Archive of Our Own ^beta

Day Two
     "You've got a lot of nerve to dredge up all my fears"
     Prophecy | Sewer| Taking accountability

Bakugou Katsuki stood in front of iron gates, gaze set on the hill. Past it he could see angry clouds rolling through the sky and slowly getting closer.

What a fitting day for rain.

He fucking hated the rain.

Katsuki closed his eyes for a moment. It had been two years since he first visited the grave. The memory was still fresh in his mind, it wasn't one he would ever forget. The screams and sobs of a broken mother still echoed in his ears. The rain cold but fitting for the miserable day.

A few stray drops landed on his face and arms, the t-shirt he wore offering little coverage. Katsuki opened his eyes and with a deep breath, started his walk up the gentle hill.

The gravel crunched under foot as he walked the path. A faint rumbled warned of an impending storm. The plastic bag crinkled as he tightened his grip. Every year since they buried him he's visited and every year he wonders if he has any right too.

This walk always threw him back into the worst memories, and he loathed to admit, the best. It made him think of what he lost, of what could have been.

Let's be heroes together Kacchan!

Take a swan dive and pray for a quirk in the next life.

Katsuki stood in front of the grave. Izuku Midoriya. For a moment, that was all he could do, stare at the name as every regret and sorrow washed over him. With a deep breath he forced it all down and away. This wasn't about him.

He went through the motions, showing his respect. He tidied a few weeds, burned some incense that he had brought with him. Gently he placed the lotus under his name. It was an odd choice, not typical but he hoped Izuku understood. Beside it he placed a small serving of Katsudon, then prayed.

He let out a sigh, opened his eyes and settled down, sitting on the cold ground just far enough away from the carved stone.

Izuku Midoriya.

The need to talk to Izuku bubbled up in him. He wished the nerd was still here, was in the hero course with him. Learning how to do this shit together and fucking apologize for all the shit he put the nerd through. Instead Katsuki got to have everything he ever wanted and Izuku had killed himself. All because he couldn't pull his head out of his fucking ass sooner. It was only after Izuku was gone that he learned how shitty he was.

He bowed his head, hands resting in his lap. Katsuki always struggled with where to start. How did he tell Izuku stories that he should have been apart of?

"Hey Izuku, it's been a wild year. You ready for more stories?" He asked the empty space. A slight breeze pressed against his back. If that wasn't a sign to continue he didn't know what would have been. He took a breath and story after story spilled from his mouth to the boy who couldn't even hear him.

The storm had rolled in, the rain beat against him, cold and unyielding as the clouds boomed above. Maybe this was Izuku punishing him, screaming out his rage at Katsuki daring to visit him here and talk about everything they dreamed of having together. He was soaked to the bone but couldn't find it in himself to care. At least he could still feel shit.

"Hey Bakugou." Eijiro's warm voice was beside him. Katsuki didn't answer, but he did turn to watch him as he payed his respects. Denki following suit. They didn't even get a chance to meet him, Izuku would have loved them, he thinks.

"Ready to get out of here man? You're soaked and it's almost curfew." Denki asked, his usual playful tone gone. He shook his head. His friends, he really didn't deserve to call them that, sat on either side of him. Close but not touching, they were always so careful to respect that boundary.

There they sat, and the storm drenched them further. Katsuki for once felt the need to talk about Izuku to them. He never wanted to before, out of fear and a desperate need to do better, to never be a villain again. But he knew that label would always stick with him. No matter how fast he ran, or how good of a hero he pretended to be, he would always be Izuku's villain.

"We grew up together." He spoke, voice hoarse and dry from too much talking. He couldn't break his gaze away from the grave, stuck staring at the name, the person, he destroyed.

"Auntie Inko and the Hag were always good friend. The nerd and I used to dream about being heroes together. An agency, being a duo, climbing the ranks and fighting for that number one spot." Here he found himself stalling.

He was flooded with memories of them as little tots. All Might figures in hand as they charged around the living room. Screaming out attacks before they destroyed villains. Their laughter filled the air during the day. At night, tucked in bed beside each other, they whispered of dreams and wishes for the future. It used to be so pure and good, so why the fuck did he ruin it?

What would life had been like if he never betrayed Izuku?

"What changed?" Eijiro asked. Katsuki let out a bitter laugh, filled with self loathing and grief.

"I fucking did. I got this quirk, he didn't get any." He looked at his palms, the rain had long ago made his quirk useless. "I was so mad. Thought he was fucking with me, betrayed me because how the hell were we supposed to be heroes if he was useless?

"I let so many people get in my head. Get in between us. That I didn't see how fucked up I became. This quirk was praised, I was told I was destined to be a hero. The same time adults talked about Izuku like he was diseased and worth nothing. I let all that bullshit fill my head and I believed them, about me and him." He should shut up now, should stop talking before he ruined everything he has. His stupid mouth betrayed him.

He told them everything, all the good memories of being little kids. The family dinners they used to all have together. He dragged out the good memories, tired to make it last as long as possible before he told them how it all went wrong. Teachers and adults making their dislike of quirkless people known, how it flooded their school, absorbed by young impressionable minds. The bullying started and escalated to abuse. The spider lilies and taunts. Their final year in junior high and how Izuku killed himself.

Katsuki needed them to understand how horrible he was.

"It took a few days, I don't think anyone was really looking, but they found his note." He sucked in a deep breath. "I read it, thing was only two lines. He didn't blame me, said he forgave me, for all of it. The second was that his hero told him he could never be a quirkless hero."

"He held onto hope for so fucking long, but it was All Might that was the final straw." The air was thick and heavy around them. Katsuki was certain they were remember the day All Might showed up in the class. Remembered how he lost his shit, screamed at the hero and demanded answers. He never got any from the man, he wonders if he ever would.

"I was Izuku's villain. I will always be a villain." He quietly admitted finally allowing the tears to trail down his cheeks. He bowed his head, wet hair draped around his face to hide his eyes.

"I don't deserve to be a hero." Minutes passed as Katsuki cried. The two remained silent beside him. The storm continued to rage. A warm palm settled on his back.

"Listen man, the only thing you can do now is keep going. You've changed since we first met. It's not enough, it won't ever be enough, but keep going." Eijiro's voice cracked with his own sorrows.

"We'll talk to Aizawa, figure this all out." Denki added. Katsuki only nodded. Exhausted and ready to go to sleep.

"I'm sorry." There was so much he wanted to add to that, but the words failed him. He wanted to scream at Izuku and himself. He would do so much differently if he could. He would do everything differently. He didn't want to be a monster but that would forever be his label. Now he had to bare the judgment of everyone around him, deal with the consequences of his actions. He wanted to apologize to Eijiro and Denki too, for tricking them into being around him.

"C'mon man, let's get you back to the dorms. I'll make us some food." Denki wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He looked up then, confused at the friendly gesture. "What's that look for?" The electric blond asked.

"Why?"

Eijiro sighed, it pulled Katsuki's gaze to him. "Listen you've done some horrible shit, you can't make up for it but I've seen you trying to do better. Plus you're beating yourself up, I won't leave you to deal with all this alone. We'll figure it out together. Whatever that looks like." The red head held out a fist. "Friends. Right dude?"

Katsuki bumped their fists together, unable to say the words but grateful he still had them.

As the three of the left the storm began to ease up. Heavy rain lightening to a gentle patter. The harsh winds softened to a slight breeze. It chilled him to the bone but it carried a faint whisper, one that sounded like Izuku's voice, maybe it was just a desperate wish for his aching heart.

You'll be a great hero Kacchan!