Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The night my brother killed himself...

It was a Friday, the start of a school-free break for a week, it's almost close to midnight, 11:45.

My younger step-brother, named Alexzander, but likes being called Zander, is watching one of my favorite shows with me, "Katfight". I'm laughing like a maniac watching the Katseye girls fight for a millionth time, though Zander doesn't understand shit they're fighting are doing.

11:50, he says he's getting sleepy and rises up off the couch. Usually he'd wave goodbye and say "night sis, love you." to me. But this time...

He hugs me. Real tight. I'm shocked, but of course I hug him back. He is my brother, after all.

When we pull apart, I scan his face closely. He's paler than usual and looks like he's been crying. He looks sick.

I check his forehead for a fever, he feels a bit warm. I tell him to drink some cool water before bed.

He nods his head and waves goodbye. I hear a slight whisper.

"I love you so much big sis. I'm sorry..."

___

11:59.

I hear a loud thud coming from upstairs. Sounds like it's coming from Zander's room.

I speed walk upstairs and go straight to his room. I'm about to turn the doorknob. But remember I have to knock on the door three times, he would say "open sesame" and I could come in. It's been that way ever since that one day I busted into his room and I...well...kinda found him butt naked...

I knock three times. No response.

I knock again. Still no response.

Maybe he's sleeping...or not. I don't think so. Something feels wrong. Real wrong 

I slowly push the door open...

"Hey Zander, you ok-"

I freeze. My whole body goes solid and cold. My mouth trembles. My eyes widen faster than an opened umbrella.

There I find Zander's body. Lifeless eyes with no light staring into space, fresh red blood dripping out his slightly opened mouth and sliced skin, a color drained face leaving indigo marks across his eyes, past tears running down his face, and his loose hand holding a empty orange bottle of pills.

I drop the glass bowl of chips we were snacking on, immediately breaking it in half.

The clock strikes 12:00 as I do.

I run up to him, trying to shake him awake, crying like crazy. It's a dream! I'm dreaming! Please tell me i'm fucking dreaming!!

"oh my- holy shit...zander?!...zander no ZANDER?! ZANDER NO!! PLEASE!! IT'S ME HAILEY!! I'M HERE!! DON'T LEAVE ME!! OH GOD NO NO NO NO NO!!! FUCK NO!! I SWEAR TO FUCKING HEAVENS IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP!! ALEXZANDER OLIVER LEE WICKHAM!!! BREATHE YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!!!!"

He's not breathing, not a single huff comes out of him.

I slap him, straight in the face. Not out of anger, but desperation. Don't leave me. Not now.

I get on top of his stomach and slap him multiple times. Tears falling down my eyes and into his. Every hit I give has me bawling and screaming harder like a newborn baby. Why isn't he getting up?! he can't leave me! he won't leave me!!

I noticed something...besides his body, were little folded colored notes, with names of our family and friends. There I found mine, my name written pretty in bright black ink with a dusty rose pink background, pink's my favorite color...

I open the little note slowly...

"Dear Hailey...

December 31, 2007.

We first met at a new years party with our parents. They were childhood friends and fell in love. Both four year olds. I didn't like you, you didn't like me. But then... something beautiful blossomed...a week after we met and our parents were talking, you cradled me in your arms like a newborn and said.

"Hello baby brother, i'm your big sister now!!"

I giggled and played along, cooing and crying like a baby.

But looking at it now, it was the start of something that I could never forget...

You were the best motherfucking goddamn sister that I could ask for. You protected, took care, and loved me during my worst and best times of my life. Not only you were my sister, you were my greatest friend along with Luke. You two were my favorite people to play with ever since preschool.

We may not have the same blood, but we'll always be related by heart. I will love you for fucking eternity. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't do it anymore.

Your little brother, Zander."

The note slips out my hands and gracefully lands on the cold carpet as I finish his goodbye note. A sudden gush of air from his opened window slaps me hard into reality.

I stop slapping...and start screaming instead. My voice breaking apart from how loud my screams are.

Screams of anger, screams of sadness, screams of regret. screams of guilt. It was all my fault. I wasn't good enough. If I was he would be sleeping peacefully by now, but not permanently. I hug his freezing body trying to get him warm while choking on my tears as I screech like a banshee.

"MAMA!!! DADDY!!!"

My parents, along with my little sister, Bethany, run straight into my room wondering what was going on. Just like me, they also freeze on the scene. My mom runs straight to Zander and shakes him roughly, our synced up cries and screams wake up the whole neighborhood, lights flickering on everywhere.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW!!!" she screeches.

