Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Silence ruled the loft, sharp as a guillotine blade.

Buck stood frozen for a moment, unable to move, unable even to breathe. The door had closed behind Eddie without a sound, but the snap still echoed in his chest like the beat of his broken heart.

His legs gave out beneath him, and he collapsed onto the couch, breath shallow.

His palms rubbed his still-wet eyes. He had no more tears to shed, no voice left to scream. He expected nothing from Eddie anymore, not as long as Eddie refused to open up to him, to trust him, and he was afraid the young man simply couldn’t do it.

He was going to have to keep going alone.

He gave himself a moment to pull himself together before going to bed. He needed to sleep between his endless shift and what Eddie had just told him, that he had died in that car, that Doug had succeeded in killing him, and it was going to be hard to accept.

Dr. Copeland wasn’t done seeing him in tears in his office.

He got up slowly, but the door creaked open, and Buck jumped. Eddie stood in the doorway, cheeks soaked with tears, but he didn’t seem to be crying anymore, and Buck didn’t dare breathe.

He had never seen Eddie like this.

“You’re right.” Eddie whispered. “I can’t keep running.”

Eddie’s voice was hoarse, ragged, no longer that of a confident man. Just a man, tired, broken, like he’d seen too much in too little time.

Honestly, he could barely stand.

“But I don’t know how… How to open up without pushing you away.”

Buck wanted to cry, his pain was so raw.

Eddie looked drained, his face drawn, shoulders slumped, eyes red. No longer the billionaire dom who had thrown him around in bed, expecting every order obeyed without question, every desire fulfilled.

No, he was just Eddie, the vulnerable man who had seen him die, and Buck couldn’t even imagine what he must have felt facing the thought of losing him. He was just the man trembling at the idea of losing him.

Eddie pointed at a chair and said nothing more.

Buck nodded and sat down. Eddie followed but stayed facing him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, swallowed, and Buck gave him time. If Eddie wanted to finally open up, he wasn’t going to rush him.

He hoped with all his heart it wasn’t too late.

“You were dead.” he finally said, voice broken.

Buck felt his heart tighten as Eddie watched his fingers tear at his cuticles. His manicurist was going to hate him. He was sure Eddie had a manicurist, his hands were too beautiful, too soft, too perfect not to get special care.

Buck shook his head, he didn’t know why he thought of that at a time like this, but he had always done that: searching for lightness in moments too heavy not to collapse.

“When they found you…” Eddie continued. “You were dead.”

There was silence, and Buck did his best not to interrupt.

“As soon as I realized you were gone, I called Tommy, then Athena.” Eddie corrected himself. “We put Maddie somewhere safe, under close watch. I wanted to protect her because that’s what you would have wanted, me to protect her. It was all I could do.”

He paused, running a shaky hand over his face.

“Then Doug called. He knew… he knew about us. His voice… I’ll never forget it. He wanted Maddie to come with him. In exchange… he said you’d stay alive.”

Buck felt his stomach knot.

Doug had abandoned him long before that call, that was certain, and he was glad Eddie had protected Maddie. He was right, that’s what he would have asked if he’d been able to.

“I thought I could reason with him.” Eddie admitted. “I agreed to the meeting, prepared a large sum of money hoping he’d be for sale. Maddie… she pushed herself forward, refusing to be left out, and time was running out, so I took her with me. I just hoped he’d be stupid enough to keep you close. I purposely left the police out of it, but Athena is smart and she followed us with backup. And I know she wanted to save you, protect us, and I don’t blame her, but Doug felt trapped. He screamed, threatened Maddie, said he’d kill you if she didn’t go with him. She wanted to go, she was ready to sacrifice herself to save you.”

Eddie stood, unable to stay still.

Buck straightened, giving him time to release the flood of pain telling what had happened that night caused him.

“I refused.” he went on. “Because you’d have blamed me if I let her go with him. I wanted to be the man you deserved, not the one who folds before a monster.”

Buck gave him a weak smile because yeah, that’s what he would have wanted. Eddie stopped by the window, back to him.

“So Doug pulled his gun.” he continued. “He aimed at Maddie, screaming that if he couldn’t have her, then all three of you would die.”

He paused, as if gathering strength.

“The police shot first. He died and I… I collapsed because he was the only one who knew where you were.”

The silence that followed weighed like lead.

Buck closed his eyes in pain, his heart squeezed inside his chest. That was why he had slowly died. Doug had been dead for hours before they found him. They had just arrived in time to bring him back. They could have failed.

He could have died.

“I lost you that day.” Eddie said, turning toward him.

In his eyes shone a pain Buck had never seen before. Then he wiped his cheeks and closed his eyes a second to compose himself.

“I promised a reward. I called every contact I had. We searched every street, every corner.”

He took a deep breath as if to summon courage.

“And eighteen hours later, a young cop, Officer Williams, finally found you.”

Buck had stopped breathing.

“You were locked in the trunk of an abandoned car in a deserted warehouse. When they pulled you out, you weren’t breathing. When I arrived, he was doing CPR on you. You were lifeless, Evan, and I was powerless.”

His lips trembled.

“The paramedics took you away. You flatlined twice in the ambulance. I was there, talking to you, begging you. Stay. Stay, damn it. I can’t lose you, Evan.”

Buck closed his eyes.

He saw nothing. He heard nothing but Eddie’s voice. He felt his own tears roll down his cheeks in response to Eddie’s pain. He had lived a nightmare.

“Then you went into surgery. Your heart stopped again on the table but the doctors… they brought you back.”

He looked at his shaking hands.

“That day, I understood. I understood that all my money, all my power… it was useless. I was powerless to save you and I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know how to live with this fear, of losing you, again.”

Buck stood.

He moved slowly and without a word, placed his hands on Eddie’s.

“But I’m here.” he whispered.

Eddie looked up at him.

“I’m alive. I fought to come back and I always will. You just have to… trust me. I love you, Eddie, and I’m sorry you hurt so much because of me, but let me help you.”

Eddie closed his eyes.

“You were dead.” he breathed, voice shaking. “In my nightmares, you’re there, dead, already cold, and him… He laughs and I just want to… kill him, stop hearing him, make him suffer like I suffer, but he just laughs, and I squeeze tighter and tighter to make him stop.”

A silent sob shook his shoulders.

