Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They deliberated for many, many days. Painfully long. Dead people were loud, and didn’t need to breathe, and so shouted incessantly and passionately. Of course, that was assuming that time even passed, in the afterlife.

Erwin was the obvious choice, for many.

A few bold souls had recommended Eren, but those few opinions had been quickly smothered. No one was stupid enough to go against both Mikasa and Levi. Eren didn’t even bother arguing otherwise either.

Armin was a close second, only really foiled by age. The fact of the matter was, Erwin was older than most of the Scouts that had hung around. Only Mike, really. He had the influence, the intelligence, and the trust of the people.

Armin would have a max of ten years between being born and the fall of Maria. Not enough time to fight, and not nearly enough time to influence the military in any meaningful way.

The look on Levi’s face when Erwin had suggested him was enough to make those around him back away, very, very quickly. Erwin hadn’t pressed, something sad on his face. The sight of Levi’s scars, that had followed him into death and beyond, ached more than Erwin’s lingering injuries did.

No one doubted that of all of them, Erwin could do it. Hange made him swear to memorize everything he could of Titan biology and the recent feats of engineering before he went, in hopes it could be used to level the playing field, as opposed to obliterating them.

Erwin couldn’t say he wanted to go.

He was so sick and tired of sending people to their deaths.

He was so fucking tired of gambling with the lives of people. Leading recruits to their deaths. The thought of going back years and knowing only a handful of them would be able to make it out. Erwin was just a man. Not all the strategizing, all the future knowledge in the world would stop those damn expeditions from claiming far too many lives. He couldn’t fight the Titans on his own.

He didn’t want to do it.

But he could do it.

So, he would.

The Paths were unsteady, according to Eren. Things weren’t going right. Their ghosts weren’t supposed to linger like this. A collision in time.

The hole in Erwin’s torso felt appropriate. He felt oddly dull, like his lifeblood was still spilling out on the ground, on that rooftop. He could barely think, could barely comprehend what the many, many shifters were telling him. His gaze kept shifting to Levi.

He was going back.

Back into hell.

All in hopes he could guide more people out, this time around.

Even the knowledge that his father had been right, a few soft words whispered to him by Levi, who was gone by the time he could even turn to look at him, couldn’t shake this awful feeling from Erwin’s heart.

He was so damn tired.

Erwin barely heard the young girl’s explanation, how he had to go the way that felt the most right.

Nothing felt right.

He felt sick.

But he nodded, stood tall. Stared down at the hole in his side. It was so morbid, watching the blood endlessly dripping. Everything was so fuzzy.

They’d be watching over him, She had said. She who was Ymir- not his Scout, the one who could transform into the Jaw titan, She who- Erwin barely understood the explanation, barely had the will to muster up some curiosity among the stone. Stone-hearted, he knew they sometimes called him.

They weren’t wrong.

They’d be watching over him. He stood a little straighter.

They may even be able to talk to him, or at least Eren, Ymir, and Armin would. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie too, though they didn’t participate much in the planning phase. Something about connection to the Paths.

Levi would. Erwin didn’t have a doubt in his mind that Levi would be there.

Walk as far as he could, without falling. When he was far enough, he had to grab the line under his feet. Fall, and be obliterated. Neither heaven nor hell.

Peace, finall-

Levi was the only one who really noticed, Erwin was sure. Erwin had always had good facial control, at least when he had the energy to control his expression. Levi didn’t argue against the plan, just stepped forward as Ymir repeated the instructions for the third time, her tiny form commanding his attention, the casual brush of his shoulder against Erwin’s side a spark of life for the first time. Erwin’s body felt numb. He appreciated the gesture. He didn’t look, didn’t dare for fear that Levi would pull away again. Levi stayed.

He was going back.

The fall of Wall Maria wasn’t likely to be something Erwin could change, not alone. Not that he wouldn’t try, of course. If he could reach far enough back in the timeline, then maybe…

He had to try.

Erwin Smith had dedicated his heart to humanity. His life. His death. He had become a devil, just to be able to fight them. He’d done everything he could. His lifelong dream was over, the truth was his to know, thanks to Levi. He didn’t understand a decent portion of what the Scouts who had survived beyond him were saying. Airships? Had they learned to truly fly?

What was a little more? What was another try? He wished he had the heart to be grateful for it, to feel some excitement, something driving him forward. His heart was still in his chest, for all that it felt to be pounding.

Just something other than this creeping sense of dread.

What was another try? How much further did Erwin have to run, until he was allowed to rest, finally? Another lifetime?

It wasn’t fair.

The world wasn’t fair. Erwin couldn’t whine about it. People would kill for a second chance at life. Erwin should appreciate what he was being given.

It was Levi who led him up to the line, the one that Ymir said was the right one. Erwin didn’t understand, and he didn’t try to. He just followed.

Walk down the line. Don’t stray, unless it feels right. Don’t fall. Go as far as he could before letting himself get dragged in. Do not let go. Get to before the Fall of Wall Maria, at least.

Erwin knew better than to bother testing his balance. Instead, he grabbed on with his one hand, using his legs to hold on, climbing the wiggly damn thing like he was a cadet on an obstacle course.

He ran into a problem quite quickly.

He didn’t have the slightest clue how far was far enough.

So, he kept climbing.

The line seemed to pull him inwards at the same time the void tried to drag him down, and the constant feeling of being a chew-toy, trapped in a tug of war, wasn’t lost on him. His hand sank in, and he had to keep himself hanging low, making sure his chest didn’t brush against it. At the same time, he couldn’t get too low, or else the pull was threateningly strong. A delicate balance.

Erwin’s balance was shot, as was his ability to think straight. Sasha seemed to have been the same, what little he’d seen of her, the chest wound leaking an endless stream of blood that had Connie staring blankly. Eren seemed remarkably stable, even if he had to hold his head on. Mikasa had stared at that for a long, long while before she’d given her input on anything.

Erwin lasted a wonderful ten minutes. He’d be ashamed, if he could think straight. The phantom sensation of blood dripping down his side, the haziness that washed over him with each inch he moved, quickly became overwhelming.

Intent had something to do with it, it seemed, because the moment he decided that he needed to stop now, before he fell, he was dragged forward, into a line of gold that seared itself into his eyes.

And he was somewhere vaguely familiar.

His side didn’t hurt anymore, and neither did his arm. His head hurt enough to make up for it, though. He was immediately dizzy, and he swayed. He was standing?

Someone called out to him, and he looked up, but his vision was tunneling. He sat, quickly, his legs folding underneath him like a newborn fawn’s, shaky and weak. He’d care about dignity when he wasn’t about to pass out.

Someone was shaking him, rapidly, and he hissed a little, his hand meeting his forehead in a painful motion. He’d be fine in a minute if they just let him breathe!

Except the room was still swaying when someone’s hand brushed over his eye, forcing it open to allow in bright light. Gold still tinged his vision wherever the shadows didn’t overtake all else, only worsening the headache. He didn’t want to be here. He hissed again, sharper. It hurt.

“Erwin! Erwin, what’s wrong?” Someone was calling, making his heart jolt. Someone familiar. Someone he’d lost. He dreaded his eyes being forced open again, but someone’s hand- discomfortingly big, but Erwin had neither the time nor the brainpower to think too much on that right now- covered them instead. A relief.

People were still talking, talking, the ruckus hell on his ears, only feeding into the blinding headache. Where was he? What had he been doing?

The Beast Titan.

The charge.

Where was Levi? Erwin had to have gone down. His head ached enough to agree. A bad head injury, then? Why didn’t that feel right?

Someone hefted him up, making the dizziness hit that much harder. He couldn’t stop a groan of protest at the sudden movement. It was ineffectual, anyway. The person continued carrying him.

Unfortunately, Erwin had all the stubbornness afforded of him, as the eldest person in the whole damn Scout Regiment. He shoved the hands off of him and stood on his own damn feet, shading his eyes as he forced them open.

A whole class of children stared back at him. He was in a classroom.

His classroom, or it had been, once upon a time.

He didn’t have to look up to realize that the man who had just been carrying him was his father. He did, anyway.

The man was staring down at him, hands still outstretched as if to catch Erwin, should he fall. The man’s voice was soft as he spoke in a voice that had Erwin flinching, “What happened?”

There was someone on his left, at his back. He knew it was Levi without even looking, though the man was certainly… taller, than Erwin was used to. His father’s eyes didn’t even flick towards the man lingering behind his son. Likely, Erwin was the only one who could see him.

All at once, he remembered.

He was here to change it. He wasn’t alone.

“I believe I might be ill, Otou-san. May I be excused?” A thunderbolt could’ve struck at that very moment and Erwin doubted it would have had more effect than his own voice.

He sounded dead.

That wouldn’t do. Erwin had more control than that. He shouldn’t ever sound like that- he risked demoralizing the regiment.

“Did you hit your head, Erwin? Did something happen? You were asking a question, then you just fell, suddenly.” His father pressed, dropping to one knee. His face looked strange, barely familiar, tinged with gold where the light hit his skin.

“Possibly. I feel dizzy. I might have hit my head this morning and forgotten about it. I’ve had a headache all day.” Erwin’s voice was better, this time. Levi’s presence, hovering over his shoulder, pressed a little closer, silent support. “May I go see the nurse?”

His father nodded immediately. “I’ll help you, in case you fall again.”

“That won’t be necessary. It’s going away already. I’ve disrupted the class enough.” Erwin dismissed, already heading towards the door, leaving his father behind.

His father was alive.

Erwin was not used to things being so large when compared to him. It was disorienting. Surely, he’d never been this short before? How old was he?

He needed out.

He jumped out the window.

Landed on his face, because his limbs weren’t working right, too short, too uncoordinated. Someone snickered, loudly, and he just groaned.

Erwin hauled himself to his feet and started running, putting as much distance as he could between him and that school of ghosts. He knew the way back.

He ended up somewhere- he didn’t care. It was somewhere, and it was empty, and it was quiet

Then it wasn’t empty, or even quiet, and a painfully large amount of people were squeezing into the space with him. An alleyway, maybe?

“You crazy bastard!” Someone was yelling, and two hands were on his face, squeezing his cheeks uncomfortably. Hange was right in front of him, eyes bright and alive. If it was anyone else, he’d be fighting to free himself, but it was Hange, so he only frowned and accepted the treatment. “You went back nearly thirty years!”

He didn’t exactly need to be told that. His father was alive, after all.

“You never told me how far to go.” Erwin said with difficulty, Hange’s hands still pressed into his face.

The alleyway went silent for a moment, a simultaneous moment of realization. Then the noise redoubled, and Erwin winced. So loud. He thought they were loud when they were dead.

“Now you’re just a little baby! A small, cute little boy! You’re so cute as a kid with your hair and your little outfit- so cute!” Hange squealed, and it was only that smile on their face, that hope- because Erwin had gone further back than they’d planned, than they’d thought he could, and that meant more time- that stopped Erwin from pulling away.

“Hange, you shouldn’t treat your commander like that!” Someone called, making Hange pout and throw their arms around Erwin, squeezing so hard it forced all the air from his lungs.

“He isn’t the commander yet! He’s a baby!” Hange insisted. Erwin would argue against that point, but he couldn’t even breathe.

“Hange.” Levi’s voice made the alleyway go blessedly silent and still. “You’re gonna strangle him. Let go.”

Hange released him immediately, and Erwin couldn’t stay upright, catching himself on one knee with a gasping breath.

Levi stepped in front of him, giving him a moment to collect his rapidly crumbling dignity. The whole thing felt absurd. So much for only those who could become Titans being able to speak to him- half the damn Scout Regiment was physically in the alleyway with him. Phantom ODM gear hooks dug into the walls, letting even more people squeeze in, hanging above the rest. Ymir caught his bewildered gaze and just shrugged a little. The movement glittered to his eyes, the flecks of gold. He watched one as it drifted down.

No plan survives contact with the enemy. Or in this case- it had fallen apart the moment no one told Erwin exactly how far to go and thought he would do anything but charge forward for as long as he could.

He wasn’t a baby, at least. That would’ve been hell. Being a kid wasn’t the worst possible thing.

Erwin was shorter than absolutely everyone there, too. Mike wasn’t the first to notice, but he was the first to line up next to Erwin, just to measure the height difference.

“Mini-commander, what’s the plan?” Mike asked, putting his hand on Erwin’s head with a thump that rattled his skull.

“There isn’t much I can do at this moment. It’s the same problem that we already discussed. I won’t have any influence yet. I’ll be able to enlist at twelve. I’ll work on planning in the meantime and train.” He didn’t want to waste his extra time, but there simply wasn’t much he could do at his age. Maybe he could work on making friendships with influential people? If he could improve his relationship with higher-ranking military officers before any of them had even joined, he could improve inter-regiment cooperation.

“Your eyes are gold.” Levi said suddenly, disrupting Erwin’s train of thought. People crowded in to look, making noises of shock and realization.

“Did you close your eyes when you let your body join the Path?” Eren asked, leaning in for a closer look.

“No.”

“Was it really, really bright?”

“Yes.”

“Then you probably should’ve closed them, then.” The judgment in Eren’s voice did absolutely nothing to Erwin. Eren didn’t have a leg to stand on, at the moment. None of them besides Ymir really could’ve predicted vision damage as part of Traveling the Path, and the girl hadn’t said a word about it.

“It’s likely that that’s how he can see us like this. Have you experienced any vision changes?”

“I have a golden tinge to my vision. No changes in clarity. Light is glittery.” Erwin explained shortly. Fuck, he was so tired. He peered up at Mike, who in turn peered back at him. He could still see Mike’s true skin-tone, but his eyes were also clearly gold. “Mike’s eyes are gold, too.”

Hange leaned in, looking up at Mike too, and shook their head. “His eyes look blue to me.”

“Are everyone’s eyes gold?” Hange asked, a notebook already in their hand, which she definitely hadn’t had a moment ago, pen poised over the phantom paper expectantly.

Eren’s eyes were as startlingly bluish-green as ever, so he shook his head. Hange’s eyes were gold. Armin’s eyes weren’t.

“Hange’s eyes are gold. Eren and Armin’s are not.” It’s likely that their ability to transform into a Titan was part of it. If it was what allowed him to see his Scouts, then he would simply count it as a blessing and deal with the side-effects.

Damn, was he tired. The headache was still raging, his heart still beating too fast.

“I had my doubts that even Levi could follow you here, without getting swept away, besides those of us with the Power of the Titans,” Ymir said slowly, consideringly, “it’s possible that your accidental connection to the Paths allowed you to still see us? Were you thinking of us when you went through?”

Erwin blinked slowly. He couldn’t remember thinking much of anything when he went through, but when was he not thinking about his soldiers? “Probably.”

“Who, specifically?”

Another slow, uncomprehending blink. Erwin’s brain was quickly going blank. Fuck, was he exhausted. Mike stepped a little closer, supportive in a looming sort of way. “My soldiers.”

“Which soldiers?”

“Mine.” Erwin was listing visibly to the left by now, giving up the fight to remain standing on his own in favor of leaning into Mike. His body felt so heavy. So tired.

“Don’t bother trying to get answers out of him right now. He’s too tired to bother dumbing things down or explaining himself. Oi, Erwin, go home before you fall asleep in a creepy alleyway instead of your actual house.”

Right.

Home.

Mike never let go of Erwin, his hands warm on Erwin’s shoulders as he steered him out of the alleyway and into the street. A few people glanced his way, more out of concern for his exhausted demeanor than the gathering of ghosts at his back.

Did he even remember the way home from here? He might have to go back to the school first? He wasn’t thinking clearly, and it was an uncomfortable feeling, sitting deep in his shoulders, weighing them down. Maybe that was Mike’s hands. He was still at Erwin’s back, breathing in that slow, deep way that told Erwin he was scenting the air.

Erwin had to get back to school. That was his end goal. He had to focus. What was the best way back to the school?

“Oi. Erwin. Sit down before you pass out. You’re about to.”

Sit.

There wasn’t a bench nearby. He couldn’t sit on the ground.

“Erwin. Sit down. Now.”

Erwin didn’t sit so much as he crumpled, legs collapsing underneath him. Someone crouched in front of him, blue eyes locking quickly onto his.

Zeke. Erwin’s eyes narrowed, an automatic hostility at the sight. The Beast Titan. The one who’d slaughtered Erwin’s scouts, slaughtered children. When the man reached out towards Erwin’s face, Erwin slapped his hand away with failing strength, and vicious hostility. Levi was quick to step in. Unarmed as he was, it was still enough for Zeke to take a step back, hands raised innocently. Several Scouts that Erwin couldn’t place quite yet also stepped forward, quickly making a barrier between him and the Beast Titan.

The one on the left was… Marlo. That black-haired Military Police boy. The boy had barely been a Scout, dead in a suicidal charge that Erwin himself had led. Yet, here the boy stood. Taller than before. Something in the set of his shoulders.

Or maybe Erwin was just smaller.

He got introspective when he was tired.

Zeke had backed off, the show of distrust and the bristling of the many, many Scouts on the street enough to make even him a little wary.

“How many souls followed you here?” Ymir asked, frowning at the crowd. Erwin couldn’t see her, not swarmed as he was, on the ground, but he could hear it in her voice. “How many souls do you refuse to let go of?”

Refuse to let go of…

Why would he let go of them? Every Scout that had failed to return, every broken body was his fault. He was their Commander. He had led them to their deaths. It was only fitting that they haunted him now.

“Do you remember my name, Commander?” Someone asked, drawing his gaze. A woman, brown hair, brown eyes. A faint memory, an empty horse, someone who rode out and never came back.

“Lisa…” Her last name was missing. Not Braus, that was Sasha’s mother. It started with a B. “Your horse’s name was Pumpkin. You died… about a year after I joined the Scouts.”

Technically not one of his, but she’d died on an expedition he’d been on. His by association.

“Erwin... How many dead Scouts do you remember the name of?” Hange asked in that tone of voice that said she was figuring out the answer to a question she had. If Erwin could think, he’d understand what she was getting at instantly, but he felt like his brain had been removed and put back in backwards.

“Many. Not all. I’m good with names. Always have been. I should remember everyone who joined since I’ve become Commander. I tried. I doubt I succeeded.”

“Do you even have room in your brain for anything besides names, politics, and strategy?” Someone asked. Jean, maybe.

Erwin tried to say something along the lines of 'of course there is’ but his body was numb and tingly, and he wasn’t sure he could stand anymore. Levi was at his back again, just like he always was, warm like he was alive and just like that, Erwin was unconscious.

He dreamed of gold. A vaguely sickening amount of it, truthfully. He wasn’t even doing anything, just floating in it, a river of liquid gold. He only kept afloat due to the feeling that he’d truly never get the substance out of his hair. Never. He’d be a pile of bones, and his skull would be gleaming.

It wasn’t that he disliked the color. It was quite beautiful. He appreciated the sight, and staring up at the expanse of stars above him was truly glorious. Not for the first time, he wished he could see them closer.

He drifted. Too long. The creeping sensation that he was missing something, that wrongness at the absence of any work, itched at the back of his head. He needed to get back to work.

Back to work.

How was he supposed to do that? He was floating in liquid gold, watching the stars. He turned, but the river was endless, the starry sky wrapping around, even when he leaned over the edge and looked down, it was all he could see besides the river. Jumping seemed like a bad idea.

The only other options were going under, or swimming upstream. As far as he could follow the river, it simply flowed onward, going up and down in gentle slopes and inclines.

Glittery hair it was.

Erwin went under.

And woke up in bed.

His bed, the one he hadn’t seen since the day he’d packed up and joined the Cadet Corps. There was a heavy weight draped over his body, one that barely budged as he shifted.

It was almost appropriate, the way the light shone on the exhausted face of his mother. She looked like an angel. One he hadn’t seen in a very, very long time.

Erwin was not one to get emotional. He was his father’s son and had followed him around like a little duckling from the moment he could walk.

He hadn’t laid eyes on his mother in almost thirty years.

It wasn’t surprising he burst into tears at the sight, drawing the woman from her writing, the papers in her hand fluttering to the ground like feathers as she rushed to his side, desperate.

“Erwin! How are you feeling? Are you too hot? Hungry? Thirsty? Are you in any pain?” The nervous worry in her voice was as anxiety inducing as it was reassuring. His mother was here.

And she’d be dead before the year was out. Her fingertips brushed his face, and he couldn’t decide if the touch was abhorrent or heavenly, so he simply went still.

“Erwin, dearest, tell me what’s wrong, please.”

What was wrong?

He felt like absolute shit. His body ached like he’d been used as a Titan’s squeeze toy, his head still hurt like hell.

“I’m sore.” Erwin croaked out, the dryness of his throat making his voice rasp. She immediately fetched him some water, holding his exhausted head up for him as she helped him drink. If he wasn’t actually a child at this moment, he’d protest. As it was, he let her feel useful.

“What happened, baby? Mr. Fischer found you unconscious on the street! Did someone attack you?”

“I was really confused, Mama. Otou-san sent me to the nurse but… I thought I should just go home instead. She was going to send me home anyway.”

His mother’s face fell, and she wasted no time dragging him into a frankly alarmingly right hug. Erwin had been squeezed more gently by a Titan once. Granted, the thing had been dead nearly the instant it had grabbed him, Levi’s blades had carved onto its nape so deep, they’d nearly lopping off the thing’s head.

“Don’t you ever do that again, Erwin! You’re lucky someone recognized you! If you’re not feeling right, tell someone, don’t just take it all on yourself!” She lectured firmly, but it was bellied by her trembling hands as she stroked his hair, unwilling to pull away yet. He’d scared her.

Unfortunately, her son wasn’t eight years old anymore. He’d charged into Titan controlled lands more times than he could count. She was no longer the scariest thing he’d ever faced.

“Are you listening to me, young man?”

Fuck.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Erwin barely resisted the urge to salute, the aborted motion awkward.

“What did I just say?”

Fuck. He’d been lost in thought of that disastrous expedition, when the right wing had buckled completely, an Abnormal upon them before they even knew what was happening.

Behind her, walking right through the closed door, drawing his gaze, was Levi. Something tense in his shoulders relaxed.

“She was saying something about asking for help if you feel sick again.”

Thank Ymir for Levi.

“You want me to ask for help whenever I feel sick again.”

She huffed, doubtful in spite of his answer, but nodded, resuming petting his hair. It was a strange feeling. His father had never been the physically affectionate type. Levi looked bemused under his stoic expression.

“Do you remember anything, after you passed out? You’ve been in and out for a while. The doctor said your fever broke this morning.”

“Can I get up now, Mama? How long has it been?” Erwin asked, sitting up a little more. It was concerningly hard to do, and prompted Levi, the feral cat of a man, to slip closer. Coincidentally, of course. It wasn’t like he was worried or something. She stopped him, pushing him back down, and pressed a kiss to his forehead, and lingering over him. The worry, the motherly concern in her eyes made him want to look away.

“You’ve been unconscious for almost five days now, baby. You’re gonna stay in this bed for the rest of today, at least. You’re not doing anything strenuous until the doctor clears you. I’ll bring you some broth, if you think you can keep it down? We couldn’t even get you to eat, the first few days. I was so scared for you. The doctor said he’d never seen a fever so high before. He couldn’t believe you survived the first day, let alone the next one. You're going to have to take it easy, alright?” Her hand carded through his hair, an affectionate gesture that burned his skin, making him want to sink into it and pull away simultaneously.

“Yes, Mama.” He agreed. Pushing himself too hard after an illness would only make his recovery take longer.

“I’m gonna get you some broth. Don’t try to get up, alright?” She asked, kissing him on the forehead once more, before pulling away. He nodded, subdued. Levi was looking down, away from the domestic scene.

The moment the door closed, a ghost came flooding through. An exuberant ghost.

“You have no idea what drama has been happening, Commander!” Hange flung themself on the bed, bouncing once before crawling up to lean against the headboard, looming over him. He didn’t dare sit up. His mother wasn’t afraid to tie him to the bed if needed.

“I have an idea.” Erwin responded, slightly exasperated.

“You don’t!” Hange exclaimed, clearly settling in for some gossip, “you’ve been unconscious for five days now! Grisha said your fever should’ve destroyed your internal organs! But here you are! Awake, able to hold a conversation, and very unboiled! We’ve been guarding you. Levi’s cut Zeke’s head off seven times! But we’ve also explored the city, a little! There’s well over a thousand of us, which is apparently insane. We only have about a hundred horses, though.”

“A thousand of you?” Erwin asked, needing more clarification. A thousand Scouts?

“Right. You weren’t here when Ymir explained. The only people who should have been able to follow you here are those who you had close bonds with. You have to genuinely miss their presence here, consciously and subconsciously. Which means, you were attached to almost every Scout you’ve ever met.”

“I’ve been a Scout for over twenty years. It’s hardly every Scout.”

“Every Scout since you’ve become Commander, then?”

“More or less. Maybe a hundred or so, before?” Erwin was already flagging, just thinking about it. He could probably list off at least two hundred names off the top of his head. Faces had faded. Just memories. A body, bitten in half, half a head that he’d ridden past. If he put his mind to it

He hadn’t bonded with many people, initially. His squad leader had been… a difficult man. Erwin was a difficult subordinate. They simply hadn’t seen eye to eye. It was a relief when Erwin had been promoted to squad leader. They’d disagreed on methods, not goals. He had been a good man. Right up until a Titan had bitten his head off.

His mother was back quickly, a cup of broth in her hand. She put the handle in his hand, supporting his weekend wrist and fingers with her own. It was a good solution for his current weak state, a better option than if she spoon-fed him, as it let him control his intake. He sipped it slowly, taking stock of his current condition. Drinking was wonderful. He was starving, the broth barely acceptable as food, but he knew better than to do too much, too soon.

Levi watched his mother like a hawk, like he was expecting the woman to leap forward and strangle him suddenly.

“Your mother’s a kind woman, isn’t she?” Hange asked, watching him drink. Erwin couldn’t answer, but he doubted that they were expecting one. “She was very firm on never giving up on you, even when you really should’ve been dead. The doctor wanted to stop trying. Said even if you woke up, you’d never be right again. I’m gonna make sure to be there when she rubs it in his face.

“And if they start questioning how he survived it?” Levi asked from where he was leaning against the dresser. “When they start asking too many questions that he doesn’t have a good answer to? He isn’t a Commander anymore. He can’t be all annoyingly vague and not get questioned.”

“We’ll just do what we always do and play it by ear. Armin’s around here somewhere. The two of them together could probably argue their way out of murder they committed in front of the entire military.” Hange insisted, refusing to have their hopes brought down by Levi’s pessimism.

Erwin sipped his broth and wished desperately for a packet of rations. Tasteless and hard as it was, it was at a minimum, filling. He would take a burnt biscuit, even, for all the taste was abhorrent. At least it would have genuine substance, along with the charcoal.

Levi and Hange debated for a while longer, but Erwin stopped listening. The two enjoyed this, matching wits with each other, and he needed an alarming amount of focus to drink his broth neatly, even with assistance.

He finished the cup and was asleep again not even thirty seconds later.

That was more or less the routine for the next few days. He woke up, always to his mother there, drank some broth, and fell back asleep. Sometimes he was awake long enough for a short debriefing, most times he wasn’t. Levi was there only every so often, too restless to haunt his bedside for so long.

Mike was there, most often. Erwin would have been surprised, but he didn’t have the energy for spare emotion. It was pure gratitude at the moment. Something small and scared that had long since been locked away where it couldn’t cause any trouble was soothed by the man’s presence. He loved his mother. Truly. Even though he knew he wouldn’t have her long, not if things didn’t change, he appreciated her presence.

But she wasn’t a soldier.

And her son was.

Mike’s presence, while he was so weak, so scaldingly helpless, was a balm. If it came down to a fight, Erwin wouldn’t be fighting the threat alone.

It took Erwin around a week to see his father. He’d expected it. The man was busy, and Erwin’s consciousness was a rarity. Their paths simply hadn’t crossed.

For all that it had been his second time seeing the man this time around, it felt like the first. He could breathe. His father was alive.

For once, all the blood on his hands was waiting for him in the future. The first person he had led to death, restored in front of him.

“How do you feel?” His father’s voice was strangely awkward, uncertain. It was jarring.

“Better than before.” Erwin answered, just as succinctly. His mother was merely holding a hand out, making sure she could catch the mug, should he drop it. It was more akin to soup, now, with some chopped, soft vegetables, clearly cooked to an inch of their lives. There was tension between his parents, unfamiliar. Either brought on by Erwin’s illness, or something he’d been too young to see, before.

“I see. I’m happy that you’re feeling better.”

That was that.

Erwin finished his soup, listened to his mother as she read a book for as long as he managed to stay awake, and fell asleep when the exhaustion became overpowering. Simple, and easy. His father vanished the moment he was able to.

He wondered if they had argued about whether he was going to live or not. He wondered if his father had given up on him, as his mother never lost faith.

It wasn’t something that Erwin could blame him for.

It took nearly a month for Erwin to be able to climb out of his bed.

In that month, he himself did very little. Some bold squad of Scouts had decided to swim to Marley, considering as they were, ghostly figures, they couldn’t die. Erwin disapproved, but he wasn’t their commander anymore. They could do as they pleased.

Erwin was not currently involved in the planning. Considering he was bedridden, it was both understandable and maddening.

The day his mother had helped him step outside, he cried. Mike was the only ghost who’d seen it. The others, putting the plan into effect. As much as ghosts could. Gathering information, exploring every inch of the island now that Titans couldn’t touch them.

Erwin didn’t deserve to feel abandoned, so he simply settled down in the grass, breathed in the fresh air and the sight of Wall Rose around him, and wept like a child into his mother’s arms. Mike was still there.

He hadn’t seen Levi in two weeks. Hange had shown up for all of five minutes, rambling something about titan movements and migration patterns, taken one of the ghost horses -Rice, a bay horse with light flecks on her stockings, who had once kicked a titan in the face, saving the life of the recruit riding her- and ridden off, ecstatic to get a glimpse of their natural behavior without a human near.

That recruit had died on the next mission. Rose, who’d had two siblings, one older, one younger. It really was quite a common name.

Rice had died too.

In total, it took Erwin a month and fourteen days to walk unassisted for short distances. He’d graduated to solid food, finally, and the increased nutrition had done him well.

Then it was back to school, and truly, Mike was the only thing keeping him sane by now. He hadn’t seen a ghost besides him since the day he’d stepped outside.

He wondered if they hated him. He wouldn’t blame them if they did. He hadn’t been the type of leader who was loved. Erwin was the type of leader who led scared children to their deaths. That was his legacy. He was only chosen because he was one of the eldest, because he was the one who would have the most influence.

Convenient, that it would make him relive every painful year of his life until then. He’d done it to himself, going too far.

So, he went to school. He learned things he’d already known for years. He was quiet.

Two months in, his mother told him she was pregnant, and he smiled and feigned excitement.

Mike held his hand, that night. He must have looked truly pathetic, for a man like that to drop to his knees, cradling his head like a parent, whispering helpless reassurances. Mike may be the only other person who knew what had happened to his mother, from a night they’d both gotten more drunk than they’d dared to before, when Erwin had gotten talking about things he’d never said aloud to anyone else. Erwin cried himself to sleep that night.

That day, he stole ODM gear from the Military Police. Mike kept watch, making sure no soldiers happened upon Erwin as he committed his act of thievery. He’d escaped, the MPs none the wiser. He slipped out of the walls of his city, found an appropriate spot, and hid the gear in a thicket. Came back home with an arm full of firewood and several thorns in his arm.

His mother fluttered and fretted, pulling the thorns out carefully, as his father fetched a salve. The blood that ran down his arm was red, a crimson he hadn’t seen since the day he’d died. It ran down, dripping from his fingers, staining the skin the way it should be, and as his mother scrambled for a towel, he laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and Mike was talking lowly in his ear, a hand on his shoulder but not the one he craved, and he just laughed-

Erwin skipped school the next morning. He woke up, ate breakfast, begged off his father’s escort. He was fine, he insisted, and his father was busy. Erwin wanted to study more, in the comfort of home.

He stepped out of the house, breathed in the free air, and ran out to where he’d hidden the ODM gear.

Stepping into the straps was like coming home.

Commander Erwin had his wings once again.

“Mike. Where are the ghosts usually gathered?” He asked, as he tightened the straps. Erwin wasn’t quite back to a healthy weight yet, nor was it made for kids as young as him. He pulled the legs tighter, fighting the damn thing, until Mike reached out and tugged it as tight as it could go in one easy movement.

Commander Erwin didn’t pout, but it was a close thing. It had an irritating amount of slack, still. He could use it, but the jerking would be hell if he made too sudden jerks.

His canisters of gas were also half-empty. He could tell.

Mike never answered his question, merely leading the way. He leapt through the trees, and Erwin struggled to keep up. The rhythm was easy, simple. He knew it by heart, but not by body, not yet. He would. For now, it required focus.

Clearly, they weren’t expecting him to crash their meeting. He saw a variety of expressions, surprise, displeasure, some looks of disgust that had him sitting straighter.

There were perhaps a hundred people present, including Hange and their squad, Levi, and many of the 104th recruits. No Titans, at least none that didn’t blend into the crowd.

Levi didn’t look at him.

“Commander.” Moblit, at Hange’s left arm, greeted, a quick salute directed his way, and Erwin nodded once, acknowledging.

Just like that, Erwin, all three foot something of him, was Commander Erwin once again.

“We’re planning how to handle the Western nations at the moment, Commander.” Armin said, an olive branch that Erwin was happy to take, “technically, we aren’t too threatening to them, beyond the Rumbling. But, should we defeat Marley and gain more power, that could change easily, and we want to set the groundwork up now…” He paused, a thought striking him that had him faintly exasperated, “Squad Levi is trying to figure out how to make a ghost boat.”

“Unless you happen to remember one, Commander?” Connie jumped in to say, with a grin, making the crowd go quiet. He seemed to realize what he’d said a few moments later, his smile fading awkwardly. Erwin had never seen the ocean, let alone a ship. Most of the Scouts present hadn’t.

“I don’t.” Erwin said simply, and they moved on. Sasha patted Connie on the head, and he threw his arms around her in return, his face buried in her neck.

The planning went on for hours. It took a while for them to stop being startled whenever he gave his input. At this age, he must be practically unrecognizable to most of them, who’d only really met him as a Commander. It was likely jarring.

Erwin was going to go insane if he didn’t get to do something interesting soon. If he sat in that house and watched as his mother grew bigger, grew weaker, with every passing day. It would be torturous, and pointless, too. There wasn’t anything he could do, not by himself.

Which left Grisha, if Erwin could find him. There wouldn’t be a problem convincing the man. He hadn’t needed to save Shiganshina from the plague and he hadn’t needed to work as a doctor. He was a man who wanted to save lives.

The only real question is if there was anything the man could really do. Erwin didn’t dare get his hopes up.

When the planning had finally ended, tentative options, should the worst happen, the best, Erwin stopped the ghosts from leaving with a hand in the air.

“I need a list of individuals that the Scouts want saved. Not general, like the people within Wall Maria. Friends, siblings, parents, people who died by chance, or who could have been saved. I can’t make any promises. I can barely even try, yet. But get the paperwork done, anyway. I’ll go through it when I can. Once I have more freedom, I’ll do my best to work it down, depending on location. Deadly threats only, I have to prioritize saving lives over limbs.”

Things went dead silent.

Then approximately twelve different Scouts rushed him, shouting requests in a jumble of noise. Exactly what he didn’t want to happen, because he couldn’t hear a word from any of them.

A shout from Levi made them all go silent.

“Paperwork. Get writing.” Levi ordered, making the crowd of Scouts slink off, shamefaced.

Erwin didn’t try to approach. If Levi wanted to see him, he would. He gave the man a nod and a glance at Mike had him leading Erwin home.

He wasn’t sure he had the words to express how much Mike’s presence was something he appreciated.

He wondered where this time’s Mike was now. They’d meet again. It wouldn’t be the same, not with Erwin the way he was, but nothing would, anymore. He would be making waves.

It took ten minutes or so to reach the spot where he hid his stolen ODM gear, and another twenty to reach the city walls.

Getting caught was a given. When one’s father was your teacher, it was difficult to pretend you hadn’t skipped school. Undoubtedly, his mother would have been alerted, too. So, Erwin simply went straight home, still muddy and tired from the excursion.

Both his parents were waiting for him.

Erwin Smith was the Commander of the Scouts Regiment. He did not cower under the combined accusing glares of his parents.

He did wince, just a little.

Mike wouldn’t tell.

“Otou-san. Mama.” Erwin greeted coolly. His vocal control was still on point, at least, even if he couldn’t quite steady himself.

“Erwin. You never went to school today. I’ve never known you to be truant, so I’ll give you a chance to explain.” His father took the lead, his mother likely less upset about the truancy than she was his disappearance. A two-stage punishment was likely.

Ugh. The only advantage to being a child so far was the fact that his joints were brand new, and his ODM training would destroy that before he hit eighteen if he kept at it properly. There was a reason most Scouts stayed in their straps as much as they could. The support was the only reason Erwin had been able to stand up without assistance on bad days. Scouts weren’t meant to grow old.

“I wanted to work on my physical abilities. I’ve been reading your textbooks. You’ve taught me well beforehand. I shouldn’t fall behind if I miss a few days.” Simple, clean cut, a bit of flattery mixed with truth.

“You have to go to school, Erwin. If you want to recover physically, we can work outside of school hours. I will not allow you to be skipping school like this. You can’t just leave without telling us, either. Your mother was worried sick about you. You should know better by now. If you get sick again, and can’t make it home, what will happen? You could get yourself killed out there and we wouldn’t even know where to look for you. This will not happen again, do you understand me?”

“No.”

Just the look on his father’s face made him want to flinch back. He couldn’t back down. He couldn’t let himself get locked away.

“Excuse me?” His father’s voice was incredulous. He was a man who was slow to anger, and this blatant disagreement was out of character for Erwin. It was enough to cause the man confusion, more than immediate anger.

Erwin had exactly one plan, at the moment. Dealing with his own parents was not something he’d done in a long time. He was downright rusty.

“You can’t make me!” Erwin shouted, as loudly as he could, and then he stormed off to his room. The door slammed behind him, rattling the walls, and he locked the door behind him.

Perfect.

Exactly what a child would do. Maybe a rebellious teenager, but close enough at this point.

Mike walked in behind him, looking shellshocked.

“Quite the strategy, Commander.” He said simply. Erwin shot a glare his way, and the ghost raised his hands placatingly.

“Better that they become accustomed to my lack of obedience sooner than later. I won’t be able to be a dutiful son while trying to solve a nation’s worth of problems as an eight year old. I’ll need to leave occasionally. I’ll need to leave alone.”

