Work Text:
Lu Guang made his way up the stairs, dutifully following the same routine that he’d gotten used to over the weeks.
It was October twenty seventh, over a month since he’d finally surpassed Cheng Xiaoshi’s death node. While he’d been able to get his heart beating again, Cheng Xiaoshi was still very weak, unable to move and only able to breathe with the help of an oxygen mask.
To others, he might’ve looked horrendous, with bruises marring his once-perfect skin, cheeks sunken from the drastic shift in nutrients.
But to Lu Guang, he looked as beautiful as always.
In the back of his mind, Lu Guang knew that he should have insisted on an x-ray, just in case anything was seriously wrong with him, but he had needed him at home as soon as possible so he could watch over him and care for him.
Every day, Lu Guang checked Cheng Xiaoshi’s vitals, fed him, bathed him, combed his hair, even read to him. He made sure that his every need was met.
But on this day… Cheng Xiaoshi had pulled his oxygen mask off, his breaths becoming more and more labored, wheezing up from his chest.
“Cheng Xiaoshi!” Lu Guang gasped, pushing it down over his nose and mouth again. “Why would you do that?! You need that to breathe!”
“Lu… Guang…” It was the first time Cheng Xiaoshi had spoken since his heart had stopped and, although it had been temporary, it had taken its toll on his body.
His voice sounded rough and raspy, but Lu Guang rejoiced at the sound. “I’m here, A-Shi. I’ll always be here.” His eyes widened and he checked the machine beeping next to Cheng Xiaoshi’s bed. “Are you in pain? Do you want to sleep? Here, let me give you something…”
He had completely overlooked the fact that Cheng Xiaoshi’s mouth was moving, trying to say something past the mask.
But, as Lu Guang found the anesthetic and mixed it in with his oxygen, his lips grew still, body falling slack as he fell into unconsciousness again.
For the entire rest of the day and into the night, Lu Guang sat by Cheng Xiaoshi’s bed. He inspected his body, making sure everything was alright and that nothing bad had happened that could cause Cheng Xiaoshi pain.
Everything seemed fine. From the surgical scars that had stitched up his bullet wound to the broken leg that was resting on top of a pillow.
Nothing should be causing Cheng Xiaoshi pain.
And he was able to speak again! Lu Guang hoped that soon he’d be able to move around, eventually returning to his happy self that Lu Guang missed so desperately.
Eventually, so late in the night that it was early, movement caught his attention.
It was Cheng Xiaoshi’s hand, stuttering through its movements as it lifted to his oxygen mask and pulled it off of his mouth again. “Lu Guang…” he repeated, and it sounded like music to his ears.
“A-Shi… I’m here. How do you feel?”
Tired brown eyes met his. “Please… stop this…”
“Stop what? The blanket? Are you too warm?”
“No…” Cheng Xiaoshi stopped him before he could pull the blanket off. “I mean… stop trying… to keep me alive.”
That made Lu Guang pause, a nervous chuckle escaping from his mouth. Surely Cheng Xiaoshi had to be joking.
There’s no way he’d…
“I’m serious… Lu Guang…”
“But… Cheng Xiaoshi, why would you say such a thing?”
At that, Cheng Xiaoshi’s lips twitched up, a pale shadow of the once-carefree grin he used to have. “Look at me… Do I really have to answer that? Come on, Lu Guang… I probably look like a zombie.”
“But you’re alive!” Lu Guang protested. “I’d always want you, no matter how you looked.”
“No matter how I felt?”
The tone in Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice made Lu Guang pause. “What do you mean?” he asked hesitantly.
“You know what I mean.”
Lu Guang’s blood ran cold. “No… no, I can’t! You have so much to live for!”
“Do I?” Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes trailed all around the room, taking in the bleak walls, the one window on the far wall, much too small to have any real use.
Lu Guang reached forward, tugging Cheng Xiaoshi’s oxygen mask down once more before grasping and holding his hand. “Please, A-Shi… I need you to live!” He bowed his head, tears dripping down onto their clasped hands.
Cheng Xiaoshi said nothing to that, merely watching as Lu Guang cried at the possibility of losing Cheng Xiaoshi after he’d only just surpassed his death node.
Eventually, when Lu Guang had cried all of his tears, he leaned forward and laid his head down on Cheng Xiaoshi’s bed, blinking puffy eyes up at his partner. “I love you,” he whispered before his eyelids fluttered closed and he drifted off to sleep.
When Lu Guang finally awoke, it was to a pain in his back. He stretched, hissing at the feeling before turning to his Cheng Xiaoshi, a smile on his lips.
It quickly dissolved as he took in the sight before him.
Cheng Xiaoshi had pulled his oxygen mask off again, probably sometime in the middle of the night. His face was gray and translucent, his eyes closed, as if in sleep.
His chest wasn’t moving.
He wore a small smile, as if he was happy at what he’d chosen.
And Lu Guang could do nothing but wail, clutching the cold body of his Xiaoshi.