Chapter Text
May, 2001
It had been a while, at least half-an-hour, since Dean said he needed a break and closed himself in the bathroom. The shower was running, but Dean wasn’t in it—he was just using the sound of the spraying water to hide the fact that he was crying.
Sam had spent most of the day, until after dinner time, giving Dean a crash-course in everything he’d learned about omegas. They started with the science stuff first; he taught Dean what hormones were and how different people, women, betas, alphas, and omegas, made different kinds of hormones. Then Dean learned about omegatropin, which was the hormone that made him have heats and smell different from other people. He didn’t know he smelled different until now—apparently that was what the other pill he took was for: to block his scent. Alphas could smell it, and they would know what he was.
Then they went back over everything Sam told him the night before, and the stuff from that morning one more time, before Sam moved onto the next thing.
The next was everything about what it meant to be an omega—out in the world. Dean didn’t know anything about the world.
Sam said that other people—women, betas and alphas—weren’t treated the same as Dean would be. Omegas had different laws and everything. They weren’t allowed to work, they had to be registered, and castrated, and paired to an alpha— any alpha—and wear a collar in public.
Dean thought all of it was complete and total bullshit.
Sam knocked on the bathroom door, and Dean out of his head.
“You alright in there?” Sam said. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” Dean sniffled and wiped the tears away from his face in frustrated swipes.
He unlocked the door, Sam stepped inside, and Dean just started crying again; Dad would be so mad at him. Sam wrapped him up in his strong arms and tucked Dean’s head under his chin. Sammy was so tall now that he was a man. Dean used to be taller—not anymore.
“It’s like I’m not even a real person,” Dean sobbed into Sam’s chest.
In all his life, even when he was a kid, Dean couldn’t remember crying so hard.
“You’re a real person, Dean. As real as me, or Dad, or Bobby, or anyone else.”
“You just think that because you’re my brother,” Dean said, pulling away from Sam.
“I don’t, really. I feel the same way about every omega, even the ones I don’t know.” Sam’s eyes looked true, just like they always did, and Dean had to believe him. Sam wouldn’t lie to him. He never had. “And I’m not the only person who thinks that, you know?
“There are a lot of people like me. The world is changing, more and more every day. When Dad was a kid omegas weren’t allowed to go to school—that’s why he wouldn’t let you go. But omegas have been allowed in schools for more than twenty years—”
“I could’ve gone to school?”
“Yeah, Dean.” Sam looked like he could cry too. “Only bigots like Dad still keep their omegas locked away and isolated like you were. And none of them are as … sheltered from reality either. It’s not fair. The world isn’t perfect, but it’s not the sixties anymore—almost everyone these days would agree that what Dad did to you was wrong. It was fucked up .
“You have to believe me, I wanted to get you out sooner, but Dad said—” Sam cut himself off. “He made it really clear that if I left with you, both of us would regret it.
“I had to wait until I could be on my own, or there was nothing I could do for either of us. That’s sort of actually what I want to talk to you about. We’re done with the lessons tonight; you probably have a million questions, and you’ll have more tomorrow after you have some time to process, so we’ll do a refresher before we get into the more complicated stuff.
“But this is … about you. Or us, I guess. Are you up for that right now?”
Wiping the snot away from his nose with his sleeve, Dean nodded.
“Alright, let’s do this and then order some pizza,” Sam said.
Something about Sam’s demeanor made Dean feel like the little brother. That happened a lot these days. Finally though, it made sense. It wasn’t because Dean was stupid and didn’t know anything—which he was—it was because he was an omega, and Sam was an alpha. And Dad was too. So they were sort of more than Dean was.
Sam cleared some of the strewn papers—ones that he’d had to read aloud to Dean (and swore that even he didn’t know half of the words from at first)—off one of the beds. He sat in the empty space and motioned for Dean to sit across from him, on the other bed.
Then Sam shrunk, and he looked like Dean’s little brother for the first time in a very long time.
“Don’t get mad at me,” he said. “And you can say no—”
“You want to register me,” Dean interrupted.
“No! God, no, Dean. I’d never … Unless you want—”
Dean shook his head.
He did not want to be registered. There was still a lot about it that didn’t really make sense to Dean, but Sam wasn’t on any registry so Dean thought it was a load of crap that he had to be.
“Okay, good.” Sam exhaled a sigh of relief. “I would if you wanted to … But it’s a bad idea, in my opinion. Dad kept you off the registry for the wrong reasons, but it’s good that he did. He sort of fucked himself, honestly. He doesn’t have any legal claim to you and he’ll definitely go to prison if anyone from the Omega Welfare Services finds out he’s been hiding you, and keeping you on illegal drugs, for your entire life.
“If I registered you now … Well, I was a minor when Dad was hiding you, so I probably wouldn’t get in any real trouble. But, I don’t think that they would let you stay with me. You’d probably be assigned to a stranger. And they could be good to you, or … not. I wouldn’t be able to stop it.