My dad immediately pulls out his phone and dials the emergency number with shaky hands, tears dropping on the flashing screen with every button he presses. My sister runs out of the room screaming in agony, trying to find my phone to call my friends about the situation.

This is a living nightmare...somebody pinch me awake...I'm begging you.

Please...

Chapter Text

"12:07."

Red and blue lights with their ear piercing sirens.

Yellow and black striped tape across our house, screaming caution all around it.

Neighbors and strangers swarming around the sidewalk with their concerned whispers.

The steaming night with the silver full moon as the crickets chirp their pity.

The cries of my mother. The sobs of my father. The breaking voice of my sister as she makes phone calls to all my bandmate friends, explaining the situation as she walks back and forth on the balcony, covering her eyes, trying not to burst into tears.

And then there's me.

Sitting on the stairs, in my favorite pajamas, messed up teal-cerulean hair, breathing heavily, hyperventilating while trying to calm myself down, hot fresh tears rolling down my red rosy cheeks, holding my brother's glasses with his dripping maroon red blood on my hands, and it's fucking me up so hard.

I watch as they roll him into the ambulance on a stretcher, his face all beat up with dried tears, eyes and mouth still wide open. I can feel my heart breaking harder than the glass bowl I dropped.

"It's ok, I'm okay, he won't leave me this way, it's okay, i'm okay-"

"Hailey? You good?"

I lift my head up, it's Bethany, hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

"Um...I was able to get in touch with everyone, they should be here around-"

"HAILEY!!"

We turn our heads to the right, i'm immediately met with a breath taking hug by my best friend, Millicent, who everyone else calls Milly. My boyfriend, Sean and other close friends, Luke and Jake catch up, along with Jake's younger brother Milo, who's a so called "frenemy" to Bethany.

"W-where's Zander?" Milly asks, her eyes welling with water.

"They're... they're taking him to the hospital..." I say, trying to hold back tears.

Sean comes up and hugs me tightly, kissing me on the forehead gently, cupping my cheek with his hands.

"He's going to be okay baby, you're brother's a strong dude. We'll get through this honey." He comforts.

"I'll d-drive us to the h-hospital..." Oh Luke, he's shaking as he hugs a pocket picture of Zander, waterfalls flowing from his eyes.

"No don't worry Luke, I'll drive." Sean steps up.

"Bro...what the hell was your brother thinking...?" Milo questions Bethany.

"How the fuck would I know?! He looked goddamn fine to me...what went wrong...?" Bethany responses with anger mixed with confusion and agony.

"Since when did you two learn how to cuss?" Jake chuckles. We all death stare him into his soul.

"Not the time or place Jake. Knock it off." Milo firmly says.

"Not funny dude." Bethany grits her teeth.

"My bad..." Jake raises his hands up.

"Let's just go...please." I whisper.

"Of course, in the car y'all." Sean orders.

___

"12:42"

Hospital waiting room. We've been waiting for almost an hour. Some of my other relatives are here too, My moms older sister's are here too, one with her newborn baby, but just give me a sign that he's going to be more than alright. Sean holds my hand, rubbing his thumb on the back.

All of a sudden, a young nurse walks out of the room, gingered hair, tan skin, hazel eyes, hourglass figure, and a big bump around her stomach she's holding, possibly pregnant. She lifted up her head with a broken expression, I see a tear slip out of her right eye.

"Is he okay ma'am?! Please tell me our baby is going to be okay!!" My mom, still crying says, squeezing my dad's hand, he's trying so hard not to cry.

The nurses eyes go blank, the light from her eyes disappear, she holds her bump, there on her wrist, I find a bracelet, the heart locket is open and reveals a young girl around my age who looked almost exactly like her, she looks at the picture, and looks back at us, no hope in her eyes. She takes off her cap.

"H-he didn't make it. His heart stopped as soon as the doctors rolled him into the room."

"I'm so sorry..."

My mom falls to her knees, screaming and crying in agony, my father can't hold it in anymore and breaks down in tears, my sister runs out of the scene cursing her lungs out as she sobs, Milo and Milly run after her. Luke faints from denial, Jake catches him just before his head hits the marble floor. My aunt holds her baby as they both start crying. 

I'm about to fall to the floor too, but Sean catches me just in time, sobbing his heart out as he rocks me in his arms, my pupils shrink, shaking like an earthquake, tears flood my eyeballs, I can't blink.