Buck grabbed his hands in his and forced him back toward himself. Eddie lifted his tear-filled gaze to him and Buck forced a calming smile.

“I hold no grudge against you for what happened, it was a nightmare.” he assured him.

“I have them too and my therapist says it’s normal even if it’s scary.”

“Tell me about it!” he begged.

“Nothing new, I’m dying, alone in that trunk.” he sighed. “I know I’m going to die and I pray, I beg that Maddie will make it, that you’ll find your smile after… me.”

“Evan…”

“Just memories in the form of nightmares, Eddie.”

“It’s unfair, what he did to us, what he… I’ll never be able to make him pay.”

“What does it matter?” Buck breathed. “He’s dead, he can’t hurt us anymore.”

“I need it.”

“No, Eddie, you need help, or he’ll always be in your head laughing and hurting you and it’ll drive you crazy.”

“Help me.” he sobbed.

Buck pulled him into his arms and rocked him, letting him cry to release all that tension he seemed to have bottled up inside.

He was going to help him and they could finally build their relationship on a healthy foundation.

Chapter Text

Two weeks had passed since that night when Eddie finally opened up to him.

Two weeks of tending invisible wounds, of relearning their touch, of rediscovering the simple act of being together.

After every one of Eddie’s sessions where he poured out his fears, Buck listened, and Eddie laid himself bare, completely vulnerable. Then they made love with passion, almost ferocity, like it might be the last time. Afterwards, it was Buck’s turn to open up about what he felt, his fears, the feelings he had for Eddie.

It did them both good.

He told Eddie he loved him but didn’t expect Eddie to say it outright, that it wasn’t important, that he needed to say it himself but not necessarily hear it, though he needed to know it was true. Eddie said he loved him, in his own way, and Buck believed it because it was like hearing the words.

Whenever he felt too vulnerable or uncertain, Eddie made him meet his gaze and simply said, “You are.” And instantly, Buck calmed down. Nothing else mattered to him but Eddie’s love.

And this weekend...

Buck didn’t want it to end. The three of them had laughed, like a family. Christopher clung to him as if he’d always been part of the picture. Eddie had cooked, with varying success, kissed him passing behind, let his hand linger longer than necessary on the back of his neck.

It was... normal, domestic, and he loved it.

So, the night before, when Eddie casually said:

“You should leave some stuff here.”

“Clothes?”

“All your stuff. I mean, it’d be easier than making trips back and forth to your loft.”

Buck smiled inside.

Easier.

Yeah, sure. He could read between the lines now. That was Eddie’s way of asking him to settle in, without ever saying the word. Buck didn’t question if it was too soon, he knew he wanted this with Eddie, not just sex or a fake family, but this life.

Eddie had gone with him after dropping Christopher at school, and Buck packed some things before Eddie started grabbing more here and there, and Buck let him do it until all the boxes were full.

“You want to wait a bit before ending your lease?” Eddie asked, uncertain, looking at his shoes.

If Buck didn’t know him better, he’d have doubted, but instead, he took his key off his ring and put it on the kitchen counter. Eddie smiled, eyes shining. No, it wasn’t too soon, it was their time and their decision.

“The top drawer.” Eddie said, setting down a box. “That’s for underwear, and you can also clear space in the closet. Move my stuff around, don’t hesitate. The housekeeper will fix it later.”

Eddie’s staff were so discreet Buck kept forgetting they were never truly alone. Still, Buck was determined to make things easier for the poor woman.

He crouched to put away his things, carefully moved some neatly folded shirts... and his eyes caught something at the back. It was dark and soft.

A small red velvet box.

Buck frowned. It wasn’t the size of a ring or watch box, it was wider. He picked it up, hesitated... then opened it.

He froze.

Inside was a red leather collar, like the ones worn by dogs, smooth, almost flexible, with a very soft inside, and a silver leash gleaming in the light.

It was as intriguing as it was beautiful.

To his knowledge, Eddie didn’t have a dog, and even if he did, who would put dog accessories in such a precious box? No, the logic of this object was different, and Buck bit his lip at the thought.

His fingers hovered above the box.

He knew Eddie liked to push limits in bed, handcuffs, toys, whips... But this was... different.

More... unsettling.

“Evan?”

He jumped.

Eddie was standing in the doorway. His gaze immediately landed on the open box and he froze.

In a few steps, he was beside him, gently closing the box and taking it from his hands.

He reopened the drawer and carefully slipped the box back inside.

“What is it?” Buck asked, unable to hide his curiosity.

Eddie faced away from him.

“You’re... not ready for that.

Buck raised an eyebrow.

He’d been game for everything Eddie had suggested so far, so why wouldn’t he agree to try something new?

“Why?”

The dark-haired man inhaled, like the words cost him.

“Because for that... you have to trust me completely. And after... what happened a month ago... I’m not sure you’re comfortable with having leather around your neck.”

Buck closed his eyes.

Maybe he wasn’t ready, but he knew that wasn’t the real issue. On his side, all systems were green; it was Eddie who seemed troubled by it. He understood and would wait until

Eddie was ready, but he had to let him know he was okay with it.

He moved closer, closing the distance, and placed a gentle kiss on Eddie’s lips.

“I’m closer than you think.” he whispered against his mouth. “But... at your pace. Let me know when you’re ready, and we’ll try

He left the room to get his other things, leaving Eddie alone.

He knew Eddie hadn’t forgiven himself for choking him, and if Eddie had suggested that kind of play, Buck would have said no, but this kind of collar wasn’t for that. He pulled out his phone and quickly looked up the subject, standing in front of his open car trunk, thinking ironically how much his search topics had changed since meeting Eddie, and thank God no one was going to look over his shoulder.

Buck slid his finger over the screen, scanning the search results. He glanced around the house before silently reading:

A leather collar with a leash is a powerful symbol in a dominant-submissive relationship. It’s not just an accessory, but a visible marker of belonging and trust. Wearing such a collar means willingly submitting, letting the other take control, within a safe and consensual framework.

This type of collar strengthens the emotional bond between partners. It embodies the power dynamic, reminds each of their place in the relationship, and can also be an erotic element, intensifying play and intimacy.

Before wearing one, it’s essential to talk at length and make sure both parties are ready. It’s a step that requires trust and communication, not just a game.

The collar must be comfortable, often with a soft interior, and designed to be easily removed if needed.