“So, you decided to be a brat, so that they’ll look forward to it?” Mike asked doubtfully.

“I’m going to go insane if I have to spend one more day in that classroom, Mike! I’m not eight years old! I need to do something useful in these years before I can join the Cadet Corps. I can’t just waste my time, learning the same things all over again!”

“I’ve never known you to be quite this emotional, Commander.”

Mike’s words were somehow both infuriating and snapped Erwin right out of his irritated rage. He was being emotional, like a little kid throwing a tantrum. But being called Commander also settled something enough for him to take a step back, emotionally.

Maybe he simply didn’t know who he was, right now.

Was he Erwin, the dutiful son of Mr. Smith, teacher of fifteen years already, and Mrs. Smith, loving mother and housewife?

Was he Commander Erwin, leader of the Scouts, hands dripping with the blood of those he sent to his death? The same man who led the charge against the Beast titan, leading terrified recruits to their deaths in a suicidal charge in the merest hope that Levi would avenge them?

Had he been relieved, when Levi told him to give up on his dreams and die? Finally, Erwin wasn’t the final decision maker, finally, Erwin could simply charge forward until he couldn’t anymore?

Finally, Erwin could just die.

Until he couldn’t anymore.

Until he was back. Just back. Surrounded by ghosts but alone, left behind.

Did they even need him? He should find out. Hunt down the true Ymir and shake the words out of her.

Erwin wasn’t sure he could live yet another lifetime. Not sure he could join the Scouts as a recruit again, working his way patiently up the ranks, not sure he could ride out on more expeditions, watch the same people die all over again. He was so tired of it. Was he really going to work so hard, a second time, just to get the same job he died for? Wasn’t giving his life, his whole life, abandoning his dream, enough?

He didn’t want to be here.

But he would do his duty. His pursuit of knowledge had ended. That dream he’d always been dreaming was gone. He knew the painful, horrid truth, now, and it was his job to deal with the consequences.

Another life spent in service to humanity was better than an early end.

He would see Levi, again. Someday. Even if his ghost refused to so much as look his way.

Maybe, this time, he could save Furlan and Isabel. Erwin knew Levi, now. If he got to them before Lovof did, perhaps he could use the same tactics to draw them into the Scout Regiment. He could save enough money up easily enough. It wasn’t like Erwin ever had enough time to read his books, he hardly needed to buy them a second time. It would likely take a while, but he already knew what to expect from each expedition that was to come. Surviving them shouldn’t be nearly as hard as the first time around. The riskiest would be the earliest years, when Commander Wulf was in charge. Erwin had barely been able to influence anything back then. Wulf was a wildcard that he was not looking forward to dealing with.

Those early years were hell.

50% casualties was a good Expedition. Average was somewhere between 60-70%. A bad one? Erwin could remember leaving with 200 people and returning with 13. Commander Wulf, Shadis, Mike. People whose name had been lost to time in a haze of frantic work, paperwork, training new bodies, horses. None besides those he remembered Erwin had even been the damn cook, the previous one refusing to continue. She’d been married to a Scout, if he remembered right. Said she couldn’t stand to watch more children come home in pieces anymore.

Erwin had never passed out from exhaustion more times than he had that horrible, horrible year. He vaguely remembers falling asleep mid-conversation with Commander Wulf. The Commander hadn’t even noticed for a full hour, half-heartedly mumbling along.

Over a thousand ghosts was truly a pittance.

The Scouts Regiment was Erwin’s whole life. It truly was. Every day so far that he woke, it was pure instinct to walk to his desk, searching for nonexistent paperwork. Seeing it full of homework was more jarring than his height. He needed to do something useful. Having no purpose besides waiting was torture.

Erwin was not a man to be purposeless. He tended to find his own, if left unsupervised. Perhaps overthrowing the government again? He could go into humanitarian work too, in the meantime.

Both?

Erwin should look into citizenship policies for those born within the Capital. If underneath the Capital wasn’t specifically excluded, it could be argued that all those born Underground deserved citizenship. Had that ever been attempted before?

Erwin was going to find out. Finally, a goal besides growing up until he could go home, to the Scouts.

“You’ve got that scheming look on your face… What are you planning, Erwin?” Mike’s voice was filled with suspicion, his eyes narrowed. Erwin widened his eyes, blinking up at him innocently. He would milk being small and adorable until he was tall and intimidating again, without the slightest guilt. Children could get away with things that adults couldn’t. He could use this opportunity, seize it with both hands and dig his teeth in, ensuring it couldn’t escape him.

“Getting all people in the Underground Wall Sina citizenship.”

“... you’re such a brat, kid. You’re gonna run me ragged, making sure you don’t get taken out by the MPs before you make it to 10 years old.”

“So, you’ll help me sneak in Wall Sina?”

“Oh, fuck you, Erwin. You’re going to give me grey hairs. I’m going to call Levi here and make him force you into staying put until you can join the Cadet Corps and real me can keep an eye on you while I drink myself into oblivion.” Mike groaned, throwing himself on Erwin’s bed.

“There’s a two year gap between us.” Erwin pointed out, “two years, unsupervised. We both know you won’t leave for that long. And I need you to find Grisha for me. I won’t make a move until you get back with him, I promise.”

“It’ll take me a while. The Titans go wherever the fuck they want. They’re all full of schemes. None of them agree on what to do, not fully. It’s chaos out there.”

“I’ll wait. I can survive in my parents’ care. I did the first time.”

“First time around, you were a real kid. Now you’re a Commander and a 23 year Scout veteran, in the body of an energetic eight year old with two very concerned parents who expect you to listen to them. You’re gonna revolt. I’m going to come back and find your room ceded from your parents' house and declared independence. If you don’t go crazy surrounded by your other eight year olds, either.

“I’ll manage. I’ve survived more expeditions than I can fully remember. They’re not cannibals, at least. If I lose my arm again, I’ll be sure to call for help.” A joke. Sarcasm Erwin didn’t joke. He was serious. He was also eight, and he had a purpose, and his arm still didn’t feel quite real, his fingers expecting to pass through his side, and he felt like shit, and his mother was going to die in seven months, and everything was still tinged with gold and shimmering light. Erwin had a lot on his plate and a very small stomach at the moment.

Mike patted Erwin on the head. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Definitely unsure, especially when Mike bent down, his hands dragging Erwin into a hug. He floundered for a moment before getting his bearings and realizing he should probably hug the man back.

He did.

“Don’t take unnecessary risks. I know you’re a gambler at heart, but you have a lot more to lose right now. The whole future. Don’t agree to any of the Titan’s schemes. They can’t affect the world, not enough. None of us really can. They’re going to try and use you.”

“I know.” Erwin assured him. Mike really must think of Erwin as a child, to think he needed to be warned of that. To think that visiting Erwin wasn’t just as dangerous for them.

“I’ll be back in a week, even if I can’t find him. I’ll gather more information and try again.” Mike assured Erwin, his hands tightening around Erwin’s back, making his spine pop. He took a stabilizing breath- and was Mike really that worried about him? Before letting go, taking a step back.

“You’ve gotten sentimental.”

Mike laughed, a watery sound. “I guess I’ve gotten old. Don’t do anything rash. I mean it. Levi will kill me if something happened to you on my watch. The only reason the mother hen of a man can handle leaving you for so long is because I’m here. I’m begging you not to make either of us regret it.

Erwin sighed and looked skyward. Why. He’d never known Mike to be a clingy man. “I’ll be here, going to school and practicing with the ODM gear. I’ll wait for you. Go. Get a horse. Take Freya, she’ll get fat if you just leave her to graze all day. I’ll make it an order if I must.” Erwin shoed the reluctant man away, shoving him through the wall. He poked his head back through, anyway, and Erwin glared at him. “Go, Mike! She’s going to die by the time you leave the city if you keep stalling. Go! Find Grisha.”

Finally, reluctantly, Mike trailed away. He kept within view of Erwin’s window, head down and shoulders hunched like a kicked puppy. He even looked back Erwin’s way with longing, sorrowful eyes. Erwin cast his gaze skyward yet again. Why.

Next on the agenda, in the meantime: survive school. It was a very safe environment, just not particularly intellectually stimulating. Might as well consider it a summons to the capital. Useless and agonizingly dull, but it would allow Erwin to make allies, at least. Surely at least one of the brats would end up in the military somewhere?

Survive. Then, when the time was right, rip apart normal society. Starting with the Capital and the Underground, Erwin would tear the fragile balance at the seams. These were complacent times. The walls had lasted untouched for years. Complacency bred inefficiency. Whatever Erwin could do to cause discontent inside the walls, to make people uncomfortable, would only increase their alertness when the time came. It would also help them prepare for something beyond simply Titans.

War.

War that Erwin couldn’t stop, not even if he tried. All he could do was prepare. Himself, and humanity.

One day, the Colossal Titan would bring down Wall Maria.

The Scout regiment would not be outside the walls, not this time. They would be ready. They would be waiting. Wall Sina and Wall Rose would have enough food, a proper stockpile. 20% of the population would not be sacrificed again. If they were, this time, Erwin would be at their helm. This time, their sacrifice would not be in vain.

Erwin knew a thing or two about suicide charges, this time around. Knew how to get scared children to ride to their deaths.

This time, humanity would win. Erwin would be sure of it. What was one more charge? He’d lived his own life once already. No one could ask for a second chance at life. No one deserved one.

This wasn’t a second chance at life, not for Erwin. The most he allowed himself was an attempt to save his mother. He could afford no more selfishness. Erwin was a tool, this time around. A weapon for humanity.

“Erwin!” His mother shouted through the door, rapping her knuckles on it sharply, “Come down for dinner. If you’re going through a rebellious phase, we can handle it. But I won’t have you starving yourself, do you hear me? Don’t make me force-feed you!” She thumped her hand one more time on the door, before Erwin heard footsteps walking away.

A weapon of humanity he may be, but Erwin was hungry.

The Weapon of Humanity unlocked his door and ate dinner.

It wasn’t even the most uncomfortable one of his long life.

Small mercies.

Chapter Text

Erwin lasted four days. And, he would like to make it known, trouble had found him.

He’d just been outside during recess, playing with the other kids, and it had been pure chaos! It was unbearable! So, Erwin started organizing them. It was more fun that way, for everyone involved. Once they started listening, at least.

Perhaps using their supervising teacher as a makeshift Titan was a little much for children at this age, but Erwin considered it training. Even if none of them joined the Scouts, knowing the weak points on a Titan was vital information! Who knew how many of them could be caught up in the chaos if Wall Maria fell again?

In retrospect, it was closer to a training drill than he’d intended. Sticks for swords, far too many small children without the restraint and self-discipline to not hit the teacher in the face in an attempt to reach his nape. They had gotten more immersed in the situation he’d created than he had thought, charging forward. Perhaps he’d gotten a little bit passionate when rallying the more nervous children.

Long story, short, Erwin got detention for the first time in his life. It tasted like failure and being unable to move from his seat for the rest of the day and then some, until his father was ready to take him home.

Things had been tense with his parents. Erwin refused to stop wandering off, he needed the extra practice with his stolen ODM gear. He needed to be better, beyond what he had been. He’d gone rusty as Commander. His strategic abilities had flourished, but his physical ones? He needed to be better.

He needed to be like Levi. He needed to be so good that he could turn the tide of a battle, just like Levi could. This was his chance. People didn’t start practicing with ODM gear at this age. They didn’t get the opportunity to. He would take the chance, use his twenty three years as a Scout and pack on even more years, even more experience. He’d be the most experienced ODM-gear user in the world soon enough. He had to be the best.

The next time he was face to face with the Beast Titan, he would be able to rip it apart.

He needed to be good enough to save all those he’d lost the first time around. Erwin refused to fail them twice.

So, he practiced.

Every day.

For hours.

He staggered home, exhausted, but feeling good, something that was proving to be a rarity, since he’d gone back. When he was training, he felt like he was doing something. He couldn’t stand to be idle, and this was a productive solution.

His parents disagreed. He was interrogated every night so far, the moment he got home. He handled it in much the same way as before, stubbornly refusing to answer and snapping when necessary. It didn’t feel good, but at the moment, it was really all that he had. He was simply too young to be allowed to have secrets or be allowed to do as he wanted unless he disregarded their wishes. They had every right to push, and every right to be concerned, but Erwin just couldn’t tell them the truth.

So, even when he wasn’t training, he avoided being around the house. He would sit in his room, the door shut (his father had removed the lock after his first outburst) and read the paperwork that seemed to be piling up by the moment, sorting them by first chronological order, then grouping them by years, then sorting them by priority, using time and difficulty getting to the target location. Once he finished that, he would group them by location, identifying incidents that could be prevented ahead of time with better care, like fatal accidents, so he could know where to go and when to be there. It was all he could do until Mike got back.

After his detention, his father was on Erwin’s tail the whole day, giving him no opportunity to slip out of the city. It was frustrating but not overly concerning. His father was too busy to keep on him every single day.

Unfortunately, there were two of them. Once they figured out that staying glued to his side forced him not to leave, and they took ruthless advantage of that knowledge. In the time between when Mike had said he would return, Erwin only managed to give them the slip on the seventh day, when he was forced into shopping with his mother, and managed to duck out the back door. He even had to double back a few times, just to ensure they hadn’t managed to follow him.

Erwin trained until dark, this time, a futile attempt to recoup the time and training he’d lost. It felt so good, the familiarity was stabilizing. He laughed once, sharp and jarring, when he leaped across the trees alongside an owl for a few moments.

He came back home, washed himself, and headed to his room in silence. His mother was waiting, sitting at his desk, a cold plate of something that had probably been dinner nearly two hours ago.

“This needs to stop, Erwin. Your father is out there searching for you. We know you’ve been leaving the city. You can’t keep doing this. You’re going to get yourself hurt.”

“I’m being careful, Mama.”

She grabbed his hand, turning it to show the bruises on his arm, stretching up his shoulder, from where he’d run into a tree. It was then he’d decided to stop, the sliver of moonlight too slim to allow him to jump with confidence. The glittering gold that plagued his vision only created more uncertainty in terms of identifying movement. He would be less effective at night if it stuck around for long, and it seemed to be doing so.

“I’m okay. It was an accident.” Erwin explained easily, taking a seat on his bed. In a quick movement, his mother was in front of him, the suddenness making him flinch. Her arms were around him, hugging him with desperation.

“How? My baby boy, what are you doing out there? Do I need to promise that I won’t tell your father? I will, if it means that at least someone knows what you’re doing out there! Ever since your coma, you’ve been so distant. Have we done something wrong? Is someone making you go out there?”

Damn. This really was tugging at his heartstrings. How risky was it to tell her about the stolen ODM gear, at least?

“I’m going out there because I want to, Mama. It really was an accident. I- I hate feeling trapped, ever since… it’s so much better out there. You haven’t done anything wrong, I promise.”

“I’ll take you out there! Everyday! If it means you’re safe, I’ll do whatever it takes!” She was only growing more fervor, and damn, Erwin didn’t remember his mother being so energetic.

She wasn’t even 30 yet. She’d married his father at 19. She wasn’t even 30 yet. Erwin was old enough when to lie and when to tell the truth.

“I stole ODM-gear from the Military Police.”

Whatever she’d expected him to say, it certainly wasn’t that. She stared at him, uncomprehending, as it sank in.

“They weren’t using it. It was sitting there, all covered in dust. I doubt they even noticed yet. They probably forgot to sell it,” Erwin couldn’t stop his nose from wrinkling in disgust, “so I took it. I want to join the Scouts. Practicing ahead of time will put me ahead of the rest.”

“Erwin. You stole from the Military Police? You- did they see you? You’ve been practicing?” The horror in her voice was growing, so Erwin forced the tension from his shoulders, making himself relax.

“Yes. No. And yes. It got too dark to see, which is why I hit a tree and decided to go home.” Erwin explained succinctly. “I’ve been doing good, Mama. I love flying!”

“Did you bring it back with you? Is it in the house? Could someone find it?” She asked, jumping to the most pressing problems quickly. She wasn’t a stupid woman, nor did she have bad priorities.

“No. I hid it away. Even if they did find it, it’s not like I carved my name into it. They can’t prove that it’s mine.” Erwin assured her, and she hugged him closer again, looking sightlessly off to the side, out the window.

The most pressing worries assuaged, she immediately focused elsewhere. “The Scouts, Erwin? You’re really going to join… you could be a teacher, dear, just like your father!”

Erwin shook his head firmly. “I want to go beyond the walls, Mama. I want to win, Mama! I want to fight them. I can fight them! I know I can! I won’t join the Military Police, I’d throw myself to the Garrison before doing that.”

“You’ll die, Erwin. You’ll die out there, alone! And I’ll never see you again!” The distress in her voice stung.

“I will.” Erwin agreed, because it was true, and he’d known it from the moment he left his empty house behind to join the Cadet Corps the first time around, “That doesn’t mean I won’t make a difference. I can do it, Mama. I can change things. I can. I will.”

“What use is making a difference if you aren’t there to see it? Baby, you don’t have to fight! We’re safe in here! There’s so much good that brain of yours can do, why would you want to waste it, feeding a Titan?”

“We aren’t.” Something about the tone of Erwin’s voice, the expression that he couldn’t control, stopped her dead, right there. “We aren’t safe. We won’t be, ever. Not while we’re trapped. Not while we don’t know who’s attacking us. Mama, I have to know. I have to.”

“Erwin…” The sound, the heartbreak and fear, it nearly made him look up, to meet those eyes.

“I know, Mama.”

They stopped there, in silence for a long time. She just held him, her hands trembling occasionally, but warm, gentle. It had been a long, long time since he’d been held like this, and it was dropping his guard. His head landed on her shoulder, and she let her own head relax against his, her dark hair forming a curtain against the light.

Erwin was 38 years old, and his mother was alive, but she’d be dead before he reached nine, if he couldn’t change it.

“You can visit me, Mama. I don’t care if they’d tease me. I don’t care at all. Just come and see me, whenever you get worried about me.” The words were whispered so quietly, he wasn’t even sure she’d heard, but her breath hitched painfully.

“Do you really have to? You really- why? Why are you the one who has to do it?” Her questions weren’t really meant to be answered, just whimpered complaints to the world, why her baby boy.

“I have to keep training, Mama. If I wanna survive long enough to become the Commander, I need to be good. To get humanity out of this hell, I need to be great.” Erwin said, his voice loud, too sharp, too violent for this domestic situation. He was too violent for this. He didn’t deserve this comfort, but he clung to it anyway.

“Okay. But I’m going with you. Whenever you leave the city, I go with you. I’ll make the time. I don’t want you to get hurt and have no one there to help you. That’s the only way you’re going to leave this city again, I swear to you.”

He nodded after only a moment’s hesitation. It wasn’t too extreme of a request. Sure, he’d have to run off when he got all the paperwork sorted and it was time to start fulfilling his promise to his Scouts, but for training? He’d never complain about a second set of eyes, especially with ill-fitting gear. He’d long since made it a requirement that ODM gear training required a partner or supervisor. Simply put, accidents happen. If it could be prevented, though simply assigning some unfortunate soul to supervising? He wanted his people as physically and mentally well as possible.

Eventually, his father returned, and Erwin would’ve flinched if he had any less self-control. It was rare that a man like him got truly angry, which made it all the more intimidating. Even when his mother headed the man off, diverting him from his path like she was dragging aside a charging bull, he still felt jittery, his arms and legs tingling with adrenaline. Even when she talked him down, the rage on the man’s face fading away, the feeling didn’t fade, the readiness to fight or run was not yet something his body was convinced was unneeded.

Fearing his father was wrong. He was a gentle man. Slow to anger. He’d never once raised a hand to Erwin. No matter how angry, not even grieving his wife, and his unborn daughter. Erwin had never feared his father. But it didn’t stop his response to it.

And his father noticed. Both his parents were too damn smart, it was hard to truly hide anything when they could read his body language like he was spilling his guts to them. Even if they lacked the reason behind it, they could see and react to what he couldn’t yet fully hide. The man paused, his posture visibly relaxing. When he got close enough, he dropped to his knees. Perfectly non-threatening. Erwin was slightly offended, but it didn’t stop him from relaxing a little.

“Keeping secrets like that isn’t acceptable, Erwin. You can’t just run off when you feel like it. Your mother said she handled it. I trust her to have it handled if she says she does. However, if this happens again, I’m going to make sure it doesn’t. Ever again. Are we clear?” His father’s voice was steady, but uncompromising.

“Yes, Otou-san.”

Something to worry about later. Even now, it sent a chill down his spine. It was going to happen again, after all.

Erwin went to bed quietly that night, nursing a bruised shoulder and the sinking sensation that evading his own parents wasn’t going to be as easy as he hoped.

Mike wasn’t there by dawn.

Nor the next day.

By the fourth day, Erwin was getting genuinely worried. He hadn’t spotted a ghost since Mike left. The gold still tainted his vision, as always, but there were no traces of them.

He trained. He trained every day. The first day his mother tagged along, she was dumbstruck in a way that was unsettling. Erwin flew, leaping from tree to tree, circling a clearing, launching his way through the forest. That unsettling feeling never left.

Where was Mike?

Erwin stopped playing at recess and started running instead. Running, running, running. Then climbing. A few kids wanted to play Titan again, but Erwin just shook his head. Better to avoid trouble. So instead, the children played on their own while he dropped into doing pushups, the sweat stinging his eyes, the burn in his muscles familiar in a different way than the voice that called them inside. Safer.

His father was a good teacher, but even the best teacher wouldn’t have been able to draw his attention, not now. Not when he was on the alert, watching for the glimmer of movement in the corners of his vision, the familiar blonde hair and nauseatingly unfamiliar golden eyes.

The day passed silently. Erwin didn’t train. Tomorrow was a weekend, after all. He’d have all day, assuming his mother would allow it. She’d been watching him. They both had. A second day wouldn’t be overkill, not with the ache that lingered in his shoulders, but the way his body hummed for movement said it would be difficult to manage.

Erwin sat at his desk the moment he got the opportunity, shutting the door. He still had the ghostly papers. It was time to sort out the best path for his first mission beyond the city. If something had happened that had caused Mike to not be able to return, potentially, even all the ghosts, then Erwin could hardly sit idle. He had to act, to stay alert.

He worked it out, piece by piece. His first step towards honoring his promise to his Scouts.

Hugo, a Scout who’d died on his first mission, one of the first set of cadets that had followed Erwin’s own group. It had been gruesome, even to Erwin, enough to stick out even now. He had had a sister who cut her hand on a piece of metal, a family too poor to fight the infection that followed, her jaw locked, body stiff, a forced smile that only furthered her lack of medical care as people whispered and hid. A shaky, scribbled note in the corner that all he’s seen when they first left the Walls was her. That ghastly smile. How the four-meter Titan had seemed to look just as pained, as it ate him bite by bite. He’d been screaming for so long. The memory of the sound had faded, but he still remembered the horror on his squad-leader’s face.

A mining incident, a disaster that took not only the lives of both Scout Calloway’s parents, but the lives of thirteen others. All it would take was a quiet note to the Garrison, for the Military Police would simply look the other way, a well-placed whisper of the conditions that the miners were dealing with, the faulty safety equipment. Assuming Erwin could get them to listen, it could be prevented. Scout Calloway would likely never join the Scouts.

He was still his, though.

Third, though far in the future, was also something preventable now, for the most part. Assuming, of course, Erwin could impress the meaning of discretion on a foolish, ambitious man. An older brother, who’d been someone like him seeking the truth. Scout Ulrich was three at this moment, his brother, twelve, and heading into the Cadet Corps. Then, after training, he would become a member of the Military Police for all of three months, before dying on the job. That his body had somehow been mangled beyond repair, wrapped up tight, and a six year old boy who didn’t quite understand death yet would peek inside. A boy who would find no fingernails, in fact, every single finger was lying quite neatly on the young man’s chest, separated from his body.

Six year olds weren’t stupid, just inexperienced. Someone in the MPs had either a soft heart or a guilty conscience, for the poor man’s body likely was supposed to be burnt to destroy any evidence of torture. Instead, it had buried a question in a child’s heart, ‘who killed my brother’ and that very question would drive the boy to join the Scouts. He may never join, if Erwin prevented the death.

He’d already served one lifetime. Ulrich deserved a more peaceful life, this time around.

All Erwin had to do was convince the brother that discretion was the better part of valor. He may even be able to use the man as an informant, once Erwin himself was in the Scouts. Assuming he didn’t lose his passion for justice by that point. A place as infested with corruption as the Military Police…

Erwin traced his path three times over, marking landmarks that would keep him from losing his course. He’d be on foot. It would be several days of travel, and Erwin had absolutely no money, so any food he tried to pack would have to last him. Foraging could supplement, especially if he could collect something to sell. Firewood, perhaps. It wouldn’t earn him much, though, not in the new warmth of spring. He might be able to take letters?

He certainly needed to figure out a way to refill his gas canisters. There were refill stations around, but they tended to be in high-traffic areas, and he couldn’t be caught with the gear in nicer areas. Stolen ODM gear attracted attention in those places. More crime-ridden places, where the black market could reach, wouldn’t care about the gear, they’d care about how he used it. And if they could steal it. While he could refill there safely, they wouldn’t be in public areas or left unsecured.

Obscuring his face and going for a refill station at night would be an option, but the risk of being chased was high. He was running dangerously low, thanks to how much he’d been training, even if he avoided using the gas for boosts, it was still being used up to run the motor for the grapples as they retracted, though far less noticeably.

The system was built to keep the grapples workable, cutting off at a certain point to ensure that the wearer could still, at a minimum, shoot out and retract the wires. Reduced mobility for a few hours with the remaining fuel at the cutoff point was simply more useful for survival than an extra minute of boosting. Running on fumes could break the wreck the whole motor, though. Erwin couldn’t risk losing the gear entirely.

So, his first destination had to be a reasonably wealthy city, with open refill points. He could probably ask around about delivering letters and earn a small amount. Then, the town where Scout Hugo lived, to find a piece of rusty metal and remove it. The mining incident. A trip to find the soon-to-be cadet in the same city, bordering Wall Maria. South east, east and slightly north, then the longest stretch, south west to Ulrich's city, then back north east to his home. Efficient, but the rockiness of the path was worrisome. The path back would have little to forage, and he was doubtful he could carry enough to last him throughout the whole journey. It would likely be a two or three weeks of travel, depending on his speed and how long it took to complete each task. He could use his ODM gear to speed up or get around obstacles, but he couldn’t be spotted wearing it on the road between home and the first city, and the final city and his path home. Risky.

Erwin missed his horse. The whole thing would be done by the time the weekend was up, if he had Freya, but Mike had Freya, and his companion of nearly fifteen years was dead anyway. Dead in the same ride that had claimed his own life.

His parents would be furious when he got home. He’d be grounded for life. He’d be lucky if he was allowed to leave the house again within the year. It wasn’t particularly appealing, but Erwin had been a Scout for far longer than he’d been a loyal son. It was probably wrong, that his loyalty lied with them over his own blood, but that was the way it was. He didn’t feel guilty about it, just a little sad. Even in this life, his duties took priority over those he loved.

Regardless, Erwin would have to gather food subtly. Something easy to hide and long-lasting enough to keep for at least half of the journey. The second city he’d be going to was in a forest. He’d be able to either forage or hunt there, especially with fresh canisters. The meat wouldn’t keep, but it would sell well. Anything he came across on the way could also be sold.

Erwin needed a knife. How should he get a knife…? Stealing was always an option, but he didn’t want to resort to thievery at every turn. He may simply have to do without.

Before Erwin even knew it, as he planned what he should bring with him, and how, the golden light of dawn started to light up the city, his candle burned down to nearly nothing. He blew it out, the darkness now chased away by the sun. He tucked his physical notes away, leaving the ghostly ones neatly stacked on his desk. It wasn’t uncommon for him to stay up all night, even twice in a row, though he tried to avoid it. His Scouts were relying on him to be alert and in top-form. Being too exhausted to think was counter-productive.

So, he crawled into bed. His parents would wake him at some point, when they needed him, and an hour or two of sleep would be better than nothing.

Less than five minutes after he’d crawled into bed, someone knocked on the door.

Ugh.

“Erwin!” His mother called through the door, “Get ready to go to the market. We’re all going together. Mr. and Mrs. Graves invited us to dinner, and we’re going to make something to bring them. All of us. As a family.”

Erwin just groaned. There went the rest of his day. His mother clearly thought that the family needed bonding time. There was no stopping her, now.

Crawling out of bed was heartbreaking. He’d just gotten warm. He got ready quickly, but efficiently. Not needing to shave was a bonus, at least. Much quicker that way.

He was ready first, somehow, despite his mother having been the one to alert him. He just sat on the porch step, hoping against hope that the fresh air would help him wake up. If anything, the peace of the morning was lulling him to sleep, a rare quiet as the city began to wake. Vaguely, he could hear his mother talking softly, probably coaching his father on how to act. He’s spent the least time with Erwin recently, given how busy he often was with both grading and lesson plans, and whatever else it was that teachers did. His mother had learned Erwin’s new quirks by now, the way he reacted to certain things. Sudden loud noises, unexpected touch, looming over him from behind. Things that were out of place for a child but considered a consequence of surviving for so long. There was no helping it, as much as Erwin tried to control his reactions and keep them minimal.

Part of it was his size, he knew. He was used to being tall, taller than most. Having people loom over him by a foot or two was unsettling. He was quite tall already, at least when he was fully grown. Even someone just a foot taller than him was unusual, let alone two. At some point, it crossed over into Titan territory. Though he knew they were human, the looming only worsened his nerves. One Titan was one thing. Being in a crowd of a hundred was quite another. Being surrounded by Titans, alone, unhorsed, without gear was a lethal situation.

He couldn’t wait to hit a growth spurt, just to close the gap enough to be acceptable. He was so close to four feet tall, slightly shorter than his peers. He’d make it back and then some next year. Six inches or so. Then, if things went the same way when he hit thirteen, he’d grow like a weed and then some until he neared his final height. They stepped outside, just as he was about to fall asleep, finally, making him startle in spite of himself.

“You look like you haven’t slept a wink, darling. Are you alright?” His mama asked worriedly, putting the back of her hand against his forehead.

“I couldn’t fall asleep.” Erwin answered. They hardly needed the details. His mother hummed, considering.

“Do you want to stay home?” She asked after a moment’s consideration. He shook his head. He may as well go with them. He appreciated being able to spend time with his family too, in spite of his irritation with his interrupted attempts at getting some sleep in.

The market was buzzing with activity, which meant Erwin clung to his mother’s leg like a toddler and stared at her in an attempt to ignore how surrounded by Titans he was. His father noticed the tension and glued himself to Erwin’s other side.

Blessedly, the shop they were going to was nearly empty, because Erwin wasn’t sure how long he could suppress the urge to either lash out or climb somewhere appealingly high.

His growth spurt would be soon, sometime between nine and ten, he’d gain a good six inches in height. It would hurt like hell, but not nearly as much as when he was thirteen and gained nearly a foot. Suddenly, he felt bad for Levi. The poor man.

He was barely paying attention as they shopped, more focused on calming his nerves than shopping. His mother prodded him once, a question on her lips, but it died at the sight of whatever ghastly expression he was probably making. She let him collect himself, instead. A few times, she held up an item to show him, usually a small candy of some sort. He just shook his head.

Sweets had lost their appeal at some point. Maybe he could find some tea? He never figured out how Levi made it so well. Even when the man stood directly next to him, watching his every move, and shouting instructions, it never tasted quite as good. Levi insisted it was a ploy to get him to make Erwin tea all the time.

He wondered how Levi was doing, right about now. He’d be so young, maybe not even born yet. Levi never knew how old he really was, and it had never really mattered. Erwin could only hope he was happy, if nothing else. Safety was both too much to hope for and assured, considering the man had survived so long down there the first time around.

Erwin couldn’t help but worry, though. Was Levi starving right now, going hungry while Erwin was here, wasting time?

If Levi didn’t struggle with food so much, if he got proper sunlight, would he be so short? Kenny Ackerman, from what little Erwin had seen of him, had been a tall man. Mikasa was taller than Levi had, even at her young age.

He truly needed to work on getting the Underground citizenship. Levi deserved to see the sun, and the stars. To grow up doing so. They all did. He also needed to deal with the gangs who controlled the stairways too. Citizenship was pointless if they couldn’t make it to the surface. If he could gain control of one, and allow people to ascend freely, it would devalue all the other stairways. To do so would paint a target on his back as well, but when was there not one? Angry family members, comrades who believed his decisions unjust, and the bastards who stood at the top who saw him as a threat.

The thinking, somehow, calmed him sufficiently. Planning was reassuring. He stood next to his mother as she made her purchase, and she seemed to notice that he’d settled down. Her hand landed on his head and mussed his hair in a way that made him squawk out a protest. He smoothed the strands down, giving her a halfhearted glare.

“Sorry, baby boy. You’re just so adorable, I couldn’t help myself!” She said, unabashed. He huffed, making a show of childish irritation, and she cooed in response, squeezing his cheeks, and he pulled away with a noise of true offense. He was thirty-eight, he didn’t get his cheeks squished like a toddler! “Okay, okay, I’ll stop Erwin. You’re just too cute when you’re annoyed! Go on and pick something out, so they have to give me less change.”

Erwin eyed her warily, because her eyes still gleamed with mischief, and lunged for the tea section before she could reach out again. He took a moment to browse before plucking some chamomile tea blend from the shelves. Cheap, and undoubtedly would taste so, but it would be better than nothing. His mother was startled for a moment, blinking at him, but nodded to the old woman running the shop.

“That’ll taste like flavored piss, son,” The woman said, her raspy voice grim, “Get the other can now, the one over there. I won’t charge ya any difference. I’ll get myself a lifelong customer, that way, eh?” She laughed, and Erwin nodded, trading the tin of cheap tea for the one she indicated. He could tell immediately, just from flicking the lid open. Levi would like this tea. Larger leaves, not just a ground-up powder, an aromatic scent. It looked good, at least to his mostly untrained eyes.

“Thank you, Obaa-san. You are very wise.”

She laughed again, a hoarse, raspy sound that rattled the air. Her smile gleamed golden. “You’ll be back. That blend’s my own homemade one! Never gonna find it anywhere else. Bring back the tin, and you get a discount on the next one too.”

Levi would like the tea. When Erwin first met him again, he should bring a tin.

His father rejoined them when they left the store. Erwin had been struggling too much to notice.

They’d gotten an assortment of ingredients, both for desserts and side-dishes. What his mother planned for them to make was a mystery. Yet, still there were more stores to enter, and his mother was quick to head out to the next one.

A Garrison soldier was filling up canisters at the refill station, likely his whole squad’s. Bad practice. Leaving the whole squad immobile was risky, and the man himself was struggling to handle the sheer number. A punctured canister could turn into a deadly projectile if care wasn’t taken, especially loose.

Erwin stepped away from his mother as she haggled over some bread, making his way over to the soldier. Though he didn’t hide his footsteps, the man didn’t even notice until Erwin spoke.

“Do you need some help, sir?”

The soldier jumped at the sound, a startle reflex that made Erwin flinch too before he could stop it. The soldier laughed, a flicker of embarrassed amusement crossing his face before he schooled it to sternness. “I’ve got it under control, don’t you worry, kid!” As he said it, a canister slipped from his grip, its fall halted by Erwin’s quick hands. He plucked three more from the overloaded soldier, tucking them under his arms.

“How do I refill them?” Erwin asked, eyeing the hose with careful uncertainty. The soldier sighed, shuffling the remaining canisters around until he could use his hand to hook the hose up properly. Erwin watched carefully, and as the one the soldier had begun to refill, he carefully hooked one of the ones he was holding up as well.

“Thanks, kid. I don’t have no money, mind you. Don’t think you can get paid for this.”

“You seemed like you needed help.” Erwin said simply. His mother was keeping an eye on him. She probably could guess at his true reasons for it.

He ended up helping the soldier carry the canisters back to his squad. He narrowly avoided getting his cheeks squished again, too, when one of the older women on the squad got too close, cooing over him instead of taking the canisters.

“How often do you refuel?” He asked instead, pushing some curiosity into his tone. Just a curious kid, fascinated by the soldiers, nothing more.

“Maybe once a week? We keep the city safe, patrol the Walls! It’s hard work, kid, but it’s worth it to make sure everyone like you and your family are safe!” One man, younger than the rest, judging by the lack of jadedness in those eyes. He meant every word. Erwin widened his eyes, looking up at them with awe.

“Really? If you need help again, I’ll help you! And the others too!” And slip his own canisters in too, when he thought he could get away with it. The chance to be lazy? Few soldiers could resist, especially if it was a kid who wanted to do it. “If that’s okay?” He blinked up at the green soldier, and the man just about melted.

“Of course! We always do it around the same time, we’d love it if you helped us out!” The man’s smile was blinding, and he ruffled Erwin’s hair. Erwin forced himself to tolerate it.

Success. If he could establish himself, make his name both well-known and trusted among the Garrison, any unusual requests or behavior had a higher chance at being dismissed. If he could start assisting all the squads, mixing in his own canisters would be quite simple, though he’d need a spot to put them while he finished his duties. He’d scout out a place in the meantime as he established himself. He could only really afford a week or so before going on his expedition, or else risk the child injuring herself before he arrived. Scout Hugo was seven years old, at the moment. His sister was two years older. Hugo hadn't remembered enough to know exactly when it happened, just that it was, before her tenth birthday. Erwin couldn’t dally for too long. He’d have to establish himself in the meantime and account for any decay while he was missing when he got back.

Considering he’d probably get banned from leaving the city even with his mother, he’d at least have something to keep him busy.

Erwin hurried back to the market, finding his parents waiting at the edge for him. His father was confused, his mother, knowing, though she didn’t say a word against it. The disapproval in her eyes was ineffective.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, Mama. Are we done shopping?” Erwin asked calmly, looking steadily into her eyes. Either she called him out on his behavior, or she didn’t.

“Yes. We’ve got a lot of cooking to do, so don’t go running off now, alright?” She instructed him firmly, and Erwin nodded. The trip home was relatively quiet, for all that they cut through the market, and he stared at the ground blankly without blinking until his vision tunneled sufficiently that he didn’t see all the people around him, just the paved ground. One hand clinging to his mother’s skirt was enough to guide him around obstacles. His ears were buzzing.

