Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Clark was digging in the fridge for ingredients. He wasn't sure what was exactly in there as he wasn't the one to stock it. In fact, it wasn't his fridge. It wasn’t kitchen nor house. It wasn't even a house to begin with.

“Master Clark?” Alfred’s sleepy voice called as he walked into the kitchen.

Clark flinched.

“You're up quite early,” Alfred said. “Is there anything you need?” He had been quite gentle with Clark lately, and for a good reason.

Clark turned nervously.

Alfred could see it easily.

Clark wore a shirt that was bigger than even him, just so he could accommodate the changes he knew he was going to go through. There was no way to find “male” maternity clothes. His self consciousness didn't allow him to stay tall as Superman, but he hunched over as Clark Kent.

“It's okay if you need some help,” he said.

“No,” Clark said. “I'm just…” His lips trembled, but he bit his lip to stop. “I…” His voice wavered. He cleared throat as he tried to keep his emotions at bay as he knew he had no reason to cry in the moment.

“It's okay,” Alfred said. “What do you want?”

Clark finally was able to say through his wavering emotions, “Can I have pancakes?”

Alfred exhaled at the simple want. “Give me a little bit, I'll have it ready for you in no time.”

And just as Alfred said, Clark was in the dining room eating a plate of pancakes in no time. He was enjoying the soft insides and crunchy ends of the pancakes. He could feel the happiness throughout his body as he ate.

It's not often he got to feel this much happiness.

Yes, he has a roof over his head. He got to stay with the man he loved. He was in contact with those he loved.

But how he got there wasn't good at all. In fact, it was traumatizing.

Clark placed his hand over the small bump on his lower stomach. This baby wasn't anyone’s on this earth. He refused to use his x-ray visit to see what the baby looked like.

He was terrified to see what it would be like.

It wasn't the baby’s fault.

… It wasn't the baby’s fault.

Clark finished eating. He stared down at his empty plate.

That baby would have a half-brother, at least. That half brother would be 10 years older, but that's okay.

But a good father… the baby would have one, at least. That one wouldn't be him.

He wished he could've been a better father to Jon, especially after he failed to save Lois. He didn't focus on Jon. He was busy being depressed, and then he heard the extra heartbeat from himself. And then he was suicidal.

When the weight of an extra life from trauma relying solely on him almost crushed him.

Clark wasn't sure what to tell Jon. He also didn't know how to face him.

It took everything for the guilt to not consume him for being a terrible father.

“Hey, Dad, couldn't sleep?”

Clark didn't look up when Jon came to the table.

Jon yawned.

“Did I wake you up?”

Jon didn't answer the question. “Is that pancakes I smell? This late?” Jon shook his head. “Nevermind that, I'm glad you're eating.”

“Yeah,” Clark said. He could tell that his son just wanted to be with his father. He wanted to reciprocate those feelings back, but he couldn't help but feel something pulling him back.

Jon hasn't gotten his powers. Maybe he got that side from his mother, or maybe he would get it when he get older. Maybe he wouldn't get them at all.

Clark asked, “How are you holding up here?”

Jon answered, “It's fine. It's such a huge place, so it's pretty cool. Not the same as the farm though.”

Clark nodded. He understood. There was plenty of fresh air there. Lots of land. He sighed as he thought about his old home. He looked at his son and said, “We’ll go back soon.”

“I understand if we don't,” Jon said. “Ever since Mom…” He sighed a melancholy breath. “Sometimes being there doesn't feel right.”

Clark nodded. “I get what you mean.” He looked down at his empty plate. He asked quietly, “How are you and Damian getting along?”

Jon said, “He can be a bit of butt sometimes, but we are doing fine.”

“That's good,” Clark replied. “That's… good.” His voice wavered as he felt tears well up in his eyes. He sniffed, “I’m sorry.”

Jon frowned. “No, it's okay.” He didn't know what to do when his father got like that. It had been six months since the incident and he had no idea how to deal with it. He was just a kid, after all. He sorely wished his father didn't have to go through what he did.

Clark covered his face with a hand as he got out of his seat and left. He left to go to his bedroom. He got into bed. He was relieved to have a place where he felt safe, but even his own mind can make a safe place unsafe. He pulled the blanket over himself.

He knew that this would pass. Those emotions were overwhelming, but he knew it would be over soon.

When morning did come, he felt the guilt. He used his x-ray vision to search for his son. He didn't find Jon or Damian in this manor. He could only assume they went to school.

Clark rested his hand on his stomach. He looked down in disdain. He couldn't go flying around as Superman without having people raise questions anymore. He frowned. He tried to avoid feeling regret. He felt it almost everyday.

He sat up as he noticed Bruce in the batcave. He sighed.

Clark changed into his Superman suit. He looked down to see his stomach. His stomach protruded enough to not be hidden. He sighed once again. He went into the Batcave.

Bruce was on the batcomputer doing intensive research. He wasn't wearing his cowl. He didn't look at Superman behind him. He asked, “What do you need, Clark?”

Clark asked, “Do you need help with anything?”

Bruce said, “I don't need any help.”

Clark just stood there unable to figure out what to say. He would say otherwise, but he didn't. Normally, he would take whatever into his own hands to help.

Bruce said, “Let's not get you into unnecessary danger.” He was used to Clark asking, but his reasoning was usually the same.

Clark would argue that he could avoid danger if he wanted, but even he knew Bruce had a point. Clark was privy into jumping head first into danger. He could take a punch, but what about radiation, high Gs, or magic? “Okay.”

Bruce got used to Clark not pushing against him, but it did make their interaction very sad. He said, “If you are antsy, there are exercises you can do. It may not help you, but it could help the baby.”

Clark scoffed as he noticed that Bruce had not once looked at him. He knows that Bruce knew who the baby was.

The baby wasn’t half human.

And yet, Bruce cared.

Clark said, finally trying to show his views, “I'm sure the baby will be fine.” He would know. The father was beyond strong.

Bruce slowly sat straight up. He turned to look at Clark. He said, “We can't be sure if the baby can take a certain amount of force. For all we know, the DNA of Darkseid could cause the baby to be vulnerable before birth.”

Clark went, “tch”, but right after, he felt guilt.

It wasn't the baby’s fault.

He convinced himself that over and over again before he decided to keep the baby.

It was NOT the baby’s fault.

Clark said quietly, “You're right.”

Bruce nodded, “I know.” He stood up from his seat. “Do you want to do something to keep your mind occupied?”

Clark said, “Yeah.”

“Alright,” Bruce said. He gave him small tasks to keep him occupied. It included going through papers and doing some research for him. Bruce could do this perfectly himself, but he knew Clark would've ended up drowning in his own head.

When a couple of hours had passed, Bruce said, “I have to go to a meeting. Alfred should be making lunch now. You should eat.”

Superman nodded. He stood up from the computer from the side.

He wasn't sure what he would do later, but he would worry about it when he got there.

Hopefully…

Chapter Text

Clark was at the Watchtower. He didn't get to fly through the sky to the building.

Bruce wouldn't let him.

So Batman took him in the batplane.

Clark sighed heavily when he was at the destination where he was supposed to be. He knew it was important because he wasn't going to do this himself.

Clark was getting an ultrasound. He got to keep his suit on. He just had to lift his top for the doctor to do what she needed.

Bruce was there with the doctor. Someone had to be there with him. Someone Clark trusted. Also someone willing to look at the ultrasound screen.

Clark wouldn't look.

The doctor said some mumbo jumbo that Clark wouldn't pay any mind to. As far as he learned, the baby was healthy.

But one thing popped out to him out of the whole time. The doctor said, “Your baby is a healthy girl.”

Clark’s brow furrowed. “How is that possible?”

The doctor asked, “That the baby is healthy?”

“That it’s a girl.”

The doctor said, “It might have to do with your DNA.”

“Hm,” he mumbled. He stared down at his exposed stomach. He wondered how two men could make a girl.

“Clark.”

“Hm?” Clark looked over at Bruce, who was looking at the screen.

Bruce said, “You're not paying attention.” He was referring to paying attention to the doctor, not the screen.

Honestly, it wasn't the matter that Clark didn't want to pay attention. It was the matter that he couldn't pay attention. It was hard to focus. He didn't want to be there. He understood that it was important.

But it was the fact that everything revolved around the baby.

He wasn't jealous.

It was a constant reminder...

He didn't want the reminder.

Bruce kept his attention on the doctor. He nodded as he listened.

When the doctor turned off the machine and left, Clark wiped his stomach off of the gel and sat all the way up. He sighed as he felt the staring eyes of Batman. “What?”

“Do you remember anything important she said?”

Clark said, “I guess.” He got off of the bed and pulled down his shirt.

“Clark,” Bruce said. “This is important. We want the baby to be safe. Even she agreed that you might have to take a break from being a superhero.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Like I said,” Clark said. “Okay.” It wasn’t a tone of understanding, but one of indifference. There was some depression mixed in there. He walked to the closed door.

“Clark,” Bruce called as he went to his side. “I know that there is a lot of pressure on you. I can set something up for you if you need a break.”

Clark looked at him and said, “A break, huh.” He put his hand on the doorknob and said, “I'll meet you at the plane in about 20 minutes.” He left the room.

Bruce couldn't tell if he was accepting it or not. For the last six months of supporting Clark, he noticed how Clark was becoming more and more depressed. He would lay in bed most days if he didn't give him anything to do.

Bruce wished he could help him out of the depression, but he bet having the result of his own rape with him all the time would be disheartening.

He didn't even know what happened to Clark until it was too late.

Until Clark heard the extra heartbeat…

Bruce saw it in action before his eyes. Wonder Woman was there as well. The three were having a conversation in the Hall of Justice. They were trying to put together some clues about a situation. Papers were on the table and on a board as they tried to figure it all out.

But the details didn't matter.

It was 7 weeks since Clark was back from Apocalypse. No one knew much about what happened there. Clark was just stranded there, but they knew that Lois had died prior to him going there.

But now it was 7 weeks later. He was dealing with his own grief and taking care of his son. That was the only problem he was dealing with at the moment.

That was supposed to be it.

But the Trinity were talking.

Superman’s brow furrowed.

Bruce noticed it first.

Clark’s eyes darted around until he looked down. He shuddered. His eyes widened in horror.

“Kal?” Diana called as she finally noticed Clark’s disposition.

Clark looked at her and shook his head. He took a couple of steps away from them. His breaths were trembling.

