Chapter Text
As Howard and Lalo made their way to Jimmy and Kim’s current location (or locations), they made a few useful discoveries, all related to their new (in)existence as ghosts trapped in the living realm.
One, they had a surprisingly good grasp over time itself. Depending on their mood, they could either have it move at a normal rate, slow it down or make it move faster. The only thing they couldn’t do was turn it back, sadly. If Howard could turn back the clock, he’d revert it to the day Chuck died and find a way to save his life. But then again, perhaps that was the point. People are meant to die at precise points in time and altering that could bring major consequences to the law of the world… or similar.
Two, they could actually interact with the physical world to a certain extent, if they willed it so. But only with inanimate objects (so far) and in a sort of funky way. For example, when Lalo had the “magnificent” idea of grabbing a stone on the side of the road and throw it at the windshield of some passing car, “purely to test if it would do anything”, in Lalo’s such wise and definitely not morbid words, he did grab the stone… except the stone itself remained where it previously was. It was as if Lalo had cloned the stone with his “ghostly touch”. Which was… quite something. And then the homicidal bastard DID end up throwing the stone at a passing red car when Howard wasn’t looking. Fortunately, while the stone hit its target successfully, it did nothing to the car’s windshield, judging by the lack of a cracking sound and the car moving along like nothing happened, much to Howard’s relief. The sick son of a gun almost did a good one…
Three, and perhaps most importantly, no living human whatsoever could see them or hear them, as predicted. Right after the stone trick, Lalo decided to go further and, the moment they heard an incoming truck, placed himself on the very middle of the main road, to Howard’s chagrin and slight panic, instinctively assuming something could go wrong per human nature. But nothing happened. The truck driver saw nothing, and Lalo harmlessly fazed through the truck. The cocky grin which followed nearly gave Howard the urge to punch Lalo right on his bloody teeth, though again, he kept himself under control. The same happened when they reached and traversed through the city proper. No one acknowledged them. They were fully invisible to the world.
“Dios mió! Wish I had the ability to become invisible when I was alive. Chicken Man would NOT have stood a chance.” Lalo described, his usual grin stamped on his face. “Hey, I know! No one can see us, and we can kinda manipulate what’s around us in some way. We should go rob a bank! Great idea, no?”
Howard sent a dirty look down Lalo’s way.
“You, sir, are the pinnacle of comedic timing…” Howard pretended to congratulate, making certain his sarcastic tone was as inflated as possible. Lalo only looked prouder at that.
“Gracias, I know I am! Wasn’t the timing of my appearance back in Miss Kimster’s home hilarious? I probably would’ve laughed if not for how impatient I was feeling at that point. You know. Had other urgent business to take care of and all that.”
“Indeed. Urgent business such as placing a bullet in my head…”
“Again, I did it because you were in the way. ‘Wrong place, wrong time’ scenario. Not my fault I was in a rush to deal with Chicken Man. I was pretty high up in the Salamanca hierarchy. Pretty busy man. You know how it is.”
“At least my job didn’t involve killing people for any one reason…!”
“You say that, but I wonder if you realize the irony of it. Wasn’t Saul’s job as a lawyer what got you killed? Yeah, I’m the one who blew your head, but you wouldn’t have been there in the first place if it wasn’t for the actions of those two cucarachas. Also, let’s not forget, Saul was my lawyer. And I killed people.”
Lalo’s latest response legitimately made Howard stop in his tracks. He hated how much the Salamanca was making sense. It was beyond infuriating. That being said…
“…perhaps you have a point.” Howard reluctantly admitted. “But I’m not like Jimmy, or Saul, or however he goes by. On my honor and principles, I would never descend to his level. Doing so would mean victory to him and Kim over me. And even in death, I REFUSE to give them that ‘pleasant’ taste. They ruined my life. The most they deserve is to regret their actions and hopefully repent.”
“How kind of you to believe they FEEL like repenting or even regretting anything.” Lalo insisted, perfectly serene. “You sure they even know what any of that means anymore?”
Once again, Lalo’s words hit surprisingly hard. For a mass murderer, he certainly could be insightful when he felt like it.
