Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"If you want them, we can share."

Loop stared up at stardust’s teary smile as stardust cupped their face. Was it ironic that, despite it all, they didn’t want to disappear? Siffrin’s thumbs rubbed their cheeks, and brushed away the tears in their good eye. His hands were so cold, even through his gloves. It felt nice, it felt familiar. Loop stared into Siffrin’s eye and felt like they were being pried open, like their ribs were being cracked open one at a time, revealing their fragile star, and whatever other organs they had in there.

Siffrin’s smile calmed, and with that stubborn glint in his eye he let go of Loop and took their hands. Loop was being pulled, sitting upright, then they stood. Siffrin swayed into them and for a moment, both of them were leaning against each other wearily. Loop lowered their head towards Siffrin, they had to respond, they had to tell him no, but Siffrin stepped back towards the road ahead, still holding their hand, giving a hopeful smile. Stars, he was greedy. He had his family, wasn’t that enough…?

Loop slowly followed, Siffrin holding their hand. They fell into step beside him. They were going back, then. They were going to see the ghosts of their friends, the ones they failed to take back.
Loop squeezed Siffrin’s hand, and embarrassingly enough, Siffrin acknowledged it and squeezed back.

If Loop disregarded the blatant stares from the townsfolk as they walked though town… it was peaceful. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. They just had to get used to some hand holding. Their hand was trembling and they were glad Siffrin wasn’t commenting on it. They felt like they were going to disappear before, but that feeling was gone. They, unfortunately, were still existing. Eyes closing, they let Siffrin lead.

Siffrin let go of Loop, and Loop’s felt a disorientatingly draining feeling. Their eyes shot open. Eyes were focused on them, but shifted to Siffrin as he stepped his way over to the Fighter. Loop looked away from the faces of their dead friends. There was talking going on, but Loop didn’t listen. Just the sound of their voices washed over them like acid rain.

There was relief at not having to be present, until Loop felt like they were floating away into the sky. They felt a familiar numbing darkness, but the sound of Stardust’s pained chuckle made a wave of icy acid settle into their chest. They opened their eyes. Siffrin was weaker than he was showing earlier, having to lean against Fighter’s shoulder. The Housemaiden encouraged Loop forward with hand gestures as the Kid peppered Loop with words- questions, probably. Loop’s silence made the Kid confused and irritated. Loop would not care. They just wanted to stop thinking.

But they were alive. If this was Loop hatching into a new era, their shell must have long rotted. Something undead and unnatural had crawled out of the dark mucus viscera of the shell, too tired to put up their mask as they followed Isabeau carrying Siffrin. They rubbed one hand with another subtly, still feeling the grasp of stardust’s guiding hand, traced a hand over one of their face star spikes where Siffrin had cupped their cheeks, and across their belly where Siffrin had sat on them. The Housemaiden was close by, probably worried. Loop didn’t look at her face. They just had to walk with Siffrin’s family for a bit, and then they could… rest? Talk to Siffrin and tell him this wasn’t going to work? Give him a hug until they felt like they could think again? Their head felt full of cotton. Nothing sounded particularly appealing.

Loop closed their eyes briefly as they felt the phantom sensation of Siffrin’s one-way telekinetic weariness and blissful content overwhelm them for a moment. A hundred and six loops they had to get used to being a star, and they were letting Siffrin’s emotions effect them like this? He just… never felt so happy before. Even when he found a clue out of the loops. Briefly, it was like Loop had found a warm bed after years of sleeping on the cold floor.

The pleasant sleepiness contrasted sharply with the numbness Loop felt in their star. They shouldn’t be here. They figured it out. They wanted to… lay their ghost to rest, unlike Siffrin who wouldn’t let them go. Their fight had probably not helped with his craft sickness…

“You should rest, Loop! You look really tired…” Somebody said... Somebody...? It took a few seconds for Loop to realize it was the Housemaiden talking to them, who only looked concerned as Loop stared at her blankly. Right. They couldn’t tune everything out. They think they read something about how ignoring stimulus took a mental toll in a book somewhere. They should respond. The attempt to speak felt like forcing down an iron door.

“... Of course, Housemaiden. I’ll rest until you need me.” Their words came out smoothly enough when Loop managed to speak.

“Well… okay! You can um, visit us, too, if you want!” The Housemaiden encouraged, “We want to properly thank you… but maybe when you’re more awake! Get plenty of rest!”

Loop stared at the Housemaiden, waiting for her next line until they felt stardust take their hand and lead them away into a room. They flinched at the contact, but obediently followed Siffrin inside. Oh, Siffrin was walking. How did he convince his family to leave him alone with them? Siffrin let go of their hand and moved away.

“You sure you want to be alone with me?” Loop snarked. Wow, a boost of energy from having their hand held? How embarrassing! They slumped against the wall and sat on the floor.

“You’re harmless.” Siffrin replied, sitting on the bed.

“I almost killed you. Did you already forget?”

“But you didn’t.” He said. He spent a few moments on the bed, exhaustion making him slump forward. Despite his exhaustion, he was so unbelievably happy. Stars, Loop might actually have to keep going if Siffrin felt that was for too long. They wanted to howl with laughter at the thought. That was one of the best jokes they had all day!

Siffrin slowly took off his dirty and rather roughed up cape. Loop stared at all the bruises and star-marks on his arms. Stardust took off his shirt, his expression settling into a frown as he caught Loop blatantly staring, before shrugging it off and putting on a new shirt. Their bloodstained shirt was left on the floor, which he kicked under the bed.

“You shouldn’t kick your laundry under the bed, stardust. You’ll get grounded.”

“By who?!” Siffrin squinted. 

“I can ground you if no one else is up to the task!” Loop chirped, “You’ll have to do my laundry for the next ten years.”

“But… you don’t have any clothes.” Siffrin was changing his pants now. Loop stared at his skinny stick legs, and looked to their own thicker, scratched-up calves and thighs. They didn’t look the same. The scratches looked like lines connecting constellations.

“Teehee~!” Loop wanted to tease Siffrin a bit more, but a wave of weariness made them curl up instead. Siffrin continued to slowly struggle to put his own pants on, even when he was sitting on a bed.  

Something touched their shoulder. Loop jolted awake, catching his wrist instinctively in their hand. Siffrin recoiled, and Loop hung onto him as terror seeped through every fiber of the body, before fading to nothing. They let go of him, unable to hide their shaking. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time, paused, and then shared a smile. The precious moment was ruined immediately as tears clouded Loop’s good eye and they quickly tried to wipe it off, only to feel arms wrap around their shoulders. Loop felt like they were shattering into a million pieces as Siffrin held them, and awkwardly put their hands on his back. The Kid taught him well.

“It’s okay.” Loop spoke first, shakily, as shaky as their body pathetically trembled, “I-I was just a little startled is all.”

“Can you get to the bed to sleep? It should be more comfortable…” Stardust suggested, pulling back. But he was holding their hand again.

Loop shuddered harder at the thought of hugging on the bed, but… it sounded nice to be held. They never had someone do that before. They stood up slowly and Siffrin swayed a bit to the point where Loop was more supporting him than they were themself, and then flopped onto the bed. They pulled Siffrin’s hand and scooted aside to give him room, their star-heart thrumming as their star head glowed brighter. But… Siffrin pulled away.

“I still want to go be with my family.” Siffrin said, and every warm, fuzzy feeling was plunged into cold realization that Loop was not important. They took their hand back, and Stardust flinched at their expression.

“Do you need me to stay…?” Siffrin asked, his conflicting feelings of concern and the need to be with his ‘family’ firing off like someone stabbing Loop in the front and back at the same time. He had every right to be with his family. But…

No. Loop wasn’t going to trap him because they felt a little… sentimental. Didn’t they just go through a whole neverending time loop about that? Stars, Loop should never get close to anyone ever again. It was too late with Stardust, but the others…

“No, stardust. Do tell them you’re tired, though!” Loop replied evenly, slipping into their usual helpful persona, “Perhaps you can all sit down somewhere instead of walking everywhere! It’d be a shame if you fell and cracked your pretty little head open when you can’t use timecraft!”

Siffrin looked vaguely annoyed with them, which was what Loop was going for. How dare he tease them with cuddles and not follow through. Not that Loop wanted it from him, it was just a nice thought to be able to fade away in someone’s arms. Feeling like they at least belonged somewhere before they possibly stopped existing. Which could happen at any moment! Loop wasn’t entirely sure why they were still here.

“I will.” Siffrin sighed, “I’ll take it easy. You take it easy, too, okay?”

“Go away already, I need my beauty rest.” Loop snarked, turning away. Siffrin puffed in-stars, was that amusement?- Loop considered trying take 2 of trying to murder him. They couldn’t even lift a finger. Siffrin left, and Loop wiggled into action-they sluggishly bundled themself in blankets and buried their head in pillows. They were trying to figure out how else to get comfortable when an exhausted sleep mercilessly took hold of them.

—-

The grass felt weirdly flat. The muffled sounds through the wall, the movement of different things… did Siffrin fall asleep in the house? That hadn’t happened to them in any loop before.

And their friends were nowhere to be seen, either. Wait. Siffrin bolted awake, scrambling out of a bed! No, no, no! Had they been knocked out?! Left behind?! They were still useful! They had to stay by their side! Don’t leave them! Their friend’s names! They remembered their names this loop!

“MIRA!” Siffrin cried out, “ODILE! ISA! BONNIE!”

They hit the wall in their rush to get out of the room, their eyes wide as a group of strangers turned towards them. Did… some villagers get in? They stared wide-eyed, confused. The House looked strange, too bright, less cold, more warm-

“Hey, you okay? Oh-“ The strangers-Housemaidens of Change, rushed over when Siffrin collapsed against the wall, their starry bodysuit frizzling at the edges like a terrified cat. What… where did this suit come from? Where was their cape?! What was the last thing they were doing before he woke up? Did they hit their head that hard-

Loop’s mind cleared painfully quickly, every memory sinking back into them. They lost every bit of strength in their body, collapsing like a puppet who had their strings cut. Stars. That was embarrassing. They considered finding the nearest empty barrel to crawl into as someone reached out to touch their head. They flinched but allowed the contact and ignored the barely-suppressed fascination in the concerned housemaiden’s gazes. It was nice to be-

tap, tap, tap-

Siffrin skidded to a stop in front of Loop, his eye wide and his dagger drawn. The Housemaidens bundled around Loop protectively as Siffrin paced, head swiveling and searching around like a hawk for his next prey.

“He’s fine.” Loop told the housemaidens, nudging them aside, “Stardust, put that thing away. I just had a nightmare.”

Siffrin sheathed his blade immediately and walked to Loop. Loop stood up and ended up with Siffrin collapsing against their chest. They quickly caught him and pushed him back upright.

“You really didn’t ask for a rest at all, did you.” Loop said disapprovingly, hands still on Siffrin’s shoulders because apparently casual contact between them was a thing now.

“Hhhrrrmmrrrrgh…!” Siffrin made a grumbly sound as he buried his mouth in his cape collar, looking up solemnly at Loop, “I’m more worried about you… I heard you screaming for-“

Sounds of running, and the rest of the Siffrin’s actors arrived.

“Loop! Are you okay?!” The Kid cried, already having their wok at the ready.

“Was that you yelling?!” The Housemaiden asked.

“Siffrin-“ Odile started, thankfully not looking at Loop.

“False alarm~! Bad nightmare.” Loop reassured them purely on habit, and let go of Siffrin. Siffrin swayed a bit too heavily, so Loop quickly grabbed his shoulders again and herded him to the Fighter. Fighter dutifully put engulfed both of Siffrin’s shoulders with his meaty hands.

“Go sleep with him, Fighter.” Loop said casually, and was rewarded with a spluttering honk from the Fighter and confused look from Siffrin that made it hard for Loop to not burst out laughing and laugh until they fell on the floor and rolled around until they forgot what they were laughing about-, “Seriously, he’s very tired!” Loop continued, “You should all sleep with him. I’m going back to bed.”

“Frin! You should’ve said it if you were tired!” the Kid declared.

“Yeah! We can take the House tour later…"

“I-but- we were doing stuff and you were-“ Siffrin whined, his embarrassment and distress making Loop feel just a bit more in control of this situation.

“No excuses! You’re gonna take another nap!”

Loop left the confused Housemaiden, the barely coherent potential relationship duo, the Researcher watching them, and the angry Kid behind and went back into the room they were sleeping in in a hopefully not-too-hurried rush.

The room was quiet, and Loop went right to the bed. They got in a properly comfortable position this time, and closed their eyes.

Their eyes opened as if on their own, and Loop stared at the crack between the wall and the floor. It glowed from their star. The dark room was lit up and Loop could see what was in the darker shadows perfectly fine.

It wasn’t fair. Loop wanted their Isa’s hands on their shoulders to steady them. They wanted the Kid’s rough concerned love, even though it confused them sometimes. They took it for granted. They took everything for granted. This was all their fault.

Loop sniffled, grief washing over them in uncontrollable waves. They wanted to think of something else. They thought of Siffrin hugging them. They felt… they felt so fragile. It was scary, the thought of being hugged again.

What if they were on the bed when they hugged? Loop hugged a pillow to their chest, and, pathetically, imagined it was Siffrin they were hugging. Their faces would probably be close. He’d probably be wiping away their tears and smiling like everything was alright.

The daydream ironically started to calm Loop’s sniffles down. They nuzzled the pillow, and wondered if it counted as a kiss-

The door opened. Stardust. Loop froze, their light growing brighter as they were caught in the act of pretending a pillow was a person.

Siffrin shut the door quietly and tiptoed over, before climbing over the footrest of the bed. His and Loop’s eyes locked, and he also froze.

“Sorry. Just… I’ll sleep on the floor-“ Siffrin said awkwardly, climbing back over. Stars, Loop should’ve pretended they were asleep. Now they actually had to talk.

“… Get over here, stardust.”

Siffrin lit up suddenly, and Loop looked away from his smile. They felt weight settle down next to them. Siffrin reaching out for their face made Loop throw a blanket over their own head to hide.

“Why did you follow me back?” Loop asked, wiping their own tears away on the blanket. Siffrin’s weight beside them didn’t go away and Loop’s star thrummed in their chest as opposed to a heartbeat-no, they weren’t safe, they weren’t allowed to be safe.

“I took your advice… and everyone else was getting worried…” Siffrin said sheepishly.

“Good. Well, go to sleep, then. I don’t want to keep you away from your family.” Loop huffed, turning away and uncovering their head.

“… I don’t know if I can sleep.” Siffrin admitted, “I tried earlier, but… it was more like just waiting for an ok for my body to move again?

“You can sleep. I had trouble at first, too. I can’t remember the last time I slept before coming to your loops. Someplace warm helps. Under the sun…” No no no, why were they trying to get Siffrin to leave them? Siffrin shouldn't go back, not yet-

“Like… right here?” Siffrin said slowly, lifting the edge of the blanket and scooting closer.

“…” Loop was too choked up to respond. They scooted back until their back hit Siffrin’s chest. Siffrin flinched, before their arms wrapped tightly around Loop’s lower ribs and he pressed his belly to their lower back. Loop shuddered at the sudden contact as their hands rested on top of Siffrin’s own. Siffrin’s fingers wriggled and snatched their own, like little traps.

It was embarrassing, almost world-ending, but a whimper ended up escaping Loop’s non-throat. It just made Siffrin clutch them tighter. Annnd the tears were back. Did Loop ever run out? Was this water stored from something they drank in the past life, or did it come from craft like a Sadness’s? Loop didn’t want to know the answer to their distracting questions as they allowed Siffrin to hold them tight enough that his arms trembled.

“… warm enough?” Loop teased softly.

“Yeah. You’re like a big hot water flask…”

“… You’re like a cute little container of superheated coffee.” Loop replied. They could not stop trembling. They didn’t think they could ever move again, even if someone held a knife to their throat they’d be a pathetic mess that could only beg to stay here a little longer before their throat was slit.

“Mnh… that's what I said...” Siffrin grumbled.

"Nuh uh."

"Mm..." His grip was loosening a bit. How did he relax like this? Loop tried to relax, but their body wouldn’t stop shaking. They took calming breaths until their trembles didn’t rattle the bed and their core muscles finally relaxed. Maybe they were overwhelmed from touch right now, but Loop wouldn’t know what that exactly felt like. They were trying to relax a bit more and more… until…

Loop woke up with a start when they felt someone open the door. They went to sit up, but Siffrin was still holding them and it was like a paralytic venom went through them. They glared at whoever had opened the door.

The Fighter was peeking inside, and slunk more behind the door. His eyes weren’t scared, though. They were wide and curious.

“Hey, Loop. Just wanted to tell you breakfast is ready… Is Sif awake?” The Fighter’s voice made Loop tremble once more as they fully listened to him for once. He was talking to them.

