Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buck sighed as he sunk down on the bed.

He had been spending a lot of time at Tommy’s recently. Lots of nights staying over. Actually, he was barely at his loft. He was either at Tommy’s place or Eddie’s place. That was just the way it was since Chris left for Texas.

Tommy walked into the room. “I was thinking…” he started, getting into the bed beside Buck. “We could go out tomorrow night? Dinner and a movie.”

“You know, that sounds like my kind of night.” Buck threw an arm around Tommy’s stomach. “But… I promised Eddie we’d have our movie night tomorrow. We haven’t had one in a few weeks, and he’s missing Christopher, and— why are you looking at me like that?”

Tommy was looking at him with his brow furrowed. His mouth was slightly agape.

“I’m looking at you like this because what the fuck?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re blowing off our movie night to have a movie night with him?”

“Yeah, so what? He’s my best friend.”

“So what? I’m your boyfriend. I’m meant to be your first priority always! Unless Bobby, or Howard, or Hen, or Eddie, or Chris, or whoever is dying I shouldn’t be a second thought. But right now… I am, aren’t I? And I don’t see why that would be, unless you were harbouring some secret feelings for him.”

“Um, what?” Buck finally sat up. He looked down at Tommy in disbelief.

“I mean, I don’t want to believe it either. I love you, Evan, but… do you love someone else?”

Buck shook his head. This whole thing is so stupid. Him? Having feelings for Eddie? Ha! No!

When there was no other reply, Tommy huffed out a laugh and rolled over. He was on his side, facing away from Buck.

And then Buck got up, put on his slippers, and stormed out of the house. He didn’t hear Tommy call after him, so he kept going. Not that he wouldn’t of anyway.

Buck found himself at Eddie’s place. Naturally.

It really wasn’t helping the allegations Tommy put against him. But he didn’t really want to go to his place by himself and be left alone with his thoughts for too long. He didn't know whether he should tell Eddie what happened or not.

“Buck?”

Eddie asked, walking into the living room.

Oh right. He used his spare key to get in.

Buck looked up from his place on the couch. He was so used to letting himself in he forgot he might scare Eddie still.

”What are you doing here?”

”Me and Tommy had a fight.” Buck responded.

”Oh.”

”Yeah.”

There was silence, then Eddie sat next to him, and then the silence was there again.

“What happened?”

Buck stiffened up. Then he sighed.

”He accused me of being in love with somebody else. And cheating on him.”

”What the hell?” Eddie turned to him.

”Yeah, I don’t know. But it made me mad and I didn’t know what to say so I got in the Jeep and drove here.”

Eddie looked down. “Well what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know, Eddie. It’s not true. You’re straight so there’s no way I could get with you. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, his gaydar is way off.”

“What?”

Oh shit.

”Um. Yeah. He thought I’m in love with you or that I was cheating on him with you or something. But I don’t, and I wouldn’t. I mean, I do love you but in like a best bros type of way.”

Eddie’s gaze landed on his hands in his lap. “You told him that.”

“Of course I did!”

Eddie nodded, pursing his lips. “Are you gonna get him back?”

“Well, I want to. I love him, and he loves me. I just don’t know how.”

”You go back to his place or your place or whatever and you tell him that.” Eddie looked at him.

Buck breathed in deeply, trying to keep his breathing even. He didn’t want to lose Tommy. He loved him for who he truly was, didn't he? He loved him. And he accepted who he truly was.

So he did what he thought he should do.

“You could marry me.”

Tommy’s head whipped around, landing on his door.

“I could… what?”

Buck took a few steps forward, getting closer to the bed. “Marry me. I could prove I only love you by spending forever with you. I know we haven’t been dating for long but… I've basically moved in already.”

The fact he is also half living at Eddie’s house is left unsaid.

Tommy looked at him silently. He didn’t know what to say.

And then he did.

“Okay.”

And that was the best response he could have given. Well, it could’ve been nicer. A yes. But okay is good too.

