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Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s House (formerly Safehouse)]

Katrina
(soft snoring)

Jon
(soft footsteps) (flicking lightswitch)
(sing-song) Oh, Kat-rina!

Katrina
(stops snoring)

Jon
Little Eyeball, rise and shine
(gentle shaking)
…
(static) (amused, teasing) I Know you’re awake, you can’t fool me.

Katrina
(exasperated sigh) (sitting up) Ugh! Why can’t Martin come to wake me up?!

Jon
(amused) Well it seems like Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning

Katrina
(exasperated) Ugh!
(gets out of bed)
(starts angrily getting dressed)

Jon
Um… is everything… okay?

Katrina
I don’t Know. I just feel Upset today.

Jon
(somewhat concerned) Hmm… maybe you’re sick…?

Katrina
(snapping) Don’t TOUCH ME!

Jon
(taken aback) Um, okay… I’ll… I’ll give you your space
(departing footsteps)

Martin
(half-asleep) What’s going on?

Jon
(tired) It appears our little Eyeball is in a Mood this morning

Martin
Ah, I see.

Jon
(wry) I am going to lie down and soothe my wounded pride at being so wholly beaten down by a six year old. It’s your turn.

Martin
(soft chuckle) (footsteps)
Hi Little Eyeball -

Katrina
LEAVE ME ALONE!

Martin
Um… okay?
(departing footsteps)
Um, Jon… maybe do your Eye thing… see if there’s something the matter?

Jon
(thoughtful) Well… I don’t want to invade her privacy…

(sound of shattering glass from other room)

Katrina
(muffled expletives)

Jon
(concerned) … On second thought, maybe I should… you go clean that up.

Martin
(somewhat amused) The mess or our daughter’s language?

Jon
(amused) Well, the mess… the language she likely got from us. We really should be more careful if we don’t want her repeating it.

Martin
Fair. I shall go explain that one does not say those sorts of things At School.

Jon
(audibly shaking head lovingly, soft chuckle) (static)
(realization) Ah

(argument from other room)

Katrina
I did NOT mean to break the mug, it just didn’t come off the shelf well and it made me IRRITATED!

Martin
Be that as it may, you can’t just yank glass dishes off the shelf because they irritate you!

Jon
(calmly) Martin, Katrina, let’s calm down a bit okay?

Katrina
(furious) YOU CAN’T -

Jon (interrupting)
(calmly) Martin, can you put one of the not-too-gory statements in the tape recorder? I have them in a labeled box next to the others. It appears that our little Eyeball is Hangry.

…

Katrina
(so very embarrassed, ashamed, tearful) I am so sorry…

Jon
(hug, soft chuckle) Oh, I get it. It can be difficult sometimes and I’m here to help you while you learn to work through it. It just means you’re farther along in the Beholding and need to start feeding on statements - I honestly had suspicions this might happen at some point. Currently that means listening to tapes but once you’ve learned to read we’ll start you on those as well.

Martin
(softly) Just letting you two know, it’s eight fifteen…

Jon
Oh, we’d better hurry

Katrina
(stressed) I can’t be late for my first day of school!

Jon
It’s okay -
(problem-solving) we’ll say it’s my fault. Just say… your parents slept in. Yes, that seems legitimate.

…

(opening door)

Martin
She’s at school now!
(gently) How is your statement?

Jon
(somewhat disappointed, weak) Not very satiating, unfortunately. It’s getting harder and harder to… manage.

Martin
(concerned) Exactly how much Have you been forcing the energy around Katrina?

Jon
(weak, exhausted) Let’s just say I’m actually relieved she has school now. I love her and having her around but… I can’t let her see me like this.
(softly) Can you help me to bed? I’ve been trying to get up for five minutes or so… and just keep falling back down into the chair.

Martin
(concerned) Jon, this isn’t Good.

Jon
(wry chuckle) Well, no. Clearly.

Martin
(long sigh) Oh Jon…

Jon
(softly) Please just help me get to bed - I’m exhausted after this morning. It… it took a lot out of me.

Martin
(gently) Of course
Do you want me to just carry you?

Jon
(relieved) Yes, please

Martin
(scooping up Jon)
(slight gasp)
(footsteps)
(gently sitting Jon in bed and tucking him in)
(deeply concerned) How are you feeling?

Jon
Just… weak and tired.

Martin
(sigh) We need to find you a better source of statements. This is going to kill you if it keeps up like this

Jon
(somewhat annoyed) I’m Fine, Martin!

Martin
… Jon. When’s the last time you’ve been around me without a sweater?

Jon
Hmm?

Martin
It’s not even cold, Jon. It’s early September.

Jon
(somewhat agitated) I’m cold

Martin
(concerned) I know… you’re also Way lighter than the last time I carried you.

Jon
(somewhat defensive) I’m… I’m fine, Martin.

Martin
(dubious) Jon?

Jon
(long sigh) Okay so maybe I’ve lost some weight too but it’s Fine Martin.
(softly) And even if it’s not, there’s not much I can actually do about it.

Martin
(concerned) Jon…

Jon
(coughs weakly)

Martin
(concerned sound)

Jon
(soft sigh) I’m fine, Martin.

Martin
I’ll get you some more blankets, okay?

Jon
(grateful) Thank you

Chapter Text

[Katrina’s school]

Katrina
(excitedly skipping) It’s Parent Professor night! I can’t wait to show you my professor! And my desk - I decorated it in EYES!

Jon
(soft chuckle)

Martin
(forced cheer) Let’s go!
(whispered, to Jon) Are you sure you don’t need to wait in the car?

Jon
(whispered, somewhat archly) I’m fine

Martin
(whispered, somewhat teasing) If you Say so

Katrina
Hurry! Hurry!

Martin
(snort of laughter) We’re not as fast as you, little Eyeball. Give us some more time!

Katrina
(exaggerated sigh) Okay, FINE!

Martin
(chuckles)

Jon
(weak chuckle)

…

Katrina’s professor
Hello, and you would be Katrina’s parents?

Martin
Um, yes. I’m Martin, this is Jon. Pleased to meet you.

Jon
(sitting down with a thud)
(audible wince)

Martin
(sitting down, gently putting a steadying hand on Jon’s shoulder)
(quiet concerned sound)

Katrina’s professor
… Is everything okay?

Jon
(quickly) Yes. I’m fine.

Martin
(changing the subject) So, how has Katrina been in class?

…

Katrina
Jon! Martin! I want to show you my desk!

Martin
Let’s see it then!

Jon
(getting up with a struggle) Show me those Eyes!

(hurried light footsteps)

Martin
Oh, so pretty! So glittery!

Jon
I approve of the Eyes. I also love how they’re surrounding the Giant Eye.

Katrina’s professor
(somewhat nervous chuckle) She’s… got an active imagination. I don’t know what it is with the eyes but…

Katrina
EYES! I LOVE EYES!
(spinning in circles, chanting)
I love the Ceaseless Watcher! May we all live under its Glorious Gaze!

Katrina’s professor
(very uncomfortable sound)

Jon
(audible wink, pointedly pushes out cane)
It kind of runs in the family

Katrina’s professor
(very uncomfortable) Um… okay then…

Martin
(reading the room unlike the rest of his family) Uh, not everyone starts decorating for Halloween in September, maybe we don’t rush everyone else?

Katrina’s professor
(relieved) Oh, Halloween
(soft chuckle)

Katrina
No, it’s -

Martin
(audible warning look)

Katrina
(static) Ah, yes. Halloween.

(approaching footsteps)
(gasps from Jon and Katrina)

Katrina’s professor
Oh, it looks like another family just came in

Jon
(deeply uncomfortable) Um, yes

Katrina
(confused) I… I feel hungry all of a sudden?

Jon
(concerned) You do?

Katrina
Yah… it’s weird.

Jon
(to Martin) We should leave

Martin
Okay, let’s go

…

Martin
So, I’m going to guess that someone in that family had a statement?

Jon
Oh, yes. A good one.

Katrina
Oh, is that why I got hungry?

Jon
I’m concerned it might be…

Katrina
Can we go out for pizza?

Jon
Um, sure.

Katrina
Yay!

Martin
(gently, somewhat concerned) Can you handle it, Jon?

Jon
I’ll be fine

Martin
(dubious) Ookay…
(opening car door) Here you go, I’m going to buckle Katrina into her carseat.

…

[Pizza restaurant]

Katrina
YAY! PIZZA! It smells SO GOOD!
(rushing footsteps)

Martin
Katrina! We’re in a parking lot!

Jon
(static) Come back and hold Martin’s hand.

Katrina
(frustrated sigh)
(returning footsteps)

Jon
(teasing) You know not to run off in parking lots

Katrina
(exasperated sigh) Yes

Martin
(teasing) Jon’s just no fun, huh?

Katrina
(giggle)

Jon
(archly) Hey! I’m just trying to keep us all alive I’ll have you know!

Jon, Martin, Katrina
(giggles)

Jon
(coughing)

Martin, Katrina
(still giggling)

Jon
(coughing harder)

Martin
(concerned) Jon? Are you okay?

Jon
(coughing) Just - just a minute
(bracing himself on his cane with one hand, coughing with the other)

(loud car radio, rapidly approaching way too fast for a parking lot)

Martin
What the -

Katrina
(shrieks)

(sound of impact)

Martin
JON!
(rushing footsteps)

(car door opening)
(rushing footsteps)

Driver
Oh G, Oh G, I am SO SORRY! I - I didn’t see you -

Martin
JON?!?!

Katrina
JON???

…

Paramedic 1
Stay with us Mr. Blackwood-Sims, okay?
(loading up stretcher)

Martin
(sniffling)

Annabelle
I’ll take her home and watch her tonight, don’t worry. You go with Jon.
(to Katrina) Come on little Eyeball.

Martin
(sniffling) Thank you

…

[Hospital]

Martin
(sniffling)

Jon
(stirring) M-Martin?

Martin
JON!

Jon
Where… where are we?

Martin
(concerned) You got hit by a car.

Jon
What?
(static) Oh.
(Very annoyed) They were texting and driving.

Martin
Wow.

Jon
I know. Wow.
(muttered) Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze upon that wretched thing…

Martin
(snort of laughter) Jon!

Jon
(soft chuckle) What? It’s Deserved.

Martin
(chuckles)

(approaching footsteps)

Driver
I am So so sorry, I - I didn’t notice -

Jon
(contemptuously) No, I suppose you wouldn’t have.

Driver
(stunned silence)

Jon
(intrigued sound)

Martin
What is it, Jon?

Jon
(to driver) Please leave

Driver
I… I… I really am sorry…

Jon
Please. Leave.

Driver
Now wait, you’re being unfair -

Jon
(desperate) Please?

Driver
No, I’m going to stay until you hear my piece -

Jon
(static) Fine. Tell me your story then.

Martin
(horrified) Oh… oh no… um…
(to driver) You… you should leave…
(to Jon) Call it off! Call it OFF!

Jon
(immense effort) (static) You… you may go.
(collapses back into pillows)

Driver
(hurried footsteps out of room)

Jon
(weakly) I’m… I’m sorry Martin…

Martin
(gently) I don’t blame you, Jon. It’s okay.

Jon
(weak sniffle)

Chapter Text

(alarm)

Jon
Ughhhh nooo

Martin
(yawn) I'll get her ready for school, you keep sleeping okay? I'll come back once she's on the bus though I Might get some groceries first, depending on what the kitchen looks like this morning and how much energy that morning cup of tea gives me.

Jon
(groan of appreciation)
(rustling sound)
(soft snoring)

Martin
(affectionately) Aw
(getting out of bed)

…

Martin
(very very excited) Jon? Jon are you awake?!?!

Jon
(blearily) Well, I certainly am Now

Martin
Oh…sorry…
But Jon! Jon! Look!
(rustling paper) I got a Job! At the local shop! Selling tea and helping take care of the cows!
(spinning in circles of pure exhilarated joy) Yay, Webby Goodness!

Jon
(pleasantly surprised) Wow, that's great. Congratulations Martin!

Martin
(wry chuckle) And soon I'll be able to pay those bills that have just been making a pile on the table that I've been trying not to let you see

Jon
Oh, I Know about the bills Martin.
I always Know.

Martin
(serious) How are you feeling though? If anything you've gotten worse since parent professor night

Jon
(amused) You mean the night I got hit by a car?
Shocker.

Martin
(snort of laughter) Okay, okay, when you put it That way
(audible eye-roll and smirk)
But seriously, you're an Avatar, getting hit in a parking lot shouldn't be enough to leave you this way.

Jon
(static) They were going ninety kilometers an hour.

Martin
WHAT?!?

Jon
Yep.
Why do you think I flew through the air?

Martin
…Because you're tiny?

Jon
(trying to stifle laughter and failing)
(archly) I'm not That tiny!

Martin
(in shock) Wow. If you were human…

Jon
I’d most likely be dead, yah.
(wry chuckle) As it is, most of the broken bones and other internal injuries healed before the paramedics even got to me. Which I Know because the Eye told me after - thankfully, I was no longer conscious at that point. This is what’s left of That. So I count myself lucky. And the driver - hopefully they learned a lesson and don’t hit anybody else.

Martin
I should have let you eat their statement.

Jon
(snort of laughter) No, Martin…

Martin
No, I should have.
(sniffles) They could have…

Jon
(gently) Martin, I’m okay

Martin
(sobbing) I… I could have lost you
(sobbing hysterically, falling into Jon’s arms)

Jon
Ow ow ow
(falling backwards into pillows)

Martin
(concerned) Oh, sorry - are you okay???

Jon
Just… in pain. But I’ll be okay.
(rustling, adjusting)

Martin
(soft sigh) Would you like some tea?

Jon
Yes please

…

(front door flinging open)

Katrina
I’m home!
(racing footsteps)

Martin
Welcome home, little Eyeball!

Katrina
Where’s Jon?

Martin
He’s still in bed since he’s hurt.

Katrina
Ah, yah that makes sense.
(racing footsteps)
Jon! Jon! Jon! How are you feeling?

Jon
(tired chuckle) I’m okay, little Eyeball.

Katrina
(leaping up onto bed)
(pouncing on Jon in a hug)

Jon
(squeak of pain)
I… I think your arm…went between my ribs…
Oh G, Oh G that hurts…

Martin
Oh, Katrina!
(quickly tears her off)
(deeply concerned) Your spider-web ribs, they were damaged in the hit weren’t they?

Jon
(gasping)
Obliterated, actually.
And they haven’t come back yet since I’m healing… actual ‘injuries’ first.
(falling back into pillows) (groaning)

Martin
(deeply concerned) Jon? JON?

Jon
I… I… I don’t…
(gasping)
I don’t… feel… well…
(gasping)

…

[Hospital room]

Doctor
We don’t understand how you’re missing two ribs but you did have a collapsed lung that caused your breathing issues.

Jon
But… it’s fixed now, right?
I can go home?

Doctor
(gently) That wasn’t all that was wrong, Mr. Blackwood-Sims.

Jon
What?

Doctor
(gently) Have you been having general weakness, exhaustion, or fatigue lately?

Jon
Um…

Martin
(fervently, concerned) Yes, yes he has. Why, what’s wrong?

Doctor
(gently) Mr. Blackwood-Sims, your heart is very damaged and only working at around ten percent capacity.

Jon
That… doesn’t sound good.

Chapter Text

[Hospital room]

Jon
(forced cheer) Who’d have thought that being stabbed through the heart, being electrocuted multiple times, and otherwise dying on several occasions would cause heart issues?