Cooking was surprisingly fun. They made several side-dishes, because according to his mother, Mrs. Graves was a horrid cook. The woman knew that, so was simply slow-roasting a slab of meat. Erwin’s mother would be making everything else. When Erwin questioned why they weren’t simply coming over to their house for dinner, and bringing the meat, his mother just shrugged and said that the Graves family wouldn’t be the only ones there. That, Erwin understood. The woman wanted to host a party, either to impress others or to make contact with a specific family but lacked the skills to do so. So, Erwin’s mother was helping her make it, under the guise of bringing a dish out of appreciation. Likely, Mrs. Graves would pass off several of the dishes that they were making as her own.

A simple plan, though Erwin would have to do more observation to understand the motives behind it. Political or social, most likely.

Erwin didn’t make any one dish, initially, just followed his mother around and assisted her where needed. He only knew recipes fit for soldiers, made for low-budget and filling meals, not so much for taste. Eventually, she set him to make bread, one of the few things he actually knew how to make, as his mother nursed a potato soup that would pair well with the meat that Mrs. Graves was making.

Sweet bread, it seemed, according to the hastily written recipe she’d scribbled down on a journal that had been left within reach, one of his father’s many. Honey, and fresh fruits. Interesting. Political, or a social call with someone of much higher social standing, which was basically also political.

Erwin worked carefully, making sure to ask his mother whenever he was unsure. Coating the berries in flour, to keep them from sinking to the bottom of the dough. She’d started the dough already, so it didn’t need to wait very long. Erwin mostly had to add in the fruits, knead it until it was well mixed, and shape the loaves, then leave them to rise again for a few hours as he helped his mother out more. Wet the dough before putting it in their oven, pulling it out and wetting it again mid-bake. She said at least twice, so Erwin did it three times just to be sure. He rarely looked away from the dough as it baked.

When it looked done, he pulled it out, showing it to his mother, who picked up the entire loaf, squeezing it consideringly, before telling him to wet it again and give it another five minutes or so.

All in all, cooking took them around six hours. The reason they all woke at dawn was quite clear. His father had made himself scarce, for some reason. When he’d asked about it, his mother said he was teaching.

Both his father and Mr. Graves were back in time to carry all the food. Mr. Graves was dressed up quite well, looking nervous. Definitely something important. Erwin got to carry the bread he’d made, and Mr. Graves led the way to the house.

A big house.

Were the Graves family nobles? He couldn’t truthfully remember them, but perhaps it was his mother who was friends with them? Either way, they looked to be on shaky ground. The whole place screamed opulence, or at least a front of one, but Mr. Graves lacked the confidence he’d expect from a noble. Erwin would bet on Mrs. Graves being the one of noble lineage. Putting on a good showing could help stabilize things, allow them to make connections. And, in turn, Erwin’s mother especially, along with their family, would gain the family’s gratitude, especially if the party went very well. She could even get hired for future jobs.

Mrs. Graves greeted them politely at the door, offering his mother a respectful bow. In turn, his mother handed her pot of soup to her husband and hugged the woman. “Amelia, how are you? Don’t you worry one bit, we’ve brought everything! I heard they have a young one too?” Oh no, “I’m sure Erwin will be able to keep them busy! He’s a good boy, he’ll keep them out of trouble. Isn’t that right Erwin?” Her sharp eyes met his. He didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“I’m sure, Ma- Okaa-san. I’ll make friends.” Better to appear more formal at the moment. Professional wasn’t a word that could describe someone his age, but he was shooting for it all the same.

It didn’t feel that much different than preparing for a meeting with nobles to secure funding, really. His parents rushed home, quickly putting on the nicest outfits that they had. Erwin was already well-dressed enough to be fine, having changed out of his flour-covered outfit before they left, so he sat quietly in the parlor, watching as the staff set up.

His parents returned in nearly an hour. His mother looked positively angelic in her chosen dress, a pale yellow. His father wore his nicest outfit, his hair carefully combed, beard trimmed to neaten it up. The lovesick man was staring at his mother like he was gazing upon an angel, which was both sweet and a little sickening. His parents clearly loved each other a lot.

“They’ll be here in about half an hour, alright Erwin? Stay quiet unless someone speaks to you. Be polite, speak clearly. Make sure you enunciate well. When I tell you, you can go and introduce yourself to their child. Don’t ask them to go play, but if they ask you to do something, agree. You’ll have to entertain them. Remember, the only thing we brought to this gathering was that bread you made, alright?”

Erwin nodded once, sharply. More or less as he’d expected. He’d never had to entertain children before, much less as a peer, rather than as a soldier. He’d figure it out. Improvising a plan was most of his job, at least during expeditions.

They were late. At least half an hour late. Likely an intentional snub. Both adults wore finery that would be more at home in a royal banquet, not a party with a fellow family. A concerning start, but not so insurmountable as to make the party pointless. The Graves family greeted them first, and Erwin took the chance to examine the visiting nobles.

The child was a teenage boy. Damn. His chances of being able to engage with him as a peer was low. He didn’t want to undermine his own future reputation by pretending to be too star-struck. The boy looked irritated just by being there. Take him out of the house, perhaps? A more firm approach may work well, depending on the boy’s confidence levels. Erwin could push him a little just to see how it went. Would the boy be threatened by it, if Erwin was too self-assured?

Erwin hated politics, but people? He liked to learn what made people tick, how to get them to do what they wanted, how they responded to different things. Levi had called him a manipulative bastard. Erwin never disagreed.

He bowed smoothly as his mother introduced him, very careful of the depth. A child to an adult of higher standing, not that of a peasant to a noble.

“What a… charming family. They’ve been invited as well, I see?” The noblewoman asked, eyeing them up and down like a mangy group of wolves. Disgust, pity, fear of getting bitten. The look that had him wanting to bare his teeth back, to show his fangs were still deadly, even if he was tiny.

“Yes, the Smith family are dear friends of mine! Mr. Smith has been a teacher at the local school for years now, he’s smarter than both of us combined, I’d bet on it! His little boy’s proving to be just as smart, too, so I've heard. Mrs. Smith is just the loveliest woman, so kind, so hardworking! Such a wonderful mother, too!” Mrs. Graves fawned over them like prized pets, giving Erwin’s hair a ruffle. As simply everyone did, it seemed. He smoothed it back out the moment the woman let go, and made brief, commiserating eye-contact with the teenager, who looked equally displeased to be here.

Perhaps he could make an ally here.

Dinner was already set up, and his family was settled dead-center on the long table, his mother in the middle, his father and Erwin on each side of her. The visiting nobles were, of course, settled on ends, near the host and hostess as they sat at the ends of the long table. It all made quite a statement. Erwin was exhausted already.

The dinner itself went well. The food was eaten with relish by all. Erwin was careful to eat with poise and as much good manners as he could muster. Doing so forced the nobles to eat the same way. It wouldn’t do to be shown up by a commoner, after all. His father didn’t seem to notice, though his mother shot him a few glances.

It was gratifying to see his bread eaten. He’d have to memorize the recipe. It was quite good, especially with the fresh berries.

Once the dinner ended, it was time to mingle. Ghastly. Erwin didn’t bother to be particularly subtle, the teenager looked fed-up already. He simply approached and offered his hand.

“Erwin Smith.”

“Aldwyn Kleist,” the boy answered, sounding disinterested, “You’re my entertainment for the night? Perhaps, you could give me a tour of the city. If we take long enough, perhaps this whole thing will be done.” He let Erwin’s hand hover, so he let it drop.

Wishful thoughts. This whole thing would likely take long into the night. Erwin would wake at noon tomorrow, just to catch up on sleep. He nodded and went looking for his mother.

“Okaa-san, Aldwyn wants me to show him around the city. May we go? We will be back before dark.” Erwin asked his mother, making sure to look at Mrs. Kleist too, an unspoken request for permission. His mother also looked her way, and the woman nodded, slightly exasperated. His mother nodded too.

“Don’t leave the Walls. Don’t you go annoying the Garrison either, you hear?”

Loud and clear. Erwin nodded, bowed again politely, to the nobles first, then his parents, and headed away. Aldwyn didn’t say goodbye, just followed him out.

“Where would you like to go?” Erwin asked, and the boy shrugged in that annoying way teenagers did.

“Wherever.” Aldwyn said, rolling his neck impolitely. Nothing that helped Erwin know where he was actually hoping to go.

So, Erwin led him over to the slaughterhouse.

“The market?” The now pale teenager asked. It seemed ‘wherever’ was indeed wrong. Sometimes, if people refused to make a decision, one simply had to worsen the situation enough to get them to make a choice.

Erwin led the way to the market. Now evening, it was far less busy, and far more tolerable. It helped that he had a task to focus on.

“Is there an item you wanted to search for, or did you just want to browse?” Erwin asked, only a slight note of challenge in his voice. If he shrugged and said whatever again, Erwin would hunt down someone who was selling bait, this time. Fishing in the canals was generally discouraged, due to contamination, but there were ponds and lakes around.

Aldwyn seemed to recognize the challenge in Erwin’s eyes. “Oh, um- maybe the- we could look at the-” panicking at the sudden requirement to make a decision didn’t bode well, “we could maybe look for some… swords?” He cringed at the last word, clearly just throwing something out there for the sake of making a decision. It seemed that the boy’s family was quite controlling, for him to be so unsettled just deciding where to shop.

Erwin could fix that, given enough time.

More than a single night.

And if he cared enough to try. Aldwyn wasn’t one of his.

So, Erwin led them to the nearby blacksmith, squinting a little at the wave of heat that poured through the air as he opened the door for Aldwyn. The boy paused for a moment, clearly second-guessing his willingness to enter, but a quick glance back at Erwin was enough to convince him to walk in. Indecisive and weak-willed. Still fixable, if the boy desired it, and put effort in. Shadis could whip the boy into shape, Erwin was sure.

Erwin wasn’t Shadis, and he’s already decided that he didn’t care enough to bother. He had enough on his plate. He could plant the seeds, but it was the boy’s choices that would water them.

“Mr. Cole, I’ve brought a customer!” Erwin called, letting the heavy door slam shut behind them, trapping them in this oven of a storefront. The man insisted that everyone called him Cole instead of his last name for the pure love of the pun, a blacksmith named Cole. Erwin had heard every coal related pun that existed, he was sure. The man was a good babysitter, from what Erwin remembered, despite his tendency to let children chew on things they shouldn’t.

“Is that little Erwin that I hear? A customer?” Mr. Cole bellowed, his volume always too loud. Hearing-loss, Erwin was sure.

“It is. I’ve brought Mr. Aldwyn Kleist. He wants to look at your swords.

Cole poked his head out through the heavy curtain of leather that acted as a barrier against the worst of the heat of the forge, letting a wave of air in. “I see! I’ve got more swords than I know what to do with, I tell ya! They’re all my damn apprentices want to make, you know? Kids, they don’t understand the value of a damn good horseshoe, eh Erwin?”

Erwin nodded severely. “Approximately five silvers per shoe, as low as two if purchased in bulk.” As the Scout Regiment did often. Painfully often. The price for the Blacksmith was usually more, as it took days to shoe so many horses properly, and they had to make the shoes specifically for every horse’s food, which meant they had to be able to examine the horses, and it was a whole event every damn time. Every bit of protection that could keep the horses running, help them keep their footing, would help keep his Scouts alive. It still drove Erwin half-mad by the time it was over with, and anytime the horses got shuffled around, he had to deal with people fighting over their horses, and three quarters of all their damn horses were brown, with minimal markings. Accusations of stealing were the least of it.

Freya, of course, never got stolen. She was one of the few horses that weren't, which were usually guarded zealously by their owners, and he was no exception. She’d been his for longer than most of them had been Scouts, and like hell he was going to lose her in the shuffle that

Cole laughed like Erwin had said the best joke in the world, a roaring, full-body laugh that pulled a smile from both boys. Erwin was fond of the man. He’d been one of the few to try and help Erwin, after the loss of his father. Erwin had signed up for the Cadet Corps the moment he turned twelve, the same day, actually. The man had kept their house up and running. He was the reason Erwin had still had it, that the place hadn’t crumbled under disrepair.

Had Levi ever visited it, after Erwin’s death? He’d left the place to him, after all. It was too far out of the way to be of any real use to the Scouts, too far north, and Erwin had been too sentimental to simply order it sold off. Levi would do whatever he felt was best, and if it helped the man in the slightest, Erwin would be satisfied.

Cole led them to a pile of swords left on a sturdy table. Some looked finished, nicely sheathed in scabbards, others looked half-made, roughly shaped and duller than paperwork. “My boys have been making swords like they’re preparing for war, the vermin. You looking for something pretty, or something useful, boy? I’ve got no mind for swords, just knives, so the stuff my boys have made will have to do. Anything in a scabbard is sellable, but I can’t tell you how sharp they are. Lazy as cats, those boys.”

Aldwyn looked overwhelmed by the choices already, and Erwin sighed internally. More pushing would be required, it seemed. Indecisiveness killed.

“Are you going to answer him?” Erwin asked the boy, boredly. He plucked one half-forged sword out of the pile, eyeing the metal. The creator had cracked it, it seemed, probably cooled it too rapidly. It would get melted down soon.

“Oh- is there one that’s both…?” Aldwyn answered Cole nervously. His shoulders were drawn up nearly to his ears. He looked downright timid. If he was to inherit the title from his father, he’d have to learn this. Had he really been so protected as to never make his own decisions, or did they merely let him squirm out of it at the slightest sign of discomfort?

Most worthwhile things in this world were uncomfortable. If he coasted along, the boy would never live.

Erwin could see Cole softening, because he was truly a kind man, and Erwin shot him a meaningful look. Don’t let up. He must learn this. The boy had no real confidence, not even to pick out his own sword.

There was a sheathed sword that Erwin liked the hilt of, so he picked it up, examining first the leather of the hilt, then the guard, then unsheathing it, checking the shape of the blade. Quite straight. Each movement was more deliberate than normal, as if going through a checklist. The boy would follow Erwin’s lead, fumble around, or crumble, and it was up to him which it would be. Erwin could only model.

Aldwyn picked up a different sheathed sword, copying Erwin’s behavior nervously. When he faltered, unsure what else to do, Erwin switched swords, repeating the process again. This particular sword was not as good as the first, the central ridge just slightly off center, so Erwin brushed his thumb over the down the ridge, highlighting the problem, and sheathed it. He set it aside. Aldwyn glanced at the one in his hand, noting what Erwin had already spotted, that the ridge was also off center, not forming the proper diamond shape the apprentice was going for. Cole was frowning, clearly planning how to break that apprentice of the habit. The boy also set his aside, moving onto the next one.

Aldwyn gained confidence in examining the swords physically, so Erwin started testing the balance of the first sword, swinging it idly. It felt good in his hand. He actually quite liked the sword, not that he could buy it. He needed a knife, anyway, not something that would attract attention like this. He tested one of the ones that had passed Aldwyn’s inspection. Too heavy. It’d hit hard through armor, but it would be a bitch to swing for more than a few blows. He set it in the pile of rejected swords, and Aldwyn got the message. Erwin let him test the rest on his own.

In the end, they found three swords that fit the bill for function, and Aldwin was clearly torn between them. He could see the boy glancing his way, as if asking for more guidance, but Erwin simply waited, standing at ease. Cole was equally unforthcoming, seeming to understand what Erwin was doing, if not why.

The boy was going to pick the fine looking sword on the right, with a plain leather hilt and simple cross guard. It wasn’t as pretty as the other ones, but he’d seen the boy testing the balance, seen how he’d blinked at it in surprise. He may be drawn to a more decorative sword, but the memory of how it felt in his hand would have already made his decision. Aldwyn took the sword, giving it a few more swings, which was enough to convince him.

“This one?” Aldwyn asked, holding out the sword to Cole.

“Are you asking him or telling him?” Erwin asked harshly, and finally, the boy’s back straightened. He shot Erwin a glare that Erwin returned steadily.

“This one. How much is it?” The boy asked, the nervousness faded in favor of anger.

Cole gave Aldwyn the price and the boy handed the money over without hesitation. It was a lower price than Erwin would’ve expected, undoubtedly due to it being made by an apprentice, instead of Cole himself.

Aldwyn stared at the sword the whole way back to the mansion. Erwin had to tug him out of the way of oncoming people and horses several times. Had he never bought something of his own before? The way he looked at it, almost awed, said the answer would be disappointing. How did they expect the boy to learn to lead if he never made decisions himself?

When they stood outside the mansion, just before Erwin could open the door for them both, Aldwyn stopped him.

“Thank you.” That timidness was back, the boy’s eyes lowered.

“Stand up straight. You’re a noble. A leader. Don’t let others make decisions for you just because it’s less frightening. You’re not a pig, going where they tell you, eating what they give you, until the day you’re slaughtered. If you let them, they’ll cage you like one.” Erwin met the boy’s eyes as he spoke, his voice probably too impassioned, too knowing, for his proper age, but it needed to be said. He held Aldwyn’s gaze until he looked away, then he tugged the door open, letting him enter first.

“We’re back, Okaa-san.” Erwin called, finding his parents, the Graves and the Kleist families in the parlor, playing a card game. His mother’s face was reddened, and she was laughing along with the rest as his father regaled them with some amusing story. It seemed the charming part of the plan was going well.

“Oh, Erwin! You’re back! Did you two enjoy yourselves?”

Erwin nodded, though he’d been more or less vaguely annoyed and wary the whole time. If he wasn’t so tired, he may have pushed the boy a bit more delicately, in a way that would make him dislike Erwin less. It had worked well enough and all, but the boy wouldn’t thank him for the way he’d gone about it. Whether the boy took it to heart would have to be seen. Teenagers were not his favorite people. Too emotional, too fickle. Unnerving. He’d develop a good report for a while, then they’d bite his head off the next. He never knew what to expect from them. He usually left the recruits to his section commanders and Levi.

Aldwyn showed off his sword with relish the moment his mother noticed, the shocked gasp startling the others. He left Erwin’s part in the matter out, and his mother tittered over how smart her little boy was, how well he’d done. His father was more judgmental, plucking the blade from his son’s hands, examining it. Testing it. His eyebrows rose, a pleasantly surprised expression on his face, and he returned the sword.

“A fine blade. It will serve you well, my boy.” His father’s praise made Aldwyn’s face light up. He clutched the sword like a gift from above, a proud grin on his face. With any luck, the reinforcement would make the lesson stick. Erwin doubted he’d be seeing the boy again after this, at least not for a while.

The party seemed to be a success, at least judging by the looks on everyone’s faces. Once the sun set, Erwin started flagging, his young body not able to handle lack of sleep as well as his fully grown one. It was only when his head hit the table, startling him back awake with a jolt, that his parents took their leave.

It took Erwin a moment to realize his father had picked him up. He’d been thinking of what he had to gather up, if anything. Were they bringing the bread home? Then, he was airborne for a breath moment, and he reacted by instinct, jolting upright as if he was hanging from his gear, and then he was tucked against his father’s chest as his family said their farewell.

“Good job today, Erwin. You did amazing. Get some rest.” His mother praised and kissed his brow. His father started walking, a steady, easy rhythm, and Erwin could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady. His mother was speaking softly, his father responding just as quietly and Erwin was just so tired. He couldn’t comprehend a word, beyond the tones of their voices. Affectionate.

Erwin was asleep before they’d even reached the market.

Chapter Text

Erwin gave himself the rest of the week to prepare for his trip. With the leftover ingredients from the successful party, Erwin was allowed to bake as he wished. His mother encouraged his attempts to learn.

His father laughed himself to tears about how much the sorry, rock-hard little biscuits looked like military rations. His mother nearly took the poor man’s head off for it too, patting Erwin on the head and insisting she would teach him to make proper biscuits.

They were indeed military rations.

Erwin wrapped them up and tucked them away in his room and learned to make honey biscuits with his mother.

As much as he could, he hung around the Garrison soldiers, asking questions, making a nuisance of himself. He helped the poor man, Lucas, who was the squad’s work-horse ever since he got dead last on the last training exercise, refill the tanks several times. On Thursday, another squad was there refilling their own tanks. Lucas and Erwin finished first, so Erwin helped the squad finish, rewarded with ruffled hair and coos. Hopefully the word would spread, and he’d be able to assist others too.

On Friday evening, he took a waterskin, a firestarter, and his tin of chamomile tea, tucking them away in his room. A pouch, meant to be looped around the waist like a belt, was too big for him, so he loosened it as much as he could and hooked it over his shoulder instead, where the strap dug irritatingly into his neck. With it, Erwin could carry the supplies that he needed. He slipped out of the house in the dead of night, with the last honey biscuit packed up as well for later. He’d considered leaving a note, but… he just wasn’t sure what to say. There was no excuse for it. He was running off into the night without a single reason for it that they would understand.

The path to the ODM gear was a familiar route, and he strapped himself in with relish. He’d stick to the forest, avoiding the main paths. He’d folded up his map and tucked it away in his pack too, just to ensure he wouldn’t get hopelessly lost.

Foraging was quite unsuccessful, so close to the city, and short of using the ODM gear’s hooks as a weapon, hunting would be difficult. He couldn’t even prepare it properly without a blade. It would be a waste of a life.

There’d been more than enough of that already.

So, his first day walking went just fine. He walked and walked and walked some more. The ground was rocky, but he wanted to conserve the precious gas for emergencies, so he went around what he couldn’t climb safely. He encountered a mountain goat once, and it had seemed just as startled as he was.

It was an hour before sunrise that he made camp. Camp used loosely. Mostly, he found a place that would hide him well, so he decided to sleep there rather than risk not finding a good place after nightfall. He’d likely wake before dawn and could make up for lost time then. Considering he was alone, there was no one to keep watch, so somewhere well-hidden was paramount.

He probably spent more of the night trying to get to sleep than he did actually sleeping, and he sure felt it in the morning. He hadn’t slept at all before beginning his journey, and a rocky night’s sleep only took the edge off his exhaustion, both physical and mental.

Which was probably why he didn’t notice Sasha until he walked into her.

To be fair, she also hadn’t noticed him, as she’d been standing in the pathway in a half-crouch, watching something with the sharp eyes of a hunter. Probably starving, the poor girl, considering ghosts neither ate, nor had real food. They could conjure up items, but it was a poor substitute to actually eating, to the taste of actual food.

Still, he’d been wandering in an exhausted haze, so it was mostly his fault, and he scared away the deer she’d been stalking.

“Connie! I was hunting that for hours!” Sasha rounded on him, eyes full of rage and searching for someone far taller than him, “How am I supposed to keep my skills up if I can't…” She stopped, her eyes shifting downward almost comically.

“Commander Erwin, sir!” She saluted him instantly, shocked, before faltering, seeming to realize the location they were in.

“Sasha. At ease.” Erwin greeted politely, before letting his voice harden, “Where the hell did you all go?”

“Oh… that…” She laughed nervously, backing away as if from an approaching Titan, not a child. “We’ve kinda… come to an agreement? Well, the Shifters have, because we don’t want to fight, because none of us can die, so it’d just keep going, so the rest of us kinda had to follow along.”

“What kind of agreement?” Erwin asked sharply. He doubted that would’ve stopped Mike from returning, but if they decided to stop him physically?

“Just- to leave you alone until you graduated the Cadet Corps. Zeke and the other Marleyan shifters were very firm on it, that if they were denied access, all the Scouts would be too, and Eren- Ymir too. She agreed that we should stay away. She said if we- if you- it’s not really important, you should just- I- I really have to leave. Sorry, Commander, it was nice seeing you!” Sasha scrambled to salute again, and Erwin could see she was getting ready to run.

“Sasha.” The sharpness in Erwin’s voice stopped her dead, “Where is Mike? I sent him on an important task, and he never came back. Mike doesn’t disappear without a word, especially not when he was so nervous to leave me alone. Who stopped him?”

“Commander- I’m really sorry, but things are really tense right now. I think… I’d guess that Captain Levi stopped him, if anyone. Him and Commander Hange have been organizing the Scout Regiment. They’ve agreed to the Shifter’s restrictions, so far.” Sasha explained, still tense and stuttering.

“And the paperwork I’ve requested from my Scouts? What about that? Or do the Shifters’ new rules supersede my own orders?” Erwin asked, a flicker of irritation leaking into his tone.

“I don’t know, Commander. They’re still having us write it, so far. Maybe they’re planning on delivering it soon, or they’re waiting for the right moment?” Sasha offered hopefully.

Erwin sighed. It seemed like actually finding someone who knew what was going on would be difficult. “If they’re looking to avoid me, I’ll likely be gone for a few weeks. Tell Levi he can send it then.”

“Where are you going now?” Sasha asked, a note of concern in her voice.

“I’m heading to a town north east of here, Hataka. I’ll refill my gas canisters, then head to the city where Hugo lives.”

“You’re… already working on it? So soon? And you’re going on foot?”

Erwin nodded. “I wasn’t lying. I asked for the information for a reason. Hugo’s sister will die within this year, and he isn’t sure when it will happen. I have to move quickly.”

“They- they don’t want you to be doing this. Ymir said-” Sasha cut herself off again, and Erwin was getting quite sick of being left out of the loop.

“I’ve decided to do it. Either they give me what information they can, or I turn my attention towards Wall Sina.”

“Wall- What plans do you have for Wall Sina? What are you thinking, Commander? You’re eight!”

Erwin remained purposefully silent, conveying his meaning clearly. If she didn’t share information with him, why should he share with her?

Sasha drooped for a moment, groaning her displeasure to the world, then sighed and straightened. “Ymir is… worried, mostly. You’re only eight, mentally, even if you’re scary smart and you remember being an adult. She believes that if the Shifters and the Scouts all are fighting over you, trying to use you, someone’s gonna push you too hard. So… she made all the Shifters agree not to approach you until you’re old enough, and Eren backed her, and Zeke too, and- there isn’t anything we can do against them, not really. Historia agreed too, and even if she’s not really the Queen, she still kinda is. Commander Pyxis and Commander Nile backed her, for all that matters, considering they probably each have ten soldiers.”

Ugh. He understood the desire, though he wouldn’t agree, even if he was on the outside of this whole mess. Erwin was here for one purpose, to change the fate of this world. He wasn’t a child, and he wasn’t going to stand idle. Did they expect him to sit quietly and go to class? This wasn’t a second childhood, this wasn’t a new life. Erwin was to serve his purpose, no more than that. He would have to explain it, whenever he managed to speak to them.

“What are you going to do in Sina?” Sasha prodded carefully, clearly hopeful that her information was enough. It wasn’t something he was planning on hiding in the first place, and he’d gotten what he wanted already.

“I’m going to try and get the Underground citizenship inside Wall Sina. Considering they were born within the walls, it is their birthright.” Erwin explained easily, unbothered by the startled look on her face. He really should get moving soon. Sasha didn’t have much more information to give him.

“The whole Underground? You really think it’ll work?” Sasha asked, considering.

“I can try, at least.” Erwin shrugged. “I’ll leave you in peace. Tell Mike that I’ve rescinded his order.”

Even if Mike himself could get around the order, getting Grisha there would be far more difficult, since all the Shifters would be against him too.

“Right! I’ll tell him!” Sasha saluted, too fast, clumsily.

“Tell him I don’t blame him.”

It hurt like hell, but it wasn’t Mike’s fault. Erwin would just have to treasure the time he had with his mother.

The rest of the day, in contrast to encountering Sasha, was far more boring. More walking, slightly less climbing as the ground shifted to something less rocky. It would be like that for a day or so, as he reached more fertile land. After two days, he’d probably reach the town where he’d fill his gas.

He walked well into the night, this time, searching futilely for a safe place to camp, before settling for a grassy dip in the ground and no fire. He ate the honey biscuit, and one of the ration biscuits. The difference was stark.

This time, he slept like the dead, too exhausted to do otherwise, and well past sunrise too. This area was too exposed to wear his gear openly, so he tucked it away in his pack, the canisters almost too big to fit. They made an odd bulge in the fabric that Erwin couldn’t get to disappear entirely. It would be tempting for bandits who thought he had something big, something worth stealing.

He encountered people finally, living ones, though he kept a wary distance. A few waved, clearly concerned, but they respected it when he skirted around them. It was a boring and tiring day. Erwin was quickly getting sick of walking. With no one to talk to and nothing to keep himself busy, his mind wandered in circles, half-formed plans, thoughts that he couldn’t shake.

His mother, bleeding out in the doctor’s office, with a man too incompetent to save her and one boy too scared to leave his mother’s side to run for his father. Erwin’s father would arrive ten minutes too late to say goodbye to his wife, and Erwin would hold his mother’s hand until the doctor pulled him away.

It always struck him, how warm she’d been.

Erwin was an avid reader. He loves all sorts of stories, especially adventure, and his father tended to indulge the habit without regard for age-appropriateness. All the talk of bodies growing cold, but he must have held her hand for nearly an hour, and it still felt like she could have sat right up and smiled at him. Like she wasn’t even dead yet. The doctor had been saying it wasn’t safe for him to be lingering around the body.

It was his mother.

His father had been crying, and Erwin hadn’t, because she was still warm, so she was still alive, and that was the way it worked, right? But the doctor had kept tugging him away, and it had taken years for him to understand that he hadn’t been forced to abandon his dying mother. He didn’t know how many nightmares he’d had about her begging Erwin to stay, not to let her die alone.

He hadn’t understood. He had been by her side as she died.

A day full of boredom and the company of only his own thoughts was rarely a good one, and this day was no exception. He ate two ration biscuits, soaking them in some water just to make them edible. He didn’t want to bite them.

One of his front teeth was wiggly, and even though he knew it was fine, that they were just baby teeth, it was still terrifying.

Pyxis liked to torment Erwin by showing off his own missing back molar at every chance he got. He insisted Erwin would eventually reach ‘that age’ someday, and that he would laugh at him for his squeamishness about teeth of all things. He could see one of his men bitten in half and not blink an eye, the man would laugh to whoever would listen, but the sight of a missing tooth would make him nauseous.

Now, Erwin was a child and destined to lose every single tooth in his mouth except for the ones that had already fallen out the year before. He felt a little sick at the thought.

So, he ate his biscuits soggy. Completely reasonable.

He also chewed carefully with his back teeth, on the opposite side of the loose tooth, just in case.

Sleeping was nearly impossible, he saw no less than three fires in the distance, and their proximity was unnerving. Still, he laid down on his stomach, low in the grass enough not to be seen, and rested for several hours. Mostly, he napped, on and off, jolting awake at a particularly hard gust of wind.

By morning, the wind had brought with it rain.

Erwin was soaked to the skin and miserable. He didn’t stop moving, hoping to reach the town and potentially shelter soon. Even moving quickly, it took him the better part of four cold and wet hours to reach the first building, and another to reach the actual town. There weren’t many people, but it was still more than he’d seen in days.

His chance of getting allowed to take shelter was pinned on his ability to be worth allowing inside. He either needed a trade, money, or to look so pathetic and half-drowned that someone took pity on him. As soaked as he was, it was potentially possible. His hopes were low, however.

Erwin moved through the town quickly. If this rain continued until nightfall, he would be able to refill his canisters unbothered, but if he could dry off in the meantime, it would be wonderful. The wind was only making him colder, and combined with the cold rain, Erwin was shivering pathetically too.

There was a stable, adjacent to an inn. He might be able to get permission to spend the night if he was polite enough. He pulled the door open, and the wind caught it, flinging it open with a crash before he could stop it. He had to fight to shut it, only able to when someone leaned over him and helped.

“Damn, kid, how long have you been out there?” A man asked, a warm cloth aiding him in wiping the water from his eyes, moving quickly to dry his hair too, scrubbing roughly.

“Since it started.” Erwin answered with difficulty, and the person finally finished up, letting the now damp towel settle around Erwin’s shoulders. “It was raining when I woke up this morning.”

“Where’s your parents, kid? Are they outside too?” Another male voice asked. There were a lot of people, all men, all drunk in some shape or form. Some were already slumped over, barely upright, while others were simply flushed.

Well, not everyone. Something about the men in the corner drew his eyes, but he couldn’t look for long.

“No, they’re not here. I’m traveling. I wanted to know if I could spend the night in the barn? I’m experienced with horses, I can help muck the stalls and feed the horses.”

“Well sure, kid. We can always use the help. However long you need to stay.” A woman behind the bar called, looking at the man who’d asked about Erwin’s parents. “Vernan, make sure there’s an empty stall for the boy. Clean shavings too. We don’t give out rooms for free, you hear, but we won’t leave you out in the cold either. Just don’t bug the horses, and mind your manners, that’s all we ask of you.”

Erwin nodded seriously, and the man who’d dried him off dragged him over to the fire to get warm, which Erwin accepted easily. It brought him closer to the unnerving men in the corner, so he looked directly at them, meeting their eyes one by one, a silent message.

I see you, his look said.

They looked away, and Erwin settled next to the fire. He kept his pack hooked in front of him, close to his chest. It was waterproof, so his biscuits should be fine. Erwin sat by the fire until he was sufficiently warmed, and then quickly went to find a bath of some sort. Cold water would suck, but he didn’t care. He wanted to be clean. The innkeeper didn’t protest, just pointing him in the right direction.

Bathing was perhaps one of the most familiar things he’d done in a while. A public bathroom, strangers, and ice-cold water. It felt just like bathing at the Scout headquarters, at least before he became Commander and earned his own. ‘His’ being relative, as anyone who wanted a private bath would often use it. Erwin never minded, as long as they kept it clean and ensured each other’s privacy. Levi was the most frequent visitor, but anyone higher ranking than squad-leader generally knew that it was open. Erwin was pretty sure there was a sign-up sheet somewhere, built to work around Erwin’s strict schedule. Somewhere only Scouts could see, considering how paranoid Levi was about how one could tell time by Erwin’s routine. He was making it too easy for assassins, Levi insisted. He needed to vary his behavior, so they couldn’t predict where he would be at any one time.

Erwin had survived more assassins than he probably realized. Mike’s nose was a wonderful thing. The fact that he lost around 10% of his food to Mike’s ‘taste testing’ was a small price to pay. He’d once taken one look at Erwin’s food and thrown it out the window. Followed by the newest cook, about fifty seconds later.

Erwin missed having comrades. He missed having someone who he could trust, who could have his back just as much as he had theirs.

A Scout alone was a dead Scout. It never felt truer than now. Erwin couldn’t even relax as he took a cold bath, too focused on making sure no one stole his bag.

He bathed, he changed his clothes to fresh, dry ones, careful not to let his gear be seen, and he walked right back over to the fire to warm up again. The men were gone, but that gave Erwin no assurance. For all he knew, they were getting reinforcements. That assumed that they were hostile, of course, which Erwin was reasonably sure of.

Something in their eyes. Predatory. They wanted something from him. Whether that was sadistic, sexual or monetary, Erwin didn’t yet know, nor did he want to find out. He’d wait out here until dark, go to the stables, put on his gear, refill, and get the hell away. It was too risky to sleep here.

If he had someone to keep watch, there wouldn’t be a problem. As it was, he was horribly exposed while asleep.

Sleep was becoming a far more precious commodity than he’d wish. He wasn’t at his best as he was now, not alone.

Erwin sat by the fire for hours, just staring blankly into the flames. It was the only rest his brain was going to get tonight.

He just wanted to sleep soundly, was that too much to ask?

Slowly, as the sun went down, the inn began to fill as people started looking for drink. Erwin slipped out through a group of Garrison soldiers, got slapped with pouring rain that drenched him in an instant, and slipped into the stable. It took nearly ten minutes to slip on his gear, something that probably would’ve given his trainer a heart attack out of pure outrage. He was tiny, the straps were too big, he was wet, his clothes were wet, and everything sucked. He took out a biscuit to eat as he walked, the rain would take care of softening it up. He’d intentionally baked them until they were dry, to help them last longer, but it was doing his wiggly tooth that he didn’t like to be reminded of no favors. He could only hope it would hold on for long enough for him to get a proper night’s sleep, if it fell out while he was this tired, he’d probably freak out.

Refilling was quick and easy. The rain and the dark sky helped him hide his approach, and the noise of the tavern drew travelers. It was easy to find too, more tucked away than he’d expected. Covered too, out of the sun. Downright fancy.

Erwin left the town faster than he’d entered, and just as wet. He left the main path immediately, veering off towards the nearest patch of trees that he could spot in the distance. If they decided to chase him, he could be in some trouble. Assuming, of course, they spotted him leaving and saw what direction he’d left. He should be safe, but precautions were important. It would be bad if they had horses, especially in an open plain.

He reached the forest after about two hours of walking and immediately took to the trees, hunting for the highest tree he could spot. Flying through the air while severely sleep deprived was particularly safe, he hit several branches on the way. Still, he found a particularly tall tree in a few minutes.

Finally.

Erwin found a thick branch that split off and leapt to it, straddling the branch. One hook went in the branch, the other in the trunk, both wires looped around the straps on his waist. Even if he fell in his sleep, the wires would catch him. Sure, the bark was hardly comfortable, but he was safe and at that point, it was all he truly cared about. He cushioned his head with his hand and went to sleep.

He woke up a long time later, groggy and soaked through but his brain was working again. He felt amazing. The rain was still going, not as cold as before, the sky dark and dreary, but he could only assume it was daytime.

Erwin wasn’t sure if he could orient himself at the moment. Visibility was low, and he couldn’t see either the sun or the stars. He’d have to either find a landmark or hope he went the right direction, and getting lost was risky. Eventually, he’d reach either Wall Maria or Wall Rose, but he’d lose a lot of time, and food and water was always a concern.

So, Erwin went back to sleep, waiting out the storm. It was possibly the laziest he’d allowed himself to be since going back. His body barely even protested the uncomfortable position. Being a child again had its perks.

He probably napped for at least three hours and spent another four just watching the rain fall, the drops catching the dim light in a sparkling display. Once, he saw a deer and he was half-tempted to pounce on it from his vantage point, but he’d have to drag the damn thing back to town too, if he managed to kill it with his gear. Instead, he watched it graze, eventually getting startled by something in the bushes and running off. He wondered what it said about him that his first instinct was to kill the thing.

The rain abated for just long enough to get a fading view of the sunset, meaning he’d been lounging about all day long. It meant he knew which way was west, though, so he turned east, and then slightly north. He wouldn’t miss the village that would act as his next target landmark, which would tell him he was on the right path.

The damn storm lasted three fucking days after Erwin left the town. He was constantly wet, his boots squishing with every step. He hated it. The golden glitter of the raindrops was giving him a headache, the way it shifted with the light, it was dizzying. Like the drops were constantly being lit by the setting sun, a gleam that only he could see.

He reached the village about two days in, ghosting right through. The area was getting more heavily forested, the path more winding, so Erwin often leapt from tree to tree with his gear, swinging with only the reels for minimal gas usage.