He walked the rest of the steps forward to make it over to the bed. He was smiling slightly. He got into his side of the bed and cupped Tommy's cheeks, leaning in to seal it with a kiss.

And that’s how Buck ended up back on Eddie’s couch the next day. Eddie returned from the kitchen with two beers and a grin.

“What’s got you so excited?” Buck teased, taking a beer from Eddie.

“No, you came over because you had news. So tell me your news.”

Buck wanted to tell Eddie to say whatever was in his mind. But he knew if he deflected he might just not say anything. So he didn’t.

“Okay. Well. There’s no easy way to say this, but I need to say it. So I’m saying it.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, waiting for something. “I don’t hear anything.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“I know, it’s just—“

“No. I’m doing it.” Buck closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get strength. Then, he looked at Eddie. “I asked Tommy to marry me.”

“You what?!” Eddie barked.

“I… proposed to Tommy. And all I got back was a lousy okay. Okay, for God’s sake!”

“Is this that you want?” Eddie asked. Because yesterday, he was telling him they were fighting over him. And this is a weird step back form that. He told him to get him back, not marry him!

Buck nodded. “I think so. I mean, I want a forever with someone. And Tommy gets me, you know?”

As Buck took a swig of his beer, Eddie nodded. But he bit his cheek. Because he said this about Natalia, too. He said that Natalia gets him. But Eddie gets him, too. Maybe not in the way he wants. But he does.

He doesn’t say any of that, of course.

He just kept nodding.

“I know.”

Then he sighed.

“Well, if he makes you happy, and you want this… then I’m happy for you.”

Buck smiled. “Thanks, man. Now what’s your news?”

Eddie didn’t miss a beat before his reply. “Chris is coming home next week.”

Buck’s smile spread into a grin very quickly. “Finally!”

Eddie nodded with a smile. “Yeah, it’s about time.”

“Damn right it is.”

And they both took swigs of beer.

A few days later Buck found himself at Maddie’s kitchen table. He was going to tell both of the Buckley-Han’s at the same time, but he wanted to tell the rest of the 118 together. Chimney would blab, too.

So when Maddie walked over with two steaming cups of coffee, Buck sighed and braced himself.

“So what’s got you coming over at 7.a.m. in the morning?” Maddie asked as she sat down.

“To be honest, I’m scared to tell you.” Buck admitted.

“Don’t be scared, I’m your sister!” Maddie said it in the tone of voice that’s meant to sound sweet, and a bit in disbelief.

That made Buck more nervous.

Whilst Buck further tried to prepare himself, he took a sip of coffee. It burnt his tongue but he just swallowed and acted like nothing happened. It gave him something to do, and some time.

“Okay…” he started. “I proposed to Tommy.”

He said it all in one breath, so Maddie thought she might’ve misunderstood.

“You what?!” Maddie barked, in the exact same way Eddie had.

“I asked Tommy to marry me!”

“Why the Hell would you do that?” Maddie hurriedly asked.

“Well, I love him, I want a forever with someone, and he gets me. And loves me. There. Four reasons.”

Maddie rolled her eyes.

“What was that for?”

“Evan, I love you, but you’re so stupid sometimes.” Maddie smiled slightly. Then she took a sip of coffee.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“This is you first relationship with a man, you know, and you’ve barely being dating very long. You don’t even live together yet!”

“Well I spend a lot of time at his or Eddie’s house. I may as well live with Tommy.”

Maddie raised her eyebrows slightly.

“What is that meant to mean?”

“I’m just saying… it took me and Howie five years to get engaged.”

“Yeah, but we know why, you know?”

“Cause I have trauma?” Maddie questioned.

Buck looked down at his mug.

“Well, you have abandonment issues.”

Buck looked back up at her sister. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I am! Well, I will be. I just… need to get over the shock, okay?”

Buck nodded. “Okay. I won’t do this without you.”

“I know.”

It was at dinner a few nights later that Buck told the rest of the 118. It was at the firehouse, of course, and Bobby was just dealing out the plates.