Martin
(sniffling) It’ll be okay, Jon. We’ll make it through.

Jon
(snort of laughter) It’s not like I’m Dying, Martin. If I were human, sure, that would be a concern. For an Avatar… it’s more unpleasant.

Martin
(sniffling) I don’t want to lose you, Jon.

Jon
(kisses Martin’s forehead)
(gently) You’re going to have to put on a brave face when Katrina gets out of school. What are we even going to tell her?

Martin
Well, she’s going to Know everything anyway so it’s not like we can sugar-coat it.

Jon
(rueful) Oh, Beholding!
But you’re right.
(long sigh) Okay then. So we’ll tell her… that I’m tired and weak all the time because of not only the lack of statements but also heart issues.

Martin
(hopeful) Which might get a bit better if you were to take some of those statements?

Jon
(sighs) I’m… I’m not sure. I mean, a statement helped after my coma. But paper statements don’t work anymore

Martin
Then in person statements

Jon
But this appears to be a more long-term issue. I think at best it’d provide a temporary reprieve.

Martin
Then you could eat more statements.

Jon
(sigh) Again, I’m not dying, Martin.
(quiet, quickly) Well, not from the heart problems anyway.

Martin
I caught that.

Jon
(long sigh)

Martin
Look. We’re going to find you a way to eat. I’m not going to let you Starve.

Jon
That’s not what you said years ago when you first caught me taking statements.

Martin
(long sigh) I know… but I wasn’t… My opinions on some things have changed since then.

Jon
(gently) I can’t traumatize people for life, Martin. Not just so I can eat. It’s wrong.
I’ll just be hungry.

Martin
(firmly) Jon. This is non-negotiable. I’ll find bad people, or whatever, but you’re Going To Eat.

Jon
Martin, I -
(coughing, gasping)

Martin
JON?!?!

Jon
I - I just need… to lie down
(falling back into pillows)

Martin
(worried sound)

Jon
(ragged wheezing)

Martin
(worried sound)

…

[Jon and Martin’s room]

Jon
(soft snoring)

Martin
(gently ruffling Jon’s hair)
(kissing his forehead)

Katrina
(quietly) Is Jon okay?

Martin
(quietly) He’s sleeping right now, let’s let him rest. He’s had a long week

Jon
(stirs slightly)

Martin
(soft shushing sounds)
(rustling of tucking him in cozier)
(softly) Katrina, can you… can you See who has statements?

Katrina
Yes, I think so… apparently they make me feel hungry.

Martin
(hesitant) … Can you tell… if they’re… good or bad people?

Katrina
Like…?

Martin
Like… if they hit or traumatize those around them or in their care. Or do things that hurt others on purpose.

Katrina
Hmm. I might be able to… why?

Martin
(gently) Jon… he doesn’t Want to but he really Has to eat people’s statements. He’s starving. So I’m trying to find someone he can more… ethically… read from.

Katrina
Hmm…

Martin
Hmm. Actually… how about… landlords?

Katrina
Landlords?

Martin
Use the Eye.

Katrina
(static) Oh, okay.

Martin
(thoughtful) Yes… that should work.
(confident, determined) Okay, we have a plan. I’ll pull up some information on local landlords, you see which ones have statements. Sound like a plan?

Katrina
Yep!

…

Martin
Hello. We’d like to rent from you

Landlord
Um, okay? You know that’s not how it Works, right? I already have tenants -

Katrina
(static) Come with us.

(footsteps)
(opening car door)

Jon
(confused) Why… why do you have someone with you?
(hungry) Oh… Martin, he has a statement… you should… send him away…

Martin
(gently) Jon, that’s precisely the point.

Katrina
(static) Get in the car.

Landlord
(sitting down)

Jon
(protesting) No, this… this is wrong…

Martin
He’s a landlord, Jon. And I had Katrina Look into him - He recently evicted a single mom with five kids because she couldn’t afford the rent even though he was doing perfectly fine on his own bills without the rent money. Go ahead, Jon. Eat.
Katrina and I will go grocery shopping while you’re busy. Just give me a call when you’re done.

Jon
(long sigh) Okay then.
(static) Tell me your story.

…

Landlord
(sniffling) Um… that was…

Jon
Thank you. You may go now.

Landlord
(opening car door, hurriedly getting up, closing door with a slam, hurrying away)

Jon
(relaxed sigh) Ahhh I feel… sooo much better
(rustling in pocket) (dialing)
Martin? Yes… I’m done…. It was Marvelous, thank you… see you soon

…

(opening car door)

Martin
(excited) How are you feeling?

Jon
Sooo much better, thank you.

Katrina
Yay!
What was the statement about?

Jon
A particularly aggressive colony of mice in the yard of one of his rental properties.
I actually found myself rooting for the mice in that one - that man was exactly the kind of person who deserves to be attacked by angry mice.
(relaxed sigh, soft chuckle) Oh, thank you Martin, Katrina. That was…
(so relaxed) Delicious

Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s house]

(typing)

Martin
Ah, got one.

Jon
Hmm?

Martin
This person reported an encampment to the police because it “interfered with his quiet morning walks.”

Jon
Ah, yes. Do your thing, Martin.

…

Martin
Well, he’s well and traumatized now. He got chased on his “quiet morning walk” - well, more like “screamy morning run” - by around 500 very angry, very bitey spiders.

Jon
Nice.
(static) Ah, he’s at the local cafe. I think we shall have a Chat.
(getting up)
(kissing Martin)
(departing footsteps)

…

Morning walker
(shaking, terrified)

Jon
Hello.
(sitting down)

Morning walker
P-please, w-who are you?

Jon
I am the Archivist.
(static) Now, tell me your story.

…

Morning walker
(sobbing hysterically) And… I don’t feel safe anymore… in my own town… so many spiders… they chased me away from my trail… like… they didn’t want me there. They wanted me gone, regardless of the fact that I had a right to be there too!

Jon
Hmm.
Well, thank you for your time.
Maybe use this as an opportunity for some personal reflection.
(departing footsteps)

…

Katrina
(sniffling)

Martin
What’s wrong, Eyeball?

Katrina
Kathy, my classmate… her mom threatened to burn her stuff this past weekend because she didn’t clean her room well enough. She’s really scared and sad all the time because of things her parents do but there’s nothing she can do

Jon
(grimly) Martin, I think we have our next mission.

…

Martin
(hefting a flame thrower on one arm)
(knocking)

(opening door)

Kathy’s mom
Um… what?

Martin
I’m here from the HOA to make sure your yard looks neat and orderly.
Hint: It does Not.

Kathy’s mom
What?

Martin
So, I burn.
(begins torching yard)

Kathy’s mom
(screams in shock)
This… this can’t be LEGAL?!!

Martin
Ah, but it IS fun.
(continues torching yard)
(amused) Hmm, hope you didn’t like that Lawn Ornament…
Or that Bugati

…

Jon
How did it go?

Martin
Oh, so very well. She is well and truly traumatized.

Jon
(hungrily) Good.
Well, Katrina, I’m off to pay your classmate’s mom a visit at work. I don’t foresee her being an issue for your friend Any More.

Katrina
(cheers)

…

Jon
Martin, I think I found one. This landlord refused to fix the electrical wiring in their rental unit and it burned down. Fortunately they all made it out but they lost everything.

Martin
Ah, this sounds like something I can work with.

…

(knocking)

Landlord
Hello?

Martin
Hi. Have you had your electrical wires checked recently?

Landlord
… um, what?

Martin
I’m here to check your electrical wires. That’s what I do. Electrical wire checker.

Landlord
(dubiously) That’s… that’s not a Thing.

Martin
Ah, no, not really.
But I do bring FLAMING SPIDERS!
(throws flaming spiders into the house)

Landlord
(screaming, running around, panicking)

(flames crackling as flaming spiders crawl everywhere spreading their FLAMES)

Martin
Don’t worry! These spiders aren’t harmed by the flames - in fact, they get BIGGER the more fire there is!

Landlord
(more panicked screaming)

…

Jon
So, how did it go?

Martin
(audible smirk) Oh, so well. But don’t you already Know?

Jon
Yes, I just like to hear you say it.

Martin
(stepping closer)
Ah, yes. Such an Archivist.

Jon
(stepping even closer)
Always in need of a statement

Martin
(whispered) I can give you one
(kissing)

Jon
(pulling away for a second)
(pointedly) Katrina, go to your room please!

Katrina
(giggles, runs away)
(opening and closing door)

Jon
(whispered) I’ll take that statement now, please

Martin
(wicked cackle)
(extending fangs)

Jon
(happy noises)

Chapter Text

[Martin's job, cash register]

Martin
(humming softly to himself, quiet sounds of tidying up)

(door bell ringing, door opening)

Martin
Good morning, how may I help you?

Customer
(nervous) Are you…
(whispered) Are you the Avenging Fire Angel?

Martin
Um, what?

Customer
The name that’s been given to the person who’s been going around sicking fire and spiders on people - it’s been all over the news. The police have no clue but
(somewhat maniacal) I’ve been putting the pieces together…
I’ve… I’ve seen photos
(rustling in pocket, taking out phone)
(tapping)
They’re all… very distorted somehow, you can’t really make out a person

Martin
(soft chuckle) Thank you, Jon

Customer
But… I think it’s you, right? Your silhouette? I mean, I’ve seen you every day here… I come here all the time.

Martin
(awkward) Uh, of course not. You must be mixing me up with someone else.
(end of discussion) Was there something else you needed?

Customer
(desperate) No, please. You… you punish the wicked, right?

Martin
I… I have no idea what you’re talking about.

(buzzing)

Martin
Excuse me
(rustling in pocket for phone)
(muttered) Ah, Jon is hungry. I mean it has been a couple weeks since he’s fed…
(putting phone back in pocket)
(soft sigh) Okay. Let’s say that I do. Exactly who is this wicked person and what did they do?

…

Martin
(thrilled) Jon! Jon! We’ve got someone!

Jon
(somewhat weakly but hopeful) Hmm?

Martin
They own a dog fighting ring.

Jon
(horrified gasp)

Martin
(hesitantly) … And they use cats.

Jon
(sitting up, filled with a new fire) Ah. There are Several reasons why I’m interested in going There.

…

(knocking)
(opening door)

Sabrina
Hi, so you called? It was a five hour drive so this had better be good.

Martin
Oh, it will be. I promise.
(wicked cackle)

…

Basil
(excited, hungry) So… are there any rules?

Martin
Leave them Alive and physically able to talk so they can give a statement to Jon after. He can compel them so trauma won't be an issue but they've still got to be able to physically form words.
Other than that, nope.
Oh, and obviously don’t hurt any of the animals.

Basil
Well, duh.

Sabrina
(cackle of absolute glee)

(opening door)

Dog ring leader (DRL)
Password?

Sabrina
Hmm… I’m having trouble remembering…

DRL
Well, without a password you’re not getting in. I run a tight operation.

Basil
Well, I don’t have a password per say… but I Do have a key? Would that work?

DRL
Um, what?

(metallic sound)

Basil
(stabs deeply)

DRL
(shout/moan of pain, gasp)
(collapses)

(footsteps)

Jon
(icily) (static) Where. Are. The. Cats?

…

Sabrina
Hi Jon, don’t worry, he’s still alive. As are the others.

Jon
(icily) Hmm. Thank you.

Sabrina
(cackles) … but not well

Jon
(bitterly pleased) Good.

Sabrina
… Are you carrying a kitten?

Jon
Yes. The no-kill shelter didn’t have any room for her and I’ve been meaning to get a cat anyway.
Why?

Sabrina
(soft chuckle) You just… you’re not as imposing a figure carrying a soft ball of fluff.

Jon
(pets cat) (somewhat archly) Super villains have cats!

Sabrina
But usually not Kittens.

Jon
(cooing) Good kitty!

Kitten
(purrs)

Jon
(cooing) Yes, yes you Are!
(pets cat with a happy sigh)

Jon
(straightening up) So.
(icily) Where is this
(so much venom) Statement Giver?

…

[Martin's work]

Martin
(dusting, humming softly to himself)

(doorbell rings, door opens)

Customer
(fervently) Thank you

Martin
Hmm?

Customer
I've seen the news - they've been taken down. All the dogs and cats were rescued and when the leaders of the organization get out of the hospital they won't be causing any more issues.

Martin
(subtly pleased) Ah. Well that is good
(curious) Just wondering, did the news say anything about where they'll be kept after?

Customer
Um, I don't recall. Why?

Martin
No reason.
(soft chuckle) Just meal planning.

…

[Jon’s and Martin’s, dinner table]

Katrina
We learned about the letter A today!

Martin
That’s impressive! Are you able to write it yet?

(pencil scratching)

Katrina
(somewhat frustrated) I’m still working in getting the line part right

Jon
(reassuring) Oh, it’s okay. It was difficult for me too

Martin
(amused) … was?

Jon
Hey!

Martin
(innocently) Well, I’m just saying things go better when I’m the one writing the grocery lists.

Katrina
(giggles)

…

[Martin’s job]

Martin
(sweeping floor, singing quietly to himself)

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Customer
Hello, Is this where I can meet with the Avenging Fire Angel?

Martin
(muttered, frustrated) Why do people keep coming here asking that?
(sitting broom down)
Um, hello? How may I help you?

Customer 1
(reverantly) Is it you? Are you the one with the flaming hair and fangs who distributes torment amongst those who deserve it?

Martin
Um… what?
I just work here.
(helpfully) I’m the cashier

Customer 1
(somewhat disappointed) Oh… sorry.

Martin
Oh, it’s fine.

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Jon
Hi, Martin. You forgot your lunch at home.
It’s muffins with extra bugs!

Martin
(pointedly) Um, Jon!

Jon
Ah, sorry.
(to customer) Excuse me
(hugs Martin)

Martin
(happy sounds)

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Customer 2
Hello, do you have any soap?

Jon
(turning around to face customer) (static)

Martin
Hmm, let me check -
(departing footsteps)

Customer 2
Ew, a bug!
(rustling)
(spraying)

Jon
ACK!
(coughing, spluttering, choking)

Martin
JON!

Jon
(collapses, choking)

Martin
(scoops Jon up)
(rushes out of building)

Jon
(choking, gasping)

Customer 1
(running after)
Oh no, is he okay?

Martin
(stressed) I… I hope so after he gets some fresh air. He just got hit Right in the face with that bug spray

Jon
(coughing, choking)

Martin
(stressed) Jon, breathe, okay?

Jon
(twitching)

Martin
OH G!

Jon
(extending fangs)
(twitching)

Customer 1
Um… WHAT?

Martin
(panicked) Get me that hose over there!

Customer 1
(hurrying, dragging over hose)

Martin
(turning on hose and rinsing Jon off in a panic)
Jon, please… please let this work…

Jon
(spluttering)

Martin
Jon, it’s okay… it’s okay

Jon
(coughing weakly, shivering)

Customer 2
(hesitant, from a distance) Is… is he okay?

Martin
He just has Very negative reactions to bug spray. As do I.

Customer 2
Oh… I am soo sorry.

Martin
(rustling of yanking off sweater, wiping Jon’s face)
(soothingly) Hey, I think I’m getting it all off, it’ll be okay

Jon
(coughing weakly)
M-Martin?

Martin
(concerned) Jon, are you okay?

Jon
I… I feel awful…
(falls limp)

…

[Martin’s job]

Customer 1
Hi… I haven’t seen you in a few days.

Martin
Yes. I took some time off to take care of Jon. He’s okay now but I ended up having to take him to the hospital for a day or so.

