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The first time it happened, they were rushing to get to school because the one time Shauna decided to risk getting gas for her car in the morning, the only attendant available to help that Monday morning was seemingly born before cars were invented.
“Fucking hell, come on.” Jackie says under her breath as they watch him slowly screw the fuel cap back on.
“That’s it, we’re leaving.” Shauna starts the engine.
“We have to pay!”
“Jax, school starts in like five minutes!”
They’ve been late before, it’s usually not a huge deal. But they both have Trig first period and Mrs. Callahan has had it out for the two of them ever since she caught them passing notes the first week and Shauna just knows that if they aren’t in their seats when the bell rings, they’re absolutely getting detention.
There’s a light knock on Shauna’s window and she quickly rolls it down. “Okay, sweethearts. That’ll be-”
Jackie shoves three 5 dollar bills into his hands, her payment for Shauna being her unofficial chauffeur. “Keep the change!”
Shauna squeals out of the gas station to the sound of Jackie’s surprised laughter and by some miracle, they manage to hit no lights on the remaining mile and pull into the student parking lot.
She parks in the first open spot and yanks her backpack from the backseat before turning to leave.
“Baby!” Jackie calls.
“Yeah?” Shauna’s response is immediate before she whips around, cheeks flushed and heart beating fast from more than just adrenaline.
Did she…did she just
Jackie isn’t looking at her, instead grabbing something from the back and handing it to her.
Shauna’s Trig textbook.
“You forgot this.” Jackie says, smirk on her lips and looking completely unphased.
Shauna swallows, takes it. “Th-thanks.”
“Let’s go.”
They make it to class with mere seconds to spare and Mrs. Callahan purses her lips like she’s disappointed she won’t get to chew them out.
A page number is yelled out, the lesson starts and Shauna doesn’t take in a word of it.
She didn’t mean anything by it
It just slipped out
No shit you responded, who else would she be talking to?
She probably calls Jeff that all the time
You know that’s not true
Stop, you’re being dumb
She didn’t even call me that last night when we-
She probably wanted this, wanted me to obsess over it
(Jackie called me baby)
((I liked it))
/
When Shauna drops Jackie off at her house that evening, she gets out of the car with a “See you tomorrow, baby.”
She doesn’t turn around thankfully, not seeing the mess she’s made of Shauna.
Her journal is a whirlwind that night as she comes to the conclusion that Jackie is definitely doing it on purpose and what the fuck and fuck her and that it’s toeing too close to the line of things they don’t admit to.
Another thing Shauna won’t admit to? She needs it to happen again.
/
She doesn’t have to wait long.
/
Before a party.
“There you go. That color looks great on you, baby.” Jackie compliments, twisting the lip gloss closed.
Shauna pushes down the urge to lick her lips.
At a movie.
“Can I get…thanks, baby.” Jackie whispers as Shauna passes her the popcorn before turning back to the screen.
Shauna’s legs clench when seconds later, they watch as a husband calls his wife baby before kissing her.
After a two days too early birthday call from her dad.
“He didn’t fucking- I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Shauna didn’t realize the word could calm her down too, relaxing into Jackie’s hug as arms tighten around her.
It’s also yet another tool in Jackie’s arsenal, one that makes Shauna even more compliant than usual but without the familiar resentment.
“I think that’s enough for tonight, okay?” Jackie says, nervous look on her face as she stops Shauna from grabbing another beer. And Shauna scoffs, combative words on her tongue until she hears a quiet “Please, baby?”
The can is dropped back in the ice bucket and Jackie’s smiling wide as Shauna picks up a bottle of water instead.
/
It’s been weeks now, weeks of Jackie making her fall apart with a simple (intimate) word and still not understanding why she keeps dealing Shauna this weird rush whenever she feels like it. The one rule Jackie seems to have is the obvious one: it only happens in private.
(Just like the other thing: when innocent kisses during middle school slumber parties High school boys…they know what they’re doing, Shipman and so should we turned into less innocent make outs Something’s not clicking, with Jeff. I need to know what I’m doing wrong which then became wandering hands and slotted thighs Believe me, you’re not missing anything but I can show you, if you want? until finally He does this thing where…I don’t really like it but you, I think you might before slowly dipping her fingers into Shauna’s underwear, gasping at the wetness that proves she was right.