“I suppose… we shall find out soon." Howard persisted, his blue eyes hardening with pure determination. “We should not be too far off from Kim’s apartment, not that I’m not aware you know its location. Let’s keep going.”
The duo kept traversing the streets of Albuquerque, Lalo making too many cheeky comments or just pointless small talk the whole way, never once shutting his mouth. If Howard were alive, all the constant blabbing coming from that unhinged man would give him a headache with a finger snap. At the same time, however, Lalo’s voice, unintentionally or not, was genuinely distracting Howard from his more current tempestuous thoughts about Jimmy and Kim, so perhaps he should not feel and act so ungrateful.
Unfortunately for him… it did not last.
The moment he fazed through Kim’s locked door and entered her home, Lalo right behind him… it was as if the air itself changed. A very cold chill traversed through Howard’s whole soul, even though he didn’t have a body anymore and it shouldn’t be possible for him to feel things like this anymore.
Being the hour that it was, Kim and Jimmy should be home soon. But for now, the apartment was empty. Eerily empty… and quiet. Silent as a grave. And it… it almost quite literally was Howard’s grave…
Howard remained frozen in the main hall, blankly staring at everything and nothing at the same time. He felt his soul being transported back to his untimely demise against his will. Lalo behind him… Jimmy and Kim huddled against each other, staring at Lalo with visceral terror present in their eyes… Howard’s last sentence of his life being interrupted without warning by-
The sensation of something making contact with the back of his head made Howard scream and jump forward, his body accidentally floating in the air in turn. When he turned around, his eyes slightly wild with fear for his life…
…outrage promptly replaced any fear he might have previously had at the sight of a smiling Lalo making a finger gun pose with his left hand. He briefly snickered to himself before loudly laughing right in Howard’s face.
“You… ASSHOLE!” Howard accused, losing his usual cool. “That wasn’t funny!”
“Maybe not to you, but it sure as hell was to me.” Lalo retorted between giggles. He mockingly blew at his index finger, as if dispersing the smoke of a gun barrel. “You should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to resist. La nostalgia, it got to me. Ah, that was priceless. I mean, you screamed so hard, you took flight, como uno pequeño pajarito! Simplemente brillante!”
His body still floating in the air, not too far from the ceiling, nearly gave Howard the temptation to fly towards Lalo and crash his head against the wall to see if he would like it, if he would find THAT ‘brillante’ as well. But he chose not to do it. In theory, it shouldn’t damage the wall, but he would sincerely rather not risk it.
“I am glad ONE of us is having fun…” Howard muttered nearly between gritted teeth as he landed back onto the wooden floor. He nervously scrubbed his fingers on his messy, bloodied blond hair, trying not to coat the fingers with too much blood.
“Relax, amigo. It was just a teeny tiny prank. No need to get so jittery, Ain’t you dead? Might as well take advantage of all this and enjoy yourself in a way you never could when you were living that stuffy, boringass life of yours.”
Howard didn’t bother responding. He knew there was no point attempting to reason with a psychopath like this mustached man.
Lalo, for his part, didn’t wait for an answer either. He moved from his spot in the hallway and entered the apartment’s living room proper. He looked at the space attentively, as if this were the first time he was here.
“Hmm! Gotta say, for a place where a murder happened right the night before, it sure’s looking spotless. As if nothing happened.” Lalo noted, now with a more serious tone. Howard noticed the man tapping his fingers onto a fish tank. “Saul ain’t tied up in the chair like I left him either. Looks as though those two cucarachas got someone’s help to clean up the evidence. If I were to guess who… has to be Chicken Man’s people. Don’t see who else.”
It was Howard’s turn to look around him. In his own stupor over this place being his ultimate sentence, he failed to realize how suspiciously tidy it looked. He and Lalo had previously checked today’s date, and confirmed they were now on the day right after the night Howard and Lalo were killed. It had been far less than a day… and yet, Kim’s apartment looked immaculate. Impossible for it to look this clean and perfect in so little time since his murder… unless someone experienced took care of the place and rid themselves of all the incriminating evidence, as Lalo pinpointed.