Buck looked up, understanding better why Eddie hesitated. It wasn’t just a question of a toy, but of deep trust, respect, and patience. He would wait for Eddie to fully trust him; on his side, he would trust Eddie with his life if needed.

He already had.

When he returned, Eddie was sitting on the bed, the open box in front of him. He looked up at Buck, who met his gaze. Had he changed his mind, or was it just nostalgia?

“I have to explain.” Eddie said. “And if you’re not comfortable, I’ll put it away. But you can’t do it for me. Only for yourself.”

Buck put down his things on the floor and sat beside him in silence.

Eddie took the collar between his fingers, reverently, as if it were an extremely precious object to him.

“If you accept… you’ll have to give up all control, trust me completely. But if you do… I promise you’ll discover a pleasure far beyond what you imagine.”

His hands were firm but precise as he slid the leather around Buck’s neck. Buck felt the cold of the buckle, the light weight of the collar… and his heart sped up. Then Eddie fastened the leash, the metallic click resonating like a promise.

Buck tensed, but not out of fear, more out of excitement.

“If you trust me…” Eddie whispered, gently tugging the leash to pull him closer. “Then you’ll discover a world still unknown to you. A world just there, within reach.”

Their faces drew close until their breaths mingled. Buck felt his heart stop for a moment; a soft moan escaped him.

He felt every fiber of his body vibrate under the touch of the leather, as if the collar marked a new boundary, fragile, intense, yet solid, between them. It wasn’t just a game, it was a silent pact, an exchange of total trust.

In Eddie’s eyes, he read a fierce tenderness, a vulnerability he’d never seen before. It was no longer just pleasure or desire that bound them, but something deeper, a true love without masks or artifice.

Every movement, every gentle pressure on the leash drew him closer to Eddie, as if they were weaving an invisible yet unbreakable bond. Buck found himself feeling a new calm, an anchoring he’d never known. He had never been this close to anyone.

There was no more game, no fear or hesitation, just the two of them as one.

He placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, wanting to capture this moment, to engrave it in his memory. He wanted to tell him he was ready, that more than anything he wanted to walk beside him in this blended light and shadow.

In Eddie’s eyes, he read the same promise: that of an unfailing love, infinite patience, a shared strength that would carry them no matter what.

For the first time in a long time, Buck felt his heart fully open. They weren’t playing anymore, they were loving, deeply.

Without warning, Eddie crushed his lips to Buck’s with a burning possessiveness that made him shiver. Buck didn’t resist and let himself be led… toward a pleasure he had never dared to dream of.

Chapter Text

Buck had never thought you could read happiness so clearly on someone’s face… until now.

Everything was going well in his life.

He had the job of his dreams, his captain and his wife were almost like parents to him, his coworkers were protective, teasing brothers and sisters, sometimes even annoying like siblings could be, and Maddie was back in his life, having just told him (or rather confirmed) that she and Chimney were a couple.

And then, there was Eddie and Christopher.

He had a boyfriend and a quasi-son (at least in his head) to love and who loved him back. Buck never imagined how satisfying it could be to watch Disney cartoons, snuggled under a blanket, as a family, eating popcorn.

Just before his shift, they had even built a blanket fort in the living room and fallen asleep there. Buck had left them there before leaving for his shift, and he should probably apologize to the housekeeper for the mess.

Eddie was used to leaving his stuff around and didn’t mind, but Buck wasn’t really comfortable with that and tried to tidy up as much as possible so as not to burden the poor cleaning lady.

Living with household staff was complicated.

Sure, it made life (and chores) easier, but ignoring their presence was harder than he thought. That made intimacy hard to find, but Eddie had soundproofed the bedroom, which greatly helped their sexual life.

Since living together, Buck did his best not to jump every time he noticed one of them was around. Fortunately, they were discreet enough that he mostly forgot they were there, which made his heart nearly stop every time he remembered again.

Eddie reassured him that soon, he’d get used to it.

Everything else seemed smooth, natural, as if his life had finally found its place, a reason for his existence. He loved Eddie, and Eddie loved him. No doubts, no poison creeping into his head, torturing him or keeping him awake at night worrying about their future.

No, it was just them.

And he wasn’t the only one. Eddie also seemed calmer, happier, and it showed in his eyes, in the way his shoulders relaxed, in the smile that often lingered on his lips. Not that predatory smile that made him hot all over and promised a wild night, though he loved that too, but the tender smile and look his boyfriend gave him when he thought he wasn’t looking.

Buck felt infinitely precious in those moments.

For the rest, he was learning to trust and to have confidence in himself too. Eddie was still the dominant one in their relationship, and that was fine with him. It was incredibly exciting to yield to him, to surrender to his touch, to be the one who made him lose all control. Buck had finally understood that even though Eddie was powerful and terrifying in life, he was, along with Christopher, the only one able to make him bend. And that made him damn proud, even if Eddie made him pay for it in bed, sometimes making him beg to be freed.

But he wouldn’t complain.

The shift had been long, many small calls but mostly a tough fire near the end, after which he came home utterly exhausted. Fortunately, only material damage.
He took the time to shower and change into civilian clothes before pouring Bobby’s amazing coffee into his travel mug. He couldn’t understand how Bobby made it taste so good. It was just perfect, and Buck didn’t even have to add almond milk.

He walked down the station steps, tired in his legs but light-hearted.

He was going home to sleep a few hours to be rested when Christopher got back. They planned to paint the plaster dinosaurs they made last week. Buck admired the guy who came up with those little ready-made kits, it helped him impress Christopher with fun ideas to pass the time.

He pulled out his keys and headed toward his Jeep when he saw her silhouette waiting nearby. He froze as she straightened up and waved at him with a huge smile, as if she expected him to be happy to see her again.

As if she could just reappear and… what?

Pick up where they left off?

Buck felt his muscles tense, suspicion instantly replacing the calm he’d felt until then.

“Buck.” she whispered with that mischievous look he had loved so much.

“Abby?”

She stepped toward him, and before he could react, she tried to kiss him. Buck jerked back sharply, spilling coffee on his hand and the bottom of his shirt.

“Fuck!” he grimaced, the burn sharp and immediate.

“Oh Buck, you’re so clumsy. Let me see…”

“No.” he cut her off. “I’m fine, I don’t need your help.”

He refused to let her touch him, refused to let her get too close. He even refused the help she tried to offer. Anger roared inside him, tightening his chest.

