Chapter Text
Six months later
Lara was working on a new terrarium, her focus wavering a few times as she glanced at her phone worriedly. Her son was supposed to have called her over thirty minutes ago. Each time there was a delay for their scheduled call, her heart filled with fear. It had been even worse after what had happened over two weeks earlier. As the minutes passed, she grew more worried that Kanfah hadn’t called her yet. Once more, she wished she could just travel back home and see her boy, hold him and feel that he was truly okay.
Six months earlier
Lara was helping Cara apply some sunscreen on her back when Sybil walked closer, a serious expression on her face. She gestured at the young girl to go join her friends and then she sat down next to Lara, handing her the phone without a word. Lara took it, her hand shaking.
“I’ll be right there if you need me.” Sybil squeezed her shoulder and then left to watch the kids playing beach volleyball.
Lara took a deep breath and pressed the phone to her ear, “What’s wrong sweetheart?” Kanfah let out a long sigh on the other end. “Why didn’t you call me on my phone?”
When he didn’t reply right away, she started to dread his answer.
“Nathee will give you a new phone and I also prepared clothes and money for you. He’s driving to you as we speak.”
Lara swallowed hard, “Please, slow down. I don’t understand."
“I can’t say much, I’m sorry mom.” He managed to suppress a sob.
“Are you okay?” The worry made her voice shake. She could hear his breathing grow uneven, the loud breath making the phone crackle with statics. “Kanfah, you’re scaring me. Did something happen?”
“No, I’m fine, I promise, so are Jirapok, Yoki, Lydia and everyone else.” He said but his voice was still shaky.
“Then what…”
“You have to stay away from the city.”
“What?”
“Mom, please, I already contacted P’Tui, he agreed to let you stay with him.”
Lara frowned, why had Kanfah called her old university friend? And what did he mean ‘stay with him’?
“Kanfah, I don’t understand”, her voice trembled, tears starting to gather in her eyes.
“You have to go to Phuket and stay with P’Tui for now.” He sounded firm.
“No, I’m not leaving you.” She protested.
“Mom, please, you have to do this.” He insisted, his voice breaking a little.
“Not before you tell me what’s going on.” She argued.
“I can’t.” He sobbed.
Lara nearly dropped the phone.
“I can’t let anything happen to you. Please, I’m begging you, mom.” His sobs grew louder. Lara could faintly pick up another voice on the other end of the call but she couldn't recognize who it was.
“What are you talking about sweetheart, nothing will happen to me.” She tried to reason with him.
“Please, mom. They…” Another sob fell from his lips and then she distinctly heard Jirapok trying to soothe her son.
For almost a full minute she only listened to indistinct whispers. Then Jirapok’s voice was a lot clearer, “You should tell her, Fah.”
Lara heard her son faintly argue before he returned to the call, his voice still shaky, “Mom, the other night, Akkim was following one of the corrupt cops from the station, the same one who escaped the night Jirapok…” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Akkim told me that they know about you.”
Lara’s heart stopped, “What do you mean?”
“They mentioned your name.”
Lara could feel the visceral fear in her son’s voice.
Mom, please, you can’t come back until all this is over.” Kanfah begged her, “P’Tui can be trusted and Erik will also send a few of his men to watch over you.”
“Kanfah, what are you saying? How long…” She couldn’t finish her sentence.
“I don’t know, I’m just so scared, I need you as far away as possible. I’d tell you to leave the country but I know you’ll never agree.” He sobbed again. “Mom, please, do this for me. I promise we’ll stop them and then you can come back. But for now, please stay with P’Tui.”
Lara still wanted to argue. “Why can’t you just ask Erik’s men to watch over me at home?" She tried.
“No, mom, you can’t be in the city. They’re too connected.”
“What about you? Will you truly be safe?” Her voice trembled so much, her words were barely coherent.
“I will be. I promise.”
She let out a sob, “How can you make such a promise?”
“Because I will, mom. I’m not fighting this alone. We’re very well connected too. I promise, we’ve already made good progress. I just can’t risk you being in the city until it isn’t all over.” He said pleadingly. “Knowing you’ll be safe and out of reach will make me more at ease.”
Lara felt the fight leave her as she heard Kanfah’s shaking voice. “Will you at least come visit me?” She asked, unable to stop the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“It’s too dangerous.” He said, regret clear in his tone. “But I’ll call you every day.”
Lara cried, her heart slowly breaking, “Sweetheart, I can’t do this. I can’t stay away from you for that long.”
Kanfah sobbed again, “It might not be that long, mom. Maybe a couple of months.”
More tears streamed down her cheeks. “That’s already too long, sweetheart.” Her voice broke.
“I know. I didn’t want this.” He said, sounding just as broken, “But I promise, I’ll call every day.”
“If I do this, will you promise something else?”
Kanfah hummed.
“Please, don’t stay alone. Stay with Jirapok.”
He let out a long sigh and a wet chuckle, “I’m already doing that, mom.”
Lara frowned, her son hadn’t told her, “Since when?”
“I…” He paused, “I’m sorry mom, I didn’t tell you earlier. We’ve been living together since he’s been discharged.”
Her eyes widened, “That’s almost two weeks ago.” She’d visited the hospital that day before leaving with Sybil on the beach trip.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He truly sounded apologetic.
Lara let out a long sigh, “I’m glad you’re not alone.”
“Me too.”
A long silence followed. Lara’s thoughts were still racing and her heart was struggling with what Kanfah had asked of her.
“Mom, will you do it?” He eventually asked her in a small pleading tone.
She sighed, unable to suppress a new sob.
“As soon as it’s over I’ll come to take you home, I promise.” He tried to sound light and hopeful despite his shaky voice.
“You promise?”
“I promise, mom.”