Customer 1
That… is awful.

Martin
It is.

Customer 1
… Um, what was up with the fangs?

Martin
(innocently) Fangs?

Customer 1
Yes, the fangs that Jon had. Those Were fangs, right?

Martin
Um…

Customer 1
Which is why I’m guessing he reacted so strongly to bug spray?

Martin
(innocently) I have no idea what you’re talking about

Customer 1
(rustling sound)
Are you sure?

Martin
(defensively) Hey! Don’t Point that at me!
(backing up)

Customer 1
Are you or are you not also a spider person?
(advancing forward)

Martin
Sheesh! Can you Please put that down?

Customer 1
Not until you tell me.

(hurried light footsteps)

Katrina
Hi Martin! Jon brought me to visit after school!

Customer 1
(pointing bug spray at Katrina)

Katrina
(confused) Martin, why is that man pointing bug spray at me?

Martin
(long sigh)

Jon
(walking up, chuckling) Hi Martin, I see Katrina already found -
(gasp of horror, backing up)
(static) Put. That. Down. Now.

Customer 1
What the???
(gently putting bug spray on floor)

Martin
(kicking it away gingerly like it’s a loaded gun)

Jon
(furious) Why were you threatening my husband?

Customer 1
Um

Jon
(static) ANSWER ME!

Customer 1
I… I saw your fangs a few days ago… and I think he’s the fire spider guy…

Jon
Ah.
(coldly) So you want to kill him?

Customer 1
No… I just want him to admit it.

Jon
(somewhat amused) I’d judge but… that would be hypocritical.
(to Martin, with a snort of laughter) You’ve really got to get better at making a secret identity or something.

Martin
(teasing) Says “I’m the Archivist and I’m going to tell everybody I take statements from.”

Katrina
(giggling)

Customer 1
Um, What?

Jon
… Maybe we should have this conversation in private.

Martin
Yah…

Customer 1
Come on. That ship has sailed.

Jon
(static) (sigh) Yah…

…

Customer 1
So. You like… have fire powers and spiders and… punish bad people?

Martin
Yep

Customer 1
(in awe) Wow

Katrina
(whining) I’m hungry!

Jon
(somewhat irritated - his baby is hungry and this guy is making this happen!) Can we go home now? We really need to get started on dinner to get Katrina to bed on time for school tomorrow.

Katrina
(hopeful, pleading) Food?

Jon
(affectionately) Yes, little Eyeball.
(to Martin) Do you still have any food left over from the day? I reckon we should probably give her a snack before we head out.

Martin
Um, let me see… we still have some banana bread with chocolate chips.

Katrina
(excited) With Chocolate????

Jon
That’ll work.
(cheerily) Come on little Eyeball

Customer 1
Um…

Martin
I have a life, you know. I’m not just some avenging fire spider angel.
(kisses Jon and Katrina on the tops of their heads in turn)

Jon
(happy sounds)

Katrina
(munching on banana bread, paying no mind)

Chapter Text

Jon
Good luck at school today little Eyeball!

Katrina
We’re learning about colors today!

Jon
Aw, that’s a fun lesson
(kisses Katrina’s forehead)

Katrina
(disappointed) I’m going to miss Marmalade

Jon
(sympathetic) Aw, she’ll be waiting for you when you get home.

Marmalade
(meowing)

Jon
(static) Ah, she’s hungry. Give me a minute kitty
(footsteps)
(pouring kibble)

Marmalade
(crunching)

Katrina, Jon
(cooing)

Martin
(amused) She’s going to miss the bus you know

Jon
Oh, yes.
(soft chuckle) (static) You’d better run! It’ll be here in forty five seconds.

…

Jon
(sighs)

Martin
What’s wrong?

Jon
Just… it’s lonely here.

Martin
(sympathetic) Aw I’m sorry.

Jon
Can I come with you to work today?

Martin
(pleased) Of course

…

[Martin’s job]

Jon
(tapping at phone, sitting at table)

Martin
(teasing) How may I help you, paying customer whom I do not know?

Jon
(amused) Hmm… May I have some tea please and perhaps a raspberry muffin?

Martin
Of course. I’ll get those over to you Immediately

Jon
(affectionately) Thank you
(whispered) I have other things I want too… just not here

Martin
(intrigued) Hmm?

Jon
(static)

Martin
(choking sound, audible fierce blush)

Jon
(wicked cackle)

Martin
You… you are Shameless!

Jon
(innocently) Whatever do you mean? I never said Anything

Martin
(snort of laughter)
(thwacks Jon with a dish towel)
(departing footsteps)

Jon
(chuckles)

…

Martin
So, I bring food. How goes your day?

Jon
Just applying to part-time librarian and archivist-esque positions in the area. I need to be home when Katrina gets off and I’m rather easily winded due to my… heart issues… but I don’t think I can handle the boredom and loneliness of just staying home. It’s driving me out of my mind.

Martin
(serious) Loneliness is a dangerous thing

Jon
And you would know

Martin
(fondly) Not anymore though

Jon
(pleased) Not anymore

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Customer 1
I’ve brought a friend

Martin, Jon
(exasperated sighs)

Martin
And Why?

Jon
(audibly shaking his head) Because the universe hates us

Customer 1
Look, this is the Avenging Fire Spider Angel

Martin
… We really need to workshop a better name.

Jon
(snort of laughter)

Customer 3
(in awe) Wow!

Martin
Um… can you please Not get to your knees in front of me? This is Super awkward

Jon
(attempting to stifle chuckles and failing)
(amused) Oh, Martin. You’re a Celebrity!
(greatly amused) And I’m married to you!
(standing up) (kissing Martin fiercely)
(amused) Look at me, living the high life

Martin
(embarrassed chuckle)

Customer 1
(in awe) Wow…

Customer 3
(in awe) I know…

Jon
(somewhat miffed) Well this is getting a bit irritating, I admit

(door opening, doorbell ringing)
(hysterical sobbing)

Martin
(concerned) What’s wrong?
(rushed footsteps)

Customer 4
I… Please don’t let him get me!
(rushing footsteps)

Jon
(static) Oh.
(extends fangs)

Martin
(eyeing Jon)
(extends fangs)

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Angry man
(furious) Where is she?

Martin
(innocently) Hmm?

Angry man
You KNOW who I mean.

Jon
(calmly) Why?

Angry man
… Um, what?

Jon
(calmly) Why are you looking for someone?

(panicked gasp from behind shelves)

Angry man
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY!
(drawing a knife)
(charging)

Customer 4
(screaming in terror)

Jon
(static) STOP!

Angry man
(pauses, shocked)
Why… why can’t I… why can’t I move?

Jon
(static) Leave here and do not return.

Angry man
(so very confused, stressed)
(departing footsteps)

(door opens, doorbell rings)

Customer 1
… What… what was that?

Jon
Hmm?
(sitting down) (audible shrug) Nothing.

Customer 3
… Are you… are you human?

Jon
(awkward) Well… um…

Customer 4
(hesitant footsteps)
You… you saved me…

Jon
(increasingly awkward) I mean… not, not Really…

(sounds of everyone kneeling)

Jon
(so so very uncomfortable) Please, please, everyone, stop -

Martin
(guffawing) Not so nice when it’s you, huh?

Jon
(meekly, quiet) No. It’s not.

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

(knocking)
(footsteps)
(opening door)

Jon
Hello?

Child
Hi… are you the man who punishes evildoers?

Jon
(soft sigh) Why?

Child
There’s a man on my street who purposefully goes out of his way to hit cats with his car.

Jon
(fuming) WHERE?

…

(furious knocking)
(door opening)

Man
Who are you and what do you want?

Jon
(icily) I’ve heard you like to hit cats with your car.

Man
What’s it to you?

Jon
(icily) I happen to like cats

Man
(cruel chuckle) Well I happen to hate them. So…
Good day.
(slams door in Jon’s face)

Child
Well…

Jon
It’s okay, we’ll bide our time.
(static) I’ll Know the next time he goes after a cat.

…

[street of man who attacks cats]

(pouring rain)

Jon
(cooing) Hi kitty… what’s your name? Do you have people?

Cat
(purring)

(car pulling out)
(speeding up)

Jon
(static)
(stepping into middle of the road in front of car)

(brakes squealing)
(car door flinging open)

Man
(charging) What are you DOING?

Jon
(calmly) Just enjoying the rain

Man
(draws knife)

Jon
(somewhat concerned) I wouldn’t attack me if I were you

Man
(coldly) Oh, it’s not for you
(pounces)

Cat
(yowls)

Jon
(MASSIVE burst of static) CEASELESS WATCHER, TURN YOUR GAZE UPON THIS WRETCHED THING!

(massive burst of SMITING)

Jon
(gasping) Wow… okay then

Cat
(purring, rubbing against Jon’s legs)

Child
(impressed, awed) WOW! DID YOU JUST SMITE HIM?!?!

Jon
(sinks slowly to the ground in shaky shock)

Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s bedroom]

Martin
(in shock) So… you can smite people again.

Jon
(shaky) I… I guess.
Oh G, I… I… I didn’t Mean to… I was just… so angry…
I… I didn’t actually think it would… would do anything…
Just… instinctual…
(tearful) Oh G, Oh G, I… I killed someone

Martin
(gently) Jon, it’s… it’s going to be okay.

Jon
(sobbing) No, no it’s… it’s Not… Martin, I KILLED SOMEONE!
(hysterical sobbing)

…

(opening door)

Martin
(gently) You stay in here, okay? I’ll handle things tonight.

Jon
(miserable sniffle)

Martin
(footsteps)
(opening and closing bedroom door)
(forced cheer) Hi little Eyeball! How was school?

Katrina
It was fun! Where’s Jon?

Martin
(gently) He’s not feeling well right now.

Katrina
(concerned) Oh no!

Martin
(gently) Oh, it’ll be okay. He just needs to rest tonight

Katrina
(concerned) You don’t think he’s dying do you?

(from other room)

Jon
(hysterical sobbing)

Martin
(awkward) Um… How about we go to the playground?
(ushering Katrina to the car)
(reassuringly) And no, Eyeball. He’s not. He’s just had a rough day.

…

[Playground]

Katrina
You know, I can just Look and see what’s going on.

Martin
(gently) And what did we say about that?

Katrina
(sighs) It’s an invasion of privacy.

Martin
(gently) Exactly. It’s why Jon leaves you to your privacy as well unless we believe you’re in danger. Beholding Avatars have a responsibility to not spy on their loved ones’ thoughts.

Katrina
(sighs) I know. I just wish I knew what was wrong.

Martin
And he’ll tell you when he’s ready.
(kisses Katrina’s forehead) Just give him some time. He’s still thinking through his feelings right now

Katrina
Can we snuggle?

Martin
(affectionately) Of course
(snuggling sounds)

Martin, Katrina
(happy sounds)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Jon
(sobbing hysterically, coughing, choking)
What - what have I DONE?
(sobbing hysterically)

…

[Playground]

Martin
So, what do you want to do now?

Katrina
Hmm. We already played with the merry-go-round and all the climbing things. Want to play tag?

Martin
Sure!

Katrina
(light smack) You’re it!

Martin
(soft chuckle)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

(opening door)

Martin
(calling out, gently) We’re home

Jon
(sad sniffle from other room)

Martin
(sigh of relief)
(to Katrina) Why don’t you go get your PJs and get ready for your bath. I’m going to go check in on Jon.

(footsteps, opening and closing door)

Martin
(gently, quiet) Jon?

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(gently, quiet) How are you doing?

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
Do you want a hug?

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(gently, quiet) Come on, you can’t just lie there forever -
(gentle rustling sounds)
(shocked horrified gasp)
JON?!?!

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(so very sad) Oh… Jon…

Jon
(softly, miserable) I… I’m a murderer, Martin

…

[Jon and Martin’s house, bathroom]

(door opens)

Katrina
(cheerily) What story will you tell me tonight?

Martin
(sniffling) Um… I don’t know… let me… let me think…

Katrina
(concerned) Are you okay?

Martin
Um, yah… just give me a few minutes okay? I’ll be right back
(rustling sounds)
(grabbing things)
(departing footsteps)
(closing door)

(opening and closing door)

Martin
(softly) Jon?

Jon
(sniffling)

(rustling sounds)

Jon
(audible wince)

Martin
(soothingly) It’s okay, just try to relax
(sad chuckle) Sometimes I regret making you into a Web Avatar
(rustling sounds)

Jon
(sniffling)

Martin
Okay, all cleaned up. Now…
(webbing sounds)

Jon
(audible wince)

Martin
(gently) I know, I know.
There we go, all done.
You get some rest okay? I’ll be back as soon as I get Katrina into bed.

Jon
(softly) Did you both already eat?

Martin
(gently) I took her out for some food but I was still going to eat with you. I didn’t think you were up to eating a family dinner.

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(gently) I’ll be back soon.

(opening and closing door)

…

Martin
I brought you something to eat if you feel up to it.

Jon
(sniffles) I… I don’t… I don’t think I can… I’m not hungry…

Martin
(gently) Okay. Let’s just get you some snuggles then for now okay?

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(climbing into bed, snuggling in)
(softly) I love you, Jon. And we’re going to make it through this.

Chapter Text

[Therapy office]

Martin
(soothingly) I know you’re nervous but this will be good for you.

Jon
(flustered, stressed) How can I even tell them anything?

Martin
You remember how Melanie managed - act like some things are metaphors or stretch the truth a little?

Jon
(tired sigh)

Martin
(kisses the top of Jon’s head) I’m proud of you for trying, Jon.

Jon
(long sigh) I… I owe it to you and Katrina.

(footsteps)

Justin Murphy
Hello. I’m your new therapist. Why don’t you come on back?

Jon
(nervously standing up)

Martin
(reassuring) You can do it! I’ll do some grocery shopping while you’re in there so we can just go home after.

…

[Justin’s therapy office]

Justin
Hello, Jon.

Jon
(nervous) … Hi.

Justin
(false concern) What is it?

Jon
(nervous, fidgeting) Um… just the way you said that… reminds me of someone I… used to know.

Justin
(wickedly amused) Hmm.
So, what brings you here?

Jon
(nervous) I… I don’t actually know where to begin… I just… I want to be better for my family.

Justin
Hmm. That’s a rather noble goal.

Jon
(nervous) I mean… not really… I’ve been… I’ve been… not… the best?

Justin
(audibly raised eyebrow) Oh? How so?

Jon
(ashamed) I’ve… I’ve been having… having mental breakdowns… leaving Martin - my husband - to take care of Katrina - our daughter - by himself.

Justin
Hmm. That is… rather disappointing, I admit.
(somewhat prodding) And how do you feel about that? Ashamed, perhaps?

Jon
(ashamed, quietly) Yes

Justin
Hmm. Yes, that’s probably best.

Jon
(ashamed, somewhat confused) What?

Justin
The shame. You are… rather pathetic, don’t you think?

Jon
(sniffles, somewhat affronted) I thought… I thought therapists weren’t supposed to attack you…?

Justin
(soft chuckle) I’m not here to be your Friend, Jon. I’m here to help you get better and you strike me as someone who needs tough love to get anywhere in life.

Jon
(soft sigh)

Justin
(musing) Yes, you definitely need tough love.
(leaning forward) I get the impression that part of your problem is that your family is too nice, too… enabling… of your bad behavior.

Jon
(sniffles) … Y-yes, I suppose you’re right.

Justin
(leaning back) Why don’t you tell me a bit about it?