“...” Loop couldn’t speak again, so they just shook their head.

“Well, he needs his sleep… I’ll bring food later. Maybe the smell will wake him up.”

“… Are there bananas?“ Loop said, and sighed as the opportunity to be helpful to their stardust seemed to have unlocked their weary voice, “Pineapples? … Caramel?”

“Is he… not supposed to eat those?” The Fighter caught on quickly.

“No. Bananas won’t kill him, but it’ll cause nausea. Pineapples will actually kill him. Make his throat close up so he can’t breathe. Caramel… well, I’m sure you know why.” Loop replied.

“O-oh! That’s good to know!” The Fighter had come more into the room now, unfortunately. He probably didn’t even realize it.

“Mmmnh…” Siffrin squeezed Loop suddenly, making them squeak. For some reason, the Fighter’s cheeks flushed.

“If you’re not going to wake up stardust, could you leave?” Loop said, “He needs his rest, you said so…”

“Mnh not sleepy…” A very sleepy Siffrin protested, his hands blindly grasping up and- Loop’s entire body jerked when his fingertips brushed the edge of Loop’s star, their vision fizzling at the edges.

“Stardust!” Loop hissed. They quickly grabbed Siffrin’s wandering hands. Siffrin let them go, and sat up. His calm-amused demeanor quickly dropped to embarrassment as they realized Isa was watching.

“Oh, hi Isa.” Siffrin mumbled.

“Hi Sif! Breakfast!!! Is ready!” The Fighter chirped back, his tone a bit choked.

“I’ll be out in a moment.”

“Okay!!!!” The Fighter finally closed the door. Siffrin stretched, and groaned a bit, rubbing his arm viciously. The air was a little heavy and awkward.

“My arm fell asleep because you’re boney.” Siffrin grumbled.

“Why, stardust! Is that all you can say?! After our passionate night together?!” Loop lamented, throwing a hand over their forehead as they finally rolled onto their back to look at him. Siffrin’s hair was even messier than usual, and his eye was sleepy and half-lidded. There was dried drool on the side of his lips. Gross! Loop wanted to wipe it away.

“What? ‘Passion’??” Siffrin replied, squinting at them as he frowned. He was so delightfully stupid. Loop gave him ‘the look’ as their eyes curved in amusement.

“Ugh. No.” Siffrin finally got it, his face blank with distaste. They rudely climbed over Loop and Loop was struck with an impulse to grab him. Maybe they’d try one day, if contact with Siffrin stopped freezing them in place.

Siffrin clipped on his cape and was ready to go. Huh, he slept with his heels on. He must’ve been tired. He walked over to Loop and Loop watched him linger. Oh. Oh no. His face was all scrunched up and then relaxed as he stared expectantly at Loop. Yes, Siffrin was right. Loop knew what he was going to ask.

“... Do you like torturing me?” Loop’s voice dropped a few octaves. Siffrin reached out, went right for their weak point-both of his hands clasped around Loop’s like a prayer. Who else did he touch this much? Loop felt a fragile sense of pride at being the person they touched the most.

“They’re yours, too. You can’t make them your own if you just hide from them all the time…” Siffrin insisted.

“... stardust, they don’t recognize me.” Loop whispered. Siffrin was stepping back, coaxing them to sit up. Loop sat up.

“Can you come for me, then? I don’t… think you should be alone.”

He was right. Loop didn’t have anything to occupy their mind with, no impossible task they wanted to mull over. But maybe if they had some puzzles, or a book, they-

“It would be helpful. For both of us… You’re traveling with us, aren’t you?”

Helpful. That changed everything. Loop tried to grasp why they wanted to stay in the room before, but the Universe pushed those thoughts aside. They stopped fighting it immediately. They stood up and just nodded, hiding their dread. No need to make Siffrin guilty and terrified over nothing.

Siffrin led Loop outside the room, keeping their hands clasped. Loop squeezed his hand for just a little more comfort to get through this. Stars, when was the last time they indulged in such things? The beginning of the loops, maybe. They didn’t have to fight anymore. It had been nice.

Ah, the Fighter was still right there, outside the room. He felt like just another stranger. Loop was sure their attuned craft sense would recognize him after a while, but when he smiled politely and his eyes looked to their and Siffrin’s joined hands Loop felt like abandoning the thought immediately. But it was necessary, wasn’t it? Loop wanted to know where Siffrin’s family was, so they didn’t get jumpscared by ghosts.

“Isa!” Sif chirped, working up his courage before bumping his shoulder into the Fighter’s hip.

“Sif!” Fighter chirped back, before giggling like a lovestruck schoolgirl as he wrung his hands. He kept looking to Siffrin and Loop’s joined hands. Ugh, Loop had to do everything.

Loop grabbed Siffrin’s other hand. Siffrin let them lift it, way too trusting, and Fighter ended up freezing in his fidgeting and opening his hand up. Loop placed Siffrin’s hand into Isa’s hand.

“Um. Did you want to hold hands, Sif?” Fighter asked bashfully, his shoulders hiked up to his ears.

“I…I think so.” Sif said airily, his cheeks flushed as he buried his mouth in his collar.

“Oh! Okay! That’s fine!” Fighter replied, “I-I guess I’ll lead you to the cafeteria.”

“Mhm.” Siffrin nodded, and let Fighter lead. Both of stardust’s hands were taken, the greedy blinding-

Anyway! Loop looked at the Fighter, their craft feeling him out as inconspicuously as possible. His craft felt like a stone wall, polished meticulously until it shone silverlike in the sun. There was a faint taste of sweet rice paper, from the wishcraft he had been exposed to courtesy of stardust, probably. Some parts of the wall jutted out, like the bricks were laid off-center. ‘The imperfect silver wall’ was enough of a defining characteristic, so Loop pulled back and refocused.

They were sitting at a table, Siffrin leaning up against their shoulder and exuding worry. Oh. Loop focused too much. They weren’t sure how to explain what they had been doing without sounding insane.

“Back with me?” Siffrin asked, smiling so gently Loop wanted to punch him. Or cry. Or both.

“Yeah.” Loop replied wearily. Siffrin sat back upright.

“Loop. Do you have a history of dissociation?” Researcher wondered.

Only around you all. Loop kept those words to themself, turning them over in their head. Siffrin’s family had done nothing wrong to them. “Quite often. I’ll focus if it happens to help stardust, however! Perhaps you can give me something to do?” They suggested, “Find a book, maybe? Or-”

“You could talk to everyone.” Siffrin replied, bright with hope. Like if only Loop opened up, everything would be okay.

“You don’t have to talk! If you don’t want to!” Mira- The Housemaiden chimed in.

“But I have a zillion questions to ask!” B- The Kid protested. Loop was seriously getting out of practice. Role names role names, please!

“Nope! We appreciate your company even if you don’t want to talk.” The Fighter disagreed with the Kid.

The Researcher said nothing, but was eying Loop thoughtfully. Stars. She was the last person Loop wanted to be studied by. She was going to figure out just how much of a freak of nature Loop was. Maybe she’d have enough mercy to kill them immediately

“A question, Kid? I-I’ll let you ask three!” Loop decided to humor the Kid, holding up three fingers.

“I’m Bonnie, not ‘Kid’!” Bonnie huffed, “Your nickname sucks.”

That’s right, they were terrible. Loop hid their shame with a laugh. “My bad! How about I call you ‘Pastry’?”

“EVEN WORSE.”

“Hmm… Little Chef?”

“That’s too much of a mouthful, but I like it. Call me Chef!” Kid-now Chef, boasted proudly.

“Yes, Chef!” Loop replied.

“Hmph!” Chef puffed up their chest, and then pointed at them, “Now why do you glow?!”

“Bonnie! You can’t just ask them why they glow-” Fighter gasped. Researcher hid her laugh.

“I’m a star! Of course stars glow. Why else do you think you can see them in the dark sky?” Loop replied, “In fact, stars are supposed to shine so much that they blind you. I’m doing you a favor by only lighting up this much!” They put down one finger.

“I thought they were like, holes or something. We were surrounded by light and there’s holes in the protective shield” Chef said. They were so imaginative!

“Ha! The other way around. The sky is a hole and stars are not holes.”

“That’s terrifying.”

“... It is, isn’t it?”

“Can you eat?” Chef asked. What a fast topic change! How refreshing!

“Hmm…” Loop looked at the food on the table. There was an apple slice that was a little grey that wouldn’t be missed. They picked it up and put it against where their mouth should be.

… It sank in? Loop blinked and tried to move their tongue, but felt nothing. The apple didn’t even taste like anything, but they could feel it slide down their throat. They had a throat?

“Whoah! I could see you swallow it! Like a snake!” Chef gasped.

“Neat, huh?” Loop remembered to put down another finger as they hugged themself with their free hand. Eating without taste or chewing felt so weird, they tried not to shudder.

“Last question, um… what nickname do you want! I was thinking Lightbulb Head but that’s a mouthful.” Chef said proudly.

“‘Star’ will work.” Loop replied. They noticed everyone looking at them with smiles and shrank on themself a bit, but clapped their hands together, “Okay! That’s all the questions you get. Go back to ignoring me, if you please.”

“But I still want to talk!” Chef protested.

“...” Loop didn’t respond. That was the truth. They were done talking. They couldn’t take much more.

“You can talk to them later Bonbon.” Siffrin pointed out.

“Okay… we can talk later Starry.” Chef said. Oh, did they put their own twist on the nickname? That was cute…

Everyone else politely went back to their own conversations. Siffrin smiled at Loop proudly and Loop looked away from him. Their chairs were already close, so they leaned up against him. To leech off warmth, or recharge, maybe. Siffrin leaned back. It was enough to help Loop hold it together, at least for now.

Chapter Text

Breakfast was awful. Multiple times, Loop caught Siffrin’s family trying to make conversation with them, only to pause with a weird look on their face and then pretend they didn’t exist. It was probably better than making conversation.

Loop could barely take in the sight of the people at this table. Their mannerisms were so similar to Loop’s own friends. A traitorous part of what little remained of their heart sang ‘friend, be their friend’ in what suspiciously sounded like Stardust’s voice.

Loop closed their eyes, but they could still hear Their voices. Alright, Loop! This wasn’t productive! Find something to do besides boil in misery and grief! Let’s see… Siffrin’s hand seemed unoccupied, and he was holding his palm up under the table. Loop reached out and took it since he wasn’t using it, and Siffrin leaned a little more on them in response. Touch starved freak. Loop wanted to strangle him and see if Siffrin would do something about it.

Not right now, though. Their craft reached out to the Known Imperfect Polished Silver Wall— Fighter. Loop reached out to the nearest person near him. Their craft felt more welcoming than Fighter’s-it had branches that stuck to Loop’s exploring… tendril? Probe? Finger? Ugh, everything they named it sounded weird. Their explorer- and gently held it still. The tree had eyes for fruit. Oh, they knew who this was. The offputting tree’s hold was soft, gentle, and Loop gently held it back, happy that they could at least connect with her without being notice-

“Loop? Um. Are you calling me?” Mirabelle’s voice was close?! Loop flinched out of their trance and into Siffrin, who jerked to catch them before they could fall out of their seat. Loop stared wide-eyed at Mi-The Housemaiden of Grasping Eye Plum Branches while holding their hand over their star.

“Why would I be calling you, Housemaiden?” Loop asked incredulously. Mira tilted her head thoughtfully.

“I just um. Sensed it? It’s like when you Call, and I feel a ring, but it was more like… you walked into my room? Am I making any sense?”

Loop stared, before their shoulders slowly lowered reluctantly and they got off Stardust.

“Well, Housemaiden. Fine, I’ll spill!” Loop giggled, “I was checking you out! You really do have good senses!” Housemaiden was terrified of them now, wasn’t she? Touching something so vital to her like her craft and-Loop squeezed Siffrin’s hand, who squeezed back. Ugh! Stupid on-cue comfort from their stardust, it actually gave them the strength to continue speaking, “I know what you’re going to ask-why, Loop? Why would you do such a thing??? Are you sick in the head? Well-I just like to know who and where is coming! That’s all!”

“Wow! I can do that too…! There’s not a lot of people who are that sensitive to craft! It’s a gift! You can go ahead and keep doing it, if you want. I don’t want to scare you. And you could come find me if you ever need help with it, too!” Housemaiden replied, eyes bright. What? It wasn’t strange? It wasn’t just another weird part of their star body?

“Do me next!” Chef piped up.

“I wouldn’t mind either!” Fighter added.

“Go ahead.” Researcher nodded to them.

Attention!!! Was being focused on them again!!! Loop had Siffrin’s hand in a death grip to prevent themself from ducking under the table, and Siffrin was squeezing their hand just as tightly back in retribution.

Loop reached out for the grasping branches, gently brushing against them. The branches were more active, gently holding their telekinetic touch again. Loop was being examined back by a dozen eyes. They frowned and the Housemaiden let them go. Loop then reached forward to the security of Fighter’s polished stone wall. He felt familiar, safer than something that could look and hold back. The bricks shifted and shuddered, a pure crackly tone ringing out on Loop’s ears. Was Fighter trying to sense them back? He had nothing to grasp or look at them with-

“You said you’d do me next!” The distant protest of Chef called out! Oh, Fighter must’ve felt them and had something to say about it. Oops. Loop reached for Chef next. Their craft was warm, like fresh baked bread. Hard like a pearl. Still wiggling around like a half-formed tadpole. It jumped right out into Loop’s grasp like an excited puppy, wagging its tail. Loop couldn’t help but smile at the Pearl Frog Pup. Their craft was so healthy but new, nothing like the structures of trained warriors. It could look at them, but it couldn’t grab them.

One more. Cautiously, Loop moved to the Researcher. Her craft was cold, icy even. Organized and dark, like an ornate library with no lights built in. Instead of books, there were several closed doors, latched by gears that glimmered in Loop’s light. The Nocturnal Clockwork Library ticked in Loop’s head in greeting, surrounding them with an open door behind them. Loop wondered if the Researcher could lock Loop inside of here. Loop would only have the gears for company— and yet they’d have a home. Their body trembled and fizzled at the edges as they pulled back.

Loop went to Siffrin, and felt his care, worry, calm. They had his arm over his shoulders, and Siffrin had his arm on their back, hand grasping their waist. They were standing, walking along the House’s hallway.

“Back with us?” Siffrin whispered. Loop wisely didn’t answer, their eyes kept closed. Everyone was here, Loop could Sense them now. Siffrin’s family wouldn’t surprise them again. Was it worth it? Was it worth getting to know the craft signatures that you would have never noticed before if you won? Was it worth finding something in common with the Housemaiden? Was it worth knowing that they were all gathered around you specifically, so protectively? Stars, you weren’t worth it.

Siffrin helped you to his and your room, and set you on the bed. Loop didn’t want him to leave. Loop wanted to curl into Siffrin’s chest and forget what they were even fighting for.

“You never had to check me out. With the craft thing.” Siffrin said as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Loop’s hand. Spoiled. They were being spoiled. Loop shivered again, and pulled him closer blindly. Siffrin stepped closer, his hip against their head. They were lying down on the bed. Loop then promptly shoved Siffrin away before they did something stupid like cling to him and beg for him to never leave him, not like everything else—

“You want to know what you are, stardust?” Loop spat, “You’re a swirling galaxy, and I just so happen to be in your orbit. I try to escape but I just meet another star. And I can feel every one of their lights on me, no darkness is allowed… It’s suffocating.”

“... I’m suffocating?” Siffrin asked in a small voice, ducking his face into his collar. His emotions twisted into guilt and desperation, the kind he got before he looped back involuntarily.

Loop would grimace if they had a mouth, the proof of Siffrin caring for them painfully tempering their desperation enough to let them think. “No, it’s just… I’m not used to your presence for so long, Stardust. I want a break, but… even if you leave, I can still feel you and it’s just, so much… especially now…” What were they even saying. Half of what they said sounded like nonsense, this wasn’t even Stardust’s problem-

“… Do you need me to step out of your range?” Siffrin asked gently, “I can sleep in the clocktower or camp far outside…” He sounded so considerate, but Loop could feel his fear. He wanted to trap them. He wanted to stay close and keep an eye on them so that they didn’t run away. Loop was certain that Siffrin was the only one who could catch up to them if they tried.

Loop almost wanted to try. Wanted Siffrin to hunt them down, grab them, scream at them for leaving. Order them to stay. Tell them that they’re still needed. Beat them within an inch of their life again and chain them to him.

… is that what they wanted? Why don’t they test it?

“… Then, I’ll camp outside stardust. Unlike you, I don’t need a bed! I’m used to the ground. Took naps all the time in the loops.” Loop agreed, sitting up.