His blood is on my hands.

I killed him.

My baby brother is dead. Gone. Permanent. Deceased. Forever.

And it's all because of me.

He's protected me all my life... I couldn't even save him once.

If only if I had seen the signs clearer. He would've still been here.

I don't deserve to be called a big sister.

My baby brother...It's all my fault.

Chapter Text

"H-Hailey? Babe? You good?"

I hear the door of my bedroom creak open and the sound of footsteps making their way to my bedroom. It's been not even an hour since Zander's passing and everyone's a sobbing mess.

My mother is bawling like a banshee. My father is silently crying to himself as he is broken into pieces that he lost his only son. My sister has locked herself in her room, but you can hear her screaming in her pillow. My friends have muted all their texts and calls.

And I'm just in my room, under the covers of my bed, with no energy. I can't even blink. Even to pick up my phone requires strength. I can't feel anything right now.

"Hailey? Hey?"

I feel a hand rubbing my covered back, as it's familiar voice soothes my ears. I slowly lift up the covers to see his dark chocolate eyes looking back at mine.

"Baby? You okay?" He ask again.

"I-I'm f-fine Sean."

He knows I'm lying. His eyes stare deeply into my weak broken state.

And pulls me into the warmest embrace, as I scream all my tears out from the tragedy I've caused for the entirety of the city. And he knows this was all because of me.

"Ay Hailey, look at me. None of this was your fault baby I swear-"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "NONE OF THIS IS MY FAULT?!?!" I snap at him without meaning to at all, he steps back from my sudden outburst.

"Hailey-"

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!"

"I WASN'T EVEN GONNA SAY THAT!!"

"OH YES YOU WERE!! HOW DOES SOMEONE CALM DOWN AFTER KILLING THEIR OWN FAMILY?!?!"

"YOU AIN'T KILL NOBODY!!"

"STOP LYING TO ME SEAN!!" I choke on my tears and saliva. "STOP TRYING TO FUCKING GASLIGHT ME!! YOU PEOPLE JUST CAN'T ADMIT IT. I KILLED HIM!! I KILLED THIS FAMILY I KILLED THIS LOVE!!! IT'S NOT OKAY I'M NOT OKAY!!!!!"

I look at his facial expression, he's horrified from what he's heard from my lips. My face all scrunched up, my eyes filled with salty water like the ocean, spit drips down my mouth, and suddenly.

Everything gets blurry.

My heart starts beating faster,, I feel hot and cold and the same time, my pupils shrink as I start shaking rapidly. I put a hand on my chest as it gets harder to breathe.

"Hailey?! Hailey what's wrong- HOLY SHIT!! HAILEY!!!"

I fall from my bedside, banging the side of my head on my drawer before hitting the floor. Everything's spinning, am I having a panic attack? Why is my body shaking so much? What's this wet liquid flowing down my face? Why can't I move?

Sean immediately hops off the bed and takes me straight into his arms, clutching my right hand tightly as I hyperventilate.

"Hailey! Hailey look at me! Breathe baby I need you to breathe okay?! I'm right here baby. Everything's okay Hailey- Wait hold on is that BLOOD?! SHIT!! MISTER!! MA'AM!!"

All I'm hearing are footsteps and more screams of terror as I start to black out.

"HAILEY?! HONEY OH MY GOD!!"

"MY BABY!! MICHAEL DO SOMETHING!!"

"MAMA?! DADDY?! WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"WE NEED TO CALL A AMBULANCE!!"

"I'M NOT LOSING ANOTHER CHILD!!"

"HAILEY?! --------?! ---------------!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"and maybe i'll get used to it.

but right now i just feel like shit."

Chapter Text

Where am I?

I look around the area as glistening sunrays beam through the room.

Oh right, it's mine.

The glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, the posters of all my vocal inspirations, that old ass 90's CD player that I still use to this day, and-

"Hailey!"

Sean?

"Hailey! Oh thank God you're awake! Are you okay?!" There Sean was, gripping his hand with mine by my right side of my bed, a tearful relieved expression plastered on his face.

"S-sean? What are you d-doing here? Were your parents f-fighting again?" I question, my head pounding like a drum.

His face drops and sighs. "...It's...It's a long story."

"What today is it?"

"Saturday."

"Oh alright. I gotta go and wake up Zander, its his turn to fix up breakfast anyway."

