Chapter Text
The Next Day
Mira slid the pile of kimbap in front of Rumi.
"Eggs, cucumber, carrot, danmuji, and extra sesame. Oh, and I added spam.”
"Spam!?” Rumi gasped in awe. She spun the plate around on the table, as if it might have been a cardboard cutout and she wanted to check it was real. “But you said you’d never allow spam in your kitchen!”
“It was really funny watching her slice it,” Zoey giggled. “She refused to use any of her good knives and used a plastic one from our takeout drawer instead. She wore gloves and whimpered the whole time.”
Rumi was looking at Mira in disbelief. "You yelled at Zo when you smelled it on her breath earlier this year! You literally made me breathe out the tour bus window! It was the dead of winter!”
They knew it was secretly Rumi’s favorite food, a salty, slimy treat denied to her all her life until Zoey introduced it to her once on a late night trip to the convenience store a few years ago. They also all knew Mira found spam revolting in every sense.
But she had relented, to ease Rumi into the difficult conversation they had been putting off for too long.
"Do you want it or not?” she sniffed.
Mira had had the forethought to slice the kimbap before Rumi could shove all of it in her mouth and choke, but she was looking at it almost reverently. At her first bite, Rumi moaned - literally moaned.
"This is amazing!” She gushed. “Oh my God, Mira! What’s the occasion? Something must be happening if you’re making us spam! Did one of us win an award or something? What are we celebrating?”
She looked back and forth between them excitedly, her mouth still full as she talked. Out of the corner of her eye, Mira saw Zoey cringe and look at her as if she was in pain. She knew right away that it wasn’t going to be Zoey that brought it the demony thing up this morning.
"I…we…just…”
Making Rumi’s favorite breakfast was probably the wrong move to give bad news. God, she practically dancing in her seat as she poured herself a drink and it was making it hard to speak.
"Is this fresh mango juice?! Wow, did I win something?!”
“I found it at the farmer’s market,” Zoey confirmed, unhelpfully.
Rumi already had two pieces of kimbap in her cheeks, but she stopped with a third halfway to her mouth.
"Can I say something?”
Mira and Zoey both froze.
"I know we tell each other how much we care about each other and all that. But I just wanted you to know, to really know, that you don’t just mean a lot to me. You mean the world to me. I…I’m trying to be more open with you, more engaged and involved in your lives, and I know I’m not…I mean, I haven’t been like this before. I don’t know if I’m doing it right. I’m knocking all my walls down, but I don’t think even I know what I’ve been hiding in here. I just want to be a really good friend. A best friend. To you guys. I’m…trying.”
Mira and Zoey slowly looked at each other, stricken. An entire conversation was exchanged in one simple glance.
We’re not doing this now.
Absolutely not.
Isn’t she so cute?
Shut up.
"We noticed. We’ve seen your effort and we really appreciate all of it, the time you’re spending with us, the things you say, how free you seem lately.” The words just spilled out of Mira, like an overturned box of kittens they just scattered out into the world with no hope of ever containing them. “Rumi, of course we know all of that. We’re right here, enjoying all of it. That’s why…that’s why we did this for you.”
"Mira would make spam for you,” Zoey added gravely. “You don’t have to try, and you don’t have to worry. You already are our best friend.”
Rumi finally brought the kimbap to her mouth, smiling softly.
"I can’t believe you touched spam.”
“It’s sweaty like it just came back from the gym, and smells like a dozen different kinds of animal meat and seafood all rolled together. The texture is so abhorrent I honestly felt like I was going to die as I cut into it,” Mira stated flatly.
Yet she was so fucking weak when Rumi was in front of her, so happy her patterns were glimmering.
"But we've seen you with your music, your book, all the fun stuff you plan for us and do with us, just like in general,” Mira said. The compliments were pouring out of her just as easily as the way she’d chickened out of breaching the demon topic. The whole fucking point of this breakfast. “You’re really…you lately, and we just wanted to celebrate that.”
Rumi’s eyes watered. “You guys…”
Zoey had already started crying. “Yeah. What Mira said. Rumi, you’re so great and I’m so glad you get to be who you are with us now.”
Mira’s lip quivered.
Shit.
Rumi let out a sob. Zoey hugged her, burying her wet face into her shoulder.
And Mira just let her tears come as Rumi pulled her in for the group hug too.
They’d try again another time.
A Couple Days Later
"Regular breakfast?” Zoey checked.
"Yup. Just some rice, eggs and leftover banchan this time,” Mira confirmed.
"Did you put sesame in her rice the way she likes it?”
"Yeah."
"Don’t. Plain rice only,” Zoey said, taking the bowl away and replacing it with her own plain rice. “No juice?”
"Just water. I didn’t even make tea.”
"Good, okay, I think we got this!”
Mira nodded resolutely. They were going to have a serious talk with Rumi, about her demony stuff. This was it. No more hiding.
Then Rumi appeared in their dining area and plopped down with them, frowning.
Mira and Zoey shared a concerned look.
"Uh, you okay?” Mira asked.
"You didn’t check your email this morning?”
Zoey scoffed. “Rumi, who checks their email in the morning?”
"That’s my nighttime hate-scroll,” Mira agreed, holding up her phone and showing her the icon indicating she had several hundred emails that she would not bother herself with until she was properly bored.
Rumi made a face. "That explains a lot, actually.”
"Explains what? That me and Mira aren’t crazy workaholics?”
She just sighed and showed them an email.
"Guys, Bobby’s grandmother died.”
