwin
Chapter 6: is love alive?
Summary:
title from sara bareilles and ingrid michaelson's "winter song"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I only knew you for a year, and I loved you. I love everyone here, so that's not unusual, but stil l.
Did I ever tell you I loved you? I can't remember. I hoped I did.
I don't have the stories about you that everyone else does, so I won't be able to say muc h. However, winning the Premier League with you and enjoying the parties and the bus parade was something I'll never forget. I always dreamed of playing here and winning something, and you helped that dream come true.
Riposa in pace, ragazzo. I wish I'd gotten to know you and your brother longer. I love you.
Your friend,
Fede
Chapter 7: brokenhearted
Notes:
title from abba's "mamma mia"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
It's happening again. Distance and time prevent me from saying final goodbyes to someone I love. Only, instead of you being there with me while I agonise, it's you I'm agonising over.
You're gone. After Taffa left (I don't know if you knew that, but he left us), I realised that you and I were the only Brazilians left on the team, even though you play for the Portugal national team and are only part-Brazilian. Now that you're gone, I'm the only one left.
How can this be happening? You're younger than I am! You were only twenty-eight. Why are good people taken away from us?! It doesn't make any sense!
I remember a year and a half ago when we won the League Cup. You and I had rehab that day, so we didn't travel with the others , but then it ended early, and we drove to Wembley in record time. I'll admit I was terrified, but I was so happy that you got us through the traffic jam and the sheep farm in time to celebrate with our teammates. Now, a car accident took you away. I don't think I'll be able to get in a car without anxiety for a while.
It'll be so lonely without you being in the locker room, or on the training pitch, or the team bus or the medics' office or the coffee bar. I remember after we won the league this year, I learned how to play all of our teammates' chants and songs on my guitar. We all danced and sang along when I played them at the party. Now, when I play your chant, all I'll do is cry and wish you hadn't been taken from us so soon.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for your honesty , your sense of humour, your resourcefulness and determination. Thank you for volunteering to play drums for the Twig choir for our recitals. Thank you for being a good friend to all of us.
I'm going to miss you so bad. I still can't believe this is happening. I don't know why. I wish I could be there to say goodbye with our teammates, but I promise, as soon as I can, I'll visit you in person. I'll never forget you.
Eu te adoro,
Ali
Chapter 8: say something (i'm saying goodbye)
Notes:
title from a great big world and christina aguilera's "say something"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm still in shock. It's crazy. Usually, I remember where things are, but since I heard the news, I can't remember where I put things. Ibou has to help me, and he's hardly any better right now. It's a miracle we caught our flight in time to be here.
I know that I was crabby towards you sometimes . I'm like that to almost everyone, even Ibou, every now and then. But I don't have crabbiness left in me right now. All I feel is a dull ache in my chest, like a heavy stone.
In Japan, we traditionally wear white to funerals. That's why, under my watch, I have a white ribbon tied around my wrist.
I don't believe you're gone. I'm still in denial, and you know how I hate denying the truth. Ibou's not in denial, but I would take any amount of denial over seeing him so heartbroken. So am I. All of us are.
You were one of my favourite members of the Anime Club because you took it seriously, like a science that needed to be studied. You'd ask me questions that make me think, and I'd learn even more about the shows I watched as a child. I'll admit I was annoyed at first because it made me feel like an idiot, but I grew to appreciate it. You knew how to shut up when I needed it, and I love that.
I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of you in the present. We were going to go to Japan together. You'd have loved the video games we have back at home. There's even a drumming game--Taiko no Tatsujin. You would've loved it. Key word being would've , because you're...
I don't want to say it.
Maybe I'll accept it today. Maybe I never will. But may your memory live on forever. Yasuraka ni nemuru.
Your friend,
Wataru
Chapter 9: that is how i know you go on
Summary:
song from celine dion's "my heart will go on"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
My whole year has been a rollercoaster. High--we won the Premier League together. Low--my boyfriend left me and blocked me, even though we downgraded from "vitriolic angst" to "aloof exes who don't want to see each other's faces". High--I gained two of my international teammates in one summer.
And now, an absolute low. You're gone forever.
We've known each other for two whole years. In that time, I got to know somebody who's precise, smart, willing to admit his faults, and great at making people laugh. You're the best gamer I know, and you even learned to make my favourite dessert to cheer me up when Trent announced he was leaving. Okay, so you barely stumbled through it, and you had to get Ibou, Ali, Lucho, Darwin, and Mona to help you with the dough because it was too sticky for your hands, but it's the thought that counts.
