Chapter Text
Today, I’ve decided to visit one of Gotham’s cathedrals. I put in some headphones and blast ‘Inbred’ while I walk up to the church. I hate coming here, but I want to see something.
I sit in one of the back pews. I’m alone here. I hold my cross necklace as I try.
Dear Great Being, please hear me and let me know my family is ok. I want them to know they are loved and missed. Tell Paul…tell Paul that when I see him again we can play in the field.
I close my eyes and listen for something. Feel for something. Anything. I receive nothing in return. Only a silent cathedral, with me in it.
I gaze up to the stained glass through my black veil. I don’t want to be seen here, if that’s why you’re asking about the veil.
But the stained glass is very lovely. I study it for a long time. Why is it that only cathedrals have pretty stained glass like this?
I try one last time.
Great Being, give me some guidance. I need a sign that what I’m doing is right.
I hear nothing back. Y’know, people always claim that God talks to them personally, or such things like that. I don’t really believe that, not anymore. The Great Being doesn’t talk to me. I only talk to them when I have no one else to talk to. I like to believe they listen, but I can’t be sure.
I leave the pew and go to one of the cathedral’s bathrooms for a moment. I need to cry, and I don’t want to do it at home. Jason doesn’t need to see that anymore.
I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m not an ugly woman, by any means. I used to think that a long time ago, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that’s not true. I’ll describe myself to you, so you understand. My hair is a plain, wavy type of brown, but my eyebrows are very symmetrical and nice, and my eyelashes are longer than average. My freckles I do occasionally try to cover with makeup, but I haven’t been as of lately. And my eyes are a murky, swamp water kind of greenish gray. Not an attractive color, but I do like them. I like my eyes due to the fact it makes me appear more unassuming maybe, but they can easily make me the fierce woman that I am on the inside. I’m not skinny, but lean. I like my muscles, I worked hard to get them. I suffered to get them.
Here in the bathroom though, I cry. I lift my veil up so the tears will spill into the sink without making too much of a mess. The veil gets caught on one of my earrings made from rattlesnake vertebra, ripping the veil a little.
I cry for what I know will happen. I will not be alive to be with Jason forever. I won’t be alive to see everyone else live out their dreams like they deserve.
All I wanted was a happy life, a fulfilling life. That’s what being a nurse is to me. It’s some sense of normalcy, and I do love it no matter how horrible it is to me.
Some strands of hair fall in my face, I don’t even bother wiping them away.
Suddenly, I get a call.
“Hello?” I choked out.
“Hey, Lydia is everything ok? Me and Roy are gonna be home later.”
“Oh. Ok good.” I sniffed.
“Lydia?”
“Yeah? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just stubbed my toe.”
“Ok.” Jason didn’t sound convinced. “See you when we get home?”
“Yep. Bye, love.” I said quickly and hung up.
I glanced back at my reflection. The eyeliner and mascara was dripping now. You know how I said I wasn’t ugly? I changed my mind. Sometimes I am, and it’s hard to know when I am or not.
Goodbye, Great Being. I hope I will see you soon. If not, then this is the end.
When I got home I set up a lot of candles and incense. I didn’t know what else to do. Roy better be behaving himself. It sounds like he hasn’t told Jason about our discussion, so that’s good. Stephanie called.
“Hey, Lydia!”
“Heyyy.” I lit all the incense and candles at once, making a huge white flash in the apartment. “What’s up?”
“Mmm, not much. I kinda just wanted to talk about random stuff.”
“Fair enough.” I went to go get some ice cream from the fridge, I haven’t had dinner yet. “You wanna go see that horror movie Friday?”
We did talk about random stuff, and half of it was gossip.
“So did you hear about the whole thing with Zatanna?”
“No,” I eat some ice cream. “But she gives me bi panic so bad, bro.”
Stephanie cackled on the other line and I heard the door start unlocking.
“Oopsie, gotta go- the boys are home.”
I flopped my legs over the couch and somehow choked on the ice cream, wow.
“The boys? Are y’all doing weird stuff over there-“
I hung up. God, now she thinks we’re over here having orgies or something. If somebody asks, I hope I can try to brush it off. I didn’t mean for it to slip that there’s more than one guy staying here.
“Hey. Ice cream for dinner?” Jason takes off his jacket.
“Hey, and yes.” I get up to put the remains of it away.
“What’s the deal with all the candles?” Roy looks around, I think trying to be normal. I accept this, I’m assuming it’s a verbal tribute.
“I just needed to unwind.” I turn on some TV-girl and it plays softly in the background. The song is an instrumental ‘cigarettes out the window’.
I tilt myself toward Jason. “So, y’know how we’re supposed to be helping with case three?”
“I guess. Not like we had much of a choice.”
“Mm..yeah. But still, I got a lot of new information.” I spread out my notes, and some pictures from earlier.
“So, with case three- Slade and Scarecrow are still missing, right? Well I got information that one of Scarecrow’s old labs on the west side seems to be active again.” My eyes flashed excitedly as I told them this. I didn’t care if they listened or not. Jason did. He always listens.