There was some movement on the other end, a light protest and then Jirapok was on the phone.
“We promise, mom.” He said softly.
Lara let out another sob, “You’ll take care of my boy for me?”
“Of course I will. You don’t need to ask me that.”
She chuckled wetly.
“Give me back the phone.”
“Alright, sorry, I’ll be right there, Fah.” Lara heard some wet sounds and she could easily picture Jirapok kissing her son’s damp cheeks.
“Thank you for agreeing to do this, mom.” Kanfah’s voice returned.
She hummed, her throat a little too choked up to speak.
“Nathee will also call you on this phone to let you know when he’ll arrive at the resort.”
“Why didn’t you call me on my phone?” She managed to ask.
“We can’t take any risk. Erik had his young hacker deactivate yours and Sybil’s phones from a distance. Nathee will give you a burner phone and we’ll talk on that one. Hacker boy made sure it’s untraceable.”
Lara frowned, “And how will I travel to Phuket?”
“You’ll take a plane from Dong Muang in two days. Nathee will drive you back to the city.”
“Isn’t that also risky?” She argued. “Wouldn’t it be safer to just drive there?”
Kanfah sighed, “We thought so too but it’s a long drive and I’m worried they might try to follow you. And before you say anything, I know they could also follow you at the airport or even take the same plane as you, but Erik also has connections with the airport. He’ll have a full team checking all the surveillance cameras while you’re there. You’ll also travel with three of his best men. Trust me, I picked them myself.” He explained.
“Can you come see me off?” She softly asked.
“It’s too risky, mom.”
“But I want to see you before I leave.” She pleaded.
“Mom, we can’t, it’s too dangerous. They’re tracking me too closely and it would put everything at risk.” There was clear regret in his tone but it didn’t stop Lara’s heart from breaking.
“I’ll call you before you leave.” He offered softly.
“I…”
“I know mom. I hate this too.” He let out a long sigh, “But your safety is the most important. And we’ll see each other again, I promise.”
She had no choice but to hold on to that promise. She hummed, another tear rolling down her cheek. “I will miss you so much.”
Kanfah couldn’t suppress a sob, “I will miss you so much too.” He paused, “But it will be okay and when we see each other again, you can taste Jirapok’s cooking.” He attempted a lighter tone.
She faintly smiled.
“He’s actually very excited to cook for you.” Kanfah added with fondness in his tone.
She sniffled and let out a soft wet chuckle, “I can’t wait.”
"I love you mom.” Kanfah whispered.
“I love you too my boy.”
A few minutes after she’d hung up, Sybil walked back to her side and hugged her as she sobbed in her arms.
_ _ _
One month later
P’Tui turned off the TV after the news ended. He sent a worried glance to Lara whose eyes hadn’t left the screen the entire time.
“Lara, how about going to eat in the old town later? I know a really good place and I’m friends with the chef too so he’ll give us a discount. He tried to sound light and encouraging.
Her attention was still on the TV, his words barely reaching her. He sighed and sat down next to her, reaching for her hand.
“No news is good news, right?”
She finally stopped staring at the screen to look at him.
He moved closer, “You remember what Kanfah said, right?”
She weakly nodded.
“Come on, let’s go out for dinner.” He offered again.
“Later. Kanfah will call soon.”
Tui smiled, “Of course. I’ll call my friend to book us a table.”
She didn’t answer him.
As soon as the phone started to ring, Lara picked up and walked to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Around half an hour later, Lara came to the kitchen, her expression somber. Tui walked closer and gave her a side hug. She didn’t need to say anything. It had been a month since she’d been staying with him and each day she’d hoped that Kanfah would tell her she could come home again. But as the days had passed, her boy still hadn’t told her it was safe for her to return. Each day she’d hoped to hear good news from her son but apart from very vague updates about the case and his constant reassurance that he and Jirapok were okay, Kanfah hadn’t said much else. What truly worried her was what her son wasn’t telling her. During each of their calls, she’d felt how tense he’d sounded, she’d heard the exhaustion in his voice and sometimes even the hopeless feeling he failed to conceal. Her worry grew and gnawed at her heart increasingly as days passed by. She felt completely powerless. She tried to remind herself that she was doing this for her son. It wasn’t much but Kanfah thanked her at the end of each of their calls. It helped make her heart feel less heavy just for a short while. And when he repeated his promise that they’d see each other again soon, she even managed to smile.
Months passed. Lara had found a new illustrating job; Tui’s friend owned a souvenir shop and she worked on the designs for the many trinkets he sold. She had been forced to go on leave from her other job. Kanfah had said that it’d be wiser not to stay in contact with any of her clients in the city for the time being. Lara enjoyed working on painting the magnets. It was very soothing and took a lot of her attention. She didn’t earn as much as when working on commissions but it was enough. Erik also regularly wired money for her but she’d barely spent any of it. Tui wasn’t asking for rent and he also enjoyed treating her to good restaurants. In return, Lara cooked for him and helped with the housecleaning.
Over four months after arriving in Phuket, Lara started to lose hope. That day, after her daily call with Kanfah, she broke down, muffling her sobs in the pillows. How much longer would she have to stay here? She wasn’t sure she could take being separated from her son for much longer. They’d never been apart this long. The longest had been during Kanfah’s school trip in high school; three weeks in Japan. She held the pillows tight to her chest and imagined she was hugging her boy. She wondered if he ate and slept well. She hoped Jirapok was keeping his promise to take care of her son. The reminder that they at least had each other made her feel a little better but not much. She also worried for their safety constantly. She still watched the news every day, hoping to see a report about the corrupt police station and all the culprits finally being arrested and sent to jail.