That’s it, then. This almost completely confirmed it. It… looks as if they brushed off his death like it was nothing. Like it was wholly inconsequential to them.
This was quite unlike him. He was never the vindicative sort of person, not like Chuck. However… in this precise moment, he could not help but admit to himself…
…Lalo’s idea of haunting Jimmy and Kim around until they’re reduced to tears… was beginning to sound a little far too intoxicatingly appealing…
How DARE they?! If the roles were reversed, he’d readily mourn their passings, even if they didn’t deserve it! Even after the way they mistreated him over and over…!
Despite everything, he… he couldn’t say he hated them…
…damn his bleeding heart…
“Hey.” Lalo suddenly called. “I feel familiar footsteps incoming. I think they’re here.”
Familiar? How could he tell…?
…oh. He’s right.
Now that he was properly focusing on the matter, he could sense the aforementioned footsteps. Probably based on instinct, he could immediately tell they belonged to Kim’s. And no, it was NOT because of the sound of the heels. That could come from ANY woman. He just… KNEW it was Kim. Some ghost instinct, maybe?
Being a ghost came with a surprising number of perks, huh…?
The sound of the front door unlocking. Howard felt himself gulp anxiously. Lalo noticed the action and rolled his eyes.
“Did you not hear me the first time?” Lalo teased. “You already know they can’t see or hear us, hilarious as it’d be if they could. Relax. Let things play out and stuff.”
“That is not…” Howard wanted to say that was not why he was feeling so frazzled. But he chose to quiet down. “Sigh, never mind.”
Lalo simply shrugged, trademark grin back in face. The duo stared at the apartment’s main hallway, awaiting Kim’s appearance in the flesh.
The door opened slowly. Heels hesitatingly clicked through the wooden floor before Kim Wexler herself came into Howard and Lalo’s view. The woman initially had her back turned on them as she discarded her keys and briefcase. She turned around immediately after that, though, staring at her living room with lost, hesitant eyes. At the same time, a second pair of footsteps crossed the front door, closing it behind them. These ones were quicker in their pace, and it took no long at all for Jimmy McGill, who Lalo knew as Saul Goodman, to join Kim’s side, briefcase still in hand. Both hands, actually.
The duo silently stared at the living room, as if they themselves were having difficulties processing how tidy and impeccable it presented itself as. Howard was staring right back at them, while Lalo sat down on the wooden chair closest to the living room entrance meanwhile, also staring at the marvel duo. Jimmy and Kim’s faces, while looking slightly uneasy, weren’t heat-of-the-moment terrified. They were also not acknowledging either Howard or Lalo. They truly couldn’t see them.
If only they knew…
“BOO!” Lalo shouted out of nowhere, causing Howard to jump up his skin due to the scare. Jimmy and Kim did not react, though. Lalo felt Howard’s glare on top of him and simply shrugged again. “Eh. Worth a try.”
Christ Almighty, give him strength… the way Lalo acted, it almost made Howard wish he was alone instead. Almost.
This man, in every single sense of the word, was the death of him AND was going to be the death of him still…
No words were exchanged between the living duo. Jimmy briefly glanced at Kim, looking as if he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. He then turned tail and entered their shared bedroom, while Kim remained “stuck” on her spot. Her body was frozen… her facial features were not. And unlike Jimmy, whose expression, while not fully unperturbed, was mostly calm, Kim’s suggested she was only one step away from breaking apart. Her blue eyes were glued to the carpet. Where Howard’s body had been just a few hours ago.
Howard’s own blue eyes softened, whatever anger he might’ve felt at Kim gradually disappearing (again, damn his bleeding heart). Knowing at least ONE of them felt genuine remorse and grief over what they had done to Howard brought him a small sense of peace, no matter how insignificant. It’s more than what he could say about Jimmy. That fool…
“Kim…” Howard was unable to stop the woman’s name from escaping his mouth, well aware she could not hear him. Her state was so heartwrenching, he almost wanted to console her. But even if he could, he would not. He might feel like an asshole for this, but she had to face the deserved consequences.