Mira’s heart sank. She knew Bobby was close with her and his mother. This was a big loss for both of them.
"Poor Bobby...” Zoey said, scooting closer to Rumi so she could read her phone.
"Yeah. Why didn’t he text us?” Mira was scrolling through her emails now, searching for it.
“Knowing him, he probably didn’t want to bother us on hiatus. He used his work email just so he could let the company know he’d be unreachable for a few days.”
Mira frowned and started to type her condolences in the HUNTR/X group chat they shared with Bobby.
"The funeral is this weekend,” Zoey said, also typing on her phone. Mira could see the three dots appearing at the bottom of the screen showing that all of them were typing.
"Yeah, poor thing,” Rumi sighed. “Let's call him. See if there’s anything he needs.”
Mira looked up discreetly at Zoey and saw that she was looking back at her, too.
They’d try again another time.
A Week Later
"Okay, dinner’s here!” Zoey announced, holding up a completely normal amount of food from the barbecue place. “Just our favorites from last time. Nothing fancy.”
"And none of us have anything important tomorrow, so yeah, this is the best time to do this,” Mira confirmed, finally. “And nothing upsetting in our email, right? Nothing happened today?”
"Email’s clear, group chat’s clear.”
"And I monitored social media. Nothing else going on.”
"Great!” Zoey swallowed hard. The idea of finally having their demon conversation was suddenly more daunting. “Good, okay, okay, let’s do this - !”
Rumi barreled into the kitchen just then, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
"Golden was certified platinum! It just set a record!” She declared.
Mira and Zoey blinked. Then Zoey smacked Mira on the arm.
"Ow!”
"You said you monitored social media!”
"I did! After lunch!”
"After lunch!? Mira, it’s 6PM! Even I just checked like 10 minutes ago! The point of social media is that it updates to the minute!”
"What, I was supposed to check every minute?!”
Rumi was staring at them blankly.
"Well, okay, I don’t know what you two are talking about, but the news literally just dropped like 5 minutes ago."
Zoey glared at Mira. She just shrugged back. Mira never really got the hang of social media outside of watching a few saved accounts and uploading choreography and sponsored makeup tutorials to her personal channel. The HUNTR/X media team took care of spreading her content to other platforms for likes or views or whatever it was they needed.
"Anyway, we need to celebrate! I’m getting us some ice cream to have after barbecue! And the company is throwing us a party this weekend - we need to talk outfits!”
She hopped excitedly as she began tapping away at her phone.
Mira plopped down next to Zoey, whose face was in her hands.
They’d again try another time.
Another Week Later
The time never came. There was always a reason, an excuse, to just keep on going like they had been. Now, weeks after Rumi’s driving lesson, they had reached an unspoken agreement.
Rumi was doing fine - more than fine - and maybe there wasn’t anything to talk about. She was writing music, sitting at the piano or on her guitar most of the day singing. She was busy, on meetings with her newly hired age-appropriate-and-hot biographer about her book, or tweaking her workout routine, or planning random activities with Mira and Zoey like bouldering and glassblowing.
And neither of them wanted to mess with that. Especially when the day of Zoey’s date with her Incheon driver came.
"Blue or yellow?” Zoey asked, holding up two tops on hangers. The blue was a drapey asymmetrical piece with a gold brooch on its one shoulder. The yellow was a fitted tank top lined with black lace.
Both looked very familiar.
"Are those mine?!” Mira demanded. Zoey had discovered years ago that Mira was so slender that, despite their 6-inch height difference, they usually fit into the same size top.
"The fact that you’re not even sure means you shouldn’t mind if I borrowed one of them!”
She scowled. "Closet pirate.”
"You get all the cool free fashion stuff and barely wear half of them! These were just languishing away!”
Rumi cleared her throat loudly over the sound of their bickering.
"I think if it’s just an afternoon date at the Peach Festival, it’s the yellow. If you think it’ll go a little longer…like into the night…wear the blue.”
They both looked at her in surprise. Then Zoey giggled cheekily.
"Blue, then.”
“That’s my girl," Mira snorted. She held out her fist for a bump, which Zoey enthusiastically granted her.
"You’ll be safe,” Rumi reminded her, as was the usual Rumi way. She even crossed her arms over her chest authoritatively, which always gave Mira some personal enjoyment. “And responsible.”
"And wearing those evil panties you got last week, right?” Mira verified.
"Ooooh, yeah!”
“And you’ll check in,” Rumi continued, pretending she was unphased by the panties comment, but Mira saw the twitch at the corner of her mouth. She wasn’t a prude, generally fine with Mira and Zoey discussing their extracurricular activities around her, but she rarely participated when things got too racy. “Let us know where you are for the night, and that you’re okay?”
Zoey cocked her head at her in amusement. She was always like this whenever she went out for the night without them. She probably would be the same for Mira if she ever gave them advance notice, but her entanglements tended to be unplanned hook-ups - a wink as she left an awards show with some model, or just a text in the middle of the night telling them not to wait up.
"Yes, mother.”
"Okay, good.” Rumi shoved her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants and after a beat said, “Now show me what ‘evil panties’ means, please.”
Zoey cackled like a witch and ran back into her walk-in closet. Meanwhile, Mira poked Rumi between her shoulder blades, on her bare, leanly muscled back. She wondered vaguely if her endless arsenal of cursed camisoles were new, or if she’d always had them and just never wore them until now.
"You good, Rumi?”
"Yeah, of course, I’m always weird like this when you guys go out with people. Or in your case - don’t come home for the night and then walk-of-shame back to your room at 3am thinking we didn’t hear you come in.”