Actually, you'd disagree with me. You'd say it's the action that counts, and you'd call Kweev to argue for your side. I always hated arguing with you because I never won (few could ever win an argument against you). But I'd give anything to argue with you again, because that would mean you were still alive and with us.
My heart feels broken again, and it's worse than breaking up with Trent. At least, if I wanted to, I could see Trent again and spend the day with him. But I'll never do that with you again.
When I heard the news, the first thing I did was call Mo because I couldn't believe it was real. After what felt like ages, the next person I called was Harvey, who was on the phone with Curtis, who was on with Ryan, who was on the phone with Ibou, who was with Wataru, and soon the whole Anime Club was together. And that's when we made a decision that I feel I need to tell you.
You know how FIFA is, though. After a while, we'll be expected to continue like nothing happened. Of course, we all want to defend our Apex League title, even though it's the last thing we're thinking about now, but I don't want everything in our lives to go on as if nothing happened.
So we did it. We ended the Anime Club. It was your idea , you spoke the first words of it, and you always did the introduction and closing of each meeting. Now, you'll be memorialised as somebody who used his passion to help bring people closer together.
I miss you so much, bro. Every time I play an EAFC match, I'll think of the man who loved it so much that his love spread among his teammates.
Okay, I'm terrible at words, so I'll leave the letter as such. Rest in peace, my friend.
Love,
Domi
Chapter 10: but i remember everything
Notes:
title from leona lewis' cover of "hurt"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
You and I joined Liverpool at practically the same time. I still remember Klopp introducing us to the team, and you looking around in wonder while I stuck out like a sore thumb. Eventually, we settled in and got to know each other.
We were teammates for five years, and you noticed a lot of things, so you know that I don't cry often. When I got the call, I couldn't stop. It's so cruel. You're younger than me , you just had a dream year, you had such a bright future ahead of you, and it was all taken away in one night.
I don't know what to do. I've always been bad at words, even at my own wedding. If I couldn't find words for the best event of my life, how do I start to try for the worst?
Your sheer enthusiasm made me realise that a quiet EAFC nerd from Portugal and a boisterous suntan-loving Greek lad had some things in common after all. I remember you helping me learn Portuguese so I could impress Thiago, and our master plan falling through the roof when I accidentally spoke in European Portuguese slang instead of Brazilian Portuguese. You laughed and laughed, and I ran to hide in a closet, but in the end we laughed together. I remember one preseason game where I started rapping about Darwin and you took out a pair of drumsticks to give me a beat.
You dissed my nightclub so many times that I should write a list of the unique roasts you gave it. But one night, you sighed, put on your headphones, and came over with some of the youngsters as the designated driver. It was only one night, but it was so much fun. At least for me--you swore you'd never return. I said you would return eventually and ruffled your hair. Well...you were right. I hate it.
I can't believe we're never going to see each other again. I love you so much, man. Rest in peace. Please don't be too sad up there :(
Your friend,
Kostas
Chapter 11: come up to meet ya, tell you i'm sorry
Notes:
title from coldplay's "the scientist"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
This is Slot speaking. I have some things I'd like to say to you, ones I never got to say to you while you were still...around.
I can't bring myself to say it. A manager's not supposed to lose his players.
I'm sorry I doubted your usefulness as a No. 9 before I actually saw you play. How wrong I was. You were a diligent worker who saw what was necessary and tried to do it.
I'm sorry that, after you got injured and came back, I gave you such a hard time getting back into the first team. Before internationals started, Claudio let slip that Kweev told him that you told Kweev that you felt like it was personal. It had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with me, my ego, and how I felt about being wrong when so many were counting on me to get things right.
I was planning to apologise to you in person when we got back from summer break and gathered for preseason. Now I never will.
Somebody very special to me in my home country once told me you should do anything important as soon as you can, because you never know if you won't get the chance tomorrow. I never understood what he meant, but now I do.
It may surprise you, but I'm going to miss you. I'm sorry that my insecurity prevented us from growing closer while we still could. I'm so, so, sorry.
May you and your brother rest in peace.
--Arne
Chapter 12: forever, not for better
Notes:
title from "in my life" by the beatles
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm scared. I don't want to go back to Kirkby, because I'll see your empty locker and it'll sink in.