“I-“ Siffrin hesitated. Wanted to keep Loop here. Safe in their cage. Loop wanted to be caged tighter. The plush walls and sweet pastries they got weren’t their style-a cold metal floor and having food shoved down their throat sounded infinitely more caring.

“I’ll see you later, then.” Siffrin said. So brave! Loop almost felt bad they might or might not betray him for this respect they didn’t deserve, “I think Isa had the camping equipment. I’ll go get it.”

“Yes, good job. Go, go fetch!” Loop agreed, and Siffrin slowly nodded with a roll of his eye and a smile(???) before running off. The door was closing as Siffrin easily dodged around a shocked duo of housemaidens.

Loop dropped their smile and stared at the floor. Suddenly, they felt the urge to smile again! They would be alone! Alone at last! No Stardust to constantly be jealous of! No uncomfortably-close ghosts to chat with! Just them! And the birds! And the dirt!

They would probably just leave the camping things behind. Fighter and Stardust would probably need it. And Loop didn’t exactly need shelter, where they were going.

Did they want to take this opportunity die, maybe? It sounded nice? Relaxing, almost? But maybe they could explore a bit! Find new things to do! And just-avoid bonding to anybody. Easy!

Maybe they could find a jungle! See if they could drown in the sea, and if not, just become aquatic and explore underwater. That sounded like it’d be for the best. There were no people underwater, just fish. But fish didn’t sound like good company. Loop had a feeling they’d get lonely again.

If they wanted to see people, they could just haunt a coastal town. Maybe even seduce an exploring beachgoer into falling madly in love with them, and then spend a lifetime being hunted with nets and harpoons and-

Oh! Stardust was back! Loop accepted the camping gear backpack and stood up.

“If you need anything, give me a call. I’ll come get you tomorrow?” Siffrin suggested.

“Sure, Stardust. That works.” Loop agreed, shifting to put the backpack on. They walked past him. It was mind-boggling that Stardust was just letting them go! He really lost interest in them quickly, didn’t he?

Oh well! Loop picked a random direction to walk in and-oh, Siffrin was walking with them. His hand slipped into theirs. Loop felt something like choking heat and pressure in their chest as Siffrin took the lead, directing them to the front doors. He let go, and gave them a hug?! Loop forgot how to think. They managed to stay standing upright when Siffrin let go. Loop rubbed their held hand gently.

“We’ll leave Dormont soon, okay! I just have to get better faster. I’m holding everyone back…” Siffrin said sheepishly.

“Okay. Get some rest stardust~!” Loop managed. With lead feet, they left Siffrin waving by the front house doors.

Loop walked into the forest and hugged themself until they felt Siffrin’s signal cut off. A weight lifted off their senses, like it was finally quiet after having a background bee-like buzz all day.

It was peaceful, Loop thought.

It was suffocating in a new way.

Loop took apart the tent materials, and stared at them.

They didn’t remember how to set up a tent.

Useless Siffrin, he couldn’t at least have that memory? Loop silently cursed, and sat on the ground. After a few moments. They fidgeted with the tent some more.

Some mechanics were easy to figure out. Put the pole through the cloth here, put this through there to tie it in place, position it like so…

There! Loop made a tent. It stood freely and swayed in the wind. The wind promptly picked up the tent and made it float up and away.

Loop watched it go with some awe. It sure was windy today, huh?

Wait. That wasn’t their tent. THAT WASN’T THEIR TENT!!!

They were NOT going to be more of a liability than they already were! Loop dashed after the freeflying tent. They saw it through gaps in the leaves, and wondered if it’d even touch the ground. Eventually they reached a clearing, and the tent fell into the middle of it, resting there for a moment like a bird resting its wings. Loop immediately sprinted and jumped onto the tent, making it collapse, and laid on it, panting.

Loop hoped they didn’t damage the tent. Wearily, they took it apart, and used the fabric as a blanket instead.

They looked at the sky. The sun was shining bright. Loop stretched out under the welcoming rays and felt their joints and spine crackle. Oh that felt nice! They watched different clouds pass by. That was also nice.

Honestly, they could just lay here and cloud watch forever. They could become a cloud master. They never had to talk to anyone again. Oh, that cloud looked like a rabbit. That one looked like a doughnut. That one looked like Mira’s cute pigtails-

…

Loop wondered if Siffrin would see them if they went to a coastal city. Maybe they’d tease him with little hints until he got a net and tried to catch them. Maybe even fire a harpoon right through their stomach. Loop could imagine it! The hooks of the harpoon digging into their stomach as they’re hauled to the surface, helplessly kicking and trying to twist out, being hauled out of the water, onto the deck. Looking up into Siffrin’s angry, desperate, possessive eyes-

And seeing Mira’s teary gaze instead. She smiled, kneeling down, gathering them into a hug.

“You’re back! We’ve been looking for you all this time!” Mirabelle cried, on her knees, crying. Big tears welled up in Loop’s own eye. Oh. They had been found? They thought everyone was gone.

“Buddy! I’m so glad! You saved all of us!” Isabeau’s big, sweaty arms joined the hug. Loop’s hands were still frozen on the harpoon hook through their stomach, but they leaned onto and sank into his soft-sea-sweat-soaked warmth.

This had to be a siren. Stars, what a beautiful way to die.

“Stupidface!” Bonnie cried, collapsing onto Loop’s bloody lap, “You look like crab! So we fished you up like one!” Loop couldn’t move their legs. Ah. The harpoon had sliced through their spine while they were struggling.

“We’ll never let you go, alright?” Odile said matter-of-factly, cutting the harpoon behind them but leaving it inside. Loop smiled and nodded wordlessly. They would heal around the harpoon, seal it into their body. They would forever be crippled but they would be loved, and they would be useful because they learned everything about the ocean, and the family would sail peacefully forever…

Loop stared at the starry-cloudy sky, tears streaking down their face. They tried to breathe, and choked on it. They curled onto their side and wailed, their hand grasping for a harpoon hook that wasn’t there. Stars! Why did they indulge in these thoughts! They had gotten so good at daydreaming the day away that they felt real! For a moment, it felt like they actually belonged somewhere!!!

It was night now. Loop just emptied their head of thoughts and let the feeling pass through them. When they felt their wailing stop, they curled into a ball.

They should sleep. Loop couldn’t close their eyes.

They should start running then. Loop couldn’t move a finger.

Loop stared at the forest and waited for sunrise. The sky started to lighten. The stars faded. They felt Stardust’s presence again. It was really early, wasn’t it? Was Stardust an early riser? Was he ever an early riser?

Loop waited for their stardust to walk into the clearing. There. They made a good paperweight for the camping equipment, right? It wasn’t like Loop knew how to put it away properly. Or do anything right. Loop sat up.

“Loop! Good morning.” Siffrin called, waving his hand above his head.

Loop didn’t wave back. They stood up slowly, turned away… and ran away from Stardust.

Chapter Text

“LOOP?!”

Loop dug their feet into the soft-sharp forest floor, their gaze focused ahead. The forest whispered suggested paths, and Loop leapt through them as fast as they could.

They heard Siffrin keep pace with them, so close behind they could feel warmth and warning tingling on their back. They pushed forward, catching and bending branches to fling back at him, changing direction suddenly, and leaping through small gaps. A few of these attempts made him slow down and curse.

“Loop! If you want more alone time just TELL ME-!”

Loop didn’t respond. They didn’t look back. This was what they wanted, right? They should enjoy being chased before Siffrin gave up! Enjoy being wanted while they could! Because when Siffrin stopped, Loop would keep going! They would be free. They could be…

Things were going well so far! But Loop underestimated how big their legs had gotten at some point, and their knee caught on a young tree, and, well-

Loop stumbled, and a weight slammed them face-first into the dirt. They tried to get their knees back under themselves and push off the ground with their hands but a weight suddenly slammed into their back, the momentum making them faceplant AGAIN. Siffrin straddled their back and pinned Loop’s hands, his hands over the back of theirs. Loop breathed heavily, their body alight with the thrill of running and being caught, guilt and relief colliding like two stars in their stomach- they squirmed and struggled to stand back up, but when they bent their knee to get underneath them again Siffrin shoved it back straight with his foot.

“What are you…?!” Siffrin asked, his voice tight, stressed, almost making Loop regret this. But they didn't, they let out a small laugh under Siffrin's hold-finally finally finally they were held, caught, kept- “Were you trying to get me to chase you…?!” Siffrin's voice was straining to stay calm.

The shame of being caught made Loop’s star brighten up their sun-dappled surroundings, and they went limp, giving up. Why couldn’t Siffrin do something more fun instead of asking Loop questions? Like wrestle them down some more? Maybe shove their face into their dirt? Take out his dagger and slam it into their thigh, or-

“Talk to me, Loop.” Siffrin demanded.

Loop never considered they would be caught. They made a small shrug of their shoulders. 

Siffrin’s silence was heavy and frustrated and so, so worried. Loop looked back, over their shoulder at him.

“I can’t… go out for a morning run, stardust?” Loop teased.

“That was not a morning run.” Siffrin replied, his grip on the back of their hands tightening somewhat. How thrilling! Loop suppressed a shudder but their breath got shaky, giving them away.

“You caught me, do you want something? A prize? I’ll… let you stab me, if you want.” Loop said with an eye grin, “We can see if I-I still have a spine.” Their voice was shaking so much. They were enjoying this? How much more pathetic could they get?

“...” Siffrin’s grip loosened, but he started rubbing his thumbs over the back of Loop’s hands. Gentle? No, Loop wanted him angry, violent. Loop wanted Siffrin to hurt them for trying to leave. They wanted to be crippled so they had to stay.

“I… I swear, one day I’ll let you leave.” Siffrin said, “But… I-I’m not strong enough yet. I’m sorry. I need you by my side. I still need your help.”

“......” Loop felt their half-formed plan of running away being scooped out of their mind. They felt every Iota of the Universe’s influence as their priorities were shifted to staying with Siffrin instead. If they were going to run away, Siffrin should come with them. It’d give his family a break, wouldn’t it? No, haha, his family literally broke Siffrin’s wishcraft to save him! They wouldn’t let Siffrin leave! They’d let Loop leave, though, so- they should go-

“URGH!” Loop felt a sharp pain shoot their head, and gripped their face as they fought the Universe. It was a bad idea! It hurt so much it felt like they were going to loop again! But they were onto something! Weren’t they allowed to just think of being on their own! It wasn’t like they weren’t going to actually do it?!

The migraine ebbed away at that compromise, and Loop let out a choked, breathy laugh as their body glitched around the edges, only to stabilize again. They couldn’t tell what their pulsating, sparking head was doing, but Siffrin’s emotions dropped into building realization and terror.

“Okay, Stardust.” Loop agreed, their tone dripping with malice, “I’ll stay with you.” They suddenly shoved themself up and shoved Siffrin off of them. That was awful enough, but they weren’t done yet! They pounced on him, straddled his stomach, and… and… they grabbed his shoulders? And then his neck? And then his cheeks? They couldn’t put any force into their grip. They didn’t want to? They didn’t want to. They didn’t want to hurt him.

Siffrin grabbed the wrists of their unsure hands, his once shocked face now frowning. Loop heaved with laughter as they realized they were letting Siffrin lead even now, eventually sliding to intertwine their hands. Siffrin was thinking. Never a good sign. But Loop let him think.

“… Loop? What’s wrong?” Siffrin spoke, his eye full of tears. Did he just realize… what he did? Haha. Loop had deluded themself into thinking that order was on purpose. They wished his order was on purpose. But…

“... Nothing’s wrong. It’s okay, Siffrin. I’m here to help you. You don’t have to worry about me whining about it. It’s what I wished for.” Loop reassured with a smile. This. Was not. Stardust’s problem-

“... The dagger wasn’t the only time?” Siffrin asked. Trapped under Loop, yet still hiding under the collar of his cape in shame. He even turned away, unable to look at Loop anymore as he spiraled, his eye shut tight as he slowly started to connect the dots.

“... You asking me to come with you to see your family is the only other incident. I don’t want to see them, but I want to help, so…” Loop said.

“So my wants override your own?” Siffrin looked to them, horrified. Loop didn’t reply right away. It was enough for Siffrin to start to tear up, which was awful because if made Loop tear up too.

“I’m okay with it stardust. I was an empty shell long before we met.” Loop said, “I have to be filled up with something, right?” They tilted their head and gave Siffrin an accepting smile.

“No, Loop-!” Siffrin gasped, letting go of their hands to hug them. Loop slipped to the side, Siffrin curling around them and holding them tightly. It was nice. Even in this situation, it was nice. “You shouldn’t have to give up being a person to exist…!”

“... I did want some things, stardust.” Loop said. Stars, if this didn’t push Siffrin away, then nothing would. “... I wanted you to bind me closer to you, so I couldn’t ever leave.” They huffed, rubbing Siffrin’s shoulders gently. They waited for Siffrin to push them back in horror, to maybe gag at the idea, but they just sobbed and clung like Loop would drift away if he let go. He wanted Loop to stay. It was hard to accept it, but at least Siffrin wanted them right now. Loop didn’t think about the day that stardust would let them go. And for some reason, they couldn’t cry with him.

“… I got my wish, and you got yours. It’s okay. You can lead me.” They nuzzled the top of Siffrin’s head. A kiss? A kiss seemed appropriate for this type of relationship, something forever binding. Siffrin didn’t notice as he shook his head. Even like this, he avoided touching Loop’s heartstar, back arched so his chest didn’t press up against it. How inconvenient. Loop wanted him closer. Maybe they should borrow a shirt, or bandage their chest…

“… We’ll fix this, Loop. I’m sorry. I’ll be careful with asking for your help from now on…”

“Oh, stardust… I told you, I’m okay with this.”

“I’m… not.” Siffrin muttered.

Loop had nothing to say to that. They just slowly and awkwardly rubbed his tense shoulders, felt his muscles start to uncoil as they gradually and carefully added pressure.

Stardust held them with his arms and legs and breathed them in. Loop felt his breaths even out, and… hah, he was drifting off. How precious! Loop hated how warm they felt, knowing that it would just make a lonely cold feel that much worse.

Loop gathered Siffrin in their arms and, with a grunt of effort, stood up. Congratulations! Your body was strong enough to carry a craft-deprived exhausted and malnourished little twink! Loop took a moment to let Siffrin get comfortable. Siffrin was woken up from all the jostling, and Loop caught him giving them a tender look as he rested his head on their shoulder. Loop had half a mind to drop him. His hands were curled to his chest, so close to Loop’s sensitive chest star but careful not to touch. The star was a wound, after all. Loop almost wanted to nuzzle-kiss him again.

“Don’t get used to this.” Loop grumbled, carrying Siffrin back. Siffrin hummed, putting on a nonchalant expression, his feelings shy and nervous, like talking would break the moment. And it would! Loop was going to drop Siffrin involuntarily if they had any more gentle words or touches. “Stop staring at me and go to sleep, your eyebags are awful.”

Siffrin blinked slowly, and obediently shut his eyes with a small useless mumbled “Sorry…”

He really looked like he hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, but Loop was so used to his sleepless expression they thought it was normal. They didn’t like looking at his face, anyway. Feeling his emotions through some unreal craft connection was one thing, seeing proof of it on his open-book face was another. Despite hundreds of rehearsals, they weren’t very good actors.

Loop headed back the way they came. Their memory led them down the path they madly dashed through before, to the collapsed tent. Siffrin was fully asleep now, and Loop had no hands to pack up the tent supplies.

… Loop decided to sit under a tree and set Siffrin in their lap. It was peaceful. It was warm. Loop’s thoughts fell silent as they watched Siffrin sleep. They let themselves have a moment.

They wanted to sleep, too. But who knows what Siffrin had been doing with his party? Loop hadn’t bothered looking through his eyes and seeing the family they didn’t want to see. Did he tell them that he was going to fetch Loop? How did Stardust find them, anyway?

Loop took one hand off of Siffrin, took a useless breath in and out that was more phantom than sensation, and put the Call Sign to their ear.

[Hello, Researcher!] Loop greeted.

[Oh, Loop. Are you and Siffrin awake? You missed breakfast. Isabeau knocked on your room door, but there was no answer.] Odile replied. Loop paused. Siffrin didn’t tell his family anything at all, huh?

[Hm… well… I’m going to take a nap for a bit longer. I’ll have him up by lunch, hopefully! We’re both very sleepy.] Loop didn’t feel like throwing the family into a panic because their poor stray cat was outside.

[Alright. Get plenty of rest. We’re leaving tomorrow.]

[Perfect! I can’t stand this place. Well, toodaloo~!] Loop hung up before they said anything else too revealing, and got both themself and Stardust in a more comfortable position.

“You called em?” Siffrin asked groggily.

“Yes. Now shut up, blankets can’t talk~”

“Pillows don’t talk either.” Siffrin snuggled into them.