It was a relief every time he used his gear, like physical proof that what he remembered actually happened. He wouldn’t be able to do this if it wasn’t real. The golden tint to his vision was another reminder, though he was adjusting to it slowly.

A day after the storm abated, Erwin finally reached the town where Hugo lived. He’d caught a rabbit on the way, killing the poor thing before it even knew he was coming, once signs of habitation became clear and he knew he was close. He couldn’t do much to butcher it, so he just brought it with him.

It was a small town, clearly poor. He’d guess they made their living on logging and hunting. He didn’t bother hiding his gear, not this far out. He looked like a bedraggled rat, and carrying a dead rabbit too, he doubted people would recognize him later.

There was a deer carcass hanging near a residence, so he knocked on the door. It was early afternoon, so he shouldn’t be bothering anyone.

The man who opened the door was tall in a way that pinged some warning bell in the back of his head, but he stood his ground.

“I caught a rabbit on the road, but I don’t have anything to prepare it. Is there someone who can help me, or some tools I could borrow?” Erwin asked, letting his voice relax into something self-assured and confident.

The man eyed him up and down for a moment before stepping out, waving him over. Erwin trailed behind the man, more comfortable with distance between them, especially when the man grabbed a knife. He held out his hand, clearly wanting Erwin to hand it over, so he complied, stepping back as soon as the rabbit was in his possession.

The man skinned and dressed the rabbit startlingly quickly, he was clearly very skilled. Erwin was impressed. He wouldn’t be able to do that with half the skill as an adult. He kept glancing Erwin’s way too, eyeing his gear. His eyes were a shade of brown that seemed golden to Erwin’s eyes, something about the way the sun’s light and his own tinted vision. His hair was brown, down to his chin. He had regal features, something vaguely familiar. Erwin was sure he didn’t know the man personally, but he may have met a family member.

That didn’t erase Erwin’s unease.

It took perhaps five minutes for the man to finish, and when he was done, he set the knife down. He’d read Erwin’s discomfort, which meant Erwin wasn’t hiding it well enough. “You killed it well. Clean. Well done, especially without a knife. Are you traveling or wandering?”

“Traveling. I was hoping to be able to trade the rabbit meat and fur for some food that would keep for a while, I don’t have time or the supplies to dry it.”

The man nodded, serious as the grave. “Any good with that gear?”

Erwin nodded once sharply.

“You can hunt with it? There’s been a pack of wolves running around, being a nuisance. Scaring off the game, stalking young children. No attacks yet, but it’s just a matter of time as they get hungrier. We’ve been organizing a hunting party. Someone who can move like you do could be handy. We’ll pay you fairly, and you’ll get your share of the meat and furs too.”

Suspicious.

It was a good plan, using him as bait, but did he truly seem so desperate that he would agree to it? Or were they the desperate ones?

The plan did not fit normal morality. Normal people, people unlike Erwin, wouldn’t even consider it. Risking the life of a child, just to increase the mission’s chances of success? Most people wouldn’t even consider it.

Which meant this man was someone like Erwin.

Which meant this man was dangerous.

Something in Erwin’s expression must have changed, or his body language, because the man held his hands up soothingly. “We won’t make you. It's a risky business, hunting wolves. I don’t blame you for not wanting to. If you want to trade, I have some dried meat that’ll keep for a while. I’ll give you three quarters of the weight of the fresh meat, half if you want to keep the pelt.”

Erwin remained silent, assessing. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to deal with this man. It sounded like a decent deal, but his trust in the man was already low. If he was fully grown, he’d feel more confident.

“I’ll accept the deal for the meat, but I’m not here to be bait.” Erwin said firmly. The man nodded, something sheepish on his face that rang untrue. Underneath it, he looked disappointed, startlingly so, maybe even disgruntled.

“Of course. I’ll wrap it up. Got a preference, or do you want rabbit for rabbit?” He asked, and Erwin just shrugged in response. He had no preference. Meat was meat. He’d eat it either way.

The man packed the dried meat up in waterproof paper and handed it over. Erwin tested the weight carefully and found it about right. Perhaps a little heavier than expected, but that might be another attempt to sooth any hard feelings.

Erwin bowed politely and walked away, tucking the package into his bag. The wolves were still on his mind. Why would the man be so desperate as to ask a random child he just met? Was it an attempt to lead Erwin into a trap to steal his gear? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have enough information to do anything more than wonder. He hadn’t mentioned any deaths, so why would he be desperate? Make the area dangerous enough, and the wolves should move on. A bounty?

Erwin walked to the area that Hugo had written of, troubled. Why would he ask such a thing of a child, if not under pressure? Sadism? He’d have to test the meat, make sure it wasn’t poisoned.

Levi could call Erwin a reckless idiot with no regard for personal safety all he wanted, but Erwin wasn’t going to risk everything. He hadn’t done a damn thing he wanted to achieve yet. He could protect himself.

Rusty metal. He needed to find rusty metal on the north side of town and remove it. Preferably without getting cut himself. He had to focus.

The task was surprisingly easy, in part, because Hugo was staring directly at it. He started at the sight of Erwin, shocked. Erwin just waved, eying the inconspicuous piece of rusty metal that would have claimed the life of a young girl before she had ever truly lived.

“Commander…?” The Scout was still in disbelief as Erwin took out a dirtied cloth, folding it multiple times before draping it over the exposed metal, using it to cushion his hand as he yanked once, twice, three times, and ripped it from the ground.

“Is there a blacksmith in the village,” Erwin asked, getting a startled shake of the head in return, “Where would be a safe place to put this?”

Hugo blinked, but then snapped to attention, running ahead before realizing that Erwin couldn’t move as fast.

It looked like at one point, it had been a wheel-plow, before getting abandoned. Perhaps it broke and was too expensive to fix, or it had been replaced by one that could be drawn by horses. Whatever the reason, it was in sorry shape.

Rather than risk the unwieldy, twisted hunk of metal twisting oddly as he dragged it and nicking him, Erwin used one of his hooks, wrapping the wire around the cloth and ensuring it caught securely, before letting it drag behind him at a safe distance. Hugo led him some distance away, almost half a mile. Still heavily forested, but denser, less populated by animals.

“No one comes here. It’s supposed to be haunted.” Hugo explained nervously. Erwin hummed, eyeing a large tree.

Haunted.

Erwin used his free hook to pull himself up into a large tree, with thick, sturdy branches. Reeling the hanging metal in, he grabbed it where the wire wrapped around, unwinding it with some difficulty. Hugo loomed over him, like he wanted desperately to help but was unsure how. Erwin fought the wire for a few moments before getting it free and inched his way to the end of the branch. There, he hooked the misshapen wheel over a branch, dragging it further down until it was held securely.

“Your solution is… hanging it up?” Hugo questioned, confused.

“It’s haunted.” Erwin said simply. “No one’s going to risk touching it. If they do, they know to be careful. If they cut themselves, they’ll likely go for help, since it appears cursed.” Could Erwin make it more dangerous looking?

He unwound the cloth, and after a moment’s thought, pushed a spike of metal through it a decent ways until it hit a crook in the metal that hung downwards. When he let go, it hung there, ominous. Even creepier. Like the metal itself had reached out, searching for blood, the cloth a warning that it had attacked before.

“Has anyone told you that your way of thinking is very odd, sir?” Hugo questioned, taking a good look at the tree with its new ornamentation.

Erwin nodded. Often.

“Commander… Thank you. I can’t tell you how relieved I am, knowing my sister is safe. I’m so grateful. The Captain said…” He trailed off, suddenly unsure, like he wasn’t sure if this was something he was supposed to share.

“Levi said…?” Erwin prompted, making Hugo drop his eyes.

“He said that any Scouts who were going to lose someone within the next seven years shouldn’t write to you. I’d- I’d already written it, and Section Commander Mike had already taken the paperwork from us who’d managed to finish in time, so I hadn’t broken the order intentionally. He said they’d agreed that you couldn’t and shouldn’t try to change anything so soon. I thought…”

Erwin hummed, slightly irritated. He’d asked for the paperwork for a reason.

“Levi knows more of the situation than I do, but I’m already out here. He knew better than to think I would sit idle. Have them write it and deliver it to me anyway. I won’t sit idly by as people die preventable deaths.”

“Sir… They explained it all to us. About how risky it is to save people at this point in time. How it could change something accidentally. It- It felt awful, but we understood. They’re saying the timeline needs to be preserved, in order to ensure what we know of the future is still useful.”

“What happens if that knowledge is no longer accurate?” Erwin asked suddenly, turning to face the ghost.

“Then… we lose our advantage?” Hugo offered, clearly uncertain.

“How?”

“Um… anything could happen?”

“And it couldn’t before?”

Hugo paused, startled. “I guess… no? If nothing changed, then it would have kept going the same way.”

“Yet, things have changed. I could die on any expedition I go on, and get others killed too early, and save some who were supposed to die. Do you think I even remember enough to try and do the exact same thing, just to avoid changing things? There’s no point trying to preserve something that is already doomed. I will save those who I can, because I can.” Erwin paused, taking the moment to look Hugo in the eyes, just to make sure what he said next would be taken to heart. “I want to make things as different as possible. For years, we charged forward into the unknown. We know so much more about our world now. Every expedition is unpredictable, but I know far more about Titans and the world outside the Walls, now. Trying to follow rigid rules isn’t our strength. Being flexible and adapting to the situation is. It is better for me to adapt to the changes to come than to try desperately to cling to familiarity.”

Slowly, regretfully, Hugo nodded. He took another look at the tree, taking a deep breath, before saluting. “Commander Erwin, I’ll let them know your decision. It doesn’t mean that they’ll change their minds, but- I’ll try to help, Sir. I’ll try to get the paperwork to you anyway.”

Erwin nodded once, acknowledging, and the Scout ran off like a Titan was at his heels. Without the need to fear falling, or even getting exhausted, his speed was impressive. There had been a fire in the boy’s eyes, one that he hadn’t caught a glimpse of previously. Hopefully, Erwin had at least one ghost on his side who’d be willing to bend the rules.

The metal was left behind as Erwin walked away. Hopefully he’d never see the damn thing again.

Erwin never spotted the wolves as he went back the way he’d come. He was still mulling over the oddity of the man when he found a safe spot to sleep that night, high in the trees. He was quite close to the town, but far enough he shouldn’t be bothered.

He wondered if he could get the man to join the Scouts.

Probably a bad idea.

Something about him felt off. Alarm bells were ringing, and he didn’t know what it meant.

Erwin wanted to go back. He wanted to get to the bottom of this. Unsolved mysteries ate away at him, always. Erwin liked to know things. He liked information, and he liked picking people apart, understanding them down to the core.

Step one: identify what he already knew. If he could examine all the facts, he might be able to put things together.

1. The man asked an eight year old boy to help them hunt wolves. He didn’t push Erwin, he didn’t beg, but there had been something angry in his eyes as Erwin refused.

2. Humans as a whole tried their best to shelter and protect children. Even Erwin tried, he just didn’t quite think the same as normal people.

3. They were alone, and isolated, meaning the consequences for any actions the man or Erwin took would be minimal. Generally, such things wouldn’t happen, on account of human nature. Being cruel or hostile to children was against human nature. It was natural to look out for children.

4. The wolves must have moved here. Hunting and logging were the dominant occupation here. Something had made them leave their home and invade this area.

5. The man had gone out of his way to assist Erwin when he hadn’t been required to and offered him a fair deal when he could have pushed Erwin to a far more unequal one. Erwin had no way to preserve the meat, so he had little choice unless he could trade with someone else in the village.

6. Erwin had been unusually uneasy around the man. Something about him set him on edge. He couldn’t quite understand why, but his instincts were rarely wrong.

7. The man had some familiar features that he couldn’t quite place. If he could identify who, he might be able to gain a little insight.

8. The man’s eyes looked gold. A trick of Erwin’s vision- or real?

9. Erwin was not going to be able to let go of this until he figured the man out.

Erwin went to sleep high in the trees, deep in thought until the moment he drifted off.

Morning came too quickly, and Erwin went hunting the moment he woke. The man was right: game was scarce. He had to move quite some distance away to find prey. The first thing he ran across, over three miles away, was a pheasant, a stroke of pure luck. He used the same tactic as he had in the rabbit, and it worked just as well. Small game was his limit, trying to go for anything he couldn’t snap the spine of quickly would only lead to trouble. He hunted for another twenty minutes, finding nothing, and hurried back to the village.

The man seemed startled to even see Erwin again, let alone with a pheasant in hand. This time, he had to pluck the feathers, so it took longer.

“When did the wolves first come?” Erwin asked first. The man didn’t look up from his work, moving with precision. The feathers would be useful for pillows or something.

“About two months ago.”

“From what direction?”

“West.”

“What’s your name?”

“Peter.” No last name forthcoming.

“Eren.” Erwin lied easily, “Why would you ask me to help you hunt the wolves?”

“You look like you know how to use that thing. No reason not to ask, if nothing else.” Peter finished plucking the pheasant, moving on from the task after tucking the feathers away. “Same deal as last time?” He gestured at the pheasant.

Erwin nodded. “How many people are in the hunting party?”

“Thirteen of us. We think the pack is about ten strong, but there’s signs of a den nearby too. Can’t let the bastards breed here too, or they’ll keep coming back. I wasn’t going to toss you to them. Just get you to draw their attention and distract them.”

“I need a knife.” And a little more information.

“You want that for your payment?” Peter perked up, a little bit of hope reappearing on his face. Erwin let his head tilt, considering. Something told him that the man could read Erwin’s body language as well as Erwin could his, so he could at least display something distracting.

“Where’s the nearest doctor?”

“‘About ten miles west of here.”

“I have to leave by the end of the day today.”

“I can have them gathered by mid-afternoon. Send someone to fetch the doc, too.”

Was Erwin being paranoid? Half of all his damn new recruits were Titans, it might have made him a little distrusting of normal people. But no- that uneasy feeling remained. The man seemed fine. Something was still off.

“How many people live in the area?” There. A slight hesitation to the answer, recalculating.

“Not even a hundred, anymore. People’ve been moving away.”

“But that number dropped recently? Very recently?” Erwin pressed. For an instant, the man’s knuckles whitened around the hilt of his knife as he butchered the pheasant, and Erwin was in a tree before he could have a second thought, right hook buried in the trunk.

The man set down his knife, very deliberately. Erwin didn’t move from his new safe perch.

“You’re lying to me. There are no wolves.” It wasn’t a question, just a verbal realization. “Traffickers or bandits?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Traffickers meant that anyone taken would be captured alive, if they had any competence. Bandits meant they were likely dead. Banditry bore a death sentence, at this time period. Later, it would be lifted, to the outrage of those within Wall Sina.

The people inside Wall Sina weren’t starving, not like Wall Rose had been. If they killed every kid they caught stealing, they’d have a Cadet class of ten people. At some point, it ingrained itself into the way of life. Keep aware of what you want to keep, or else someone else could take it from you, and vice versa. As the near famine died down, crime rates also dropped, and things settled without the death sentence returning.

“So, you want to use a random child who stumbled on you to find them? To risk their life and freedom in the hopes that you can save others?”

“I do.” Peter’s voice was cold.

Yeah.

No wonder this man made Erwin so uneasy.

He reminded Erwin of himself.

“Alright.” Erwin agreed. “But I get the knife beforehand, and I need a cloak too.”

“Agreed.” Peter whispered, something solemn in his eyes as he met Erwin’s. “I’ll gather the party. With any luck, you’ll be on your way to wherever you’re going, same time tomorrow.”

Luck would have nothing to do with it. Erwin had killed more people than everyone in this little town had met.

What changes could Erwin inflict on this world? He wouldn’t know without a little risk. He let Peter leave, fresh meat packed away and delivered to what Erwin could only assume was a space for cool storage. It would need to be smoked soon.

Erwin sat on the tree branch and planned until he heard the sound of hooves in the distance.

Chapter Text

Erwin couldn’t say he had doubts about doing this. Perhaps there was something wrong with him, that this felt like a moment before riding out beyond the Walls. The anticipation, the adrenaline, the terror of it all. The sense of impending violence, of bloodshed and fighting for his life.

He’d missed the feeling.

Was that crazy?

He thought it might be.

They always said that Scouts who lived long enough must go crazy, to ride out there time and time again. Erwin was the one who led them.

He truly was a devil, wasn’t he?

Whatever the hunting party expected to see, a child wasn’t it. Several men turned to stare at Peter in shock and horror. Erwin could feel himself trembling slightly, trying to hide any excitement he felt. His heart was pounding already. His hands itched for his swords, for a target in front of him. Resisting was easy. Commanders always had to be in control, always had to set an example for their subordinates to follow. Commander Erwin Smith had to be the model Scout.

He wouldn’t be a Commander, when he joined the Scouts again. He’d be a foot soldier. Something about it was thrilling. Had he truly missed such a thing? How could he miss those days of terror?

The days of mingling with his fellows, of being one of them. Not a superior. Just a fellow Scout. Levi, Hange, and Mike were really the only ones who had treated Erwin like that, but he’d accepted it. He would lose it a second time too, because he was the best man for the job. He was the best option for the Scout Regiment’s future.

“This- this kid is who you say’s gonna let us find those bast- bandits?” One man, tall and mostly bald asked, disbelieving. Erwin waved, because he could, and because it made the men stare even more dumbfoundedly.

“Eren.” Erwin lied again, giving them a polite bow. “Mr. Peter wants to use me as bait because I can run away. He promised me a knife beforehand, though.”

Now their shock was appropriately pointed towards Peter, who gave Erwin a small glare for the redirection. “The kid agreed. He’s probably like- twelve, at least.” Now their looks had gained a look of appalled judgment, “old enough to enlist! We won’t be able to find them if we have nothing to lure them with! Besides, he’s traveling! If we can’t get them to come out, all we’ve done is escort the kid safely to his destination! If we don’t, he’ll go anyway! What direction were you planning on going, boy?”

Erwin side-eyed the man, entirely for the dramatics of it, as he still had yet to procure him a knife and shrugged. “Southwest. More west than south.”

“Would you be willing to head straight west for a while? We know the forest, we can ensure you stay on the correct path. What city?” Peter dropped into a crouch as he spoke, trying to make himself more approachable. It just looked silly to Erwin. It was clear that the hunting party had their doubts about Erwin’s presence here.

“That’s fine.” Erwin said blandly, and not a word more. Peter waited for a long moment, looking for an answer to his second question, but Erwin remained silent. He wasn’t going to give them his final destination. Erwin wasn’t a trusting idiot. He’d studied more than his expected path, and the mountain he’d chosen as a landmark was hardly inconspicuous. It should still be visible even heading more west than intended. He wouldn’t be reliant on the men for help.

“Knife?” Erwin prompted when things stalled out, and it looked like they were going to start arguing about this.

Peter pounced on a poor man, who seemed to be the youngest of the group, perhaps in his late teens, rooting through his pockets for a moment before realizing it would be on his belt instead, pulling out a blade about the length of his own palm. He wrestled the sheath off of the man’s belt and sheathed the blade, tossing it to Erwin.

Knife. Finally.

The man whose knife he’d stolen was appalled, but Erwin didn’t care one bit, unsheathing his new knife and giving it a little spin, testing the balance. It was well balanced, if a little heavy and ill-cared for. If Erwin was an adult, with a fully developed body, it would be quite light.

Erwin knew no less than fifteen knife tricks, all taught to him by Levi on nights that neither of them could sleep or stomach anymore work. He quickly performed the easiest of the bunch, just to test how it handled, before showing off a little and doing his favorite, a showy sort of spin that ended with the hilt in his palm and the blade pointed outwards, perfectly aligned for a backwards strike.

Erwin had been drunk when he’d learned it, and so too had Levi, the memory hazy with feelings of joy and an appreciation for Levi’s dexterity. Erwin had cut himself three times before making it, and Levi had clapped for him sloppily, grinning at Erwin like he’d just seen the sun for the first time. He never smiled like that, and something about it had made Erwin grin back with just as little restraint.

He wondered if it was the trick he liked, or the memories it brought back.

Either way, it gave the men a pause.

“I can fight. And I can get away with my gear. I’ll help you.” Erwin said firmly. People nodded slowly, reluctantly.

They set out, Erwin at the head, walking, the hunting party following a distance. They couldn’t be seen or heard, so they had to keep a lot of space. Really, the only signal for alerting them to an attack was Erwin shouting for them.

If Erwin was the leader of this mission, he’d quit out of shame for such a terrible plan.

However, Erwin was not the leader, nor did he care to be. He knew his own abilities, and his mobility would be enough to evade them until help arrived. Even better if he could use his hooks as weapons while staying too high to reach and take out anyone particularly dangerous before they could endanger the hunters. Anyone with a bow or crossbow would have to be taken out quickly.

About two hours into his walk, Erwin spotted a trap covering the road.

It was so bewilderingly badly made, Erwin almost stopped and laughed. It was literally a loop of rope across the road that they’d attempted to cover with leaves. The wind had shifted, uncovering about half of it, but Erwin shifted his eyes upwards, pretending not to see it.

They were quick, he would give them that. The moment he deliberately set his foot in the loop, it was pulled tight around his ankle, dragging him off the road- or would have, if he hadn’t dug his grapples into the ground on the other side of the road, keeping himself from going into the underbrush. He dropped his left controller grip, letting it thump to the ground in favor of unsheathing the knife from his belt and severing the rope, reclaiming the grip as he fell and going airborne.

Four men. One had a crossbow- and a grappling hook in his throat moments later, the others, clubs. One man, a sheathed sword. Erwin broke the closest man’s knee with a cruel flying kick, making him howl at the top of his lungs. A perfect signal.

The other two were faster, but not faster than Erwin when he was on the offensive, a tall dark-haired man taking two hooks in his stomach and a knife through his neck as Erwin surged forward, boosted by a burst of gas. Erwin was back in the tree before the remaining man’s sword could embed itself in his side, pulled by his left hand. He sheathed the knife, reclaiming his fallen controller grip for the added mobility. Using only one hand was hard on his body, the straps not taking the weight properly due to the looseness.

The shorter, brown-haired man was fast. More fighting ability than the other one. Erwin stayed in the tree for a few moments, analyzing.

The man was analyzing him too, and after a beat, tore off into the undergrowth.

A choice. Follow him back to his base or stay with the man with a broken knee and hope the hunting party could get the information out of him.

Erwin wanted to follow, but it would be better not to. He’d caught the group completely by surprise and had the advantage of additional mobility, fighting ability, experience, and willingness to kill. They hadn’t expected a child to jump straight for the kill, and it had cost two of them their lives. Erwin wouldn’t be underestimated a second time, so it was better to have reliable backup.

The hunting party charged in at full speed, clearly ready for a fight, bows notched and drawn, blades at the ready. Finding only Erwin, unharmed, drenched in blood, two bodies and a sobbing adult with a knee shattered beyond repair wasn’t what they expected to charge into.

“Monster- the kid’s a monster, he just attacked us, help us!” The downed man begged, like he hadn’t attacked Erwin first. Like four men intentionally trying to trap a child had any good intentions.

“Where’s your base? Where are the people you’ve taken being held?” Erwin asked instead of bothering to mince words, looming over the man.

He could feel himself slipping back into the mindset of a soldier. He had to stay aware of his current age, and how far he could act in the contrary until it became unreasonable. There were smart children. Violent children. Children who were trained for strategy, for leadership, for war.

Children weren’t Commanders.

So, Erwin didn’t press anymore, letting Peter slip in, something wild and desperate in his eyes. He’d make the man talk, one way or the other. The way he sobbed, the bandit wasn’t particularly strong willed. Peter would be capable of it.

The same man whose knife Erwin now possessed was poking at the bodies, checking for vitals with a look of horror on his face. The living bandit screamed, making the others flinch. Erwin’s face hurt, some sympathetic phantom pain, so he looked away, hunting down the fallen weapons. They were hardly going to use them anymore.

The clubs may be handy. At very least, they improved upon Erwin’s poor reach, despite their weight. Erwin couldn’t admit to being particularly skilled with a crossbow. It had been a long time since he had trained with one. Titans didn’t give a damn how many pointy sticks were stuck in them, a crossbow bolt to the nape didn’t damage it enough to kill. So, he tossed it to one of the hunters. They’d at least make use of it.

Peter took longer than expected to get the information, Erwin had finished going through the bandits’ pockets like he himself was a bandit nearly five minutes before. Nothing particularly useful, what appeared to be drugs, some pocket change.

They hadn’t brought much supplies other than the rope, which Erwin gathered and added to his own bag. Never knew when one could need some rope. If they didn’t bring supplies, they must not have been far from their base.

What were the chances of an ambush?

Erwin went back to the trees, climbing upward, using mostly his own power and the wires to ensure he could catch himself if he slipped. No approaching enemies visible from this particular vantage point. He stayed standing tall on the branch as the people below discussed the situation, until someone called him down with a shout of his false name.

“Eren, we don’t need your help anymore. You’ve done more than enough to earn your payment. Thank you for doing this. Maurice,” The man who was speaking pointed to the man whose knife Erwin now had, apparently named Maurice, “agreed to take you a few miles southwest, like you said you were going. He’ll make sure you don’t get attacked on the road. We’ve got it from here.”

As expected. Technically, Erwin had completed his deal, more than. He’d baited them, killed two and captured another.

Erwin didn’t like unfinished business, and these people clearly lacked tactics. Also, he didn’t like leaving while someone bore a grudge. Too much of a loose end for his comfort. It was unlikely that these men were going to be turned in. Even in Wall Rose, with Wall Maria still standing, all the Military Police really cared for was Wall Sina. The only justice out here, far from major cities, was administered by the people. It was simply the way of life. These bandits had chosen to do this, they knew the risks.

“I’ll stay and help.” Erwin decided. They didn’t try to argue, not at all. Maurice seemed relieved, then guilty about feeling relieved. Erwin wanted to finish this, for no real reason than he wanted to.

Was this what freedom felt like? Just being able to decide to do something, without even needing a reason? Erwin wanted to fight, and so he did. He didn’t need to argue for permission from superiors who hadn’t so much as seen a Titan, didn’t need to work out schedules and organize his soldiers. Erwin just decided to do it.

Thrilling. He could do whatever he felt like doing out here. If he decided to… roll around in a field of flowers like a small child or something, he could.

Maybe not flowers. Ticks liked the way Erwin tasted. How he could get seven and Levi was untouched, he’d never know, but the bastards never so much as touched Levi. Must be too intimidating. Erwin had once gotten no less than twenty three on him at once after an expedition where he’d been thrown from his horse into some tall grass, leading to the most distressing shared shower with Levi he’d even had as the man took a knife to Erwin’s back. The whole situation had led to some uncomfortably close inspection of various parts of Erwin’s body that he would prefer to keep private. Levi had had a laugh at Erwin’s shyness. Erwin started getting some herbal concoction out of desperation and coating his boots in it, in an attempt to ward them off. It had worked, more or less, leading to only one or two instead of five or six, though he needed help if it was in a difficult to reach place. Mike had liked it, appreciating the smell. Minty.

Newfound revelations of freedom and thoughts of ticks aside, Erwin had to focus. “Where’s the base located?”

The man who’d called him down pulled out a map, finding their location with a glance at a particularly tall tree in the distance and the sun. He moved his hand to a spot perhaps a half a mile away, tapping it twice. “Here. About thirty bandits, and they currently have twelve captives. They’ll be taking them to sell by the week’s end.”

“Weapons?”

“Same as these guys. Some crossbows, swords, clubs. One man has a rifle, and he’s a crack shot. Whiner over here says he’ll put a bullet through our eyes before we make it out the door.”

Gunman. That complicated things. Erwin might be able to distract him, but only for so long, and the risk of getting injured or even killed while doing so was too high to consider. The man would simply turn his attention on the most dangerous targets. It would let Erwin close the distance, but losing too much of the hunting party would threaten their ability to clear the rest of the base.

Could Erwin sneak around the back and take them out from behind? Attacking while shrouded in darkness would dramatically reduce the accuracy of any ranged weapons. The base couldn’t risk too much light. It relied on staying hidden, and on small teams taking easy targets by surprise. It meant mobility. At thirty bandits strong, they could pack up and take off with those they’d already taken and be gone in the morning. Not without a trace. They could try an ambush?

Erwin was forgetting something. These were humans he was talking about.

Humans, unlike Titans, hunted for food. Humans needed to drink. Poisoning their water or food was an option, but the risk of them feeding it to a captive was high, and who knew what conditions they were in? Even if they chose light poisons, things to cause intestinal distress, it was more likely to severely harm those who were weakened. Poison was an option, just a risky one.

Watch the base until nightfall, perhaps increase their own numbers, then attack under the cover of darkness. Erwin would have to be slower, to avoid breaking his neck or spine if he ran into something unexpectedly. He could circle the base, let the hunting party attack from the other side, and crush the base between the two of them. As long as Erwin moved unpredictably, the gunman wouldn’t be able to get a lock on him. In close confines, Erwin could close the distance faster than the man could fire. His small size would only give the man a smaller target. Even better if Erwin could strike either his throat or his gun hand and never even need to get too close.

“Are there residences near here? Are there any more people who would be willing to fight for the safety of their town? We should attack after nightfall. We’ll need a symbol to recognize friend from foe. We don’t want to hurt each other. Is there some clothing that everyone would immediately recognize, perhaps something worn only for holidays? Barring that, perhaps some plants that could make temporary dye that we could paint our skin and clothing with?”

“I know some!” Maurice’s head snapped up, full of the kind of eagerness only youth could have. “I dyed my brother’s nice clothes red with some berries a while back! It takes a bunch of scrubbing to come off, but it’ll be noticeable! Maybe not a lot, in the dark at least, but it’ll be better than nothing!”

Erwin nodded. It would be the best that they could get on such short notice. Red wasn’t the ideal color, not if it could be mistaken for blood, but it was better than nothing.

Better than nothing was all they had, sometimes.

So, Maurice ran off to find the berries, Erwin explained the rough plan, and then they set out to find a place to camp out until nightfall. Two people rode off, presumably to fetch more hunters who would be willing to help now that the actual base was found. Erwin sat high in a tree, too far back to be spotted and shot at by the gunman, but close enough to see should the bandits leave the base in large numbers.

Night was a long-time coming. Erwin ate some dried meat, figuring since he’d proven himself useful, if Peter had poisoned it, he would have thought to warn Erwin beforehand. It was unfairly delicious. Erwin had been old enough that meat hadn’t been a delicacy like it had for those in Eren’s generation, but it didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate it. Five years with meat costing half of a horse, and Erwin learned to savor it like it was made of gold. He ate slowly, taking his sweet time.

Peter was watching him eat, and for a moment Erwin doubted his decision to trust that he hadn’t poisoned it. The look on the man’s face was something satisfied though, proud. Most likely, just happy that the food he’d acquired was getting eaten. People enjoyed that, for some reason. He never understood it. He fed the Regiment before but hadn’t gotten the same joy out of it as people seemed to.

The intense emotional distress of losing almost every comrade he’d ever had had sucked most of the fun out of it. The exhaustion had killed the rest. Lack of any real good ingredients had been the cherry on top of the whole horrid thing.

So, Erwin didn’t stop eating the dried meat. Even though Peter was still staring at him.

“Are you really eight?” Peter asked when things had calmed down, when Erwin was about halfway through his portion of food that he’d been nursing. For about an hour. He was enjoying the taste, not swallowing it like a snake like some people did. How Levi didn’t choke at the speed he ate, Erwin didn’t know. He’d long since resigned himself that Levi was simply beyond the comprehension of an ordinary man.

“I am.” Erwin confirmed. Physically.

“Do you have a family?”

“I do.”

“... a living one?”

“Yes.” How long was he going to keep dancing around what he wanted to say?

“I’ll give you all the meat that you want if you stick around for a while. I could use someone like you. Not to mention, it’d keep the bandits from coming back if they know you’re around.”

Erwin hummed, noncommittal. He had no intention of sticking around. He would return to his parents, no matter how strained his actions could turn their relationship. “Who in your family was taken?”

Peter paused, startled, before laughing wryly. “Sharp as a whip I see, eh? It’s my wife. A beauty, no wonder they- well, I’ll be getting her back, thanks to you. She’s the one who can handle people. I’m no good. Tend to rub people the wrong way, ya feel me?”

Erwin nodded. He too had been put off by the man. Still was, truthfully.

Peter looked more awkward the longer the silence grew, so eventually he moved on, letting Erwin return to his watch.

If the bandits were going to attack, they may also do it at night. No fires, no sign of their position. Erwin waved the lead man over, relaying the instructions before returning to his perch.

When night finally came, Erwin was shaking again. He couldn’t believe how eager he was for a second fight. Had he always been this bloodthirsty, or was it something new brought on by his change in circumstances? Erwin chose his battles very carefully. This wasn’t something he would have done as Commander. Was it the lack of structure? Was he going through a phase, learning how far he could go before receiving push-back?

He was doing it, either way.

Erwin slipped off in silence, leaving the hunters to gather and prepare for their attack.

Traveling past dark had been something that Erwin was adjusting to. He kept low, crawling where needed, keeping his ODM gear usage to a minimum. It took perhaps twenty minutes to creep around the base, sticking to the tree line. He started his crawl through the grass ten minutes before they started their own attack.

With the slim crescent moon, Erwin could see very little. However, because of their torches, he could see further than them. He used that to his advantage, along with the clouds as they drifted across the sky, casting moving shadows that would conceal his approach.

Once the shouting started up, Erwin could move even faster, and he scaled the wooden wall in almost complete silence, only the quiet, slow whirring of his wires as they reeled in betraying his approach. He crested the wall and balanced on it for a moment, identifying a hidden place to land and leaping down to it. The thump it made was loud in the silence, so Erwin stayed frozen there for a few moments, listening for footsteps.

Bang.

The gunman. Firing at the hunters, from the sound of it. Erwin followed the noise, encountering no one for most of the trip. The two he did run into didn’t notice him, hurrying past to focus on the frontal assault.

The gunman was a woman. Erwin didn’t really care about gender the way normal people seemed to. They all bled and died the same way. Erwin never understood people’s unwillingness to fight with women. Enemies were enemies. Erwin slit her throat in silence, taking the gun and the pouch full of ammunition with him.

He slipped away, back into the shadows.

Captives next.

They’d find the body and realize he was inside soon. Erwin had to get to the captives before they became hostages instead. With his weapons and the gun, he could hold a chokepoint easily enough, definitely until the hunters broke through. Levi would be impressed that Erwin had the restraint not to charge right into the middle of them, as he insisted Erwin was always waiting for a reason to do so. Erwin needed a body-guard, he’d always insisted.

Who needed a body-guard when Levi was there to watch over him like a mother hen guarding their single chick? Erwin could be petting his horse and Levi would be acting like Erwin was laying on the ground tugging at the horse’s legs, begging to be kicked into the afterlife.

Sometimes Erwin wondered if Levi had transferred all his protective instincts from his friends to Erwin that tragic day. He’d been watching Erwin eat the next day, as he’d then done from that day on until the day Erwin died. Like he was making sure Erwin did actually eat and take care of himself. It had gotten better, slowly, but had taken a long, long time.

Levi was the best soldier that Erwin had ever met. If he wanted to inspect Erwin’s meals, clean his room, and be on his heels at all times, Erwin hardly minded letting him. Erwin would find a way to feed the man pure gold daily if that’s what it took to get him to fight for the Scout Regiment. Allowing his privacy to be invaded by a very helpful shadow was a small price to pay.

Even if it was a little strange, the look on Levi’s face every time Erwin had fought a Titan in Levi’s presence. He’d looked like Erwin had been struck dead, right in front of him every damn time. If Levi could have stitched himself to Erwin’s side after that, he may have chosen to do so. Erwin had killed the damn Titan too, coming away unharmed. He was lucky that Levi had comparatively calmed down, if he hadn’t done so before Erwin lost his arm, the man may have taken some drastic measures. Nearly did, anyway. Perhaps part of it was Levi’s belief that Erwin wasn’t going to go on expeditions any longer, that though he was missing a piece, now he was safe. No wonder he’d been so upset when Erwin had declared his intentions to join them in retaking Wall Maria.

Erwin pitied Eren for a moment, undoubtedly under the desperate eyes and smothering protection of Mikasa at this very moment. Levi could get overwhelming at times, and Levi was practically aloof compared to Mikasa. Then he remembered that Eren deserved no pity, and promptly crushed it.

It was what made Levi’s current behavior unusual. Perhaps he had simply ‘gotten over’ Erwin and no longer had the same feelings.

Erwin shouldn’t take it to heart.

A lot had happened after Erwin died.

Erwin couldn’t protest Levi being able to move on, though he dearly missed the man. It ached, somewhere deep in his chest, so much it felt like his heart would stop beating whenever something reminded him of it. Some part of him expected to see the man every time he turned. Levi was clingy in a cat-like sort of way, like he just happened to follow Erwin from room to room when his duties were finished for the day. He never neglected them, of course, simply choosing to accompany Erwin afterwards. It was truly endearing, and Erwin had missed the man when he’d been sent to watch over Eren, away from where Erwin typically resided.

The captives would be either in a cage somewhere on the surface or somewhere underground, depending on how they’d built the base. If he was building such a base, something to contain people, he’d want an underground section to keep them without allowing them to make too much noise, and doubly preferable for it to be located near the edges of the base and far from the center. It would be instinct for intruders to move inwards, where the most important places often were. His own office was close to the entrance of the building for that very reason. Being able to see who came in was also appealing.

Barring that, keeping them dead-center was a natural option, where the sound could be muffled by the other buildings and people were always around.

So, either they were at the center, because of human nature, or they were as far as they could be put. It all depended on how intelligent these bandits were. How intelligent did they seem?

Check the center first, before he was discovered, then move to the outskirts, Erwin decided. Cover all his bases and use his advantages where he needed them most.

The base was gross, worse once he was moving in and out of buildings. Levi would have thrown a fit about having to go inside- Erwin was almost grateful that he wasn’t here. Erwin was even disgusted, and he wasn’t particularly affected by dirt and grime. He tried not to be particularly affected by anything.

Steady as a rock.

Erwin slipped on something uncomfortably slimy that he didn’t bother inspecting, just walking a bit more carefully. The smell from standing distance was enough to warn him against getting his face too close. It was so dark, torches that had been set up to light the path taken away to the wall that the hunters were laying siege to. Erwin slipped inside the building near the center silently.

Not very intelligent it was it seemed. They’d found what Erwin assumed to be an old bear’s den, deepening the hole with shovels and scrambling together a door that looked like it was held together by wishes and a prayer for good measure. It wouldn’t be too difficult to break down from his side.

