Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Year 2149

I am running. Escaping from something. Someone. I do not even know. I can feel the sun on my face, warm, comforting. Stripes of sweat wet my face, falling inside my eyes. My lounges scream, begging for any sort of break. My throat closes a little more with each breath I take and breathing becomes harder and harder. The grass is pointy and sharp under my bare feet, it cuts small wounds on them. But I cannot stop. I cannot slow down. I need to go back. A loud thud wakes me from my thoughts and I do not need to turn around to know that it is here. It found me. The heart shakes with another thump and I stumble on my feet. My hands touch the ground but I manage to get back up. Then, a sharp pain on my back and I am sent flying to the ground. The grass cuts deep in my skin. I inhale deeply, desperately trying to get fresh air past my throat. I push myself up and to around to-

A metallic sound precedes the opening of the door of my cell. My head snaps upwards and I push the pencil so hard the tip brakes. With one hand I pull the strings of my headsets. I find myself facing a guard, holding the electric baton. My hands fly in the air and every word I was thinking die before seeing light.

“Prisoner 2-1-7, face the wall” he says, moving from the door to let another guard enter.

“What? Why?” my words stumble on my tongue.

“Face. The. Wall. I won’t say it again.”

As I see blue spikes appearing around the metallic cane, my jaw clenches and I get up, putting the notebook in my back pocket. I turn my back to them and hear something being put on my bed. I turn to look and find an iron box, inside some kind of big, metallic bracelets.

“Hold your right arm” the command solemn.

“No. No. You must have the wrong number” I try not to let my voice tremble “I was born in December! I still have time!”

They don’t seem to even hear me. Muscular arms wrap around me and a hand locks around my right wrist. I squirm, hoping to buy some more minutes, just enough time for someone to come, to tell them they have the wrong girl. But the bracelet is sealed around my wrist. I hold a whimper as I feel a set of needles being pushed deeply inside my skin. I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Why now? Why me? This is all wrong.

They start to push me- drag me- out of my cell.

“Wait! Wait! You're mistaken! I can assure you!”

My heel finds contact with the leg of one of them and I have the time to run to my bed and get Bubbles, my stuffed animal.

“This stays here” and equally quickly it is snatched from me “Where you are going is no place for toys”.

“No! You don’t understand! Please let me bring him!” I can hear my voice crack. The thought of not having my father near me as I die sets deeply in my bones, freezing me from the interior.

“Such a baby. She won’t survive a day” I can hear him chuckling.

“I bet she doesn’t even make it out of the ship” and they laugh.

But I don’t care about the insult. The only things echoing in my mind are survive a day and  ship. What the hell is happening? We are on a ship right now, why would I- a needle is in my neck.

I’m sitting, strapped with red belts to an uncomfortable chair. My head is spinning and turning it to look around makes me almost throw up. I'm surrounded by other boys and girls, all worryingly young. The seat shakes and a few yells scrape the inside of my ears. I look more closely at their faces. Confusion, fear, terror is what I see. Probably the same emotions I’m wearing. I scan the people until I find someone I recognize.

“Mon-” I'm interrupted by a turbulence and a static sound.

Screens I hadn’t noticed before turn on and the Chancellor appears. His voice starts to come out from the speakers, not quite in sync with the video. My eyes are glued to the screen, trying to get some sort of answer as to why I was in a metal box. Someone beside me was whispering with each other, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It just happened.

“Do you know what’s happening?”

“I heard they were sending us to Earth”

My head stops working as I hear the last word. Earth. Earth? They were sending us to Earth? It didn’t make sense. It’s too soon. We can’t survive on Earth.

“-we would have sent others” Jaha’s monologue continues “Frankly, we’re sending you because your crimes have made you expendable.”

They were actually sending us to Earth. Sending us to die. A collective execution disguised as an exploring mission.

Jaha's voice becomes muffled, overtaken by too many thoughts. The ship shakes again, this time much more violently. My hands tighten around the straps, nails digging in the fabric. My organs seem to rise up inside me and my heart beats so fast I’m scared it might explode. I close my eyes, people talk, some yell. I don’t listen to their conversations. I run away. To a different place, a different time, a different universe.

I am in a living room. My mother and my father are sitting on either side of a table. I stand there, watching them laugh, joke, be happy. Outside a window an endless expanse of grass surmounted by the bluest sky someone could ever imagine. My mother calls me. She is smiling, proud of-

My seat is violently shaken. Someone yells and I could swear I saw someone flying. Tubes are ripped off the walls and gas start to blur the room. Electric sparks fly from some broken cables and end on my face, tickling and lightly burning my cheeks. I shield my face with my hands and try to open my eyes. My head spins in every corner of the room checking on the others. And then the crash. The fall suddenly stops. The room is as silent as death. Until people’s chatting starts to slowly reappear, becoming louder and louder. A series of clicking sounds makes my eyes wander over the other seats. Everyone is getting up. My fingers shake and it takes me one moment to break free from the seatbelt. I slowly get up, my legs wobbly and shaky. I force myself to breathe through my nose trying to calm my heartbeat. I frantically search for the known faces I saw earlier, hoping it wasn’t them I saw bouncing over the walls. As I see a head with a pair of aviator glasses, I allow myself to calm down, just a little.

“Jasper- Jasper!” I yell, as I push myself through the crowd “Monty! Jasper!”

As the two guys turn around, I see in their faces a mixture of happiness, relief and then worry.

“Hey, thank God you’re okay” Monty hugs me and I wrap my arms tightly around him, searching for some kind of comfort.

“I’m sorry you guys are stuck in this mess too.”

“You know, the risks of selling weed” Jasper jokes.

“If we survive the toxic air, you can grow as much as you want.”

“Yeah... if” whispers Monty.

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking down. We could die. The realization washes over me like a bucket of ice. We could die any minute. A painful and slow death, must be the one from toxic air. Nope. I won’t live my last minutes in fear. Especially I won’t let my friends do that.

“They’ve let you keep your glasses” I say tapping the glass on top of Jasper’s head.

“I’m not me without them” he forces a half laugh.

“We better get down, see what’s happening.”

I nod at Monty and follow him to the ladders. I'm halfway down and have a perfect view of the door. A guy in uniform stands in front of it and I'm immediately relieved that we have someone to guard us. A small girl with long brown hair is hugging him and I quickly get off the ladder, curious to hear what’s happening.

“What the hell are you wearing?” she asks “A guard uniform?” and I am suddenly not so sure I am as relieved as before.

“I borrowed it to get on the door ship. Someone's got to keep an eye on you. ”

“Where’s your wristband?” a new voice intervenes, a blond girl.

“Do you mind?” the brunettes snaps at her “I haven’t seen my brother in a year.”

Brother. No one has a brother. It's forbidden. A crime. Punishable by death.

“That’s Octavia Blake!” someone yells “The girl they found hidden in the floor!”

The girl- Octavia launches towards the crowd but is held by her brother. That's a weird thing even to just imagine. Siblings.

“Octavia no! Give them something else to remember you by.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years.”

My heart skips a beat. The boy’s hand reaches the lever and mine grabs Jasper’s. I know we’re thinking the same thing: we might die. He pulls the lever and the door creaks. Slowly it falls to the ground and the light of the sun fills the space. I'm holding my breath, a useless thing, I know. I take a shaky breath and fresh air fills me. Octavia reluctantly starts to exit the ship. With a jump lands on the green, shiny grass. And we realize we’re still alive. I squeeze Jasper’s hand and I can feel my insides tickling, quivering with excitement. Everyone starts running towards the exit and I let the crowd guide me. Step after step the light reaches my face and I let the air surround me and fill every part of me. I can smell something. The air has a smell. A fresh and warm and pungent and comforting smell. I can smell the grass and the trees and the soil and the leaves and so many things I couldn’t imagine had a smell.

“The air” I whisper looking at Jasper “It has a smell” my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

I step on the grass and I feel it bend under my weight. I stare at it. At how soft it looks. I bend down brushing my hand against it. The long slim stems graze lightly against my skin. The grass is soft. I need to change my notes but, right now, all I want is to lay on the soft ground. I let myself fall on one side, to then roll on my back.

“Hey are you okay? What's wrong?” Monty’s hand rests on my shoulder.

I open my eyes and smile at him.

“The grass is so comfy” I spread my arms, embracing the sun.

I hear him laugh “Yeah, I bet, but Jasper is wandering alone, we should stay together”.

I sigh and get on my feet, Monty taking my hand to help me up. I look around and catch Jasper talking to a black guy and the blond from before. The boy doesn’t look pleased and grabs Jasper, pushing him violently. I pick up my pace and open my mouth.

“Hey, hey, hey” someone is faster than me “Hands off of him. He's with us.” A group of men approaches them and I get closer.

“Relax. We're just trying to figure out where we are.”

“We’re on the ground. Is that not good enough for you?” I turn, to find the guy dressed s a guard .

Uhm, rude.

“We have to find Mount Weather. You heard my father’s message, that’s our first priority”.

That's Jaha’s son. I realize. He's called Walls or something.

“Screw your father” this time Octavia speaks. That's also rude. But valid. “What? You think you’re in charge here? You and your little princess?”

“Do you think we care who’s in charge?” the blond asks “We need to get to Mount Weather. Not because the Chancellor said so, because the longer we wait, the hungrier we’ll get. And the harder this’ll be. How long do you think we’ll last out here without supplies? We're looking at a twenty-mile trek. Okay? So, if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave. Now.”

“I got a better idea” the Blake brother interrupts her “You two go. Find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change.”

I hear everyone agree and I turn to face Monty, who has an equally worried expression as me.

“Our holiday on Earth isn’t starting very well” I whisper.

“Yep.”

A collision and a moan of pain makes me spin around. Wells is on the ground, holding his leg, the blondish guy who defended Jasper in front of him. Are they going to fight? They can’t fight. No one seems as worried as I am, they look excited. Out of nowhere a boy with shoulder-length hair gets in the middle of them and I can finally breathe.

“Relax a little, girl.” Jasper squeezes my shoulder “We’re on the ground!”

“Yeah, and we don’t have food or water or a way to contact the ark and the only people who seem to understand it are the most hated” I bring my hands to my head, lightly pulling my hair.

“We’re gonna figure out a way.” He slides his hand to mine and pulls it back and forth “Where’s your optimism?”

A smile appears on my lips and my shoulders relax.

“Okay... maybe I can leave the worry for later.”

“That’s the-”

Jasper and Monty get pulled away and me with them. I find myself facing Walls, the blonde and the guy they called Spacewalker.

“Now there’s four of us” Spacewalker looks at the boys.

The girl’s eyes end up on me and I realize I wasn't meant to be there.

“Uhm... hi” I lift up a hand “Sorry I-”

“Five” the boy interrupts me.

“Sounds like a party.”

“Make it six” Octavia appears, followed by her brother.

“Hey what are you doing?” she gets pulled back.

“Going for a walk.”

Our attention is taken by the other girl.

“Do you want to waste time or go?”

Monty shrugs and we start to follow her. I glance back and I see Octavia hugging her brother. As she jogs toward us, he continues to follow her with his eyes, slightly smiling. I wonder what it feels to have a sibling, someone you share blood with.

I stay near my friends, but I notice the girls walking a little further. We're going to stay here a while. Better to get some friends. I take a deep breath. Now or never. I walk towards them and smiling I introduce myself. Luckily for me, they smile back.

“Hi, I’m Clarke” the blond one shakes my hand.

“And I’m Octavia. And, as I was saying to her, Finn’s mine.” She gives a sarcastic smile.

“Finn?” I think of the guys with us “You mean Spacewalker? I didn’t know his name. Don't worry, not my type” I joke.

“Very well then” she smiles and walks in front of Clarke to get near me. Looks like I passed the test.

After a while I returned to Monty and Jasper, staying a little behind the rest of the group.

“Hey, do you know what I'd like to know?” Finn starts “Why send us down today, after 97 years? What changed?”

“Who cares? I’m just glad they did” I hear Octavia, a few steps ahead.

“Yeah... look at this” I say, spinning around “It’s more beautiful than I could have ever imagined”.

“Maybe they found something in the satellites, you know?” says Jasper “Like an old weather satellite or-”

“There wasn’t a satellite” Clarke interrupts him “The Ark is dying”.

And I stop. All of us stop to look at her.

“With the current population there’s roughly three months left of life support” she continues “Maybe four now that we’re gone”.

My mind goes to all the people up there. Not that I have someone to worry about. But I worry for Monty’s parents, and Jasper’s, and the kind lady that serves the food and fucking everyone else. I look at my wrist, at the only contact we have with the ark.