“Clark,” Bruce said. “What's wrong?” He could see the fear taking root from something within.

Clark shook his head as he left the room in a hurry with his super speed.

Bruce didn't see Clark for a full day before he came to the Batcave while he was alone. He could clearly see that Clark was stressed.

He was riddled with anxiety.

Bruce asked, “What's wrong?”

Clark looked away when he finally said, “I'm pregnant.”

At first, Bruce thought he misheard him. Then he was confused. Then it ended with him recognizing that of course Clark would know, he has x-ray vision and super hearing. If Clark didn't notice until now… then he must've heard it. And if he heard it, then the fetus had a heartbeat. And so, he nodded. “What do you need me to do?”

“I… I don't know.”

Bruce’s mind continued to work. The earliest to hear a fetus’ heartbeat was five weeks. He knew that Clark was gone for a week at Apocalypse 7 weeks ago. That was a time he was unable to keep tabs on Superman. What if during that time…?

With whom? And how?

Clark could see Bruce’s mind at work. He didn't like that. He sighed. “It happened at Apocalypse.” He took a trembling breath. “And it was Darkseid."

Bruce asked, “Was it against your will?”

Clark nodded. He couldn't look at him.

“Okay,” Bruce said. “You know, we could terminate the pregnancy.”

Clark looked at him shocked. There was a sense of hope, then it was quickly changed to guilt. Then conflict. But it settled on disdain.

Bruce stood in front of him. “Think about it. If you don’t want to, I'll help you either way.”

“No,” Clark said. “I can't do that. I'm supposed to save people, not…”

Bruce could tell that Clark already made up his mind. “Clark, you don't have to take this up on yourself. It was forced on you.”

“But it's not the baby’s fault.” He said it with such conviction, but it was hard to believe when he clearly was hopeful for the chance to abort the fetus. “It's not the baby’s fault.” Now it was as if he was convincing himself.

In the end, Clark decided to keep the baby. He took the offer for help, and Bruce moved him and Jon in.

But it was a slow decline.

He may have been able to save face in front of his son, but the facade was slowly chipping away. Clark got to continue being Superman, until his stomach was beginning to show. That was when it finally dawned on Clark that a baby was growing inside him.

That was when he finally had to tell his son that he would be an older brother. His words were “Some things happened while I was away, but now you will have a little brother or sister. Bad things may have happened, but it's not their fault. Despite what happened, you are to treat them as your little sibling, okay?”

And Jon nodded knowing the severity of the situation that a ten year old should know.

After that, Clark was barely seen going out or even leaving his room. He ate less. He became less reactive. He began to hate the situation he was in.

But he refused to show hate towards the baby, no matter what. It just ended with him showing nothing towards the baby. He wanted nothing to do with the baby.

Bruce could see he felt regret for keeping the baby. Because the baby was a reminder.

It hurt to see Clark get worse with every week.

And now, Bruce met Clark at his vehicle. They were on their way back to the Batcave. It was quiet.

Bruce asked, “Do you have a taste for anything?”

Clark looked at him.

“Any cravings?”

Clark sighed and looked out the window. “No.”

“How about pancakes?”

Suddenly, Clark began to cry. There was no way to tell what caused it. It could honestly be anything.

Bruce said, “You know, we have plenty of ingredients for pancakes if you want. You can have whatever you want. I'll get it for you.”

Clark only shook his head.

Bruce couldn't figure out what exactly was going through Clark’s mind. He just let Clark cry. By the time he parked in the Batcave, Clark was quiet. He sat there with him.

They stayed there for about five minutes.

“You know,” Clark finally said. “Lois made great pancakes.” He sniffed. “I miss her.”

Bruce hummed.

Clark looked down at his lap. “Imagine how messed up that the thing I crave is something Lois made.” He sighed.

Bruce said, “If there is anything you need, I'll help you.”

“I know,” Clark said. He wiped his eyes. “You're nice like that.” He put his hand on the door to open it. He sighed once again. His eyes looked tired. “Thanks.” He didn't say anymore as he left the vehicle.

Bruce got out. He wasn't sure what he could do for Clark in the moment.

Clark left the Batcave.

Chapter Text

Clark got up from bed. It was beginning to be hard to get up. He sighed. He wanted to go out, but he also didn't want to. He decided to search for his son with his x-ray vision. He found Jon in the cinema room.

Jon was playing video games with Damian. He was able to keep his mind off of things.

Clark took his eyes off of them. He looked down at his bed with the desire to lay in it grew. Sometimes he wished he could just sleep and not wake up.

Lying in bed and not dealing with life would be better.

But how would it be for Jon? What about the baby?

Clark sighed. He sat down on the bed. Normally, he would talk to Lois about moments when he felt hopeless. He didn't feel like doing anything at the moment.

He just looked out the window and watched time go by.

…

Time had gone by before someone knocked on his bedroom door. His back was to the door, but he couldn't see who it was.

Clark didn't feel like moving. He said, “Come in.”

The door opened and footsteps walked in. “Clark,” Bruce’s voice called. “Alfred is cooking pancakes right now. Want to join?”

Clark sighed. “Sure.”

Bruce and Clark arrived at the dining room where Jon and Damian already were. Nevermind everyone sitting there, but why were everyone eating breakfast at noon?

He wasn't used to them eating together. Either Bruce had to leave or the boys had to go to school. Most of the time, Clark avoided going out, and he would do something else.

Alfred was there in no time to give them plates of pancakes.

Clark looked down at the plate before him. He could smell how delicious it was. He has already gotten pancakes from Alfred before and he absolutely loved them. He brought a forkful of pancake to his mouth and ate it. He hummed at how delicious it was. He was able to eat one pancake out of the two.

Suddenly, he felt his face go hot. His eyes were starting to water. His throat went tight. Tears began falling from his eyes.

He didn't feel like eating anymore.

Clark stared down at the plate before him.

“Clark?” Bruce called quietly.

“I'm done,” Clark said barely above a whisper. He stood up.

“You're ‘done’?”

“Eating,” Clark clarified. “I'm done eating.” He left the dining room.

Honestly, he had the thought of ‘being done’ with life quite a while ago, so it wasn't something completely out of nowhere. He just never talked to Bruce about it.

But he wouldn't do anything to himself that would harm the baby.

He went to bed. He sighed trying not to listen to the world. Why listen to all the problems in the world when he couldn't do anything about it? The best he could do is just stare out the window.

Thirty minutes later, there was a knock on his door again.

Clark sighed before saying, “Come in.”

The door opened and the same footsteps from before came inside. Bruce got in front of Clark. “Let's get some fresh air.”

And once again, Clark sighed. “Fine.”

Bruce’s definition of ‘fresh air’ was to take a walk around the manor outside. It was easier than being around prying eyes.

Clark wished that he could button his flannel over his protruding belly. His t-shirt underneath was stretched too much for his liking.

Bruce didn't keep much conversation as they walked. He was used to Clark talking, but unfortunately that hasn't been the case for the past 6 months.

The walk was quiet and peaceful despite the depressing undertones.

Suddenly, Clark flinched.

Bruce noticed, but he didn't say anything.

Clark flinched again and his brow furrowed. He placed his hand on his stomach. Then his hand pulled his hand away as if it shocked him. He noticed Bruce looking, so he said, “I think she’s kicking.”

“Oh,” Bruce said. He looked down at his stomach. He lifted his hand up. “Can I touch?”

Clark nodded. He stopped walking along with Bruce.

Bruce reached forward and placed his hand where Clark had his hand. He waited a few seconds until he felt a tiny kick. It didn't feel like much, but he bet it felt like a lot considering she was inside Clark.

This was a baby growing inside a man. This is life, and it was beautiful.

When Bruce looked up at him, Clark had a melancholy expression on his face.

Right, he needed to think of Clark’s perspective.

Clark sighed, “Sorry.” He began walking again, so Bruce followed suit.

“No need to apologize,” Bruce said.

Clark had every reason to feel how he did. He didn't need to apologize every time he felt depressed.

Bruce decided to ask Clark about himself. “How are you sleeping?”

Clark said, “I toss and turn thinking about the lives I can't save, so sleeping is hard. But somehow, I find it hard to get out of bed.” Despite barely talking, he was honest. He placed his hand on his stomach. “I'm sure you were attempting to lighten the mood. Sorry.”

Bruce sighed, “Stop apologizing. I wanted to keep the conversation about just you, not the baby. Maybe it would… lighten the mood.”

“Hm,” Clark hummed. His emotions did not improve. “If you think about it, everything revolves around her now. I came to accept that. I upended my life for her, you know. I moved here. I don't use my powers as much. I’m not out saving lives. You’d ought to think I love her or something.” He chuckled bitterly.

“Maybe you gained some feelings for her?”

“Why would I?” Clark asked. “I'm carrying the child of the man who killed Lois and raped me.”

“But you said-.”

“It's not the baby’s fault?” Clark sighed, “I know. It’s not.” He rubbed his stomach. “Do you know how often I have nightmares that she will be just like him? I don't want to so much as look at her with my X-ray vision. But either way, I have to uphold my responsibility.”

“Responsibility?” Bruce didn't want to believe what he knew Clark meant.

“My responsibility to birth her,” he said.

Bruce frowned, “You're not an incubator, Clark.”

“But I made the choice,” Clark said. “I couldn't just kill her. And I don't want to hate her, but these feelings…” He grimaced thinking about all those conflicting feelings.

“How about this?”

Clark looked over at Bruce.

“We can spend a day just focusing on you,” Bruce said. “We can find some way to conceal the baby bump.” He looked down at Clark’s stomach. “It will take a lot of layers, but it should look like a beer belly. Let’s go out and do some everyday things. Staying cooped up in the manor can't be too good for you.”

“What do you suppose we do?” Clark asked. There was no light in his eyes that showed that he was interested.

“Want to go to the movies?” Bruce asked. “Then we can go out to eat. We can also look for some more comfortable clothes for you. I doubt cycling between three oversized shirts is fun. Either way, you can buy whatever you want, however much you want.”

Clark sighed, “It sounds like a date.”

Bruce said, “It's something to lift your spirits. You've been depressed.”

“Depressed, huh?”

“You haven't noticed?”

Clark shrugged, “I had some idea.” He looked up at the clear blue sky. He felt nothing. “Okay, so when are we going out?”

“How about in the next hour?”

Clark lifted an eyebrow. “That soon?”

