Chapter Text
shortly in the future
???: “However, there is one way you can graduate and leave.”
In that moment #&*!? really wished the unconventionally attractive ginger next to him hadn’t asked what that had meant. But the damage was already done. The words that fell out of that stuffed animals mouth next were enough to make the sociopathic fatass in front of him shiver.
???: “Murder…”
sometime earlier
???: “Hopes Peak Academy, a starting out as a highly prestigious school in Japan. But, after an unknown incident…became a chain of normal; yet still rather good High Schools. South Park is a small mountain town in Colorado, so of course, getting one here was a huge deal. A huge deal to the point where these dumb fucking rednecks got South Park high school totally out and down for the count. Of course they did, it’s South Park. That’s how this shit works. Come to Freshman year and guess where me and my friends are stuck going? Yay… (somebody fuck me gently with a chainsaw) And, this just had to be the year everything went down hill. My mom drove me to school that morning, and just my luck. I was late. Great start. I remember rushing inside in a hurry, the sooner I get to class the sooner I get to go home. And, dude, was I ever wrong. The second I stepped inside my vision started to blur, the room around me distorted. Then everything went dark.”
present time
???: “Urghuh..”
The first thing he noticed as he woke up, his head was throbbing, second thing, this definitely was not the nurses office. Where anyone would expect to be after passing out. But, no, this was somewhere entirely different.
???: “Hey, man, are you okay?”
A somewhat muffled voice asked, it was only then he noticed a scrawny teen looking over him with concern. A heartbeat passed, th—
???: “AHHHHH!”
???: “Woah, woah! Hey dude— calm the fuck down!”
The boy put both hands on his shoulders, holding him still.
???: “Well Jesus Christ, don’t stand over me like that blondie!”
He snapped back, pulling away. The two stared in awkward silence, a hint of recognition in both their eyes they couldn’t put a finger on.
Kenny: “Sorry, man, didn’t think that through. Name’s Kenny— but you can call me Ken, Kenneth, Kendall, Kennedy, I ain’t picky.”
???: “That’s a lot.”
Kenny: “Eh, ya know. Just tryna be gender neutral.”
That earned a giggle, just met; already talking like friends.
Kenny: “You gonna tell me your name, or am I gonna have to start calling you bleached hair guy?”
Stan: “Oh, right— I’m Stan.”
Kenny: “Cool to meet you bleached hair guy.”
Stan gave him a look, but didn’t comment. This time. Finally taking in the room around him; it was a classroom, he’d…been at a desk? Didn’t seem like the most effective choice after passing out. Windows? None visibly. It was a pretty empty classroom aside from the random school supplies thrown on the floor. The blonde hobo must’ve gone through the drawers already. There was also a security camera and a monitor, it made sense… this was a school after all. He was pretty sure it was anyways.
Stan: “Any clue where we are?”
To Stan’s disappointment, (but not surprise,) Kenny shrugged.
Kenny: “A classroom?? Just woke up here a few minutes ago myself. I did find a note, but I figured I’d wake you up.”
Stan: “And by wake me up you mean stand ominously over me and watch me sleep?”
Kenny: “Yup!”
Kenny was definitely grinning, Stan could tell, even with the hood. How he managed to understand this guy effortlessly rattled his brains, but that was another question for another time. So he chalked it up to “experience from Randy’s his dad’s incoherent drunken verbal abuse sessions ramblings. Stan’s attention turned to the piece of paper he’d barely spotted earlier, folded up neatly. That must’ve been the note Kenny was talking about. Carefully standing up he walked over and picked up the piece of paper, unfolding the note. Kenny pulled up a chair and stood on it, looking over Stan’s shoulder. It was only then Stan noticed how malnourished this kid was; short, scrawny, and a little pale. Poor, no doubt. As for the note, it didn’t help much.
”May all students please gather in the gym for a mandatory orientation at 9:00am, don’t be late
—your headmaster, &*#$!?@#”
The name was all smudged out, but the note was clear enough on what to do at least. Before either could say anything, the clock struck nine.
Kenny: “I don’t care enough to bother.” Kenny said with a yawn, sitting back in a chair and kicking his feet up on the desk.
Stan: “I think we should listen dude—“
???: “GAH! W-WE’RE GONNA MISS IT ENTIRELY CRAIG!!”
Craig???: “Jesus— relax honey, you’ve been screaming since we woke up.”
???: “HOW DO I RELAX, WE DON’T—NNGH—KNOW WHERE WE ARE, AND—”
Craig???: “Tweek! Breathe. Let’s just do what the creepy note says.”
Tweek???: “Nghhh—okay!”
The foot steps came and went, Stan and Kenny exchanged a glance.
Stan: “The fuck kind of interaction was that?”
Kenny: “A really gay one, dude.”
After witnessing—or at least hearing—whatever the hell that was, they left the room and started heading towards the gym. They didn’t know where it was, but they headed there anyways. Luck was on their side, because it seemed to be the first direction they picked.