And though Shauna would never admit it to anyone but her journal, it does bother her that Jackie never calls her baby during these moments.
But maybe Jackie only has room for one secret at a time.)
And then at practice, Ally messes up what should’ve been an easy point by kicking the ball directly into the goal post and Shauna becomes a classic case of wrong place/wrong time as the ball bounces off and nails her in the head.
It is by pure fucking luck that it misses her nose and that Ally wasn’t using her full strength. It still shocks Shauna to her core as she falls back on the field, hand over the side of her face in pain as she lays on the ground, cursing through choked cries.
She thinks Van might be next to her, anxiously asking if she’s okay.
Shauna knows when Jackie is next to her, hands shaking but gentle on Shauna’s shoulders.
Afraid, “Baby.” The other voice abruptly pauses. “Let me see, okay? I need to see how bad it is, baby.”
A quiet “The fuck?” Van, definitely Van.
It’s the last thing Shauna wants to do but the combination of Jackie tugging on her wrist and that fucking wordhas her giving in without a fight.
It hurts and she can’t open her eye all the way but it’s enough to make Jackie sigh in relief as she hears the rest of the team loud around them.
Through the chaos of Misty trying to touch her, Lottie pulling her back, Ally trying to pass the blame, Coach Scott trying to talk to her and Van just gaping at them, all she can focus on through blurry eyes is Jackie.
Jackie carefully helping her up. Jackie holding her hand as they walk to the nurse’s office. Jackie driving her car as they head back to Shauna’s house, grateful that she didn’t have a concussion. Jackie deciding to stay over that night and switching out her ice packs and arguing with Jeff on the phone when he didn’t understand why Shauna needing to take it easy meant Jackie needed to cancel their date.
Jackie’s soft good night, baby as she kisses the eyebrow above a fresh black eye before they drift off to sleep in Shauna’s bed.
/
Obviously, Jackie doesn’t start calling her baby in public. That would be fucking ridiculous.
But Shauna can tell that she wants to, each Shauna or Shipman having a new warmth that wasn’t there before.
(It always was.)
/
Except, maybe Jackie does slip up again on the bus ride home from another victorious away game.
For the first fifteen minutes, they were all cheers and chants and light teases as Coach Martinez hypes them up for States. Then the bus turned onto the highway and the exhaustion hit and the last thing Shauna remembers is Jackie falling asleep on her shoulder before following suit.
She’s woken up to Nat lightly tapping her arm and pointing out the window when Shauna gives her an annoyed look.
Oh. They’re back at school.
Shauna only yawns and Nat takes it as confirmation that she’s up before doing the same thing to Tai and Van in front of them.
“Jackie?” She says, flexing her shoulder. “Jax, we’ve reached.”
Jackie snuggles closer. Half asleep, “Five more minutes, baby.”
And red blooms on Shauna’s cheeks as ahead, Nat chokes on a laugh and Van pulls on Tai’s shirt, loudly whispering “See, I told you!”
“Jackie, c’mon.” Shauna pushes her off, watching the other girl’s head bob before shooting up.
“Hey, what the- oh shit, we’re here already?”
She doesn’t think Jackie’s aware of that one.
/
Jackie’s definitely aware of it the next time it slips out in company because it happens in front of her fucking boyfriend.
And Jeff Sadecki has a habit of ruining things for Shauna.
The evening had started out so good, too. Jackie had come over early to help her dress for Mari’s 18th birthday —“The red dress, baby. Trust me.”—, Shauna opened her bedroom window and lit up the joint Randy had given her for her own birthday, and they both got quickly and impressively high within minutes because one of Randy’s redeeming qualities was that he apparently had access to the good shit.
So, yeah. Everything was good and she had only expected the night to get better because even though Jackie didn’t mention it, Shauna was all too aware of the small sleepover bag the other girl had brought with her that was now sitting in Shauna’s closet.