Once a week, she visited the temple and prayed to the gods to assist her son and keep everyone she cared about safe. The rest of the week, she kept herself busy either with work, sightseeing, hanging out with Tui and his friends…
The nights were the hardest. Often she had nightmares about terrible things happening in the city, her son, Jirpok or someone else she cared about getting hurt or worse… When the dreams were too vivid, she texted Kanfah to ask if she could call him. Her son never took long to call her and to reassure her. Sometimes, when he wasn’t available or if he left the phone at the safe house, it was Jirapok who called her. It never felt enough but Lara managed to return to sleep after hanging up.
At the end of the month, Sybil and the kids came to stay for a few days. Lara was glad to see her dear friend after so long.
“This place is very nice.” Sybil said as they enjoyed some tea on the back terrace of Tui’s house.
Lara hummed and took a sip of her tea. “Yeah, it is.”
Sybil gave her a worried look and reached for her hand to squeeze it gently. “I’m sure it won’t be much longer now.” She tried to reassure her friend.
“I really don’t know how much longer I can take;” She confessed.
“Your boy is okay, I promise.” Sybil said softly.
Lara nodded, her eyes starting to prickle.
“I’ve barely seen him over the past month, but trust me, he’s looking good, healthy and also very determined to put an end to this.”
Lara’s heart filled with envy, she ignored the feeling and managed a small smile, “I’m glad he came to see you.”
Sybil shook her head, “I only saw him when I stopped by a couple of times at the new hospital.”
Kanfah had told her about the need to shut down the old clandestine hospital and relocate somewhere safer two months earlier.
“Why was he there?” Lara couldn’t conceal the worry in her voice. She tried to remember if Kanfah had mentioned being injured during one of their calls.
“I don’t know much, but he was there with the other cop, you know the one your son doesn’t like.”
“Pramote?”
“Yes, that one.” Sybil nodded, “They were at the hospital to speak with Lydia about something but I wasn’t allowed to hear much.” She gave another reassuring squeeze to Lara’s hand, “Your boy wasn’t hurt.”
Lara let out a relieved sigh.
“Everyone’s fine, you can stop worrying.”
She huffed, “That I can’t do.”
Sybil gave her a kind smile, “I know, sweetie.”
Lara made a face, unused to that nickname.
Sybil chuckled, “Like mother, like son.” She teased.
For the next three days, Lara took Sybil and the kids to sightsee Phuket. She was thankful to spend some time with her friend. It helped her feel a little closer to home. Tui also took them to the best restaurants in the old town. The kids were quite a lot to handle so it also kept the three adults very busy and entertained.
At the beginning of the fifth month, Pakorn and Ama, two of Erik’s bodyguards, came to Tui’s house to tell Lara that they needed to go back to the city. Akkim and Freen would replace them.
“They’re already on their way here.” Ama explained.
“What’s going on? Is there something wrong?” Tui asked while Lara looked anxiously at the two bodyguards.
Ama shared a long look with Pakorn, “We can’t tell you anything, I’m sorry khun.” Pakorn said gently. “You just make sure not to leave the house until Akkim and Freen are here. Pipe is still on watch in the meantime.” He added.
Lara wanted to protest, “Can you please tell me that my boy is safe?”
A long silence followed.
“Did something happen? Tui asked again.
Lara grabbed Ama by her arm, “Please, tell me nothing happened to my boy.” She pleaded, tears already gathering at the corner of her eyes.
“We don’t know much.” Ama answered gently. “I swear, we’re just as in the dark as you for now.”
Lara didn’t believe her, her grip tightening. Ama didn’t flinch, only gently removed her hand and rested her own on Lara’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I really can’t say anything, but we’ll keep you updated as soon as there’s news. Akkim and Freen will also know more.”
“Yes, they’ll be here in less than two hours, they’ll tell you everything they know about the situation.”
Lara pulled back and reached for her phone to call her son.
“He won’t answer.” Pakorn told her as soon as she’d dialed the number.
She nearly dropped the phone on the floor. “What?” Her voice started to shake.
Tui walked close to her and held her by the shoulder. “What are you both saying?” He glared at them for worrying his friend like that.
Ama held up her hands placatingly, “I swear, we don’t know much. Just that Kanfah won’t be able to answer the call right now.”
Lara pulled free from Tui’s hold and stepped closer to the other woman, her gaze fierce and protective, “You will tell me right now what happened to my boy or I swear I’m flying there myself!”
This time Ama flinched. Pakorn also moved closer to Lara and tried to calm her down, “Alright, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise you’ll stay here.”
“I won’t promise anything to you!” She protested loudly, moving away from his touch.
Pakorn let out a long sigh, “We have to leave soon so I can’t get into details. But just know, your son is okay.”
Lara waited, her breathing still loud and erratic.
“We just know he was hurt during a stint yesterday. But he was taken to the clandestine hospital and he made it.”
Lara’s heart stopped. Tui walked closer and held her again. She was glad for it, her legs feeling like they’d give out.
“Last we heard about it, he’s stable.” Ama said softly.
Lara let out a loud sob, “Why didn’t anyone call me?” Tui had to tighten his hold, her legs too shaky to support her weight.
The two bodyguards shared a long look.
“It was one of Kanfah’s instructions.” Pakorn told her.
Lara started crying harder.
“He knew the mission was going to be dangerous. He didn’t want to worry you.”
She shook her head, still crying. Tui tried to comfort her by reminding her that they said Kanfah was okay.
“I need to see him.” She managed to straighten up.
The two bodyguards shook their heads, “You have to stay here.”
“I refuse to be away from my son while he’s hurt!” She shouted at them.
“Khun, the situation is still too sensitive. You have to stay here.” Pakorn said firmly.
“But…”
“No, it’s imperative that you stay here.” Ama also sounded firm.