Bruce explained, “Clark, you need this.”

“Fine,” Clark said.

The Batman is never wrong.

Chapter Text

And so, the two went out.

Clark was able to wear a suit that was loose to hide his stomach enough. It was still a bit unflattering to him, but at least he didn't look so pregnant that it would turn heads.

Clark and Bruce went to see whatever movie was popular at the moment. They sat side by side in the dark theater. Clark ate a tub of popcorn with his mind preoccupied with the movie.

Bruce would check on Clark every so often to see how he was fairing. He was able to see his emotions miniscully swayed by the movie.

When the movie was over, they left to go get dinner.

Bruce brought them to a nice restaurant where they can have decent privacy. They sat in a booth away from the few people already in there.

Clark orders some bizarre combinations of food. Chicken wings with syrup on the side. Pizza topped with pickled carrots and onions. And pickle juice. Bruce also suggested getting Clark plenty of water with all that salt content he was going to take in.

Bruce wondered if he was lacking any vitamins to have such cravings. Either way, he got himself a simple steak with a side of potatoes and veggies.

When they got their food, Bruce could see something light up in Clark’s eyes.

Clark took a first bit of his weird concoction of his pizza, and he hummed in delight.

“You know,” Bruce said as they ate. “If there is anything you have cravings for, we can get it for you.”

Clark said, “Honestly, I didn't think I wanted this until I looked at the menu and put some of them together in my head.”

Bruce said, “I'll make a note of it.” He took a bite of his own steak. “So how did you like the movie?”

Clark told him a few things he liked. It started a back and forth conversation. It was the most they've talked in a long time. Even if it was about a movie.

After they left the restaurant, they went out to a few stores. They managed to get some clothes for Clark for the next couple of months of his pregnancy along with other things Clark wanted.

They were in the last store of the evening.

Bruce was waiting as Clark was in the dressing room. He recognized that too much time has gone by. He was concerned. He went into the dressing room. He walked down the hall of smaller rooms.

And then he heard it.

Bruce went to the room and called, “Clark.”

Clark answered with a voice thick with sobs, “Sorry.”

“What's wrong?” Bruce said.

They were having a good day out. What happened?

There was no answer. Just quiet crying.

“Want to let me in?” Bruce asked.

There was still no answer and no moves to unlock the door.

Bruce sighed. He said, “Are you thinking back to the incident? Are the thoughts you were having before messing with you?” He sat beside the door since he didn't get an answer. “Sometimes I get thoughts of things that happen to be out of nowhere.”

The crying quieted a little.

“Sometimes it can be overwhelming. In your state, it can feel worse. The added hormones definitely would make it worse. But either way, sometimes I want to make those thoughts stop by any means necessary.” Bruce listened to Clark sniffle. “The feeling of ending it all can really hurt when you think about the responsibilities you have. Many people care about you. But either way, it doesn't stop the dread or guilt.”

The door unlocked.

Bruce stood up quickly and opened the door enough to let himself in. He closed the door behind him. There he found Clark.

Clark was sitting in the short stool. Tears were in his face. He was partially dressed in his clothes.

Bruce kneeled down in front of him. “Let's get you dressed up.” He began fixing his shirt and buttoning it for him.

Clark barely reacted. He just looked behind Bruce. He did everything Bruce told him to get him dressed up.

When Bruce stood straight up, he looked behind himself.

He saw a mirror.

Bruce said, “Let's get you out of here.”

The two left and went to the car waiting for them in front of the store. The car had their bags in the passenger seat while Alfred was in the driver’s seat.

Clark sat against the door with his arms wrapped around himself.

Bruce saw how Clark looked. He didn't like how depressed he had gotten. The whole point of him going out was to make him feel better… at least for a little while.

Clark's eyes stared out the window.

“Clark,” Bruce called. “Is it okay if I hold you?” Maybe, just maybe, it could help in some way.

Clark looked over at Bruce.

The light in his eyes was gone.

Bruce didn't want to touch him, if he didn't want to be touched. He knew how one messed up experience can change everything. He remembered how Clark would hug anyone indiscriminately, but now, he doesn't think he has hugged anyone in a long time.

Clark looked back out the window and said quietly, “Sorry.”

“Don't be sorry, Clark,” Bruce said. “None of this is your fault.”

The rest of the ride back to the manor was quiet.

Clark went straight to his bedroom.

Bruce went to the Batcave. He went straight to work on his Batcomputer. He couldn't help but be worried about Clark. He knew that Clark was struggling with horrible thoughts, but he didn't know how to remedy it. If he did, he probably wouldn't even be Batman.

Suddenly, he heard something.

Bruce turned to see who it was.

“Um, hey Bruce.”

Bruce looked upward just to see Jon floating in the air.

…

Jon was floating in the air!?

Bruce stood up from the chair. He didn't know when he arrived, nor did he know when Jon started flying.

Jon landed beside Bruce awkwardly.

Bruce asked, “How long?”

Jon said nervously, “Since like a month ago.”

Bruce asked, “What else can you do?”

Jon listed, “I’m really strong and fast.”

“That's it?”

“That's it.”

Bruce was surprised that he didn't even notice.

Did Clark notice?

Bruce asked, “Does your Dad know?”

Jon said, “No. He has a lot to deal with.” He was sad. He didn't want to bother his father.

“Maybe,” he said. “He would love to know what has been going on with his son.”

“Would he?” Jon said filled with doubt. “We barely talk anymore.”

Bruce said, “If he doesn't seem up for talking, I'm sure he is listening.”

“What if I make him cry?” Jon said, seeming like he was going to cry himself. “Seems like no matter what happens, he cries. I don't want to make him cry.”

“It's okay for him to cry,” Bruce said. “I know it's sad to see, but at least you are showing you are there for him. Sometimes he may cry out of nowhere. It's okay.”

Jon nodded. He looked like he was about to walk away, but he stopped himself. He had a question on his mind.

“What is it?” Bruce asked.

Jon said nervously, “So I know about how a man and woman can have a baby…”

Bruce inhaled nervously. He was hoping he wouldn't have to have the talk… especially with Clark’s kid.

“How was Dad able to become pregnant?” Jon added, “I didn't want to ask Dad because of… you know.”

Bruce sighed. He may be in over his head explaining to Jon what his father’s anatomy is. As far as he knew, Jon had a stereotypical male anatomy. What was on the inside… he had no idea.

“Does that mean Dad has a vagina?”

Bruce sorely wished his mother was alive to explain the situation. Either way, he answered, “Yes, otherwise he wouldn't be able to get pregnant.” Well, he knew a woman needs more than just a vagina, but he was going to stop there.

“Oh,” Jon nodded. “So Damian was right.”

Damian? Bruce sighed thinking about what these boys could be talking about.

“But Mom was pregnant with me right?”

“Right,” Bruce said.

Jon asked, “Does that mean Dad had both a penis and a vagina?”

“Right,” Bruce said.

Jon thought for a bit. “How did he know he was a man?”

Bruce said, “That's a question only your dad can answer.” There was only so much he could confirm when it came to sex and gender. “Now how about you tell Clark about your new powers. I bet he would be proud to hear about them.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Jon floated up a bit off the ground, feeling very excited.

Bruce watched as Jon flew out of the Batcave. He hoped at least hearing about his son’s Kryptonian abilities would lift his spirits somewhat.

At the moment, Clark was lying in bed, staring out the night window. He heard a knock on his door. He sighed, “Come in.” He heard the door open. He waited.

He didn't hear footsteps.

Jon came into his view in front of him. There was a reason Clark didn't hear his footsteps. He was floating!

Clark’s eyes widened. He sat up with some difficulty. He said, “Y-you’re flying!”

“Yeah,” Jon said proudly.

“Since when?” Clark was in awe to see his son floating in front of him.

“For like a month ago,” Jon answered nervously.

“That long?” Clark said.

“Yeah,” Jon said as he sat on the bed beside Clark. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.”

Clark was going to ask why he waited so long, but he stopped himself. He had some idea. He hasn't been giving his son much attention. He reached to hug Jon with an arm, but he sat his arm down. He felt inadequate.

Jon noticed it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his father’s neck into a tight hug. “I love you, Dad.”

Clark inhaled shakily. He felt his face grow warm as tears welled up in his eyes. He cried as he embraced Jon. “I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Clark was staring out the window. He lost track of how long he had been in bed. He remembered Jon coming to his room to tell him about school at least 4 times. That was something he looked forward to.

Has it really been 4 days?

Suddenly, his door opened. No knocking.

Steps went over to where Clark was facing. Diana, Wonder Woman, stood in front of him. She kneeled down in front of him. She called gently, “Hey, Kal.” She placed his hand on his face that was stubbly. “They told me you haven't been getting up for the past five days.”

Oh… five days.

“We are worried,” she said.

Clark inhaled, “I'm just tired.”

“This is beyond tired, Kal,” she said. “You need to eat.”

Three times a day, Bruce normally came in and invited him to eat, but Clark wouldn't come.

Diana said, “It's important to be up and moving. It may not matter to you physically, but it matters mentally.” She was careful not to mention the baby. “Come on. Get up.”

Clark sat up. He had a frown on his face. His eyes were empty of any light. He didn't feel like making an effort, or it was more like, it was hard to make an effort.

“Kal,” she said. “Everything’s going to be okay.” She knew of the situation. She learned a week after Bruce was first told. It took everything for her to not go after Darkseid’s corpse.

Clark never told them what exactly happened at Apocalypse. They knew Darkseid killed Lois. Clark went after Darkseid through the Mother Box. He ended up stranded for a week. In the end, he came back on his own claiming that he killed Darkseid. Nothing seemed wrong at the time. He was dealing with grief and taking his son on his own. Then that day came when he ran out the room terrified. Later Bruce told her what happened.

Diana wanted to be there for her dear friend. “Everything will be okay.”

Clark said, “Then why does everything feel… numb?” He looked at her with questioning eyes. His expression was still dull regardless.

“Sometimes,” she said. “We need a little support.” She stood up. She held her hand out to him. “Let's go get something to eat.”

Clark stared at her hand for a few seconds before grabbing her hand.

She pulled him up with her Amazonian strength. She stood face to face with him and smiled.“Glad to have you up, friend.” She tapped him on the back. “Let's go.”

The two left the room.

They walked until they made it to the dining room. Food was already settled on the table for him. It had a few things Clark previously carved: pancakes, pizza with the unconventional toppings and pickle juice (with a glass of water on the side).