“You left me.”

“I didn’t leave you, I always intended to come back.”

“Liar.” he accused. “You left me waiting there. You abandoned me, and what did you expect coming back? That I’d jump into your arms like a good loyal dog? You’re going to be seriously disappointed.”

“I needed time to sort things out in my head. I lost my mother…”

“Don’t play the victim, I’m not buying it. You destroyed all the confidence I had in myself, in my ability to be loved. And for what? To go sleep around in Europe?”

She slapped him just as he wondered if he’d gone too far.

He froze, realizing yeah, he’d let his rage and anger consume him so much that he said hurtful things. But damn it, she abandoned him to his sad fate, and he’d suffered from abandonment too.

He’d spent weeks wondering if he was worthy of love, even thinking that if the first woman he truly loved ran away so far from him, then there must be something wrong with him.

That was also why he’d had such a hard time trusting Eddie.

“Don’t ever talk to me in that tone again, you selfish ungrateful jerk.”

And it hit him right in the face again.

It wasn’t the first time she’d spoken to him like that. She never did it in public, always hidden in the shadows of her apartment. The humiliations were brutal. He felt like he screwed everything up, like he was never good enough. But she always knew how to pull him back, how to keep him by her side, even making him wait obediently in her apartment after she left.

But all that was over now. She had no hold on him anymore.

“I’m talking to you in the tone you deserve.” he growled. “You left a long time ago, and I moved on. So don’t come now, like…”

“I know I made a mistake, but listen to me...”

“No, Abby. There’s nothing to listen to. I met someone who actually matters. And you and me... that’s been over for a long time.”

“You and me are not over, Buck.” she said through clenched teeth. “Whoever that bitch who snagged you is, she won’t stay. I’m the only one who knows how to love you, and I’m the one who decides when it’s over.”

So sweet in public, almost shy, but a monster, an abomination, in private.

Only his mother Patricia, rest her soul, and himself had seen her for what she really was. Abby Clark was a narcissistic manipulator. And his mother once told him, in a rare moment of clarity, to run as far away from her daughter as possible, saying he didn’t deserve this.

But Buck had thought back then it was just another crazy rant from a sick old woman.

He hadn’t seen what he saw now.

“You don’t decide anything about my life.” he snapped, brushing away the hand she tried to place on his cheek.

“I wouldn’t advise you to challenge me, Evan Buckley. You don’t know how far I’m willing to go to get back what’s mine.”

“I’m not yours.” he spat. “And I advise you to leave me the hell alone.”

“Oh yeah?!”

She was clearly daring him, and Buck was too exhausted to lose his cool. He took a deep breath to find some calm and tried to mimic Eddie’s cold, steel-like gaze.

“Or I’ll have no choice but to tell my boyfriend you’re back in town. And believe me, you won’t like what comes out of that.”

“Your what?” she snapped, offended. “Is that a joke? Since when do you bend over like a bitch? You really don’t know what to do to get attention anymore.”

“Fuck you.” he spat, hurt.

She knew him down to his bones and knew exactly where to hit to shatter his insecurities. He tried to step past her, but she grabbed his arm, holding him close, digging her nails into his muscle.

And he realized it wasn’t the first time.

She’d already caused him physical pain, but never directly, always “accidental.” It was pathetic he was only realizing it now. What he’d lived with her wasn’t love, this woman had abused him, and he’d let it happen without even noticing.

“You’re not gay, Buck, and you belong to me.” she hissed. “I suggest you gather your things, wherever you live now, and come home. Because the sooner you come back, the less painful your punishment will be for fooling around elsewhere.”

“Leave me alone, or you’ll regret it.”

He made her release him and got in his car before starting the engine.

“You’re the one who’ll regret it.” she yelled. “And in less than two days, you’ll come crawling back, begging me to take you back.”

“Yeah, right.” he spat, gripping the steering wheel as he pulled out of the lot.

He didn’t want to cry while driving.

It was dangerous, but he also didn’t want to do it before he was safely home. He checked his rearview mirror several times, sure she wasn’t following, knowing full well she hadn’t had time to.

He had this unpleasant feeling of being hunted.

He’d have to talk to Eddie about it, but not right now. First, he needed rest, to clear his head, to let the adrenaline subside. He backed into a parking spot and noticed his hand was shaking.

Yeah, and so was his fear.

He cut the engine and let his head drop into his hands, trying to calm down. He couldn’t risk running into anyone with red eyes, Eddie would notice immediately. Eddie watched him like a hawk, and so did all his employees.

He wasn’t going to hide it from him either, but right now… it was just too much.

He looked at his hand, red and sore, and closed his eyes with a sigh. This was going to hurt for days, and he’d have to ask Bobby to keep him off duty for a shift or two. He couldn’t be on a fire until it healed.

The blood on his jeans suddenly caught his attention.

There wasn’t much, and he hadn’t hurt himself, so it couldn’t be his blood. That’s when he saw the claw marks on his arm. Abby hadn’t just gripped hard, she’d dug her nails in so deep they pierced the skin. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, but there would be marks, and Eddie was going to hate that.

He got out of the car, deciding dealing with it could wait until after his nap.

He opened the door of his place, well, their place. He still struggled to think of this house as his own, even though Eddie did everything to make him feel at home. Christopher was already off to school, and Eddie had an important meeting this morning, if he remembered right.

Good. His hand really hurt, and he wanted to clean the wounds fast.
In the kitchen, he pulled out the burn cream from the drawer and gently rubbed it over the red area, wincing because he knew it would blister.

“What happened to you?”

Tommy had just walked in, frowning.

He studied Buck’s hand, then the marks on his arm, and gave him a seriously worried look. Buck sighed, knowing his nap was slipping even further away.

He’d have to explain himself.

“Nothing serious.” he answered to reassure him.

Buck finished rubbing the cream into his hand, fixated on the countertop like the varnished wood could swallow him whole. Don’t look up, don’t meet Tommy’s eyes, scared that everything would crack and he’d break down like a kid.

He didn’t want to admit how weak he’d been.

He’d just realized it, and shame clung to him, thick and sticky, not just for being weak but for letting this control slip in without seeing it.

How could he have been so blind?

Anger simmered deep inside, aimed as much at her as at himself. And beneath that anger, a stubborn, animal fear, the kind that tightens your throat and makes you jump at every sound.

