Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Lawrence Fletcher

Lawrence: Say, Perry, Linda and I just found out about a seventeenth century Baroque armoire that's a bit of a drive away. I know it’s short notice, but do you think you would be able to keep an eye on the kids? If we don’t go pick it up tonight, we’ll lose our hold on it.

Perry: No problem! I can absolutely watch the house while you’re gone.

Lawrence: Brilliant! Phineas and Ferb are in the backyard, yes?

Perry: Yep! They’re playing a relatively normal game of hide and seek. 

Lawrence: That’s perfectly all right, then. Candace is out with friends, but she should be back before her curfew at ten. There are leftovers in the fridge, and we’ll be back tomorrow morning. Let’s see, am I missing anything?

Perry: I don’t think so. Don’t worry, Lawrence. The kids are in good hands.

Lawrence: Indeed. I’d say they’re quite capable hands. Or paws, as it were.

Perry: Thanks! See you tomorrow, Lawrence.

Lawrence: Cheerio.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Ferb Fletcher

Perry: Ferb, it’s time to get ready for supper. All the kids agree that you’ve decidedly won the game.

Ferb: I suppose I should come out then.

Perry: Yes, please. You can get right into the bath. I know from experience that it’s filthy in that vent, and I’d like it if you were clean before you eat.

Ferb: You know where I chose to hide?

Perry: I’m a secret agent, kiddo. Being completely aware of my surroundings is instinctual by now.

Ferb: Yet you didn’t come find me.

Perry: I wasn’t playing the game. I didn’t think it was quite fair. We’ve just established that I’d be very good at seeking, and I have a mental map of all the best hiding places in the house that I’ve been constantly updating for the past six years.

Ferb: I wouldn’t have minded the extra challenge.

Perry: I’ll remember that for next time. At the moment, I need you to go get cleaned up.

Ferb: Yes, all right. Can we have haggis for supper?

Perry: Unfortunately, no. There’s leftover meatloaf in the fridge, and I do not want to figure out how to source haggis in the middle of the United States.

Ferb: Fine.

Perry: Sorry, kiddo.

Ferb: Is Candace home?

Perry: Not yet. She probably won’t be back until after you go to bed, so you’re stuck with just me and Phineas. I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with our company.

Ferb: There are worse people in the world to be stuck with.

Perry: I’m flattered. Now, get a move on. I want to hear water running within the next minute.

Ferb: Yes, all right.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Linda: How did supper and bedtime go with the boys?

Perry: Just fine. They’re both sound asleep. They’ve been very well-behaved for me all night.

Linda: Wonderful. Has Candace gotten back?

Perry: No. She still has half an hour, though.

Linda: Oh, that’s right. Sorry, Perry. I lost track of what time it was.

Perry: That’s fine. Who’s she hanging out with anyway?

Linda: Stacy and Vanessa. They went to hang out at the mall, and then they were going to go to a movie together.

Perry: Awesome. Well, they’re all smart kids. I’m sure they’ll be back in plenty of time.

Linda: They will, but a mother’s worry knows no logic.

Perry: I can imagine. Do you want me to let you know when she gets home?

Linda: No, I’m going to take over driving in a bit, and I don’t want to be distracted by someone messaging me that everything is fine. Just let me know if there are any problems or if Candace doesn’t get home in time.

Perry: Sure thing, Linda.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Candace Flynn

Perry: Candace, where are you? You should be home by now.

Candace: Geez Louise, it’s literally just ten now. Over-bearing much?

Perry: Kiddo, the rules are in place for a reason. Your curfew is that you need to be home by ten at the latest . Are you at least on your way?

Candace: Almost. Look, Vanessa’s the one who drove us here, and she’s talking to her boyfriend. I’m not going to force her to leave without finishing her conversation.

Perry: What’s Monty doing at the movie theater?

Candace: How should I know? He wasn’t even in the movie theater. He ran into us when we came outside. Like, literally ran into us. He was really distracted.

Perry: Fine. I suppose that all makes sense. Just please get home soon. I won’t tell your mom that you came home late, but you really shouldn’t still be out.

Candace: Yeah, yeah. I’ll be home really soon. I promise.

Perry: Good.

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Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Stacy Hirano

Stacy: Candace told you it wasn’t her fault she was late, right?

Perry: Yeah, she did. I’m letting it slide. There’s not much you can do when you can’t drive.

Stacy: Awesome. By the way, Vanessa was wondering if I could pass on a message to you.

Perry: That's fine, but why does she keep refusing to join the messaging system? It would make things so much easier.

Stacy: She says she doesn’t want to be in yet another group that involves her dad.

Perry: Fine. What did Vanessa want to tell me?

Stacy: She was talking to Monty outside the movie theater, and apparently, he’s been looking for an agent who sees O.W.C.A. for what it really was. Vanessa said he could trust you and that she’d let you know.

Perry: Okay. I’m not trying to accuse Vanessa of being gullible, but is it possible that Monty’s just been tasked to look for “traitors”?

Stacy: I don’t think so. He seemed pretty legit. Also, he was really nervous about his dad finding out. I don’t think he was faking it.

Perry: All right. I believe you. I guess I’ll reach out to him and see what he wants. Thanks for the message, Stacy.

Stacy: No problem! I wonder what Monty wants?

Perry: So do I. I suppose I’ll find out in a minute. Have a good night, Stacy.

Stacy: Night, Perry!

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Montgomery Monogram

Perry: Hey, Monty. Stacy told me that Vanessa told her that you wanted to talk to a disillusioned O.W.C.A. agent.

Monty: Agent P? What kind of messaging system is this?

Perry: It’s a defunct O.W.C.A. system. It must have still been in service when you did your first work for the organization, since it was pretty easy to find your credentials.

Monty: Wait, can this conversation be monitored?

Perry: Nope. It was taken off the grid ages ago. Dr. D may have been involved.

Monty: I wanted to ask you about that. When Vanessa said you were friends with her dad, I’ve gotta admit I was pretty confused. What’s that all about?

Perry: It’s exactly what she said. I’m friends with Dr. D. Are you saying I shouldn’t be friends with anyone who has ties to evil?

Monty: I guess I shouldn’t talk, considering who my girlfriend is. My dad’s still angry about that, by the way.

Perry: I hate to say it, but that doesn’t surprise me.

Monty: After everything I’ve learned, it doesn’t really surprise me either.

Perry: You read the leaked files?

Monty: Yeah. I can’t believe what they did to the agents. I mean, what kind of people hurt baby animals?

Perry: Definitely not good ones. Does your father know your feelings on the subject?

Monty: No. I didn’t think he could’ve known about all the horrible things at first. Why would he ever work at a place like that? Then I talked to him about it, and it turns out he’d known all along. That’s when I knew I couldn’t tell him.

Perry: I’m sorry, Monty. That’s a horrible thing to learn about your parent.

Monty: Why didn’t you ever tell me about any of that stuff? Why didn’t any of the agents?