No one else was to be found.

Diana sat beside Clark. She said, “They really wanted to make sure you eat. Start slow, okay?”

Clark nodded. He looked down at his food for a few seconds before he started with the pancakes.

Diana said, “You know, some interesting things happened at my job.”

“Hm?” Clark wondered. He listened as she spoke about something. He was barely paying attention as he ate. He didn't really take in any information in.

Bruce walked into the dining room. He sat on the other side of Clark. “You're up and eating.”

Clark looked up at him. He looked down and continued eating.

Diana and Bruce met eyes: one worried and one passive.

“I've been thinking…”

They looked at Clark.

“What should I name her,” Clark said. He was wondering what he should name his baby. He didn't look down at his stomach or so much as touch it. “Maybe you should Bruce.” He looked at him.

Bruce asked, “Are you sure? She's your daughter.”

Clark scoffed, “Yeah, but you really care about her. I’d rather have someone who cares to name her.” He didn't bother to clarify if he cared about his daughter or not.

“Clark,” Bruce said. “Maybe we can wait.”

“We can't keep calling her ‘the baby' forever.” Clark reached over and placed his hand over Bruce’s that sat on the table. “I trust you.”

Bruce said, “That's a lot of pressure, but I'll figure it out.”

“I knew I could trust you, B.” Clark smiled, but it was an empty smile. He continued eating.

Diana said, “Kal, I was thinking as well…”

Clark looked at her.

“Maybe you should have someone to talk to about these feelings you're having,” Diana said. “It doesn't have to be either of us, but I feel like it should be someone who can help.”

Clark’s brow furrowed.

Bruce clarified, “Like a therapist.”

Diana said, “Maybe if you could talk to someone about what you went through, you will be able to get it off your chest. You'll be able to get out of the depression you're in.”

Honestly, Clark thought having a hug from his son was going to make him feel better. He thought going out on a day out with Bruce would make him feel better. Maybe having this baby would make him feel better. Nothing worked. He kept falling deeper and deeper into this depression that he couldn't get out.

What good would talking do?

Clark sat down his fork. He said, “How is that supposed to help?” He had no hope for this solution.

Diana said, “Not only would talking it out help, but the therapist will be able to help with coping skills and depression.”

Clark sighed. He couldn't be bothered to try. Not only did he not want to talk about what ails him, but he couldn't explain why he had to feel the way he did. He survived, didn't he? Did he have to have another reminder of what happened?

Diana said, “Just give it a try.”

Bruce said, “I can have something set up.”

“With who?” Clark asked, with his slight curiosity piqued.

“Someone we can trust,” Bruce said.

Chapter Text

Clark was sitting in the comfort of his bedroom in front of the person that Bruce set up for him.

They didn't need an introduction for each other.

Martian Manhunter, J’onn J’onzz, was sitting on the chair by the desk. He already spoke about how he knew that Clark was struggling. He knew he lost Lois a while back. He also knew that being pregnant was causing him pain, not physical. He didn't know whose child Clark held, but he knew it was from someone against his will.

After J'on talked for a while, he looked at Clark. “You've been depressed. You have a lot to be depressed about.”

Clark looked at him wearily. “Don't I know it, but I've been trying to avoid thinking about it. Maybe it wouldn’t… hurt as much.”

“Maybe you should think about it,” J'onn said.

“Wouldn't that hurt more?”

“It'll help you process it,” he said. “But don't ruminate on it.”

Clark’s brow furrowed at that. “So think about it, but don't think about it too much?”

“Don't just acknowledge the problem isn't here,” he said. “You were raped, and it bothers you. The result of it follows you, and it scares you.”

Clark shrunk in place hearing that. “You know, the responsibility of keeping the child… it hurts. I had the option to abort her. I feel like I regret it, but I feel guilty for feeling the regret. Then I remember that I will be bringing her into this world after killing her father. There's guilt in that too. And then not saving Lois.” He scoffed bitterly, “She would have been the perfect mother… There’s guilt in that.”

J’onn nodded. He was understanding him better now. This was the most Clark talked since they had been in that room together. “You blame yourself for everything.”

“No,” Clark said. “It's just my fault for all of that has happened.”

J’onn stared at him as he lifted an eyebrow.

Clark looked down as his eyebrows went up. “Oh gosh, I am blaming myself.” He looked at him. “But isn't it my fault?”

J’onn said, “It doesn't matter if it is or not. You’ve tried your best, haven't you?”

Clark thought back.

When he tried to save Lois when Darkseid attacked them. He tried his hardest to fly to her before she was obliterated by his omega beams. But he failed.

When he chased Darkseid back through the Mother Box to Apocalypse, but the place had a red sun. He fought him, but he also failed at that. He was placed in captivity. And then, Darkseid came to personally punish the attacker. In his weakened state, he couldn't fight back. He failed.

When he managed to escape a week later, he knew he could move on… barely. He killed Darkseid. Lois wasn't there. He needed to be there for his son. But instead he focused solely on being a superhero. He failed his son.

And then, that little heartbeat he heard one day…

What was he supposed to do?

Did he truly try his best?

Clark stared down at his stomach. What kind of father would he be? A murderer. A failure. A-.

‘Father.’

Clark looked up at J’onn.

J’onn said, “You’ve tried your best, Clark. None of this was your fault. You're drowning in your guilt at the hand you were given. Everyone believes in you.”

“How?” Clark asked. “How could they believe in me?”

“They know you, and they love you.”

Clark rested his hand on his stomach. His stomach was getting bigger faster than he expected. He wondered how long until he regretted having her again.

They talked some more until it was time for J’onn to go.

J’onn was at the doorway giving him the last of what he wanted to say until the next time he sees him. He said, “I want you to pay attention to your family and how much they love you. You'll see it in their actions. Also forgive yourself for any mistakes you feel you've made.”

Clark nodded, “Okay. Thank you, J’onn.”

And then he left.

Clark thought about what they talked about. He was thinking differently compared to before his session. He still felt that nagging numbness.

He still wanted to lay down in bed.

Clark used his x-ray to find his son and Damian playing video games in the cinema room. He took a deep breath in and out before standing up. He left his bedroom.

Suddenly, he felt a kick causing Clark to flinch.

Clark mumbled, “Gosh, you really want all the attention, huh?” He continued down the hallways until he reached the cinema room.

Jon was the first to react. He gasped, “Dad! You're up!” He was… happy.

“Yeah,” Clark nodded. “I am.” He sat on the couch behind the boys who were on the floor. “Don't let me stop you.”

Jon said, “Okay.”

Damian and Jon continued playing.

Clark just watched the screen of them playing video games. It was very lively here. It was better than laying in bed and staring out the window.

It was quite nice.

The two boys were really into the game. They joked and bickered. They have gotten close since they met.

Suddenly, Jon sat down his controller.

Clark could only see behind him.

Jon sniffed and held his head down.

Damian noticed and paused the game.

Jon started crying. It seemed to have come out of nowhere, but Damian seemed to expect it.

Was this normal for them?

Clark called, “Jon.”

His son turned to look at him with his tear filled eyes.

Clark opened his arms and said, “Come here.”

Jon literally floated up and sat beside him. He laid his head on his shoulder as he cried harder.

Clark held him in his arms. Then he had to remember: he lost his mother. Just because it has been five months doesn't mean he will get over it. No one can get over it… it's his mother. He was just a kid.

How could he not have been there for him sooner?

Some time went by before Jon was able to calm down. Jon wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

Clark asked, “Do you need anything?”

Jon shook his head.

Damian said, “Don't worry, Kent. He’ll be quiet for a little bit. It takes time.” Even he knew his son more than him.

Jon just kept his head on his father’s shoulder until he was ready to continue playing video games.

Clark sighed. He never talked to his son about how he felt missing his mother. In fact, he avoided it all together. He just tried to make up for what he was missing, before he knew he was pregnant. After that, he just felt inadequate.

The boys continued playing video games. Slowly, Jon was beginning to feel himself again.

Soon Bruce walked in. His eyebrows went up as he was surprised that he found Clark there. He stood beside Clark who was sitting on the couch and watched the boys play for a bit. Then he put his attention on Clark.

Clark looked back up at him.

Bruce reached his hand out to him. He gestured that he wanted to leave the room with him.

Clark grabbed his hand and let himself get pulled up by him.

The two walked out.

As they walked down the hallway, Bruce asked, “How was your session with J’onn?”

Clark shrugged, “It was fine.”

“You got up from your bed on your own,” Bruce said. “That's commendable.”

Clark replied, “It's just that, he put some things into perspective. I still feel a bit numb though.”

“That's understandable,” Bruce said. “It's not going to disappear overnight. Trauma is a constant. We just need to learn to deal with it.”

“That's a very brutal way of explaining it,” Clark said. “A constant?”

Bruce explained, “Our trauma shapes us into what we are. It literally changes our brain.”

Clark furrowed his brow at that. Then he recognized that he never let go of Bruce’s hand. He pulled his hand away.

Bruce didn't react. He just said, “I remembered when you were a confident man who was strong… you still are. You're just struggling, and that's okay.” He put his hand in his pocket. “I was just hoping that I didn't make anything worse for you.”

“You know,” Clark said. “If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have moved in with you. I really love you, but everything just f-... messed things up.” He sighed. He was suddenly very tired. He wanted to go back to bed. “Everything I do is futile.”

Bruce saw that shift in disposition right before his eyes.

Clark held his head down as he rested his hand on his stomach. “I'm really tired.”

Bruce said, “Everything you do is not futile. In fact, the effort you make is worth it.”

“Is it really?” Clark said, looking at him.

“Yes,” he said. “Your son is happier when he sees you. The baby will live because of you. And I love you too.”

Clark chuckled bitterly, “In a situation like this, am I even allowed to love and be loved?”

“Yes, Clark!” Bruce said. “Despite all you have been through, you deserve love. I want you to get the help you need to show that life is still worth living. It's okay to indulge in things that you love.”

Clark sighed as he let those words take root within himself. Was what Bruce said really true? “I'm going to bed.” He turned away from him.

“Okay,” Bruce said. “I'll see you later.”

Clark left.

Chapter Text

He needed to get up.

Clark grimaced.

Get up.

Clark sat up. He didn't want to get up. It was like something was forcing him to not move. As if he was trapped.

Then he felt a kick.

Clark placed his hand on his stomach. He felt a little jiggle from another kick.