Mira was probably just imagining the annoyance in her tone, mixed in with her usual teasing.
"Excuse you, I never walk of shame. I walk of triumph.”
Rumi rolled her eyes and grumbled something intelligible.
"Okay wait, I was just saying, you seem especially…” Mira shrugged. "Concerned? About Zoey going on this date. I thought you liked Eun.”
"I do, I just…” Rumi sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I’m so much closer to you two now, maybe it’s just making me worry more.”
“We were always close, Rumi. Even when you weren’t ready to share all of yourself yet.” Mira faltered for just a second before succumbing to her instincts and putting an arm around her shoulder to squeeze. “But we love how much more involved you are now.”
She beamed. "I’m glad. You are so important to - oh my God, what the hell is that supposed to be?!”
Zoey had emerged from her closet, holding out basically nothing between her fingers. Mira burst out laughing. She’d seen the underwear online when Zoey ordered them, but this was her first time seeing them in real life.
"The evil panties!”
"That is black dental floss!”
Mira had to cover her face with her hands to keep from weeping with laughter. Rumi’s expression was so incredibly priceless.
"Wait, wait, can you both just stay like how you are? My phone’s in my room and we need a pic of Rumi’s face.”
Zoey, always prepared, pulled her own phone from her back pocket instead and quickly captured a photo of Rumi. Mira wanted to howl.
"You cannot wear a skirt with those!” Rumi said in abject horror. "Mira, tell her!”
"Actually, I think I agree.” She took the dangling bit of air and nylon thread from Zoey and inspected them. “Especially at an outdoor festival. Maybe wear some real underwear and stick this little number in your bag for later?”
"That’s probably a good idea.” Zoey took them back and waved them at Rumi again just to make her wince. “Too bad I can’t wear the evil bra with the blue top, though.”
Rumi pressed her hands against her cheeks. “There’s an evil bra?!”
"Yeah, one second, let me go get - “
"No, no, that’s alright.” Rumi’s voice was weary, as if the skimpy underwear had leeched the life from her body. “I think I’ve learned enough about lingerie today, we’ll save the rest for next time.”
Zoey snickered. “Wow, I didn’t even think this was that bad. Have you never seen the things Mira has in her drawers?”
Rumi looked about ready to pass out. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Mira.
“I don’t snoop around in either of your things.”
“Zoey does it to me all the time,” Mira said dryly.
"You have all this crazy shit! It’s so fun in your closet!” Zoey winked at Rumi. “Mira is a baaaad giiiirrrlll.”
Rumi was starting to visibly melt into the floor. Mira cracked a grin.
"Hey, I’ve got nothing to hide. But fair warning - it’s not just lingerie in there. Bad girls have needs.”
“I - uh - I’m going to go get some water.”
Rumi disappeared, and Mira made sure to hold in her chuckles until she heard her all the way downstairs.
“You enjoyed that too much,” Zoey accused, even as she also dissolved into giggles.
“You did too.”
“Yeah, true!” It took her a moment to compose herself, as much as Zoey could compose herself. “So, I’m pretty sure Rumi’s a virgin.”
Mira’s amused expression faded. “Just because talking about sexy underwear and toys flusters her, doesn’t mean she’s never done it.”
“She never talks about it.”
“I mean, that’s definitely normal. Sex lives usually are something you keep private, it’s just me and you that are so open about it.” Mira paused. “Actually, most of what me and you do isn’t normal, you probably shouldn’t assume it is.”
Zoey shook her head. “No, no, it’s a vibe I’m getting. She grew up alone with Celine, just reading and training all the time. Then we moved in, she became a certified workaholic, and I don’t think either of us ever saw her with anyone since.”
Mira considered this quietly. She never really thought that hard about it before, but Zoey was right. They did almost everything not work-related together, and she rarely went off alone from them. If Rumi ever did something without them, it was with Bobby or Celine or she came back right after. She couldn’t think of any obvious times Rumi might have broken away from them for a date or hook-up without them knowing.
But it certainly wasn’t impossible.
"She snuck out a bunch of times with Jinu,” she said, her face twisting in disgust at the memory of Rumi’s confession.
“They definitely didn’t sleep together.”
“What makes you say that? She snuck out at night. In the evenings.”
Zoey shrugged. “Vibes.”
She rolled her eyes. “She’s obviously great at keeping secrets, she might be a freak. You don’t know.”
Zoey laughed. “Yeah, she’s totally giving certified freak. She’s downstairs right now having a crisis over underwear, Mira.”
“To be fair, those are pretty wild.”
“You have edible panties. They have literal expiration dates on the package.”
“Oh, yeah. I should probably toss those.”
Zoey just sighed as she lay out her final outfit choice on her bed.
"Mine freaked her out, but I’m pretty sure just the idea of yours almost killed her.”
Mira frowned, sensing where this was going. “Zo…”
“I’m only saying it because she obviously likes you.”
“This isn’t going to - “
“I know, I know, you keep saying nothing will happen between you,” Zoey snorted. “But just in case, I mean, you have a ton of experience she doesn’t.”
“We…definitely don’t need to have this conversation.” Mira crossed her arms tightly, as if bracing herself.
“Just humor me, then,” she insisted, suddenly serious. “I love you both, but I gotta say this. Please?”
Mira relented. “Fine.”
"When this whole thing finally happens - don’t give me that look, you said you’d humor me!”
She scowled, but stayed silent.