“My boy needs me, you can’t ask me not to go to him.” She sobbed. Tui held her tighter. “Please, let me come with you.” She begged.
“We can’t.” Pakorn tugged on Ama’s arm, they had to leave now.
Lara struggled against Tui’s strong hold, her body shaking with sobs. “Kanfah! My boy! Please don’t take my boy away from me!” Her legs gave out and fell on the kitchen tiles, dragging Tui with her, her friend’s tight hold not lessening.
“Shhh, he’s okay. You’ll see him again.” He tried to soothe her.
A few minutes later, the phone started to ring near her. She barely heard it over her loud sobbing. It was Tui who reached for it and answered the call.
“Kanfah?”
There was a loud sob at the other end of the call and Tui feared the worse. Before he could say anything else, Lara took the phone from him and pressed it to her ear desperately.
“Kanfah, my boy, sweetheart, please tell me you’re okay.” She sobbed begging. She heard someone crying on the other end, she recognized his voice. “Jirapok, is that you my boy?” She asked shakily, trying to suppress another sob when she heard him cry again. “What happened to my boy?” She asked in a pleading voice.
She heard the cop hiccup a few times and then take a deep breath. “I’m so sorry khun.”
Her heart stopped again.
“I should have called you, but he made me promise…” Jirapok sobbed harder.
Lara waited, her heart in her throat.
“Lydia said he should wake up soon.” Jirapok managed to calm down his sobbing. “She said he’s stable and that he would recover well from…”, his voice broke.
“What happened?” Lara asked shakily.
“I… it’s my fault…” Jirapok cried again. “I’m so sorry, khun.”
“Mom.” Lara corrected him, not liking that Jirapok had called her ‘khun’ since the beginning of the call.”
“Huh?”
She let out a long shaky sigh, “Whatever happened, I don’t want you to feel guilty or like you have to apologize to me. And stop calling me ‘khun’.” She said softly.
“But it is my fault.” Jirapok insisted in a broken tone.
Her heart twisted painfully in her chest and the worry grew tenfold, “You still haven’t told me what happened, sweetheart.” She tried to sound soothing despite how shaky her voice was.
Suddenly, she heard some commotion on the other end of the call, Jirapok went silent and she could make out Nathee and Meen’s voice shouting something but she didn’t understand what they were saying.
“Jirapok, please, tell me what’s going on.” She pleaded.
She heard the cop take another deep breath, “A few of us were injured last night during the mission.” He explained to her in a trembling voice. “The hospital has been busy all night.”
Lara paled, who else had been hurt?
“But everyone’s stable now.” He quickly added.
“That’s good.” She got up and Tui gently guided her to a chair, going to pour her a glass of water and bring her tissues. “Now, will you please tell me what happened to my boy?” She asked again, her voice cracking.
Jirapok started sobbing again.
More tears streamed down her cheeks, she wiped them away with a tissue, trying not to let despair fill her heart. “Sweetheart, shhh, breathe.” She tried to calm him down.
She heard Jirapok take a few deep shuddered breaths. She waited until he sounded calmer.
“You’ll hate me.” He eventually managed to say in a small voice.
Lara shook her head, then she remembered he couldn’t see her. “I can’t hate the man my boy loves, don’t be silly.”
Jirapok let out another sob, “He nearly died because of me.”
Lara’s heart clenched painfully. Her breathing became ragged again and she had to focus on the call instead of breaking down, the worry and fear nearly overwhelming her after Jirapok’s words.
“Kh…” Jirapok hiccuped and corrected himself, “Mom, are you still there?”
“Yes, I’m here.” She said in a faint voice.
“I’m so sorry. It should have been me, but he pushed me out of the way and then they… he… it all happened so fast.” His breathing was becoming more laboured and another sob fell from his lips.
Lara didn’t know what to say. Her heart was hurting beyond anything she’d ever felt. She could have lost her boy.
“Mom?” Jirapok’s voice was shaking.
She inhaled deeply and wiped more tears from her cheeks, “I know my boy, he always protects others before himself.” She said and sobbed again. “He’s always been like that.”
Jirapok also cried, “I tried to stop him, but he was too fast and then…”
Lara’s heart fell to the pit of her stomach, the worst scenarios filling her mind. She asked again, “what happened?”
“There were shots fired. It was chaos.” He explained, his voice still trembling. “Fah and I were on one side and suddenly we were attacked more than the others. Neal really wanted me dead last night, I could see it in his eyes.”
Lara swallowed hard, dreading Jirapok’s next words.
“There were others with Neal, bullets were flying in all directions but we were well covered, or so I thought…”
“Did you get shot again? Are you alright?”
Jirapok couldn’t suppress a new sob. “I’m fine, it’s Fah… he pushed me and… he…” He couldn’t continue but Lara started to understand. “I didn’t want this, I swear…”
“He was protecting you.” She said, her voice trembling but still trying to sound kind to the cop. “Have you… is he…” She struggled with her words.
“Lydia managed to extract the bullet and said there wouldn’t be permanent damage.”
Lara let out a shuddered relieved sigh.
“She hadn’t let me see him yet.” He added in a broken tone. “I asked but they have to keep a constant watch of his vitals for at least the rest of the day.”
Lara felt her worry grow again. “Isn’t he stable?” Her voice broke.
“He is. Lydia said he’ll be okay, but he lost too much blood so they have to be extra vigilant. I’m sorry, I wish I could explain better, do you want me to ask someone to talk to you?”
“That’s alright for now, sweetheart. Just make sure to stay with him as soon as you’re allowed. I’ll try to be there as fast as I can.” She got up and walked to her bedroom.
“You can’t do that, mom.” Jirapok said, his voice breaking a little.
She stopped in her tracks and frowned, ready to argue.