Get. Up.

Clark got out of bed. He looked out the window to see the early morning sun. He sighed. He left his bedroom. He went to his son’s bedroom.

Jon was in the process of packing up his backpack for school. He was sitting on the floor tiredly. He was hunched over with tears on his face.

“Jon,” Clark called. He went into his bedroom. He sat on the bed beside him.

Jon wiped his face quickly and said, “Sorry.”

“No,” Clark said. “There's nothing to be sorry about.” He placed his hand on his shoulder. “Want to stay home?”

“But-,” Jon said worried.

“It's okay,” Clark said. “If you aren't feeling up to it, you can stay home. Give yourself a break.” He could see his son always trying to stay strong, but even he needed a break.

Jon sniffed as he nodded. “Okay.” He let more tears fall from his eyes.

Clark let Jon stay home while Damian went off on his own.

Clark honestly didn't know what to do with himself. He left his bed, only to want to go back. He managed to spend some time with Jon, even if it was to just sit around and watch television.

Soon Jon went off to his bedroom. He needed some time to himself.

Clark went to the office where he could hear Bruce. He knocked on the door.

Bruce looked up from his task on the desk. He greeted, “Clark.”

Clark walked over to the desk and sat down on the chair. “Hey.”

“You've made moves to get out of bed on your own,” Bruce observed.

“Yeah,” Clark said, starting to feel a tinge of pride.

“You did good,” Bruce said.

“Thanks,” Clark said. He flinched at yet another kick. Despite being kicked multiple times during the past month, it still caught him off guard. He rubbed his stomach and sighed, “Come on. Do you not like when I sit or something?” His voice was gentle.

An exhale of a laugh left Bruce.

Clark looked at him. “What?”

Bruce said, “You talk to her in such a caring tone.”

“Huh.” Clark wasn't aware how he sounded. He saw how Bruce ‘smiled’ at him. It made him feel comfortable. He didn't know why he wanted to be in his presence. He felt another kick.

Bruce didn't have much to say if it wasn't about work or being Batman. Back when Clark didn't have much to say, Bruce tried to fill the eerie silence like Clark would've done.

Clark asked, “Have you been busy running around on the rooftops?”

Bruce said, “It's always busy for the Batman.”

“I bet,” Clark replied. He didn't notice how much he rubbed his stomach. He didn't know where he would be without Bruce.

Probably lost it.

Probably dead.

It would've been a lie if he didn’t think about how easy it was just to die ever so often.

He really appreciated Bruce.

He wished he could've done more with him. He loved him, but the whole situation just messed up everything for them. So many problems… he was the problem.

Clark removed his hand from his stomach.

Bruce noticed the change. He sat his work down. “What's going through your head?”

Clark could feel the frown take over his face. His lips began to tremble, but he bit his lip to make it stop. He opened his mouth to say something , but he covered his mouth when a whimper came out. He took a deep breath in. He said with his voice wavering, “How can you love me?”

Bruce said, “Because you're you.” He stood up from his seat. “Clark.”

Clark shook his head. It was filled with doubt. He had every reason to not believe him. He failed so much. He was a terrible father. He was pregnant with someone else’s baby for Christ’s sake! He looked down.

All he could see was his baby.

Bruce went around the desk to Clark’s side. “Clark.” He called for his attention. He kneeled down beside him. “I know that I don't have the most conventional way of showing it, but I do love you.”

But wasn't this wrong?

Clark looked down at him. He was all kinds of messed up.

Bruce deserved better. Not someone who couldn't even get out of bed most days. Not someone who couldn't take care of his own son properly. Not someone who couldn't save Lois.

Bruce observed, “You're spiraling.”

“Huh?”

“Clark,” Bruce said. He held Clark’s hand and said, “Listen to me. You're okay.” He held his hand with both of his hands. “Everything's okay.”

“But…” Clark said as he was close to crying. “Nothing feels okay.”

Bruce stood up. “I know,” he said quietly. “I know.” He let go of his hand to open his arms a little. He stopped himself.

Clark didn't make any moves to indulge in a hug. He closed his eyes as he began crying.

Bruce wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him in.

Clark laid his head on his chest. His arms stayed by his sides. He sobbed into his shirt.

“I will be with you as much as you need me to,” Bruce said. He held him tight.

It took a couple of minutes until Clark was able to stop crying.

Bruce pulled back from Clark without releasing him.

The light in Clark’s eyes was barely there.

Bruce sighed as he placed his hand on his cheek. “Everything's going to be okay. I'll be with you every step of the way.”

“Why?”

“Clark,” Bruce said, feeling sadness. “I love you. We all do.”

Something piqued in Clark, but he ended up saying, “I want to go to bed.”

Bruce nodded, “Okay.”

Clark stood up with some difficulty. He didn't walk away. He asked, “Come with me?”

“Sure,” Bruce answered. He left the room by Clark’s side.

They didn't talk. They just walked down the hallways all the way to Clark’s bedroom.

When he they made it, Clark said, “Is it possible…”

Bruce waited for him to continue.

“... Can you stay for a little bit?”

“Yes,” Bruce said, without a second to spare.

Clark actually took Bruce’s hand. He brought him to his bed. “Can you lie down with me? H-hold me like before?” There was something about being in Brice’s arms that gave him some relief.

“Yeah,” Bruce said.

Clark and Bruce got into bed. Bruce held him in his arms.

Clark snuggled into his chest. He was quiet for a long time.

Bruce was sure Clark had fallen asleep.

“B.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you thought of a name for her?”

Bruce asked, “You really want me to name her?”

“Yeah,” Clark answered. “So have you thought of one?”

Bruce sighed, “I’ve thought of one.”

“Really,” Clark said, impressed. “What do you think?”

“Josie.”

“Josie,” Clark said as he tried to see how the name sounded on his tongue. “Okay.”

“Just like that?” Bruce said, surprised. “You're not going to question the name or anything?”

… “No,” Clark said. “I trust you.” He placed his hand on his stomach. “You hear that? You have a name now, Josie.” Once again, his voice was gentle.

Bruce stayed until Clark fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Clark struggled to get out of bed once again. He groaned as his seven and a half month pregnancy was taking a toll on him.

Lately, he had been meeting with J’onn for sessions to help him. It had been a very slow process, but he was beginning to feel like was getting a bit better.

Clark watched as his belly jiggled from his very energetic baby. “Josie, couldn't let me sleep, could you?” He placed his hand on his stomach. He left his bedroom feeling hungry.

He wanted pickles… on pizza. Maybe some onions on it too. He hoped that Alfred was close by.

Either way, he went into the kitchen and began going into the fridge. He found a jar of pickles. That was something. He sat down at the island with his findings and a fork. He opened the jar effortlessly. He sat the top on his stomach. He began eating the pickles by skewering the chips on the fork and eating it.

Soon Alfred came in, and Clark was able to get what he wanted.

After he was done eating, he called his cousin, Klara, Supergirl. They’ve kept in contact with each other often. She learned of his pregnancy a few months back. She knew it was from rape. It upsetted her tremendously when he said he wouldn’t abort the baby.

Ending the phone call, Klara said, “Please let me know if you need any help. You’re in the last couple of months.”

“I'm fine,” Clark said. “It was nice talking to you.”

And then they said their goodbyes and hung up.

The manor only consisted of Clark and Alfred. Clark needed something to do to not drown in the silence.

Clark took a walk outside. He took in the rays of the sun. He loved the healing radiation that it gave him. It also gave him a powerful feeling. He felt like he could fly from one galaxy to another, but he knew that he couldn't with his baby in his belly.

Clark went to the living room to do some stretches. He was told that could help keep the baby healthy despite the fact that he was completely fine with his Kryptonian physique. Plus whenever he was still for too long Josie tended to kick him more than usual.

After fifteen minutes, he laid down on his back on the floor. He took a deep breath in and out. His thoughts of his struggles were pestering him. He sat up and looked down at his stomach. “You’ll be worth it, won't you?”

Bruce came inside the room. He asked, “Need help?”

Clark looked up at him. “I guess.” It wasn't the fact that he was weak. It was the fact that the growing belly bump was making it hard to move. He reached his hand up.

Bruce grabbed his hand and pulled him up. He glanced at his hand holding his. He was reluctant to let go. Then he noticed how Clark smiled looking at their hands together.

He held his hand tight.

Bruce asked, “Has anything been giving you trouble so far?”

Clark answered, “My mind was messing with me a bit. Something was trying to make me feel hopeless and worthless.” He had a difficult expression on his face.

“But,” Bruce said. “There is hope, and you are not worthless.”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in and out, he smiled. He said, “You have no idea how much better it makes me feel when you say that.”

“I'm glad,” Bruce said.

“I'm hungry,” Clark said.

The two ate what Alfred put together for them. They sat in the dining room talking and eating. It was almost like everything was normal again.

Some things were different.

Clark looked at Bruce and smiled.

“What?”

“You know,” Clark said. “You may be the big, scary Batman, but you are the nicest.”

Bruce said, “I just do what I have to.”

Clark’s smile widened. “You are also the handsomest.”

Bruce sideyed him. He was suspicious of the flirting. He wasn't used to Clark doing that.

Clark had been too depressed.

Was… he really getting better?

Bruce turned away as he felt the urge to cry.

Was he really… back to normal?

“Bruce?” Clark called concerned.

Bruce cleared his throat. “I'm fine.” He wiped his unfallen tears. “I'm fine. You're fine.”

Clark relaxed as he understood what he was feeling.

Relief.

Clark placed his hand over Bruce’s and said, “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Chapter Text

He wasn't pregnant.

He wasn't pregnant… yet.

But he was filled with rage and grief as he chased Darkseid into the portal. As he arrived, he felt his supply of power get cut off.

But it was no matter.

He still had enough rage to take Darkseid down.

Superman punched, kicked and lasered Darkseid with everything he had. He didn't care if he was losing power by the second. He had to get his revenge.

He had to kill him.

But Darkseid had the last blow.

Clark was slammed into the ground with a sickening thud. He could've sworn he heard a bone crack in his arm.

But he didn't care.

He got up.

But he fell back down.

Maybe he hit his head too hard.

His consciousness went in and out as Darkseid ranted some mumbo jumbo about his power being absolute. He could only hang on to so many words as he was picked up and hauled off somewhere.

Superman was dropped onto the floor as if he was trash. He finally let himself lose consciousness.

