Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Now...

When Pepper awoke, it was to confusion as she stared at the ceiling, listening to the familiar click-clack of someone typing. For a moment or two, she wondered if Natasha really had picked her up in a Quinjet after midnight.

Rolling toward the sound, frustrated that he'd brought a computer bed yet again... she stopped and stared at the sight of an unfamiliar, brown-haired woman typing on a laptop. She was about Miriam's age, or maybe a little younger, barefoot, wearing black leggings and an over-sized t-shirt that said 'SUNY-School of Optometry.' "You're not Tony. Who are you?"

"Annoyed that I actually have to write a case file update where the trigger was pancakes," she muttered, more loathing and disgust in her voice than Pepper had ever heard anyone speak with before. "What was the moron doing, anyway, feeding someone on a liquid diet pancakes? Idiot. I don't care if he's dead, he's still an idiot."

Pepper blinked in surprise at that and sat up. "Pancakes?"

"Yes. Pancakes. He was a moron." She typed some more, then paused. "Wait. Did I remember to tell Martin to look up bland diets along with everything else I'm making him read?"

"Huh?"

Then the woman looked toward the door, blinked in confusion, and looked at her. "Oh. Thought you were Shuri coming to give me an update. She's on duty and has the baby monitor. Good morning and welcome to our crazy corner of the world, Miss Potts. Hopefully, today won't be as bad as yesterday's trigger unravel with pancakes."

"Who are you?" Pepper wondered again. "And... baby monitor? Pancakes?"

The woman chuckled and held out her hand, which Pepper shook awkwardly. "I'm Dr. Jillian Pentel. How are you?"

"Fine, I think. What-"

Jill motioned to the wall of art that Pepper had noticed when Natasha had led her in here. "I've been using this bedroom as a sort-of office. That is three weeks of Art Therapy for Steve. And after the madness yesterday, I needed a few minutes to myself, even if there was another sleeping person involved. Even if you glow in your sleep, you're not likely to dissociate and tell me about the Hungarian Uprising. And I'm choosing to blame Natasha."

Pepper considered all the sketches mounted there. "That's a lot."

"I wanted him to tell a story," Jill explained as she glanced at the boxes parked over by the door. "When he finally got the hang of it, I started confiscating sketchbooks. Go on and see to your hygiene needs, all right? Then I'll give you the run-down and we'll discuss whatever is in those."

"You mentioned a baby monitor. For what?"

Jill paused, studying her with her eyes. "What did Natasha tell you, about what's going on here?"

"Mostly she told me about the Helicarrier and ops she's run behind the scenes since May by herself."

"Ah. Sergeant Barnes is awake... not much loving life at the moment, but it's therapy. He's not supposed to love it. As for the baby monitor... originally, it was for Nathaniel, now it's to monitor James due to nightmares. I'm not kidding about the dissociation and telling me about some seemingly-random historical thing in very different circumstances that makes no sense until I look up the details."

"Oh."

Jill sighed. "And Steve's not on nightmare duty, in part because he also has nightmares on occasion. I'm on it, and I wanted to get plastered after the first one." She shook her head at Pepper's questioning expression. "I learned a lot. It was just traumatic to watch and listen to."

"Are you usually this honest with patients?"

Jill smiled at her. "Not usually, and you're not my patient. I heard what you said about Mike, paperwork, and dual citizenship for James. If I can't be honest with you, given that Mike trusts you, then who can I be honest with? Also, I apologize right now for sign language subterfuge."

Pepper stared. "So you're who Natasha was looking at... and wait. That was yesterday?"

"You slept for eighteen hours."

Pepper nodded. "I didn't realize how exhausted I was."

Jill smiled again. "Take better care of yourself, please. Oh, and you won't be seeing Natasha today. We sent her on an errand to Berlin."

"What? Why?"

"Clint told her she needed to covertly steal a backpack, back from the JCTF. No, that's not a joke. We really do need her to steal a backpack."

Pepper mulled that over for a minute as she stood up and stretched. "Right. Where's the bathroom?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

To: EngineerStudent
From: PsychologyMom
CC: HeadMinion, SpunkyNurse, StonyERDuo
Subject: More reading for you...

If we didn't add it, Martin: Bland diets. I know that seems unrelated, but things keep coming up.

To: PsychologyMom
From: EngineerStudent
CC: GrandmaNurse, HeadMinion, StonyERDuo
Subject: Re: More reading for you...

I can't wait until you actually explain why you keep adding things, Mom. And yes. You did.

To: PsychologyMom
From: StonyERDuo
CC: GrandmaNurse, HeadMinion, EngineerStudent
Subject: Re: More reading for you...

...and that's the second mention of bland diets, this time in relation to Martin's extra curricular project that he hadn't yet stopped complaining about. Seriously? First the wacky telegram about a Turkey born in March (Miriam loved that, by the way), and now this? Mom!