Perry: Conditioning. None of us were willing to admit to ourselves how awful it was. Besides, with that kind of upbringing, trusting people enough to tell them things doesn’t exactly come naturally.

Monty: Well, all I can say is that whoever managed to release those files and disrupt all the gadgets is a saint. If it weren’t for them, O.W.C.A. would have just kept on going.

Perry: Hang on a second, Monty. I need to ask someone something.

Monty: All right.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: Peter, I’m talking to Monty, and he’s firmly anti-O.W.C.A. Can I tell him about what we did?

Peter: You’re sure this won’t end up with the two of us behind bars?

Perry: Yes. We can trust him.

Peter: Sounds good.

Perry: Really? That’s it? You’re cool with this just like that?

Peter: Perry, if you of all people tell me I should trust someone, I’m going to believe you.

Perry: Okay. Hey, do you want to talk to him with me?

Peter: Sure.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda, Perry the Platypus, and Montgomery Monogram

Perry: Okay. You want to know what happened to O.W.C.A.?

Monty: You know?

Peter: Yep.

Monty: Hold on, you’re Peter the Panda. Didn’t you quit O.W.C.A. before it went down? Why are you involved in this?

Peter: Do you know that O.W.C.A. once kidnapped Perry’s kids?

Monty: Agent P has children?

Perry: He’s referring to my host family. I consider them my kids.

Monty: Wait, O.W.C.A. kidnapped literal human children?

Peter: Are you saying kidnapping animal children would be better?

Monty: No! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all, I swear. It’s just that from O.W.C.A.’s perspective, it would be. I never meant to imply that’s what I thought.

Perry: It’s okay, Monty. I get it. Anyway, when O.W.C.A. took my kids, Peter helped me rescue them. So did Dr. D. In the process, Peter realized we had a chance to stop them once and for all. Dr. D told him how to make a device to do it, and I activated it.

Monty: So you guys did it all? That’s incredible.

Peter: You cannot tell anybody about this, okay?

Monty: Of course not. I’m completely on your side.

Perry: All right. Now, Vanessa said you were looking for someone you can trust to not go running to an old O.W.C.A. official. Me, Peter, and Dr. D are all people you can turn to if you need help with anything related to preventing O.W.C.A. from coming back.

Peter: Hey, Professor Mystery’s on our side too.

Perry: He refuses to give anyone a way to contact him! How would Monty talk to him?

Peter: That’s a fair point.

Monty: This is amazing, Agent P.

Perry: Would you mind calling me Perry? It’s confusing to have two former Agent P’s, and we’re also trying to separate ourselves from O.W.C.A. as much as we can.

Monty: Of course, Perry. That makes a lot of sense.

Peter: What did you want help with anyway?

Perry: Oh, right. I was so focused on catching you up that I forgot you needed my help with something. Sorry, Monty.

Monty: No worries. The thing is, I’ve been talking to Carl a bit lately. He’s on your guys’ side too, by the way. It’s a little more complicated for him, but he definitely thinks it’s a good thing O.W.C.A.’s done. 

Perry: I kind of wondered where Carl stood with all this. I’m glad he agrees with you. He’s a good kid.

Monty: Yeah. The point is, about an hour ago, Carl let me know he found out that someone’s working on a way to get O.W.C.A. back. Apparently, all the “agents-in-training” who weren’t confiscated by the government were hidden in an old headquarters in Minneapolis.

Perry: What? They’re still being held captive?

Peter: That’s horrible! 

Monty: It is. They’re being moved tomorrow to a more secure location. If I want to free them, it has to happen tonight. I’m not a real agent. I don’t think I can do it myself. Carl could get me the information, but he’s no fighter. I need someone like you guys.

Peter: Okay. We’re in. Right, Perry?

Perry: I really want to free innocent children. However, I’m not sure how I feel about bringing a nineteen-year-old on an illegal extraction operation. Also, I promised Lawrence and Linda I’d keep an eye on the kids while they were gone.

Peter: Isn’t Candace old enough to be in charge?

Perry: I guess now that she’s home, it would probably be okay. That doesn’t solve the Monty problem.

Monty: I’m legally an adult, right? If I can join the military, I can do this.

Peter: I say we respect his autonomy, buddy.

Perry: Okay, okay. I’m in. Let’s figure this out. Peter’s a lot further away from Minnesota than we are.

Monty: Maybe for tonight, just Perry could help. It’s probably for the best if there are only a couple of us anyway. That’ll make us more inconspicuous.

Peter: Sounds good to me. I’m definitely willing to help with things in the future, though.

Monty: I’ll remember that. Perry, what’s the fastest way we can get to Minneapolis? Can we even make it in time?

Perry: Phineas and Ferb made me a pretty cool expandable rocket car. It’s pretty fast, but I don’t know if it’ll be big enough to fit us plus a bunch of baby animals.

Peter: Maybe we shouldn’t worry about that yet. I’m sure there’s somewhere you can hide them for a bit while you figure out transportation.

Perry: Fair enough. Monty, I don’t feel comfortable driving all the way to your dad’s house. Could you start walking to the Flynn-Fletcher house, and I’ll meet you on the way? I’m sure you have some way of figuring out my address.

Monty: I definitely do. Let’s go save those kids.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Perry: Linda, I’m so sorry, but I just learned that tonight is the last chance to save some babies O.W.C.A. wants to train. If I don’t leave now, they’re going to be moved, and then it’ll be a lot more dangerous to get them out.

Linda: Oh! That’s all right. You go take care of what you need to do. Just let Candace know she’s in charge.

Perry: Thank you so much for understanding, Linda. 

Linda: Sweetie, Candace is perfectly capable of watching the house for a little while. The last thing I want is some poor baby to suffer unnecessarily.

Perry: I know. Still, thanks. I’ll be home as soon as I can, but I’m not sure how long this will take.

Linda: Okay. Let me know if you’re okay as soon as you can after you’re done with the rescue, all right? I want to know you’re okay.

Perry: Yeah. I will.

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Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Montgomery Monogram

Monty: Peter, have you ever worked with Perry on a mission before? Other than the whole destroying O.W.C.A. thing, obviously.

Peter: Yeah, we’ve done stuff together. Why do you ask?

Monty: I can’t tell if he’s babying me or if this is just what he’s like.

Peter: What do you mean by that?

Monty: It’s like he doesn’t trust me or something. He gave me this piece of paper and then ran off to infiltrate the old headquarters.

Peter: What did the paper say?

Monty: That I should “rent or otherwise legally acquire a truck that would fit a bunch of animals.” There’s no way that’s the best way he could use me. It would be so much faster if we worked together to get the animals out of the building and then found a truck.

Peter: Okay. Your age might be part of it, but this is also just how Perry does things sometimes. I like to think I’ve convinced him to stop sidelining me at least, but it’s definitely infuriating when it happens.

