Archive of Our Own ^beta

Avidius does not exist, rather, he's not like the rest of the people on Solaris-3. Instead, he's a manifestation, some sort of creation that should not be walking around in the first place. He does not know his creator, he wishes he did but the ending is all the same. Now, now he doesn't know what to do with himself.

He's a pawn first, anything else second.

What he doesn't expect, is for Rover to find him during the celebrations after The Hunt, after their supposed victory. There's talk that he's found the moon-girl that he was previously talking about and all Avidius can think is: 'Good for him.' It still doesn't explain why Rover is here, now, in front of him as if a stare down is going to get either of them to talk.

"You look terrible," Rover eventually says, breaking the silence. "Maybe I should have stayed longer."

Avidius snorts. "Shouldn't you be off with your girlfriend or something?" He doesn't want to talk actually, not to him of all people.

The look on the other resonator is as if he dumped a bucket of water over him. "I like helping people," Rover answers instead. "I didn't want her story to end that way or yours to end like this either."

"It's not like you know my creator, or give a shit."

"I don't think that matters, Avidius. We fought together and you helped me find the way to the Hunt in the first place."

A beat hangs between them. Part of Avidius wishes he could give Rover the benefit of the doubt, he still has those petals the other man has given him in the underground of the temple. After all, the petals still sit heavy in his pocket, a sign that he's still here despite everything. His creator may have never given a fuck about what he does next but then what? What's he supposed to do next?

"You're still you," Rover argues, conviction in every word as if he truly believes every word that he says. "It doesn't matter who made you, just like how who your parents are doesn't determine who you can be. After all, people here still care about you, right?"

I still care about you, Avidius hears despite the silence. It sits wrong in his mind. "Why? Why would they— or you care?"

The other resonator groans, running his gloved hands through his hair as if this conversation is driving him mad to some extent. As if Avidius can't see the vision— except he can see the vision, he simply doesn't understand why it also applies to him. He doesn't exist, not really, so what's the point? For all he knows, he can be erased by his creator and no one would miss him.

And then Rover grabs his hands with his own very warm hands. Avidius blinks and Rover's only continues to talk as if it's the last thing he can do. This does not mean that he understands the other resonator at all.

"You told me that it's the memories that others have of you that anchor you, that existence is anchored by that very fact," Rover continues. "It's the connections you've made with the people. Every single one of them— like maybe that bartender that you tip extra for listening to your woes, the blacksmith that sharpens your weapons and that noble you keep on turning their bribes. Aren't those connections? People who would wonder what would happen to you?"

Except how many of those people would actually care? Or would question where he would have gone should his creator wipe him away from his page because Avidius is no longer entertaining. It's not something he likes to think much about.

"And you're the person who made sure I didn't get lost when trying to find the way to the Hunt. A guide that I never asked for. You didn't have to do that. Nor did you have to help Augusta when against that tacet discord. To everyone, to anyone you've talked to, you exist as much as anyone else here. And you can always choose how your story continues because it's your life."

Avidius doesn't know what to think as Rover looks at him like that, as if he's as human as the forgotten moon priestess. Another part of him wonders how Rover can just say stuff like this that he belives with his whole chest without any hesitation because to him, every life is worth saving, worth helping no matter what.

"I suppose," he answers weakly. Rather, he has no idea how to respond to something like that. "I suppose you may have a point."

The other resonator's sigh of relief is surprising as if he was worried that something would have happened to him had this conversation not happened. "You should celebrate with us," Rover remarks, offering a glass of wine. "After all, everyone contributed to the Hunt and I'm sure more than a few people would love to talk to you about your exploits."

Then as if right on cue, there's other gladiators waving at the two of them with their eyes sparkling as if the word had finally gotten around.

"Do you two have room for more company?" one of them asks with one of those grins that Avidius has seen so much from the Hunters who have survived their first Hunt. "We saw what you did back there— Avidius, was it? Neither of us has seen a resonator fight exactly like that."

"You mean reckless? That's what I've been hearing it quite a bit these days."

"We prefer calling it calculated recklessness to take down that hoard of Tacet Discords," the other answers all conspiratorily.

"I see," he replies. "Though I think you're better off asking my friend here about what actually played out." Except when he turns around, Rover's gone.

It takes him another three days to track down Rover again after everything practically bullying one of the local tacet discords in the Plateaus like a cat playing with its food. Part of him wonders if the conversation that he's had with Rover is exactly why everyone is willing to listen to him, willing to give him the world because he's able to inspire people.

After all, it's a trait that few people possess.

(Avidius supposes he too would do anything for Rover as well, provided that he asked or said so. It's the least he can offer after the whole conversation. He doesn't need to know his creator, who they are doesn't matter, from this day onwards he'll do his best to walk his own path.

Except he doesn't know how to thank Rover, to thank him for screwing his head on straight after everything.)

"And here I thought that you would have taken off again," Avidius calls just as the Tacet Discord falls. He can already see the grin spreading on Rover's face without the two of them looking eye to eye.

"I still have business here to finish," Rover replies easily, sheathing his blade. For a moment Avidius has the stray thought that he would give anything to try and spar against him even if it meant losing horribly. "There's still loose threads I need to tie up here in Rinascita."

Then:

"Did you think about what I said to you the other day?"

He has, he's been mulling over every word for every minute since then. Except what comes out of his mouth is something else entirely. "I'd trust you to anchor me," Avidius says and Rover trips on nothing. "If something were to happen."

It's times like this where Avidius doesn't see Rover as the competent warrior, the one who would most likely wipe the floor with anyone else. Instead, Rover at times like this is like any resonator that's Avidius' age, a bit stupid, a bit foolish but one that means well. If he wasn't like this, he supposes that in another life they could be peers.

"I'll do my best then to make sure it won't come to that then," Rover answers without missing a beat despite nearly eating dirt. "Nothing will happen to you, I promise."

"I can take care of myself quite well, Rover."

The other resonator laughs, a bit self deprecating. "Probably better than myself. Come on, I'm done for the day and the least I can offer is to eat with you, if you don't mind."

"Only if you're cooking."

This is nice, better than anything he would have expected. And it's better than mulling over who exactly created him and for what reason. What matters is the time now and the hope that he can cut his own path forward just as Rover has done for so many others.