To: StonyERDuo
From: PsychologyMom
CC: EngineerStudent, HeadMinion, SpunkyNurse
Subject: Re: More reading for you...

What can I say? I like to cover all the bases, Andi. It'll be a well-rounded discussion!
Martin! Stop complaining and read!

To: StonyERDuo
From: EngineerStudent
CC: NurseGrandma, HeadMinion, PsychologyMom
Subject: Re: More reading for you...

A telegram about a turkey? Right. I'll add that to the list of details that make no sense. I wasn't even aware that Western Union was still in the telegram business... didn't they stop that in 2006 or something?
Mom, I've been doing the reading. It's just that there's a lot to wade through. And I can complain if I want!

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Pepper returned from the bathroom, having changed out of the borrowed sweats and t-shirt (which was oddly college-themed... Farmingdale?) and into her own clothes, she found Jill smirking at her laptop computer screen. "Something funny?"

Jill nodded. "I did tell Martin to read up on bland diets, and Andi is annoyed about the telegram I sent through her to Rebecca and Miriam, and now this. And Martin's not sure what to make of it all. Still wondering if I should send another, saying the March Turkey has been defrosted, or if making Rebecca laugh so hard she couldn't type is enough. Am starting to wonder what Andi and Martin are doing up this early in the States..." She glanced up at Pepper, who was staring at her with an odd expression. "What?"

"The March turkey?"

"Oh, that? I couldn't put what I wanted to say in an email, because I have no idea how far the monitoring actually goes and if it's being watched or not, so I sent a coded telegram, and referred to James as a Turkey born in March." She shrugged. "Obviously, they got it, seeing as Miriam apparently found the description hilarious."

"How do you-"

Jill blinked, and held up a hand to forestall the question. "Were you at the party?"

"I... yes."

"Then you probably met Kristy and Rob, right?"

Pepper frowned, thinking back to the party. "Rob... doctor? About forty-five or fifty? Married to Rebecca's granddaughter Kristy?"

"That's the one. He's my brother."

"Oh... so you're the one who wanted comedy routines in the Central African Republic."

"Not entirely. Steve somehow managed to miss Bill Cosby while getting caught up... and if you heard about even part of the message, Andi's in so much trouble."

"Why?"

"Because she had that telegram for three weeks and didn't drive in from Stony Brook." Pepper looked at her funny, and Jill sighed. "But I guess it doesn't matter now, and I get to send a new one." She closed her laptop, set it on the nightstand, and stood up to stretch, looking at her wrist watch as she did so. "Now, then. It's a little after 0730 hours, and since no one has yet come in here to tell me about a psychology crisis, and we do have those, I'm going to work on the assumption that this is a good day and not a bad one until proven otherwise. So... first rule: no touching James at all unless you can't get his attention. And definitely not right here." She showed Pepper on her right forearm. "Cooper did that and the kids got an hour of undivided, dissociated attention and Chinese Checkers."

Pepper winced. "I remember Tony, right after the Battle of New York. He'd startle like nothing else."

Jill nodded. "So you're no stranger to PTSD and Anxiety."

"No."

"Good. Second rule: if he has an episode, and they are hard to miss, you listen and watch, and interact with him if the situation warrants it. If he comes out of it, great, if not... wait. That first nightmare I mentioned? Sam woke him up, he spoke directly to us, and then he dissociated when I asked what the nightmare was. And then he passed right back out into sleep like nothing happened and didn't remember it the next day."

Pepper nodded. "Makes sense, why you wanted something alcoholic."

"I settled for coffee. Third rule: act normal and be aware. He's not a bomb, but he does have triggers. Yesterday, he was fine, and then Steve made pancakes just like his mother used to make, right down to the cinnamon." Jill frowned for a moment. "Which might be why he was able to unravel the trigger by himself. Something that touched on a sense memory that started a cascade. I've started to wonder, over the past several days, what his baseline was before Berlin. A person can't stay hidden that well if they're acting out all the time."

Pepper blinked and turned to look for her bag. Seeing it on top of the boxes, she rushed over and got her StarkPad out of it, and turned it on. "I showed this to Rebecca several days ago and she was so furious she couldn't speak English for a couple minutes. Which file... ah. That one." She handed the pad to Jill, who looked at the picture of her patient in the containment cage with a frown. "Tony said that the restraints for his left arm were electrified."

Jill studied the picture with a deepening frown. "That explains a few things. And now I have to add things to Martin's reading list, again. He's going to be thrilled to read about ECT... and I have something to discuss with Khamisi. No wonder he's been so off the map, considering he could have had seizures from being shocked like that."

"Who is Khamisi?"

"Oh him? Nice Wakandan doctor on the medical team, doesn't mind if I'm his partner in deprogramming." Jill motioned to the boxes. "Now... one more thing, before we get to those. I did not give Steve that report from Oymyakon, because I have to have patient consent to do so. I have to have it, but you do not. If you want to tell him, and someone should, then do so. Just, if you also tell James at the same time, be very careful. We dealt with the mentioned trigger during the first session I was here for, without realizing the significance of it or the memory of a Siberian Husky trying to bite a Russian Colonel."