Monty: What’s even the point, though? I could be helping him.

Peter: Perry hates the idea of letting other people put themselves in danger. He will always prefer just doing things by himself, even if it puts him at a disadvantage. 

Monty: That’s annoying.

Peter: Yep. Hey, what are you doing right now?

Monty: Currently, I’m waiting outside the headquarters in a giant delivery van.

Peter: I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but nothing’s keeping you from going in to help Perry.

Monty: Do you really think that’s a good idea?

Peter: He’ll be a little frustrated, but there’s also a chance he could really use the help.

Monty: All right. I’m going in. Talk to you when we get out.

Peter: Good luck, kid.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Montgomery Monogram

Monty: Thanks for the advice. It turns out Perry may have been O.W.C.A.’s best fighter, but that doesn’t change the fact that platypuses aren’t big enough to be great at carrying a bunch of animals.

Peter: I told you. He’d rather be inefficient than feel like he’s putting someone else in danger. Are you two okay?

Monty: Yeah. We’re loading up the last of the babies.

Peter: How are they?

Monty: I mean, they’re really scared. That’s not a surprise, but it’s so sad. They’re so young. How could anyone make them this afraid of other people?

Peter: I know. It’s horrible. There’s not much more to say about it. I had really hoped things had gotten better for the young ones, but really, nothing ever changed.

Monty: I just want to give all of them a hug, but honestly, I think that would just terrify them even more.

Peter: From experience, I can say that would definitely not be helpful at the moment. Giving them some non-alive form of comfort like a blanket probably would do some good, though.

Monty: I told Perry that. Did you know he still has his old hat? Because apparently, that’s where he stores a concerning number of blankets.

Peter: Yeah, the fedora’s kind of a necessity for interacting with Dr. D. Also, they are pretty good for storage.

Monty: Okay, Perry says we’re ready to go. He’s still got one of the babies, but this one’s being really clingy. I guess it’ll ride up front with us.

Peter: Animals aren’t ‘it,’ Monty. 

Monty: Sorry. I really am trying to get better at treating you guys as equals. I guess my dad rubbed off on me more than I realized.

Peter: I know. I only correct you because I know you want to know. I’m really glad everything seems to have gone well with this mission.

Monty: They weren’t exactly expecting the son of a former Major and a former top agent to break in and steal all the animals. But yeah. There wasn’t too much stopping us.

Peter: Fair enough. Good work, Monty. I’m really glad you’re on the animals’ side.

Monty: Thanks, Peter.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Perry: Hey, we just got done with the mission. I’m okay.

Linda: Oh, thank goodness. Did you get those babies out?

Perry: Yeah. We did. They’re shaken up but unharmed. We’re currently driving back to Danville. Since we can’t use my souped up rocket car this direction, it’ll take us at least twelve hours.

Linda: You aren’t driving, are you?

Perry: No, I’m not. Don’t worry. I’m not messaging you while operating a delivery van.

Linda: Good. What are you going to do with the animals once you get back to Danville?

Perry: I’m working on that. My friend who is driving has an idea we’re hoping pans out. If that doesn’t work, we’re not sure what we’ll do.

Linda: I wish I could offer up our house, but with the kids, I don’t want it to be connected to illegal activities.

Perry: Oh, definitely. At no point would I consider bringing a bunch of - I hate to say it like this, but it’s true - stolen government property into your house.

Linda: You aren’t going to get in trouble over this, are you? You were careful?

Perry: Yep. The first thing I did when I got inside was check to see if there were any new security cameras put in. There was one, and I deleted all its footage. Then I destroyed it later on. 

Linda: What about cameras outside?

Perry: My friend managed to rent out a very indistinct van. He covered any distinguishable features, and once we were done, we parked in a lot with a bunch of identical vehicles for a while. We took the coverings off, and we were good to go.

Linda: Are you sure that’s enough?

Perry: Don’t worry. We were so careful. I flew above where any cameras would see on the way there, and I have a pretty good idea of where security cameras tend to be. I’m pretty sure we avoided all of them.

Linda: I just don’t want anything to happen to you.

Perry: I know, but I’ve been doing this a long time. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to escape government surveillance for a mission. I know what I’m doing.

Linda: That’s good. By the way, I didn’t tell the kids what you’re doing. You can if you want, but I’ll leave that up to you.

Perry: Sounds good.

Linda: See you at home, sweetie.

Perry: Thanks, Linda.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Ferb Fletcher

Perry: Just so you know, I may have just lied to your mother. I just got done with something kind of illegal, and she really wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be caught.

Ferb: Did you not just use the surveillance interrupting device Phineas and I made you for this very purpose?

Perry: Yes, but I didn’t tell her that. I made up some stuff about avoiding cameras. To be fair, that’s what I would have done otherwise, but it’s a lot less certain than your machine.

Ferb: I suppose she wouldn’t have believed you if you had told her the truth?

Perry: Probably not, kiddo. I wanted to put her mind at ease, and telling her I used a remote built by her nine-year-old kid wasn’t going to do that.

Ferb: Fair enough. What were you doing?

Perry: Rescuing some baby animals O.W.C.A. managed to keep a hold of. According to the person helping me with this mission, we got all the ones who were left, so that’s good.

Ferb: How many were there?

Perry: Luckily, not as many as there could have been. There’s only nineteen. It looks like most of the kids were confiscated by the government early on, which I’m hoping means they’re at least not being tortured.

Ferb: I should hope that much is true. Perhaps they were put into rescue shelters?

Perry: I just asked my friend, and he said some angel managed to make that happen. In hindsight, I definitely should have paid more attention to this. The last thing I would have wanted is for these kids to go straight from battle training to being experimented on.

Ferb: Will highly-intelligent animals be okay in rescue shelters?

Perry: Kiddo, considering how highly-intelligent animals tend to be treated, this is the best we could have hoped for. With any luck, they’ll be cared for, and maybe they’ll even be able to show their owners their intelligence someday. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better than it could have been.

Ferb: I suppose. What kind of animals did you rescue?

Perry: I’m not going to list them all right now. I’ll talk to you more when I get back. Right now, I need to figure out where these babies are going.

Ferb: Fair enough. I shall talk to you later, Perry.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Carl Karl

Perry: Hey, Carl. How’s college treating you?

Carl: It’s summer now, so I don’t have any classes. With O.W.C.A. gone, I’m not nearly as busy as I’m used to.

Perry: It takes some getting used to, doesn’t it?

Carl: I suppose. You know, I completely forgot this system existed. I probably should have shut it down when we stopped using it.

Perry: It’s just as well you didn’t because this is a great way to communicate secretly.

Carl: Hang on, I did some digging, and I can’t find even a hint as to how these messages could be tracked. They’re virtually undetectable. Did you do this?

Perry: No, Ferb and Dr. D figured it out. 

Carl: What?

Perry: They also may have tinkered with the O.W.C.A. cameras so that you wouldn’t know what they were up to.