"When it happens, you gotta be gentle with her. The romantic stuff. It’s gotta be like those shows and movies you hate. Lovey-dovey eyes and sweet caresses. Soft lovergirl shit. I know that’s not your usual go-to move, so I just felt like I should say it. That’s all.”
She hesitated. “Are you…giving me the talk?”
Zoey scoffed. “Please. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt her on purpose. That’s a non-issue. I just want all her firsts to be special.”
“Uh-huh. Are you gonna give her this same talk?”
“I don’t need to. All she needs to do is breathe and you’re already a pathetic mess.”
Mira bristled. “That’s not true!”
Zoey just patted her on the back. “Sure it isn’t, you big simp.”
“You’re insane.”
"And you bring out the strap on the first date.”
"That was just that one time.” Mira gaped at her. She’d completely forgotten she’d told Zoey about that particular hook-up. “And it was her strap! She literally put it on me!”
"I’m saying, Rumi might not even know what a strap-on is.”
Mira paused for a long moment. “Really?”
"Just be mindful, maybe go easy on the teasing at first,” Zoey said. “It’s Rumi. She deserves the best.”
"She does. And she’ll get it,” Mira agreed. “But Zo, it won’t be me. It can’t be me.”
"Whatever.” She stepped back, as if thinking about her outfit choice, but Mira could tell her mind wasn’t there.
They heard Rumi’s footsteps start coming up the stairs and quickly shut up as she appeared at the door, looking a little less flustered.
“Okay, I changed my mind. Now I’m curious about what an evil bra looks like.”
Zoey smirked and dove back into the closet.
Mira looked up from her tablet, where she had been watching a playlist of dance videos for a little inspiration. She tugged her headphones off one ear and watched as Rumi played the same two chords on her guitar over and over. She’d been doing that for a few minutes now.
“Rumi?”
She jumped, shaken out of her thoughts. “Hm?”
“Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, just thinking about my song.”
“Is your song the Jaws theme?”
Rumi blinked, then sheepishly put down her guitar. “I guess I’m feeling a little distracted.”
“Clearly. You’re not still worried about Zoey, are you?” Mira raised an eyebrow. That was definitely not Rumi’s normal. She made a bit of fuss beforehand to shed her anxiety, but that was always all she needed. “She texted us like an hour ago that she already met up with Eun, and she texted us a selfie at some carnival game like twenty minutes ago.”
“I don’t even know if it’s Zoey exactly,” Rumi admitted. “I don’t think it is. There’s just something in my gut, it feels like something is wrong.”
“Well, I know it’s not the japchae I made because that was great, even by my standards,” Mira said haughtily.
“Not that kind of gut feeling.”
Mira felt a tinge of worry and got up to sit next to her. She had been acting funny since even before Zoey left, and had been weirdly quiet over dinner. When Rumi announced she wanted to hang out in their home studio and work on some ideas, Mira had followed just to make sure she wasn’t sick or something.
“Still, maybe some tea would help? I’ll make some now. Come on.”
She took Rumi’s hand and led her back to the kitchen, where she started the electric kettle and looked through their tea drawers.
“Saenggang-cha?” Mira looked over at Rumi, who sat at the kitchen island still looking unsettled. “Ginger and honey is always a good idea.”
“Sure.”
Mira sat across from Rumi as they waited for the boil. She looked visibly nervous, hands fidgeting and adjusting on her stool as if there was no part of her ass that was comfortable.
“So, lovergirl, do you have any plans for a date anytime soon?” Mira asked casually. Nonchalant. Cool. Anything to get Rumi’s mind off whatever was bothering her.
That definitely pulled her out of her funk. Rumi almost jerked in surprise.
“Uh…honestly…I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It’s not like I can go on the apps or anything.”
“Sometimes it just happens. We definitely meet a lot of different people in our line of work.”
“True. Like Zoey and Eun, and you and…?”
Mira raised an eyebrow, not really expecting that. “Are you really asking?”
Rumi looked flustered, but at least she didn’t seem so lost in her thoughts anymore.
“Just curious. I know you’ve been with more than a few women, but you never really tell us who. Just like, ‘a girl from the afterparty’ or ‘one of the event staff at FashionCon’. Anyone I know?”
“Not really. You know I’m only ever casual. I don’t really sleep with anyone if I’m likely to run into them often.”
“You’re not interested in dating or finding love? At all?”
Mira frowned. She definitely wasn’t expecting Rumi to turn her attempt at distraction back around on her.
It wasn’t a lack of interest, love just never seemed like a viable option for her - someone whose past was so laden with failures and rejection that even her best friends found it hard to stomach. She already got the family she always wanted, against all odds. They lived a remarkable life. Who was she to challenge the universe and demand more?
“I guess I’m not ruling it out. It’s just not something I ever thought about for myself. I didn’t watch all those dramas and romcoms like you and Zoey.”
Rumi’s expression was hard to read. It wasn’t quite sad, but she did look as though she wished Mira had said something else.
“It’s not just in TV shows or movies, Mira. It’s a real thing that happens to real people.”
“Maybe.”
She sighed. “I must sound so silly to you. Me and my hopelessly romantic opinions.”
“I don’t think it’s silly,” Mira said quickly. Truthfully. “It’s an opinion someone like me needs to hear. A perspective I need to consider.”
Rumi tilted her head curiously, then smiled. “Another wise Mira-ism. Don’t tell me that’s from Celine too.”
“Nah, that’s from our maknae with the evil panties in her purse.”
“Well, it is wise to gain perspective.”