“That’s why today. That's why it was worth the risk. Even if we all die, they bought themselves some more time” she concludes.

“They’re gonna kill more people, aren’t they?”

But she doesn’t answer. And, somehow, that’s even worse.

“Damn...” I look up at Jasper “I love Earth” I follow his gaze and find Octavia. With no pants.

I scoff and lift my arm to cover Jasper’s eyes, but he takes my wrist and pulls it down. “Don’t you even try” he smirks.

She's on the edge of a big rock and is looking down. Step after step she gets closer to the edge.

“Octavia?” I ask, unsure “What are you doing?”

But she jumps. We all rush to the edge and watch her under the edge of the water.

“Octavia we can’t swim” yells Finn.

“No, but we can stand” the water reaches roughly her chest.

The boys start to take off their clothes, but I stand there, studying the water. 

“Octavia, get out the water. Now" Jasper’s worried voice gets my attention and I notice a ripple in the water. Something is in there.

“Get out! Get out! Now!” I start to get closer to the edge, holding out a hand for her to grab.

But the thing is quicker. Octavia yells, but just for just a second, before being pulled under the water. And then everything is still.

A yell makes my head snap in that direction and I start to take off.

“No wait!” Clarke calls for me “We need to distract it”.

Finn starts to push a big rock off the edge and, when it contacts the water, we see the thing launching towards it. Octavia yells, trying desperately to float in the deep water. And Jasper is in the lake.

“Jasper!” I hear myself scream “Quick come here!”

I hold my hand out, as he helps Octavia back. I grab her harm, pulling her on the shore. She gasps for air, and I notice a red cut on her leg.

Clarke is quicker than me and knots a piece of cloth around her wound.

“Don’t worry” she smiles at her “You’re gonna make it”.

“Thanks, Doc” she smiles back.

I lift my head and notice the sun is quite low.

“Listen... it’s about to get dark and Octavia is hurt. Maybe it is better to go back... try again tomorrow?” I ask.

“I agree on the Octavia part” says Clarke “But we can’t all go back. We need to get to Mount Weather as soon as possible.”

“No hey, I’m fine guys” protests Octavia “I can come.”

“No, no, I agree with her” Finn points at me “You could get worse and slow us down.”

“I can come with you” I propose “You get company and they get to continue the trip” I get up, offering her my hand. When she accepts it I smile.

“Okay guys” I turn towards my friends “Have fun, but not too much fun.”

“We will” they laugh.

We walk for a while in silence, occasionally helping Octavia to make some steps.

“Your brother will be worried when we go back.”

“Oh, shit. I hadn’t thought about Bellamy” she stops and puts her hands on my shoulders “He cannot find out how I got hurt. He'll lock me up forever!”

“I don’t know, O. He seems just protective to me.”

“O?” she asks, tilting her head.

I widen my eyes and my blood runs cold. “No- I just- I thought-”

She laughs “Don’t worry, girl! We're friends after all.”

Friends. I’ve got a friend. I smile and she starts to walk again.

“I know that he acts like that just because he cares about me, just... sometimes it’s just too much” she takes a deep breath “I just want to live. I never got to do any stuff, I've always hidden myself from everything.”

“Yeah” I put a hand on her shoulder “I get it. Don't worry your secret is safe with me” I mime a zip on my lips and she smiles at me, really smiles.

As we get to the camp the sun is long set. The shaky lights of a fire welcome us, as well as some lights and a chorus of voices. As we get closer, we manage to understand the words.

“- we want! Whatever the hell we want! Whatever the hell we want!”

“What’s happening?” she asks.

“I don’t know. Better to go check.”

We get closer, but rain gets there faster and shuts the group. For a moment there’s just silence and the sound of the rain falling. We look up, embracing the wet drops on our faces. Rain. I never thought I'd experience it, but I am. I am on Earth. And I'll experience the grass, the rain, the wind, the sea, everything I never thought I would. People start to laugh and cheer and dance. We smile at each other and take a moment to appreciate this gift.

We surpass a campfire, thankful for the coverage the rain provides us.

“Okay, now we don’t have to get noticed by my-”

“Octavia?” Bellamy’s voice comes from behind us.

“Shit” I hear her whisper.

“Are you limping?”

She slowly turns around “What? No. Of course not.”

“What happened? Why are you back so early?”

“Don’t worry” I jump in “It’s nothing serious, really.”

He doesn’t even acknowledge me before continuing. “I need to check on you. Come inside.”

He takes her arm and starts pulling her away, leaving me behind. My heart feels heavier, and I can’t explain my disappointment. I hear my name.

“Are you coming?” Octavia is looking back at me.

I hesitate a moment. “Yes!” a smile fights to form on my face “Coming!"

We get inside the ship and I look around.

“We’ll need some kind of private space” I say, thinking out loud.

“Why would we need a private place?” asks Bellamy.

“Maybe because, if you want to see the wound, I need to take off my pants. And I know you don’t want anyone to see” she winks at him and walks away from us, to a deeper section of the ship.

I hear him scoff and follow his sister, and I do the same. When we arrive, she’s already half naked, sitting on a stool.

“Oh my God, look at that” he kneels, examining the wound, he half glances at me “go get me some water.”

Rude. Again. I scoff and turn away from them. Outside it’s still raining and I see a bucket meant to collect it. I take it and go back to them. As I hand it to him, he looks inside.

“Some kind of piece of cloth?” he snaps.

“Bellamy” Octavia scolds him “Can you be at least some kind of tolerable?”

“Oh, I’m sorry” he says sarcastically “Would you be so kind and go get me a rag, Sunshine?”

I clench my jaw and look at the girl, she’s ready to intervene, but I shake my head and she makes an apologetic smile.

“Good God...” I whisper to myself, making sure he hears me.

I lift the hem of my shirt and bite it, creating a small cut. I pull and the fabric tears, leaving me with a hole up to my navel. He lifts his eyebrows and holds out an arm to take it. But I ignore him and grab the bucket, dipping the already half wet fabric. Octavia laughs and turns to her brother.

“Uuh, it burns” she whispers sarcastically. She touches his arm with a finger, making a psss sound.

I hold a smile and lift my head to look at her “I’ll try to be gentle, but this might hurt.”

“You know, I could do it-” Bellamy intervenes. But I ignore him and get on my knees, slowly starting to clean the wound.

From the exterior I get closer to the cut, barely touching the skin, just enough to take the dry blood away.

“How are you feeling?” I glance up at her.

“I’m- I’m good... yeah don’t worry about it” she whispers between her teeth.

“We need something dry to cover the wound with” I drop the rag in the bucket and look around, just to hear other fabric tear.

Glancing back, I see Bellamy with the shirt lifted up, abdomen exposed. My eyes linger for a moment too much, before turning to study every centimeter of the room.

“Why don’t you get your own ideas?” I say sarcastic.

“Why don’t you find something better to do than stare at me?” I can feel him smirk, his gaze burning the back of my head.

When I turn around the bandage is on Octavia’s leg and Bellamy is getting up.

“By the way, we’re building tents” he starts, looking at his sister “wanna share one?”

“And living with the risk of seeing you fuck some chick? Yeah, no thanks” thoughts that should not exist, appear in my mind after her words “Want to be tent-mates?" She looks at me.

“Uhm- yeah- sure!” my heart shines at the thought of having really found a friend.

“Perfect! Bell, you’re gonna do it right?” She gets up and pats his shoulder “We're ladies, we can’t do hard work. Make it pretty, alright? And make it big!” when she ends the phrase, she’s already far from him, and me with her.

Chapter Text

The next morning I’m under a tree, sitting, breathing, dreaming. I didn’t sleep well last night, how could I? In the seventeen years I’ve lived I've only slept without Bubbles three times: when I was a newborn, because it wasn’t safe, when his paw had unstitched, and Mom was repairing him, and the first night I was imprisoned, because they didn’t let me bring him. And now, sleeping without holding him was almost impossible.

Around me, people are running and playing and that alone is enough to cheer me up. Walls walks past me, hands full of clothes. I quickly get up and jog towards him.

“Hey! You need help?” I smile at him and introduce myself.

“Hi! I'm Wells” Wells, not Walls, I was close enough “Yeah, thanks, I was going to put this inside the ship.”

I hold out my hands and he hands me some clothes. After a few steps, a curly haired guy steps in front of us.

“Hey, where’d you get the clothes?”

“I buried the kids who died during landing.”

And my blood freezes. My eyes fall on the clothes in my hands. Suddenly so heavy. People died? People lost their lives? And I was holding their belongings, like some kind of vulture. I close my fists to stop them from shaking. They didn’t need these anymore. I repeat to myself. We need them more. I'm pushed away by Wells' arm, who’s pulling me behind him.

“- we share based on needs, just like we did back home” he says and I realize I zoned out again.

“You still don’t get it, do you, Chancellor?” Bellamy exits the ship. Shirtless. Like- actually shirtless. This time his chest was completely bare.

Moments later a girl follows him outside. She was walking away, but Bellamy grabs her by the waist, pulling her to him without looking. No, he was looking at me. And he continued even when his lips were on hers, just to close them when his tongue started caressing the back of her throat. I scoff. Exhibitionist. He waits for the girl to leave, making sure to look at her until she’s gone. But that is the last of my worries. My eyes are focused on his waist, on the gun sticking out of his trousers. Where the hell did he find a gun?

My eyes follow him as he slowly gets closer to us “This is home now. Your father’s rules no longer apply.” His eyes return to me and he slips a shirt off my hands, smirking “Like what you see, Sunshine?”

From the corner of my eye, Wells launches at him, just to be stopped by the boy.

“Oh, no, no, Atom” Bellamy calls him “Atom, hold up.” He looks at Wells “You want it back? Take it.”

And I start walking towards him, but a hand on my arm holds me back. I look back and Wells shakes his head, slipping the clothes from my hold, to then throw them onto the ground. And I see a group of boys jumping onto that pile, trying to take as much as they can.

“Is that what you want? Chaos?” The boy looks at Bellamy.

“What’s wrong with a little chaos?” he laughs.

“Now? Nothing” I intervene “Later? When you won’t be able to control it anymore? Wait and you’ll find out.”

He starts walking towards me and I take some steps back. A girl screams. And suddenly we’re all running towards the sound. The blondish boy - Murphy I think - is holding a girl dangerously near a campfire, a pile of wristbands on the ground.

“Bellamy.” he calls “We want the ark to think that the ground is killing us, right? Figured it’d look better if we suffer a bit first”.

“What the fuck?” I hear myself yell “Let her go!”

And Wells runs towards them, pushing Murphy to the ground.

“You can stop this” he says to Bellamy.

“Stop this? I'm just getting started.”

And Wells gets punched. Standing there’s Murphy. Fist after fist I hear Wells moaning in pain, everyone chanting Fight! Fight! Fight!

I turn to Bellamy “Do something! Stop them!” my voice desperate.

“What’s wrong? Little Ray of Sunshine can’t handle a little violence?”

And I feel humiliated, weak. So I turn, and grab Murphy from the back.

“Stop it! Leave him alone!” he’s wriggling, trying to get away. An elbow makes contact with my ribs, and a whimper escapes my lips.

But Wells is standing and a punch ends on Murphy’s face. I let him go, falling backwards. I get up and take a few steps back. Wells is standing and the other kid is breathing heavily on the ground. I massage the side of my torso.

“Don’t you see you can’t control this?” he asks Bellamy.

I see Murphy getting up, a knife in his hand “You’re dead”.

But Bellamy steps in the middle of them “Wait” and I let out a sigh of relief.

I step forward “Good. Captain Hook is finally putting the muzzle on his Smee.”

“Oh, no, Wendy.” he says looking at me “I just wanted a fair fight.” And he drops another knife on the ground.

My smile drops “What? No- no!”

I bend to take it but my arm gets grabbed “You take the knife, you fight.” Bellamy whispers, and with a firm pull takes me away from the guys.

“Let- let me go!” I snatch my harm from his hold and take a step away from him.

I turn, just in time to see Wells take the knife. And then blades fly, faster than I can follow. One lands one Wells’ arm and I cover my mouth with my hands.

A warm breath tickles my neck “It’s exciting, isn’t it?”

I don’t even turn to look at him “You disgust me.” My voice muffled by my hands.

“Wells!” Clarke’s voice, and I can suddenly breathe “Let him go.”

We all turn to them and I run to hug Monty.

“Where’s the food?” Bellamy asks.

“We didn’t make it to Mount Weather.” Finn says.

I turn to face them “What? Why?”

“We were attacked.”

“Attacked?” and my eyes wander over Monty’s body, searching for wounds. Then to Jasper’s. That is not here.

“By what?” Wells questions.