Carl: Wow. You know some very dangerous people, Agent P.

Perry: It’s just Perry, and my kids aren’t dangerous. They’re smart.

Carl: All right. Look, I know things got really crazy in the last days of O.W.C.A., but I really want you to know I tried to stop them from taking your family. I tried to stop a lot of things like that, actually. It’s just, well, you know how much my opinion was valued there.

Perry: I know. I don’t blame you. In some ways, you were just as trapped as the rest of us. Monty told me you’re on the same side we are. That’s actually why I’m messaging you.

Carl: Hold on, did he tell you about the baby animals I found out about? Because I know there’s not a good way to save them. I just couldn’t keep something like that quiet.

Perry: Did he not tell you what we were doing? Carl, we got them out. 

Carl: What? How did you get there so quickly?

Perry: I've got a pretty cool rocket car.

Carl: But what about the security cameras and stuff? There’s no way I could’ve dealt with them.

Perry: My boys made me a few devices that disrupt security devices and feed them completely normal activity. They make the user functionally invisible.

Carl: Oh man. That’s crazy. So now you’ve got all the recruits free?

Perry: Don’t call them recruits, Carl. They were born into this. Nobody recruited them to do anything.

Carl: Right. So are all the genetically engineered animals free?

Perry: That’s slightly better I guess. Yes, they’re free. Monty and I are about a quarter of the way home. We’re taking a slightly out of the way route out of an abundance of caution. We don’t want anyone driving by to recognize us and wonder why we’re driving home from Minnesota.

Carl: That makes sense.

Perry: Anyway, Monty said you might know of a good home for these little guys.

Carl: As a matter of fact, I do. When I was working as the face of the O.W.C.A. Animal Rescue Center, I heard a lot about other animal shelters. One of them had somehow come across a bunch of intelligent animals. I don’t know whether they were O.W.C.A. animals or not.

Perry: It’s possible that some of them were.

Carl: Yeah. Anyway, this shelter ended up creating a sort of counseling program that’s pretty much exactly what you’d want for traumatized humans. They do their best to help the animals recover and have happy, fulfilling lives.

Perry: Really? That’s incredible. Where is this place?

Carl: San Diego, actually. 

Perry: That’s where you’re from, right? You’re from Chula Vista?

Carl: Yeah.

Perry: So if you were to drive the animals down there, nobody would have any reason to think you weren’t just visiting family?

Carl: Well, yeah. I could do that. Do you think I could do that?

Perry: I know you could. I can give you one of my security disruption devices if it would help. If you were willing, that sounds perfect.

Carl: Well, all right. I’ll do it.

Perry: Thank you Carl. It might be good to not let anyone know that an animal shelter practically built for former O.W.C.A. kids suddenly acquired nineteen new animals. Is there a way to let them know that?

Carl: I think so. I’ll work on that. Then the shelter will know what to expect too.

Perry: That would be awesome, Carl. Thanks.

Carl: No problem, Agent P.

Carl: Perry. Sorry.

Perry: No worries. Is it okay if we drop the babies off with you when we get to Danville? Again, these disruptors will prevent anyone from knowing what we’re doing.

Carl: Well, I’m not sure I’m qualified to receive a bunch of children who are all very scared. I can definitely drive them somewhere, but I don’t know if I feel comfortable taking care of them for too long.

Perry: That’s completely understandable. I have an idea. Can I include someone new in the conversation?

Carl: If you think it’ll help.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and Carl Karl

Perry: Hey, Dr. D, just out of curiosity, how would you react to me and Vanessa’s boyfriend dropping off nineteen pretty scared and traumatized baby animals at your place?

Carl: Hang on, you think Doofenshmirtz would be a good person to ask for help with this?

Dr. D: I’m right here, you know.

Perry: Carl, Dr. D is actually really good at this sort of thing. He can take care of animals, and there’s something about him that’s really reassuring and safe.

Carl: How can you know that?

Perry: I’m speaking from personal experience. I know.

Dr. D: Oh, Perry the Platypus! You’re so sweet. But what exactly are you doing with a bunch of baby animals?

Perry: Monty and I saved them from O.W.C.A. Carl, Dr. D is a wonderful person who has done enough research on trauma to know how to help. Okay?

Carl: Yeah, all right.

Dr. D: So you’re bringing me some babies, but what’s the plan then? It’s not that I don’t want to take care of them all for as long as you need. I just don’t know if one person can do that well, you know? I won’t be able to individualize my approach with that many animals.

Perry: It’s not permanent. It’s literally just until Carl is able to drive them to California. When would that be, Carl?

Carl: Honestly, I don’t have much going on. I think it would be less suspicious if you gave me a few days to message my family and research driving directions. You know, to make this look less sudden if anyone’s watching.

Perry: That sounds reasonable. What do you think, Dr. D? Can you handle two or three days? I can come over to help out too. So far, only one of the babies trusts me, but there still has to be something I can do.

Dr. D: Oh, don’t worry, Perry the Platypus. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Remember what you used to be like? Anyway, I can definitely do a few days. Bring them over!

Perry: Thank you so much, Dr. D. You’re a lifesaver.

Carl: Okay. This sounds like a plan that could actually work. Perry, thank you so much. I didn’t think it would be possible to figure out how to help in time. Tell that to Monty too for me.

Perry: Will do. I’ll tell him and then convince him to let me drive for a little while. He looks exhausted.

Dr. D: Don’t try to drive if you’re sleepy too, Perry the Platypus! Driving tired can be seriously dangerous.

Perry: I’m aware. We’re being careful.

Dr. D: Do you really expect me to believe that? I know you, Perry the Platypus.

Perry: I’m setting a good example for the college student. Don’t worry about it.

Dr. D: Anyway, let me know when you’re getting close. The pet stores should be open by now, so I can get some pet supplies. Will I need anything unusual?

Perry: Maybe stuff for reptiles. There’s a snake and some kind of lizard. There’s mammals too, so stuff for cats and dogs would be good too.

Dr. D: Any birds?

Perry: No.

Dr. D: Awesome. I’m off then. Drive safe, Perry the Platypus!

Carl: I guess I should go too. Bye, Perry.

Perry: Goodbye, Carl.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: Hey, I just realized I never told you Monty and I finished rescuing the kids.

Peter: Don’t worry. Monty let me know.

Perry: Well, that’s good. I was so busy trying to figure out the logistics of everything that it completely slipped my mind that I hadn’t let you know.

Peter: Hey, it’s okay. I get it. Where are you guys now?

Perry: We’re about eight hours away. I tried driving for a while with a jury-rigged system to help me reach the pedals. It was going fine, but this baby really didn’t want to let me do that. Now we’re just pulled over for a bit so that Monty can sleep.

Peter: Which baby? Are they the one Monty said was being clingy?