“I promised him. I can’t let you get hurt, please mom, he begged me, he was so terrified for you. It was the last thing he said before…
Lara sat down on her bed, “You can’t ask me this, I have to be by his side.” She couldn’t suppress a sob, “what if there’s a complication and he… I can’t stay away, please.”
“He’s stable, I swear, mom. If anything happens to you… you're his entire world. As soon as things are more settled, we’ll call you…
“Stop saying that, it’s been nearly six months.” She cried harder, “I can’t wait any longer, I need to be with my boy.” She begged desperately.
Jirapok also cried, “It won’t be much longer now. Last night was the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for since the beginning.”
Lara still wanted to protest, the need to see her boy overwhelming her. “So how much longer?”
He sighed and her stomach twisted with worry and anxiety.
“I can’t say, but we’ve found damning evidence, it won’t be too long, maybe two or three weeks.” Jirapok tried to give her some hope but she only started crying again.
“I can’t wait that long. I need to see my boy sooner than that.” She begged again, “Please, Jirapok, tell him as soon as he wakes up, I can’t stand being away from him any longer.”
“I’ll try but you already know what he’ll say.” The cop said in a small tone.
She swallowed around the large lump at the back of her throat.
“I’ll have him call you after he wakes up.” He promised her.
She nodded and hummed.
“I’m really sorry I couldn’t take better care of him for you, mom.” Jirapok’s voice broke.
“Stop apologizing. The important thing is that you’re both alright.” She tried to sound lighter but it was hard when she couldn’t muffle another quiet sob. “Just keep looking after him until I can be there again, promise me.”
“I promise, mom.”
She heard more voices on Jirapok’s end and then, “I’m sorry, I have to hang up. I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
She didn’t have time to say anything, the call had already ended. She grabbed the nearest pillow and brought it to her face, crying, her entire body shaking with violent sobs getting louder, alerting Tui who rushed to her side and held her as she cried even harder.
“I need to see him, why can’t I go see him?” She hit Tui’s chest, needing to express her despair and frustration. “Please, I can’t do this, I…”
He gently pulled her wrists down and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cling and claw at his back as she kept sobbing.
It was nearly evening when Jirapok called her again to let her know that Kanfah was still unconscious but his vital signs were stable and Lydia was hopeful that he’d wake up in the morning. After reassuring her, he pressed the phone near Kanfah’s ear and Lara softly talked to her son.
“Sweetheart, my dear boy, please don’t leave me. You’re my whole world too. You promised we’d be together again so I’m holding onto that. You’re strong”, her voice broke, “My boy, you’re so strong, you can fight this too and we’ll be reunited again. I love you so much. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again.” She started crying when nothing could be heard but the faint beeping of the heart monitor followed by some rustle and another sob from Jirapok.
“I’m sure he heard you, mom.” He said in a shaky voice. “And you’re right, you two will be reunited soon.” He added in a reassuring tone.
“Soon.” She cried again, hating not knowing how long ‘soon’ would be.
Back to the present
(two and half weeks after Jirapok’s last call from the hospital)
Her hands were too shaky, she decided to give up on the terrarium for today. She grabbed the phone and checked it was fully charged and notifications were still turned on. She sighed shakily when she refreshed the call log and there was no new notification from her son. She was about to call him herself when she heard the front door open and Tui greeting someone, probably his friends, Tang and Fang, from the restaurant. Lara stood up and headed back inside, needing to be in her room to make the call.
“Careful Fah.”
“Stop fretting, I’m fine.”
Tui let out a soft chuckle.
She froze when she recognized the voices coming from the entrance corridor. Lara dropped the phone as she rushed to where the voices came from. She stopped in the doorway when she saw her boy and Jirapok standing close to each other with Tui carrying their bags.
“Hey mom.” Kanfah gave her a weak wave and a smile as soon as he spotted her.
Jirapok also turned to look at her.
Lara’s legs were barely holding her up as she slowly walked to them. She couldn’t believe they were really here. She let out a sob when Kanfah reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“I missed you, mom.” He said, his voice sounding weak.
She stepped closer and looked him all over, gently patting his face, his shoulders, his arms and hands. She remained clear of his middle when she saw the edge of the bandage through his widely unbuttoned shirt. Kanfah also took a step closer and opened his arms for her.
“It’s okay mom, I’m okay.” He said to reassure her.
When she still hadn’t dared to move closer for fear of hurting him, Kanfah closed the final gap between them and wrapped his strong arms around her shaking frame.
“I’m okay.” He kept repeating as he pressed kisses to her hair and tightened his hold on her.
While the two hugged for long minutes Jirapok followed Tui to the spare bedroom with their bags.
Lara couldn’t stop crying no matter how many times Kanfah repeated that he was alright and that it’d barely hurt anymore.
“I was so scared. I… you…”
“I know, mom, I’m so sorry.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and kept holding her.
“I missed you so much, sweetheart.” Her crying started to subside and she finally pulled back to look at his face.
He smiled at her and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks with his hand.
“Is it really over?” She asked shakily.
He nodded.
“But how? I didn’t see anything on the news…”
He shook his head, “It won’t be a while before there’s any report about it. It’s so high profile, many important and influential politicians were involved.”
Lara’s eyes widened.
“But trust me, they can no longer hurt us now.” He promised, smiling at her reassuringly.
She still couldn’t believe it. Her gaze fell to his bandage, “But they already did.”
“I’m fine, mom.” He stroked her cheek softly. “Lydia will remove the stitches in a few days. She said it’s healing well, the bullet went through without leaving any debris inside me. I will only have a small scar.”
“You nearly died.” Her voice broke.
“I’m still here. I made a promise to you, didn’t I?” He smiled at her.
She nodded, her voice too choked up to say anything.