Without realizing it, his shoulders had hunched, his fingers clenched tightly around the tube of cream, grasping for some illusory control over anything, just anything, while his heart still raced from what had just happened.

Still bent over the countertop, he felt Tommy’s gaze weighing down on him.

“Who did this to you?”

“Tommy…”

“Listen to me, I know you’re scared, I can see it all over you, everything about you screams fear and guilt about something. So whatever it is, tell me, and I promise I’ll do everything to get you out of this, but you have to talk.”

“Eddie…”

“He’s going to lose it if you say nothing. Buck, I’m your friend before I’m Mr. Diaz’s employee, okay? Talk to me!”

Buck closed his eyes as Tommy grabbed some gauze to clean the blood on his arm, giving him a moment to pull himself together. Then he felt Tommy pull at his skin to get a better look at the damage.

“It was my ex.” he admitted. “She left the country a few weeks before I met Eddie. I thought we loved each other and waited for her, but then I realized she wasn’t coming back, so I moved on.”

“But she came back.” Tommy understood. “What does she want?”

“For me to come back.” he whispered, freezing Tommy in place. “I told her not to count on it.”

“And she played the scorned woman by throwing her coffee on your hand?”

“No, that was… an accident. She tried to kiss me, and I pulled back pretty fast. My coffee spilled.”

“Alright, let’s say that’s true. And this?”

“She didn’t like that I… refused to follow her.”

“Was that the first time? That she hurt you… physically like that?”

“No.” he breathed, barely louder than a whisper.

He felt tears roll down his cheeks as his emotions crashed violently inside him. It was so hard to admit he’d been wrong, blind enough not to see it until now.

“Are you saying this woman… was beating you?”

“No.” he contradicted. “Not really, I mean, she made sure I thought it was all accidents.”

“What kind of accidents?”

“One time she opened a cabinet just as I was passing by and broke my nose that day. Another time, a kettle accident spilled on my legs, and another time, a shove on the stairs. I was blind back then, but now I realize they weren’t really accidents. She said I was clumsy and maybe being a firefighter was too dangerous for me, and thank God I stood my ground. Sometimes, when we argued and something like that happened, she said it was… karma catching up with me.”

The change was immediate.

Tommy went pale, his eyes barely widening as if those few words had awakened an unpleasant memory. He looked away slightly, but not fast enough for Buck not to notice.

It was like he’d just relived the scene with him.

“What’s her name?”

“Tommy, I…”

“Give me her name!”

“Abby Clark.”

Buck lowered his eyes and stared at the dark marks beginning to stain his skin. Tommy didn’t answer right away; his jaw tightened, and his fingers nervously tapped the edge of the counter.

“Alright.” he finally breathed out. “We’re going to take steps for your safety. I’ll also have to alert Mr. Diaz about this woman being back in town.”

“He’s going to… worry.”

“And he has every right to. I’ll talk to him, and you’re going to rest. You’re running on empty.”

“Long shift.” he declared bravely before standing up to head toward the kitchen door.

“Hey Buck.” Tommy called after him, “you’re safe now.”

And Buck prayed that it was true and that when he woke up, Abby Clark would be nothing but a distant nightmare.

Chapter Text

Buck was holding on as best he could.

Every day felt like a trial he barely had the strength to endure, an endless fire that never truly went out. The realization he had reached two weeks earlier, combined with Abby’s return to his life, had crushed him from the inside.

It wasn’t until today that Buck fully grasped what had happened to him. More than a year had passed since he left his girlfriend, yet he had never really measured how much control she had over him. That realization made him sick, equal parts angry at her and ashamed of himself.

Still, in the meantime, he had discovered with Eddie what it truly meant to love and be loved. True love had taken hold before he even realized how broken he’d been before. And even though he was scared, scared of losing everything, that fear only strengthened their bond.

He talked about it regularly with Dr. Copeland, pouring his guts out over things he’d never dared say aloud. He knew the road to healing would be long, filled with setbacks, and sometimes he even doubted he could make it… but he held on, determined not to live in fear anymore.

Eddie stayed by his side, stronger than ever, doing everything he could to keep Abby away and surround Buck with protective love. He was always attentive, sensing every slight change in Buck’s mood as if it vibrated on his skin’s surface.

In their intimate moments, including their “very special kind of relationship.” as Buck called it in his head, Eddie made sure he felt safe, respected, and above all, never forced.

Yet even that love couldn’t erase the shadow lodged inside him.

Whenever Eddie was out of sight, a yawning void opened up, swallowing all his courage and leaving him crushed by the overwhelming feeling of being alone, vulnerable… in danger.

How had he let her do this to him?

How had he stayed silent?

Shame stuck to him like a burn no hand could soothe. He felt stupid, pathetic, weak to the point of nausea. Maddie kept telling him he wasn’t weak, that he’d been trapped by a monster who exploited his trust, his heart, and broke him.

She was the best person to recognize that kind of monster.

But she couldn’t understand the extra shame he felt for having suffered that at the hands of a woman. He wasn’t sexist or anything, it was just that he had a bit of ego left, and admitting out loud that he’d let this woman mistreat him… that stung.

Besides, who besides his family would really believe him?

Maddie brushed that argument aside every time, because monsters could take any form.

She was right.

He eventually told her what he’d been through, unable to keep it all inside when the threats became more frequent, more brutal, stealing his sleep and the air he breathed.

Eddie had alerted the police for a week now.

Abby remained missing, but Buck was receiving photos of him and his loved ones, taken without their knowledge. During calls, when Maddie went to work, waiting outside Christopher’s school (which really scared him). When he even got photos from inside their home, Eddie had moved them to Malibu, to his secure villa, and the police were on it.

Athena was searching relentlessly, and Bobby watched over him like a worried bear dad on every shift. Eddie had assigned Tommy as his bodyguard, and Tommy followed him like a shadow. Buck was too scared to try to send him away like the first time.

Still, he felt a tension he hadn’t felt when Shannon threatened him. Tommy joked much less now, and that stressed Buck even more. It only underscored how dangerous Abby really was. The whole situation made him sick.

The call had been brief, almost routine.

A fire alarm in an old downtown building. Buck followed the team, helmet strapped tight, muscles tense, ready for action as always. Yet, around a smoke-filled hallway, his eyes caught a figure that froze him on the spot.