Perry: Yeah. I don’t know what species she is, actually. Do you know? I’ve tried looking it up, but I guess I’m not being specific enough because all I’m finding is stuff on hedgehogs. This is not a hedgehog.

Perry: unknownSpecies,jpg

Peter: Well, she’s not a hedgehog, but she sure is spiny. I have no idea what she is. She seems to like you, though.

Perry: Yeah, she didn’t want to go with the other babies for whatever reason. It’s weird because the others were pretty wary of the strange adult platypus putting them into a truck. She really wants to cuddle, though.

Peter: She does, doesn’t she? Did she fall asleep with you holding her?

Perry: Yeah. Actually, something kind of unnerving’s been going on with her.

Peter: What?

Perry: I think we might speak the same language or at least different dialects of the same language. Language probably isn’t the right word, but I can’t think of a better one.

Peter: What makes you think that?

Perry: Earlier, back when she was still scared, the sound she was making sounded exactly like one I can make. I guess it can be described as ‘no,’ but it’s a little more nuanced than that. It’s like having a single word to convey, ‘no, I’m really overwhelmed, stop.’

Peter: Could it just be that one sound that’s the same?

Perry: I don’t think so. I told her something that roughly translates to ‘Hey, it’s okay. I’m here to protect you,’ and I’m pretty sure that’s what made her calm down. 

Peter: Well, she definitely doesn’t look like you. I wonder why you understand each other.

Perry: There has to be someone who would know, right?

Peter: Dr. D? Maybe?

Perry: It’s worth a shot. I’ll try that.

Peter: Don’t you want to get some sleep?

Perry: I’m fine. I kind of like just watching her sleep. She’s so peaceful right now.

Peter: Yeah, all right. You do that, I guess. Good luck on your search for answers.

Perry: Thanks, Peter.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Perry: Do you have a clever way of figuring out what species this is?

Perry: unknownSpecies,jpg

Dr. D: Perry the Platypus, you rescued an echidna?

Perry: Apparently. What is an echidna?

Dr. D: I found out about them when I was researching platypuses recently. You know how I may have said platypuses are the only mammals to lay eggs?

Perry: Lots of people say that actually.

Dr. D: Well, it turns out, echidnas also lay eggs! They’re monotremes too! They’re like your cousin or something! Like humans and chimpanzees!

Perry: That might explain something. I think I can understand her. If we’re decently closely related, maybe our natural languages are close.

Dr. D: Hang on, I’m gonna look up some more echidna facts.

Perry: Okay.

Dr. D: Echidnas eat ants and termites, and they live on land. That’s different from you, but apparently, their ancestors were semi-aquatic. They can swim really well too. Did you know echidnas also have electrosensors for finding prey? Not as many as you do, but it’s still cool.

Perry: That is kind of cool. 

Dr. D: It also looks like echidnas are not venomous. Males have nonvenomous spurs, which are probably just an evolutionary holdover - like tail bones in humans! Anyway, if this one’s a girl, that probably doesn’t matter.

Perry: It’s still good to know. 

Dr. D: I think this one is a short-beaked echidna. They grow to be a little bit bigger than a platypus.

Perry: All right. I think that’s enough facts. You’ve answered all of my questions for now.

Dr. D: Are those spines uncomfortable to hold? They look sharp.

Perry: They’re kind of soft, which is probably because she’s so young. Also, they all face the same way, so even if they were hard, it’s not too hard to hold her the right way to not get poked.

Dr. D: Well, she looks like a sweetheart. Does she have a name?

Perry: Probably not. O.W.C.A. didn’t exactly give any of us names before we were assigned host families.

Dr. D: Seriously? That’s awful! At least my parents gave me a name. I’ll have to come up with some good names for these guys.

Perry: You’ll be good at that.

Dr. D: Really? Thank you so much, Perry the Platypus!

Perry: Oh, I think the echidna’s waking up. I’m going to make sure she’s all right.

Dr. D: Yeah, you do that. Feel free to give her a name if you want. After all, you’re probably the closest relative she’s ever met.

Perry: I’ll think about it.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Montgomery Monogram

Monty: Peter?

Peter: Oh, hey, Monty. How’s it going?

Monty: We’re stopping for gas. I have another Perry related question.

Peter: What is it?

Monty: Is it normal for him to be really chatty?

Peter: No.

Monty: Wow, okay.

Peter: He can’t talk. What do you mean by chatty?

Monty: Oh, I just meant his platypus noise. He’s always pretty quiet around me, but I wasn’t sure if that was because of my dad. Now he’s making his little chittering sound a lot.

Peter: That’s very unusual behavior for him. Perry’s pretty quiet. I mean, what’s even the point of him making a bunch of noise if nobody else speaks platypus?

Monty: That might actually explain it.

Peter: What, nobody understands platypus speech?

Monty: Exactly. He’s talking to the echidna.

Peter: Is the echidna the animal he was asking me about earlier?

Monty: Yes. Apparently, they’re related to platypuses.

Peter: Huh. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.

Monty: It’s kind of cute. I don’t speak platypus or echidna, but I think I have a general idea of what’s going on. The echidna’s really anxious about everything, but she trusts Perry. Perry’s comforting her. 

Peter: That’s sweet. Perry’s good with kids.

Monty: I can see that. Most of the other animals are asleep, which is probably for the best, but I’m glad Perry can make this little one feel safe.

Peter: Yeah. Me too. Hey, what’s going to happen to them?

Monty: Carl knows this animal shelter in California that will take care of them really well. It’ll treat them like humans. He’s going to take them there.

Peter: That’s awesome, Monty.

Monty: It really is. We’re all set to go. Talk to you later, Peter.

Peter: Bye, Monty.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Perry: we’re getting prettily close

Dr. D: Perry the Platypus it’s nearly eleven at night. Have you slept at all since yesterday morning?

Perry: i didnt want lizbeth to wake up and need me

Dr. D: Does lizbeth mean lizard or Elizabeth?

Perry: the name one

Dr. D: Well, if Monty’s dropping the animals off at my place, you’re gonna stay here too and get some sleep.

Perry: kidsathome

Dr. D: They’re asleep, Perry the Platypus. I don’t want you going any further than necessary before sleeping. I’ll let them know you’re back, don’t worry.

Perry: fine

Direct Messages between Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Dr. D: Linda, I have your platypus. He’s in one piece, but he’s very tired. I made him stay here to rest.

Linda: All right. Thank you, Heinz. I’m glad to hear he’s all right. Your building will be a quieter place to sleep than our house in the morning, I’m sure.

Dr. D: Well, there’s a bunch of baby animals here now, so we’ll see. They’re in a separate room, though, and I don’t see why they’d bother Perry the Platypus.

Linda: Oh, you’re taking care of them all? That’s a big job.

Dr. D: It’s temporary, don’t you worry. My daughter’s boyfriend told me about this amazing place they’re going to get the animals to. It’s the perfect place for them.

Linda: I’m so glad. They deserve to live somewhere nice.