When Jeff honks outside, the two of them are still giggling at some stupid joke Shauna had cracked and they laugh harder when Jackie has a hard time putting her heels on and they’re all smiles when they get in the car and she can’t tell if it’s the smell or how they’re acting that gives them away but Jeff takes one look at them, pulls away from the curb and says “You could’ve waited for me to pre-game.”
It sets them off all over again.
Mari doesn’t live far from her so it’s a short ride that’s filled by the radio and Jeff’s mindless chatter that Jackie is responding to with more enthusiasm than she ever would sober and the mood is light and easy and Shauna’s too busy enjoying the buzz in her head and looking out for an empty spot on Mari’s street that she doesn’t even realize the issue when Jackie takes out the joint from her purse and asks “Want a hit before we go in, baby?”
“Yeah-”
“Definitely!” And Jeff’s delighted voice shocks Shauna into silence, ears ringing and face burning and everything about what just happened feeling wrong wrong wrong.
And it gets infinitely worse when Jeff looks at her in the rearview mirror and shakes his head and chuckles and says “Damn, you might be too high already!”
The pleasant buzz Shauna felt is now a harsh punch in the gut.
Shit.
Shit.
For the first time in human history, Jeff Sadecki might actually be thinking with his brain instead of his dick. Because of course there’s only one person in the car that Jackie should be calling baby and it’s not Shauna. Because that wouldn’t make any fucking sense and Shauna has been so fucking stupid this whole time by letting herself believe that yeah, maybe this can be normal for them when she knows it’s anything but and the fact that it’s Jackie’s boyfriend checking Shauna on her stupidity makes it all the more humiliating.
Her eyes are already red and glassy but she blinks the burning back anyways and Jackie chokes out Don’t be an ass, she’s fine and gets a mumbled apology back and they find an open spot at the end of the street and get out and Shauna’s refusing to meet Jackie’s eyes and Jeff asks for the joint and reluctantly gets it before saying “Thanks, baby.”
And Shauna can’t fucking be here anymore and takes off down the street towards Mari’s house, ignoring Jackie’s calls of her name.
Shauna grabs a 6 pack from the kitchen, stomps up the stairs and down the long hall into an empty guest bedroom, and locks the door before sitting back against it.
Keeping the lights off so she doesn’t have to look at herself, she chugs the first light beer and after grimacing at the piss flavor, she cracks open the second.
And begins to spiral.
She probably was talking to him
Maybe she calls him that all the time
Maybe it means nothing to her and you’ve been acting like an idiot this whole time
(Rational thinking has never been Shauna’s strong suit. Alcohol certainly doesn’t help.)
I bet that first time was a mistake and she only calls me it now out of pity when she saw I liked it
(Case in point.)
Well, I don’t
I don’t like it
She thinks she can just say or do whatever she fucking wants and I’ll just accept it because she’s Jackie and
Speaking of-
Panicked, “Shauna, are you in here?” Before the door opens against her.
“Jesus, Jackie! Can you fucking knock?” Shauna bites out, rubbing the back of her head as she stands up.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere! You just disappeared.” Jackie tells her, closing the door shut behind her and hitting the lock as she stares Shauna down.
“Well, maybe I didn’t want to be found.” It’s a petulant tone, one that Jackie likes to joke is her sign that Shauna has made the switch from “handling her liquor” to “very much not”.
(One that Jackie hasn’t heard for a couple months now, a worried touch and a certain word soothing Shauna well before she gets to this point.)
She guesses that’s why Jackie looks down so fast, the graveyard of beers below them twinkling like stars in the sky as they catch the party lights from outside.
“Dammit. I wanted to see if you were okay but, obviously…” Jackie trails off, gesturing below them.
Shauna rolls her eyes. She has no right to be on her high horse right now, not when she’s the one calling Shauna…that after half a joint.
Jackie continues. “Look, can we…can we just talk, please? I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have-”
“Don’t be.” Shauna says, looking down for the last beer she had. She finds the only can that’s upright, the rest crunched out of shape. “It doesn’t matter.” Just like everything else.
The beer’s pretty much empty. She goes to take a sip anyways.