“And yours means a lot to me,” she said honestly. “So thanks. I’m not trying to be emo or whatever, it’s really just never been in my head.”
“At least consider it, Mira. If anyone deserves love, it’s you.”
She couldn’t formulate an immediate answer to that, but thankfully the electric kettle decided that would be a good time to beep. Mira got up hastily to prepare the tea.
But she could hear Rumi stop fidgeting. She grew still and quiet, clearly waiting for a follow up.
“Having you guys as my best friends has always been good enough for me,” Mira said finally, at least able to think a little more clearly with some distance between them. She was all for openness and honesty, but the way Rumi looked at her felt like she was seeing straight into her soul, and she wasn’t very confident about how that looked.
“Good enough for you?” Rumi snorted. “Liquor and crime used to be good enough for you.”
Mira stopped. Rumi stood quickly and scrambled over to grab her hand, as if she were afraid she might run away.
“Wait. That came out wrong. I’m sorry.”
“No, no, that was true,” Mira said tightly. Then, “Actually, ‘Liquor and Crime’ would be a sick album title.”
Rumi still seemed to feel badly, and instead of sitting down again, went to get Mira’s little jar of freshly ground cinnamon from a cupboard. She set it next to Mira, knowing she liked to sprinkle a little on top of tea.
“I only meant that you got more than what you thought you deserved. Is it so crazy to think you should get even more? Deserve more?”
Mira was completely disarmed by her warmth and honesty. But Rumi was serious, and it seemed she wasn’t going to let it go until she knew exactly why Mira was so weird about love.
“I legitimately don’t know.” She took the cinnamon, marking one of the mugs as hers with a small dusting, and then slid the other to Rumi’. “It’s hard to think about what I deserve. Everything I was given as a kid, I hated. Everything I got for myself, it feels like I stole or just got lucky. I don’t know where deserving fits into all that.”
Rumi took her tea, but was still looking at her, gaze heavy.
“Well, it starts with wanting. What do you want?”
Mira hesitated. It was a loaded question that she was nowhere near prepared to answer. This was not at all how she thought the evening would go.
“Um. I think I just want to sit down, drink tea, and make sure you’re feeling okay?”
Rumi actually puffed out a quiet laugh. “Right. Sorry. I…think when I’m in songwriting mode I get a little too intense.”
“No, yeah, I get it,” she said, motioning for her to sit. When she did, Mira opted to sit next to her. She thought it might help her duck from the way Rumi was peering up at her. When Rumi simply swiveled the bar stool to face her, Mira felt really dumb. “Look, I’m not trying to avoid talking about all that, not really, I’m just so content with where my life took me right now that I think I’m just…counting my blessings?”
Rumi nodded as she started blowing on her tea, her eyes now unfocused, lost in thought again. After a moment, she took a sip and said, “I’ll always want the best for you. If I get weird again, just know that’s where it’s coming from.”
“Yeah, I want the same for you. Next time you find someone you’re interested in, you have to tell me so I can stalk them into a dark alley and threaten to decapitate them if they harm a single hair on your head.”
“Mira!” she squawked.
“What? If they wanna date you they can’t be a coward.”
She snickered into her mug. “I appreciate that. Someday when I date someone, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Mira replayed her statement a couple more times in her head.
“When you say ‘someday’, you mean…?”
“That day hasn’t happened yet,” Rumi confirmed. “I’m 24 years old and have never been on a date.”
“And…and that means…that includes…never…doing anything? Like…anything?”
Rumi chuckled and shrugged at her. “Nothing romantically, physically, none of that.”
So Zoey had been right. Zoey being right all the time was starting to get a little annoying.
“Huh. Not even Jinu?”
Rumi blanched. “I did not date Jinu! I think he had good in him, despite his past, and I think he deserved his soul. I saw hope in him, hope that I had for myself. That’s all!”
“You didn’t even…?” Mira raised her eyebrows suggestively. “You snuck off to see him a bunch of times, mostly at night.”
But Rumi looked absolutely gobsmacked. “Not to sleep with him!”
“You can’t blame me for thinking it! You were all like, ‘Woo, Jinu!’ for a while there.”
“I was just trying to unite our fans!”
Mira laughed and shook her head. “Okay, okay, sorry, I’m just surprised. You could have anyone you wanted!”
“I know what I want,” she said simply. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. It can’t be that hard to believe that I haven’t been with anyone.”
“Come on.” Mira couldn’t help it, waving her hand vaguely at all of Rumi next to her. “You’re so hot.”
Rumi sputtered. “E-Excuse me?!”
“Objectively speaking, of course. You’re hot. It’s science.”
“Science.”
“You can't argue science,” she insisted. “You’re a ten. You’re a catch. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You must know this.”
Rumi looked back down into her tea, contemplative.
“But I don’t want just anyone.”
“Seriously, no one on your radar? Not even that biographer of yours - Amy, was it?” Mira probably should have gotten an award for her acting job, pretending that the woman's name hadn’t been living rent-free in her mind since that first lunch date. “It…sounded like you two hit it off.”
Rumi gave her a small smile, “She is really nice.”
“Well, then…” Mira swallowed down the lump in her throat. “What’s stopping you?”
The tiny smile started to fade, into something anpprehensive and unsure. Her eyes looked up to meet hers, and then darted away just as quickly. Mira gave her a few seconds to collect her thoughts, but she eventually gave in to her own nervousness.
“Rumi, what - “
“Mira, I wanted to ask you - “
They spoke at the same time, and then giggled together, some of the tension dissipating with the steam of their tea.