Jon
(sniffles) W-well, I… I was having trouble… eating… a few weeks back. And… Katrina… my… my six year old daughter… she had to… had to help.
(sniffles) I - I didn’t Want her to but… she… she had to because I couldn’t even
(sniffles, quickly) take-care-of-myself
(collapses into sobs)
Oh G, I… I Know about parentification… I… I never wanted to do that to her…

Justin
Hmm. That sounds quite terrible, Jon. Forcing your six year old to take care of you - what Were you thinking?

Jon
(sniffles) I… I was feeling guilty. About eating… I couldn’t bring myself to.

Justin
I See. What else?

Jon
(sniffles) What?

Justin
What else have you done to hurt your family?

Jon
(sniffles) I… I did something… bad… recently and left Martin to care for Katrina while I… had a mental breakdown. And then he had to worry about Me… when we both should have been focused on her…

Justin
Hmm. It sounds like you have rather a lot of… issues. And these issues tend to hurt your family.

Jon
(sniffles) Y-yes.

Justin
Well, you’ve come to the right place. I am here to help you work through them. Make you into the best Jon you can be.

Jon
(tearfully) Thank you

…

[Jon and Martin’s car]

Martin
So how was your first session?

Jon
… Painful.

Martin
(soothingly) Aw, sometimes it can be. It just means you’re getting somewhere.

Jon
I hope so.

Chapter Text

(knocking)

Martin
Hmm, I wonder who that is

Jon
(pleading) Please don’t go, we were having such nice snuggles!

Martin
(soft chuckle) Aw, I’ll just leave you something to remember me by
(soft snuggling sounds)
(extending fangs)

Jon
(happy squeak)

Martin
(pleased) I’ll be back soon

Jon
(amused exasperated sigh) Fine, I’ll wait.
(rustling of adjusting blankets) I’ll just stay all nice and cozy in bed while you’re out there in the morning chill answering the door like a fool

Martin
(soft chuckle)
(departing footsteps)
(opening door)

Customer 1
We found you!

Customer 3
(in awe) This is the House of Glory!

Customer 4
(shocked) You live so humbly

Martin
(awkward) Um… how did you find my home?

Customer 1
(fervently) We scoured the internet

Customer 3
(fervently) And the library

Customer 4
(fervently) And finally your employee files - we broke into your place of work last night

Martin
(deeply uncomfortable) Um… what?

Customer 1
Let us in

Customer 2, Customer 4
LET US IN!

Martin
(stressed) Um, how about… no?
(quickly closes door and locks it)
(slides chain into place)

(pounding on door)

Martin
(leaning with his back on the door, panting heavily)
Jon! We’ve got… visitors.
Get dressed.

…

(banging on door)

Jon
(whispering) So… they’re still here?

Martin
(whispering) What do You think?

Jon
(whispering) This is creepy

Martin
(whispering) Yes, it is.

Katrina
Good morning! Why is there all this banging on the door?

Customer 1
(through the window, muffled) Hello Katrina! We’re here to visit your parents!

Katrina
(somewhat dubious) What?

Jon
(very creeped out) Um… little Eyeball, let’s get you to your room
(footsteps)
(opening door)

(sudden banging on window)

Customer 4
I SEE YOU!

Jon
(shriek of startled terror)
OH GOOD GRIEF!
(closes blackout curtains hurriedly)

(banging on window)

Katrina
(beginning to cry)

Jon
(shaky) M-Martin, please Do something

Martin
(deep breath)
(stomps to door)
(undoes locks)
(flings it open)
GO AWAY! LEAVE US ALONE!
(bares fangs and snarls)

Customer 1
(reverantly) You show us your Fangs!

Customer 3
(with absolute devotion) Oh, the Glorious Fangs!

Customer 4
(reverently, almost to the point of swooning) Praise be!

Martin
(exasperated sigh) I will BITE YOU with these fangs if you don’t leave my family ALONE!

Customer 1
(reverantly) Oh, the glory that would be!

Martin
(exasperated sigh) That would KILL YOU! I’m VENEMOUS!

Customer 3
… You’d kill us? Are we on your list of the Wicked?

Martin
(long sigh) No, I wouldn’t Actually kill you, but you’re Really scaring all of us. My daughter is Crying because of you.

(Katrina crying in background, Jon shakily trying to reassure her)

Customer 4
(soft) … Oh.

Customer 1
Sorry.

Customer 3
Wow… I am So sorry…

…

[Park]

Customer 1
Thank you for meeting us here.

Martin
(dubiously) Sure… please, never again come to our home.

Customer 4
That’s… that’s fair.

Jon
So. What are your names? We never caught them.

Customer 4
I’m Lydia

Customer 1
I’m Stephen

Customer 3
And I’m Hope

Jon
(short chuckle) You’re not with Breekon, are you?

Hope
Huh?

Jon
Inside joke, sorry.

Hope
(not understanding) Um, okay.

Lydia
So… are you going to complete any more miracles?

Jon
(uncomfortable) I’m… avoiding such things.

Lydia
But I heard…
(quietly) I heard you smote an evildoer

Jon
(choked sob)
(puts his head in his hands)

Martin
(envelops Jon in a hug)
(quietly but firmly) We do NOT talk about that - he’s actually been taking it very hard

Lydia
(awkward) Ah…

Hope
(gently) It was the right thing to do though

Jon
(sniffling, stifled sobs)

Martin
(warningly) Please, stop talking about it

Stephen
Other miracles though - the fire, the spiders, the attack, the mind-control - do you have any more planned?

Martin
(sigh) Jon’s currently resting. Presumably, at some point… maybe?

Jon
(sniffles)

Martin
(gently) But he needs time.

…

[Therapy]

Justin
Hello, Jon.

Jon
(audible shudder)

Justin
(soft wicked chuckle) Welcome to therapy. How was your week?

Jon
I… I was more present for my family.

Justin
That’s good.

Jon
Yes, yes it was. Though
(somewhat amused) we did get some… interesting… visitors.

Justin
Hmm?

Jon
Yes, they… knocked on the door… they… they seem to think Martin and I are… I’m not even sure? But they seem to be almost religiously following us.

Justin
(intrigued) Hmm. And why might that be?

Jon
Um…
(vaguely, gesturing with one hand at the air) reasons.
(changing the subject) But it Was something that allowed me to be more present for my family.

Justin
Hmm. Okay.
Well I think it would be in your best interest to see where this goes.

Jon
Um, what?

Justin
They clearly bring out an inner strength that has been kept down and I reckon that they’re good for you. See what they want and go with it.

Jon
… Um What?

Justin
They see something in you that you don’t see in yourself, do they not?

Jon
(very confused) … I… guess?

Justin
(leaning forward)
(fervently) Then listen to them. They will guide you to your true potential.

Chapter Text

Jon
(uncomfortable) Do we Really have to call it a cult?

Martin
Well… that is what it’s turned into though, isn’t it?

Jon
I… I Guess…

Lydia
(reverently) What do you think of the room we booked?

Jon
(uncomfortable, non-plussed) It’s… it’s a room.

Hope
I hope you like it - we chose the best we could find on short notice

Stephen
We also expect more members soon

Jon
(exasperated) Oh Goodie

(door opening)

Child, from earlier
Hello Jon

Jon
… Hi…

Child
My name is Kenny

Jon
Nice to see you, Kenny

Kenny
Thank you
(sitting down)

…

(general chatter)

Martin
(whispered) How many people do you think are in here?

Jon
(static) Thirty seven

(chorus of oohs and ahhs)

Random person
WOW! THE GLORIOUS STATIC!

Random person 2
ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS STATIC!

(chorus of “All Hail the Glorious Static!”

Martin
This is…

Jon
Weird.

Martin
So very weird.

Jon
I think I need some water
(getting up)

Hope
(rushing over) Oh, no. Here
(pouring pitcher into a glass and sitting it on the table)

Jon
… I was actually leaving to get some air and water was simply a convenient polite excuse… but I guess thank you.
(sitting down, sipping)

Martin
(to Jon) How are you holding up?

Jon
Very overstimulated. Also confused - I didn’t expect to be leading a CULT at this point in my life. I still can’t believe my therapist said this was the thing to do but… I guess if he says it is…?

Martin
(audible shrug) Well it feeds you anyway so… might as well.

…

Lydia
So, we need a name.

(chorus of agreement)

Jon
Um… how about…
(soft chuckle, snarky) “The Cult of the Ceaseless Watcher”

(chorus of oohs and ahhs)

Hope
Oh Praise Be!

Lydia
Praise Be to Jon, Martin, and the Ceaseless Watcher!

(chorus of chanting)

Jon
(deeply uncomfortable) (whispered) Martin, I want to go home.

Martin
(standing up) Okay, Jon is tired. We need to get on with whatever we need to discuss so we can all get home, got it?

(chorus of disappointed agreement)

Martin
So…

Lydia
We thought we’d start with making a list of evil-doers who need to be Punished.

(general chorus of agreement)

Lydia
We’ve created a shared online document that we can all add to - we did wonder how much info we needed to add though.

Jon
(quietly) I just need to Know who it is. I can figure out everything else on my own. So an ID, name, article, something that lets me access that should be enough.

Lydia
(typing)
That works

Martin
… Might we want to consider something more secure than an online shared document though for a literal hitlist? Like what is this on, google docs?

(general uncomfortable sounds)

Jon
(static) Yep.

Martin
(exasperated sigh) If literally Anyone involved’s account gets hacked or opened by the police we’re all effed. No, we need a better method.

Jon
(quietly) Well… I can See things. Maybe we just have a set time each day where people Think of these ‘evil-doers’ … and I tune in.
(to group) And I’ll let you know if I got it - I’ll reach out and you’ll feel it.
Here. It’ll feel like This
(static)

(general sounds of ecstasy and religious exaltation)

Jon
(deeply uncomfortable) Um… yah. It’ll feel… like that

Martin
(absolutely DYING with laughter)
(quietly to Jon) Why don’t you make ME cry out like that? I’m honestly JEALOUS

Jon
(audible furious blush, sputtering noises)

…

Martin
Well, not a bad meeting all in all - we've come up with a name for our Cult
(snort of laughter)
And we’ve got a name for your next meal.

Jon
I suppose. I just wish the meetings didn’t have to run so… long?

Martin
(sympathetically) I’ll make a decree that they can’t last longer than an hour in the future.
(pompously) “Word on high from the Glorious Jonathan Blackwood-Sims Under the Holy Ceaseless Watcher, meetings shalt not last any longer than one hour at a time”

Jon
(snickering) Nice, nice

…

[Therapy]

Justin
Hello, Jon

Jon
(audible shudder)

Justin
How was your week?

Jon
I, um,
(awkward, embarrassed) I think I might have, um, started, uh… a Cult?

Justin
(leaning forward) Hmm. Why don’t you tell me about it?

…

Justin
This is great news, Jon. You’re making excellent progress for this early in the therapy process.

Jon
Uh, thank you?

Justin
You’re very welcome. I’ll see you next week
(opening door)

Chapter Text

(knocking)
(opening door)

Martin
Well, hello Annabelle. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you

Annabelle
I’ve heard you’ve started a cult.
(amused) I want in.

Martin
Uh…

Jon
(rushing in, desperate) Thank G! Please, PLEASE help us, I don’t know What I’m doing - here, here’s some paperwork to go through, and uh, these are the last several weeks’ notes…
(papers scattering on floor)
Oops, uh, here
(papers being spread on table)

Annabelle
… I see you’ve been busy.

Jon
(exhausted, flustered) Yes soooo busy, I can’t even keep up with everything
(dusting himself off) Great! Now I’m off to take Katrina to the playground. Have ‘fun’ Annabelle!
(hurriedly rushing off before she can change her mind)

…

Katrina
So, what are we doing for my birthday this year?

Jon
What do you want to do?

Katrina
(softly) I… I want to lead a cult meeting.

Jon
(shocked) Um… are you… are you sure?

Katrina
YES!

…

[Cult meeting]

Katrina
Hi! I’m Katrina! I’m with the Eye

(general hesitant cheers)

Katrina
(sad sigh)

Jon
(standing up) She is our daughter and it’s her seventh birthday.

(general cheers)

Katrina
So, I thought today we could… eat cupcakes and discuss kitties!

(general sounds of confusion)

Martin, Jon
(wicked chuckles of cathartic revenge upon the congregation)

…

[Jon’s and Martin’s home]

Martin
I made you your favorite - chocolate cake!

Katrina
YAY!

Jon
Oh, also I remembered recently. Give me a minute
(footsteps)
You remember your fifth birthday?

Katrina
(dubious) In the military lab? That awful one? Yes
PLEASE tell me we’re not going to the doctor’s to celebrate.

Jon
(snort of amusement) No, no.
I just wanted to say that we did make you presents, they just got forgotten in the chaos. Here
(rustling sound)

Katrina
(overjoyed)
AW THEY’RE SO CUTE!

Martin, Jon
(happy sounds)

…

[Cult meeting]

Martin
(stunned) … What?

Annabelle
I’m running for election for town mayor. And so far I’m winning.

Martin
Wow.

Annabelle
I know.
(soft chuckle) Elections are a breeze when the Web is on your side.

Lydia
So… what does this mean?

Annabelle
(to crowd) That if I win, I’m planning on turning this town into a Theocracy under the Fears!

(sounds of general confusion)

Annabelle
(clarifying) Under Jon and Martin!

(CHEERS!)

Lydia
PRAISE BE!

Kenny
PRAISE BE!

Hope
ALL GLORY TO THE FEARS!

(general sounds of religious reverence)

Jon
(stunned) Wow.

Martin
(stunned) I… I know.

Jon
… we really should have had Annabelle join us earlier.

Martin
(somewhat shocked) That is… not the way I thought you were going to go.

Jon
(distracted, pleased) Hmm, this will make things easier.

…

[Therapy]

Justin
Great job, Jon. You are truly making Great strides.

Jon
Thank you.

Justin
So, how are your… enactings of justice… going?

Jon
They’re going okay - I’m eating regularly now and we’ve noticed a definite decrease in the number of landlords in the surrounding areas as well as the number of cops. It’s almost like people are fleeing those positions in droves on purpose.
(static) (soft chuckle) Which is precisely the case
There’s also way less child, partner, elder, and animal abuse.
(pleased) I think we’re making good changes

Justin
(wickedly pleased) Yes, yes you really are.

…

[Jon and Martin’s bed room]

Martin
(pleased) Ah, you seem awfully chipper these days.

Jon
(rustling of getting dressed)
(satisfied sigh) Yes, I am. We’re doing good work.

Martin
(pleased) And much more energetic

Jon
(satisfied sigh) There must be something in the air

Chapter Text

[Martin and Jon’s house]

TV
And the winner of this Mayoral election is… Annabelle Cane!

Jon, Martin, Katrina, Annabelle
(cheers)

Jon
Great job Annabelle!

Annabelle
Thank you

Katrina
(jumping up and down, shrieking with joy) CONGRATULATIONS!

Annabelle
(pleased) Thank you, little Eyeball

…

[Town center]

Random person 1
(nervous) H-hi.

Random person 2
(nervous) H-hi. I… I didn’t… bump into you, did I?

Random person 1
(nervous) Uh, n-no. I was just… just being polite.

Random person 2
(nervous) O-oh good. Just… just m-making sure.
(whispered) You never know who’s Watching.

…

[Mayoral Office]

Annabelle
(to crowd) And from this day forth, our town is a Theocracy under the Fears, under the beings Jonathan Blackwood-Sims and Martin Blackwood-Sims. May the Ceaseless Watcher keep you all safe from danger and suffering

(general sounds of unease)

Annabelle
There will be refreshments in the lobby for those interested

(general sounds of interest)

Annabelle
Bug muffins

(general sounds of disgust)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Jon
(static) (pleased) Not a single person got evicted this past month in the entire town.