Buck looked to his side where Eddie was. Eddie raised his eyebrows at him, telling him to just do it, without actually saying a word.

And that gave him strength to do it.

Once everyone was sat down, Bobby spoke up.

“So, Buck, what is this news you’re so excited about?”

Is Buck excited? Good question.

“Um. Well. Guess I better rip the Band-Aid off, huh?”

He looked to Eddie once more, another encouraging look being sent his way. Buck nodded to himself.

“Me and Tommy are engaged…”

“What?!”

Buck had no idea who said it. Probably everyone. Everyone except Eddie, that is.

“I mean, to be honest, I thought you were going to announce something else.” Hen admitted.

“What else could I possibly announce?” Buck furrowed his brow.

“Um…” Hen turned to Chimney.

Buck shook his head, dismissing whatever that is.

“Is this what you want, Buck?”

Buck looked up at Bobby, who was sitting at the head of the table.

Buck nodded. “Yes. Yes it is. Because Tommy makes me happy. And I love him, and he loves me, and he makes me feel seen. He understands me, and sees me for who I really am. And he loves me anyway.”

He saw Bobby nod at the end of the table. “Well, then. We’re happy for you.”

He heard collective agreements, and he saw nods.

So Buck smiled to himself.

His family was happy for him. They supported him in this decision to marry Tommy.

Especially Bobby. Hell, he didn’t know how he’d do it with him. It’ll either be him or Maddie walking him down the aisle. The dad he always wanted, or his sister/mother-figure.

And, yeah, he may have forgotten to mention a detail. That detail being that he proposed because Tommy thought Buck was inlove with Eddie, but it didn’t really matter, did it? Because that wasn’t why he did it. He did it because he loved Tommy, and Tommy loved him. And he wasn’t too much for Tommy.

That’s what he told himself, anyway. And everyone else. Many times. He's had the same conversation three times in a single week.

“I’m never getting over how weird A-shift is.” Ravi said, grabbing some food with his spoon.

“But you love us!” Chimney joked.

“Mmm…” Ravi hummed. “You guys are okay.”

Chapter Text

Buck found himself at Eddie’s kitchen table not too long later. It was a few days.

Christopher was finally home.

Sure, his relationship with his dad was still… getting there. But they loved eachother despite everything, and Chris was ready to put in the effort. He was ready to stop playing pretend with his grandparents, and be Eddie’s son again.

Buck thought it’d be best to tell Chris about the engagement as soon as possible. So that’s what he was trying to do.

Eddie sat down with two coffees and a soda. Buck and Christopher thanked Eddie for their drinks.

“Right. Well, I’ve sat you both down to say something big.” He turned to Eddie. “You know this already.”

Eddie nodded, a small smile slipping its way on his face. Being in on this secret was… something.

“Just get on with it already.” Chris said. “It’s not like you can come out again or anything.”

“Okay, fine.” Buck rolled his eyes. “I’m marrying Tommy.”

Chris looked at him with such a blank face, Buck didn’t know whether to be terrified or not.

Then Chris said one simple word.

“Okay.”

As he drank some of his soda, Buck wished he could go back to when he thought Chris was gonna crash out.

“O…kay?” Buck replied.

“Okay.” Chris said once more.

“Okay.” Buck replied once more.

“Okay, can you guys stop saying okay?” Eddie wondered.

“Okay.” Buck nodded.

Eddie looked down at his hands.

“I suppose, I might as well say something big too.”

Buck turned to Eddie. He wasn’t expecting that.

Chris turned to his dad, too.

“You’re not engaged, too, are you?”

“No!” Eddie said, slightly too loud. “Sorry. No. I am not.”

Eddie sighed.

“Well, obviously I’ve been in therapy. A lot. More so since you left, Chris. And I might have figured a huge thing out. Like a huge issue.”

When both his boys raised their eyebrows at him, he sighed.

“I’m gay. Or at least I’m ninety-nine percent sure. I am.”