“Even if they let me keep you, if anything ever happened to me, you’d go to the next willing alpha. I don’t …” Sam cleared his throat. “I don’t want that for you. You’re a person, Dean. You deserve your own life. Dad would’ve kept you behind that chain-link around the yard until you died. That’s not right.
“It’s going to be really hard. For both of us. Especially in the beginning, while we’re still figuring everything out together. And I mean everything. We have to find ways to make money, and find places to live. If we do this, we’ll be breaking the law, every day—so we won’t be able to stay in one place for very long. And if we get caught, I’ll go to prison and you’ll be given to someone else. We have to make sure no one finds out you’re an unregistered omega. So …”
Sam leaned across the short aisle between them and took both of Dean’s hands.
“Dean, I need you to trust me and I need you to listen to me, no matter what. If I tell you to do something—” Sam stopped and corrected himself. “I will never, ever make you do anything that is bad for you, so if I tell you to do something, I need you to do it.
“Not because I think you’re stupid. You’re not, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. But you know three people, and one of them is Dad. It’s been seven years since Dad let you go anywhere but Bobby’s. I was in fifth grade when he made me stop teaching you. There is so much you don’t know about the world yet.”
The protesting cough from Dean—that wanted to be a pathetic sob—made Sam pause.
“You’re going to learn, fast— I know you will, you’re so smart; I tell you that all the time. In a few years, I’m sure that you’ll catch up to me. But until then, will you please, please, just let me … I dunno, lead the way?”
“Sure, Sammy,” Dean mumbled.
“And if anything doesn’t make sense—even if it’s something I’m telling you to do—I want you to ask me about it. I’m not going to control your entire life like Dad did.”
Dean took a deep breath. “I trust you.”
“Good, thanks.” Sam let go of Dean’s hands and rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs. “Uhm.”
Sam shook his head, as if to himself.
“You can’t take your meds anymore—not the inhibitors, at least. The scent-blockers are fine, you’ll actually have to keep taking those if we’re keeping you unregistered. But the medicine that stops your heat is going to kill you. You’re not taking any more of that shit, ever again.”
He was right; Dean could feel it. His last trip to Bobby’s—his heat, he knew now—was the longest one ever. And Dean really thought that he was going to die during it. If he had another one like that he probably would.
Still, Dean protested. “Sam, you’ve never seen what it’s like. I can’t stop taking that medicine. I go totally crazy. And I get so, so sick … I can’t do that six or more times a year.”
“I know. I’ve read about some omegas that were chronically deprived during their heats; none of them were chemically suppressed like yours, but I think I have a good idea of what to expect.
“But I swear to God, Dean, it’s not supposed to be like that and it won’t be forever. The first few heats you have will probably be the worst, but I think it’ll get easier the longer you’re off of the inhibitors and your body is allowed to work the way it’s supposed to.”
Sam looked like he was bracing himself for a coming impact.
“I want to be your Alpha, Dean, and help you through your heats like your body needs. I’ll take care of you as long as I’m alive. If you meet a girl or a beta that you like and want to be with someday, I can just be there for your heats. And if you find another alpha that you would rather take care of you—one who will treat you right, like a person—then maybe you won’t need me anymore.”
Dean frowned. “I’ll always need you. You’re my brother”
“Do you think I can be your Alpha too?”
Trying not to look awkward, Dean shifted around where he sat and wrung his hands together. He hated when a conversation turned and made him feel far younger than his years.
“Won’t you have to … y’know. Um.” Dean cleared his throat. “Wouldn’t you have to like fuck me?”
That was a word that Dean had learned from Dad: fuck this piece of fucking shit, was a phrase that Dean heard a lot in the garage . He knew it was a curse word, and he used it too. But he didn’t really know what it meant until last night; Sam slipped up and called intercourse, fucking by mistake, so Dean put two and two together.
“Only if that’s okay with you. But, yeah, during your heats I would uh, knot you.”
“Isn’t that sort of weird? You’re my brother …”
“Not for alphas and omegas. Most omegas’ first Alpha is someone in their family, like their dad or their brother. And some omegas never leave their families.”
“Alright, but … I’ve never done that before, Sammy.”
Sam chuckled and Dean leaned across the space between them and punched him in the shoulder.
“Don’t laugh at me, asshole.”
“I’m sorry—just, yeah, I know you’ve never had sex before. I would be really, really surprised if you said that you had. That’s all.”
“Have you?”
“A few times,” Sam said. “With this girl from school, Ruby.”
Dean felt a flash of jealous anger. He didn’t even know what sex was yesterday, and his little brother had already done it.
“Does it hurt?”
“No. Or, at least it shouldn’t hurt. It feels really good, usually. And, apparently it’s way better between alphas and omegas, but I’ve never fucked an omega before so I can’t tell you if that’s true.