“Not what. Who. Turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn’t the last Grounder."

“It’s true.” explains Clarke “Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here. Survivors.” But I stop listening.

“Where’s Jasper?” I ask Monty, but he doesn’t answer “Monty, where’s Jasper?!” my voice filled with more anxiety this time “Where is he?” but he won’t even look at me. I turn to the group “Where Jasper?!”

Clarke hesitates “He... he was hit. They took him.”

And I’m falling. The ground under my feet disappeared. The air in my lunges gets knocked out. Some arms wrap around me, pulling me back from the black hole under me.

“He’s- he’s alive.” Monty whispers “I heard him scream and-”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?! We need to go! We need to help him!”

“I know,” and he holds me in his arms “I know, I know…” he whispers, gently swinging me.

People are talking, people are yelling, but I don’t care. I couldn’t care less. I give him one last squeeze, and pull away, searching for Clarke. She's walking away and I run to catch up to her.

“Clarke! We need-” my words stumble on each other “We need to find him! Save him and-”

She cups my face with her hands “I know. Don't worry. We're leaving now.”

She hands me a knife and points to the seatbelts “We might need some kind of rope.”

I nod and start to run the blade over them.

“We’re going to find him” she says “You know that, right?”

I sigh “Yeah, it’s what I keep telling myself... but-” I take a long breath, trying to calm my lower lip from trembling “but sometimes is hard to keep thinking positive, you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

“Clarke?” Wells’ voice catches our attention.

I can physically feel the atmosphere shift and my eyes run between the two.

“Uhm- I think Monty called me” I take the straps and descend the ladder, going to where he is on the lower level.

“Found anything interesting?” he asks.

“Just these” I hold the belts “And I was going to grab some water.”

“I’ll stay here, search some more.”

“See you in a bit then” after a quick wave I walk off.

People made some improvised containers to collect water using pieces of the parachutes, near them some bottles. Right now, it’s me, Monty, Clarke and... no one else... Maybe Finn will come. Better safe than sorry, I'll take five bottles. I hear my name and find Monty coming towards me, visibly not pleased.

“She doesn’t want me to come!” behind him, Clarke.

“He’s too important! We need an engineer and it’s too risky for him to come along.”

I can see her point. But also Monty’s.

“Monty,” I put a hand on his shoulder “she’s right, your place is here: trying to fix the communications.” he tries to argue but I interrupt him “Don’t worry. I'll think about Jasper. And when we find him, I’ll make sure to mention you really wanted to come.”

He’s not happy. At all. But he nods and hands me his backpack.

“Bring him back!” he holds his fist up.

“I won’t come back without him.” and I hit his fist with mine.

I watch him walk away and turn to Clarke “Let’s go.”

“Not yet, we still need one person.”

I follow her and notice that she’s directed towards the Blakes. Octavia can’t come with us, she’s still wounded. When she notices us she gets up, but it’s pretty visible on her face that her wound still hurts.

“You guys leaving? I'm coming too.”

“No, no. No way, not again.” her brother jumps in.

“He’s right, O” I grab her hand “You’re already hurt, you need to rest.”

“And you’d only slow us down.” Clarke adds - I mean, I don’t think that was necessary - “I’m here for you” she turns to Bellamy.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Wells asks.

“I heard you have a gun.”

He lifts the hem of his shirt, still a little torn, and from his trousers, a black gun salutes us.

“Good. Follow me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you want them” she nods towards the kids “to follow you. And, right now, they're thinking only one of us is scared.”

I hold back a laugh, biting my lip to stop a smile from forming.

He sighs and I can see a nerve tense on his jaw “Murphy. Come with me.”

“Good choice, Captain” I walk between the two guys, getting in front of them “Hi Smee.” I smile at him.

“Should’ve hit you harder before!” I hear him yell, but I'm already far.

After a while we slitted into groups, Clarke and Wells in the front, Bellamy and Murphy in the back, and me, somewhere in the middle.

Keeping up with Clarke’s pace isn’t easy on its own, and the area where Murphy had hit me is starting to hurt.

“Hey, hold up!” Bellamy’s voice makes me turn “What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spike through the heart.”

He's alive. He's alive. He's alive.

Clarke gets in front of him “Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear had struck his heart, he’d have died instantly. Doesn't mean we have time to waste.”

“Every second we waste, he’s out there. Alone, scared and bleeding” I add.

“As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go.” he grabs her arm.

“The only way the Ark is going to think I’m dead, is if I’m dead. Got it?”

“Brave princess.”

“Why don’t you find your own nickname?” I turn, to find Finn appearing from a bush “Call this a rescue party? Gotta split up, cover more ground. Clarke come with me.”

“I’ll take the Chancellor” Murphy smirks “It's an opportunity to get to know each other better.”

Before I can say anything, everyone is already gone. Everyone except for Bellamy.

“Looks like it’s you and me, Sunshine.”

I turn away from him, starting to walk “I’ve got a name, you know.” I scoff.

“I do too, Sunshine.”

“Captain Hook fits you better.”

“So does Sunshine for you.” he smirks.

I don’t answer. Captain Hook's got a point. I don’t call him by his name either.

We continue walking in silence. I frantically look around, desperately searching for any sign of my friend.

“Stop looking so anxious.” he sighs “We’re going to find him. Not sure if he’ll be alive, though.”

“Very much comforting.” I turn around, giving him a sarcastic thumbs up.

“Can’t even take a joke?”

“If the joke is about my friend’s life, then no, I can’t take a joke. Also, I’m not interested in talking to you.”

“Ouch.” he theatrically brings a hand on his heart “This hurts, Sunshine.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll survive.”

“May I at least know the reason I’m not honored by a conversation with you? I saw you try to make small talk with literally everyone, it was adorable.”

“You won’t have this privilege, because I don’t talk with people who promote violence.”

“It’s about that?” he almost laughs “That wasn’t even violence. That was justice.”

“See? We're incompatible. Now, if you allow me, I’m trying to concentrate.”

And then, there is silence. Just the wind between the leaves and the distant sound of water flowing and my stomach growling. Fuck. We haven’t eaten since we were on the ark. At least 24 hours ago. I hear him chuckle, but he says nothing and I’m suddenly relieved I'm in front of him.

Minutes pass, and all I can see is green. So much of it it’s almost blinding. But beautiful. Everything is so beautiful. 

The side of my chest starts to hurt. I bring my hand on my ribs, gently touching it. I open my jacket more and lift my shirt up, a small dark spot is appearing.

“Is it where Murphy elbowed you?” he appears at my side, looking at the bruise.

I immediately pull my shirt down and look up at Bellamy “No. It's nothing.”

“Oh, c’mon Sunshine. Are you still upset for earlier?”

“For seeing you doing nothing to stop two people fighting each other? And giving them a knife to use? Resulting in a friend of mine getting hurt? Absolutely not.” I say sarcastic “Why would I?”

“Chancellor got himself in that situation. I just helped him get a fair fight.”

I scoff and pick up my pace “A fight that wouldn’t have happened if you started controlling Murphy.”

“Why does he get a name and I don’t?”

“Because there’s no point in calling him Smee if he’s not around.”

“Then I assume you call me by my name when I'm not around too” he says in a mocking tone.

“I have no interest in talking about you when you’re not around.”

He gets in front of me, making me stop “And I'm supposed to believe that?” he whispers, tilting his head to look at me.

And I'm frozen. My feet are made of lead and my throat is closed. He isn’t close enough to touch me but I can still feel the heat of his body. His hair lightly falls over his forehead and his face is adorned by an arrogant smile. A dimple on his right cheek. I'm lost in his eyes, deep, dark brown surrounds me and I can’t find the exit. Seconds melt into infinity and infinity bleeds into the present, into us, into him and I losing ourselves in each other’s eyes. His smile fades, leaving a curious face to study me. His gaze is crushing me under its weight, burning me from the inside. But, for some weird and sick reason, that fire inside of me doesn’t disturb me, as a matter of fact, I want more.

“Guys we found something!” Clarke's voice snapes me out “Guys? Guys-” she appears from the bushes “Come on, hurry up!”

As that sly smile reappears on his face, he takes a step back, gesturing me to go. I clear my voice, blinking a few times. Quickly, I jog away reaching the others.

What the heck is wrong with me? What the heck is wrong with him? Such an asshole.

Clarke calls my name.

“Quick! Come here! We found blood.”

Blood. Jasper's blood.

Red paints the rocks she’s near. I cover my mouth with my hand.

“We also found this” she hands me Jasper’s glasses.

I take a deep breath, bringing it close to my chest “Come on. There's no time to waste.”

“Hey, how do we know this is the right way?” Murphy asks.

“We don’t. Spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.”

“Can you try not being a jerk for five minutes?” I turn towards Bellamy.

“And risk being nice to you? Never.”

“It’s called cutting sign.” Wells interrupts us “He’s good.”

“You wanna keep it down or should I paint a target on your backs?” Finn scolds us, looking at something in a bush.

A loud moan of pain makes all of our heads turn.

“Jasper” I whisper.

“The hell was that?” asks Murphy.

“Now it would be a good time to take off that gun.”

We take off running towards the sound, just to find Jasper tied up to a tree. Bloody and visibly in pain. I get in front of the group, running to him.

“Wait!” Clarke calls me and a hand wraps around my forearm “Be careful.”

“He’s right there! I don’t need to be careful!” I snatch my arm off her hold and start walking again.

Clarke’s right next to me, slowly we get closer to him. Clarke's there. And then she’s not. I'm on my knees, my hand wrapped around her wrist, I can feel her slipping away from my hold and into the deep ditch, closer and closer to long, sharp canes.

“Hold onto me!” I yell.

I can feel my harm grow more tired every second that passes. I let go of the edge with my other hand, bringing it to hold her. My chest hits the ground, slipping closer to the hole. Two sets of hands appear at my sides, grabbing Clarke and pulling her up. It's only when I see her on the ground next to me, that I allow myself to let go of her hand.

“You okay?” Finn asks.

“Yeah” but her word is only whispered and her breathing is shaky, she gets up “We need to get him down.”

“I’ll climb up and cut the vines” Finn starts walking.

“Yeah, I'm with you” Wells follows him, but I grab his arm.

“No, he’s my friend. Stay here.”

“Yes” Finn adds “And watch him” he nods towards Bellamy.

I'm behind him, looking down to not fall into the trap, he grabs my hand and helps me get near the trunk.

“Hey, Jasper” I half whisper “I’m here, I'm here Jasper.”

I hold onto a branch and slowly climb the tree. When I'm next to him I study his body. I caress his cheek, pulling some locks of hair away from his eyes. His chest is exposed and I can see where the spear hit him, but the wound has been closed with some sort of poultice.

“Oh my... what have they done to you?”

“There’s no time for this. Hurry up and cut the ropes” he hands me a knife.

I bring the blade to the vines, sliding it over them, over and over. I can feel them trembling under my fingers. Snap. One is gone. Then two, three, four, five, roar. My hand turns towards the sound.

“What the hell was that?” I hear Wells.

“Grounders?” Bellamy hypothesizes.

I squint my eyes, trying to catch something. Some bushes move and a long black snake appears from between them. No, not a snake, a tail. A big four-legged animal is slowly approaching us. Then it takes off running.

“It’s coming!” I yell.

“Bellamy! Gun!”

And then a gunshot. I look towards the guy, empty handed. Another shot and I look around. Wells is pointing the weapon towards the tall grass, shooting blindly. Then it’s jumping, so high it’s almost like it’s flying. Towards Bellamy.

“Careful!” I lean out from the tree.

Another shot and the creature is on the ground. Everything is silent, the only sound our heavy breaths.

“Come on” I hear Finn whisper “Hurry up.”

Nobody says anything as we get back. Finn and Wells carry Jasper and I'm next to them, occasionally taking his hand. Bellamy and Murphy carry the panther.

When we enter the camp, we’re met with cheers and applauses, but I don’t listen to them. I look around, searching for Monty and I see him coming.

“How’s he?”

I open my mouth, but Clarke’s quicker “Alive. I need boiled water and a strip of cloth for a bandage.”

He nods and leaves. I stay with Jasper, as we wait for Monty. Clarke cleans his wound, then Mounty convinces her to go and eat some of the meat the other kids cooked. We’re left alone. I stay with him and clean him from the blood. I whisper soft words, reassuring him, reassuring me. I hear someone coming and I quickly clean a stray tear from my cheek. Octavia appears, she’s holding two sticks with what I imagine being meat on top.

“You should eat something” she hands one out to me.

“Thanks, but I'm not hungry.”

“Yeah, I know” she sits next to me “But you should eat anyway.”