Buck’s mouth went slightly agape.

“Now, Chris, this doesn’t mean I love you or your mother any less. I still love you, you’re my son, my pride and joy. And I still love your mother, just not… in that way. See what I’m getting at?”

“Mhm.” Chris hummed.

God, this would be a great time for Michael to be here, Eddie thought. He gets it.

“Are you… cool with this?” Eddie quirked an eyebrow upward.

“Mhm.” Chris hummed once more. “I’m happy for you.”

Eddie turned to his best friend. “And you?”

Buck kept a straight face for as long as possible.

Then a grin broke out.

“Oh my God, Eddie!”

Next thing Eddie knew, Buck was standing up and embracing him in a hug. And Eddie was hugging back.

Eddie tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered. Because him being gay, does not mean he’s in love with his engaged best friend. Absolutely not. Buck is off limits. And not his.

Buck pulled away and sighed as he sat down.

“I guess you’re cool with it, then?”

Buck laughed.

“I’d be very hypocritical if I wasn’t.”

Eddie nodded. “True.”

Chris turned to Buck. “Can we play Mario Kart now?”

“Of course, bud. Why don't you go set it up?”

And off Christopher went, taking his drink with him.

Buck took multiple sips of his coffee.

Eddie kept looking at him.

“No, but in all honesty, I’m really happy for you. You're catching up with me.” Buck winked.

Eddie chuckled. “Yeah, well I don’t think I’m getting engaged anytime soon.”

Of course, Eddie didn’t say it was because his heart was somewhere it couldn’t be.

Buck laughed.

Eddie drank a bit of his coffee, then spoke up. “Do you think Chris is being way too chill about all of this? You getting engaged, me coming out as gay?”

“Yeah, kinda. I mean, I get him kind of being shocked, but he’s like… not bothered?”

Eddie went to reply when Chris’ voice could be heard throughout the house.

“Buck! Come on!”

Buck shrugged with a smile, standing up. “Duty calls.”

“Damn right he does.” Eddie replied.

Buck laughed and picked up his coffee, making his way to the living room.

Eddie watched him as he went.

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since Buck had told Tommy to marry him. Well, he said he could marry him but tomato tamato, really.

Anyway, Tommy walked into the living room. Almost their living room. Buck was going to start properly packing up his apartment within the next two weeks.

“There’s been a cancellation at that venue I was telling you about, Tilda Manor.” Tommy grinned.

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” Buck replied as he picked up the remote. “When is it?”

“20th of February.” Tommy stated.

“Mmm, I’ll have to double check with Chris whether his school trip is that week or the next.” Buck said semi-mindlessly. He was focusing on the TV channels.

“But Tilda Manor is booked out until mid 2026? Hell, most venues in L.A. are booked out until then!”

“I know, but all I want is the 118, their significant others, and Chris there. Christopher is my best friend’s kid.”

Buck’s voice caught on the words best friend’s kid for more than one reason.

One reason was that the words best friend felt like they didn’t cover what they were. He couldn’t even come up with one. They’d been through so much together. Hell, they got struck by the same bolt of lightning! They were connected by some invisible string, or bonded together by fate, or some romantic-sounding thing like that. It was not romantic, though. Absolutely not.

The other reason, though, was that Christopher was so much more to him than just Eddie’s kid. I mean, he was just as much his as he was Eddie’s. He gets Chris if anything happens to Eddie. He’s not just Eddie’s son.

He couldn’t tell Tommy any of that, of course, It would come out all wrong.

So he said the stupid words.

“Yeah, you’ve said that already.”

“Well, what do you want from me, Tommy? I want my family there. I’m sorry your best friend can’t come because he doesn’t accept you being gay, but mine does. My family that matters does. If you can't accept that, I don’t know how this marriage is going to go.”

Buck pressed play on a show.

“You know what? Chances are, Chris won’t even care that much.”

Buck doubted that, but he nodded anyway. All he wanted was the stupid argument over.

“I’ll ask him.”