Dr. D: Yes. Yes, they do.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus, Ferb Fletcher, Phineas Flynn, and Candace Flynn

Phineas: Perry! Ferb said you rescued a bunch of baby animals! Can we meet them?

Perry: I don’t know, kiddo. They’ve spent their whole lives up to this point with O.W.C.A. They’ve all been hurt and neglected. I’m pretty sure they’re afraid of all people. That includes me and Dr. D.

Phineas: Really? There has to be something we could do. Maybe they’d like a machine that can read them stories?

Candace: They’re living creatures, Phineas! They need actual care from, like, a parent. Not some dumb robot.

Perry: I would have used softer language, but your sister is right, Phineas. The problem is, they don’t believe anyone would want to care for them.

Ferb: Would exposure therapy be helpful? If we all sat quietly, perhaps the babies would see we aren’t dangerous.

Perry: I suppose that’s not a horrible idea, but we’d have to really be careful not to overwhelm them.

Candace: You sure you want these two twerps around?

Perry: Candace, be nice. I’m sure that even if it turns out the babies need to be by themselves, Dr. D will have something they can help with.

Phineas: Okay! Can we come over then?

Perry: Sure. I need you guys to be quiet and calm. No sudden movements, all right?

Phineas: You got it!

Perry: Are all three of you coming? Candace?

Candace: Yeah, I’ll come over.

Perry: You know Vanessa’s with her mom?

Candace: Yep. I just want to see these babies.

Perry: Fair enough. See you guys in a bit.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Peter: How are the kids doing?

Perry: Not horribly. My kids are currently sitting quietly in the room with almost all the animals.

Peter: How’s that going?

Perry: I think it’s pretty neutral. The babies are a little wary of them but not terrified.

Peter: What are you up to?

Perry: I’ve been hanging out with Elizabeth. She hasn’t wanted to leave my side.

Peter: Elizabeth?

Perry: I gave the echidna a name.

Peter: You could have given her a non-alliterative name, you know.

Perry: I know , but it suits her so well. Besides, she can go by Lizzie if she doesn’t want to be alliterative.

Peter: I suppose. How’s she doing?

Perry: She’s actually doing pretty well. She’s opening up, and she’s talking to me even more.

Peter: That’s cool. Can you tell how far in training she got?

Perry: Pretty far. She hasn’t told me much, but I’m pretty sure she described something about guns to me.

Peter: Oh man. Sometimes I forget just how young we were when we finished basic training.

Perry: I’ve been explaining to her that what happened to her wasn’t okay. She’s still struggling, obviously, but I think she believes me.

Peter: That’s good. You’re setting her up really well for when she goes to that animal shelter Carl knows about.

Perry: Yeah. Right. She’ll do well there. That’ll be good.

Peter: Is there a plan in place for transporting the animals?

Perry: Carl has a minivan, which will be a tight fit for the animals, but doable. He’s going to drive them all down there tomorrow afternoon. 

Peter: I’m so glad they’re going to find a good home. 

Perry: Me too. Carl’s a miracle worker sometimes. I don’t know what he’s going to do now that O.W.C.A.’s gone, but honestly, he could probably do well anywhere.

Peter: How’s Dr. D’s animal agency plan going? Maybe Carl could help with that.

Perry: That’s not a bad idea. Dr. D’s stuck on funding, which is a sizable problem, but if he manages to figure that out, he’s actually got a pretty sturdy plan for how to go about it.

Peter: That plan does not involve children, does it?

Perry: He’s considering going to my kids for advisory purposes, but no. There’s not going to be any actual agent training for children. 

Peter: Good. Well, it sounds like everything’s going pretty well.

Perry: It is. Sorry, Elizabeth really wants to tell me something. I’m going to have to go now.

Peter: Sure. Have fun.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Perry: Linda, the kids are coming home now. I’m going to stay here for the night to help with the babies.

Linda: All right, Perry. That’s fine. How are the little ones?

Perry: Still very scared.

Linda: Will they be okay to get back into a vehicle so soon?

Perry: Yeah. O.W.C.A. training focuses on obedience. They’ll do whatever we tell them to do; they just might be terrified by it. It’s horrible, but at least they’re not going to hurt themselves trying to escape.

Linda: The poor things. We’ll see you tomorrow, won’t we?

Perry: Yeah. The babies will be gone by nighttime.

Linda: Okay. It’ll be good to see you again.

Perry: It will be. See you then, Linda.

Linda: Of course.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Candace Flynn

Candace: So… what’s with you and the hedgehog?

Perry: She’s an echidna, Candace. Her name is Elizabeth.

Candace: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m just saying you spent, like, all of your time with her today.

Perry: I checked on the other babies.

Candace: Yeah, and then you went straight back to her.

Perry: Well, I make the other babies nervous, and she actually feels calmer with me around. Why wouldn’t I want to spend most of my time with her?

Candace: I guess that makes sense. Why did you hide in a cabinet with her?

Perry: That’s actually a really good question. It kind of just felt right, I guess. I don’t know if there was any conscious thought involved. Elizabeth’s a baby, so she needed to be somewhere dark and enclosed.

Candace: What, do platypuses hide their babies in cabinets?

Perry: They have burrows, but the idea’s the same.

Candace: I wonder if it’s the same for echidnas.

Perry: I don’t know, but I just realized something.

Candace: What?

Perry: I was acting on instinct today. I went in the cabinet with Elizabeth because that’s what my instinct told me I should do with a baby I was protecting. 

Candace: Are platypus guys the ones who raise babies?

Perry: No, but honestly, I’m not surprised I’ve got a female parental instinct. I mean, I can lay eggs.

Candace: Oh, right. You know, I was never quite clear about why Phineas and Ferb thought that. Are you trans?

Perry: Intersex, but that’s not the point. At no point did I ask myself why I was going into a cabinet with a baby. I just did it. That’s actually kind of scary.

Candace: Why?

Perry: I didn’t do that with any of the other babies. Elizabeth was the only one who activated that paternal part of me. Why would that happen?

Candace: Because you’ve spent a lot of time with her? Maybe you’re bonding with her.

Perry: I can’t bond with her! I have to send her off with Carl tomorrow!

Candace: I don’t know. It sounds like you’re pretty bonded to me if she’s activating your wild animal side. 

Perry: Candace, you’re not helping. I don’t want to bond with someone I’m not going to see after tomorrow. There is no positive outcome of that.

Candace: What do you want me to do? I don’t know how to un bond with someone.

Perry: I know. I guess I just need to do some thinking. 

Candace: Yeah. You do that.

Perry: I need to give Elizabeth a bath first, though. I think she’d like that. She was really excited about the sink earlier, and who knows who last made sure she was clean. I could put bubbles in. The boys always liked that when they were younger.

Candace: Oh, you definitely aren’t too attached. Practically indifferent.

Perry: I just want her to have a pleasant experience! What’s wrong with that?