I take it “Thanks, O. You know... you’re my first real friend. I mean, I know I have Jasper and Monty, but they’ve known each other forever, I'm just a recent addition. Sometimes I feel like it’s them plus me, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. And, for the records, you’re my first real friend too.”

We smile and she takes my hand. I take a bite of the meat and a sour and bitter flavor spreads in my mouth. I squeeze my eyes, trying not to split it.

“Yeah, I know” she says “It’s terrible” and we start laughing.

Chapter Text

“His pulse is thriving” Clarke whispers.

I look at Jasper, gently brushing away pearls of sweat from his forehead. He moans in pain again and I grab his hand.

“Shut that kid up!” someone yells.

I snap my head in the direction of the voice, my throat itching from the insults I want to tell them. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Why am I not saying anything? Come on, they deserve it. I know they do. But I don’t say anything. Maybe because I'm a coward who can’t defend her friends.

“Don’t listen to them” Clarke says, I’m not sure if she’s talking to Jasper or me.

“Quiet!” someone else yells.

I can see how the comments are bothering her too. She's starting to doubt if he’ll make it. I can feel it.

“How about you go get Jasper some water?” I suggest, I need to get her away from here for some time, she needs it.

“Yeah, good idea” she doesn’t even hesitate “You keep an eye on him.”

I don’t answer, and neither does Monty, what else could we do if not stay by our friend’s side?

“Can’t he just die already?” another kid.

In that moment something in me switches. That is too much. I will stand up for my friend.  I will not be useless.

“How about I kill you so you don’t have to hear him anymore?” I'm on my feet, yelling at someone I'm not even sure who is. No response “How about, if you are so disturbed by a person, a human being, fighting for his life, you go sleep somewhere else and leave us alone? How about you leave us to take care of our dying friend? How about that?” I'm out of breath and my chest rises and falls fast. No one speaks and I can see on their faces guilt and regret. “Dickheads.” I whisper.

I turn around and kneel again next to Jasper. My chest burns, of anger, of fear and of pride.

“Now you can relax. Make as many sounds as you need. I know you’re in pain. And now, they know it too. And they’re going to leave you alone” I brush some hair out of his face and leave a light kiss on his forehead. The saltiness of his sweat wets my lips and I realize how fucking scared I really am.

I did not sleep. Not all night at least. Not even half though. Not even two hours, summed. I'm still by Jasper’s side. After a while I sent Clarke to bed. Monty insisted on staying here. I had to fake sleeping to get him to sleep to. Now, we’re in the same situation as yesterday. Maybe worse. But I won’t let myself believe it. I can’t let myself believe it. I need to stay positive. Not only for Jasper, but for Monty and Clarke. And my mental sanity.

“The Grounders cauterized his wound. It saved his life” Clake is disinfecting his chest.

“So that means he’s going to live?” I whisper, too scared to sound hopeful.

“It’s...” she hesitates “It’s still too early to tell. This is infected. He could be septic.” She scoffs “My mother would know what to do.”

I grab her hand “Don’t say it like that. I mean, obviously your mom would know what to do. She's a certified doctor. And you’re a seventeen-year-old girl. And you’re still doing amazing” I really believe it, but I don’t know if she believes me.

She's still, looking into my eyes, studying my words. But, at last, a smile appears on her lips and I feel like I did something good.

“How’s he doing?” Wells appears behind her and her mood changes instantly.

“How does it look like he’s doing?”

“Just trying to help.”

“Right, you want to help? Hold him down.” he does, followed by Finn.

Clarke grabs a knife and holds the blade over a flame.

“I’m not going to like this, am I?” Monty says from behind me.

Clake looks up at him, then at me “Go to Monty. And don’t look.”

I do as she says. Maybe if he was someone else. Maybe if he wasn’t my friend. Maybe then I would have helped her. But now, in this situation, I knew I couldn’t handle watching him suffer more.

I crawl to Monty, hugging him and hiding my head in his chest. He wraps his arms around me. And then Jasper screams. A gut-wrenching scream. I grab my friend's shirt and his hug tightens. Clarke says something, but all I can concentrate on are Jasper's yells. I need to trust her. She knows what she’s doing. It's for Jasper’s good. But he’s suffering even more than he already was. And what if he dies anyway? What if all of this was for nothing? What if all this pain only made it worse for him? What if he just wants us to leave him alone? Does he realize we’re just trying to help him or does he wish for us to stop? Would he be able to tell us that? What if he’s silently begging us to not make him more miserable? What if he doesn’t even know it’s us and this only makes him more scared? What’s the right thing to do? What's the right choice? Are we really doing what’s best for him? Who are we to choose what’s good for him anyway?

Then I realize there’s silence and Monty loosened his grip.

“Stop it! You're killing him!” Octavia’s voice makes me turn.

“She’s trying to save his life” Finn says.

“She can’t.”

I look at Bellamy. What the hell is he doing here? Does he want to boss around everyone even here?

“Back off” Wells is standing in front of him.

“We didn’t drag him through miles of wood just to let him die” Clarke adds.

“Kid’s a goner.”

“Kid’s name is Jasper.” I interrupt him “And you don’t have a say over his life.”

“If you can’t see that you’re deluded, Sunshine. He's making people crazy.”

“Oh, no!” I say in a sarcastic voice “They can’t have their beauty sleep because a dying person is suffering? Poor them, that must be horrible.”

“Just look at him! He's a lost cause.”

“If you really need to be Mr. Optimism, you can go do it somewhere else. And while you’re on your way, why don’t you fuck yourself in the meantime?” I realize too late of the second part, that maybe is a little too mean. But I've already said it. The worst thing is, I'm not worried of what might be Bellamy’s opinion of me, I’m worried about Octavia’s. He's her brother. I don’t know what that means, but I’m quite sure I wouldn't be pleased if someone told my sibling to go fuck himself.

“Such ugly words from such a pretty mouth. Careful, Sunshine, if you’re so kind to me I might start believing you have a crush on me” and he smirks.

I'm stunned. I definitely did not expect that.

I don’t say anything. How could I?

Luckily Clake speaks for me “Octavia, I've spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there’s hope, there’s hope.”

“This isn’t about hope, it’s about guts. You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do. He's been like this for three days. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I'll kill him myself.”

I'm on my feet even before he could finish the phrase “You’ll have to walk over my dead body.”

He looks at me but doesn't say anything, he just studies my face for a mere second. Then, he’s out of the ship.

“Power-hungry, self-serving jackass” I hear Monty “Doesn’t care about anyone but himself” he looks at Octavia “No offense”.

She shrugs and I add “I also apologize... for earlier, for insulting him.”

“Don’t worry guys... I know how he can be.”

“Yeah, Bellamy is all that” Finn continues “But he also happens to be right.”

I turn to face him “Excuse me?”

“Bellamy knows it, I know it and you know it too. I can see it in your eyes: you’re starting to doubt.”

“You should really sleep.” Monty’s voice makes me open my eyes and lift my head up and I realize I've been dozing off again.

“I’m fine…” I take a deep breath “I'm fine.”

“You haven’t left this tent in three days. You need to rest.”

“Well, neither did you.”

“I need to fix communications.”

“And I need to stay by Jasper’s side.”

“Jasper wouldn’t want this.” he gestures towards me “He wouldn’t want you to neglect yourself for him.”

I sigh and look down at my friend. Finally he managed to calm down and sleep a bit.

Monty puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, gently rubbing it “He’s going to be fine, I'll be with him all the time.”

“You promise no one is going to get near him, except for us?”

“I swear. Just the time for a little nap. And, maybe, for a chat with someone, I noticed you made some friends, you should spend time with them.”

“Thanks Monty” I smile at him and quickly squeeze his hand, before exiting the ship.

The air is fresh and the sun warms me like a big blanket, people are walking around doing some small works. I start looking for a quiet place to take a nap, maybe laying over soft grass, kissed by the sunlight. Some movement in the forest catches my attention. I run my eyes over the deep green and take a few steps in that direction. Blond air appears behind a tree, only to disappear behind another. A small girl walks away from the camp.

“Hey! Kid!” I yell, starting to walk towards her “Hey, you! Wait! You can’t go there! It’s dangerous!” but I can’t see her anymore.

I sigh and look back, camp is already a bit far. I turn my head, weighting my choices. She's not my problem and if she’s going in the forest, she probably knows what she’s doing. But she didn’t look older than, like, twelve. And I'm probably the only one who saw her. And in the forest there are Grounders. Well, goodbye to my well-deserved nap.

I shake my head and continue walking towards the girl.

After a while I hear some movements and some voices, I pick up my pace, walking towards them. When I'm close enough I realize it’s the hunting kids, among them there’s Bellamy. Thinking that it’s not the best choice ask for directions to the guy I told to fuck off just a few hours ago, I turn around and start to walk away. But I step on a branch. The air whistle and a dry thud makes me gasp. A sharp axe shines in the corner of my vision, stuck in a tree.

“What the hell?” I yell turning around.

Bellamy takes a few steps towards me “What the hell to you! What are you doing here?” he definitely looks pissed. Can't blame him.

“You almost killed me!” I gesture towards the weapon.

“You approached us from behind!”

“I was going away from you, if you didn’t notice. I had all the intention of not disturbing you.”

“Will you tell me what are you doing this deep in the forest?”

“Why do you care?” I challenge him.

“Why won’t you tell me?” he takes a step forward “Do you have something to hide?” another step and every fiber of my body tells me to step back. But I don’t, I let him get close to me.

“I don’t have anything to hide. Do you? Why aren’t you telling me why the reason I'm outside camp is so important?”

“You want to know why?” he asks, looking down at me, and I nod. He bends over, bringing his mouth so close to my ear I can feel his warm breath over my neck “Because the last two kids who ventured outside camp disappeared. No one knows what happened to them... puff” the last sound makes a strand of hair move “And I wouldn't want anything to happen to our little Ray of Sunshine here” he mocks me “Will you tell me what are you doing here, now?”

“I’m-” I clear my voice “I’m looking for a little girl... I saw her leaving camp and I was worried for her.”

“What?” he straightens his back and starts looking around “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I'm sure” I snap, annoyed by him doubting me.

“Bellamy!” a boy’s voice makes us both turn “Look what I caught” he pulls his arm from behind his back and the little girl stumbles forward.

“What are you doing?” I quickly walk towards them “Let her go! You're hurting her!”

I kneel in front of them and grab his harm, but he doesn’t let her go. I look up and he’s looking behind me, at Bellamy. Only when he gives a quick nod, he opens his hand. I scoff and grab the girl, putting a little distance between us and the boy.

“Hey, are you okay? Who are you?” I gently ask.

“Charlotte.” She simply says.

“Why aren’t you back at camp?” Bellamy asks from behind me.

“Well, with that guy who is dying, I just- I couldn’t listen anymore.”

I cringe on the inside and get up, taking a step back. I'm not going to lecture a child over the fact that my friend is fighting for his life, but I'm not going to console her either.

“There’s Grounders out here. It's dangerous for a little girl.”

“I’m not little” she says, full of confidence, and I have to hold back a laugh.

“Okay then” Bellamy puts his hand in his pocket “But you can’t hunt without a weapon.” He hands her a knife.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, turning to face him “She’s a child! You can’t just give her a knife!”

“She came out here on her own. The girl’s got balls. And I trust her. If you have something against it, you should go back” that damn smirk on his face again.

“I’m not leaving her alone with you.” I turn around and introduce myself with a smile.

She lightly smiles back, but her face darkens when she hears Bellamy “Have you ever killed something before?” she shakes her head and I look at the boy in shock “Who knows, maybe you’re good at it.”

I sigh and hold my hand out for the girl. She hesitates, but in the end, she takes it.

Not even an hour later a loud horn makes us look at the sky.

“What the hell was that?” I ask myself.

A hard wind suddenly hits us and everything goes yellow.

“Run!” someone yells.

I squeeze Charlotte’s hand tighter and take off. My legs move so fast I might even be flying.

“Come on! There are caves this way!” Bellamy yells.

He looks back and our eyes lock for a moment, then he shifts his gaze to Charlotte. I see him slow down and come behind us. He grabs the girl’s other hand and starts to run again.

“It’s here!” he pulls us behind a tall rock wall and into a dark cave.

Someone yells and then we hear Bellamy’s name. He walks to the edge of the cave, covering his nose with a hand. I grab his arm and pull him back.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Atom’s out there!”

“You can’t go outside! You’ll die!”

“Like you’d care.” He snatches his arm out of my grip.

I take his arm again, this time with both hands “You can’t go there!”

“Let me go!”