When he woke up, he noticed that he was in a dim room. There was nothing in there. It was just stone walls.

Superman sat up. He developed a headache after losing to Darkseid. He grimaced at the pain. He looked through the barred window on the steel door.

There was no way to see if it was day or night. All he could see was an eerie red hue.

Superman stood up and looked through. He saw a hallway with a few other possible cells.

He was exhausted.

What was he thinking going there without a plan? His anger got him into this.

But Lois…

Superman took a shaky breath in and out. His eyes welled up with tears.

It was his fault.

Suddenly, his door unlocked.

Superman sat straight up. He quickly stood up ready to fight whoever came through the door.

The door was opened for Darkseid. He walked in as if he was the strongest man in the world.

Maybe he was.

Superman learned in the next moment that Darkseid wasn't much of a talker. He only talked to demand what he wanted.

And he was strong.

Stronger than Superman could handle in his weakened state.

Superman fought him with all his might. He didn't succeed. He didn't let Darkseid get the benefit of his defeat. It didn't stop him from trembling in pain. It didn't stop him from screaming in pain. It didn't stop the pain.

Despite all he did to him, Darkseid wasn't using him for his pleasure. He was using him to hurt him. He had no care for how he ripped his suit to reach places that even Clark hadn't been to. He didn't hesitate when he nearly dislocated Superman's hip to humiliate him further. He didn't stop when he bled.

Time went too slow for Superman.

Darkseid left him on the ground. The door was opened and closed for him by one of his lackeys.

And then Superman exhaled a sob. He laid down on the ground since sitting hurt. The ground where he sat was wet with blood and semen. There was a huge rip between his legs in his tights.

He was going to get out.

But not without killing him first.

The next time Darkseid came back, he had no idea how much time went by. The red rays didn't go away.

Superman stood up albeit shaking. He fought without holding back once again, but it was futile. He let his anger fuel him, but he wasn't strong enough. He was already held back by the past interaction.

Darkseid pinned him against the wall. He finally spoke to him after all this time. “You can not defeat God.”

Superman tried to turn around and loosen from him, but couldn't. He tried to reach back with his one good arm, but it was grabbed from behind him.

“Maybe I should turn you around,” Darkseid said with malice. “I want to see you skirm in pain.” He loosened his grip on Superman to turn him around.

Superman took that chance to punch him, but Darkseid didn't budge.

He just grabbed his wrist and put it over his head.

Superman tried to pull his arm from him, but he couldn't. He couldn't use his other arm.

Darkseid used his free hand to keep Superman’s legs open.

Superman kicked at him. He wasn't going to make anything easy for him. He refused.

Darkseid gripped his leg in an immeasurable strength.

There was a sickening crack.

First, Superman gasped in shock. Then came the pain. He screamed.

Darkseid didn’t say anything. He didn't need to. He continued what he wanted. When he was done, he left Superman on the floor.

Superman laid there. He wondered how he was going to escape in this condition. He wondered that a lot as time went by. He still had no idea when it was day or night.

But Darkseid did visit periodically.

And Superman didn't fight back.

More like couldn't, but semantics.

He knew he was going to kill Darkseid.

At some point of time, he found his out. Someone didn't close the door properly. He found something to support his broken leg. He found a power source similar to the sun. He got healed, a boost of power, and beheaded Darkseid.

He didn't hold back.

Darkseid didn't hold back, so why should he?

He remembered holding the head of Darkseid before lasering it to ashes. The ashes blew away from his hands.

…

Clark opened his eyes with a gasp. He could barely see. There were tears in his eyes.

He was a murderer.

But he could clearly remember the pain that Darkseid caused him. Death and life.

Clark got up out of bed. He had to do something. Anything.

It was dark. He hobbled down the hallway. He was hyperventilating. His tears were blocking his eyesight. His heart wouldn't stop pounding heavily.

Maybe he would die for being a murderer.

He deserved it.

He fell to his knees as he couldn't go any further. There should be nothing stopping him. He was strong. He was unstoppable.

He was a murderer.

Clark covered his face as he couldn't stop himself from crying. His body shook with each sob.

There was a whoosh.

“Dad?” Jon kneeled down beside him. “What's wrong? Are you hurt?”

Clark couldn't stop crying. He shook his head.

“I'll …” Jon said, unsure of him. “I'll get Bruce.” There was a whoosh as he left.

Clark just sat there as he cried. He hunched over as he couldn't stop.

He had no idea how much time went by when he heard running.

Clark was still crying.

Bruce kneeled in front of him, “Hey…” He was still in his Batman suit. He quickly took his cowl off. “You're okay. You're okay.”

Clark slowly moved his hands from his face. His breathing was shaking. His trembling hands reached for Bruce, but they stopped in place.

Bruce covered the rest of the space and pulled Clark to his chest. He held him tight.

Clark cried harder as he grabbed on to Bruce. His hands balled up into his cape.

Bruce rubbed his back and said gently, “It's okay… everything’s going to be okay.”

Jon was still by the side worried.

Bruce looked up at Jon and whispered, “I got him.”

Jon nodded. He was reluctant, but he went away.

When Clark finally quieted, Bruce pulled him back a little to look at him.

That light in Clark’s eyes he was wrestling with for a while was gone.

“Clark…” Bruce called, concerned.

Clark sighed and looked down. He pulled away from the embrace. He said barely above a whisper, “I'm sorry.” Tears continued to fall from his eyes.

“It's okay,” Bruce said.

Bruce took Clark to his bedroom with him. He had Clark lay on his bed. He draped the blankets over him. He took off his bat suit. He checked on Clark before going to shower.

Clark was staring out of the window into the dark. He was exhausted.

Bruce said, “I'll be right back.” He put his hand on his shoulder.

Clark hummed in acknowledgement.

He left to take a shower. He didn't want to leave him alone.

When he came back, Clark was still there. He was still staring out the window.

Bruce exhaled in relief. He climbed into bed. He laid facing Clark.

Clark didn't acknowledge him.

Bruce asked, “How are you doing?”

Clark said, “I thought… I shouldn't be alive. I-.” He choked up. He began trembling as he began crying again.

Bruce scooted closer to him. “But you should be alive. We love you, Clark.”

Clark continued to cry.

Bruce wasn't sure what to say to make him stop. It hurt to see him hurt so bad. “Can I hold you?”

“I don't deserve it,” Clark sobbed. He was a murderer. He failed Lois. He failed his son. He was a terrible person. He didn't deserve to live.

“Come here,” Bruce said as he laid flush against him. “You deserve everything good thing.” He managed to hold Clark in his arms. “You have to forgive yourself.”

“But it's hard,” Clark cried. How was he supposed to forgive how terrible he has been? He wanted to abort his own baby. He was neglectful to his own son. He let Lois die. So many thoughts rushed through his head, but he couldn't say it.

“You've always tried your best, Clark,” Bruce said. “You're a good person.”

Was he really?

Bruce held him tight. “I know when those terrible thoughts won't stop. It's okay. It's gonna be okay.”

Clark grabbed Bruce’s hand to feel its warmth. He sniffed, “Okay… okay.”

Chapter Text

Clark sighed. He had been through a lot these past 8 months. If he didn't have Bruce, his friends, and family, he didn't know what he would've done.

Now… he had Josie in the mix. Still kicking and growing in his stomach.

At the moment, Jon and Damian were out hanging out. Bruce was in his office doing some Wayne Tech work.

Clark was in the kitchen. He looked down at his stomach as he ate. “You get really excited when I eat.” He still haven't x-ray visioned his stomach. He had no idea what she was going to look like.

But according to Bruce and the doctors, she was going to be a healthy baby.

After he was done eating, he went into the atrium to greet the guest he heard arrive from the kitchen.

Diana was at the door that Alfred had opened. She came in and said, “Kal, how have you been doing?” She had a huge gift bag in her hand.

“I've been well,” Clark said. He had some troubles, but he had been trying his best. He even kept meeting up with J’onn J’onnz.

Diana gave him a sympathetic smile. “Despite the trials you have gone through, you've always prevailed.”

Clark rubbed his stomach. “Yeah.” He felt a couple of kicks.

Bruce arrived in the front room where they were. He greeted, “Diana.”

Diana said, “Hello, Bruce. I stopped by because I wanted to give you two a gift. Soon you two will have an addition to the family.” She handed the bag to Clark.

“Oh,” Clark said. “You shouldn't have.” He looked into the bag.

They went into the living room to hang out leisurely. They sat on the couch together as they talked about what had been going on.

Clark got up from the couch with major difficulty. He said, “I'm going to get some pickles.”

“Let me get them for you,” Diana said as she began to get up herself.

“No,” Clark said. “I need to walk. Sitting down too long makes me feel uncomfortable.” He rubbed his stomach. He kept his hand underneath his stomach as he was trying to keep himself balanced from the offset of the baby’s weight in his stomach. He left the room.

Diana sighed, “I’m so glad to see him doing well.”

“Yeah,” Bruce said.

“I can't imagine seeing him go through those ups and downs,” she said. “You've done well.”

“I've only done what I had to do for him,” he said. “I love him.”

Clark walked in with a bowl of pickle chips. He was eating them as he was walking in. He hummed in delight. When he reached them, he stopped. His brow furrowed.

Bruce was quick to notice. He was sensitive to anything that could bother Clark. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Clark said. But he wasn't sure. “Actually…” He frowned. “I don’t-.” He passed the bowl to Bruce, so Bruce quickly took it.

Bruce quickly stood up while sitting the bowl down. “What's wrong?” He recognized it wasn’t Clark’s mental state.

It was his body.

Suddenly, Clark gasped as he flinched heavily. He trembled as he closed his eyes. “Bruce… I'm wet.”

Diana jumped up. “Bruce, his water broke!”

Clark panicked, “It's still dripping.”

Diana ran over to his side. “The water might not be releasing all together.”

Clark asked, beginning to panic more, “Is that normal?”

Bruce and Diana answered quickly, for his sake, “Yes.”

Bruce said, “Let's get you to the batplane.” He put Clark’s arm around his shoulders.

Clark said, “But the carpet-.”

“Screw the carpet,” Bruce replied. “We need the emergency bag.”

“Got it,” Diana said as she ran ahead.

They began their way down the hallway.

Clark’s pants were getting wetter by the second.

Diana was back in seconds. She had the duffle bag that Clark kept in his bedroom for when the baby came. “Let me,” Diana said as she reached for Clark.