Loop was officially too sleepy to argue with their stupid stardust and just stopped moving and thinking about anything.

It was nice, for a good while. No dreams, just Loop gradually feeling their mind clear and their energy increase. How all sleep should be.

And then Siffrin started squirming, and Loop let him go and left him to untangle their legs.

“Gotta piss.” Siffrin grunted.

“You want me to watch?” Loop snarked back.

Siffrin gave them such a sour look that Loop covered their nonexistent mouth to hide their giggles, and walked into the forest to do his business.

Loop went to the tent and rolled the rods and screws and doohickeys in the tent cloth as neatly as they could, and held it in their arms. Their body already felt cold and itchy without Siffrin being close to them. They wanted their kiss returned, or at least acknowledged. They were still pathetic and so, so dependent.

The brief and very unwelcome thought of how Isabeau’s lips must feel against their face went through Loop’s head, and shook the thought away easily enough. Not that sort of love. This was more like a contract. A contract where they loved holding Siffrin close and was already thinking of when to secretly nuzzle their next kiss so he could acknowledge it and maybe even give one back. They were disgusting. It wasn’t even considered a kiss. Loop didn’t have a mouth. Siffrin didn’t even know it was a kiss.

Just as a comfort, Loop thought of walking away from Siffrin and heading to the nearest lake, and felt their chain being tugged as the thought was plucked away like a Kingfisher-shaped Universe dipped into their thoughts and ate it up immediately. Yup! Still bound. Still trapped.

Siffrin was back, so Loop stopped daydreaming and walked over to him. His gaze drifted to Loop’s hands, unfortunately both occupied by the tent.

“How did Isa even put that into that tiny backpack?!” Siffrin lamented his lack of memory of how the heck to unset up a tent. Unset down a tent?

“I have no idea! I suppose he could have told you how if you didn’t make up a cover up story for us. My my, sneaking out like you’re seeing a side hussie! Bad habits, stardust!” Loop teased.

Siffrin glared at them. “I didn’t think you wanted them to ask questions…”

“Awww, thinking of meee? How cute!”

“Let’s head back before they figure it out…”

Loop nodded and let Siffrin lead the way. Buuuut he was going the wrong way so they used casual touch privileges to tap their toe against the back of his thigh and go on the correct path. Siffrin jumped, since he was mulling over something. Loop sure hoped it wasn’t them! They had enough of-

“That wasn’t… a ‘help order’, right? When I asked to head back…?” Siffrin asked, worried. Oh, is that what they were calling the Universe reaching into them and plucking their strings? How cute~! Loop urgh’d. Stardust was really making a big deal out of this! It was embarrassing, but… if he cared so much, then…

“No, stardust.” Loop replied seriously, and cringed at the rush of relief from Stardust. “How about this? I’ll tell you when you’ve given me a so-called Help Order. That way you won’t stress out so much over it!”

“Okay… I’ll be careful.”

“Thanks!” Loop chirped, “I do want to help you, stardust. So don’t hesitate to ask me things! I’ll do my best. You like feeling useful, right? So do I! I think we still share that in common.”

“… mnnnhm…” Siffrin hummed, embarrassed to admit it. That makes two of them! Loop felt dizzy with how flustered they were!

“Researcher said that we’re leaving tomorrow, isn’t that nice?” Loop changed the subject.

Siffrin perked up, grinning openly. “Yeah!”

They walked in silence for a bit. This was probably more exercise than Siffrin should be getting, considering he was out of breath and lagging behind.

Loop tucked the tent under their arm and wordlessly put an arm behind Siffrin, one hand on his hip encouraging him to lean on them.

“I’m fine.” Siffrin said, leaning into Loop despite his words.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just being clingy~.” Loop said. Siffrin sighed, putting an arm over their shoulders as he accepted their support. Wow! They were so good at touch! Loop felt tingly and warm, and ignored how their head shone and sparked.

Someone was waiting at the doors of the House when they arrived. Fighter, with crossed arms and an eventual big puppy eyed look of surprise and then joy.

“Sif! Loop! What are you doing out here? Did you have a secret camping mission?!”

Loop attempted to jump on their running joke that Siffrin was their secret forbidden lover, but words were impossible when Fighter was looking right at their face. Urgh, forget Odile, they hated how his face shifted thoughtfully at whatever expression Loop was making.

“Here, let me help.” Fighter opened his hands out, palms up. Loop froze like a rabbit staring at a snake. Would Fighter feel as soft and wet as they imagined their Isa to be? Could they hold his hands and check, out of morbid curiosity? Siffrin’s hand squeezed their shoulder, and it pulled Loop out of those thoughts. “I could carry the tent, and we can both help Sif walk?” Fighter clarified.

Loop nodded, and put the rolled up tent materials into Fighter’s grip, careful not to touch him. They shouldn’t indulge in such things now. It would be strange. Fighter didn’t know them.

Fighter walked over to the other side of stardust and Siffrin grabbed hooked his elbow on his arm. Fighter bent down a little so their arms were hooked together. Siffrin made a grumbly sound and looked at Loop. Oh! They were gripping his hip too roughly… They pinched his side mercilessly.

“NYAH-“ Siffrin exclaimed, flinching into Loop, who burst into giggles at the embarrassing sound. In retribution, Siffrin kicked their shin. Loop covered their mouth and turned away with further giggles.

“They pinched me.” Siffrin told on Loop immediately.

“How dare they. Torturing you.” Fighter replied, a funny expression on his face when Loop dared to look at him. Blushy, a barely suppressed smile on his face, giving Siffrin shy glances and Loop squinty ones. Oh he was really in it huh?

“Don’t they make such cute noises? They’re like a fun little squeaky toy-“ Loop finally found their words to mock Siffrin openly.

“MNRGH.” Siffrin huffed in protest. Loop lifted their leg and dodged another kick.

“You should have heard him when we were all tangled up and rolling around in the forest dirt, he was-“

“LOOP!”

Loop gave Siffrin some mercy and stopped talking, but the damage was already done as Fighter looked incredulously at both of them, and then frowned as he looked to the ground. Ooh, was he jealous~? Loop pushed just a little harder.

“Go on, Fighter. You should squeeze them. I could hold them still and you could poke and prod at them and ma-“

Siffrin covered their mouth with his hand. His face was so dark with embarrassment it sent Loop into a fit of non-muffled chuckles. Fighter’s face was even more dark, blushing down his neck and to the tips of his ears.

“Okay I’m stopping the bit there.” Fighter concluded.

“I’mgonnadie.” Siffrin wheezed.

Loop was giddy with power. They kept their grip on Siffrin even and gentle now, though. They didn’t want to be shoved off. Siffrin kept his hand on Loop’s face until they reached his room.

“I could grab some snacks, and then… we could hang out? Maybe?” Isabeau suggested, “I’m already packed up, so maybe I can help you both out?”

Siffrin lowered his hand from Loop’s ‘mouth’.

“Is that okay?” He asked them. Whoah! Siffrin was being considerate! Loop scrambled to figure out what they wanted. They wanted Siffrin to spend time with his family, but they didn’t want to be alone. Maybe they could just… linger and watch them? Encourage their relationship? Cheer them on? It sounded like torture, but… teasing them was nice! It was fun.

“Yes, I could third wheel your little playdate!” Loop agreed. Siffrin lit up, and so did Fighter for whatever reason??? Ugh, they were making a terrible mistake, weren’t they?

Chapter Text

This was, undoubtedly, a mistake.

The man with Isa’s appearance and voice and personality continued to fill the room with a warm energy as he, stardust, and Loop gathered around a table with a board game on it. Not only that, stardust wouldn’t stop grabbing Fighter’s hands, leaning into him, and giving him half-lidded smiles that made Isabeau blush. Loop recognized the same thrill of being powerful in Siffrin that they did in themself.

“You’re not going to play your trap card, are you~?” Siffrin was using his newfound charm to his full advantage, “Just let me win~?” He was also in the lead in the board game, because of course he was. Loop stared at their piece, halfway in the board. They had hit every single ‘skip turn’ and ‘you’re stuck, roll until you escape’ trap square in this stupid blinding winding path board game. Meanwhile, Siffrin had several trap cards and hit max rolls each time. How did Loop cheat at games again? They forgot, but it was apparent Siffrin didn’t. It didn’t feel important anymore. Like remembering someone else’s skill that Loop had never tried before.

“Wh-what’re you going to give me if I let you win?” Fighter sounded like a tea kettle.

“A surprise~” Siffrin blinding hooked his leg around Isa’s calf and fluttered their big doe eye at him.

“Well…” Fighter hesitated, but then! He slammed down his trap card, “I’m sorry Sif, but you’re sticky bombed.” Loop made a whistling sound, impressed at the man’s mental strength.

“Nooo! The betrayal!” Siffrin whined, swooning dramatically back into his chair, but of course he didn’t seem actually concerned…

“Loop?” Fighter asked them, and Loop froze, feeling put off by the theatre play addressing them in particular, “Could you perhaps…” His smile was catlike, “... Roll for our dear Siffrin? So he could escape.”

“Really channelling your inner Researcher there.” Loop commented, but sneered back, “Sure.” They agreed, picking up the dice. They pretended to blow into it, as if they could get extra bad luck germs on the dice, and rolled a nat 1 on cue. Stars, they should bring a four leaf clover to their next game if their luck was this bad. Maybe a whole live rabbit. Or they could just cheat. But that was a Siffrin thing to do, and they didn’t feel like Siffrin right now.

Fighter rolled a nat 20, hit a double square, and took great joy in tapping every square and counting every number to 40. He lingered on 38 and raised his eyebrows smugly as he tapped the same square Siffrin was on, before continuing onwards to place his piece gently onto the final winning square. Siffrin was glaring and looked like he was going to kill Fighter but his emotions were filled with so much affection that Loop felt like they were going to find the strength to choke him out over it.

“Alright!” Loop clapped their hands together, “Congratulations, Fighter! You won! It’s obvious that I’m going to be in last place, so how about we do something else?” They suggested.

“Hm, okay!” Isa said brightly, grinning and bouncing in his chair. Stars, was he the sun? “Any suggestions?”

Siffrin was too busy tiredly moping about losing even though he cheated to answer. How about Loop does something about that tiredness? Let’s see… they touched on Siffrin’s physical health with their craft. He was sore and hot all over, annnd he felt slimey. Ew. He hadn’t taken a bath in who knew how long. So… bathing?

“We could all bathe together?” Loop suggested. Siffrin lit up a bit at the suggestion, while Isabeau… uh, went completely dark in the face?

“I’m-! Sif-!”

“I thought you were Isa.” Siffrin snarked back immediately, and then gave Fighter a confused look. Loop raised an eyebrow at Fighter.

“That’s-oh!” Fighter blinked as he seemed to realize something, and explained, “I-it’s considered really intimate? Being naked together? Showing off all your Changes??? At least in Vaugarde??”

Oh. It was some kind of weird sex thing. How inconvenient. It would be a lot faster and Loop could dunk their head under the water to drown out the sound of Fighter’s babytalk coos to Siffrin.

“... We could take turns taking baths?” Siffrin suggested.

“That could work!” Fighter agreed.

“That works.” Loop echoed, and cringed at the similar wording.

There was a bathroom connected to the room Loop hadn’t bothered to check out.

“You go first, Sif.” Fighter said. Siffrin nodded, gave Loop a glance as if trying to make sure it was okay- urgh! Yes, you can leave them, stardust! Loop shooed him with both their hands into the bathroom. Siffrin scurried off, and there was soon a closed door and the sound of running water. Loop could taste a metallic-stone taste of craft from the plumbing if they concentrated hard enough.

Rock Craft pipes could only hold their attention for a few seconds, though. They were currently alone. With Fighter. He was putting away the board game, but Loop could feel his attention on them. Their skin frizzled and their head shot out a spark that fizzled away from their head and onto the floor, but Loop was doing a good job keeping it together! They were the most normal starhead the Universe had ever seen.

They saw a sudden movement, only to see Fighter cupping one of their fizzling sparks in his hand. It didn’t fizzle out immediately when he touched it, instead lingering like a firefly.

“Sorry! I got curious!” Fighter apologized, dropping the spark as he put his hand up. It fizzled into nothing on the ground, “That was um, touching you without permission right? I’m sorry.”

Loop felt infinitely envious of that stray spark from their weird body. To be that tiny, and cupped in Isabeau’s large hands… they’d let him do that. They’d let him keep them in his breast pocket and toy with them whenever he got bored. His big, sweaty fingers would be so gentle but curious, and with one sweep of his thumb-

“Loop? I really stepped in it, didn’t I?” Fighter asked. Right. Fighter was, unfortunately, real! Right now! Loop had to focus, not self-soothe. They rubbed their own shoulders anyway, and Fighter’s expression only turned more guilty.

“Mn… no! I just. Didn’t know it would do that! This body is a bit volatile sometimes.”

“This body…? Did you have another form, before?” Fighter was! Too sharp!!!

“Oh, yes! I was a star. A star is as big as the world a hundred times over, so! Being this small is strange.” Loop went with their usual lie.

“They are?! But they’re so small.”

“That’s because they’re far away! So far, that you wouldn’t be able to reach them in a hundred lifetimes. Even if you were faster than light itself.”

“Huh… That makes no sense, but okay.” Fighter nodded thoughtfully, staring off into the distance. That was… fine. It wasn’t like Loop had any proof.

“Alright, Fighter! Let’s talk about you.” Loop took ahold of the conversation and laid belly-first on the bed, propping their spiky chin on their palms as they kicked their feet behind them. Complete girly sleepover style!

“Sure! What would you want to talk about?” Isa asked.

“When are you going to kiss Stardust?”

“hhugh-HUH? I DON’T KNOW???”

“He wants you to kiss him so bad. I bet if you went into the bathroom right now, he wouldn’t fight it if you pinned him down into the water and kissed him!” Loop giggled as Fighter’s face turned darker and darker.

“O-okay, Loop. Let’s slow down. It’s more complicated than that! We might have um… in-the-moment passion, but! We’re still figuring stuff out long-term.”

“Awww. Don’t you know he already wants to be with you forever? What’s stopping you two from, well, riding off into the sunset? Tying the knot? Et cectra?”

“Um, trauma, mostly??? We just stopped a war, and we have our own issues to confront before we can be in a healthy relationship.”

“Hmm… so you’re going to go to therapy…?” Loop wondered.

“I think I might, personally. It’s up to Sif if he wants to. Were you thinking of the same, Loop? I’m sure it’s hard to get used to being a person if you were a star…”

Oh, Fighter was sympathizing with the ‘star’ lie! It was adorable and awful.

“No, no. A human wouldn’t understand me.” Loop replied airily, waving one hand to brush off the topic. Telling all their problems to a therapist sounded like a good way to get locked up, and if they were going to be in a cage they’d rather be in one of Siffrin’s own making.

Alright, new topic then! Loop shouldn’t linger in silence with Fighter. Who knew what would happen if they relaxed too much? They already were considering asking him to join them on the bed, and maybe lay on him and hug-

Focus! “How in the world do you fold up the camping equipment to fit in that tiny bag? And set up a tent?”

Isabeau smiled and grabbed the camping equipment backpack that was still in the room, along with the messily folded tent. He didn’t ask Loop to help him, instead letting them rest their head on their arms and watch him closely as he demonstrated how to put the tent up right inside the room. Loop realized their major mistake before-they forgot to stake the tent to the ground. That’s why it blew away! By the time Siffrin emerged clean and sparkly, there was a tent set up in the middle of the room.

“Hey stardust! Fighter’s helping me set up a tent.”

“Do you want to try it next, Loop?” Fighter offered.

“No, I’ll remember.” Loop said, “How about you go next, Fighter?”

“Okay! Right after I put this to the side.” Fighter dismantled the tent with skilled hands and big hairy arms and flexing, smooth shoulders and oh Loop was staring. They probably um. Shouldn’t stare that much. They couldn’t take their eyes away, because what would they even think about? They felt Siffrin silently walk closer and sit by their side, also taking in the gunshow no doubt. Loop very, very slowly pushed their elbows into the mattress so they could shift their stomach and put their side up against Siffrin. He flinched, but then relaxed.

[I think this would be better if he took his shirt off!] Loop cheerily telepathically sent a loud message to Siffrin.

“Stars!” Siffrin hissed, flinching much more violently, and then processed what Loop said and made a funny “Nnnnn.” sound. Loop glanced to Siffrin to see him flushed and sending glares their way. Loop kicked their feet and smirked back. They felt a little bad that Siffrin felt so tense now, but seeing him flustered was so worth it. Maybe one day he’d punish them for it! That would be exciting. What would be painful? Oooh! They knew! Maybe Siffrin would give them a Help Order that made them unable to talk, or-

“Okay. I’m going, and then it’s Loop’s turn!” Fighter chirped, and Loop shook off their daydream before it started. Dreaming was tempting but there was no need for it, not when Fighter closed himself in the bathroom.