Howard’s eyes noticed a silhouette getting closer and closer to Kim. He looked up and saw Lalo beside the woman. Like, RIGHT beside her, invading her personal space, not as if she could tell.
“Lalo, what are you doing?” Howard questioned, annoyed.
“Just testing una cosa.” Lalo replied nonchalantly. He took one of his hands out of his coat pocket, lifted an index finger… and touched the back of Kim’s neck, on a very precise spot. The touch obviously did not register… but it did have an effect on Kim. The ghost duo watched as Kim’s entire body shivered as if cold, to the surprise of everyone in the room, Kim included. That moment seemed to flip a switch on the woman, because she ran away into her bedroom with hurried, terrified footsteps. Lalo loudly whistled, a wide wicked smile on his lips, impressed by the results. “Sheesh! Didn’t actually think that’d work! That was estupendo! Hey, Howie, guess what! We CAN haunt these two idiotas! We’re gonna have so much FUN making their lives miserable, tú y yo!”
Howie?!
No, never mind THAT!
“No, Lalo. We are NOT doing that!” Howard vehemently denied. “Look at the reaction she had! She looked so scared! What if she discovers we are the ones doing this because of that?!”
“Uh… does it even matter if she does? We’re dead hombres. Nothing she can do.”
“I don't care. We’re not doing it. Period.” Just like that, Howard felt ashamed the idea of doing it had crossed his mind before at all. “You might find that funny, I don’t. I’m not like you.”
“So, that’s it? You’re just gonna let them get away with it? Again, I pulled the trigger, but they are just as guilty, if not more. Because I, at least, did it without it being personal. I really don’t think it’s the same case with them. You didn’t tell me much, but what you DID tell was enough. They destroyed your life in an entirely personal way. They ruined you, probably for no good reason other than to watch you burn too. No way are you actually FINE with forgiving them and letting them move on like nothing happened, right?! If I was in your place, completely HYPOTHETICAL since these two serpientes could never kill me, I’d torture them until they die! And then when they DID actually die, I’d torture their souls some more! Merecido!”
“Perhaps you would do that. But as I said, I am not like you. Also, do not misunderstand me. I have not forgiven them in the slightest. Or YOU, for that matter, but that is beside the current point. Those two… they deserve consequences for their actions. They deserve to face what they did. But haunting them or torturing them is not the way. Well, not MY way. I choose to let nature run its course. They ought to get their just desserts without me lending a finger. I, for one, find that approach more satisfying, even if slower. AND fairer.”
Besides, he was utterly sick of letting others tell him what to do all the time. That was the one thing about Chuck he despised and never forgave. Chuck effectively used Howard to ruin Jimmy’s life, all so he could get what he wanted while shielding himself from the consequences at the same time (not that it worked, the consequences reached him all the same, so much so he ended up taking his own life). Perhaps Chuck had been right about Jimmy all along, but such did not give him the right to puppeteer Howard around like he did not have the right to make his own decisions. Howard was simply done following whims other than his own. This is the best course of action in his eyes, and he shall stick by it, whether Lalo likes it or not.
“Tsk. Speaking about fairness, even when muerto. Once a goody two-shoes, always a goody two-shoes, I suppose.” Lalo scoffed, visibly unsatisfied. “Don’t forget. You still dunno why they did all this to you. Once you learn the heavy juice, maybe you won’t hold the same opinion anymore. Ever thought of that?”
“I suppose we shall find out when I do discover it. But I sincerely doubt my mind can be changed that easily.”
Lalo rolled his eyes and shook his head disapprovingly.
“Chico Dorado is what you are. You’re lucky you're already dead. I almost feel like killing you all over again.”
Oh god… oh, Howard could feel his right hand calling to him. Trying to convince him to punch the ever-living hell out of this pompous Salamanca bastard…
…no. He will not do it.
What point would there be in defending Jimmy and Kim should be punished by the world and not himself, only for him to physically assault Lalo merely to get back at his smartassery? He’d look like a clown. Lalo himself would most certainly point that out, too.
He could never allow Lalo Salamanca to have that kind of satisfaction. On his honor as an honest man. Or at least, a FAR more honest man than this murderer.