Martin
Nice!

Jon
We’re also down to the final ten percent of the police force and none of them have done anything remotely harmful to anyone in the past month.
(soft chuckle) I guess the constant threat of having whatever they do to others come back around keeps them well-behaved.

Katrina
The school principal gave a talk at school that for the first time in the school’s history, there have been no instances of child abuse in the entire school this month!

Jon
(pleased) We have done Such good work!

Martin
On a somewhat tangentially related note, it’s in the news that the local hospitals are getting overrun in both their burn and psychiatric units to the point where they’re having to send out patients to neighboring hospitals.

Jon
(sigh) Well, progress takes work.

…

[Martin's work]

Customer
(humming quietly, browsing shelves)
(absolute panic) Oh G, Oh G, I am SO Sorry to whoever I upset, please, Please take mercy on me!
(sobbing hysterically)

Martin
(concerned) What seems to be the matter?

Customer
There's…there's a SPIDER right there! I'm…I'm being PUNISHED! I'm DOOMED!

Martin
(gently) That's just a normal spider, you're okay.

Customer
Easy for you to say - you're named after one of the two Gods that run this town. They must really like you.

Martin
… Um… yes.

Customer
(absolutely panicked) Oh, I'm.. I'm so so So very sorry, please, please forgive me!

(door opening, doorbell ringing)

Jon
(deep happy sigh) Ah, there's just something in the air today that’s making me feel EXHILARATED!

…

[Therapy]

Justin
Hello, Jon

Jon
…Why do you always say it like that?

Justin
No reason. Habit, I suspect

Jon
Ah

Justin
So, how was your week?

Jon
Pretty good actually - there is far less suffering than before and I just feel absolutely energetic and far healthier than I have in years! Even when I haven't just fed - it's a bit strange, actually.

Justin
Oh, that's just called the pleasure of doing good deeds. Good deeds are their own reward, you see, and you and your theocracy have been doing a great many of them lately.

Jon
(pleased, awkward) Um.. Thank you but it's not…it's not all good… I mean, people have been hurt… traumatized…

Justin
But all in the name of the greater good, yes?

Jon
Well, yes, but -

Justin
Then it's all worth it. Keep going, Jon. Spread your utopia, save this world from suffering. We're all counting on you.

Jon
(stunned) What?

Justin
(leaning forward, fervently) We all are, Jon. Make us proud.

…

[Therapy]

Jon
Um, Justin… so I thought about what you said last week and…it seems… wrong? Like yes, obviously I want to end world suffering but in what universe does it make sense for Me to rule Everything?

Justin
Ah. I knew this would happen.

Jon
What?

Justin
It's okay, it's in fact perfectly normal to go through this.
Here.
(rusting paper) I'll write you a prescription for something that should help with your… anxiety and misgivings.
(scratching pencil)
Here you go
(handing over paper) I'll call it in, just pick it up at the chemist's on your way home okay?

Jon
(stunned) Um…

Justin
(leaning back) Now, what good deeds did you do this week?

…

[Martin and Jon’s house]

Katrina
We learned about how to write three letter words ending with “at” today. Like Cat!

Martin
That’s great!

Jon
(overly thrilled) Wow, that's AMAZING!

Katrina
I KNOW! We even got to draw pictures and I drew one! I’ll go get it from my backpack!

Jon
(overly thrilled) YAY!

Martin
(audibly raised eyebrow) Jon, are you feeling okay?

Jon
Oh, I feel Great! We’ve been accomplishing wonderful things, I’m finally feeling satiated regularly, we’re all safe together at home, things are just going… so very, very well.
(happy sigh, leaning back)

Martin
Hmm.
(teasing) I wonder if it also has anything to do with what your therapist had you pick up on the way home.

Jon
Hmm?
(audible shrug) I don’t know, meh. I’m just happy for once and I’m not going to question it.

Martin
(kisses Jon’s forehead) I like seeing you happy

Jon
(happy sounds)
(leaning in, extending fangs)

Martin
(surprised chuckle) Jon! I mean, I’m not complaining but Katrina’s still up -

Jon
(chuckles softly) Oh, oops.

Martin
(gently) When she’s gone to bed and we’re all showered and ready for bed ourselves.

Jon
(audible smirk) Oh, I can’t wait.

Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s home]

Jon
(happy yawn) It’s Saturday

Martin
(tired yawn)
(rustling)
(snort of laughter) It’s also three AM.

Jon
(audible smirk) Yes, and that means Katrina won’t be up for Hours.

Martin
(soft chuckle) Ah, I see what you’re getting at.
(snuggling sounds)

Jon
(happy sounds)

Martin
(snuggling sounds)

Jon
(thrilled squeak)

…

(gasping)

Martin
Wow… I’m wiped.

Jon
Same… same here.
(soft chuckle) Can I be the little spoon?

Martin
(affectionately) Of course
(snuggling sounds)

Jon
(happy sounds)

…

Katrina
So what did you want to do today?

Martin
Hmm… I was thinking maybe…

Katrina
(laughing) The park? I mean, you’re already dressed for it in your scarves and sweaters, you can’t fool me.

Jon, Martin
(awkward nervous chuckles)

Jon
… Yes. I’ll just get my shoes.

Katrina
I'll get ready!
(racing footsteps, closing bedroom door)

Martin
(soft chuckle)
(kisses Jon)

Jon
(happy noises)
(more kissing)
(even more kissing, somewhat desperate, pushes Martin into the wall)

Martin
(soft incredulous chuckle) Jon!
(serious) You’re honestly beginning to concern me…

Jon
(laughing) But why? It’s such a beautiful day!
(twirling in a happy circle)

Martin
(relenting) Well.. it really is

…

[Park]

Jon, Katrina
(laughing)

Katrina
You’ll never catch me!

Jon
(chuckling) Well, that’s not exactly a Fair race

Katrina
I have short legs, it’s fair!

Martin
(calling over) You Both have short legs!

Jon
(laughing) HEY!

Martin
(calling over) You’re just really short, Jon. I don’t make the rules

Jon
(to Katrina) (conspiratorial whisper) Want to go Get Martin?

Katrina
(wicked giggle) Yes!

(hurried footsteps)

Martin
Wha-
(pouncing by Jon and Katrina)

Martin
(laughing)

Jon
TICKLE HIM!

Katrina
(wicked cackle)

Martin
(laughing) Nooooo! I’ve been attacked!

Jon
(wicked cackle)

…

[Jon and Martin’s bedroom]

Jon
(rustling)
(with Implications) Hmm?

Martin
… Jon, it’s midnight

Jon
Ah.

Martin
(wicked chuckle) It just means we have Quite a long while before Katrina wakes up

Jon
(happy sounds)
(snuggling sounds)

Martin
(happy sounds)
(shocked squeak)
(soft chuckle) Wow Jon…

Jon
(innocently) Hmm?

Martin
(wicked chuckle)
(snuggling sounds)

Jon
(happy sounds)
(shocked squeak)
(happy sounds)

…

[Jon and Martin’s bedroom, next morning]

Martin
(yawn) (stirring)
(slight gasp)
(rueful) Wow. We should probably…

Jon
(amused) Hmm?

Martin
(amused) What has gotten Into you lately?

Jon
(yawn)
(audible shrug, stretching) I don’t know
(kiss)

Martin
(kiss)
(incredulous chuckle) Jon!

Jon
(innocently) Hmm?

(knocking)

Martin
(teasing, pointed) I shall go get that!
(rustling of slipping on clothes)

Jon
(amused, disappointed sigh) Aw

(departing footsteps)
(opening door)

Annabelle
Hi Martin… um… are you… okay?

Jon
(calling out) Hello Annabelle
(footsteps)

Annabelle
Ah, I see…
Well anyway I thought that maybe we’d want to discuss this before the Cult meeting but I was thinking we move onto the next step and I run for First Minister and take over Scotland.

Jon
(pleased) Sounds reasonable

Martin
(shocked) Wait, what? Jon, I’m not sure -
Um, Jon?

Jon
Hmm?

Martin
(nervous chuckle) You can’t just come out wrapped in a sheet?

Jon
Hmm?
(noticing) Ah whoops
(soft embarrassed chuckle)

Martin
(to himself, muttered) GL!
(to Annabelle) Apologies, but can you come back later? I’ll text you.
(gently, to Jon) Come on… let’s go get some Actual clothes on you okay?

…

Martin
Are you feeling okay?

Jon
(rueful chuckle) I feel fine, Martin. I don’t know why you keep seeming concerned.
Okay maybe I had a bit of… indiscretion this morning

Martin
(incredulous laugh) Yes, that’s what that was.
(suddenly somewhat concerned) Are you like… high?

Jon
I doubt it

Martin
… Maybe… check?

Jon
(static) Nah I’m fine

Martin
(dubious) Hmm
Can I see what you picked up yesterday please? From the chemist’s.

Jon
(audible shrug) Sure
(handing it over)

Martin
(confused, incredulous, getting rather concerned) Blank…? Why is it Blank?

Jon
(audible shrug) No clue. It just is. I thought it was weird too but… for some reason I stopped questioning it after a bit.

Martin
(shaking container)
(very dubiously) Yes, for “some reason.” I think I shall go talk to the chemist and your therapist.

Jon
(innocently) Later though? Can we maybe… snuggle?

Martin
(gently but firmly) No, Jon. I’m… I’m actually a little concerned that…

Jon
Hmm?

Martin
(soft, sad sigh) I’ll be back soon.
And I’ll be leaving Katrina with Annabelle. You… get some rest okay?

Jon
(somewhat confused) Okay?

Martin
(kisses Jon’s forehead)
Just don’t… do anything while I’m gone okay? Just until I know that you’re okay.

…

[Therapist]

(fierce knocking)
(opening door)

Justin
(smoothly) Hello Martin, how may I help you?

Martin
(FURIOUS) Just What have you prescribed to Jon? I'm pretty sure it's messing with his head…
(confused) And how…how do you know my name?

Justin
Ah, as for your second question Jon has mentioned both you and Katrina by name and you were there with him when he came in for his first appointment. For your first, I'll need to check my notes.

Martin
(fiercely) Okay then, let's go Get Them.

Justin
(soft chuckle) Sure, let's go
(footsteps)
(rustling) Hmm… it appears that I didn't take any notes and gave him the only written note to give to the chemist. Apologies

Martin
(fuming) And that's not Suspicious at All!

Justin
(calmly) You can just ask the chemist - there's no reason to get so upset

Martin
(fuming) You are so…
Wait…you remind me of someone…
(suspicious) … Jonah Magnus?

Justin
Hmm? Do I look like this “Jonah Magnus?"

Martin
(suspicious) No, but you sure do Act like him.

Justin
Sorry, I've never heard of him.

Martin
(muttering) Well, it would be just like him to try something again.
(shrewdly, eyeing Justin) Especially after Jon so wholly defeated his last pathetic plan.

Justin
(offended) It was a Good plan!
… I mean, what plan?

Martin
Hmph. I knew it. I take it you've switched bodies again?

Justin
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Martin
(harsh humorless laugh)
(rustling in pockets) (clicking lighter)
(whispered, threatening) You remember last time, right? Well this time I'm with the Desolation. And I'm not “acting out."

Justin
You wouldn’t dare.

Martin
Read me. Look what I did at my last job. Look what I’ve been doing to people in this cult you’ve encouraged Jon to start.

Justin
(static) (somewhat less confident) Oh. I See.

Martin
That’s what happens these days to those who upset me. And they just fired me and hurt those around me that I only somewhat care about - you have been manipulating and drugging Jon. What do you think I’ll do to You?
(bares fangs and snarls threateningly)

Justin
(static)
(nervous chuckle) Okay, you win, you win.

Martin
(steps forward, clicking his lighter and snarling)

Justin
Um, I’m out!
(quickly closes and locks office door, leaving Martin in lobby)
(scrambles out window in his office, runs for his car)

Martin
… WTH?
COWARD!
(chasing footsteps)
(opening front door in a rushed fury)

(sound of tires screeching out of parking lot)

Martin
(panting, gasping)
Well… that didn’t go well.

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

(opening door)

Jon
(very pleased) Martin! Welcome back! I’ve missed you!
(rushing footsteps, fierce hugging)

Martin
(sad sigh) Jon… there are some things I have to tell you.

Jon
(innocent, cheerful) Hmm?

Martin
(very gently) Jon… your therapist is… Jonah Magnus.

Jon
(pause)
(snort of incredulous laughter) Martin! Don’t Joke about that!

Martin
(very gently) Jon… I’m not joking.

Jon
(shocked and horrified) … what?

…

Jon
(shaking, panicked) Oh G, Oh G Oh G Oh G -

Martin (interrupting)
(soothing shushing sounds)
(snuggling) (so very gently) Jon, it’ll be okay

Jon
(shaking, panicked) No, it’s… it’s so bad… so very very bad… he’s… he’s managed to manipulate me again…
(panicked, hyperventilating) OH G OH G OH OH G

Martin
(concerned) Jon… it’s going to be okay. Just breathe.

Jon
(full on hyperventilating)

Martin
(webbing sounds)
(gently) Here, use this

Jon
(breathing heavily into webbing pouch)

Martin
(soothing shushing sounds, rubbing Jon’s back gently)

Jon
(hysterical sobbing)

…

[Jon and Martin’s bedroom]

Martin
(gently) How are you feeling?

Jon
(muffled in the pillow) Terrible

Martin
(sympathetic) I’m sorry

Jon
(muffled) So… very… terrible
(hysterical sobbing)

Martin
(rustling in pocket)
(tapping on phone)

(door materializing)

Helen
You rang?

Martin
(quietly) Can you get us into an unoccupied doctor’s office? We need to see what’s going on with Jon… he’s been drugged and it might be illegal so we can’t go anywhere official.

Helen
(concerned) Of course

Martin
(quietly) We also need to pick up an old friend

Jon
(sobbing in background)

Helen
Is he okay?

Martin
(miserable) I don’t think so

Helen
Okay, I guess let’s get him in…

Martin
(gently) Come on Jon, let’s see what’s going on with you

Jon
(hysterical sobbing)

Martin
(scooping up Jon)
(footsteps)

(door closing, dematerializing, re-materializing, opening)

Rachel
(shocked) Um, MARTIN? Jon? Helen?

Martin
(quietly) Hi… sorry to bother you but we require your assistance.

Rachel
(concerned) Of course, let’s go.

…

[Doctor’s office]

(Jon sniffling in background)

Rachel
So… it’s looking like he’s been drugged with a very very strong strong dose of ecstasy…

Martin
(shaky, horrified) Oh G
(sinking into chair)

Rachel
And… judging by his current emotional state… I can only assume this is him coming down. Which means it was likely even higher before.

Jon
(sniffling)

Martin
(sympathetic, tearfully) Oh Jon, I am So sorry…

…

Rachel
So he’s probably going to have a hard time for a bit - I don’t know how it works for Avatars exactly but… the amount he was on would have killed a human. So… it probably won’t be good.

Martin
(despairing sigh)

Rachel
Hey… would you like me to come with you? I don’t really have anything going on right now and I think I could help. At the very least help you take care of both Jon and Katrina at the same time.

Martin
(hopeful) If you don’t mind, that would be very helpful, thank you. She’s currently spending the night at Annabelle’s but that wasn’t going to work in the long-term.