Loop deflated with relief, shoving their face into the mattress as they sighed. They didn’t care if stardust saw their anguish. His demeanor turned to worry (ugh). He gently put a hand on their head to stroke their starhead spikes. His fingertips felt nice. When Loop didn’t move, Siffrin used both of his hands on their head, his emotions calming so quickly. Loop should’ve let him touch them sooner. Maybe they could have calmed him down better in the loops. Maybe he wouldn’t have rejected them so easily during the Final Loop.

They didn’t want to think about that. Loop glanced to the bathroom door like they could see through it if they stared hard enough.

“You should go into the bathroom and kiss your Fighter to death.” Loop grumbled into the mattress. Instead of annoyance, Siffrin huffed in amusement.

“I’m not doing that. You okay?”

“...”

Siffrin’s hand went to Loop’s upper back, and pet it right across their spine. Loop embarrassingly whined and arched back into his touch, their head glowing brighter. This was humiliating.

“Was the board game fun?” He sat down next to them, and Loop could feel themself frizzling and sparkling against his hand. They peeked up at him, and saw stars dancing on his arm from the hand petting their hand. Siffrin didn’t stop petting them, his eyes watching the stars with care and awe. Loop buried their face again, their star thrumming with something inexplicable. How dare stardust make them feel like this!

“... Yeah, I guess.”

“...” Siffrin had stopped petting them, and Loop peeked at him in a glare. He was holding a handful of sparkling stars, watching them jump across his arm and out of his hand with a smile. Loop was glad their freakish body could provide Siffrin some amusement. They curled their back into the hand still on their back, and only relaxed again when Siffrin pet them again.

“Want to show me how to set up the tent later? I probably should already know how to do that…” Siffrin suggested a bit sheepishly.

“Don’t want to worry your family?”

“They’re worried enough about me… and it’s our. Our family.” Siffrin corrected them. Loop puffed in bitter amusement, and Siffrin took his hands away. No! Loop gripped the bedsheets to suppress a horrible protest at not being touched.

“... Sure, stardust.” Loop said tiredly. They sat up just as Siffrin was going to reward them with more pets, and went to hug him instead. Siffrin was limp in their arms as they scooted to lay against the headboard and propped some pillows behind them. What did Stardust smell like after his bath? Taste like? Was it soap? Was it some other scent that they’d long forgotten? Loop could only imagine it, but they could feel his warmth and pressure. At least that was real.

Loop pressed stardust’s clothed back against their chest in a squeeze before combing their fingers through his wet hair, careful to take out knots. When Siffrin melted back and let his weight settle on Loop’s chest, Loop used their other hand to help with their finger combing. Siffrin’s breathing inevitably evened out, and his head lolled to the side. Asleep again. He’d been sleeping a lot since his big world-ending meltdown. He could rest now. Loop could… take care of him, maybe. They didn’t know half of how to take care of another human being, but- it felt good, taking out tangled knots from Stardust’s hair, gently enough without waking him-

Fighter re-entered the room, and Loop froze. He was in slightly different clothes, and looked more clean. He looked at Loop and Siffrin’s cuddling, and frowned. Great. He was going to hate Loop, and maybe even hate Siffrin which was worse because Loop was nothing but Siffrin actually meant something-

Fighter was sat on the bed. Loop stared at him, wide-eyed. Fighter’s lips were puckered in a weird way, and his cheeks were dark-he was um? Pouting? He took a moment to muster up his willpower, and then looked at Loop earnestly. Loop ducked their face behind Siffrin’s head, still peeking at Isabeau. Their starheart buzzed in their chest. They felt far too vulnerable, but unwilling to leave when they were warm and weighed down. It felt safe and scary all at once.

“Could I, perhaps. Take him off your hands. So you can bathe next! Please?” Fighter asked, making grabby hands at Siffrin as he leaned forward.

Without thinking, Loop caught Fighter’s hands in their own.

Chapter Text

Only their very fingertips could curl into the tiny bit of natural webbing between the Fighter’s fingers. His fingers curled instinctively at the squeeze, engulfing Loop’s hands. He wasn’t squeezing back intentionally. Isa’s grip had been so much more firmer, stronger.

“Uh? L-Loop?” The Fighter asked distantly, but Loop couldn’t snap out of it. Every fiber in their body needed to hold Isa’s hand for a little longer. They teared up at the thought of letting go.

“Loop… I-I won’t take him, you can let me go.” Fighter tried to compromise, his previous jealous frown upturning to something much more distraught, pitying. Loop was horrible, keeping him trapped like this. Siffrin probably wanted to wake up in Fighter’s arms anyway. But they squeezed harder between Fighter’s fingers, and he instinctively closed his fingers tighter around their hand. But it wasn’t the same.

No, they didn’t hold hands before like this. Loop let go and tried to hook their thumbs over Fighter’s. Fighter pulled out of their reach before they could succeed, his face was… so troubled. He hated their touch, their alien star ridden hand, their strange closeness to his would-be lover. Loop was just layers upon layers of grime and betrayal and desperation.

Loop had to get out of there. They slipped out from under Siffrin and dashed to the bathroom. They shut the door behind them quickly and locked it, back against the door.

No one went after them. No one stopped them. They hadn’t dared looked back.

Loop stared at their hands, flexing them slowly, the space that they curled into missing the soft resistance. Their hands tingled with the new memory of Fighter’s warm, sweaty handwebbing. The strength behind them. Already their mind sang to use this new information to their benefit-to fuel their escapism, to make existence bearable and have purpose again.

Loop managed to drag themself to the bath as their breath shuddered. They stopped breathing, letting the guilt and horror fester in their rotting star. They didn’t need to breathe, it was just a habit. A phantom sensation. Loop turned the bath on and grabbed a bar of soap to crumble in their grip. They wanted to do more. They wanted to destroy the entire room. They wanted to curl their hands into their chest until they had a new pain to worry about.

Loop set the bath to the coldest setting. They shoved the soap chunks all over their face, and it burned their eyes. Did Fighter and stardust use this? … don’t think about it.

Loop slipped into the water and shivered. They were going to be so cold. Stardust could warm them up. Fighter too, if he

Don’t think about him. What about Stardust, then? He was safer to think of. Saw their ugliest parts and accepted them. His family did the same to him-so

If they and Stardust both were in this tiny bathtub for example it would’ve probably been awkward. Loop could kneel by the ledge and bathe stardust, then. That was something intimate, but… they and Stardust weren’t Vagaurdian, so it didn’t count. Loop wanted to take a close look at Siffrin’s scars to see the damage, and his ribs to see if he had been eating enough, and maybe his eye to see if was really missing. Maybe they would’ve held him down with grunts and giggles and endless teasing to distract Siffrin from the fact Loop would be poking at his eye socket. Maybe he’d even be blushing at how intimate they were- stars. Loop’s head was glowing at the thought of having Siffrin allow them to do such a thing. They were disgusting. This was supposed to be a caring daydream! One where they were normal! Not that they wouldn’t mind if Siffrin poked at their eye too, maybe even carved out their useless blind one-

Okay! Loop would’ve helped scrub Siffrin’s back, too, the part between the shoulderblades that was hard to reach. They would comb conditioner through his wet hair, and maybe Siffrin would insist on trading places to wash those places too. It sounded nice. That sounded nice, good job Loop! Don’t be, condescending Loop. Siffrin would have his gloves off, touching them gently, the sound of water sloshing, humming a song as Loop leaned into his thorough scrubbing. Fighter’s hand joining in, big enough that he’d have to move only his thumbs to scrub, or it’d be too much-

…

Over and over, Loop scratched their shoulders so hard that their skin bled. Fighter’s hands had been less sweaty, but still that same sort of cloying warmth that they just wanted to fall into. Their stupid starheart was soaring with relief that they found their friend again, but Loop’s head knew Fighter wasn’t Isabeau. They couldn’t make that mistake again. They hissed as they scratched over the surface scratches on their shoulders, breaking the flesh further. They knew what they were doing. It was painful, and their head never felt so clear. They needed it. They needed to be punished for trying to replace their Isa. Their best friend, their funny joke partner, was gone, and Loop would never forget him. Never replace him.

But they wanted to remember him, more and more clearly. They wanted to get through that fog that laid over every one of Siffrin’s memories. Was that so wrong? Fighter might be weirded out, but it was only a temporary distress, right! Loop would leave him alone in return after that! They’d get him together with Siffrin and the both of them could be happy together and Fighter could just forget alllll about them. Loop was just what came with Siffrin. They were always lingering, always strange, a party trick at best and a off-putting pet at worst.

So it was okay if Loop held Fighter’s hands for one more moment, right? Not now though. Somewhere special. Somewhere with just the two of them. Somewhere where Loop could make up for their strangeness properly. Like a date! But just an outing, purely to make Fighter happy! Just so Loop could steal that memory back!

Loop sniffled and shivered in the cold as they calmed down. Ok! That was a good goal! One that didn’t make Siffrin sad because he thought he was enslaving Loop! A goal of their very own! Now, Loop just had to investigate and figure out things Isabeau liked.

… first, they should fix the glowing blood trickling down their shoulders. Loop raised an invisible toast to their new goal to take back a happy memory, and orbs of sparkling healing craft fixed Loop’s shoulders. Good as new! Loop washed off the blood and laid underwater. Yeah, they did not float. At all. Escaping into the sea would be a breeze-

Ow ow ow headache okay they weren’t doing that! They promise! It was just a thought, leave me alone!

Loop scrubbed their own head roughly at first, but then more gingerly as the spikes scratched up their hands. Nothing worth healing, though. The glowing scratch lines were so faint Loop could barely see them. They put a hand up to their face to lick their tiny wounds on reflex, only for nothing to happen. Right. No mouth! Loop’s sides compressed as they wheezed with strangled laughter, and they hugged themselves until they could calm down.

They drained the ice water, and dried themself off with a towel carefully. Loop wasn’t worth a towel, but Siffrin wouldn’t like it if they were wet, probably. They wanted to hold him again and properly appreciate the warmth. He liked being touched. It wasn’t taking anything away.

They didn’t leave the bathroom yet, though. They were highkey trying to eavesdrop. They had to gather more information about the Fighter, after all!

… it was silent outside. Which was awkward, considering Loop was trying to listen in. They supposed they had to be patient.

The moment nothing was happening, their mind took the opportunity to wander. How would they exit the bathroom?

Loop exited the bathroom. Siffrin and Fighter were making out, and startled apart when Loop caught them. Loop giggled at their flushed faces and rubbed their knees together as they clasped their hands shyly.

”Do you um. Want to join us?” Siffrin asked with a sly smile.

”I’ll give you kisses too! Kisses for everyone!” The paper mache crafted Fighter chimed in.

Cut. No. Gross. Not realistic. From the top!

Loop exited the bathroom. Siffrin and Fighter were cuddled close, fast asleep. Quietly, Loop crawled into bed with them, and curled up against Siffrin’s side. Siffrin didn’t react. Loop closed their eyes, and didn’t ever have to wake up again. No one was sad, they were still helpful, just sleeping and cuddly. Maybe they fused with Stardust, fast asleep and filled with a constant comfort that they weren’t ever alone-

Cut cut cut. Loop listened. Still no conversation. Siffrin felt happy and relaxed, but when they tried to look through Siffrin’s eyes

Isabeau, smiling at them tenderly, Siffrin’s hand petting his scratchy chin-

Loop gripped their head as they mentally recoiled, hitting the door harshly as they lost their balance. Ah-they wanted-they wanted- nonononono-

Loop struggled to regain their balance, and then-they pushed those emotions all away. They couldn’t process it right now. They dove headfirst into another daydream.

Loop quietly slunk out the room door. Siffrin and Him were too wrapped up in each other to care. They walked down the hallway, out the House’s doors, and went to the forest never to return, disappearing from stardust’s life

OW!

Loop hissed at the warning migraine, one that faded as soon as it came. They were halfway to the floor, leaning against the door. They slid back up it on legs that trembled for a moment.

“Loop…? Are you okay?” Siffrin’s sleepy but worried voice called. Great, you interrupted their moment Loop. Stupid blinding- they just wanted to stop thinking-

Loop opened the door before thinking about it.

Siffrin’s face was flushed, and he was lying down, Fighter was half out of bed for some reason and looked at Loop with a surprised expression. Was he about to check on them? Loop kept their gaze on Siffrin’s face, only for Fighter’s back to block their view and reach to Siffrin.

“Nnh…” Siffrin leaned into Fighter’s touch like he couldn’t help it.

“I think you might be getting a fever, Sif.”

“I’m fine… it could just be my normal body temperature.”

A fever? A fever was worrisome. A big deal. Loop couldn’t recall the memory where they learned it, but… when Isa took his hand was from Siffrin’s forehead, Loop immediately went up beside Isabeau and put their hand on stardust’s forehead instead.

“You’re cold!” Siffrin yelped with a flinch. Oh yeah. The ice bath made Loop cold on the outside, too! Their temperature sense was a little wonky, teehee!

“Okay, Sif… I’m gonna go inform everyone that you’re sick! And get supplies! So um, stay right there? Get more rest? Please?” Isabeau asked, and held up his hands as Stardust proceeded to glare a hole into the ceiling. Obviously blaming himself for getting sick of all things, but poor Fighter didn’t know that!

“Loop, could you maybe watch him please? Maybe help him sleep? Until we get back?” Isabeau whispered into your ear. Siffrin frowned more, clenching his fists under the blanket before he turned away. Loopsuppressed a head-to-toe shudder and stopped their breathing again. They could feel his breath on their shoulder.

Loop just nodded stiffly, and didn’t trust themself to do anything else. Isabeau’s footsteps exited the room hurriedly. Loop tried to calm themself by touching Siffrin’s hair. His frustration faded away so quickly that Loop almost forgot their own nausea.

Loop felt a wave of fuzziness start to settle over Siffrin as the fever started to kick more and more into gear. Siffrin grabbed Loop’s hand and rubbed both his hands over and over. He puffed some hot air over them too!

“Ewww!! Don’t breathe on me, you’re diseased!!!!” Loop griped. This had the unintended side effect of Siffrin immediately letting them go-no- please hold them down, even if they beg him to let go, just wrap around tighter until-

Siffrin slowly interlocked your hands, their eye half-lidded. You don’t pull away. You don’t think about what he saw to do that for you.

“You’re cold. Come under the covers with me?” He looked away, frowning at his lack of filter, “Only i-if you-“

Embarrassingly enough, Loop was already scrambling over Siffrin with their hands still held and wiggling under the blankets beside them. Siffrin shivered. Loop was still too cold to the touch.

“I’ll warm up. Just tell me to warm up. It’ll help you, won’t it?” Loop encouraged. Their starheart sang to be used, to fulfill their purpose.

“Loop… no. It won’t.” Siffrin spoke stubbornly, squeezing their hand. Loop had to take a few moments to breathe to regain their composure.

“I won’t be too hot. I’ll be like a big warm water bottle. If I get hotter I’ll just leave-“

“No, Loop. I’m not going to use you like that. You’re fine.” Siffrin spoke while he glared to the side-guilt in his frowning mouth and furrowed brow and eye sparkling with tears. No. Loop didn’t mean to make Siffrin guilty. They just wanted to be helpful as Siffrin’s… thing. They were Siffrin’s, they belonged to Siffrin, they didn’t want to be something that didn’t belong.

“If you say so, stardust…” Loop sighed.

“I’ll free you from that wishcraft, I promise.” Siffrin swore, eye bright with determination, “If we can bend the wishcraft somehow, so you’re free…”

“Now now, don’t get any crazy ideas!” Loop interrupted, brushing hair out of Siffrin’s eye, “We need to do a bit more research into wishcraft, and you need to get better before we plan into getting into the ordeal of unravelling MY wish. Maybe we can experiment with my body a bit? Vivisect me? See what my blood’s made out of? Stick things in my starheart? It’d be worth it! I can just loop myself back, startiiiing… in two days? Don’t ask me how I know that, teehee! I’m a bit craft exhausted too after all! I don’t know if I can get sick, but maybe if you nicely enough asked I could be that too-“

Oop. Siffrin put a hand over where your mouth should be.

“Why are you so okay with this?” Siffrin demanded, thoroughly disturbed.

Oh. Huh. With being vivisected, or the wishcraft part? Those questions wasn’t one Loop was ready to answer~!

“You’re just giving me more fuel to freak you out with, teehee!”

“You-“ Siffrin’s emotions bared its fangs, a protective fury washing over him and Loop. Loop gazed into the maw and watched expectantly. Do it. Do something you regret, Stardust. I dare you.

But then, Siffrin, deflated. He even smiled, a bit bitterly.