“You go,” Mira said. She hadn’t even been sure what she was going to say, anyway.
“Okay. I know your life has been hard, and you can be kind of pessimistic about things. But your life is different now. You’re you, more Mira than you were ever allowed to be and it’s been absolutely stunning to witness. Whether you believe it or not, someone is going to fall in love with you. So what would you do if they did?”
“What would I do if someone fell in love with me…?”
Rumi nodded. Mira faltered, stirring her tea just to give her hands something to do before they started to grasp together anxiously like she was a little girl again.
“I’d tell them they were crazy,” she decided. “I…I don’t think I can open up to anyone like that.”
“You opened up to me and Zoey.”
“Because it’s you and Zoey! And even then, I literally make you guys cry when I talk about my past. When I show you who I am.”
“Because people hurt you. They neglected you, didn’t care for you, took advantage of you, and they’re all despicable for that,” Rumi said. “It’s proof of how lovable you actually are, that it’s so hard to think about anyone hurting you.”
“Still, it sounds like a lot of trouble, a lot of baggage,” Mira snorted. “Just for someone like me?”
Rumi reached out and stopped her nervously stirring hand.
“It’s no trouble at all, especially if it’s for someone like you.”
Her breath quickened.
“Oh, please. I’m mean as hell.”
Suddenly Rumi’s foot found the footrest of Mira’s stool. Slowly, she spun the stool until Mira was forced to face her.
“You’re honest, passionate, and strong.”
Mira’s breath caught in her throat.
“I’d be bad at it,” she blurted. Her voice sounded so feeble.
“It’s not like driving. It’s not like anyone gets lessons, and you don’t just get a license one day.”
“You’re awfully confident, for someone who’s never done this before,” Mira observed, trying anything to get the spotlight off her and back on Rumi. It was easier to talk about Rumi, to rain praises on her.
Rumi shrugged. “I’ve just thought about it a lot, especially after everything that happened at the Idol Awards. I learned a lot about what’s important to me, and how I need to stop holding myself back. You actually taught me that.”
“Huh. Maybe I am wise,” she joked apprehensively.
“You’re not the only one. I had to talk it out a bit, too.”
“Talk it out?”
Rumi leaned forward, as if she were about to whisper a secret into her ear.
“Zoey’s my best friend too, you know.”
Mira flushed at the feel of her breath on her cheek, but she didn’t move.
“And what did that menace have to say?”
“About what you’d expect. She reminded me that we’re brave, reminded me what we deserve, and confirmed that we’d always be okay.”
Mira held her breath again. “We?”
Rumi’s hand closed around Mira’s. Her other found its way to Mira’s cheek, shifting her gently. Rumi searched her eyes, and Mira could only imagine what she found there. Some confusion, maybe. Thinly veiled hope, probably.
Sheer gay panic.
Rumi paused. She was giving Mira a chance to pull away. To shut it all down, wrap it all up, and go on with how they were before. The point of no return.
But Mira could be brave too. And she could be very, incredibly stupid.
She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Rumi’s. The kiss was short, sweet like honey with just a hint of ginger spice. So fleeting that Mira almost wondered if she’d hallucinated it, but so heated and pure that there was no way she could mistake it for anything but reality.
When she leaned away, Rumi’s eyes were closed and they fluttered open in awe. Her expression was probably just like Mira’s - stunned, that a two second kiss could feel like it tilted the world off its axis.
“Wow,” she opted to say.
Rumi laughed. “I know kissing is just faces touching, but that felt like so much - “
Mira’s stomach plummeted straight into the earth.
“It is not just faces touching!”
“It literally is, but I was just saying, it felt like - ”
“I was nervous!” Mira complained, feeling exceedingly defensive. “I didn't want to overwhelm you on your first kiss!”
“No! It was amazing - !”
“Not if you’re just calling it face touching!” She bristled, suddenly desperate to prove herself. Rumi could not think she as a bad kisser.
“Mira, I didn’t mean - I’m saying it felt like more than just - !”
“I’ll show you a real kiss!”
She put her hand on the back of Rumi’s neck and waited, just a moment, for her expression to change from surprise to something eager.
Then she pulled her in. Mira pressed their lips harder this time, more desperately, letting her hands wander to the sides of her head, thumbs running along her jaw. She felt some tension there, so she pulled back slightly, relieving some of the pressure so their lips were just touching, until she felt Rumi relax a bit.
She let her hands travel lower, down Rumi’s sides, until they rested at her waist. Mira was standing, she wasn’t sure when exactly happened, but she found herself between Rumi’s knees. When she didn’t push back, Mira deepened their kiss.
And that was when the world rushed away like a receding wave back into the ocean. It was just Rumi, her lips, her mouth, her hands now tangled in her hair and grasping as if she needed her closer somehow. She took a breath, and Mira couldn’t help herself. When Rumi opened her mouth to gasp, Mira’s tongue ran mischievously across her bottom lip. Rumi huffed out a sound, soft and needy, that made Mira lose her mind.
Their lips crashed together again, open-mouthed, Rumi begging and Mira greedy. Mira’s hands tightened around her hips as she probed, gently at first, her tongue going no further than Rumi’s lips and just barely grazing her bottom teeth. But then there was Rumi’s tongue, just as needy, and Mira was fully gone. Rumi moaned and Mira pressed herself into her even more. She disappeared in Rumi’s softness and warmth and delicate caresses.
You gotta be gentle with her. Soft lover girl shit.