Pepper smiled. "Really?"

"Really. He remembers it, but then he also keeps calling Lila by his sister's name and forgetting he did that, so... I don't know if he actively does or not."

"Be aware of triggers and be careful?" Pepper asked after a moment of silence.

"Exactly."

"So it would be a bad idea to mention Tony?"

Jill thought about that, then shook her head. "Probably better if you do, since you are going to have to explain who you are. How is he, by the way?"

"In therapy. Making progress."

"Oh? Glad to hear it, especially since he's the reason my patient got re-disabled." Jill frowned when Pepper reached into her bag again, looking for something, and pulled out a flash drive, then handed it to her. "What's this?"

"I walked in on Tony discussing the part of the prosthetic that he's got with a doctor and a mechanic from Oymyakon. He wanted me to give that to His Highness, but since you're on the medical team, I'm giving it to you."

Jill stared at her, then down at the flashdrive in her hand, then at the StarkPad in her other hand. "Oh."

"And," Pepper said as she carried the top box over to the bed and set it down, lifted the lid, and rooted around in it for a minute, then grinned and pulled out a thick binder. "You will want this, too."

Jill set the flashdrive and the StarkPad down on the nightstand on top of her laptop and carefully took the binder from Pepper. "Is this..." She opened it and her eyes widened. Turning pages, her jaw dropped open in shock. "No way. Where-"

"Tony," Pepper told her. "Went back out to Siberia after arriving home a week after the fact, and found their file room. He and Rebecca had an... altercation, and he gave the information to her. Rebecca put it all together in order, and made copies. Tony has one that he has to read through for the sake of perspective, and Legal has another."

Jill shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes, and closed the binder. Hugging it to her chest, she looked up at Pepper. "Thank you. And... do you have video of the interrogation that wasn't? On your StarkPad?"

Pepper nodded. "Via Tony's sunglasses, actually."

"You've made my year."

Pepper smiled, turned back to the box, and found a bag with Jill's name on it. Frowning, she pulled it out and looked at Jill again. "Did you tell Rebecca you were here? Because there's one in here for you, personally."

"Sort of." Not letting go of the binder, she took the bag from her, and opened it to find a card, and... "Oh, they didn't." She pulled out a disk in a jewel case, labeled 'Wild America,' and 'Ronald Reagan Funeral June 2004.' "They did." One by one, she pulled disks out and laughed. "Only Kristy would send me Last of the Dogmen, Leonard Part Six, three Cosby albums, the World War Two Memorial Dedication, Bill Engvall's Here's Your Sign, a Foxworthy album, Christmas music Parodies, and what appears to be a greatest hits selection from the Walmart Bargain bin. And..." She held up another for Pepper to see. "Proof Miriam had no final say in this."

Pepper took the Silly Songs with Larry DVD from her, frowning. "Miriam doesn't like VeggieTales?"

"No, and every time Rebecca finds and wears her Bob and Larry scrub top, Miriam threatens to turn it into potholders." Jill pulled a small black mini-binder out of the paper bag, and zipped it open. "Oh. Olympics to watch. Good call."

Pepper laughed. "Well, they would make very cute potholders. Which Olympics?"

"Some of Atlanta, Nagano, Salt Lake, and Athens. Is everything else in there this silly?"

"Not quite," Pepper said as she lifted the POW care package approximation out and showed it to her. "Along with several photo albums, they figured it was better late than never."

Jill smiled. "I'm in agreement on that. What's in the other two?"

"The second one has some things from Steve's apartment at the Tower, and the bottom one is toys."

"Toys?"

Pepper nodded. "The letter that came with that one, from Hope Van Dyne in San Francisco, said that Rebecca got in touch-" Jill laughed suddenly, and Pepper frowned at her. "What?"

"Subterfuge, and it's the other way around. Steve gave Rebecca's contact information to Scott Lang when Hank Pym came to collect him quietly. I was here for that, and Mr. Pym reminded me of my father when Rob would act out and miss curfew." Jill put all the disks she'd pulled out of the bag, back into it and set the binder on the nightstand along with the bag, next to her laptop. Then she stood up, went over to move the boxes, and opened the bottom one. "Good on Scott and Hope."

"Dada!" a young voice yelled, startling them both as Nathaniel tottered into the room and stood there for a moment staring at Pepper, wearing nothing but a diaper. "Dada?"

Jill laughed and scooped him up into her arms. "Wrong room, kiddo! Dada's not in here, but Pepper is!"

"Bug?" Nathaniel asked her hopefully.

Jill smiled at him. "No, no bugs either."

"Bug!"

Pepper moved closer, and he reached out and grabbed a strand of her long, loose hair. She smiled, and untangled his hand from it. "I've only ever seen pictures that Clint sent to Tony. Hello, Nathaniel!"