I hop out of bed and i'm about to take some steps until Sean grabs my hand. I turn around to see his furrowed brows

"Hailey...you do know what happened last night right?" He says. I look at him confused.

"Well no? Not really? In fact I didn't really see Zander yesterday I think." I wonder. Sean turns me to the front and looks me dead in the eyes.

"Hailey. Baby... Zander's no longer with us."

I blink twice puzzled. And then I started laughing."

"Ha!! Sean stop playing! What you talking about-"

"Hailey. Look at me. I'm serious." Sean shakes me sternly. "He's gone. the past. deceased."

"He's dead."

My smiles fades as soon as I heard those words. Zander? My brother? Dead? Pfft no way-

"S-Sean stop...That's not f-funny at- AH! F-FUCK!!"

That headache comes back again, but stronger. I hold my head tight and tumble to the floor.

"HAILEY?! BABY I'M RIGHT HERE WHAT'S HURTING?!?" My boyfriend panics.

"MY HEAD!! MY HEAD- oh god... Z-ZANDER?! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO HE'S NOT DEAD!!! OH GOD NO PLEASE!! MY BROTHER!! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!! THIS IS ALL IN MY HEAD!!! STOP PLEASE STOP!!!!!" The recall of last night's horrors hit me back like a semi-truck. I scream and start losing my breath...

"Hailey, I got you. Hold my hand."

Sean extends his hand while holding me with the other. My shaky palm interlocks with him as I wheeze and cry.

"Look at me baby. Breathe in, breath out. Can you copy that with me?"

I look at his breath movements and slowly mimic them, looking at his eyes as i'm able to catch my breath.

"Z-Zander...Zander's dead!!" I cry out, tears streaming down my cheeks. Sean brings me into a embrace, rubbing my back and softly shushing me.

"I think it's best if you stay in bed today, is it okay if I carry you?" He asks. I lift my arms up at him signaling a yes. He takes me off the floor bridal style, looking at me heartbroken at my tear stained face. He walks me back to my bed and gently places me down, tucking me into the sheets and planting kisses on my forehead as he wipes my tears with a tissue. Suddenly I can hear the doorbell ringing.

"Must be the others, I'll go get it. Stay here sweetheart okay?" He kisses my forehead again and walks out my room.

"Hey Hailey?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you do...if I ever died."

"What?! Why would you want to die?!"

"No I don't want to die?! I was asking what if I did!!"

"Ohhhh! Well... I'd cry, a lot. But I think I would be fine by tomorrow. I would see you again in heaven right? Daddy says everyone goes there when they die and it's a magical place full of sunshine and rainbows! But you wouldn't leave me all alone right?"

"Why would I? You're my sister! I'll never ever leave you!"

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise!"

That fucking liar.

"funny thing about nostalgia,

didn't show up til i lost you."

Chapter Text

"Hailey? Honey our friends are here."

I lift my head up hearing Sean's voice and the mention of our friends as they heavily walk in my room, and it looks like all of them have been crying their eyes out the entire night, especially Luke. Milly walks to my bedside and brings me into a warm hug, giving a bag full of my favorite candies as we pull apart.

"Hailey. Girl i'm *sniff* so sorry for your loss..." She sympathizes.

"Our loss Milly." Jake corrects. "We lost our bandmate, friend, and..." He turns to a sobbing Luke being hugged and comforted by Sean.

"Z-Zander...why would he do t-that? What did i do w-wrong?!" He stutters.

"Shhh, hey hey you did nothing wrong man." Sean softly whispers to him as he rubs his back.

"So...When is the funeral...?" Jake asks.

"Saturday two weeks from now..." Sean answers.

"*sniff* That idiot. *sniff* What went wrong huh?! Why couldn't we see the signs?!?!" Milly starts to cry again, trying to hide her face. I pull her close to my chest, holding back my tears as i rock her back and forth. We all come together in a group hug, bawling, holding and shushing each other, droplets staining all our clothes.

"W-we're never getting him back are we?" Luke wipes his flowing tears from his face.

"H-He's dead Luke." I cry.

"He's dead."

__________

"Hey um...it's getting dark. And my dad just texted me. I gotta go Hailey, really sorry..." Milly brings up.

"No don't be sorry Mimi." I softly smile. "It's better if you guys get home before the streetlights turn on, you too Sean."

"Well...you right, I'll be back in the morning to check up on you hmm? And make sure you eat something baby okay? I love you, my queen." He brings me into a kiss on my lips.

"I will, don't worry. I love you too bae." I visibly blush."