Candace: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. See you tomorrow, Perry.

Perry: Yeah. See you tomorrow, Candace.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: Peter, I’m in so much trouble.

Peter: Why?

Perry: Elizabeth just told me something.

Peter: What?

Perry: Actually, this is going to be hard to explain. I have no idea what it would be in English.

Peter: Just give it your best shot.

Perry: Well, she called me something. It kind of means ‘safe,’ but it’s also something like ‘protector’ and  ‘constant.’ It’s not something you’d call very many people. It’s almost like saying someone holds a very unique, important place in your life.

Peter: That sounds a lot like family.

Perry: It kind of is, but it’s not quite that because platypuses don’t really have a super strong concept of family. I guess maybe echidnas do, but I doubt it. Maybe it’s more like ‘caregiver’?

Peter: Hold on. Perry, is she viewing you as a parent? 

Perry: Yes. And it felt so right.

Peter: She has to leave today, right? She’s never going to see you again.

Perry: I know! You don’t have to tell me that! She’s leaving, and I’ve gotten attached when I knew that was a bad idea. I didn’t think I could get so attached in just a couple days. And now she’s attached too.

Peter: I thought you didn’t want to be a parent.

Perry: Well, apparently, that doesn’t matter to my stupid emotions. All I know is that Elizabeth isn’t going to want to leave, and when she does, it’s going to break my heart.

Peter: Oh, buddy. She’ll be taken care of, you know. 

Perry: I want to be the one to take care of her. I want to teach her things and help her and make her feel like the most important girl in the world.

Peter: I feel like two days is a really short amount of time to decide you want to be a parent.

Perry: You’re telling me. Peter, am I an exceptionally impulsive person?

Peter: Fair enough. So you really want her to stay?

Perry: What I want doesn’t matter.

Peter: I’m not sure that’s entirely true. I mean, I personally would not recommend dropping everything to adopt an echidna, but if that’s really what you want, surely there’s a way.

Perry: Linda doesn’t want illegal animals in her house.

Peter: Couldn’t this just be an entirely separate echidna from the one who went missing several hundred miles away? She won’t be with the others. That has to divert some suspicion, right?

Perry: Peter, neither of us knew what an echidna was until this week. How many of them do you think are just floating around out there?

Peter: I don’t know.

Perry: Look, I didn’t message you for this. I know there’s no way to keep her in Danville. I just don’t know how to deal with that. I mean, she’s smiling up at me right now. She’s smiling ! I can count on my paws the number of times I smiled when I was her age.

Peter: Can you answer one question for me?

Perry: I guess.

Peter: If there were no obstacles preventing it, would you adopt her?

Perry: In an instant, but that’s not the point. There are obstacles. Insurmountable ones.

Peter: I need to check something. Give me a minute.

Perry: Peter, what are you up to?

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda, Ferb Fletcher, Phineas Flynn, and Candace Flynn

Peter: Why, hello, kids. I have a very important question for you all.

Phineas: What is it? Do you need construction advice?

Peter: Not exactly. How would you feel about adding a new member to your family?

Ferb: I don’t think our parents want any more children.

Candace: He’s not talking about them . It’s that echidna, right?

Peter: Yep. 

Phineas: You mean like another pet? That would be awesome!

Peter: Well, as much of a pet as Perry is, I suppose.

Ferb: I would support that.

Candace: Me too. Seriously, Perry’s absolutely crazy about this kid.

Peter: So I’ve heard. The thing is, he doesn’t think your mom would be okay with it.

Phineas: Why not? Mom loves Perry, and an echidna has to be pretty similar to a platypus.

Ferb: Mum is quite concerned about safety, though.

Phineas: What’s dangerous about an echidna?

Peter: She’s technically stolen from a governmental organization. It was illegal for her to be there, but she wasn’t exactly freed using the “appropriate methods.”

Phineas: Well, that’s just sad.

Candace: Come on. You know these two can build anything. I’m sure they could come up with something to keep her safe.

Phineas: Yeah! We already made sure nobody can spy on us in our house. I’m sure we could make a microchip for her that would disrupt cameras too.

Ferb: It’s certainly doable. The question is if it will be convincing enough for Mum.

Phineas: Why wouldn’t it be?

Candace: You’re ridiculous, Phineas.

Phineas: Why?

Peter: Guys, I just need your answer. Are you confident you can figure out a way to reassure your mom? I need to get back to Perry.

Candace: We’ll convince her, Peter. That echidna’s moving in.

Ferb: Strong words coming from someone who initially hated the idea of adopting a platypus.

Candace: Look, you’ve got to admit, Perry has some endearing qualities. If he wants to be a dad, who am I to stop him?

Peter: Awesome. Thanks so much, you guys.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Peter: Your kids say they can convince Linda to let Elizabeth live with you.

Perry: Peter, why would you do that? Of course they said they would convince her. They’re kids. Baby animals excite them. Now you’ve got their hopes up, and they’ll be disappointed when it inevitably doesn’t work out.

Peter: Buddy, they’re smart kids. They can do this.

Perry: They’re still kids who can get ahead of themselves.

Peter: Or maybe they can help you keep this baby.

Perry: Peter, I’m trying to get ready to say goodbye. I don’t need this.

Peter: Why can’t you just let yourself believe there’s a chance you won’t have to say goodbye?

Perry: Because that’ll just make it hurt more.

Peter: Okay. Look, I have faith in your kids. They’re going to figure this out. Until then, hang out with Elizabeth, all right?

Perry: Yeah. All right. Maybe I’ll try to read her one of Dr. D’s old kids’ books. It’ll be hard to translate, but I bet I can figure it out.

Peter: That sounds perfect.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Linda: Perry, can I talk to you?

Perry: Linda, I’m so sorry about the kids. I didn’t mean to get them involved. I know that I can’t bring an illegally acquired child into your house, and I’ve accepted that.

Linda: Hold on, sweetie. Don’t assume my answer’s going to be no. There’s certainly no harm in asking me something. However, I don’t appreciate it when my kids use middlemen instead of coming to me directly. Is there something you want to ask me directly?

Perry: Well, one of the baby animals from O.W.C.A. is an echidna. I named her Elizabeth. I’ve been talking to her. I can actually talk to her and understand her responses, which is kind of new to me. She’s really sweet, and she’s already starting to think of me as a sort of parent.

Linda: That sounds lovely, Perry. Do you have something you’d like to happen with her?

Perry: Well, I kind of was wondering if there’s any way - and it’s totally okay if the answer’s no - but if there’s any chance I could maybe raise her as a parent in any capacity, that would be amazing. Again, there’s no pressure at all on you. I understand if it won’t work.

Linda: Sweetie, I know I said I didn’t want to involve the kids in illegal activities, but surely there’s a way to be certain this won’t end up hurting the family. You’re a secret agent, and it’s not like we’ll be housing a herd of animals. I think we can make it work.

Perry: Really?