Mira was trying. She really was, but when her hands grasped around the underside of Rumi’s thighs, she couldn’t stop herself from lifting her off the stool, absorbing her surprised ‘Oh!’ Into her mouth, and setting her on the kitchen island so they had a new angle and Mira could properly get between her thighs. Closer. Softer. Warmer.
It wasn’t until she felt Rumi’s fingers at the hem of her shirt, her nails grazing against the skin of her belly, that Mira snapped herself back to reality.
She was practically laying on top of Rumi on the kitchen countertop.
“Oh, fuck,” she whispered. She started to back away, but Rumi grabbed her hands to stop her.
“Wait, what are you doing?!” Rumi yelped.
“I’m sorry. That was a lot. Shit.”
“No! It - “
“You need the gentle lovergirl shit - “
“The - what?”
“I’m so sorry - “
“Mira!” Rumi snapped. “Stop!”
She closed her mouth and looked up at her sheepishly.
“Okay. Listen to me when I say this - that was maybe the most incredible experience of my life.”
Mira blinked at her, finally taking full inventory of what she was seeing. Rumi was flushed pink, patterns iridescent, her lips swollen and open, breathing heavily and grasping at her as if she didn’t want Mira to leave her place between her knees. Her eyes were wide, pupils blown. She looked…ravaged.
“But that should have been romantic,” Mira said regretfully.
“What the hell is more romantic than you making out with me on the kitchen island?!”
She stared at her. “That wasn’t like…pervy?”
“Mira!”
“I don’t know! It sounds like something from porn!” She groaned. “I told you, I don’t know how to do this!”
“You absolutely do,” Rumi said, breathlessly.
“So that was good? For you?”
“I cannot believe you just asked that with a straight face.”
“It’s important,” Mira said lamely.
Rumi grazed her cheek with her knuckles. Her thumb stroked her there, and Mira was powerless to resist turning her head in. Nuzzling into her.
“Of course it was. It was never going to be bad.”
“The first one was bad.”
“It was not - oh my God. You kiss all the time! You have like, buckets of sex! How could you possibly be this self-conscious about kissing?”
“First of all, ‘buckets’ is a crazy way of quantifying sex,” Mira said, slightly grossed out. But then she took her hand and held it there, at her cheek.
“Second of all, I’m self-conscious because it’s you.”
“I’m just a person, Mira.”
“Not to me. And if I fuck this up…”
“You won’t!”
The conviction in her voice shook Mira to her core. She really, truly believed that, and that was terrifying.
“I’ve fucked up everything until I met you,” Mira hissed, trying to make her understand. “Literally, everything. And yeah, I’ve pulled myself out of most of it, but it feels bad when it happens, Rumi. It feels really, really shitty to fuck up and disappoint people over and over and I couldn’t handle it if I did that to you. Zoey’s probably right, we might be able to salvage something like friendship if this goes bad, but it won’t be the same. It won’t be this perfect thing that we have right now.”
“It’s not perfect,” Rumi said.
Mira went rigid. “It isn’t?”
“It’s not perfect - because I want more. And I know you do too.” Rumi gripped her hands. “It can’t be perfect, if we want to kiss and can’t. Or if we want to touch and we can’t. It can’t be perfect if we’re still hiding things like this from each other, things we know are true.”
Mira felt her heart stutter. She wondered if it were possible to just die this way, fear and yearning fighting inside her.
“It took a long time for me to find peace like this,” she said, her voice cracking. “A really long time to find this life.”
Rumi’s face fell. She was starting to understand. She could see now that Mira was too pitiful, too much of a coward to gamble what she had for anything more.
“And you do deserve it. You deserve peace more than anyone. I’m sorry for pushing.”
She gently released Mira and slid off the countertop, straightening her top and smoothing back her hair.
“Rumi, I promise you, in any other life I would have been all over this,” Mira said, her mind scrambling for a way to not disappoint, to smooth it all over, to just get her feet back on solid ground. “All over us. If it had been easier to get to this point, I think…I think I wouldn’t be so…so…”
“Afraid?”
There was no judgment, no anger in the way she said it. Just a simple observation. A completely factual one.
“Yeah.”
Rumi nodded, and actually smiled at her.
“I get it.”
Mira’s face fell, because she knew she did. She could feel how genuine she was being.
“I’m sorry, I - “
She held up a hand to stop her, then patted her delicately on the arm.
“I promise, I understand. Nothing is going to change, Mira. You’ll see. I want what’s best for you, and whatever you say that means, I’ll do it.”
Her hand made its way back up to her face, stroking her cheek again, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. She didn’t break eye contact, like she knew Mira needed to know she was telling the truth. That she wasn’t lying, and everything could still be what it was.
“ - Remember a couple weeks ago how me and Zoey’s junk drawer just kept bouncing open when you tried to close it?” She said suddenly.
“What?”
Rumi walked around the island, reached down, and pulled the whole drawer out. Then she searched deep in the cabinet and withdrew a surprisingly large paper bag.
“Girl Scout cookies?!” Mira gasped when she pulled out its contents. It almost made her forget that their hearts were currently bleeding openly on the ceramic tile of their kitchen. “Zoey said she was out of them!”
Once a year, Zoey’s dad sent her a whole box full of American Girl Scout cookies. Apparently, in the States they militarized little girls to sell cookies to the public and build a giant cookie empire for reasons unknown. Despite having been a Girl Scout herself, Zoey wasn’t even clear on the phenomenon. But the cookies were insanely addictive and Mira had a moderate obsession.
“She was. I got these separately when I watched you eat a whole box by yourself. I was going to save them for your birthday, but I think they’re more needed now.”