"By the way, where the wedding?" Jake teases, Luke and Milly giggle.

"S-shut up Jake! Get lost!" I shoo them away flustered. I fall back on my bed and take out the sweets Milly had given me, and she knew exactly what I like. But I get to a certain candy, not only one of my favorites...but Zander's too. In fact, it was the only type of candy he ever liked. He'd always get ecstatic whenever someone brought it for him. His little cheeky smile whenever that candy was placed in his hands. I start to tear up again and push the candy bag to the floor, I hide my everything but my head under the covers and start weeping quietly. Suddenly I hear my door creak open.

"Hailey? Sweetheart? Are you awake baby?"

I lift up the covers up and look up at my mother holding a plate of freah cut up fruit...all of Zander's favorite's.

"Sweetie, you haven't ate anything today. Please eat something." She pleads.

I look at the fruit in horror and begin wailing again, my mom immediately puts the food down and pulls me into a hug.

"Oh, my baby. Shhh. Don't cry sweetie. Please don't cry." Her comfort gets me to settle down as she holds me in her arms.

"I-I can't!" I whine. "I just c-can't!!"

"Yes you can sweetheart, how about I feed you hmm?" She offers. I get embarrassed, but give in and nod my head, slightly opening my mouth. My mom stabs a grape and puts in my mouth. She does this to everything fruit she feeds me, rubbing my back when I chewed and swallowed. Soon I finished the entire meal.

"See I told you you could, you did so good baby." She smiles.

"Y-Yeah..." I smile back, but it quickly drops.

"It's your brother again, is it?"

"I want Z-Zander back..."

My mom kisses my forehead. "Me too baby, me too..."

"i'm sorry, you were just looking at plastic palm trees..."

Chapter Text

Hey you. Yeah you. You though I'd be asleep by now?

Well I'm not.

Unfortunately for me, I'm still crying like a bitch under my blanket over last night. It's already been a full day since my brother took his life, and all I ever want right now is God to bring him back, but then again, this is all my fault. I killed him. I should've seen the signs, I should've checked up on him more, I should've been a better sister. Why couldn't I-

What the- shit. no no no no no fuck fuck fuck why do I feel nauseous?! Don't tell me i'm about to throw up please!

I clutch my stomach in agony and swiftly cover my mouth as soon as I felt the vomit come up. I immediately try to swallow down the liquid, but it comes back up again, some of it spilling on my pajama pants. That's pretty much telling me there's no point in holding this back.

I sprint out of my room and run down the stairs. I'm about to make it to the floor feet first...

"SHIT!"

But I miss a step and tumble to the ground. My body... I can't do this anymore... but I have to get to the bathroom.

I lift myself up and speedwalk to the door. Busting it open with a loud enough bang for me to hear, my head collapse on the toilet seat and I threw up in the bowl like my life was on the line. Every release of puke, the brownish green fluid mixed with the clumps of my chewed up food just made me even sicker and retch ever harder.

I don't know how long I was throwing up for, but I was a sobbing mess on the marble floor after.

Cradling my aching belly crying as it uses me as a punching bag. Feeling like the Sahara but shivering like i'm in Antarctica, why is this happening to me? Is this life's way of punishing me for killing my brother?

With all my remaining energy, I pick myself up from the ground and flush the toilet, I then walk out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I finally reach my bedroom after the gruesome steps of those stairs and flop head first on my bed, worn out from my aching body. Unexpectedly, my phone sparks a text notification, it's from Sean. I pick up my phone and check the chat

heyy bb :D

you ate today right?

yeah i ate some fruit dw :)

great! was just checking up on you. just make sure to get some rest alr?

will do

ilyyy <333

ily too ^3^

i HATE how i had to lie to my own boyfriend just so i could feel like i could deal with this on my own. What kind of girlfriend am I?

...

Fuck. I need to throw up again.

"throw me up, i don't need your medicine i swear..."

Chapter Text

God... next day and I feel like SHIT.

The nausea hasn't gone away since last night, my stomach's still cramping, I barely can move a muscle, and I feel so hot but cold at the same time. What did that fruit do to me-

*ding!*

Doorbell? Who could be there?

I take myself out of the sheets and make my way downstairs, I open the door to find...Sean?

"Saludos, mi hermosa reina..."

Ha! This guy. He's on his knees with a charming expression with a dark red rose between his teeth. He lifts himself up as he gives the rose to me. I giggle hard, blush forming around my face.

"Since when did you learn Spanish?" I chuckle.