He stroked her cheeks tenderly and they hugged again, both needing to feel the other was really there.
Later, Jirapok cooked for everyone, ignoring Tui’s attempt to help him.
“Idiot, let him at least tell you where to find everything.” Kanfah said, sounding amused.
Lara and Tui chuckled when Jirapok responded with a pout.
“I know how to find my way around a kitchen.” He protested.
“You’ll waste time and then the food will be burnt.” Kanfah smirked and Lara chuckled again. From the way Jirapok’s cheeks flushed, she guessed that this had already happened in the past.
“Not my fault Erik didn’t think to equip the kitchen at the safe house.” Jirapok muttered under his breath. “It’s alright P’Tui, please enjoy some drinks with my Fah and mom.” He gently pushed the other man back to the table.
“This is my kitchen, nong.” Tui laughed lightly but didn’t resist and accepted the beer that Kanfah handed to him.
Half an hour later, a delicious smell started to fill the kitchen. Lara stepped closer to Jirapok to look over his shoulder, curious to see what he was cooking.
“Mom, no peeking please.” He turned to look at her.
“Watch the pan or you’ll burn the food.” Kanfah said from his seat, his tone playful and teasing.
“It looks really good.” Lara praised Jirapok. “I haven’t had Krapow Khai Yat Sai in so long, how did you know I really liked this dish?” She smiled warmly at him.
Jirapok glanced at Kanfah who smiled brightly at him. “My Fah told me that you like this dish when you’re feeling down.”
Her eyes started to glisten, moved by his answer.
“I know that the past six months have been so hard for you.”
“I don’t need comfort food today though.” She tried to sound light but her voice was trembling. “I’m so happy to see you again.” She looked at her son and then back at Jirapok, “both of you.”
The cop smiled warmly at her, “But we still want to give you comfort.”
She reached past him and slightly turned the knob a few notches. He gave her a strange look. “I haven’t hugged you yet.” She whispered and opened her arms for him. “Don’t worry, I made sure the food won’t burn.” She added with a smile and a light teasing tone.
He smiled at her and accepted the warm hug.
The food was delicious. Lara’s belly was full and her heart was soaring with joy when Kanfah giggled loudly at some silly thing Jirapok had just said. She wiped her tears discreetly and accepted the second serving when Tui handed her the plate with the rest of the food. Jirapok beamed at her when she finished her plate, humming with appreciation.
“Does that mean I’ll be allowed to cook for you again, mom?” He asked her enthusiastically.
She smiled, “Of course. But you’ll also have to taste my cooking, sweetheart.”
“Since when you’ve been calling him that?” Kanfah asked her, his eyes widening.
“A few times.” She smiled again.
“Fah, it’s okay. Mom, just call me something else, I don’t want my faen to be jealous."
“I’m not jealous, you idiot.”
Lara giggled, “I can use that term for both of you.” She looked at her son, “But I know my first sweetheart doesn’t even like being called like that.”
Kanfah averted his gaze and said, “I kinda missed hearing it other than on the phone.”
Lara’s eyes filled with moved tears again. “Oh sweetheart.” She pulled her chair closer to his and turned to hug him. He accepted it with a smile. She looked at Jirapok over Kanfah’s shoulder and beckoned him close too. He got up from his chair and wrapped his arms around the mother and son, kissing the top of their heads.
Three days later, Akkim and Freen came to Tui’s house to let them know it was now safe to fly back to the city. Lara looked at her son with wide pleading eyes, her grip strong on his hand.
“I’m not staying here anymore, please, sweetheart, tell me I can come home with you.”
Kanfah stroked her arm and gave her a soft smile, nodding, his eyes getting shiny with emotions, “Yes mom, you’re coming home with us.”
She let out a relieved sob and hugged him. Jirapok stepped closer and gently patted her back.
Akkim shared a smile with Freen.
“You’re happy to go home too, aren’t you.” Freen nudged Akkim’s shoulder teasingly.
“Shut up. Let’s go back so we can prepare everything for the flight tomorrow.”
Kanfah looked over his mom’s shoulder and smiled gratefully at the two bodyguards.
Kanfah helped Lara pack her suitcase. She protested, saying he shouldn’t exert himself and get some rest.
“I’m fine, mom. I’m also really bored.”
Lara chuckled, “Missing your man?” She teased him.
He huffed, “The idiot knows I’m not allowed to get into the water and yet he still abandoned me to enjoy the beach.” His tone was amused.
Lara smiled and reached for his hand, pausing on the packing. “I think maybe he wanted to give us some time together, just the two of us.”
He smiled in response, “You’re probably right.”
“So, how are things with him? You didn’t share much during our phone calls.” She asked him softly.
Kanfah sat down on the bed and his gaze fell on his hands, his smile growing wider. “Despite everything else we had to face, it’s been good living with Jirapok.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” She also paused in the packing and sat next to him. “Im so thankful you two found each other.”
Kanfah chuckled, “Well, he found me and didn’t stop bothering me until I accepted him staying.”
Lara laughed and shook her head fondly, “Sweetheart, you liked him from the start, I could tell when each time you came home, you couldn’t shut up about him.”
Kanfah also laughed, “I guess.”
Lara raised her eyebrows, surprised, “Didn’t expect you to admit it this quickly.”
He huffed, “There’s really no point arguing with you mom, you know me better than myself after all.”
She hummed, “True.” She shifted closer and rested her head on his shoulder, “But I’m happy you’re no longer stopping yourself from being loved.”
“I didn’t really do that.” he protested lightly.
She lifted her head and gave him an unconvinced look.
“I mean, before meeting Jirapok, I didn’t really leave anytime for relationships, that's true. You already know that. I also didn’t really meet anyone that was worth my time.” He added with a smirk.