A quick count came up with thirteen people, one more than expected. They were lit by a single torch that they all huddled around, probably frightened of the dark. Chains kept them too far from the door to be able to attempt to break it down.

Erwin wasn’t so big and strong as to be able to break the door in a single kick, but it was a near thing. Ideally, for the most power, Erwin would have kicked backwards, but he was too short to do so with the right leverage. So, he kicked slightly away from the handle and its lock, once, twice, and a third for good measure, breaking the lock away, giving him room to force it open. It was uncomfortably loud.

“There are hunters from the nearby village trying to break their way in. Do you know where the keys are or how I can free you, so we can get to them?” Erwin asked quickly, keeping his voice low. Out of thirteen people, surely someone had been gathering information in an attempt to escape.

“There’s- there are keys somewhere outside the door! I hear them jingling whenever they move someone around!” One woman called, her weight resting oddly on one leg, her eyes meeting his with a hopeful light that was almost discomforting.

Erwin borrowed their torch, despite their protests, finding the keys hanging on the walls, well above his head. They settled when he put it back, but the air was electric with frantic energy as he started testing keys, unlocking the first person on the fifth try. He pried the thin key ring apart, handing the man two keys to begin testing, and repeating the action upon freeing the next woman. Within sixty seconds, all the captives were free, rubbing wrists and talking urgently amongst themselves.

“Is anyone injured or unable to walk or run easily?” Erwin asked softly, his voice making them go silent. One by one, they shook their heads, until the helpful woman raised her hand slowly.

“It’s just a torn muscle. I can limp, but I can’t run.” She explained quickly, her voice softening to match his own volume. They couldn’t afford sound carrying too far.

Erwin nodded, eyeing her. “One of you needs to carry her. Stay quiet. Are any of you good shots? I have no extra ammunition, so you’ll have to make it count if it comes to a fight.”

A different woman stepped forward, a black-eye and bruises making her a sorry sight, but she stood tall. “I am.”

He liked her confidence. “Don’t shoot before I say so, unless I seem to be in trouble. I want to avoid making too much noise.”

She nodded, taking the gun from him. He handed the pouch over too, and she loaded the gun quickly and easily.

Erwin leaned the torch against the broken door, the dried wood catching easily, and moving fast, led the way out, back the way he came. Barely, he remembered to warn them of the unpleasant sticky area, avoiding any falls. The smell of smoke behind them was faint but would grow quickly soon. The area was too closely built, not enough space between the wooden buildings. It would burn to the ground, and these bandits would hopefully never bother this town again.

Once they were out of the building, Erwin turned them towards the area that was under siege. “Does anyone know of an exit?” Erwin asked, letting them spill out of the building behind him as they hugged the edge. No one came forward. Possibly, they were knocked out before being brought in.

So, Erwin led the way towards the gunman’s body. He kept low and so they followed suit. The body may or may not have been discovered yet. He was ready to fight either way. She’d been on a raised platform, letting her see over the walls. If they could all climb it, they could leap over. The fall shouldn’t hurt them, though the injured woman would have to leap carefully.

Three men. All armed, two with clubs, and another a sword.

The man with the sword was looking around, and Erwin could see now that he was the same man who he’d fought in the forest. He was alert, clearly knowing who it was that he was up against. They had torches, meaning they hadn’t spotted Erwin next, but the man was fast. Erwin would have to be faster.

Or, he could have her shoot him and go for the two who didn’t know what to expect from him. He waved her over, pointing the man out silently. “Take him down. He’s quick. I’ll take care of the other two. Everyone else, be ready to climb. We’re jumping over the walls and reuniting with the hunters. We can withdraw from there.”

As one, people nodded, making noises of agreement. He let his muscles loosen, dropping into a low stance as he prepared to pounce.

“Now.”

Bang.

Erwin’s grappling hook was in one man’s shoulder, the other buried in the wooden wall, and he launched himself upwards in a quick movement, ensuring he dropped on them from above instead of below as they’d likely expect.

He shoved the injured man off the platform, using the fact that he was already off balance to his advantage, ripping the grapple free in the same motion. His knife sank into the remaining man’s calf, throwing his attempted swing off, softening it enough to render it ineffective. He closed the distance even more, until he was too close for the club to work at all, and raised his controller grip, firing the hook into the underside of the man’s chin.

Wet. Hot, wet, Erwin’s arm went up too late to protect his eyes as the blood poured out of the gaping hole in the man’s jaw and buried deeper than Erwin could see through the blood. He’d already retracted the hook partially, tugging the rest out with a yank on the wire, something automatic, and it only got him even more covered in blood. So many arteries severed in an instant. He checked the hook for an instant, making sure it had closed properly and hadn’t gotten chips of teeth or even bone caught between the retractable claws and the main portion. It could easily break the hook. Finding none, he let it rewind fully. He’d wash out the whole thing later. The body collapsed in a crumbled, unseeing heap.

He kicked the man off the platform as well.

The injured man wasn’t getting up, so Erwin watched him carefully as the captives started climbing. After a moment, he picked up a torch and tossed it over, lighting up the area where the captives were going to leap. They kept a broad distance between him and themselves, which he appreciated. They weren’t obstructing his view of the surrounding area.

The man he’d pointed out had fallen, eyes unseeing, sword fallen from his hand, a hole right through his left eye. He plucked the sword up and swung it a few times, finding it acceptable, if heavy. He wiped the knife off before sheathing it, replacing it with the far more comforting weight of a real sword. The new reach would be handy, though it didn’t replace the proper swords that fit with his grips. It wasn’t ideal by any means, just better than a knife. He kept having to drop his right handed grip in favor of wielding a weapon, and he hated having to use his hooks improperly. Even if it worked, it was painful. He was risking their sharpness and if it was unable to retract properly due to the flesh clogging the mechanism, he was emphatically fucked if he couldn’t rip it free. He had to stay aware that this gear was thirty years older than what he was used to. It was really only when the Scout Regiment began making progress, during Shadis and his own time as Commander, that the gear had started to improve more noticeably, accidents happening less, and even some improvements. Titan flesh was less likely to get stuck in the hooks than human, not tearing as easily. Human flesh could clog up the mechanism that had the claws retract, allowing it to be pulled free, making it get stuck in place. Effectively, tethering the wearer to the target that they’d attacked, a ball and chain. Either find a way to sever the wire, take the time to clear it out and hope the mechanism wasn’t damaged beyond repair, or die, at that point. Erwin was playing a risky game, using them so often. He had no replacement hooks, or even a sharpening stone. If they got dulled, he wouldn’t be able to climb stone anymore.

Either way, he was done here. The injured woman leapt over last, the others cushioning her landing, and Erwin followed. The fire was beginning to light up the area as it peaked through the roof of the central building. The wind was picking up, fanning the flames, but Erwin could smell the rain in the air. It wouldn’t spread, with any luck. Just force the bandits out like rats fleeing a sinking ship.

They stopped following his lead after landing, instead pulling away from the walls as a group, heading in the general direction of the hunters, but mostly away from the base. Erwin didn’t blame them, or try to stop them, instead hurrying over to the hunters.

They appeared to be winning, though he could see at least two bodies from their number of seventeen on the ground, likely dead. Crossbows, he would guess, though Maurice was returning fire as the men attempted to bash down the gate. Erwin leapt over to the lead man, getting his attention. His eyes went wide, horrified.

“The captives are free!” Erwin called, raising his voice to be heard over the chaos, and several men stopped, their eyes finding the group easily thanks to their torches as they hurried away, “I started a fire! They’ll be forced out of the base soon enough. Fall back. Spread out and be ready to capture anyone who doesn’t surrender. Have someone lead the captives back to town. I don’t know how many of them know the area.”

Peter was quick to break off, probably eager to check on his wife. The others clearly were torn between reuniting and dealing with those who had taken them.

Erwin wanted to bring down the gate. Some hunters had axes. They were mostly hacking at the gate like wild animals, uninhibited and ineffective. Maurice was accurate enough for most of the bandits to keep their heads down, so Erwin should be safe enough. He grabbed a nervous man’s axe from him, grappling onto the gate and reeling himself in to gain momentum, delivering a painfully strong blow that rattled his teeth in his very skull.

Ouch.

Not doing that again.

The axe was buried in the gate, just to the side of the bottom hinge, so deep that he doubted he could pull it out, so instead he threw his weight against the handle, trying to use it as leverage to destroy the hinge entirely. Not enough.

He motioned to one of the nearby hunters, a tall woman who looked particularly vicious as she glared up at the nervous bandits. He could see them shifting around above the gate, better now that the fire had completely overtaken the central building and was starting to spread, silhouetting them. She noticed his issue quickly, dropping her center of gravity and hurling her own weight against it, making the wood crack loudly. Again, and again, the handle digging into her ribs painfully, but she didn’t stop, not until there was a loud crack and the wood fractured, the hinge disconnecting from the wood around it, causing the gate to sag. Erwin crouched down, peering underneath before straightening, staying low.

Erwin waved the leader over, and he leapt from his horse to bend down next to Erwin. “Order them to surrender. Promise them life in jail instead of death. If even one accepts, morale will drop and more will follow.” Erwin instructed lowly. The man nodded, serious.

“Surrender, you dirty traffickers! Surrender, and we’ll let you rot in jail for the rest of your miserable lives! Don’t, and we’ll slaughter you all, if that fire doesn’t get to you first!” The man’s voice rung loud and clear over the crackling of the fire and shouts of the men, just as Erwin knew it would. He had that type of voice, loud and authoritative. He sounded like a leader, like someone who would be able to guarantee them their lives.

It was a lie, of course. Banditry may be forgiven if those affected put their weight against it, but trafficking was unforgivable in the eyes of the law. They’d be executed whether those captured wanted them to be or not. Erwin felt no guilt for lying. It wasn’t even that he thought of them as inhuman, and so deserving of death. It was simply the best way to win without additional losses. The hunters undoubtedly knew so too.

Erwin was off in the head. Too long as Commander. His morals, as shaky as they were, had begun to decay. Winning with as few casualties as possible was the only ideal he strived for.

Erwin knew enough about himself to know that where others had lines in the ground, he had none. Perhaps, over time, they’d been trampled away, until he was left with nothing, no line he wouldn’t cross to achieve his goals. Perhaps he’d been born on the other side of them and just kept walking, never even realizing he was already too far gone. Erwin was simply a terrible person. It was what made him an effective Commander. A good person wouldn’t be able to make the calls that he could.

Sometimes, when Erwin was feeling introspective, as he often was whenever there were long gaps between expeditions, someone would call him a devil. He would spend the night mulling it over, for once. He would wonder if he really was human at all.

The answer was always clear enough, in the light of day, and Erwin would kick himself for losing sleep over it.

Humans were fully capable of becoming monsters, all on their own. No devilish power was needed. Erwin’s goals just happened to align with those of humanity. To pursue knowledge and the truth, he needed the Scouts, and he needed them effective. He needed them to survive for longer, so he worked out how. It just happened to align.

Erwin was a selfish immoral bastard to the core, and he knew it well. Even this wasn’t really to save anyone. He just felt like doing it and for once in his damn life he was free from responsibility enough to just do what he wanted. No one was making him do this either, trying to save those who his Scouts cared for. It was the least he could do to repay them for their loyalty, for following him even unto death once more. Beyond even the afterlife.

Part of him hated having nothing to search for, no truth about the world to seek out. He knew the truth he’d been searching for, knew of Marley and of airships and trains and the origins of Titans. He needed something to learn, to chase in the pursuit of knowledge. It felt wrong to be missing that goal. He should choose something.

A man leapt down from the gate, his hands in the air. Man was, perhaps, the wrong word. He looked young, fifteen at most. His hands shook, but a hunter grabbed his wrist, tugging him away, leading him almost gently away. The man who’d looked so angry and enraged a moment ago had softened at the sight of the boy’s fear.

The boy had done heinous things, by taking people against their wills, and would have done much worse. Had, perhaps. Erwin wouldn’t demean the boy, but why the gentleness? The boy was more than old enough to know better.

Sometimes Erwin liked that he lacked the same morals as most people. To be beholden to his emotions, to be swayed by youth…

He wasn’t armed, was he? No, not that Erwin could see. More people were leaping down, one by one, upon seeing the gentle treatment of the boy, but Erwin doubted it had been an intentional ploy. Just a strange compassion that made no real sense. Being a child did not make one innocent, and in this world, assuming goodness was dangerous. That hunter’s instinctive kindness could be taken advantage of.

Still, more people surrendered than he’d expected, and the fire was closing in on the stubborn few. Really, the bandits outnumbered the hunters.

“Throw down your weapons!” Erwin called out, and a few people obeyed before even realizing the order had come from a child. A few more threw them down at the sight of Erwin's gear visible in the growing flames, despite his short stature. If he moved himself somewhere higher up, in the low-light he could be mistaken for a fully grown man. Believing the Military Police were helping would further crush the bandits’ morale. If Erwin had a cloak to further obstruct his body shape, it would be even better.

Finding an acceptably sized boulder would be difficult in the openness of the field. A hassle that Erwin didn’t think would be effective enough to be worthwhile.

Instead, he leapt up the wall- or tried. The woman who’d broken the gate for him grabbed onto the back of his straps, forcing him to release the trigger or yank her along with him.

Being grabbed mid-jump was not pleasant. Erwin barely restrained the urge to lash out the moment she let go and instead turned the urge into movement. He twisted around sharply to face her, leaning back and away as if to keep away from any more reaching hands.

Getting grabbed midway through a jump was death. It was slicing blades and fighting desperately to free himself before he was dragged into the jaws of a Titan.

Erwin’s hands were trembling violently.

How silly.

He’d killed people today, and this was what shook him.

The woman had let go the moment he’d reeled his hooks back in, an action that he hadn’t even realized he’d taken. So much of ODM gear training was such, making conscious action into instinct, beating them into the user’s bones. As he’d often heard the veterans say: never leave your damn hooks in a target because the time it took to reel them in was all the time a quick Titan needed to bite you in half. Erwin knew it well, had seen Scouts fail to do so and die for it.

“You’ve done enough, kid. Stay out of danger. The fire’ll run them out soon enough. If not, good riddance.”

Seriously? Seriously?

Adults. They’d be the death of him. His shaking actually stopped for a moment, presumably out of pure outrage, and no small amount of disbelief.

The audacity.

It worked, of course, because now Erwin was stewing over the woman’s actions and his own reaction to it. He hadn’t been able to dodge it, hadn’t even considered that she would do it!

Her hand landed on his head, and before he could protest or shove her away, she ruffled his hair, uncaring of the blood that was starting to dry in it. He was covered in blood, partially from the woman he’d killed, mostly from the man. Arterial blood spray and being directly in front of the man was not a recipe for staying clean. Levi would throw a fit if he saw Erwin like this.

It took the fire licking at the outside walls, the increased wind that heralded the coming rain only spreading the fire further, for the remaining bandits to abandon their base. There was a scuffle, but no serious injuries. Those who had surrendered had had their legs tied together and hands bound, to ensure they couldn’t escape, so the hunters weren’t likely to be overwhelmed.

Erwin’s job here was done. It was well past time to get back on the road.

It took some time to prepare to leave, during which he took the gun he’d given the captive woman back. She didn’t mind, too busy sobbing happily into a man’s shoulder. While the protective woman’s back was turned, which took unexpectedly long (as it seemed she’d decided he would do something reckless as soon as she stopped watching him) Erwin slipped away, staying low in the grasses until he reached the forest. Distantly, he heard them shouting his borrowed name, but he paid it no mind. He had places to be and enough food to last him until he got there.

Erwin leapt through the trees until the shouting was beyond earshot.

The silence stung more than it should.

Chapter Text

In the end, it took him nearly four days longer than he’d expected, nearly eleven days, to reach the city he was aiming for. The bad weather had slowed him down. He may as well scrap his attempt at a schedule. Unless he could get a horse, he had no way to make up for any lost time, so there was no use worrying himself about it.

Having meat to eat was good for his own morale. He’d often eat it while walking, just so he could have enough time to savor the taste. Having the gun was reassuring too, though his ammunition was severely limited, it gave him a ranged option that was less risky than his gear. The trip was hardly an unpleasant one, though he was getting quite sick of walking.

Once he got near the city, he stowed away his gear, taking a few hours to scrub it clean again and let it dry before doing so. He had no replacement, so he was perhaps slightly overly cautious about its care. He’d been washing and checking over his gear daily. Some part of him must be getting more nervous, the longer he spent isolated. He saw people, but never spoke to them. It was an uncomfortably lonely feeling.

He would likely sell the gun, despite the security it gave him. The money would help him prepare for the stay and the trip home. He couldn’t care for it properly. It would do him no good, and relying on it without the ability to fix it would be dangerous.

The first place he’d want to go to was to the mines. This close to Wall Maria, the city was built into relatively flat land, but, somehow, it bordered a small mountain, jutting sharply upwards. It wasn’t particularly tall, but it was very steep on the side that the city was on.

Erwin couldn’t help but wonder, now, if the Colossal Titans that formed the wall hadn’t trampled the very earth down as they’d set up. Quite literally flattening the side of a mountain just by walking.

It was food for thought, and Erwin was starving for a mystery. Idly, he wondered if he would be able to find traces of old footsteps in the landscape. Outside the Walls too, even.

As soon as he entered the city proper, Erwin let the thought fade, snapping to attention. Most would consider the city safer than the wilds, but Erwin would argue the reverse. Humans were too risky for most animals to attack- except for other humans. Erwin was quite a small human, with some valuable goods on his person. He needed to be wary.

Finding a gunsmith was his first priority. Well- money was his first priority, technically, to allow him access to everything else, and to get that, he needed a gunsmith. Finding one would either require wandering or asking for assistance.

Perhaps if he could find a parent around? Their parental instincts tended to extend towards other children, so they shouldn’t hurt him for asking, at a minimum. A young girl (meaning a year or two younger than him, currently), was squatting down, plucking flowers from weeds.

“Excuse me?” Erwin approached carefully, dropping to his knees next to her in an attempt to avoid startling her. She blinked at him, clearly surprised, so he plucked a flower and handed it to her. “Is your Mama or Papa around? I’m new here, and don’t know where anything is yet.”

The girl gasped softly, a look of empathy appearing on her face. She set the flowers to the side, in a semi-neat pile, and took his hand, all childish kindness and trust. “You’re lost? It’s okay! Mama’s over there, she’s shopping! She’ll know what to do, don’t worry one bit!”

Erwin nodded once, a little overwhelmed by the- willingness to help? The reassurance. Odd. Endearing. He liked this kid.

She took both his hands, helping him stand, and kept ahold of his dominant hand as she led him towards what he presumed to be her parents, slipping into the shop silently.

“Mama! There’s a boy who’s lost! Can you help him?”

Erwin’s first impression of the woman was tired. His next: kind. Just like her daughter was. She looked up from her shopping immediately, her eyes finding her daughter, then to him. The gun, first, the bag and his travel-stained clothing.

She smiled, a warm and kind smile that immediately set something in his chest at ease. “You’re lost?” She asked gently, setting down the item she’d been holding in favor of walking closer, bending over slightly so that she didn’t loom over him. “It’ll be alright, don’t worry. Where did you last see your parents?”

Like mother like daughter. Clearly, she’d learnt this behavior.

“I’m not lost,” Erwin corrected quickly, “I’m traveling, and I don’t know my way around yet. I was hoping to sell this,” he gestured vaguely towards the gun, “and use the money to find a place to stay for a while. Do you know anywhere that would buy it, or anyone who’s been looking for one?”

She nodded slowly, her eyes lingering on the gun for a long moment. “Is it your parent’s gun? I know a place that’ll buy it.”

Erwin didn’t miss the gentle prod for information, and answered the question easily. “No. I earned it.”

Anyone out of school age would understand the meaning, that he’d taken it from a defeated opponent. Erwin had kept his tone relaxed, but didn’t feel like mincing words, nor tricking this kind woman. She wasn’t stupid, she could probably tell he wasn’t exactly a normal child.

She seemed a little startled, then saddened. “Ah. Well done.” Praise? “I know someone who would buy it for a fair price. I’ve got to finish my shopping, but I’ll take you when I’m done. Would you mind helping me?” Before Erwin could accept or refuse, he had a sack of flour shoved in his arms. He would be helping, it seemed.

The woman was named Raena, and the little girl’s name was Marigold. Mari, the girl insisted. Erwin was, in Raena’s words, a ‘strong young man’, and quickly loaded up with groceries as Raena sped up her shopping. Being a pack-horse wasn’t exactly according to Erwin’s plans, but it wouldn’t hurt to foster some bonds while he was here, in case he ended up needing help. So, he let them load him up with things, accepting the woman’s praise and Mari’s flowers that she kept handing to him with good-natured exasperation.

Raena led him right inside their home to have him set his burden down on the table, before clapping her hands once, the sound softer than it should have been. She was taking care not to make too loud or sudden of a noise. She was sharp. “I’ll whip you both up some lunch and then we’ll head out. Mari, go play with…” She waited for Erwin to give her his name.

“Eren.” He lied easily. She nodded, and brushed her hand through his hair affectionately, the suddenness of the contact making Erwin go stiff and still. It lingered for a moment, making his skin crawl at the pure unexpectedness of it- the last time someone had touched him affectionately had been his own mother, and it felt like a lifetime ago by now, until she pulled away.

“Go play with Eren until lunch is ready. Be careful you two! Stay out of trouble!”

Erwin did not want to play, but Mari was already tugging on his hand, so he followed her out. Mostly, he followed her around as she leapt from patch of grass to patch of grass, plucking flowers. The ones with long stems were made into a small bouquet, the others, in his hair. He was quickly being turned into a flowering shrub.

By the time Reana called them in, Erwin had at least twenty flowers in his hair. They were weeds, technically. Erwin had patience, and was even fond of the girl so far, but he had his limits. He could feel the sap from some of the weeds leaking into his hair. It was going to be a bitch to get out if he couldn’t get to it soon.

Eating a full meal after eating only rations for so long was strange. Reana had a stew going, likely intended to be dinner as well, and she ladled them out hearty scoops along with slices of bread, heavily buttered. Erwin ate the food slowly, as he preferred to do, and the moment he got low, she ladled another scoop of stew into his bowl.

He hadn’t paid much attention to how hungry he was feeling until he wasn’t hungry anymore. He knew he technically hadn’t been eating enough, but he was hardly starving. He was eating for hours, just very, very slowly.

It was pleasant. The taste was fantastic, the stew warming his bones, full of vegetables. It was a good change of pace from eating only meat.

“Is it good, Eren?”

Erwin nodded, forcing some enthusiasm to his stone-faced expression a little too late. He tended to be a little expressionless, something he’d trained himself into doing as he climbed the ranks. He needed to be steady and stable, which meant appearing calm no matter his emotions. She didn’t take offense, at least, just pouring him another scoop. Erwin was going to eat himself sick if she kept feeding him like this.

He ended up nearly begging for her to not add another scoop, just to ensure he could actually finish his meal. Hungry as he was, he had his limits, and a fourth scoop was it. She still didn’t seem satisfied, looking like she’d fill the whole plate again if he showed any signs of being able to eat any more, so he deliberately slowed down for the last few spoonfuls, demonstrating reluctance.

He’d arrived in the early hours of the morning, but only left the kind family’s house at some time well past noon. It was a quick trip to where she wanted to go, a hunting lodge, and she only knocked once, sharply, before entering, waving them in behind her.

The woman who led this place drew his eyes immediately. Strong as hell. Dark hair, dark eyes that flicked his way for a moment, traveling upwards, analytical, sharp, this woman lived for violence. There was no doubt who was the leader here, and Erwin mourned for a moment, that she must have been dead before Erwin had joined the Scouts, else he would have heard of the woman.

She reminded Erwin immediately of Levi, and so he was enamored instantly. Potentially an Ackermann, just judging by the look of her. She was slightly taller than Levi, but not by much. That face…

“Eren, this is Talla. Talla, this is Eren. He’s looking to sell this gun that he earned.” The slight stress on the last word caught the woman’s attention. Her eyes gained, somehow, even more sharpness for a moment, now that she knew he’d killed someone for the weapon. She held her hand out, waving Erwin over, and he leapt to obey, tugging the strap over his shoulder and proffering the gun to her. She inspected it with care, every inch.

“Haven’t been cleaning…” She muttered, judgmental, so like Levi that it was like a shock of ice to his heart. Ackermann. Definitely an Ackermann. Were they still prosecuted at this point in time, or had Kenny’s actions ended that yet? Kenny was undoubtedly around, given he’d met Levi at a young age. How many of them were left? How long did Talla have to live? Could Erwin save her?

“I don’t have any of the tools for it. It’s not my usual weapon of choice.”

“And what weapon would that be, brat?”

Ouch. She might as well just stab Erwin, the similarities that were only piling up making his heart ache. “Swords, Ma’am.”

“Any good with one?” She shifted the gun to bracing it against her shoulder, looking down the sights.

“Decent. Couldn’t hold a candle to my best friend, though. And I usually use two, not a single one.” Erwin answered easily.

“Planning on joining the Military then, brave little brat?”

“Yes Ma’am. I want to join the Scout Regiment.” At that answer, Talla huffed, rolling her eyes.

“Wasteful. You’ll get yourself killed out there, kid. It’s a decent gun. Well taken care of, until quite recently, that is. Have any ammunition for it? I’d like to test it out first.”

Erwin nodded, retrieving some from the pouch he’d taken. He only had about ten bullets total, and he handed her three. She led the way outside, the other hunters who were hanging around parting for her.

“How’d you earn it? They attack you?”

“Kind of. The group did, not her specifically. She was shooting at my group, though. I snuck up on her.”

“Good. Kids like you shouldn’t have some silly sense of honor like some idiots do. Take them out right quick, if they’re stupid enough to give you the chance.” She took aim at a target that was set up outside, firing in quick succession, loading faster than Erwin could believe. She was as good at shooting as Levi was at swords.

He needed her to join the Scouts. Needed. Not even for expeditions. She would be able to train them to shoot! Sooner or later, their enemies would stop being Titans.

Erwin still had to figure out how to convince every other country in the world that the people of Paradis were people. What an awful thing to have to persuade others to believe. It was good, then, that Erwin had such experience with dealing with awful things.

“It shoots well. That lady of yours had good taste. Too bad.”

Erwin hummed, acknowledging. “Trafficker.”

“That would do it.” Talla muttered, irritated. “Could’ve been quite the hunter if she had some sense in that head.”

Erwin had to agree. It was a shame, though he felt no guilt over never giving her a chance. He hadn’t had the time, ability, or desire to do so.

He wondered, for a moment, why she had even joined. He dismissed it quickly. It wasn’t any question that he could answer now.

“I’ll take it. Be a shame to waste it on someone who doesn’t appreciate it.” Talla said after her final shot, eyeing the target from the distance. Even from this far, Erwin could see the single hole in the target, all three bullets having struck the exact same spot.

He was going to come back and find this woman after he joined the Scouts. Hopefully she’d still be alive by then. At the very least, he wanted to learn how to shoot like that. It would be useful later.

Talla gestured for him to hand over the pouch of ammunition, so he obeyed. She emptied it quickly, taking a handful of coins without care and dumping it back in the pouch. She paused for a moment, looked him up and down, and added another handful without preamble, then tossed it back. The bag was startlingly heavy.

She’d severely overpaid him, he knew immediately. Was he really such a sight?

He didn’t want charity. He immediately stepped aside and started counting, sorting out a reasonable amount for a used gun, and offering the rest back. It was well over double. More than buying the damn thing completely new. She just grinned, and Erwin knew immediately that this would be a battle of attrition.

“I don’t like to owe people.”

“I know my guns. This one’s nice. Bad negotiator, always have been. Call it a lucky day.”

“It’s not worth half this amount. It’s old, and not even well cared for recently. Take it back.”

“Ah, this one’s a special one. Worth double the normal amount.” She lied shamelessly, making Erwin frown at her seriously. This wasn’t how negotiations were supposed to go.

“No, it isn’t. The serial number is right there.” Erwin pointed to it, the slight indentation standing clear to his eyes. “I’m not stupid, and I won’t let you overpay me just because I’m a kid.” She wasn’t overpaying by a small amount either. He refused to owe her.

He added a small number of coins to his pouch, offering the rest of the still large handful again. He would give way a little, to end this standoff.

“Just keep the money, kid. You don’t owe me nothin’ I chose to pay you that much.” She shrugged, clearly done with arguing.

Erwin was always ready to argue his way to victory, and stubborn as hell besides.

“I can’t accept this much. My Mama said never to put myself in debt with someone. Even if she’s not here, I still gotta listen.” He’d see if that particular card would sway her.

She did pause a little. “Don’t worry about that shi- stuff with me, kid. I’m not trying nothing. I just wanna make sure you don’t go hungry at all, alright?”

He shook his head firmly. “I can’t accept this. I have food, and I’ve been hunting. I can feed myself.”

She eyed him up and down again, doubtful. “You look pretty scrawny for a kid who’s eating fine.”

Erwin eyed himself, suddenly doubtful. He looked scrawny. He looked like a kid, so obviously he was little.

“I’m normal.” He decided, looking back at her. She pursed her lips, doubtful.

“You look like you haven’t eaten for a week, kid. How long have you been traveling for?”

“A little while. And I ate less than an hour ago.”

Reana waved, and Talla glanced her way for a moment. “Before that?”

This argument was getting off course. He’d been eating fine. Not exactly the most varied diet, but he’d been eating plenty.

“That’s not the point. I ate overnight before I arrived. I can’t accept this. I’m not a charity case.”

“You said you can hunt, right, brat? Consider this enticement to join us when you grow up, don’t join the Scouts. We’ll pay better, without a doubt too. I’m not taking a single coin back.”

Erwin was not one to avoid taking drastic measures to get what he wanted.

He dropped the pile of money on the floor, and he bolted.

Victory. Kind of. He’d take what he could get.

“You little brat!” Talla shouted after him, exasperated. She didn’t chase him, but did lean out of the doorway, watching him go. Victory.

She didn’t seem the type to give up and if his suspicions were correct and she was related to Levi, he could guess that this wasn’t over yet. Still, he’d won the battle, whatever he had to do to do it.

Erwin found one of the main streets, the ones that went from the entrance to the city and right through the middle, where the most foot traffic would be. Any inns would be along there. He would visit multiple to get a hang of the pricing around here. This close to Wall Maria, it should be less costly than he was used to, especially considering it was before the fall and the economy was better.

The first inn he entered, he was immediately shooed out like an unwanted pest by a woman who was watching the door, not an argument to be made. He didn’t bother, they’d likely overcharge him if he was that unwelcome.

Then the second inn did the same.

The third slammed the door in his face before he could even walk in.

The fourth, Erwin launched himself through the door, sprinting to the front counter, where drinks and food would be served.

“How much is a bed for three days?” He asked quickly, meeting the eyes of the woman who’d been idly reading a book behind the counter. She glared at him immediately, something irritated darkening her expression.

“You kids ought to know better by now, you’re all such a bunch of-”

“I’m not,” Erwin interrupted, stressing the word and keeping her gaze seriously, “from around here. I’ve been traveling. I don’t know why people keep tossing me out, but I just want a bed while I stay here. I’m sick of sleeping on the ground.”

The suspicion in her eyes didn’t fade. “No parent would be stupid enough to send their kids here alone, which means either you live here or you’re a runaway. If you’re a runaway, you can’t afford it, and I don’t run an orphanage. Get on out of my inn and don’t come back, you understand me, you little pest? I won’t have you robbing good customers.”

Definitely an epidemic of crime in the area. It wasn’t unheard of for thieves gangs to use children to lure in empathetic adults. He would have to take care in the area.

Reana really was a kind woman. She took one look at him and offered him both kindness and food without reservation. He would have to thank her. Either way, Erwin left, having to yank his arm free from the man who tried to escort him out, a venomous glare stopping him dead when he moved to try again. That particular man was tall in a way that was disconcerting. He hardly wanted the man’s hands on him.

Erwin would have to put off finding shelter, for now, which meant it was time to find that mine.

In this area, metals and such would be far cheaper than in his town. He may be able to buy enough raw material to have Cole’s apprentices forge him a sword, if he gets the chance. It wouldn’t fit his gear still, but it would be a familiar weapon that he could adjust to easily.

Mines. He had to find the mines. His mind kept wandering off. He’d prefer to have somewhere to settle down for a few hours, but there simply was no rest for the wicked.

He managed to ask for directions from a very suspicious man who glared at him the whole time. There were multiple mines, but he remembered the name that Ulrich had written. Owned and named after the Noble Pyrmont family. Apparently, he couldn’t miss it if he followed the northwestern road.

The moment he left the town and had a place to hide, he put his gear back on. He wasn’t comfortable in the area without it, not knowing that there was major criminal activity. He’d rather risk a confrontation with the gear than risk being attacked unarmed. He had the knife, but his lack of reach and mobility could easily cause his death in a fight.

The trip to the mines was quick, even without utilizing his gear. He should refuel later, after nightfall. He was slightly below half-capacity on his gas. He was really mostly using his hooks, as opposed to gas boosting. Because he was so small and didn’t weigh much, he was quite fuel-efficient. It was quite useful.

The time he arrived was around the time the miners got set free for dinner. He took his gear off again, of course. No one blinked twice at his presence, as long as he wasn't causing trouble. A few of the dirtier men waved, a little sheepish, or perhaps even proud of how much work they’d seemed to have done. One man was positively coated in coal dust and delighting in wiping it on unsuspecting coworkers. As Erwin watched, the man body slammed another, sending up a cloud of dust that had others coughing and moving away. As a whole, the mood was calm, tired.

Erwin made eye-contact with a man who didn’t look too displeased to see him, and took that as his cue that he could approach, keeping a healthy distance for his nerves. These guys were, as a whole, big and it was unnerving. He still wasn’t used to being so small. “Good afternoon!” Erwin bowed politely, getting a nod in return, “I’m looking for the foreman, if you could point me his way?”

He snorted once, wry. “Don’t got one. He got crushed last year, never got replaced. If you’re looking for the leader, that’d be Carl over there.” He gestured at a jolly looking man who was thumping another coughing man on the back.

Erwin nodded, bowing again. “Thank you.” The man saluted half-heartedly and went back to unwrapping his sandwich as Erwin walked away.

“Mr. Carl?” Erwin asked, approaching slowly.

Carl looked up, his eyes finding Erwin’s and he flung his hand up in an enthusiastic wave thank only made him seem even bigger for an instant. Erwin would flinched. “Hey, kiddo! Here to apply? We’ve always got more room for strong young boys, and we give you lunch every day too!”

“No, sorry sir. I was wondering about the conditions faced by the miners here. Can I observe for a little while? I’m writing a report for my class. We’re studying different jobs!” Erwin’s voice shifted into something eager, hopefully endearing, full of that desire for knowledge that always lingered somewhere in Erwin’s heart.

“Oh, a little scholar here? Sure, just stay out of the way of the men and take care now, you hear? I don’t want you getting hurt! Make sure you say that we’re the best mine and team in the whole town, alright?” He winked at Erwin, cheeky and all smiles. Charismatic, but Erwin already knew the conditions here. He was undoubtedly on the noble’s payroll, just made to look like an ‘ordinary’ man who’d been pushed into leadership. It would reduce the chance of a riot if he appeared to have no say in the matter.

Technically, Erwin was already well aware of the conditions down there and had no need to go down there and see it himself. However, getting real proof that he could take to the Military Police, or whatever organization oversaw mining operations in the area.

There was every possibility that by preventing the disaster, Erwin would prevent new laws from being put into place that would have prevented further tragedy. If he could learn more from Ulrich, it would be handy, but the ghost was absent.

Erwin would do his job carefully and thoroughly. He would ensure that he didn’t doom other mining operations in the process.

The best way to do that, if this was uniquely terrible, would be to discredit the nobles who ran this place. Tear them to pieces, let the more reputable mining operations take over. If the corruption ran too deep, a coup would suit Erwin’s purposes better. It was possible that the disaster was simply unavoidable, that they’d delved too deep and hit something that they weren’t supposed to. In that case, he would try to end the mining operation before it hit that point or redirect them to a different area.

Erwin spent the rest of the night with the miners, prowling around until dawn, not that it felt like it. He had no writing instruments but asked enough questions for his story to be believable.

It was absolutely the nobles’ fault. There wasn’t the slightest bit of safety equipment or procedures, the explosives being used were kept inside the damn mine, it was a disaster waiting to happen. When he’d asked about how safe it was, they laughed at him, patted him on the back and declared themselves experts.

He saw one man chucking an explosive down a hole and sprinting back up the mineshaft. That was Scout level recklessness, and at least they had a reason for it. Titans didn’t stay still for them. They were wasting so much explosive energy by just letting it fall! He was aghast.

By the time they climbed up, past dawn, he was dusty and irritated. He was not one to tolerate incompetence well, and most of these people, though generally a pleasant bunch, were disappointingly bad at their jobs. Possibly the high-turnover rate, if they cared so little.

Were they being particularly well paid? Enough to overlook a lack of safeguards that had even him, a veteran Scout and a reckless bastard sweating nervously. These people were mad to be down here like this.

Even if it wasn’t the nobles’ fault, they definitely weren’t doing their jobs and ensuring that things were done according to local and labor laws.

Not that Erwin knew more than passing amounts about such laws, as they were exempt. More specifically, only the Scouts were. Something insanely high turnover, likelihood of death, and lack of safety precautions that made it impossible for them to be in compliance.

Erwin could count on one hand the number of Scouts who had retired of old age and still be able to punch Zeke Yeager in the face without breaking a damn finger. He’d been the closest, the eldest in the Regiment that he knew of, not that he would ever have retired even when he hit the right age. Not until his mind started going, at least, not until he couldn’t do his job reliably anymore.

The gap between him and the others had widened after Mike’s death. He hadn’t gotten the chance to ask about it, nor Mike, Erwin’s. Maybe it was for the best.

Once Erwin had washed himself of the dust, he re-equipped his gear and settled down for some rest. He’d go into town for a meal later, for now he just chewed on some of his remaining dried meat, eating slowly as he considered the best plan.

Fake an accident, wreck their reputation? Cause a controlled disaster, shock them into realizing that they were being too complacent? Did Erwin have the skills, equipment, and opportunity to do such a thing? What people with power could he take the issue to, who wouldn’t be in the nobles’ pockets? Did the local Garrison and Military Police have enough influence to assist, and if they did, could he convince them to? Could straightforward communication work, or would he not be taken seriously? He could come back in a day or two, and say he’d visited other mines, giving him a safe way to bring up the issue. Erwin needed more information. Each option was viable, he just needed to figure out which one gave him the best chance of success.

