Chapter Text
I stared at the two dead bodies lying at my feet. What had I done? My head swam with guilt, and I felt myself go limp. I heard my friends yell all around me, and then my legs betrayed me. I could tell I was walking, but I couldn’t see where. Without Nozomi… It didn’t matter.
…
“So, here we are. Trying to follow through on our path of redemption and open communication with the Futurans, and we start it off with child murder! How fun!“ Eito’s voice tore through the darkening storm in my brain to mock me. I had appeared in the Cafeteria, somehow. Everyone else did, too.
“Huh?” I snapped back to look at him.
“Oh, good, you’re back. Looks like you didn’t get hit too hard. I thought for sure the grief would nearly kill you… but maybe you aren’t the same Takumi that spared me, in his infinite patience. You’ve changed.” Eito clutched his glasses and shot me a vengeful smirk. Unlike only a few weeks before, I could tell the rest of the group wasn’t glaring at him. They were looking at me. My friends seemed farther away from me than usual.
“What the frick even was that… I… Nozom’s dead? Just like that?” Gaku shivered. His big, red eyes grew wet with tears. Like me, was barely keeping himself together. “And the resistance leader…?”
“Takumi killed her. She couldn’t have been older than 14…” Yugamu stared off, towards the fish tank that took up an entire wall. “It must’ve been an instinctual reaction to seeing Nozomi die… since she can’t be brought back, after all.”
“It did always seem like Mister Sumino had a special affection towards her. She meant a lot to him.” Ima looked grimly at the floor, then towards Kako. “If it was Sister Dearest, I’d understand the sudden burst of vengeance. I can’t say he was wrong here.”
Takemaru’s fist slammed against a table, the dull thud resonating with the lump in my throat. “Well I sure as shit can!” He glared around him, eyes flying over the entire group, before settling on me. “It was wrong of him to turn his back on the rebellion and have us close in on that little girl like that. Nozomi’s the one that paid the price for it. Not to mention the girl herself...” He took a step forward towards me. “How do you like that? You’re the reason Nozomi’s dead, dumbass!”
Hiruko glanced over at him, before resting back at me. “Takemaru, stop. Takumi already knows that.” Despite her words, their glares looked the same.
“Like shit he does…”
It’s… my fault? I’m the reason Nozomi’s dead? Just because I didn’t trust Kamyuhn? … If that were true, I’d have killed two people. Two people dead… for absolutely no reason. I couldn’t bear to look my allies in the eye. We were supposed to do things right. We were supposed to make up for humanity’s sins. I promised them that… and I made that promise to Nozomi, too.
Eito’s voice rang next, the clarity of his voice waking me up from my stupor of grief and guilt. “Now, now, I’m not so sure about that, everyone.” He smirked. Among the shaky, weary voices, his remained confident. “Isn’t it a little strange that Kamyuhn, flailing about in her last moments of fear and panic, managed to impale Nozomi out of any of us on her bow? It’s not like the two were that close to one another.”
“And, isn’t it doubly strange that she managed to hit the only one of us who can’t be brought back? She said so herself, she had intel on us. She would’ve known Nozomi’s weakness.” He looked towards me, smugly. He was making a case for me?
I mustered up the will to speak, out of pure disbelief. It was hard for the gears in my brain to turn, as painful as it felt to think, but I could understand what he meant perfectly well. “Are you saying… Kamyuhn really was a spy? That wasn’t just an accidental killing, she purposefully assassinated her?”
“If we had trusted her, it’s entirely possible she could’ve just used the opportunity to just kill Nozomi in her sleep. Or destroy the Corpse Recovery Drones.” He looked over, towards the rest of the group. “Or break down the Defense Room Door and kill Shion. If anything, we’re lucky.”
Takemaru huffed. “Lucky? Nozomi fucking died, and you’re saying we’re lucky? Why are you playing defense lawyer for Takumi so much, anyways?”
“As if I would absolve any of you hideous people from your sinful actions?” Eito growled, a fire growing within him, that he quickly smothered out. “I’m just speculating,” he stated matter of factly, “We might know the full truth at a later date. For now, Kamyuhn killed Nozomi, and Takumi killed Kamyuhn.”
Tsubasa nodded shakily. “Right… we’re going about this too fast… We’re blaming Takumi and we haven’t even mourned… Nozomi… She was human when we weren’t, but she really was one of us…”
Takemaru slumped. His eyes looked down at himself. “I can’t argue there. No matter what… it was a goddamn tragedy. She was just trying to make things right, but…”
Kako’s head sank, just barely trying not to fall towards the ground. “Nozomi cared so much about us, even when we could barely lift a finger…”
Yugamu’s eyes trailed towards the ceiling, then snapped shut. “It was a plainly ugly death, no matter how you look at it. I wish she could’ve seen Futurum at peace before she died…”
Shouma’s eyes disappeared behind his hands as he sobbed openly. “She was so kind… I’m sorry, Nozomi… That I didn’t take that blow instead!” He curled into himself and wailed, leaning on Takemaru for support.
I nodded, but couldn’t speak. I went back in time to save Nozomi, and now here I was. Whether it was my fault or not, whether Kamyuhn assassinated her or I spooked her into retaliation… Nozomi was dead. And there was no bringing her back. My friends wept all around me… but I didn’t have the strength to cry. I couldn’t.