“I think this time we could probably take them down ourselves, but I feel like it’s respectful to let the rest of the team know before we make a move.”
“I don’t see who made Dick the automatic leader.” Jay sighed frustratedly. “Seems like it should be us since we’re the ones that had the run-in with Slade.”
“Yeah. I don’t see why we couldn’t lead.”
I tried to extend a verbal tribute to Roy. “What do you think, Roy?” I held his gaze, something that isn’t usually done unless you’re trying to establish dominance.
“Ehhh, I don’t know…” Roy stretched, seeming nonchalant. “Sounds more of a Bat thing. And we already had to deal with him the first time, I think they should take a turn.”
“I think so, too.” My gaze changes to Jason again. “Maybe we shouldn’t lead, that way somebody else can be the responsible one.”
I see a flicker of a smile. We all discuss the plan a little more, and then Jason and I retire to the bedroom.
I wait for him on the bed. I let my jaw fall a little when he comes out of the bathroom. He’s a stunning man, really and truly.
“Come lay down.” I pat the bed for him to come sit. I admire him as much as I can, but he looks tired.
“I’ve just been..so tired lately.” There it is.
“I know,” I take his hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t been paying as much attention to you lately- I’ve just been so overwhelmed with everything.”
He looked down at me. “You didn’t stub your toe earlier.”
“No, I didn’t.” Smoke billows seductively around us. “Why don’t you lay down?”
He obeys instantly. He always does, it’s one of the many things I like about him.
I sit on my knees beside him.
I push his side for him to turn over onto this stomach. “Roll over.”
“Mmm, looks like a lot of knots here.” I start pushing my fingers deep into the shoulder muscles, and in fact there are a lot of knots.
“I went to a cathedral today.”
“I know.” He said softly.
“How did you-“
“You’re not as hard to track as you think you are.”
I tried to hide a smile. “Don’t stalk me, I’m an adult and I don’t stalk you like that.” I pushed my thumbs further into one of the muscles, making him grunt.
“Fine. But what were you doing there?”
“Just processing things. You know I won’t be here forever.”
“Don’t say that.” He said sharply.
“It’s true. And I don’t want you to be upset when I have to go.”
“What do you mean ‘when you have to go’?” He was starting to get upset, which I was trying to avoid.
“The Court, Jay. You can’t just get away from the Court. But I would never want to leave if I didn’t have to. I’m just hoping I can work something out with them.” My voice broke a little at the end. I don’t know how well I’m covering up my panic.
He suddenly jumped on me and pushed me down into the bed. I gasped a little, I didn’t expect him to do that.
“Jay?”
“Listen to me.” His eyes blazed into mine.
“I’m listening.” There was no fear in my eyes, I trust him.
“No one is taking you from me.”
“Ok.” There was nothing else I could say. He’s obviously made us his mind.
I wormed my hand away from his grasp and traced over his fingers, making him ease up.
We went to bed in silence, but the next day I decided to start being a lot more aggressive with our investigation. Maybe I’ll have a better chance if we can get rid of Slade and Scarecrow first.
I decide not to alarm the rest of the team, for now. And besides, I’ve been working alone for quite a while, anyways.
I’ve been stalking this guy for a few hours, it’s one of Scarecrow’s associates. His name is Barry Willoughby. I know a lot about him, and I intent to use that for my benefit.
I creep up behind him as he makes his way toward the lab on the west side. Well, the general area of it. I’m not exactly sure where it is, but I intend to find out today.
I quickly knee him in the back and dart him. He barely makes a noise as he falls. He’s a reasonably big guy, but I think I can move him.
Ok, now time for the secondary location. His own apartment.
Luckily, I still have the voice moderator in the mask.
“Get up.” I have set Willoughby in the corner of his own bedroom, and now I am fiddling with some things of his. I’m sure there’s drugs in this house.
“Huh? Wha-“
“Shut up.” I give him a quick hit so he knows I’m not messing around. “Listen to my requests.”
I let my flames twist and play around the room. They look so graceful, but so dangerous, yes. I keep my breathing steady, so the flames last longer.
“First, I want the exact location of the lab. You know what I’m talking about.”
“I-“
“I asked you to be quiet.” I sent a flame flickering near his hand, to which he screamed.
I continued. “Next, I want the exact location of Slade.” I stood before him. “And lastly, I want you to explain to me how to get into the lab. A step by step, if you don’t mind.”
He tries his luck to weasel out of this. “Look man, I don’t know all that, I only know-“
“Does your family know you’re a rapist?” I allowed the flames to ripple around us. “I believe it was December 13th, about three years ago.” I paused for effect. “You were married at that time, yes? And already had your girl.”
Willoughby looked flabbergasted I knew about all that.
“Oh, yes; you see, I know about this, but I also know about the cop that helped you cover it up.” I slowly looked down at him. “I already took care of him.” This was a lie, but it was the only thing I could think of in the moment. The rapist thing was not a lie.
“Damnit-ok, ok.” He sounded defeated. Good.
“The lab is on the far side of West Avenue, going out of the city. And I don’t know where Slade is-“ I reared to hit him again.