I stumble onto my feet and lose my grip. He manages to take a few steps outside, but then I hear him scream in pain. I get near the edge and stretch my arm out, grabbing his shirt and pulling him back.

“Are you fucking dumb?” but I don’t even finish the phrase when I see him falling to the ground, looking at his red arms.

I fall to my knees. I want to take his arm and analyze the wound, but what would I understand anyway? I’d probably only make things worse. I look around and see his water bottle. I open the lid and slowly pour it over his arms. Only when his breathing calms and his arms start to lose the redness, I let my eyes close. I take a few deep breaths and grab my hands, trying to make them stop shaking. I slowly open my eyes, he’s leaning his back against the rock wall, eyelids down and his brows are furrowed. Charlotte is in a corner and quietly observes the scene.

I sigh and get up, walking to the other end of the cave and sitting down. Fucking idiot. But I’m not sure if I'm talking about him or about me.

I open my eyes again. He’s still there, head bent back against the rock. I take a moment to study him: one leg is to his chest, while the other lies on the ground, his pants are a little dirty, just like his shirt, his broad shoulders are visibly tense and his arms are stretched out, I wonder if they still hurt. He didn’t hesitate to go outside when he heard his friend’s voice, I had to literally pull him away from the fog. He didn’t think twice.

I’m still observing him when he opens his eyes and I’m quick to look away. I look at the ground, at the ceiling, at the empty water bottle on the floor, at Charlotte, at the entryway. I look everywhere. Everywhere but him. He didn’t hesitate a bit. That thought echoes in my head as I close my eyes. I hold my breath for a moment, listening. On my right, Charlotte moves a little but, apart from that, nothing. And silence is even more spooky than sounds.

A shiver makes me open my eyes, but I find my surroundings darker than a second ago. Have I fallen asleep? I look around, the girl is lying on the ground, head resting on her arm, Bellamy is not where he was before. Did he go out? Fear sets inside me and I stumble to my feet, just to notice him sitting a little further. He looks up and I’m suddenly embarrassed. Now I look crazy, how can I not look crazy? I turn towards Charlotte and walk towards her, to make it seem like that was my intention all along. Did I really fall asleep? Just like that? I get that I was tired, but I don’t think that was the best time to not be awake. I was, am, in a cave, trapped by some toxic deadly fog, with a child and Bellamy Blake. Definitely not the safest of the environment.

“She fell asleep shortly after you did” his voice makes me jump.

“I’m sorry” I don’t know why I’m apologizing “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment “You talk in your sleep, did you know that?”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. And you move, like, a lot” I can see him smirk.

I did not know those things. But, after all, I hadn’t really slept in the same room with anyone in a very long time.

I’m left speechless. I do not know how to address this information. Should I be ashamed? I am, a little bit. But, mostly, I don’t know how to feel regarding the fact that he was observing me in my sleep. But maybe he wasn’t. He could have just heard me talk and was curious. Yeah, it’s definitely like that. It hits me suddenly that I was talking in my sleep. And that he heard me.

“So, uhm… What was I saying? Like, in my sleep” and I immediately regret asking.

A grin appears on his face “You would like to know, uh?”

Now I’m irritated. “Yeah, you know, I’d really much like to know what I was saying.”

“And what if I don’t?” he’s teasing me “What if I keep it all to myself? Is it going to eat you alive?” he’s having so much fun and I’m getting so frustrated “Is it going to stay deep into your mind, without an answer? Is it going to haunt you?”

Yes. “No.” I will obsessively think about it for a very long time “Frankly, I don’t really care. In the end it’s you that have to deal with it. I’m asleep.”  I definitely need to know it “Do as you wish.” And I end my lie with a shrug.

“Oh, well, then I don’t really need to tell you.”

“You really do not.”

I’m looking at him and he’s looking at me. And we stay like that. Me trying to hide my annoyance, him holding his mocking smirk. And I observe his eyes, dark, deep brown. I feel them deep inside me, searching my soul, looking for my deepest secrets. I shift my gaze to his cheeks, to his nose, to his lips. My body is suddenly too tight for me. I shift my weight from one foot to the other. Slowly I find the courage to meet his eyes again. He has not moved one centimeter.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

I’m dumbfounded. “What?”

“You’re a liar, a really bad one nonetheless.”

“I am not a liar.”

“I can read you like an open book, Sunshine.”

“And I could punch you like a bag, Captain.”

He scoffs. “Sure, sure. You wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“You don’t know me.” I whisper.

“And you don’t know me.”

All I want to do is punch him in the face. Make that stupid smirk disappear. But I sit down. Because there’s no point in continuing the conversation. Or hurt him.

“Nice way to thank me for saving your life.” I whisper to myself, but loud enough for him to hear.

And that seems to turn a switch inside him. “You weren’t really saying anything. You were just mumbling something.”

“If you want you can sleep. I’ll stay awake.” Is the only response I give him.

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at the same rock, my mind flooded by too many thoughts. Darkness has filled the cave, but my eyes adapted well so I’m still able to make out shapes. I shift position, a shiver makes its way under my jacket and I grab the edges, pulling them closer. I don’t like this situation. And it’s entirely my fault, I should have minded my own damn business. Bellamy’s friend would have still found the girl, I would have had my break and, most of all, I wouldn’t be stuck in a cave with that douchebag.

A sound makes my head turn right. Charlotte is squirming in her sleep. I crawl towards her and put my hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her.

“Charlotte, honey, wake up.” I quietly call for her.

She screams as her eyes open “No!”

“Hey, are you okay?”

She looks around, taking in her surroundings. “I’m sorry…”

“Does it happen often?” Bellamy’s voice makes me jump, he probably woke up when she screamed. She’s still shaken and I put a hand on her back, gently rubbing it. “What are you scared of?” But she doesn’t answer “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” I’m kind of grateful that he’s doing all the talking, I’ve never been good at the comforting stuff. “The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

“But I’m asleep.”

“Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there when you sleep.” The way he talks, so gentle and kind, takes me by surprise. His voice is like a hug, big and warm.

My eyes shift from the girl to his face. In the dim light it looks softer. He doesn’t have his usual mocking expression. His eyes are kind and a small smile lightly curves his lips.

“Yeah, but how?”

“You can’t afford to be weak.” And there it is. I take everything back. Goddamnit she’s a kid. “Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death.” Comforting, very comforting. Maybe I should have done the talking. “Let me see that knife I gave you.” I take a step back, to leave her room to grab it. “Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say: screw you, I am not afraid.” Oh she’s going to kill someone with that.

She looks at the blade “Screw you.” She quietly says “I’m not afraid.”

“Come on” I smile at her, trying to lighten the mood “I know you can do better than that.”

She doesn’t seem convinced, but she tries again “Screw you! I’m not afraid.”

Bellamy laughs lightly “Slay your demons, kid. Then you’ll be able to sleep.” He gets up and goes back to his spot. I notice at that moment that he doesn’t have his jacket anymore and that Charlotte’s wearing it. And I suddenly feel like I judged him too quickly.

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” I offer.

She hesitates for a second, but eventually nods. I lay down and let her rest her head on my arm. And, for the first time in four days, I sleep well.

Light filters through my eyelids. I bring a hand over my eyes as I open them. Morning has come and I find Bellamy already awake.

“How long have you been up?” I ask, gently shaking Charlotte.

“A bit.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I’m on my feet, walking towards the entrance.

He isn’t answering me, so I turn to face him.

“Why? You got somewhere to be?”

“Uhm, let me think.” I bring my index over my chin “Oh, yes! Maybe my dying friend.”

“If he’s still alive.”

I’m stunned. Not even offended, just shocked someone could really say something so cruel and insensitive.

My brain shows me an image of Jasper’s body, lying lifeless in the spaceship. A blanket of needles covers every centimeter of my body.

“Why.” I take a moment “Why would you say that?” I don’t even want to try to get back at him. That wasn’t petty, that was just mean.

“Calm down, Sunshine, I was joking.” he shrugs “I’m sure he’s fine.”

I just stare at him. I can’t believe last night I really thought that he was a kind person. He just cares about himself.

I take a deep breath and exit the cave. I want to go back to the camp, but I can’t remember the way. I look around, the fog came from the right, but before that we changed direction a couple of times so it would be impossible for me to go back alone.

Someone stops beside me and I don’t need to turn to know it’s Bellamy. The mere thought of looking at him makes me nauseous.

“Anybody out here? Jones!” he yells.

A couple seconds pass “We’re here!” a boy’s voice comes from the right.

We start walking and we meet with a group of two guys and a girl.

“Lost you in the stew. Where did you go?” Bellamy asks.

“Made it to a cave down there. What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know. Where’s Atom?”

But we get no answer.

Bellamy’s face drops. “Let’s split up! We need to find him!”

He takes off with the other guy who was talking and the others leave as well. I’m left with Charlotte.

“Let’s, uhm, walk around. We need to find Bellamy’s friend.”

She just nods and start to walk in the direction Bellamy went. Does this girl ever smile? I’m a few steps behind her, looking around in the trees. She screams. I run to her and my eyes widen when I see the source of her fear. Atom’s laying on the ground, the exposed skin of his arms and face is covered in red blisters, some bloody, some covered in a white dense liquid. I stand there, staring at his body. It is only when he starts convulsing that I realize he’s still alive. My hand covers Charlotte’s eyes and I pull her back.

“What’s happening? Are you okay?” Bellamy appears next to us.

I shift my attention to him. That guy was, is, his friend. I am disgusted by myself when a part of me is glad he’s going to finally realize how it feels to see your friend one step away from death. Atom’s a person and I am better than Bellamy.

“It’s Atom… He-” I’m not even able to finish my phrase. I squeeze my eyes and tilt my head down.

As he walks past me I turn and grab his arm. He looks at me, but I don’t have anything to say.

“It’s… not pretty.” I manage to whisper, still looking at the ground.

I can hear him step away, then stop for a couple of seconds, then start again.

“Stay-“ I clear my voice “Stay here, okay?”

I force my feet to move. I need to go to Bellamy. I know how it feels. And I am better than him.

He’s on his knees next to him. As I get closer the smell of burned and rotting flesh hits me. I want to puke. I crouch next to him. I want to help him, but I don’t know if he would like me to be the one to do so.

I can hear Atom struggling to breathe. I can’t bring myself to look at him. But when he starts to mumble something my eyes shift to his face. His eyes are cloudy and dull, they seem as if they had dried up. Gruggly sounds come out of his throat.

“K- ki- ill… me…”

My blood freezes in my veins. I straighten my back, trying to get fresh air inside my lungs. Bellamy looks like he’s not breathing. I reach out my hand towards his back, but I hesitate. He gets up and I pull my hand back. I didn’t notice Charlotte until she holds out her harm, handing Bellamy the knife he gave her.

“Don’t be afraid.” She whispers.

She looks like a statue, her face is blank. A boy is dying in front of her and she doesn’t even seem bothered by it. She’s handing him the knife to kill his friend like you would hand a pen to someone who needed it. And maybe that’s why he takes it.

“Go back to camp.” He looks at some kids I didn’t even notice. They don’t hesitate one second.

He looks at me and opens his mouth, but I’m faster. “Charlotte, you too.”

After she disappeared from view he looks back at me. “You should go too. You need to get to your friend.”

I want to slap him. What a hypocrite. Instead I just say “You shouldn’t be alone right now.” And he looks grateful.

He kneels next to Atom “Kill me… pl- please, B- Bellamy.”

I lift my head and, between the trees, Clarke’s watching us. She moves quickly and in a second he’s next to us, checking the boy.

“I heard screams.”

“Charlotte found him.” I wasn’t ready to hear Bellamy’s voice crack. “I sent her back to camp.”

As he watches Clarke look over Atom’s wounds I can see hope appear in his eyes. But when she looks at him, shaking her head, I can sense his pain. He clenches his jaw and looks away, taking a long, shaky breath.

“Okay” she whispers to Atom “I’m going to help you, all right?”

She reaches for his hair, gently brushing it. When she starts humming a soft song I can feel my throat closing. Even though I try to prevent it, my vision gets blurry and I realize I cannot look anymore. I am not as strong as I thought. I get up and take a few steps away. I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle my sobs. I clench my eyes and feel fat, warm tears fall on my cheeks. I let myself fall into Clarke’s voice. When I couldn’t hear Atom’s whimpers anymore I knew what happened. I quickly dry my face and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

The sun had long set when we stepped back to camp. Eventually, Finn and Wells showed up and helped Bellamy build something to carry Atom with.

Kids gathered around us but I can’t hear what they say, my mind is only to Jasper. Only when I see Octavia do I recall seeing her and Atom together. She quickly walks toward us, but is stopped by her brother.

“Octavia, just stay there please.”