Rachel
(gently) Of course
(gently teasing) Besides, I need to hear more about this cult I’ve been seeing in the news

Martin
(soft snort of laughter) Oh, there is a Lot to hear about That

Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Katrina
What’s wrong with Jon?

Martin
(gently) A very bad man tricked him and now he’s very sick.

Katrina
Oh… that’s not good.
(somewhat dubious) Is this one of those situations where I am not allowed to use the Eye and just have to trust you?

Martin
(gently) Yes, little Eyeball.
It’s a bit much for a seven year old.

Katrina
(exasperated sigh)

Martin
(soft affectionate chuckle) I know it’s irritating but you should get to enjoy your innocence while you still can

Katrina
(somewhat dubious) Don't you think it's a bit late for that?

Martin
(sad sigh) Maybe but… I hope not.

(soft footsteps)

Rachel
(gently) Martin, I was going to test Jon again… can you come in?

Martin
Of course
(hurried footsteps)

Jon
(whimpering)

Martin
(reassuring) I’m here, Jon.
(climbing into bed, snuggling Jon)

Jon
(sudden whimper)

Martin
(kisses Jon’s forehead)
(snuggling sounds)

Rachel
(gently) Okay, you’re good Jon.
(departing footsteps)

Jon
(audibly relaxing)

Martin
(snuggling sounds)

…

Rachel
It’s going down

Martin
And that’s good, right?

Rachel
I think so - at the current rate I think he’ll be clean in a matter of hours.

Martin
(sigh of relief)

Rachel
(cautiously) That doesn’t mean he’ll be better though - just that he can start fully going through whatever withdrawal symptoms he might have to deal with.

Martin
(sad) Oh.

Rachel
(reassuringly) But I’m here to help. It’ll be okay

Jon
(groaning)

Martin
I should go to him

Rachel
Good luck

…

[Jon and Martin’s bed]

Jon
(whimpering)

Martin
(soothingly) I know, I know
(gentle kisses)

Jon

…

[Court house, Annabelle’s Mayoral office]

Annabelle
(shuffling through paperwork)

(footsteps)

Assistant
Hi Ms. Cane, should I file the newest commandments?

Annabelle
Yes, that would be nice.
Please also get the sculptor to chisel them onto the front rocks

Assistant
Of course

Annabelle
And please, make sure he remembers to dot the ‘i’s with Eyes this time.

Assistant
Of course.

Annabelle
Thank you.

(departing footsteps)

Annabelle
(long sigh) I wonder when Martin will get back to me… no matter. I’ll just begin working on my campaign and can drop out if we decide against it.
(dialing)

…

[1 week later]

Martin
(concerned) How are you feeling Jon?

Jon
(moaning) Awful

Martin
(sad sound)

Jon
May I have some snuggles please?

Martin
(gently) Of course

…

[Cult meeting]

Annabelle
I will be leading today’s meeting - Jon and Martin are currently indisposed.
Point of note? I’m running to lead Scotland. Currently the position is the First Minister but if I win I intend to turn it into a Theocracy under the Great Eye.

(general gasps of surprise, cheers)

Annabelle
So. Who wants to help with my campaign?
Line up on the left and I’ll make you into agents of the Web.
Fair warning, I will have to bite you and it will hurt and you will die and come back filled with spiders but I made some bug muffins in preparation.

(excited murmurs, footsteps)

…

Annabelle
Now, let me direct our new Web recruits to the tables to the left. There upon you will find the bug muffins.
Non-web members, I have some non-bug muffins on the tables to the right.
Oh, sorry. I forgot to mention this. If you only didn’t become an agent of the Web because you’re afraid of pain don’t worry - there is no judgement. I’ve got some Nyquil and cots set up in the back for anyone who wants to be bitten in their sleep.

(relieved sounds from a few people)
(footsteps)

Annabelle
I’ll be back in a bit to bite you once you’re fully unconscious. Rest well my future spiderlings!

…

[Jon and Martin’s home]

Katrina
(softly) Are we going to celebrate Christmas this year?

Martin
(gently) It might be a bit quieter than normal but we’ll still celebrate, don’t worry.

Jon
(from other room, weakly) Of course we’re celebrating Christmas, little Eyeball. Why would you think we wouldn’t?

Katrina
Because you’re sick!

Jon
(sad sigh) Oh, I’m okay. Just… a little under the weather but it’ll be okay.

Martin
How would everyone like some tea?

Jon, Katrina
Yes please

…

[Jon and Martin’s bed]

Jon
(tossing and turning)
(moaning)

Martin
(concerned) Jon, are you feeling okay?

Jon
(weakly) Not great but it’s just normal at this point… I don’t think it’s anything serious

Martin
(concerned) Are you sure?

Jon
(weakly) Yes

Martin
You look like you need some snuggles

Jon
(pitifully) I do

Martin
Aw, okay
(snuggling sounds)

Jon
(weak happy sounds)

…

[Cult meeting]

Annabelle
Thanks to our new Web recruits, I’m doing very well in the polls. I’m at 99%.

(general cheers)

Annabelle
All hail the Eye!

(crowd : All Hail The Eye!)
(general cheers)

Annabelle
Remember, bring new recruits to me so I can turn them towards the Web if they feel so inclined. And so I can give them a copy of our recipe book of bug muffins, courtesy of Martin.

(general sounds of agreement)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Katrina
YAY! I GOT A NEW KITTY BLANKET AND PJS!

Jon
(happy chuckle) I’m glad you like them

Martin
(teasing) You haven’t even opened the best present yet

Katrina
(excited) Ooh, the Best present?
(tearing open box)
It’s A BUNCH OF KITTEN PLUSHIES!

Jon, Martin
(happy chuckling)

Martin
Now, just remember the rule okay?

Katrina
(reciting) Don’t forget the plushies with eyes in your bedroom

Jon
(laughing) Yes, Please for the love of The Ceaseless Watcher, don’t do that again

Katrina
(somewhat annoyed, we’ve been over this) It was dark, I didn’t See anything -

Jon
I don’t Care! It was… very uncomfortable once I realized it was there.
Also when you’re older and more powerful you’ll be able to see in the dark. So… just don’t rely on that in general or you’ll be in for an unpleasant surprise one day.
(bitter chuckle) Trust me.

Martin
(snort of laughter) Poor Jon was paranoid for weeks and refused to even shower with the lights on. We saved on electricity, sure, but
(breaks off, chuckling)

Jon
(flustered) I didn’t want to accidentally…
(soft sigh)

Katrina
I’ll be careful!

Martin
Good!
(soft chuckle) Because I’m kind of bored sewing plushie sized blindfolds.

Jon
(soft muttering, amused) At least we aren’t going Gertrude’s route

Martin
(incredulous chuckle) WOW! Stone COLD!

Katrina
(curious) Huh? What’s that?

Jon
(cackle) N-nothing you need to worry about, Katrina. Because we would never do it.

…

[Cult meeting]

Annabelle
Well, we did it. The election wasn’t supposed to be until May but they decided to just call it in January. Congratulations everyone! Scotland is now officially a Theocracy under the Ceaseless Watcher!

(cheers)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

(TV playing in background)

Jon
So, can you think of a word to play?

Katrina
Hmm… cat?

Jon
Great!

Martin
Um, Eyes…

Jon, Katrina
Hmm?

Martin
… Annabelle just won the election… four months early… and now Scotland is a Theocracy under the Ceaseless Watcher.

Jon
Oh…

Martin
Oh F! I forgot to get back to her!

Katrina
(scornful) WOW Martin! Such language!

Jon
(gently) It’s okay to curse when it’s the literal end of the world, little Eyeball.

Chapter Text

[Courthouse steps]

Jon
(reassuring) Everyone, it’s going to be okay. I know many of you are scared of the Ceaseless Watcher Watching you and all but… don’t worry. It has better things to do than watch you lounge around watching TV or taking a bath

Martin
(whispering) Doesn’t it watch Literally Everything?

Jon
(whispering) Yes but it doesn’t Care about that stuff unless it scares them to think about it and it’s easier to not worry them this way

Random crowd member
(shouting) You know you’re still in front of the microphone, right?

Random crowd member 2
(shouting) And now we’re GOING to be worried about that!

Katrina
(helpfully) It has ALREADY been staring at you all the time! This changes Nothing! It just means now that instead of it being a secret voyeur we can worship it!

Jon
(perplexed) Where did she learn the word “voyeur?”

Martin
(audible shrug) Beats me, I thought it was you

Katrina
From the Ceaseless Watcher

Jon
Ah, yes

Martin
(audible nod) Of course

Random crowd member
BOOOO!

Random crowd member 3
I’m not worshipping some GIANT EYEBALL IN THE SKY!

Random crowd member 4
Well, I’m an atheist so…

Jon
(snort of laughter)

Random crowd member 4
What?

Jon
… This… doesn’t work that way.

Random crowd member 5
Like WHAT? Are you insinuating that your EYE is more real than our ACTUAL DIETIES?

(general sounds of agreement)

Jon
Um… I plead the right to remain silent.
(dives behind podium)

(sounds of throwing rotten tomatoes at Jon)
(chorus of booing)

Jon
(crying out) I should never have talked about religion in public, my grandma warned me, why didn’t I LISTEN?

Martin
(yelling back from behind his own podium) I don’t Know why, Dear. What Were you Thinking?

Katrina
FOOD FIGHT! YAY!
(throwing rotten tomatoes back)

Annabelle
(from behind her own podium) Well… my first day elected is going rather swimmingly so far.

Jon
(incredulous) Seriously?

Annabelle
(pointedly) As in swimming in rotten tomato juice, Jon.

Martin
(snort of laughter)

…

[Scotland Capital]

Jon
Hello, everyone. Let’s try this again. I first want to apologize if I insinuated anything negative about any of your respective religions - I just meant that they can exist in Conjunction with the Ceaseless Watcher.

Random person
Hmm…

Jon
So, let’s get off on the right foot about this. Does anyone have any questions?

Random person 2
Will the Ceaseless Watcher watch us literally always?

Jon
Well, yes, but… how many of you believe in Santa?

(chorus of cheers)

Jon
Yah! Well, you know how he always watches you, right? That’s what the Ceaseless Watcher does too.

Random kid
Oh yah, and my neighbor! My mom calls him a “pervert”

Random kid 2
(concerned) … So… Santa’s a pervert?

Katrina
(helpfully) I mean, he would be if he were Real but he isn’t.
I Know this. I asked the Ceaseless Watcher.

(general cries of shock, horror, dismay)

Jon
(audible facepalm) (muttered) This… is not going well.

…

[Scotland Capital]

Jon
(exhausted, forced cheer) So here I am, again, apologizing for messing things up royally.

Annabelle
(kindly) You really are the worst Web Avatar this world’s ever seen but you try So hard.

Jon
Thank you?

Annabelle
You’re welcome.

Random person
How do we know what gets flaming spiders thrown at us?

Jon
(relieved) Oh, finally an easy question. We have a list of the commandments in the courtyard of the main building as well as on our country’s website.

Random person
Can you give a bit of a rundown?

Jon
This isn’t all of them, for sure, but a few general ones are
Don’t be a landlord - no seconds before everyone gets their firsts
Don’t be a cop. ACAB
Don’t abuse people or non-human animals
No denying anyone food, shelter, or other essential resources, regardless of whether they work or not, as a society. Businesses now have a responsibility to provide for their communities. Specifically, this means that the government will run all of them and provide for everyone. To start with we’ll begin by giving everyone a Universal Basic Income which will transition over time into just providing resources once we’ve got the ability to do so.

Random person
What about healthcare?

Jon
… We still have free healthcare.
(confused, quietly, to Martin) Why would we take that away?

Random person
(cheers)

Jon
Um, any other questions?

Business owner
I run a small florist business, does this mean anything for me?

Jon
Flowers are not essential, you are fine.
It’s directed generally at chain grocery stores, housing developers, etc.
Also, nobody is losing their jobs, large businesses are just being taken by the government who will become their new employers.

Random person 3
What about someone like [incredibly rich person who could literally end world hunger and doesn’t]?

Jon
Oh, they would be smote down for sure if they came to Scotland.

(general cheers)

Random person 4
What about capitalism?

Jon
(awkwardly, please don’t kill me) I mean…

Martin
(fiercely) DEATH TO CAPITALISM!

Jon
Yah, that.

…

[US news]

BREAKING NEWS: Scotland falls to a COMMUNIST THEOCRACY!

(general sounds of panic)

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Jon
(static) They’re calling Scotland a “Communist Theocracy” in the US.

Martin
But… like… it’s not?

Jon
No, it’s not communism. Not yet anyway - that sort of change takes time and way more steps and honestly we’ll both probably be dead by the time it gets that far. But they tend to call everything that isn’t unfettered capitalism communism so…
(exasperated sigh)

Chapter Text

[Jon and Martin’s bed]

Jon
(pleased stretch) Look at us, running a successful Theocracy

Martin
(proud) And I still keep down my part-time job at the farm store

Jon
Very true. Speaking of, you’d probably better get ready
(static) You have to leave in an hour

Martin
(frustrated groan) Ughhhh

Jon
I’ll go with you

Martin
Hmm?

Jon
(whispered) And I can leave you a reminder for when I’m not there if you’d like

Martin
(wicked cackle)

…

[School]

Professor
Okay class, does anyone want to tell the class about their winter break?

Katrina
Me! Me! Me!

Professor
Katrina?

Katrina
(rushing footsteps)
I got cat plushies for Christmas and my dads and Aunt Annabelle officially made Scotland a Theocracy under the Ceaseless Watcher!

(crickets)

Professor
Oh… that’s… great news, honey…

Katrina
(positively beaming) I KNOW!

Professor
… Does anybody else want to talk about their winter break?

Random student
Um… my dad took up drinking again. Said something about communism being worse than liver damage?

Professor
Ah.

…

[Jon and Martin’s home]

Annabelle
(tapping on phone)
It looks like our cult’s spread globally - we’ve got branches in Argentina, Australia, Sierra Leone, Madagascar, Germany, Indonesia, Brasil, and Russia, Canada, and India.

Jon
(impressed) Nice!
(static) Oh, also Portugal just started one.

Martin
YESS!

Annabelle
Look at the Webs we can Weave!

(happy hugs all around)

Jon
Does anyone want any wine?

Annabelle
Got any bug juice?

Jon
… No.

Annabelle
(chuckles softly) White, then please.
It at least looks like the color of bugs’ insides.

Jon
Of course

Katrina
What about me?

Jon
(soft chuckle) What are you still doing up, little Eyeball? We tucked you in a couple hours ago!

Katrina
I couldn’t sleep - I’m just so excited!

Martin
Aw, come up here. Jon can pour you a glass of juice or something

Jon
(amused) Shouldn’t she go to bed though?
It IS a school night

Martin
I mean… yah… realistically…

Jon
(to Katrina) I’ll make you some nice relaxing tea and you can stay up with us grownups for another thirty minutes, how does that sound?

Katrina
Okay… but can Martin make the tea? His is better.

Jon
(soft chuckle) Martin, apparently I’ve been ousted from my position.

Martin
(teasing) Ousted would imply you were Ever good at making tea, Jon.

Jon
OUCH!

Annabelle
(cackles)

…

(ringing)

Jon
Hello? You’re on speaker

Melanie
Hi Jon… what’s this I’m hearing about you, Martin, and Annabelle turning Scotland into a Theocracy under the Ceaseless Watcher? Didn’t you and Martin see how miserable it was running a cult?