Suddenly he wasn’t so sure, between Lalo and Jimmy, who he’d rather put up with for his entire afterlife…
***
Time went by. It was now pretty much evening, though the sky was not totally dark yet.
The group of four were not at Kim’s apartment anymore. They were now at some hotel, where Jimmy and Kim chose to spend the night on. They didn’t mention why aloud, they merely packed and went there. Howard figured it was because the events of the previous night were still far too fresh in their minds, and they needed a change of scenery so they would not drive themselves insane.
When Howard and Lalo watched Jimmy and Kim pack up some things, they were briefly confused as to why (Howard was, at least). They chose to follow the living duo, Jimmy and Kim unknowingly giving them a free ride. When they reached the hotel in question, they watched Jimmy and Kim enter the building.
Lalo had promptly followed the duo, but Howard stopped him, suddenly not so sure if it was okay to invade their privacy this way. Only for Lalo to say:
“PRIVACY?! Fuck their privacy! They’re the reason you’re sleeping in the dirt! Also, weren’t THEY the ones who completely wrecked your life? That includes invasion of YOUR privacy in the package, you know! ‘Blood for blood’, as my dear Tío Hector would say.”
Howard still felt bad. But Lalo presented a surprisingly valid point. So in they went.
The mood inside the hotel bedroom was even sharper than in Kim’s apartment. Sharply silent. And yes. Such included Lalo.
Howard noticed. Not long after they entered Jimmy and Kim’s assigned room, Lalo began staring through the room’s window wistfully (a little awkward considering the curtains were closed, but maybe he could use some ghost technique to see through them). Time passed, and he was still there. Eerily silent and still. Wholly lost in his mind. Howard chose not to perturb the man, both out of SOME respect and because he was relieved the overly chatty Salamanca had finally quieted down, even if only temporarily.
Too bad he was failing to properly appreciate the silence. Because it was just as heavy as an elephant.
Despite Jimmy and Kim being a couple sharing the same room, they did not look like one at the moment. Jimmy was sitting at the end of their shared bed, looking at nothing. Kim was laying down on her side of bed, her back turned on her lover, also looking at nothing. They were in the same room, but they were both alone all at once. It was hard to watch.
Howard’s eyes alternated between Lalo and the marvel duo, not knowing what to think or say. Everything felt so painfully awkward, he was becoming more and more inclined to leave. To leave and await his chance another time.
He genuinely did not expect things between these two to be so… absent of noise. It felt so unlike them.
At the same time, however, perhaps he should not be feeling so surprised. This situation involved a murder (HIS murder). It is all fun and games, until someone dies because of it.
At this rate, they might require a few days to-
“One day, we’ll…” Jimmy’s voice from the void scared the crap out of Howard. Lalo did not even react, almost as if he did not even hear him. “We’ll wake up, and brush our teeth, and go to work.”
Howard looked down at Jimmy, his blue eyes scrutinizing the man. With accelerated breathing, he waited for the con lawyer to continue.
“And at some point, we’ll suddenly realize…” A slight headshake. “…that we haven’t thought about it at all. None of it.” A tense pause. “And that’s when we’ll know. We’ll know we can forget.”
Jimmy began nodding at himself, as if his words failed to convince even him, and he was attempting everything he could to persuade himself into truly believing them. Kim didn’t respond. She didn’t even move. She remained perfectly frozen in place.
Forget…
THAT was Jimmy’s rationale of it all. To forget. To pretend none of it happened. Just like how he pretended he did not care about Chuck’s passing.
Jimmy… you miserable, disastrous FOOL…!
This time, the wrath of his fist wasn’t directed at Lalo for once, but at Jimmy instead. He wanted to give him a black eye, as black as Chuck’s burnt house, so badly it hurt…
To think… this man… Howard believed in him in a way Chuck always refused to. No matter how ill Chuck spoke of his own younger brother behind Jimmy’s back, Howard would always defend him and give him the benefit of the doubt, considering him quite unorthodox for the average lawful path but no less fit for it. Howard had absolutely DESPISED having to serve as Chuck’s collateral agent, all for the sake of “reigning Slippin’ Jimmy in” and ensuring he’d quit the law at any cost. So many times, he wished he could have had a private talk with Jimmy and told him the whole truth… but he never did so, out of loyalty to Chuck and fear over the possible repercussions someone as vindicative as the older man could bring upon him or even HHM itself. Above all else, he had to protect the firm. Even if it had to be at Jimmy’s expense.