This would take at least a few days. He should focus on finding the boy he was searching for. The boy was around twelve. He had a strong sense of justice and desire for something greater. There was little chance he was involved in any of the gang activity, unless forced. More likely, he would be hanging around the MPs or the Garrison soldiers, especially since he was so close to enrolling.

Back to town, then. The trip was just as long as the one to the area where the mines had been, but it felt longer thanks to Erwin being up all night. He’d have to plan out a good time to sleep and find somewhere safe.

If he remembered correctly, they lived somewhere on the northern side of town. The report he’d been given neglected to tell Erwin the boy’s name, an unfortunate oversight. He hadn’t gotten the chance to ask for more before the ghosts had moved on. However, he knew Ulrich’s first and last name, Reicher, and that he was currently three years old, which should be enough to go off of.

Erwin was ambushed by Mari the moment he stepped in town. The girl just popped out of the flowerbed of an inn bordering the main road, for all the world like she’d just sprouted up from the ground like her namesake. It took all he had not to jump at the sight of her.

“Eren! You’re back! We looked for you!” She shouted, sprinting up to him in that uncoordinated way that little kids ran. She tripped once, falling on her face, but before Erwin could try to help her up, she was back on her feet.

“What were you doing in the flowerbed?” Erwin asked and was ignored in favor of the girl taking his hand.

“Come on! Mama said you can come for breakfast whenever we found you!”

“I don’t need breakfast.” Erwin said gently, trying and failing to extract his wrist from her grip without being overly forceful, “I’m looking for someone.”

“You can find them after breakfast! Come on! Mama’s gonna be cooking already! It’ll get cold! Papa’s gonna be home too!” She was insistent, digging her heels into the ground and dragging him a few steps forward with surprising strength.

It would save him money, but he also disliked the idea of taking advantage of the family’s generosity. He really had to get to work, too. He’d get food later.

Mari wasn’t having it. She was, unfortunately, beginning to be successful in her attempts to drag Erwin with her. He could force himself free, but children were fragile. If he accidentally broke a finger or something worse, it could cause her pain for the rest of her life. Resisting wasn’t worth the risk.

So, he was dragged right back to the house.

Reana was indeed cooking. She’d set the table for four and made no move to add another upon sighting him, indicating she’d either been reasonably sure, or just particularly hopeful that they’d find him.

The man who was chopping potatoes at the counter was roughly the size of a horse. Huge. Tall, heavily muscled, the man dwarfed his wife. Miner, Erwin would bet on it. Erwin stopped dead in the doorway at the sight, balking out of pure reflex. He forced himself forward anyway. The chances that he would attack Erwin was very slim. Reana didn’t seem frightened at all, or even worried, easily turning her back on the man without fear of the knife in his hand.

Nothing to be scared of. Erwin bowed to both adults in turn, too shallow, he couldn’t get his head to bend enough to lose sight of the man.

This wasn’t going to work. He should just leave.

Erwin only got halfway to the door, turning his back on the man, before Mari caught his hand again. His neck was prickling, and he had to turn his head a little, finding the man in the same location as before, but looking at Erwin now.

“Eren! I’m so happy you decided to come back. Talla wants to see you again sometime, you know? What city did you say you lived in again? She goes around to lots of places, so she might be able to see you and your parents next time!” Reana said, her cheery voice at odds with the tension in the air.

Erwin wasn’t in his gear.

“I didn’t.” Erwin said shortly, not trusting his vocal control at this age.

“Ah. Where do you live, then?”

“Around.” Erwin’s eyes hadn’t left the man yet.

“... How nice!” Reana’s cheer didn’t fade, though she did step between Erwin and the man. “Honey, you must be tired! How about you sit down, I can finish the potatoes.”

The man paused, knife poised to slice another potato in half. “I can finish it. I’m sure you want to speak with Eren some more.” He smiled at Reana, who was beginning to look stressed, “Unless that’s your way of saying I’m doing a bad job?” He wiggled the knife in the air, playful grin stretching into something too wide-

Erwin needed his gear. Why wasn’t he wearing his gear? Why the hell wasn’t he properly armed, just a little pocket knife in his… equally small hand.

He hadn’t been outside just a moment ago, but his pants and hands were muddy, palms scraped up and slightly bloody, the leather of the hilt scraping against the torn skin, and he’d somehow managed to wedge himself into a gap between two houses, each breath making his chest brush the other building.

His hands were trembling violently. The blade kept tapping against the brick of the wall he was leaning on. Erwin couldn’t sink to his knees, not here, but he let his legs get wedged between the two walls, letting him rest his weight semi-comfortably. He let his forehead rest on the opposite wall, trying to take deeper breaths. He was breathing too shallowly, too quickly.

Erwin refused to feel ashamed of his reaction. Scouts rode into hell with every expedition. Survive enough, and quirks were to be expected. Some people started to panic when reminded of Expeditions and Titans, or lash out. Others became too vigilant, refusing to remove their gear even while within the Walls, unwilling to allow themselves to be unprepared. After the fall of Wall Maria, that particular variety had become more common. Those who couldn’t overcome it would simply become incapable of performing their duties and be honorably discharged. Always honorably. They’d served until they simply couldn’t anymore, be that death of the body or breaking of the mind.

Erwin would never look down on such behavior.

They’d survived hell. Quite honestly, he believed Scouts who’d been on even a single expedition could act however the hell they wanted, as long as they obeyed orders and got the job done. He wouldn’t give a damn if someone wanted to wear a ballgown on an expedition, so long as they could keep up and ride safely. The job was being done either way.

He knew how the Garrison and the Military Police both looked down on the Scouts for their general lack of decorum. The life of a Scout was short and full of fear. If staying in gear made their lives less awful, he would allow them as much leeway as he could make room for. He wouldn’t punish them for fighting that fear in any way that they could.

To see it in himself still stung, though. He’d always prided himself on his self-control. His ability to stay level-headed and calculating even in such a high-stress situation. He’d lost his cool, and it hurt his pride more than anything.

Erwin stayed there for a while, long enough for the mud to dry. Clearly, he’d been pushing himself too far, too ruthlessly. The lack of sleep probably only helped feed his stress and paranoia. His hands were still trembling.

Erwin mentally gave himself the rest of the day off. It was useless to try and do this now.

He’d buy some food and find somewhere safe to relax. Maybe even get around to brewing himself some tea, make a proper fire. He knew when he’d been pushing a soldier too hard, and there was no reason besides self-flagellation to not extend the same courtesy to himself.

He couldn’t break down already. He had a long and difficult road to travel.

First, he hunted down the refill station in the area. It was in a quiet, less populated area, so he simply refilled his gas without preamble. No one gave him more than a second glance. The gang activity in the area was coming in handy in this particular situation.

Finding food was quite simple, once he’d shown a local vendor that he had money and wasn’t looking around to steal something. He simply ordered one of the sandwiches that looked similar to what the miners carried, probably quite popular due to the convenience, and walked out of town with it to find somewhere safe to eat. Putting his gear on the moment he was clear was a given, though it was difficult to juggle the sandwich as well as his bag.

Maybe about a half mile or so up the mountain, finding the steepest route in order to climb quickly, through rough enough terrain that he hadn’t seen houses or signs of people for several minutes, Erwin found a clump of undergrowth, in a wide depression in the ground. It was more shrubs than true trees, but it gave him enough cover to be comfortable. For added security, Erwin settled down in one of the bushes. If he was fully grown, he’d have to lay on his stomach to fit, but as it was, he could recline against the base of a tree and only have a few leaves in his face. He cleared out a little more space, bending outstretched vines and branches away by hooking them around other ones until he could eat comfortably. He’d have to move to make a fire, but this was perfectly acceptable for eating.

The sandwich was surprisingly good, and he found himself regretting that he hadn’t spent more and bought a second. He wolfed it down, barely remembering to savor the taste. He didn’t move away immediately, taking the time for a little leisure without rushing to complete tasks.

When he was ready for some tea, he crawled out, taking the extra time to brush his clothing off of dust just to impress on himself that he could take it easy.

Voices?

Erwin went still the moment he heard the slight noise, but the sound vanished. He heard neither footsteps nor whispers as he stood there, still as a stone, listening carefully. When it became clear that either they were gone or in the position they wanted, Erwin moved, heading up the mountain. If they’d seen his gear, they’d expect him to descend the mountain, instead moving into a more densely forested area that would give him the advantage.

Mountains were advantageous too, if one thought carefully. Ascension was easy, simply punching the hooks into bare rock and hauling himself upwards. With the gas, going down was less risky, and he could save himself if he fell. Those without ODM gear would need to be careful of their footing.

Tea was looking less and less likely, he couldn’t risk a fire. At the very least, he could get a little mental rest, if not actual sleep. Assuming he could feel safe enough to let his mind relax.

He traveled for about an hour this time. He used his gear only where he had to, to preserve gas in case of a fight. Where he could, he only used one grapple and wire, swapping every jump. It hurt a little, the straps digging in awkwardly, but he only needed one to lift himself, given his size.

Finding a good place to stop became his next priority. Somewhere with space for a covered fire was ideal, but not a necessity. He needed somewhere safe and easily escapable first of all.

The little cave he found was immediately struck off the list of options. Because Erwin wasn’t stupid enough to go down into a random cave he found without the slightest preparation or experience in doing so. Getting trapped and dying down there would be worse than getting eaten by a Titan!

Erwin gave the cave entrance a healthy distance, just to be safe. He’d prefer not to fight a bear that he pissed off by accident.

After even more walking, Erwin finally found a decent spot. Even then, he was still uneasy. He’d gone for somewhere escapable as opposed to well-hidden, trusting his ability to run over his ability to hide himself well. It was quite open, but with several large, thicker trees scattered around, perfect to see anyone coming and ensure he had an escape route. He scaled the tallest, settling himself within the branches.

Erwin relaxed, slowly, the longer the area was quiet. Eventually, his gaze shifted to the sky, just watching the clouds. He couldn’t believe how idle he was being. Not even reading a good book, he was just cloud-watching.

Of course, he stayed aware of his surroundings. He was relaxing, not trying to get ambushed.

Eventually, Erwin got bored. He didn’t do anything about it, just continued to watch the sky, watching birds soaring about as they pleased, occasionally catching sight of animals scurrying about. He saw a deer, once, but he was hardly going to struggle his way down a mountain carrying a deer that was bigger than him. On his day off, even. Erwin was going to do nothing and allow himself to be bored. It was good for him.

His determination to do nothing lasted about an hour, which honestly was better than he expected.

He’d spotted an interesting bird, and in a fit of whimsy, decided he had nothing better to do today than what he wanted, and so he chased it. It was a lovely shade of blue, the same shade of the symbol of the Scouts. So, he followed his flight of fancy and leapt after the bird.

The nest was about ten minutes away, and he nearly lost the bird several times, barely able to follow the flash of blue.

Babies! It had a nest full of baby birds! Erwin settled down on a branch to watch as it fed them, feeding each in turn. Another bird, more brown than blue, also joined, feeding the babies even more.

Erwin enjoyed birdwatching. He’d never had the time nor inclination the first time around.

He watched the birds for another hour or so before deciding to search for a place to camp, preferably close to the birds so that he could continue watching. There was a particularly tall tree with thick branches that would allow him to sleep with the nest in sight. He could camp at the previous spot, light a fire, brew himself some tea, then put it out and relocate here for the night, at a distance from his camp site. Not too close, but he would still be able to orient himself properly.

He did just that, making his way to the campsite, gathering wood as he went along. There was a fallen tree a very short distance away, almost completely dry, so Erwin hacked at it with his knife for a moment, wrenching some branches off to go with the smaller firewood he’d gathered on the way.

Making the fire was easy. There was plenty of rock, and he made a ring of them around the area, larger than needed. He had plenty of wood for his purposes. He poured out his waterskin to fill a small pot that he’d brought with him, settling it over the fire about ten minutes after the fire started, just long enough to get a few coals going. It boiled fast. He poured the hot water into the ceramic glass he’d tucked away, digging in his bag for the tin of tea.

Then letting the cup sit on the ground as he had to take the whole damn pack off. Where was his damn tea? It shouldn’t be this hard to find tea that he knew was in there!

Finally, he found it, hidden away somehow. The mild annoyance faded away as he twisted the tin open, breathing in the scent for a moment, then scooping out the appropriate number of leaves. He had a small tea infuser that he’d found in the cupboard as he packed, and figured it was safe to take it with him, as he’d never seen it used. He filled it now, settling it in the water to steep as he counted.

Six minutes. It could have been five, but he left it a little longer, as the water had gotten a chance to cool slightly.

As he put the pot aside to cool back down, he started breaking up the fire, spreading the wood out with a stick he’d found. He sat down to drink his tea and watch the fire start to fade, his back to a tree. Something strange was in the air, anticipatory. He found himself sitting a little straighter.

The fire popped and crackled as it died. Erwin sipped his tea, finding the flavor to be startlingly pronounced. Good tea. He sipped it a little slower, just so savor it.

Someone was standing behind the tree on his right, across the small clearing.

He couldn’t see them.

They were there, though. He knew it.

“Come out.” Erwin ordered, taking another regretfully small sip of tea before setting it aside. It would get cold if he was too slow, and he’d just killed the fire too.

“Still just as commanding even as a child, I see.” Zeke Yeager muttered, stepping clear of the tree. Others followed.

Titan shifters. All of them. Marleyan and Paradis shifters alike. Hange too. No sign of Levi yet, but Erwin doubted he’d been left behind. Hange was glancing back at the tree line, as if searching for him. No other Scouts, besides a sheepish Sasha.

“Erwin Smith,” Lady Ymir said, her childish voice suddenly sounding very old, “I’m afraid we have some things to talk about.”

Erwin’s day off was over already. He sighed, walked back to his tea and finished the rest in one go, setting the cup next to his bag.

“We do indeed.” He agreed mildly. “Many important things.”

Starting with why the hell they thought they were in charge of his Scouts.

Chapter Text

“Why have you left your home so soon, Erwin?” Ymir asked the moment his attention settled on her. The Titans had fanned out, probably unintentionally, an intimidating array. Hange had stuck themselves near the back, clearly unsure of what to do. They were wringing their hands, keeping them close to their chest.

He wondered where that confident, eager Scout he once knew had gone. He shouldn’t. It was quite clear.

To be the Commander of the Scouts was to take the weight of the whole Regiment on your shoulders. For Erwin, he had hardened under the pressure, becoming less social, less open. He hadn’t been particularly close with anyone besides those who’d known him before he had been promoted.

The weight must have been crushing. A whole new war, a whole new truth. They’d done everything they could, but it didn’t mean it hadn’t shaken them.

He wondered if they thought they’d failed. Erwin didn’t believe so. Hindsight was a pointless tool to use to judge success. Hange had done as they could. He’d trusted that of them, and he knew his trust wasn’t misplaced.

“I had important things to do.” Erwin said simply.

There was a long silence that Erwin refused to break. If they expected him to explain himself simply by staring at him, they were idiots. Armin wasn’t even looking at him, staring steadily at the ground instead.

He could see, keeping back, letting the Shifters take the lead, someone who looked like Pyxis, but with a full head of hair that was frankly unnerving, Zachary was there as well, watching with his hands tucked behind his back. Erwin couldn’t see Historia, but he would bet on her being present too. They were going quite far to appear unified. It was an isolating feeling, not that he paid it much mind. He would be a horrid Commander if he let feelings influence his conduct. Nile could be there, but Ymir was speaking again, so he refocused on her.

“What important things would that be?”

“Promises to keep.” Erwin answered even more shortly.

“Promises?”

“Yes.”

Getting people talking was surprisingly easy if they weren’t consciously resisting. Letting silence continue would prompt the person who last spoke to explain more thoroughly or continue onto something else. Repeating part of their last sentence would also prompt further explanation. He’d used it often when being forced to speak to nobles, or particularly annoying officials.

If they wanted answers, they would have to ask them.

“What have you changed so far?” Armin still stared at the ground as he spoke, but his tone was sure.

“Good things.” What did they think he considered good was the question. What information were they trying to pry out of him with this display?

The only person here who had a clue how stubborn Erwin could be was Hange, and even they hadn’t met him as a teenager. He was a horrid subordinate. Always doing stuff on his own, without permission. Always questioning, always trying to improve the current situation. It made him hard to account for outside the Walls. It only really clicked together when he had been given the freedom to act as he pleased. He wondered if they knew about that yet, or if they were relying on him continuing to act as he had before.

They were in for a nasty surprise.

“What things, Erwin?” Zeke pressed, and Erwin’s glare turned murderous for an instant before he could smooth his expression out.

“Commander.”

“Hm?”

“Commander Erwin.”

Zeke grinned, shameless. “My apologies, Commander Erwin. I was merely distracted by your… stature. I forgot myself.” He eyed Erwin up and down, deliberately.

“You did.” Erwin agreed, “I know what I’m doing. I’m not going to try and slaughter the Reiss family early or anything drastic, not while I’m this young. I’m making good, small changes.”

“We can’t be sure of that! Any small change now could have drastic consequences later! You’re being reckless and stupid too, Commander Erwin.” A boy that Erwin was less familiar with spat, his words full of anger. Disgust too, with Erwin personally. A vessel of the Jaw Titan, Erwin remembered being explained to him in that afterlife. The one who at his Ymir.

“And relying on everything that’s destined to go wrong going perfectly right when the time comes with the help of a single man isn’t? My chances of even surviving to that point are slim.”

“You did it the first time, didn’t you?” The boy spoke again, drawing glances from several of the Paradis Titan shifters. They knew more than the others just how right Erwin was. Surviving that many expeditions was a statistical anomaly. Erwin had defied so many odds just making it the first time. Expecting him to repeat the feat was folly.

Erwin fully expected to die before he ever made it to Commander a second time.

Armin stepped out of the line, turning to face the others, his back to Erwin. “He’s saying that he wants to change what he can now, while he isn’t in any danger, so he can focus on surviving the Scouts for long enough to make a difference on that front!” Armin’s voice was unexpectedly bright, hopeful. Erwin was just as startled as the rest were at the boy’s sudden change of tune, but the boy’s fists were clenched, the passion in his voice rising. “He’s looking ahead, and making sure even if he does die, we’ll still be on track to prevent the Rumbling!”

Erwin had always liked the small boy. Had had hopes for him, that someday he could make an excellent Commander in his stead. The chaos of the time between his joining and Erwin’s death had prevented Erwin from sowing many seeds to encourage Armin’s growth. He’d been Commander for a short time, hadn’t he? Erwin barely remembered anything from that time in the afterlife, the haze of pain, desperation and despair overwhelming most of his awareness. It had probably been explained to him at some point.

He’d worried that the events that he’d missed had crushed the boy’s bright spirit. It didn’t seem to be the case, at least not now. Not with his hope for the future restored.

“I understand wanting to stick with the knowledge we have. However, attempting to preserve it is pointless, as I told Sasha. Too many things could change for us to be totally reliant on what we remember happening a second time. What we can do is tilt the odds in our favor, through making smaller changes. Even if some harm occurs, when weighed against the number of people that will die otherwise, it will mean very little.”

“So, you’ll do whatever the hell you want, is that what you mean, Erwin?” Nile asked, scathing in the way he always does when confronting Erwin’s recklessness.

“No. I will do what I deem best for humanity, both that of our home and the rest of the world.”

“And if what you deem best isn’t actually better?” A dark-haired woman, unfamiliar to Erwin, asked. She was on all fours. Strange.

“If you had such doubts, perhaps they should have been voiced before I was chosen. The decision has been made. If you wanted someone more agreeable, perhaps you should have chosen someone else. I will make my decisions as I see fit. Which brings me to another matter. Why are you interfering with the Scouts?”

Things went quite for a moment, the Titans digesting his words, to varying effects. Armin looked hopeful, relieved. He probably hadn’t really wanted to go along with whatever their plan was in the first place. If Erwin wanted an ally among them, Armin would be his top choice. The Marleyans looked offended, the others, varying amounts of both irritation, offense, and anger. Both Ymirs stood out in their reactions. His Ymir was amused, a glance shot back to somewhere in the trees. He knew where Historia was, now. Lady Ymir looked… pained. Why such a reaction?

“We haven’t done anything to your people, Commander,” Reiner spoke up, flinching minutely when Erwin’s eyes landed on him. He squared his shoulders, sitting up straighter. “We asked them to keep their distance while we worked out the best plan, and Commander Hange and Captain Levi agreed. You were to remain in place and avoid suspicion, not go running off the first chance you got. You scared us all, doing that.”

Erwin could barely stop a look of disbelief at the man. He sounded like a parent, talking like that.

“He is right, Erwin,” Pyxis finally stepped forward, his head of hair drawing Erwin’s attention like a beacon. Those who knew him beforehand could hardly look away either. “You’re risking your life, doing this. And acting alone? You’re smarter than that, my boy. If an adult gets the jump on you, you know you’re at risk.”

Erwin shook his head, firmly, “I have my gear. I’m not going to let all my skills rust as I sit there and waste away in school. There are things that I can change, lives that I can make better. Mistakes that can be corrected before they become deadly. Everyone here has people they’ve lost. If I can prevent it, I’ll try. It’s the least I can do for those who have followed me this far.”

“And your family? You’re so willing to leave your mother behind? I don’t know much, but I know she dies soon. You’re going to waste that time you could be spending with her?” Pyxis was ruthless, stepping even closer. He was halfway between Erwin and the Titans, facing Erwin with all the steady, reasonable presence he had come to expect from the man.

“I can’t let that stop me from doing what must be done. I made a promise to my Regiment. Any opportunity I get, I will offer to others if I can. I am not the only person who will lose family if nothing changes. All of us have lost someone. Besides, there is nothing I can do for her. I need a doctor who’s better than the local ones. To do that, I need money.” Erwin didn’t bother mentioning Grisha as an option, for all the man perked up. The dynamics between the Titans seemed… tense. They stuck in groups. No Titan stood next to their ancestor or descendant. He couldn’t blame them. He wouldn’t want to be too close to the Titan who killed him either. The division between the Marleyan and Paradis Titans was also clear, in that they were on two different sides of the clearing, only intermingling shallowly. Eren and Zeke stood together, Armin had Reiner between him and Paradis's Titans. Mikasa had barely an inch of two between her and Eren, staring unblinkingly, and the man was remarkably cool under the attention.

Reiner was still looking at Erwin like he’d just watched him get stabbed. Why, Erwin had no clue. Perhaps the man had developed a strong parental instinct for children. It was frankly annoying, but Erwin could use it later, perhaps.

“You’re a stubborn brat, aren’t you?” Eren asked, a ghost of a grin on his face that made Mikasa’s eyes fixate on his mouth. It looked like she was vaguely considering kissing him, so Erwin looked firmly away.

Teenagers.

Erwin shrugged, neither agreeing nor protesting. Stubborn as hell, yes.

“Erwin,” Hange called, finally making their way to the front, past Pyxis, stopping only a few feet in front of Erwin. Something in Erwin made an embarrassingly pleased noise that he refused to let out verbally. “I know you’re eager to make change. But you can’t push your body too hard. I can’t believe that you made it this far, this fast, even with ODM gear. You’re only a kid right now. Take it easy, please?”

Erwin gave her a look of doubt, played up a bit to make his point. “I’ll take it easy when I’m dead. There’s too much to do, and too little time to do it all. I only got about twenty reports from my Scouts. I’ll need the rest to work out an effective timeline for my next trip. I’ll need them to get working. Hugo said the paperwork had been called off by Captain Levi, and likely you too. Consider that overridden. I want that information.”

Hange paused, clearly torn. They had to take a breath for a moment, rallying themselves. “I can’t do that. Sorry, Commander.”

“Why?” Erwin asked. Technically, they were the same rank, though Erwin had them beaten with both time as a Scout and time as a Commander. There was no clear indication of who took seniority over the other. At this moment the ghosts’ Commander would be Hange, though an argument could be made that Erwin had, somehow, brought them all here, and as such was the ‘leader’. Erwin wouldn’t argue it. He was better as an independent agent at the moment.

“You need- you can’t be doing this. It’s too risky. We know you’ve already gotten into some fights. If we lose you now, for something that doesn’t- isn’t vital to the future, then what do we do, Commander? What if you start seeming suspicious? There’s nothing we could do to protect you right now, and you’re so small. The MPs could take you just because you’re suspicious, and it’s all over, then.”

“That’s exactly why I need to make a difference now, Hange. I don’t think I can avoid suspicion. I barely remember how to be a child. I don’t believe I can do so accurately. Relying on my ability to stay below suspicion isn’t a trustworthy option. I need to get as much as possible done while I can. If I can make myself important enough, the MPs won’t be able to do anything without backlash. I already have several plans, but the more information I have, from all over within the Walls, the more I can account for.”

“You don’t have to account for anything, Erwin!” Hange snapped, sounding increasingly frustrated, “All you have to do is keep your head down, and grow like a weed until you’re not so puny anymore. Not running around, using ODM gear that doesn’t even fit you! Have you even eaten anything today?”

Erwin nodded immediately. He’d just eaten a sandwich.

Hange gestured towards him, arm movements broad and jerky, “You look like you’ve starved yourself for a week! What did you eat, half a tomato? Two days ago?”

Erwin gave Hange a strange look. “A sandwich…” Why was this so important to them?

“And before that?”

“Dried meat.”

“Before that?”

“Also dried meat.”

“… and before that?”

Erwin shrugged, a little annoyed. “That's all I had.” It isn’t like he could identify more than just the most common safe to eat plants. He hadn’t really tried foraging much at all, due to that.

“I’m going to hand you over to Historia if you can’t take care of yourself, Erwin.” Hange’s hands were on their hips, stern in an unfamiliar way that was strangely parental. Were they scolding him? Threatening him with punishment? Erwin wasn’t actually a child, so why…?

“If you’d like.” Erwin agreed mildly, mostly confused. Why were they saying it like that, like it was a threat? He wouldn’t mind an additional set of eyes.

“Are you going to go straight home, Erwin?” Hange asked.

“I have no plans on it. I still have things to do here.” Erwin was hardly going to stop now, not now that he’d made it all this way. He had to finish his work here.

“Historia it is.” They decided firmly, thumping their hand on their other palm.

Strange.

Did they believe he would be frightened of Historia? He respected the young woman, both as a person and as Queen, but he wasn’t afraid of her.

“Erwin,” Lady Ymir called, drawing both Commanders’ attention, “I believe perhaps you need more information.”

Always a good start.

“I can see the future.”

Noted. That was some damn useful information, there. Well worth the interruption.

“You need to-” Ymir cut herself off, clearly reevaluating what she was going to say, which made Erwin instantly curious about what she hadn’t said, “after you complete your goal here, you must return home and stay there. It’s too soon for this. Your body isn’t ready for this. You need rest. I know you probably think you’re fine, but you’re not. If you don’t slow down, you’ll fail.”

He should simply space out his expeditions more. Perhaps a month between them? It sounded like a perfectly reasonable amount of downtime. He’d have to be more careful about time, so he didn’t miss anyone.

She paused, her eyes going distant for a moment, before she glared at him. The sudden change had Erwin a little confused.

“And you have to wait until you’re in Cadet training.”

“No.” Erwin said immediately. Lady Ymir put her hands on her hips, abandoning the rough line that the Titans had formed in favor of standing closer to him.

“Yes, you do!” She barked, stern.

“I will not.” Erwin responded, placid in the face of her sudden bout of emotion.

“You have to!”

“I won’t.”

“Ughhhh!” She stomped her foot, a childish action that had Erwin fighting the urge to stick his tongue out at her. “You’re a stubborn mule! They all were going on about how amazing you are, how amazing of a strategist you are, how composed and levelheaded and how you would do whatever the hell is necessary to make sure humanity survives this time around! But you’re not! Not anymore! Now, you’re an eight year old boy who’s completely in a cruel world, and every damn thing you remember is dead!”

Erwin hated that he flinched. Hated it. Even worse, she capitalized on it.

“You need to go home! You need to come to terms with how much bullshit you’re about to have to go through, not run off the first chance you get so that you don’t have to think about it! You’re going to die out there if you can’t,” her voice slowed, the passion fading, “you’re going to die if you can’t, Commander Erwin. You can’t lose. You can’t. What will it take to get you to agree with this?”

Erwin allowed his head to tilt, indicating his consideration of the question. Truthfully, he wasn’t inclined to listen at all, but that could well be his current age showing through.

Namely, a stubborn brat who resisted any authority. He had not been such before, not in his memory. He was quite obedient, still learning his place in the world and his role. He obeyed his parents, obeyed his father after the loss of his mother, and they’d allowed his lust for knowledge to grow to a degree that superseded that obedience. He never would have had the drive to rise through the ranks without it.

By now, after so long of answering to so few people, he tended to do as he pleased. He… walked parallel to the rules, well aware of the ones he was and wasn’t breaking. It wasn’t indiscriminate. Being told what to do now just bred resistance, chafing against a loss of freedom.

“Perhaps including me in the planning would be better?” Erwin offered, forcing his voice to sound under control. Feeling abandoned was silly. He was, essentially, the most volatile component of this mess. They’d been wise to leave him somewhere he’d be safe. If he looked at it from their perspective, he was the unreasonable one.

But their perspective was not the only one.

Groups tended towards conservative action, preserving the status quo. It was natural: large groups of people had many, many options, views, and values. It was simple reality. Groups were hard to mobilize. Erwin, as an individual, would have far, far more ability to act quickly and respond. If he put himself under their command, he wouldn’t be able to act decisively. There were too many people of power, too many different groups under one banner. Commanders, leaders, a Queen, and Lady Ymir herself. Too many. Nothing could get done if they all couldn’t agree, and they all wouldn’t agree.

“I will answer to three people and those people alone.” Erwin decided. “They’ll be the one to tell me to avoid action or stop what I’m doing. Figure out who amongst yourselves. Meet me at my home when you’ve decided and I’ve returned.”

Each group would want a representative. Scouts, Paradis Titans, and Marleyan Titans. Historia might be able to fight her way in somehow, but four would be too many, else he would have made allowances for her. It would turn into two alliances before long if he did so. He would have to reach out to her on his own. Lady Ymir also may take a spot. It was all up to them. He’d start preparing for whoever they chose on the way.

“Three…” Ymir echoed, contemplative. “And you would obey these people’s decisions completely?”

“To a point.” Erwin conceded, because he wasn’t that obedient, “my skills lie in planning in advance, but also in making changes to those plans as needed. I will adjust accordingly. If anything, giving me a goal would be best as opposed to trying to throw me a whole plan that I’ll likely end up diverging from.”

How obedient he would be also depended entirely on who they chose. Someone like Armin or Hange, Erwin would trust immediately. Even if he didn’t understand, he would trust what they asked him to do. If they picked Zeke… Erwin would make the man regret every damn Scout he had killed. Every speck of joy the bastard had gotten about tearing his soldiers to pieces.

They’d know better, or they would learn it.

Erwin would never be blindly obedient. But trusting in his comrades? That he could do.

“In other words, you’ll obey them when you feel like it?” The Jaw Titan man’s voice was scathing, but Erwin ignored the tone with practiced ease.

“If that’s how you want to say it,” Erwin agreed mildly. “Either way, it’s the restrictions that I am currently willing to agree to.”

“Erwin,” Hange called, drawing his attention and stepping closer, not directly in front of him, but close, studying the dirt near his feet. His gaze followed, and for a moment, they both watched a spider scurry by, “What’s your plan right now? Is there any way we can help?”

Erwin gave himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, watching the spider scurry back and forth, hunting or fleeing, he didn’t know. Then, he took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. “My first priority is finding the brother of Ulrich. The mining situation will require more time. I need to impress on him how to not get taken and tortured to death by the Military Police. If I can, he could turn into a valuable ally later. As for preventing the mining disaster, I’ve been considering several plans. One such plan was intentionally causing a small, controlled disaster in order to scare them into taking proper safety precautions. Another was taking it to someone with the authority to intervene, either the MPs or the Garrison. I’m still working on the plan. I took today off.”

“A day off?” Hange sounded surprised, but he could hear the faint pleased tone, “That’s good. We’re all pretty worried that you’re going to push yourself too hard.”

People had started to group together, discussing the best selection or what had happened, leaving them to speak in relative privacy. They were undoubtedly eavesdropping, of course.

“Yes.” Erwin agreed. “I believe I was. I’ve been relaxing today. I saw a bird’s nest.” Very normal. No reason for them to worry about him. He was taking care of himself just fine on his own.

“Uhuh…” Hange agreed vaguely, eyebrows drawn inwards, concern or uncertainty. Erwin wasn’t sure why. “How have you been handling all this… everything. It must be rough.”

“Traveling’s boring. I miss Freya. My gear’s too small and it jerks me around. It’s irritating. It works like a dream, though. It levels the playing field and then some.” Erwin said, letting his gaze shift to the sky, watching the clouds drift slowly. In the distance, to the west, the clouds darkened. Another storm. Hopefully it would miss him, he didn’t want to be all wet and miserable again. Hange nodded, sighing.

“It must be hard, handling all this alone. Even for you. It’s just… not the way we were trained, was it?” Hange asked rhetorically, and Erwin shook his head.

“It’s unpleasant. I had Mike with me for a while, but… he never came back.”

Hange frowned, their head and shoulders slumping somewhat. “That was- it was probably us. Sorry, Erwin. It’s hard to keep the peace with a group like this. If one person can’t talk to you, then everyone can’t. We weren’t going to leave you forever, I promise. The talks were still ongoing. I’ll send him back to you after we’re done here.”

Erwin perked up at the assurance. It would be nice to have Mike by his side once again. “I’ll keep an eye out. Is Levi well?”

Hange nodded quickly. “He’s fine, he just-” They cut themselves off, hands clenching, stressed.

“Can’t be here at the moment,” Erwin offered, a lifeline that Hange took quickly, nodding rapidly, “I understand. He’s never been a fan of politics and all this maneuvering."

“No, he hasn’t. He’s been a fantastic help! There’s a lot more Scouts than we’re used to. Organizing them has been hard. Levi’s great at organizing them, though he hates it. Him and his Levi squad, and Jean are shaping up to be great Squad Leaders and Section Commanders. Jean hates it, of course. Armin had to be part of the Titan Shifter’s mess, else he may have helped out as well. We’ve already got a ship out to Marley. We’re hopeful that they’re going to be able to find some useful intel for us.”

Erwin nodded, his interest piqued. “That would be useful. I’d like to do some experiments on my current vision at some point as well, if you would wish to organize it for me, Commander Hange. It’s still off. I’m adjusting to it slowly, but it’s still disorienting at times. I’d like to understand why it happened and what it does. No one has reacted like my eyes were in any way out of place so far.”

There they were. There was the Hange he knew. They brightened like he’d just handed them the Colossal Titan itself to study, bouncing up and down for an instant.

“Really? You want me to experiment on you, Commander?” They nearly shrieked, making him wince, but he nodded once, assured.

Then he paused. “Within reason.” Hange was already running away, shouting for Moblit.

This was an older, more mature Hange that he was trusting. They wouldn’t do anything too risky. There was no need to worry.

Still, his heart sank a little, a moment of nervousness.

It would be fine.

“You’re fucked, Commander.”

“Thank you for your input, Yeager.” Erwin said without looking, deadpan. If anyone knew better, it would be him-

Erwin wasn’t. Going to worry about that, he decided. He wasn’t. It would happen when it happened, worrying now would only have him suffering twice.

Erwin wasn’t too eager to leave yet, so he took advantage of the sheer number of people around and leapt into the tree nearest to him. Lady Ymir floated up to join him as he settled in, but kept her peace, so he allowed it without protest.

He regretted climbing it immediately, because he could barely keep his eyes open suddenly. He barely had the wherewithal to remember to dig his hooks into the tree trunk.

Erwin fell asleep, right there in the tree, surrounded by allies and enemies.

Erwin woke up, for a few moments, to the sensation of falling. Something warm was wrapped around him, holding him tight. He didn’t even open his eyes.

He didn’t need to. He was falling but he was fine.

Erwin was asleep again in seconds.

Someone was cooing.

Why were they cooing? The noise was so close. It couldn’t be coming from more than a few feet away.

He was warm. Pleasantly so. Did he really want to get up to investigate?

Why was he so warm? He could hear someone breathing, deep and steady. A hand carded through his hair, slowly, soothingly.

Slowly, he opened his eyes.

He was… laying on someone? He blinked once, and that definitely was someone with ODM gear on. There were two arms wrapped around him, wiry and dead-steady. Probably attached to whoever was lying underneath him. Which meant the hand petting his hair was someone else.

For a few moments, he contemplated remaining there. It felt so nice, just sitting there. He hadn’t felt so calm in a while, so physically relaxed. It was wonderful.

Still, someone, several someones, were cooing like they were witnessing a litter of kittens play for the first time. Or seeing a particularly cute baby. He had a sinking feeling the baby may be him.

Erwin lifted his head, meeting grey eyes that sent an instant jolt down his whole body, like he’d been struck by lightning.

Levi.

The person who’d been stroking his hair put their hand on his back, and he could look to see who it was, but he couldn’t force his eyes away from Levi’s.

Levi sat up slowly, arms around Erwin to keep him upright.

“Good morning, Commander.” Historia’s soft voice made him start a little, finally allowing him to tear his gaze from Levi’s own, to meet hers. “You sure were tired. You’ve been asleep for over twelve hours now.”

By Maria, he felt it. His head would hurt later, there was that faint feeling that occurred right before a strong headache, but past the haze of having just woken up, pleasantly for once, he could think clearly again.

“You’ve been sleeping in trees?” Levi asked, and the sound of his voice, annoyed, was like an old, familiar scent from the distant past. Erwin’s throat ached with something he couldn’t or wouldn’t give name to. Levi was here. He was holding Erwin.

“It’s safer than the ground. My gear ensures I won’t fall far.”

Levi’s expression went even more flat than usual, a sure sign that he was irritated by Erwin’s answer.

“Some Scouts have been chosen to stay with you. They’ll be able to keep watch while you’re asleep from now on. Captain Levi insisted. Even if we can’t help physically, we can still help you in other ways. We’re still putting together your squad.” Historia explained. Her hand still rested on his back, rubbing like one would do to soothe a child.

It was a little unnerving, if Erwin was honest.

He wasn’t a child.

They had a small audience, mostly Paradis Titans, with some Scouts. The Marleyans were clumped across the clearing. Zeke was visibly nervous, and it was probably the death stare that Levi was shooting him every time the man glanced Erwin’s way.