Jon
(sighs) Yes… it’s been a mess. I… I fell for Jonah Magnus’ tricks once again and by the time I realized it was already too late.
Besides, it’s actually made some really good changes.

Melanie
Well, Georgie and I are coming over. So you’d better set us up some room.

Jon
… We don’t really Have that… we live in a one bedroom with a basement that Martin and I sleep in.

Melanie
Well, we can take the living room, no matter. But Georgie is just Dying to check out this new government you’ve got going over there. Something about how back in college she thought you’d just be some “sad little nerd in a suit’ and now you’ve both “started an apocalypse” and “run a theocracy.”

Jon
(somewhat flustered) I mean…

Martin
(walking in) Oh, he’s still a sad little nerd in a suit.

Jon
(indignant) Hey!

Martin
(kiss)

Jon
(melting sounds)

Georgie
I take it you’re making with the smoochies?

Jon
… Georgie? When did you get on the call?

Georgie
Just now.

Jon
Ah

Georgie
Just wanted to reiterate, set us up an air mattress we’re coming over.

Martin
Yay!

…

(ringing)

Jon
Hi, you’re on speaker

Sasha
Hi Jon -

Jon (interrupting)
If you’re calling to say you’re staying here, we already have Georgie and Melanie coming over and have no more space.

Sasha
(wicked cackle) Ah, you don’t have room for four more?

Jon
… Four?

Sasha
Yes, Tim, Danny, Stone, and me.

Jon
(audible face-palm)

Sasha
I’ve also heard that Basira and Daisy will be heading over soon as well.

Jon
(long sigh)

(beeping)

Jon
Looks like I’m getting another call, one sec
(to other call) Hello?

Daisy
Hi Jon, just checking in -

Jon (interrupting)
(exhausted) To say you’re visiting?

Daisy
(cackle) I take it everyone is visiting?

Jon
(exhausted) Yes

Daisy
Well, lucky for you I’ve actually got a few more safe houses in the area where you are that I can room everyone in. Let me handle it.

Jon
(greatly relieved) Thank you

…

Rachel
Thank you for having me - I didn’t feel as comfortable rooming with the others since I don’t know them as well.

Jon
Oh, it’s no problem. We’ve still got the couch after all.
(softly) Also, thank you for helping me.

Rachel
Of course

Martin
(pleased, amused) It’s basically a party, isn’t it?

Jon
Everyone wants to see the Cult I guess

Katrina
(excited shriek, racing footsteps) SLEEPOVER!

Jon
(static) Do Not jump on the air mattress.
(amused) I Know you were thinking about it.

Katrina
Aw!

Chapter Text

[Park]

Basira
It’s rather nice here, Daisy. Why didn’t we pick one of your Scotland safe houses?

Daisy
Because we were already living in the UK but we can move here if you’d like - it makes little difference to me.
Plus it is objectively better now with its little theocracy - a good place for a Hunt Avatar like me.

Jon
It is peaceful, isn’t it?
(happy sigh) I’ve really missed you all

Georgie
We’ve missed you too - it’s too bad Martin had to burn down his old job

Martin
Well, sometimes things happen.
Like arson.

(general snorts of laughter)

Tim
(to Katrina) And how are you doing, little Eyeball? You’re growing so big!

Katrina
I am!

Sasha
Soon you’ll be as tall as Jon!

Jon
That… probably won’t happen for another three years or so.

Martin
(soft chuckle) Oh, unless she takes after me. Then it could be any time. I hit a huge growth spurt at nine.

Jon
Ah.

Martin
(gently ruffling Jon’s hair) You’re so adorable

Jon
Thank you.

Martin
(snort of laughter)
(kiss)

Jon
(melting happy sounds)

Georgie
So, did anyone bring anything good to eat?

Michael
If not I can go get something

…

Sabrina
I like it here. I don't even have the urge to murder, it's quite strange

Basil
You know, you're right.

Jon
It's because the Fears have lots of power here - you don't have to feed so much anymore
(chuckles softly) And a good lot of it is provided in a sustainable former landlord/cop/abuser-to-Avatar manner

Georgie
Ah, like farm to table

Jon
Exactly
It is a good day to be with the Fears

Annabelle
Especially the Web. There are So many spiders around Scotland these days

Martin
Well, you did apparently create around three hundred new Web Avatars.

Annabelle
(deeply affectionate) I know, all my little spiderlings

Georgie
(somewhat confused) I was under the impression you didn't much care for them

Annabelle
Like a mother spider, I created them and started them on their journeys but their lives are their own.

Georgie
Ah

Jon
(soft chuckle) So sweet

Martin
(affectionately) As are you
(kiss)

Sasha
(teasing) Wow, you two are so affectionate

Tim
I know, maybe we should be as well?

Jon
(embarrassed chuckle)

Martin
(pulls Jon into a snuggle)

Jon
(happy sounds)

(gunshots)
(general sounds of panic)

Georgie
What is going on???

Melanie
Georgie????

Jon, Martin
KATRINA!

Katrina
(panicked) Jon! Martin!

Jon
(static) They’re after me…
(quickly) Martin, take Katrina and get out of here. I’ll try to lead them off

Helen
Everyone, in the door!

Martin
(concerned) Jon!

Jon
It’ll be okay, you all Run!
(racing footsteps)

(gunshots)

Jon
(static) Stop!

(gunshots continue)

Jon
(annoyed) Oh, it’s those sunglasses…
(webbing sounds)

Attempting killer
(venomous) Jonathan Blackwood-Sims

Jon
(cautious) Yes, what of it?

Attempting killer
You have Ruined Everything!

Jon
(static) Oh, I see. You used to be a slumlord of several properties before you were mysteriously attacked by angry spiders who kept you trapped in your bathroom until it was just as unlivable as the homes of your tenants.

Attempting killer
You. Destroyed. My. Life.

(gunshot)

Jon
(shriek of pain)
(collapsing)

Attempting killer
And now, I shall end YOU

Jon
(gasping)

(rushing footsteps)

Sabrina
I don’t Think so
(kicking, stabbing sounds)

(screams, sounds of struggle)

Basil
I’ve got the gun
(aiming gun)

Jon
(gasps) N-no, don’t - don’t kill him
(collapses)

Sabrina
Are you Sure?
(pause)
Okay I’ll just maim him then. Basil, can you text Martin to come get Jon?

…

[Jon and Martin’s bedroom]

Jon
(choking, coughing weakly)

Martin
(soothingly, relieved) There we go
(to Rachel) Thank you

Rachel
Of course, I’m just sorry I wasn’t there - I just… I don’t do well with crowds.

Martin
(serious) It’s good you didn’t show today - you could have been hurt. And realistically there's nothing you could have done anyway.

Jon
(stirring)
(weakly) What’s… what’s going on?

Martin
(shushing sounds) It’s okay, just relax. You were hurt and now you’re in recovery

Jon
(weak coughing)

Martin
(snuggling sounds, rustling)
Here, I’ll get us both all snug.
(gentle kissing) Feel any better?

Jon
(non-commital tired sound)

Martin
(snuggling in)

Jon
(somewhat stronger coughing)

Rachel
(softly) I think we might be good?

Martin
(gently) Jon, how are you feeling?

Jon
(coughing)

Martin
I think we are.
(audible wince)

Jon
(coughing, sputtering that relaxes after a few seconds)

Rachel
(gently) Here

Jon
Thank you
(gulping water)

Martin
(snuggling in, kissing)

Jon
(happy relaxed sounds, snuggling in)

…

[Cult meeting building]

Sasha
So. You've survived your first assassination attempt. How are you feeling?

Jon
(wry chuckle) Not great, surprisingly, but I'll be okay.

Tim
Are we really sure this is a good idea to continue this cult though? I mean… you could have died.

Jon
(wryly) I think that we’re well past that point - the cult is basically leading itself these days. No, I think I’ll just need to work on our image.

Martin
(somewhat proud) Aw, you’re finally learning Web stuff!

Jon
… I didn’t say I knew How to work on our image.

Annabelle
Well That’s more like the Jon I know.

…

[Cult meeting building]

Annabelle
So, does anyone have any suggestions on improving our image?

Random person
Why? Is our image not good enough as it is?

Martin
Someone tried to assassinate Jon this week

(general gasps of horror)

Random person 2
OH NO!

Jon
I’m here, hi. Not dead.

Georgie
Well, maybe we can focus on how much we’re helping people?

Random person
Who are you?

Martin
Ah, yes. We have some old friends joining us today. They’ve been with us for years and have come in from the UK to see the Cult of the Ceaseless Watcher.

(general sounds of interest)

Melanie
But yes, on what Georgie was saying. Maybe we focus on how we’re providing everyone with their basic needs.

Martin
Seems reasonable - Annabelle what do you think?

Annabelle
Works for me - Martin, how about you and I work on writing something up?

Jon
What about me?

Martin, Annabelle
(snorts of incredulous laughter)

Martin
I still haven’t forgotten your previous speech attempts and… think it’s best if you’re not the one to write up anything.
Mostly because I don’t want you to get shot again.

Jon
WOW!

Georgie
Well… he’s got a Point, Jon. You’re really terrible at public speaking.

Jon
(sputtering sounds)

…

[In front of courthouse]

Jon
Hello, everyone. We all just wanted to address some of the concerns we’ve seen lately. First, we’ll open the floor up for questions.

Random person
Was it true someone tried to kill you this week?

Jon
(uncomfortable) Um, yes.

Random person 2
And is it true that he’s still in the hospital even though you look Just Fine?

Sabrina
(stepping forward) Exactly. So let that be a Warning to anyone Else who might want to hurt Jon.

Jon
(damage control) Um… what she Means is that…
(quickly) please just don’t shoot me okay?
(quietly) it hurts

Random person 3
But why? You’re Ruining Capitalism!

Jon
(sigh)

Martin
Capitalism is BAD, people. How do you not realize that?

Jon
(gently) Not everyone has access to the Beholding, Martin.

Martin
Well, I don’t either and I still get it.

Jon
(gently) Maybe we don’t irritate the people who might wish to take us out?

Random person 4
(threatening) Listen to him, Martin! You don’t know which ones of us have guns

Jon
(static) (you don’t TALK to my Martin like that!) Well, I do. And you don’t have one. So… maybe be quiet.

Annabelle
Any other questions?

Random person 5
I have relatives in the UK and they still have a landlord. Do you think that we’ll ever expand that far?

Jon
We’re hoping so but we can’t be sure as of yet - the Eye doesn’t see the future.

Random person 6
Do you still smite people?

Jon
(embarrassed) Not generally… I try to avoid killing.

Random person 7
I was a landlord and my assets were seized - what am I supposed to do to recoup the monetary loss?

Martin
I mean… what did your tenants do when you took the available housing and turned it into a money making scheme?

Random person 7
(sputtering)

Jon
Everyone’s been released from their loans and whenever they ended up with less money than before they purchased the house, considering their rent payments, they were refunded that amount. Nobody Lost anything - everything’s just distributed more fairly now.

Random person 7
But I LIKED being a landlord

Martin
Well tough!

(general cheers)

Random person 8
YAH! BOO LANDLORDS!

Random person 9
LANDLORDS ARE GARBAGE!

Random person 10
DOWN WITH THE RULING CLASS!

(general shouts of agreement)
(sounds of starting violence)

Annabelle
Ah, it looks like we’ve started some mob mentality.

Jon
(static) (uneasy) Yah… we should probably Do something
(loudly) Hey! No violence!

(more sounds of violence)
(screams, chanting)

Jon
(exasperated sigh) Well then.

Martin
(calmly) Should I release the flying fire spiders?

Jon
… No.
(incredulous) And in what universe would that make things Calmer?!?!

Martin
It wouldn’t.
(wicked cackle) It would just be Funny.

Annabelle
(pleased) I like the way you think, Martin. Pull those puppet strings!

Jon
(incredulous sound, audibly raised eyebrow)

Sabrina
(pleased) I rather like the show

Jon
(trying to stay calm) Remember, we’re not Trying to manipulate people? We’re trying to make the world a better place?

Annabelle
Through manipulation, yes.
Surely you can see that.

Jon
(static) Oh…
(sinks to his knees) (horrified) What have we been doing?

Martin
(kneeling down beside Jon)
(reassuringly) I admit, it’s a bit of a grey area morally speaking, but we really have helped a lot of people.

(screams, fighting, sounds of violence in the background)

Martin
(ruefully) Even if it is a bit… messy.

Jon
(standing up)
(massive burst of static) EVERYBODY STOP!

(sudden silence)

Jon
(very weak, shaky, woozy) Martin… Annabelle… please take over from here. I’m going to… take a nap.
(collapses)

...

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Jon
(tired) Well, it’s been two weeks since that last failed meeting. Think we ought to try again? 

Martin
(doubtful) I mean… we Could? But I’m not entirely sure that would be a Good idea. 

Jon
(static) Well, we are pretty well loved at this point. It’s a 80/20 split in Scotland and the cult has spread to even more places across the globe.
It looks a little… bloody… in some places unfortunately but we’ve accomplished a lot of good.
(long sigh) I was hoping to avoid bloodshed - at least permanent ends - but I suppose that was but wishful thinking. I just never intended to start another round of crusades, even if they’re for a good cause. 

Martin
(gently) It’ll be okay - It’s still fewer people suffering than before and most of those currently suffering are just objectively worse people than those who used to be. 
From a utilitarian standpoint it’s downright good. 

Jon
(hopeful) You’re right

Chapter Text

[Scotland, courthouse - one year after Annabell won initial election]

Jon
Welcome, everyone! We have got quite the crowd today to celebrate our first full year as a Theocracy under the Ceaseless Watcher! Apologies in advance - I can understand all of you but am unfortunately not fluent in responding in any other languages besides English - so if you need assistance feel free to use any of our helpful translators in the neon green t-shirts with the Eyes on them. They have the languages they are fluent in written on them.

If you are unable to see, Melanie and Georgie will be available to help with any questions or concerns as well - just raise your hand and we’ll send someone over to assist you. And if you can’t, just Think at me and I’ll send someone over.
Don’t worry - I’ll Know.
(soft chuckle)

(general cheers)

If you need medical assistance, we’ve got Rachel - trained in Avatar and human medicine - over to the left of the main podium as well as a team of trained Medic Web Weavers who are trained in human medicine and can create bandages in seconds.

(general cheers)

And of course, if anyone needs to use the restroom or go home early, we’ve got Helen and Michael with their doors to the right of the podium. Just give them your address and you’ll be able to walk right into your own home and come back if you want after. Don’t worry - they do not save them.

And now we begin!

(general cheers)

Annabelle
Welcome, everyone! I am so honored to lead this theocracy and the prosperous society it has provided. In only twelve months, we have managed to completely eliminate landlords and police from initially our little town and eventually throughout all of Scotland. Abuse of all kinds has gone way down, hate crimes have completely stopped, and as of last week officially everyone within Scotland has officially secured stable housing!

(general cheers, ecstatic clapping)

And we are Spreading! We have hundreds of small chapters throughout the globe and while they are still in various stages of progress, there has already been a marked decrease in landlords and general violence and an increase in humanity getting their basic needs met in areas where we have spread. We can only hope that eventually they too will obtain the peace and prosperity that we enjoy under the Ceaseless Watcher!

(general cheers)
(chant: ALL HAIL THE CEASELESS WATCHER!)

And now, I’ll turn it over to Martin who will go over our global outreach.