Unfortunately, Tommy was right. Chris didn’t care that much. But, his school trip was the following week, anyway.

He sent a text Tommy’s way after unbuckling his seatbelt. He was in front of Maddie and Chims house.

Book that venue.

Then, he exited the car and made his way up to their door.

He knocked three times, and then the door was open and Maddie was in front of him.

“Save the date February 20th.”

“What?” Maddie asked.

“Me and Tommy are getting married on February 20th at Tilda Manor!”

Maddie nodded. “Cool. Wanna come in?”

“Sure.”

And he did.

So, Buck found himself on Maddie’s couch. Then Maddie was talking.

“I’m going to support you no matter what you do. You know that, right?”

Bucks shook his head dismissively. “Of course I do.”

Maddie nodded. “Good.”

“Wait, does that mean you’ll support me when I say I don’t want to invite our parents?”

Maddie sighed slightly, but then a small smile reappeared. “It’s your wedding, your choice. But who is going to walk you down the aisle?”

“Well, everything could go full circle and you could do it? Just like I wanted to do when you married… you know who.”

Maddie smiled bigger then. “Really?”

“Yeah. Yeah, either you or Bobby.”

Maddie leaned forward, engulfing her brother in a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When he arrived home (or, well, to Tommy’s home), he threw Eddie a text.

He informed him of the wedding date. He also informed him that naturally, he’d be his best man. That was a conversation he’d rather have in real life but over text was fine too. They had a 24 hour shift the following day, he’d have a proper chat with him then.

Like the old man he is, Eddie sent back a thumbs up emoji, followed by a person in a party hat. Buck chuckled.

Buck looked around the house and couldn’t find Tommy, and he didn’t answer when he called for him, so he took his side of the bed after taking off his shoes. He wasn’t too sure who the rest of his groomsmen would be. Chimney, sure. Maybe Ravi as well. But honestly, he doesn’t have many friends. Maybe a few of his frat brothers? A few of his friends from when he was travelling?

Well, actually, add Maddie to the mix. She and Eddie will be his best woman/man. He thinks that’s enough.

Then his mind drifts to Tommy. He may have no groomsmen, let  alone a best man. Should he lend Chimney to him? Well, based off what he knows, the two aren’t close, and they sure as hell weren’t when he “knew him before he was Chimney”.

Tommy’s old actions still made Buck’s blood boil if he thought about them too long. He said he was closeted, and trying to make it in the world. And Buck understood that. Kind of. Tommy did push him out of the closet… but it doesn’t really matter. He would’ve come out to them eventually anyway.

But knowing he was racist to two of his best friends? Potentially homophobic, too? Well that wasn’t good.

But then Buck heard the front door open, and he put his phone down.

He felt someone slide into bed behind him. And he let his eyes fall shut as arms wrapped around him.

Because at the end of the day, he loved Tommy.

He really did.

Actually, he doesn’t know why he keeps saying it.

It’s like he’s trying to convince himself and everyone around him that’s the truth.

And it is.

Chapter Text

Buck heard a knock on the door. He didn’t know who it could’ve been, because he hadn’t made any plans. He decided to start packing up his loft.

But he still went up to the door and opened it.

Eddie was on the other head, a six-pack in each hand.

Buck was confused. “Um… Hey, man.” It sounded a lot more like a question rather than a statement.

Buck’s quizzical silence told Eddie to talk. And he did. “You’re wondering why I’m here. Got it. Uh, you mentioned you were going to start packing today and I thought I’d come and help. And I brought beer because.. well… it makes everything better.”

Buck nodded, though he was still thinking there was more. But extra hands never hurt anybody!

“Well, alright then!” Buck replied. “Come on in and open up some bottles!”

When he moved aside, Eddie walked in. Then, ever so casually, he started walking to the kitchen. He placed the six-packs on the bench. He took notice of a box with the word “mugs” written on it in big, bold letters, and then began walking toward a cupboard. It was like he owned the place.