“You know, that way you’re annoying makes me think you have a little freedom, at least.”

“Oh, do you not like it when I’m annoying~?”

“I just-“

“Careful! If you’re mad enough then I can’t be annoying anymore!” Loop teased. Siffrin was taking this wayyy too seriously! They’d be anything for him! Just as long as he kept them-

“I’m sorry.” Siffrin said, his eye wide and full of guilt. He sniffled loudly, his tears coming out in a sob, “First I take away your family, and now your free will? I never meant to—“

“Stardust.” Loop stopped Siffrin right there. They really didn’t mean to make Siffrin cry! They… they didn’t understand why Siffrin wouldn’t just claim them, but… “We’re still figuring it out. One thing at a time, okay?” They squeezed his hand. Siffrin nodded, his eyes too teary and his nose too snotty.

“Breathe with me?” Loop suggested, and Siffrin nodded again, going into his breathing exercises. Loop went into them too, and although they couldn’t breathe, each breeze ofsnotty warm exhale from Siffrin was comforting, even when it gusted against their open-injury-starheart.

“We’ll figure things out, but you have to rest for now okay stardust? Get better. Don’t be stupid and ignore your body again.” Loop reassured.

“You rest too.” Siffrin said, “You said you were craft exhausted, too.”

“Oh, you remember that, hm?” Loop cooed teasingly, “How selective your memory is!” They combed their hand through Siffrin’s hair, nuzzling the hand Siffrin forgot he had over their not-mouth. Binding kiss number two! Maybe stardust would find Loop more useful soon, instead of a burden and a broken thing.

Siffrin’s hand started to pet Loop’s face spikes. His other hand was still intertwined in Loop’s. Loop glowed a bit brighter as their head sparks danced across Siffrin’s curious hand and down his arm, fizzling out as his shoulder in an array of sparkles.

“It tickles.” Siffrin mumbled, smiling at Loop’s party trick.

“Make sure none of them get in your mouth. I imagine it won’t taste good.” Loop said, and promptly twisted to bury their good eye in the pillow in sheer embarrassment.

“Mmnh.” Siffrin said, his pets getting slower as he fought sleep-

Familiar craft nipped at Loop’s senses, and they gasped and quickly let go of Siffrin to hide under the covers.

Slam!

“Sorry for interrupting-!!!”

“FRIN!!! I MADE YOU SOUP!”

“They’re trying to sleep, Boniface.”

“Well! They need to eat! And then they can sleep! FRIN!”

Annnd the whole family barged in! Urgh!

Chapter Text

“I’m awake.” Siffrin said, sitting up slowly and then um, shifting close to Loop so they were touching under the blanket?? Huh?! He was still cuddly? Loop could sense protective-possessive-care but that feeling was just what Siffrin usually felt towards Siffrin’s family. Right? Not knowing what Siffrin was doing was so off-putting~??!

“Is Starry sick too?” The Kid-Chef asked. Loop curled up into a tighter ball. They had enough, their hands still tingled, they kept wanting things-

“Yeah. They said they’ll eat later, so… maybe you could save them a bowl?” Siffrin was lying for them. Loop wanted to throttle him. Maybe when his family left, they could try to grab his neck again.

“Okay.” Chef grudgingly accepted that, “It’s my super ultra-nutrient packed soup! Called Ca-loo-loo?”

“Callaloo.” Researcher corrected.

“Cahla-loooo. It’s full of leaves.”

It sounded familiar, but fuzzy. A Siffrin memory, then. Loop peeked out from under the blanket, and saw Chef pouring a ladle of a dark soup into a bowl. Fighter was carrying a bigger pot of it and setting it on the gaming table. Mirabelle was standing nearby, hands clasped worriedly, and Researcher was looking right at Loop.

Loop quickly hid again. They wanted to eat. They wanted to see what the new soup tasted and smelled like. Would it bring back a forgotten memory that they could pin on a board like a butterfly along with the rest of things they couldn’t forget?

… You wanted cantaloupe candy, even if they could only feel how sticky it was… Loop could ask Chef to make some for them then, and make it worth their while. Another thing to work for. Another reason to pay attention.

Siffrin’s emotions turned from protective-curious to stacks of nostalgia as they tasted the soup. Ha! Was this another thing Chef learned from that malanga fritter cookbook for Frin?

“Is it good?”

“Mmmhnmmm!!!” Siffrin hummed happily, taking another slurp from his spoon. He danced in his spot. Loop couldn’t take it anymore. They threw off the covers, sat up, and glared intensely at stardust’s soup, like they could taste it with their eyes.

… Soon, there was a soup bowl being held out to them by Chef themself. Loop very slowly reached out and stopped a few centimeters away from Chef’s hands. They looked up at Chef’s face, who frowned and reached further to put the bowl in their hands.

“It’s for you! Here’s a spoon.” Chef said curtly, also handing them a spoon. Loop knelt there, frozen, half-hovered over stardust’s lap, holding the bowl and spoon in each hand like an idiot. They knelt back and scooped out a spoonful, and pushed it against their face. The spoon sank into their face, and when they pulled, the spoon was clean. Loop swallowed. Their eyes were averted to the bed, unable to look at the family despite their own curiosity about the soup. They could only feel it sliding down their throat.

“... It’s slimy.” They noted.

“That’s from the okra!” Chef said proudly.

“It’s a little spicy, too! I love it, Bonbon!” Stardust chimed in.

“Heh! You’re welcome. Now eat a lot and get better faster so we can leave!”

Siffrin ate a little more eagerly. At least he wasn’t so sick that he couldn’t eat. ‘Eating’ was a stretch, more like chugging down the soup and getting the puree all over his cheeks. Housemaiden was even reaching into their space and offering Siffrin a napkin, but stardust was so absorbed in Soup that he didn’t notice.

Loop peacefully poured the slimy soup into their face, and felt the liquid trickle and bubble constantly down their throat like a liquid hourglass. They set the bowl aside as Housemaiden awkwardly slowly took her offered napkin back. Chef eagerly gave Siffrin second helpings.

“Oh, thanks Mira.” Siffrin said, finally noticing the offer, a bit embarrassed at being so messy- as he should be. Loop leaned over him and snatched the napkin before Siffrin could take it. Housemaiden startled and Loop proceeded to throw the napkin over Siffrin’s face and push their entire hand into his mouth and cheeks, rubbing the towel over his face in circles like he was a table.

“MMOOPHR?” Siffrin squeaked. Then he bit Loop’s hand hard, making them recoil.

“OW! I offer you my cleaning services and this is how you repay me?!” Loop huffed, holding their hand and pretending it was gravely injured. Ah, the scratches in the bath reopened-

“Oh! You’re bleeding?” Housemaiden exclaimed, while Siffrin suddenly gagged, the cloth napkin sparkling as he quickly spat it out.

“Whoah!” Fighter was right beside him with a garbage can, and Siffrin squeezed his teary eye shut and burped, trying desperately to hold his food down. It didn’t work, and he threw his head towards the garbage can, vomiting. His body only gave him a few moments to gasp for air, before he emptied his stomach completely.

“Did the soup make you sick?!” Chef asked, frowning and guilty, “I can make something else, Frin!”

“No- it was- it was nothing, I think I ate too fast.” Siffrin lied. Loop wondered if they were too rough with him.

“Try to be more gentle with the sick, Loop.” Researcher said. Loop flinched, and lowered their head. They wiped their bloodied hand on the blanket. So they really were too rough…

“Loop, I can heal your hand if you want! Could you hold it out?” Housemaiden offered.

Loop wasn’t sure what would happen if someone else healed them. It was risky, but maybe it would feel familiar, and they’d get a memory back. They slowly nodded, and held out their hand. Siffrin was peering at their hand closely, so Loop reached up and gently covered his eye with their hand to stop him from studying their definitely-not-just-a-bite-wounded hands. Siffrin shoved their hand away easily enough.

A brief midtone sparkle, and Loop felt a rush of Housemaiden’s craft being pushed into them. It felt strange, like they were being forcefed one of the eye fruits making up Housemaiden’s flesh-craft-tree. Loop felt a faint phantom sensation of hunger. Their craft sense was so alien compared to Siffrin’s that the warm craft sensation trickling down from their chin reminded them of absolutely nothing.

“Thank you.” Loop mumbled.

“Sorry for biting you.” Stardust added.

“... Sorry for making you puke. What a waste of Chef’s cooking.”

“It’s FINE! I got more!” Chef said, pouring out a new bowl and handing it to Siffrin. Siffrin ate a lot more slowly now, making sure to savor each spoonful. Chef looked at Loop, “Do you want another bowl Starry?”

“No thank you. I don’t really need to eat… ahem. But I appreciate the offer!” Loop said, their cheery mask almost slipping.

Housemaiden ended up reaching out slowly, and touching Siffrin’s forehead. He leaned into the touch immediately, his eyes fluttering shut. Loop shoved their newly healed hand under the blanket to clench the bedsheet tightly. They wanted Housemaiden to hold them. They wanted to admire her pretty bows and dresses and makeup she worked so hard on, even during the end of the world. But now they could barely look at her right now with feeling like arrows were being bullseyed through their chest.

Loop picked at the blanket. They should hide. But they needed information! Once they properly did their remembrance, they could just hide whenever the family visited Siffrin! And then they could whisk Siffrin into another adventure, just the two of them… what would they even do? Loop felt a little giddy at the thought! Oh! They should see a play, or attend a festival. Maybe they could just wander a town and see where their curiosity leads them. They could dance together. The thought of dancing was strangely exciting enough for their mind to immediately cling to it. They had a little trouble thinking of what dances to do-but it just felt right-

“Loop?” Researcher called. Loop jumped, blinking forming tears away rapidly.

“Yes Researcher?” Loop asked, looking at Researcher as calmly as possible. Researcher’s sharp eyes scanned their face. Her hanging glasses gems were eye-catching as usual, and her hair was strangely slightly messy.

“I’d like to talk to you privately. Are you feeling well enough for a conversation?” Researcher asked.

Well, this was bound to happen. An interrogation was in order.

“Yes…” Loop said wearily, and then froze. Stars. They were going to have to leave Siffrin for a ‘private conversation’. How were they going to navigate this?

“I’ll come with.” Siffrin offered, took one look at his family’s disapproving faces, and sheepishly tucked his legs back into bed, “Um… maybe we can just talk here, then…?”

“I’m sorry, there’s a bit too much going on for the conversation I have in mind. It’s mostly boring book talk and theorizing.” Researcher pointed out.

“Ew books!” Chef exclaimed.

Loop saw Fighter light up but then draw back into himself, instead busying himself with putting the vomit bucket into the bathroom.

“Tell me what you come up with! I’m interested!” Housemaiden chirped, “I want to monitor Siffrin, so… I’ll stay here!”

Loop thought of leaving the room. That seemed like an unpunished thought. If they left with the intention of coming back, could they leave Siffrin’s side?

“I’ll be back, stardust.” Loop told him, and crawled over his lap to get on the floor before he could get out of the way. They needed every bit of Stardust’s contact for something like this. The awkward position made them somersault forward, but they had enough clearance to push into it and have enough momentum to stand up.

Researcher watched them thoughtfully, and Loop tried to focus only on her. They followed her out the door and gave one last glance to Siffrin, who smiled in a mixture of relief and trust at them as he watched them leave. Loop wondered if they would have been gone already without this Help Order.

And then it was just Loop and Researcher. No pain, no punishment for leaving Siffrin… It was still tense, but not unbearable like it was with Siffrin’s entire family around. Loop kept looking to Researcher’s messy hair. It was never this messy. What was going on with her?

“I’ve set some books aside in the library that could help with my theory crafting…” Researcher explained. Loop finally looked up at her eyes, and noticed how tired she looked. The wrinkle lines under her eyes seemed deeper.

“What were you hoping to find out?”

“I was hoping to find out what exactly happened when Siffrin transformed, and more about wishcraft itself. Also, some grounding techniques.”

“Grounding techniques?” Loop repeated.

“To help you from… drifting away, I suppose.”

... Huh?

“It’s your choice to use them, but I’ve noticed you have long, intense periods of dissociation. I thought, that if you had these techniques, you could stay with us a bit longer.” Researcher explained, stopping in her tracks down the hallway and looking at them. She stood tall, seemed relaxed, but her glasses flashing but her trembling gaze betrayed her quiet uneasy sincerity.

Loop looked away and took a deep breath in and out, their chest flexing into their tight self-hug.

“I would appreciate that.” They managed. They weren’t wanted, it wasn’t being tied, this offer was just to make them less of a scary inconvenience. They wanted to rip that hope out of their starheart and crush it.

Researcher nodded, and kept leading the way. Loop trailed behind, staring at her back. Was tuning them out without a Script to follow actually causing Researcher distress? No no no, she was just annoyed with them. Loop was just baggage, and the family had to carry them around because Siffrin couldn’t let them go.

Loop walked into the library, and Researcher led them through until she came across a wall. Flicking the switch like she had done it a hundred times before, she opened up the Secret Library. A librarian nearby took notice, but didn’t protest, instead dazzled and looking right at Loop. Loop gave them a little cheery wave before hurrying behind Odile and inside the secret room. Ugh, this hallway was longer than before… there were more books, too… Loop’s mind inevitably drifted.

Odile led them to a room with knives and scalpels laid out in a velvet display on the walls and tables, surrounding a single chair. It had straps on it, thick ones. Loop shuddered upon looking at them, eyes wide and hopeful. Odile’s cold, strong hands shoved them into the chair and Loop pushed against her, only pretending to struggle as tiny whimpers and half-pleas left their throat. Their arms were strapped down, then their fingers-each finger had its very own strap, to prevent Loop from using craft. Loop leaned back and forth and kicked, rocking the chair until Odile locked huge straps over their torso and straddled one of their legs to pin that too. Lastly, Loop felt the cold clasp of the last belt pressed against their neck like a collar, forcing them to look up.

”You killed us, and then tried to kill Siffrin.” Odile said, cupping their chin as her knee dug into Loop’s thigh, “I’m going to keep you here forever as-”

A cold gear scraped against Loop’s shoulder, and Loop startled back. They were leaning against a wall, Odile-no, Researcher was holding their shoulders.

“There you are. Can you hear me?” Researcher asked. Loop nodded, and Researcher let them go. “Is the House causing these episodes?” She asked.

“Is it…?” Loop asked, a bit dazed from being forced out of such a good dream, “It might be, teehee.” They shrugged, “I’ll focus now.”

Researcher nodded terrifyingly slowly, and stepped away from them. Loop stood up straight, and pushed off the wall to lead the way so they didn’t drift off again.

The library looked different. More organized, more clean, and a stack of new books. Loop was immediately drawn to the one with the shiny cover of a tree. They opened it, and… nope, they couldn’t read it. A headache made the words blur and swim off the pages.

They couldn’t read their own blinding language. Siffrin just got everything, didn’t he?

“You tried to read this during the Final Loop. It seems I can’t read it, either. Only stardust can, but I can tell you snippets of it from when he read out loud again if you’ve already forgotten.” Loop explained calmly.

“Do tell, please. I’m especially stuck on whether intent or the wording is more important…” Odile said, opening up her personal book.

Loop smiled and thoughtfully repeated the secret library Wishcraft book bonus scripts from their perfect memory, even deepening their voice for Isabeau, making their voice more grave for Odile, speaking normally but without flair for Mira, and speaking startlingly high pitched and voice-cracked for Bonnie.

They continued in their usual Loop voice. “In conclusion, ritual is more important than belief. This book with the tree on it is a book of Wishcraft rituals to increase your chances of making the Wishcraft come true.” They paused, letting Researcher reabsorb the information.

“Alright… but is intention or wording more important?”

Loop smiled. “I’ve done some thinking! And I’ve concluded words are almost meaningless. Once the connection to the Universe is there, it will read your inner intentions and drive behind the wish and grant it to the best of its ability. I think even mute people can use Wishcraft.”

“How did you reach this conclusion?” Researcher wondered, pulling up a chair and sitting in it. Loop sat in the other chair because they didn’t want to loom over her.

“Well…” Loop took the opportunity to sit down, and crossed one leg over the other. They felt a little more calm sitting down, giving advice. It felt familiar. “During stardust’s little temper tantrum, I could see through his eyes! And I heard everything he told you aaallll about his wish. He really told you everything about his innermost desires, didn’t he! Teeheehee…” Loop giggled bitterly. They didn’t mention their own wish. They didn’t want to remember that.

“And you’re saying this ‘Universe’ is a fuel for wishcraft?”

“Yup! But I’m sure a person of any religion could use it. That’s just who I and stardust follow!” Loop explained, trying not to cringe at how much information they were oh-so-eagerly sharing. Usually they didn’t allow so many questions! But it’s not like they could tell Researcher to come back next loop!