(general cheers)

Martin
(somewhat awkward) So… I’ve been in charge of our global outreach aspect with Jon’s assistance for translation needs. We ask different groups around the world what they need then we work with them to obtain it as we are a rather large international group with far-reaching influence, thank you Web - whether that be resources, Avatar assistance, etc. They can, of course, choose to join us or not, or join us in only a working relationship without the Ceaseless Watcher being mentioned, with no impact on potential assistance and we don’t pressure anyone. Remember, everyone: We are All Watched by the Ceaseless Watcher and as such we all owe each other, regardless of whether someone’s part of the Cult of the Ceaseless Watcher or not.
Um… yah. Basically love each other!

(sporadic clapping, somewhat confused)

And DEATH TO CAPITALISM!

(loud cheers, clapping)

…

(general happy chatter in background)

Jon
(pleased) That went well!

Martin
(pleased) It did, didn’t it?

Annabelle
I honestly didn’t think we could do it but I guess we’ve actually made the world a better place. Huh. I never used to think that This would be my life’s goal.

(nervous small voice)

Jon
Hmm? I think someone’s calling out to me
(kneeling down)
Hello, can I help you?

Small child
My… my mommy is sick. Can you tell me what’s wrong?

Jon
(gently) take me to her
(pause)
(static) Ah.
(to mother, gently) You should go get looked at - it appears you have stage two cancer unfortunately. However,
(scratching pencil sound)
If you follow this exact course of treatment you should be fine within the year.
(handing over paper)
Just go over to our Web Avatar medics and they’ll set you up with one of our Web Doctors in your area of residence so you can get the help you need.

Mother
(tearfully) Thank you

Jon
(gently) Of course

…

(general chatter in background)

Martin
What’s up?

Jon
Ah, just putting the Beholding to good use.

Annabelle
Well, it looks like you’ve got a line now Jon.

Jon
Ah. I See…
(somewhat shocked, incredulous) FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE?
(soft chuckle) Okay, next!
(to Martin) Could you maybe go down the line and see if they wouldn’t mind bringing up the people in question, or a way to Know who they are, who are able to get here so I’m not running around everywhere? There is only so much moving around I can do before it starts hurting too much.

Martin
(soft chuckle) Of course

Jon
(quietly) Also, I Really need to set up an email and phone line.

…

Martin
(gently) How are you feeling?

Jon
(exhausted, rasping, his voice is gone from way too much talking) I - (coughing)

Martin
(gently) Let’s get you some tea

Jon
(exhausted thankful sound)

(general sounds of displeasure from remaining line)

Martin
(to crowd) Jon is unable to talk right now - I’m going to go help him, okay?

(more sounds of displeasure)

Martin
(wicked chuckle) Actually…
(unbuttoning top couple buttons on his collar)
(gently) Okay Jon, go ahead, freak out the populace

Jon
(somewhat miffed raspy sound)

Martin
(to crowd) Just give us a few minutes
(tapping on phone)

(door materializing)

Helen
You rang?

Martin
Yep. Can we have a few minutes of privacy please?

…

Jon
(much stronger, somewhat awkward) Hi everyone… I’m back

(general cheers)

Martin
(pleased - he just had a very nice time) Yep! Keep bringing your questions!

…

Jon
(exhausted) Well… that’s the last person.

Martin
(relieved) Good because I am BEAT! I am ready to get some rest

Katrina
That was fun!

Jon
(affectionately) I know, little Eyeball. So many people to Watch, huh?

Katrina
YES! And I made a lot of new friends - and I Know their contact info so we can keep in touch!

Martin
(impressed) Oh, that is a good point. I guess she wouldn’t have to worry about the ability of seven year olds to memorize phone numbers like we had to as kids.

Jon
… Yes. I… definitely had friends at age seven.

Katrina
(static) (helpfully) No, you didn’t

Martin
(half sad sound, half snort of laughter) Aw, poor Jon

Jon
(amused but trying to hide it) Katrina, what did we discuss about spying into people’s private lives?

Katrina
(softly) Oh… sorry.

Jon
(affectionately) It’s okay, you’re still learning.
(hug)

Chapter Text

[US Military]

US President
You know what we have to do.

US Military commander
Yes, I do.

US President
This will NOT stand.

US Military commander
No, it will not.

US President
I HATE communism.

US Military commander
Same here, sir.

US President
(wistful) Too bad about the cows, though.
I rather like Scotland’s cows.

US Military commander
Well, we could always threaten first. Maybe they’ll give in.

…

[Jon and Martin’s house]

Jon
(typing)

Martin
(tired) What’s up? You’re up early - it’s only four in the morning.

Jon
(exhausted) Just… answering questions from people. We’ve got people writing in from every time zone and I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d check… oh, Martin, we’ve also got a few in for you. Some groups that need help with… um… I think it was medical supplies, assistance with dealing with landlords, and obtaining more food during a local drought.

Martin
(tired) Oh goodie. I shall get on that

Jon
(soft chuckle) I’m just glad I’ve got you

Martin
(gently) Me too - I love you so much and I still can’t believe what we’ve been able to create together.

Jon
I love you too, Mar-
(trails off)

Martin
(amused) Jon? Are you fully with it?

Jon
(half-asleep) Huh?

Martin
(gently) Let’s get you to bed. You can help people in the morning

(soft sounds of protest)

Martin
(gently) Jon?

Jon
(slight chuckle) Okay, okay. I suppose a few more hours won’t be the end of the world.
…
(nervous sound)

Martin
(amused) And I’ll give a quick search to make sure that the actual end of the world isn’t a legit concern

Jon
(relieved) Oh, could you? I wanted to ask but…

Martin
(snort of laughter) You didn’t want to sound paranoid? Don’t worry, I don’t need the Eye to know that you’re not getting any decent sleep if you think the world might end and Everybody’s needs to you are the Absolute Most Important in the World.
Except your own.
(gently but firmly) Now, you get some sleep.
(tucking in sounds)

Jon
(happy sleepy murmur)
(soft snoring)

Martin
(impressed) Wow, that was fast. I guess he really did need to go to bed

…

[Courthouse]

Jon
Wow, the turnout for our now weekly meeting is huge.

Katrina
(happily dancing around) Look at all the People! And they love us!

Martin
(pleased) They really do, don’t they?

Annabelle
(to crowd) Hello everyone! Welcome!

(general cheers, clapping)

Annabelle
I assume many of you have already heard but in case you haven’t - we look set to take over the EU within the next month and we have at least one large chapter - whole country sized - in every continent across the globe!

(loud cheers, clapping)

Annabelle
Welcome and thank you for joining us to all of our fellow Theocracies under the Ceaseless Watcher!

(loud cheers, clapping)
(sudden blast of gunshots into the air)

Random cult member
(panicked) What’s… what’s going on?

(general sounds of panic)

Military commander
Everyone! Halt! We are the United States Military.
(cruel) And we are here to take down your cult.

(general sounds of panic)

Jon
(static) Put DOWN YOUR WEAPONS!

Military commander
There he is!

(gunshots)

Jon
(shriek)

(materializing door that immediately opens)
(thudding as Jon, Martin, Katrina, and Annabelle fall in)
(door dematerializes)

Jon
(gasping)

Martin
(panicked) Are you all okay?

Katrina
(shocked, scared) Yah… I didn’t get hit

Annabelle
I’m fine

Michael
Thank goodness I was watching… that was… unexpected

Jon
The others in the crowd… are they okay?

Michael
I’ll check - Um… here, I’ll set up a speaker in the door so you can hear them.

(general unintelligible sounds of panic but no actual gunshots)

…

Jon
(miserable, broken) Martin, we should put Katrina to bed. It’s really late.

Martin
(miserable) Okay. Little Eyeball, let’s get you tucked in.
(forced cheer) We can use your old bedroom in the Distortion.

…

Jon
(exhausted, miserable) Anything new?

Michael
Nothing yet - just general sounds of fear and military people shouting out commands.

(sudden gunshots into the air and general sounds of panic)

Military commander
Don’t put up any resistance - you’re surrounded.

Jon
OH G!
(trying to stand up)

Martin, Michael
(pulling him back down)

(sounds of struggle)

Random person
(terrified) Are you going to kill us all?

Military Commander
That was the original plan… however, we have Some compassion. We will spare the rest of you if you’ll give up Jonathan Blackwood-Sims. You have until first light tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Michael
(stunned) … So I guess we will fight tomorrow. I’m going to go spend my remaining time with Helen.
(departing footsteps)

Jon
(stunned) Well…
(defeated) I guess this is it then.

Martin
(incredulous) WHAT? You can’t Seriously be Considering -

Jon (interrupting)
(quiet) Martin… it’s our only option. I’m not having all these people killed.

Martin
(hysterical) Jon, NO!

Katrina
(tearful) Jon?

Jon
(shocked sound)
(gently) Little Eyeball, what are you doing up? Go back to bed

Katrina
I heard the message… they want Jon?
Why?

Martin
(collapses into hysterical sobs)

Jon
(gently) It’ll be okay… I just… have to go away for a while…

Martin
(hysterical sobbing)

Jon
(kisses and hugs Katrina fiercely, crying) Oh, Little Eyeball… be good for Martin for me, okay?

Katrina
(confused) Okay?
Am I allowed to use the Eye?

Jon
(gently) No, no you may not.
(kisses Katrina’s forehead)

Martin
(hysterical sobbing)

Jon
(crying) Martin… I am So sorry… I… I didn’t want it to end like this…

Martin
(sobbing) Jon, y-you can’t - p-please don’t do this!

Jon
(crying) If I don’t… all the innocent people… Katrina… all the children like her…

Martin
(hysterical sobbing)

Jon
(hugging Martin fiercely, sobbing)
(whispered through tears) We have one night left… will you hold me?

Martin
(sobbing) Of course

…

Jon
(scared) I… I can’t sleep

Martin
(sniffling) I can’t either

Jon
(scared) I never thought it would end like this

Martin
(sniffling, desperate) It doesn’t Have to Jon, we still have a few hours, we can come up with another plan -

Jon (interrupting)
(gently but firmly) Martin, no. Any other plan would result in even more bloodshed and would put Katrina at risk. This… this is the only way.
I am truly sorry.
(quietly) I’m just really scared.

Martin
(sobbing, holding onto Jon for dear life)

Jon
(sobbing)

…

Jon
(scared) It’ll be morning soon.

Martin
(broken) I know.

Jon
(hesitant, scared) I… I suppose I should get ready to go then…
Don’t wake Katrina. I don’t… I don’t want her to Watch…
Just
(choked sob) make sure she knows I love her, okay?

Martin
(choked sob) Oh, Jon
(collapses into hysterical sobs)

Jon
(shakily stands up) Well… here… here goes.
(hesitant footsteps)

Martin
(sobbing) Jon, wait!

Jon
(turns around slightly) (despairing) Martin, you know I have to -

Martin
(broken, crying) I know… but I’ll walk you there.

Jon
(choked sob) But, Katrina -

Martin
Is with the others. You’re not
(stifled sob)
You’re not walking by yourself to your
(breaks into hysterical sobs)

Jon
(bitterly) My execution, yes.

Martin
(hysterical sobs)

Jon
(gently) Martin… if you can’t…

Martin
(determined, crying) I’m not leaving you to go alone. I’ll be by your side until…
(stifled sob) Well, you know.

Jon
(gulp of fear) Yes… yes I do.
(scared, hesitant) I guess… we go then? It’ll be light in under thirty minutes.

Martin
(choked sob)

…

(footsteps)

(guns pointing)

Military member
Halt! Who goes there!

Jon
(weak, scared, but determined) Jonathan Blackwood-Sims. I am… I am here to turn myself in.

Martin
(hysterical sobbing)

Jon
(gently, through tears) Martin, I love you so much and I am So sorry

Martin
(sobbing) I love you too, Jon.

(marching footsteps)

Military commander
Ah. So you did turn yourself in. Good.

Jon
(shaking with fear) Y-yes.

(sounds of guns raising)

Jon
(terrified sound)

Martin
NO!

Military commander
(coldly) It’s not like we were going to just kill him here - no, they all need to see it happen to know he’s gone. In a couple hours, in broad daylight. We’ll do it at the source of your power - Hilltop Road.

Jon
(faints)

Martin
(sobs hysterically)

…

[Hilltop Road]

(general sounds of uneasy crowd)

Military commander
(shouting) Everyone, QUIET!

(crowd gets quieter)

Military commander
You thought your Ceaseless Watcher could Watch all and protect everyone, right? Well, look who we have.
(shoving sound)

Jon
(stumbles forward and falls on his face)
(audible wince)

(general sounds of horror and despair from the crowd)

Military commander
Not so powerful now, is he?

Random person in crowd
You couldn’t even give him his cane? That’s just CRUEL!

Military commander
(snapping fingers)

(gunshot into the air)
(gasps of terror)

Military commander
Does anyone else have anything to say? Next time it won’t be into the air.

(general scared sounds)

Military commander
Now.

(sounds of roughly dragging Jon across the ground)

Jon
(whimpering)

Military commander
Tie him to the pole.

(tying sounds)

Jon
(whimpers)

Random crowd member
(incredulous) What are you going to do, burn him at the stake? What is this, 1640?

Military commander
No, we’re going for something more symbolic.
How many of you remember the story of how your messiah died the first time, ending the apocalypse, before he was resuscitated?

(general sounds of unease)
(metallic sound)

Military commander
Well, we’re going to undo the mistake that was resuscitating him.

Jon
(nervous whimper, hyperventilating)

Military commander
(coldly) Any last words?

Jon
(hyperventilating)

Martin (from crowd)
(horrified, screaming) JON!

Jon
(terrified but the tiniest bit hopeful) Martin?

Martin
(rushing footsteps)

Military Commander
HALT!

Martin
I… I just… want to say goodbye

Jon
(outright sobbing)

Military Commander
I suppose, go ahead.

Martin
(hysterical sobbing) J-Jon, I -

Jon
(outright sobbing)

Martin
I love you
(unsheathes fangs)
(determined) And you’re not going alone.
(bites fiercely)

Jon
(gasps softly in surprise)

Military commander
(stabs Jon deeply)

Jon
(gasps much harder, in agony)
(collapses against Martin)

Martin
JON?!?!
(howl of absolute soul-rending mental anguish)

(shocked horrified sobs from crowd)

Jon
(choking, weak, wetly) M-Martin-

Martin
(shocked) J-Jon?

Jon
(choking, weak, gasping)

Martin
(sobbing) Oh, Jon, I -

Jon
(unsheathes fangs)
(bites weakly)
(weakly, muffled, choking, wetly) I - I’ll always… I’ll always be with you
(collapses against Martin)

Martin
(howl of anguish)
(collapses to his knees sobbing hysterically)

(general sounds of anguish from the crowd)

Military commander
And this, everyone, is what’s left of your Messiah.
(unties Jon’s hands from pole)

(Jon falls limply to ground with a thud)

Martin
(sobs hysterically)
(picks up Jon and holds him in his lap, sobbing even harder)

Military commander
There IS NO MORE CULT OF THE CEASELESS WATCHER!
Anyone who tries to resurrect it will meet the SAME FATE as Jonathan Blackwood-Sims.

Martin
(sobbing hysterically, rocking back and forth, holding Jon desperately)

Military commander
And now we ‘dispose’ of him so he doesn’t come back again.
(trying to yank Jon away from Martin)
(to Martin) (angry) Let go of him!

Martin
(sobs and holds on harder)

Military commander
All right then. I guess you can go with him.
(shoving sound with effort)

Martin
(small shocked gasp that quickly disappears)

Military commander
(satisfied) And now they're both gone.
Good. Riddance.