“Armin and a few other shifters have gone to the mines. They’re going to go through the ground and search for what causes the disaster. We’re seeing if anyone remembers more about it.”

Erwin shifted a little more, trying to face Historia before he spoke. Levi released his hold for just long enough for Erwin to flip himself around, then wrapped his arms around Erwin again the moment he settled, hugging Erwin to his chest. Someone cooed again, but when his face turned their way, all bystanders were silent, staring up in various directions into the trees or dirt. Connie, who definitely hadn’t been there before he’d fallen asleep, was whistling. Sasha punched him in the stomach, making him double over.

“There’s a severe lack of safety equipment and actions at that particular mine,” Erwin explained, watching the Scouts suspiciously for several moments before turning his attention to Historia. “The people are careless. The leader is likely under noble payroll, and likely will make change difficult. Moral seems high. Causing a coup will be difficult. An accident, controlled, will shake them. In the end though, a change in leadership is needed. If I can collect enough viable information, I may be able to take my concerns to the Garrison. When they investigate, if they do, they’ll discover the truth.”

“It’s a difficult task. How sure are you that you can do it?” Historia asked. She had lifted her hand as he moved, resettling it in his shoulder, where she let it rest. She was kneeling in an uncomfortable way to do so, one knee in the dirt.

“If I was an adult, there’d be no question. As I am now, I need to either remove my age from the situation or find someone willing to overlook it. Children are viewed with suspicion in this town. There must be gangs. I couldn’t even rent a room, even after showing money.”

Historia hummed, reaching up to card a hand through his hair absently, making him go still. “You won’t be alone from now on. You’ll be able to sleep peacefully, at least.”

“Right.” Erwin agreed, still a little shell shocked by her hand stroking his hair. He was awake now. Why was she still being so- so affectionate? It was- it was inappropriate. He was still her commanding officer. She couldn’t just pet his hair.

She was also the Queen, and as such could do as she wanted. So, it might be fine? It was pleasant, but uncomfortable, it made something in his chest want to curl up and die for letting someone under his command do this to him. It also made him want to hug her and never let go.

Generally conflicting feelings. He wanted her to stop. He also wanted her to keep doing exactly what she was doing forever. He hated it.

He hated it. His skin itched and tingled like there were hundreds of ants crawling all over the areas where she was touching. He was hyper aware of where her hand touched, the way the morning (it was morning, his day off was over, he had to move) light hit her hair. The shine on her hair was too bright, he could hear it clink together- but that wasn’t right, it was light, it couldn’t make a sound, but something was clinking, so what could it be? He didn’t clink. She didn’t either. Levi didn’t clink, probably. He was sure the man could if he wanted. Levi could probably fly if he tried hard enough. What could be clinking?

Levi swatted her hand off, his arms tightening around him a moment later. He leaned forward, overtop of Erwin, and it was strange to be smaller than the man. He felt slightly squished, but the itchy feeling evaporated.

Historia didn’t protest, seeming amused by Levi’s protectiveness. “I’m not stealing him, I promise, Captain.” Stealing? Erwin wasn’t property, and if he was, he’d definitely be Scout property. Levi and him both, really.

Erwin might be getting off topic. His head hurt, the predicted headache having already arrived. He wasn’t property, so there was no reason to consider it any further.

Levi had been silent in response, though he didn’t yet release Erwin, which was enough proof that he didn’t trust her words. Erwin wasn’t quite sure why, but he wasn’t about to pull himself free until Levi was ready to let him go.

Nearly ten minutes in, with no signs that Levi would relent soon, Erwin now knew what it was like to be a mountain lion cub being protected by its very irritated, very lethal mother.

Levi was irritated, for reasons Erwin didn’t know yet. The man was practically growling at anyone who looked at Erwin for longer than an instant. Which was most people, all looking charmed and endeared by the sight before them.

“Erwin!” Hange called nearly twenty minutes into Levi’s… hug? Protective crouch? He didn’t know what to call it. “Your squad is on its way! Levi, are you able to lead it?”

They may as well have asked Levi if he breathed, for the deadpan look that graced his face. He didn’t even bother nodding, just glowering their way. His arms only got tighter around Erwin. His ribs might be creaking, but it could just be all the air being forced from his lungs. It was wonderful. Erwin may be suffocating slowly, but it was Levi doing it, so he was alright with the whole thing. A good way to go, in his arms.

Levi’s crushing hold loosened just as Erwin’s vision started to go strange. Shame.

It ended up taking nearly an hour for Erwin’s new squad to arrive, during which he did absolutely nothing but soaked in the feeling of Levi’s arms around him. He felt strangely excitable, like he could run about like a playful puppy, but also completely content with his current position, so the urge to move had no real outlet. It just bubbled under his skin.

He was both relieved and disappointed when Mike rode into the clearing.

The majority was relief. Mike was a sight for sore eyes. Erwin’s burned at the sight of him, making him need to blink rapidly to avoid tears falling. Mike’s absence, after he left on Erwin’s orders and never returned, had been an ache in his heart. It wasn’t often that that ache was lifted, the pain eased. Mike had come back, late, but he had. Levi shifted slightly, resettling Erwin against him for a moment. He breathed deeply, like he was steadying himself, then Levi let his arms drop.

Relieved and disappointed.

Erwin climbed to his feet, Levi following soundlessly. His eyes burned in Erwin’s back, that familiar feeling of being watched by a friendly presence. The security it gave him was dangerous. Levi couldn’t save him if things went bad. He shouldn’t let himself reacclimate to Levi’s constant presence.

Mike was followed by several others, all also on horseback, familiar people from Levi, Hange, and Mike’s old squads. Petra was the only one from Levi squad, the others likely still doing whatever crazy shit they’d decided to do. Petra probably got fed up with them and answered the call for veteran soldiers. She’d always been the reasonable one of the group, like Levi. Three from Hange squad, Nifa, Abel, Keiji, and three from Mike squad, Tomas, Nanaba, and Gelgar. Nine ghosts.

“Squad Babysitters is assembled!” Mike cheered, slapping Erwin on the back with enough force to make him stumble. He barely moved an inch, though, Levi’s hands on his shoulder to steady Erwin faster than Erwin could even catch himself.

“Squad Ghost.” Erwin corrected, shooting Mike a slightly baleful look. Babysitters, the bastard loved to tease him. He caught Levi nodding firmly behind him, backing Erwin up, making his chest feel all warm and happy.

“Sure, Commander,” Mike agreed easily, a grin that was too smug on his face. Had Erwin really missed him? Really? “We’re at your disposal. Also, Grisha will be present when you return home. To be watched over by Levi, Hange, Lady Ymir, and me. Because letting a Titan Shifter earn your favor is against their little agreement.” He rolled his eyes, his tone exasperated the whole time.

A warning. Any attempt to call upon one of the Titan could destabilize their alliance. The balance of power was fragile. If Erwin appeared to be aligning with any one of them, the others would likely target whoever he was favoring.

Irritating.

Erwin never liked restrictions. Always trying to think his way around them. Not enough money for an expedition? Find it, through whatever means necessary, blackmail or taking out political opponents. Low on recruitment numbers? Find a way to drum up support. Levi’s title that he so hated was a part of it, but Erwin himself had been well known. Unlike Levi, he’d been a Scout the whole time, and Erwin’s continued survival was useful in encouraging the populace. Not all Scouts died young.

Some died middle-aged.

Levi’s stare into Erwin’s was a burn he’d long since adjusted to. Erwin savored it now, as he straightened up fully. “I need to find Ulrich’s brother. I’m beginning the search as soon as I return. If Ulrich can be found, he can guide us easily. As of now, I plan to attempt a search by name. Abel, take a horse and find Ulrich. If we cannot find him before he joins, I will attempt to make contact during his cadet training. Afterwards, be it a successful or failed attempt, we’ll move on to the mines. The Titans are already searching the area, and doubtless Armin will have begun to form a plan. We will rendezvous with the Titans and work out a plan there, likely overnight. Levi and one other should be on me at all times. The city is hostile to unaccompanied children. Mike, see if you can sniff out the living Ulrich. If we find him, we may find his elder brother as well.”

Erwin’s squad made a discord and noise of assent, scattered. Abel spun his mount, a brown gelding named Peaches, for the pale patches on his hindquarters, and rode away at reckless speeds. The rest formed up around him, falling into the Long Distance Scouting Formation by instinct, despite Erwin’s lack of his own mount.

Levi, after a moment, simply glued himself to Erwin’s side, ODM gear at the ready. The man was alert, head swiveling for any signs of danger.

There was a peace in descending the mountain, this time. They moved slowly, on account for Erwin’s notably shorter legs, but Mike’s sense of smell was enough to grant Erwin confidence. He headed straight in the right direction.

Twice, Mike warned Erwin early of a person approaching, letting him find a hiding spot in the brush and let the people pass him by harmlessly. Far, far less stressful than having to dive for cover when they came within earshot, trying to be quiet.

Erwin had to put his gear away again, once the greenery truly started to become scarce. Without a spoken word, Erwin’s squad closed ranks around him. Mike was still in the lead, but the others hovered a few feet away, forming a spearhead. Levi needed no one to assist him in guarding Erwin’s rear, and no one bothered to offer. He might have stabbed anyone who tried, he was bristling so much. Erwin couldn’t help but feel charmed, for whatever reason.

The city was brimming with activity. Soldiers, MPs mostly. Unusual. Something must have happened. Even with Erwin’s ghostly guards, it was unnerving. His trust in MPs had been… shaken, to say the least. Erwin entered from a side road, sticking to the edges, keeping his head down, back and shoulders hunched inwards. He always tended to walk too straight, standing tall, so making himself smaller would remove an identifying marker, should anyone search for him later.

It took Mike all of ten minutes to catch Ulrich’s scent. His nose was truly a miracle.

If Mike had been alive during the operation to retake Shiganshina, the Scout Regiment would never have been caught by surprise. One death, one man surviving, could have changed the whole future.

Funny, how much one man could do. Good and bad.

Erwin followed Mike’s guidance, weaving his way through the crowd, head down steadily because if he looked up, so stupidly far up, he was going to panic again, he could feel it in his spine. Levi was watching Erwin’s back, but there were people between them, through Levi, and it only heightened the stress of the crowd. He could see Levi, or parts of him, when he glanced back, but there were also people even closer.

It took almost an hour to actually reach Ulrich, and it was entirely Erwin's fault.

He tried. He really did.

Taking the main path had seemed reasonable to all of them. Erwin had figured it would be just as bad as the side ones, considering he already was as jumpy as to be expected.

Erwin was wrong. He took maybe ten steps out onto the walkways, each stride shorter than the last, and dived out of the way of a carriage. A man stopped, Erwin having dived in front of him, and reached down to him, probably to help the boy up, but he was-

Too big.

Erwin scrambled to his feet, tore back down the path like the Beast Titan itself was on his heels, and dived under the first bush he found.

And sat there.

Erwin had never felt so pathetic as he did right now.

“Erwin,” and Mike had never spoken to Erwin with that type of tone, never like he was something small and frightened, “we’ll go around, alright? You don’t have to go through there. Just come out, when you’re ready, and we’ll find a different path.

The feeling of being an absolute idiot and a coward besides was almost enough to force him right out of hiding, and he did actually start to, but then a group of miners, drunk even in the morning hours, walked by, laughing raucously, and Erwin scooted right back into the depths of the bush.

His hands were shaking. His whole fucking body. He wrapped his arms around his head, covering his ears, like it’d help the headache that refused to fade, like it’d stop the terror that had carved its way into his bones. The way his eyes stung with equal parts fear and humiliation, and his breath shook.

Erwin hated this.

That hatred was what carried him up, as he dragged himself out of the stupid bush and to stand next to Mike. Levi took position next to Erwin, slightly in front, on his right side.

Always Erwin’s sword.

The others formed up around him, silent, eyes outward. The best they could offer him. Erwin didn’t look at them either, just focusing on Mike’s back as he silently led Erwin on a long, winding path through the city.

Erwin was jumpy. A bark of laughter, a shout of someone’s name would have both his feet leave the ground, as he stopped dead. He couldn’t fight, and he couldn’t run either, not as surrounded as he was, so he just kept freezing for an instant before he remembered himself.

Every time Levi looked back, he looked so sad.

Guilty.

Why would Levi look guilty?

Erwin didn’t have the emotional capacity to try and question the man, so he just focused. Keep walking. Don’t stop.

How was he worse off now that he had a squad? It made no sense! He’d handled similar crowds previously with mere anxiety. How was it that now, with allies on his side, Erwin was breaking down? He should be feeling better! He’d even gotten a full night's sleep, and then some!

It took an hour to reach the Ulrich house, and it was a horrible, horrible hour.

But they did make it.

Ulrich was tiny. So tiny. Mike crouched in front of the little boy, playing outside under his mother’s watch as she knitted, sniffing intently. He then walked into the house, phasing through the door, and presumably went hunting for the scent of the brother.

So, Erwin waited, idly watching Ulrich play. His mother took notice but didn’t do much more than keep a wary eye on him. The boy looked so young. It was hard to reconcile that the same boy who was trying very hard to eat a worm was the same young man who would die on his fifth expedition, bleeding out internally after a vicious crash. Falling or hitting an obstacle could kill just as easily as a Titan could. Momentum was a force of nature, and though they wielded it, it was not on their side.

Mike took about three minutes to catch the trail, during which Ulrich tried to eat a second and third worm, a butterfly, successfully eating several ants, and had to have a flower tugged out of his mouth. Erwin was mildly impressed. The boy’s mother was losing patience by the second. Erwin gave her a salute, then chased after Mike, reaching his side just in time to duck around the corner with him. Levi clipped the wall and phased right through to stay at Erwin’s right hand.

Mike led them right to the local MP barracks, which means Erwin’s assumption was right. He should have just tried there first. Ugh. The same destination, but less time-consuming. And less breakdowns.

The boy, as expected, was hanging onto an MP’s every word. A tall, handsome, brown-haired man was grandstanding for not just the boy, but several other children too, dramatically regaling them with a tale of his ‘exploits’. Fighting off ten fifteen meter Titans at once while protecting a gorgeous young woman.

A lost princess, actually. Erwin’s self-control was just strong enough to bury his eye-roll. She’d wanted to marry the man, but tragically, had been forced to go into hiding. All the poor, poor man had left to remember her by was the fading scent of roses and a worn handkerchief.

Erwin was sickened.

Still, he wandered over, joining the rapt audience and managing a paramour of being enraptured by his story. Erwin was the shortest of the group, so probably the youngest too. The youngest that he could guess at would be around eight or nine. Mike followed, sniffing carefully around before stopping in front of a boy. He pointed down, once, marking his confirmation that the boy was indeed the right one.

Erwin was going to have to wait then. He wormed his way forward, until he was next to the boy, then settled, watching the man narrate his story (He’d also made it far beyond Wall Maria, and discovered a castle and another beautiful princess, because that was reasonable).

He was there for three hours. Erwin was appalled and reluctantly impressed by the man’s ability to weave a good, if unbelievable story. He was a good storyteller, if a complete and utter liar. When it was finally, finally over, the children swarmed him. Erwin stayed back, unwilling to get too close.

Someone took his hand. Erwin was so surprised, he didn’t even recognize the boy as the brother he’d been searching for until he’d started to pull away, and he stopped on the spot. “You’re new, right? Don’t worry, Mr. Gidon is real nice. He’ll answer whatever questions you have!” The boy tugged Erwin forward, and given his nearly four year advantage on Erwin, did so quite effectively.

The MP met Erwin’s eyes and went still for a moment, eyes flicking up and down Erwin’s face and body as if identifying him.

Something was wrong.

Erwin had done nothing to attract their attention, not here. Why did the man seem to recognize him?

The man, Gidon, smiled brightly, hesitation vanishing in favor of a semi-convincing grin. “And who is this? A new face?”

Erwin had no choice but to go along, for now. Making a scene would only draw more eyes, more MPs. He nodded, adopting a starry-eyed expression and light, excited tone, “Yeah! I’m Eren! Did you really go beyond Wall Maria? I’ve never been past Wall Rose!”

“I did,” Gidon crowed, poofing up like a strutting rooster, “it was treacherous, a land full of danger, Titans, and mysteries! The next time I go, I’ll bring back souvenirs for everyone, alright? I’ll try to find that castle again and visit dear Miyu-hime again!”

“What were the plants like? Were they the same as here? Was there anything growing that you’ve never seen before?” Erwin asked, eyes widened to convey innocent curiosity. The man hesitated, clearly startled to be asked such specific details.

“Yes! Grand- resplendent plants, taller than you or even me, with leaves as big as a horse! Vines with fruits the size of my head, and sweeter than sugar!”

“You ate one then? Was that safe?”

Gidon nodded, head tilted upwards arrogantly, “Of course! I could tell, it was safe, and delicious to eat!”

“How?”

“H-how?” The man stuttered a little, even more thrown.

Erwin nodded eagerly, looking the man dead in the eyes, “How could you tell?”

“Well- well it’s complicated. I’m afraid you’re too young to understand.”

The brother looked at Gidon, and piped up helpfully, “I can try to help!”

“I’m afraid I have to rejoin my squad. I’ll have to tell you all later, alright? Duty waits for no man.” Gidon finally said, recovering somewhat, enough to realize that extracting himself was more important. The brother sighed, disappointed, but his eyes were still faintly awed as Gidon walked away, casting a single backwards glance at Erwin.

He shouldn’t stick around long.

“What’s your name?” Erwin asked, and the boy blinked, startled, then faintly embarrassed.

“Right! Sorry! It’s Malin! Nice to meet you, Eren!” Malin answered, grinning down at Erwin.

“Are you going to be an MP when you grow up?”

Malin blinked, startled by the sudden questioning, but a faint, pleased blush worked its way onto his face. “I am! I’m going to be just like Gidon! I’ll ride out beyond the Walls, fight Titans, and save people!”

Erwin paused. Malin seemed to be under some misconceptions. “The Scouts do that,” Erwin explained slowly, “The Military Police work in the interior, protecting the royal family, collecting taxes, and maintaining order. The Scouts are the ones who ride out beyond the walls.”

“That’s… that’s not right, because Gidon has all his stories!” Malin argued, still grinning.

Erwin shook his head, looking Malin in the eyes. “Gidon would not have been beyond the Walls. The Military Police wouldn’t be out there unless something is horribly wrong. He’s probably trying to impress all of you. People lie like that.”

Malin looked shaken, but he didn’t leap straight to denial. A smart boy. “Being in the Military Police isn’t bad, but it’s inherently corrupt at this point. The nobles prefer to promote people like them, people who think like them, and so all the power collects with the laziest, most selfish people. People who strive for change and challenge norms won’t get promoted, unless they manage to pretend to be one of them.”

Malin didn’t even seem to doubt Erwin much. He wasn’t changing the boy’s worldview. He’d always known it. Maybe he’d denied it, but he’d already known. His eyes dropped, staring at the ground. His expression was tight, pained. “But I want to…”

“I know. If you want to join the Military Police, you’ll have to follow their rules. That's why you pretend to be the same. You go along with it. Until you have enough power to make a change, you hide in the shadows.”

“How do you know all this?” Malin asked after a long pause.

Erwin shrugged. “My father’s smart. I talk with the Scouts in my area a lot, too. They’re not shy about telling me all about the Military Police’s faults. They’re important, but they lack the leadership and the drive to do everything they’re supposed to do. Anyone who tries to change it will have to be careful.”

There. Warning given. There were three more Military Police looking at him.

Erwin nodded to Malin, giving him a salute, then turned and left. He didn’t run. Running would draw them in.

“They’re following us.” Levi muttered warningly. Erwin gave no sign he had heard.

“Have the squad scout out ahead of me. I need the fastest path-” No. He shouldn’t give a sign that he knew what was going on. “I’m heading this path. Have them in the air, on rooftops. Keep me aware of the situation. I’m going to leave, slowly. Your job is to keep me from getting swarmed.”

Levi nodded, rushing ahead of Erwin to reach Mike. He ran up to Mike, spreading the word, then leaping over to Petra, who in turn ran off to tell the others, as Levi returned promptly.

Erwin walked over to the sandwich shop and bought himself two more sandwiches. The other one would be his meal for tomorrow. He made sure to linger a little, eating a small portion of today’s sandwich, before wrapping it back up.

Nothing suspicious. Just a kid. Mike led him down a side street to get there, ensuring he missed a swarm of MPs.

He left slowly, almost idly. The three MPs hadn’t grown in number, just watching. They continued past the city limits, past the more populated areas. Something about the urgency of the situation had settled him. He walked down the main street without blinking an eye.

The thing he had a problem with was low-stress situations? So strange.

Erwin found a clearing, sat down, and ate the rest of the first half of his sandwich. Then, he pulled out a map, settling down for a planning session, outlining a trip to a small village about eight hours or so of walking away. The MPs had moved closer, presumably to track his future path. He sat there for a good three hours, going over the path, adjusting it, performatively worried.

At half an hour in, the MPs lost focus. By three? He was pretty sure the man he hadn’t met yet was napping.

Mike and the others kept Erwin updated as time crawled onwards, nearing on four hours. No movements outside, not yet, but the MPs were mobilizing. Horses. A carriage.

Capture.

The question of the hour was why? What had Erwin done to draw their attention?

Four and a half hours in, Erwin went into the trees, presumably to relieve himself, put on his ODM gear, and slipped away. By the time they thought to look for him, Abel told him several minutes later, he was long gone.

Good riddance.

Erwin walked back up the mountain, to the mines. Finally, he had one more task to complete, and he could go home. His squad stuck close around him, Gelgar, Petra, and Levi spearheading his protection detail. The others, sans Nanaba, who’d double back to gather information from the forming swarm, rode ahead, keeping watch behind and ahead. Mike and his nose lingered behind, in case Erwin started to get overtaken.

Nanaba was back in an hour, with grave news.

“They know you by name. Fake one, at least. And they’re under strict orders to capture you alive.” Nanaba said firstly, not even dismounted from her horse yet. “They’re under orders. High ones. There’s almost thirty of them. They’re being called in from nearby towns too.”

Erwin had several guesses, none of them good. The most likely of which, was that the Reiss family knew of his existence. How, he could only speculate. Perhaps his appearance had been something they could feel, perhaps the changes he was making had made waves, maybe he’d run into one without realizing it.

The final result was the same. Erwin was going to have to be very careful going home, and very careful around MPs for the next few years.

“Our goal is the same. They don’t know I’m headed for the mines. Assuming Armin’s worked out a plan, we should be able to be on the move by nightfall. We ride onwards.” Erwin ordered, after a long moment. Levi nodded, and then they moved, spreading out again. They'd all looked to Levi, not Erwin, as if for confirmation. They didn't know Levi one bit, if they thought he'd say otherwise.

One more task.

Home.

Chapter Text

The plan to save the mine from collapse ended up being quite simple. Armin was just as smart as Erwin knew the boy was. He’d grown tremendously in Erwin’s absence.

The ghosts had investigated through the very earth, delving below the ground, which was an application of their physical existence that Erwin would be very sure to abuse if given the chance. To be able to scout underground, after that ambush that had cost so many lives, was a weight lifted from his shoulders.

They found gas. A lot of it. A cave system under the ground, one of many. A careless blast would bring the whole mine down.

Exactly the way the miners were using their explosives.

At all times, someone was in the mine. Usually a small group, which would continue mining as the others took a break and ate. The small group was usually about ten people strong. Likely, they were the ones who hit the pocket of gas and were killed. If it had happened in a more populated time, it would’ve killed many more.

Erwin would simply have to set off his own explosion. Something loud, scary, but ineffective. Scare the people away, then set real explosives up and collapse the mine entirely. The loss of this mine would shake all surrounding mining operations. Hopefully, it would have a similar long-term effect.

How the recruit, Floch, knew so much about making a bomb, Erwin did not ask. He didn’t want to deal with the answer, not right now. The reactions of those around him, especially Mikasa (the rare times she looked away from Eren), said it had unsavory roots. Erwin wasn’t about to dig it up now, with his current task in his brain.

Bombs. Dynamite, stolen from a different, smaller mine that couldn’t have all day coverage, and the knowledge on how to take it apart served as Erwin’s basis. Floch filled in the rest of the details, what to add in to increase smoke, how much of the substance from the dynamite to use in the bomb to avoid bringing the whole mine down too early.

Erwin actually quite enjoyed making the bomb. Part of him delighted in making something for the sole purpose of ‘big boom’. Erwin was not so inhuman that he didn’t rejoice in the ability to annihilate something for the sake of good.

Grinning like an arsonist while making a homemade bomb from stolen dynamite was probably not going to do anything for his reputation. Erwin didn’t care: his only witnesses were ghosts. Levi’s sole raised eyebrow and sip of ghostly tea held a definite note of approval. Enjoyment should be taken when the chance arises.

Armin, with his honor guard of every other ghost Titan to ensure he wasn’t manipulating, coercing, or otherwise taking advantage of Erwin’s need for him, was talking quickly, almost stream of consciousness, correcting himself mid-sentence, running off before drawing himself back on task. He must be nervous. Erwin probably did not need Armin, but he wasn’t about to say that. A second mind was a great help in the plan. Armin would be able to foresee problems that Erwin wouldn’t.

Zeke was staring a little too intensely for Erwin’s comfort. Levi stood between them, shoulder to shoulder with Erwin. Erwin had done nothing to draw such attention. Armin was still talking, now telling Erwin something about a ship that he’d seen blown up, and the sea, and someone named Falco, and truthfully it was quite interesting, not that Erwin had the time yet. Half the shifters were glaring at Armin, and the boy was sweating under the pressure, a smile on his face like a shield.

“Is there a place that you found that would be best to set the explosives?” Erwin asked, stepping closer. It didn’t shield the boy: Erwin himself was too small, but it forced Armin to look downwards, reducing his ability to see the Titans’ stares. The absence of sight relieved some of the pressure.

Armin nodded once, a few papers appearing in his hand. Damn useful. It was a map of the mines, a… drawing of a part of the mines. Utterly perfect, as if Armin had simply transferred the image to paper. Erwin was momentarily stunned by the sheer possibilities. Armin could just make that? On command? He didn’t reach out to touch it, just peered closer, fascinated.

“It’s where you should put the bomb, I think. It shouldn’t ignite any leaking gas, but it’ll create a lot of smoke and noise. Once you ignite it, you should hide,” he flipped the paper, focusing, and when he flipped it back, it had a new illustration, “here. We anticipate first a rescue attempt, then evacuation of the surrounding area while they reassess. Hide for the first hour, while they check for injured people, and you’ll be able to slip out. This area should be distant enough that you won’t breathe in much smoke, especially if you can get there quickly. The main problem will be light. It’s in an unexplored area of a cave that they struck while mining. If you get turned around in the darkness and end up trapped…” Armin let himself trail off, eyebrows drawn with pained worry. Levi was too disciplined to shift, but there was a tension in the set of his shoulders.

Erwin had heard enough to understand. The thought of getting trapped down there, unable to call for help…

“Captain Levi and the others volunteered to help you, though! We’re all going to keep a close eye out! We’ll keep you on the right track! You’re small enough that you should be able to fit!”

Should was a discomforting word.

Still, Erwin didn’t argue. Should was better than most Expeditions. “And a light source?”

Armin nodded again, eager. “Right! We were thinking either a hooded lantern, or we could see if a light that we made could let you see! Then, we could light up the space around you, without letting others see! It’s worth testing, at least!”

It would. Erwin could see the use of such a thing. Their existence as ghosts was a phenomenon that he wanted to investigate further. Such an interesting existence. Could they learn and grow as they were when they were alive? Could they find a way to affect the world? What would happen if they encountered their living selves, if anything at all? So much unknown information.

Armin led him a short way deeper into the forest, where the sun was blocked out by leaves. Erwin’s squad followed, sticking closely. The Titans shuffled after them. Were there more of them than there were before? He didn’t recognize the child with them, but the dark-haired woman was looking down at him with a soft look. Reiner too. How many ancestors of the nine Titans could follow him here? From what distant times? Were they still coming, or had he simply not seen them before?

The torch that Mike made gave off no light. He held it up, waving it around, ducking low to the ground, pressing the phantom flame to shadows cast by the canopy. No change. Erwin couldn’t help but feel some measure of disappointment. The usefulness would have been unmatched. If they could have given off light, then why not heat as well? If they could give off heat, why not energy?

Armin was still watching Erwin hopefully, so he shook his head once. To Armin’s eyes, the light must be real. Something to take note of. If one of the Titans ever turned on them, Erwin would need outside eyes. His squad wouldn’t be able to tell a created illusion from the real world.

“We’ll have to find you a lantern then…” Armin muttered, shoulders slumping. Erwin would pat him on the shoulder if he could reach. He needed the damn growth spurt to come, and soon. “After the first explosion, you’ll have to set up the secondary one, and all that needs is the explosives the miners already have. It’ll work, just to plan!” Armin clenched his fists dramatically, theatrical. “You can do it, Commander!”

Entering the mine ended up being the easiest part, by far. He leapt into a tree, waited for the daylight shift to meet with the nighttime shift for food, planning, and equipment checks, and slipped right inside, using the deep shadows brought on by the setting sun to ghost his way across the craggy ground.

A lantern was also easy to steal, just plucking it from the walls, turning the flame to a barely visible light with a twist of the knob, restricting the fuel. More than enough to see, in absence of any other light. Erwin’s squad, and the Titans, formed up around him, Armin as his primary guide. The boy that Erwin had noticed for the first time a few hours earlier looked nervous, clinging to Reiner’s leg. Something about him seemed sad.

In absence of living people, the ghosts casting no shadows, the atmosphere was eerie. He was on Armin’s heels, sticking closely.

Levi was on Erwin’s heels, and it was a close comfort. Levi knew how to handle being underground. Levi always kept Erwin safe. As long as Levi was there, Erwin would be fine.

Armin first showed Erwin the hiding place.

The boy might be overestimating Erwin’s ability to handle tight enclosed spaces.

In order to climb through the crack, Erwin would need to crawl. Not even hands and knees, he’d need to lie on the ground and pull himself forward. No wonder the space was unexplored.

“You want me to go in there?” Erwin asked, eying Armin with much more doubt than he had before.

“It’ll open up! It’s the biggest squeeze for the first eight meters or so, then it gets much more spacious. You’ll be able to crawl on hands and knees, then even stand! Look! I’ll show you!” Armin said, a nervous smile on his face that did absolutely nothing to assuage Erwin’s concerns. Armin bent down, flattening himself to the ground, and inched his way forward. His shoulder blades touched the stone above him. He went through a short way, then stood, phasing through the ground and bounding out like a startled deer. That nervous smile was still fixed on his face, like he was desperately trying to be reassuring when he himself had been on the verge of panic.

It was not reassuring in the slightest.

They moved on. Erwin would deal with it when the time came. Worrying about it would only have him suffering twice.

The frontline kept an eye out for the small team, and as Erwin went deeper, a call from Mike had him hiding, the team passing him by with a haul of ore.

Perfect. The team was even out of the way.

The place where Erwin had to set up the bomb was easily recognizable, thanks to Armin’s realistic drawing, and setting it up was downright meditative. He understood this. This was a danger he had control over. The fuse was long, giving Erwin time to get away.

Erwin lit it with his lamp and bolted.

Halfway through the climb back towards the crack, the bomb went off in a horrific cacophony of noise that made Erwin cover his ears, dropping to his knees as the ground rumbled alarmingly.

Levi froze. Armin, Mikasa, and several of the Marleyan Titans did too. The boy’s breath caught, his hands flying up to cover his mouth, and the black-haired woman threw her arms around him, holding his head to her chest.

The oil lantern went out, the flame smothered by a rush of smoke that filled the cavern immediately, the shockwave a boom in his chest that rattled his teeth and his bones.

Erwin was the first to move, scrambling to his feet and resuming his climb towards the crack. He remembered the first bit at least, even in the darkness. His squad joined him instantly, taking up a closely bunched formation. Levi followed after a few long seconds, sprinting to catch up and take the lead, hands clenched into fists, his only betrayal of his upset.

Mike led the way when Erwin faltered, the path forward unclear, taking Erwin’s hand and dragging him forward, uncompromising. The smoke made Erwin cough, eyes watering, so he squeezed them shut, focusing on keeping up with Mike instead of getting dragged along.

It took maybe forty-five seconds to reach the crevice, thirty seconds or so of it beyond the smoke. It had indeed been a ‘small’ explosion, for all the intimidation of it. Most of the Titans had followed, giving Erwin an audience as he dropped down, crawling inside.

Horrible.

Absolutely horrible.

He was smaller, thinner than Armin, but it didn’t matter. Erwin did not like being underground, and he liked small, enclosed spaces even less. He forged onwards, crawling awkwardly, his shoulders brushing the ceiling when he lifted himself too high, each time making him drop himself to the floor to escape the feeling of being completely and utterly trapped. The slope was downwards, a relatively gentle decline, but it left him feeling as though he could slip forward at any moment, losing his grip.

The stone was so cold. That must be why Erwin’s hands were shaking.

He was probably a few meters in, now. Probably. He couldn’t see a thing. It was pitch black in a way that Erwin couldn’t remember seeing before, so dark he couldn’t see his own finger if it was touching his opened eye.

Armin had said he could fit. He’d said he had been able to crawl through.

Erwin had a sinking feeling that Armin may have lied.

The motor of his ODM gear scraped against the ceiling, making Erwin halt his forward progress. Fuck. He reached back, not bothering to look backwards in the absence of light. Unhooking the motor took a short eternity, and he wrapped the attaching cable around his right shoulder, where he could drag it along with him without losing the use of one of his hands. The empty sheaths on his legs were fine, for now, but if the passage narrowed, he’d have to remove them too. The straps on his shoulders, back, and legs were all also risk factors. If something got caught, he’d have to work carefully to free himself. If the worst came to worst, he could trigger the release mechanism and free himself that way. He wasn’t sure if going back for the gear would be an option, then. Maybe just the mechanisms?

Resuming his forward crawl was a battle of willpower, more than exertion. The ceiling dropped closer and closer the further he went.

Erwin couldn’t keep his head upright and facing forward anymore, forcing his head to turn sideways to fit.

He didn’t want to be here.

His back was in constant contact with the ceiling when he slowed his forward press. Each deep, unsteady breath pressed his spine against it, scraping the leather straps into his back.

It would be so easy to get stuck. One little piece of the wall, and he’d be trapped here. Could he even turn around?

“Levi?” Erwin called, coming to a stop in favor of wrapping his arms around his head, self-soothing. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all. Give him a Titan, several Titans, any day. “Levi, how far do I have left to go?”

There was a long silence. Too long. He could hear, vaguely, people speaking quickly, urgently to each other, both ahead and behind him. Something heated. Were they arguing?

“Levi?” Erwin’s voice shook, and he hated it.

“I’m here, Erwin.” Levi called immediately, the sounds of the argument cutting off, and a few moments later there was a soft touch on his shoulder as Levi dropped into a crouch next to him. “Right here. The ceiling shifted. It must’ve been the explosion, the rumbling. The ceiling isn’t very stable. You’ve got about my height to go. It's nearly there. The next meter is the shallowest part. Armin isn’t sure if you’ll be able to fit. It’s up to you if you want to continue.”

Erwin did not want to test whether he could fit or not. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be above ground, comfortable on a tree, the wind on his skin, not the scrape of stone and rock beneath his palms. “No. I want to go back.”

Levi’s hand settled on Erwin’s back, a comforting pressure among the weight of the rock above him.

Erwin couldn’t see the sky. All he could smell was the smoke and the dirt.

It smelled like cannon fire and dust kicked up from pounding hooves.

“Commander?” Armin called from ahead of him, a short distance away. “You have the most space on your left side. Don’t panic. We won’t let you get stuck. Don’t try to back up, just turn your body.”

Erwin couldn’t breathe like this. All the blood felt like it was rushing to his head, making his heart pound in his ears.

“Commander?” Armin called. Erwin’s head was swimming. Was the earth moving under his palms?

“Start turning, Commander. Don’t stop here.” Armin’s voice got more firm, surer.

Erwin obeyed. He inched his way sideways awkwardly, until he was turned halfway around. From here, he had to curl his legs up, unable to fully extend, making him turn his hips awkwardly, the leather scraping the ceiling. He paused for a few long moments, just to catch his breath. His chest felt so tight, but he couldn’t be running out of air, right?

He’d be moving somewhere with more space. He could breathe there. He’d be fine.

Three quarters of the way through his turn, his right shoulder, the motor brushing the side of the crevice, his body slipped downward, a wet patch of stone, slick with mud, and the downward slope working against him. He caught himself, wedging one leg between the ceiling and floor, but his other leg went down and right, and wedged between a drop in the ceiling.

He didn’t panic. Panic killed. Not until he kicked his leg, trying to push it back down, back the way it’d come, and it didn’t budge.

Stuck.

Erwin couldn’t breathe down here, so far underground.

Levi’s hand pressed down on his leg, holding it in place, and his other hand grasped Erwin’s ankle, thumb over the bone. “Easy. Easy, Erwin. Stay still. Breathe.” Levi assured him, “I’ll get you free.”

Erwin let himself lie still, wrapping his arms around his head again. It felt better that way, like the darkness was something he was causing. It was awkward, his head bumping the ceiling too many times before he could settle.

He hated this.

Levi worked his foot free after about thirty seconds of working, a time that stretched into eternity. He kept his hand wrapped around Erwin’s ankle as he finally pulled it up, closer to his body.

“I’m right behind you, Erwin.”

Right.

Levi dropped to the ground, the thump making Erwin startle, and Levi’s arm was around Erwin’s torso suddenly.

The slide had straightened Erwin up somewhat, enough that he simply had to press forward, arms in front of him to ensure he didn’t run into any obstacles.

The moment that Erwin could straighten his neck, could lift himself on his elbows slightly, was the moment he could finally breathe again. He stopped, probably two meters or so from the exit of the crack.

Levi inched forward too, for all he could move freely, until he could crawl on top of and rest his weight on Erwin’s back. It was entirely too affectionate for the reserved man.

It was also a balm on Erwin’s frayed nerves.

It was frankly embarrassing how terribly Erwin had handled being underground. He was still underground, his nerves only held together by Levi’s presence. Pathetic.

Erwin couldn’t bring himself to move away. Not now.

Time passed at a crawl. Erwin was more than a little cold, the stone sapping away his body heat. The sound of people making their cautious way down the mineshaft was loud, in the darkness. The torches that they brought with them casted beams of light across the ground of the crevice, another weight off his chest. Even dim light was better than none at all.