“What? Why”

“Stay back.”

She looks at me. And I look away.

She manages to get past her brother and kneels next to Atom’s body. I can see her hand shake as she reaches for the jacket covering his face.

“There was nothing I could do-” Bellamy tries to talk.

“Don’t.” Her voice is high pitched.

She gets up and quickly walks away, I follow her.

“O…” I hesitantly say “Octavia?”

“I don’t wanna talk.”

We reached the edge of the camp, a dark corner behind the ship.

“Then let’s not talk.” My voice is wary and cautious.

“You don’t need to stay here, you should go see Jasper.”

“Why? Is he okay?”

She turns, confused. “He’s not well. He’s like when you left. Didn’t you go check on him?”

“I wanted to, but I thought you needed my company more right now.” I don’t know if I’m a bad friend or a good one.

“You decided to follow me instead of checking on your friend?”

“You're my friend too. And I’m sorry if I didn’t really spend time with y-“

“Don’t you even try to apologize.”

I smile and she comes to me. When I open my arms I can see her break. Her head sweeps in the crook of my neck and I can feel her chest rising and fall as she sobs in my arms. At that moment I felt like I had a purpose in life. I felt like I wasn’t useless.

I don’t know how much we stayed like that. I kept brushing her hair and whispering kind words in her ear. Even when she stopped crying and her breathing calmed down, we didn’t separate. And it didn’t bother me. I needed that as much as her.

I hear her yawn and a light laugh escapes my lips.

“Maybe it’s better if we go to sleep.”

“They finished building some tents, one of them is ours.”

“Maybe tomorrow, O. I’d like to go to Jasper if you don’t mind.”

A sad smile appears on her lips. “Of course. See you in the morning, I love you.”

I’m shocked for a moment. It had been a very long time since I last heard those words. “I love you too.” And even a longer one since I last pronounced them.

I’m walking towards the ship. Fear rings in my ears and I don’t know what to expect from Jasper. Octavia said that he was fine, well, that he wasn’t worse, but after seeing Bellamy’s friend die in front of him, I remembered that the people we love can actually die.

A hand stops me from getting inside and I turn to see Bellamy.

“Hey, I tried calling you, but you probably didn’t hear me.”

Yeah, I didn’t hear him, but even if I did I would have not stopped. “Or maybe I was just ignoring you.”

He takes a step back “Yeah and- and I don’t blame you. Listen, what I want to say is that I’ve been a real asshole about the Jasper thing, especially this morning. I… I’m sorry.”

“Yes, you were.” I start walking away, but I’m stopped for a second time.

“That’s it? Didn’t you hear the last part?”

“No, I did hear you. But it doesn’t change anything. We’re not friends. Don’t let today make you think otherwise. I stayed by your side because I know what it feels to have a dying friend and I didn’t want you to face that situation alone. If I knew Clarke would have arrived I wouldn’t have stayed. I’m glad that you can finally see my point of view, but we are not friends.” This time he lets me walk away.

When I get to the upper end of the ladder I see my friend’s body lay in the exact same position I left him. Next to him, Monty and Finn.

“Why did it take you so long to get here? I was worried sick!”

“I’m sorry Monty, I was… something came up. But I’m here now, how is he?”

“Clarke gave him some medicine and his temperature has calmed down since then, it also looks like he’s not having any more trouble breathing.”

“Thank God.” I whisper, gently brushing his hair.

We’re sitting in a corner, drinking some sort of terrible beverage Finn found during the mission.

“You sure it’s drinkable?” I ask “Every time I take a sip is like fire is coming down my throat.”

“That’s the fun part.”

“Can I… get a hit of that?”

I’m running to Jasper. “Oh my God.”

“Let’s start with the soft stuff.” Finn helps him drink some water.

“Oh my God, you’re awake” I’m about to cry. I grab his hand, squeezing it hard.

“Was that a dream or did I get speared?”

“You’ll have a very impressive scar to prove it.” Clarke appears behind us.

“My savior.”

“Thank you for not dying. I don’t think I could have taken that today.”

“I’ll try not to die tomorrow too, if that’s cool.”

We all laugh “Tomorrow,” I say “and the day after that, and the day after, and after, and after. Until I say it’s okay, all right?”

“Promised.”

Chapter Text

I’m holding Jasper’s arm, helping him walk around.

“Are you sure you don’t want to rest?”

“It’s been a week. I’m fine, really.”

Hearing him say that makes me smile.

“What about you? How’s sleeping in a private tent?”

“First of all, it’s not private, I share it with Octavia. Second, I only got it because I’m friends with the Captain’s sister.”

“Oh, yes, you got friends on the high ranks.” He laughs.

“Like you’re not friends with Clarke.” I gently elbow him.

“So, have you written anything new in the past days?”

Writing. I almost forgot about it.

“I lost my notebook, so I don't have anything to write onto.”

“I thought Monty gave it to you, he found it in a corner of the first floor of the ship.”

I stop to look at him “What? He found my notebook?”

“Yeah, he probably forgot. He’s been obsessed with finding a way to contact the Ark.”

“Monty has my notebook?” I repeat.

“Yes, he does. He-”

“Octavia!” I call out, seeing her a few steps ahead “Octavia! I have something very important to do. Can you take Jasper on a walk?”

“Take on a walk? I’m not a dog! I can walk on my-”

“And don’t leave him alone.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” She smiles.

I know I choose the right person when I see Jasper melt into a pound of embarrassment. He’ll be alright.

“Thanks, girl!” I quickly hug her and then run towards the ship.

“Monty- Monty-” I’m out of breath.

“Hey what’s up?”

“Do you- do you have my notebook?”

His eyes widen. “That’s the thing I forgot about!” He slaps his forehead. “Yeah, yeah, I got it.” He turns around and searches in a pile of electric stuff, then he turns back to me. “Here.”

I grab it with both hands and bring it to my chest. “Oh my God! Thank you!” I hug him, leaving a thousand kisses on his cheek.

“Sorry for forgetting.”

“Don’t worry Monty. Did you happen to find a pencil too?”

“Oh, yes! But the tip is broken.”

“Thanks! Thanks! Oh, you’re the best!” I hug him again.

With a quick wave I rush to the door, looking for something to sharpen my pencil with. I need like… a knife, or something. Charlotte has a knife. No, she gave it to Bellamy. Who gave it to Clarke. I need to find her. And, unfortunately, I know exactly where.

I slowly make my way to the gate, then to the little cemetery outside camp. It’s been a week since Wells died. Since he was murdered by the Grounders. She’s there, sitting in front of the still freshly mussy dirt. I quietly get near her.

“How are you?”

Silence is already an answer.

I scoot closer and wrap my harm around her shoulders.

“He knew you loved him.”

“Did he?”

“Yes. And by the way he talked about you, he really cared about you.”

“I told him I hated him and that I wanted him to die.” A stray tear rolls down her cheek.

“It was what he wanted. He was happy like that. He was happy to protect you.”

“I miss him so much.”

“I know… I know…”

She turns towards me and I hug her completely, letting her cry over my shoulder. Lately, there has been nothing but death. And I believe it’s just the start of a very long chain.

After a while I decide it’s time to ask “I- uhm- I actually came here to ask you something.” When she nods I continue “Do you still have Bellamy’s knife?”

“No, I gave it back to him after…”

I immediately regret asking.

“Okay, yeah, I got it.”

“Why do you ask?”

“It’s stupid… I… I need to sharpen a pencil.”

“You have a pencil?” She sounds more excited than I expected.

“Yeah, I brought it with me.”

“Finn actually gave me one this morning.” she shows me a blue pencil “Do you draw?”

“No, I’m terrible at it.” I laugh “I…” I look away “I write sometimes…”

“That’s so cool. What do you write?”

“Mostly short stories. I mean, they are short because I never finish them, I have a problem with finding endings.”

“Maybe it’s because the stories never end, the book does.”

I turn to her. “I never thought about that.”

“I’d like to read some of your stories sometime. Being able to run away to another word, that must be good.”

“Okay, but only if you make a drawing of me.”

“I’d love to. Now, go ask Bellamy for the knife, I want a story by evening.”

“It’s not that easy. You see, me and Bellamy are not on very good terms.”

“Trust me, we are not either. But I’m sure that he’d give you his knife for five seconds.”

“I don’t think he’d want me near him at all. I kind of… insulted him… heavily.”

“Oh wow. I didn’t think you’d be able to insult anyone, to be honest. You’re always so kind with everyone.”

“Yeah, so that’s why I can’t ask him.”

“I’m sure you can find someone else with a knife. I think Finn has one-”

“Clarke!” Octavia’s voice comes from behind us. “There’s something you have to see.”

We get up and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just assume I can go with them, she just said Clarke, she didn’t say also my name.

As they start to walk, Octavia turns to me. “Are you coming?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. Hurry up, it's important.”

My insides glow with happiness and I’m scared they can see my heart shine through my clothes.

She leads us into one of the bigger tents, one we use for storage. My smile drops as I see Bellamy already inside. With him there’s Jasper and I hurry next to him.

“What’s happening?” I whisper to him.

He nods towards the table at the center. On top of it is a knife and a rolled up piece of cloth.

Octavia grabs the rag and opens it. Two amputated fingers. I cover my mouth and turn around. I feel Jasper’s hand on my shoulder.

“What’s this?” Bellamy asks.

“We found them right outside camp. We believe the fingers are Wells’” his sister responds.

Clarke reaches for the knife. “It’s made of metal from the drop ship.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Who else knows about this?” Of course he interrupts me.

“No one. We brought it straight here.”

“Clarke?” Jasper grabs her attention, trying to make her answer my question.

“Means the Grounders didn’t kill Wells.” A short pause “It was one of us.”

“So there’s a murder in the camp?” I say.

“There’s more than one murder in this camp.” He’s so arrogant. “This isn’t news. Keep it quiet.”

“And who are you to decide for all of us?” I turn to him.

“I am the Captain” he mocks me.

Clarke walks to the exit but is stopped by Bellamy.

“Get out of my way.”

“Be smart about this. Look at what we’ve achieved. The wall, the patrols. Thinking the grounders killed Wells is good for us.”

“Good for you, you mean. Keep people afraid and they’ll work for you? Is that it?”

“Yeah, that’s it. But it’s good for all of us. Fear of the Grounders is building that wall. Besides, what are you going to do, just ask the killer to step forward?” I hate to admit it, but he has a point “You don’t even know who’s knife that is.”

“Oh, really?” she holds it up “ ‘J. M.’ John Murphy. The people have the right to know.” In a second she’s out of the tent.

We don’t even make it outside and we already hear shouting.

“My knife. Where’d you find that?”

“Where you dropped it after you killed Wells.” That was straightforward. The camp is suddenly quiet.

“Where I what?” he gets closer to her “The Grounders killed Wells, not me.”

“I know what you did, and you’re going to pay for it.”

“Really?” his head turns towards us “Bellamy, you believe this crap?”

He doesn’t get a chance to answer, Clarke’s quicker. “You threatened to kill him. We all heard you. You hated Wells.”

“Planty of people hated Wells.” He’s not wrong. “His father was the Chancellor that locked us up.”

“Yet you were the only one who got in a knife fight with him!”

“Yeah, I didn’t kill him then, either.”

“He tried to kill Jasper too.” Octavia talks next to me. But I don’t know if that was a smart move. I don’t like where this is going.

He looks around, trying to find any type of support, but everyone is just staring in disbelief.

“Come on, this is ridiculous!” he’s starting to get agitated “I don’t have to answer to you. I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

“Come again.” Bellamy crosses his arms, his voice deep and steady.

Murphy walks to him “Bellamy. look, I’m telling you, man, I didn’t do this.” His voice sounds really scared.

Maybe it’s the sound of guilt.

Or the sound of innocence.

“They found his fingers on the ground with your knife.”

“Is this the kind of society that we want?” Clarke continues “You say that there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without punishment?”

“I already told you! I didn’t kill anyone!”

“I say we float him!” an unknown voice.

The crowd starts to cheer, supporting the decision and I can feel Murphy grow nervous.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” She tries to calm everyone down, but I fear it’s too late.

“Why not? He deserves to float. It’s justice.”

“Revenge isn’t justice.” Unfortunately, that sounds too hypocritical, wasn’t justice what she wanted?

“It’s justice! Float him! Float him!” Everyone chants with the boy.

“It’s not justice! It’s murder!” but my voice gets lost in the noise.

Someone pushes Murphy to the ground and a group of guys starts to kick him. I want to stop them, but someone holds me back.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Jasper looks at me worried “I mean, he’s a dick, he got himself into this.”

