Chapter Text
“What makes you so sure they’re not gonna come down here?” Dick hissed.
“I mean I’m not completely sure…” I frowned. “But we still haven’t found Scarecrow yet, and that was the other reason I wanted us to come down here.”
“True.” Duke started rippling his own light waves back down the way we came.
“Let’s get home and then we’ll regroup from there.” Dick regathers himself and we start heading back.
Jay pulls me back from the middle of the group and we wait until they get a few steps ahead.
“Who was it that escaped?” His eyes flash from mine to the rest of the group.
I don’t know if I can bring myself to tell him.
I don’t give him a direct answer, but instead I curl my fingers around his. This is answer enough.
“Pl-please don’t tell me it’s him.”
I hate to see him scared, but he is, and now I don’t know if there’s a whole lot I can do.
“Let’s talk about it once we get out of here, ok.” I lean into him, trying to ease him into walking.
“Are you guys coming?” Tim calls to us from up ahead.
“Come on, let’s go.” I basically lead him out of the tunnels, staying out of the line of sight from everyone else.
We’re about halfway out when Cass spotted a weird light down one of the passageways.
“Robin and I will investigate,” Dick says confidently. “Everybody else- get back to the entrance.”
“No way, y’all are the exact ones that lost him the first time.” I send a small amount of fire lining the walls of the tunnel.
“Yeah, I feel like there at least needs to be a third person.” Steph agrees nervously, brushing some hair out of her face.
I try to offer a non-direct tribute to Dick.
“At least take Duke with you, that way both groups will have a meta. And a light source.”
“Ok, that’s something I could get behind.” Dick signals for Duke to follow them to the passage.
Cass and Steph start leading our group after they leave.
“So do they always train like that?” Tim starts playing with his staff as he asks me.
“What do you mean?” I’m a little distracted by worrying about Jason.
“Like with all the chanting and weird stuff?”
“Ohh, no that’s a ritual-type thing. They must have just got some new Talons to come in or something.” Talking about this makes me uneasy while we’re down here. It’s been forged into my brain that they’re always listening.
We wait on the rest of the group for a long time. I casually talk to Steph and Cass, while trying to calm down Jason. Finally, the group emerges and sees us at our meeting point, which is a little ways away from the original tunnel site.
“We’ll come up with a new plan at base.” Dick says shortly, “we found something.”
No one asks any questions, instead we head back as instructed.
“I’ll be there in just a minute.” I quietly told Steph. I don’t want to alarm anyone here.
“I should go-“ Jay tries to pull away from my lead.
“No, you’re not going anywhere.” I fall back behind him, forcing him into my section of the cave. Thank god for the dividers. I really don’t know what to do, all I can do is revert back to what I know as a nurse.
“Lay down.” I say calmly.
“No, I just want to go home-“ he’s shaking bad, and I don’t know what else to do besides get more aggressive.
“We’ll go home as soon as we can, but for now I asked you to lay down.” I say, more firmly this time. He obeys, and I start digging in the med cabinet. I’m gonna need a few different things. Shit, we’re almost out of a lot of stuff. My options are basically limited to Xanax, ketamine, and a few other things I think might be too light. I think ketamine is too excessive, for now.
It’s hard to decide, because I can’t do anything too crazy, but also Jason is a very, very big man. I decided on the Xanax, hopefully that will be enough.
“Here.” I hand him it with some water.
“What is this?” I don’t why he sounds suspicious.
“Take it.”
He stares at it nervously, but his legs are still shaking. He needs this.
“I’m just trying to help.” I try to soften my gaze as best I can. “Please.” I extend my arm further out for him to take it.
He takes it reluctantly, but I’m gonna try to do everything I can to fix this.
“Here’s you a blanket, ok?” I covered him with one of them from the new blanket-warmer Bruce ordered. “I’m gonna go talk to them about the plan.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against his. It’s a thing I like to do. “I promise I’m gonna fix everything.”
I try to break away to leave, but Jay stops me.
“Please don’t leave..” he says, so sadly it makes my chest hurt. I can’t leave him now, and I won’t.
“Ok.” I sit down on the bed with him, showing him the most love that I’m able. I stroke his arms and hair in silence while he lays down. They’ve probably already started going over the case without me, but that’s not my concern anymore.
“It’s ok…everything’s gonna be ok…” I don’t think the single Xanax put him to sleep that fast, I don’t think he’s been sleeping a lot either. I actually haven’t seen him sleep in a very long time.
Once I feel like it’s ok to leave, I return to the main section of the cave.
“Sorry that took so long,” I pace up to one of our main strategy tables.
“You didn’t miss much,” Tim stares at the table,chewing gum anxiously. “We’re just going over what we already know.”
I stare at the table as well. “Is this a map of the drains?”
“Yep.” Steph is busy picking at a small rip on it already.
“Ok. Well it goes a lot farther than that.” I pick up one of the pens and start circling things. “So that’s the lab…that’s the asylum…and that’s…one of the entrances to the Court.” I suddenly remember. “Oh, so what did y’all find down there? Anything good?”
“Anything but good.” Dick leans against the table, perplexed. “It was another lab, but this time we found some different kinds of stuff than what Scarecrow normally has.”
“Are you gonna tell me straight up or not?” I’m trying not to lose patience, but it’s been a very long day.
“Lydia, the lab had fear toxin and a new joker toxin compound. I even was able to take some samples.” He pulls out some small tubes from his pocket. “Would you be able to figure out what these do?” He hands them to me. The liquid in them is a weird gray-green color.
“Yes…I probably could. But the way I usually find things out like that is testing them on myself.” My eyes lift from the tubes and rise to everyone here. “At least that’s what I used to do.”