"Aba!" he said to her. "Bug?"

Jill frowned. "He keeps asking that."

"Hazel, is Amos being fussy again?"

Jill turned at the familiar voice to find Bucky standing in the doorway, wearing a sweat shirt and green pajama pants with monkeys on them, eyes glazed over with the tell-tale signs of not being present in the moment. Sam was standing behind him in the corridor, and he shrugged at her, mouthed 'bathroom.' She fought to hold down a chuckle. "Sort of. Seems to want a bug."

"Bug!" Nathaniel said again, and tried to squirm out of her arms. "Bug!"

Jill looked down at Nathaniel, then at her patient. "Oh! Come in and sit down, James? He wants you!"

"Is that wise?" Sam asked.

Jill ignored him as Bucky moved to sit in the comfy chair she'd been seated in earlier, then looked at her expectantly. "You want him?"

"Of course I want to hold him, Hazel."

"Bug!" Nathaniel yelled again, and Jill placed him carefully on Bucky's lap. Nathaniel turned to look at him, then reached up and touched his stubbly cheek. "Bug-Bug!"

Pepper frowned at what he was wearing, and leaned closer to Jill as she stood up. "It's not that cold in here. Why...?"

"Cold sensitivity," Jill told her, not taking her attention off of him and Nathaniel. "And Sam? This is probably the wisest thing we could do."

Bucky smiled and caught Nathaniel's hand before he went for his hair. "None of that, Amos. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral..." They watched as he started to sing the seemingly nonsensical song, and Nathaniel tried to follow it.

"Have you seen," Laura asked Sam from the hallway, before she looked in and blinked. "Oh. Never mind."

"We'll give him back, Laura," Jill called over her shoulder. "Where's Steve?"

Laura stepped back and looked down the hallway just in time to see Steve exit the bathroom in a bathrobe, hair wet and messy. "Steve? Come here." He frowned at her, and she motioned with her hand. "You'll love this. Come here."

Steve joined them at the door and looked in, listened. "Ma used to sing that to me when I was sick. What's...?"

"Nathaniel has a new favorite person," Jill told him, still watching Bucky closely. "Thinks he's a Bug."

"Bug!" Nathaniel agreed, and resumed trying to follow the song. "Too?"

"Yes," Bucky told him. "Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-rai..."

"What started this?" Steve wondered.

"I have a better question," Sam muttered. "Who is Amos?"

Steve blinked in surprise. "Bucky's oldest nephew. He was three years old when Buck left for England."

Pepper turned and looked at Steve. "So this is a flashback to 1941 or so?"

Steve nodded. "Thereabouts. Want me to try and get him back to now?" Then he noticed the open box on the bed. "Pepper, put that stuff away. He's going to be confused enough as it is."

Pepper nodded and re-packed what she'd taken out of the box back into it, and set the box against the wall next to the other two. Then she stood up. "It's good to see you, Steve. Also..." She bopped him on the arm as he entered the room, and he stared at her in surprise. "Thank you for that letter."

Steve chuckled. "You're welcome. How is he?"

"All things considered? Improving." She turned and studied the man with the one-year-old on his lap, singing in rounds with a smile on his face. "And this isn't what I thought I'd find. Jill told me about some of it, but this..."

"Jill?" Steve prompted.

"We wait," Jill said clearly. Soon enough, it was Bucky who fell asleep and Nathaniel who was left playing with his hair. "Well, kiddo? Want to go have breakfast with Momma?"

"Bug," Nathaniel said again. "My Bug!"

"Your Bug is tired, sweetie," Laura told him gently as she moved to their side and held out her hands. "Come on. Let's go eat, hmmm?"

Nathaniel looked at her, then at Bucky. "Bug!" Then he launched himself into Laura's waiting arms. "Mama!" Laura caught him, nodded to Jill, and left the room.

Jill finally allowed herself to break her own concentration, sat down on the bed, and pulled her laptop off the nightstand. "Were you really headed for the bathroom, Sam?"

Sam nodded. "He was." Then he frowned at Pepper. "How are you this morning?"

Pepper smiled at him. "Not nearly as tired as I was yesterday."

"One would hope not," Jill said with a chuckle as she opened the laptop computer back up, opened the correct case file, and started typing. "I think Nathaniel got Bug from you, Steve."

"From me?"

"Sounds like Buck, yes?"

Now Steve laughed. "Yes it does!"

"Too loud," Bucky mumbled. Then he opened his eyes, stared at all of them, blinked, and looked directly at Jill. "I-"

"Flashback," Jill told him without looking up. "And Nathaniel loved your hair."

"Oh. I got to hold Nathaniel?"

"You did. And he thinks your name is Bug. So if you hear him shout Bug! at the top of his lungs, he's talking to you." She sighed at her laptop. "What do you remember last?"

Bucky frowned at her. "Before now?"

"Yes. Before now."

"Getting out of bed, to go to the bathroom."

"And then...?" She glanced at him, noted his blank stare. "James?"