“What? They’re going to kill him! Kill. Him. We need to do something!”

When I see him not moving, I turn around, going near the group.

“Let him go! Let Murphy go!” I scream, but no one hears it.

Someone puts a gag around his mouth. I push deeper between the people but I feel myself getting dragged backwards. My arms are stuck behind my back, a pair of hands holding them steady.

“Oh, no. You’re going to watch this, Sunshine.”

“Let me go! You need to stop them! They’re going to kill him!”

“I’m well aware of that. And it’s your bestie’s fault.”

“You can stop them!”

“Why would I? They want someone’s head on a pike, if it’s not Murphy’s it might be yours.”

“If you don’t do something, it’ll be your fault too.”

“How could I do something when I’m already busy stopping you from getting yourself killed?”

“I don’t need you to do anything for me!”

“From my point of view, you need me to do a lot of things for you.” I can physically sense him smirk.

“Get off of me weirdo!”

He actually lets me go. I turn around and realize that he didn’t really do that: Jasper’s pulling him back.

“When a lady asks you to leave her alone, you leave. Her. Alone.”

Bellamy shrugs him off of himself “Calm down, kid. Me and your girl here were just talking. Weren’t we, Sunshine?”

“No. I have no interest in sharing oxygen with you. “He acts hurt, bringing a hand to his heart.

He opens his mouth but his gaze shifts to something behind me. I turn and suck in a breath, Murphy’s being dragged away by a rope tied around his neck. He is gagged and his arms are tied behind his back.

“Oh God.” I murmur.

I sprint towards the crowd, Clarke’s begging people to let him go. I get pushed around by kids trying to get a better view. Rope flies and gets stuck around a branch. Then Murphy flies. He is hanging midair, legs kicking and I can hear his muffled cries. I cover my mouth with my hands and, suddenly, I’m unable to move. Someone lays a bucket under him, helping him to get on top of it. For a moment, I believe they’re going to get him down.

“Bellamy!” someone shouts “You should do it!” The guy is looking next to me, from the corner of my eye I see Bellamy standing beside me.

Everyone starts chanting his name. Clarke is shouting something, but I can’t hear anymore. As I see Bellamy’s figure walking towards Murphy, I instinctively follow him.

“Bellamy, don’t do this!” Her voice is tired and pleading.

He shoves her away and I am horrified.

He turns to his friend and I grab his arm, turning him to face me.

“What are you doing?!” I look in his eyes and I can see that he is scared.

“I’m following everyone’s wish.”

He’s putting the blame on the others, he doesn’t want to do this. I need to plant doubt in his mind. “Look at your arms!” I lift the one I’m holding “They’re still red because you were willing to put your life at risk to save your friend’s life. Do you want them to be red from the blood of another’s?” I’m surprised by how sure I sound.

He looks at me, deep into my eyes and a nerve in his jaw tenses. I did it. He shuts his eyes closed and turns around.

“You don’t have to save everyone, Sunshine.”

His foot hits the bucket under Murphy’s feet.

The sound of the rope tensing echoes inside my head and I want to scream. A hand grabs my wrist and I’m pulled away from the scene. Jasper makes me turn around and holds me to his chest blocking my view. I am fighting against his hold yelling at him to let me go.

“He’s dying! He’s dying! Can’t you understand it? We need to do something! We need to free him!”

He says something but I can’t hear him over the other kids’ voices. His arms are around my torso, keeping me locked against his chest. I fight with all my strength and manage to slip under his hold. Turning round I see Finn pushing his way through the crowd.

“What the hell are you doing?” he yells “Cut him down! Charlotte?” I notice the little girl for the first time “Get out of here, now! Cut him down!”

I run to the girl and grab her arm, trying to turn her away from the scene. “Come here, honey, don’t look.”

She fights against me and turns back “Stop! Okay? Murphy didn’t kill Wells! I did!”

I’m ice. I’m stone. I’m frozen in my spot. Unable to move, or even think.

A loud thud is the only sound in all of the camp. Then someone choughs and people start murmuring. But I’m still staring at Charlotte. The twelve-year-old girl who murdered my friend. And, suddenly, I don’t see her the same as before.

Someone pushes me and I stumble, finally snapping back to senses. Bellamy doesn’t even look at me, he just grabs the girl’s hand and pulls her away from the crowd. I don’t know what I’m doing until I find myself back in the tent, Wells’ fingers still on the table.

“Why, Charlotte?” Bellamy slides a hand through his dark hair.

“I was just trying to slay my demons, like you told me.”

A laugh escapes my lips and Bellamy turns to me “Just trying to escape my demons? Just? You think this is the situation to use just? A person is dead, Charlotte. Dead! You killed him!”

“And I don’t think that is the right way to approach this situation, don’t you think?”

“Oh, no, sorry Captain, you’re right, hanging someone who wasn’t even guilty is the right way!”

He steps towards me “That was the Princess’ doing.” He hisses.

“But it was you that kicked the-”

“Stop it!” we turn to Clarke “What the hell is she talking about?”

“Captain Hook wanted to play daddy and make Charlotte stop having nightmares and he did that by telling her to” I bring my hands up and make quotation marks “slay her demons while she was awake-”

“She misunderstood me.” I just keep getting interrupted “Charlotte, that is not what I meant.”

“Bring the girl out! Now!” Murphy’s voice comes from outside the tent.

“Please, don’t let them hurt me!” she pleades.

Like you hurted Wells? But I contain myself from saying it.

“If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up.” Bellamy looks around, but everyone is silent. “Now you stay quiet?”

“Those are your boys out there” Finn points outside the tent.

“This is not my fault.” His voice gets a little more high-pitched, trembling slightly, but for just a second “If she had listened to me those idiots would still be building the wall.”

And we would still be thinking that Murphy killed Wells.

“You want to build a society, Princess?” Murphy yells “Then let’s build a society. Bring her out.”

“No, please, Bellamy.” The girl's voice is high-pitched, her eyes shiny with tears.

Crocodile tears.

“Nope. No. I can’t do this. I’m done. I’m out of here.” I raise my hands and walk out of the tent.

“Oh, hi” Murphy grins when he looks at me, his face is covered in blood and dirt and on his neck you can see where a bruise from the rope is starting to form “I heard you screaming my name earlier, thank you for your support, Sunshine.” He walks towards me.

“You’re making me regret it, Smee.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but then his eyes shift behind me. “Well, well, well. Look who decided to join us. Little Wendy here isn’t the only one coming to her senses.”

Bellamy glances at me, but quickly shifts back to Murphy. “Dial it down and back it off.”

“Or what? What are you going to do about me? Hang me?” he mocks him.

“I was just giving the people what they wanted.”

Wrong answer, Bellamy.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. Why don’t we do that right now?” Murphy turns towards the crowd. “So who here wants to see the real murderer hung up?” he raises his hand and a couple of other kids do the same “All in favor?” no one else follows him “I see. So it’s okay to string me up for nothing, but when the little bitch confesses, you all let her walk?” he’s yelling by the end. “Cowards! All of you are cowards!”

“Hey! Murphy!” Bellamy walks to him “It’s over.”

He shrugs. “Whatever you say, Boss.”

Bellamy turns and walks back to the tent. Murphy takes a step towards a pile of wooden sticks and grabs one, he raises it over his head and swings it to Bellamy’s neck. I bring my hands to my mouth as he falls to the ground. Octavia yells and launches towards him but is stopped by Jasper.

“Come on. Let’s get the girl.”

I sprint towards the tent, not sure of what I’m planning on doing, but when I look inside, I find it empty. Murphy and his gang arrive a second later.

He swears. “Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you can hear me! And when I find you, you are going to pay! Do you understand? You are going to pay!”

Him and his group storm off towards the camp’s gates, probably hoping to find her somewhere in the forest. Octavia is crouched next to her brother, checking on him. I shake my head, taking deep breaths. Too much. Too much stuff has happened in too little time. I quickly walk around camp, everyone is going back to their normal activities, now that the show has ended. I need somewhere quiet. Somewhere where I can be alone. The only place that comes to my mind is outside camp. As I exit the gate I look left, to the place where the tombs are located, and then I turn right. I stay near the entrance, always keeping an eye on the forest around me. I stay there, deep in my thoughts until evening, then until it’s dark, then until it’s night. I stay in the same spot, occasionally shifting into another position, and I think of everything that has happened since we landed here. First, we were one hundred, then we found out we were one hundred one, then we were ninety-nine and now we are ninety-seven. Today, we could have become ninety-six. We were about to, thanks to Captain Hook and his genius leading plan. He didn’t want to kill Murphy, I could see it into his eyes. And the way he acted after, he was desperately trying to blame Clarke, but I don’t think he was doing it with bad intentions, he just wanted people to acknowledge that he was not a murderer. But he is. A murderer and a hypocrite. He kicked the bucket from under Murphy’s feet, but he protected Charlotte even after she confessed. I mean, I’m not saying we should float- hang Charlotte, she’s a kid, I’m not even sure she is twelve. But she can’t just get away with it. She murdered someone for God’s sake.

I’m snapped back into reality by some steps coming from the woods. Shit, are those grounders? Sounds come from my left and I see a shadow walk away from camp. I slowly get up and walk closer. They’re quite tall, broad shoulders: a man. He’s moving quickly, looking around. He doesn’t have anything with him.

Why were you at camp? Was he a spy sent from the grounders to know our position and our weapons?

If I followed him I could learn their location too. Then, an idea struck my head: he could not be a grounder, but one of us. I start following him. Why was he walking in the woods, alone, at night? In both cases following him could lead to useful informations.

We’ve been walking for quite a while now, and we’re far from camp. Where is he going? The moon is up in the sky, not completely full, but enough to let me be able to make out shapes in the forest. If I concentrate I can make out the outline of the craters on its surface. I miss being closer to it, I used to love looking at it and imagine what it was like for the men who actually landed on it. Snap. I freeze in place, putting all my weight against a tree luckily close to me. I bring a hand to my mouth to muffle my breath. Seconds pass and all I can hear is my heart beating out of my chest and I hope he can’t hear it too. I’m now aware of every single sound in the forest: the light breeze through the trees, a few animals scattering around and the air traveling through my lungs. I close my eyes for a moment trying to steady my breath, then I peek over the tree. He’s not there anymore. Where the hell did he go? I look among the trees hoping to find the shadow again, then, slowly I turn around to look at the other side of my tree. I place a hand on the rugged log and stretch my neck over to see. A hand lands over my mouth and another grabs my arm and pushes me against the tree. I start fighting trying to escape the hold.

“Why are you following me?” Bellamy’s voice.

When I hear his voice, for a moment I stop fighting, then I start again, with even more force.

“You have to be quiet.” His hold tightens “Got it?”

I stop again and make a small nod. He slowly frees the hand on my mouth, but keeps the hold on my other arm, keeping it behind my back, pushing me deeper into the tree.

“I wasn’t following you” I hiss between my teeth, still trying to get away from him.

“Is that so? Then what were you doing?”

“I was following a random person that ventured deep into the woods in the middle of the night.”

“So you were following me.”

“I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t aware it was you until now, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, that’s for sure.”

“It’s always a pleasure speaking to you.” He releases me.

“Can’t say the same.” I twist my shoulder, making sure he knows that he hurt me by keeping me like that “What are you doing here at night?”

“My own damn business, now go back to camp, we don’t need another corpse.” He turns and starts to walk away.

“Oh, your opinion changes fast, you were thinking quite the opposite this afternoon.”

He stops for a moment, I can see his fists tighten. In a second, he turns around and is right back at my face, he looks down at me.

“Can you tell me what the hell is your problem?” I try to talk but he goes on “Why do you always feel the need to challenge my every decision? Do you really think you’re that much better than I am?” my eyes widen, I did not intend to make him feel that way, was that really what he thought I was doing? “Well, guess what? You wouldn’t last a day leading the camp. Everyone would die following what you say. Every. Single. One.” He spits the words into my face, and, with every second, I fall deeper into the ground. Every syllable is a stab in the chest, every word filled with venomous hate. “So stop trying to be miss perfect, always happy and optimistic. Stop trying to be the kind-hearted hero that saves everyone. Because you aren’t. You couldn’t help Octavia with the sea creature, and she got hurt. You weren’t even there when Jasper was hit, and he managed to survive solely thanks to Clarke. You can’t even stand the thought of violence. And it’s surely not thanks to you that Murphy is alive. You are no one.”

I can barely see through the amount of water in my eyes. I bit my lip to stop it from trembling. I bit it hard, concentrating only on that pain and not on the thorns that crush my head and my chest and my heart. I don’t even care about what he thinks of me. Why would I? He’s the worst person I’ve ever met. A dickhead. An asshole. Then why do I feel like I could die at any moment? Why do I feel like there’s a hole filled with fire inside my chest? Why do I want to scream and punch him?