“And when you’re in heat, it’ll make it so that you don’t get sick like you used to. A lot of the shit about being an omega is just societal crap, but some of it really is your biology—and mine. Alphas have a component in their semen that signals to the omega’s body to stop flooding it with so much omegatropin, which makes the heat subside.”
Sam was probably making sense, but Dean was overwhelmed. He decided just to trust Sammy—he said that he’d never make Dean do anything that was bad for him. So if Sam thought that they should do this, it couldn’t be bad.
“If we try it, and I don’t like it, can I change my mind?” Dean asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay, Sammy,” Dean said, blushing. “You can be my Alpha.”
December, 2007
Cas made eggs and bacon and toast, and Dean scarfed it down, but Cas didn’t have a bite. Instead he’d blended himself a smoothie that made the room smell like grass and socks and drank that.
“So you don’t want me to fuck you when it starts?” Cas said out of nowhere, when he finished his smoothie.
Dean choked on his eggs.
“Did you just say that because you’re trying to be polite, or do you actually not want me to? Because you’re going to ask me to at some point, you know?”
“Yeah, er—” Dean cleared the remaining bits of egg from his throat. “You don’t have to, is what I said, I think.”
“But you want me to?”
“Well, not now. But, you’re right. Once the inhibitors wear off and my heat starts, I’m going to ask you to fuck me. And if you do, the whole thing will be over faster and I won’t be a delirious, wet annoyance in your apartment for two weeks. I’m just saying, you don’t have to.”
Dean wasn’t crazy about the idea of Cas fucking him, but he was just trying to think of this as something that needed to be done. Like it was at first with Sammy. It was his medicine—the only one that actually worked.
“I’ll fuck you,” Cas said with a nonchalant shrug. “People say I’m good at it.”
“Oh, do they?” Dean said with a snort.
“We’re just mammals, my man. I do it Discovery Channel style—the ladies and the lovers never complain.”
“Ew.” But he laughed. “You are so fucking weird, Cas.”
“The best of us are,” Cas said with a wink.
“We’ve probably got a while until it really starts. At least until tonight.”
Even though he’d taken four of his inhibitors already that day, Dean’s heat was relentlessly crashing through. But he’d had almost five years with Sammy, having his heats every six weeks—more often than most omegas—so Dean knew what the early stages felt like.
He was a little bit warm now, a little bit anxious. The seat of his pants was moist from his slick. But he wasn’t near-blind and flushed scarlet with a high fever, drenched in sweat; and he could think clearly—or, mostly clearly.
“Alright, I’ll probably run out to the store and stock up on groceries first. Is there anything you need? Or that you like to have during your heat?”
“Uhm, you’re probably not going to be able to get me to eat much. But Sa—my Alpha used to get those electrolyte popsicles for kids with the stomach flu, and chocolate protein shakes. I can pay you back—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Cas said. “Are you a nester?”
“A what?”
Cas laughed. “Guess not. Popsicles and protein shakes, coming right up.”
Then he headed out, leaving Dean alone in his apartment. Dean wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do while Cas was out. He finished what he could from his plate, then plopped down in front of the TV and flipped through the channels.
In the usual Cas fashion, his quick trip out to the store lasted hours.
And, after being forced down for two entire years, Dean’s heat was coming faster and harder than ever before—like a roaring flood of lava, bursting from a long-dormant volcano.
When Cas finally came back, Dean had stripped himself down to his socks and his boxers and was standing in front of Cas’ open fridge with his head stuck in the freezer.
“Sorry I took so long, my friend was doing an exhibit in Forest Park and I stopped by. It’s a long ride—they didn’t make this city for bikes, I fucking hate this place.” Then Cas closed the door, turned around, and shut the fuck up for once when he noticed Dean halfway inside his fridge. “Shit, dude.”
Dean waved at him dismissively, panting and trying to make thoughts into words.
“Are you alright?” Cas asked.
He approached Dean and touched his side—Dean flinched and swatted his hand away. Cas took a backward step.
“Gimme a minute,” he grunted.
He still had another hour or two before he would be totally gone. This was just a hot-flash, and when it passed Dean would be able to think again. He gritted his teeth through a cramp in his gut and held back an audible, pained groan.
Soon enough Dean wouldn’t be able to help any sounds he made, or words he said, and he was clinging to his mind while he still controlled it.
After a minute or two, the heat-wave ebbed and Dean took a few heavy, resetting breaths. He turned to Cas, grimacing.
“This is happening a lot faster than I thought it would.” Dean clutched his stomach and took four, panting breaths. “I was gonna tell you— Fuck.” He rubbed his temples. “My heats aren’t normal. I was on inhibitors for like ten straight years and … I dunno, my shit is fucked up now.”
Dean groaned and bent over from a twist in his abdomen.
“Swear to me, Cas—on whatever fucking matters to you—you won’t take me to a hospital.”
Cas nodded, and offered his hand for Dean to take.
“On my whole family,” Cas said. Dean took his hand and Cas shook it sort of theatrically. “I swear, Dean. No one else will ever know about this.”