Bruce nodded.

Diana picked Clark up in her arms with ease. “We should get there as soon as possible before his contractions start.”

“It already has,” Clark grimaced.

They made it to the batplane. As they went to their destination, Bruce contacted Jon and Damian.

Despite being in labor, Clark was quiet.

Diana talked to Clark quietly and gently to keep him calm.

When they reached the Watchtower, that was when the real problems began. The three were in one of the hospital rooms with two other doctors.

Clark’s teeth were clenched from the pain… but also in defense. He was on the bed.

The doctor who stood forward said, “Please, Superman, we need to get your pants off.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Clark growled.

“Whoa,” Bruce said. “We need to have a way to the baby.”

“No!” Clark yelled. There were tears threatening to fall.

Bruce wasn't sure where this came from. He had doctor appointments before. Yes, he had never taken his clothes off for them… “Clark,” Bruce said. “What if we put a blanket over you?”

“It's gonna fall off,” Clark rebutted.

“Then a gown?” Diana said. “It will stay on no matter what.” She understood what was going on.

Clark thought for a moment. He didn't want to go with it. He flinched as the pain didn't get any better. His breathing was shallow and ragged.

Diana said, “They are just here to help.”

Clark squeezed his eyes shut. He hesitated, but he nodded.

The doctor exhaled in relief that he was able to give in.

Diana said to the doctor, “Get the gown and let’s wait outside while they put it on.”

The doctor nodded and moved with urgency.

Bruce and Clark got the room to themselves with the gown. He helped Clark out of his soaked pants. He asked, “Is it okay to take off your shirt? It might get sweaty with it underneath the gown.”

Clark nodded. He grimaced as his contractions shocked him.

Bruce got the gown on him.

And soon, the two doctors were in the room ready to help.

Diana stood by Clark's side.

Bruce stood on the other. He kept a hand on Clark’s shoulder in support when he finally had to open his legs.

The doctor gave orders and planned. They mention the dilation and contractions.

Clark didn't understand as he was in pain and ready for it to stop. But he did hear for him to breathe.

But when the doctor gave the orders, he pushed.

Clark hasn't felt pain like this before. He was pushing a seven pound being out of his body. Was his vagina supposed to stretch like that? He gasped as he balled his fists so much that he could’ve sworn his palms were going to bleed.

“Breath, Clark,” Bruce said.

Clark exhaled. He was trying to keep up the breathing, but every time he was ordered to push, he held his breath. He grabbed the railings on the bed.

But he broke it.

Everyone jumped.

Clark didn't know what to hold on to. He couldn't hold on to Bruce’s hand. He would break his hand.

“Hold my hand,” Diana said. “I’m strong enough.”

Clark nodded. He couldn't talk. He was trying his best to keep up the breathing. His trembling hand reached out.

And Diana grabbed it. “I got you, friend.”

The doctor said, “The baby’s crowning. You're almost there. Push as hard as you can. In one… two… push.”

Clark pushed as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Again,” the doctor said.

Clark followed suit. With every push, there was frustration, pain and anger.

And then… there was crying.

Clark gasped. The pain wasn't fully gone. But the crazy pressure of a baby was gone. He closed his eyes as he trembled, trying to catch his breath. He laid down exhausted.

“You did it,” Bruce said.

“A healthy baby girl,” the doctor announced.

Clark didn't open his eyes. He heard the snipping of scissors. “Bruce…”

“Yeah?” Bruce was a little further.

Clark could feel tears slipping through. “Can you take care of Josie right now?”

…

“Yeah, of course,” Bruce answered. He placed his hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to see her? I have her.”

Clark shook his head. He put his hand over his face as he began crying. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

Josie finally quieted.

Bruce said, “I can let her be with the doctor. Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No,” Clark said. “Go with her.”

“Okay,” Bruce said. “I'll be back soon.” He left a kiss on Clark's forehead.

Diana soothed, “It's okay.” She placed a blanket over him. “We’ll get you cleaned up soon.”

Clark gripped the blanket tight. “Can I be alone?”

There was whispering between her and the doctors.

“... Okay,” Diana said. “Is ten minutes fine?”

Clark nodded. He turned on his side away from the door. He was exhausted, but he felt so much guilt. He didn't want to see Josie.

What kind of father was he?

But… he was terrified.

Chapter Text

Bruce looked down at the baby that was just born.

Josie had gray skin and dull red eyes. After crying, she was calm as ever as she looked up at him. She didn't move much despite how much she kicked Clark during the pregnancy.

Bruce wondered how Clark would react to seeing how many traits she inherited from Darkseid. He wanted to start it slow, but Clark didn't want to take the chance. He sighed thinking about how terrified Clark looked.

Clark wouldn't open his eyes to look at her.

Bruce said, “I'll be back, Josie.” He laid her in the hospital crib. He gazed at her one more time before walking out into the hallway.

Across the hallway was the door to Clark’s hospital room. Coming towards him was Diana. She waved, “Hey. We gave Clark some time to himself.”

Something didn't sit right with Bruce. He didn't like the fact that Clark was alone. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

No one answered.

Bruce gently opened the door.

Clark was nowhere to be seen.

Diana gasped, “Where did he go?”

Fear crept up Bruce’s spine. He ran in and looked around. He went into the bathroom connected.

All there was left was the gown Clark had on and the opened duffle bag.

It took everything for Bruce to not crash out on the spot. Clark was in no condition to be running around.

Bruce was ready to leave to search for Clark. “I'm going to look for him.”

Diana said, already on board, “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

Bruce said, “Come with me.” He left with Diana to go after Clark.

Before leaving, they got the doctors to tend to Josie. They went to his Batplane. He began doing research and making calls to see where Clark had gone. After all of his research, he began the trek to where he suspected. He flew his vehicle as fast as he could.

When he landed, the freezing cold air made Bruce shiver despite the Batsuit keeping him warm. Diana who was more scantily cladded braved the cold no problem.

They walked up to the entrance of the Fortress of Solitude.

The doors opened on their own.

Bruce and Diana ran in to search for him. They split up.

Bruce yelled, “Clark!” He ran down the hallways until he ran into the room with the advanced computers.

Clark, fully dressed as Superman, was right there. His back was to Bruce. He was staring at the screen of the universe.

“Clark,” Bruce called.

Clark turned around. He looked perfectly fine… physically. His stomach wasn't large as it would normally be after giving birth. He stood up perfectly straight. Was it the sunlight that helped? His posture and body may have been healed, but his mental state…

Bruce asked, “What made you leave?”

Clark said, “I…” He closed his eyes as he tried to keep the tears at bay. He took a deep breath in and out. “I don't think I can do this.”

“Clark,” Bruce said. “You already are a good father.”

“Lying is a bad habit,” Clark replied, bitter.

“Im not lying,” Bruce said.

“Look at me,” Clark said. “Haven't you seen how I was to Jon. I barely take care of him anymore. But that wasn't the full point of me leaving.”

“Then what?”

Clark shook his head as the urge to cry grew. “I'm scared, Bruce.”

“Of what?” Bruce said. “You're safe.”

Clark faltered as he thought about all he had gone through. Losing Lois. Getting raped. Killing Darkseid. Failing his son. Getting pregnant. Wanting to get rid of the pregnancy. His disdain for his own daughter. He couldn't look at his daughter. What if he…?

He hasn't even looked at his own daughter.

Bruce stood right in front of him. He placed his hand on his cheek. He could see Clark’s mind racing.

The frustration. The pain. The light slowly leaving his eyes.

Finally, Clark was able to say, “I trust you.” His mood didn't change. He took a step back, so Bruce’s hand can leave his face. He looked down at the ground. His stomach wasn't big anymore.

Did that mean he was free?

Clark asked, “Could you take care of Josie… and Jon?”

“Clark…” Bruce said, concerned. “You can’t…”

Clark shook his head. “I don't think I can do this.”

“Just try!” Bruce shouted.

Clark didn't seem to care about Bruce’s desperation. He only looked down at the ground. He wouldn't look up at him.

“You're Superman!” Bruce said. “You don't just give up! Superman never gives up!”

Superman slowly looked at him. He averted eye contact with a depressed expression. He said, not convinced, “Okay.” He didn't argue back. He didn't have any fight in him.

“Clark,” Bruce pleaded. “Just come back to the Watchtower with me. Just come look at Josie.”

Clark sighed. “Okay.” He just listened. He didn't fight. He didn't have the motivation.

Diana arrived in the room. She gasped seeing them. She could see that they were interacting, but she didn't want to interrupt. She heard before she reached the room.

Bruce said to Diana, “We are going back.”

The three left to go back to the Watchtower. They made it to the room where Josie was held. The door was closed.

Clark stood in front of it with Bruce and Diana on each side. His heart thudded in his chest painfully. If he wasn't depressed, then he was anxious. He wouldn't come inside.

Bruce said, “I'll go in first.” He went past Clark.

Clark could see the crib in the room, but he couldn't see Josie from where he was. He didn't bother with x-ray vision.

Bruce kept his back to Clark as he went to the crib. He took off his cowl. He reached down and picked up the baby. He rocked the baby a little.

Clark took a step back. He stayed outside of the door. He was scared to see her.

Bruce turned around. He said, “This is Josie.” He walked up to Clark. He cradled Josie in his arms. “She's a beautiful little girl you have there.”

Clark stared down at her.

Josie looked back at him.

He frowned as his eyes began to well up with tears.

Bruce asked, “Do you want to hold her?”

Clark shook his head.

Diana said gently, “Clark… does she remind you of-.”

“No,” Clark interrupted with a whisper. “She's so beautiful. I just… I feel like I might hurt her.”

Bruce asked, “Do you have an urge to hurt her?”

Clark quickly looked up at him alarmed. Then he closed his eyes as he was ashamed at what he felt. “I…” He took another step back. “I'm sorry.”

Bruce nodded, “Okay. I'll take care of her for now.” He went to the crib and laid Josie in it. “But for you, Clark, we need to get you to a proper doctor.” He caressed Josie’s cheek.

“Huh?” Clark mumbled, confused.

Bruce had done plenty of research on what a pregnancy can do to a woman in normal circumstances. It was never easy. Clark had been through a lot before getting pregnant as well. The death, Darkseid and even the trauma of giving birth.

Clark’s mental state was slowly getting worse, and Bruce regretted not doing more to prevent it.

Diana asked, “Do you know what's wrong?”