Now he realized… Chuck’s callous actions had been a blessing in disguise all along. He truly had been trying to protect everyone from Jimmy and the con snake within. But Howard refused to aid him in full measure, insisted there was good in Jimmy, and everyone paid the price for his sloth, Chuck and himself most of all. Now, here he was. Stuck in a world he no longer belonged to, as a dead spirit. Stuck with a Salamanca, his own killer, as his sole companion. Stuck as he helplessly watched Jimmy declare, even if half-heartedly, they should just forget the whole ordeal. As if it never mattered. As if Howard never mattered.
To Jimmy and Kim, Howard didn’t matter. He was merely the bad guy. The villain of their story. The evil boss who got what he deserved.
They wanted to forget him. His existence was a burden to their slimy minds.
…what about… Cheryl?
Did she, too, want to forget him? Did she even know he died or merely thought he disappeared? Did she care?
Did she… already forget him and happily moved on with her life?
Was just being forgotten by everyone he once knew… all his life amounted to?
The deeply dark thoughts circulated within Howard’s mind, bringing him one step closer to spiraling. Against his better judgement, he sat down on the bed, right beside Jimmy, eyes staring into nothing, just like THOSE two.
(Don’t forget. You still dunno why they did all this to you. Once you learn the heavy juice, maybe you won’t hold the same opinion anymore. Ever thought of that?)
Goodness… was… was Lalo correct after all?
He genuinely wanted to defend he would not go down a furious, vengeful path the moment he learned exactly WHY Jimmy and Kim defamed him and reduced his career to nothing in the Sandpiper case. It sounded so unlike him. It sounded… far too much like Chuck. Or Jimmy.
But then again… he was dead. He wasn’t a part of the human world and its moral code anymore. What if… what if THAT lead him to acting too much like someone he wasn’t supposed to be?! What if… he ended up proving Lalo’s claims about nothing mattering anymore, now that they were both dead, right?
…DID nothing matter anymore at all…?
…Christ…
Maybe Howard wasn’t as prepared to “live” in the afterlife as he initially thought…
Before he could continue to spiral, however, his eyes caught a pair of legs hurrying out of the room. He looked up and saw Lalo leave the room, fazing through the hotel door.
“Huh? HEY!” Howard shouted. He got up and chased Lalo through the hotel. “Lalo! Where are you going?!”
“Somewhere.” Was all Lalo bothered to tell. The curt answer didn’t satisfy Howard at all.
“Where, exactly?! Without any sort of warning, you-”
“Nowhere… that concerns you.” Lalo said slowly. The sudden cold, threatening tone made Howard stop in his tracks. Lalo stopped as well and turned his head to look at his ghost companion. His eyes were inhumanly dark. “Do yourself a favor, Chico Dorado, and don’t follow me. I’ll be right back.” And then he left just as fast as before.
What… was THAT about?!
Lalo’s last sentence seemed to imply this wasn’t a permanent split up. Still… this was quite sudden. And coming from the guy who suggested they remain together in the first place.
Howard wondered if this episode was related to Lalo’s silent, thought-provoking session back at Jimmy and Kim’s hotel room. He saw no other possible explanation.
Well… none of his business, as established. He supposed all he could do for now was await Lalo’s return.
He decided not to return to Jimmy and Kim’s room. They needed their privacy (regardless of what Lalo thought of the matter). And Howard doubted they would say anything productive the rest of the night either way.
Perhaps he should head outside. Breathe some fresh air.
When he was alive… all he focused on was his work. He barely had a private life for himself due to… many reasons…
But now… he no longer had such things tying him down. He was, in a twisted way… free.
If there was a time for him to truly appreciate the things in “life” he failed to experience when he was alive…
…well then. No time like the present.