We went through a lot together. We went through some of the best games of our lives together, and through some of the worst. You made a song about us in 2020, about how Sadio, you and I would "put the hat-tricks in the goal". I'll admit that I haven't got as many hat tricks as I'd have wanted to get since then, but I remember the last time I scored a hat-trick against Rangers. You, Ibou, Harvey, Robbo, and Kostas started rapping in a weird mix of butchered Scots Gaeilic, French, Greek, and English about the hat-trick. It was hilarious. I still have it on my phone.
Everybody makes people happy in their own way. You made people happy by engaging them, by making them think, by letting your skills make them smile and laugh and cheer. You shushed so many of our haters that I lost count.
Now, you're gone. And we'll never see you again. It hurts in so many ways and I'm scared of what this will do to us. Rest in peace. Your stats card will forever be gold.
Yours truly,
Mo
Chapter 13: knowing me, knowing you
Notes:
title from abba's "knowing me, knowing you"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I don't know how to feel about this. There's so much inside of me that I can't name it all. My heart feels heavy as I write this.
I know you cringe at this memory, so let me make it quick. I remember when you were trying to help Lucho settle in with the team, and you made flashcards for each one of us so Lucho could have a quick reference. Of course, we know how that ended (you and Bobby had a shouting match in the cafeteria), but that was the day I learned the most about who you were as a person.
You wanted to help people, but you had your way of doing it. You were observant, but you tended to run with an idea as soon as you saw it. You stood up for what you believed was right, and you had a temper about it, but once you saw you were wrong, you wasted no time apologising. And you were so sincere about it that once you apologised, you were forgiven.
I must say I admire some of those qualities. It takes courage to admit when you're wrong--take it from somebody who has a hard time apologising--and even more courage to argue and apologise to Bobby Firmino, who has a rarely-seen-yet-legendary temper.
I'm in Portugal in a hotel room, writing this before I have to leave for the funeral service. Klopp sent all of us an email asking us to write a letter to you , and when we all return to Kirkby, we'll burn them together in a private ceremony. Part of me doesn't want to, because it'll be accepting that you're gone.
I know we clashed heads a couple of times, but that doesn't change the fact that I'll sorely miss your presence. Rest in peace.
Your friend and captain,
Virgil
Chapter 14: can't you hear me, sos?
Notes:
title from abba's "SOS"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I just got the news. I can't believe my best friend, my band partner, the one I once cried over because I thought he hated me (but you were just taking saxophone lessons from Joel ) is gone.
I won't be able to make it to your funeral, because the time difference between Portugal and Japan means I'll be there after it's over. It hurts me to no end.
We've been apart for some time now, but I still care about you like we weren't ever apart. I still have the bracelet you gave me with the other half of the "BFF" heart. I was so proud when you guys won the league, and when I heard you'd gotten together with Kweev. (I knew you had a crush on him for a little while.) Now all that's been cut short. It's so unfair.
Arigato for all our memories together, and for being a good friend to me. I will never forget you.
Your friend,
Taki
Chapter 15: trying to do the unimaginable
Notes:
title from hamilton's "it's quiet uptown"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I don't know where to begin. You're one of my boys. Just five weeks ago, I watched on proudly as you all lifted the 20th league title of our history and paraded it the following day. Now, I'm writing this as a final letter to you.
You had such a bright, beautiful future ahead of you, mein Junge. You had a work ethic that could've taken you to the moon if you'd wanted to, and humility that makes it easy for people to relate to you. You use your passion to bring joy to others, and you're well-loved by so, so, so many people, even those who are on rival teams.
And now you're gone.
When I heard the news, I was half asleep. After hours, I fell back asleep and woke up at midday, thinking that this was all a horrible, twisted, cruel nightmare that meant nothing. It wasn't. It still isn't. I have never wished so hard to have a nightmare in my life.
As I write this, you and Andre's funeral services have just ended. I feel like my heart's broken into ninety-nine pieces, and I can't imagine your family. Your poor, poor parents... If this is how I feel after knowing you for five years, how must they feel after knowing you your whole life?!
In the four years we spent together, I feel like I emotionally adopted you. I don't know if there's a better term, but that's what I have. Honestly, I adopted almost everybody. I watched you transform from strength to strength and bond with us like you were always one of our own. And now you're gone.
Gone forever.
