Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fuck.

"I'm sorry, Mr Seo." Hoyun barely holds back a sigh when the words, gentle as possible for a detached doctor who's most likely said the same exact words a few hundred times this past month or so. He gestures lightly, and the person continues to speak. "It's like nothing I've seen before, so I'm going to consult with others to see if we can identify it properly. It seems to be in the early stages, so I can't say how long you have left. But.."

"No need to keep talking." He finally forces out, his lips curling up into a grin as he stands. "Just call if you figure it out." He is so fucking glad the only person in the room to hear, besides himself, is the Manager. He knows if Ichae had heard, havoc would ensue.

"Please, though. I would recommend you prepare for the worst. In my experience, the outcome is always the same with these sorts." The doctor finally stands along, their expression holding a sort of pity that urges Hoyun to grab a cigarette and smoke, but he again refrains.

When he exits the room, he glares at the Manager with a silent threat to keep the secret. Of course, the man meekly nods, and Hoyun is left to mull over what to do.

"System?" He whispers, under his breath, making sure no one is overhearing even if he now technically has an excuse to say he's hallucinating.

[I didn't think this could happen.]

Are the first words it says, and he swallows a retort, gaze downcast before he continues.

"Can you do something about it?" He asks, quietly. There's a possibility, a gnawing hope that quickly extinguishes as the next window that pops up.

[No, it's different in this case. I can only impose penalties, but I can't actually harm or affect you. If I can't harm you, I can't heal you either, basically.]

He's silent, staring, rereading those words with a dull ache. He really didn't think this would be how it all ends. He doesn't think the system would be too affected, since obviously they've both been basically at each others throats since the beginning of his 'game'. But even he knows the system doesn't hate him enough for that.

[I'm sorry.]

[I'll try dig deeper to see if I can help.]

[Or maybe find a loophole.]

"No.." He finally begins with a drawn out breath, looking from the system to the floor with what he knows is a self-deprecating smile but hopes came off as other. "It's fine. I've never really seen the appeal of living anyways."

He guesses he should start planning for when it happens.

When he arrives back at the dorm, he notices the rest of the group already sitting in the living room, carefree. He smiles, and steps in.

"Hey, you're back." Ichae comments, looking up from whatever he was doing on his phone to meet Hoyun's gaze. And Hoyun prays to a God that doesn't exist, and hopes that his sharp senses don't catch onto anything. He's attentive, as usual, when it comes to the appointments. "What were the results?"

"Normal as always, Hoyunnie's too handsome.." He starts, hoping jokes can throw away lingering suspicion as he throws the third(?) Glare to the silent Manager, who's obviously conflicted. Daejun shivers, sitting up straighter at the shameless words spat out as his gaze shoots from his snack to the speaker. "All seriousness, I'm healthy, don't need anything."

His eyes meets Jiwon's gaze, and he stares with a sort of mindset that if he seems confident enough they'll believe him. In any case, he knows symptoms won't show up now so he also knows he'll be able to get by if no one shows any suspicious behaviour. Namely, Manager. The group are all silent, before slowly returning to the usual bustle. Sunghyun is quiet as usual, and Hoyun decides to plop beside him in the hopes of avoiding routine probing.

The rest of the day passes peacefully, with Hoyun obviously, unusually silent.

"Something is going on with him. Did we do something wrong?" He hears them murmur later that day.

Chapter Text

It's after a small performance when Hoyun first finds himself experiencing the symptoms of an incurable illness that still doesn't have a name. Gosh, doctors take way too long to get back to you. Anyways, it's right as he's getting up from the floor of the stage, that instinctive feeling that says you're going to spit out a ton of blood. He understands instinctively, thankfully, and holds it in his mouth despite the metallic taste and waves off, silent before storming to the bathroom and finally letting himself spit.

It was more than expected, to say the least, and he can immediately tell how hard it'd be to keep the secret. He sighs, reaching to the tap to clean his hands and lips whilst periodically glancing to the door in a fit of nervousness that refuses to end. But luckily, all passes well, and he gets back to the group, giving an excuse that he was calling Hojin and that was why he left.