And while, yes, he always told him he wasn’t a guest, he didn’t know he knew his kitchen like this. Buck always did the cooking when he and/or Chris came over. Does Eddie pay attention to him like that?

When Eddie started wrapping mugs up in cloth and placing them in the box, Buck walked up beside him. “How did you know the mugs were in there? I mean, not even Tommy knows my kitchen that well.” Buck slipped a laugh in the last sentence, but it wasn’t a joke nor funny.

“Simple, buddy… We’ve been friends close to a decade, you guys have been dating barely six months. Plus, I pay attention. That’s not me shaming Tommy, okay? That’s just… the truth. I look at you.”

And that shouldn’t have made Buck’s skip a beat. But it did. So he grabbed a beer bottle and opened it. He took a big gulp and put it down. Then, he started putting mugs in cloth, and in the box, just like Eddie had been doing for quite a few minutes.

A few beers in, they were packing up books. They were stacking them on top of each other in the box. A few times their hands brush but Eddie doesn’t seem to take note of it so Buck acts like he doesn’t flinch every time.

“So, forgive me for asking, but… what made you realise you were gay?”

Eddie looked away from the box, looking up at Buck. “Um… why? You’re not second guessing that you’re bisexual, are you?”

“Oh, no. No, nothing like that. I’m just curious.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay. Well, partly you..”

Buck snapped his head up. “What?”

“Mostly Tommy.”

“What?”

“When Chris was gone, I had lots of time to reflect. About me. The whole feeling like I have to perform on dates with women, even throughout the relationship, was a huge part of it. But it wasn’t a dead giveaway. Then I was thinking about Tommy. Not… in a weird way. I was thinking we’re alike. He was in the army, he realised he was gay later in life, hell he was engaged! We liked a lot of the same things. And it was kind of like… huh. That’s an option.”

Buck raised his eyebrows. “So.. you weren’t attracted to him? Or me?"

“What? No!”

Of course, that’s a lie. Not only was he attracted to Buck, he was 99.9% sure he was in love with him

A few hours later, they were drinking something else. Neither could remember what, but it wasn’t beer anymore. Something between tequila and vodka, maybe? They switched when they started to pack up his bedroom. So they were on Buck’s bed, definitely more than tipsy.

“You realise Tommy was trying to get with you before me, right?” Buck wondered. He laughed. Giggled, even. Then he took a sip of his drink.

“What? No he wasn’t?” Eddie giggled.

“He was! He was basically courting you! Taking you in the ‘copter, doing all that shit… he was trying to get in your pants!”

Eddie laughed in shock. “I guess he was!”

“Then he settled for me… the second best thing.” Buck mumbled.

“Hey, no. You’re– you’re not the second best thing. You’re the best.” Eddie slurred. “He’s the insecure one.”

“Yes. He’s insecure. That’s a fact.” Buck nodded.

Then he started laughing.

“What? What? Buck, what?” Eddie giggled.

“I just can’t believe he tried to accuse me of getting with someone else and loving someone else before I proposed!”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I know! And I told him you wouldn’t even like me back anyway. Sure, that was before I found out you were gay, but come on! You’ve got no feelings for me. I don’t desperately want you.” Buck laughed again.

Eddie laughed too. He laughed that much, he started crying. He told Buck that as well.

Buck took a swig of his drink.

Eddie got closer to Buck’s face, still giggling.

Buck turned to him, too.

They were so close.

“Well, it wouldn’t be so crazy.”

“What?”

Eddie edged closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Until he was right there. Right in front of Buck.

And then, weirdly enough, Eddie’s lips were on his.

And Buck might’ve been absolutely wasted, but it felt like coming home.

So he put his glass on his bedside table. Eddie’s was already down from when he was cracking up.

For a bit Tommy didn’t even exist to Buck.

Especially as Eddie whispered Buck’s name against his lips.

And as Eddie lied down.

That would absolutely not be the case in the morning.

But for that little moment… it was their world. Nobody else existed.