“Baby, please, can you sto-”
“Stop calling me baby, I fucking hate it!” Shauna yells at her.
Jackie flinches, the words cutting through her like a knife as the concern in her eyes shifts into hurt.
“You…you don’t…why didn’t you say anything?”
It’s strained, like the question had to be clawed from Jackie’s throat and Shauna stops, hesitates because she doesn’t have an answer for that since it’s a lie she’s lying but she is not going down that easy and the alcohol is fiery in her blood and she’s looking to fight so “What do you care? You’ll just do what you want, like always.”
She wants Jackie to fight back and it works because eyes narrow and arms cross and “You don’t mean that.” and Shauna laughs and gears up except “You like it.”
And Shauna shouldn’t have fucking hesitated because Jackie saw right through it.
“No, I fucking don’t.”
“Yes, you fucking do,” Jackie moves closer, “baby.”
“Jackie-”
Closer, “Yes, baby?”
And Jackie’s now in front of her and Shauna wants to scream again but the air is charged in the way it always is when they’re in a dark room behind a locked door and Jackie’s eyes are soft when she asks “Can you put the beer down, baby?” and Shauna finds that her anger is slipping just like the empty can from her hand and gets a “Thank you, baby.” in return and Jackie tucks some of Shauna’s hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek and Shauna leans into it and Jackie quietly asks “Do you really hate when I call you baby?”
Shauna’s “No” is almost inaudible, whispered into the scant space between them.
A light tsk as Jackie presses their foreheads together and Shauna almost leans in to kiss her except there’s fond exasperation in Jackie’s voice when she says “Then why would you say that?”
And the fact that Jackie still doesn’t get it, still seems to think of it as a normal thing brings some of that bitterness back in Shauna. She pulls away the tiniest bit and Jackie pouts. “Because I’m not the one you should be calling that.”
Jackie lets out a sad laugh, shaking her head. “Baby,” both hands cupping Shauna’s face now, “Jeff doesn’t matter.”
“He’s your boyfriend.”
“He doesn’t matter.” Jackie repeats, resolute. “Haven’t you realized that by now? After everything?”
“You say that but if he doesn’t matter then why are you with him?” Shauna doesn’t mean to whine but still, she does.
“So I can be with you.”
Jackie says it like it’s the most obvious truth in the world.
(It is. It always was.)
Shauna doesn’t know who kisses who but they are and finally and Jackie’s sighing into her mouth and Shauna’s pulling her closer and Jackie’s tugging in her hair just how she likes and Shauna sucks on her tongue the way Jackie likes and Jackie tugs harder before breaking the kiss to press her lips to Shauna’s cheek, chin, jaw, neck, neck, neck, pulse point and Shauna moans and “Say it,” and “Baby” and Shauna bites her lip and whimpers and “Say it again” and Jackie grabs her breast and moans and “Baby” and Shauna wants nothing more than to fall back on the bed and
The only warning they have is loud footsteps coming down the hallway and they spring apart and Shauna can see the blush on Jackie’s face despite the dark and knows her own must match her dress and the door flies open and Mari looks pissed.
“I would laugh at you two gaywads choosing the one fucking room that doesn’t lock but Randy just threw up in my fucking pool and you need to get his ass out of here.”
So they do, the two of them in the back as Jeff keeps eyeing Randy in the passenger’s seat and tells him not to puke in his car and why the fuck did he drink so much Rumple Minze?
“The ladies love it.” Randy turns to wink at her before looking like he’s ready for round two.
Thankfully, they’re down the street from Shauna’s house and the two of them walk the rest of the way and Shauna unlocks the door and they go to her room and Jackie picks up back where she was and “Say-” and “Baby” and this time they do make it to the bed and
Baby
Baby
Baby
As they lay there together in the dark, panting in the afterglow and dresses a mess, Jackie starts humming.
It’s familiar, so familiar, and Shauna can’t place it until-
“Oh, God.” Shauna groans.
Jackie smiles and starts singing.
“Girl, don’t you know you can’t escape me?
Ooh darlin’ cause you’ll always be my-”
Shauna kisses her to shut her up and they both laugh.