On the way back to the dorm, he's hit with an ache in his stomach that gnaws despite nothing actually being wrong and he has to cover his mouth to stop himself from vomiting, or maybe breathing too loudly. He gets a glance from the Manager, but doesn't have the energy to actually stare back, so he closes his eyes in a fit of hoping he's quiet enough not to draw any attention. After all, the rest of the group can entertain themselves well, and he can just pretend to be busy.

"So, what should we do next?" Ichae finally speaks up, obviously directed to Hoyun, who's thankfully hidden at the front. The man flinches lightly, and forces himself to look at the Manager through dizziness.

"Uh, Hoyun is asleep." The Manager in question speaks, voice shaking slightly as he glances away from the road constantly to look at Hoyun, as if he's in more pain than the patient.

"I thought he'd be checking social media." Jiwon perks, blinking slowly, and sending a curious gaze to the seat where Hoyun should be sitting, of course, not seeing the man himself. "What's on our schedule, then?"

"Hoyun has solo content coming up, so there won't be any group things for a small while." The Manager speaks up on his own accord, voice getting louder as if to hide Hoyun's quiet groans. "Since it's work that can't be refused, I decided to fill in the rest of your schedules with solo content as well."

"Ah? What kind?" Sunghyun asks, having noticed the topic and looking away from Dajun, to the other members.

"Variety show appearances, podcasts.. there's a lot, so you can pick yourself for later on." 

"I was asking about Hoyun."

"... Something that has to remain confidential."

'Manager, you're a terrible liar.'

Either way, Hoyun manages to live through this day, and the next is when he finally meets the doctor again. Who disappointingly...

"I tried discussing with others, but we genuinely can't figure out what you've got. It's a guess that it might be something new, but again, it also might be another old and obscure illness. In any case, I can only prescribe painkillers for now, so take this." Hoyun takes the writing, hands it to the Manager, and sighs. On the brightside,.........?????? "It's a strong prescription, so don't take more than-"

"Do you think I'm in the position to care about how many pills I need to take?" His voice comes out sharper than usual, and the doctor, having been left alone with Hoyun after the Manager left to get the pills, flinches, murmuring a quiet agreement.

"There's a few side effects- Nevermind, it's all on bottle."

As soon as he receives the bottle, he peels the label off his Vitamins, and places it onto the bottle. God, the lengths he goes for a secret.

"My vitamins are finished." Dajun comments sadly, shaking the empty bottle before discarding it to the side, and reaching over to where he knew Hoyun kept his. The older man flinches, snatching the bottle before Dajun can completely grab it, and the atmosphere in the room drops a few degrees. Ichae sits up a little straighter, his smile becoming less like it should and more like a scowl.

"Mine are also finished, how about we get some more later!" He speaks quickly, hiding his own bottle in his clothes, enduring the stares and looking away before he clears his throat, changing the subject swiftly. "We can also get some ice-cream. Actually, how about we go now?"

He can practically feel Ichae's stare into the back of his head. And he also decides to take more acting lessons.

Chapter Text

After the end of one of the shows he'd been forced to go on with the rest of The Dawn, it's not surprising to himself when he practically jumps up from his seat whilst the interviewer is speaking, and storms away whilst gesturing wildly in the hopes they edit it out, or atleast understand what he's saying. The rest of the group manage to cover for him quickly, catching on and giving excuses for a true reason they don't know and he's left backstage practically running past all the random staff members, breath getting harder and sharper with each passing moment.

He's feeling too dizzy to function, but when a head of hair becomes noticeable among a bunch of others, he beelines for the possible excuse. He knows Joo Woosung would be the best person to keep this secret.

Woosung had been messaged by Kim Sunghyun and Jeong Dajun simultaneously, both asking for help with Hoyun. Of course, curious, he decided to use his precious free time and ended up going to the place where they were having an interview, it was one of the few group activities they had nowadays after suddenly branching out into solo activities, with Hoyun unexpectedly staying completely silent. Noeuls had been unsettled, and a lot of the internet was already asking if it was a disbanding.

He was deep in thought when a hand suddenly clasped over his mouth and he was pushed into a storage room nearby. Taken off guard, the relatively weak force had almost knocked him to the ground, and when he looked to see who had pushed him, it was Hoyun.