Bruce turned to face them. He said, “You're suffering from Postpartum depression. You have been for a while.”

Clark furrowed his brow in confusion as he jarred by the terminology.

Bruce knew the question without Clark asking. He explained, “The pregnant person can suffer from it before having the baby.” He took a deep breath in and out. “Everything's going to be okay. You just have to get through this. We’ll get through this. You don't have to run away.”

“I don't?” Clark said as he began to cry. Despite that, he had some hope.

Chapter Text

Clark stayed separate from Josie. It was odd since she was with him for almost 9 months. He knew it was for the best.

Bruce finally did understand how Clark was feeling.

Clark laid down in bed at the manor, but soon he was on his feet. It was hard to stay still for long. Despite that, he had no true desire to do anything. He stared out the window unable to figure out what to do with himself.

It had only been a day since Josie was born.

Clark could hear Jon asking how his father was doing. But one question filled him with so much guilt: “Why don’t Dad have the baby?”

Bruce was currently holding the baby. He answered, “It's for her safety.”

“Safety?” Jon said in disbelief.

“Yes,” Bruce said. “There are some things your dad is struggling with. I'll be taking care of her for the time being.”

There was silence.

Clark could even hear Jon get worked up.

Bruce asked, “Want to hold your sister?”

Clark stopped listening from there. He wanted to stop listening forever. He laid back down to sleep.

But when he heard the crying, Clark’s eyes opened. He felt… anger. Then the anger turned into guilt. He somehow felt angry when he hadn't even taken care of Josie once.

Clark covered his ears as he felt himself begin to cry. It barely helped. He couldn't sleep, for he was counting down until she cried again.

Eventually, Jon did come to Clark. He told him about school and everything, but Clark could easily see he was avoiding mentioning Josie.

At times, Clark would only leave his room, as long as Josie was sleeping in another room.

But it didn't stop the guilt and self-hatred he felt when he felt anger towards Josie.

When the next week came along, a doctor from STAR Labs was there to help. Batman flew Superman despite Superman being able to fly himself. It wasn't Martian Manhunter. There was only so much J’onn could help with.

Clark and a doctor sat in a room alone.

Clark talked to her about what he has been feeling. He was aware that Bruce told her what he has been through, so Clark wouldn't have to revisit those emotions again.

The doctor nodded as she listened. When he was done, she said, “That definitely sounds like postpartum. We at the STAR Lab tried taking this into consideration when trying to create a drug that could help you.”

“A drug?”

“Yes,” she said. “Normally women who deal with this need medication when the symptoms last way too long. You have been dealing with these feelings far too long. During and after your pregnancy.” And then she began talking to him more about the process, but Clark could barely pay attention. When she was done, she asked, “Do you understand?”

Clark only shrugged.

The doctor nodded, understanding that he barely paid attention. She said, “I'll explain it to your husband too.”

Clark looked at her confused. “He's not my husband.”

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry, I just assumed.”

“It's fine,” Clark said. He knew that they loved each other, but this whole ordeal just made himself feel undesirable. “Where’s this drug?” He was ready for all of this to be over.

“This drug you will have to take periodically, and therapy is recommended,” she said.

“Periodically?”

She explained, “With your metabolism and Kryptonian DNA, we think once a week would suffice, but we aren't completely sure. We’ve never dealt with… well…”

A pregnant Kryptonian man.

Clark shrugged, “That's fair. Do you have the drug ready now?”

“Yes,” she said.

Clark was pleased to get the drug almost immediately. He wasn't sure what to expect. He didn't know how long until it would take effect. He was just told, “Don't expect it to work immediately.”

As Batman and Superman flew home by Batplane, they were quiet. Superman took the drug before leaving. He was nervous to see how it would affect him.

Bruce placed his hand over Clark’s. He didn't say anything, but he showed how much he supported him from that one gesture.

But by the time he went home, he felt the need to go to bed. And so, that was what he did.

The next time Clark woke up, something felt… off. He felt level. He sat up and looked out the window.

It was early in the morning. At this moment, he was sure that Jon was getting ready for school. He got out of bed.

Clark went to the kitchen where Jon was eating breakfast. He said, “Good morning.”

Jon looked up from his food with a gasp, “Dad! You’re up!” He flew up and gave him a hug. He held him tight.

There was relief in that interaction.

Clark saw him off as Jon left from the front door. He sighed as he closed the door.

He began walking.

He didn't pay full attention to where he was going. He was revelling over the new found control he felt over his emotions.

It was weird.

It was so long.

Feeling like this… could he be Superman properly now? Can he now be a proper father? Could he be capable?

He stopped in front of the door of the little heartbeat he heard in there. He placed his hand on the doorknob and slowly opened the door. He walked into the room. He went to the crib to find his sleeping daughter.

She was only a week old.

She was so precious.

Clark reached down and picked her up. He held her in his arms, close to his chest.

She was so small.

So small that…

He could crush her right there.

Extinguish the life in his arms.

Clark took a trembling breath in and out. He laid her back down in her crib and walked out. He closed the door and backed into the wall of the hallway. His hands were trembling. He slid down to the floor as he began sniveling. He covered his face with his hands as he sobbed.

What was that?

Why did he feel this way?

It couldn't have been because of her father. He may have killed Darkseid, but he didn't want to kill her. So why the intrusive thoughts?

“Clark,” Bruce called as he came up to him. “Alfred called me and…” He looked down at Clark concerned. Then he looked at the door that was opened in front of him. He jumped quickly to go into the room. He was alarmed. He checked on Josie.

Clark watched as Bruce checked her condition.

When Bruce saw nothing was wrong, he exhaled in relief. He looked at Clark while he was looking at him from the hallway on the floor.

Clark didn't blame him one bit. Not after what went through his head. In fact, he was glad he was quick to check on his daughter.

Josie was awake. She stretched and kicked her little feet in a jerky way that newborns did.

Bruce said, knowingly, “You thought about it.” He knew Clark thought about killing her.

Clark said with his voice thick with sobs, “I thought I was better.” He looked down at his hands. “I thought I could finally hold her.”

Bruce walked over to him. He kneeled down and said, “You shouldn't rush this. This is a sign you are getting better, but you need to be careful. Okay?”

Clark nodded. He wiped his face of his tears.

Josie began crying.

Clark covered his ears and he felt irritation more than anything. He didn't want to feel that way.

Bruce said, “Don't take it hard, Clark. You are doing well.” He stood up and went to Josie. He held her in his arms and rocked her. He had his back towards Clark.

Josie calmed in his arms.

Bruce turned to him. He walked to him. “Do you want to see her while I am holding her?”

Clark nodded. He stood up. He didn't lift a finger. He looked at the calm eyes of his daughter.

She looked right at him.

“Hey, Josie,” Clark said, gently. “Remember me? I was the one you've been kicking for months.” He took a deep breath in and out. “I'll hold you some more soon. I promise.”

Chapter Text

Josie’s cry rang down the hallway.

It was so early in the morning that the sun barely peaked from the horizon.

Her cries were one of need.

Clark could hear her from his bedroom. He sat up.

Bruce mumbled from beside him, “You got her?”

Clark said, “Yeah. You just got to bed.”

Bruce had been out as Batman not too long ago. He needed his sleep.

Clark flew out of the room to Josie’s crib next door. He gently picked her up and said, “It's alright. It's alright. Let's get your diaper changed.” He laid her down on the changing table and changed her diaper.

Once she was dried and clean, Josie reached up to him and cooed.

Clark thought about how mortified she would've been if she understood how much danger he was to her three months back. He picked her up and asked, “Ready to go to bed?”

Josie just looked up at him. Her red eyes were wide and energetic.

Clark sighed, “No you are not.” He decided to take her to the kitchen with him. He laid her down on the counter and dug into the fridge. He found a jar of pickles and cringed at how disgusting he found it now.

He found ingredients to make a sandwich. He constructed the sandwich beside Josie. He would make funny faces and talk to her as he did.

Josie would grab at the sandwich beside her, but Clark was quicker. She would smile at him often.

As he ate his sandwich, he multitasked by fixing her bottle of milk. By the time he finished his sandwich, he finished the bottle. He picked up Josie in his arms and began to feed her.

Clark was surprised how fervently she sucked the nipple. He wondered if breastfeeding was a scary task. He couldn't imagine that. He shivered.

Clark said, “Better be glad you have a father.”

Josie just stared at him as she drank. Her eyes were quite intense.

“Eh,” Clark said uneasily. Sometimes when she stared, it made him nervous. “What do you see?”

Bruce had to convince him that it’s the baby being comfortable with him.

Clark was sure Jon didn't stare at him that hard when he was a baby. What did he know? That was almost 11 years ago.

Time went by as Clark walked around while Josie finished the bottle. Slowly, Josie’s eyes closed.

When the bottle was empty, Clark tossed the bottle in the sink. He lifted from his feet and flew them down the hallway. When he reached Josie’s crib, he began to gently lay her down.

Josie began crying.

Oh… how he missed this.

Clark shushed, “It’s fine. It's fine.” He held her to his chest. He made shushing noises as he rocked her side to side.

When she was calm again, he tried to transfer her to the bed.

And she began crying again.

Clark picked her back up and calmed her down again. He sighed and walked out of the room. He went to his bedroom where Bruce was sleeping soundly. Clark climbed into bed with Josie sleeping on his chest. He laid on his back while she was sprawled out of his chest.

Josie snuggled up to him comfortably.

Clark listened to her heartbeat.

It was young and strong.

Clark rested his hand on his back, feeling her breathing rise and fall. Slowly, he fell asleep.

It was such a warm and calm sleep. There was some relief in it.

Suddenly, he was briefly woken up by Josie being picked up from him. Some time has passed as it was brighter. He heard Bruce whisper, “I got her.” He mumbled and nodded. And then he fell right back asleep.

The next time he woke up, it was noon. He sat up alarmed. He looked around for Josie. He searched around for her in the house with his x-ray vision.

When he found Josie being fed by Alfred in the kitchen, he exhaled in relief. He decided she was in good hands for the day. He got up and went out to be Superman.

He quickly came back to the kitchen where Alfred was feeding Josie in his arms. He placed a kiss on Josie’s forehead. “Love you.” And he left.

He looked forward to coming back home.

Clark thought about what his life was like now compared to before. He didn't think he would be back to a stable way of living… well for a superhero.

He didn't have to run away.

He had something to go back to.

He knew he had a family to come back home to.