I don't have enough words to say for somebody who deserves chapters about him, and the memories we shared, the things he did, and the things he believed in. Grief has always been one of the few things that left me without words, and now that's all I can feel. So I'll add some lyrics that you might have heard before, because I am an old man and the ABBA Gold album is my comfort album:
I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me...
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear...
I'm sorry if I'm not making sense. I don't know how to do this. I never thought I'd have to know how to do this. I will miss you so bad, my sweet, sweet boy. Ich hab dich liebe, forever and ever. May you and Andre rest in eternal and profound peace.
Love,
Kloppo
Chapter 16: planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do
Notes:
title from david bowie's "space oddity"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I've spent the last two days trying to deny that you're gone. But today I couldn't deny it anymore, so I sat down and wrote this.
We got closer as the years passed. We were still supposed to be getting closer. Why were you taken from us? I just don't understand. Life is so unfair.
I can still hear you in my head, talking about EAFC so fast and in so much detail that I felt like I was swimming in statistical soup. I can still see you making TikToks with Harvey and Darwin, pretending to be a shark in the pool, and hiding behind walls because you'd blush whenever Kweev made eye contact with you. It's like you're still here, even though it's painfully obvious that you aren't. You're never coming back, and that's like a sword in my heart.
I never thought I'd have to say goodbye to a friend like this. Rest in peace, lad. I'll never forget you. Your name will live on through us.
Your friend,
Curtis
Chapter 17: i focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
Notes:
title from leona lewis' cover of "hurt"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm at a loss for words. My Anime Club buddy, my teammate, my friend, my housemate, is gone forever. I feel sick to my stomach.
I've spent the last days clinging to Robbo like a lifeline. He feels like one of the only things that are real now.
We're gonna have to go back to Kirkby and play without you, because you'll never play again. You'll never be with us again. Mo's scared, and so am I.
I'm feeling so many things. I'm heartbroken because I miss you. I'm scared because you won't be back, and there'll be a giant hole.
But enough about me. I'm going to miss you so bad. You were always so calm and knew what to do. You made Kweev so happy, which is important to me since I played with Kweev at the academy level , and you made Robbo happy, which is important to me because Robbo is Mo's boyfriend and my co-pseudo-dad. I brought flowers to Anfield for you. You would've loved them.
Rest in peace,
Harvey
Chapter 18: i listen through your ears, and through your eyes, i can see
Notes:
title from scarlett johansson's cover of "stuck in a moment"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
My team and I are going to miss you like hell. You were fun to be around, even though sometimes you were grumpy about getting injured again. I don't really blame you, though. Getting injured all those times must've been a pain in the...well, you know.
Even though you probably would've preferred to see as little of my face as possible, I really enjoyed being around you. We had quite a few worthwhile conversations, and it was thanks to you admitting that textures and other things bothered you that Louella and I started paying attention to Moana's own sensory sensitivities.
Kirkby will be too empty without you, my friend. May you and your brother rest in peace.
Kind regards,
JP
Chapter 19: adieu (le ciel est trop sombre)
Notes:
title from nana mouskouri's cover of "adieu angelina"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
It's Sunday, and I still feel sick as I write this. I don't want to believe it, but it's painfully true. Every time I think I'm beginning to feel better, I get a flashback and realise you're not going to be here when the rest of us return. It feels like yesterday that you and I lifted the league together with our teammates, and now you're never coming back. Our time together is over.
You charmed us with your honesty, humility, and love for action. Our Anime Club gatherings, team videos, locker room dances, breakfasts together...every memory with you will remain in my heart and mind.
I wish I could say more, mon frère, but right now I don't have the words. So I will end this with the words I do have: I love and miss you so much.
Reposez en paix (rest in peace),
Ibou
Chapter 20: everyone i know goes away in the end
Notes:
title from leona lewis' cover of "hurt"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I don't know how much more heartbreak I can take. I lost my dad just eighteen months ago, and now I've lost you, too. Why do I keep losing people I love?!
I've never played professional football without you on the team. Even when you were injured, you were there with us. I'd take years of you being injured if it meant you'd be with us now. I want you back.
We only played together for one and a half full seasons, but those two seasons contained some of the most magical moments of my life. I'm proud to have called you my teammate, and I am going to miss you badly. Rest in peace, my friend, and, if you get this, extend the same thoughts to your brother.