“Were you part of Isabeau’s wish, then?” Researcher wondered. Loop blinked, and hunched over. Urgh. This really was an interrogation. Couldn’t they at least be strapped down for this?

“I was here looooong before Fighter wished for Siffrin’s safety.” Loop decided to give Researcher a crumb, “Why are you trying to figure out wishcraft, Researcher? You’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it can be~.” They warned cheerily.

“I want to fine-tune my Craft Breaking ability to destroy wishcraft’s… connection.” Researcher explained, “I was able to use it to disrupt the timecraft itself, but… I believe that cutting the fuelsource itself off would be more effective. I want to use it so Siffrin doesn’t have to worry about his own rogue timecraft.”

Oh. Oh? Loop was certain they’d die in one hit if Researcher used that sort of craft on them. Or at least waste away! How scary. They thought of the diamond-barrier trapping the goliath-Siffrin inside of it with his family, and a new much more cold unease settled in their stomach. What if it went wrong? What if loops stopped, but Siffrin was missing a family member?

“Researcher… you’ll be careful, won’t you? I know it was an emergency, but stopping timecraft on your own power was…” Loop trailed off, fear choking them.

“Dangerous, I know. I had little choice.” Researcher replied. She did have a choice though. She could have kept herself safe. And… be trapped in the loops again? Maybe an energy-drained death would have been better. At least she wouldn’t be hurt again because stardust wasn’t paying attention.

But, Loop couldn't think of this calmly. Just that possibility, of having Researcher dead forever, was unthinkable-

“... No. I don’t want you to try to destroy wishcraft!” Loop said, their voice strained at saying their wants, but they couldn’t sit back and watch Researcher destroy herself, “If you go too deep… that’s like trying to kill a god. You can stop the timecraft in a different way!”

“How so?” Researcher asked, eyes widening a bit.

“You could keep Siffrin craft exhausted. As it turns out, you need a bit of craft to keep that connection to the Universe!” Loop explained, a bit desperately. Researcher didn’t look impressed, but then nodded thoughtfully? What???

“I won’t be doing that.” Researcher read them like a book, “But you bring up a good point. Nullifying or numbing that ‘God-connection’ part of someone’s craft could be a better method than interfering with wishcraft fuel source itself. I can break rock, scissor, paper, and time craft, but maybe I’ll experiment with completely denying crafts like buffs, debuffs, and even healing craft. Eventually, perhaps I'll have a good feel for it to try to nullify the wishcraft for longer periods of time...”

Loop nodded slowly. That sounded far safer. They had to keep an eye on Researcher and her research, for her own safety…

“I can help you! I can use various craft as well. In a couple days, though. I’m still tired.”

“From scuffling with Siffrin?”

“From… scuffling…” Loop trailed off, their eyes widening. Researcher gazed back at them levelly, not dropping the subject, her arms crossed. Oh. It was finally happening. Researcher found out. This was where Loop was going to die.

Chapter Text

Researcher searched their face. The heavy silence wasn’t doing anything, so Loop decided to grab a shovel and start digging.

“... It wasn’t just a scuffle, Researcher. I was trying to kill him.” Loop stated, keeping her gaze and taking in her every movement. A slight widening of her eyes, a small nod, her fingers curling into her elbows… Her expression didn’t change very much, however.

“No wonder he’s sick. Pushing himself so soon…” Researcher said cautiously, “What triggered this fight? I was under the impression that you very much wanted Siffrin to be safe.”

It’s because of you. It’s because you cared about me too much. Loop thought, and let their arms drop from their self hug. They didn’t deserve to self soothe before their end. They wanted Researcher to kill them as slowly and painfully as she could.

“He was going to leave. I didn’t want him to leave.” Loop spoke a lie, one to make them too dangerous to live, “That’s why I’m so unbearably clingy. I’m not good for him. Do you just want to get rid of me now?”

Researcher looked stunned that they were making it so easy. She must have been devising a long, complicated plan to catch them off guard and kill them quietly. But if they were going to die for good, couldn’t they make this intimate? One of the most vivid memories they could think of? It was okay to ask for that. Researcher had the strength to shake off their strange existence. Researcher had the wrath to make it hurt.

“It’s okay. You can take your time with me. Maybe you can strap me to this table?” Loop offered, picking up some of the books Researcher gathered and standing to set them on another table, “You could learn all about wishcraft, because that’s the only thing I’m made of.” They grabbed another stack of books, and Researcher snatched their wrist. Oh, already so eager to start! Loop smiled and laid half on the table bellyfirst, giving in without a fight.

“Loop.” Researcher said, sounding like she was about to explode. Ah, a quick death then? Loop was sad it would be over so soon. They pushed themselves more onto the table, kicking off a few books, and nuzzled Researcher’s fingers carefully where she had grabbed their wrist. They had snuck in one last selfish not-kiss, so they were okay. They were ready. They went limp and still.

… nothing was happening. Researcher’s hand was trembling? Did the nuzzle kiss hurt her? Loop peeked at her fingers on their wrist, but they were undamaged. Maybe she needed some more guidance.

“I’ll lay on my back if you want! I just think you should strap me down because I don’t want to accidentally lash out and hurt you. Should I get some rope? Sorry, I know I’m asking a lot. I’ll get some rope. Maybe you can borrow Siffrin’s dagger if you ask nicely enough?” Loop offered a compromise. This would be such a fun way to die! They scooted off the table, but Researcher held their wrist more tightly. Oh. Death now then. It’s okay! Loop wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience. Loop knelt at Researcher’s feet and bowed their head.

“Loop,” Researcher began to finally speak, her voice low, almost a whisper. She was finally going to get angry with them! “Do you really think of me like that? Someone who hates you so much that they would make your death as painful as possible?”

“It’s okay to feel that way!” Loop reassured, lifting their head to give a warm, teary smile, “I know you’d do anything to protect your family! If you think I’m dangerous, then get rid of me. It’s okay. I’m only a…”

Loop trailed off. Odile looked haunted. Like she did when Siffrin first lashed out at her. Why did she look so scared? She didn’t show an ounce of fear when she faced the king, except for when she had unlucky RNG and they lost and she was watching Mira getting-

“I am not going to hurt you, Loop. I know plenty of people who have gotten into dangerous fights. I had no intention of killing you. I just wanted to understand, so it didn’t happen again.” Researcher’s voice said, and let Loop’s hand go. She cautiously put her cold hand over one of Loop’s head spikes, and rubbed it firmly.

Loop’s head glowed steadily brighter as they stared up at her. What? Huh? Their memory confirmed three times over that Researcher said that, and their sense of touch sent waves of relief and relaxation at the spike rubs. But. Huh? She was touching them, too? Loop’s head leaned into the touch carefully.

“I was thinking that you and Siffrin resolved your arguement, considering how close you are to him. I just got a bit too curious. I’m sorry for prying.”

She was apologizing? Why? Loop was the one who did everything wrong. Protesting while they were being rubbed was an impossibility, however. Researcher let them go.

“But I hurt him. I made him sicker.” Loop finally protested, still on their knees.

“He’ll recover.” Researcher sounded so assured of that conclusion, and frowned and waved away at Loop, “Go back to your seat. I can’t talk to you while you’re groveling like this.”

Loop slowly slunk back into their seat, now completely ashamed that their intimate death wish was denied. Their mind begged to imagine possibilities, but Researcher was disappointed in them so they had to pay attention and fix it.

“If you go off with Siffrin again, I want you or Siffrin to tell someone.” Researcher said, her arms crossed again. Pushing Loop at the same distance they were before. Loop felt like crying, but instead folded their hands on their lap and crossed their legs. “I know it’s a bit of a hassle, not being able to wander off on your own anytime you want, but…” Her gaze turned much more somber, “We all can’t forget that Siffrin left us behind.”

…

You really did leave them behind, didn’t you? You walked away and turned to the Universe for an answer that was already there. How foolish. How stupid that you didn’t ask your loved ones to catch you when you were falling.

“If you Call me, I can tell you where he is.” Loop offered.

“And you won’t lie to me?” There was a too-familiar hidden desperation in Researcher’s tone. The way it strained. Like Loop was holding a knife to Researcher’s throat.

“… I lied to you before. Said that we were in Siffrin’s room when in actuality? We were arguing outside. I had needed some space, we ended up using our speed craft, and I suppose that was the last straw for Siffrin’s Craft exhaustion…” Loop admitted. Out of the hope that the Researcher would take it back, and try to kill them.

But the Researcher just sighed heavily. “Promise me not to lie when I call about Siffrin’s location again. Please.” She calmly demanded.

“I promise not to lie about Siffrin’s location again. I wasn’t thinking at all about your feelings, I apologize…” Loop replied, giving themself a light hug.

“Alright.” Researcher sighed. She stood up, and picked up a book. She held it out to Loop, and Loop took it.

It was a mental help book. Loop hollowly flipped through it.

“I thought it might be useful to you, especially the grounding exercises.. Perhaps you could read it in your free time.” Researcher picked up the shiny tree book, and tucked it into her coat. “I’ll have Siffrin translate this for us later, when he’s feeling better. I would like to hear your input as well. For now, I would like to check on Siffrin.”

Loop telepathically checked up on Siffrin. His belly was full, and he was warm and dreaming. Since Loop wasn’t going to be executed, they’d like to join him…

“He’s okay. He’s sleeping right now.” Loop informed Researcher, “I think I can sense Fighter nearby, but it’s hard to tell when stardust is asleep.”

“I see. Thank you. I’d still like to see him personally…” Researcher admitted, standing up.

Loop stood up too, and plucked the poor books they kicked off the table onto the floor. They set them neatly onto a table.

“I assume you’re going to rest alongside him again?” Researcher asked. Loop squinted at her, but quickly lost their composure and looked elsewhere as their face glowed more brightly. They wanted to do far more than rest beside stardust right now. They wanted to talk to him, even if he was feverish. Hold his hand and make the world right again. They just nodded, and avoided looking at Researcher’s thoughtful eyebrow raise.

The walk back was interrupted by Loop spotting a book in the general library. It was called ‘Parenting 101’. They walked aside, and picked it up. They were flipping through it, Researcher hovering close by behind them to see what book they had wasted her time picking up.

“Apologies for the delay. I don’t know how to take care of another person, so I thought this book might help.” Loop explained.

“I don’t either, and I don’t really want to. So I suppose we’re in the same boat.” Researcher admitted. Loop smiled at their combined ignorance.

“I might just leave your boat.” They said. It wasn’t just a passing thought, they really wanted to take care of Siffrin. If they weren’t going to kill him, and if they couldn’t run away, then it seemed right that they have him as healthy as possible…

“Not too easily, I hope... Parenting is a heavy responsibility.”

“… I suppose it would be.” Loop replied thoughtfully, setting the book back on the shelf. The book seemed a bit condescending from what they skimmed. They didn’t want to treat Siffrin like a child. They supposed they would have to settle with telepathic body scans and watching how Siffrin’s family took care of him. 

Both Researcher and Loop left the library with their books, and walked quietly on the way back. Loop was able to focus on their surroundings, but only if they led the way back. Researcher took up an odd position beside them, but otherwise let them take the lead. Loop didn't want to reflect on what happened in the secret library.

“What do you usually do to help the sick recover?” Loop asked Researcher. It wasn’t strange to ask, because they were a star instead of a person!

“Warm soups, special teas, hot baths, a warm place, and medicine if the symptoms become unbearable…” Researcher listed some remedies. Oh! Siffrin had a lot of those things. That was a good sign.

“I suppose leaving Dormont tomorrow is out of the picture, then.” Loop said.

“We might, actually. We secured a cart, and if Siffrin’s fever breaks we’ll be able to go.”

Loop was really thinking their idea of Siffrin Help Ordering them into giving him warmth really would be beneficial… too bad stardust didn’t feel the same.

They arrived at Siffrin’s room, and Loop opened the door. Fighter was fast asleep on the bed, stardust in his arms and they were both covered in blankets. Housemaiden and Chef had left.

Researcher began to closed the door and Loop grabbed the edge of the door without thinking, staring wide-eyed at Fighter’s arm draped over Siffrin, and Siffrin using both their arms to keep the arm in place. Siffrin’s head was on Fighter’s other arm, and their legs were a bit tangled under the blankets.

The door cracked under Loop’s grip on it as frizzles went up their body sporadically. They wanted to be there. They wanted to be with both of them, safe and secure and warm and no words just comfort. 

“Let’s leave them be…” Researcher said slowly and quietly. Loop let go of the door, one finger at a time, and allowed Researcher to close the door. They took a long, shuddering breath in and held it.

“I… think I’ll go back to the library.” Loop said.

“Alright… I’ll be wandering around the House if you need me. Feel free to use your Call craft.”

Loop nodded and quickly scurried away. They could feel Researcher’s gaze lingering on them… they didn’t think about it. They half-listened to passing conversations from other people in the hallway. Some of them looked familiar-townsfolk, perhaps?

It was quieter in the library. Loop immediately slipped into the secret library for extra privacy, and then sat in the hallway under a torch, before where the books were stored.

They opened the self help book, read the title, read the acknowledgements, but after the first paragraph the words blurred and Loop’s eyes fluttered open and shut.

They should go back. They should gently wake Fighter up and then climb into bed. Silence all his words with a finger on his lips and then scoot behind Siffrin. They’d both probably fit in Fighter’s arms. Siffrin would snuggle against Loop’s throat and Loop would tangle their legs with both Siffrin and Isa’s.

Except it wouldn’t work that way. The moment they did so, they would be stepping between their budding relationship. Fighter would leave because it was too awkward to cuddle with a clingy stranger. Siffrin would probably order Loop to never touch him again. How would Siffrin claim Loop if Loop couldn’t touch him?

Loop rubbed their shoulders over and over. They had to be patient! Extra patient. Until Siffrin called them back! Then they could touch him and ask when he was going to claim them so Loop wouldn’t be afraid of his family killing them anymore. If they were Siffrin’s property they’d need his permission to kill them, after all! They hadn’t been afraid before, but Researcher’s refusal of their offer left a feeling beyond shame inside of them. Something itchy and panicked and still-hurting. Shouldn’t that be proof that the family didn’t want to kill them? No, it was just because Loop never got what they wanted. They would never belong to anyone else, no matter how much they tried to be good and helpful. Always drifting, always trapped in baseless wishes, whisked away on a whim by the Universe’s void into-

Loop quickly thought of leaving the House and never returning before they spiraled into a panic attack, and squeezed their eyes shut at the migraine. They fought through the pain, rocking back and forth and smacking the back of their head on the wall. It was grounding. They could concentrate on the book now, on being more useful.

Something something importance of mental health… what if Researcher’s cart was altered so it had a cage inside of it? Somewhere where Loop could be contained. They hugged themselves at the thought. They could already imagine the bars made out of wood, the hard floor, the low ceiling that forced them to lie down. The family could easily put a cloth over and hide to make it seem like luggage. They were hidden, but if they were lucky someone would slip their hand between the bars of their cage. Siffrin’s hand would be nuzzle-kissed, Isa’s arm would be rubbed and massaged, Loop’s would push their face against Mira’s hand, Loop would lean against the bars for Odile to rub them, and they would accept little leftover treats from Bonbon. Loop laid down on the floor, giggling softly at how happy the dream made them feel.

How would they be useful, though? Well, they could be a call center and let the family members talk to each other whenever they wanted. A hunter and protector if set free. They could be taken out of the cage and cuddled with as something cool or something warm. They could brush everyone’s hair. And when everyone was done they would obediently crawl back into their cage and wait for the next day to be used.

Loop sighed happily, and then went back to the book. Their eyes drifted shut, their body still tingling pleasantly at the dream. They imagined different designs of the bars on the cage. Chicken wire, intricately carved marble, wooden planks… Loop scratched at the stone floor, imagining it was the bed of the cage. They deserved nothing but the hardest bed… they hardly deserved a cage, but the thought was so wonderful that tears came to their eyes. Safe, contained. And what else could be used to claim them? Maybe a collar-

“Um? Loop? Is that you?” Housemaiden’s voice. Loop immediately scrambled to sit up, facing away from her and wiping their teary eyes on their hand. They grabbed hold of their bubbly happiness and shoved it aside, before it could leak through their eyes. Stars! So much for this library being ‘secret!’

“Do you know anyone else that glows in the dark, Housemaiden?” Loop asked, voice blank and a bit rough. They frowned at how frustrated they sounded.

… Housemaiden walked closer anyway. Cautious, hesitant steps. Loop just sat there and tried to stay calm as they waited for her to stay or go.

“Are you um. Okay???” Housemaiden asked.

“Peachy, Housemaiden.” Loop spun around and faced her, stopping her from coming any closer. She looked so worried. And so pretty. She had a woven flower necklace, and a big pansy corsage on her right wrist. Loop thought of the lost flowers Siffrin gave them as a ritual. They frowned and refocused on their ‘helpful’ persona instead.