Bucky blinked several times, shook his head, and opened his mouth, then paused. "I... I... I... can't. I..."

Jill glanced at Steve, then looked at Bucky again. "Can't? As in can't because he's in here, or actually can't say?"

Bucky winced, shook his head again. "Can't! Can't!"

Quickly, she set the laptop back on the nightstand, got down in front of him, and took hold of his hand. "Look at me. Focus on me."

"Can't!" Bucky said, but looked right at her. "I..."

"Take a deep breath, James. Okay? In and out." She took a deep breath herself, and let it out in demonstration, and he joined her, pain clearly in his eyes. "Steve? Over here, please. Pepper, join us. Now. In and out, James. That's it."

"What was that?" Pepper asked, sitting down on the bed close to them, and Steve knelt on their other side.

"Focus on my hand, James. My hand on yours. Better?" At his nod, she turned her gaze to Pepper. "That is one reason that Steve's an idiot. He actually can't say he remembers Amos right now."

"Can," Bucky muttered, and winced again.

"Sam, go get some O.D. 2mg Klonopin from Khamisi," Jill instructed. "Tell him that we hit a conditioned response. He'll know what that means."

"How about I bring him in here? With a vitals kit?" Sam asked.

"Or you could do that." She watched him leave, then looked at Steve, who was looking at her funny. "We'll discuss it later."

"Yeah. Buck?"

"Ow," Bucky moaned. "Don't want the meds."

Jill sighed. "And I'd rather you didn't have a seizure. The day has been too good for that, and we've got photo albums for you." Now she winced at how tightly he squeezed her hand. "James?"

"Emma," he said with a gasp. "Liked cameras."

Steve nodded. "She did."

"Want this to stop," Bucky muttered. "I..."

Jill squeezed his hand back. "What's better here? Not being able to remember because there's a mental block, or breaking the block? Because I'm all for breaking the block so it can't be used against you again."

"Breaking it," he admitted.

"Hmmm... Pepper? Drawer of the nightstand." She watched as Pepper opened the drawer and pulled the envelope stashed there out in confusion. "We are going to discuss that right now, and rejoice in protective Siberian Huskies and acts of protesting Soviet oppression."

Bucky raised his head to stare at her. "Huh?"

Jill smiled. "Seems you took a very long, summer time walk to Oymyakon in June of 1984. Only thing you remember about it is the dog who tried to bite your superior, one Colonel Karpov."

"Oh."

"He's dead," Pepper told him gently. "According to Tony, he died in May, in Cleveland, Ohio. Found near him were HYDRA files."

Bucky winced, and frowned at her. "Who are you?"

Steve grinned. "Buck, this is Pepper. She's... what is it right now, Pepper? Girlfriend? Fiance?" Jill reached over with her free hand and bopped him on the arm. "Jill!"

"You're worried about their couple status at a time like this?"

Pepper snorted in laughter. "He was so worried, he wrote me a letter. And it's a work in progress, Steve. Not unlike Tony himself." At Bucky's pained and confused expression, she shook her head. "I'll explain later. Right now... how's your head?"

Bucky winced again. "Still hurts. Still unclear..." He gasped and focused again on Jill's hand in his. "What. Is. This?"

"According to Mykola, you were fighting with yourself not to remember anything at various points during the five hours you were in his care... which must have been why you ended up being comforted by Bliss," Jill explained. "That was the dog's name, by the way."

"Doesn't explain," Bucky started to say, and winced again.

"Yes it does." Jill gestured for the envelope with her free hand and Pepper gave it to her, and she handed it to Steve. "And just this once, I'm including you in a deprogramming session, which this is, now, officially. Read. Where is Khamisi?" Then Bucky squeezed her hand again with a gasp, and her attention was taken again. "Focus, James. Our Hands. Breathe."

"Don't wanna do this," he whined as Steve read the report in silence. "Want to. Be. Frozen."

"And I'd still like a pizza from Brewer," Jill told him. His gaze flashed up to her face, and she frowned at him. "There is no magic bullet to undo what was done, James. A piece at a time, one thing at a time... sometimes with a side of Doctor In Siberia Doesn't Want to Go Quietly Into That Good Night Like He Was Ordered To."

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light," Pepper articulated kindly, and Bucky glanced at her again in pained confusion. "It's a poem. Dylan Thomas."

"You're talking about the conditioning," Steve said suddenly. "And so was this doctor, whomever he is."

Jill turned and looked at him funny. "What part of everything went over your head? The part where you had to break his conditioning and he broke your face, or the part where Rebecca called me in long distance for a consult because this is that complicated and she knew it?" She winced at the increased pressure on her hand. "Going to want to use my hand later, James."

"I... I..."

"Breathe. Focus." He did, and his grip lessened. She glanced over her shoulder at the door, just in time to see Khamisi skid into the room, vitals kit under one arm, and a box in the other, and Sam behind him. "What took you so long?"