Your friend,
Conor
Chapter 21: stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it
Notes:
title from scarlett johansson's cover of "stuck in a moment"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
It's Sunday, and I still feel sick as I write this. I don't want to believe it, but it's painfully true. Every time I think I'm beginning to feel better, I get a flashback and realise you're not going to be here when the rest of us return. It feels like yesterday that you and I lifted the league together with our teammates, and now you're never coming back. Our time together is over.
You charmed us with your honesty, humility, and love for action. Our Anime Club gatherings, team videos, locker room dances, breakfasts together...every memory with you will remain in my heart and mind.
I wish I could say more, mon frère, but right now I don't have the words. So I will end this with the words I do have: I love and miss you so much.
Reposez en paix (rest in peace),
Ibou
Chapter 22: one true time I'd hold to
Notes:
title from celine dion's "my heart will go on"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I have been at this club for ten years. In that time, I have seen teammates arrive, transfer, retire, betray, and leave as legends. I have said welcome, goodbye, good luck, buzz off, and thank you.
I have never said rest in peace. But now, tragically, I have to.
What kind of words do I say to this?! It doesn't make sense! You had so much promise, so much future ahead of you. We were supposed to do this together, and now we all have to go on without you.
To ensure this isn't a page of my senseless mutterings, I feel pressed to share a memory. So I'll share my favourite memory: the day you shushed the Tottenham fans by scoring at the final minute. It was wholly, totally insane, yet magnificent, and so, so satisfying to my soul. I remember all of us completely losing our heads on the sidelines and Kloppp running up to taunt the ref and pull a muscle. We spent the rest of the day laughing about it, and Klopp joined in even though he was grumpy at first.
It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that you just won't be there when I go in for training on Tuesday. Rest in peace, my dear friend, and may your brother rest in peace alongside you. We will miss you so much.
--Joey G
Chapter 23: there's a shadow hanging over me
Notes:
title from "yesterday" by the beatles
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
How do you say goodbye to somebody you've barely met?
I only met you once, when Portugal beat Germany last month. Yet, your absence hangs over my head via my new teammates. I haven't met them all yet, but the few I did meet were all solemn when I greeted them. I don't know what to say, or to do, or how to act.
What I do know is this: since everybody else is so heartbroken over your loss, you must've been a great teammate and a fun person to be around. So I'll do my best to take care of our teammates (can I say that since you never left?) and not let them down.
I wish I'd met you sooner. I was really looking forward to it— I heard you liked EAFC, and I play that with Jeremie sometimes. I saw how you were willing to step out of the spotlight to let others shine, and I knew I'd like playing with you. But I never will.
May you and your brother rest in peace.
Regards,
Florian
Chapter 24: the stars look very different today
Notes:
title from david bowie's "space oddity"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
This is Jeremie Frimpong, the new right-back. Although knowing how much you're ingrained in football, you probably already knew that. I'm writing this letter because...
Okay, bad way. Let me start again.
Although I never actually got to know you in person except for the wedding, Cody, Ryan, Virgil, and Gini occasionally talked about you and your teammates. That's why I was so excited about playing and living with you and the others, because I'd finally meet the people behind my compatriots' stories.
Now, I'm twenty-four hours away from meeting some of the others. But I'll never meet all of them because you aren't there.
It's terrifying just how fragile life is. The other day, I was helping Florian plan how he'd choreograph his introduction song and dance. (Yes, he's weird like that, and I love him that way.) Now I'm researching how to mourn somebody you barely knew.
I wish you were still here with us. Rest in peace.
Yours truly,
Jeremie
Chapter 25: does it show again, just how much i've missed you?
Notes:
title from abba's "mamma mia"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
It's the first day that some of the squad will return to training. I won't be there until later, but Slot isn't angry. He told me to take all the time I need getting to Kirkby. I think he's traumatised by what happened to you and Andre.
It's so unfair. What do you MEAN I'm going to come back, and my strike partner isn't there? We shared so many memories together, and now it's all supposed to end ?!
It doesn't make any sense, my friend, not at all! Who am I going to poke fun at with height jokes, lift off the ground during goal celebrations, and share caramels with? Who's supposed to laugh at me about how random kids in the store throw tuna cans at me? Who's supposed to kick my butt at EAFC now? How's our friendship over after just two and a half years?! I liked you! I still DO!!!
I remember us playing a wild game of Truth or Dare after I scored my first goal in a Merseyside Derby. The fixture where I scored my first goal, and where you scored your last goal. Your last goal...
