Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was one of those days.

Kakashi ’s mental state was ish.

Of course, ish would be a word he ’d use to describe these kinds of days after the fact, particularly the more embarrassing ones, which—

Everything started with mental fatigue brought on by Chakra exhaustion, a bad case of it, and an infection in a wound in his side because Kakashi was, when he woke in a fugue state, very much aware of the inflamed injury. Still, on top of the injury, there existed some recollection of having a bug—a cold or flu kind—prior to everything, because of course, he, of all people, had to go on a mission or whatever while sick.

He was that kind of idiot, at times.

And of course—

Kakashi had to have that particular nightmare, the one he ’d not had in forever.

Which meant waking into the fugue state and hallucinating there was blood on his arm, which meant, in his fugue state, making a sad attempt at washing the blood off that wasn ’t there.

Except—

A voice next to him—

Kakashi turned.

His eyes blinked, seeing Rin, with her Nohara clan markings and a diamond in the center of her forehead, and his shoulders relaxed as water ran over his arm and the skin he ’d been trying to rub raw, something he’d not done in forever. Cheerfully, he said, “Rin.”

Rin stiffened, frowning.

And then—

He turned to look at his arm, because that was where Rin was looking.

“Sorry,” Kakashi muttered, looking at and seeing the damage he’d managed to do to himself. “I’m sorry, Rin.”

“How about we get you back to bed, Kakashi Se…” Rin said, then paused, before saying, “Kakashi again.” She placed a hand on his other arm, gently guiding him back to the bed, a hospital bed. “You should be resting.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kakashi muttered. He calmly let Rin tuck him in, having become accustomed to her medical care, always feeling comfortable around her. Then he let her get to work on applying salve and bandages to his arm before he fell back asleep, as well as checking his IV bag.

“Now get some sleep, okay, Kakashi?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kakashi said, complacent for the medical nin because the medical nin was Rin. But then, “Hey Rin?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Rin tensed.

“I know I should have said it,” Kakashi muttered, a flush appearing on his face. “I regret not doing so. Of not reciprocating.”

“Get some sleep, dummy,” Rin said. “Don’t make me get the hospital staff to sedate you!”

“Right, right.”

To which, in his fugue state, Kakashi fell asleep, one of the most peaceful sleeps he had in a long time, because Rin was there. He remembered the experience far more pleasantly, as instead of waking up from the fugue state of washing his arm obsessively and the pain that accompanied it, Rin found him and ensured he was taken care of.

His eyes opened, and—

Still in the hospital.

Kakashi let out a sigh.

“Sensei?”

Kakashi ’s eyes blinked, then turned, his head looking at, “Sakura?”

Her mouth pressed into a thin line, as if there was something she wanted to ask him, a diamond on his forehead.

“Something the matter?”

“Yeah. Who’s Rin?”

“What?” Kakashi’s eyes blinked, then—

Then it dawned on him.

“Oh, fuck.”

There was a shit load of embarrassment there, at having, in his fugue state, mistaken Sakura for Rin.

“Oh, fuck, fuck.”

“Sensei, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” he said. “You shouldn’t have to see me like that.”

Sakura frowned. “What you mean is nobody should see you like that, because you don ’t want anybody to see you ’re in pain.”

Kakashi blinked, looking away a bit guiltily.

“IS there?” Sakura started asking, paused, then, “Is there a little bit less regret?”

Kakashi stiffened, mind going over what he ’d said and done, and—

“Sensei?”

“To be honest?”

“Yes. That’s all we want.”

“I’m not sure,” Kakashi said. He paused, then, “I hope Sasuke comes to his senses.”

And—

Sakura nodded her head, not saying anything, as if understanding, turning to leave, but then pausing—

She turned, and—

She turned and said, “Sasuke’s not your fault. You tried to get through to him, sensei. I know you did. So don ’t let that be a regret as well.”

“Right. You’re right,” Kakashi said, relaxing a bit, watching her leave, but then, a thought amused him. “You’d like her, Rin. Might have gotten her interested in medical ninjitsu faster.” He paused. “So, maybe there is a little less regret, both regarding you and her seeing me like that.”

And then he went to get some more sleep so his pink-haired student wouldn ’t get on his case later.