It took a while for Erwin to settle enough to truly relax, but when he did, he was asleep quickly. He napped off and on, each time waking to Levi still in place, and drifting back to sleep. A few times, the murmurs of words being spoken was what woke him, but it would stop when he stirred.

Levi woke Erwin, gently, the merest touch on his back, some unknown time later. “The shifters say it should be safe for you to leave. They evacuated the mineshaft. The camp’s gone empty.”

Where the fuck was he? Erwin blinked at the black void in front of him, confused. Stone?

Underground. Right.

Erwin crawled out of the crevice stiffly, his body aching. He didn’t bother trying to light the lantern. He wanted out. He lingered long enough to put his ODM gear back together, getting the motor back together with muscle memory and touch. Mike led him out, pulling him in the right direction. Two others were on his sides, keeping him from scraping the walls. Levi was at his back, Erwin knew. He spoke no words, and offered no touch, but Erwin knew it anyway.

The moment Erwin’s eyes could finally see, he moved faster, chasing the fragile light that quickly grew into something blinding, his eyes watering, tears streaming down his face as he shaded his eyes from the sun.

It was nearly sunset. Not sunrise, sunset. He’d been in that mine for nearly a full day.

The sky was red and pink and orange and all colors in between, painted with masterful strokes among delicate clouds. One of the most beautiful sights that Erwin had ever seen.

He dreaded going back.

Finding the explosives was easy, considering their carelessness. He was so offended at the sight of the pile of explosives, sitting there abandoned, not even covered, that he couldn’t control his expression. The waste. The risk of accidental explosions. The waste. A fuse long enough to allow him time to escape, was also easy. Erwin’s stomach growled, his throat parched, but he wanted to end this. The next time he came up, it would be under the moonlight, and he would never have to come back down again.

He could relight the lantern this time. Mercy upon him.

He descended, yet again, this time with a crate full of explosives.

The descent was much faster, even with the care he took with the crate. There was no need for stealth, and every need for getting back into open air as quickly as possible. The Titans were clustered around the lowest point in the mine, the rock jagged and torn. A vein of coal marred the walls, inky and dark. Maybe ten feet down, a pocket of gas waited, looking for a spark to ignite. They’d been close, so close to disaster.

A quarter-filled bucket of coal was sitting there, abandoned. He’d guess the team had simply been unable to carry it up as well, so had emptied as much as they could and abandoned the rest for the next trip. It was Erwin’s now.

He set up the explosives, settling the crate against the wall, closest to the gas. Floch, looking heavily displeased to be down in the mine, was dragged in by the dark-haired woman as Erwin set up the fuse.

Floch made no inputs, and Erwin asked for none. The boy was grating on Erwin’s nerves. Perhaps it was just the deadly stare that Levi had fixed on the boy when he had opened his mouth the first time. He’d speak up if needed. Probably.

Erwin looked at the set up again.

It seemed good. He was no munitions expert. It was probably good?

Self-doubt would do no good. Confidence was half the battle, in many situations. A shocking amount of situations. Continuing to move forward, no matter what happened. People tended to move out of his way. Pyxis had always called it having the audacity.

Erwin lit the fuse.

He ran for his life, emptied bucket in hand, scrambling over rock, up and up and up. Levi led this time, at Erwin’s side, a second, sharp pair of eyes and steadying hand. He probably had almost a minute to spare by the time he reached the surface, but he trotted out a ways, just to be safe.

The boom of the explosives was only audible for an instant. T

It was overtaken by a whoosh of gas being set alight, that itself was overtaken by a bang so loud that it rattled the ground as all the energy was funneled out of the mouth of the mine. Erwin flung himself to the ground. The shockwave rattled his whole body, his teeth, his bones, everything.

Ugh.

Erwin lay on the ground for several long seconds as the rumbling continued, the explosion’s energy dissipating slowly. It was still horribly loud as the mine started to cave in, bit by bit. The flames still roared, golden and sparking. It licked at the ground, at the coal dust left behind, fighting to continue burning as the dust and debris kicked up by the collapse threatened to smother it.

Erwin didn’t want to be caught here.

At a sprint, Erwin raced to where he’d left his bag and the rest of the stuff he hadn’t wanted to risk, loading it into the bucket he’d stolen. The handle of the bucket dug into his shoulder as he settled it, so he kept ahold of the handle still instead, letting it cut into his fingers.

Erwin took off at a run, not bothering to head back to town. North-east. The path back home.

For two hours, well into the night, Erwin alternated between a run and his ODM gear. He wasn’t climbing the mountain, not completely. Only the first hour was uphill, then flatter, rocky ground, then he started to descend. Keeping up the quick pace was the hardest part, leaving him panting. He only stopped when he started coughing too badly to keep moving forward. Increasing his endurance was something he should work on. He should run more.

The half of his sandwich he’d eaten before escaping the MPs was getting stale, vegetables wilting, so he took the chance to eat, adding some of his dwindling dried meat. His first meal in over a day. The other sandwich would hopefully last a little longer, for food for tomorrow.

It didn’t feel like enough, but when did anything?

Levi didn’t argue against Erwin saving the food for later. He didn’t have to say a word. That look on his face, like he’d just watched someone murder a puppy, said enough about his opinions on the matter.

Erwin walked from that point on. He was far enough away to be safe.

Mike abandoned the point-position, strolling along beside Erwin, chatting idly.

Hange was doing well. They’d gained confidence, over time. Armin was an excellent help for them. Together, they had calmed the chaos that came with dropping a thousand Scouts in the same place with no orders.

Eren was adjusting to the new situation. Apparently not knowing what would happen had been jarring. Connie, when Mike had asked, had laughed and told Mike about the look on Eren’s face when he’d come face to face with some of the Scouts he’d caused the death of.

Mike thinks Connie had been laughing to avoid crying. That look on his face hadn’t been amusement.

The plant they passed was edible. Leaves and roots, stems, kinda edible but horrible tasting. Mike pointed it out, tall and looming astride his oversized boulder of a horse. Astra had been lost maybe… fourteen expeditions after Erwin had joined? Mike had loved the massive beast.

Erwin made no move to harvest the plant.

The rain hit at dawn, obscuring the colors of the sunrise with heavy storm clouds and rumbling thunder. His squad closed in, responding to the decreased visibility. The horses, tall and steady, slowed, matching his pace.

Erwin trudged on until he couldn’t anymore. Until his numb legs gave out under his body, sending him sprawling on the wet and muddy ground.

He doesn’t get up for a long while. Long enough for the water to soak through his clothes, long enough for Levi to double-back and drag Erwin to his feet. He didn’t yell. His eyes blazed, but he didn’t yell, just led Erwin to a tree, puppeting his icy fingers around the triggers, the phantom warmth of him not leaking through.

Erwin was alone, here, even though his squad was present. It ached.

Levi manhandled Erwin into the tree, safeties in place, then settled himself next to Erwin, holding onto his arm like he could keep Erwin from falling that way. The disapproval was audible on Levi’s face. Erwin didn’t understand what people meant when they said Levi was unexpressive. He wore his heart on his sleeve, his soul bared to whoever bothered to look. Levi was the easiest person to read that Erwin had ever met. He was practically howling his emotions out into the open air.

Levi was very displeased. Guilty, pained, scared. A painful amount of helplessness.

Erwin found the strength to make himself lean forward, against Levi’s shoulder, to rest his forehead against Levi’s neck. It was enough to draw some of the tension from Levi’s muscles, and to earn a hand carding through his hair. It wasn’t warm, not in the way Erwin wished, but a ghost of a touch was better than none at all.

He slept, cold, wet, and hungry, for a long while.

His legs ached as he descended, sometime after dark. It was the type of darkness that would have people clumping together, children whispering about monsters. The light of the moon, blotted out by the storm clouds that still lingered. His ribs hurt. The palms of his hands. His ankle, where the rock had bitten and refused to release until Levi pried it free, torn flesh and bruising that made putting weight on it painful.

He didn’t eat yet. He had no urge to. He’d wait until he was hungrier.

Throughout the night and into the morning, Erwin walked for nearly eight hours before he tired enough to stop for rest. He found a spot among the rocky ground, half under a slab of stone that would keep him hidden. Mike’s nose declared it free from predators that would take offense to his presence, so Erwin felt safe enough to curl up on the ground for a little while. He wanted to get another hour or two of walking in after he rested. The sooner he got home, the better.

“You should eat, Commander.”

It wasn’t Levi or Mike who broke first, both men accustomed to Erwin’s idiosyncrasies. Petra, younger, bolder, less jaded, was the first to make a move.

Erwin just shook his head. He didn’t want to.

It was a silly thing to get hung up over. He was a stubborn old man and a rebellious adolescent child at the same time. He wanted to eat even less now that someone told him he should.

Petra started to argue, but locked eyes with someone over his shoulder. Her expression changed several times, disbelief, confusion, then grudged acceptance.

Levi always supported Erwin, even when he was being an idiot. He was being an idiot, but he didn’t want to concede yet.

Once he finished his sandwich, he only had dried meat. He could fix that, of course, using Mike’s knowledge. It was a silly thing to get hung up over, and Erwin was a stubborn, rebellious man.

He didn’t want to eat. He was, physically, hungry, but he didn’t want to eat. The thought of it held no appeal. He’d be reducing his options for food down to a single item again.

That was solvable.

Erwin was thinking himself in circles. His only true argument was not wanting to; every other problem could be assuaged. It wasn’t good for him to avoid eating, not with the amount of physical exertion he was planning in the next few days as he made his way home.

Erwin walked for another three hours, then dragged himself up into a scraggy, windswept tree, and started to eat his sandwich. Levi didn’t say a word, a silent tilt of the head conveying approval. The tension in Petra’s shoulders eased. Mike slapped him on the back and nearly knocked him from the tree, losing a few stray vegetables in the process. Levi chased Mike around the tree like a puppy bravely pursuing a horse and Erwin giggled as he finished his food off. It only encouraged the two of them, he knew, because Mike was laughing too as Levi slashed at him with the recklessness borne of a play-fight between two incorporeal, undying beings.

Erwin couldn’t walk anymore, not for any substantial distance, without potentially hurting himself, so he climbed down, signaling an end to Levi and Mike’s play-fight just as Levi prepared for a vicious strike, Mike cringing away, hands up in the air defensively. He pretended like he wasn’t relieved, but the shiver that went up his body as Levi lowered his blades and turned to face Erwin was telling.

“You’re going to find a place to rest, Erwin?” Levi asked dryly. Levi probably thought it was about damn time. Erwin nodded.

“Fan out!” Levi called, taking charge of the squad, “find somewhere safe. Don’t go too far. If you see any sign of people nearby, alert Erwin immediately.” Almost instantly, the Scouts vanished, leaping through the trees and clipping through the ground as they scattered, searching. Erwin could have found his own safe place, but his legs ached, his ankle, his hips. He was exhausted. He wouldn’t argue against his squad’s assistance out of pride.

Levi stayed behind, as did Mike. Mike would likely double-check any hiding spots that the rest of the squad brought back word of, to ensure nothing had slipped past them.

Levi would watch over Erwin.

Erwin sat heavily on the ground, tipping backwards and sprawling out. The ground was still rocky. He had a ways to go before he reached his home.

Water should be his next priority, after he rested sufficiently. He was running worryingly low after his trip, even after refilling whenever he stumbled upon a water source. Strange about food as he was, he didn’t dare risk running low on water. He could last days without water, eat plants, and hunt. He couldn’t easily find alternate water sources.

In terms of location, Erwin was pretty sure he was more west than he would like. After he settled in for the night, he would find his location on the map and work out how far east he should turn. Starting his journey from the mine instead of the town had thrown him off. Not beyond recovery. Erwin would be a poor Commander if he was unable to navigate.

If he got the chance, recording the terrain inside Wall Maria could give him an edge, should he fail to prevent its destruction.

So many plans, layers upon layers. Contingencies, should he fail in one place, should someone make an unexpected choice, or the effects of his changes come back to bite him. Sometimes he felt like he was treading across a spider’s web, trying to avoid getting tangled in the interwoven threads.

There would be no one who could cut him free if he got trapped.

Tomas found the first spot, prompting Mike to break away to double check, just as Erwin thought he would. Abel too, found a spot, returning while Mike was gone. Keiji didn’t find one, but also returned in a few minutes, knowing that though he didn’t find a satisfactory spot, someone else likely did, else Erwin would be better served moving on a short ways and searching elsewhere. A bit impatient, to Erwin, but not wrong. The others made their way back about ten to fifteen minutes later, Nanaba the only one who had also found a good location.

Mike inspected them all thoroughly, and Levi stayed steadily by Erwin’s side as he stared blankly up at the clouds, lost in thought.

It bothered him, how irrational he could be. He was a child, physically, but that was no excuse. He couldn’t let his emotions rule him like that. Mike had the knowledge to help Erwin find more food, and Erwin had refused to use it on a whim. He was acting foolish, and acting foolish could get him or others killed.

So, he stewed silently over his own stupidity for over an hour as Mike double checked all the options, like a normal, rational person.

Erwin was very aware of the irony.

When Mike finally announced Abel’s spot as the best, the man cheered, lording it over his comrades. It was nice to see the people he’d failed enjoy themselves. It eased a small amount of the relentless guilt at seeing them there, nothing but ghosts come to haunt him.

Erwin wasn’t sure that if he had been in their place, he would have been able to continue fighting like this.

He wasn’t sure if he would have come back at all. Not unless Levi asked.

Sometimes Erwin just wanted to stop. It felt like he was always charging forward, chasing some final goal he couldn’t even see. Some ineffable truth, some reason for why this was their life here, to know why they suffered so. Why the Titans existed, why Ymir had first transformed, how the Ackermanns were so different. How Mike had such advanced smell, how Sasha had such good hearing. He knew well, he could see better than most.

Better than anyone he’d ever met, actually. He hadn’t tested it much. Just some light ribbing to Mike one day, early in his service, about being unable to read a sign that was crystal clear to Erwin’s eyes. A sign that Erwin’s entire squad, and Mike's, had been unable to read. Erwin, out of curiosity, had started walking backwards, until he couldn’t make out the words anymore.

Almost thirty meters backwards. Mike’s laughter had faded quickly.

Erwin never brought it up again, and neither did Mike. Erwin's squad, including his squad leader, had been wiped out on the next expedition, that horrible, horrible day.

Mike could smell good, Erwin could see good, and that was the extent of it. He’d noticed Sasha’s enhanced hearing through reports. Levi noted that she could hear footsteps approaching before anyone else, Connie, that she’d heard gunshots. Connie had also spoken, when questioned, about how she’d previously heard Titans approaching, before Mike had smelled them.

Once was an anomaly. Twice was a coincidence. Three separate people, beyond human limits? Erwin had to wonder. Maybe he could put Hange on it, when they had a chance to breathe. Was there someone with an advanced sense of touch, or taste?

Erwin wondered if Sasha had better taste than most. She certainly enjoyed food enough to explain it. He wondered if Levi had any senses beyond the human norm but dismissed the thought of questioning him. The man was beyond the human norm. He wouldn’t know if his senses were off, like Erwin hadn’t. Mikasa too.

Erwin followed Mike to the resting place, a thicket of thorny bushes so thick he couldn’t see more than an inch or two deep. Doubt had him pause, but he shook it off. Mike had already checked it. There was a way in, somewhere.

Underneath?

Nanaba pointed upwards, standing half-in the bushes.

Something that could only be entered from above?

Erwin launched himself upwards, one hook buried in the trunk of a tree growing out of the thicket, giving him the perfect view of a gap in the vines, just big enough for him to drop through. It wasn’t hard to kick off the trunk, leaping through the gap to land lightly on the ground in a crouch.

The area was small, tight, any careless movements causing thorns to catch on clothing and skin alike, and Erwin immediately liked the spot. It was downright impenetrable except for in the air. Someone would have to cut their way through.

Erwin maneuvered around until he was laying on his back, looking upwards. Levi joined him, sitting on his knees next to Erwin. It was nice. Comfortable.

Erwin didn’t go right to sleep like usual whenever he found a place of safety. He was exhausted, but not tired. Laying on his back, staring upwards, was as good a rest as sleeping would be.

Eventually, Levi broke the peaceful silence. “What do you want to do once you’re home?”

Erwin took his time responding, sorting through the options. There were many things he could do. All sorts of things. He had more plans than he knew what to do with, which only made him make more plans to compensate.

What did Erwin want to do?

“I want to work on the Underground.” Next to Erwin, Levi tensed. “It’ll be difficult. I’m too young to have much influence. I’ll have to find someone with that influence, and convince them to help, feed them as much information as I can. I’ll need to research, too. But it shouldn’t be dangerous until I start to execute the plan. It’ll be slow going. It’ll take years.”

“Are you planning on staying home until you’re ready, then?” Mike asked, sitting heavily next to Erwin. He was so tall, even sitting, looming over Erwin intimidatingly.

It was Mike. Erwin’s friend, one of his confidants, one of the few who’d been a Scout before Erwin even was one. He had nothing to fear.

It didn’t matter. The shape of him stood so tall, menacing.

Erwin shifted away a little, enough for Mike’s face to be clearer, to let his less rational mind recognize that it was in fact Mike, not a Titan, looming over him. It made his head collide with Levi’s thigh, and he moved over to give Erwin more room. Not before leaning over and shoving Mike hard, making him topple over.

“Oversized idiot.” Levi grumbled. Mike sat back up, mouth agape dramatically.

“So rude!” Mike proclaimed, aghast, both hands slapping against his cheeks, theatrically offended. “I guess that’s what I should expect from a filthy Underground thug.”

Erwin sighed.

Levi pounced on Mike, his fist meeting Mike’s precious nose, and then they were tussling, rolling about on the ground. Mike was laughing, loud and delighted.

Like cats and dogs, Erwin had always thought. Levi still bore a grudge against Mike for their first meeting. Mike loved baiting Levi into pouncing, and Levi liked to fight, especially someone like Mike. There was a sense of superiority that came with bringing down someone that much bigger than you, and Levi seemed to revel in it. He wasn’t really being enraged into fighting. It was just their thing, grown more vicious with the absence of physical consequences.

Erwin just watched the little patch of the sky he could see for a long while. Levi and Mike fought for longer than usual, turning into a spar of sorts. At some point, they’d both made their ODM gear appear, flitting among the trees like territorial hummingbirds. The other Scouts were placing bets.

The only bet was on Levi. The gap between the strongest and the second had only widened over the years, especially considering how long Levi had outlived Mike. Erwin was sure that Levi would win, should they be serious.

He was asleep before he saw the results.

He didn’t need to.

The next few days were quiet, filled with little but walking and occasionally foraging whenever Erwin passed something worth eating. Mike didn’t point them out at first, giving Erwin more space. He appreciated the care, but that night before he went to sleep up in a tree, he finished off the remainder of his food.

That didn’t feel good.

Mike pointed out some berries, declaring them not poisonous, if unpleasantly tasting as they were now, barely ripe. Erwin picked them and tucked them away. Then Mike pointed out a different plant, and another, and Erwin was foraging for a good hour before Mike let his instructions lapse.

Erwin threw them all in the small pot he’d brought with him, cooked it all together with some water, and ate the world’s least appetizing stew.

It wasn’t the worst he’d ever eaten.

It came pretty close.

Petra volunteered to teach him how to cook better, after that. Not that Erwin didn’t know, he just… didn’t really care, right now. It fed him, and that was enough. He accepted the lessons, anyway.

Quiet.

Generally.

Water was no longer a concern, and neither was food, thanks to Mike. Levi was always at Erwin’s side, easing that knot of fear that never truly seemed to go away, that if Erwin looked back, he would find no one. Petra, Nanaba, Tomas, Gelgar, Nifa, Abel, Keiji, all of them were loyal, dependable soldiers. Having a squad again turned a tense, focused expedition into an easy, relaxed stroll.

The lack of need to worry didn’t stop Erwin from worrying.

Incessantly.

It was like the irrational part of his mind couldn’t accept that he was more or less safe yet. He checked his supplies, checked his water, his food, and threw a mental fit if it was below half. Changes in direction upset him. Mike moving too close or reaching to grab him upset him. Everything seemed to upset him, like Erwin was an actual child!

Erwin never said anything, of course, but his squad noticed. Mike guided Erwin along water sources, pointing out edible things with more frequency, Levi turned into a hovering guard dog, chasing Mike away the moment Erwin’s body language changed, the rest of his squad rode in perfect formation.

Erwin felt like his emotional and mental state was being handled, and he hated it. It made him want to shout, to lash out, to get angry and upset anyway. To do something to make them upset too. It was a stupid, irrational urge. He wasn’t a slave to it. He resisted. Erwin was not a child.

Instead, he sulked. Silently.

Like an adult.

A quiet few days indeed.

It was maybe four days in that Tomas spotted the first sign of other people.

Unfortunately, the first sign of people was a whole squad of MPs.

Levi took the lead the moment Tomas’s flare lit up the sky, a blue burst of smoke that was, somehow, unicorn-shaped, that was frankly impossible in real life, at least not at their technological level. Another flare, another, seven red flares in all, followed by eight smaller, brown flares. Eight horses.

Erwin could get used to this type of detail, and that was not a good thing to get used to. It would leave him wanting later.

He wanted that extra horse.

Levi would actually break his legs if he thought Erwin was going to try to ambush seven MPs without backup, proper weaponry, and at his current age too.

But Erwin wanted that horse. He’d take note of it.

He wasn’t going to ambush them. If they happened to catch him, however, he was stealing one of their horses. They deserved it, if their horse could be stolen by a particularly experienced eight-year-old.

Maybe he could get two, and have a packhorse? He’d be able to store much more provisions that way. There was a stable in town, and several on the outskirts. There was also the possibility of loaning the horse, or horses, out to a local farm. The family would get a workhorse until he had a need for it.

Mike took the lead, Levi ghosting into the forest on unnecessarily silent feet, to observe the squad. To identify their weaknesses. If it came down to a fight, Levi would guide his strikes for maximum damage. A weak leg, a soldier who lacked attentiveness, a tendency of the group as a whole to leave their left side open, all things Levi could observe and report back to Erwin.

The area quickly transformed into something heavily forested. He’d intended to loop around this area, but as it was, he continued onwards. They were riding; the undergrowth would slow their progress or even halt it. They’d need to follow animal trails, and even that was undesirable.

Erwin could ambush them from in the forest. With how heavy the undergrowth was already (thorns pricked him for the fifth time in as many minutes) they’d be forced into using ODM gear. Erwin had enough experience to turn that into an advantage, and his small stature would grant him more mobility. He didn’t exactly have a guaranteed victory, but he had a chance. It wasn’t impossible.

Erwin followed Mike quietly, along animal trails. The way the man kept glancing back, he was surprised by that. Erwin wasn’t offended by it, the assumption that he’d do something reckless. He’d proven himself ‘high-risk’ recently.

In more ways than just one.

Each step was calculated, Erwin’s eyes on his feet with each step. Nudging a branch out of the way, stepping lightly on fallen leaves. He could only be so quiet, but he was minimizing the noise to the best of his ability.

Mike, damn him, just walked normally, a casual stroll to Erwin’s slow, methodical pace. That mustache looked particularly smug.

Erwin walked, likely outpaced by determined turtles, for almost two hours, making painfully little progress. His squad, sans Levi and Mike, reported back nearly every five minutes. It was the only relief from the drudgery that was walking stealthily. The MPs weren’t really searching, per-say, the type of half-heartedness lazy soldiers were apt to display. They were out and about but not actively trying to find him. A display.

The biggest concern was how they knew what direction Erwin was going. Had he been spotted? Or did they know what way his hometown was?

Two hours drug along into three. The MPs were ahead of him now, traveling parallel. He could peel off and head to another city for supplies and potential gas, then resume his journey from there, if he wanted. The risk that they’d shift onto a collision course with him was only moderate; Erwin wasn’t too concerned. He wasn’t even sure that they were hunting him, and not just traveling, though he would expect that they typically stuck to the worn pathways. Trudging through all this undergrowth sucked. He wished they were moving faster, that they could pass him and he could camp for a while, letting them increase the distance between them. The horses seemed to be struggling with the forest.

Where was the nearest city? Erwin needed to stop and check his map to be sure. Nearest was eastern, but that was toward the MPs. He’d rather not risk passing them by. There was a small village west, but it was further out of his way.

Maybe Erwin could just hide? Wait a day or two, then move on, have someone on their tail shooting up flares for a few days until they were well and truly gone. It wasn’t like the undergrowth wasn’t thick enough.

Erwin stopped walking, a thorny bush catching on his sleeve. As good an excuse as any to pause. “Are there any good spots to hide until they’re gone?” Erwin asked as he unhooked the thorn, wicked and dark. Mike hummed in response, wandering around lazily, bending double to see low to the ground.

“Maybe here?” Mike offered, going to lift a bush out of the way to show Erwin, his hand phasing through. He paused, startled. Erwin slipped over, careful footing, to see.

It wasn’t exactly cozy, but it looked thick enough to work. The undergrowth was supported by a fallen log, holding it up just enough for Erwin to slide underneath. If they weren’t searching low to the ground, he wouldn’t be seen.

Crawling was never not humbling. Sometimes when Erwin was bored, he’d imagine crawling under his bed and hiding away to die, like some animal. Then he’d shake himself, and turn his attention to more useful things, like counting all the ODM gear they had, organizing training events, and generally not fantasizing about dying.

Why he remembered that while crawling under a bush to hide, he didn’t know.

Erwin settled down, yet again, in the dirt, under a bush. He’d say he was sick of bushes, but lying down, still and peaceful, was quite frankly a luxury. Even if that place was in the dirt.

The sound of a flare and a loud bang made Erwin’s head snap around, startled. Behind him?

Mike didn’t stay, taking off running in the direction of the flare. He knew where Erwin was, so he’d be able to find him again. Erwin stayed put.

The flare had drawn the attention of all of Erwin’s squad. Levi would stick on the first squad’s tail, unwilling to lose track of them, but the rest of them would either maintain position or investigate. Whatever they chose, Erwin was left out of the loop. He was sure they were communicating with each other, flares of unlikely sorts flying up all over the place, marking everyone’s location. It was an astoundingly useful ability.

Erwin trusted them to figure this out. If he needed to relocate, they’d find him and instruct him to.

It was a genuine surprise when he heard hoofbeats. The clop, clop, clop of shod horses, horseshoes clinking against stones, thumping into the dirt.

Neither south, nor east, but from the west.

How many squads were in the area? How did they know what direction he was going? How the hell did they even know he’d moved on, let alone what forest he was in?

The hoofbeats approached, slow but steady. He heard voices first, surprisingly quiet. Not loud, not boisterous.

A bad sign.

An officer? He doubted that there were any that would truly care, unless things had simply gone downhill in later times. He doubted any of them would care about finding an eight-year-old boy who was causing trouble. Erwin barely even caused trouble, besides collapsing a mine!

Sulky was not the best emotion for this situation, but he felt it, nonetheless. How the hell did they find him? Every second that passed, they got closer and closer, the voices gaining clarity. In the silence forest, it was obnoxious.

“--lly, sir?” Was the first thing Erwin could make out. He heard the tone beforehand, something almost awed.

Concerning.

Someone laughed in response, the smile in their voice clear. Their voice was clear, enunciated, like a noble, “Indeed. It’s truly incredible, is it not? Such a strange thing. I wonder why…” The voice trailed off.

“So, is he close? The kid?” A man asked eagerly, making Erwin tense. The noble-voiced man made a soft noise, barely audible.

“He is. I’m sure he’s around here somewhere. Don’t forget, you’re not to harm him. We want to make an ally today, not an enemy.” The way he enunciated the word, he wasn’t only talking to the man he was with.

He was talking to Erwin.

The man knew Erwin was within hearing distance.

They could track him. Somehow, the noble-voiced man could tell where Erwin was. How the hell could they do that?

How did it work? Erwin had to parse it out, quickly. If this turned into a chase instead of an ambush, he had the disadvantage. He couldn’t run quickly, they had horses, and he had more limited gas. Even if he did escape, if they could continue to follow him, he was fucked. He couldn’t go home. He’d never be able to go home.

Option 1: it pointed the man in Erwin’s cardinal direction. North, south, east, west, wherever Erwin went, the man knew which way. If he stood in front of the bush, he would know that Erwin was in front of him, but not where. It seemed that the man could tell how close Erwin was, as well.

Option 2: The man could pinpoint exactly where Erwin was. On a map, he could point out the direct location, following his every movement. This was the worst option. Erwin would simply never be able to hide. He’d have to, if he could, take the man out, and he didn’t know how the man had gained the ability to track him. If others could, and Erwin went home…

The squad was getting closer, but it was Nifa who reached him first, diving to join him under the bush in a flurry of movement that made him flinch.

“Three squads spotted so far. This one’s the leader. There’s a man- he must be a nobleman- He’s all-” She kept talking, waving her arms animatedly as she did so, but Erwin stopped listening.

Reiss. The answer came to him in a flash, cold and clear.

“The Reiss family.”

Nifa went silent, freezing for a moment, a look of horror on her face. “How- How-” She stuttered, but Erwin silenced her with a quick gesture. He needed to listen. They were only getting closer. She paled, scrambling for a flare gun that didn’t exist on her hip, before remembering her powers and making one, firing up a violet flare.

This early on, he didn’t know much of the Reiss family. Rod Reiss, he knew. Uri Reiss, he knew, though had never met. Their father. Any aunts and uncles that they had, if any. Of those he was aware of, the boys’ father was the most likely, and the one he wanted to run into the least.

How did they track him? It could be something to do with his leap back in time? They showed no sign of tracking his footprints, else all three squads would be approaching the same way. Erwin couldn’t fathom what, not now.

He had to get out.

He could hear better now, the creaking of leather straps, the shifting of riders in the saddle, a horse snorting at some movement, jerking at the reins with alarm before being soothed.

“You’re sure he’s here?”

Erwin shifted on the ground slowly, crouched low, but feet underneath him.

“I’m quite sure,” the man agreed with gentle amusement, his words smooth and soft, “Eren? Would you come out please? I swear that we won’t harm you. We just have some questions. I’m sure you’re scared, but we want to help you.”

Eren. They didn’t know his true name. Which meant they likely didn’t know his hometown either. His parents were safe.

Erwin could actually come out. If it were Rod, or his father, Erwin would simply run. The man may be unwilling to shift in front of so many- or simply make them forget. Uri, from what Erwin had heard from Levi, who had heard from Kenny, seemed more honorable. Hardly a direct source, especially considering how Levi had said Kenny adored the man.

Erwin was a gambling man.

He had to know how the hell this was happening. Speaking to the man was the best option.

However…

Erwin needed to do it on his own terms. Alone, in this forest, he was at too much of a disadvantage. He didn’t like it, and he sure as hell didn’t want the man in touching distance, whoever it was. The risk that the Reiss man would be able to erase Erwin’s memories, or worse, was unacceptable. If that happened, all was lost. He didn’t even know if the ghosts would stay, or if they’d be able to convince actual eight-year-old Erwin to listen to them. They were able to follow him back to this time because. The best option wasn’t always the one that should be chosen.

So instead, he pushed his way backwards through the undergrowth, thorns tearing at his skin like wicked, grasping fingers. He heard them, the gasps, the snorting of the startled horses as they balked, and the Reiss man’s call of something like “Wait!”, as he ripped right through.

Erwin didn’t.

He had squads south, slightly north-east, and directly behind him, so he tore off west, taking to the trees immediately. ODM gear, especially not from this time, wasn’t exactly quiet. It’d lead them his way, but what did that matter if the Reiss man could track him?

Nifa was quick to leap after him, shooting up another violet flare skyward. His squad was undoubtedly coming, the immediate danger to Erwin taking priority over tracking.

First, the MPs would try to get their horses through or around the thicket. It was a product of their branch, of how they’d grown complacent. Only younger, starry-eyed rookies, eager to do well, would attempt to leap after him immediately, unhesitant to abandon their useless mounts.

None followed instantly.

Veterans. Nasty habits. Good for him.

Erwin moved quickly, recklessly, bursting through branches and bushes as needed to widen the gap between them. He’d act like it was the best-case scenario: directional tracking. It may waste some energy, but both cases were awful for his ability to escape.

Approximately a half mile from where he’d taken to the trees, and about a minute into the chase, Erwin cut south. He wasn’t sure where the squad was, but this was his best chance. Once he cleared the trees, he couldn't outrun them.

So: A horse. It went from a desire to a necessity; Erwin had no chance of escaping without it.

Escaping was the wrong word.

The only thing he could do without eliminating the Reiss family or escaping beyond the Walls entirely was evade them. If they knew what he was doing, why he was here, they’d never stop.

The Founding King wanted this island, Erwin’s home, the very thing that he’d given up his dreams, his future, his life for, to roll over and die the moment Marley stepped foot on their soil again. The Reiss family was beholden to his will.

Erwin could never trust them, he decided. Never. All it took was one touch, and they could erase him.

All the man’s talk of being allies was all well and good, but he was the one who held all the power. Erwin couldn’t escape him permanently, couldn’t risk getting touched, and couldn’t kill them.

Erwin couldn’t go home.

Thank Maria that he left so soon after waking up, that they found him tramping through the forest instead of safely at home. It lent credence to the theory that they could track him by direction, not direct location. If they just knew ‘South’, eventually they’d have to adjust direction and hone in on him. Or at least, he hoped for such imprecision.

South, through the forest, leaping through the trees- Nanaba and Tomas’ appearances made him startle, a full-bodied flinch that almost had him missing his next anchor point. It didn’t happen again after that, one, both, or even all three of them running interception on the arriving squad members.

Levi was last to arrive, his expression that familiar deadly seriousness that always eased Erwin’s nerves. People didn’t tend to take things too seriously until said things were about to bite them and the rest of their squad in half. It was infuriating. Levi took things seriously enough to work on prevention instead of reaction. It was a relief, knowing he was actively looking for threats and heading them off, like Erwin was. He didn’t hesitate to fall into formation slightly behind Erwin, at his right side. Mike too, though Levi was always moreso, somehow.

Erwin ran into the squad around a minute and twenty seconds into his escape and launched into an immediate assault. He let gravity pull him down, drop-kicking the unfortunate MP with all the force of an eight-year-old boy traveling approximately fifty feet per second, all that momentum driving the poor man from his horse with an awful crack. Erwin’s ankles ached but otherwise gave shockingly little protest.

There were perks to not being thirty-eight anymore.

The horse the man had been riding panicked, rearing and bucking, adding to the sudden chaos of his ambush, and Erwin capitalized on his advantage in an instant, leaping for the next man, throwing himself on the back of his horse. In a panic, the horse squealed and bucked violently, sending both of them flying, an action that Erwin immediately turned into his next attack.

His only restriction was avoiding killing. Severe bodily harm was quite another thing altogether.

If he started killing, they’d fight back with deadly force, nobleman’s orders be damned. These weren’t bandits. These were the top ten recruits of each of their groups, squandered talents, yes, but still trained. Erwin had to capitalize on the element of surprise and whatever chaos he could cause.

His next move was to use his hooks to slash along a different horse’s flank. It had taken him a long time to get used to the shrieks of injured horses, almost more so than the cries of humans. They didn’t get the choice to ride out there, beyond the Walls. Titans didn’t care about hurting them to get at their riders. He clipped the furthest horse’s back with his next pull of the trigger.

The horses were getting worked up into a frenzy with Erwin’s incitement, all riders forced to focus on either clinging to their mounts or leaping clear, trying not to get trampled. Erwin leaped upward, to the nearest tree, to observe.

Four uninjured horses. Of the four, two were panicking significantly, rearing, squealing, bucking, running into each other. One had bolted entirely, the one he’d leapt on. The final was prancing, nostrils flared as it blew, but she was far steadier than the rest.

That one.

Erwin leapt down, knife drawn, right handle looped around his forearm, and severed the saddle’s cinch, sending the woman, saddle and all, on the ground in a heap. The horse recoiled, alarmed but stepping carefully, avoiding stomping on its rider despite its controlled panic at the sudden situation.

Erwin definitely wanted this horse. What a temperament!

His next step was slicing at the rider’s hand, still gripping the reins, forcing her to release her hold, then shoving his shoulder into the horse’s, making it turn.

What he planned to do next was to urge it into a run, taking to the trees and letting it pick its own path without the consideration of a rider.

What he did next was freeze, staring down the barrel of a gun.

They wouldn’t shoot. He was reasonably sure, unless he forced this man’s hand, he wouldn’t shoot. He was angry. Caught up in the moment. But if he wanted Erwin dead, he would have fired already. A disciplined man enough to keep in mind his orders, despite the situation.

So, Erwin shot his hook into the man’s wrist, his other hand coming up to slap the barrel away, just in time for a massive bang, the gun going off right next to his ear.

For a moment he couldn’t think of anything, the sound resounding through his head, his ears ringing. The cries of the horses, the sound of startled riders, all went silent, smothered up by the sheer volume of the gunshot.

The man looked shocked, pained, but mostly frozen, eyes wide. His eyes were locked on Erwin’s. Levi’s sword descended in a ruthless, useless arc, straight through the neck, then back again straight through the torso, the spine.

Erwin doubted he intended to fire.

Erwin ripped the gun from unresisting fingers and smacked the barrel against the horse’s flank, a click of the tongue, then another as it started to trot, urging it into a canter. He then hurled the gun aside, deeper into the forest, to clear his hands to retake the triggers.

He leapt away uncontested.

Levi was shouting something, angrier than Erwin had seen in a long time, but it all sounded as loud as the rustle of leaves in the wind, muffled, indecipherable. He followed the horse along the path, periodically repeating the click of his tongue whenever it seemed like it was going to slow, until they were clear of the forest.

Leaping on bareback was surprisingly difficult when you were eight and feet, ankles, and legs hurt like hell. He had to use a burst of gas to haul himself up.

Erwin had a new horse, three squads of MPs on his tail, severe, hopefully temporary hearing loss, and a Reiss nobleman who wanted him captured alive.

Hours and hours later, when darkness had fallen, Erwin tied his new horse up to a branch, leaving enough room for some grazing, and crawled under a bush for some much-needed sleep.

He couldn’t go home. His first expedition of his new life was over.

Erwin couldn’t have a home anymore.

Levi didn’t say a word, having given up on attempting to communicate in any verbal way, but he sat down next to Erwin. As Erwin dropped into sleep, he was vaguely aware of Levi taking his wrist, thumb to Erwin’s pulse-point. That look in his eyes, when Erwin stirred enough to peek, was miserable.

He lay awake for another hour before his exhaustion overtook him. Levi stayed, steady and unwavering as always if not for that look in the man’s eyes.

Erwin doubted Levi let go for a long time.