I'm not making any sense right now. So I'll sign off. May you and your brother rest in peace, Diogo. I love you.
Your friend,
Cody
Chapter 26: memories, good days, bad days
Notes:
title from abba's "knowing me, knowing you"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I have no words to say. This is easily the most awful thing that's happened since I came to this club. Not only am I heartbroken, but everybody else is, too.
Back when Klopp announced his departure, Virgil told me one of our team mottos is "it's better to be sad together than sad alone". But that's exactly the thing. We empathise with each other, often intensely, and we support each other, but we very rarely have a reason to all be genuinely sad together. It's scary, because it feels like there's nobody I can lean on without them breaking, and it feels like one step too many and I'll break, too.
You are the coolest gamer nerd I have ever met. I'll never forget all our good times in the Anime club and during away games, playing EAFC and squabbling until Virgil found us. Cody is my best friend, but you're my best gamer friend. (Don't tell Harvey.)
Who am I kidding? You couldn't tell Harvey even if you wanted to. We'll never talk to you again.
Remember our team snowball fight? Remember how many times we rewatched Pokémon whenever it was my turn to choose our media for Anime Club? (We ended it in your honour, by the way, if you didn't know.) Remember watching the home videos of younger Virgil setting fire to a whole pile of junk? Remember when we bumped into each other and our snacks got mixed up, and we all fought the Snack Wars until the captains came back?
How is all that over now?
I miss you, bro. Rest in peace alongside your brother.
Your friend,
Ryan
Chapter 27: i said something wrong, now i long for yesterday
Notes:
title from "yesterday" by the beatles
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I know your opinion of me isn't very high now after I joined Man. City. Thankfully, Pep (the other Pep, Pep Guardiola) has been understanding. Fault the man for many things, but compassion is not one of them.
It feels like yesterday I was your vice-manager, chasing you after you jokingly interrupted our staff football games. How am I supposed to fathom that now, barely a year later, only one of us two is alive?
I will eternally be grateful for the chance I had to help coach you and your teammates, and for us to be together for some of the best moments of our careers. All I can think about is how much it pains me to have to write this, and how my heart is broken at the world losing you and Andre in such a tragic way.
I will forever treasure the last time we were together, at Thiago and Kostas's wedding last June. Remember when we had the yoga-dancing competition with Ruben? It was pure happy chaos, just like the rest of the day.
The whole team will miss you so, and I can verify that the sentiment is shared among a good portion of the Man. City players. Rest in peace, our little gamer.
Yours truly,
Pep Lijnders
Chapter 28: no one ever said it would be so hard
Notes:
title from coldplay's "the scientist"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
My poor, poor friend. I can't believe that it's over now. Why?! Why can't this club go without tragedy?!
Why did it have to be you? You were so happy when I last saw you at the wedding. You were looking forward to playing the next year and helping us defend our title. You'd found love in Kweev, and you two talked like a couple in a fairytale. So why was it you?!
Why did fate, circumstances, and everything unfair run together to end you and your brother's lives?
I don't have any words to say for this . So I will borrow someone else's words, which encapsulate how I feel right now. It's some lines from a poem I learned when I was in England, by John O'Donohue. I hope it's okay with you.
Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe home in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.
Your love was like the dawn
Brightening over our lives
Awakening beneath the dark
A further adventure of colour.
The sound of your voice
Found for us
A new music
That brightened everything.
Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
Quickened in the joy of its being;
You placed smiles like flowers
On the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
With wonder at things.
Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live , awake, complete.
Rest in peace, Diogo and Andre. We'll never forget you.
Flaco
Chapter 29: tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Notes:
title from coldplay's "the scientist"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. While Flaco and Ali have some ability with poetry and the written word, my skills are more verbal. So as I'm writing this, I'm imagining talking to you in my head.
The three seasons we spent together were great times. Yes, I know we got off to a rather rocky start, but that soon changed.
From somebody I feared would replace me and make me unimportant, I gained a wonderful friend. Sure, our tendency to put our foot in our mouth got us into some arguments, but they were solved pretty quickly. I hope you know that I forgive you for everything you accidentally insulted me with , and I hope you can forgive me for doing the same.
But enough about that! I can't understand it. Why is my little striker brother gone?! Things were going so well for you, and all of us. Why does it have to end?