"Had to find orally disintegrating Klonopin," Khamisi told her. "How are you, Sergeant, on a scale of one to ten?" Bucky raised his head to glare at him, and Khamisi chuckled. "Right. Can I take your vitals?"

"Pain. Bad."

"Move, Captain," Khamisi requested, and Steve moved to sit on the bed next to Pepper, while he set the vitals kit on the floor and took a good look at Bucky. Then he pulled the ear thermometer out and started taking vitals. "Slightly elevated at ninety-nine... Jill, stretch out his arm and rotate slightly? Thank you." Then he strapped the blood pressure cuff on after rolling the loose sleeve up to his bicep... "160 over 100, where your normal is 110 over 60."

"And his eyes have been dilated like that since this started," Jill told him. "And all I did was ask what he remembered before the flashback. Did Sam tell you about that?"

"Mentioned it, yes. And good for Nathaniel."

"Want to remember," Bucky muttered, staring at his hand grasping onto Jill's, and then groaned.

Khamisi stared at him for a moment longer, then reached down and picked a small box out of the case he'd brought and showed it to her. "This might be better than the Klonopin."

"Don't want it," Bucky told him vehemently.

Jill frowned at the box. "Actually, you're right. And now I want a hair drug test, but one thing at a time. James? This is Ativan. It was one of the things in the vault that Steve and Rebecca found, so I know it works on you."

"Don't. I... I..."

She focused onto him again, and her eyes softened. "It'll make you feel better, calm you down so we can talk and not risk an active seizure. That'd be bad, all right? Please?" He stared at her for a minute before nodding his assent and wincing again. "Can Khamisi put it on your tongue?"

"Jill, this is an injectable," Khamisi told her. "And you know better than that."

She blinked, glanced at him. "Injectable... actually, that's better. James, I know you're not going to like it, but the mechanism of action is faster, and the method is safer. Can he?"

"Just. Get. It. Over. With," Bucky ground out slowly, his breath coming in gasps. A pull on his skin on his lower arm after the blood pressure cuff was inflated quickly again, and he opened his eyes to find Khamisi injecting the vein in his elbow. "Why doesn't that hurt?"

Khamisi deflated the cuff again, finished the injection, pulled the needle out and handed it to Jill, and secured a cotton ball to the injection site with a piece of paper tape. "Pressure points, Sergeant. And give it a minute or two. IV is faster than IM."

"Thank you, Doctor," Jill said as she handed the hypodermic needle and syringe to him. Then she noticed Bucky's eyes following the syringe. "James?"

"Insulin," he muttered, and Steve blinked, startled. "Looks different."

Khamisi frowned at the hypodermic syringe in his hand. "Insulin?"

"Ma was diabetic," Steve explained, emotion in his voice, and Pepper put her arm around his shoulders. "And he's right. Syringes used to look different. I'm all right, Pepper, I..."

"No, you're not," Pepper told him. "If I'm not fine, then neither are you. And this is hard. It's okay to not be okay right now."

Jill watched as Bucky's breathing normalized and the lines around his eyes became less severe, then glanced back at Steve. "That was part of his flashbacks yesterday morning, wasn't it? Your mother, the hospital room, and the fire escape with you."

Steve nodded. "And Rumlow."

"I'm right here," Bucky complained. "Don't talk about me as if I'm not!"

Jill squeezed his hand to get his attention. "We're not, James. I'm trying to figure out where the block is. You can't say something, and you want to say it, and you were, are getting a migraine just trying to say it. Clear?"

"Yes," he said after a moment. Then he frowned. "Rumlow? What about him?"

Jill sighed. "Okay... do you remember yesterday morning? Steve made pancakes." Bucky winced, nodded. "Do you remember snoozing on the couch yesterday, or dinner?"

"I... yes."

"What was dinner?"

Bucky frowned at her for a minute, then looked at Steve. "Was dinner meatloaf? Ma made meatloaf... a lot."

Steve nodded. "Yes, dinner was meatloaf."

Jill paused, then chuckled. "I should have just asked you! Meatloaf! That explains why Rebecca would suggest it to me for a patient with a bland diet, if she knew whose labs she was looking at. It was after Andi gave her the telegram!" They stared at her. "What? That's been bugging me for two weeks."

"My sister suggested meatloaf and jello?" Bucky wondered.

"She did. Over email, through her niece because she was laughing so much she couldn't type at my antics with Andi and your grandnephew, her grandson, James. Know what email is?"

Bucky shook his head. "Only ever used a cell phone to text, haven't seen once since DC." His gaze fell to their hands. "Jill?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're touching me. You've... not, before."

She nodded. "Because you are still a trauma victim, we're of the opposite sex, and until now... there wasn't a need. Right now there's a need. Would you like me to let go?"

"No."

She smiled when he raised his head to look at her. "Then I'm not going to. And... wait. They had you using a cell phone? How so and for what?"