Lara sighed and nodded, “True, but fortunately there was this annoying cop who eventually caught your attention.” She smiled, “Good thing he was so persistent.”
“So damn annoying.” But there was no bite to his words. Lara could hear the love loud and clear in his voice.
“We should continue packing.” She got up.
Kanfah nodded and followed her.
Lara hadn’t realised how she’d scattered her things all over Tui’s house over the past months. It took them nearly all afternoon to recover everything. Tui helped her find two jackets and some of her illustrating tools when she couldn’t remember where she’d put them. Kanfah glanced between the two and their interactions, curiosity swirling in his gaze.
When they were finally done, Lara sat on the bed to rest for a bit. Kanfah returned from the kitchen with cool drinks and some cut fruits with spicy dip. He joined his mother on the bed, handing her the glass and putting the tray on the bedside table.
“This place isn’t so bad, right?” He said softly, a hint of guilt still lingering in his tone.
She hummed, “Yes, Phuket is a nice place to live in. There’s a lot to do and the beach being just near the house was nice too.” She agreed and smiled at him. “And I managed to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t go crazy with worry.” She added, reaching for his hand and placing it on top of her knee.
“Did it work?”
She shook her head, “Of course not, sweetheart. I was worried all the time.” She chuckled weakly.
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head again, “It’s alright now. But be prepared to stay home more often than you used to, or I’ll crash at your place if you make me wait too long.” She held up her finger in a mock threat.
Kanfah giggled, “Okay, noted.” He shuffled closer and took the glass from her hand to set it on the bedside table. “You can come to our new place, we’ll even have a spare bedroom for you.” He said softly.
Lara’s eyes widened, “You mean at the safe house?”
Kanfah shook his head, “No, we’re not returning to that place. We need to start fresh after everything that happened.”
Lara squeezed his hand softly.
“We’ve started looking for a small house though.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t do much while I was still in hospital. So I looked at house listings to pass the time.”
Lara smiled, “And have you found somewhere yet?”
“Not yet. Maybe you can help us.” He suggested with a smile.
“I’d love that. Have you decided on the area yet?”
“I was thinking in your neighborhood.”
Lara hummed and smiled, her heart feeling more at ease now. She still worried though each time her eyes fell on the bandage wrapped around her son’s middle.
“I’ll help you look for a place.” She squeezed his hand again.
As they finished their snacks and drinks, Kanfah gave her a curious look before saying, “So, how are things with P’Tui?”
Lara frowned, “What do you mean?”
He huffed, “Come on, you’re the one who told me about his clumsy confession in your freshmen year.” He reminded her teasingly.
“Yeah, and?”
“Oh mom, please, it’s obvious he still likes you.” He lightly hit her arm.
“But I don’t feel that way about him. That hasn’t changed.” She shrugged.
“Ouch, I feel bad for him now.”
She chuckled. “Don’t, I think he found someone to help him move on already.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, his best friend from the restaurant. You’ll see tonight when we eat there, there’s definitely something going on with him.” She smiled to herself, “Tui’s a very close friend but I truly never felt more for him.”
“He’s a good man though.”
She nodded, “Yeah and he’s been great with me these past months. And I didn’t make it easy on him either.” She chuckled weakly.
Kanfah sighed, “I’m truly sorry, mom.”
She hit the back of his hand, “Will you stop apologizing already?”
“I’ll try.” He smiled at her and she pressed a kiss to his temple.
The door suddenly burst open, startling them.
“Oh there you are, Fah, I’ve been looking all over the house for you!” Jirapok, still in his swim shorts, shirtless and dripping wet, beamed at them from the doorway.
Lara giggled when Kanfah moved away from Jirapok when he stepped closer, giving him a slightly annoyed look.
“You’re still wet, stay away, you idiot!” He was half scolding, half giggling.
Jirapok pouted, “But I missed my faen.”
“You’ve barely been gone two hours.” Kanfah shook his head, still holding up one arm to keep him away.
“I still missed you.” Jirapok’s pout didn’t lessen.
“Who’s genius idea was it to go to the beach knowing I’m forbidden to go into the water?”
The cop smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry, my Fah, you know how excited I was to go somewhere outside the city for so long.”
Kanfah let out a soft sigh, “Did you have fun?”
Jirapok nodded and grinned, “The water was so good.”
Lara felt like maybe she should leave them alone but this was her bedroom so she stayed, enjoying watching them.
“I just need to hug you, it’s been too long.” The cop whined.
Kanfah didn’t budge. “You dry yourself off first.”
Jirapok leaned closer, Kanfah’s hand pressing on his chest to keep him away. “Can I get a kiss first?” He pursed his lips and gave him his wide and shiny puppy eyes.
Lara wasn’t that surprised to see that her son seemed no longer immune and caved within seconds, pecking Jirapok on the lips and then pushing him off. The cop beamed and skipped to the guest bathroom, humming a catchy tune on the way.
“Oh my boy is whipped.” Lara giggled to herself.
Kanfah looked at her, his expression affronted, “I am not.”
“Sure you’re not, sweetheart.” She patted his flushed cheeks softly.
“Whatever.”
A few minutes later, Jirapok came back into the room, now dry and still shirtless.
“Go put on a shirt.” Kanfah said, mildly glaring at him.
“Why? It’s too hot.” He grinned and stepped closer to the bed, his arms wide open, “give me my hug now.”
Lara giggled.
“Oh, sorry mom, I forgot you were there.” Jirapok turned to look at her with a sheepish smile.
“This is her bedroom.” Kanfah reminded him in a slightly exasperated tone.
“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” She then looked at her son, “why haven’t you hugged your boyfriend yet?”