Such a bright candle, snuffed out too soon. I remember Hendo always said something about you being the technician to my performer. At first, I thought it meant you played the boring way and I played the fun way, but I came to learn that neither way is all good, or all bad, or all boring, or all fun. They're both valuable to the team, something I learned after my next season in Al-Ahli, where I only had a few important matches to prove my worth. You taught me that sometimes you have to sacrifice beauty and sparkles for hard work and numbers. Oh, how I wish I could've told you that in person.
I love you, Diogo. Thank you for everything you taught me, and everything you brought to us by existing and being yourself. We're going to miss you so much, irmaozinho . May you and your brother rest in peace.
Your friend and strike partner,
Bobby
Chapter 30: carry that weight
Notes:
title from the beatles' "golden slumbers/carry that weight"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I remember when you told me that you admired me. I grunted and nudged you back towards your rondos circle, but I smiled when you weren't looking.
I don't know if I ever told you that I care for you. I know you cared for me. When I announced I was leaving, your Post-It note was the first note I saw. It didn't end up convincing me to stay, but you and the others' notes reminded me that no matter where I go, I'll always have a family here.
I heard that everybody will be back to training tomorrow. I won't be there tomorrow, but I'll be at Kirkby on Sunday to burn my letter along with the others. Burning a letter to you , so you can read it...
I can't believe it's the only way now. What do you mean that the wedding was our last time together?
I feel like there's a hole in my heart--then again, are we surprised? I always loved all of you, even if I didn't show it in the clearest way possible. Yes, even Kostas, in case you were wondering.
I love you. Rest in peace. Please be okay up there. It's already bad enough that everyone else down here is suffering.
Your friend,
Milly
Chapter 31: i know i don't deserve you (but hear me out, that would be enough)
Notes:
title from Hamilton's "it's quiet uptown"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I remember everything about when we were together . Watching you settle with the team, making music with you as a drummer in our band, you falling asleep on Bobby's shoulder, dancing with you on my shoulders during our cup celebrations. But now, it's all over. So much joy, humility, and intelligence, all cut tragically short. It feels so wrong, so cruel, and so unfair. It's heartbreaking.
I'm sorry, Diogo. I'm sorry I left you and the others in such a chaotic state, and made those comments. I'm sorry I didn't stay in contact with you all, and help Virgil have a smoother transition to captaincy. I'm so, so, sorry for fricking up, and one of my only consolations is that I was there to see you and the others have the time of their lives as you lifted the Premier League together.
Thank you for being a good teammate. Thank you for knowing when to move, when to talk, when to run, when to apologise, when to dance, and when to stay quiet and not put your foot in your mouth. (Well, you didn't always know about the latter, but that's unimportant.) Thank you for bringing the team together through EAFC, and making so many happy. Thank you for being yourself.
Rest in peace, my dear lad. Please don't worry about us. We'll take care of each other. I'm already on my way to Brentford to take care of Kweev. We're brothers, and we care for each other.
Your friend,
Hendo
Chapter 32: december never felt so wrong
Notes:
title from sara bareilles and ingrid michaelson's "winter song"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
To speak as if I knew you would be a mistake. I hardly knew you except for playing against you, and even then, it was barely a passing glance. So let me tell you what I do know.
Earlier today, I met Ali in person for the first time. I've heard a little about him from one of my international teammates, and he described him as a cinnamon roll who loves hugs, and when he has his heart set on something, he's unstoppable.
But I saw none of that today when I met Ali. Today, as I laid flowers alongside all the other tributes outside Anfield, I met a heartbroken young man mourning the loss of a good friend and companion. That's how everybody was, and it's so unfair.
It's not fair that you were taken from us, and with you our joy and happiness. This club will never be the same again.
Rest in peace. I wish I'd known you in person, and not just in the group chat.
Yours truly,
Giorgi
Chapter 33: in inches, in miles, in laughter and strife
Notes:
title from rent's "seasons of love"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm writing this to you using the blue light from my phone, because Ali just sent me photos of the team seeing the tributes to you outside Anfield. I'll be there tomorrow, which is why I'm on a plane right now.
It feels like yesterday I was with you and the other Latino Reds, playing Spin The Bottle while vowing to be by each other's sides forever. Since that New Year's Day in 2022, Bobby, Flaco, Thiago, Marcinho, Taffa and I have left, and you've died .