Hiruko’s eyes, dull like the color of dried blood, suddenly glanced over towards Eito. She lifted an eyebrow in suspicion. “Hold on… Weren’t you the one to accuse Takumi of, and I quote, ‘child murder’ a few minutes ago?”
“Because that’s what happened, regardless of whether she was a spy or not. And I’d like him to get adjusted to that.” Eito made a slow, comfortable walk for the door. Even still, I couldn’t say his attitude sat right with me, especially the way he regarded me. It was different from abject hatred, but it felt about as welcome. “We’re more than just Sirei’s tools now. Having free will means we will have to make hard and terrifying decisions. For our sake, for Futurum’s sake… for the sake of peace for the people of this planet. You can all mourn if you want, but I suggest you get used to that.”
“Our rebellion cannot be bloodless. It never was.”
Hiruko paused… then nodded hesitantly. “Our path is our own, now. But this is still war.” Even still, her eyes stayed cold as she watched Eito slowly saunter past me and out the door. “We should head in for the night.”
Gaku looked over to her, his eyes puffy and strained, like they’d been squeezed out of all their tears. He sniffled as if gravely ill. “O-of course. We gotta hold a funeral tomorrow though, okay?” Everyone else nodded in response, but then, just as he was about to shuffle his way out, Gaku’s eyes lit up. “... Where’s Moko? She didn’t ditch us, right?”
Yugamu sighed as he ambled towards the door, along with the rest of the group. “She’s… still with Nozomi.” He glanced towards me, his mouth pursed in worry. “I suggest you check up on the two of them.”
I didn’t want to move anymore… but I couldn’t leave Nozomi there. “Will do,” My voice rang hoarsely. If Moko could take care of Nozomi’s rest, I could too.
I walked the distance from the Cafeteria to the Schoolyard painfully slowly. Every little cell in my body seemed resistant to the idea. My legs didn’t want to move closer to Nozomi’s corpse. My eyes didn’t want to see her. My limbs throbbed and ached as I pressed a button to open the Entrance Hall doors. On the other side, hunched over there… I could see her. Moko. In the glow of the Undying Flames, while the sun was starting its slow descent across the sky… Despite how much bigger she was than me, beneath the horizon, she looked… small. I approached her from behind.
“Hey,” I called out. She didn’t turn to me. My voice must’ve been too soft for her to hear, but eventually, she did notice me. Her face was swollen from crying, hunched over Nozomi’s body.
“You… taking care of Nozomi? To put her to rest?”
“Yeah…” Moko squeaked out, her voice a ghost of its usual cheery, bombastic self. I stepped to the side, looking over Nozomi’s lifeless corpse as Moko tended to it with bloodstained hands. Her eyes had been laid shut, and the blood that had stained her mouth was wiped off. Moko had also wrapped her clothes around Nozomi’s waist, trying to hide the wound that killed her. “I’m gonna dig a grave for her next… and…” She looked over at Kamyuhn.
“You’re not thinking of burying her too, are you?” I retorted, seemingly on impulse. My voice came through harsher, steelier than I wanted it to, but that vengeful fire I thought I put out still glimmered within me. “She killed…”
“I know, I know, Takumi… I was there.” Moko’s head sank beneath her lowering shoulders. Tears clung to her eyes. “It was awful. They were both so scared… They both wanted peace, and, and… things just went so terribly, didn’t they?” While she didn’t glare at me, I could feel a thick knot of guilt tying its way tight against my heart all the same. I took a step back.
“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean it,” I stammered, “I mean, I…” My mouth shut on its own, as if it knew for me there was nothing I could say to fix this. Moko locked eyes with me, her expression softening. Her face quivered like moving water.
“You were scared too… And me, too. If you didn’t kill Kamyuhn first, I…” Moko grumbled. She curled up into a ball, her knees receding towards her stomach. “If I wasn’t so scared I… coulda done something. Taken the hit, or… stopped you from killing Kamyuhn. But Nozomi wouldn’t want me to feel like that.”
“I guess not. She was always so selfless…” I looked over Nozomi’s and Kamyuhn’s corpses. Even in death, she looked peaceful… Compared to the desiccated mummy of a child next to her, that is.
“I wish I could tell her she didn’t have to be. It felt like… I dunno.” Moko sulked, cradling her own head in her arms as she looked out towards the purple and orange sky. “Do you think Nozomi ever lived for herself, Takumi?”
“I mean, I… think in little ways, maybe.” I didn’t really think about it, but she always seemed so happy. "I kinda figured she was happy when we were."
“Well, I can’t say. It felt like she was always living for someone else, but… I guess all the times I thought I was living for myself were, uh…” She sighed deeply. “One biiiig dream. Or a made up story. My own hopes, my own life… it was aaaall kayfabe...” She looked towards me. “Wait, uh… You know what that is, right?”
“I don’t think you ever told me, no.” I brushed the back of my head. Moko… laughed. If only for a split second. She smiled at me sadly.
“Sorry, hun.” She looked back towards Nozomi, then elsewhere. I followed her gaze to find the graves everyone else was buried at. “You don’t mind helpin’ a lady dig a pair of graves, right?”
I paused, looking down at the two bodies. “… I guess I don’t, no.”