“Ok, I’m totally not letting you do that.” Steph swipes the tubes from my hands. “There’s gotta be a better way to find out what it does.”
“We’re gonna have to stop whatever it is that they’re planning, and soon.” Dick crosses his arms again. “They’re moving way too fast for my liking”.
“What about case four?” Tim glances around for us to remember.
“You’re right, I almost completely forgot about that.” I said, adjusting my bone bracelet. It’s made of gold and rattlesnake vertebrae, I have some earrings to match.
“We’ll pick up on case four later.” Dick says. “I’m not so unconvinced that it doesn’t tie in to the cases we already have open.”
Right after he said that, Alfred called.
“Yes, Alfred?” Dick turned from us to the computer.
“Master Dick, I’m afraid you might want to turn on the news..sooner rather than later.” I don’t like hearing Alfred worried.
He turns on the news, the lights of it flashing across the screen as we all pile around.
5 dead in a recent attack. The Joker is the prime suspect, but it is unknown where he is currently.
They say nothing about Scarecrow, which I find to be odd.
Dick slams into the keyboard in frustration, making some of us jump.
“Everybody else go home for the night, me and Bruce can handle this one.” He sighs.
“Bye, Steph.”
“Bye, see ya later.”
“Nice work today, guys.”
“Bye.”
Everyone leaves, and I wait by the table with the maps on it.
“You told Jason about the Joker?” He asks flatly, scrolling on the computer. He’s waiting for Bruce, I bet.
“Yes.” Flames flicker around me nervously. “I thought it was best not to hide anything from him.”
“You don’t know what he’s capable of.” He curls his hand tightly around the clicker of the computer.
I sidle up to him carefully, gazing at the computer with him. “Yes I do. And he’s not gonna do anything this time, he’s made his peace.” I remember Jason’s ferociousness that night he darted me. It still hurts to think about.
“How do you know?”
“I just do. I have everything planned out, ok?”
“Don’t take any risks that don’t need to be taken.” Dick says stiffly. I hear it in his voice that he’s holding back all the things he really wants to say.
“I’m not trying to.” I lower my gaze from the computer and in the direction of Jason. “I’m just trying to fix everything.”
“Some things can’t be fixed, Lydia.”
I blink slowly and let some smoke escape me in disappointment. “I know.”
I slink back to my side of the cave, a little more upset than I’d like to admit.
“We’re gonna just stay here tonight.” I call back to him. “Good luck on the mission.”
“Good luck to you.” I see him leaving to go get the Batmobile ready.
I return to Jason and make a small nest on the floor with some leftover blankets.
We have some backup pillows as well, so I stack some around myself.
I sleep relatively soundly that night, given the circumstances. The cave is quiet and dark after they leave, and I’m thankful for it. Jason needs the sleep, and so do I.
I don’t wake up until about 11:00 in the morning the next day. I wouldn’t have woken up if it wasn’t for Damian.
“You can’t just stay here the entire day.” He stands by one of the dividers to the ‘room’. I roll over, still half asleep. My legs tangle together in the blankets as I lift myself up. “Yeah I know, we were just leaving.” I pull myself up by lifting off the bed. “Do you wanna ride later?”
There’s a short moment of silence, followed by a shy ‘yes’.
“Ok, I’ll see ya this afternoon then.” I wave to Damian, then start putting all my pillows and blankets away.
I shake Jason awake gently. “Hey, c‘mon.”
He groans and pulls away.
“We gotta go, it’s already 11:00.” I’m eventually able to get him to get up and start leaving. I look for Bruce or Dick but they must have already gotten back last night.
“What about..”
“We can talk about it when we get home,” I said, slinging my bag over one shoulder. “Let’s go home.” I put my hand out for him to take it. I left a note on the bed for Alfred or Bruce to order more meds from wherever they get them.
On the way home, he didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything either.
“It really will be ok.” I say as we crawl back into bed. I let him lay on me again, his head presssed into my stomach.
“You can’t let a single person control your life, it’s just not fair to you.”
“But you don’t understand all the things he did-“
“Jason,” I run my fingers along his face lightly. “Look who you’re talking to. I maybe don’t know every exact thing he did, but I have some idea.”
“I know, but I don’t think I can just let it go.”
“How many times have you argued with Bruce about it?”
“I’ve lost count over the years…”
“Jason?”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to keep arguing with him about it for the rest of your life?”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time.
“What about you and your dad? Are you still gonna kill him?”
“No. Not anymore.” I close my eyes in acceptance of this statement. “It’s not my place anymore to give him what he deserves.”
“Then whose is it?” He gazes at me as if I know the answers to anything I pretend to know about.
“I don’t know. But he’s not my responsibility.” I trace along one of the scars near his shoulder. “I have a life now with you, and I have friends and people I care about. Hating somebody takes up too much energy that I just don’t have anymore.”
He stares up at the ceiling, lost in thought. “But what if I can’t move past it that easy?”
“Nobody said it would be easy. It’s not gonna be easy for either one of us.” My eyes twitch as I think about it all.
“But if I can’t kill my dad, you’re not allowed to kill joker, ok?”
“Ok.”
I hold out my pinky for him, something I used to do with Paul. He accepts it.
“You shouldn’t have to be scared anymore..”
“Neither should you.” He says this lovingly, although there is sadness and defeat in both our voices.
We stay like this a long time, talking about everything that’s ever gone wrong, and everything that could have been. Both of us just wanted to be loved. Both of us deserved love, but we did not get it in the ways we should have.
I fell back asleep once I heard his breathing start vibrating slower on me.