As I write that, I feel like a stone has been dropped on my heart. Saying it to myself, and writing it in my own handwriting, makes it feel even more true.
I'll try to finish this up before I start crying, because that tires me out so much that I end up falling asleep, and then I'll never finish this in time. Thank you for all the memories we've shared together . Thank you for torturing Arsenal and their arrogant little prick of a coach. Thank you for being the first step towards breathing new life into our already brilliant front three, and bringing smiles to the faces of so many people, including my fellow goalkeeper friend Kweev. We're going to miss you so badly, our little gamer.
Te quiero,
Adrian
Chapter 34: yesterday
Notes:
title from "yesterday" by the beatles
Chapter Text
Although our time together was short,
That time together was the time of our lives
We made history, we got number twenty
With our number twenty by our side.
Now the twentieth thread in our heart's red fabric
Was tragically cut short while he tried to come home
But while you're gone, our love for you stays
Your beautiful legacy is set in stone.
Rest in peace, Diogo and Andre.
You'll never walk alone.
Love,
The LFC Academy
Chapter 35: did you have to go (and leave my world so cold?)
Notes:
title from michael jackson's "you are not alone"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
It's breakfast time, and everybody's eating in the canteen before we go to Lancashire. We're leaving early because Arne insisted on checking the team buses for anything that could go wrong. He's not talking about it to anybody, but I know that he's scared. I don't blame him.
I have something to confess.
With Clare around as the new nutritionist, I don't do as much as I used to, especially since I only just got off maternity leave with Phoebe. However, I still enjoy cooking, and I often cook since Clare is great at theoretical and practical nutrition, but a...sub-par cook at best. So today, I made breakfast for all of us.
I was plating the food by numerical order, like I usually do. I finished Harvey's plate...and then I reached for yours. I finished plating your food the way you like it, with your eggs fried until the yolks were solid and your marmalade in a separate ramekin alongside your toast. I was just about to call you to get your plate, when it hit me that you aren't here to eat breakfast.
I've spent the last eleven days wondering why. Why your parents lost both their sons in one cruel night, why Kweev lost his boyfriend when you two just started dating, why this whole team lost our friend. Why I have to explain to Florrie and Kairo that you're never coming back, even though you promised. Young as she is, Phoebe's been distressed the past few days, as if she knows you're missing. She won't have any real memories of you, because she's just a baby.
Why?! Arne is traumatised, Lucho barely talks, and Robbo is like a different person. Why?!
Why won't you be here to eat your breakfast, or play drums, or play EAFC or...live? Why aren't you alive? Why were you taken from us?!
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm blaming you. I don't blame you or your brother. You and the rest of the boys and the staff are all like my family because I left my home country to escape my biological one. I'm tired and stressed, and I want you back . I feel like I'm floating and hardly anything is real.
I have to end this letter now. Kairo's asking if I'm okay, and if he can draw a picture for you because he doesn't feel like he can write a letter. Ruhe in Frieden, my friend. We miss you terribly.
Your friend,
Mona
Chapter 36: the story never ends
Notes:
title from rent's "seasons of love"
Chapter Text
Dear Diogo,
I'm writing this to you twenty minutes before kickoff. I'm sitting on the bench today, in our first friendly since your passing.
Today will be all about tributes and remembering you and Andre. Some of the others are back in Kirkby. Others are playing, and others are with me on the bench. But we're all together.
Being without you will be tough. My short time with the team has already let me know just how much you mean to everyone here, and me, even though I hardly knew you. There'll be better days and worse days, and nobody can predict when they're coming.
But life goes on, and, somehow, the show must go on. And we will go on, because that's what you always did. You came on and made a difference in people's lives, swapping out frowns for smiles, even if it was temporary.
Later today, we'll burn all our letters. I'm pretty sure mine's the last letter to be written. If you get this message, please know I was looking forward to meeting and playing with you. You're my teammate because you never left the club. In our hearts, you're still with us.
Rest in peace. It won't be easy, but I promise that we'll all try to put one foot in front of the other and carry on for you. I never got to know much about you , but I think you'd like that.
Love, your new teammate,
Milos

ZelleZel (SuchAZeallous20035) on Chapter 2 Mon 07 Jul 2025 08:52PM UTC
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ZelleZel (SuchAZeallous20035) on Chapter 5 Mon 07 Jul 2025 08:58PM UTC
Last Edited Mon 07 Jul 2025 08:58PM UTC
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