The man seemed to have lost most of his sense, eyes shaking so clearly Woosung couldn't have even asked himself if it was a sort of hallucination, and he seemed to grow paler by the second, almost hunched over even as he leaned on Woosung.

"Hide.. Me." Hoyun finally murmured in response to the expression on Woosung's face. And he bit back a retort, for some reason, in the moment, he didn't feel the usual urge to insult or joke around with the other. His heart fluttered strangely, in that familiar way, so instead he leaned on the wall behind and nodded his head.

Hoyun seemed to relax visibly, his hand over Woosung's mouth loosening before he eventually leaned onto Woosung, his breaths shallow yet existent, and his hands now falling to his side. Woosung simply stood, practically a leaning post before he heard a voice outside.

Out of the kindness of his heart, he wriggled around to take off his jacket and covered Hoyun with it, so in any case, it would just look like another escapade.

"The lengths I go.." he murmured, watching the door open not a minute later and now staring as the staff member pauses, startles, murmurs an apology, and closes the door with a quiet click.

He doesn't know how long Hoyun leans on him for, but he counts how much his heart had been beating in his ear, even with how rapid it had been, and closes his eyes. Eventually, Hoyun stirs, visibly in an improved state and stands straight, stepping back to create distance. He's avoiding Woosung's eyes.

"I'll tell you everything later." He says after a prolonged silence, before walking to the door and leaving the room, having taken the jacket with him in probably still a sort of haze. 

[Title: LOLOLOL did you hear

The Dawn were appearing on this show but near the beginning Hoyun disappeared and didn't appear right until the end.]

[So?? Let him be]

>[We still dont know what he was actually doing though]

>>[He couldve just felt awkward after some time.]

>>>[Its Seo Hoyun we're talking about btw]

[Im so sad I wish i got to see more of him then]

[I heard Joo Woosung was also there, maybe they were talking]

>[Finally a good take]

[I was actually there on set, Hoyun didn't seem to be in the best condition, and even the other members were being careful around him. They weren't joking around like they usually do.]

>[???]

>>[damn]

>>>[its hoyun tho our bunny will feel better soon.!!]

[Whats going onnnn]

Hoyun decides to tell Woosung the truth later, he has more pressing matters in that moment.

Chapter Text

"Payday!" Jeong Dajun's exclamation seems to lighten the mood significantly, his phone raised with a lightness as he looks at the others. Seong Jiwon looks around a light smile on his lips before his gaze plants on Seo Hoyun.

"What are you going to do with the money?" He asks, looking at the man who seems thinner than usual, recently giving feeble excuses of looking after his own figure and such to avoid eating. 

"Putting it all in a savings account." Hoyun answers simply, already tapping on his phone, the light in his gaze so dull, it made one pause. He glances up to meet the various questioning gazes, then looks back down, speaking in a subdued voice that forces the others to immediately silence just to hear properly. Really, he didn't seem like himself. "It's a gift for my brother. I'm hoping for it to have enough to live comfortably for atleast a few years by the time I give it to him."

"With how you're acting, I'm wondering if you're becoming a monk." Kang Ichae laughs, though the sound doesn't ring out as it usually does. Kim Sunghyun's chuckle comes off as hesitant, and Jeong Dajun doesn't even giggle, just glancing at Ichae, and letting his gaze fall.

"Never." Is all Hoyun responds with, fingers twitching with the urge and slight habit to grab a cigarette, even if it had already been a while since quitting.

"Then what-!" Sunghyun starts, only stopping himself when Jiwon places a hand on his shoulder, and shakes his head.

"Anyways, it's a surprise, so don't tell him."

[Kang Ichae WHAT ARE YOU DOING]

"Heh, as you know. Times before my hidden camera pranks have always failed!! So, I made a new plan to try out." He begins, a smile on his tone as he hides out in his room, watching his phone screen with a mischievous glint. "As you can see, there's two cameras on screen. One showing me, and the other showing the living room where Hoyun should enter soon. The plan here is that there's no actual surprise or special thing happening, none of the other members are home so it's only me and him. He won't expect it this time!"

[King thats what you said last time]

[LOLOL wanna bet on how soon he'll find out]

[Lmaoo]

[Am i the only one thinkinf its not a great idea.]

[It's okay, I think.]