“So, how can I help you?” Loop asked, folding up their legs and resting their chin on their hands to gaze at the Housemaiden.

“Well, um. I was wondering why you were in a dark hallway all alone?? Laying on the floor???” Housemaiden asked.

“It’s comfortable! The ground is nice and flat and cool.” Loop replied. Some part of them delighted in telling the Housemaiden their bedding preference, in the off-chance she decided to cage them after all.

Housemaiden looked at the ground thoughtfully, frowning a bit. And then… she sat on the floor? Loop felt a spike of ridiculous irritation. The floor was their bedding, no one else should have to suffer with a hard bed- wait, she was getting her dress dirty!!

“This isn’t comfortable at all, sorry.” Housemaiden admitted with a sheepish smile.

“That’s because you’re not lying down, Housemaiden! You can truly appreciate the floor only if you try to be one with it.” Loop said nonsense while keeping a facade of composure.

“Hmm…” Housemaiden seemed to struggle with herself for a few moments, before… leaning back and lying flat backfirst on the floor. Naturally, Loop leaned over and also laid on the floor right next to her.

They both stared at the ceiling.

“This is um… still not comfortable.” Housemaiden said.

“... It really isn’t.” Loop grumbled, and that giddiness from before went completely away. Their mind was as silent as it was when they had been holding Siffrin for a long time.

Housemaiden puffed out a snort of laughter, and Loop couldn’t help but smile a bit even though they didn’t know why.

“You’re funny, Loop. Why’re you on the floor if it’s uncomfortable?”

“I had to ground myself somehow.” The accursed pun was out of their mouth before they could think about it, and Housemaiden puffed and snorted as she just barely held out titters of laughter. Loop looked at her, not impressed, but it only made Housemaiden cover her mouth and guffaw as their expression seemed to amuse her more.

“Unintentional pun?” Housemaiden guessed.

“Completely.” Loop lamented, throwing their arms starfish-style over their head.

Housemaiden stood up. She walked over, and crouched down besides Loop.

“Want to come to my room instead?” She offered, holding out her hand. Loop stared at it, and then turned their head away. Did Researcher put Housemaiden up to this…?

“...”

“I’m sorry Isabeau and Siffrin kicked you out of their room. But you can always rest on my bed if you need to! I heard you were craft exhausted, so you need all the rest you can!”

Ugh! Stardust and Researcher must’ve talked to her. Loop sat up, watched Housemaiden retract her hand, and then stood up before they could think of touching her. They’d go too far. They’d just melt into her like they did with Siffrin, and she wouldn’t appreciate that.

“I um. I appreciate the offer. I’d… like to…” Loop spoke slowly, face glowing brighter. This was like pulling teeth they didn’t have, but they had to recover too. So stardust and Researcher could experiment on them, and they could defend stardust’s family. “I’d like to take a nap on your bed, if that’s okay.” They managed.

The Housemaiden bounced up to her feet and smiled, bouncing on her heels cheerily…? What had her in such a good mood?

“Great! Follow me!” She said, and led the way to her room.

Chapter Text

For some reason, Loop could concentrate when Housemaiden walked in front of them. Their gaze traced the tight tiny curls in her hair, the peek of a sparkling bow between high ponytails that was a timeloop gift, the way her dress bounced with her hair from the intricate underskirt she usually wore, the ding-ding of her Change ornaments… They wanted to remember Mira, too.

What did she like? She liked bows and dresses and monster books. She hated romance, so maybe kiss-nuzzles were out of the question. Their starheart thundered in their chest at the thought of actually carrying out their nefarious plan, flicking at the insides of their ribs with soft muffled popping sounds. Loop rubbed their forearms with both of their hands to try and calm themself.

Their help-book was tucked away where Siffrin’s coin was. It was a gift, after all.

“Here we are!” Housemaiden said, gesturing to her room and turning her eyes towards Loop. Ah. They couldn’t gaze at her if she was looking at them. Loop put their eyes to the floor and went inside.

They headed straight to the Housemaiden’s bed without her directions and laid down. It was as soft as they imagined if would if they were tiny and slept on top of her hair.

“Oh… yeah, that’s my bed!” Housemaiden trailed off, “Do you need anything else, while I’m here?” Housemaiden asked. The act of looking up felt weighed down by lead, and they were rewarded with a smile that stopped them from looking at Mira’s eyes.

They were tired, but didn’t want to sleep alone. They wanted to spend time with her. It was for information, they told themselves. Nothing else. If she left then they wouldn’t learn anything, unless they shifted through her things… No! They didn’t want to. Could they lull her to sleep instead?

“Are you tired?” Loop asked. Oh, that was awful. They were awful.

“Um… A little, but it’s nothing a brisk walk around the house won’t fix? A-are you okay?!”

Stars, Loop’s tears escaped their eyes. Housemaiden was weirded out, but she wasn’t leaving.

“I could sleep on the floor if you need the bed!” Loop chirped, “You’re probably tired from the fight with the King, right?”

“Well, I was… but I’m just a little sore now.” Housemaiden reached into her wardrobe, and offered Loop a handkerchief. Fancy! Loop took it and dapped it at their eyes. Their stupid tears were probably unpleasant to look at. “You should sleep on the bed! We both agreed the floor was very uncomfortable, didn’t we?” Housemaiden pointed out.

“Then… we c-can share the bed?” They said quietly, their voice shaky.

Housemaiden’s eyes widened a little, before she looked at them thoughtfully. Her eyes glimmered like obsidian.

“Is that okay with you?” Housemaiden asked.

No! That was too close!!! But Loop scooted back until their back hit the wall, obedience settling over them like a comforting embrace and numbing their defiance.

“Y… yeah. It’s okay.” Loop said, their head full of cotton. Come on Loop, don’t be a coward. They flexed their fingers, their entire body burning as they swallowed back a sob.

“Okay…? If you say that’s okay… I’ll go put on my pajamas, then.” Housemaiden said, and then mercifully went to the bathroom and left Loop alone. Loop wiped away their own tears and then put the handkerchief away. They had to clean it and give it back to the Housemaiden later.

What am I doing? I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be do this. I should just look through her things. Read her books as reference for things she likes. But… that’d be creepy. I’d be a bother. Loop circled around back to square one yet again. What if one day of spoiling Siffrin’s family members wasn’t enough to make up for acting so strangely around them? Maybe after they said goodbye, they could swear their servitude to the Housemaiden forever. They didn’t need to eat, they were strong, they were fast- they could be good. They’d swear servitude to the Fighter, too! So when the Housemaiden got tired of them Loop could cycle back to doing things for the Fighter. It sounded like a far superior plan to the ‘spoil them for one day’ one. They all deserved everything, every day-

The Housemaiden emerged in her nightclothes- a simple white dress and short shorts, her hair bundled up in a hairnet. She was barefoot.

“Do you um, want a barrier between us? Like some pillows…?” The Housemaiden offered. No no no-

She was only offering because she didn’t want Loop to be strange, right? She probably already felt the longing Loop had for someone like her. Don’t be weird.

“Mmmmr…” Loop made an unintentional disappointed purr, flashed bright enough to make the Housemaiden squint at them, and pulled their pillow out from under their head and hugged it, keeping it tucked under their lopsided chin. The Housemaiden’s eyes quickly lit up a little at the sound, and Loop closed their eyes so they couldn’t see her bounce in place in whatever weird excitement that overcame her.

“Angy kitty.” Housemaiden commented. Loop would be more than fine with being called her pet…

Loop felt a tug on the blanket and felt the mattress shift as the Housemaiden got comfortable. They peeked their good eye open and saw Housemaiden settled close nearby, barely touching them. Her eyes were gentle and thoughtful, like she could see right through them, and Loop felt like warm, fuzzy branches were embracing them, gently trying to draw their aching body closer to comfort and relief.

Loop flinched back against the wall, their breathing picking up. They quickly stopped that breathing nonsense and just crushed the pillow between their arms, so much that the pressure disappeared and a puff of downy feathers fluttered from both sides of the pillow.

“Ah?! Loop?” The Housemaiden asked, sitting up, the branches receding. Loop shivered in the cold nothingness. “I-is this too much? Should I leave?” Housemaiden backed away.

“N-no, please, I wasn’t thinking- I was just-” Loop begged breathlessly, their fingers tearing through the increasingly mangled feather pillow, sparks from their head were enough to send stray feathers fluttering everywhere.

“Can I touch you?” The Housemaiden asked, holding out her hand, hovering over Loop’s gripping hand. Loop reached up and their palm clumsily struck Housemaiden’s hand away before catching it again. Their hold was featherlight, however. The Housemaiden shifted closer, and Loop turned and buried their face into feathers.

“How else can I help you…?” The Housemaiden asked, lost.

Loop peeked at her eyes, feeling something stirring inside of them.

Ah. It was happening now. Haha…

“... Could you please close your eyes, and promise not to open them?” Loop asked softly as their skin fizzled into square-like glitches. A warning to them that the Universe graciously gave.

“... Okay.” Housemaiden said, and closed her eyes. Why did she trust them? She frowned a bit when Loop tightened their grip. “What are you doing?” She wondered.

Stars, Loop couldn’t even to begin explain their thought process right now. It felt like they were a puppet to their own wishes again. Just something they had to do, like breaking through surface tension to the air while swimming for air, like touching a fog cloud that drifted past, like gently petting a single fuzzy branch that cautiously cuddled close.

“Just holding your hand. Nothing weird, I promise.” Loop reassured tiredly. The Housemaiden seemed to relax at that, keeping her eyes dutifully closed. If she opened her eyes, she’d finally recognize them… but Loop didn’t want to be recognized anymore. They were a thing, not a family member. Loop’s gloved thumb stroked the calluses on the Housemaiden’s hands, and they felt air run comfortingly through their nose and the taste of chokingly sweet caramel on their tongue. Like being pulled by puppet strings, they brought the Housemaiden’s hand to their cheek, right under their blind eye. Housemaiden flinched, frowning and her eyes squeezing tight as she fought the urge to open her eyes.

The memory came back to Loop like they were seeing it for the first time.

”Um… You know. Back when we met, I thought you were… kind of a mean person?” Mira admitted. Loop didn’t have any witty commentary, they just silently hung onto her every new word.

“You always acted like you were above us… as if our worries and our quest were unimportant to you… n-not in a malicious way! More like… the quest to save Vaugarde was on the same level as… doing laundry, or something. Something you seemed confident we’d all succeed at and you weren’t sure why we were even worried! But then…” Mira stepped closer, raising her hands to you. 

The thought of moving hadn’t even crossed your mind back then. It was hard to tell if Mira or the Housemaiden’s thumb gently brushed underneath your bad eye.

”But then… you got hurt… trying to protect one of us… So. So it was never true, was it? You care about us, don’t you? So I feel like… if you’re hiding something… it must be because you don’t want us to be hurt. Am I wrong?”

“...” How did she see through you so clearly back then? You’ll never get to know. You can never ask. It was all lost. Because you threw it away.

”It’s fine that you can’t tell us right now. Just please remember…” Mira said, slipping her hands away from their cheeks, her gentle but determined gaze on them, “The same way you want us protected and safe… we want the same for you.” She frowned and looked like she was inches away from shaking their shoulders, “So talk to us eventually, you STINKIN’ CRAB!”

“... I’m sorry I didn’t fulfill my promise.” Loop whispered against her wrist, their ephemeral breath hopefully wasn’t too irritating, so softly that the Housemaiden couldn’t hear over the sparking white noise. They ignored the way she tilted her head, trying to hear what they were saying.

Loop blinked away their tears as the last chance the Universe granted them ended far too soon. Their temporary mouth was swallowed up by their star yet again as they glitched back to their usual form.

“... I really want to open my eyes.” The Housemaiden complained.

“Go ahead, Housemaiden.” Loop said, taking her hand away from their starhead spikes so she didn’t hurt herself on them. They let go, their palm upturned, but Housemaiden held on. In fact, she grasped that hand in both of her own. Loop felt a brief pang of unwanted irritation. They wanted to be left alone. They wanted to cradle the memory in their mind. But that was stupid. Loop was getting more than they deserved, just by being held in the Housemaiden’s grip. Isn’t this what they wanted?

“I am so full of questions right now.” She stated fiercely.

“I’ll answer all I can, Housemaiden.” Loop replied, their eyes drifting shut. They were tired. Sight was too tiring right now. Stars, it wasn’t like they used wishcraft on purpose. Give them a break, Universe…

“... First of all! Could you please call me something else! Other than Housemaiden!!! It bothers me when you clearly already know my name!!” Call Me Something Other than Housemaiden insisted.

“Plum Tree?” Loop suggested.

“Hm… it sounds kinda weird.”

“Prune.”

“... that’s pretty close to one of my other names, actually? But I don’t like it, so maybe something else.”

Something cute, maybe?

“Ladybug?”

“Not a bug!!!”

“... Charm.”

“Too masculine…”

Loop peeked up at Badly-Nicknamed-Housemaiden and saw her brows furrowed like a disgruntled cat trying to figure out which hole to pounce on. They felt a wave of feverish wonder flow through them. She was so cute, they were making new memories- Ugh, stop that. Focus.

What about something else that had to do with her preferred name?

“... Chime. Because your name has ‘bell’ in it.” Loop decided.

“Chime? Oh! I actually like that one.” Chime replied with a grin.

Loop smiled back. They’d repay her soon! Right now it was hard to keep their eyes open… they held Chime’s hand gently as they shifted to get comfortable.

“I should give you a nickname too… How about… oh, are you asleep?” Chime’s voice and a soft giggle lulled Loop to a peaceful resting state.

…

Loop woke up first. They thought they fell asleep in the Favor Tree’s branches for a moment, but the way the branches cradled and breathed against them made them blink twice, completely still. Mira-Housemaiden- no, not right. Chime, Chime, don't you dare forget Chime was cuddled a little closer, her arms tucked to her chest as her forehead rested on their shoulder. Loop’s hand was being used as Chime’s arm pillow, so Loop couldn’t move more than turning their head as sparks from their head stirred up stray feathers. Chime looked peaceful, breathing deeply, her living-tree-craft pleasant. Even the eye-fruits felt like they had averted their gaze, instead accepting Loop into the nest it had weaved around them.

… would Chime understand if Loop spoke about these strange feelings? Loop had plenty of time to refine their own imagination while waiting in the loops, and it got the best of them sometimes. A lot of times. No, no, they were going to sound strange.

But this was something out of a fantasy-dream, waking up besides Chime. Loop thought of waking up to this every day when Siffrin discarded them and shiver-frizzle-chills went up their upper back and arms. Loop wasn’t ever an avid reader, but maybe they’d read books just to have something to talk about with Chime. Or they could do her chores! Maybe they could be her companion! It wouldn’t be a betrayal to Mira, because! They’d be in complete servitude to Chime! Just wait, they’d ask Chime early, so she could figure out what she wanted to do with them. It wasn’t strange to want this, they could be together without being romantic partners! A pet, a slave, a roommate, a fake partner just to get any people off her back about being bonded… Loop would be happy to do whatever she wanted, forever!

A feather landed on Chime’s nose, and she wrinkled her nose cutely before snorting and grumbling, her fingers tapping Loop’s shoulder. Loop held themself back from bursting into the offer straight away. They had to prove they were useful, first! Just to sweeten the deal, teehee!

“mmnhLoop?” Chime mumbled, squinting. Loop beamed, both with their eyes and light.

“Good morning Chime~! Or… I don’t know what time it is actually!” Loop admitted. Great start to your proposal, idiot.

“Good morning-maybe.” Chime replied with a little smile, and then shifted to sit up. Loop felt the warm branches gently toss them into the ether, and had a dizzying sense of floating away that made them flinch. They worked with the reaction, sitting up straight like they meant to sit up violently all along. Chime looked confused, but then settled with be amused, instead.

“Did you have a nice nap, at least?” Chime asked.

Loop was so happy that a off-centered giggle left them. They did a good job! A good job in napping partner!!! Maybe Chime will nap with them again! “I sure did!”

“I’ll go fix my hair, and then we can talk a little more if that’s okay?” Chime said.

“Oh! Your hair. Perhaps I could help. With that.” Loop offered immediately and totally normally. How would they help with that, they really didn’t want to mess Chime’s pretty hair up-

“Okay!” Chime agreed, “Do you um. Know how to comb out kinky hair?”

“...” Loop looked to the side. It was a stupid thing to offer. Maybe they should try to help with something else-

“I’ll teach you, if you want!” Chime offered. Loop nodded meekly, and Chime got up to go to the bathroom.

Loop sat there for a few moments, tingly with hope and warmth, before they hopped out of bed and followed her.