Not Abby, of course, not her. Just a woman with her hair in a bun, appearing out of nowhere in the smoke. He hadn’t seen her come, and despite himself, his breath caught, his hands trembled slightly.

He wasn’t calm, not even with Tommy always nearby.

That fear clung to his skin, a dull shadow following him everywhere, invisible but suffocating. He stood his ground, but deep down he was still that terrified young man afraid to say or do anything that might cause a new “accident.”

That fear ate away at him, stealing his strength.

And it wasn’t just the fear of pain. It was the fear of losing even more of himself. Every threat, every past humiliation left invisible scars on him. He sometimes caught himself monitoring his own words, calculating his movements, as if he had to earn the right to breathe, the right to live.

He knew he had to be stronger than that.

Stronger for Eddie, for Christopher, for himself, to no longer let that past crush him, the past he wished he could keep ignoring. But every time he closed his eyes, the weight of anxiety came back, sneaky, ready to crush him again.

And strength didn’t always show up when called.

It kept him waiting, left him alone with his memories, forcing him to grit his teeth so no one would see he still trembled inside. He kept telling himself healing would take time and hoped he could make it.

When the intervention ended, Buck took off his helmet and stayed a moment on the sidewalk, watching the flashing lights paint the street red and blue. This couldn’t go on. He refused to have his heart race at every movement, every laugh that sounded like his own. He couldn’t keep scanning every face, afraid she’d appear behind him.

He couldn’t live like this anymore.

He invited Tommy for coffee after the shift. At first reluctant, Tommy gave in, keeping an eye on the shop’s ins and outs. The place was quiet, almost empty, just the comforting smell of freshly ground beans.

Buck settled in, fingers nervously playing with the still-hot cup.

“I want… to stop.” he finally said. “Stop living in fear. I want to be normal, Tommy. Not jump at every shadow I think I see.”

Tommy looked at him, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Buck, you know I can keep you safe.” he said softly. “It’s just a matter of time and patience. The police will find her, and you’ll be safe at last.”

Buck shook his head.

“I don’t want to be a victim my whole life.”

A sad flicker passed in Tommy’s eyes, hard to place. It wasn’t pity, but it was close.

“You’re one anyway, Buck.”

And it hurt to hear that, even if it was true. Buck didn’t want to be seen like that, stuck as a victim, because he knew it would destroy him in the end. He was finally happy. He’d found his place in this world, his family, and she was coming back to ruin it.

He refused it. He wanted to fight her, but he didn’t know how.

“It’s easy for you to say, but you don’t know what it’s like…” he whispered, a little harsher than he meant.

Tommy took a deep breath.

“I wish I could tell you you’re right.” he said, and Buck felt his breath catch. “Back then, I had a boyfriend, Matthew. He died in a car accident, and I was… broken. So, I got close to his sister, she understood my pain and took care of me. I wasn’t clear-headed enough to see. I spent two years with her. Two years of hell, humiliation, accidents at home. Months telling myself it was my fault, that I wasn’t good enough, strong enough. I thought about suicide before finally running away and joining the army. I nearly died there, but I met Mr. Diaz, and the rest… you know.”

Buck stayed frozen, unable to say a word.

Yes, Buck knew what was coming next. Tommy had been in a helicopter in Afghanistan when it was shot down. Eddie had gotten him out of there. So when they came back home and Tommy applied for a security job, Eddie had hired him away.

But until now, Buck didn’t know why Tommy had enlisted in the first place.

“I know what it’s like to hate yourself for not doing anything to defend yourself.” Tommy went on. “And I want to apologize, because if I’d pressed charges back then, she would have gone to jail… And you wouldn’t have gone through that.”

Buck frowned, a cold suspicion crawling up his spine.

“Tommy…?”

“Yeah.” he confirmed. “That woman… she’s the same one. Abigail Clark.”

A heavy silence fell.

Buck placed his hand over Tommy’s to offer support. They were clearly in the same boat, and even if Tommy seemed to have moved past that dark period in his life, it still looked hard for him to talk about it.

“I’m sorry you went through that too. But it’s not your fault. The only one to blame… is her.”

“I know that. But you have to believe that eventually, things get better. I can’t tell you that you’ll forget because you never really do, but it fades until it’s just a distant memory.”

“Thank you.” Buck breathed, touched that Tommy was trying to reassure him.

Tommy gave a comforting smile, thumb gently brushing over Buck’s fingers. Buck smiled back, just before a glass of water smashed across Tommy’s face.

Surprised, Buck turned around, heart pounding in his chest. Abby stood there, her face twisted with rage.

“So that’s why you left me for this trash?” she spat. “You’re cheating on me with my ex?”

He wanted to scream that it wasn’t like that, that Tommy was worth a hundred times more than her, but no sound came out.

“Look at him.” she added with contempt. “Still useless as ever.”

Tommy just stared at her silently, but hatred poured from every pore of his skin. She raised her hand, but this time Buck stood up straight, eyes hard, and pushed her away from his friend, who was on his feet beside him in an instant.

“Don’t touch him.” he growled. “Monsters like you should be locked up for life. I filed complaints for harassment, for the beatings and the humiliations. The police are going to put you away for a long time.”

A murmur ran through the room where onlookers watched.

Abby lost some of her confidence but clenched her fists, a grimace twisting the face Buck had once found beautiful.

“It’s your word against mine.” she said coldly. “And no one will believe a gigolo like you.”

Tommy grabbed her wrist quickly before she could touch him and shoved her away.

“Don’t touch him.”

“Jealous, Tommy? You’re right to be, because I’m going to take him back. He’ll come back to me, and I’ll send you pretty selfies of us.”

“Buck is under my protection.” Tommy said stoically. “And you are forbidden from touching him. You don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as him.”

He slightly opened his jacket, revealing his gun.

“And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you away from him, even if I have to get my hands dirty.”

Abby let out a short laugh, but Tommy didn’t move.

“You think you’re up for this?”

“You destroyed a lost young man, Abby. But that young man became a protection expert. Don’t mistake my calm now for weakness before. You have no idea how dangerous I’ve become.”

He leaned in, voice dropping to an icy whisper.

“I’m also an excellent sniper. You won’t be safe anywhere if you come near him again.”

Abby sneered defiantly.

“Don’t threaten me, little shit. Buck, leave him now and come home with me.”