Bucky took a deep breath, glanced at Steve, winced, and focused on their hands again. "Director told me to stop them, at any cost. I... I..." He shook his head, took another deep breath, and let it out. "Quinjet engine."

"What about a Quinjet engine?" At his silence, she glanced back at Steve. "Do you know what he's talking about?"

"Deck crew, pilots at the Triskellion," Steve answered. "Maria Hill pieced it together later, that Sam and I had backup, but said backup got ambushed."

"Oh." Jill refocused on Bucky, at how he was staring at their hands. "Look at me, please."

"No."

"Look. At. Me. That isn't a request, James." Slowly, he raised his head and glared at her. "Are you just remembering the pilots and the deck crew now, or did you before?"

"Now."

"Right. I'm going to tell you what they would, if they were here: none of it is your fault. You had no choice and no say in the matter. Do you understand that?"

"I still did it."

She nodded. "You're right. It still happened. The past is the past. You either learn from it, or you run from it. And... really, how many clichés do you want me to pile on? It comes down to the same thing: there were no choices, save for the ones that Secretary Pierce made. Those deaths? They are on him, and no one else."

"But-"

"Right, Steve? Pepper? Khamisi? Sam?"

Bucky looked up to find nothing but compassionate acceptance in every face. "Stark blamed me."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Tony is a different matter, and he's got his own issues. Also... that video was bad. Very bad." At his frown, she nodded to Steve with her head. "Steve wrote me a letter, and I watched the Iron Man suit's A/V log from Siberia. I almost brought Tony up on charges in front of a judge for it, too."

"What? Why?" Bucky winced at her mild glare. "It's not like he wasn't right. I-"

"James?" Pepper interrupted. "Do you remember anything about that 1991 mission? Other than Howard and Maria, I mean."

"Huh? What else is there?"

Pepper smiled. "You don't? All right. Allow me to fix that, hmm?" She released Steve from her hold and moved to go open one of the boxes, rooted around until she came out with a back, looked through that for a moment until she found a yellow envelope, and then sat next to Steve again on the bed. "I'm going to open this one for you, because... well... let's just say that Tony and I suspect something and it relates to that night." She opened the envelope and pulled the card out of it, to show him the card with a tabby cat laying on it's back.

Bucky stared at the card. "Feline Fine? I don't understand. What's-"

"You see... Tony had a cat. His name was Alecto, and he looked a bit like this, only not nearly as fluffy." Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her StarkPad's screen was on, showing a picture of herself with Alecto, and smiled as she handed the card to Steve as she picked up the tablet to show to him. "And Friday wants to help. Thank you, Friday. Different picture, though, please. A close up, and younger?" Another one took the place of that one, and Bucky stared at the picture of Maria Stark holding a kitten. "You see, the story of this cat was that Tony found it in a pet carrier next to his bed, the morning after the accident."

"Tony doesn't have a cat," Steve started to say, and Pepper shook her head.

"Not now, no. He died in '06." She watched as Bucky stared hard at the screen, tears in his eyes, and then he began to rock back and forth, mumbling in Romanian. "Oh. That's not good."

"No, it is," Jill said. "Hug him, Khamisi."

"What?"

"Hug. Him." Khamisi did as he was told, and Jill winced as Bucky again gripped her hand tightly. "Steve? What's he saying?"

"Something about not being dormant. He's saying it really fast."

Bucky still rocking back and forth, caused them all to startle when he started mumbling in a completely different, harsher sounding language... "Subjath 'e' ylmev! Tlhab ’oS ’Iw; HoHwI’ So’ batlh. BIQ'a'Daq 'oHtaH 'etlh'e.' cha'maH cha' joQDu', may' bom pIm bom, naH jajmey, 'IwwIj jeD law' 'IwlIj jeD puS!"

They stared at him while he repeated the same words several times over five minutes, and then he stopped rocking back and forth and fell still. He stared at their hands for another moment. "I... couldn't keep it. Didn't even know why I wanted to keep it, just that I suddenly knew what kind of kitten it was, but not how I knew. No witnesses."

Jill glanced at Pepper, then refocused on him again. "What language was that?"

Bucky blinked. "Huh?"

"You switched from Romanian to something else that wasn't Russian. Do you know what it was?"

The StarkPad in Pepper's hand pinged to get her attention, and Pepper looked down at it to find a translation from Friday. She stared at it for a moment, eyes wide. "Jill, you might want to save that question for a later time."

"Why?" Jill looked at her, and Pepper turned the screen so she could read it, and her eyes widened. "Oh. You're right. Not right now. So many questions, though."

Steve took the tablet out of Pepper's hands and read it, then looked at Sam. "What's Klingon?"

Sam stared at him. "Steve, how do you not know what a Klingon is? Barnes, I understand, but you? You've been out of the ice since 2012!"

"I'm hungry," Bucky said suddenly, distracting them. "And... Sam, did I get distracted on my way to the bathroom?"