Linda: Really. You care a lot about Elizabeth, right?

Perry: Yeah. I think it must be at least partly based in instinct, though. I haven’t known her for very long.

Linda: Perry, I knew I wanted to be Ferb’s mother the day I met him. Don’t disregard your instincts. They’re right a lot of the time.

Perry: Linda, are you sure about this? I really don’t want to force you into something you aren’t comfortable with.

Linda: I’m completely certain. Are you?

Perry: Yes. I want to raise Elizabeth. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.

Linda: Then I look forward to meeting her tonight.

Perry: Thank you so much, Linda. I’ll make sure you won’t regret this.

Linda: Don’t worry, Perry. I won’t.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: Thank you so much, Peter! You’re the best friend ever, and I never should have doubted you.

Peter: You’re welcome, Perry. Can I say I told you so?

Perry: Yes. You did tell me so, and you were right. Elizabeth’s coming home with me!

Peter: I’m so glad. I’ll have to come meet her sometime soon. Is that okay?

Perry: I’d really like that a lot.

Peter: Great. This is a big change. How are you feeling?

Perry: Happy. 

Peter: How’s Elizabeth responding to the news?

Perry: I think she kind of just assumed I’d be the one to take care of her.

Peter: Well, I’m glad this worked out then. What have you two been up to?

Perry: She really likes this book Dr. D has about animals wearing colorful clothes. It’s hard to figure out how to convey the idea of colors, but she doesn’t mind. Dr. D said I could bring it home with me, but I think I’ll keep it here so there’s something exciting for her when we visit him.

Peter: That’s a good idea. I’m sure you’ve got books at home anyway.

Perry: Yeah. There’s a ton in the attic.

Peter: Cool. So you’re doing all right?

Perry: Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be a time in the very near future where I’ll get anxious about this, but for right now, I’m just so grateful. This is definitely the right choice.

Peter: I believe you. If you want help, I’m very bad with kids, but I’m happy to lend you an ear if you need it. Also, if you do need help with the baby, I’m here.

Perry: Thanks, Peter.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Stacy Hirano

Stacy: Perry!!! Can I come over to meet the baby tomorrow?

Perry: Maybe. She’s still getting used to the Flynn-Fletchers. They’re trying to give her space, but they want to see her. It might be good to give her a few days to adjust.

Stacy: Fine. Let me know as soon as I can see her, okay?

Perry: Of course.

Stacy: So you’re a dad now?

Perry: Yeah. I hope I’ll be a good one.

Stacy: You definitely will be. You’ve helped so many of the neighborhood kids, and you’re so good at showing you care. You’ll be the best dad.

Perry: Will that really transfer over to parenting?

Stacy: Come on. You’re going to do great. You care about doing well, and I’m pretty sure that’s a big part of this parenting thing. You are so much better than so many parents I’ve met. Between you and me, some of them are crazy.

Perry: I’ll take your word for it.

Stacy: Also, if you ever need a babysitter, you know who to call.

Perry: Thanks, Stacy. I’m sure I’ll need to take you up on that eventually. Hopefully not for a bit, though. Elizabeth could use some consistency.

Stacy: Sure. I mean, I’m sure Dr. D and your family would be happy to babysit too, but remember me too, all right?

Perry: I will. Don’t worry about that.

Stacy: Do the other neighborhood kids know yet?

Perry: No, I told Candace she could tell you, but I asked the boys to hold off for a bit. I can only take so many messages at one time. Also, you understand boundaries better than some of the younger kids.

Stacy: Fair enough. Anyway, congratulations!

Perry: Thanks, Stacy. I’m really happy.

Stacy: Of course you are! This is really awesome news, Perry, and I’m so happy for you!

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Pinky the Chihuahua

Pinky: Perry, I happened to look outside today, and I saw a baby animal, whom I’m fairly certain is of above average intelligence, entering your house. I’m not sure how you would legally acquire someone like that.

Perry: Get to the point, Pinky.

Pinky: What’s stopping me from finding someone like Monogram and telling them about this animal? 

Perry: Simple. If you do that, I will tell Isabella your secret before you have time to blink. 

Pinky: Who’s to say I care about that more than justice?

Perry: I’m taking care of a small animal. Is tattling about that really worth the risk to you?

Pinky: You’re infuriating sometimes.

Perry: Because I’m logical?

Pinky: Whatever. I guess your secret’s safe. Just don’t try to get me involved in your shenanigans.

Perry: At no point in my life have I even considered it.

Pinky: Good. Then this conversation is done.

Perry: Wonderful.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda, Perry the Platypus, Montgomery Monogram, and Carl Karl

Carl: Guys, I got the animals to San Diego. They’re all going to be well taken care of.

Peter: Yes! That’s awesome!

Perry: Thanks for doing that Carl.

Carl: No problem! You guys did the hard part. This was the least I could do.

Monty: Perry, I heard one of them didn’t go to California. How’s she doing?

Perry: Really well, all things considered. I think my sleep schedule’s going to be pretty erratic, but you can’t say I’m not used to it.

Peter: Can you not just have enough time to sleep and be happy with that? Seriously, is that too much to ask?

Perry: Well, Elizabeth does sleep quite a bit. It’s just at weird times. I’ll get used to it. It helps that every single member of my family is excited to help.

Monty: Yeah, it’s great that they can know now. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that when O.W.C.A. went down.

Perry: I’m sure there were a lot more important things on your mind.

Carl: Perry, I did some digging. O.W.C.A. only had one young echidna agent in training, so I was able to see exactly what they did to her. Has she told you much?

Perry: No. I speak her language, but she is a child. Her range of expression isn’t huge. Also, I don’t think she’d want to talk about her traumatic past. I wouldn’t want to make her do that either. All I know is that she’s seen guns before. Or at least, I think that’s what she was saying.

Carl: Yeah, that’s true. I’ll send you her file. She didn’t get as far as some of the kids, but she’s still seen some things.

Perry: Thanks, Carl. That would be great. For now, I think it’s best if I just make sure she knows she’s safe now . We can talk about what she went through when she’s ready, which might not be for a while.

Peter: It took you six years to be ready to talk about it.

Perry: Hopefully, we can have age appropriate discussions multiple times instead of suppressing her trauma until it gets too big to handle.

Peter: Oh, definitely. I’m just saying it’s a lot to deal with.

Monty: Well, if you ever need help, I hope you know you can message me. Or Carl. Right, Carl?

Carl: Sure! I’m not sure what exactly I could do for you that you don’t already have someone for, but yeah. I’m willing.

Perry: Thanks, you guys. I’ve really got the best support network a platypus could ask for.

Peter: And everybody wants the best for you and Elizabeth.

Carl: Except for Monty’s dad.

Monty: Yeah. Don’t ask my dad for help.

Perry: I wasn’t planning on it, but thank you for the advice.

Peter: See? They’re already looking out for you.

Perry: Yes. Yes, they are.