She gestured toward Buck.

Tommy reacted immediately, slamming her violently against the table. Cups shook, chairs scraped the floor, and the onlookers didn’t miss a single moment.

That was going to be a nightmare for Eddie’s PR team.

“I asked my employer not to have you killed like he wanted.” Tommy said through clenched teeth. “But I’m changing my mind.”

Abby spat an insult, but Tommy didn’t flinch, and Buck knew she just realized she had lost control.

This time, she had lost.

Chapter Text

The silence of the kitchen had something reassuring about it, almost gentle, like a well-deserved peace.

Abby had been arrested, handcuffs on her wrists, screaming threats from the back of the police car driven by Athena. His heart-mother had made sure he was okay before driving his tormentor to the station. Buck had watched her disappear, and the breath he had been holding for months without even realizing it finally escaped his chest.

Two weeks had passed since the confrontation at the café.

Two weeks during which Eddie had waged a fierce battle for him, and for Tommy. He had mobilized an army of lawyers, experts in criminal law and victim protection.

The file grew heavier day by day, with Tommy's testimony, evidence of harassment, and especially the injuries Buck had sustained. Eddie made sure Abby would pay for what she had done, not only to Buck, but also to Tommy, and to the other victims they had discovered during their research.

Eddie's support was unwavering.

He was not content to be just his boyfriend; he was his protector, his ally, his best friend. He had watched over him, constantly, making sure he felt safe, never taking his eyes off him, as if he was afraid of losing him again.

And for Buck, that was the greatest proof of love there was.

Eddie was no longer the mysterious dominant from the beginning of their story, but a man who was devoted, protective, and above all, loving. And he had to admit, he was also filled with a tenacious desire for revenge.

He hated Abby almost as much as Buck did, maybe even more.

He wanted her to pay, to suffer as much as she had made him suffer. He wouldn't give up, he wouldn't let go, and Buck leaned on him. He just wanted to heal from his painful past and was happy to leave the logistics to his boyfriend.

She would never be able to exert her control over him again.

He felt liberated, but at the same time, he knew he would have to work on the extent of the trauma to heal. Every memory of humiliation, of accidental blows, of hurtful words came to the surface at the most unexpected times and it was difficult to accept that his trust issues came from her.

He was never good enough, never enough.

The shame was still there, of course, but Eddie reassured him that the problem had never been him. It was her, and she didn't deserve any more of his attention. She was now just a scar, a reminder of what he had been through, not a gaping wound.

But he also hadn't forgotten that Abby had threatened the whole team after her arrest, and that she had dared to brave Athena's furious gaze. But Eddie hadn't backed down when she threatened him. He had stepped in and promised her she would never see the light of day again. He hadn't needed to be asked, Eddie had simply taken things in hand, becoming that self-assured man again, dangerous because of his power and money, the one whose gaze no one dared to challenge.

And Buck knew that if by some chance she managed to escape justice, she would no longer be a problem; Eddie would see to it. Buck should have been afraid of his determination, but in reality, he was comforted.

Eddie was protecting him and he seemed to have become a master at it. Buck remembered telling him what had happened, crying like a child, and Eddie had listened, promising that she would never get near him again.

Then, he had been there to listen, letting him decide what he wanted to do or not, yielding to his every desire, and Buck had taken advantage of it... a little. Their relationship was developing in a good way, and Buck was starting to really believe in this idea of being happy forever.

"I'm lucky to have met you," Eddie whispered as they cuddled on the couch.

"Yeah, you've got some serious luck," Buck teased him. "I'm one of a kind."

"You little rascal," he growled. "Should I get out the whip?"

And thank God, Abby's reappearance hadn't in any way diminished their appetite for their particular sexual games.

"Yes, please," he begged in his most effective little voice that didn't sound desperate. Of course not.

"So perfect," Eddie whispered. "And all mine. I'm going to have to make you a Diaz... officially."

"Are you...?" he choked. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"What if I was?"

"You're going to have to do better than that, Mr. Diaz, I'm a romantic. I want the whole shebang: the romantic dinner, the walk on the beach, the ring on bended knee and the beautiful speech and everything."

"So demanding," Eddie chuckled, pressing his lips to his.

"Don't you feel up to the challenge?" he teased him with a hint of uncertainty in his heart.

"Have I ever given you a reason to think you don't deserve all that? Because you deserve so much more, Evan, so much more. You deserve the world."

"You and Christopher are all I need."

"Good, then I'll take care of what's necessary for my demanding future fiancé."

"I didn't say yes," he reminded him.

"Are you going to say no?"

"You know very well I'm going to say yes."

"Yeah, I know," he smiled, kissing him again.

Buck was at the firehouse, waiting for his shift to begin.

Chimney's coffee, which was nothing like Bobby's, was in his hand. He really didn't like it, but his friend and temporary captain, since Bobby's suspension, would not have forgiven him if he hadn't helped himself.

He looked at his colleagues, his brothers and sisters, as he called them in his head, and he felt safe. The fear that had lived in him for weeks, the fear of seeing her again, of running into her, of enduring her, had gradually faded, giving way to the certainty that this time, it was really over.

He had finally found his place in this world, and he was going to do everything to keep it.

Buck laughed, thinking back to that surreal day. The brownie... he never would have thought that a single bite could send him so far. He remembered that woman who, after a call, wanted to "color their lives" by adding that little touch of LSD.

He remembered laughing, talking too fast, saying things he never would have otherwise confided, all under Eddie's amused but attentive gaze. Eddie had never left his side, making sure he drank water, rested, and didn't get into any trouble.

The team had been affected by this incident, and Bobby, who had been exposed, had been temporarily suspended, after his past as an alcoholic and addict was revealed to their superiors. It was a hard blow, Bobby being a pillar, a father to them all, especially to him.

And Chimney was a terrible captain; he adored him but he was really looking forward to Bobby coming back.

Once he had come down from his high, Buck was surprised to see Eddie's crooked smile, teasing him with a "You were a bad boy..." before adding, in a deeper, warmer voice, that he knew how to punish him as he should.

And that night...

Eddie's punishment had been one of those nights where Buck felt desired, protected, and completely at his lover's mercy. It wasn't a punishment, but an affirmation. An affirmation of their love, their trust, and their unique bond.