Sam nodded, still staring at Steve. "You did." Then he frowned at Bucky, who was looking back at him over Jill's shoulder. "Want to go now?"

"Yes."

Jill let go of his hand and stood up, wincing as she did so and shaking out her hand. "Okay. You'll feel a bit off until the Ativan fully metabolizes, so go to the bathroom, and then join us in the kitchen for breakfast." She stepped aside while Khamisi unstrapped the blood pressure cuff, watched Bucky get out of the chair and leave the room with Sam following after him. Then she looked at Steve. "And you. How did you manage not to watch any Star Trek?"

"There's a difference between that and Star Wars?"

Khamisi chuckled while Pepper turned to stare at him, and Jill put her hands on her hips incredulously. "Oh, Captain. So, so much to learn. And be careful who you say that to, even here in Wakanda." He plucked the report off the bed from beside Steve and read it for a minute or so, then nodded and handed it to Jill. "We'll be having a long talk later."

"Yes," Jill said as she continued to stare at Steve. "We will. And also maybe have a chuckle or three that some HYDRA operative was a Trekkie and bored enough to teach Klingon to James. Can you imagine when that skill would come in useful? At all?"

Pepper nodded. "Comic Cons." She paused. "Which is a terrifying thought, come to think of it. Hilarious, but terrifying. And really, Steve. Star Wars but not Star Trek?"

"I was going to get around to it. Eventually."

Jill smirked at him. "Eventually is today, and we get the BBC here, because his highness loves it, so... TNG for you."

"Huh? TNG?" Then he remembered the cat card that was still in his hand, and opened it to look inside: Barnes, you've got some explaining to do, even if I think it's crazy. Wake up! -Stark Steve frowned at that.

Khamisi chuckled again. "So, so much to learn, Captain. So, so much."

"And Tony, apparently, thinks the cat story is crazy. Even if it actually isn't."

Pepper took it from him and looked. "Oh. I told him to sign it, but didn't he didn't show it to me afterward."

"That reminds me... exactly how many letters did you write, Steve?" Jill asked, arms folded across her chest. "Natasha told me about one of them, and then there's this one that you wrote to Miss Potts. Was there another?"

"Becca." Steve looked at her, to find Jill glaring at him. "What? I couldn't not tell her anything!"

"You're an even bigger idiot. Also banned from writing any more letters to anyone, you grand imbécile! Vous ne déclenchez pas une vieille personne qui était déjà fou comme l'enfer!"

Steve winced at her slip into French. "She needed to know, one way or the other."

"You're still banned."

"For telling her the truth?"

Jill sighed. "No, for setting off a 92-year-old so badly that she had an altercation with the man she doesn't like! Or did I hear you wrong, Miss Potts?"

"No, you heard correctly. She also ended up, somehow, at the Compound." Pepper stood up, grabbed the tablet from Steve, and searched for a minute... "There. Brace yourself, Steve. She startled the heck out of him."

Steve stood there in mute shock as he listened to Rebecca tear into Tony, to the conversation that ensued, and at the end of it had forgotten he was standing up. He shook his head, blinked down at his feet, and left the room in a daze.

Jill stared after him, then looked at the tablet. "Funny how Martin's question about Mr. Stark's BARF system turned into a weapon. That reminds me of another thing... don't let him use that thing again."

"Huh?"

"Let's just say that I know exactly how and why he snapped in Siberia, beyond Steve not telling him anything and that video being really upsetting, and the person to blame here is the one who gave himself an electromagnetic headache."

Pepper frowned at her. "That's what Dr. Knutz said when we talked it over while I prepared him to meet Tony, too. Something about an overactive Hippocampus?"

Jill smiled. "Exactly that. You wouldn't happen to have his email address, would you?"

"Of course I do. You want Elley's Skype number, too?"

"Who is Elley?" Pepper gestured to the report in Jill's hand, and pointed to the paragraph about the teens at the end. "Really?"

"Really."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The call came in on the StarkPad from a number he didn't recognize, and Elley frowned as he picked up the tablet and answered it. Then he smiled. "Hello, Miss Pepper!"

"Hello, Elley," Pepper said with an answering smile. "I've got a two doctors here who wants to say hello. Jill? Khamisi?" She held the pad so he could see two other people, a light-skinned brunette woman, and a dark-skinned man with kind eyes. "Meet Elley, Mykola's nephew and now the doctor at the clinic in Oymyakon."

The woman waved. "Hello, Dr. Elley. On behalf the Barnes family, I thank you, your Uncle, and your friend for caring for James the way you did."

"You a family member?"

She smiled. "I'm his grand niece-in-law, and currently also one of the doctors treating him. And he's on his way to healing. When we get a minute and I've prepared him, I'll see if I can get him on the line with you. Needs to be introduced to Skype, anyway. If that's all right?"

Elley nodded. "That be fine. Just remember time difference. Stark never does."

Pepper laughed. "We will, Elley! Have a good day, sir."

The call ended and Elley was left with a smile on his worn features.