Mira stared at her. “But how?!”
“There’s this whole exchange online for these things. It’s kind of crazy, like a black market for Girl Scout cookies. I don’t get it, to be honest. I think they’re all overly sweet and dry.”
Mira was personally affronted. Rumi giggled at the look on her face.
“More for you, then! Come on, have some. I’ll get you something else for your birthday.”
Rumi gave her the box and started to pull out two more from the bag. An envelope fell out with them.
“Oh - shit, wait, that’s not for you!”
But Mira had already picked it up. “It has my name on it.”
“Uh, hang on, that’s not - “
It was too late. The envelope wasn’t sealed, and inside was a birthday card and a folded slip of paper.
“Baking classes for two?” Mira read incredulously.
“You don’t bake, but you’re a really good cook with an insane sweet tooth. I figured its because you didn’t do any baking at the bar - did it even have an oven? Anyway, I thought you might like trying it?” Rumi blushed sheepishly. “I was going to go with you. I like helping you cook and learning with you. Obviously, that’s all up to you. You can still have it and take whoever you want.”
Mira was staring at her in pure disbelief. Rumi was so impossibly thoughtful about everything.
“Of course I want to go with you.”
“You really don’t have to, if you need some time to…not be around me? To clear your head?” Rumi was bracing herself as she spoke, like her own words were dismantling her piece by piece. “I know Zoey would probably hate it, she likes it more when food just materializes in front of her, but like - “
“Wait.”
Fuck. Every cell in Mira’s body was wired to protect this family. She did everything for Rumi and Zoey, and she’d even add Bobby and Celine in there as well. She stayed sober for them. She was in HUNTR/X for them. She fought demons for them. Every decision she made for the past six years started with ‘How does this impact them?’, because she knew what family truly was now and she would never, ever let it go.
“Mira? Are you okay?”
Fuck. And now Mira wanted to risk it all - for what?! Some American Girl Scout cookies, what sounded like the most perfect baking date ever, and an incredible kiss - a life-altering kiss. Was she being serious?!
“Mira…”
Fuck! Mira was going to disappoint her. She didn’t know how to give her what she wanted. She didn’t know how to give her what she needed. Rumi needed someone good, someone smart and sweet and funny that knew when to give her space and when to smother her with affection. Preferably someone who knew how to cook her favorites, reminded her to do her stretches, someone that made her go to bed at a semi-normal hour.
Strong hands suddenly grasped her shoulders and shook her. Mira nearly fell off her stool.
“Mira!” Rumi squeezed her. “You haven’t said anything for a long time. I can literally see you crashing out in your head. Talk to me.”
Mira realized, to her horror, that her hands were shaking. She shoved them between her thighs to still them, but Rumi definitely saw.
“I’m scared,” she whispered. She wasn’t even sure if any sound came out, just words lost in her quivering breath.
“That’s because it’s scary,” Rumi said calmly, immediately knowing what Mira was talking about. “I know it is.”
“You don’t look like it.”
Rumi sat back, a grin playing on her lips. “Well, it’s hard to feel anything bad after you’ve just made out with Mira from HUNTR/X.”
Her breathless laugh was like a dry wind blowing dead, fallen leaves. “I’m being serious.”
“So am I. I meant what I said before, I can be whatever you need me to be. I want you however I can have you, and that will always be true, no matter what.” She took her chin, lifted it so Mira was looking at her directly. “Lets go back to what we were saying before - gaining perspective? Here’s one: I know you lost everything, and I know it’s terrifying to think you could lose it all again if we didn’t work. But I know how that feels too, now. For a couple hours, I learned what it felt like to lose it all, to have the earth fall out from under your feet.”
Mira pulled away, her skin practically burning with shame. She had done that, made Rumi feel that, when she raised her gokdo to her. In her gut, she knew Zoey had only done the same because she did it first. The memory was almost unbearable.
“Hey. Hey.” Her tone pulled Mira back to the present. “My point is, you and Zoey came back. That’s when I realized that our relationship was already stronger than I ever could have imagined. Sometimes taking a risk doesn’t mean losing it all. Sometimes it means fumbling and recovering, but then coming back stronger than ever before. And actually, I think you know how that feels too.”
Rumi returned to her tea, taking a long sip as Mira stared at the side of her head.
“It’s okay to be scared, Mira. But just know that this life you're afraid of losing only happened because you were once a kid that risked it all.”
Mira was thrown back in time, 8 years ago, her school backpack just half-filled with the few things she owned that she actually liked. She was running from an abusive family, certainly, but that wasn’t all. She was leaving a mansion, a house staff that kept her clean and well-fed every day, and a family fortune that was destined to be hers. She was leaving a top notch education at an elite school and a guaranteed future in a rapidly growing company. Why did she ever give up all that?
Because she was lying. Because she had to hide who she was. Because she knew, out there somewhere, there was something better than studying things she hated to be enslaved at a job she hated and eventually marry a man she hated to have the family life she hated. Mira was looking for more. She believed she deserved better.
Mira had forgotten that, after all this time. She used to allow herself to want.
“Rumi?”
She put her mug down. “Mira?”
“I think I - “
Then Mira felt it. A violent pulse against the threads of the honmoon. A pink light shooting around them. A tight pull inside her that had nothing to do with the way Rumi had been looking at her, hope shimmering in her eyes.
Mira clutched at her chest and stared at Rumi. She’d felt it too - she was gripping the countertop in shock. It wasn’t her.
There were demons.
And they always had the worst fucking timing.