“But, but, I do know where Scarecrow is. He goes between that lab and the asylum to visit somebody, but I don’t know who.” He pleaded. Oh, so that’s where Slade is.
“What about the last thing?” I lowered my arm.
“You got a pen?”
I left Willoughby’s dingy apartment happily with my new directions on how to break into the lab. Willoughby is fine, as of now. I left him tied up in his own bedroom, and darted him for good measure.
I texted the group chat.
Meetup?
Yeah, sure.
Ok.
What for?
I have new information. Bruce’s at 1900?
Ok.
Alright, well that works out perfect. I arrive at Bruce’s shortly before 1900, with my information.
Dick and Barbara were already there, but we waited for Stephanie and Duke to show up a few minutes later.
“So what was it you wanted to show us?” Stephanie took off her hoodie and started drying off from the rain.
“I got the locations of Scarecrow and Slade, plus how to get in the lab.” I set my map and instructions on one of the tables.
“Wait, how did you get all that so fast?” Dick asked from his place a few feet away.
“That’s not relevant,” I said shortly. “The point is I got it, and it’s the right information. My source says the lab is on West Avenue on the far side, and that Scarecrow has been going from there to the asylum. So I’m willing to bet money that’s where Slade is camping out.” I flicked the paper on the table closer to them. “That’s the map on how we’re gonna get in the lab.”
“Who was the source? And also, where’s Jason?” Barbara didn’t acknowledge my map that I was proud to get.
“He couldn’t come, he’s out right now.” I said dismissively. Jason is out a lot with Roy, I feel like it’s not my place to ask what they’re going. As long as Roy is getting it together, that’s all I care about.
“Does he know about the updates?” Duke side-eyed Stephanie. I bet she told him about our call.
“Yeah he knows.” I texted him about it earlier, but I assumed him and Roy were busy.
“Well, we can’t raid the place tonight, since we’re not ready.” Dick glanced to Barbara. I sensed some underlying tones there, but I couldn’t be sure of what.
“What about tomorrow night?” Steph asked. “I don’t have anything going on.”
I shifted my coat. “Me either.”
“Ok, then let’s meet up tomorrow. West avenue.” Dick said this as if he’s waiting for us to leave. Or at least, for me to leave.
“Ok.” I pointed at the map as I started to walk away. “Just don’t lose that.”
I got home to find a bunch of papers and maps taped up on the floor of the living room. Half of the maps are of the sewers, and half the papers are about the upper class of Gotham. I recognize a few to be Court members. There are strings going all around the papers, weaving back and forth to connected seemingly unrelated things.
“What’s all this?” I gestured to the floor as Jason and Roy come in from the patio.
“It’s how we’re gonna take down the Court ,” Jason started, crouching down to the papers. “You said you could try to make a deal with them, right?”
I looked at him, distraught. “Yes, but we can’t handle this by ourselves. I think it’s best if we leave this one alone-“
“No, this is more important right now.”
“Jason,” I was starting to get annoyed. “This is a bad idea. We’re all gonna get killed if we try to do this by ourselves.” I glared at him more than I intended to. “They’re always listening. I’m surprised they even let us get this far…” I twisted my necklace back and forth, glaring from Jason to Roy. Roy was not being a huge help, but I can’t blame him. This isn’t his problem.
“I don’t think we should be even talking about them here.” I said finally. “We need to wait on this and get Batman involved.”
“Why does he need to be involved in everything?” Jason asked angrily. I saw Roy step back a little.
“Because we can’t do this by ourselves or we’re all gonna fuckin’ die!”
Suddenly, something got thrown through the window to the patio. It shattered the glass all over us and the papers on the ground.
It’s a brick-with a neat, little gold envelope tied to it. “I told you.” I whispered angrily back at them both. I went to pick up the brick and open the envelope.
On the note read:
‘Speak not a whispered word of them, or they’ll send the Talon for your head’
It’s a part of the old rhyme about the Court. We’re so screwed. They know. They’ve been watching us the whole time, just like I thought. We’re all dead now.
“We’re not staying here tonight.”
“Lydia, wait-“ it was Roy.
“No,” I spun around to them. “We’re leaving. Now.” I flicked flames to burn all the papers and maps away onto the carpet. We didn’t need all that anyways, we have me.
I pack a quick bag and grab Plushy.
“We don’t need to get him involved.” Jason repeated from the door to the bedroom. I’m over it.
“Nobody should be involved at all but me, yet here we are.” I slung a bag over my shoulder aggressively.
“I should have never told you about this.” I pet Plushy and set him in his carrier. I’m gonna have to make some decisions about where to leave him.
“Lydia.” He grabs the back of my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
“What?” I hissed out.
“I’m sorry.” He sounded broken.
I breathed out.
“It’s ok.” I tried to speak in a softer tone, but it’s hard. “You did nothing wrong. You’re just trying to help.”
He hugs me from behind, I feel his body tower over mine. Heat radiates from my body, absorbing into his.
I’ll allow it; this time. But, this might be the last time. In this moment, I am here with the one I love. Whether it be the last time or not. I am here.