[Thank God Ichae is still normal,,, Hoyun not so much nowadays]

[Yeahh his crazy is so toned down and he doesbt even appear anymore]

[I want to know what Hoyun will do when he finds out.]

Previously focused on the chat, he comes to attention when the sound of a door faintly clicks, and he shushes no one in particular, watching the screen carefully.

But.

Nothing ever goes as planned when Hoyun is involved.

Fuck. Everything feels woozy already from how much medication he'd taken just from the morning alone. His breaths come in heavy and his moves sluggish even when he locks the door slowly, and drags himself to the couch. But he barely even makes it to the furniture, collapsing to the ground with a thud and a loud, nauseating heave.

He barely registers the clatter of his pill bottle hitting the floor and the sound of it as it rolls away, he doesn't think he has the mind to even try get it back. Just the sound of his own dry attempts to vomit out the nothing in his stomach makes him feel worse, the dizziness and stars filling his eyes almost like a show in front of him.

"Fuck.." He doesn't even realise how frantic his own breaths are getting until he can barely gasp out a curse. It feels like his stomach is turning in on itself, like his eyes are being slowly sizzled and there's a constant bang on his head. Maybe even more, like how blood seems to splatter from his lips to the previously pristine floor, and his limbs are weaker than jelly.

He doesn't even know what to do, and distantly wonders if this will be how he dies, earlier than predicted, too. But in the moment, he calls out for the first person he can think of, even when his throat feels like sandpaper.

"I.. Ichae." His breathing grows shallower with each passing moment, laboured and dizzying and he reaches out, mind flashing back to his first panic attack with Kang Ichae. The time he couldn't focus, found himself unable to find a bag to breathe into under all the events happening to himself and the hand that placed a bag in his own. Shit, he really wishes Kang Ichae was there.

[What. The. FUCK.]

[This has to be some aort of acting like last time.]

[Maybe hes trying to prank Ichae back]

[MY HOYUNNIE]

[He dounds like hes in so mucb pain omg]

[If this is acting he def needs to do more]

[God i hope its acting]

Ichae wishes the same, his breath hitches when he first hears the groans, from both the live and the living room. The dorm really needs better soundproofing, but that isn't his primary concern. He simply pauses on the spot when he hears it all. The groans of pain, the faint cursing, even the dry heaving that induces a sense of nausea in Ichae himself.

His feet are rooted to the ground, but his expression is obviously different when even the chat stops scrolling for a moment before continuing.

[Shouldn't Kang Ichae notice if it's acting?]

[Yeah, he doesn't look all too...]

[STOP DONT JINX IT]

[It's honesty. If Hoyun was really fine, Ichae wouldn't look like that.]

[No he's definitely going to get up in a minute and stare at the camera and say he knew about it.]

[Next level delusion.]

[Maybe its an acting role or something. Like hes practicing]

[Ugh i feel sick just from hearing him heave]

[It sounds too real to be fake.]

Ichae atands completely still until he hears his name. So faint, so weak that he can't help but finally leave the room. He forgets his phone, discarding it to a desktop and practically storming over to Hoyun. His bubbling frustration cools when he watches the man he knew was strong huddle over, breathing so lightly he might collapse and he forces himself to bite back a swear.

In the moment, he just does what he can, and he gets the closest bag he can, and places it into Hoyun's grasp, just like he did that other time. He bites his lips to prevent further words from spilling, blinking hard to try force tears away and clenching his first to hold back from interrogation.

He knows that when Hoyun feels better, he's not letting that man go off easy. He's already forgotten about the camera by the time the other man comes to, and he finally gets to help Hoyun up and onto the couch. Coincidentally, just in view of the camera.

[I feel shitty for watching]

[Its confirmed its not fake anymore]

[Why is Hoyun like this?]

[I guess now we know why he's disappeared so much recently]

[Shouldnt the live turn off now? Im curious, but i dont want to violate Hoyun like this]

[Just leave]

[Where is that goddamn company when you need them]

Promptly, at all the posts on social media, the live gets turned off from another area, thankfully. And the internet, including Noeuls, don't get any answers.

Hoyun might just die already, which is his first thought to consider when he later learns what happened. And he can't bring himself to tear a new one into Ichae, since the man is both terrifyingly angry and heart-wrenchingly guilty.