Kanfah huffed, pretending to be annoyed but Lara could see how deep his dimples were. He let out another long sigh and then got up to hug his boyfriend. Jirapok wrapped his arms around him, minding where the bandage was. He pressed several loud kisses to Kanfah’s shoulder and at the base of his neck until his boyfriend started to squirm and giggle. Lara’s heart was soaring with joy seeing them so happy. When they pulled back, Kanfah’s finger lingered on Jirapok’s chest, a little above his heart. The cop lightly tapped his hand away.
“It tickles.” He laughed.
Kanfah ignored him and brought his hand back up. He softly traced the faint scar, and then he continued stroking up the inked dragon tail all the way to the top of Jirapok’s shoulder.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore, Fah.” The cop whispered.
Lara looked at them curiously, once again wondering if she should leave them alone. But then another idea occurred to her and she had to muffle her giggle.
“That’s a really beautiful tatoo.” She said to Jirapok.
He smiled widely at her, “Thank you, mom.”
“Would you like to hear a little story?”
Kanfah turned to look at her, his eyes slightly narrowed. Jirapok didn’t seem to notice his boyfriend’s reaction and nodded enthusiastically. She smiled, a mischievous glint in her deep brown eyes.
“Mom, what story do you mean?” Kanfah asked her, sitting back next to her.
“Please mom, I want to hear the story.” Jirapok gave her his puppy eyes and she had no intention to resist anyway, so she nodded while Kanfah let out a soft groan.
“When we watched a Japanese drama once, I noticed that my boy kept staring at this one actor who was one of the side characters and a fighter. He had a similar tattoo to yours, a bit bigger and inked all across his chest.”
Jirapok looked at Kanfah with interest and the beginning of a smirk forming on his lips.
“Mom, stop, he doesn’t need to hear this.” Her son tried to protest again.
She ignored him, “So I paused the drama and asked him why he was staring so much.”
Kanfah crossed his arms and averted his gaze from Jirapok’s curious glances.
“What did you say, Fah?” Jirapok asked, lightly shaking his shoulder.
“He said that he found the tattoo beautiful.” Lara answered.
Jirapok beamed, looking down at his own tattoo, “Yes, my faen loves mine too.” He said, his tone a little smug. Kanfah mildly glared up at him.
Lara giggled and continued her story, “Do you want to know what I asked him next?” She looked up at the cop.
“Did you ask him if he wanted to get one too?” Jirapok tried to guess.
Lara laughed, “No, I wasn’t going to ask my 15 year old son if he wanted a tattoo.”
Jirapok shrugged, “I got mine when I was 16.”
Lara’s eyes widened.
He smiled proudly, “I still remember the shock in my foster dad’s eyes.” He chuckled but it sounded a little hollow.
“I bet he liked that.” Kanfah said in a sarcastic tone.
“Oh he hated it but I didn’t care, it was something I chose and paid for myself and that they couldn’t take away from me.” He said, his gaze turning fierce.
“He was an asshole anyway.” Kanfah said in a dark tone.
Jirapok’s expression suddenly changed and he narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend, “Wait, are you trying to distract me from your mom’s story?”
“Damn it, since when are you so observant?” Kanfah smirked at him.
Jirapok pouted and Lara giggled. Watching these two interact was so entertaining.
Kanfah shrugged, “It was worth a try.”
“Mom, please continue the story.” Jirapok looked at her expectantly.
“Well, as I was saying, I wanted to know something else about why Kanfah had been staring the entire time at that one actor and his beautiful tattoo.”
Jirapok sat on her other side and waited impatiently to hear more. Lara’s smile morphed into the beginning of a smirk, Kanfah let out another faintly annoyed huff.
“I asked him if he thought it looked hot.” She eventually said, still smirking.
Jirapok bounced excitedly on the bed, “What did my Fah say?”
She giggled, “He left the couch and stopped talking to me for the rest of the afternoon.” She laughed at the memory.
“Oh my faen, that’s so cute!” Jirapok stood up to sit by Kanfah’s side, leaning close to poke at his dimple and then kiss his cheek.
“Shut up, I'm not cute.” He turned to his mom, “Was it necessary telling him this story?”
“Yes it was, I love hearing more stories and how cute you were before I knew you.”
Kanfah narrowed his eyes, “I said I’m not cute.”
“Yes, you are.” Jirapok gently held his face and brought it closer for a kiss. “And even if you didn’t answer mom’s question, I already know the answer." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Lara coughed loudly to remind them she was still there. Jirapok gave her a sheepish smile above Kanfah’s shoulder. He pulled back and looked around the room.
“Do you still need help with packing?” He smiled at her.
Lara and Kanfah laughed.
“We’ve already finished while you were enjoying the beach, silly.” Kanfah patted his cheek.
“Oh, sorry.”
“It’s alright, you can help with the unpacking when we’re home.” She winked at him.
Jirapok beamed and nodded.
_ _ _
One month later, Lara stood at the front door of her son’s and Jirapok’s new home located near the park where Kanfah used to play after school and where she took her notebook with her to work on sketches. The house wasn’t very big but it looked welcoming.
The door opened and her son smiled widely at her, “Welcome to our home, mom.” He helped her with the large tupperware and the bag filled with treats from Kayla’s shop.
“Hi mom, oh you brought chocolate cake, you’re the best!” Jirapok rushed to the front door and took the box from Kanfah’s hands.
She laughed when her son started to bicker with his boyfriend while they walked down the corridor. She paused in the hallway and took it all in.Even though they’d only moved in the previous week, the house already felt lived in and warm. There were pictures and even some of her drawings on the walls. She smiled when she saw the sketch she’d drawn of them when they’d been sitting on the beach and watching the sunset. And right under it, on a small cabinet, she found the terrarium that she’d given Kanfah for his first condo. Her heart was soaring with joy; her boy truly had found his home.