"Well, I had some help from Luke, so shout out to him!" He smiles at me, but it quickly fades, what's wrong now?

"Hey um Hailey...You don't look so good baby, you okay?" He asks.

"Um y-yeah! Why ask?" I nervously grin. Don't tell me he's catching up.

"You did eat something yesterday, did you?" He questions.

"I did!! W-why would you assume something like tha~ ahhh"

I clutch my stomach tight as I begin to lose my balance. Sean catches me just before i'm about to hit the floor.

"HAILEY! Oh baby you're sick!!" He panics.

"N-no...I'm not s-sick. I'm okay~" I protest weakly, but Sean isn't having it. He moves strands of my hair to the side and puts the back of his palm on my forehead, gasping in horror from my temperature.

"Oh baby you're burning up!!" He shrieks. "Don't say another word, you're going back to bed."

"B-but-"

"No buts miss." He cuts me off and takes me off my feet, walking me upstairs and into my room again.

I feel so embarrassed right now...

~~~~~~~~~~

"Open wide for me love kay?" He pulls out a thermometer waving it around my face, I reluctantly open my mouth and he sticks it in for a couple seconds. After the signaling beep he takes it out, and his eyes shrink from the sight.

"Oh my God?! 102.5/39.1?!?! Okay we gotta bring that down. Wait here, I'll go get you some cooling medicine and some food kay?"

Food?! I want to gag at the word being shoved into my ear, I don't want to eat and I really don't want to throw up. But I can't tell him, he'll think i'm disgusting. I can't be more of a burden, i'm already stressing him out enough...

"Y-Yeah...thanks Sean."

"No problemo your highness."

As soon as he shuts the door, I start to tear up. How do I tell him about last night? Don't make me eat...please.

"anything but that.

 i would rather tell you anything but that."

Chapter Text

"Hailey? I'm back? You still awake baby?"

"Y-Yeah."

"I got you everything you need. Here, lay down for me."

He delicately places me back laying on the bed and puts a freezing wet rag on my forehead. I whimper softly from the sudden touch.

"Shhhh. You're okay honey. Speaking of which,"

Sean takes out some honey flavored medicine and brings up a spoonful. I make a very unsure face.

"Come on Hails, you wanna get better right? Please sweetheart?" He starts giving me those damn puppy eyes again.

"Okay..." I slightly open my mouth and he puts the spoon in. Damn that's bitter as hell.

"Good job baby, now I need you to eat this soup for me kay?"

Fuck. How do I explain this. I can't eat. I don't want to eat. What is this. I don't want to throw up again.

"Hailey? Honey what's wrong?" My mind comes back when I hear Sean's voice.

"N-nothing!" I ensure. "Umm...do I have to eat all of it..."

"Of course not! Just eat what you can handle. But I do need you to at least eat some." He says back as he hands me the bowl of broccoli cheddar soup.

I don't want to eat this at all. But I don't want to disappoint Sean. Half will be enough.

I take a deep breath and start swallowing down the soup, my mouth trying to twist with every bite I took. But Sean was right by me, rubbing my back as I ate, which made me feel a bit better. Couple of minutes later I hand the soup back to Sean

"That's all hun? You sure?" He looks at the half eaten bowl.

"Yes, i'm sure." I nod my head. Sean nods his head back in agreement. Suddenly his phone starts ringing.

"Ugh. Must be Jake crying his ass out over that math project he has to do. Be right back baby."

He takes out his phone as he walks out the door shutting it behind him, and now my stomach thinks it's the perfect time to act up again. I hold it tight as it starts to gurgle and ache, silent cries and salty tears fall out of my eyes as I run downstairs and to the bathroom, and i'm about to make it to the toilet.

But I was just too late.

I fall knees first on the bathroom floor and soon enough, the vomit comes up my stomach and onto to the white marble tiles.

Closing my eyes during every retch as the splatter of puke echoed through my ears. Clasping my throbbing abdomen with fresh tears rolling down my cheeks and moans of agony escape from my lips as move waves came crashing down on the floor and my pajamas. The world's spinning again~

"H-Hailey..."

I stop in my tracks and turn my head slowly in guilt as I find Sean by the door, his mouth cover by his right hand, pupils shrunked in horror with water around his bottom eyelids, body shaking, he looks like he's just seen a ghost. I immediately back up from him and start to cry. But what's the use?

He already knows.

"forewarning, i'll never be enough.

forewarning, i love you so much..."