The leather collar hadn't been used that night, but its presence was palpable, invisibly present between them. It was pure possession. But a kind that Buck had learned to desire and to love. He had surrendered, trusting in Eddie's strength, patience, and gentleness, and he had loved every second of it.

That day had been a turning point.

Not because of the brownie, or the investigation, but because it was that day that he had realized how much Eddie looked out for him, sometimes even more than he looked out for himself. It was another facet of Eddie's love, a love that cared, that protected, and that never judged.

It was a proof of love and Buck felt more alive than ever.

The incessant buzzing of the sirens had etched itself into his skull, an agonizing background noise that never left him. Los Angeles seemed to be holding its breath since a bomber had been striking, at random or almost, as if he sought to sow fear even before he destroyed. The last bomb, found in front of Athena's house, had been the final blow.

He felt the city vibrate with a muffled anxiety; every call, every departure on a run carried the invisible threat of an explosion, the fear of losing his heart-mother.

And every time, there was Eddie.

Always there, always that hand brushing his shoulder or resting briefly on his forearm, as if to make sure he was really there, whole. Buck heard it, almost like a ritual, that low, deep voice that whispered to him:

"Promise me you'll be careful."

It wasn't a request, not really. It was a prayer, and Buck, each time, nodded, unable to promise anything other than to try. He could see that those words were never enough to soothe the anxiety in his boyfriend's eyes. He had a way of staring at him, as if he was trying to memorize every detail of his face, just in case.

Buck understood that fear.

He, too, sometimes had trouble breathing when he imagined Eddie at his desk, a few feet from a device ready to explode. But he knew that, for Eddie, the risk always seemed greater when it was him approaching it. It was a visceral, almost palpable anxiety that clung to every one of their exchanges.

And yet... despite this constant tension, Eddie had never tried to stop him from doing his job. He watched over him, yes, he always stood a little closer than necessary, but he respected that almost vital need Buck had to be in the field, to save lives. So Buck kept his promises, redoubled his vigilance, and always came back—not just for himself, but because he knew that somewhere, Eddie was counting the seconds until his return.

That day, the call came in the middle of their shift, an accident that required them to get the fire engine out. Chimney gave him his place in the front of the truck and rushed into the ambulance. Buck liked sitting in the front without driving.

It made him feel alive.

He watched the streets scroll by in the dark, the wind caressing his face. He was looking forward to seeing how Eddie would manage to propose to him. He had felt it, two days earlier, when Eddie wrapped a string around his ring finger while he was sleeping and he had seen the felt-tip mark that had gone over onto his skin.

Eddie was putting in a lot of effort, and Buck loved that.

Buck didn't hear the explosion, just as he didn't feel the blast, but he felt himself thrown into the truck, hitting his head on the roof and biting his tongue hard enough to taste blood.

The explosion threw him to the ground with incredible violence, his face against the asphalt. A dull sound filled his ears, a deafening whistle. The pain was immediate, intense, like a burning fire in his leg.

He was lying on his stomach, dazed, unable to move. He didn't understand what had just happened. He tried to crawl on the ground but he screamed in pain as he realized his leg was pinned, crushed by the fire truck.

How was that possible?

What crazy person would blow up a fire truck?

Then he heard that cold, threatening voice, addressing him, asking who he was as if he was surprised to see him there. A young man with what appeared to be an explosive device, and Buck understood that it was the bomber who was there, a few feet away, like a sinister shadow. Buck felt terror seep into him, that fear of seeing his life end here in the middle of a Los Angeles street when he was only doing his job.

Dying in the line of duty was a risk he had chosen to take, but he didn't want to die now, and especially not like this, a victim of a lunatic. Of a madman who was screaming, calling out for his captain, but not Chimney—he wanted to see Bobby, he wanted to kill Bobby. Just like he had tried to kill Athena.

He refused to let him kill his adoptive parents; he wanted to protect them. He could only think about that. Anything to not endure this pain, this slow agony, anything to not scream or cry in front of the television cameras he saw and who were certainly filming him in a close-up for the evening news. He only hoped that Maddie, Eddie, and Christopher weren't watching television.

"Captain Nash," the young man screamed again. "I want to see Captain Robert Nash or I'm blowing everything up."

"Do it!" he spat, tears of pain clouding his eyes.

"What did you say?"

"Captain Nash is my father, so go ahead, kill me, but don't mess with my parents."

"I want him to die, like my father died. It's his fault I lost him, but seeing you suffer will make him come faster."

He crushed his hand with his heel, making him scream in pain.

He was almost sure it was broken, the pain radiating from his hand so intensely. At least he could focus on that and forget how much his leg was hurting.

"Stop," Bobby suddenly yelled, approaching with his hands in the air.

Buck wanted to cry in despair. He didn't want him to hurt him; he didn't want the people he loved so much to be killed. He would rather go in their place.

"I'm here, you see?" he continued. "Please, don't hurt him anymore."

"Bobby...," he choked.

"It's going to be okay, Buck, stay calm, it's going to be okay."

"You shouldn't make him false promises. I'm going to kill both of you."

Buck wanted to cry, but he felt the cold and fatigue creeping in. He was far too exhausted to fight. He rested his head on the ground, hearing nothing but fragments of voices. All Buck wanted was for the pain to stop, for this nightmare to end.

He closed his eyes, letting himself sink.

"Evan, carino, stay with me."

He forced his eyes open at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. He felt his hand in his and he squeezed his fingers to come back to him.

"Eds..."

"I'm here, Evan, I'm here."

"...hurt..."

"I know, carino, they're going to get you out of there and then we'll go to the hospital."

Buck heard them bustling around him and he knew the truck wouldn't move, that the only way to get him out would be to amputate.

He refused with all his might.

"Don't let them... take my... leg."

"I promise you," Eddie whispered.

Buck allowed himself a smile, and even though Eddie was very worried, he was so beautiful. Around them, the team was working to get him out of this hell.

But the truck was completely crushing his leg. He screamed with every attempt to pull him out, losing consciousness for a few seconds.

He opened his eyes when he was tilted onto the gurney. Eddie was there, his eyes filled with tears. He was by his side, and Buck felt Eddie's hand still in his.

He felt a new wave of pain wash over him. The gurney was rolling, Eddie's voice, broken, echoed in his ears before he suddenly plunged into darkness.

"I love you, Evan," he thought he heard.

Then he sank into nothingness.

TO BE CONTINUED...