I stay frozen. My throat too tight to let any word escape. I will not cry. I won’t give him that satisfaction. He just stares at me, his breath is heavy and his expression hard.

“Go back to camp.”

I’m left alone. Alone with my thoughts. It’s only when I’m sure he’s out of sight that I let myself fall to the ground. I don’t know how much time passes. I’m only aware of the sobs that escape my lungs.

I don’t care about his opinion. I don’t care about his opinion. I don’t care about his opinion.

I keep chanting it in my head like a mantra.

He hates me. He actually hates me. I made him hate me. Am I really that horrible of a person? Do other people view me like that? Do other people resent me that much? All of his friend group, probably. He also might talk to Octavia and she might start hating me too. And then she could speak to Clarke and Jasper and Monty and everyone else and I’d be left alone. All alone. Everyone might start hating me. All because I couldn’t keep some nasty comments to myself. I am a horrible person and I should be left alone. I don’t know why Jasper and Monty haven’t seen it yet, but they will, eventually. I brought this upon myself. It was all my fault. And even if he doesn’t speak right away, everyone will know what I’ve done. Who I really am. And when it happens, I won’t be able to escape. I will die alone.

A scream catches my attention.

“Here! I’m here!”

Charlotte. That’s right. Charlotte. I can still fix this. I can still try to prove myself. If I save her, people won’t be able to think badly of me and I won’t end up alone. I just need to save her. I will save her.

I’m on my feet, running towards the direction of her voice. Every now and then a scream confirms me I’m getting closer.

Why is she screaming? Murphy will know where she is. Or maybe she’s screaming because Murphy already got her. Please, please God, or whoever is up there, don’t let Murphy get to her before me.

“No! No! Murphy!”

Cold shivers run down my spine and I run faster.

I finally see two people, one holding the other over their shoulders. Charlotte has been taken.

“No! Put me down!”

Murphy’s slow due to the girl’s weight and I manage to launch towards them, knocking them over.

“Charlotte! Charlotte let’s go!” I get up and take the girl’s hand, but when I look down I see Bellamy.

“You?” he’s angry. So, so angry. “I told you to go back to camp!” I can see him studying my face, I know he can tell I’ve been crying, and I hate it.

“And what are you doing? Trying to take her to Murphy?” I let all my anger and frustration escape.

“What? No! I’m trying to get her away from him!”

“From the way she’s screaming to put her down doesn’t seem like it.”

“Because she wants to go to Murphy, she wants to constitute herself.”

“What?” I look towards the girl “Honey you can’t do that, they’ll kill you.”

“Yes, exactly. It’s what I deserve.”

“We need to go. Now.” Bellamy is looking around.

“No! I told you! Leave me here, it’s me who they want! Murphy! Murph-” she starts screaming and I cover her mouth.

“Quick. We need to get away.” He comes to me and grabs the kid.

“Wait, camp’s that way.”

“Matter of fact, we are not going to camp.”

“You can’t just take off in a random direction. You don’t know what’s there”

“We don’t have time. I’m going there. And you are not coming.” He turns and starts to walk off.

“Oh, I most surely am.” I say to myself.

He half turns to look at me and scoffs. He tries to distance me but he’s not hard to keep up with. Especially because Charlotte keeps hitting him and screaming when she can.

“Charlotte, please stop.” I whisper to her “We just want to help you.”

“Since when you want to help her.”

“Not now.” I hiss, between my teeth.

“Why? You never fail to let me know when I fuck up, so why would I?”

“You made your point clear, okay? So why can’t we just-” the words die in my throat.

Torches glimmer in the corner of my eyes and Murphy’s voice becomes closer and closer.

“Murphy! I’m here!”

Shit. We take off running, but the torches seem to just not disappear. I don’t know how Bellamy manages to be so fast and agile while carrying Charlotte over his shoulders. I can feel them getting closer and without a known place to go I don’t see a good ending in this. Air starts burning in my lungs but I push forward, surely there must be a way, surely there must be something we can do. In front of us the forest seems to end. If we end up in a plain there will be no escape from Murphy. The end of the trees comes closer and closer to us and when we get to the edge of the forest Bellamy stops.

“What-” but I don’t get to finish the question.

I stop and look at the enormous canyon that extends before us. So large our ship could fit three times in it, and so deep the end is covered by clouds.

“Damn it” I hear him whisper.

Not even thirty seconds pass before we hear Murphy’s voice.

“Bellamy. You can’t fight all of us. Give her up.”

My heart beats in my ears and I’m not sure if it's from the run or the adrenaline in my veins.

“Maybe not.” He takes a step in front of the girl “But I guarantee I’ll take a few of you with me.”

He puts the girl down and I grab her arm, pulling her close.

“Bellamy! Stop!” Clarke appears from the tree line, followed by Finn.

A sigh escapes my throat and my hold on Charlotte loosens.

“This has gone too far. Just calm down” she turns to Murphy “We’ll talk about this.”

Murphy hesitates, switching his gaze between Clarke and Charlotte.

Please, please, please, please, please. Make the right decision. Please, Murphy, let all this end.

He closes his eyes for a moment and I believe he has come to his senses. His hand reaches for Clarke and he pulls her to him, blocking her to his chest with a knife to her throat. I cover my mouth with my hands.

“I’m sick of listening to you talk.” He whispers to her hear.

“Let her go!” Finn walks towards them and Murphy points at him to stop.

“I will slit her throat” the way he talks, it’s like hearing a crazy person speak, it trembles a little, like he’s trying to keep himself from yelling. His teeth are shut together in a maniacal smile.

My eyes are fixated on the girl. The way her hands grip Murphy’s arm. The way her expression is hard, still scared, but not panicking. The way she manages to keep her composure even in that situation.

“No, please.” The little voice comes from beside me “Don’t hurt her.”

“Don’t hurt her?” he mocks her “Okay, I’ll make you a deal: you come with me right now I will let her go.”

My hand moves to grab the girl, to pull her behind me, away from the danger. But I stop it, because, even though I want to save her, now I have to save Clarke too.

“Don’t do it, Charlotte.”

She takes a step forward but an arm grabs her. Bellamy pulls her back.

“No! no, I have to!”

I have to do something. I can’t just stand here. I need to do something.

I grab her too. Or maybe him. I’m not so sure of what I’m trying to do.

“You don’t have to do this, Murphy.” I plead him “Please.”

He looks at me and the wrinkles on his forehead disappear “You don’t understand. I do have to do this. I almost died because of her.”

“No, Murphy,” I step away from the girl, cautiously walking towards him “it wasn’t Charlotte’s fault that you were hanged.” As I take another step he tightens his grip on the knife and I stop, putting my hands up “She tried to save you. When she understood what was going to happen to you she came clean. She didn’t want you to die.” The knife lowers a bit, so I take another step “Don’t you want to return the favor?”

“You know what? You’re right” a loud breath escapes me “it shouldn’t be the little girl I should be mad at…” he pushes Clarke away from him and she stumbles, I get close to her, checking if she’s okay as Finn reaches us, hugging her. “It should be him” I turn and see him pointing the knife towards Bellamy, and I realize my mistake.

“What? No.” I can’t let this happen. I run in front of him “This wasn’t-“

“It wasn’t her that didn’t defend me when I was accused of murder” he is not even looking at me “It wasn’t her who did nothing while they hanged me to a tree” he takes a set forward and I take a step back, not moving from in front of him “It wasn’t her who kicked the bucket from under my feet.” another step “It was you.”

“Murphy-” Bellamy tries to speak.

“Please…” Charlotte’s voice catches everyone’s attention “I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did.”

“Charlotte…” Clarke calls for her.

But she turns around. Bellamy reaches for her, but when he gets close enough she has already jumped off the edge.

I’m screaming. Or, at least, I think I’m screaming. I can’t hear anything. I’m staring at the void, at the emptiness beneath me. My breathing accelerates and I can feel my head spin. My ears start ringing and the corner of my vision starts to darken. 

She jumped. She jumped. She jumped. She jumped.

I get pushed to the side and just when the hard ground collides with my side, I acknowledge my surroundings again. I push myself up and turn to see Bellamy kneeled on the ground. His arms move in the air, then towards the ground, where Murphy is held under him. He hits him once, twice, again, again, again. The flickering lights of the torches light them, as the blood spills on them both.

“Bellamy, stop! You’ll kill him!” Clarke is still near the edge. 

Finn grabs Bellamy from behind, getting him off the boy. “No! Get off me!”

I slowly move towards her and reach for her arm “Get away from the-” I choke on the words “from there.”

She glances behind her, then back at me. She takes my hand and squeezes it.

The three steps we take away from the canyon are still too few.

Bellamy tugs his arms free from Finn’s hold. “He deserves to die!” his hand points towards Murphy, still on the ground. My eyes run the length of his arm, ending on his knuckles. Dark, crusty blood stains them.

“No!” Clarke pushes his arm down “We don’t decide who lives and dies. Not down here.”

“So, help me God, if you say the people have a right to decide-”

“I was wrong before, okay? I was wrong and you were right. Sometimes it’s dangerous to tell people the truth. But if we're going to survive down here, we can’t just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules.”

“And who makes those rules, huh? You?”

“For now we make the rules, okay?”

“So what then? We just take him back and pretend like it never happened?”

“No.” seconds pass where the only sound are the fast breaths coming from the boy on the ground “We banish him.”

I cover my mouth with my hand. We were expelling him from our camp.We were basically floating him. With the only exception it would have not killed him immediately. And I didn't know if it was better or worse.

Bellamy walks to Murphy, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him up. He starts walking towards the edge, dragging him with him. I turn away, not able to watch.

“Bellamy, stop!”

The steps come to an end and I hear Bellamy’s voice, so low and raspy I barely manage to get what he’s saying. “If I ever catch you near camp, we’ll be back here. Understand?” 

One thing I knew is that I would not come back here ever again.

A strong thud makes me turn and I see Murphy on the ground, away from the edge.

“As for the four of you,” Bellamy continues “you can come back and follow me, or go off with him to die. Your choice.” With that he walks away.

One after the other everyone follows him. As I walk away I turn one last time. ”Bye.” I murmur under my breath, not sure if it’s for Murphy or Charlotte.

The walk back was silent. Murphy did not try to follow us, Bellamy made sure of that. 

In one day we lost two other people. And the trust in each other too.

Once we arrived at camp the other stopped to explain what happened and why Murphy or Charlotte weren’t with us. I could not stand it anymore. I continued walking, pushing my way between the kids. I arrived at the spaceship, I knew Monty was there and I… I just needed some comfort. Comfort. Funny how I’m the one needing comfort, since I'm not the one that died, that got banished or whatever shit Clarke and Bellamy did. I did nothing. I could not save her. I can’t save anyone. Everyone would die if it was for me.

I look at my hand grabbing the ladder. I let go and turn around. I don’t deserve comfort. I push the curtain that covers the entrance and find Clarke on her way in.

“Hey, you disappeared.” she lightly smiles at me and pats my arm “Have you been to Monty yet?”

“Uhm… no…” I look at her hand touching me “I was going to sleep.”

“Yeah, I’m tired too.” Her smile fades “But he’s working on contacting the Ark, don’t you wanna know how it’s going?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer “Come on, let’s go.”

He’s crouched down, surrounded by cables and metal pieces. Octavia and Jasper are there too and when they see me they come to hug me.

“Oh my god. Girl, where were you? We were so worried!”

“Yeah, don’t you ever try to disappear like that again!”

I take a moment to savour the hug, the closeness with my friends and the warmth of their bodies. 

“Come, see how good Monty’s doing with the bracelet.” Octavia takes my hand and guides me next to him.

“So, will we be able to talk to them?” Clarke asks.

“No. More like morse code.” A bracelet is open and attached to lots of wires, he’s trying to activate it - at least I think so - with a metal screw. “Wanna do the honors?” He looks at Jasper and hands him a red cable that ends in a tweezer-like shape. He shows where he has to put it.

We’re about to contact the Ark. We’re about to get help and supplies and we’re about to tell people it’s safe to come to Earth and we’re going to all live here. My heart beats faster. Mom would have loved it here. 

Jasper attaches the clip, I stare at the bracelet, not sure what I’m waiting for. Surely, I wasn’t waiting for electric sparks and smoke and an electric shock in my wrist. We all gasp in shock and stare at our bracelets.

“What happened?”

“It didn’t work” Monty whispers, he closes his eyes. “I think we fired all the wristbands.”

I cover my mouth. Now we are really alone.